r/AmITheA--hole My Wife Hates Our Gay Daughter
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- čas přidán 5. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:06 Homophobic mom acts homophobic
4:27 I got my bf an amazing deal but its never enough
7:17 I will call the cops if this heirloom isn't returned to my daughter
11:42 My mom will not have access to her grandson because she won't help
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
A bazillion years ago when I came out to my mum as bisexual at 12 years old, she basically said "cool, me too" and then returned to reading the newspaper 😅🤣 thanks mum, good talk hahaha
She definitely made sure you felt normal and average. Lol. 😂
My friend came out to her dad as bi, he ended up realizing he’s bi too and came out shortly after she did 😂
When I came out as bi my friends were like “oh, we figured lesbian, but coolio, now Ronny isn’t the only one who’s gae”, our friend Martin came out as bi like a week after because he no longer felt alone. My sister? She felt so odd because she’s the only straight one in the group LMAO
Years later, Martin is happily dating men and women, I’ve been exclusive dating women for over a decade (minor attraction to men, just not interested in dating them), Ronny is absolutely fabulous, and my sister has 3 kids who have the coolest uncles and aunt a kid could wish for. When my nieces started learning about relationships they were like “oh that’s normal, my aunt only dates girls”, not all her friends are as lucky to be brought up with a very accepting idea of relationships, but all the kids they know are young and learning. They’re just like “oh your uncle likes men? Cool” and that’s it, we’re thankfully very average and boring to them all!
@@ZombieSazza yes agreed it's awesome when people are able to be raised in an environment that values acceptance. I pray that someday in the future possibly we could reach a day when hate is no more.
This is the kind of mom I wanna be when I get there
When I told mom I liked girls, she said "Well, at least you won't come home pregnant" & that was it. Story 2) dude should be thankful for only paying $400.
Raising children is hard so I guess she is relieved that you need to actually plan before having one.
your mom sounds a bit like me..
"i like girls."
ME: "me too, and now i dont have to worry about an unplanned pregnancy. arent women great."
I'm the youngest so my brother came out to me last but we all knew before he said anything. When he told me I said that's cool, but if u ever Date a 49ers or Broncos fan, I'm disowning you. 😂
NGL, your mom sounds rather sexist for assuming that that is what men only want is to smash.
It's not a matter of the money though for the second story, it's a matter of the relationship contribution.
They previously split rent 50/50, now they're not. That's the issue. I wouldn't say the girlfriend is necessarily the asshole in the story, I would say the dad is. But they are in a committed relationship, they have already previously rented somewhere else. They've already set the standard of splitting right 50/50. And now all of a sudden the landlord wants to play favorites and not charge his daughter for rent? Well that's still a shitty thing to do to the boyfriend who is in a committed relationship. All of a sudden he now has to contribute 100% of rent instead of 50%. Granted, the rent is way cheaper, but it's still 100% of it. They're not actually contributing equally anymore. He now has to contribute the entire rent.
My sister convinced our little brother that he was adopted he cried and ran to our dad.
Dad: yes James you’re adopted, we chose you. We got stuck with her.
James cheered up right away had a big goofy smile on his face the rest of the day
The aunt is probably upset no one would choose her
@Kaytori The dad's response was the best way to handle the situation 😂🤣😂
I've got cousins that were adopted, and kids use to pick on them and call them names, their parents told them the same thing, that they chose to adopt them because they wanted them and loved them, so the next time a kid picked on them, that told them, at least our parents chose us, your parents were stuck with you
That’s so very true, too! Birth, you get what you get. Adoption, you’re chosen and wanted.
I've heard this before? Did you also write this on Mark's or Markee's channel???
@@zerobolt9506 Yeah its a great story I love to tell
RLSASH, you definitely glossed over a very important detail in that last story. That mother deserves at 3/5 because she refused to help her daughter, who was clearly close to having a depression induced psychotic break due to a brunch date. As someone who has suffered from medication induced thoughts of inflicting self-harm, trust me, this is not something that should ever be overlooked, nor forgiven.
I also found it crazily incredibly strange how in other stories he goes hard on neglectful parents but in this case he literally says “it’s her right to be a neglectful parent, 0/5 buttholes” lmfaooo
Yeah that surprised me from RSlash as well. Emotional abandonment is so disgustingly callous.
@@madalice5134Honestly I think he does stuff like this for engagement. His opinions flip flop so often.
One minute he's cheering on an abuse victim for ruining their abusers life and the next he's calling an abuse victim overdramatic for yelling at her abuser after he called her ugly in public. Why? Because it would make other people uncomfortable... so glad Rslash has taken a break and stopped doing this but it made me want to stop watching him for a while.
Yeah but nobody owes you help even though they're your parent once you're an adult. Doesn't make them nice. But you're not owed anything. Grandparents shouldn't have to be a babysitter. That's not the role. I'm not saying it's something I would do leaving someone struggling I'm just saying I get where he's coming from it's not her responsibility. She's under no obligation to help. Doesn't mean she's a good person. Doesn't mean she isn't selfish. But in the end it's not her job to help her adult child who consented to having a child. Just because someone selfish and not nice doesn't make them wrong in the situation. It just makes them selfish.
@@LLandS18 This isn't "r/am i in my legal rights" thos is "r/am I the asshole"
Rslash has given higher asshole scores for people who did things less horrible.
Also how if your kid calling you up and BEGGING you to spend one day with your grandkids because of a emergency "babysitting"? Sounds like the grandma in the post saw raising her own kids as babysitting if she thinks her obligations to them stopped once they turned 18.
And yes you are obligated to help your kids, even if they're adults. You're the one who brought them into the world and raised them for 18 years. You're a horrible parent if your love and care for them stops after they move out. They're still her family, you goof.
RSlash simps are annoying af
Wife: **Berates her daughter for being gay**
Daughter: **Doesn't want her to meet her girlfriend**
Wife: **Surprised Pikachu Face**
Bruh, she berated her for being gay, and she shocked she doesn't trust her? She brought this on herself. NTA.
I got berated for being bisexual. But I didn't have anyone to defend me. Definitely one of the scariest moments in my life
Being a male whose helped raise 2 girls, I would love for them to be gay. Don't bring a chance at me having to help raise more, not until I'm older.
People like that are why I am proudly atheist. I yearn for the day religion is banned worldwide and I will be one to take part in the revolution against religion
@@atomicreactor6033 good, that's exactly how it should be.
@@PanzerFaust1754 How is being being berated a good thing? How is being that scared a good thing?
I would actually give the aunt in Story 3 the full 5/5 actually. Why? Because she apparently manipulated Lily into a positive relationship and then used it to get the ring. So she's really just a complete slimeball of a human.
This!
I also have a tin foil hat theory that she might have wanted to keep it for herself since she obviously wasn't the oldest girl in her generation so therefore she wasn't eligible to get the ring
Story 3: Actually it's a good thing OP warned her sister first because now the text conversation is proof of the theft she committed.
If you tell my daughter she's not "real" family....You are dead to me.
My dad always asks me 3 main questions when it comes to dating someone
"Does he ever pressure you into doing things you're not comfortable with?"
"Does he ever put you down?"
"Does he ever make you feel like you're worthless?"
As long as I say 'no' to all the questions, my dad approves. He wants me to find someone who is kind and treats me well
You're dad sounds like a cool dude..
Sweet dadio ya got there!
That's a W dad right there. He's 100% right.
What a great dad!
A good dad. Make sure you are always honest with him on these it's important.
Last story: Oh honey, she couldn't have been that doting of a mother if when her own daughter calls in literal tears begging for help and she brushes it off because mimosas are more important.
OP’s mom probably only sees her grandson as a prop
My thoughts exactly!
Sounds like a been there done that mum, my step mother is one, whenever my son is over at my dad's she leaves everything to my dad, she'll watch him if he has to go out but not before making ABSOLUTELY sure that he can't go with him
Exactly ,parenting doesn't stop because your kids grow up . If you EVER cared about your child you can't just 'then off all emotions toward them ' like the person you raised calls upu In tears and terrified ...and you just brush them off? ?!??? I think her mother was always trash and she was just so young she never realized it.
@@lorilancaster5917 if the baby looks cute even as a they grow up. She would use them for her Instagram post.
Was anyone else disturbed that she was showing her 16 year old daughter men on dating sites? She’s only 16! Why would you try to push dating sites onto your young daughter? They are for adults only. Eww. That just shows the mother’s level of desperation and depravity.
She’d rather have her daughter marry a pedophile instead of another woman
Some historians believe that Mary, mother of Jesus was 12-16 when she had him
When I was in high school there was an app called Hot or Not that was basically tinder for teenagers and it separated the adults from the teens (except the creeps who lie about their age or the "im 17 don't know why it says 23" people)
That's something the Grandma in the last story needs to hear "I hope your brunch friends will be there for you on your death bed." That shit hits pretty deep.
I think she rates at least 1 butthole out of 5 for refusing to help her daughter in a time of need. No, she's not obligated to do anything, but if you love your kids (and grandkids) you'll help them out with some babysitting duties. It also gives you a chance to bond with your grandchildren.
This ^
Story 3: What Mia fails to realise is that OP's daughter became "real family" the moment OP married her husband and legally adopted her. It doesn't matter if she isn't blood related, the bond between OP and both the husband and daughter is strong enough to be considered familial; OP is an absolute sweetheart.
I hope that OP told her daughter that she is family by choice, which is better than being family by blood.
@CK George1989 Ultimately, Mia cast the first stone when she told OP's daughter she wasn't "real family" and pried the ring from her possession. Not only is this going to leave a poor 11 year old girl feeling like she doesn't belong, this is also a tremendous act of betrayal from Mia's part. The fact OP's daughter apparently loves her aunt leads me to suspect that she has clearly had no issue with spending time with her prior.
All I'm seeing is a grossly two-faced nature from Mia. There is absolutely no love from her end, and it's clear that "discussing the issue" was not going to be an option with her. Mia chose to take that initiative without prior discussion. Mia chose to use the words she did towards the person she used them on.
Given she is so unsupportive of her own sister's decision that she would withhold property that was stolen behind her back, I think it doesn't matter whether or not blood matters to some people. If you can't even show your own blood respect, you don't even deserve to be called "real family" to THEM.
@CK George1989 Nope, she had no need to do that.
I’m adopted and I could tell the difference between my two grandparents on my mother’s side they treated me as if I was there own flesh and blood but on my father’s side I could see that they didn’t see me the same as they did my cousin who is a year younger than me who is like a little princess to them so what Mia did makes me so fucking sick and it’s absolutely disgusting
What I'm upset with is, Mia saying calling the police for theft would be crossing a line, but ACTUALLY stealing from an 11 year old ISN'T crossing a line? It's just so stupidly entitled to say that! If OP wanted to give her adopted daughter a family heirloom, he can do that. He could give it to Mia if he wanted, heck, he could give that ring to a homeless guy and I'd say that's alright. The ring ISN'T Mia's, it's OP's. So yeah, I'd call the police for theft. Not even warning her, just dial 9-1-1 immediately.
Story 3: You should've pointed this out, but the aunt was pretending to be nice, just so she can get the ring. So yeah, 5/5
yea imagine being 11 and your favorite aunt in the world steals from you because you aren't "real family," despite the fact that she's known you for like 10 years. Like imagine being that betrayed and heartbroken and disrespected by someone you loved and trusted.
Oh, for sure. Otherwise there's no logical reason a seemingly loving aunt would "decide" her niece wasn't really her niece.
OP.....CALL THE COPS, NOW! Theft is theft, period! Family doesn't enter into it. Aunt is going to find that the child will cut her off.
1 butthole score for:
• Being two-faced
• Stealing from an 11 year old
• Making blatantly false and outright cruel statements to an 11 year old.
• Blackmailing OP ("I'll give it back once you have a daughter before I do")
• Betraying both OP's and her daughter's trust.
God damn, are we not in 2022? Hasn't society chose to abandon the mindset that it's DNA that creates family, not bonds?
When I told my family I was gay, none of them gave more than half a shit, which was good because I live in Alabama and it could have gone a lot worse. My dad just says “atleast you won’t get pregnant.” and my
mom is constantly asking if I have a girlfriend yet. That’s the way to react, love your children or they won’t love you.
i also live in the south and my dad said the exact same thing loooooool
My daughter came out to me. And I did the only thing a parent should do in that situation, I hugged her and told her how much I loved her.
We were made in God's image - ALL of us.
Well said.
Some people use religion to mask the hate in their heart, use it as an excuse to be awful human beings. I don't believe in an afterlife, but if there is, I hope these people get judged harshly for their hypocrisy.
@@RawkLobstah88 yeah it's sad they do this, one of the reasons I stopped going to church years ago.
@@DarkAngel69604 using religion against them also works see were all gods children so by those bigots logic aren't they committing incest
I have to agree to a certain degree. When someone sins, it isn’t an invitation to hate the sinner, but rather express your love by correcting them and help them overcome sin. When someone makes a mistake, you approach them in love and correct/overcome their mistake.
Story 4: She's a fair-weather grandmother. I had a fair-weather grandfather who never had anything to do with me or my siblings unless it was a holiday or something where he didn't have to put in effort. Needless to say as we all got older and realized we didn't really mean anything to him, we stopped seeing him. To the point where one day, my brother passed by him in a store and he didn't even recognize my brother. This will be OPs mother one day unless she changes something.
Yup. Same with my grandparents. They visit here and there, but we are all adults so they dont do anything still. One way or another, Ops daughter will cut contact with her grandma
I have a feeling that there is more to this mother daughter relationship that she chose not to post.
Her problems are her own.
As parents our lives don’t revolve around our adult children because that’s the point of raising you little assholes to be independent. Plus the only thing you want from your parents and grandparents is to treat us like a bloody 🏧.
Sometimes being a fair weather family member has its advantages.
Oh and you people don’t take care of your parents nor grandparents when they do need help so just stop.
I fear that OP's mother will try to claim "Grand parent's rights" to see the child. But then that may take too much work from the witch.
@@MsTemptation I'm at my grandmother's house constantly doing whatever it is she can't do anymore and I did the same with my parents while they were still here, because we love and help each other. I'm sorry your relationships with yours sucks.
The grandma raised her kids and now she obviously wants to enjoy her life in peace. I think there’s nothing wrong with that. Honestly I get it. It’s only fair that once your kids are grownups, you get some me time for the rest of your life.
My mom has never been the best mom to me, but when I had ppd with my 2nd child and I literally called her crying asking for help because I was overwhelmed she still came around to help. I can't imagine how terrible that mimosa mom has to be.
I can't speak with any authority on this matter, I'm a guy and I have no kids. But I can't imagine my mother ever denying such a request. I'd actually hesitate to ask because she would put herself out to accommodate, even if it meant rescheduling surgery or something, lol.
But OP's mother doesn't have that obligation. I wouldn't want to watch anyone's kids, so I can't fault her for that. It is her choice. But sometimes choices have consequences for others. Is one day with her grandson worth ruining someone's wedding, and aggravating her daughter's diagnosed depression? As much as I hate the notion of watching someone's kids, under those circumstances, I would offer to do so, for the greater good.
By OP's own account, her mother is a good mother. And good mothers generally enjoy being around kids... most people don't become good at things they hate. Time with her grandson should be a win for her too, even if a little inconveniently timed. So this just doesn't make sense to me. I have to wonder if there's more going on that OP doesn't know about, or isn't saying. It doesn't sound like we're getting the whole story here.
I'm not ready to declare that choice as "selfish" without some understanding of the motivation.
5 months to clean up after a leaky pipe... even someone who knows nothing about plumbing, and has no insurance could figure that out in a weekend. It's a momentary pain in the ass, not a harrowing ordeal. There's something wrong here. This is a level of helplessness I've never encountered. Things like that happen all the time, and OP and her husband should be able to deal with it without much effort.
I would distance myself from someone that dependent too, hoping first that they would broaden their skills and preparedness, or, failing that, broaden their support network so there were more people they could rely on for help. OP even says she has very few friends in the area, so the number of people she would call for help is a pretty short list, with "Mom" at the top of that list. And she needs help with things that most grown-ups typically wouldn't. This may not be her first "emergency". That's speculative of course but supported by OP's own accounting of the situation. I'm not assuming this about OP, just saying it's possible within the phrasing of her post, absent any other information. Additional information may render my entire argument moot, but that's the point... we don't have all the information.
IF that is where her mother's coming from, I'd support that choice 100%. But if she's just all about Yoga and day-drinking, then yeah, she's a bitch. Context is important. But again, this also impacts someone's wedding... so even if there is a justification for the choice, in picking our proverbial battles, this isn't the one to choose.
I think OP's mom is making the wrong choice here, regardless of her motivations, but the severity of that choice and thus OP's response cannot be weighed without understanding the motive.
@@Arkryal So, speaking from experience... OP said her basement was FLOODED by a burst pipe. A flood is not a small cleanup. We had a flood here and luckily, our house insurance covered everything, but good gods, was cleanup a nightmare. I was sleeping on an air matress in the livingroom upstairs for 6 months because that's how long it took to get all the repairs done. Depending on how bad her flood was, the walls would have had to be cut out (up to a foot an a half of drywall ABOVE the bloodline because water damage)... and before there can be any cuts made at all, the drywall has to be tested for asbestos if the house is an older house. The testing and cutting can take up to two weeks (cutting takes a day, but the testing can take a while to come back). And that stuff can only occur AFTER everything has been removed from the basement and damage is documented. Flooring has to be ripped up, too. And after all the item removal, flooring tearup, and wall cutting is done, you have to wait for everything to dry out. Heavyduty dehumidifiers and heaters need to be brought in and run CONSTANTLY for at least a couple weeks to make sure everything is COMPLETELY dried out (we had them running for over a month because of how bad our flood was).
We didn't have to deal with a burst pipe (the water was from a blocked up drainage system), but we still had our water turned off for a full month while that was being fixed. We had to get water from our neighbours. OP would have to deal with a plumber in her house to fix the pipe, which isn't as bad, but that's still probably a few days without running water while waiting for the plumber... which would have held up any repairs.
And there's SO much more that goes into flood damage cleanup that I haven't even gone into. It's not an easy fix... 5 months isn't unreasonable cleanup time at all... though it certainly feels that way when it happens to you.
Childcare workers are making almost twice minimum wage in some places and it's only getting more expensive and difficult to find safe, reliable childcare. Some agencies are charging over 1.2K to find a place caretakers, which can take over 4 months in some cases. Even daycare centers can have waitlists starting at 18 months if you're lucky. If the grandma is aware of this (and how could she not be) and still refuses to help she deserves to be cut out of their lives.
@@Arc3752 yes! 9Child care is SO expensive. After I had my second child I was searching for daycares so I could at the very least work part time, my mom stepped in (despite us having a strained relationship for a while) and said she would watch my sons. It was a small step but it really did help with rebuilding our relationship because she genuinely wanted to help me and be around my kids.
@@jessicaervay2239 are things better between you and your mom
OP in the 1st story is a 10/10 parent that every gay child needs
8/10 parent, 10/10 if they divorced. How can they still be married to someone who doesn't accept their childs sexual orientation?
@@nonexitingsoulofaweeb2379 well i wouldnt cut off a relstionship of atleast 16 years if its somewhat salvagable, he wants to fix it but i dont think its fixable
story 3: I believe I was in high school at the time, and my Grandma and Grandpa had us over for thanksgiving, and one of my grandma’s niece’s(I can’t remember) got caught trying to steal a diamond that her mother gave her and she wanted to steal to sell for drugs, needless to say that was the last time she was invited to anything
The first story kinda ripped my heart out. My parents chose their religion over me, time and time again. I finally cut them off last year but it still hurts sometimes
It'll get better. I didn't cut my dad off over religion or orientation, but it stopped hurting after a year or two.
Your parents don’t deserve you. You are special, wonderful, amazing and beautiful. Take care. Be safe.
From a father who loves unconditionally.
I personally don’t understand hurting over that. If someone were to choose something over me I simply lose anything for you but that is just me. You’ll get better in due time and see how much better your life will be without them
I had to do the same with my aunt and cousin. Which may not seem as bad, except my brother is close to both of them, and my mom is super close to my aunt. It's really hard to watch them both choose to hang out with them knowing full well the kind of things they've said about me, both to my face and behind my back. I think it'd be less painful to have to cut my mom and brother out, than it is to watch them favour my abusers over me. "Oh I know your aunt is a cunt stick, but I'm going to invite her to the party. Oh, you're welcome to come too I guess." Then I have my grandma telling me to "man up" and talk to them because "Family is important" (more important than my mental health it seems) and "we can't change other people, but we can change ourselves".
Anyway, my point is, I'm sorry your family is trash, and I'm proud of you for realizing that sometimes, the best thing to do is cut off the decaying pieces to keep yourself healthy.
@@midnightwritrix I'm sorry your aunt and cousin suck and stuff. I don't think it's any less valid or painful to cut them off vs parents.
I've had extended family and my bio dad try and push me to reconnect because "they're your parents." I don't believe it would be pushed so hard if you changed parents for partner/friend/etc.
OMG, my mom drove 8hrs once a month to visit when I had my first baby, just to make sure it was OK, then she moved to my state when the baby was 1. Stories like these make me thankful for my mom.
When I was visiting my (adoptive) sister I was out and about the general area and she called me because mg BIL had had a seizure and she needed help, so I took a couple of buses and looked after my niece, who was then 6 months old, and my eldest niece who was 4. Her MIL made it about an hour later as my sister knew that whilst I’m happy to help, I actually dunno a huge amount about caring for young babies!
Her MIL was great, neither of us really understood baby formula so she held my niece whilst I googled, we then had to use my walking cane to get the formula from the top of the shelf because we’re both short (apparently there was some in the cupboard), and I got to learn from her MIL how to take care of a young baby, including changing her nappy!
My sister fully knows I’ve cPTSD & PTSD as a child abuse survivor, that I’m scared of caring for young babies because I’m afraid of doing something wrong, but I’m great with older kids, and she knew I’d step up to help her when needed, I’ll put that aside, internally panic the whole time, and help where possible. I’ll take 20 buses to get to her home to help, doesn’t matter how long it takes me, if it means my sister can get the help she needs then I’ll be there.
Watching your grandchildren isn't an obligation, but neither is a relationship with your grandchildren.
Old comment I know but man that story pisses me off so much. I have no children of my own (by very strong choice, long and personal story) but there is no way I wouldn't try to help even if they weren't family, just a friend or acquaintance or something. It does make me wonder if there is more to this story. I love speculating but there just isn't enough to go on here but I can't help but think that there's some bad blood there.
I’m bisexual. My mom is religious. My mom loves me unconditionally and knows my sexuality is not a “choice I made”. Just be a good person, it’s not hard.
Ages be damned, when a parent ignores their child in a moment of desperate need, for something as inconsequential as a brunch date, they're being a bad parent. 2 out of 5.
great point
FUN FACT: Bible doesn't say gay people bad, the passage frequently used as "evidence" gets misunderstood from the original Hebrew. (It meant that p*d*p*i*es are bad)
I’m glad to see someone spreading the truth about that passage. God bless you
I alway read it as the act was "bad" not the person.
@@ericwilliams1659 especially since I was always taught that sodomy meant it was done without consent. But language gets changed and lost so who knows. But definitely it wasn't in the original versions of the Bible. Like Drak OrangeFire stated the passage has been changed completely to an entirely different thing.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings wow, I was taught sodomy was anything outside of "reproductive sex" and waste the seed.
Yeah that and incest. The passage has been horribly mistranslated it is such a huge shame.
You were too nice with the mother in the last story. I would've given her a 3, at the very least.
This is not a case of OP making her mother a free babysitter: she called her for legit emergencies and was ignored. I'd personally always be there for my kids if they were in dire need, just like my parents always have been for me and my siblings.
This mother seems to have the "you've grown up and left the house, so I don't care what happens to you anymore" mentality. Which, granted, is her right, but doesn't make her any less of an a-hole. She knew OP was depressed, she knew OP was going though harsh situations, and her answer was "SEE YA, WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA!" Absolutely disgusting.
What goes around comes around...karma for the mother in the last story. She will regret her decision.😏
look its her right to not go around and help those she doesn't want to help, the woman has no obligations to be a mom or a grandma. but at the same time, she's made it very clear that to her, her life and her fun is more important to her then her own daughter and grandbaby, so she can't complain when she gets cut off. its called facing the consequences of your actions, and she has to face them now.
@@abiean222 I'd say giving birth gives you an obligation to be a mom.... wtf.
@@toritori2299 yeah a legal obligation of up to 18 years, I get what you mean there but fr fr it wouldn't have been surprising if the second OP was 18 she was picked up and dropped outside the door faster than newborn being dropped on their head
@@abiean222 But That’s Like Saying Dead Beat Dads have a Right to not be apart of Their Kids Lives ??
“It’s what she grew up with.” I grew up with that stuff, too. Guess what? I UNLEARNED THAT HATEFUL BS. I’m also not straight, so there’s that too lmaooo She’s just getting excuses so she doesn’t have to change because she doesn’t want to face the idea that she may have been in the wrong. Sad, really.
Same! It took me years to unlearn all that stuff since I moved out from my parents place.
Today's episode: People who 100% post on Facebook lamenting that their family no longer talks to them and they don't know why.
Definitely this. Lol.
with a hint of crappy boyfriend
Story 1: NTA I’m glad OP supports his daughter and I hope he continues to support her. Yeah I don’t see OP’s marriage continuing if the wife continues to be homophobic against her own daughter. Also I don’t see anything wrong with what OP she constantly bashed her daughter and in response her daughter decided that she didn’t want her mom to meet her girlfriend. If the wife isn’t willing to change then she’s gonna lose both her daughter and husband.
SIGH.... It's not homophobic to want to follow what the Bible says. I'm not super religious, but I respect other's religious beliefs. If RSlash reads this, the butthole score is too high. edit: (for the wife)
The wife shouldn't have to change. Nobody should have to change. This is a question of boundaries now. Deciding who can tolerate what. It's up to them to work it out.
@@cheshire_skatkat9093 the fact is, OP and his daughter shouldn’t have to tolerate that, and have no reason to, so tbh it’s all on OP’s wife if they cut contacts.
I had a Mother who was virulently hostile to find that I was Gay. My Father was less so, but he always deferred to her rather than face her wrath, or endure her campaign to destroy his self esteem. ( His default setting was "I'm sorry, honey") She forced me to leave town or she'd have me jailed. It was the deep South in the 60s so a real threat, homosexuality was illegal. She meant business, I was 18 and had just finished High School. Friends took care of me, and one paid for my college tuition. I escaped.
Years later, after Dad had died, she became very close to a number of Gay men, they were her closest friends. Too little, too late, Mother. I stopped loving you long ago. We were civil, but I never trusted her again, she had taught me a lesson that I never forgot.
@@whydoiexist9661 they DONT have to tolerate it but at the same time the mom has EVERY RIGHT to feel how she wants to feel. Now, granted it's odd she's getting Pikachu face over being excluded, (she kinda walked into that one) but she is entitled to her standards and boundries too.
I'm adopted and sometimes I literally forget I am because no one in my family ever treats me any different
When I told my mom I liked boys and girls (that has expanded to all gender identities), she thought I said that because I had a crush on my best friend. After I cleared up that I just like both, she said, “Oh, that’s cool.”
For the heirloom story: I know this is a serious post but now i'm just imagining OP going full Nicole Watterson and sending Mia straight to the shadow realm
legit one hundred times better than those text to speech Daniel UK voice Reddit videos.
Amen
R slash has ruined those videos for me lol
I've been subbed to rslash for 2 years I have absolutely no idea who is Daniel uk lmao
I have personally gone through the effort of making sure youtube never recommends text-to-speech channels to me anymore, because while reddit videos make for decent background noise, I much prefer the human voice and hearing an opinion on the matter.
Hate those! Not only because it is grating but it doesn't seem right to profit from just copy pasting others stories into a text to speech program
Last story: I sincerely hope that Op gets the help that she needs both mentally AND physically.
for that last story: the way she's treating her daughter is terrible. it's not even about the baby, shes just treating her daughter like shes a pushy beggar. it's seriously heartbreaking to put myself in her shoes, calling my mom in tears, terrified, only to hear her say she has brunch plans. it's just plain cold.
I don't even know what to say about story #3. That poor little girl. Her favorite aunt steals her favorite thing from her, tells her she's not 'real family', and, refuses to give it back? Wtf kind of aunt is she?? An adopted daughter us just as important as a blood related daughter! When you adopt a kid, that's YOUR KID. How terrible of that aunt to get close to Lily, earn her trust, and then do something like that.
I’m adopted and I could tell the difference between my two grandparents on my mother’s side they treated me as if I was there own flesh and blood but on my father’s side I could see that they didn’t see me the same as they did my cousin who is a year younger than me who is like a little princess to them so what Mia did makes me so fucking sick and it’s absolutely disgusting
Dude, learn what punctuation even is -_-
The aunt thought her family would get it but Lily got it instead and schemed her way to get it for herself.
*First OP:* If OP’s wife won’t change her stance, then I believe this is grounds for divorce. OP is NTA. His daughter is lucky to have him on her side.
*Second OP:* It sounds like OP’s dad has his suspicions about OP’s boyfriend, and the boyfriend might have confirmed the suspicions. OP is NTA.
*Third OP:* Imagine gaining a child’s trust _just_ to steal a valuable item that belongs to them. I hope OP goes through with the plan of calling the cops; it doesn’t look like Mia’s going to back down. OP is NTA.
*Fourth OP:* OP’s right; her mom is not obligated to help OP with her son, and OP isn’t obligated to let her mom see her son. I’m amazed that OP’s mom could hear OP (possibly literally) crying for help, then blow her off for brunch and yoga!? OP is NTA.
I 100% agree with all of this
Wanna know something funny? The Bible doesn’t even condone homophobia! Sodom and Gomorrah had their kingdom butchered for mistreating the poor, an extreme punishment, sure, but it makes way more sense!
Also it’s man shall not lay with boy. A passage on…the big P word.
Second Story, no, if you put yourself in the bf shoes you begin to realise that it feels grossly unfair when the previous arrangement worked out so well, so he's more than proved himself by now. It's the boyfriend who should be seeing (and probably is seeing) red flags.
Absolutely nobody believes OP is TA besides some unhinged Conservatives
@@RobGMun What red flags? That his girlfriend has a dad who is willing to charge him a pittance to see if he wants to be with his daughter because he loves her or because her dad can get good accommodations and offer them cheap? Her dad is testing the boyfriend and the boyfriend is starting to show his true colors. Don’t be mad at Dad for protecting his daughter from men who more like leeches.
Usually I just laugh or roll my eyes at these stories... but the one saying the adopted daughter is not actual family, made me furious. Hope that girl is doing ok.
That 11 year old is going to remember that "you're not family" comment for the rest of her life. Just.. wow that's disgusting
The first story: As a mother I do not understand how a parents love is conditional. I look at both my girls and promised them my love is unconditional, I may not agree or understand but I will support them regardless of how I feel. As a parent that is the least you could do for your child.
Unfortunately, religion and sexuality isn’t the only hill a parent is willing to die on.
If you truly love someone you will try to stop them from what you think are mistakes. You are implying you should let your child touch the stove top while it's on just because you love them.
Whether you or disagree on this being similar to what's going on in the actual story is beside the point. The mother does. In fact, she thinks it's far worse than this analogy and is trying to stop it precisely because she does love them.
This is the reason something like victim blaming the way most people use it doesn't exist, by the way. Not realizing what mistake you made leaves you doomed to likely repeat it. Especially if all you have around you is people unwilling to point out the mistakes you made that lead to you being victimized.
If you actually love someone you will tell them the mistakes you think they made/are making. And sometimes you'll be wrong but that's why you need to sit down and talk about it, not whine like the obviously low-t father was.
Ok tell that to Dahmer's parents lol
@@RunicSigils And you are implying that being gay is a "mistake". It's literally just a part of who a person is. Me being asexual aromantic is not a "mistake" that I "chose" to do, it's apart of me that I can't change no matter what some -b- witch of a mother screams at me or forces me to do.
@@RunicSigils Are you genuinely implying that *sexual orientation* , something that has been PROVEN to be unchangeable and decided at birth, is a mistake?
By that logic, some people have been created by God just to end up in hell because dare I remind you that homosexuality allows no repentance, just as magic and heresy do.
Story 4: The mom literally cares more about herself and stuff she wants to go to and isn't willing to sacrifice a little to help OP during OP's PPD.
I would give her a very low score, but it depends on what her reaction to OP cutting her off would be. If she winds up complaining about being denied her grandbaby, it would be a higher score, otherwise a 1 at most.
But you're an asshole if you don't just tell people that you want space from them?? Like doing this to your own daughter without even explaining why is wrong
I just don't understand how a fucking YOGA CLASS is more important than helping your daughter raise her child.
I'd give at least 2.5/5. Take the grand child out of the equation, this is a mother who refuses to help her daughter with depression because brunch with friends she seems to meet weekly (minimum based off of my interpretation of the story) is more important than her daughter who is severely struggling with mental health issues and is swamped with work and hasn't had a day off in almost a year.
I'm genuinely questioning how "devoted" (as op put it) a mother she actually was if this is how she treats her daughter
@@DarthAxolotl Perhaps as an explanation (but certainly NOT an excuse for her deplorable behaviour), maybe the mother is just done raising any children, even OP's, and is just trying to enjoy her twilight years/possible retirement (she is 67 after all) but hasn't communicated this to OP.
Now, she certainly has the right to make that choice, but then OP has every right to dictate the terms under which grandma gets to interact with HER kid.
@@ThEjOkErIsWiLd00 I was thinking this too. I had a cousin who uses her kids as a way to get her way. We all thought she had ppd as well, but she was never diagnosed formally and her mom told her that she was done raising her kids. So we all took turns helping her and her hubby, until we all realized that we were a village raising her kids.I think this while sad may be deeper than we know.
Story 1: You know what’s sad about this whole situation for me and would make me rethink my marriage were I in OP’s shoes?
The fact that one parent has to LITERALLY BEG the other to love their child.
She probably does love her daughter, but her religion has twisted her idea of how to do right by her kids. I'm pretty sure they are the same religion i grew up in, and it teaches that what happens to the soul after death is the most important thing. Helping her child reach heaven is more important than validating her lifestyle. So, in an attempt to save her daughter's soul, she hurts her daughter. My mom would die for me in a heartbeat, but she would probably also send me to conversion therapy if I told her I was gay. It's fucked up.
I love your name 😜
Parental love means doing what is best for your child in the long term, not affirming their bad decisions. This poor girl is going down a dark path, and instead of trying to help her OP is actively doing the opposite... Even to the point of ruining his marriage.
@@laststand6420 The dark path of getting to be happy while she's alive and not being miserable for the sake of a fiction she doesn't choose to guide her life? That doesn't sound particularly dark to me.
@@Ziergon Well even if she was happy for a little while here, her sins will still end in eternal fire... Seems like that would be a good thing to avoid.
But separate from that, she will not be happy because sin doesn't make you happy. It is a sad mixture of substitution, addiction, and imitation. Substitution and imitation of a real sexual relationship, and addiction to the chemical stimulus.
The purpose of the sexual relationship is the creation of family (both in union to a man and in the creation of children). Her current imitation that she will become addicted to cannot bring lasting fulfillment or happiness, because at the bottom of everything it is completely hollow. It can't make family. It can't marry her to her partners. She will look back, whether in this life or the next, and wonder why her father helped her along on her destructive path.
I'm 22 (almost 23) and I was born female but identify as enby (she/they pronouns). When I was 13, I came out as bi, and later came out as pan with male preference when I was 17. Out of everyone in my family, the person I remember the most being accepting and supportive was my dad, who passed away when I was 19. I was adopted by my grandma, so my dad was my grandpa, but he's always been my dad because he and my mom (grandma) raised me and I had no other father figure in my life. The reason why this is relevant is because he was a boomer. And as you know, boomers are stereotyped to not be accepting of change or anything different. But he was so sweet about it, and it made me feel like I mattered. Dad and I liked to people watch at the grocery story while my mom went in, and he'd make up little tidbits or tell me stuff about how people act in the world. When I came out, he and I would check out all the ladies coming out of the store. It was funny, and while it wasn't meant to be weird, it seems like it now. But it was a way for us to bond, and no one else in the family showed _that_ much support. They were either accepting or dismissive but not downright rude, but those who were accepting weren't nearly as supportive as my dad. I miss him, and I hope I'm making him proud.
My parents were just confused when I came out as bi. They don’t understand my gender identity or my sexuality but they support me nonetheless
My daughter is 14, and has been going through her not-straight awakening for a few years now. We have told her time and time again, that whoever she brings home better treat her well, otherwise, it's completely irrelevant what's in their pants
When I came out my parents just said “ok cool” and moved on the biggest reaction I got was my brother saying “when you turn 21 we can go to clubs and pick up girls together” and maybe my sister saying she would stay up at night and tell my mom she thought I was a lesbian
Bahahaha, your brothers awesome XD
Grandma is gonna find herself in quite a predicament when she needs care lol
Story 1: What a terrible therapist. No therapist worth their salt would ever justify homophobia. "She grew up on this" means nothing.
Fire the therapist.
Oh, the family needs to shove it.
Is the person a certified therapist or a “therapist “ that works for the ⛪️?
Definitely agree with RSlash on this one. Sounds like they went to a Paul & Morgan kind of "therapist" instead of a real therapist.
Lol, therapists exist to help you with mental health and conflict resolution, not to preach their values, be it progressive or conservative ones. I agree that the therapist in the story probably isn't very good, but I wouldn't want to go to that therapist of yours either.
that 'she grew up on this' feel like theligous equivalent of 'boys will be boys'
@@chanterelle483 but being gay isn't a belief?
The first story had me in shock.
Growing up I had to follow everything my mother wanted regardless of how I felt. Unless I fell in line with what my mother wanted, it didn’t happen and wasn’t allowed; my father never stuck up for me either. I’ve had the same thing happen to me as the daughter, with the mother blatantly sending the message that religion was more important than a daughter’s emotional and mental well-being. While my father never defended me from my mother, I’m thrilled to hear that the father is willing to go to town for his daughter, regardless of the beliefs he was raised with because he knows HIS DAUGHTER IS MORE IMPORTANT than antiquated gender roles pushed by a moldy old book written by a group of people willing to subjugate a different group just to make themselves feel better, bigger, stronger. Good on that dad, it makes me so happy to hear that there are parents who are willing to fight for their child, even against their own spouse/partner.
I hope you've been able to be yourself
If his daughter was important to him, he would at least try to protect her from herself instead of encouraging her perversion because it is popular. Sadly, she will reap the destructive outcomes from her actions, and it will be partially her father's fault for being too weak to try and help her.
@@laststand6420 The father here weak? I think you mean strong my friend.
@@miguelcolon7382 Nope, sure don't.
@@laststand6420 Okay. So being 'weak' means standing for what you believe is right and not giving an inch? Especially for those you love?
Gotcha. ;-)
Friendly reminder: being Gay was never a sin in the bible! It was poorly translated from the Greek language, where what they ment was being a MAP was a sin, but the Europeans whom translated it made it to say that being gay was bad, when again originally it wasn't.💜
in that last story, OP's mother might not have an obligation to OP's child, but as OP's mother, she kinda has a moral obligation to OP herself even though OP's an adult. So, I think it is a 1/5 or at least a 0.5/5 score there.
For horrid grandma I'd say she could see her grandson once, maybe twice a month and only on days she would be willing to forgo her precious brunch or yoga days cause something tells me if she is going to let her own daughter struggle for the littlest bit of help at the peak of postpartum where she is saying she is scared to be alone then how good of a grandmother is she really? She said she has not had time off since the eight months of the child being born, husband works long hours..that would be concerning. Rarely do I disagree with Dabney's scores but dang my dood, the woman needs at least a three especially when you consider how serious PPD can be.
4 times per year I think is fair
Last story: Personally I'm ranking her higher on account of the more cold and callous behavior towards not wanting to help out especially when taking into account 2 instances where the help woulda probably been higher priority 1.The house being flooded, and 2. What could be best described as a mental breakdown. like damn you really don't give a shit about what happens with your kids now that their gone do you and the fact that OP said she doesn't come around to be with the baby unless it was low effort feels like one of those cases of "I want my good (insert family role here) points! look at how good me and baby look together" at least that's the vibe I get... i dunno
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@Starship15 A2
This indeed.
It would be a different thing if the person in question wouldn't be able to or otherwise uncertain of their capabilities to baby / petsit
( E.G. they simply do not have energy or passion anymore to babysit ).
"White-lies" exist for a reason after all.
And this grandmother just goes zero-empathy / tactfulness by even telling that she puts brunhes and yogas in her top priority over the worries of her own daughter.
The attitude of this "empty-nest"-mother clearly is a toxic
"you're no longer my problem / responsibility"-attitude
similar to those "parents" that kick out their offsprings when they reach the age of consent / adult-age officially speaking.
---
If I had an acquaintance that was struggling with PPD, while I may not be able to watch her kid for a few days, i would be cooking/buying food when she had the worst of PPD. I would watch her kid for a few hours. while not PPD, i have my own mental issues
@Starship15 A2 That's what I say. Of course she's not obligated to help, but it takes an asshole to refuse to help their own children in a time of crisis.
When I came out as bi to my mom, she just asked what took me so long. It was apparently obvious to everyone but me.
Story 1: full props to OP, that is a proper dad. He also seems to have abandoned his religious dogma in favour of his daughter’s wellbeing.
Also, just start quoting random other “rules” of the Bible to the wife - no skin of a dead pig, no tattoos, no doing any work on the sabbath, no mixed fabrics and importantly no woman is allowed to stand up and teach others.
the father in the first story is such a great and sweet dad
Story 1: i really don’t know what kind of awful people can watch your wife be toxic, homophobic and abusive to your daughter…and then STILL think she deserves to be involved in her life.
Naw Op you’re NTA but you do need a new therapist (or a divorce attorney)
Or more likely both.
Honestly the daughter story is the rare case where divorce is the correct solution
1st story- NTA. I'm in a similar situation as the girl. My dad's been really supportive. My mum however, not so much. So if I got a girlfriend, she would definitely be meeting my dad first. None of us are religious either
Story 2 is a communication problem, the way it was explained there kinda made me uncomfortable as well, because it puts a barrier with the gf her father on one side and the bf on the other. As if he's considered a stranger.
if instead they communicate it better by rearranging how they split their bills, this wouldn't have happened.
I mean, it's still a split though. She's got 1700 and he's got 400. That's a pretty generous split to me. I understand the barrier but I don't really see how that arrangement needs to change because the bill is already split
@@stormwright8300 a gift from a family member isn't you paying.
If my family gives me gift for the house worth $1000, my SO doesn't suddenly owe me money equivalent to that gift.
@@valdemarjrgensen8072 actually it is....taxes consider it a gift from the father because the father is covering his rent costs. If in America the IRS counts it as OP getting a financial gift from his father.
Honestly the boyfriend was paying have the rent with her for years why the Dad doesn't trust him by now I don't know. He's literally being singled out by her and her father yet everyone's acting like he's the bad guy
@@stormwright8300 She's not paying anything
First story: NTA. And if even a therapst does not help her see exactly what kind of damage she's doing - i'd say OP should either find a better therapist or divorce her. If not for his own sake - then for his daughter's.
For the first story, what you are saying is you want a therapist to have the same mindset as you instead of non-biased. If you go to a therapist that does that, then you should find another since they will not help you with actual problems.
@@Ghost-ur7kq Okay then what's the alternative besides a divorce?
@@Ghost-ur7kq therapist is clearly biased since he didnt see the problem with homophobia and that OP just clearly stated the truth and the therapist still sided with her even thought shes in the wrong
@@BadassHater1 There might be no other option. They have to determine what is more important to them, relationship with an offspring or potential soulmate/partner. At some point you have to realize when a relationship is over.
@@Ghost-ur7kq if your therapist condone’s you putting your child’s well-being last then you have an objectively shit therapist.
When I came out as bisexual, my step-dad said I'm going to hell; I got whiplash because *she* then came out by saying "I guess I'm going too because I've had more girlfriends than you have".
My mom was an emotionally abusive alcoholic but this is my absolute favorite memory of her.
Honestly the love of a wife is temporary but the love of your child is unconditional and something you cannot lose
Children don't have to love their parents unconditionally. It is fine, normal to hate abusive parents.
What a moron!
Well it’s something you can lose quite easily but it’s something that if you’re a decent parent it would feel like something you cannot lose and you would do whatever’s in your power to keep
I disagree with the last story. When you become a parent it is a lifelong obligation to support your child. That can of course come in many different forms. If you child reaches out to you in the height of their depression and you do nothing, you've failed. Both mom and baby could have ended up dead.
Yeah I agree
Story 1: Homophobia is a terrible thing, and it sucks that it can break relationships just because the child is homosexual.
And yeah, as RSlash said, it's basically a fork in the road for OP because the wife is definitely not backing down. Either he chooses the daughter, or the wife.
I will never understand how any parent could choose their own hatred and bigotry over the love of their own child. In my opinion that's when you fail as a parent.
I told my mom I was bisexual when I was 15, I'd known I'd liked girls and boys for years at that point, & she said I can't be bisexual because I haven't been sexual. I said "then I'm not heterosexual either" and she said "that's not the same". I now know I'm pansexual, and my mother's been more supportive since I turned 18.
Last story; I feel like the grandma still deserves a butthole score because she ignored her own daughter who was suffering from depression. It's hard enough to reach out for help when you are suffering from depression but to be denied?!?!? By your own mother?!?!? Honestly? I think we can be thankful OP didn't harm herself or anyone after that! But the baybisitting... yeah after the not helping her daughter with depression I don't know what OP was expecting. I would have cut off ties sooner cuz it's clear grandma will NEVER be there for her.
3:35
Child comes first. Everytime. If this story gets an update, I get the feeling Op will pick his daughter
Best solution to story 2. Don’t stay in dad’s apartment.
And preferably also not the relationship. She was clearly ok with her father considering him a threat, and joined in on the litmus test.
@@hungrymusicwolf really not staying in the relationship would be best for most of the am I the ahole stories
As a good friend of mine always says "Being an adopted child means your parents 100% wanted you!". People generally don't jump through all the hoops and fill out the reams of paperwork to have a child when the alternative is a lot less paperwork and significantly more fun!
I feel like you're forgetting during the last story that op was severely depressed, the baby had colic, and op was begging and pleading for her mom to step up and, well, be a mom and grandma. For perspective of where I'm coming from, I have a fantastic relationship with my grandma, and a part of that was dropping whatever it was she had going on (unless it was like super urgently important) and helping if my parents needed it.
Maybe not a 5/5 score, but certainly up there. There's no way 0/5 or even 2/5 is acceptable. Grandma is being incredibly selfish and apathetic, putting her brunch and yoga over her clearly desperate daughter and infant grandkid.
I'd say the true villain is American parental policies. Including near non-existent parental leave and follow up care. I also think it is a poor decision of the friends getting married to exclude the baby of two key figures in the ceremony. Especially if the only issue is the venue.
imo it is ridiculously selfish from that grandmotehr, but also fully her right, i would say if that grandmother makes even the slightest fuss about never seeing her grandchild anymore, i would say she goes from a 0.5 ah (for being such a coldhearted b*tch) to a full on 5/5 for cold, calculated and entitled selfish bs-ery
@@Ikajo i would say that seeing everything, i would consider it a semi-duty for the couple getting married in this situation to arrange the childcare, seeing op had everything arranged beforehand and that fell through mere days before the wedding. if i were getting married and had that happen to close friends in such roles at my wedding, i would tell them not to worry and i would scramble to arrange something for childcare, be it a babysitter somewhere nearby or heck even arrange a place at my wedding last-minute where the babysitted can safely watch the kid and if i can't manage that in time, i would wholeheartedly tell those friends that i would fully understand their choice not to attend and apologize for not managing to find an alternative in time. full credits to op for arranging childcare before hand, i just find it odd that given all the preparations they hada put in and those falling through last minute, the marrying couple didn't offer to find a substitute, since i find that to be the least you can do at such last minute
@@alyssavanderklift9296 I honestly think childfree weddings in general should make an exception for children under 1 years old. Especially for those heavily involved in the wedding. A child that young can't really wander off on their own and it is not like the child was a surprise either.
@@Ikajo true. i find it the most obnoxious when people want a childfree wedding because a child might cry. sure, it can be annoying, just make sure there is some form of babysitter present and that should get taken care of easily. i've seen people demand a childfree wedding and then have their own 3 uncontrollable crotch goblins running around terrorizing everyone to the point some other parents just left when they had to arrange babysitters and then there's the couple's 3 goblins wreaking havoc at the ceremony and people being told to calm the bride and groom's kids down... was the most hilarious backfire i've seen at a wedding that even the bride's own parents just got up and left.
I'm not sure what to think of the 2nd story. I feel like the girl's father is getting involved in his daughter's relationship in a way that doesn't concern him at all. If OP said "My father is technically paying for my part of the rent so my boyfriend only has 400$ to pay" I'd agree that he is being an ass hole. But in this case the father is just telling his daughter to stop splitting the bill and it's frankly none of his business regardless of if he's losing out 1600$. Feels to me like he's trying to break them up or something.
exactly my thoughts. Daddy has some creeper vibes going on. Of course, in rSlash's world "man=bad, woman=good", so...
Story 2: Split it. You've been living together 50/50. Your dad is giving you a great rate for rent but I don't see what's wrong with splitting that. If you dad sees that you're both committed to the relationship by splitting the discounted rent, I think that bodes well your favor with your dad. He'll see that his daughter and her boyfriend are committed to each other.
They wouldn't even have to tell the dad. Boyfriend gives the dad $400 and girlfriend paypals boyfriend $200. He's already proven himself not to be a bum that skips out on rent. Plus it's weird that the dad would do something like this that might cause tension in the relationship. If anything, he could've charged both of them $400 because that's still a great deal for them.
@@InvdrDana yeah, i would have done that tbh. Dad can put the extra $400 into a savings account if he wants
God for bid the boyfriend in the second story wanting things to be fair.
???
Then they can live apart for a bit, because it's not like they are married or anything, and he can feel exactly what fair feels like.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings I mean you didn't deal with the premise of my statement, but sure. She's paying her rent with nepotism, nothing more. It's not unreasonable for him to continue a long-standing agreement they made. OP doesn't even say if they had a conversation about expectations changing before this happened. It's not unreasonable.
@@GeminiDoran ooh I love debates. So is it unfair? His girlfriends dad gifted HIS daughter an apartment essentially rent free why should his daughter pay rent?
No he doesn't. His girlfriend's dad is literally paying for $1700 worth of rent in a high quality apartment while he only pays for $400.
@@GeminiDoranOk, so let's fix it. She pays for half and he pays for half. AKA she gets the money from her dad while the gold digger boyfriend has to cough up half of the full rent which is $1700
As a parent your love is unconditional and your beliefs shouldn’t affect that
The problem is their love/belief has been driven to the lord due to the religion and must come first. I don't give as much blame to the mother because she has been brained washed by what really is a cult for her whole life. Still the mother is wrong but her life within the church has caused that. You can't just turn off that indoctrination over night and say 'Ok, being gay is fine now.'
And what's wrong with warning child before they do a mistake?
@@PanzerFaust1754 warning? That mother did not warn, that mother TORMENTED her daughter and forced her to do stuff that made her suffer.
That is not warning, warning is sitting down and having a serious talk, setting boundaries and telling them you don't approve, you will not want to meet their partner but will not stop loving them and supporting them in their efforts fo have a better life.
Warning is NOT repreatedly going into their room, their SAFE SPACE, and repeatedly telling them how wrong they are and pointing out for minutes at a time how this and that and that are better solutions and how they are reprehensible for how they ARE.
@@SidereusOfTheFallen - Louder for those in the back!!
@@SidereusOfTheFallen and that's perfectly fine, if it decides to be not normal. It shouldn't expect any compromises. But the mom very clearly expressed that she doesn't approve this and it makes her very uncomfortable. And once again, why mother should compromise on this? It's for her to decide. Maybe fortunately after this backlash daughter will start acting normal again and be normal.
Some people don't understand until you make them understand, sometimes you need to be forceful for them to get the message.
Under no obligation to help? Depends. Crushing depression to the point your daughter is afraid to be alone? Yes, that is a situation where you are obligated to help. Dear gods, parenting doesn't stop at 18, especially in situations like this when they need you most.
100% agree. Depression is super serious if left untreated and the daughter was begging for any help. Just seems a bit irresponsible for the mom to brush it off like that for brunch plans.
Story 2: but before they were contributing equally, so they aren't going to have the same spending money. I would say this would be a good opportunity for Op to put aside a similar amount to the boyfriends rent and use it to put towards their future house etc. Everyone gets to feel equal and if they say together they have a nest egg
That's a smart way to do it. Then they both are equally financially tapped. And if they stay together they both still benefit, and if they don't then OP has fresh start money. This is the only comment on this story that has actually had anything constructive or helpful to say. You need more likes on this.
Yeah, I actually got where OP’s boyfriend was coming from and I think her dad is a bit of a jerk. They have been together for two years… I would understand the dad’s logic if it was a fresh relationship, but it isn’t. That’s just my opinion tho.
@@misteripoopedmyself7824 Completely agree. If they're 'in it together' then they both pay half the rent each and save the extra money together! That's what equality looks like. The narrator is clearly using childish 'logic' when he suggests that the OP's father's rent reduction compensates for the OP's obligation to pay half.
@@anserbauer309 also I really dislike how Rslash says OP is already paying rent.
Like hell she is.
The dad is paying her rent for her with HIS money through losses. The boyfriend is paying rent, even if reduced. She is just mooching off both of them paying for her, mostly the father.
I can guarantee you, if she didn't have a boyfriend there, she would have had to pay rent, because I doubt the father would let her live there for free.
And I bet she is unwilling to help in other areas a bit more, like saving or food or related extra expenses, because 'the agreement!' which she already willingly broke.
That's much smarter than all the people basically saying he should either live there rent free or they should each pay $1700. Sounds like a good compromise. Dad pays for a majority of the rent, boyfriend pays for some, girlfriend saves up money for the future.
For the last story I hope that grandma is OK with being put in a home
Also what are the odds that if Mia had adopted a child before OP she would have demanded the ring because SHE had the first granddaughter? Mia just wants the ring and will twist any rules or traditions into 'heads I win, tails you lose'.
Mia would never consider adopting a child. Which is good, because no child deserves that kind of abuse.
Story 1: I'm proud of OP, he tries to be understanding and caring.
I'd disagree with you on the last on rSlash. The grandma absolutely disservice a BH score of 2! There is a difference between not wanting to be a free babysitter, refusing to help your family, and still wanting a good relationship with them.
The first one hurt my heart, I feel for the daughter
OP3: You're never the a-hole for reporting theft, regardless of who the thief is.
My god, the third story is so heartbreaking... Poor little kid...
Story 1: OP NTAH. Either your wife comes into the 21st century, she can forget any future contact with your daughter.
Story 2: OP, if your BF thinks he can get a better rate, tell him to go find it.
Story 3: It an item is stolen file a police report...no matter who the thief is. OP, call the police, get Mia arrested, then cut off ALL contact with her.
On the last aita story, I would give her the 2 of 5 bhole score based upon not helping her own daughter who's been suffering depression.
2nd story (copied from reddit)
Gentle ESH. This sounds like a really good way to build resentment. You've been together awhile, and your dad is still questioning your bf's loyalty. Is there justification for this? Why does anybody think it'd appropriate for your father to put your BF through some weird litmus test? Do you agree with your dad that your bf's intentions need to be proven by financial control?
What is your BF supposed to say here? Is he supposed to be thrilled that your father is treating him like a potential enemy rather than another person who loves his daughter and wants to care for her? I don't think this is really about the money for him, so much as it's insulting to be told the reason he has to pay when you don't is because he's untrustworthy with your heart.
So ESH because: 1. You're an adult and your dad is pitting you against your BF by implying you can't trust his intentions. Rather than have an adult conversation with you, he's manipulating the situation to his favor to test your BF, and quite frankly you should be insulted that he doesn't trust your judgment enough to talk with you about his concerns in a tangible and open way.
You think it's perfectly reasonable for your dad to test your BF's loyalty through financial control.
Your BF isn't communicating well, focusing on financial equality when the issue is an opinion your father has and his ability to exercise control over your choices and your BF's by offering you something you can't refuse, even when it signals unhealthy behaviors and sets a precedent that your BF may always be challenged and made to feel a need to repeatedly prove himself.
There's no such thing as a free ride. Being told to pay rent is a reasonable ask. It's the WHY here that makes the whole situation gross. It isn't about ensuring responsibility or minimizing financial losses. It's about keeping you and your BF under his thumb.
These are some good points. I think you convinced me away from rSlash’s conclusion.
This is exactly it!
Thank goodness somebody noticed the dad’s Cluster B triangulation
I wouldn't go as far as to say ESH, but I get your point. Maybe OP should have pushed more, but I wouldn't say she's the asshole for it.
I don't think that's it. If we look at content clues wr can see that, op dad is probably wealthy. He owns a few apartments in downtown Chicago which is quite expensive to live. He's giving her an apartment that has a monthly rent of 2100. So he probably can afford to let a luxury apartment like that be almost rent free.
I don't think he's trying to control her. I think he sees signs in her bf that she doesn't. So having him pay $400 rent(which is nothing he should be grateful ) is probably his test to see if he actually loves his daughter for her, or the potential inheritance she'll get once he dies.
And if we are being honest... Who complains that they pay rent in a luxury apartment that was a girt from their so parents?! He's paying less than what they were before and if he didn't know her he'd be paying alot more.
First story, absolutely NTA! OP is awesome dad material here! This story is shockingly similar to how my fiancée and I were with her side of the family. I'm trans FTM. We were friends for 6 years (long distance) prior to admitting feelings for each other. Her parents are divorced, and both sides didn't like me, even after her mother met me, purely because I'm trans and use religious justification. Her father sent my fiancée to conversion therapy with a local friend of the father's from church with the condition she could do her senior trip IF she went to this therapist. This "therapist" ruined any self-esteem she had after living with her abusive mother for her whole life to 17. He'd tear apart her choices and what she found happiness in. He'd say she's fucked up, a sinner and worthless unless she turn around, dumped the "devil of a person she's with" and just gave her so much mental trauma. I'd talk with her for hours through tears after these appointments. It ruined her idea of therapists being helpful and it took me so long to convince her to go to an *actual* therapist. She has so much fear of upsetting anyone that she'll keep stuff from others, not because she wants to hide it, but because she's afraid to get anyone upset. I can't raise my voice around her, even if I'm not directing my voice *at* her or it triggers her and she shuts down and can't speak. Her mother would force her on dates with her friend's sons as well. We had to hide our relationship after the parents attempted to push us apart. They'd threaten to arrest me for r*pe if I contacted her. They'd threaten to have her devices checked for any trace of communication with me for years. It led to a lot of trust issues with her parents. She doesn't even like to visit her dad at all, due to him guilt tripping, manipulating and intimidating her. "You don't love us anymore because you don't visit" but, when she does visit, I'm not allowed to go and I'm not even allowed to be talked about (Can't talk about "religion", "politics" or me). He claims I listen in on all her calls with them and control when she can even call them. Mind you, he's never even spoken with me and he held these feelings. I was demonized to hell and back despite them not knowing me at all. Her mother, to her credit, has come a long way in making amends with her daughter. I'm on good footing with her side now. Her father is still kind of standoffish but, my fiancée decided that unless he can at least play nice and acknowledge I exist as a human being and not a monster, she's cutting him out. I'm so proud of how far she's come in getting past his manipulation and abuse because she would have just said "yes, sir" and complied with anything he wanted. Did I also mention he has anger issues and has traumatized her at multiple points when growing up? -_- It's a struggle work through the trauma she's experienced but, she's getting better slowly.
I'm so sorry that happened your fiancee is a strong person ans so are you
As a religious man myself I say op is nta, op loves his daughter no matter who she is, like how the good lord and any good parent would.
I went to check the third story on Reddit and it looks like the OP deleted their account…which is worrying. I hope and pray that she managed to get that ring back
The adopted daughter story? No contact with Aunty and Grandma at that point.
Contact only long enough to swipe the ring back, then restraining order.
last story: naw man if your daughter is crying and talking like she might be suicidal (i need help im scared to be alone) and you decide BRUNCH is more important you deserve 5/5.
1000% facts..
I thought so too. Just because you have a right to do something doesn't mean you aren't an AH
not to mention that she could also harm the baby in some way. It happens. But mommy dearest decided that a yoga class was more important
For real, it’s not always safe for a PPD mom to be left alone. She can end up harming herself and/or her child. They’re lucky Op wasn’t suffering from psychosis or things could have really gone to shit.
So for story 1, as a psychology student, I can see the therapist point of it being how she was brought up with her views. There are different types of attitudes you can hold to things, what you explicitly show and those you might not be aware about but still affect you(like having a preference to see family a certain why cuz of how you were brought). However, she is definitely showing her attitudes about homosexual relationships, and clearly doesnt want to change her explicit attitude about that. You could argue and say that the way OP phrased things were a bit harsh, but its not like its that far off from how the situation seems like. Anyways, NTA and if it were me, Id question the marriage cuz I wouldnt support that kind of behaviour towards my daughter.
It seems like no one has noticed that in the first story OP's wife was trying to introduce her 16 year old daughter to dating apps. You have to be 18+ for those, so the wife would theoretically let a pedophile date her daughter but someone of the same sex is where she draws the line?! This woman is sick.
Mom is probably Catholic so that would do it
@@Flarflenugen Fred is a homophobic bigot
That's an upsetting thumbnail to see in the morning,,, thankfully the dad is more accepting than the mom.
Second story: No I think what the boyfriend is believing is that her relationship with her dad is what got them both the 400$ rent. So I think what the boyfriend is believing is that okay so both of us only have to pay 400 rent a month so we'll spread it 50/50.
Agreed. It's not a butt hole or entitled thing to believe when it's presented as such.
That's what I understood too. Like rent isn't 1600 just cuz it would be for other people. rent is 400 for them. I would have thought the same as the bf but according to r/slash that would make me a golddigger. no dude I'm just autistic and it would make logical sense to continue to split things 50/50 after 2 years of doing that elsewhere.
Yeah something that really should be brought it up is how much of everything the girlfriend's dad was communicated to the boyfriend in this story.
Tbh that is a dick move on her dad's part, why would you try to actively undermine an agreement they had and that was working just because you are worried that your son in law is a gold digger. If I was the boyfriend I'd rather move out and pay more but continue the agreement of splitting up expenses.
To the mother in the heirloom story: "History remember names, not blood."
my therapist also excused my moms transphobia and homophobia as smtn she grew up on and then the therapist continued to misgender me💀