Video

How can we tell the difference between avoidance and autism?

HOW do we handle a relationship with severe ADD where we're clearly making our needs known for YEARS and the ADD partner doesn't remember those two simple things you're asking for 😢

Can an avoidant person change attachment style?

Does this cause physical health problems with high cortisol levels over deacdes?

Married

Hi, Adam what if there is a no contact happening at the moment?

I let him come back. It works. The truth is they will definitely come back after a few months but the reality is they show up the exact same way as u left them! They will come back with the same half assed energy as they always had. They will always keep you at arms length you will never hear words of confirmation and if you want to be with somebody like that, you have to accept that you’re gonna get crumbs from a person like that so you have to make the assessment of, do you want to be in a relationship where you feel like you’re enduring 90% of the time and coping 90% of the time? I didn’t.

Married

Thanks Adam, love your channel! As an anxiously attached person this inspires me to change more rapidly. Really interesting to see from a man's perspective.

But no.. We don't want "obsessed men" we just want them to care haha.

This is so much of what went on in my relationship. She broke up with me about 2 months ago. I’m doing no contact but this all is exactly why I don’t want to give up on her. If we get back together I want to watch this video with her.

Interesting. Here I was just thinking I was treating people how I wanted to be treated. I am more avoidant at this point, but I was very very anxious before. But I literally have always treated people nice because that's what I I was told. You treat people good and they will give that back. My ex always hated that I would do things for him because I thought he would do nice things for me and I wanted to see his life be easier. It seemed like he hated me for it and I never got that

Married to an ice queen for almost 20 years. Recently divorced and to be honest still hurting real bad. Take the time to really understand who you are getting involved with.

When u learn what didn't know u needed to know.🎉❤ Wish I knew this because

I made a mistake of blaming, demanding something out of my avoidant partner and now he never agrees to see me 😂 For nearly 2 years now, I haven't got a clue as to what goes on in his mind! I still love him but am learning to live without him so I don't depend on him if we see each other again.

Yes stress bonding. That's the same thing men do to Bond through activities and stuff and you know guys like kind of giving each other a what I call a teasing hard time to push each other beyond each other's boundaries to do better so to speak.

I think what she does for her man is nice but it shouldn't be something she does every single day and every single night eventually that's going to become a chore and not a pleasure for both parties

Thanks for that tip

Thank you ❤🎉

I was born premature, so I was in an incubator for the first month of my life & I was hardly touched. Could this be part of my issues?

these cardboard cutout versions of primordial attachment styles are in fact pretty harmful; once your partner has branded you avoidant (afraid) and dismissive (rude) for example and read through Attachment (the anxious attachment bible), your marriage is basically on the rocks (mine is) and a lot of people get hurt, including kids. Thanks for initiating more nuance within the attachment debate. Let's not go gentle into that good night...

Once you realize and begin fixing your anxious.... would it be a good idea to apologize to your avoidant for putting them thru those things? Or just fix your attatchment and they see the result is enough would you say?

Dude I listen to you but most of your content are about men…I don’t give a sh@t as I need to know more about out WOMEN. Stop having contents for female!

I’m a loud avoidant and I’m wondering what advice you would give in regard to knowing if you’re truly connected to someone new that you are dating, or if I am just fulfilling the anxious need for validation? I tend to find that I talk myself into being with someone before I really know if I’m going to connect with them. What I do know is that in the past I have been in situations where I didn’t question how I felt about them at all, but without fail they didn’t have the same connection with me.. I guess I just get really confused by it all which makes sense as to why I feel I have a disorganized attachment style.

I can directly correlate the past problems in my life to poor boundaries and bad self regulation. Because I allowed people to walk all over me and then lost my 💩when they treated me badly. If I would have just put up the strong boundaries in the beginning, it would have saved me a bunch of heartache later!!

That's actually crazy timing... I'm talking better stalking than the FBI timing 😥

The expectations hit very hard Were often RAISED with those expectations Everything has a damn payment involved But we/I am also scared of being told no for wanting anything in return.

People trust you because you told them no? -.- we really are just damn pack animals aren’t we

After yet another failed relationship I need to email you. Not sure if she was a manipulative taker or I am just so AP that I am driving them away... I need to do something, because I am on the precipice of the abyss here (real bad thoughts). Hope this works because I am running out of time.

I appreciate this critical lens on giving people space, but also wonder, can a relationship actually form in a setting where you're working harder than they are?