How Lack of Fatherly Support LITERALLY Destroys Your Child's Brain
Vložit
- čas přidán 2. 08. 2024
- What is The Vital Role of Fathers in Cultivating Courage and Resilience?
In this insightful video, we delve into the profound impact fathers have on developing courage in their children. Fathers play a crucial role in empowering their children to grow, achieve, and take risks. By instilling courage, fathers enable their children to expand their horizons, face challenges, and eventually, pass on this invaluable trait to the next generation.
We explore the consequences of fatherlessness and the devastating effects it can have on brain development, societal cohesion, and individual well-being. The absence of a supportive father figure can lead to a malformed brain, heightened cortisol levels, and a pervasive sense of fear and insecurity. Our discussion sheds light on the necessity of masculine bonding and the critical role fathers play in initiating their sons into this vital aspect of personal and social development.
Join us as we discuss the breakdown of masculine growth and bonding in society, and the urgent need for fathers to step forward and guide their children. We touch on the scientific aspects of vasopressin and oxytocin in regulating fear and fostering trust, emphasizing the importance of strong, supportive relationships.
Don't miss my new "How to Love an Avoidant Man Video" Course: adamlanesmith.com/how-to-love...
A step-by-step guide to building a fulfilling, intimate connection with an avoidant partner.
Perfect for both partners and avoidant men looking to understand their needs better.
If you enjoyed this video then I would recommend you give the Full Episode a Watch: • This is What Kids REAL...
Join The Mentorship Program:
adamlanesmith.com/the-attachm...
If you enjoyed this video and want more content like this, do me a favor: be sure to hit that like button, leave a comment, and don't forget to subscribe to the channel!
Share it with your friends, and hit that notification bell so you never miss an update. 🛎️ Let's grow this amazing community together! 🚀
Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist:
adamlanesmith.com/
adamlanesmith.com/courses/
adamlanesmith.com/single-sess...
The 4 Attachment Styles Guide - Free! 📥
adamlanesmith.com/the4attachm...
If you’ve struggled in dating or marriage and worry you’re not good enough, worry no more. The Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith wrote this guide to show you how to stop fearing abandonment and start building healthy relationships. Through his proven step-by-step method for repairing attachment, Adam will teach you what people really want from you, how to give and receive love without fear, what red flags to avoid, and how you can build a lifetime love with a partner you trust.
Slaying Your Fear - A Book For People Who Grapple With Insecurity
www.amazon.com/dp/B07S33YGJZ
Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform:
Instagram: / attachmentadam
TikTok: / attachmentbro
X: / adamlanesmith
Facebook: / adamlanesmith
Chapters:
00:00:00 - The Role of Fathers in Cultivating Courage
00:00:41 - The Impact of Missing Father Figures
00:01:17 - The Impact of Fatherlessness on Society
00:01:56 - Supporting your children and standing up for your beliefs
00:02:36 - The Importance of Father Figures
00:03:16 - The Role of Fathers in Masculine Bonding
00:03:54 - The breakdown of masculine growth and bonding
00:04:32 - The Role of Vasopressin in Regulating Fear
00:05:14 - The Shift from Oxytocin to Vasopressin Bonding
If fathers are vital for healthy brain development, they're a *necessity.* Calling them a luxury makes them sound less important than the reality.
Yep n sadly that won't change for quite some time
Stable and healthy fathers…
He meant that having a father’s healthy presence creates a luxury for the child. Having the father is not the luxury, it’s the security that he provides.
@@sipleen Luxury is "a state of great comfort or extravagant living." The security of a father's presence shouldn't be considered extravagant, as if it's "excessive" or "absurd." (from dictionary definitions) It should be seen as normal, healthy, and necessary. The words we use affect the meaning that is conveyed, so the clearest wording helps the listener.
@@s.i.john16.33 As the video begins, this man literally says “a fathers role is to cultivate courage”
A man being a good father will create a luxury for their children. Yes, luxury is “a state of great comfort and extravagant living” as a child, u come into the world knowing nothing. For a child, the world is a scary and dangerous place. As parents, our role is to make sure their space is safer and more comfy and yes extravagant, so they can build their strength and confidence, cuz the world is not luxurious.
For example; Our child will come to us talking about I can jump soooooooo far, but in reality they can barely leave the ground. As a parent we cheer them on and say “yes! U can jump sooooo far! U did it yay!!”
We have to create the most extravagant spaces for our young children to thrive. U have to boost they head up in the safety of their home, in the safety of their father so that when they HAVE TO go out into the world, they will have the courage to get out there and do what they need to do.
Dads: be proactive with your kids. Just going to work isn’t enough!
100% my father worked his ass off his entire life to support our family. My mother didn't have to work. What I ended up with is an absent father and a loving, over present mother. Now I'm working through being an anxious attached who attracts avoidant attached partners. Luckily my dad is still around and I'm working on building a closer bond with him in hopes it helps me grow.
My fater died when I was 5. My mom was horrid. Missed him at every major event and day by day.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the difficult experiences you've had. Losing a parent at such a young age must have been incredibly hard.
I got shivers. This is crazy. I'm a woman and one of my childhood girlfriends had insane confidence, courage and a strong drive in everything she does. As someone who has struggled with highlighting their goals and cultivating benign competitiveness - or any at all for that matter - caused my inability to make decisions up until I was 23 (the age I am now) due to numerous reasons (a completly emotionally unavailable father being the major one) I have always wondered how she operates like that, whenever she wants something she goes after it and now its all making perfect sense, because I've seen how much her father encourages her for higher pursuits but never thought this was how signficant it was. Thank you for sharing all this information. You are amazing!
@fatemah4444 you just figured something out that many people would argue to the death about. Or be so ashamed about, u should be proud that u did the work to understand this part of yourself. I’m proud of you! People like you break the generational curses 💕
@@fatemah4444 Be careful. I mean sure, girls need strong dad role models as well. However I have seen females suffer badly from trying to be the courageous boy their Dad secretly wished to have as a family heir.
There is nothing wrong about females having strong drives for success and courage if it's from their own heart.
In case you try to get Daddy's attention and respect, then you'll likely miss out on your relationships and family side of things. You easily lose the ability to balance yourself, if what you do is not really about you but you are looking for something outside of yourself.
Being bold and courageous isn't always good. I'm crazy courageous but it put's me at odds with most comfy seeking people in society all the time.
It really limits the people you would want to bond with or can bear.
It isolates you. You need to see both sides of things, also your friendship.
@sipleen Thank you so much! Your kind words mean alot to me. It took a long time but I'm finally here and your motivation keeps me going, I wish you the best in return. 💝
Ps. I'm sorry for the late reply, I just saw.
This explains why the bonds forged through experiences like combat are so strong.
I am black and it's obvious how much an absent father takes a toll on a community. Black men were shoved so far down the male-status poll due to slavery in the US, not even being considered a full person, that it really pushed our culture to try and pull at any straw of status they could. Unfortunately, a lot of those straws was gang related and bad influences. I grew up in a not so great neighborhood and it is an uphill battle in the rain, ice and mud to build your identity as a Black person off of wholesome / valuable things. For us black women, its to just be skanky / sexual / aggressive / ghetto - for men its to be players / negligent fathers / run from child support / go be on the streets or do criminal sh't.
Fathers are so important.
Black families were stronger after slavery than they are now.
It’s the welfare state that ruined black families.
@@dcbr1zzle Keep at it - I had a step dad come in later in life, my brother's father had a change of heart. Our mom was awful, trying to leech child support and keep him away all that crap. We as the kids fought with him when he kept making so much effort to see us.
It got to a point that we guilted our mom because our dad was the one always buying us clothes, taking us out and stuff. Mind you, he was paying like 1k in child support for my brother, my biological dad was paying 1k for me, and my greedy witch of a mom wouldnt even give us money for a fkng bag of chips. She'd shop all the money away, lights would get cut off, barely any food for us...she'd buy herself takeout and write "mom" on it so we'd eat cereal for dinner while she ate actual food. She was thousands in debt from shopping, price tags still on her clothes, her hair and nails always done, while we had holes in our clothes. Im a girl and I wore a lot of my older bros clothes as hand me downs - it was so bad.
My stepdad picked up 12+ hour shifts to afford his child supp, still paid for the bills, fought off my moms abusive bfs, and fought for us.
My brother and I are both married, both very stable financially, and that shrew is lucky we had a father who convinced us to forgive her and not leave her in a gutter somewhere.
He is the reason she went to therapy and she is getting better to this day. She apologized after we bounced on her for several years after 18, and is stepping up to at least try and help with grandkids and such.
You - I cannot stress this enough - are doing so much good in your sons life, even if it seems so hard now.
He will grow up like we did to avoid bad women / men, to also be a good father.
My bio dad also re-married, and my stepdad got a gf a few years ago in his 50's. If the first half of life wasn't great, there's still another half that can be.
@@xXJade_AssassinXx what year was this when you were a kid and each dad was paying $1k in child support?
Or are you the father paying child supper and resenting it?
@@ehaley6838 When I was kid so early 2000's ish. The courts go off the paying parent's income. I saw the payments myself and got into a fight with my mom about it.
There's ways she got more through us doing sports, claiming we did a bunch of expensive extracurricular stuff, she didn't have healthcare through her job etc.
@XXJade_AssassinXX - I don't want to be an a-hole pal, but, prior to civil rights, black children HAD fathers in their homes. 70% of them were IN their homes!! Taking this all the way back to slavery and saying that this was the beginning of black people's problems is a convenient narrative and it hides what really might be afflicting black people, because, I've been to Africa in a previous career, and many of the problems that pervade black people here in the West are just as pervasive in Africa, even areas relatively untouched by colonialism. Having the view that _"white people made us this way"_ might be masking some serious underlying issues that might also be at play.
I might also point out that black men were "emancipated and liberated" enough to vote long before white women were allowed to vote, so there's that too.
How does this affect a daughter? I'm assuming in similar but different ways, perhaps more so in romantic relationships an inability to connect/trust a partner?
Some of us had no choice in the matter. So what should we do to mitigate damage?
This is a lot of good information...but its so depressing to realize how messed up I am, and it isn't even my fault.
And how sad & wrong it is that people blame us for it.
It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by this realization. Remember, acknowledging these patterns is a crucial step toward growth. It's not about blame but about understanding and making positive changes. Feel free to reach out if you need any help or support. I'm here for you.
@@nappyfries 100% agree.
I'm so tired of the narrative that everything is the fault of single mothers.
These children wouldn't be in this situation if their fathers had stepped up in the first place. Either with or without being lovingly partnered to their mothers.
What is going on in the masculine lane is not the fault of the feminine.
We have issues of our own to work on and deal with. 🤷♀️
@@thegoddesswithin8859 I meant children without fathers since I can relate to the comment above but you’re right too.
@@nappyfries My apologies. I did misunderstand your comment. My son is in the same boat also. It is not his fault. Or mine. And I am sorry for any child who experiences this. It is not right. Or fair. Take care. I see you. 🙏
Fathers help you develop courage makes a lot of sense... It's something i struggle with in my son and i realize i am not actually equipped to bring it out of my son. I called his dad and his uncle and his best friend's dad to step up and help him because it feels toxic when i do it and it looks so much calmer and less judgemental when they help him work through his fears.
It's great that you're recognizing the strengths that others can bring to your son's development. Fathers and male role models can indeed play a crucial role in helping children develop courage and resilience.
How has involving his dad, uncle, and best friend's dad impacted your son's progress and confidence so far?
@@AttachmentAdam it's slow progress but I notice they are much more reasonable and even understanding.... My brother told me a woman nurtures internally and a man nurtures externally
Saying a brain is destroyed isn’t fair. The brain is an amazing and elastic thing, that can adapt, grow and change. Saying the brain is destroyed doesn’t allow for people to overcome. I like a lot of your videos, but this one lost me at the staring line.
Yeah, please don’t exaggerate to emphasize a point.
There’s research on young male elephants. When they don’t have an adult male elephant around, they go wild destroying things. Disorganized behaviour and rampaging.
You have changed my life Adam
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm glad to hear that my work has made a positive impact on your life!
i agree with many things. a mind destroyed, well not so much. many psychological issues, yes
In Many cultures it’s not the fathers who initiated boys to men. It’s the other men in the community. Grandfather’s, uncle’s, coaches…..So I would echo the earlier comment. This is a Men’s issue.
That's right. The book Iron John by Robert Bly goes into this in depth. The father is too close to the son to initiate him properly. There needs to be other men in the community to move that process forward. Uncle's, cousin's, etc
Society issue because society has emasculated these men and deluded younger women though the lies of feminism
Adam, you must do a video on the difference between maternal and paternal support and its effects on the brain in childhood.
That's a great suggestion! Thank you.
@@AttachmentAdam Sorry if the comment seemed demanding. I love your channel.
It’s plausible that fathers are “kept away from their children, largely” because the father does the absolute opposite of protect and cultivate a safe environment for a child to be courageous and loud. When a father does more oppression and forced compliance with every surrounding adult’s comfort and pleasure at the child’s expense (terrified in a hospital room getting stitches, mom has to whisk her child out of the room and into a locked bathroom amidst the mocking laughter of the medical practitioner PA and the irritated and embarrassed and vindictive father who wants child to shut up and make everyone else’s day easier by not being I convenient). There are many fathers who are kept at a distance as best mom can manage precisely BECAUSE of the damage he would cause and has caused to the child. Sometimes an absent father is better than an actively damaging one. When the child says she doesn’t want to spend time with dad and begs mom to let her stay home, mom should be protected and enabled by surrounding loved ones to advocate for that child to be protected from the father.
FATHERLY❤❤❤❤❤FATHERS❤❤❤DADS❤❤❤PAPA❤❤❤ABBA
100% SUPPORT IN ALL OF MY BEING 😊😊❤
This explains a lot
Thus talk reminds me of "Wild at Heart"... Fantastic book.. is there any discussion here for what mothers can do when that father figure is lacking or simply unavailable? Not that they can take over the roll, but direction they can take to provide a suitable substitute.
Great Adam, thank you so much for this. So it is and by design, so that societies fall
You're very welcome. Yes, it's because a society is comprised of an increasingly high number of people who are affected by lack of fatherly support.
So my father wanted a son and got me…
Also, Adam, well
done treating the patient while he thinks he is running the show.
Thank you for all the help I've watch a lot of your videos in the past couple days and hearing a lot of things you said allowed me to let out a sigh of relief cause i can be fixed from f/a. I tried out most of the things and could feel the difference when interacting with my girl it feels like we bond more. I'm hypersensitive as well and so just sitting there hugging or holding hands i can feel my heart physically feel good,i feel good. Thank you very much. My only issue going forward is when talking to strangers or literally anyone even close people I always go BLANK. Now I'm thinking this is with anxious attachment cause I feel like I need to please the other person and want to be accepted by them. How do I just speak my mind or how I really feel?
I was looking at your classes would want to join the monthly ones but does it help with my mind going blank when trying to speaking to others ?
I'm so glad to hear that my videos have been helpful for you and that you're noticing positive changes in your relationship. It's wonderful that you're feeling more connected and physically good when bonding with your partner.
I encourage you to reach out directly to me through support@adamlanesmith.com so we can find the best fit for you that would help you with your specific challenge.
This explains prison.
Adam, do you recommend a similar channel or resource for your knowledge that applies to a gay man? I really benefit from a lot of your content but I would like to find a something that has the development of a gay mans brain too. If this is too conflicting, I understand. I also understand that the male and female biological templates for development are basically programmed to do the things that straight couples do. Not trying to get into controversy over this. Just seeking knowledge.
Finally getting back to the interesting stuff. Got a bit repetitive with the constant 'avoidant men' nagging
Thank you very much, it is th information what I really needed in my life 🙏
You're very welcome. Happy to help!
What if my partners father favored his brother what impact would that have?? My SP is a DA.
Deep shame and unworthiness wounds. This channel and Thais Gibson's PDS channel has lots of resources that are positive about DA healing 😊
Gratefully, We have A Father In Heaven.
Adam, thank you. Do you have any information about children raised by same-sex female couples?
You're very welcome. I unfortunately don't, but let me know if you have any questions and I'd be happy to offer guidance. You can also reach me through support@adamlanesmith.com
My husband died when our son was 4yrs old. I didn’t want another relationship and stayed on my own so I could concentrate on raising my son on my own.
But according to you, I did the wrong thing? I should have got myself into another relationship just so my son received a Vasopressin bonding with another man!? Women also have this hormone, was it not possible for me to Vasopressin bond with my son then? 🤔🤔🤔🤔
he does need male role models in his life that are close to him to balance it out
@@Sam-ng3of “need”?? Or would benefit from?
When the surrounding men are not healthy, it’s better to not learn those unhealthy traits.
There is a best case scenario, and then tiers are best to worst case scenarios.
Obviously having a healthy and protective and empowering dad is preferable. But if none exists, finding just any man for the sake of being a man is neither here nor there.
blaming the father directly is simplistic and victim blaming when the father did his best despite outside interference with his children's lives
Outside interference?? Do you mean ACCOUNTABILITY?!
Yes, fathers have to answer for his treatment of children because they too are Human beings.
No, he should not have unconditional access to behave in any way he wants to children, especially when those behaviors are harming the children and causing them to be hurt, resentful, insecure, fearful and self conscious.
Everyone needs to be accountable to other family members for the way they treat children. No one should get to hide their behavior or have zero accountability with 100% access.
then gay men are healthier