r/AITA Is My Boyfriend Trying to Poison Me?
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:06 Dinner order
1:54 Family
5:10 Stocking
7:25 Comment
8:32 Dog versus sister in law
12:16 Lock the presents
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Hey RSlash you skipped over the Edit OP made in the dog story where they stated: "for everyone asking why we can’t keep the dog in another room - we offered. The visit is supposed to be several days, but we offered to keep the dog separated, but Sylvia said she will be anxious the whole time knowing he’s there. She said any barking/howling will trigger her, and that she won’t be able to sleep knowing he’s in the house."
Then she could stay at a hotel and just come over on Christmas. OP could keep her pooch in another part of the house.
Yeah, which makes it a "her" - problem. Maybe if she offered to pay for the accommodation of the dog for that time, otherwise OP is definitely in the right.
Maybe this episode was recorded before the edit
SIL needs therapy, not excessive accommodations from everyone with a dog. Making sure she doesn't physically meet the dog is accommodation enough.
Btw, how does she cope with going past dogs on the street ? How does she cope with hearing dogs barking outside when she's in her house ? Does she run screaming into the streets or what ?
See that was my issue, Silva didn't ask for the dog to be put else where in the home, she asked for him to be removed from the home. Which is not gonna happen with me. My dogs comfort is more important to me than any persons feelings.
Tell Todd to marry his sister. That's absolutely weird for the sister to even attempt to try to name someone else's baby.
Why? Just adds another karen element
I agree with you. I'm currently 9months preggo and no one but me and my partner had a say in the name. We created the baby with our love, the 2 of us, no one else. So ONLY the 2 of us named our baby.
If it was a family name then the sister could have said that and reasons but still doesn't mean OP must name her baby that ❤
@@ImaginationEngine-xq3wg To get across the idea that he's being absurd not standing up to his sister?
Dog story: there are relevant updates and comments.
1. OP offered to lock the dog up but couldn’t promise to keep him quiet, Sylvia said any barking or howling would trigger her.
2. There is a deadly respiratory disease going around kennels near her right now.
3. She plans to apologize for her poor choice of words.
4. She’s going to try to find an air bnb for her brother and Sylvia so she doesn’t have to stay in the same house.
honestly, I don't even think that the dog is relevant anymore, no after what OP said. There is no excuse in the book for that, and no one can ever convinced me that it was an accident or a poor choice of words (remember in AITA the OPs always down play what they did wrong).
I adopted my dog, not you. OP felt atack and resolved to prove her point in the most hurtful way that she could think.
Yeah. My partners sister works at a kennel, and the place has been a ghost town because no one wants to risk the canine respiratory virus going around
@@beatrizcosta8137 The term is literally "Pet Adoption". If you being told the LITERAL FACT someone adopted the dog is that triggering to you, you need to get professional help 🙄
@@beatrizcosta8137it didn’t feel intentional
And OP does *not* feel like a bad person
Definitely lock up the presents. It sounds like Mindy is used to getting what she wants and was upset that her cousins got some toys that she didn't. You really have to intentionally break a toy for it to actually break.
Only other alternative would be to lock Mindy.
Even being allowed in the Christmas celebration again is more than she deserves.
Why was Mindy even invited back? If some kid did that at my house, they'd never step foot inside again; unless it was over my cold, dead body.
@@lorilancaster5917 _[chanting]_ Lock her up! Lock her up! 🤣
@@Wendy_O._Koopa The top reason is usually "because faaaaamily!" 🙄
Last Story: NTA. I think Mindy WAS being malicious here. Yeah, she did apologize, but she kept making excuses to defend herself, saying she couldn't wait to open the presents. But, she INTENTIONALLY opened gifts that weren't even hers!
OP is not treating Mindy like an animal or a baby by locking away the gifts, it's a safety precaution to avoid a repeat of last year.
Not only that, but she even said she wanted to see what everyone else got. It's not hard for a kid to wait for the other kids to open their gifts to see what they got, so this was 100% intentional. If Mindy's parents are that worked up about it, they can have Christmas at their place, because that kid would NOT be stepping foot back into mine.
Plus I see this is a precaution to have with all of then. It might happen from other kids, like that 1 boy that had to wait for his present last year might be scared. It's going to happen again and sneak in and open his this year so it doesn't get broken. I think it's better for everybody to do that.
she was six. I don't even think six-year-olds have the mental capacity to be malicious. Just selfish. Which is a very natural thing for children to be.
@@minimi870 Oh my god thank you. I just kept saying out loud, "Dude, she's SIX. SIX YEAR OLDS cannot be malicious." Bffr it's like these people have never been around children.
I'd start calling Monica "Rachel." Maybe then she'd get the hint that using someone's real name is important.
or Phoebe
Story 3:As Rslash always says,the most basic insult out there is willingly not calling someone by their name,NTA
My daughter got called by the wrong name her whole 5th grade year. By the teacher!!!! She nicely corrected the teacher the whole year. She was called Lisa when her name is Liza. My daughter would write a huge z on the papers too lol. For some reason either the teacher didn't care or was just that ignorant. The teacher called me to set up patient teacher conference in the spring. She asked for Lisa's parent! I said well I don't have a daughter by that name so you must have the wrong number and hung up. She never tried contacting me again.
And everyone telling OP to "not ruin the family Christmas". But it's the SIL ruining it with her ridiculous obsession / power play.
@@amberlindsey7112
Lmaooooo good on you for saying it like that to her. I like that. Not feeding into her crap just beating her at her own game. Wanna act dumb? Okay I'll play ignorant too.
@@annika5893 right! OP didn't start this fight, the SIL did!
The dog story: Im not a 100% sure if this was the same story, but OP mentioned in the comments that she did try to compromise with the sister in law by locking the dog away for her visit, which is completely fine if you ask me. The sister in law however dug her heels in and did not want to compromise
So I think OP is not in the wrong, although the comment was pretty harsh
Definitely was the same story, remember reading it and that they attempted to compromise via locking it in different rooms etc and the SIL said the dog can't be in the same house at all while she is there which is just unreasonable.
I think both OP and Sylvia has beef with each other and using the dog as a power play. Sylvia already knew OP has a dog who she sees as a member of her family. OP knows about Sylvia’s past. I think they should’ve tried to find somewhere else to celebrate Christmas or just wait and celebrate later.
Also I don't think OP offended Sylvia. After all, Sylvia is in her thirties. Why would anyone be thinking of adopting her?
Having been around several rescue dogs, I do understand that they have issues with boarding and other things, especially while memories of their trauma are fresh. So sending it away probably wasn't an option.
I don't know the comment isn't that harsh. Also Sylvia can host if she's so scared. Also you shouldn't have to lock a dog away all day or in the yard especially in the winter.
Lock the presents: Yeah, I doubt that ADHD and autism would make someone hyper-destructive, that sounds more like an undisciplined kid. And yeah, Mindy's own presents being spared is an important detail, because that means her actions were deliberate.
No matter what the cause is, Mindy should not be able to access the presents until everyone else can, and even then she needs to be separated so she won't be able to attack other presents. She broke presents once, she'll do it again
Mindy and her mom should be thankful they are even invited and get gifts. They would’ve gotten kicked out and banned from family events until Mindy learns how to behave.
If one of the other kids found out what Mindy did, they might destroy her gifts.
@@suzannepottsshortsor Mindy
Agreed, they should definitely lock the presents! Mindy WILL do it again when given that chance.
@@lorilancaster5917come Christmas morning there was laughter and fun. Except for mindy. She was mysteriously gone. And missed by none.
Final story: when I was 4-5 I woke up before my parents and began opening presents. Which was an explicit no-no. When my parents woke up they canceled Christmas and put all my gifts in the attic. My brother got his.
Very effective lesson. Funnily enough, while cleaning the attic years later, I found a bunch of wrapped present with the my name on them. I asked my mom about it since it wasn’t near my birthday.
She laughed and said they were from that Christmas and everyone had forgotten about them. So we decided to open them 10 years late.
It was kinda fun and we ended up donating the toys.
So for the dog story the sil is being stubborn. She was offered that "hey I'll make sure you and the dog are separated" but the sil refuses to be in the same house as the dog. Also for more details this dog works with a trainer 3x a week to be better socialized, has met everyone who would come other than Sylvia multiple times, and he really only shows issues with unknown men so boarding him is possibly an unsafe option for everyone involved. This is a special needs dog because while it is a low content he does have wolf DNA and you can't just treat him like any other type of dog due to this fact. OP is not the AH and would have rented somewhere else entirely to make Sylvia be comfortable if it wasn't last minute, but it is and she can't, she offered to keep Sylvia and the dog separate, but Sylvia is the one being difficult about that, this is not on OP at this point.
Yeah in that regard OP isn't the AH but the fact that she made that comment is messed up. I could forgive her and say it was not intentional except she starts the post saying that she doesn't think it's relevant that Silvia was in foster care. Which makes no sense. Silvia being in foster care is explicitly WHY she is hurt by the comment and has even said so. Regardless of whether thr comment was intentionally, that means it's extremely relevant to mention her experience otherwise OP is saying that she doesn't really care that Silvias feelings were hurt or moreso WHY they were hurt. The dog situation is one issue and she should not apologize. But fr, she should just be a DECENT person and apologize for the comment. Just say "hey Silvia, I know we disagree on my dog and the holiday arrangements, but I want you to know that I'm really sorry about that comment. I didn't intend to insult you, I was not thinking about your childhood, but I see how a comment like that could hurt you or make you feel Unwelcome, I want you to know that you are indeed welcome in my home, that I DO think of you as family and that was never the issue. I really wish we could come to some type of compromise on my dog, but unfortunately I cannot have him boarded for the holiday. I just want you to know that I see and understand how my comment hurt you, and make it clear that you are family and I wasn't thinking about your childhood when I said it, are we okay?"
The fact OP knows that Silvia took the comment that way, and I can't really blame Silvia cuz it would be easy to read it that way, and hasn't reached out to clear the air etc and is just more worried about whether or not she's right or wrong about the dog just makes her kinda crappy. Just do the right thing man. Silvia may very well reciprocate and apologize for overreacting or just accept it and say she understands that her request is extreme and can't be accommodated but feels better knowing it isn't personal. These are humans, it isn't black and white. People have emotions.
@MalloriaAnn the thing is she shouldn't have to apologize for using the correct terminology for how she got the dog. It is called pet adoption for a reason. Should she say that she's sorry that fact hurt her maybe but she did nothing wrong. I wouldn't have even invited her to my house. This is my dogs home and I'm not going to punish my dog for some one else's issue.
I will disagree; the words OP used were a clear attempt to offend as she knew that Sylvia had an history on foster care. I don't belive that this is just for the dog as one does not attack a person's trauma randomly. Sylvia might be unresable about the dog but OP is the AH for her insult.
All I think about as a dog owner, is would Rslash put his own kid outside for the holiday or in another room? No? So why does anyone who has a child think it's ok to do that to a dog that clearly is in need of extra love and such?
@@MalloriaAnn Nope, hard disagree. If the word adoption triggers you that badly, and being told you don't run someone's house, then I suggest therapy. The foster care thing was 100% irrelevant, she just wanted that in there to be like "feel sorry for me" and it's clearly working.
Third story: NTA. The level of disrespect to believe you are entitled to name someone else's kid. Also, the husband needs to put on his big boy pants and defend his wife and unborn son from his toxic sister.
Regardless of who's right and wrong, if it bothers them so much, why aren't the brother and SIL offering *their* home for Christmas?
OP said in the comments that they have an apartment and it’s too small
@@KittenUndercover still it's a fair argument to make.
@@jelly_4_brainz Except it's not a fair argument if there's not enough room for everyone.
@@Urrarg well if the dog at OPs house is such an issue for SIL that she isn't cool even if they separate her from the dog, then she should offer to pay for the dog's boarding or go to a hotel or host a not-very-long Christmas celebration at her apartment. And she needs therapy, not extreme accommodations from everyone on the planet. How does she handle dogs in daily life? Go running wildly into traffic while screaming her lungs out?
@@jelly_4_brainzbiggest issue with kennel I can see other than behavior, is the fact it's nearly impossible to find a kennel with a free spot during the holiday unless you go a year out
Story 5:What Mindy did is in fact baby behaviour and locking away the gifts is the best idea here,NTA
*Last Story:* Any decent parent who paid the financial consequences for their child's behaviour would take measures to make sure it doesn't happen again. Mindy's parents went straight into Entitled Parent territory the moment they became offended that OP recommended to keep presents locked up until it's time to open them meaning that Mindy & her parents haven't really learned their lesson and only apologized to save face.
When allergies are on the table you don’t get to be forgetful that’s a privilege
I hope OP read the comments and kicked the guy out of her life. He wanted two meals and expected OP to still pay for something she can’t eat.
Hopefully OP makes him an EX, and moves on to a better relationship. 😒
The boyfriend did actually post his version of the story as well on his own account, and if I recall correctly, he was unaware shrimp was part of the dish he ordered, it had chicken, vegetables etc, not shrimp scampi, but a meledy type dish that included shrimp, unbeknownst to him until he got home and opened it, and his girlfriend flipped out that he was trying to "poison" her.
He claimed he was just defeated at the prospect of getting into yet another crazy argument, so he shrugged it off and ate his dinner and told her she was free to order her own food. Not the best way of handling it, but he makes it sound like it was a simple mistake and instead of acknowledging it as such, it immediately became "You're trying to kill me", and just gave up arguing.
In his version, she sounds unhinged and prone to hyperbole. I don't know which is true, but his version makes more sense. What's more probable, that someone screwed up a dinner order by mistake, or that he's plotting to murder his girlfriend with shrimp that she would need to willingly eat even as they are readily identifiable in the food?
Now he could have simply put it in the fridge for lunch the next day and ordered a pizza, I'm not saying he handled it well, just that between both accounts, his is far more reasonable. That assumes the other story however was the boyfriend. Sometimes redditors pose as people from other stories and post fiction for Karma... I don't know how to verify that, lol. But if it was him, I'm on his side.
@@Arkryalmy issue is how did he not know it had shrimp if he read the menu and ordered it? If he was truly “defeated” he would’ve commented that he apologized and offered to remedy the issue. Both stories don’t clarify if bf paid for both meals or each were to pay.
@@ArkryalThe name of the actual dish is “shrimp scampi” though. If the restaurant had a more creative name for it, the menu would have described the contents of the dish.
Maybe he didn’t realize shrimp was considered shellfish (an allergy). I just don’t buy it that he didn’t know shrimp was in a dish literally called shrimp scampi lol.
3rd story: OP has a sorry husband that doesn’t stand up for her. She might want to check on a great divorce lawyer 😂😂
Exactly! I would suggest counseling but I imagine Todd would keep inviting Monica.
OP should have a stocking made up with the kid's real name, march into the house, pull the Tommy stocking off the mantle, replace it with the real name stocking, and toss the Tommy stocking into the fire or the trash.
@@peterhobson3262nope. She should just start calling her kids by a different name.
@@jsum33problem is the kids aren’t at fault
Agree. OP is right to be pissed and she should be prepared for the death of her marriage. His sister is more important to her husband than she is.
Last story: I mean I like to give the benefit of the doubt but I find it hard to believe she accidentally broke that much stuff by accident in the very short time she was by herself opening gifts. Your brother and his wife can be mad at all they want but better safe than sorry, she didn't accidentally wake up go upstairs to where the presents are and open every single one. Besides if the door is locked and she doing what she's supposed to they won't even know.
All showing that Mindy was never punished and history will repeat itself.
Also if I caught it right. Mindy is Sally's daughter. It is specificly said Sally's. And op has a nephew. Which means she is not biologycally related to the brother. And she broke the one toy her half-brother wanted the most. I really do think it was intentional.
The BF does know that if someone tells you to “pick your poison”; they don’t mean for you to pick actual poison?
And if those kids deserve a mom so much, it sounds like that guy need to polish up his dating profile.
The dog story. Silvia would NEVER agree on anything. That is what I get the feeling from the story.
Power move and psychopathy, perhaps? It's not about the dog, it's about attention and control.
@@LunaP1 yes agree
Whiny people who need everything their way.
In regards to the allergy story:
I work as a cashier. I have a shellfish allergy. My coworkers are vigilant to make sure I don't even touch something that could be dangerous. THEY are more cautious than I am.
If coworkers can be focused and concerned, a partner certainly should be.
Story 4: And this is why edits and updates are important, because context is missing. OP added later that she's *tried* to compromise with SIL, and offered to put the dog in another room, 'but Sylvia said she will be anxious the whole time knowing he’s there. She said any barking/howling will trigger her, and that she won’t be able to sleep knowing he’s in the house.'
Honestly? I'm on OP's side. They're right: they adopted the dog, they have a duty to care for the dog, especially as a rescue. They're not *obligated* to possibly backtrack on their progress just to accommodate one person that won't meet in the middle. Sylvia's the one that opened the door for this whole argument by pulling the 'but faaaaaaaaaaaaaaamily' card. Sylvia can go to a hotel. Easy as that. What does she do with any dog-owning friends? Does she just. Not go to their homes at all?
He's been missing alot of context important edits lately... these stories aren't even new so it's not like he missed them. He ignored them. Sometimes it seems on purpose to draw the narrative he wants, I dunno but it's getting really annoying every other day he's missing a big chunk of the story.
@@goldhunter1494yeah it gets very annoying as they’re are clearly updates to these stories that came out about a month or so ago but rslash never adds them in recording or in post and just goes on a rant of what he thinks is happening and what the context is. It’s very annoying especially when you have seen the post and the updates it may have
@@Eagercheetah20I'm still reminded of the time he gave op of one story a 4/5 or something because op didn't want to watch a kid that his brother dropped on his front door step to get some action. And he ended that by saying "I hope I don't have you as a brother op" I think the father of the story (ops brother) only got 2/5
Which one is that must have missed it@@Simipourfangirl
@Simipourfangirl there was also that one story where OP found out her sister was pretending OP's daughter was her daughter & RSlash said OP needs to take care of her sister, not cut her off & I think ended up giving OP 3 or 4/5 while the sister got 1/5, but I could be misremembering the rating
I have a dog myself and I love him. He loves people, literally clings to them and wants strokes and belly rubs from everyone. I understand that someone may be afraid of dogs and uncomfortable, but I read this story and the Op wrote that he tried various ways out and compromises, such as locking the dog in one room for her arrival, but it was his sister who rejected everything because it didn't suit her. So I understand that Op just had enough, wrote a message in anger and that was it. If she really wanted to spend Christmas with her family then she would have agreed to any compromise, but if not then sorry. Tough luck
Rslash is absolutely wrong here. OP did offer a perfectly reasonable compromise. SIL refused it, making an unreasonable demand. It's OP 's home, OP's dog and OP's rules. SIL doesn't have to like it, but does have to abide by it, or not come. 🤨
@@lancerevell5979 pretty sure he has a dog too. That makes it worse
@@jay2thaudy He does. I still can't believe he suggested to keep the dog outside when it's winter! Again I know it's a big dog but, what breed is or if it has a short or long coat. Not to mention the dog may have separation anxiety and not used to being left outside. Some may think it's odd but my small dog was given to us after I lost my old dog and it took him a while to calm down in a new environment. he also doesn't like car rides either. I'm not sure what happened with his original owners to not like car rides or if he never had been in a car before, but we've been trying to get him used to them.
Plus he shouldn't have to apologize for using the correct terminology because it hurt her feelings. The way the dog was brought into the family was through a pet adoption. If they adopted a child would he have to board them too. Pets are family. If you think otherwise don't get one
It’s literally OPS house anyways. If he doesn’t want his dog locked up in a damn room or sent to a kennel, there should be no argument as to why he wont accommodate her. Tough luck, she should live in a hotel then or something.
My parents kept trying to change my daughters name. We have blanket with her middle name on it from Hawaii that was a first birthday present because they liked it better. I told them not to confuse my daughter as a baby and that if my daughter wanted to be called that when she's older that's fine. But I am not okay with that until she can decide.
Honestly, I should have broken the relationship with my dad and step mom then. It ended up spiraling out of control like some of these reddit story.
We haven't talked for most of the past 7 years and my life is much better.
My bio parents have been divorced since I was 14 and my mom move to a different town. My relationship with my actual mother is great.
Dog: Keep in mind, a dog is alive, has thoughts and feelings, and lives in that home. Would you want to be locked in a room for an entire day? Would you want to be locked in the backyard for an entire day? No, of course not, especially not in your own home. So im with OP, and doesnt rslash normally
say something along the lines of "then you do it." Why do they have to stay with OP when there is obviously a dog that the SIL is scared of?
Based off the comments, that wouldnt be enough. Just the fact there is a dog in the building would be enough of a problem for SIL
...and thats an aspect where im on OPs side, if there is an issue with compromising, the one that refuses is the bad guy to me.
Yeah NTA. R/slash, would you like to be locked in a room all day?
Seriously it's a dog not an inanimate object. Besides it sounds like the woman with the dog phobia doesn't want to make concessions either so why should OP?
Agreed! OP's mom said she was wrong for not giving in to Silvies' demands. Soooo, why don't she let Silvie stay with her?
@@jasmineflower1988 it could be reasonable to let them acclimate to guests slowly in a different room, then out. But locking them away for a whole day is not okay. Or putting them outside. I mean it was Christmas, it would usually be fairly cold outside.
@@jasmineflower1988 The thing is from context, it wouldn't even be a day. It could have been a week or more.
The last story about op's niece is that she is just a spoiled and entitled little brat who just loves to get away with everything and faces no punishments and op and her husband shouldn't attend her families Christmas until the niece gets a punishment for her actions
Uh OP offered to put the dog in a different room but her SIL is still being anxious. So OP is trying to compromise but SIL is digging her heels in. If her fear is that bad she needs therapy.
How does Sylvia handle people walking their dogs near her? How does she handle shopping and someone has a service dog?
Like I have a fear of dogs in general - dogs 10000% freak me out when they come running and jumping at me (mostly bc I got chased while riding my bike from school and I had a pair of boots ruined, and yes I called Animal control bc no one was around, there were no collars on the dogs and they were just running around the neighborhood) BUT I can stand them if they are well behaved and don't bother me. Barking and howling doesn't bother me. So. . .yeah. Sylvia needs to learn a thing or two. Bc clearly she has more issues than I do.
I have severe allergies, so I’ll probably have trouble even if the dog is in another room because there will be dander left behind. Depending on the breed, I’d either stay in a hotel or take extra allergy medicine. I’d never ask someone to kennel their dog.
For the dog story. I have a near phobia of dogs and go to great lengths to avoid them. My fiancée's family likes dogs. It is my problem that I have the fear. They do separate the dogs away from me, but if they didn't I just would not go. OP's comment about adoption had nothing to do with her being in foster care.
It is unreasonable to expect someone to send their dog away. Sylvia should try to host, she can establish a no dogs policy. I do not allow dogs at my house.
Yeah as someone WHO IS ADOPTED. I have 4 dogs and I would totally use that terminology too, if I was trying to get across the point of I have accepted the responsibility of my dog and not you. The dog is like a child. (Emotionally) they don't understand why anything happens.
OP said in the comments that her brother and Sylvia’s place is too small to host. She’s going to look for an Air BnB so Sylvia doesn’t have to stay at the house. She also said she’s going to apologize for the comment. Intentional or not, it was pretty cruel.
I am the same with dog phobia, my mum kinda makes fun of me but if I went into a house with a dog I would just try to keep calm while dog would pass me making me feel extremely anxious. It is something I have gotten used to!
But the sil is so unreasonable as 1 it is OP's house 2. kennels can pass diseases towards people 3 OP said it would be in another room but she did not like it.
As much as I'd love to give first guy the benefit of a doubt, considering the boyfriends we've seen so far on RSlash's channel alone...can you really fault me for not doing so?
Honestly though, I have a partner with a few allergies and I can't recall a single time I forgot one of his allergies. It's extremely easy stuff to remember.
@@terestar1I have several allergies and some of them have code names on ingredient labels. I don't blame other people for not remembering because of how many I have, but it is so easy to just *ask me*
If they don't have it themselves or constantly reminded they are not going to remember. I will honestly give the bf the benefit of doubt on this one because I've been in the gf shoes. A few months ago my gf and I were looking at getting some food to share I told her its her choice and she wanted to get some coconut shrimp to share and I told her I couldn't but she can. She got mad even though she knows I'm allergic but she forgot and when all I said was shellfish and dairy it dawned on her and she apologized. The problem with what happened between the gf and the bf is she assumed the bf remembered actually making her the ahole. The lack of communication is on her part, now if she would've said why she was upset or reminded him she was allergic and he still went through with it than yes he would be an ahole.
I'm allergic to dairy, my FRIENDS, ask me before going to some place if it's safe for me to eat there, wouldn't expect less of a partner
Mustard man, milk man, there was someone else now there is shellfish man…
Having compassion doesn't mean giving people what they aren't entitled to just because they'll be bummed if they don't get it.
How else will she learn if you don’t hold this “mistake” over her head
4:30 yes the half brother and half sister are innocent but it’s not their half brother’s nor step mother’s responsibility!
She's not even their step mother. She's the mom of the first child, whom the dad probably cheated on with the mom of the second child
I’m betting OPs dad wants to bail on them just like their moms and make OP and ex raise them.
A stepmom is a woman married to a man/woman with kids. Ops mom isnt those kids step mom shes essentially a stranger.
While I do agree with what you’re saying I don’t think op needs to specify that they’re his half siblings
@VoidXCentral Does it matter? Half-sibling is just a descriptor, not an insult. It's also a slightly different relationship from a full sibling since there are generally age differences and they often don't live together all the time.
So no one else is responsible for my fear of Dobermans, no one else should have to lock up their pet that I've never met because I was hospitalized by a Doberman. EVEN IF IT IS A DOBERMAN! My trauma is NO ONE ELSE'S problem. Same situation, but apparently, I'm 100% nicer and more manageable than that sister in law.
I'm sorry for your accident and you're right. That's like me telling people not being able to ride in a particular model car because I got into a car accident in the same vehicle. It is ridiculous. Another small scale one is to make all grand daddy long legs go extinct because I'm afraid of them.
As a host, I would be willing to have my pet that someone is afraid of in another room of my house (which OP offered) but I get your point. I had rats and a friend who was afraid of them stayed the weekend. I just moved the cage (it was on wheels) and everyone was fine. I have a phobia of needles but I still get my medical care. Phobias need to be managed, if SIL doesn’t want to confront her fear, she doesn’t have to, but she needs to accept that there will be consequences. I do think the comment was cruel and OP should apologize, but the apology isn’t to cave about the dog.
My mother was nearly killed by a German Shepard with a history of attacks that almost ripped out her throat she was 6. She still bears the scars on her face a half century later. That said, she just asks people to not bring large dogs over that she hasn't met before because of that trauma. If someone owns a big dog, she won't go over during loud events where they get excited and jumpy, and she asks for a slow introduction to them for a first meeting.
No one is responsible for managing your trauma but you, and you're a great example of what you're supposed to do.
For the dog story- the sister needs therapy. Honestly, nobody but yourself is responsible for your emotions and triggers and if you cannot effectively work through the trigger without an adequate compromise than that’s a you problem. Op is not responsible for anyone’s reaction aside from her own and the dogs. Throwing a traumatized animal in a boarding facility while still working through their trauma can cause an unnecessary recession in their progress. And I personally wouldn’t risk my dogs life like that over someone’s trauma response.
I am not attempting to attack you with this merely to understand but it seems like you are treating trauma response as being very important and not important at all in the same scenario. The dog is traumatized and I agree it shouldn't have to go to a kennel when it's in a situation like that. OP is trying to take care of the dog. The thing is trauma and phobia are not as easy to get over as flipping a switch just like for the dog is a primal thing that caused way into the deepest recesses of your mind. when I was a very small child, a German shepherd tried to eat me. I have had difficulties with that breed ever since I have worked on things. I have tried desperately to put myself in control but this has been years of work OP's relation so sounds like she didn't know about the dog and this is coming out of left field one. can't make oneself better at the snap of one's fingers. That being said, OP did actually give a reasonable offer to take care of the situation. Even I with literal scars on my hands from what happened to me can handle a dog as long as I know that the dog cannot get to me even at my worst. as long as I didn't have to see the dog as long as it was locked away to where it couldn't break free, even if it was in a room then I could manage. My main confusion primarily with this though comes from you putting forward possibly inadvertently trauma as being incredibly important and not important
@@robinjameson4261 I understand where you’re confused. Like I said, an individual is responsible for their own reactions to a trauma trigger. I’ve been attacked by countless poodle mutts. I absolutely hate seeing them but unfortunately since everyone is still in the poodle mix bandwagon I am still stuck interacting with them in grocery stores as fake service animals. I’ve had to teach myself it’s not every poodle mutt or German shepherd or Doberman or WHATEVER breed. It’s not healthy to go through life every single day with that fear and anxiety nor is it the owners responsibility to not “trigger” me.
Alternatively, I know a kid who nearly died by a bully mutt. He knows I have a bully breed. He knows my dogs lives he not him. He understands that I will make accommodations where the dog is kenneled when he is in our home. BUT ALSO he has asked for something that is called “exposure therapy” where you expose yourself to what triggers you. He has worked with my dog on a weekly basis and knows that the worst my boy will do to him is exfoliate via tongue.
Many people who’ve been scared of large dogs were able to overcome that be exposure therapy, THAT is where the work comes in and while it does take time that is nobodys responsibility but your own.
@@baileyjoy1088 oh I got it. I've actually done an exposure therapy, although the exposure therapy that I went through was completely by accident at first. there was a video game that I picked up because it was part of a series that I enjoyed called fallout. I was pumped. I was getting ready to play it and right from the very beginning it has its where you have a companion animal. that's a German shepherd that's with you every step of the way for at least a first few hours of the game. hey German Shepherd that jumps for people's throats. needless to say, it was very disconcerting for me watching that happen to people on screen. nonetheless, I'm actually at the point when it comes to German shepherds that as long as they are on a leash and they are at least further than arm reach away from me, I can be okay. they intrude on my bubble. I am not okay. I don't care how they are the fluffiest nicest dog that ever was born. just keep them out of my bubble. The only real point I had with the sister-in-law was that this was something that looked like it was coming out of left field for her that she didn't necessarily realize that this was going to happen. it look like the dog was a new addition. as okay as I am with German shepherds there have been times where I was riding in a car with a buddy of mine and we came around a corner and off to the side. there was a German Shepherd. now I knew that there was no possible way it could get to me, but the surprise the lack of perceived control set me off for a little bit. something that may have actually helped in the situation would have been helping her to understand control. the situation is locked down. there is safety between you and the dog. I mean she doesn't go around thinking that there's a dog around every corner. it's going to jump at her. she has perceived safety. also helping her with the fact that insider outside isn't the thing that keeps her safe. it's the walls. the same walls that keep the dog outside are the same walls that would keep the dog in the room. the same walls that will keep her safe because if the walls wouldn't keep her safe then outside wouldn't keep her safe either if the walls wouldn't keep her safe. keeping the dog in a kennel wouldn't keep her safe because dogs are remarkably good at coming home given the chance. the distance of a kennel is not an actual thing that would help her or keep her safe. it's the walls and there will be walls between her and the dog at the house. at least this just seems like something that would actually possibly be able to help. it's not the logic of it, but more long lines of getting it put into her mind that what is at the house maybe even better than the kennel itself because distance doesn't mean all that much for a large breed dog.
Last story: It's possible there were some manufacturing flaws in some of the gifts that broke but with it being multiple gifts its unlikely to be completely an accident. NTA you're simply learning from past events and trying to prevent future drama. Also it's a failsafe in case the other kids want to take revenge this year (although I hope they're raised better at this age it's not unrealistic to think they might try something)
Also, the fact that all of the toys that were actually for Mindy were not at all broken, only the things that were for other people.
Second story, I will agree with the uncle that OP should maybe show a bit more compassion for that half-siblings but otherwise OP is 110% correct. OP's donor is basically trying to gaslight OP and their mom into basically picking up after him. I also wonder if OP was onto something about their donor cheating considering they've now trashed three families.
Third story, I guess OP's STB ex-SIL just ruined the family tradition permanently
I think OP would have more compassion if his dad was not trying to force them on his mom. He has to do his part in order for OP to do his.
Both Todd and Monica’s husband need spines and I doubt there were any gifted for them under the tree.
The thing is how do we know it's the guys fault for the step siblings? Not trying to defend him but I just get the feeling that since ops dad is a man that he was at fault, we don't know what really happened with the other woman in his life, some could've been complete rude and bad moms but on the other hand it could be his fault, idk the story could've been staged too who knows.
That's just my thoughts, I like to hear both sides before making the decision to say he's a crap dad.
Don't get me wrong forcing your new wife to like your pervious kids isn't right but we as viewers Don't know anything about him and the new mom.
@@Tonsils-micmanthey’re half siblings not step siblings
That bastard doesn't get the right to remand that OP's mom a.k.a. his ex-wife to be a motherly figure to children that aren't hers. You don't ask your ex to step up when you stepped out
Last story : yeah, look the presents away from the devil - child. It's for the best.
And also, situations like these are ideally used to gift coal to the demon.
Can’t believe you missed the opportunity to say the boyfriend was shockingly shellfish in the first story
Dog story : Not liking someone without acting on it is not a reason for AH points.
There is absolutely no reason to blame OP for not excessively accommodating the SIL by literally rehoming the dog for the holidays, instead of making sure they don't cross paths in OP's house, which OP said in the comments she offered to do. OP can't be the AH in this scenario.
He didn't see the edit OP made. And he wasn't making a point that she doesn't like her and didn't act on it. His point is that she doesn't like her and DID act on it by making a horrible comment and then playing dumb about why would it offend her etc. Also given the context that Rslash did have available, his take is good. He was in before that edit so if we take it at face value where OP isn't saying she tried anything to accommodate Silvia then yeah its kinda crappy. Obviously everyone else in the comments thought the same thing since OP made the edit to clear that part up.
@@MalloriaAnn I don't always agree with everyone in the comments, so that's not enough validation for me. Dabney SAID that his AH point started with feeling that OP doesn't like SIL. I don't like SIL either. Does it make me an AH ? No. I am an AH for completely different reasons and to completely different people.
When you're whining that, for you to attend a family function, one of the residents of the house must be rehomed, YOU are the AH. OP's comment was perfectly on point and not horrible at all. What is horrible is SIL's attitude.. OP adopted a dog, who is a resident in that house. SIL is not.
When you're invited to a family function, the only civilized option you have when not wanting to be in the same house as one of the residents, is to NOT GO. Simple as that.
Any person who says that one of my chosen family members (dog) has to be rehomed for their visit, is UNINVITED to my house. If they whine, they might get a similar comment as the one OP came up with.
Last story: 100% on ops side, my friends family had to deal with a mindy she was a very entitled brat ( 8 years old )and every holiday or birthday that involved gifts because of her her mother got angry because her little angel did nothing wrong, but she did for two Christmases she switched labels on gifts for her, and threw out her step brothers presents because she was the only one that mattered, the 3erd year they set up the camcorder and left it on to record santa entering the house after the kids were asleep they forgot to turn off the camcorder but they caught the 10 year old walking out of her room with a flash light and unwrapping the kids presents and rewrapping them and labeling them with her name, then she took her brothers presents and went outside, when they saw the video everyone was furious and her mother tried defended her but got angry when she asked what she did with her step brothers gifts, she refused so they looked everywhere outside ( this is the early 90s so no ring doorbell or security cameras ) they found scraps of paper by the road
as they guess she put them outside and someone took them who was driving by
She was basically grounded for a very long time because it was some very expensive items that she took out, they took away her presents and had to redo it a month later luckily she didn’t do to much damage but she received a bag of coal and lost it, fast forward to 1993, they set up everything again but locked the presents away my friends father put out the camcorder but didn’t do it for a santa, the presents were locked away in the attic and he woke up and checked his camcorder after he put the tree back up and at the 3 hours mark mindy came out of her room and saw no presents and in a fit of anger toppled the tree and stomped off he showed it to her parents and they were pissed because some of the precious ornaments broke
She was grounded and she tried to steal some presents from her younger cousins and popped her brothers new soccer ball she was sent off to boarding school and wasn’t invited to birthdays or Christmas, they thought she changed in 96 but on the safe side the hid and locked and the next day the tree was destroyed by her
I honestly want to hear more about this brat. Did she ever change or did she spiral all the way to Karen hood today
Shes full Karen and is disowned
@@ElecticalCheetah Wow! I'm guessing Mommy and daddy were tired of bailing her out
In the story of the SIL who keeps referring to OP's yet to be born child as "Tommy", that OP first plan to call the child. I started to think that OP should start calling her husband and SIL by different names. And since OP's husband's name is "Todd", then the name OP should call him is "Tommy"... LOL
with the dog story here i'm just gonna go ahead and say it. the dog always comes first, if the sister in law is so afraid of the dog then she needs to stay somewhere else. like can't one of her other family members put her up?
op is not the butthole here, if anything the family is the butthole for not putting the sister in law up instead.
the sister in law isn't a butthole either, her trauma regarding big dogs is well founded and i get that.
Story3: it could be that OP's husband really wants the name, but is using his sister to force it on OP. Still makes him a spineless coward.
Last story, if they decide to not lock away the presents, and then there is a repeat, whether it be by Mindy or another child who is wanting to get in before the potential of Mindy breaking everything again, this would provide a perfect "I told you so" moment.
Even allowing Mindy back for another Christmas at all is more than she deserves. I would've flat out refused to have my kids in the same house as her, for any family events, until she proves she can be trusted again.
I don't know, I get the feeling that Mindy was utterly spoiled by her parents. Yeah, they reimbursed everyone, but Mindy never faced any real consequences. If she's this entitled and destructive at the age of 6, she needs to start facing consequences now or things are only going to get worse (remember that 8yo girl who, in another story, smashed her brother's car's windows because she couldn't have her own car).
Wow, that escalated quickly. The plumbing problem escalated into a no heating in the house problem.
I was trying to wrap my brain about that too.
Could possibly be a place that has radiators. They use water to heat the house. The boiler could be having issues or one of the pipes sprung a leak.
The joy of radiant heating systems! lol
Also, in my mind plumbing includes propane heat, which is what my family uses so that makes sense to me. But my old apartment used radiant heat with water so yeah, plumbing can be a huge deal if you don’t use electric heat.
Steam heat. Water boils, some is deliberately vented into the rooms to keep moisture levels up, so has to be replenished with more water, supplied by water pipes. A plumbing problem means boiling out all the water in the system, which in general would be a Bad Thing.
Story 1:
The number of times I have tried to give someone something they have previously told me they were allergic to is a lot.
Like, a lot - a lot.
Forgetfulness happens.
But, OP's boyfriend is, at best, being a dick about it and at worst being malicious.
As long as they aren't anaphlatic death amount it's not that big of a deal. But if you commonly do this for someone who is deathly allergic to contact or being around or consuming you might want to get your forgetfulness checked out. Especially if it's for people close to you.
ETA: not because you're an asshole, but because you could kill someone. Not that it isn't the person who is allergic responsibility. But like if your partner is allergic to peanuts and you forgot and put small amounts of peanut sauce on a homecooked meal that could be a issue. Especially if your partner constantly reminds/or tells you.
@@solmas2111 you place entirely too much value on human life, my friend.
These are people with severe peanut and tree nut allergies who have gone out of their way to do things like steal my peanut butter sandwich and eat it just to get out of work for a couple days.
I have a friend, who i see once every few years, who is severely allergic to peanuts sometimes I forget and offer to share my snickers with her and she gives me a look. I see the look remember, feel stupid and apologize. Luckily she is very careful about her allergy and makes sure that she knows what’s in something before she eats it. (Also, she says “as long as we aren’t planning to make out with her afterwards, we can eat whatever we want”). But yeah I can be forgetful, but I don’t double down on it and be a jerk afterwards.
One of my roommates is celiac. There’s the odd time I’ll be offering treats to my roommates and he just gives me a look and I have to apologize.
But I’m also incredibly conscious to check labels on things I cook with when he’s eating.
OP needs to dump that loser.
With the first story, I've got reminded that there's an alarming amount of people who think that shrimp isn't shellfish. When they hear it, they think of clams, oysters, stuff like that. They forget that shrimp have shells on them and have to be pealed. So i think the boyfriend is just dumb and wasn't taught what shellfish were.
Still, he was a total dick in response. If he did make a mistake because he didn't know then he should've apologized and got the server so she could order something else.
@@CrystallynRosethat is also true.
The story where the child opened up every Christmas gift: This is what happens when you don't discipline your children. You have to teach them that there are consequences to their bad decisions and actions. Everytime I hear this one, it just infuriates me.
Story 1: How much you want to bet he is lying about why the kids cant see their moms and one reason is he fought them for full custody bc he is an A-hole 🤷🏻♀️
Edit: it was story 2 😂 Also, this reeks of “I didn’t want to pay child support so now I want my ex wife to provide daycare for free”
You mean story 2?
Not to be silly but that’s story two. Story one is about the bf ordering a dish that OP is allergic to. Also the moms bailed so there was no custody battle.
@@lorilancaster5917 thats what the loser dad said. He’s already proven to be a bold faced liar. No one really knows besides their moms, and the kids are too little to know why or to tell anyone what happened. The OP is also a minor and wouldnt be privy to that kind of information
I have a rescue dog (happy gotcha day, girl!). When I first got her, she loved EVERYONE. Never barked, growled, bit, or even displayed anxiety around humans. She stayed in a kennel for ONE NIGHT shortly after I got her, and when I got her back, she was PETRIFIED of people, and now barks and growls at almost everyone, ESPECIALLY men. Did she probably have some past trauma that meant she would have become somewhat reactive after she settled in anyway? Yes, I think so. But it was like a switch was flipped. Like her personality did a 180 literally overnight. I truly think she would not have become as bad as she was if she hadn't had to stay in that kennel. I had to pay for in-home training for her to even get her to an okay state like she's in now. It cost me so much time and money (thousands) and stress and heartache and frustration, and OP had every right to consider that and decide SIL's temporary comfort wasn't worth it.
Kennels aren't good for reactive dogs, and if the dog needs retraining, a kennel would probably set the dog back MASSIVELY. I'm sorry, if a loved one was scared of dogs I'd just tell them to go somewhere else; this is my dog's house, and I will NOT risk her physical and mental health just because someone wants to visit. Go to a hotel.
And frankly the whole adoption thing is a stretch. It's a common sentiment; it's just another way to say "I committed to providing love, safety, and stability (aka, adoption) to my dog and I made no such promises to you". If that's really so upsetting then frankly the SIL needs therapy. It's completely unreasonable to expect everyone around her to refrain from any mention of pet adoption. Not everything is a personal attack.
I remember a story about a woman who thought her husband was having an affair
He kept going on random trips, and staying in a hotel for a night
Turned out he had a night of binging foods he shouldn't be eating, and suffering for it away from his family. Probably cheese and chocolate for lactose intolerance
If binge eating gave that hubby gas, he was being MERCIFUL by staying in a hotel! 🤭
@@wickiwo1098 exactly, he describe it as decimating the bathroom.
You should not get a pet out of spite, but getting a dog and naming it Tommy would be hilarious! 😂
"I'm having shrimp scampi for dinner, and you're having an epipen!"
The story about op who rescued a dog from the shelter is that op should tell her sister in-law to go to hell because she isn't welcome and she doesn't have to send her dog to a kennel for someone else and her sister in-law should really go stay in a hotel if she wants to feel safe and not scared all the time
The last story reminds me of when I was a kid and the '97 Godzilla movie was the hype of its time. I was given the Godzilla eraser set as a gift and I was ecstatic (in my defense, I didn't know about Godzilla until the 1997 Godzilla was introduced and it caught my interest then like how Tommy Pickles was introduced to Reptar). Well, my brat of a cousin came over with her sister to my grandparents and I had my Godzilla erasers with me to show to my grandparents. I set the erasers onto the table next to my granddad while I went outside to play. I came back in later to find my Godzilla erasers torn to pieces, some by hand and some were chewed apart, and my cousin was responsible. She had the smug on her face the entire time while I was angry and upset and my parents called out her dad to deal with her and he refused to because "she's just a baby" (she wasn't) and my parents bought another set of Godzilla erasers for me the next week. Once again, my cousin had her hands on my erasers and tore them apart as well and she gave that same smug. I got angry to the point that I grabbed her favorite Barbie doll and ripped it's head off and tore off the arms and legs and she broke down crying. Turned out her dad bought the doll and didn't have the money to buy another and he tried getting my parents to punish me, only for them to tell him she brought it upon herself. What was bad was that the replacement set she destroyed was the last set as those sold out like crazy so that was an additional reason for my anger.
Story 3: My first thought was who's going to pay for that stay, because it's not free especially at the last minute during Christmas where probably so many dogs are already there. But I agree it wouldn't hurt to try to compromise, I mean she did have a traumatic experience when she was younger and you did admit the dog wasn't fully trained.
Problem is in edits RSLASH didn’t discuss is that OP offered to keep the dog in another room but Sylvia didn’t like the idea because she’s uncomfortable knowing that the dog is there and hearing him/her bark or scratch will trigger her. Plus brother and Sylvia were to stay for several days.
If you go back to the post you'd see that SIL has no interest in any compromise. Her only option is the dog goes elsewhere. My 20 yr old daughter has a Yorkie & has a long haired retired show Chihuahua. If someone tried to tell me that I'd need to board my daughter's dogs (in our area that would cost $1,000 for an emergency 4 day boarding of 2 dogs in the good kennel) so they can come stay in my house for free, they'd be the uninvited ones. These dogs technically live in my house (2nd floor apartment with the entrance being inside the house so it's technically a roommate situation). The other person doesn't & I'm not paying or asking my 20 year old daughter to pay for that.
This SIL isn't offering to pay. She isn't willing to compromise at all. Locking the dog in the bedroom apparently isn't good enough so SIL should definitely just stay home. The fudging audacity to think you get to make demands like that in a house you don't live in nor pay for is wild. I don't personally own any dogs cuz they aren't really my cup of tea(I just babysit while the kids are at work) & even I think SIL is so incredibly out of line here.
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 Plus even is she did offer to pay, kennels have a bunch of issues some dog owners don't want to risk and those just get worse with a newly rescued dog. Some people don't see dogs as family members but lots of dog owners do, and you don't just kick your kids out so other people can be comfy in your home.
@@lorilancaster5917 okay now she's just being difficult. I can respect someone's fear of dogs but to be triggered at the. She's in the same building as a dog and barking will trigger her is a bit much. Like that's still the dog's home, they have more of a right to the house then she does.
@@d.phantomfan1216I agree. While OP hit below the belt with her comment, I feel like Sylvia is more at fault.
Just start giving the boyfriend really inedible meals.
Turds with bleach sauce? Sure!
Tree bark boiled in soap? You betcha!
Literal blocks of metal? Well you gotta eat your minerals!
Nah! Just dump him! He’s hoping to manipulate OP and use her young age and less dating experience against her.
story 4: As a person who is terrified of dogs; I'm siding with OP. She knows OP has a dog, yet she is demanding that a family member be "sent away" for the comfort of a visitor to the home. That would be like telling a family with a baby to send the baby to a friend's house while they come visit because; "They hate children". Then getting mad when the host chooses their own child over a "guest". This is so ridiculous.
story 5: This happened to me a lot. If I got something that any of my cousins or siblings wanted they would be taken and/or broken. My aunt would laugh and say "oops things happen". When pressed she would promise to replace it. I would get the cheapest "replacement" of the item; or, I would be get nothing and be told to "stop being so selfish" when I asked for the replacement. By the time I was 15, I stopped asking for or using any "gifts" since they were always things that I didn't need or want. I started asking for money instead of gifts at 13. I was told no money at first because my father wouldn't let "kids have money". At 14 I got it and used it for what I wanted. At 15(birthday) I was told no because I "wasted it on useless crap". So by xmas I gave up. The gifts I was given were intentionally the exact opposite of what I wanted or liked. I was told to get over myself, "be grateful that you're getting anything at all". My grandpa would slip me money later when no one was around. He would apologise and ask me not to say a thing. Then when I got something or was "caught with the money" I was accused of stealing it. I couldn't win.
The good thing is in the hospital in the birthing unit. The woman controls everything. If the mother wants their husband to leave the nurses will force the husband out.
Story 5: It doesn't even matter if OP doesn't like her SIL, it's probably for a good reason bc now SIL is requesting the dog be put out of his own house. This is a dog with special needs, and yes OP DID adopt him, no wonder she being protective over him? To me it's not a secret chip, it's a clear dislike but imo, my gut feeling is telling me that it's for a reason. NTA
The dog one: Its their house, their rules. If you don't like the dog then don't come!
1st story: My wife is also allergic to shellfish, and whenever I ask her what she wants to eat and she replies with "whatever you want", I don't actually order it, but I tell her that I will order shellfish just so she stops throwing the question right back at me, so, I don't know, maybe the guy was just trying to make a point or whatever
Story 4: has an update that Dabney didn't get because it wasn't there during recording, basically OP offered to keep their dog in a separate room of the house, and Sylvia refused because A they're staying for a week not for the day, and B if she heard him bark or howl that could trigger her anxiety, hence why she demanded they put him in a boarding kennel. After Googling dog boarding, something like that would cost OP between $145 to $175 for a week of boarding
The dog is part of the family, and of the house. There is 0 reason to treat them as less than that to accomodate family from outside the house, simple as that.
Story 2: I’ve heard stories of single mothers trying to sue male babysitters for child support cuz they “assumed a fatherly role.” How do we know OP’s dad isn’t trying to get his ex wife to assume a maternal role so he can get child support out of her?
Even if he’s not looking for child support out of her, he’s still an asshole because he just wants to palm his kids off on some unsuspecting woman. If he can’t date and marry one, he’ll fall back on his ex.
The 'Stocking' story: I wasn't even thinking it was a powerplay like the reddit comments say, I was fully thinking that it was Todd who wanted to name the child Tommy, and was using Monica to secretly manipulate OP
You forgot the third option: big brain scheme to ensure he gets two meals out of this because he really likes shrimp scampi, and wants the extra leftovers for later
In the last story I wouldn’t give a score to Mindy’s parents.
As far as we know, last year’s incident took them by surprise. They made her apologize and took responsibility for the damage caused.
If they continued in that track, their most probable next step was making sure there wasn’t a repeat of it next year. To teach Mindy better and ‘“redeem” their parenting.
OP’s suggestion. While reasonable, also robs them of the chance to show the family that Mindy is better and leave that incident in the past forever. I mean. How many years are they going to keep locking the door because of a 7 years old’s mean and stupid mistake?
The parents were defending their child, that’s not wrong. Specially because they are not defending her last years behavior, which they apologized and paid for. They are defending her after a years worth of hopefully good parenting.
Mindy deserved a score last year.
The parents don’t deserve one this year
They can show that kind of progress during the year. Why wait until the holiday to see if the bad behavior was corrected especially if the bad behavior wasn't corrected that would ruin the holiday potentially again? Remember that one of the children had to wait for their toy to get replaced and have it for Christmas and they didn't get to open it around the tree..... that kind of thing can be traumatizing for a child.
Also, there are plenty of Stories on Reddit where parents have entitled children and will pay for their kids mistakes but don't correct them on it
Besides, have you never heard the saying better safe than sorry?
How tf is telling someone to use the proper name for a person ever "overreacting"? Literally no one likes being called the wrong name, and the SIL is being overtly rude.
Edit: Just because it's her house means she gets to be intentionally disrespectful? No dice.
Good point on the dog thing, I missed that. I'm perfectly willing to tell someone flat out that my dog is more important to me than they are and they can deal with it, but you have a good point
Basically sil: "I'm afraid of your dog who is located in your home and I demand that you traumatize your dog to accommodate me."
Yeah, no, OP is not obligated to jump hoops for this person.
6:40 Yes just like you can’t tell a husband to not beat his wife in his own home. Like seriously 🙄 how dare you tell someone to be respectful! In her own own no less! Disgusting!
For the dog story:
Its probably more either like an NTA or ESH. Idk what rslash is on, because he's recently dead-set on victim blaming. You dont demand on sending someone elses dog somewhere else and OP clapped back with the adoption comment.
What she said probably wasn't the nicest thing to say. But at the same time when somebody pushes your boundaries and pushes your boundaries and tries to play victim and tries to turn your family against you, it's a natural inclination to lash out. Also when you have a beloved family member like your dog that's being attacked and told that they need to go stay in a hotel because somebody else wants to visit. It's also very natural to lash out.
Also as the person who always hosts every family event. Because I have a large home with room for everybody. It's got large property. It's got a pool. It's got four wheelers snowmobiles lots of animals. If you can't respect my animals. Whether they're my dogs, the barn cats that I rescued. The chickens. The two mini highland cattle that I adopted then you can leave. They're not leaving. You can leave. They live here. And just like I wouldn't ask my fiance to leave because somebody didn't like him. I wouldn't My dog leave because somebody asked me to. And no, they're not staying off the furniture because they're allowed on the furniture. And no, they won't stay out of the kitchen because they're allowed in the kitchen. There well behaved therapy dogs. And if you don't like it, don't come. But what you don't get to do is blackmail me harass me threaten me and try to turn my family again against me. Especially because my family also brings their pets and I will not tell them no. Because their pets are more welcome in my home than somebody who can't accept the pets. Sorry I'm dealing with this with a cousin who just married a woman who doesn't like dogs and thinks that our family tradition of bringing pets to Christmas shouldn't have been allowed this year. So this is a very fresh topic for me. Let's just say she lost. Cuz I'm a stubborn redhead.
@@LLandS18 This. The dog lives there, SIL doesn't. And I have a feeling op left out some of SILs behavior for her benefit
@@williebowmar7166 thank you. Like I said, I'm dealing with a new cousin-in-law who feels entitled to my home and how things should be running my home and it's a very fresh wound for me. So I'm sorry that I ranted.
I inherited my grandmother's home because I was the only one that could help afford to keep her in her home. I paid all of her property tax. I paid for all the maintenance. I paid her power bills, her water bill. I paid for her healthcare nurses. So she could die in her home. Not with the understanding. I was going to inherit it but she left it to me. I've renovated it and now me and my fiance live in it. And this woman thinks because it's was my grandmother's home that is a family home. She's thrown fits because every time my family comes over all the pets are invited. I'm not one of those people who don't think pets are allowed on furniture. All the pets are on all the furniture. That's what cleaning is about. She's just the most entitled woman I've ever met. I read these stories and I'm like people like that don't actually exist. Do they? Well I meant one and they do. I kind of feel like she only married my cousin cuz she thinks my family has money. And well. Yes some of us do have money. My cousin certainly isn't one of them.
Damn do we have a 3rd in a row on Rslash hot takes?
1st story could also be weaponized incompetence, "oh this shrimp scampe looks really good but my gf is allergic, time to order for 2 knowing she's allergic so I get two portions instead of one!"
I never and would never send my dog anywhere just because a relative asks. It’s my dog’s home as well, and my dog has the same right to be there and never leave, as we all have.
About the baby name.. I wonder if the dad got his sister to do that cause he likes tommy more, but doesn't want to tell his wife
Well then why not talk to OP and leave Monica out of it?
I read the dog story, and I think OP mentioned they gave other alternatives of where to put the dog
I believe I read that too and Sylvia wasn’t on board.
Demand me to re-home my dog, I too will give you a “personalized, directed, and intentional” insult.
Last story: Nobody has a reason to trust you that you've teached your kid better.
does he even know shrimp are shellfish
That was my thought some people are clueless when it comes to that. Heard a story from one of our managers a few years back, he took a few guys out to dinner and they ordered calamari and one of the guys tried it and said how good it was. After a few he started to show signs of an allergic reaction. They asked him about allergies and he replied that he is only allergic to seafood so he doesn’t know what he ate that would have contained that. They had to explain to him what calamari was.
He might not, but that doesn't excuse his reaction. He was a dick to her. Should've apologized for the mistake (if that's what it was) and got the server so she could order something else.
Dogs vs Sylvia story: OP is NTA for insisting her dog stays at her home but a massive inconsiderate and insensitive a-hole for indeed 'weaponising Sylvia's adoption'. That's very callous language she used over some who obviously went through a lot in the Foster care system and has trauma from a large dog. My advice is Sylvia and OP's brother to either skip the whole gathering or host it and OP can leave her dog behind. OP needs to apologise for her remarks and Sylvia needs to set up a therapy appointment because dogs are everywhere nowadays. I personally dont care much for dogs but my sister loves them so I can pet and feed them because I have no trauma, Sylvia's issue is bigger than a dislike of dogs so she needs professional help.
for the last story. my cousins and i did something stupid like this when we were kids. we woke up at 3 am, ripped opens our presents and played with our toys lmao.
to be fair, we don’t celebrate christmas, this was a one-time thing. needless to say the adults were pissed off and we didn’t do this again LOL
anyway. locking the door is a good idea tbh. i mean come on, she’s a 6 year old. literally what do you expect
Last story: NTA. When I was a child (note that I live in Switzerland, where presents are handed out at the evening of December 24th), my parents would always lock the room before, from the moment where they started decorating it until the festivities began. They would then play "Silent Night" from tape as a signal that I was allowed to get in now. It was absolutely normal to me, and I never thought of it as any kind of punishment, it was just precaution that curiosity wouldn't ruin the fun for me. Note that I never did anything specifical that would make them lock the door, it was just a tradition.
3rd story: I don’t understand why people choose such little hills to die on. Why don’t they just be the bigger person, show up and show all of their family who is being very strange and creepy by calling your son a different name for no reason.
People would be in OP’s side if she just did that. Why burst for such a little thing after she told her husband sister she could call whatever name she wanted. Nah man, I wouldn’t bother with such a tiny fight, I would just take a picture with the socks and post on social media: Wait, I thought my kid’s name was (such and such). Then all hell would break lose.
makes only sense if people are on OP's side. But from the sound of it, the whole family is bonkers and nobody even sees an issue with SiL's behavior. Like wth is with "She can do what she wants in her home" That does not include disrespecting OP and her unborn child. The SiL is a toxic powerplayer, her husband is a whimp and OP's husband is a simp for his own sister.
3erd story: I feel like if op went she should swap out the tommy stocking with the babys real name and watch monica show her true colors when she can’t find the tommy stocking and then ask todd why he wants to name the baby tommy ,
I could imagine something similar happening to me.
_"Oh, I'm deathly allergic to cats, and couldn't possibly stay at your place with the cats around. Hint, hint."_
"Oh, so where will you be staying instead?"
"You said I could pick!" It's an unspoken universal agreement that if you _know_ someone has an allergy, _you don't knowingly pick something that contains that allergy._
If it was an accident that's one thing, but you _knew_ Op is allergic to shellfish, and picked something that has "Shrimp" in the name. And it was the first word in the name!
OP's sister-in-law in the third story really sounds controlling, and the husband is definitely putty in her hands.
good morning everyone, if you’re in school like me, then today is your lucky day! getting to watch rslash right when it comes out.
The last story: It's hard to say if it's deliberate without more details.
It's probably pretty easy for a six year-old to break something intended for an older kid if the toy was designed with someone who knows to handle things carefully in mind.
One thing I have noticed about children around Christmas is, if they don't have something to unwrap at a certain moment, they will go and hover over someone else and watch them unwrap their gifts. This isn't that they are excited about what the other person is getting, but they have the irrational hope that somehow the gift that the other person has will suddenly become theirs. I believe Mindy thought that just because she got to the gifts before everyone else, she would be able to keep everything she had unwrapped and damage whatever she didn't want. Children are like this. I had this happen myself this Christmas with a friend of the family. Every gift everyone opened, had him hovering like a vulture over that person. When it's something that he liked, he would get all excited and want to take it off the hands of the unwrapper. If it was something he didn't like, he would just sulk away and find another victim. I've also had my nieces do this. It is not something that should be encouraged.
For the dog story, you can expect the world to accommodate you and your fears. You either overcome your fears, You live with them or you let them take over. The responsibility is on you not other people....
The reson OP is an AH is the insult that uses Sylvia's trauma. Even OP's mom reconise this
Dog VS SIL: I've seen posts where when someone doesn't want the host's pet around, then the host just puts the pet in an out-of-the-way room (like a bedroom) and just makes it off-limits. Problem solved.
SIL deserves to be there, but the request to but the dog in a boarding kennel is pretty excessive, but OP telling her to go somewhere else is also harsh
The dog has issues dude, putting him by himself in a room may not be good for him either. The house belongs to the dog not SIL,
@@HobieInTheBoxYeah, this might be a lose-lose situation. Either the dog is not in the house, which OP will forever resent the relatives for, or the SIL is not in the house and everyone hates OP for it.
@silverflight01 from other comments it sounds like op did offer that solution but SIL wasn't cool with it and refused to be in the same house as the dog.
I literally didn't even draw the connection between being adopted and the chick being in foster care, because I've used that EXACT same argument about my rescue animal. I basically was saying "Look I have a responsibility to the dog, not you." I have no idea if the person I was talking to was adopted, that's just not something that occurs to you unless you're unusually preoccupied with it.
story 5: ignoring the edit you can make that assumption but with the edit op is only guilty of not softening her words so .5 for op and 1 for Sylvia for being entitled
Oh great Emperor of the internet thankyou for the new video
Story 3: Monica is dead-naming an unborn child with a name that the child never had. Monica is the bum hole here.
I think she likes the name but spouse never agreed to it. Monica is definitely doing this as a power play and Monica’s spouse is just as bad or spineless. Those kids won’t care if neither OP nor Todd came. I think if OP did go, she tears up the stocking and tell Monica that she will provide a correct stocking for next Christmas.
So the guy who sets boundaries is a disappointment and not the guy whos a bed jumper and cant keep a relationship with not one but three of his baby mamas?
1st story. I know a couple people who don't think shrimp are shellfish so a shellfish allergy won't hurt someone to eat shrimp. They claim shellfish are crabs, lobsters, clams and oysters. Because those are shells. I don't think they ever had non peeled shrimp before.