r/Bestof I Genuinely HATE My Daughter
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- čas přidán 11. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:06 My boyfriend goes on a trip with his female friend
9:57 Daughter sides with abusive father over her mother
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
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Watching whilst taking a shit!
ok king
@@DryPaperHammerBro Tmi
you should do these types of ads and tell that yellow domitization logo to go screw itself in the AITA Videos and go back to saying buttholes!
Timestamp for the second story is off, it should be at 10:52
Just thought I'd let ya know!
2nd story: The daughter inherited her father's sociopathy and it's manifesting now. Someone needs to keep an eye on her. She may develop abusive traits to her children.
It's like her father decided before he died to pass that on to her so that he could essentially abuse from the grave.
I'm more concerned that she passed on those genes.
I hope son in law gets a divorce the minute she turns on him. Because she will
I am genuinely wondering if psychopathy is genetic…..I’ve heard the phrase psychopaths are born and sociopaths are created and this story makes me think it could be possible
@@bellerain381 from what i understand, psychopathy is a neurotype, like autism in that you're just born with it. sociopathy is more developed through traumatic experiences, particularly in childhood, though it seems to have some connection with nature as well as nurture, though neither disorder can or should be "cured" as such, rather constructively treated by a knowledgeable professional where necessary. i might be missing a few things in these definitions, but that's what i've read.
the important thing to keep in mind is that people with these conditions don't deserve to be demonised because of the fundamental makeup of their brains, and should instead be judged by the actions they choose to take. i've been seeing a lot of people getting too comfortable using mental disorders as flat-out insults recently, or just outright diagnosing complete strangers with them due solely to those strangers being assholes, and it's quite concerning.
Story 1: OP was so concerned with being 'reasonable' that she let herself be walked all over. Been there, girl. Glad she finally took a stand for herself.
I'm not surprised that op initially tried so hard to be "reasonable". So much of media and society warp womens objections, concerns and opinions as being "irrational", "emotional", or make some stupid period joke. This just teaches women that the only way to be "respected" is to stifle emotions and be agreeable at the expense of their well-being. Getting out of that mindset is tough so definitely good on her for finding that strength.
Exactly , she should’ve just told him to not go on the trip.
@@kaylawoodbury2308 yeah like those things cant be said about botth.. change period joke to Dick jokes 😁
@@tiii4017 It's not a competition, I was just pointing why certain behaviors pertinent to the story exist. I have no interest in running the Oppression Olympics with you and argue who has life worse.
As one of my friends said, "No. He's lost his 'nice girlfriend' privileges."
Last story: with that kind of PTSD episode, you’d be justified in getting a restraining order.
And she has documents from the ER to corroborate it. And it's probably good idea to put through the court if the daughter got an idea to try and get court appointed as OP's caregiver when she's old or something like that.
I agree! Eeks
I know it’s not right, but a part of me is thinking that murder in this situation is justified. And I know it’s unfair to the grandchild, because he can’t understand what his mother does to his grandmother, but my god that daughter needs to go….
@@Allianz1909 no it's not justified
@@internetuser969 if she is gonna abuse her child, and looks like she will then yeah better for her to not waste anymore oxygen.
that second story......the way op described it, it's almost as if the dad still lives, somehow possessing the daughter, to continue to ruin op's life for existing
Yeah it’s almost like an x files story (I’m sure there was something similar) but oh god the daughter is freaking awful
@@stuartwalker9597 there are no words for how awful she is. And the fact that she doesn't see anything wrong with abusing her own mother, making her have a massive case of ptsd, threaten her.
And even worse? HER IN LAWS DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT
@@dnprime1737 I would give the in-laws a pass, since they've only heard the daughter's side of it. However, OP needs to get a restraining order against all of them.
@@bonniehalf-elven yea, but still.... The way she acted with them next to her, if i was the husband or mil, if I didn't have a raised eyebrow at this, something is wrong
@@dnprime1737 doesn't the daughter deserve to get physically abused to see what her mother went through for years..
Story 2 made me just want to slap the daughter so hard she would be able to see her father from the after life for a few seconds so she realize how bad she f'ed up.
the way she acts makes me think something weird must have happened during that meeting. there is no way 1 normal deathbed meeting does that to someone
@@dnprime1737 Given that he died 6 months later, that wasn't probably the only time she talked to him. And he most likely said stuff that made it seem like he wasn't an abusive monsters that if anything, OP was exaggerating it by saying some half-truths. So the daughter thought that her mother was playing the victim. Which makes the father even more of a monster because even in death, he tried to put OP down.
@@backtoklondike good point, victims remember things differently
Nah she'd get a best down, a restraining order, and I'd get an order of protection saying if she came near me my home or sons I'd have every right to stand my ground, the pew pew way.
@@backtoklondike OP's overgrown crotch demon was still too easily manipulated...
I teared up for that poor woman. I hope her son-in-law saw how badly his wife's actions affected her mother and maybe rethinks things.
Hope they take the baby from her and he divorces her and gives her the boot on the coldest day in where they live.. she's awful.
My heart genuinely breaks for OP.. You never think you'll have to run away from your own child.. I hope she never has to see her daughter ever again
Oddly enough the son-in-law sounded like he actually cared and was concerned.
@@GhostBear3067 he watched the woman he love bully her own mother into a full blown mental episode before his eyes.
It would be odd if he *wasn’t* concerned by that.
Second story: I feel so sad for OP and her sons. They spent their whole lives trying to do their best to shield OP's daughter from the worst, and what they got in return was her saying she "didn't give a s-t" about their experiences so she could play daddy's girl to a dead abuser.
I sure hope Reddit or OP's sons can convince OP that she doesn't owe her daughter anything, but I can understand that doing so might be hard. "If I give her something, maybe she'll go away" is a trauma response. Also, her daughter is stupid-nobody needs 'a reason' to take someone out of their will, and she's not owed a house just because they talked about it once. The fact that the son-in-law and his mother are going along with all this has me worried for that baby. It sounds like NONE of them are well.
Here's hoping the son-in-law and his mother's experience seeing OP have a PTSD flashback was a wake-up call. If they're decent people, it would be. Otherwise...
Second story: I'm glad OP got out of that situation, and is going no-contact. It must be hard as a mother, but considering all the trauma she went through, she should consider getting a restraining order against her daughter, who seems set on taking on the role of an abuser.
If she doesn't, it might make it easier for the daughter to do awful things (legal, financial, definitely mental, and even physical) as OP gets older and the argument of mental instability / dementia becomes available for her to gaslight and manipulate other people into buying.
It probably won't come to that, as OP doesn't have that much that the daughter could inherit, but it's better safe than sorry.
I hope she finds the time and space to safely heal from this, with professional support and with the help of her great sons.
I would hope if OP made one or both of her sons her power of attorney, her daughter wouldn’t be able to do anything legally. Even if she did everything in her power to make it look like OP had dementia, if OP’s sons are her power of attorney, it would just be something her daughter is saying.
"It probably won't come to that, as OP doesn't have that much that the daughter could inherit, but it's better safe than sorry." I would bet against that one, my friend. Her "daughter" sounds just as monstrous as its sperm donor. Things like that don't need money as a motivation like money to be cruel and destructive. Sometimes cruelty for the sake of being evil is the whole point. And that thing sounds like it would do anything to destroy its mother, just for the sake of "trying to be like daddy".
@@Original_Tenshi_Chan Agreed.
I think daughter is already making up stories in her own mind about 'mother keeping stuff from her' so will choose not to believe there is nothing left to take.
And especially, as you noted, daughter is the type of person who will do evil for evil's sake and even if mother is proven to be absolutely penniless daughter will still torment OP just for the daughter's own amusement of it.
@@Original_Tenshi_Chan she was so easily brainwashed and manipulated into thinking OP's the bad guy (that monster had alone time with her when she visited and it was the perfect opportunity for him to further torment his ex one last time), and she didn't listen to a word anyone said to her. I'm waiting for the next update where ex daughter goes to OP's house again and blaims her for her husband divorcing her and taking custody of their renamed son.
I wonder what the SIL is going to do about all this?
Like, we don't have much to go on, but he was decent enough to chase her down the street with a coat and realise that something was seriously wrong, AND he heard her rambling about the closet. At the very least he's gonna have questions about that. Questions about why the hell my wife would name our kid after someone who treated people that way.
Maybe this is just me trying to tell myself a story that makes this better, but I have a feeling that his wife probably didn't tell him about the extent of her father's abuse of their mother. And if *I* heard that my MIL's husband locked her in a closet for days, I would have serious reservations about letting my wife NAME OUR CHILD after that man.
Maybe he is just an asshole, but that doesn't, for me, gel with the mental image of him trying to help the way he did.
Second story: You're right, rSlash. Even if OP gave her daughter money from the sale of the house, she would be back for more. OP needs to cut her off in every way. She needs to get a restraining order against the daughter and her in-laws (although her husband sounds nice - hopefully she's not abusing him). She needs to call the police if they ever darken her doorstep again. She needs to sell the house, move, and not leave a forwarding address, and tell her sons not to give it to her, either (not that they would, from the sounds of it). OP needs to get a security system. Her daughter is just like her father, and she is dangerous. OP also needs therapy for PTSD. I with there was another update. This is not over by a long shot.
1000% facts...
to insure that the daughter doesn't get anything OP needs to include her in her will. but you legally only need to will people $1, if you do that they can't contest the will.
Yeah I feel like giving her money wouldn’t make her stop, but encourage her to do it again.
@@KirbyKips yup.. she's a demon.
@@abiean222 in some states, one dollar is not enough. A lawyer licensed in that state would know what the minimum would be. But you're on target.
Wow, OP’s daughter really is her father’s child through and through. Hope the husband finally sees the light and decides to divorce her and take the kid. If the daughter’s willing to do that to her own mother, god knows what she’ll do to her kid.
I really hope the moment when OP's sil heard about the closet that, he would understand what was happening and why it was.
One of my sisters is very much the same although we all grew up with the abusive prick. I've been no contact with her since before covid, and my mum went no contact last year after a vile rant that sounded exactly like the shit my father used to say.
When I read the story and the in-laws saw how the daughter treated OP I was like really? You see this yet you think this is okay?
@@lorilancaster5917 Kudos to the daughter if they really are. Don’t understand why she’d be so upset about her mother going no contact, not when she married a family of people just as nasty as the daughter is. Birds of a feather and all that.
@@jasminemarie9071 because going no contact equals no money which daughter thinks OP has and is entitled to
Story 2: The amount of disregard and disrespect is insane. Like, the husband was straight up abusive and probably manipulated the daughter when she visited him.
I don't know what OP can legally do to deal with the daughter, but the only thing I can think of is just leave a dollar to her in the will (it's not exclusion) and leave everything else to the sons.
You really think he "probably" manipulated the daughter? We all know for a fact, 1000%
If the b-tch texted her anything, OP shouldn’t delete them. They can be cruel words that will backfire onto her. Hell, even calling she needs to record. Get any evidence from the brothers if they ever talk to her, or make notes of what she had done to both them and their mother. And really? A dollar? I’d say just a penny cause she is no daughter to even give a dollar to her.
I can't fathom how anyone could be manipulated so easily. Unless they already hated their mom and had that personality trait and wanted an excuse to be an abuser. Imagine all ur family knows the guy as an abuser, and you wanna be just like him. Gross.
That's what people like him are good at - pretending to be great people when and where they want to but show their true side only to their victims. We have a mix of a daughter that clearly inherited some of the awful traits and a master manipulator that managed to exploit someone one last time.
@@shykorustotora I'm deplored by how hateful OPs daughter has become but sadly at the same time, Parental Alienation Syndrome is a helluva drug, especially when someone like the OP is the target where they're afraid to fully fight back. My heart goes out to OP and hope the rest of her days are peaceful and full of the love and joy she was denied at the hands of that abusive pig of an ex husband.
Story 2: Get a restraining order against the daughter, sell the house and disappear from her. You owe her nothing at this point.
S2 honestly made me want to cry for OP. This poor woman went through so much and so did her sons. And then your daughter turns out like the abusive partner you fought so hard to get away from... It's genuinely heartbreaking.
I hope OP ends up getting some legal council to get rid of that woman who wants to call herself a daughter for good. OP, you deserve so much better than the cards you have been dealt in life.
That second story was terrifying! I hope OP can get away from abusive daughter!
I'd say leave 1 cent for her on the will that way she can't fight it and a note simply saying "you're an awful person and no longer my daughter for siding with that abuser" personally
@@shadowmewfred09 I don't know how this works in the US, but can't estrangement be used as a reason to leave nothing?
@@giftheck I don’t think OP has to leave her anything. She can write a statement acknowledging daughter and that she will not inherit anything
@@giftheck don't think so all I just know is that if you leave them nothing on the will they can challenge it but can't if there's already something on it
The mom doesn’t have to leave anything to anyone. Its her house, her money and if she wants to leave it to her dog it’s her right to and only her has the right to decide to leave whatever she wants to whoever she chooses. I hope she gives nothing to her abusive entitled daughter.
The first story that friend girl will drop him. She only wants him because he wasn't available and now that he's single she'll find a new boyfriend and just continue to use him as a cash cow. He won't realize until she runs him dry.
I believe they call it natural selection, where someone who isn't single is more desirable than someone who is. Forbidden fruit as it were. I think it's stupid but this has happened with many people.
Yup, considering she “won” her own boyfriend from his own previous relationship. Seems like she likes “winning”, but you can’t do that when the guy is single.
She's with another guy already... and people generlly associate with people of equalish means. So her bf probably has money too. I don't think she's not a cow I just don't think you're making the right point.
She supposedly has a bf
If you want a girlfriend get a wedding ring from the pawnshop lol.
Story 2: I'm really hoping OP's son-in-law realized what his wife did to OP. No one just walks out of the house dazed without a coat begging to not be taken to a closet as a normal reaction to seeing a grandchild. Didn't they literally have a meeting that explained what happened and the in-laws just. Didn't think about why the daughter, the only one who didn't witness the trauma, still loved her father?
I don't know, the daughter could have told them anything, even that her mother was just crazy and making up stories or whatever. 'Oh she's just doing this for attention'. Manipulative people will manipulate.
Story of the abused mother: if I was her daughter's husband, I'd be rethinking being married to a cold-hearted person like her. I'd also be afraid for what she might do to my son.
Story 1: he dropped you at his friends command and didn't even tell you until it was too late to argue. Then you tried to meet this friend to feel better about the situation, but she was unnecessarily cold to you, and Was having problems with her boyfriend. Even his family was upset on your behalf. The problem here was he prioritizes himself, his friend, and money over you. And when you try to talk to him about it again he still didn't get it, I don't blame you for dumping him.
Bingo. That first incident would have been enough to make me dump him. He wants to cave in to his female friend? She can have him.
And the friends boyfriend likely knew what was going on between them which was why he was bitter at the meet up
If I remember correctly, OOP mention that his previous relationship ended the same exact way.
If I were her, I'd have dumped him the moment he said that he changed the plans to take his female friend instead of me. Drive them to the airport? F that. They can Uber their asses to the airport, I'd be out. Because R/Slash was right, you know they were banging like a screen door in a hurricane. And even if they weren't, he's prioritizing this other woman over his own girlfriend (and who doesn't think it was that girl who wanted to change the trip to Costa Rica instead of Hawaii for just the two of them?) so he can have her.
As a woman whose mother was a victim of domestic violence at the hands of my father the last story is making me physically sick. I was just a few years old too when my mother left, but come on there are still memories that stays with you forever, especially the feeling of complete terror. (Well I guess being forced to see him by the court and being further emotionally abus/ed didn’t help with that) .
Nobody even ever believes domestic abus/e victims to begin with, I can’t even imagine the pain op must have felt that her own kid didn’t believe and victim blamed her when she was a witness to all of it, Christ I’d rather d/ie than be like her
Also she fell for his manipulations as a grown adult ? HeII even some kids under 10 are able to see trough it so for her to fall for it in her twenties ? She has absolutely no excuses
She believed. She knew. She didn’t care.
Nobody ever believes domestic abuse victims? Do you truly believe that's an accurate statement?
"He bought me a bag of peanut butter cups."
How did she not become the first ever to severely assault someone with a bag of peanut butter cups?
Maybe she didn't want to injure the peanut butter cups. Lol.
First story reminds me of when my boyfriend had a best girl friend. She wanted him to move out with her and another friend, not including me because “they didn’t want any drama” or something like that. He cut her off after that lol
Im glad to read a story with a happy end in the comments lmao. Nice catch
I have several female friends but no girlfriends up until now (I am 17) but if anyone tried to make cut off a relationship with someone else because "I don't want any drama" or "she is trying to hit on you" and "she is not a real friend she is trying to passionately hug you" they are out. I am a very socially anxious person so because its very hard for me to build relationships I value the very much.
Exactly, The first story should have ended when that friend even suggested leaving OP at home. For her to dare suggest such a thing is beyond wrong and for him to go along shows what sort of "man" he is.
The last story is easily one of if not the single, worst case of "like father, like daughter" I've ever heard.
The second story, when she said she didn’t want to go back to the closet I cried. How, how can someone not realise the amount of abuse and trauma OP had sustained. At least her husband sounded decent enough to follow her and call an ambulance. I hope he saw what she was really like and divorced her. It’s also weird how much you can be like your own father without having almost no contact. Must be some science behind that I’m sure.
The second story, I can tell, like father, like daughter. She became exactly like her father, or always was, but she only needed a trigger.
Oh my lord. That sounds like a full PTSD attack. I'm so glad it was the Son in Law that followed her and helped her because I'm sure he had the mental capacity to comprehend what was going on.
Yeah the moment op's bf changed the trip and said he's going to go alone with the female friend I instantly thought "he's cheating on you op". I'd let him go and come back to an empty house/locked door
Friend didn’t want to be the third wheel!? Then don’t go to a couples trip!
Also thankfully they haven’t moved in together yet. I really thought ex bf was going to offer another peanut butter cup to get OP back
OP is not hating her child, she's hating a grown woman who made her choices.
A great consequences would be to make her daughter's inheritance 1$, then she can't claim to be forgotten.
Story 2 nta just because the daughter has no memory of the abuse that doesn't mean it happened. Then to try and rug sweep her issues to say op wasn't the only one suffering.
I hate it when people say that you're "not the only one suffering" like that's how you make people feel invalidated and comfirm you don't give a shit about them
You mean "that doesn't it didn't happen".
@Nomad94 no one ask sir corrects a lot. You know what I meant.
@@juanhaines7295 Don't be proud of being wrong. Be better.
Of course all she's after is money. Truly a spoiled brat
Last story: As someone that was thrown into a closet as punishment by his parents, I really feel for OP. It wasn’t weeks for me and it didn’t happen frequently, but it still traumatized me a lot. She’s also being gaslit about it by her daughter, who continues to downplay her experiences with domestic abuse.
The daughter in the second story screwed up so bad that she triggered a ptsd attack in her own mom
Last story. I can't imagine hating one of my children, but I also can't imagine going through what OP went through. That seems like the definition of being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Judging by the daughter's actions, she is her father, and OP is right to hate/be afraid of her.
you can’t imagine it because your children aren’t exact replicas of the abuser you were forced to marry and survive. put yourself in ops shoes
@@stefperez2050 that's exactly what I mean.
Story 2: Considering all the trauma OP experienced and the lack of empathy from the daughter, it’s probably the best thing she relocate and go no contact. It’s scary to think that the daughter was too young to remember the abuse but ended up being just like her father in so many mean spirited ways. I agree with Rslash, people like the daughter never truly go away. She may not be able to go after her mother financially but if she knows she has the power to terrify her mother she’ll do it just because.
I feel so bad for op in the last story and can relate to what she went through. I was kidnapped, forced to get married to my ex. He would tie me to the bed when he was working. Would rape me daily and forced me to have 5 children by him. He was crazy and thought I was using my mind to hurt him. So any time he was in pain I would get beat and tortured.
I finally escaped after 10 years of hell only because he fell asleep after beating and raping me and I ran to a neighbors for help. Because of what I went through I have PTSD, anxiety, Epilepsy, Fibromyalgia, and arthritis. I also have a strong detachment disorder to my children because of the way they were conceived. I don't hate them or wish them any harm, I just don't see them as mine.
Well according to the courts my condition and feelings make me less of a person and a danger to them. (Mind you I've never harmed them and never would) All 5 went to foster care and were taken away from my parents and me. My parents only got custody back of the oldest and youngest.
Fast forward to present day. I have a loving Partner that I have been with for almost 4 years and we have been raising his son (My stepson) for about the last year and half. (He maternal grandfather who he was living with was abusing him)
Though sometimes I fear my kids hating and resenting me for in their minds abandoning them. They are too young to understand at this point and I feel that they will grow up hating me.
I'm so sorry, I wish you all the best in life.
OP this is a no win situation, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for that.
I truly hope that you’re doing ok and healing a little bit more every day. ❤
I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment and I will pray for you.
I m so sorry that you went through such horible terror. Maybe your kids still wont blame you, you're not fault for any of what happend to you. I'll pray for you and your kids. I m so sorry. I know a man who was being molested and beated by his father. He saw his father beat his mother and he saw him killing her.
Later the father just abandoned him. He ran away from home and the father didn't bother to look for him. But later as adult he met his father, they got in a real fight over some fathers crime and he killed his father. He was constantly abused and of course he never felt loved in his life. But one thing I can tell you. He defends woman and children. Last time I saw him he helped me get the woman and a child out of a car after she had a car accident. He took tje kid out and when the kid asked what's going on, he said:"nothing is going on, you're a hero boy"
He gave him to me and took the mother out. Then he told me:"you got them out, ok?!" And he ran away. I never told the police that he helped.
I guess he had to run. I hope he is fine.
Noone was born bad or evil. But it is hard. When they're killing you, your soul bit by bit. Every day. You learn to survive. But at what cost?
I hope your life will be much nicer now. I wish you all the Best. God bless you. I hope you will meet with all your children one day and that you will be able all to overcome everything together.
Second story: this really reminds me of how my siblings get on my case for talking about how my mom was abusive to me (mostly mentally & emotionally, including telling me to unalive myself knowing that I was struggling & keeping from my father using lies, guilt tripping, & blackmail bc he said no to her ONE TIME.)
my sister said "you arent just hurting her when you talk about her, you are hurting all of us." Okay, and? I get that you didn't experience what I had to with her, but putting it like that just shows you feel guilty for not sticking up for me or holding her accountable, but you'd rather get on my case then actually do so. Not to mention, she hasn't changed at all & is still toxic. Yet I'm scrutinized. Really just takes me back to being that scared pre-teen/teen that wanted to leave this world bc she saw no other way out. And yes, I've given my egg donor multiple chances and tried to maintain a relationship, but I'm the on who is not forgiving. Really goes to show you how toxic people poison the minds of others but the one who doesn't want to deal with it because they can see right through it are villianized.
Story 2 hurt my heart. I have empathy for the situation, my mom married and enabled my abuser when I was a kid and I can never forgive her for that. Family isn’t everything and you can definitely break familial love, people have limits. I’m trying to understand the daughter here as I have some degree of empathy there too, I never got to meet my dad in person and I was always suspicious of what my mom said about him even before she brought my abusive step dad into my life. I only spoke with my bio dad for a couple months over the phone before he sadly died, but he thoroughly and quickly changed my perspective on my mom (though I consider my bio dad to be an immature coward for never taking responsibility for making me). It’s a sad situation for OP and the daughter, I think best case scenario is that they never see each other again, but I hope the daughter can come to her senses
it is unfortunate that it seems both of them were not on an agreeable head space to have a proper conversation about it. It seems OP never dealt with her trauma and that has caused her to destroy her relationship with her daughter, the daughter also seems to lack a bit of empathy with her mother, while I agree that abuse does not give abuse victims the right to control other peoples lives, they deserve empathy and understanding to navigate the things that might trigger them. I see a lot of people jumping on the daughter but for the most part she did not do anything extreme to "make her same as the father", most of the "bad things" were from the mothers trauma perspective, she did not hurt her and she just seemed genuinely upset for everyone trying to force her to feel the same as them, she is right, she did not live the abuse, she does not have the trauma, she has the right to decide if she has some sort of relationship with her father, the brothers or mother have no right to demand her not having it just because of what they lived and that I guess is the part most people fail to grasp, having consideration for her mother´s trauma is one thing, walking on eggshells your whole life, limiting your relationships and even the right to decide your child´s name because of her untreated trauma its a completely different thing. I do hope OP seeks help to deal with her trauma and hopefully that will help her heal her relationship with her daughter.
@@SinnerHyuuga19 all good points. I think the main thing is that their positions are, at the moment, completely incompatible. Maybe some years down the line they can try and rebuild but neither is really trying to understand the other it seems
@@SinnerHyuuga19 "she did not hurt her" triggering a trauma response in someone to the point they have to be HOSPITALIZED is quite literally ACTIVELY HURTING her. Also did you miss the part where the mom was finally able to GO OUTSIDE OF HER OWN HOUSE AFTER MORE THAN 10 YEARS??
Clearly you've never had to deal with trauma in your entire life and I'm happy for you because I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But what you don't get to do is act like a victim of a crime isn't allowed to have boundaries. I'm so sick of people basically telling victims with trauma to "get over it".
Just how adult children are allowed to go no contact with abusive parents, parents are also allowed to cut contact with their adult child that disregards their trauma and tramples all over them and their boundaries.
@@FrogAtPond unfortunately putting the responsibility of dealing with your trauma on everyone else is not optimal, I empathize with her struggle as I hope she is able to express her boundaries in a healthy manner to avoid damaging her relationships, however based on the description of the situation it seems they are not communicating in a healthy manner, hence the reason why I stated that they both are at fault, OP clearly has not had her trauma treated and it shows in the way she reacted to her confronting her for what seems to be her ghosting her and her son because of his name... once again, I feel for her since based on what she said she had it horribly bad, then again that does not excuses her on trying to force someone else on feeling like her and mandate her actions because of it, often people confuse being considerate of trauma victims and enabling them on their trauma. You are not a good person for enabling someone´s trauma disguised as consideration
@@SinnerHyuuga19 you're spouting all this about "I empathize with her" and "I feel for her" when your words are contradictory to what you're saying.
You clearly do not have an ounce of empathy for this woman who went through hell (because let's be real, locking her in a closet when she "disobeyed" was probably not the only act of abuse he committed against her) and, quite understandably, could not handle her daughter naming her son after the man who put this poor woman through horrific things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. shame on you.
It was not the mother who damaged the relationship, it was the daughter who damaged the relationship when she decided to side with an abuser.
The daughter in the last story reminds me a LOT of how my brothers acted/act when they were addicted/are addicted (one's a current methhead and alcoholic - I have 3 brothers, all older) to drugs and alcohol.
My brothers' bio dad used to get drunk and beat our mom something terrible. Eventually he ran off with an 18 year old. When they're clean and sober my brothers admit their sperm donor was never a father to them. That he beat mom and abandoned her and never paid child support or tried to see them. That my bio dad is their REAL dad because he did everything a father is supposed to do. (They even took his last name willingly because he was more of a father to them than their sperm donor was.)
But when they were high, suddenly mom became the villain. She "drove my real dad away" and "lied about everything." (Keep in mind two of them were old enough to WITNESS the beatings, the youngest wasn't even really a year old.)
The current methhead one even thinks to this day, even though he's homeless and we have a restraining order against him because of how he stole from us and tried to force his way into my bedroom claiming he was me, that he's going to get the family home. He'll call up various companies like ones for solar panels and the like and claim he's the owner. He's completely out of touch with reality. Mom and dad tried to help him multiple times but after he fell off the wagon yet again they just can't do it anymore. The only way Todd would ever stay sober is if he was locked up in a mental institution for the rest of his life.
Story 1: Calling it he's sleeping with her. You don't disregard your girlfriend because your bestie doesn't wanna be around her.
Update: Picking the girlfriend over your best friend, picking the best friend over the girlfriend...no one had to pick anyone over anyone, until THE FRIEND decided to make it so. They could've gone together, but 'waaaaah I don't wanna be a third wheel'. I stand by my statement he's cheating with her, or he's a spineless baby....Not sure which is worse.
Story 2: For all the advocating for unconditional love, I can't judge this woman. Tell me you'd love someone who wants a positive relationship with your abuser. Have a postive relationship with the father who cheated on your mother, fine. The father who left, go for it....but you being close with AN ABUSER...I'm sorry that can never be forgiven. It's that sickening mindset of 'well he was always a good father to me'. No one turned anyone against her, SHE did that to herself. She's just as awful as that vile woman who had a relationship with her father, despite the fact he MURDERED his daughters during a call with his ex, to torture her, as punishment for reporting him for stalking her, because 'he was always so good to ME'. I'm siding with OP, some people aren't worth your mental health.
Update: ....Wow the daughter really wants to show off how worthless she is. Pity she can't fight a will, she's not entitled to anything. What a delusional brat. OP could really just cut her off and not give her anything, I kinda feel ''buying her off'' is rewarding her behavior as it's money she wants. Just leave her to rot. Sure the kids innocent, but she has a husband who can take care of him. Besides she's just gonna make him another clone of daddy dearest
In story 1, cancelling that trip for her and not telling her was the disrespect.
Story 1 wasn't making the friend feel like a third wheel. THE FRIEND DIDNT WANT OP TO BE A THIRD WHEEL. Or that's what it sounded like to me with the wording. Plus, they changed it behind ops back. Filthy scum the both of em.
OP would have to give her a "token amount" so that she has no legal standing to contest OP's will on the basis that she was forgotten.
The fact that she the friend wasn’t wanting to go because she felt OP I was gonna be a third wheel on the trip??
@@rubyred6169 Yeah but isn't that usually just a dollar? Or 5 dollars?
I hope the son-in-law in the second story gathers up the brains and balls to leave his wife. He was actually kind enough to help OP out when she was having PTSD and talking to her sons about what happened. I can’t imagine what he must be dealing with behind the scenes. After seeing his MIL like that, surely it had to be some sort of wake-up call for him to realize how much of a trashy human being his wife is. I’m hoping for the best for OP, the sons and the son-in-law.
Last story: I think your daughter has lost the ability to feel empathy, no decent person will hear what you went through and Shame you for it. It's not even just you she doesn't care about what her own Brothers went through either. Even though her husband who has heard her narrow-minded one-sided view of this story showed more compassion and care then she has.
Don't feel bad for hating her, she's baking on the delusion that parents have to love their kids no matter what they do and that's just not true, if you are a terrible person who treats your parents like this then it's not surprising that they don't want anything to do with, and can no longer love you because that's how terrible you are.
Also don't blame by piece of garbage, it's not his fault anymore, she know the true but doesn't care because all she want to milk you as much as she can before your dead. She going to find herself alone one day, she'll blame everyone she can to avoid feeling bad about her actions but the end of the day it will be her it will always be her own fault because she won't or maybe can't feel empathy.
That second story sounds horrifying. I hope everything worked out okay for OP.
the second story is tragic, because, even in death, her abusive husband found a way to harass her through poisoning his daughter against her.
The daughter had 6 months of meeting with her father, there was no way she only met him once, but even then, sometimes kids can be exactly like a parent they've never met because our personalities are a mix of both nature and nurture.
It’s certainly possible that there’s some hereditary psychopathy/sociopathy going on here, but it’s hard to say for certain.
@@eroraf8637 consider this, the daughter was raised around her father for some years before he skipped, and it sounds like he wasn't abusive towards the kids, just their mother. From this, 1-6 months as an adult can easily bring out latent negative nurturing even after years of positive nurturing. In cases like this, the argument can be made that the predominantly negative personality comes in part from one's hereditary nature influenced by even a little negative nurturing.
Last story: if you went no contact, that means NONE! Don’t let her in your house. And get a dog. Call the police on her every time she shows up, with or without that baby.
Or just relocate and tell no one where you live...
When I read that last story myself after it was posted, it completely broke my heart. I just cannot wrap my head around kids who can grow up with loving parents and end up such horrible, nasty, selfish monsters instead of adults.
I hope that practically making her mother catatonic from PTSD at least made OP's daughter think about it.
"Hm... Me bringing up my father, that her and my brothers claim to have been very abusive, seems to have upset my mother so much she had to be sent to the hospital.... Man she is REALLY dedicated to that lie!"
First Story: Wait, wait, wait. This friend would be uncomfortable if OP came with HER boyfriend to the trip and don’t want OP to be the third wheel??? Huh???? It is obvious that she planned to cheat on her boyfriend with OP's boyfriend and I think OP's boyfriend was down to do so. Why would he agree to disinvite his girlfriend from the trip to go on it with this other woman? The fact she was cold to OP and her boyfriend further suggests that she isn’t happy in her relationship and wanted to be alone with OP's boyfriend. Good on OP for not taking the level of disrespect this guy shows her. This man goes behind OP's back and changed plans to accomodate his friend
Second Story: Wow, holy shit. OP is telling her about the abuse her father put OP through and her brothers are telling the same story but OP's daughter wants to take the side of an abuser. Yeah sure, I don’t doubt he poisioned her mind but to blame OP for her brothers turning their backs on her is wrong. SHE caused her brothers to turn their backs on her for saying she don’t give a shit about what her dad did to her mom. Oh my god, I was literally yelling out "OP don’t do it, get a restraining order" when she said she will give her daugher her share. No, this woman don’t deserve a damn thing after all of the things she is putting her mother through. This is disown territory
Lol right?? Like, if it would be me and I would plan a vacation with 3 people, including 1 couple, and the other person canceled, I would be hesitant because I would think I would be the third wheel! And my solution would also be to either cancel the trip or - my preference - to find someone else to be the 4th person. It wouldn't even cross my mind to ask the other person to leave their partner at home!
Actually, the third wheel bit was a mistake rSlash made where the text said that she didn't want to be the third wheel while he read it as that she doesn't want OP to be the third wheel.
I'm sad that OP is deleted because I desperately want to send her love. No one should ever experience abuse of any kind, but especially to the degree that it can send you into panic attacks and cause you to black out. It's so heartbreaking to realize that some behavior can be hereditary. I'm glad that she has her sons and I hope that she can continue to move on and have a wonderful life, without her toxic daughter.
Geez the last story was monstrous. I didn't believe abuse could he hereditary, but my god this girl is starting to change my mind. How can she not see how downright evil she was to her own mother? How can she side with an abuser who wasn't in her life for 20 years? I fear for that baby of her, her poor mom
"sorry mom and brothers. It sucks you were abused but I wasn't so obviously he was a saint and means more to me than you do"
Story 1: Wow, the boyfriend never tried to put himself in OP’s shoes? Not once did he think, “What OP has also male friend, with whom she made expensive plans with?” Glad she broke up with him, though let’s face it, he’ll never understand why she broke up with him
OP's daughter is an absolute monster
Note to everyone: Shielding your kids from abuse can backfire. I.E. the dude who somehow was boinking his own abusive bi DAD because mom never showed him so much as a picture, let alone explained who he really was.
Oooof. 2nd story. That daughter is straight-up her father's evil spawn. I feel so sorry for OP!
That first story is basically 'tell me you want to cheat on me without telling me you want to cheat on me'. Especially with how his 'friend' got angry with her BF before their trip. But even if he didn't, his *family* called him on his shit saying that OP *should* be pissed with him because of how poorly he's treated her. She made the right choice, especially with how he was more or less dumping all the blame on her instead of taking any responsibility.
Second story, OP basically said it with the idea of her daughter's mind being poisoned because her ex-daughter is basically becoming her father. OP shouldn't feel bad and should remove her from her life. I wouldn't put it past the ex husband to have been calling her behind OP's back. The best thing OP can do is get a restraining order and get a lawyer because yeah. Her ex-daughter is going to keep hurting her in every way she can just like her father did.
pulling an all nighter, instead of watching this to start my morning, it'll help me fall asleep 💕
Feel that
You picked one hell of an episode for that dude
@@Jdvalentine13real you are not gonna fall asleep now
I have an interesting view on the second story.
Both my mother and I grew up without a father and met them later in life (her when she was 38, me when I was 17)
My mother dislikes her father now but when he came back into her life. She instantly became a daddy's girl. There's something about not knowing your bio dad that makes you so interested in them when they come back.
She and I used to argue alot because I got along with my dad but I didn't get along with hers. And how since they were both gone I should treat them the same. She used to be mad I wouldn't even give him a chance like she had cause he was "trying".
I already had a disliking to my grandfather before I met him cause of all the things he did to my grandmother and uncle. He was fiancially abusive to my grandmother and abandoned my uncle when he was a child in a random town (all happened before my mother's birth)
Those are the reasons I don't like him.
My mom has since since how bad he can be and knows he hasn't changed nor feels bad about what he's done. So now she doesn't talk to him.
I think the daughter in the second story is like my mom. She wasn't there for the abuse and therefore doesn't fully believe it. She has heard lies from her dad and it cause a break in the relationship with her mom.
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) op's ex-husband died before daughter could see how bad he was. Not saying this is on op. It's not op's job to prove she was abused but I feel sad knowing that daughter is gonna be stuck on daddy's girl phase because her dad died still pretending to be good and not showing her his true colors.
I'm sad that the relationship has to end but the daughter needs to realize the pain her dad caused and acknowledge the family she has and not the memory she's trying to create.
Thank you. A lot of people have an understandably instant emotional response to the "daughter's betrayal" but things aren't that easy imo too.
Maybe it takes personal experience I have as well to see through abusers like that and the real influence and opportunity they see and have on the smallest lack of information. Really feels like therapy would've been an amazing step for everyone but the lack of it causes the mother and brothers to lack a sort of outside of their body view on how the daughter is manipulated into her sudden change in behavior. The mother herself writing she hears her ex now when her daughter speaks is a testament to what's really going on.
👍🏿
I can only hope the daughter doesn't repeat history with her own son. If she's capable of such disregard and cruelty to her mother, I can't image what she could do to an innocent child. Like father, like daughter.
Dabney: "HE'S POUNDING HER LIKE A JACKHAMMER!"
Me: Goals.
Story 2: Don't give her any money from the sale of the house. Update your will and leave her $1.00 then she can't contest it.
I don't know, I get OP here. If someone in your life is abusive, you have to think about your own safety first. I have a friend who has a stalker. He finally seems to have backed off, but he had prevously scratched up her car and slashed her tires, but she'd never think of suing him for it. If the abusive person is out of your life, it's more important to keep them out than to 'win' in some way. Peace of mind is priceless. So I get OP; if giving her daughter the money will get rid of her, yeah it's worth it. It's the same as when someone is trying to rob you at gun-point. You just give them whatever you have, because none of that material stuff is worth your life or your safety.
Story 1: Even if they weren't cheating, what he did sounds like he's cheating. 90% sure that he really is cheating.
And if, in some bizarre circumstance, he isn't cheating, well, he at least wrecked the relationship because of what he did. If he is willing to choose friends to the point of shoving others aside, then OP's better off without him
Gosh that last story made me feel literally sick. That was so upsetting I hope OP is ok.. I hope her sons are caring for her. I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about that one. :(
This first story reminds me of a nuclear revenge post from a few years ago. A man found out that he had been raising someone else kids for almost a decade, and his wife hadn't been faithful for more than 2 consecutive weeks since the wedding. He made her believe that he had started an affair, ignoring texts, not coming home until 3 in the morning with no explanation, lying about a business meeting to stay in a motel room by himself for a night etc etc. It tormented her so badly she ended up in a mental hospital, and he never so much as looked at another woman. That's the closest comparison I can think of to what this moron did. Even if anyone believes that they weren't already screwing, he went out of his way to make absolutely sure he was suspicious, standoffish, unclear about his plans and uncomunicative as possible.
Good point
Rslash switched from "am I wrong" to "he's pounding her like a jackhammer"
Last story: Why OP is contemplating leaving her daughter a single, solitary nickel is beyond me. Sell the house and car, yes, but use that to start your new life in your sons' city. You owe her absolutely NOTHING.
If my spouse treated their mother that way and didn't care about the fact that her mother was abused, I'd get a divorce instantly. That is not the type of person I'd want to be married with.
Story 2: And this is why we do not shield our children from the truth, no matter how horrible. Not blaming OP for the abuse she went through, but if she and her sons had been honest up front about the dad, maybe they could've saved the daughter from the manipulation.
Also points to the son-in-law for at least recognizing something was wrong with OP (as in catatonic panic attack and needs a hospital wrong). I now feel sorry for the grandson having a gaslighting mother. Not the baby's fault he's being used as a tool for manipulation.
So... I have an aunt similar to the daughter in the last story... Her dad, my mom's ex-step-dad, was so horrible and abusive. But my aunt worshipped him. She's been estranged for a long time now. But my mom found out that she and her daughter got matching tattoos after he died, and my mom shut down. My mom did so much to protect her younger sisters from the abuse and then one of them calls everyone else a liar and worships the man? It was hard seeing my mom deal with that.
At this point i've probably learned about 50 different ways from rSlash to emphasize how hard people are passionately hugging.
Also for the last story, almost sure that around here you can actually exclude your kids from your will if you wish so.
My guess is that our laws don't mind a person excluding people they dislike from the Will and it mostly serves as a way of giving two options to exclude people you do like from inheriting your debts.
You can exclude them yourself so they don't inherit your debt, or they can, after being informed about it, say they don't want to inherit anything so they don't inherit the debt.
At least that's how understood it when my Grandmother died of lung cancer years ago and the person that came to read her will said "She didn't exclude any of you so you'll have to decide if you want to inherit anything and take on the debt or not inherit anything and the debt will be dropped in that case"
Well luckily my Grandmother was kicked out of her house a bit prior to her being hospitalized for the lung cancer, so we already had to move most of her stuff and she basically either threw away things or gave them to us at that point, therefore it was not part of the inheritance anymore.
Yes, you can exclude people by name (in the US, anyway). I know because I have three half-siblings who, along with their mother, have been specifically named in my father's will as receiving nothing. He wanted to be sure that I was the sole recipient of everything, and that's what they had him write so that if they decided to conveniently show up after he died, I could point to that and tell them to eff off immediately.
When I heard that story about the daughter with the abused mother, I kinda expected her to utter the words "How much do I need to pay you to get out of my life?". Because that's how desperate she felt.
Oh man that first story has me in two minds. On the one hand i do believe men and women can be platonic friends, maybe it's because i'm ace but I've seen it and experienced it. But on the other hand I've been cheated on by a partner with a "totally platonic friend no really" and am hyper aware of that happening. So my general rule of thumb is unless you can 100% guarantee that you won't cheat on your partner under any circumstance then you need to minimize the opportunities for that to happen. Personally i don't really believe anyone ever cheats "accidentally" but it's going to be a hell of a lot easier for an "accident" to occur when you are alone with a person you could be attracted to for a week in the tropics. And for OP's BF to know she felt insecure and threatened and still choosing to go be alone in a romantic destination with the person OP was worried about is either monumentally stupid or breath-takingly cruel. Either way she made the right call. By setting up a situation where he would always have even just the suspicion of cheating hanging over the relationship he doomed it.
Oh my *god* the second story. It must have been so horrible, so absolutely nightmarish to be in this situation again. Her own daughter started to verbally abuse her and gaslighted OP, it's just horrible. How can she not be thankful to her mother and brother for protecting her all this time? If I was the daughter's husband, I might reconsider my marriage. Like, if he ran outside to get OP back to safety, it means he has definitely more empathy than the daughter. I hope he'll see this GIANT red flag for what it is and run away as well.
2nd story: it's terrifying the daughter picked up abusive father's habits....
"NO! He's pounding her like a jackhammer!"
I just about had a heart attack from laughing so hard at this XD
The second story gives me vibes of the stories my mom told me about my real father growing up. He was an alcoholic and diabetic. Both together are NOT a good combo. I never met him in my life and when I had resting b*tch face, (I have ADHD, so that is the face I have when I'm not masking) she got mad at me saying I looked just like him and she exploded on me. For years I just kept the mask on because I felt like I was the problem. The last 2 years have been a major boost in my mental and emotional health without feeling like I'm walking on eggshells like I did a lot of my life. (I'm 31) However, all the stories of him constantly drinking has made me TERRIFIED of drinking. (I have one mixed drink or a beer on special occasions, but I don't really like to drink anyway.) I have that deep seeded fear of becoming like him if I drink more than I do even though I never met him. I'm sorry this is a long comment, but I just felt like getting this off my chest. It has bothered me for YEARS, and this story had all of it flooding back. I hope she is able to get away from her permanently to help her mental and emotional health.
This is terrible and I'm sorry you had to experience that. One thing stood out in your post that I have to ask about:
I got diagnosed with ADHD comparatively late in life. I used to get in so much trouble for my RBF; I'd be listening to someone in a meeting and later my supervisor would pull me aside saying that I'd been glaring at the speaker.
Was it the ADHD all along?!?!
@@ladyofrillwater I was diagnosed with ADD in 2nd-3rd grade and for several years I was made to take Ritalin. At one point before 7th or 8th grade, they had me on 375 mg A DAY. It completely messed my brain up from what it did to me and then for 9th-11th I was on Adderall XR. My 12th grade year I cut all of that out cold turkey. I still have residual side effects from those medicines and I have moments where I get stuck with my thoughts and getting words out. Forced smiling with masking is draining and honestly painful feeling like it is wrong for me to be myself. My gf of 2 years now is the first time I've felt I could be myself without fear of being judged or told to "turn down" who I am because I'm too much to put up with. That is something my best friend said to me a few times living with him.
As terrible as this is to say and most likely makes me sound like a bad person but would the daughter have turned out differently if they didn't try to shield her from the bad stories of her father and was upfront about what he did to OP? At least stories fitting age and only going into more detail around teen year, like 12+. The chances of her hearing about OP and Abuser's relationship for the first time in detail was probably from Abuser which would make Daughter see all of OP's truths as lies.
..... I probably do sound evil sorry if I triggered anyone 😔
Story 2: I think the daughter was in contact with her father long before she said anything, and if she was shielded from all of if then she’d only have heard stories about what he did to the rest of the family. So the father used that to his advantage and gaslit her.
"Don't put me back in the closet"
Chills, man. Clearly OP did too good of a job of shielding her daughter from the abuse.
The last story is so depressing because i’m sure if the daughter made a post from her perspective, we might almost see where she’s coming from
1st story: yeah rSlash is right those two are definitely getting it on in Costa Rica.
2nd story: holy hell, so according to the daughter, because she doesn't have any memories of it, and because OP isn't the only abused women being abused, she should get over it? holy shit OP is not the asshole her daughter is.
Second Story: Wow I agree with you, but I'll skip the main parts of the issue the mom has, what I want to point out is the fact that she just tried to reform a relationship with OP for the inheritance, just for the money, not because she's her mother no, just for the money, I don't even think she's deserving of one cent to her name, the daughter just sounds like a horrible person.
Story 2: I wonder what OP’s son-in-law thinks. When OP was having a panic attack and wandered outside, he was there with a jacket and asking if she needed an ambulance. That kind of gesture doesn’t scream “toxic” to me. In fact, it seemed like he actually recognized OP’s behavior being serious and not her “being dramatic.” If that’s the case, he might actually be sane enough to raise his son properly or get the heck out of that relationship if necessary.
Second story gave me bit of a flashback. Hope the mother is getting whatever she needs in help.
The last story wrecked me. I want to hug her and let her know that she is loved and heard.
I give rSlash a lot of flack for when I think he's wrong, but he NAILED it today, especially with the second story. OP needs a restraining order against her daughter and now.
It’s one thing to have a female best friend, or to be friends with your ex. But you have to be open with your partner about it, and make sure what you do doesn’t make them uncomfortable. The first story went way beyond just making the girlfriend uncomfortable though
I have male friends. When they have a girlfriend, I just do my best to befriend them as soon as possible. One of them got married and now his wife & I are close friends too, just as close as him & me were!
To answer your question rslash, most abusers are very charismatic. My dad was similar, they have to be good liars to stop people from calling them out, convince their victims to stay, convince people they're in the right, etc.
rslash: I’m worried about getting demonetized so I’m gonna avoid saying “asshole”
rslash (one video later): HES POUNDING HER LIKE A JACKHAMMER
Ain’t no way my boyfriend is going to Costa Rica with another woman without me
No chance “I don’t want her to be a 3rd wheel”
Not a chance, what is she planning to do 👀
Vile
Story one: "I don't want to go if your girlfriend is going", simple solution? "ok, don't go"
Story 1: What the boyfriend SHOULD have done at the beginning was either A. Drop the gal pal. Or B. Invite a 4th person, maybe the gal pal's boyfriend. And he's still wondering what he did wrong? Man OP TRIED to communicate her boundaries and concerns. Honestly I would've lost patience with that guy AGES ago.
Second Story: Yeah...... so, even if we give the daughter the benefit of the doubt, and assume she's doing this purely because she doesn't have a bad image of her father, what she's doing is still awful. It's a complete disrespect of her family's feelings. Utterly and completely.
Story 2: I wish, sometimes, we could travel back in time so her mother can take her to the abusive times so she can understand why her mother reacted the way she did. Not just to see how her mother was treated, but her brothers as well. Perhaps even herself, if anything bad happened to her in the years she has no memory of.
"Nooooo..he's pounding her like a jackhammer". I was laughing so hard😂😂😂😂😂
What a sad episode. We all have moments where we are too wrapped up in ourselves to show compassion, but too know someone is suffering or upset and the reason why and still put your own needs first is monstrous. I hope the first OP finds someone who respects and cherishes her and second OP never sees her daughter again.
It took seeing his stuff at his own place for him to remember he was in a committed relationship. Keyword: was
Story 1: I could absolutely believe that nothing was going on between the boyfriend and the best friend, but I think the ultimatum of leaving was reasonable for OP. I think the coldness could be explained by strain in the female friend's relationship and her fighting with her SO, and she might also be bitter towards OP from the original fight about OP's boyfriend spending a day to comfort her and trip together (not justifying that, as it was reasonable for OP to be suspicious). The boyfriend probably was aware of OP's lack of comfort with said friend due to the original fight and that is why he waited to tell her. I'm also betting OP has a history of putting up with a lot (a lit of us have been guilty of that in iur relationships) which may be why the boyfriend really didn't buy that she would leave him. I would guess that the boyfriend also suffers from what I call "good boy/dog syndrome", basically confusing being a good friend and a good person with being a good partner or spouse. It sounds like he has growing to do as a person in order to need to be the level of committed (not necessarily in the exclusivity sense, but in the emotional and responsibility sense) before he can take on a serious relationship or marriage.
This is basically my thoughts too but you put it better than I could.
First story: Tell me you are cheating without saying you are cheating. That's THAT vacation.
With the update: This dude doesn't understand that he was dumped, now he can hook up with his misstress without feeling guilty.
The last story - don't, don't, DON'T "buy your daughter out" - she will smell blood and come after you.
I have to pause the first story and say this. My wife and I have trust to the point where I have had female work friends that I would get coffee with. She has male work friends that she eats with. No big deal. But if we planned a dinner let alone a trip where we then cut the other out for a friend no matter what their gender might be, things would go down hill fast. Your S.O. is supposed to be your best friend. And you put them first before other friends.
Exactly.