r/Relationships Can a 19-yo Girl Date a 45-yo Man?
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- čas přidán 9. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:07 Open marriage
6:53 Dirty house
10:46 Much younger
13:09 Bad behavior
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Story 4: Regardless of whether the husband is cheating, he is encouraging Brian to do it, and is mocking his wife. That alone is a dealbreaker for me
It is almost like the husband wants to cheat but is afraid to actually step out so he is encouraging his friend's poor actions so he can live vicariously through the friend. It is only a matter of time before his "friend" starts encouraging him to step out with him. Enablers do just that, they enable bad decisions...
It's only a matter of time before the husband starts cheating while Brian covers for him
Story 2: honestly i would consider that red flag but not because of the mess. For me much more problematic would be his neglect over pets. Like, you have dogs and youre not walking them, they are not going outside almost at all and for all of that, they do pee and poo inside house?! Dude, wtf is going on? Do you want them to be dead that quick?
I have something a hard time cleaning because of my adhd but i would never let a house get that level of discussing. It makes me want to vomit
My mental illnesses make me extremely fatigued and tired and I still take my dog out when he needs to use the restroom 😭 this guy has NO excuse
Story 3: let's be real no parents in their right mind would approve of their 19 year old daughter dating a 45 year old man, and I think she knows that. Not to mention how many people immediately wondered when this relationship started when you heard she was barely legal? Her family most definitely are going to act the exact same thing, but if they were really serious she probably ripped that Band-Aid off.
It may not be typical, but they're both legal, consenting adults. You, nor anyone else, had any place to pass judgment on them. As a father of four, three of them girls, I don't care who my kids choose to love, as long as that person treats them well. More than likely, HE chose not to go to her parent's house, out of fear that they might judge them as harshly as you lot are, right now. If they both consent, they both enjoy being together, and they treat each other well, who amongst us has any right to say a thing about them? Most of y'all aren't even in a relationship, or are unhappy with the same-age partner that you have. Where do you get off buying yourself with their relationship? Tend to your own hog pen.
@@SkunkApe407 oh everyone has a right to judge. Dont know where you got the notion that people cant. People are allowed to believe and say what they want.
@@SkunkApe407 Agreed as long as both of them are in the eyes of the law considered consenting adults i don´t care how old each of them are, as long as they are both happy.
@@Puddspanker Depends on what you put in the word judge.
Sure you are welcome to think whatever you want of the relationship that its creepy for someone so young to be dating some twice her age.
Same if it was a 19 year old boy dating a 45 year old woman.
But you can´t legally force them not be together nor should you be harassing them.
@@Erikjustnobody is harassing them, we’re just saying “yo that’s kinda weird.”
Can’t really harass an anonymous person
Polyamorus person here. The first story isn't an issue because of the open marriage. The issue is that the asshole didn't want an open marriage or polyamory. He wanted to get his twenties back so he can "see what he's missing" without consequences. If a partner isn't comfortable with that. Divorce is/was the best option. Any marriage counselor would have taken OP's side. Even if open marriage is a great way to explore sexually it's mostly about consent. Consent from existing partners is objective #1. The issue with these reddit stories is that no one has the conversation of open marriage correctly. Example of a healthy way to have that conversation from someone who has a healthy version of that relationship:
Husband: sit down I have a serious question. can we open our marriage?
Wife: no way. I'm not comfortable with that at all!
Possible response #1: oh okay. You're way more important than exploring my sexuality so forget I asked. I love you and prioritize you.
Possible response #2: I see. Well this is a lifestyle I want to live. I want to experience new things in the bedroom. Let's talk about separation if your that uncomfortable with it. Not because I don't care or love you but because we are obviously becoming different people and we should address this before someone is hurt.
You can hear the judgement in rslash's voice from reading the title. It's always like this when stories like this come up. He just doesn't like or support polyamorus people.
@@kingcrash5360 I can't blame him too too much. These are the stories people hear when talking about open marriage/polyamory. Mostly because stories about healthy open relationships are boring and uninteresting. My fiance is with me most of the time. Whenever one or the other goes out on a date we use that time to clean the house. It's honestly a joke that we need to go on more dates and maybe the house will stay clean lol. We ask each other how the dates went like it's asking someone how work was. Casual and filled with some fun stories. We play D&D with our partners outside of our relationship. Stories like that don't get people interested though so when all you hear is rats are dirty you think rats are dirty
@@ellewynrichardson3646 I myself find this very interesting. It’s like looking through a window at how others live!
Right... why is the wife entitled to not want to be in such a relationship but the husband should fuck off and accept anything to please her?? Isn't he entitled to want an open or poly relationship??
I see no issues with how things played out here. No one cheated, they had some conversations like adults and came to the only resolution that would work for them, which was divorce. That's fine.
I think you misunderstand the comment I posted. I said divorce was/is the best option. She was right to say this is a deal breaker. The issue was the husbands response to it all. Telling her he would cheat anyways, trying to make her feel ostichized and isolated by insisting a marriage counselor would see it his way (which any counselor worth their degree would only agree that it's a way to explore sexuality not that she needs to give into it and would push for a divorce too once she hears her reluctance. The wife is a victim in what could have been a victimless question and ended in a choice. Open marriage or her. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too by posing the "I'll just cheat anyways". He is entitled not for wanting an open marriage but by insinuating that he was so important that she wouldn't leave him no matter what. And probably why he was angry with the divorce papers. The wife made a healthy choice and the husband was too full of himself to think she would have put herself in a painful situation just to keep him around.
"Mommy and Daddies' money"? What's with the random rudeness? What did she do?
No for real, her only crime is being young and naive. Why the random shot at her when the 44 year old guy is the one in the wrong??
Yeah, what did that have to do with anything?
Exactly, if anything it makes her more innocent because you can't assume shes a gold digger or something, it just makes her son look worse
@@thegercast4794 do you really think that a 19yo girl has the same experience with a 45yo man???? He could be her dad. He is definitely in the wrong. Its not uncommon for young boys/girls to want someone older, but its DISGUSTING to say the least, when someone this old, wants someone this young.
@@thegercast4794 its not about consent or taking advantage of someone here. Shes an adult, she can make her own choices but how is she at fault and not the guy? Like, it is also debatable if they were dating when she wasn't yet of age. I think he said they were dating for a year already, and she will now be turning 20 so thats kiiiiinda sus from a diff point of view. She is an adult but young, so still for me i think the one on the wrong is the dude. I dont get how he couldn't see in the first place that it would be embarrassing to say the least.
I believe it was Jeff Foxworthy who said it best. Something along the lines of “ If they say ‘ we should see other people’ they either are already riding them or they have the saddle ready to go”
My guess is already riding them. He is a coward.
He's been tomcatting for some time already. 😒
@@dudeorduuude5211 He is, but my guess is he's only cut the pony from the herd but wants OP to make the first move so he won't be the bad guy to anyone who finds out. Probably has a whole story prepared to cover his ass.
i think it’s a bit odd that on the story with the 19 year old rslash decided to make a weird comment about her and “daddy’s money” and not the fact that she was being preyed on by an older creep
LITERALY
Dirty house story: he will NEVER change. I lived in a situation similar to that for a year and a half, it was horrendous. If you move out with him, you'll be doing 95% of the cleaning. Leave him now, the one for you would listen to your concerns about cleanliness
Exactly! He says he "won't live like this when he moves out" because he's gonna make _her_ clean the house. Not because he's gonna suddenly become Mr. Cleanliness.
Was anyone else kinda shocked at what rehash said at the end of story 3???? That felt really condescending and really rude. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention to the story but did OP state her parents haven’t met her boyfriend or something yet? Either way just because she comes from well off parents does not mean she’s afraid of being cut off from their money, she could just be ashamed but still love him enough to stay.
Or she knows how they would react in this situation and doesn’t want to bother because they wouldn’t understand/accept that she made a decision as an adult. I’m with you 100%. That comment was shameful and uncalled for. Shame on you Rslash.
The issue with the first story isnt Wanting a Polygamous relationship. Its saying "Idc if youre not intrested ill just cheat on you anyways" THAT IS an asshole issue
This 100%. Nothing wrong with polyamory, but it has to be consentual. And pressuring her is scummy.
Yeah, so many of the husband's defenders in the comments are completely ignoring or sidestepping this fact, and also that he wanted her to find someone first, despite how she isn't on board with it at all.
The age difference story: my husband was 30 some years older than I am, so I feel that I can say this: girlfriend needs to find someone younger. Don't get me wrong: I am so glad that I married my husband. I lost him earlier this year (my wedding anniversary is December 31 ) and will likely grieve him forever. I was, however, in my 30's when we married. So, do I believe big gaps in age can work? yes, but only if the younger person is themselves mature. This young lady is in college, for Pity's Sake! Let her have the college experience! And her first job experience and, heck, her second job, for that matter! The son put off getting married "for his career". Fine. His choice. A choice that affected no one's life and future but his own. The young lady should have the same option: if it is truly love, she will be willing to get back with the son after college. I feel for the son. I do. She sounds lovely. But he needs to picture HER life in 20 years if she stays with him and admit that there is a good chance there could be some deep resentment
Im sorry for your loss... That is fucking devastating and i wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Which is another reason why large age gaps are not okay... Especially when it starts in like 18-20.
My grandpa was in his 50s when he married my grandma who was 15 at the time, super weird. That was a lot more acceptable back then i guess. Nowadays, it's not. Idk how I feel about such an age gap when they are so young, but I do think it would be hypocritical to judge someone else's big age gap relationship if you had a similar relationship like that. Who's to say this 19 year old isn't mature? Just because she's young doesn't make her less of an adult, we can't really judge her without knowing how she is like...I don't agree with that age gap, but I guess if they adults whatever
@@codyjohnson6427 im sorry your grandpa was a predator to your grandma as a child.
That's not a maturity issue, it's a power imbalance issue.
I agree. People above 30 can manage way older partners, under that is a no for me.
@@codyjohnson6427It really is not. Also your grandpa was in his 50s when he married a 15 year old?
That's beyond disgusting. There's lots of things that were "okay" back then, but aren't anymore. Like beating up your wife when she overcooked dinner, or segregating people by race, or systemically murdering civilians to make a country budge.
That was just the style of the time right?
Just because something was normal in the past doesn't mean that it was okay then.
Story 2: I would be calling the health inspector for the house and Animal Control for the dogs.
12:57 hang on, there’s nothing to indicate that she was not okay with taking him to meet her folks. That was literally not touched upon.
Rslash loves jumping to conclusions
@@bluetitan6278 Real!
The story said she went to see her parents while he went out with friends, so hes making an assumption but its not an unreasonable assumption to make
@@TheFridge0x eh…
That’s why I find it rich when he sometimes says “we just have to take the story at face value” because 90% of the time he does not. 😂
I love this channel so much, but holy smoke batman, Rslash just leaps to conclusions sometimes 😂
It honestly gave me whiplash I was SHOCKED
@@LyndenBarrass this episode was definitely weird in regards to that poor girl. Why is the whole thing framed like this is all on her when he's the grown man with life experience?
Rslash very commonly has terrible takes. I usually just skip over his commentary and just listen to the stories tbh.
@@CianaCortoSame with me. His opinions seem to be derailing.
I just love it when people like the husband in the first story give ultimatums and then when you're like all right fine the relationships over they're all surprised Pikachu face so hurt how could you divorce me how could you kick me out of the bedroom. Buddy you did that you gave the ultimatum literally cry me a river.
Some people really think when they give ultimatums they'll cave into demands right away, they never think that they'll get told to get bent.
I mean I hear what you're saying but tbf that's not exactly what he did here. It sounds like he only made it an ultimatum after a long attempt at a conversation including suggesting couple's counseling. Based off the description of the conversation I also suspect that his hurt and surprise wasn't at her ending it because of his ultimatum, but rather her ending it because the mere suggestion was enough for her to end it. I also wonder how much of a true ultimatum it was vs something said out of emotion after she dismissed his experience and insulted counseling and the "type of people" who want open relationships. If she can admit to saying that stuff in the heat of the moment, it's possible his ultimatum was too.
Again, I fully agree with you about guys like the one you're describing. I just think that he's not one of those guys based on the finer details of the story.
@@k.c.8662 He informed her about it and told her the rules and when she disagreed he said if she wasn't on board he would cheat on her. Her consent was always secondary. Consent is the crucial aspect of any relationship, open relationships included.
@thespider2566 Her consent was not secondary at all!! What you're saying makes no fing sense given that he chose to sat down and talk it out instead of you know...cheating, which would not give her consent and so keep his marriage and himself happy. The fact that he chose to talk it out is undeniable proof of how much he cares and values her. Now about ultimatuns, she also gave him one so wtf u on about? He is entitled to it as much as she is on rejecting this ideia.
@@k.c.8662what is your point? He issued an ultimatum. As soon as you do that, you're a manipulative asshole. He just wasn't expecting her to have a backbone and dump his ungrateful selfish ass.
"He's a great guy in all other respects" probably leads to more relationship disasters than any other sentence.
Story1: the discussion of an open relationship should be at the start of a relationship to see where boundaries are in the beginning. Not saying that people's mindset can't change over time, but if someone tells you "no" then don't push it or you'll lose them. If it's something that you really want then understand that leaving that person for someone that feels the same way as you is probably the best option. Don't just spend your free time trying to change their mind or break their boundaries.
If you're 5+ years into a relationship, good luck bringing it up at that point because it can go one of few ways. Hell if you get a straight up "no", don't push it.
"I want to do this thing."
"I'm not interested, no thanks."
"Well if you don't let me, I'm just gonna do it anyways."
Like-- screw you bro! Even if it wasn't about opening the relationship that's still a shitty way to talk to someone you claim to love.
asking to open up your marriage because you are getting bored of your sex life is an okay topic to me. but i think its not something to start off with! OP's husband should have come to her and said "i want to spice up our sex life, can we try some things out" and gone from there. opening up the marriage should be a last resort always, unless you both agree to it from the beginning!
Brought it up at the start of my relationship (along with other stuff), said I was not against an open relationship, asked her opinion about it. She's monogamous, I said no problem since not a deal-breaker. We're still happily together 20 years later. 🙂
So yeah, discuss it at start, if it's a deal-breaker then move on, if not stay together.
He said it's open relationship or nothing, because he knew that normal relationship would end up to him cheating. He didn't even consider going back to normal relationship. So no, he didn't say he's just going to do it anyways.
Story 2: So, I understand the statement about “cleaning after dogs being and uphill battle”, as my family owned 2 small dogs, but then in 2022 adopted 2 Bull-Mastiff mix puppies that are HUGE now, and earlier this year adopted a medium size girl who was abandoned on the road by her previous owners. And let me tell you, the cleaning NEVER stops, especially when I’m the only one in a house with 5 dogs AND both parents and all my siblings who cleans. But, even then, it never gets to the level of the story, because the dogs are actually taken care of, let outside on tie outs as needed to do their business, and generally don’t do much in terms of accidents in the house (at least not any more). I do feel the same, about keeping a house tidier and not having pets if/when I move out, but there’s absolutely a huge difference between “oh, there’s a bunch of dog hair after only an hour, so I’ll do a quick sweep after they are settled for the night” and “oh, there’s a ton of dog hair, feces, urine, and vomit, possibly more in my hiuse? Eh, I’ll save it for when I have time, then never MAKE the time to clean it all”.
Yeah. Healthy dogs should not be throwing up so regularly that the house's residents are used to the smell. Not to mention the whole pooping inside business. Maybe, if they were small dogs and had been trained to use a litter box, but even then you have to clean it. It's not just a cleanliness issue, this is outright animal abuse.
My fiancée and I once had to kick out a roommate because she neglected her room and her 2 cats to the point where even the neighbors could smell our apartment. It took us a whole weekend and nearly $500 to get rid of the smell and fix the damage. Our cabinets still smell like cat urine.
The worst part: she had the audacity to cry to her friends about how we were being unfair because, apparently, she has trauma that’s triggered by having to clean…
Some days I can not get out of bed much, my dog knows how to do his business on a lead that's tied down right outside my back door in these situations. The worst i can be accused of is leaving his bed to be cleaned a bit too infrequently but it does take my energy for the whole day and completely upset him and he doesn't use it as a toilet or anything. There is no dog smell in my house. i'm disabled and it's just me and him. How can two able bodied adult men not keep up with they said 2 dogs??.... something else is going on or they're really just that lazy.
Maybe this is my own trauma and history talking but for the 3rd story, I'm genuinely concerned that they've been together longer than a year. I remember being underage and brainstorming excuses for the change in my behaviour as well as stories for how we met when the 'meet-the-parents' thing finally happened. If I'm right in my suspicions, this isn't a case of her not being willing to take him to see her family, it's simply because they haven't come up with a cover for how and when they met and started dating. And if she was underage, and if came out, well... Grooming allegations follow you (along with all the others). Gods I hope I'm wrong but it just sounds way too familiar.
The Husband in the first story is what gives Polyamory a bad name.
When one of the person in the couple talks about "opening mariage" when the other didn't once alluded to be interrested in other people, it's like OP said, it's just a subterfuge to try and and get a "free cheating" card with the security of a marriage.
I’m polyamorous and I disagree. What was he supposed to do, just divorce? How is that any better than bringing up an alternative. The wife had every right to say no and be hurt but the guy had every right to at least put it forward
@@rochie4865this. I’m also in a poly relationship, but not everyone is and that’s understandable. Sure, he can at least put forward the suggestion, but there’s still going to be consequences.
@@Emmie-kn1mx Well first he should have already test the water and be opened about his kinks, then bring up the fact that he was fine about stuff like threesome or swapping partners.
After that kinda talk, when he realized that his partner is strictly against all those things, that's when he talks about how he wants to see other people and since she doesn't want him to, he calls for a divorce.
In this case, he did "Look, I want to fuck around and I'll do it no matter what's your opinion on it" ('cause let's face it, his "conditions" on the matter are just a way to justify his act, not to put them on equal terms).
@@Juju2927 all he said was “it’s open relationship or nothing” which is just as fair as “it’s monogamy or nothing” from her. Why does he owe so much explanation and work? She has every right to set a boundary in her marriage and have conditions that are unacceptable. He has that right too.
I really don't know where men find the audacity. My bf did this to me too and I regret not breaking up with him then and there. It's a betrayal.
As someone in a happy poly relationship: Trying to turn a monogamous relationship into a nonmonogamous one is usually a recipe for disaster. The relationship needs to *start* nonmonogamous with all the ground rules that requires. And all the people trying to use the rise of ethcial nonmonogamy and polyamory to get a "free pass" to cheat are absolutely disgusting. It's called *ethical* nonmonogamy for a reason. You can still cheat in an open or poly relationship.
This is what friends of mine that are poly have all said too.
Okay, I am not a Clean Person, but I wouldn't have stayed past that first night. That's wayyyyy beyond acceptable.
2nd story: I, unfortunately, was raised in an environment similar to that. Dog poop on the floors, ammonia from the pee of our dogs and the cats. Even had ferrets for a while. As a child, I did give up. I tried for a while to clean up but it was awful. I did end up moving in with roommates around the age of 17, but I felt bad for leaving my 2 siblings behind in that. It is hard to get back from, but I can say I am better now, nowhere I have lived since has ever gotten to that degree again.
I am sad to say I also lived in a similar household. The basement became urine and feces filled. It was full of black mold. At one point we had 15 pets in our tiny house (not including fish) and there was hair and feathers everywhere.
When I was younger I desperately tried to keep the house clean (tons of parentification) but at some point in middle school something inside me snapped. I was like, this shouldn't have to be my job as a child to constantly clean the house and I can never do it all anyway. So I let things go.
My childhood was riddled with guilt at letting those animals suffer but also hurt that it fell upon my shoulders and that I wasn't good enough to take care of them. I never had friends over because of how mortified I was.
I'm now an adult with only 1 cat and my fiancee's dog. I still live in a pretty dirty, depressed house. But it's nowhere near what I grew up in. I'm still trying to get over the apathy I developed as a child with uncleanliness. But at least I take care of my cat even if there's clothes everywhere and dirty dishes.
Wash the dishes inqtantly after eating/drinking. I do it like this and it helps when the pile is small. It does take discipline though and you´ll have to work on it, but the sight of a clean kitchen is worth it to me and my wife.
@@nickmagma7745 Totally. I'm able to do it for a time but then I get stressed and exhausted from work and I fall behind. And then I get back into a bad headspace. Probably doesn't help that I have ADHD either and I'm always forgetting where I put things.
@@sarahcb3142 I have ADHD too, I lose pretty much everything like my keys, wallet, glasses.. I also can´t concentrate on one thing longer than 5 minutes. But I still manage to get things done. You have a choice, do you want to get things done or make excuses? If I can do it, so can you!!
@@nickmagma7745 I know you mean to be motivational but I didn't really mean to use my ADHD as an excuse. I know there are plenty of high functioning ADHDers out there. More trying to explain why I'm extra stressed out once I go through a depressive episode and things become cluttered. It becomes even easier to lose things and then I feel even worse about myself and it becomes this downward spiral.
However, I'm glad that you have enough internal motivation and are able to make the choice every day to do what you need to do to get everything done in life. I hope one day I'll be able to get to that point too. For now, I'm not, but I'm still better than where I used to be.
I assumed that the older guy was the one choosing not to go meet her family as they will likely not be happy and he knows that, so easier to avoid
Story 1: I don't believe for one second he doesn't have someone in mind, because he seemed to switch depending on how this argument is going. One moment he talking about polyamorous relationships where you both basically date a new person and talking about how he wants a emotional connection with someone else, the next he talking about exploring his sexuality which sounds more like he wants to fool around and experiment, those aren't the same thing. The fact he told you open relationship or nothing means he doesn't get to be mad that you chose thing, especially when he told you to your face he was going to cheat on you if you refused.
Exactly! He just sounds like an AH who wants to make OP do it first so he doesn't have to feel guilty later. He's just a terrible person, and I hope OP divorces him and finds someone who deserves her.
He mostly sounds like someone who is determined to take his own life and wants his wife to not be alone when he does it and the rest of the shit is just to convince the wife that he really wants an open relationship. People often say hurtful things to convice other people to do what they don't want to do, because they think it's the right thing to do.
He is just a coward and came up with a dysfunctional, messy solution instead of just divorcing her because he wants something different now.
@@dudeorduuude5211 relation ships change all the time OP and him just wanted to different things and we’re only hearing this from op side. We haven’t heard it from his for all we know he couldn’t have said anything.
Op in the last story should take this as the warning signs it is and confront her husband. If he's this involved in his friend cheating on his wife and finding it funny, it won't be long before he decides to do it too, especially if the friends are covering for each other.
Open marriage story. “I told him it sounded like he wanted to be with someone else without ever leaving the comfort of the marriage” “he tried denying these things saying he wanted to explore himself sexually but didn’t want to lose me in the process” MY GUY. THESE ARE THE SAME SENTENCE. He’s gotta be extremely desperate to become that stupid oh my god.
He is just too afraid to pull up his big boy panties and divorce. He is lazy.
Legality: yes, morality: gross
There's definitely a power & experience dynamic such a relationship would need to tread carefully.
What is the bullshit gross comment? As long as there are two consenting adults in the relationship, I could not care less what your society and culture thinks.
Age is nothing but a number as long as it is legal. I dated a 45 year old when I was 22. He was a really nice guy
@@josephnorris4095"Two consenting adults" yeah buddy, she just made the cut. That's kinda the point.
@@kaylafuller8948Yeah I'm sure he was 😂
The last story brought up a memory of an old friend. She started cheating on her husband with different men, one being the husband of another friend of hers. She then would tell me how after having “fun time” with her boyfriend, she’d return home and have relations with her husband. I’d try talking to her and getting her to stop but she wouldn’t. I stopped being friends with her. They eventually divorced and he later married a beautiful, kind, and faithful woman.
Somebody casually letting their house go to squalor is a pretty good sign that they're unwilling to perform self-maintenance of any kind. That's a major red flag and one of the #1 reasons to flee a relationship.
I have a theory for the first story. I was thinking the husband wants op to find someone else to connect with because he's planning a 'Game over'. Although the longer the story goes on it seems more likely he just wants a free pass at cheating, but that was my first thought
That was my initial first reaction as well, or that maybe he had advanced cancer that was going to take him in like half a year, and he wanted her to find someone new. There has been a super wholesome story like that before. BUT THEN the dude went on with the ultimatums and “I’ll cheat on you anyway” and any hope for a wholesome story flew right out the window. What an AH.
I actually think going off in the deep end with kinks is a clue that this, yes, is absolutely the thing. Especially since he's not going into any details.
It's not cheating if they both agree to do it.
@@maagi1 there's a difference between mutual agreement and forcing your partner to agree though
@@paiget6200 How did he force her to agree?
story 1: I find it weird that he wants OP to find someone else FIRST. He says he will cheat anyway if OP doesn't agree. I wonder if he was really trying to set OP up for "cheating" and would deny any "open marriage" agreement.
Either that or so if people asked, he could claim it was _her_ idea. Maybe even play the victim to dates in hopes of scoring some pity sex. "My wife said she really wanted to try the open relationship thing... it hurts seeing her with other guys, but I just want her to be happy..." 🤢
@@TheKillerqueen40 Yeah that is exactly what I was thinking.
Damn, I got married at 19, wife 20, 40+ years ago. I have never wanted another woman besides her.
….ok….
God bless you and your beautiful marriage. Not all men know loyalty
Sounds like you might be a demi. 😊
They guy is probably watching p*rn and listening to stories of the messy and cowardly lives some young folks lead these days. He doesn't care about loyalty, or seeing the sacrifice his wife also made of her youth for him. He just wants instant pleasure. He likely is already cheating, so I think divorce I the endpoint.
Clipclop is just fucking jelious and Angel don’t make commitment and dedication to your partner a sexuality.😂😂 This man is a G. I’ve been married three years now and I pray my husband only ever wants me. This is true love ❤❤❤
I was once in a dnd group where the dm was a 42 year old married to a 21 year old. He seemed pretty insecure about his marriage to her amd started flirting with me (a 19 year old) claiming that they were in an open marriage. The thing is, I was falling for it. I only stopped talking to him when scheduling got in the way of our dnd games.
Just thinking of another man being with my wife fills me with unyielding rage. I could never imagine brining up a open marriage just to sleep around. Op good on you for not caving in.
Do you like feel you're a peaceful and calm person, but the idea of your wife with someone else just makes you feel like you understand war?
@anna8328 not sure where you got war from. But yeah I consider myself far more calm compared to where I use to be when I was younger, I'd even consider myself peaceful. But I have two people in life that could completely make me flip that switch if someone compromised them in any way, Let alone allow myself to do it.
@@anna8328That’s how cheating and betrayal feels for monogamous people. A sudden question to open a relationship? Nah, that’s just asking for carte blanche to cheat. The sole question is a deal breaker. Divorce right away.
How does Rslash know that the 20yo girl is not comfortable taking her BF to her parents' place?
Because the son didn't go with her.
because he's been reading these stories for years and learned a thing or two about how shit works
Because he likes making things up and pretending they're facts
@@darth-severusI don't think it's that, but he may not be doing all the research and rather may be going off word of mouth, past stories, or passing articles.
@@anna8328yes because reading about of (lets be real mostly fake) stories on Reddit makes you an expert on life 😂
Story 1: I don't blame op at all for divorcing. In a proper open relationship, all partners are well aware of each other & all partners consent to an open relationship. If you want to stay monogamous, you have every right to leave. Me & my bf are both monogamous. We came into our relationship expecting monogamy & we've had serious discussions about it. He's my person, I don't need another & I don't want to hurt him & he feels the same way about me. If either of us even proposed opening up our relationship, it would automatically be over
Okay, who wants to bet OPs husband wants her to find someone else first, because then she's "the cheating whore" and him finding someone else is "healing", "justified ", and "moving on to find someone who loves him", if anyone in their friend groups ask
That's what I was thinking. He could have been trying to get her to "cheat" so he could leave her. So many are defending him in the comments, but ignore this part. If it was all about him wanting to explore his kinks, why was he insistent on her finding someone first when she wasn't comfortable with it at all?
Story 1: you're not sexually compatible. He lies about his sexual interests and despite years of believed somewhat compatibility, he tells the truth. His sexual interests aren't the problem, his lying was and op has every right to be upset. The relationship isn't salvageable in my opinion because he's not the person he claimed to be initially and blindsided her with the truth, attempting to manipulate op into the belief that it was her fault. None of what he did was ok.
Parents often lie about their sexual compatibility to secure a relationship they think they want and end up either cheating, doing what husband did, or just leaving.
If sex is important to you, don't lie about what you like. Sexual compatibility is huge in a sexual relationship and if you aren't open about yours the relationship will eventually.
In my relationship, we realized there was a massive sexual discrepancy a few years in. When we realized it, because the (unintentional) "lie" was on my end, instead of getting annoyed, ending things, or expecting hubby to cull his own drive, I recognized the need and offered to allow him sexual partners if ever the mood and opportunity arose.
Now I'm in an insanely trusting relationship relationships so I can get away with this. But this is very much right for us.
Agreed. While I think open relationships can offer a good solution for people with incompatible drives or interests, OP1's husband never even talked to her about it before dropping that bombshell on her. They needed to have a sit down convo about what they were and weren't willing to try together as a monogamous couple before opening the relationship ever came up.
Nah rslash why you gotta throw shade at the girl in story 3 when she hasn't rlly done anything wrong, especially when the thumbnail of the video is a jab at her man
For the 2nd Story? I'm just gonna say this, May/December relationships in which there is a huge gap between the couple? They don't work.
Staying within 10 years of your own age is one thing, dating someone young enough to be their parent or grandparent is another. Doesn't matter the genders of the couple either.
I feel OP should absolutely voice her concerns, her son is a dumbass for thinking this is okay. He could be putting his life and career in jeopardy with this dynamic.
So yeah, OP would be a fool not to voice concerns and convince her dumbass son to leave this one, find someone closer to his age. He might get pissed at her but when the inevitable happens? He'll realize OP was right all along.
2nd story is about a dirty house
Story 2: Yikes! Dogs should NOT be throwing up so often that it's a regular thing to clean up. To not figure out what is causing it is animal abuse
I sense a theme in r/relationships where a husband tries to convince his wife to open their marriage. Or they do it anyway and it’s always so there’s a free way to cheating. I’m not into open relationships, but I know it shouldn’t be done to save a marriage. If both parties want to open a marriage that’s their choice, but I don’t see open marriage (or relationships) as some last resort.
I gave the first story guy every benefit of the doubt…
Until he threatened that he could cheat
He said that he could end up cheating, that's why he said open relationship or nothing. Nothing wrong with that.
Dirty House: Deal Breaker. Frankly, I can't believe you even stayed as long as you did. I would have noped out immediately!
A good guy ALWAYS walks his dogs. Run, girl, run...
@@thegercast4794 "We are responsible for those who have been tamed”, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry “The Little Prince”.
First story. What many people seem to be missing is that the relationship was built on a foundation of early responsibility for both of them. Now, suddenly the responsibility is lifted and he is looking at his life and seeing that he never got to explore and have the opportunities that others had. He is seeing what he missed. This is typically called a mid life crisis. Additionally, this is also where a lot of marriages break down. He wants the things he missed, she doesn't want that type of relationship. There is bitterness in her post and bad communication when he raised the issue. Basically telling, what he decided and not discussing his needs and desires. She feels betrayed, he feels trapped by life.
1st story. I love how quickly she divorced him. Instant deal breaker deserves a swift break. I hope she finds someone who loves her. F that guy
for story 3 the holidays tend to last multiple days in most cases what makes u think he wont spend a day with her family? at no point did they even hit he wouldnt
that guy's living situation makes my place sound spotless.
Why are you low key implying the 19 year old is to blame??
THATS WHAT IM WONDERING
i had to stop the video and see what others thought because this is bizarre
@@Tiger54658 Rslash has kind of a chronic victim blaming problem...
@@thegercast4794 No. Lol. It’s predatory as fuck and you are too for trying to justify it
12:50 This comment, in my opinion, was uncalled for.
She's probably not bringing him to her family because she has very valid issues with her OWN family. 20-year-olds don't date 45 year olds often, but when they do, it's usually a sign of some serious father issues. Absentee father, abusive father, etc.
The gal did nothing wrong here. Don't pile on her. SHOULD she be dating him? No. Is it entirely her fault? No. She's a kid. A KID. A kid with very little life skills who doesn't know the warning signs yet.
Not a kid
I agree! rslash's comment was actually disgusting. Like, that girl was likely groomed, and he's gonna turn it on her? Ew, yucky, instant video dislike.
@@SonLuffanot a fully grown adult either. 18/19 is still immature and vulnerable enough to get groomed. I’m 19 myself btw.
yeah i just commented about that. worried about her money? how about be worried about the fact that she can’t even legally have a glass of wine at thanksgiving dinner 🙄
At 18 you are legally an adult... I don't see what wine has to do with anything? However, does she even _know_ he's 45? Because nobody's brought that up. It seems kinda silly to say, but some people just can't tell, like Mario is 26 and most people say "No, he has a mustache, so he must be like 50-something!" I know, that's going the other way... but what if the guy told her that he was 29, and for some reason his family isn't bringing it up? She could be a completely oblivious _adult._
As someone who married and had a kid with some that is like the man is the second story, break up with him. Keeping a clean house and even hygiene becomes an issue if you don’t stay on top of them. If you ever want children, and especially if you don’t, you’ll feel like you’re raising someone else’s child. It doesn’t get better. It gets worse. Animals or not. You can’t “train” cleanliness and urgency into someone.
divorce over an open marriage: NTA: So he's sad he didn't get to be a man-who*r and sleep around, you made the right choice OP
Story 2:
TLDR; Ex of mine has same dirty house
His house sounds like my Ex's house. I dated a girl online and when i first visited her place, I was FLOORED at how messy it was at first. Then i told myself, maybe she and her Dad didn't have the time or mental health to have cleaned the place yet, her Mother had died a few (2-3) months prior so I thought they were too stuck in grief to clean. About a whole year later, the house was in the same exact state as I first seen it.
Floor covered in dog hair, clothes, dog toys, bags, cans of soda (either empty or cases opened and some cans removed), pieces of cardboard, newspapers, boxes of things, and caked on dried dog poop that you would expect them to clean up within a day or less, but nope, a few months had passed and STILL caked in dog poop on a specific area on the floor. And that was JUST the floor. The counters, ALL full. Plates, glasses, silverware, other items. NO clean area on the countertops ANYWHERE. Some plates had dried on food thats who knows how old. Some of it visibly hard. Flies and those long fly tape thingies. Sink full of dirty dishes that piled OUT of the sink. All couches covered in PILES of clothes and dog hair. Legit no where to sit, or place items down, without sitting on something.
There was only two clean rooms. The bathroom, which was semi messy, but in a normal livable messy way, like a lot of shampoos and stuff, scattered on the bathroom counter near the sink, but not bad at all. What i considered clean enough. And the beareded dragons cage was clean. Even the porch has plants and a grill and broken stuff outside. Several giant tires and other broken machines out in the yard.
And she has two dogs.
It smelled SO bad. I feel bad for her.
The house had 4 humans, 2 dogs, and a bearded dragon.
2 cis men, a trans woman and a cis woman, all in one house. Two folks mentally ill. 3 definitely grieving, one unknown about mental health and grieving stuff.
But its hard to hear houses bad enough like that OP saw and smelt. I get my place messy in the sense that maybe a pile of clothes here or there or even papers piled that I can organize and put in a box or drawer before I organize it fully again. I have a sink full of dishes sometimes but not my counters all dirtied so badly that you can't use it at all. My house can be messy and lived in, sure my dirty clothes hamper stinks and yeah my socks and shoes might be a tad smelly, but i use oder removal powder for shoes or even room spray t change the smell, even those car fresheners and stuff on a door. Definitely not as bad as their place. I think people get pets without realizing how hard pets are to take care of
as an 18 year old who feels kinda weird about how old my oldest fuck buddy is (25), there’s absolutely no possible way that a 45 year old and a 19 year old in any situation could be in a healthy relationship, i mean i can’t even say that the 25 year old is a friend with benefits because there’s really just nothing we can relate to with each other on the same level other than sex, not to mention the level of emotional intimacy that comes with an actual relationship
"Its open marriage or nothing" "ok i pick nothing" *shocked pikachu*
Story 1: either he’s cheating or trying to get OP to find another partner so he can unalive himself.
Im a 22 year old woman, and i have been with my 40 year old partner (male) for over a year now. My family adores him, and so do i. He's amazing with my little cousin, and i love his kids. My uncle (47yo, basically my only father figure) thinks of him as his little brother. My mum was worried at first, but after getting to know him, she loves him too (shes 44, nearly 45). My grandma loves him too...
The only person who has an issue with him is my aunty and thats because her daughter (my little cousin) loves him while she absolutely loathes her mums "partner"... we all hate her partner because hes abusive.
Im so glad that this man is in my life. Im the one who pursued him. He was concerned about the age gap in the beginning, and it has caused some issues, but we are still learning. I look after him, and he looks after me.
I agree with OP in the first story, asking for an open relationship is the end of the relationship. I'm sure poly people can make that work. But anyone springing a surprise open relationship on a previously monogamous partner has already got a foot out the door. They just want to sleep around and keep the comfort of the existing relationship. No judgement if people think they could make it work but to me that's pretty much the exact opposite of the entire point of a relationship.
Story 1: I have an open relationship with my partner but we have rules set. We haven’t discussed if we’ll close the relationship if/when marriage is on the table but we’ll cross that bridge eventually. We find this arrangement acceptable. But the way OP’s husband went about it is extremely one sided! Whenever a partner does the whole “open marriage” out of the blue, it’s always a one way card to cheat. I’m sure there’s times it just adds spice to a marriage but other times it doesn’t work out
An open relationship is jot a relationship. Its at most friends with benefits. Something like 90% of open relationships fall apart. No one wants to marry someone who sleeps around.
I think its weird to date someone so much younger. Like it's legal and whatever, but wanting a partner that has so much less life experience than you is just a morally messed up idea. It doesn't seem possible that such a relationship with be beneficial to the growth of both individuals.
Really? A 45 year old is taking advantage of a 20 year old and you're implying SHE'S embarrassed to bring him to HER family? That's where your head went?
I don't understand why almost every comment I've read about this story assign some malicious intent on the guy like he's some convicted pedo waiting outside a highschool with a butterfly net to catch the first Virginia he can smell. It's like nobody ever considers that a young woman might find a successful, attractive, older man desirable. What a novel idea that is, right?
Taking advantage of someone implies an unequal trade. As long as both people get what they want in a relationship, no-one is being exploited.
Stories like the first are the reason I would never date someone who isn't polyamorous themselves. No matter how much I might enjoy their company. You talk about stuff like that before getting together.
I had a friend who lived in a biohazard home with her 3 sons. I assumed that she was depressed because her cheating husband had left her for his affair partner. Her sister, BIL, and I decided to take a weekend to clean and sanitize her house from stem to stern.
We figured that once it was in pristine condition she would be able to keep up with the housework. She had been getting better, coming to terms with losing her unworthy partner.
In less than 2 weeks, after removing bag after bag of trash and doing a professional level cleaning...the house was in almost exactly the same shape it had been in before all of our hard work!
It wasn't the depression. And her husband had been ready to leave her without having met someone else. He had been fed up with her willingness to live in such filth and her laziness. She was a stay at home and stay in front of the soap operas wife who just didn't mind how nasty her house became.
At first I wanted to give the guy in the first story the benefit of the doubt. She said he tried to take his life before, some depressed people try to make sure the people they love have someone else if they're seriously thinking about unaliving themselves. But yeah, even if that's the case I don't think he was right at all. Divorce was the best option for sure. Still, I would take an eye on him just in case, I think that not even someone that wants to cheat deserves to been left alone when depressed.
A 45 yr old dude chasing a 20yr old. Dude is a walking red flag. I'd be disgusted if I had a son like that. I can understnd OP's concerns. It's a tricky place to be.
No to mention that the son is old enough to be the gf's father and the gf is still learning how to be an adult. She's barely an adult for less than 3 years ffs
Also, I don't care if it's legal, this is just so gross
I don't mind large age gaps if the younger person is at least in her or his late 20s/early 30s. When they have some life experience as an adult.
In my opinion there's nothing wrong with a 40 and a 60 y/o dating. But a 20 and a 40 y/o can easily lead to manipulation and some kind of abuse.
Also I'm 33 and I would not date anyone under the age of 28 and wouldn't sleep with someone under 26ish. So, an adult man in his 40s dating anyone under 30 is imo a red flag
All men from 18 to 60 wants to date 18 year olds. 18 to early 20s is when a woman has the most value. For men its 30-50.
Its hard coded into male biology to see young fertile women as more valuable than older women. Fertility collapses fast after 25
@@quillo2747 Ew. You sound like such a stereotype. At least you didn't use the word "female."
At the same time I've also seen it work. A girl I worked with a long time ago married a guy 23 years older than her, and they're still together today. He's now in his 60's, she's in her 40's. They definitely stood out about 10-15 years ago, but now it just looks normal.
Story 1: The husband has a porn addiction. I'd bet money on it if I had any.
That's what I thought. It's probably how he found out about these kinks in the first place.
In that first one, I really feel sorry for her. I'm suspect he had already cheated and came up with the the open marriage idea to rationalize/justify it. The fact that he wants to find some emotional bond is really weird.
Story 2: the relationship would be over, maybe if I like them to your degree I would try to get him to make an effort to clean up after the dog but hell no I'm not staying with man who leaves his house like that. The only thing worse than that was his backwards logic of waiting until after you left to clean up a mess because he didn't want you to see it or him cleaning. I live with a lot of pets too but at least we try to make an effort because we don't want our house to be a biohazard, not only is it not good for anyone to live like this but those dogs are probably getting sick living like that.
People get complacent with how they live, especially if they’ve grown up with things being this way. They don’t see their situation as very bad like an outsider would. He’s grown up with his dad as an example, which has obviously painted a horrible picture of how to live. He may even see things as beyond help and is in a state of helplessness. The guy has expressed interest in bettering his situation in the future… sometimes it takes getting out of that environment.
If you start off monogamous, it's cruel to later tell the person they are not enough. Marriage is about more than sex on demand and always getting what you want. It's two people becoming one, for life, for love, forever.
Well divorcing her right away would kinda have same effect, so I don't think it's that bad to suggest open relationship first. She would want to hear the reason for the divorce anyways lol
It's questionable, yes, but getting involved isn't going to change anything. It's just going to make you look like you're meddling. Stay out of it unless the girl comes to you asking for help out of the relationship.
The last story, I would be the friend of: "Why the fuck do you want to cheat? Are you not happy? Do you want to move on?"
You know gauge their thoughts.
Do I think cheating is bad? Not the worst thing but bad and it depends on factors.
But if someone brags about wanting to cheat.. I will ask them "Is this really what you want?" Cause you know... he is thinking and planning about it.. but not acting on it yet.
Then if he is just doing it for the thrills, I will go: "Okay.. have fun, but we probably will never hang again. Come to me after therapy."
But these two are on a level of: "What are you a couple of drunk frat boys? YOU ARE FUCKING ADULTS!"
No this is where I would go: "Yea no...I can't be friends if you act like this, this is the type of people I avoid!"
When I was 18, I hit on a gorgeous girl in a bar just off campus. We started dating, and it eventually came out that she was 50. I swear to God, she looked 19. She had to show me her driver's license. And then I told her that I was 18, and she was floored. I started going grey on my 18th birthday, so I had grey hairs in my hair, my beard, and my mustache. She thought I was 30. We decided to keep dating. We were together until her husband was released from prison a year later. I found out she was married when we were in bed, asleep, and we heard him coming in the front door. I went out the window, and never looked back.
Lmao you were just a moment of fun for her
@@quartzskull8772 true. But I learned a lot about sex from her.
Quite literally dodged a bullet or two.
Story 1: He says "If we don't have an open marriage I'm just going to cheat" and then is surprised that she would *checks notes* "jump right to divorce". I think she nailed it when she said he just wanted a free pass to cheat and to use her as a safety net so he doesn't have to worry about being alone if things with other people don't work out. I don't blame her for filing for divorce after showed that much blatant disregard for her and her feelings. He doesn't want a Poly relationship, because that involves actually caring about your partner which he clearly doesn't. He basically said "You aren't what I want but I want to keep you around while I find someone better and if you don't agree I'm going to do it anyway" and then was *surprised Pikachu face* when she filed for divorce. F that guy.
Story 1: The only outcome for cheating in a marriage should be divorce he never loved her from the beginning.
To the first Story: Me and my Boyfriend are together for 6 Years now, the only Problem is that my libido is way hihger than his so we don't do the deed as often as i would like. But its not an relationship endingen thing for me, I love the man to pices and he is an amazing Partner. So we sat down and i asked if opening up our relaship was a possibility he would consider. He said no thats Something he could't do and if i wanted that i can't have our relationship.And thats were that idea ended for me maintaining a healthy relationship with him is waht is most important to me of course i told him so and reasured him that i only brought it up to gain his perspective and its nothing i need or had any solid plan for just an Idea. And promised him to never speak of it agaun except for he brought it up.
We do have a very complicated living Situation at the Moment so that also contributs to him not being in the mood as often, so there is a High possibility that things might Change when we finally live alone just the two of us
story 2: I don't think she should necessarily break up with him, they should have a serious talk about hygiene and living conditions, maybe he could get a OT to help him organize his stuff, it's possible that he's neurodivergent too which would explain lacking care with personal hygiene
Right! He could’ve also grown up this way so he doesn’t see it as very bad like an outsider would.
If he is neurodivergent that more concretely solidifies he will never change. She needs to break up. This is her red flag. He can find another woman okay with filth.
@@dudeorduuude5211 no that doesn't, neurodivergent people need support to understand correct hygiene habits, like creating a proper routine and being reminded by people next to them or an ocupational therapist, i'm not saying It's her obligation, i'm saying that there's a solution and that he migth need support, It could be from her If she wants to put in the work but It could Also be a friend/family member or another, i'm saying that breaking up is not the only solution If she really likes him they could find another reasonable arrangement
Nevertheless It's not her obligation to do any of this and she could leave If she wants, I was merely criticising the Idea that she should imediatly break up because he's beyond any improvement
Not her job. This is unlikely to change at this point in life and there's no use building a future towards living like that.
No, they don't need to have a conversation. He's 26 years old. It's old enough to know that you shouldn't live in dirt. If he needs a "conversation" about it then it's clear he's not ready to be in a relationship. It's not his gf's job to fix his lack of hygiene. This is something everyone should just know. This is basic stuff. The minimum.
Dirty House: Anyone who can let animals live like that, has no empathy.
Much Younger: I'm the type of person that has and does date people older than myself. So my opinion is a little jaded. I don't truly don't see an issue. If it's two legal consenting adults, there should be no problem. I mean fully consenting and knowing.
#1 You get upset when guys cheat, arguing that they should talk about it or split up. Then this guy talks about it and they split up, and you're still upset. Maybe the problem isn't them...
Wtf cheating and expressing the desire to cheat are obviously going to end the marriage.
@@mariposa9506Only if you have the wrong partner.
I’ll be honest, large age gaps are often questionable. But I think always judging them as wrong is shortsighted and ignorant. I started dating my partner when I was 19 and she was 39. 11 years later we are still happily together and very in love, and I consider being with her the best decision of my life. Nobody has ever been kinder, sweeter, and more supportive of me.
There was a time when I (unsuccessfully) courted a 19-year-old from my social group. I was early 30ies at the time. And not only was she mature enough to know she did not want to date me, but everyone around us was actually really supportive of me, saying we were perfect for each other (unfortunately she did not think so). Nobody even brought the age difference up. Not even her - she rejected me because she was simply not into me.
It really seems to me that people automatically assume the worst when they hear about age-gap relationships, but if they actually know the people involved and know that there's no "funny business" then they are much more supportive. And of course nobody knows anyone on the internet, so we get what we get.
He's dating a teenager. He's gross.
He's forty-five. He's fcking gross.
I'm 42. I would never do something like that.
Because IT'S GROSS.
Switching the genders means nothing. You're just going to bat for it because you would date a kid, too.
My gpa remarried around 55. His new wife was around 36. They were each others best friends. I've never seen him more distraught than when she passed 😢. Age gaps do feel weird though if they pair together an are legal adults it don't matter.
A 20 year old female dating a 45 year old male is definitely in the range of being socially awkward even if it is legal.
There's an old formula people still use to calculate a proper/socially accepting age gap and he clearly didn't use it.
If he had, he'd know that the youngest age group for him is 29.5 or 30.
For her, it's 25 or 26 which is probably why she was hesitant to introduce him to her family.
I am so sick and tired if hearing stories about people abusing open relationships and polyamory as an excuse to openly cheat. It actively demonizes legitimate demonizes these types if relationships and Rslash does not help in that regard! He openly mocks and criticizes it as if it's nothing but a get out of jail free card to cheat when its not!
If he wants children soon dating a teenager doesn't make any sense
Fertility collapses fast after 25. Leaving it later to have kids has collapsed the birth rate and now a majority of women are over 30, childless and likely to stay childless.
Thers nothing wrong with having kids at 20. Career and life experience over family is a western phenomenon that has doomed our populations into collapse.
The hope is the ones that are staring families young are conservatives and will breed a generation of Conservative kids instead of the hedonism and sleeping around culture that is promoted in the media.
A 20 year old has at least 10 years to have kids, a 35 year old has already ran out of Time.
@@quillo2747fertility literally does not "collapse fast after 25". It starts to decline at around 30, but the average age of menopause is 51. Plenty of people in their thirties have healthy pregnancies.
Something tells me you may not be a person with a uterus...
"He's a great guy." Neglects animals.
3rd Story: When I met my current bf I was 27 and he was a few weeks shy from turning 20. Even though we were in completely different stages of our lives - I had my own flat and car and had been working for over 6years at this point, he was in his first year of college and living in the basement of his parents house - we instantly clicked and are still a happy nerdy couple. I know our age gap ist smaller then the one in the story but we still got weird looks, especially from my parents.
In my eyes it mostly depends on the maturity of the younger part of the couple. Plus the older part needs to be careful not to take advantage of the inexperience by crossing any boundaries the other one might have but maybe is not self-confident enough to clearly express.
And to be honest: if both were like 10 years older, so mid 50s + early 30s, noone would bat and eye and maybe even congratulate OPs son for finding a younger gf.
Story 1: Open relationships can work for some people, but not most people. The ultimatum he made of open relationship or nothing where he said he would cheat on her and the fact he flipped when she chose nothing is violently telling. Whether or not someone is poly or not the concern, here. If you tell me, give me what I want or I'll do it anyway without your consent or permission, the relationship is dead.
What about the ultimatum of “monogamy or nothing”?
@@Tortilla.Reformthey chose monogamy from the start, he is playing games now and so are you.
@@Tortilla.Reform It was monogamous at the start. If someone wants to leave because they are poly or want a different style of relationship they can, but they can’t strong arm their partner and expect them to swallow it.
@@dudeorduuude5211 You understand people can change right? “Playing games” 😂 calm down
@@cecejamesable That goes both ways, and starting monogamous is irrelevant to the fact that people change. We can’t expect others to stay stay the same just because we’d like them to personally
Being in a relationship with someone young enough to be your child is just icky in my opinion
Leonardo Dicaprio did not like that
Story 1: Ok so the responses and comments have to make me ask this: *what was he supposed to do* huh? We’re all on op’s side but what about him? He didn’t say he didn’t love her, or say that he hasn’t loved her all these years. He just told her he’s reached an impasse in the relationship. He’s significantly more sexual than she is. He doesn’t use this as a weapon against her, only as an explanation of why. He’s been caring and attentive these pass years by OP’s own admission. Meaning this has been building for some time. He also probably understands that this was a do or die decision. He knows what this could mean for their relationship. He knows just how much of a sacrifice this is. So tell me. What was he supposed to do? Suck it up? Fuck off. Nobody should be forced to suppress themselves for anyone. End the relationship without explanation? End it *with* an explanation? That’s Essentially what he’s doing.
Love is not a simple linear thing. It’s a complex interaction of hundreds of different things. And I’m sorry, but offering a solution should not be demonised. He didn’t cheat. Neither emotionally or physically. He wanted to make sure that she would be taken care of first. He reached an impasse. *They* reached an impasse. Adaptation of their relationship or their relationship would die. He chose adaptation. She chose death. She’s allowed to, and I don’t blame someone for making that choice, but I believe if a relationship is going to die trying a solution is better than giving up. This isn’t “he’s the baddie”, this is “relationships change over time. Can you change with them.”.
I hope they both end up finding something they need.
Ok that explains how weird my bf's family was. I was 19, he was 39. I literally just did not know. Dude had my maturity level and I was happy ngl. He just didn't give the moral support I needed. But he was kind and understanding and I never felt taken advantage of. Age gap doesn't immediately mean malice.
13:07 well what i think is youre VERY clearly being judgemental
My friend has dated men older than her for years. Every one of them have been 10 years older or more. She's 32, and her last boyfriend was 56. Age is just a number. As long as they are both adults and both happy, then mind your business. Now of you see an issue like a power dynamic abuse or something. Then raise concern. But if they're two happy and consenting adults, let them be.
And of course if you see some kind of abuse or toxicity, that should raise concerns no matter the age of the people involved. A more naive person is more at risk of being exploited, and younger people tend to be more naive in general. But there's no rule that all younger people are naive or that all older people are experienced and exploitative. If children can sometimes nag and manipulate their parents into having their way I don't see why a 19-year-old couldn't manipulate a 45-year-old the same way. Age really is no guarantee of anything. It's just a factor to consider.
Story 3: bro wtf. I've seen age gaps that big, but from 30 to 55, which is still weird but both are full studied and working adults, not a 19 student and a 45 old guy
Story 2: Yeah, this is a garbage-loaded red flag. There's no guarantee that the next place he lives in will be in any better condition if he doesn't want to take care of the pets and leave the house as a biohazard.
9:03 why are the dogs throwing up so much? Like that's not normal for them to be throwing up all the time
Probably they have parasites or something due to the unsanitary living conditions
Poly person here- it’s important if you’re adopting this lifestyle and are already in a long term relationship that your partner will VERY likely leave you for even suggesting it unless you luck out and they are also curious. For monogamous people, it will always feel like cheating and even if someone grudgingly agrees, it will end in heartbreak. I know it’s harsh to speak in absolutes, but this is something that needs to be established from the get-go, like, early dating stages. You need to list that shit on your dating profile because if you’re even slightly duplicitous about it, you and your partner will get hurt and it will reflect badly on the whole community. My husband and I are very much the exception and not the rule because we went together to an educational seminar our friend was giving on polyamory, and both came away from that discussion curious about it. Even then we discussed it on and off for years before dating our ex (still a good friend, with credit to approaching everything with mutual consent and respect. It was an animal breakup and they’re an awesome person!). Most of the time you would think we’re a mono couple because we don’t push it on people or actively look for other partners. If we click with someone, we talk to them, see if they’re interested and if it works out. Also please please please don’t creepily approach random women in bars for threesomes. Yes, my husband and I had a shared partner, but they started as my husband’s partner and then my friendship with them grew into something more. We were not “unicorn hunting”
I think a lot of people don't understand that it can take time to discover your full identity. I was 21 when I realised I was bisexual, I was even older when I figured I'm also demisexual.
While I do think OPs husband went about this the wrong way. Completely wrong way. I can also understand that he might not have known he was poly at the time he got married. Especially with the high stress situation of his sister and her future. Add in severe mental illness and distress.
Having multiple pets will always be a battle against cleanliness. Trust me, I know that as someone who works at a vet clinic. There's always a ton of fur and even the occasional accident. The fact the house was so bad means they don't really care for those animals outside of making sure they're fed, and likely won't have the best hygiene or feel a strong need to clean. Sure, my aunt and uncle who own two samoyeds (medium sized dogs with long white fur) and long furred cats seem to have given up on fur in some spots (RIP their couch) but at least their house doesn't smell like shit or need cantaloupe incense to cover up any smell. When OP brought up the smell in the dog's vomit room, my first instinctive thought was "oh god, there's a dead dog in there, isn't there?" and breathed a sigh of relief when the guy said vomit, only to tense up some when he said it may have been a dead rodent, as if that would be any better. I would abandon ship there and then because if he's that bad cleaning up after his animals or even caring for them, I wouldn't want to see what he's like in the long term with his own messes. I could never trust someone like that to truly clean a bathroom without thinking back to the fur covered bathroom and I sure as hell don't want to be the one picking up all the cleaning out of fear for the bad job my partner would do.
Story 2: My workmate's ex-gf's house (with other working professional women) was like that. Puddles of cat piss and newspapers everywhere. Cat and dog crap everywhere. No working lights, the house always kept dark. I didn't touch a damn thing, not even the TV my friend wanted back from his ex. He was okay with that, I was mainly there for morale support.