r/AITA My Coworker Spread Rumors I'm a Pe**
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
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Discord: / discord
0:00 Intro
0:07 False accusations
3:16 Moving in
5:04 Rich
7:29 Comment
7:42 Contact
12:20 Consequences
15:59 Wedding pictures
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
“Claire is a single mother”
I don’t give a flying rat’s ass if she’s paraplegic. You don’t accuse someone of being a groomer!
Ikr? I am confused about how being a single mother gives her the green light to spread false rumors about someone. Is it to justify why she did it? If it is, that's a poor a** excuse.
@@dracko158well the manager is a friend of Claire’s and was likely fishing for bs to think of reasons to guilt OP to not file the report. I really hope there is an update which both Claire and the manager get their butts handed to them.
Yeah if OP gets retaliated on, he can sue for slander and a hostile work environment because of Claire. So either way, Claire is going to get fired, and the HR person's job might be screwed.
Losing tons of money over a lawsuit almost guarantees someone is getting fired.
Talk about shooting yourself in the foot for no reason other than to be a prick and having a miserable live. If you didn't want to be a jobless single mother, then don't do things that make it easier to be one.
@@dracko158 It's the classic "I shouldn't have to bear that big of a consequence" card that people use whenever their finances are at risk.
Never realizing that to avoid to Find out, they should stop Fluffing around.
She should have thought of that and her kid(s) before spreading malicious, unverified slander.
Ooof- that first story is a yikes. Being accused of p********* is both life and career ruining. Sounds more like an issue for a lawyer than HR.
Especially when HR pressured OP to not make a big deal about it.
He manager is one of Claire’s friends hr instantly took the side of the agitator
I’m not one of those guys who goes on and on about “false claims are so common and ruin so many lives”, as it’s usually used as a sexist bludgeon to silence women and METOO, but there is still truth to those statements.
False claims really can ruin lives, even if they’re the vast minority, and most cases are hard to prove when true to begin with.
What she did is literally slander. False accusations that could massively negatively impact the victim's life. She could be sued. The workplace could be sued for allowing that gossip to spread uncontrolled in the first place instead of sorting it out the moment they realized such potentially false personal information was being spread. Especially since they not only allowed it, but encouraged it. Evidenced by them trying to convince the OP, the VICTIM, to not make them handle the toxic gossip of the office. That HR person should be disciplined for endangering the company that way. it's her JOB to keep the company out of legal trouble.
@@stuartwalker9597yeah that biased idiot doesn’t seem to realize that someone being a single mom isn’t a free pass to accuse people of being a PDF file. Claire is at an age where she should know to shut her yap about things she doesn’t know and I hope OP goes nuclear on her and the manager telling him not to file the report.
Story 4 seems *really* much more complex than just 'man did bad thing, man bad'. Yes, he *was* the AH in the setup to the story. He had an affair, and his family left him, even when pleading with his daughter to remain in contact. However, for seventeen years, he *did* respect that decision. He didn't try to beg again, he left them to their own devices because that's what they wanted. He doesn't want to reopen old wounds. But guess who comes waltzing back into his life? His daughter, at the behest of his ex-wife, tries to get back into his life. He'd naturally have complete freedom to deny. Even throw her own words back in her face. She's virtually a stranger to him now. He's not the AH for trying to keep contact cut with someone who's basically a stranger.
It gets even *more* complicated when you look at what the daughter's doing. She's been asked to re-establish contact by her mother, which isn't necessarily suspicious even if she's meant to be heartbroken. The daughter took it more personally than the ex, it happens. However, where it gets even *more* suspicious is that she's asking to visit and crash at his place for a few days, especially after he says he's leaving the country and only a couple years after he's gotten a new place to live. Maybe she's between houses right now and is just looking for somewhere to stay, and is taking it easy as she re-adjusts. Still an ulterior motive. Maybe she's trying to speedrun connecting with him, to get something out of it. Maybe she's doing something that her mother wants. But no matter what it is, I do think they're up to something.
Tl;Dr: Story 4 father's an AH for cheating, but wanting to keep contact cut doesn't make him an AH. Especially when things are so suspicious.
Agreed.
agreed, Rslash is looking too black/white on this
agreed, when it comes to daughters Rslash loses all sense of fairness
Was thinking the same thing
thats what I said, she did not contact for herself, not for her 12 year old child but because after 17 years "her mother told her to reconnect" a few months before he leaves the country? 17 years.. Yeah no he is not the AH if he did not want contact with her after all that time.
My uncle was accused by a neighbor for being a .pdf. He wasn't, there was no proof or evidence or ANYTHING, and despite lawyering up and having to clear his name, he STILL was regarded as a shady individual and 'couldn't be trusted around children.' Accusations of that shit still fucking LAST, man. It's insane.
i like this. instead of "p word" lets start calling it "pdf" instead lol
@@reffk5306I hate turning legitimate words into inappropriate slangs just to avoid the real words that have real meaning in order to communicate on CZcams and other Social Media sites. Too many mental gymnastics go into communicating and it distracts from the actual problem....."find the trouble makers, help them reveal themselves, and let people avoid them for themselves." (I'm speaking online......in person, it could be more difficult but there are authorities and systems to help with that.)
@@reffk5306in reference to my last comment.....absolutely do it because communication is necessary. We know jerks exist and hiding them away doesn't make them not exist. It only gives the illusion that they don't and people don't learn how to handle jerks on the occasions they do see them.
Edit: I see my comment was deleted. To summarize....words are important for communication. Using .pdf in place of the real word makes it less efficient to communicate and brings up new images that people like me want to avoid when using the word. No words should be censored and each word should have one meaning....no more than 2.
'FaIse accusations don't exist'
I was accused of this. It was investigated, no charges were filed and she eventually spilled the beans that it was a setup to have me removed from my house so they could rob it. No consequences for them, but recently, when my friend had a top secret security clearance check, they looked into me as well and found the record of the investigation. That was 25 years ago!! That shit sticks!!
About 20 years ago I had a friend-of-a-friend accuse me of collecting CP on my computer. At the time I couldn't understand why because A it was untrue, B I hardly even knew the guy so it was entirely unprecedented, and C: there was literally no reason for him to make it up in the first place. It was just so bizarrely out of left-field that nobody took him seriously, and the allegations just evaporated on their own when he stopped making them. Life goes on, I forget about him. Anyway I found out about 5 years back that he's currently in prison for molesting his own daughter multiple times over the course of a decade, even paying for her abortions.
Say it with me people: "Proooooojection!"
Edit: Whoa i just had a dark thought...what if he were using me to test the waters? Throw out a few accusations, see that they go nowhere, makes him feel like it's safe to go ahead and start messing around on his own.... eeesh.
Prrrrrrooooooojjjeeccttiiionnn
Prooooojection!
Prrroooogggecccttttiiioooonnn
As the saying goes “when you point your finger at someone, you have 3 fingers pointing back at yourself “
ProoooOoooohhhhh dadDy
Story 1: Oh i KNEW the HR rep was gunna be a friend of Claire.
NOBODY is that comfortable spreading rumours to other coworkers without having some level of safety.
Oh Claire is a single mom: then maybe she should have thought about that.
Claire AND the HR rep deserve punishment and Op is 100000% NTA
"Oh Claire is a single mom: then maybe she should have thought about that."
100 % this.
If someone is a single mother and absolutely need their job to remain stable, maybe they should keep their stupid head down and stop being the workplace drama-queen.
If she gets fired, she absolutely deserves it. What she spread around could ruin OP's life.
Well I thought it was the manager who was a friend of Claire, not the HR rep. Either way, HR also are the *_BIGGEST GOSSIPS_* as well. I mean their whole job is to be involved in drama.
I would threat to sue for sure and go to the boss cause the manger got Claire back and try downplay it naw she try destroy OP life
I'd have countered with a "You realize I could have your job for this as well?" when the HR rep tried to shut down the complaint. The job of HR is to try and avoid the company getting into legal trouble related to workers, so the rep trying to bury a complaint about defamation in the workplace AND trying to create a hostile work environment?
That's a lawsuit just waiting to happen. Either HR rep protects their own job, or they get both Claire and themself fired.
Two points to HR as well!
Story 5: I HATE when people from good households lecturing the ones from abusive households how they should treat their abusers with respect because "family".
You're telling me. I was berated on insta before for saying I haven't spoke with my mom in years with the whole "but family" talk. Yeah.. but why should anyone talk to the person who lost custody not once but twice and chose her bf. Guess we ain't family nomore 🤷
Me too. Those people need to learn to stay in their lanes.
I've had to cut off friendships because of this. Some people just do not understand the validity of absolute hatred I have for my family because of emotional and physical abuse. I don't give a rat's behind of "well he's your brother, you should care about him" when he physically assaulted me IN MY DRIVEWAY and almost gave me a concussion after calling him out on his selfishness and he punched me in the back of the head and threw me to the ground, and my c*nt of a mother defended HIM while hurling insults at me and didn't even bother asking me if I was okay
i think it comes from a lack of empathy and insecurity. that its inconceivable for these people for family to be abusive and the thought that "if they can cut off their loved one(s) over behavior, they can cut me off too!"
@@abiean222 Most of the time it comes from complete unawareness, i.e. "How could they just cut of their family? I wouldn't do that with MY family". They just don't understand the entire situation because they never went threw something like that, and that's why I hate people like that cause they act as if they know better than the person who actually experienced the abuse.
"born on 3rd base thinking you hit a triple" that's a great way to put things
I hope OP saw that comment, turned it into Tshirts, passed the shirts to family, and they wear them to events where Liza will be attending.
@@lorilancaster5917 LOL yeah, it's an old phrase. I grew up hearing it but it perfectly captures people like this. And somehow we all know/have met someone exactly like this. Bragging about their 'accomplishments' that they've done little or nothing to earn.
I'm not a sports guy but I love this expression
That's one of the best explanations of privilege that I've ever seen.
"She then told me Claire is a single mother and relies on this job, and that I shouldn't have embarrassed her on front of the office like that."
So?? So what if she's a single mom? She quite literally tried to ruin OP'S reputation over her stupid gossip. Being accused of being a p*do is not a "small" accusation, it's quite serious. Stand your ground, do not take any BS from Claire or HR. NTA.
Well then if she relied on her job then she should’ve done the adult thing and not spread horrible rumors. Claire effed around and needs to find out. As I’ve mentioned before and I’m a broken record, OP should go above the manager and report them as well. Lawyer up if need be.
Claire comes off like she's extremely emotionally stunted and emotionally immature. Essentially, she behaves less like a grown woman with a child of her own and more like she's an overgrown middle school mean girl bully who peaked at age 12.
I agree that OP should absolutely go above HR, consult a lawyer and sue the shit out of the company for creating a hostile work environment, turning up blind eye as well as a deaf ear to the slander, (possible libel) and defamation of character committed against him.
Oh no accountability for my actions 😂
Escalate! Escalate! Escalate! Escalate!
Grooming allegations are no joke. Anyone, even those who are wrongly accused, have their reputations tarnished and lives ruined, in youtuber, in the film industry, in television networks, and even those in the gaming industry roles in bed with allegations like this
Story 5: So OP's dad has had the abuse of his father replaced with the abuse of his wife and she's drafted her kids as co-abusers. Disgusting.
Off to check the terribIe reddit comments. I just know some of them are gonna say he's a crybaby man boy
Agreed. It also kind of has me wondering if OP's father was doing the replicative-relationship thing and married someone too much like his own father (OP's grandfather). Sometimes it takes something big, like the wife joining sides with the abuser, for the abused person to see it or to have had enough of it.
Either way, OP and his father are well rid of these toxic people. I hope both get the support and therapy that they need to move on and have happy, healthy lives and relationships.
@@Diamondr11BlueI would hope there aren't any comments like that, but knowing how the internet is, I wouldn't be surprised
Pffft. Weak. He's not a victim, he's a liar.
@wmdkitty what makes him a liar?
Story 5: the mother was probably trying to force the father to reconcile due to a savior complex of her. It was a “look at me, look how great i am, I reunited a family that had broken apart” without considering why said family broke apart.
This is definitely very likely. I came from an abusive home growing up and have had to sever many ties and move out of multiple living situations because people were putting my safety in danger with their savior complexes. I even once had someone tell my mom where I lived, where I worked, and what times I went in, then YELLED AT ME when I had an anxiety attack because my mother started stalking me. Apparently, stalking can't be scary or dangerous if they're immediate family. 🙄
My dad's mom did this to my mom. She made my mom reconciled my dad and my uncle (dad's brother). And..apparently they first got into fight because my uncle is good for nothing guy, mooches off my auntie (his wife), cheats on his wife on regular basis, and got physically violent when drunk. Every now and then he try to get my dad to visit the red district with him because "that's what makes a man a MAN". My auntie still not letting go of him though, she's so terrified of the status of "divorcee", even though she's filthy rich enough to live comfortably, with or without husband. The lesson? Seriously, never meddle with people's business. People got broken off for a reason.
3erd story: liza sounds like someone who’d be angry that the student debt was canceled and thinks people should be shoulder the massive debts they accumulated, what a snobby c
She's 100% the type of person who becomes a stay at home mother once she enters the real world and figures out it isn't all sunshine and rainbows and just gives up because she's never faced any real adversity.
Nah liza is the type of person student debt got cancelled for
The people who fought back against that idea were people like OP who could never afford college, never saddled themsleves with debt, but whose tax dollars were going to pay off the debt of people lile Liza who either didn't need help paying it or should've never gone to begin with
@@znerd3664no? It’s always been people who are upset that someone got a “free ride” and “didn’t have to work as hard” that are against student debt forgiveness, which is exactly the mindset this girl had. She thought OP just wasn’t working hard enough
Yeah.
I consider myself lucky my parents paid for most of my college with minimal debt. They're not rich enough to buy me my own house, of course, but this woman had the audacity of calling 19 year old lazy when they're looking into trading programs which are just as valid in the job market as a tertiary education.
There are multiple ways to make your own way in the world. If you have the good fortune to have someone to help you along with it, good for you. Doesn't give you the right to look down on others who do not have the same privilege.
@@znerd3664 Take this L. No one who has suffered poverty would deny someone aid. Only the rich have that mindset.
As a woman... I am sick of the "But... She's a single Moooooother" BS
And she’s likely a single mom because her attitude scared off the baby daddy who likely is overpaying for child support to just stay away from her.
Imo her being a single mother is even more of a reason to do so, then she can tell her child that she lost her job because she lied about people to other people instead of either stfu or asking the person in question
Would be a very good life lessen, in the direction of "learn from my mistakes"
I say this as a woman in her early 30's: Sadly, that'll probably always her biggest advantage and the biggest advantage of a lot of entitled women; people will keep letting them get away with that excuse.
Her being a single mother is a another reason why not to backstabbing people.
And she clearly a big backstabber.
Story 6: I never really understood that. The grandfather abused OP's dad and the dad wants nothing to do with him, and apparently that makes OP's dad the bad guy here? Nope, OP is right, the mom chose the grandfather, now she has to deal with the consequences
She wanted to play the Hallmark Hero at her husband’s expense. I’m sure she will regret it once FIL shows his true self and OP and his dad aren’t there for damage control.
Thats story 5 also yeah as someone I dont understand how the rest of the kids got along with their grandfather
@@lorilancaster5917 Guarantee that grandpa would ditch mom and other siblings the moment the divorce happens
@@066kshitizvsingh4 actually I’m thinking he’ll act to them like he did OPs dad but add a hint of manipulating one against the other for his amusement. I think he will see this as a win by OPs parents divorcing.
@@lorilancaster5917I have a feeling that it's not about being a hero, but money. If it was just "being a hero", I feel like there would be more filial piety guilt tripping. The fact that she's keeping it as "you'll go and LIKE IT!" makes me think it's because her motivations are unsavory, like digging for gold.
Implying someone is a P-word isn't small. I would have insisted that HR also document that the manager tried to pressure OP to not document the issue.
But it was the HR manager who gaslighted and tried to coerce OP into not making the report. So OP should go above HR and not only report Claire but also the HR manager.
It's straight up sIander that should be delt with
It's straight up sIander that should be delt with
Strong argument for skipping HR and heading straight to a lawyer.
I'd want them both fired.
Story 1 : idk bro, this sounds like a lawyer's problem. Straight up over HR. Because visibly they also sound as useful as a bag of horse rubbers.
Story 5 : Thank you OP, for standing up for your dad. What they did is atrocious and a gigantic vioIation of trust. Consequences for all, even for you. You just get that happy meal.
For the HR manager to downplay it to like it’s nothing. If a guy gets accused of being that, his life is over. With or without evidence but she takes as it’s like just plain insults. Crazy.
@@nickspur0798 frfr. I'm a teacher and had a colleague be accused of being touchy.
The student was a notorious violent troublemaker and known to go to any length to take down whoever she dislikes. Well, the admins threw him under the bus and he went on paid vacations pending transfer. He never came back for the rest of the year and he was replaced.
It was in November. I swung by around late May and he was still out.
@@hiroshi7025 wow. That’s worse scenario cause of course it coming from a kid, it’ll be taken more seriously. Which of course you want to but dang, a kid abusing that power is scary.
@@nickspur0798 It's even worse and less worse at the same time because they know they won't be affected by the consequences the same way as an adult would.
@@hiroshi7025 nope, not at all. Crazy.
Story 4, so many divorced parents alienate their children from their ex spouse, then years later regret those actions and push their kids to rekindle their parental relationships. Just sad, sometimes the children or the alienated parent don’t care to continue the disfunctuonal relationship.
I mean this man literally is waiting to die, so no, he doesn't have to care or pretend. He's alone, and I think he prefers it.
Rslash hating on men like always because I'm always certain if this was a woman he would of said the exact opposite
@@tyshawnbacchus8546he does tend to be easier on women. But he really hates cheaters. He literally puts them on pedo levels of hatred.
And he tried to keep the relationship but the daughter clearly rejected him and he went on to live his life. At some point you have to move on and for his own mental health, he can just be waiting in limbo for eternity.
Also in an update or comment, it's mentioned he inherited quite a bit from his parents. He's retired and his sister and him are fixing to move to the inherited house from his parents. Daughter was trying to pry out money for inheritance and then would resume no contact.
@@tyshawnbacchus8546only time I can think of that he went easy on a cheater was a woman though.
In a nuclear revenge video where the dude destroyed his own life while simultaneously destroying the life of the cheater. It was quite brutal but nuclear revenge and all that.
My boyfriend was abused by his mom. If she was trying to get anywhere near him I would fight tooth and nail to prevent it.
That’s cause you’re a good SO. OP’s mom clearly is not. How much you wanna bet OP’s mom agrees with the grandfather and shames dad for crying and other “unmanly” things?
Story 1: NTA. She didn't embarrass him in front of the entire office, she accused him of really bad things behind his back to the entire office. If she tried to embarrass in front of someone he could defend himself right away, but talking behind someone's back is just trying to poisoning their well.
Story 3:If I was OP,I'd just ignore her and live my life my own way,She's far beyond saving with how much she's been spoiled
People,Don't look down on others just because they have less money than you
Problem is that she’s hard to ignore. I really do hope OPs actions create a door for people to be as direct with Liza regarding her nonsense.
Especially given that she herself hasn't achieved anything.
First story, I can understand the suspicion about an 8yr age gap when the younger party is only 22, ***but*** that’s absolutely NO excuse to start a rumor about someone being a groomer without the full story or actual evidence. And HR saying it was small? Unacceptable, that kind of rumor is NOT small.
Story five: I ran away from home at fifteen to escape a father who had abused me on a daily basis. My earliest memory is being shaken in my crib for crying. He would slap me when he got angry and then again when I cried, and this went on until I finally beat him back and ran away. I think I understand where OP is coming from.
For my mother's sake I eventually rebuilt our relationship. I even ended up being the child who looked after the parents when they needed help but my father never once addressed his abuse, not even on his deathbed! He just beat on me whenever he lost his temper. and he woke up angry every morning. I am past seventy now and still deal with the trauma.
OP lived like that, I think. He obviously has shared this with his wife, who has ignored his feelings for whatever reasons she considers. In his place I would be tempted to lock her out and tell her to go live with his father, because accepting his abuser into her life is the ultimate act of disrespect. Seriously, this is worse than infidelity. How can she justify such a betrayal of trust?
My dad seems to have grown up in a similar fashion to you. He was responsible for his 8 younger siblings and if one of them did something he got the beating. He was also the one to help his parents out and try and be the best son he could be. My own relationship with my father is rocky for many reasons (not relevant ones) but if my dad wasn’t the one taking me to see my grandfather I would have never met the man and not felt sad about it. My grandfather had changed a lot by the time I was born and was kind to my mother (my mom left my dad when I was 2) but the fact that he abused my dad definitely discouraged me from ever feeling close to him. I can’t imagine trying to force someone who escaped to invite that person back into their life. I find I spend more time trying to encourage people cut abuse out of their lives (while still trying to respect that feelings can be complicated). My step dad was also abused by his dad and he cried when that man died because despite all that he loved him. People who are able to escape are dam strong and that strength should be supported. People who never did escape (physically or emotionally) are also strong for enduring and also deserve support and help. This family isn’t doing anything a “good” family should and deserve to live with the consequences. If the grandkids want to meet their grandfather then they can do so without their father’s involvement. I don’t know why they needed his buyin for that. I guess I just don’t understand them at all.
We all know accusing someone of pedophilia is a very small tiny accusation
Oh wait no its not, nta
Story 1: I know that’s not what you meant R/, but I wouldn’t call this embarrassment. This is the kind of accusation that makes people completely unemployable, destroy reputations that never fully heal, and in some cases led to murder. And you never need proof 90% of the time people just believe you.
So the coworker and her boss who was grossly miss using their authority, need to get out of OP face with that sob story crap. If she’s a single mother that needed that job so badly, she shouldn’t have spread rumors behind his back dashed on little to no information with no soiled proof. And if the boss keeps trying to underplay or convince you to drop it, tell her that you have no problem, reporting her for workplace harassment, and special treatment to your aggressor.
Rslash downplays a lot of stories
Rslash missed the mark by not titling the video "my coworker spread rumors that i'm not like them" and putting "He's not like us" in the thumbnail
***No OvHoes were harmed in the reading of those stories.***
That would have been pure euphoria
i think the dude is too out of the loop for that lmfao
With story 4, he's definitely absolutely the AH for cheating, but he's not the AH for not caring to rekindle a relationship (at first) 17 years later. That is WAY too long to realistically expect to still hold value in someone's life.
In the first story, I hope that OP went to someone else other than that first lady because I have a weird feeling she’d be willing to downplay the incident if she documented it. His livelihood is at stake with the accusation being made towards him.
how could anybody be offended over somebody calling them out for spreading a rumor about being a groomer and a pfile when that is about 1 of the worst things you can accuse somebody about to the point that even being a murderer makes you better than being a pfile. making such a dangerous accusation is life destroying even if it's a lie
Cuz it looks bad for her. If it really wasn't an issue there would be no huge back and forth right
Story 4: Yeah OP is a AH for cheating. But if someone cuts you out in life. You have 0 obligations to let them back into their life. At ALL. No matter the context, no matter the situation. Its your choice to let them back in.
You do when it's your kid and you're the homewrecker.
@@Nekulturnystill nah
@@Nekulturnynah bro it's never an obligation
@@Nekulturny "you cheated so you are now sentenced to being ignored for 17 years but if I ever feel like coming back you have to because, question mark"?
Some of you are so detached from reality that I think you need a break from reddit or the internet in general.
@@Nekulturny No you don't. Your kid is a grown ass adult now. The daughter and ex-wife (in a understandable circumstance) choose to cut him out of their lives.
*your actions have consequences*
Story 1: It is beyond reprehensible to go around spreading such abhorrent rumors without having proof. Allegations of grooming can *permanently **_ruin_* lives and reputations. Such allegations don't even need to be true - just uttering them can cause SO much damage. To just freely gossip about such a terrible thing shows how irresponsible Claire is. OP's in the clear, and personally, I'd give Claire a 4/5 score.
You never, never, *never* call or imply someone is an abuser like that without having proof of such things.
Nah, she gets a score of 4.5, 4 ain't enough for what she was doing
5/5. Don't think about how it DID go down. Think about how it COULD have.
It also muddies the water for real cases and accusations. This isn’t something to joke or gossip about (if Clair was really worried or really believed it, why didn’t she reach out to the wife to see if she needed help?)
I'm very tall (over two metres) and worked in security at a club for some time. I had to defend myself against lots of r*pe allegations from blackout drunk women, after me and my colleagues removed them from the premises. The club had cameras everywhere, my colleagues stated the truth in their statements, but I STILL had to defend myself in court several times. I was very lucky that none of the court dates were open to the public, or the media would've ruined me. Truth doesn't protect you from ruin.
And if I would have been accused of doing something like that to a child?
Holy crab, nothing could've saved me.
Ok Rslash, I absolutely disagree with you on the story about the dad who doesn't want to meet his granddaughter. You're right that the daughter was justified in cutting him out of her life because that is absolutely her choice to make, you can always cut anyone out of your life for any reason or no reason. But you can't then turn around however many years later and expect them to welcome you back with open arms, he also has the right to say "no I don't want to re-open contact after you cut it in the first place"
she can cut her dad out if she wants to, but he also doesn't have to accept her wanting to reconnect. He definitely could have phrased it nicer than he did, but hes NTA in my opinion (Only for how he said it, he could have been way nicer, but hearing the update he was apparently drunk during the conversation)
Having an affair is definitely bad, but that's not what he's asking about in the story. he was asking if he was an asshole to say he doesn't want contact with her now.
Are you serious? The reason why OP’s daughter cut OP off was because of her mother? If OP is to be believed, and for this part of the story, I do, OP’s daughter was manipulated into cutting off OP, how the hell you going to use that as an excuse to say that OP is NTA?
I agree with u, u can't expect someone to welcome u back after not knowing u for 17 yeas
@@holyvipers9814r u fucking serious? U expect him to take her back after 17 years? Im not justifying cheating, he cheated and he got punished but that doesn't mean the daughter can just come back into his life whenever she wants to. She left him, even if it's justified, now he has every right to not want her back in his life
@@holyvipers9814 I'm confused. You agree that the daughter was manipulated by the mother, but that doesn't make the mother responsible? Or are you saying that the two are unrelated, that the mother is a buttthole for manipulating the daughter, and OP is a butthole for punishing the daughter for it? I dunno. 17 years is a long time. I don't think that's all on the mother.
And... she did it at her mothers behest. She had no personal interest in reconnecting smh
Story 4: i dont think the dad is an AH. He absolutely make a mistake with an affair but after 17 years of not talking, you don’t have any obligation to rebuild a relationship with your daughter. And what, if the mom never told her to reach out, would she ever?
I can give you another perspective. My ex wife (who was a closet lesbian and initiated the divorce) poisoned my kids against me. After i got remarried (not the cause of our divorce) she convinced my kids to cut me off. After many years i have lost any concern for them.
It’s why parental alienation needs to be a crime.
@@Dragonmaster0118the issue is it’s really hard to prove, because there’s many cases where the kids don’t *want* to interact with the other parent out of their own will, OR the other parent is genuinely abusive.
@@averydavis8698 I agree with you, but I was never abusive in any way. My only sin was being a man and finding happiness with someone else after the divorce.
@@averydavis8698 I do see that point and I am sorry you went through that.
Yeah, I don’t think anyone owes another adult a relationship. I do think he was TAH for how he initially responded on the phone because that seemed really rude (tbh I am one of those suckers who can’t hang up on politcal poll calls when it’s a real person). I actually didn’t like the update because it feels like he was pressured into accepting them into his life. I think if he had just called back to say “I am sorry for being rude, but where I am at in life, I don’t have room to add more to my plate. I wish you the best but please don’t contact me again.” I would have supported that. On the other hand, OP sounds like he is in a really dark place after all that loss so I really hope that he finds happiness, whether it’s with his daughter and her family in his life or not.
First story: Just a remainder that HR isn't your friend since Op's accuser personally knew HR
Agreed. HR is not our friend, and will do what's easiest for them first, and good/easiest for the company second. What is good for the target is almost never a consideration unless, miraculously, it fits either of the first two criteria.
In fact, years ago I worked for a toxic employer. Instead of fixing the problems they hosted multiple workshops on 'how to deal with bullying in the workplace' (largely so that the employees would try to solve the problem of being bullied on their own without bothering management). One of the guest speakers was a labour lawyer, who started her talk with what happens after someone reports bullying or abusive behaviours to HR (generally, not just my employer). I forget the exact numbers but remember about 80% the reporter ended up leaving the job - either by being fired or forced to quit. Most of the rest of the 20% were negative repercussions for the reporter (suffering health issues, stop being promoted, being excluded from meetings, etc.). Less than 5% of the time the bully got any repercussions, most of them being a slap on the wrist and only something like 1% the bully had to leave the job.
So, yeah, HR is never our friend.
Story 5:Tis their fault that they want to meet bad people so badly for no good reason at all
This is exactly like those stories of two people getting married and one of them asking the other to invite family members that stink,NTA at all
Let me get this straight. When a father does something shitty, and his child decides to cut all contact with him, we should respect that child's decision. Correct?
So, in the previous story, when a father does something shitty, and his child decides to cut all contact with him, why are we calling him a butthole for respecting his child's decision?
Because the guy is considered the ahole, by most, no matter what.
Because Dabny is a hypocrite.
It's because that particular man was a cheater. Those are not well known for their truthfulness and integrity. There's a thing called contextualisation of circumstances that should be applied to each story.
he is a butthole for the cheating and destroyed the child's happiness. not because he respected the child's decision.
Like Dabney said, I'd like to learn ex-wife's and child's side of the story. Because I don't think we got to the core. Like... Why now all of a sudden? I have an inkling that the daughter would have introduced her daughter to grandpa, and not soon after they're not doing so well financially and he should open his wallet cos he's faaaaaamily and how can you say no when your granddaughter needs you and you were such a bad dad, you owe us. This is only speculation but if she's stayed away for so long, why now.
Story 5 "Consequences": I'm betting the grandfather told OP's mom that the kids (& potentially her too or her being entrusted with the funds) would inherit his "wealth" (if it even exists) & he'd give OP's dad/her a significant fund as a marital gift if she can get OP's dad to forgive him. She's way too eager for money not to be involved/promised! As is the 15yr old.
Sotry 4: Bad take. I ain’t explaining cuz I actually had this comment typed out 5 different ways before this, all over 1000 words. I aint typing another essay. Just, awful take, Op is not an AH for keeping contact cut that was chopped ALMOST 2 DECADES AGO.
He cheated on his wife and deservedly will die alone. Even when his daughter tries to reach out in a last ditch effort after having time to mature and have a kid of her own, he still decides to be an asshole. He's an asshole through and through
Contact: Yeah cheating is wrong, Yeah he threw her life upside down divorces happen 50% of the time in America. This girl has been cut out of his for 17 years.. 17 years people..even as an adult she did not contact her father until "her mom asked her to reconnect with me" It was not because she wanted to, it was not because her 12 year old child was asking for "granddaddy". I honestly don't think he is an AH if he didnt want contact, not sure if I would after so many years, they are strangers after all.. Maybe I would feel different if it was actually the daughters own idea, or if it was for the child. But it wasn't.
the daughter cut herself out of his life for 17 years.
Methinks the mother's life has been bad over the years maybe as she has built up anger and realises her hate of her ex is what is causing it so wants closure, not for her daughters benefit but for herself, and/or maybe she is sick and wants closure for that reason it could be anything.
Story 1: Claire = 🚩
Esculate over something SMALL??? its is NOT SMALL. Being accused of being a p-word can literally ruin a person's whole life!
Nah, story one, I would've gone scorched earth. Even rumors of that kind can absolutely destroy someone's life
'>It's just a prank bro, take a joke'
Story 1 nta something "so small" would destroy his life.
If it was so small why can't she fess up without issue. Make some sense
@@Diamondr11BlueAlso, it wasn’t her business.
@@yobabycolin2933 I get trying to stand up for people but nobody here was in danger, so this isn't a valid reason on her end
Story 4, OP wasn't at fault if he decided to being AH or not with daughter. He already have broken heart, due to his fault. And the daughter made it clear, that she wouldn't want to see him again. She already out of "statute of limitations" for reaching out back. I only talk at current OP POV only.
So the office lady can ruin someone 's life but Op can't make her feel uncomfortable about wrongly ruining his life....
Story 2: where was this mandatory family support when you needed it? What exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? And how come after so many years, they only remember your number when money was involved?
Of course you gave your son saying this he lives there too, and he would have to deal with them as well, probably more. I can tell your family demanding babysitte, kick him out of his room, take his stuff, and if he can plan, he’s selfish for not helping family.
Keep the pets out your house, they don’t get to pick and choose when they want to be a family.
Plus I’m sure OP isn’t their only hope but since she likely has a nice place and they know about the inheritance, they want a piece of the pie.
I believe OP's relatives don't know the meaning of any of the words they used to insult her.
@@Azulakayesyeah I waiting for someone to call OP a Regina George or some other nonsense
She tells everyone you are a pedo. Then she makes no effort to tell people she made a mistake?
You need to sue for defamation. This WILL leave permanent long term scars in your workplace. Even IF you change workplaces, this could have an impact years later.
Suing for defamation, even if just for $1, helps put the record straight.
Yeah because if the gossip was spread outside of the workplace (someone telling their spouse about the crazy thing they heard today) it can have extreme consequences no matter where you work.
Poor little rich girl. "Boohoo, I'm offended that you called out my BS and it's your fault!"
Liza couldn't survive without her parents money, so who is really the lazy one here?
Liza would be the first to break down if she had to get down in the dirt to survive.
Her parents fought and paid for all her battles........you don't get the right to say somebody else is lazy, when you have your life served to you on a silver platter.
Story5: Honestly, I wonder if something is going on with the Mom and the Grandfather.
Why is she so adamant?
Adamant enough to trick him into meeting his father on his birthday.
Either the Mom is screwing him or she wants to get her greedy hands on something he's got after he dies.
OP, you stand by your dad.
He trusts you. Don't let your psycho Karen Mother or your duped siblings ruin that.
At college I knew people who racked up huge credit card debt and even then had parents to send them cash when they wanted something and they would be the first to say how they are supporting themselves and even talk about people on welfare and low paid jobs are lazy and just don't want to better themselves. When I say huge credit card debt they can be 10-30k in debt within their first year at college not for their course fees but pure credit card/bank loan debt as they just wanted to party.
Post 4: Cheating or no, the daughter cut contact for nearly two decades, OP accepted that he wouldn’t have a place in her life anymore and it’s unfair to expect an elderly man to jump up like a dog receiving the smallest bit of attention at his daughter’s phone call.
I'm getting "daddy, I went to get milk and I'm back now!" vibes from the comments who actually still call him the bad person. Everyone expects him to invite her inside, all jolly like "oh, good to see you again, wanna have coffee and a pretzel?" She wasn't gone for 10 minutes to the corner store. She was gone half of her life. He doesn't even know her anymore.
Can't wrap my head around that.
First story I dont blame OP one bit, spreading roomers is not nice and this is a serious issue and she should apologize and go tell everyone she was spreading false roomers. Also spreading a roomer like she did would ruin someones life and career, she easily deserves the 5 but hole score for spreading such a roomer when she doesn't know all the facts.
This is reminding me of a Best of Updates where a woman accused a friend of OPs of SA. It didn’t matter what evidence he shown to verify that he didn’t, his life was ruined and he ended his life. Years later the accuser sent an email to OP revealing that she only accused the friend for attention and didn’t mean any harm and wanted to get this off her chest. I believe OP showed this message to the authorities and got her arrested.
Basically, I am agreeing that some rumors and gossip and destroy a person even if there is no merit nor evidence behind them. Especially if he has to deal with people thinking we should always take the woman’s side.
I promise you I'm not being a grammar dick, but the correct spelling is 'rumour'. Just a friendly correction so you know for future.
Edit to add, 'rumour' is the British English spelling. If you're in the US it's 'rumor'.
Apologizing won't fix anything he's cooked 😂
3rd Story : Would you look at that, the rich people who never had to worry about any kind of financial bump road telling others they're lazy for not being where they are.
What a surprise.
Story 4: I bet you she just soooo happen to come back for some inheritance or some bs ESH
Nobody who is the victim and is SO RIGHT, as rslash suggests, would just randomly call up their cheating father to reconnect lol
Tf? Cheating on the wife means you have to accept 17 years of silence and then jump out of happiness? Rslash falling off
I mean he tried for exactly one year. He was the one who messed up so why exactly was it her job to fix things and keep in contact?
@@aluralovell6829he did try, his daughter didn't want anything to do with him so he respected her wishes. Now 17 years later of no contact she comes back wanting to reconcile not because she wants to but because mommy told her to because she felt bad about badmouthing the dad. Being a bad partner doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad parent. He's definitely an AH for cheating but they've been out of contact for more than half of her life so I don't think he's the AH for not wanting to reconcile
As much as Cheaters shouldnt be respected.
It is never right for the aggrieved parent to fan the flames and make their child hate their other parent.
Being a cheater doesn't man you cant be a decent parent.
I do agree although I feel conflicted as well. I am a child of divorce and my mom worked really hard to ensure I could have a relationship with my father. I am now grown and distanced myself from my dad for my own reasons and I am learning just how horrible my dad was to my mom and I feel guilty for having a relationship with him at all. It makes me feel bad for even existing because I tied them to each other for so long. My parents are both complicated, so honestly there is no “right” answer. But I definitely agree that while cheating is marriage ending, it doesn’t have to destroy the parental bond.
@@rebeccajesse4604 of course there are people who just aren't good too. But I dont think an aggrieved parent should actively try to destroy a bond.
Story 4:
RSlash has no sympathy for cheaters. Which I totally get. Cheating is disgusting, but it DOES NOT automatically mean that an ex wife is justified in trying to sever a child's relationship with her father. How much does a cheater need to suffer for RSlash to say, "Okay, maybe you deserve some happiness in your life again because I deem it so!"? OP WAS the asshole 17 years ago by engaging in an affair. Now, he is just acting on his feelings of abandonment caused by his ex-wife and fully grown daughter. Whether or not anyone thinks he deserved to be abandoned by the daughter, he is NTA for reciprocating the feelings after 17 years of no contact.
Not the first time I got so mad at rSlash's judgement. Oh, boohoo, OP did exactly what his wife and daughter asked him to do, what a truly, truly terrible man. Cry me a river.
Not me and my family living in fear and fleeing from my mother's ex who wanted to force himself back into our lives, with threats and all...
@@JayLeeBeanz
Personally, OP's past actions are not as relevant to his present request for advice as one might think. Dabney's reasoning is practically ad hominem.
"You are the AH for not wanting to reconnect with your daughter now, after she clearly cut you off for 17 years... because you cheated 17 years ago."
File a defamation of character lawsuit against that B!
Am I the only who thinks OP in the 4th story is justified? Don't get me wrong he is massively the AH for cheating and he got punished for it by his family. But after 17 years of no contact how can u expect someone to still have any feelings for another? He hasn't known his daughter for 17 fucking years and he is the asshole for not talking to her?
Accusing someone of being a groomer without SOLID evidence should result in at LEAST a few years of jail time if they can't prove it.
Story 4. Wrong or not with cheating, it's not fair to expect an elderly man who hasn't seen his daughter since she was a teenager who said she never wanted to talk to him, to expect him to bend over backwards to say "oh yes daughter who abandoned me and who's only reaching out because her mommy told her to! Yes I'll meet the grandchild I've never even heard about till now!"
Agreed
I'm also rather concerned because indifference-which likely is emotional numbness-and suicidal ideation, and maybe cynicism too, are symptoms of depression. I'm no mental health counselor, so I might recommend OP search for one.
That still does not justify being a butthole and hanging up on her like he did. He says he does not care anymore but he clearly did, seeing as he made the post on Reddit and took action based on responses from complete strangers. Plus he did say that he had been waiting for that exact situation to happen years before. Definitely the butthole.
yeah i was coming to say something similar. 17 years is a long time
As the child of a father who cheated on my mom, I don't think it's always so black and white. I don't agree with what my father did, but I also "get" it. My mom and dad had a terrible toxic relationship, and my mom treated my dad like garbage. He met someone who treated him with kindness, but he couldn't escape my mom and turned to drinking. So he had his own issues too. But him cheating on my mom didn't make him less of a father to me. The drinking did though. It was just a tragic and terrible situation all around. I watched my parents, who were both good people individually, destroy each other. Then my dad died not long after he reconciled with my mom over the cheating and got sober, so his issues in life seemed so insignificant in comparison.
Story 5: See I can kinda give the siblings a pass because they’re young and don’t fully understand, even the 15-year-old. One unfortunate truth about young people is that they’re selfish they don’t think long term about everyone else. They don’t see the monster had to deal with his childhood, they see grandpa who probably bought their love and who acts like a really nice guy to them. Not to mention their mom who is constantly encouraging this behavior while painting dad as the bad guy for not wanting his piece of shit father.
So if anyone to blame for all of this, it’s definitely her, she has no excuse for reaching out to the man that abused her husband. She knows how her husband feels and she defend the abuser? She tried to force him to see him, turned his kids against him, Even try to ambush him on his birthday. This marriage is over solely because of her.
Story 1:OP,Report her BS,She's the one who threatened your entire life,NTA at all
Idk about that cheating dad story i can understand him not wanting to keep in contact anymore after 17 years of no contact.
First story: She litterally rumor mongered that he is guilty of a federal crime and something so hated that even incarcerated criminals will hate your guts. She deserved to be called out in front of everyone and for that HR complaint. Should complain about the HR guy as well for trying to cover for her.
Oof wait until that Dad hears that you can help people escape abusive relationships WITHOUT sleeping with them 🙃
Yeah and if he was up front with his wife about helping someone in need, she may have supported him and maybe even assisted.
No kidding. The scary thing is that some people use abusive relationships as a justification for adultery, even though that can paint a target on both the affair partner and their family if the abuser finds out. There are far better ways to provide moral support and help the abused spouse get out. Heck, imagine if the mistress got pregnant and her abuser found out it wasn't his or tried using the baby to tie her to him, thinking it was his. This OP could have put his family in danger.
I'm pretty sure getting them out of the abuse is more in important, while cheating is wrong, if someone's life is in danger or in an abusive relationship , I understand
he's wrong in cheating, but he's 100% justified in not wanting to rekindle a relationship after being ignored for 17 years.
@@ivanhardy-birt1124 I wasn't aware that sex helps people escape abusive relationships. Therapist must be getting laid several times a day. How is the affair partner getting dick downed helping with the abusive, if anything it sounds like it would make the abuse worse if the violent partner found out
Claire should have gotten a score of 10. Being accused of that stays with the man for life.
Story 7: They really thought OP had a video recorder, not a camera. Come on, at least have your eyes on the camera the whole time, it can't be that hard!
If they aren't going to pay attention to a camera when it starts taking pictures, then it's their funeral
And the main thing is that the bride and groom liked the pics. If the others are too self absorbed to listen to the photographer, which we learn as toddlers to listen to the photographer, then the outcome is on them.
Plus the only opinion that matters are those paying you for your work, and they liked it.
For "Consequences", some people come from such blessed childhoods that they genuinely can't wrap their heads around not being close to family. They can't understand that some families commit unforgivable wrongs, that some kids grew up with screaming and insults, mental torture, beatings and SA. That sometimes it's best to NOT have family in your life and not everything is as simple as a conversation and hugging it out.
My mother was awful to me growing up, constant yelling, belittling, insults, controlling, narcissistic guilt trips, lying to everyone around about how badly she treated me. No matter how hard I tried I did something wrong and needed to be yelled at or punished, like I got a B instead of an A, I tried to make use of my IEP and a teacher that didn't read it got mad, I somehow did the dishes wrong, I could mend my own clothes or cook my own food at 12 despite never been shown how, I spent more time with my dad then her despite my dad taking me to the movies, camping, hiking, snowboarding, kayaking, while she only watched TV on the couch and would lose it if anyone spoke or hung out with my aunts and ignored me, etc.
Man I can’t imagine someone living such a great life that they can’t understand just how horrible other humans can be to each other regardless of blood or familial connections. People are people and we exist on all ends of every spectrum. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I really hope that you’re in a better place now and living a rich, fulfilling life 😊
Never let people get away with false accusations of sex crimes against you. The "poor single mother" was trying to ruin the rest of OP's entire life without any evidence whatsoever.
Jeez, I would have reported that HR member too, hired a lawyer and named both the co-worker and the conspiring HR worker in the complaint.
The "not speaking to my daughter" story. It took her 17 years to decide to speak to her father again? Seventeen years. He made peace with never hearing from her again. He tried to have his own life and not think about how an affair ruined his entire life. I don't blame him for being guarded, and shutting her out because if she ever got angry with him, she may just cut him away again.
I could call him TA if it was a few years, but almost two decades go by before daughter decides her father is worthy enough to be in her life? Dabney, I know you're a father and you'd jump at the opportunity to welcome your daughter back into your life, but if it took her 17 years to do it, that's 17 years of thinking your daughter hates you and wished you weren't her father because your wife did everything to alienate you from her and it worked.
yea, better safe than sorry with smth like this
That cheating father story ive heard 2 different updates for the story. This story makes more sense.
The other update was the dude saying that one of his friends from his hometown overhead his daughter and ex wife hatching a plan to extort him because his parents left him an inheritance.
Which to me sounded like him making a story up to save face but now its more likely it was an incel troll pretending to be op.
I don’t think people understand how horrible these allegations can be, and her telling the whole workplace?? Like it’s her or anyone else’s business?? Automatically assuming he’s a ped and that’s his kid is insane it takes so much mental gymnastics to get there when the obvious explanation is that he’s the kids step father
Story 4 - been on the other end of that situation, both as the guy who cut contact, and the child of someone who did the same, then lied about wanting to reconnect. You're letting your personal bias get in the way, because it's easier to believe that he's a sleazeball than to accept that people don't just - knee-jerk - hold onto feelings for others, even children.
Life doesn't always work that way.
My dad cut me out of his life, telling me - at 16 - that *I* would have to make the effort. After I found out that he had died, I managed to get in touch with his last wife; she said he was too scared of my mother to find out where I was, but always wanted to reconnect (for context, my dad repeatedly beat my mother; threatening to kill her on several occasions).
If the daughter said she wanted nothing to do with her dad, was he obligated to hold out hope that she would reconsider before he died, or would it be wiser for him to - as he pointed out - admit his fault, and man up; accepting that he was responsible for what happened, and move on? Also - assuming that his depiction of the daughter's side of the 'reconciliation' call is accurate - the EX-WIFE had to push the issue; it wasn't something that the daughter decided to do of her own volition.
Hate me for the opinion, but it's not invalid.
First story: Claire deserves the consequences that come with this. That accusation is career and life ending for a man and just willy nilly gossiping that info without ever getting any contexts to go with that is just disgusted and negligible.
i was accused of being that simply because i said “i don’t like being around small children” in a group on facebook (i’m autistic and don’t handle the screaming well). the people went through my friends list and stalked my friends, throwing out transphobic nonsense (calling me an it, i’m ftm) and saying i “probably touch kids.”
i was assaulted at age seven by someone i trusted, so those accusations left me in tears. they never stuck and eventually stopped after a week as people were weeded out of the group for doing that to me, but i still think about the hurt it caused me all the time.
don’t accuse someone of that shit unless you have solid evidence.
Wow that is f*cked. I didn’t realize that a privilege ciswomen have is to say they don’t like small children because I say it all the time and I have never been accused of something like that (that I know of). I mean that doesn’t even make sense!! Wouldn’t a pdf file like small children?! Ugh. Those people were twisted to begin with and I am so sorry you had to endure that. When men say they hate feminism I think they don’t understand that they are supposed to benefit from it as well. It’s messed up, and dangerous, that people think only men can be pdf-files and abusers. Women, as we are equal to men, can be so as well. We are all people, for better or for worse. Add in the transphobia to this situation, what does someone’s gender have to do with sexual preference/pdf-phelia?! Ugh so sick of that fear mongering tactic. I really hope that you are living a happy and fulfilling life now and never have to endure something like that again.
Story 1 made me so mad. So it's okay for Claire to spread career dooming accusations all around the office, but it's not okay for OP to clear his name? OP should sue.
Woman sounds like a classic Karen.
Story 1: nit the ah. Claire started a rumor that can ruin your job.
Story 2: not the ah. Family never helped you why help them?
Story 3: ugh....no the rich kid should have been taught that not everyone is rich and does try to do what they can.
Story 4: damn. That sucks but you deserve it. The mom sounds like she told the daughter to cut contact with op. But I also think the daughter chose to cut contact. Op is not a ah for telling the daughter that he has no feelings but when he admits to being drunk, let that pass because he did call back and apologized.
Story 5: op clearly said that he doesn't want to be around his dad. The wife should have respected that. Wife is ah. Not op.
Story 6: omg op told them what the camera was they didn't listen their fault plus bride and groom loved the photos. So who cares if the bride and groom love them?
Sorry no, the guy screwed up over 15 years ago, but in all that time the daughter could have listened to her own child wanting a grandfather and the rest. He tried a year at least to reach out and got rightly cut off, she made it clear she was done. I'm not saying the daughter is an ass, she's not, 100% not, but him not wanting to re-connect even when she apologized doesn't make him a monster either. He can't go through that again, probably doesn't want the lingering fear of her ghosting hin again (which he probably could deserve depending) so it's better to just keep distance. That doesn't make him an ass, just logical and cold. And in the end, he was drunk and upset which is fair, old wound, and SHE said he wasn't an ass either and they moved on.
She's an a*s because of one thing. We all know she's doing this with an ulterior motive. According to some people in the comments (once again Rslash doesn't bother to read updates), OP inherited a pretty good sum of money from his parents when they passed and he and his sister are planning to move away to a house their parents left for them. And his daughter wants to reconnect just now when OP's planning on doing that? Riiiiiight.
Good on OP in the first story! Once someone speaks your name in connection with .pdf or that you passionately hugged someone without their consent, that creates a stain on your character that’s *IMPOSSIBLE* to remove. I’m glad his coworker is upset, embarrassed, and crying. She deserves it.
Rslash, mate. In story 4, even if you weed out the dads side of things, it’s just affair, divorce, no contact for 15 years, daughter tries to renew contact. There is no “let’s hear the other side” when it comes to something so cut and dry. He messed up, paid the price, and decided he didn’t want to establish contact after so long
Honestly Rslash is turning in to what's known as a reddit guy as in the type of guy who always say that men are in the wrong no matter the issue or nuance in the situation and when he has to say the male in a situation is not the bad guy he down plays the situation to make it seem not as bad since it's happening to a guy.
Am I the only one agrees with r/slash on his views on the matter. The father destroys his marriage for a quick buck up, which does have affect on kids especially teenagers if they know about. And now that daughter is an adult and found it her heart to forgive, he just turns around and says “no thanks!” Nah op sucks idc what anyone else says at this point. The only way I can agree with op’s side if he didn’t do anything wrong in this situation and the daughter was being a b just because.
@@Dayday-xj3hc People don't have to accept forgiveness
@@Dayday-xj3hcyes
yes you are
@@Dayday-xj3hc she's the one who wanted no contact. why contact again after 17 years?
MORNING DAILY SLASHERS
Good morning 😊
1. Literal slander. The company, if they are smart, should discipline that HR member and move Claire to another area where her gossip can be shut down if neither of them are fired for their actions. Claire could be sued and the company they work for could be included in the lawsuit for negligence because the HR member refused to do her JOB of keeping them out of legal trouble by stopping a harmful rumor from spreading.
2. Smart kid. Those sound like the kind of family who would not show gratitude and only USE the OP's resources for personal gain. Had Op let them in, she would've likely had leeches on her hand who'd need to be legally evicted the moment the costs become too much to handle, or they'd just be overly rude and entitled.
3. Liza sounds like the kind of clueless wealthy person who'd go 'why don't homeless people just buy a house?' `
4. This man needed the ENTIRE internet to tell him he was not the victim to admit he was wrong? He doesn't deserve his forgiving daughter, she sounds like a saint.
BTW, even when trying to paint himself in a better light, his actions still make him the wrong one. You can 'save' an abused co-worker without having a romantic/intimate relationship with them. Also, sounds like OP was using that co-worker's delicate state to take advantage because the moment the co-worker was stable, he got DUMPED. I'd like to believe he never disclosed his marital status or lied about being mid-divorce and she bailed the moment she found out he was scum.
5. Sounds to me like mum married a former abuse victim expecting to have a doormat and is now SHOCKED he's standing up for himself. Good on the Op and their dad for being able to shut out those who'd only bring in more pain.
6. The customer is pleased. OP did their job perfectly. And them saying they won't hire OP again is not a threat, it is a blessing. If they hold to their word OP can enjoy family events normally instead of working at a discount.
First story. NO, op is not the butthole here. You dont just accuse people of that sorta thing and publicly announce it, it can have serious consequences if it turns out to be wrong.
Small issue?! He could’ve been ostracized from the community and entire field for life if it wasn’t addressed. False accusations are bad enough add p to it and it’s a life ending issue. There’s a movie with Maads that tackles this sort of issue
Story 4, Slash you can't say that. Like yes he cheated but SHE had 17 years to change her mind. She had all of that time to see him as her dad and didn't. He didn't make her life chaos she did. It was an active and conscious choice, that I'm sure being told your father is a disgusting cheater all the time, didn't help. All parties suck.
Woman paints herself in the perfect light, Rslash believes her 100%.
Man admits fault, expresses his feelings, Rslash "he's lying."
Are- are you talking about the cheater?? RSlash is always hard on cheaters. Male or female.
The man blew up his own life on a failed affair, and is being a bitch to his own daughter when she tries to reconnect. Which she did NOT have to do
I despise cheaters. On the flipside, after 17 years of nothing, I'm not sure I'd care much either.
@@ExElliexEthe daughter had the right to cut him out of her life. Why is he now not afforded the same? He cheated and is now forced to do bend to the daughters will? He blew his own life up, and has come to peace with it. Why is he now forced to change his life because the mother felt guilty all of a sudden?
He didnt cheat on the daughter lol even people that have been cheated on domt go 17 years without talking. She overrreacted badly and the dude has a right to tell her to f off after all this time
are you new here? go watch hundreds of his videos and see if you are right
Story 5: As someone who has CPTSD from my parents, OP and their dad are NOT the AH. I hope the dad is okay and didn’t regress too much in his trauma healing journey.
The mom and siblings are horrible, and the mom is ALSO abusive. She deserves the divorce and the siblings are going to have to learn the hard way.
off topic and unrelated to any stories but rslash’s voice sounds quite lovely today, he sounds more calm and tired and the deep ness sounds nice
Honestly, if HR kept on trying to protect Claire, I would have immediately threaten to go to the company head and tell them that HR protected someone spreading rumors of me being a P-word.
That would have clearly shut them up.
HR is there to protect the company so going to the head person would do diddily squat. Lawyer up is the correct way to approach that scenario.
I’m sorry but, why would the entire family constantly break the father’s boundaries instead of having a middle ground and not expect him to cut them off?
Text HER back and say “Liza please stop texting me behind my brother (your husband)’s back. It is so very inappropriate and I will have to tell him and the whole family. Both mine and yours. So grow up and stop taking credit for what YOUR PARENTS BOTH YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS!”
Story 1: Claire didn’t “Embarrass” OP she flat out slandered him which makes OP even more in the right. Apparently she can make accusations like that but he can’t call her out.
Never EVER been this early to one of our father's videos
"your daughter is justified in cutting you out of his life. But you're the butthole for not immediately agreeing when she changes her mind"
Never change Dabney
Claire gets five out of five. Manager gets five out of five. There is no excuse ever for someone to falsely accuse someone of liking children, SHing someone, grooming someone, SAing someone, etc.
That is a massive massive amount of evil someone had to have to do that to someone. Five out of five is the minimum for these people.
Holy shit! I had a crazy ex call me a P-word too for dating someone 22 when I’m 30!! We could NOT understand the issue when we both met over the age of 20, so nothing scandalous was even possible, yet the gossip was rolling 😭
Story 2:Your house,Your decision,Simple as that,NTA
And no is a complete sentence. I also have difficulty seeing OP as the only one who can help. If OP wanted to help, maybe she could offer to pay for a week’s stay at a Hotel 6?
Tbh i kinda hate that r/ goes from hating on the dad in story 4 because the daughter was not to blame even though she stayed away for 17 years and only reached out cause her mom had a change of heart, but in story 5 suddenly the 15 y o is old enough to know better.. it's kinda jarring to see the hypocrisy so close together
OP can be a hero for saving the co-worker from an abusive relationship...but OP didn't need to go and f*ck her too 😂
As for his daughter, there's slight difference if she had that hatred by herself and cutting OP off was her own decision, or if mother fueled the flames and sh*t-talked OP to her...
I'm still not symapthetic towards OP, but sure, if he wanted to be apathetic, that's his choice...
Also, in Story #5: it's clear to everyone that OP cheated, even the daughter was aware.
In story #6: it's not clear how much the younger kids were aware of grampas' abuse toward dad, if at all. OP's mom might have an idea, but she could be downplaying it, in which case she's definitely the AH. But we don't know how much the dad actually shared...
…I’m not seeing what could be considered the “hypocrisy” here. They’re two very different situations. Can you clarify?
@@lacko623 pretty sure his daughter went NC willingly given that his ex tried to encourage her to reach out to her father.
@@Tustin2121 Story 4, the ex-wife specifically badmouths OP to the daughter. The daughter then hates OP, and is expected to be instantly welcomed back years later. Story 5, OP's mother directly tries to manipulate her kids to 'convince' OP's father to let the abusive grandfather into their lives and expects to be forgiven and allowed into their life after things go bad.
It's a bit of a tenuous connection and the two are different (welcoming the manipulator into your life compared to welcoming the person manipulated into your life) but it's understandable how one draws a comparison.
@lacko623 I agree the dad's actions in story 5 caused the fallout of what happened. He had no one else to blame in that situation but himself even if the mom bad-mouthed OP to the daughter he only had himself to blame. Also we're only getting his side of the story which is very skewed he's the hero in his own head and decided to torpedo his life. If his version of the events was this bad then I can't imagine the Ex's version. I have zero empathy for him, he's lucky his daughter wanted him back in her life at all. He wasn't a victim, he knew his actions would have consequences and he got those consequences.
Meanwhile for story 6 it's like everyone wants to forgive the abuser and forgot about the actual victim and what he wanted. There's no comparison here.
For the first story, I’d file a defamation lawsuit
Story one.... OP was exactly correct in reporting her to HR. This BS could end his career! It could ruin his life. Bravo on him for taking the initiative and setting the record straight.