r/AITA My Sister Wants My $50,000 Inheritance
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:05 I am not giving my sister any of my grandpas inheritance
4:58 My in laws need to stop calling me mama
9:12 Sleeping outside in the yard on Christmas
14:12 I left the restaurant after being expected to pay for everyone
15:49 Comments break down the awful truth
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Story 1: while OP's sister was right to cut contact with their grandfather, I think she ain't entitled to the inheritance. She disinherited him, which means that she gave up her inheritance for good or for evil. NTA
That's kinda what I think too. And I hate to disagree with r/slash here but I'd he did give her the money I feel like a) it would be disrespectful to his grandpa and b) letting his sister get something she knew she wasn't entitled to. I feel like she might already be entitled with this attitude.
@@Melissaistired You’re really letting your homophobia show. Who tf cares about respecting a homophobic person’s wishes especially when it’s about a gay person? Just because OP’s sister was born gay that means she has to lose all that money? Now replace gay with black, Jewish, or some other minority. Is it really right for a person to get cut out of the will because they’re jewish and have an antisemitism family member?
@@eye-chan1711 look, I didn't think what I said was homophobic and I'm sorry it came off that way to you. Thanks for immediately being so negative! But it's like when someone gives you a gift, you don't just regift it right after they give it to you? Bc it wasn't what they wanted for you and it's kinda disrespectful to go against their wishes. And personally I hate speaking ill of the dead bc that used to be common courtesy. Obviously nobody's mama teaches them that anymore. Plus do you KNOW how many old people are considered homophobic? Like a vast majority. We're talking about the fact that she didn't ask OP, she DEMANDED. AND THAT IS CALLED ENTITLEMENT. Especially, like the original comment says, when she disowned him. She should've known what that could entail. I'm not against OP giving her some, especially if it's for something important like college or something but that's how I see it.
@@Melissaistired So true… she just should have given up a piece of herself just to get money that would have been hers if she wasn’t born gay. Fuck dead people. Being dead doesn’t make them saints. Even if I was taught to respect dead people I hope so would unlearn it. They’re just people… flaws and all.
@@eye-chan1711 look, I understand you can't change who you are. You can't help who you fall in love with. But this is where I think I'm gonna stop replying bc just like the people in the story, we don't see eye to eye and I will not be at a dead horse. I'm not saying dead people are saints either but it's about respecting people's wishes when they trusted you. Maybe morally you see nothing wrong there since you said "fuck dead people" but I understand OP's dilemma. Neither of them were owed anything from this grandpa. He could have just done nothing with it.
Imagine prioritizing your husband watching tv cause "youre gonna be an issue" over your daughter.
She mentioned her mother having plenty of space but only mentioned one guest room. I find that odd. I’m also betting that the siblings hoped OP would babysit
Yes, dude can't give up watching late night tv for a week or whatever? Also, OP is significantly younger than the siblings. Wonder how old OP was when the parents split?
The way the mom said “what do you expect me to do?” And the rest of the family goes “do you expect us to sleep outside?” Like oh let me fix your problem for you: I’m not going.
@@iridescentsolace facts. Zero issue dipping out at that point. Fuck ALL of that
Srsly. Why don't he suck it up and not watch tv for a couple of nights.
Being a mother is not beneath her but she has an identity beyond just being a mother.
Thank you, that’s what op is trying to tell her in-laws and her husband. Op’s husband gets presents based on his interest while op only gets presents related to being a mother.
I think those 2 sil's don't have an identity past being a mom/wanting to be mothers and seemed to take it personally that op didn't have a borderline cult like obsession with motherhood like them.
@@RiveroftheWither yeah there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother but the way they reacted seemed that that’s their identity.
I remember one of the comments saying, "Get over it, there are bigger problems in the world than just a word" Like really dude? You're gonna pull that card, you say that over picking the wrong brand of mustard, not identity
@@kaykay8855 Absolutely, being a mom is respectable but not having any identity beyond that is extremely unhealthy for both the kids growing up and the mother. If you know of the BITE model used to identify cult behavior, some people really do obsess over motherhood that hard. You even see it in some of the stories on this channel, like when a crazy mil controls her son and ruins his relationships.
Calling Carmen Momma all the time deserves the response "I'm not your mother."
🎵I ain't yo' momma🎵
Or something along the lines of "if I'm your mother, then you're grounded".
That's what I told my mil and her mother jumped down her throat about it. That little lady always had my back when her daughter was being a jerk to me and I had hers.
For the Christmas travel story: if it's not a big deal, the husband can sleep on the couch since he's just glued to the TV, the mom can sleep in the tent since everyone's adamant it's doable, and OP can have her mom's bed.
Is there a reason why the mother resents OP? There are some details and history that would help us understand more.
Is there a reason why the mother resents OP? There are some details and history that would help us understand more.
That sounds good
@@christinemathews1363 resents? The mother wants OP dead serious you want your child to sleep outside in a tent during the snow season because you can't be bothered making room?
The fact that the mother didn’t tell OP directly, and she heard it from the brother just shows that they were hoping to blindsight her when she had already arrived at the home so it was too late to back out. She’s the youngest, so maybe the mother does resent her because it could be that she was an unplanned pregnancy. That’s my theory at least.
Story 2: Does anyone else think that it’s just extremely weird for a couple of grown women, who are not your kids, to insist on calling you “mama” after you’ve repeatedly told them you don’t like it for the past 4 years.
Edited for the people who clearly don’t understand what I’m saying. It has nothing to do with culture, it’s about the respect they refuse to give OP.
yes it's fucking weird, what's wrong with them lmfao
Yeah
Yeah kind of creepy
It's a cultural thing. Clearly in some circles this is quite normal. Depends on your family habits/heritage. In any case such a habit is not an insult. The problem here was 100% the mental illness developing in the mother. She really made a family crisis just because she is frustrated with her own choices.
Really weird. It's gross tbh
Story 3: It's easy to say something is no big deal when you get better treatment. The father not giving up the couch because he likes TV is...literally stupid.
And it sounds like the dad got REALLY upset when he found out what his wife was doing. So it's literally ONLY her that thinks it doesn't make sense for OP to be on the couch.
@@metademetra That's her biological dad, not the mothers new husband.
I love it when he goes on his whole "it's not a big deal", " then you do it" rant. Always makes me laugh.
I don't blame him. He's read a lot of reddit posts lol
You know there are a lot easier ways to tell someone that they were an accident than just forcing them to sleep in a tent in the snow
Explains why theres 3 years in between each of the first three kids then after a random seven year gap there’s the last one
Story 3: so you're supposed to freeze your ass off outside, but no one else can because that's too much for them. Tell your mom that if it's between sleeping in your own bed and in a tent in the middle of winter, you pick the nice warm bed. I wouldn't trust her if she said you can sleep in the house and then you go there and then she tried to force you outside again.
Regarding the tent story: It's absolutely hilarious that the other siblings called OP selfish and told her to "suck it up" because she didn't want to sleep outside like some dog, yet none of them offered to switch places, almost as if none of them wanted to sleep outside either. Absolute hypocrites. What right did they have to be mad at OP?
Just because OP isn't married with kids at 18 doesn't mean she gets to be treated like a dog. And the mother is just an absolute prick for prioritizing her husband watching TV instead of her daughter actually having a place to sleep.
Last story.
If you RELY on someone to pay for you, you kinda need to get them to AGREE to that BEFOREHAND.
“If it’s not a big deal then YOU DO IT”
👏👏👏
*First OP:* This is an interesting one. OP's grandfather left his inheritance to OP, and OP could do whatever he wanted with his money. If that means not splitting half with his sister, then that's his choice. OP is NTA, nor is his sister. I'm surprised OP's sister would _want_ money from someone who wouldn't accept her for who she is. Maybe I'm dense.
*Second OP:* It's weird how OP's only identity is being a mom, but her husband gets to be his own person. And her MIL's explanation didn't make sense. If she's so excited about being a grandmother, then why didn't she give her son father related gifts? Since OP told her in-laws numerous times to stop calling her mama before her "outburst," OP is NTA.
*Third OP:* I thought rSlash was going to do the "Nope! Next story" gag like he did in a different story. How did OP's mom think OP would be cool sleeping outside in a tent _during winter?!_ OP is NTA. She didn't cause a rift; her mom did!
Drink a shot everytime rSlash says, "YOU do it!" Jk, please don't.
*Fourth OP:* Yeah, OP needs to divorce her husband yesterday. Especially after that remark about OP not helping her mom. OP is NTA.
OP's sister just wants money. That's all it boils down to. She doesn't care where it comes from, she just wants $$$
I think that if she didn’t approach OP the way that she did, he may would’ve given her some. Not half since she chose to cut him out of her life. Her choice but as mentioned if you cut someone out be expected to get cut out of the will.
Your comment on why she would even want the money is something i see in the actual thread as well, and its a point i feel is worth mentioning too.
Ive now seen 3 comments state that they would not accept money from such estranged relatives.
It is indeed an interesting one, and i dont think there is a clear cut right answer.
Nah, you ain't dense, world is just full of greedy people. She did have a valid reason to not want anything to do with grandpa, but at the same time she somehow feels entitled to his money. That's just greed leading her actions, she still wants her cut from the corpse no matter what, self respect and integrity be damned, money is money no matter the source ey?
@@N0xiety I feel like it really depends. If she’s the ONLY one cut out of the will because she’s a lesbian, then she is a little entitled to the money cuz what is she supposed to do, stop being gay to make him happy? If she isn’t the only one cut out of the will, then I don’t think she’s entitled
Also ya. Money is money. If a family member I hated left me money in their will (or another family member offered to give me some) I’d be an idiot to not take it.
Story 3: I've shared a bed with my parents and with my cousins when there were too many people. I've even slept on the floor with blankets (and couple of pillows) for several nights. I also slept on a couch where my uncle liked to sit and watch tv at 6 am and he opted to SKIP watching it for a day or two. There are plenty of options IF people are willing to leave their comfort zone for a night or two! But OP's mother didn't really care. I have the feeling she doesn't like OP very much, for some reason. Making someone sleep outside in winter (does she even know how COLD it is in a tent in winter?! It's hypothermia cold) is just plain abuse.
I never liked the tent idea but I was making the assumption this was in someplace warm Not western Europe in winter. Add that to the comment about the husband liking to watch TV till late and OP being a nuisance if she were sleeping on the couch. Oh Hell no.
Yeah... it's always been pretty normal for me to either sleep on the floor or share a bed with my cousin, sometimes my aunt and my 2 cousins would share the bed with my aunt so I had a bed for myself 🙃 But they would never tell me to sleep outside!
Story 2. Next chance you get get your SIL's "aunty" stuff. Mugs, Shirts, whatever. Everything goes as long as it says "aunt/aunty". Make sure to get identical sets for both of them since individuality doesn't matter to them. Bonus points for cutesy stuff.
Thisssss is the level of petty I was looking for! 🤣
And cutesy Daddy/Papa stuff for her husband. Take away his identity like his sisters take away yours.
Story 3: Yeah, there was at least 5 solutions and the worst one was picked. Like, why not a hotel, couch, inflatable mattress? What's their excuse?
Or even a god damn floor. That's always better than outside in winter.
Heck! OP can share the bed with her mom since her husband will be on the couch watching tv
I'd like to know how monstrous the husband must be if he isn't allowed his nightly dose of television. The fact that him not watching TV so late for just a few days was so incomprehensible to the rest of the family has me wondering.
"I hate you but if I say that out loud I'll get ostracized and punished for it, so I'll make myself feel better by making you suffer."
That's the logic, right there.
@@luvondarox Gonna bet he'd throw a temper tantrum if TV is THAT important to him.
Story 2: Kids are pretty much the only ones that would call their mom "Mama" or "Mommy" or "Mom" and have it not be an insult since they don't actually know her name.
Everyone else doing it, though, is just wrong. Like as RSlash said, it's a basic insult.
Ya. I’ve only ever seen a husband and wife refer to each other as “momma and papa” at home so that their kids can learn the association or as pet names after they have a kid.
Once is a misunderstanding any time after being corrected is just being delusional and disrespectful. OP told them to stop prior to the story. Why didn’t her spouse step up to stop?
💯👍
This is what i was gonna say. First few times I would've said "Mama is a title that my kids only can call me. My kids are _____,______ and ______. My name is ____ in case you forgot."
And if they continued: "I only remember having x amount of kids. I'm not sure I could've had a kid at x years old (however old you'd be when they were born), we can do a dna test to settle it."
I feel it would make them settle down for a moment
Edit: I don't think being called 'mama' is dehumanizing but once you ask someone not to and they keep on then I feel like its headed that way. A mother, just like a father or any other parent, is a human first. They were a person before kids and will still be a person after kids.
Well, some pediatricians do as well. But that's completely besides the point.
Story 1: I was in nearly the exact same position. As my grandfather was getting older and dying of dementia he needed a caretaker or would lose everything he had and be destitute in a group home. I volunteered to take care of him, I didn’t agree with any of his viewpoints that slowly got worse due to his mental deterioration, but I took care of him voluntarily. No one else wanted to go near him. But I pitted him.
After he died he left everything to me, he has left me his inheritance and made me sole trustee. Which also meant that I had to take care of everything after he was gone. Family members who didn’t like him were quick to come out of the woodwork and expect money even though they hated my grandpa and my grandpa hated them. But they wanted the money. They swarmed in like vultures and it was the tackiest most vile thing I have had to deal with.
OP is not wrong, and legally he’s in my same position, he does not have to split any inheritance if he does not want to, it is solely his decision now. His sister is wrong to treat OP like the bad guy as if he had any say in his grandfather’s decisions.
Third story, the first time someone said "it shouldn't be a big deal" I'd say "omg thank you so much, I'll let her know" immediately hang up, call up mom, tell her that whoever said that offered to take the tent. "It's no big deal", they said so!
This is a perfect response!
Thank you for giving me a good chuckle picturing the outcome of that one :D
10:25 years of listening to Reddit stories similar to this has driven rslash to this single point where he snaps for a few seconds
"Well :) then :) if it's not a big deal :) Y O U. Do it. Then you do it!!! _YOU_ do it! *THEN YOUUU DO IT!* _WHY DON'T Y O U DO IT???_
His rants are hilarious. He may not always get things right, but I love when he gets fired up like this. And in this case, he was 100% spot-on.
@@veemarcia omg I read this right as he was saying the lines. Beautifully transcribed.
Yeah it's like this one time after watching William Hurt play monotonic, collected characters, completely losing his shit on this movie with Sam L Jackson and Ben Affleck
@@veemarcia this is a highly significant contribution. Thank you 🙏
Last story: I find OPs husband and in-laws to be demented. She lost her mother and they only see the money. OP is grieving and I’m sure she would rather have her mother
Huge red flags for OP. The husband is despicable, and a gold digger. She is NOT a walking ATM, and should reassess this marriage.
@@lancerevell5979 I kind you not when OP was crying and telling her husband her mother passed the first thing he thought was “Jackpot!”.
@@lorilancaster5917 *kid
Read a story in which OP worked as a bank teller. One day, a woman customer came in with a check to deposit. OP saw it was for $100k. They lightheartedly remarked how they would love to be handed such a large check. Customer stared blankly for a few seconds before quietly replying it was life insurance money and she’d rather have her departed loved one. OP could only stammer apologies as they did the transaction.
I'd rather have both of my parents still with me. There was no big inheritance but, what I did receive I'd eagerly and willingly give right back.
I was late teens/early twenties when I lost both within 10 months of each other. They died in '91 and '92, and there's been SO many years when I needed them.
Story 2: If there's one that my mom absolutely hated, it was that kind of disrespect. My sister and I were the only ones allowed to call her Mom or any variations on that. She wasn't their mother, so they didn't get to call her that. It was either her name or Dr. White. Back in the 90s, after she got her doctorate, she had to deal with knuckle draggers calling her Ms. White or Mrs. (My dad's name), and my dad had to deal with people calling him Dr. White. They didn't take each others' names. They taught me and my sister that you call people by their preferred name and title and not doing so shows how worthless you are.
Conclusion: the MIL is a decent human but the SILs are pieces of garbage that are lucky they weren't raked over the coals.
Okay question, I work in a hospital (transport) and when I'm dealing with pediatric patients, I call the parents mom and dad. Is that disrespectful? Should I not do that? No one's seemed upset by it so far. It's usually a one-off, "are you coming with, mom?" or "dad, can you verify name and dob?" This story makes me wonder if I should stop doing that.
@@zherful if the parents don't have a problem, it's okay. If it's a big enough problem for them, they'll let you know.
Story 2: OP should call her in laws “SIL” from now on and if she gets blow back answer “but you’re just such a good sister in law! Are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone?”
SIL and her family are obnoxious. Almost trying to get under OP's skin.
Not dehumanizing enough. She should take a page from "Asian" culture, and call the SILs either "daughter #2" or "wifey #3" depending on whether they were already part of the in-law family or married in.
First Story, NTA: She cut off contact with her grandpa for valid resson; however, she isn’t entitled to the money he left after he passed. OP was the only one who visited him for half a decade. Besides, grandpa is the one who decided that OP should get the money. No, I disagree rSlash. I get that she was a victim to grandpa but at the end of the day grandpa gave OP the money. Why would she want anything from the person who victimized her for her sexuality?
Second Story, NTA: OP's fiancé's family sound like nothing but stressed. At least MIL was willing to apologize for this but everyone else sounds toxic and obnoxious. Why does OP's identity have to be revolved around her being a soon-to-be mom? What they were doing was not showing support or happiness for OP but being annoying and toxic and disrespectful
Third Story, NTA: What was this story bro? How is it fair to make OP sleep outside in a tent? Especially since it's going to be cold outside? No, no, and no. I find it funny how OP's mom said that OP would be a nuisance to her husband but yet her very own husband was the first to defend OP and call her out for her actions. She IS purposely trying to alienate OP for no reason. If sleeping outside is "not a big deal" then what's stopping any of the brothers from doing so? Its not a big deal when OP has to sleep in a tent but when its either of them, the whole world is ending
Fourth Story, NTA: Do these people know that money don’t last forever? OP didn’t even invite THEM to the dinner, they invited OP and her husband to the dinner, so how is it fair that OP automatically have to pay for everyone and everything just because she got inheiritance money? No, that isn’t how things work. The fact OP's own husband didn’t defend OP speaks volumes about a lot of things
Yeh, like, I dont think the sister is trying to be a jerk here, I think its just...a mess in general.
EDIT: See, even RSlash doesnt condemn either sibling, its just a screwed up scenario altogether.
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958it is
I disagree. The reason she didn't spend time with their grandfather was because he was a bigot who hated what she was.
As much as OP claims to have scolded the grandfather for what he did, fundamentally he continued to spend time with someone who was emotionally hurting his sister.
He chose the grandfather over his sister once and now he's planning on doing it again.
@@prinnyramza So what, just leave him to die alone?? Grow up. Ofc he's going to care for 'em. Or "cHOoSe hIm" in this context. The money is his and she has no ties to it. Someone had to care for them and someone was always going to receive the money. It doesn't have to be nice, it is rightfully ops money.
And we cannot defintly say that there arent more poeple that were cut off the will. Should he split evenly with everone then?
Story 2 is exactly the reason I let people choose what they want for their birthday/christmas. I'd never get any matching stuff unless my sister or her partner ask to match with something their 1 year old son has. I'd always refer to them both by name, because it seems stupid not to.
I agree some of my closest friends and friends parents call me nicknames but I don’t mind cuz it’s a nice way
Matching clothing as a gift should always be reserved for xmas but not as the main gift. At least that's how I see it
@@Hunglikeagrimsmo I agree
@@Hunglikeagrimsmo exactly! Not as a main gift but more like a "cute but funny" gift on the side.
@@gecko2.617 when I do it I make sure that even the husband and pets have outfits so I can get a family photo of them to add to the embarrassing moments album I've been working on for the last 10 years.
Story 1: I don't think he should even give any of the money away. As the will stated, he got the money because he was actually there for his grandfather. If his sister wanted to cut off contact, that's completely within her right and understandable, but she's got to accept whatever consequences come with that. One of which may be that she gets cut out of the will because she cut him out of her life. Sounds like the sister needs to grow up a bit.
Thank you! OP's sister is being extremely entitled for demanding money from someone she clearly hated.
I agree nta, but I think it’s shitty of you to imply that a queer person should keep homophobes on their life because of “consequences” for not treating them well
@@crizmeow8394 the poster in NO WAY implied that and directly stated it is within her right and understandable for her to do. Her being cut off from the will is just a natural consequence of her cutting him off, which again is completely fine.
Stop trying to accuse OP of saying shit that was never implied.
Story 3 : Why on earth can't the mom's husband just NOT watch TV on the couch late?
Last Story: If OP's husband wants expensive stuff so bad, he can be served divorce papers. The GALL of some people, salivating all over someone else's inheritance, not even giving a single crap about what the beneficiary is going through.
Well you're not wrong there's nothing more expensive than a divorce...
Story 3: "making a big deal of nothing"? No no they disrespected you by not even talking to you and essentially kicking you out, plus I've slept out in a tent in winter it's not nice especially when you're young/inexperienced, if anything let the mother sleep in a tent because clearly she thinks it's safe enough to recommend it to other people
Get a long extension cord and make hubby with his tv sleep in the tent
I’ve been in a tent where it was like 30°f, it was so cold I can’t imagine with snow 😭
@@karenaf5440 I was in one when it was -5oC and a rainstorm didn't like it and I've been camping loads of time
That tent story, since OP can't used the couch because the stepdad wants to stay up late, then the stepdad can just sleep on the couch and OP can share a bed with her mother. It's just so simple but the mother and everyone else is just being so stupid and doesn't care about OP.
I get the feeling the mother's response to that would be "But your stepdad wants to sleep in his own bed!" There's no winning with these people.
YES on the mama thing, The sisters-in-laws are only saying that and are offended and trying to shame her for saying something is because they have never accomplished anything worth while. They have no personalities except being a mom, and they assume the highest honour a woman could have is being a mom, So that they don't have to acknowledge the fact that they're boring and haven't done anything with themselves.
They should call each other mama then if they like it. It’s weird they only do it to Carmen
Story 1: the way I see it, people can write their wills how they choose. Yes it sucks that OP’s sister was cut off for marrying a woman, but it was the grandpa’s decision. Was is sucky? Yes. Is it valid? I believe so.
He wrote it to exclude those who didn't come see him and then gave people a reason to not come see him. Essentially, he was a dick and punished people for not putting up with it. That is always asshole behavior, and using his will do so isn't valid to me. It may be legal, but morally, it's dubious.
@@Mewse1203 obviously the grandpa Is a butthole but the sister isn't entitled to his money if his will says she's not
Yeah I definitely agree. I do hope that the money did get shared in the end, but I highly doubt it
@@Mewse1203 Yeah, but that's not on OP. Why should OP have to pay for it? And in a way, while he disagreed with his grandfathers views, he seems to have been the only one to really provide proper emotional support for him when he got home after being deployed, and this was his way of paying back that support, by being there for him at the last years of his life. I get why the sister is upset, but also to demand the money from OP is unreasonable. Ask is one thing, demand is another.
@@Mewse1203 Wills are there for a reason. If someone left me out of a will ? Well sucks. Deal with it. Its not my place to decide what they wanted to do with the money or not. OP could GIVE his sister the money if he wanted to, but she is damn well not entitled to it at all.
I still think Rslash should say “Am I the Antagonist/bad guy/jerk?” Instead of “Am I wrong?” It just feels so weird hearing that…off brand
Plus it’d be funny to hear Rslash say “I’m giving him 2/5 jerks” 😂
I do a lot of writing and having a thesaurus is life. I used my Hippo app and looked up idiot and asshole. There are SO MANY alternatives to either of those that are so much better than "am I wrong?" I agree with this commenter. That sounds very off-brand.
Then again, the problem with using "antagonist" is that just because someone is an antagonist doesn't mean they're a villain (the "Hero Antagonist", such as the FBI agent going after the costumed hero because vigilantism is illegal).
@@akl2k7 you’re overthinking it!
I’m really happy the lady stood up for herself regarding being called “mom.” One of the biggest fears I have for having children is how people see it as this whole identity shift. Why can’t I just be me but raising a child? It’s so sad to me when parents become shut-ins and give up everything they once loved for their children. As someone who has parents who did that and is married to someone who has parents who did that, I can tell you that it did not make us happier children. Being your parents’ only source of mental stimulation or support is really traumatic. I understand you will have LESS time for other things, but that shouldn’t mean NO time for 18 to 25 years of your life. My parents have basically gone nuts now that they’re empty nesters because they didn’t nurture any relationships or hobbies outside of the home.
Anytime someone called me “mama” I’d put my hand to their forehead and say “uh oh, looks like you’ve got a fever, let’s get you to bed” and just start leading them away
The 2nd story: during my pregnancy I felt so bad because everyone checked on me but not on me on my baby. They never asked till I came up pregnant.
So many moms end up losing their identities because so many boil them down to being just a mom. It’s hurtful and just flat out mean. I love my kids but I as a person need time from my kids to not be a mom. I’m lucky to have a partner who allows me to do that as so many don’t.
It's great you have an identity beyond motherhood because those that don't often struggle BIG TIME once the kids are adults. Like trying to still control or mother them, pushing for grandchildren, trying to make their adult children dependent so they can't leave, becoming depressed and anxious, etc. Be the best mom you can be but never lose Josie.
Story 2:
Start scene:
Hugo walks in,asking for food
Dabney: THEN YOU DO IT!
Hugo goes to find noms, finds steak, noms happily.
End scene.
Last story, I can see what OP can use her inheritance on; a divorce lawyer. They're after her money like a pack of hungry dogs, almost literally. Her husband is so damn insistent on spending instead of helping his wife with her grief and how to save it for possible children down the road or invest it. I can also see him and his family gaslighting her after what happened now too
You mignt refer to the inlaws as gravegolddiggers. Side note: If I had a super-rich relative, I would never consider inviting them to a restaurant dinner and expect them to pay for it.
@@condorboss3339 That needs to be a word because it also perfectly describes any people waiting on others to die for their inheritance. But it's just common courtesy to pay for your part in a case like this. Either way, the fact the hopefully soon to be ex is so persistent on spending the money on themselves is horrible
The number of times I rewound 10:33 "well...then... If it's not a big deal... You. Do it. Then you do it! You do it! Then yoooouuuu do it. Why don't you do it?!" Literal tears 😂😂😂😂😂
Story 2: This is why I put most most effort into giving the adults presents, especially when their kids are still very young and especially to mothers. I see this all the time! Parents get all sorts of baby related stuff or just toys that are not age appropriate for their babies. The father is often still treated like his own person so there's going to be some good presents but mothers? They are no longer a person, they are a "mom" so everything she gets is kid related. It's freaking horrible. I am not surprised at all that so many women lose their identity after having kids when they are treated like this.
Let's be real here, with the final story, as soon as Op got that inheritance, Op's husband and inlaws only saw Op as an atm who can pay for everything they want with the inheritance. Op needs to divorce the husband asap.
rSlash is right, though OP's sister is a hypocrite, you can't openly hate someone and say you want nothing to do with em, and still want their inheritance, they're are 2 types of hypocrites in this world, "double standards" and "do as I say, not as I do"
Shes NOT their mama. The only ones calling her mama should be her kids. Thanks for the stories rslash. I love how Dabney gets so into his stories.
Story 3: How does having kids mean you can't sleep in a tent?? Depending on the ages, the kids might even enjoy that! My parents were big campers, and my first camping trip was at 6 months old along with two older brothers, and that was in remote areas. A tent in a backyard would be just as easy with kids as it would with op.
I disagree on the first story OP was the one who put in the work to go see his grandfather and the grandfather gave HIM the money not her,you deserve that money OP.
Story 3, the step dad could easily not watch late night TV for 1 night like seriously and calling op a nuisance uncalled for 5/5 for both bio mom and step dad. Also if she thought 4 was too many maybe bio mom should have gotten her tubes tied after 2 kids instead of piping out 4 and then calling the youngest who isn't married with her own kids a nuisance and forcing her to sleep outside because step dad is too selfish and self-centered to just let op sleep inside on the couch.
At this point, if I were OP, I'd rather spend the holidays with dad and step-mom, or just celebrate with friends.
3rd story: I'll sleep in the bathtub if I have to, but I'm not sleeping outside. NTA
“Here’s this Mama”
“MiL! MiL, your daughters have something for you.”
1st story. It was grandpas money, now it’s OP’s. His sister has no say in it. She’s TA
"Oh how dare you want a proper place to sleep instead of in the backyard"
Did everyone else just fall on their heads as children at the same age or something
They’re mad because the free help is refusing to come under the current terms. They may have to “gasp!” look after their own kids and not drink!
@@lorilancaster5917 Worst case scenario for that arrangement: She's going to get frostbite or hypothermia from SLEEPING IN A TENT IN THE SNOW and a good chunk of the vacation would be spent dealing with the fact that she's in the hospital and somehow they're still going to be mad at her
"I don't want you in the house, you're going to be a nuisance!"
Lol
Well, then.
I don’t mind sleeping outside if there’s someone with me, but I’d never do it alone, way too paranoid for that. And even if I had a sleeping buddy out there with me, I still wouldn’t really like being blindsided by it, that’s kinda strange
Also rSlash constantly having to say “why don’t YOU DO IT” is the highlight of the AITA series ngl
That's crazy. I can't imagine looking forward to seeing your child so much that you'd PUT THEM OUTSIDE in WINTER for CHRISTMAS so that your HUSBAND can WATCH TV at an UNREASONABLE hour. Jesus just move the TV to your bedroom then the clown can watch all the TV he wants and be your problem. If someone in my family even suggested such a thing as making someone (anyone) sleep outside in a tent while visiting for Christmas they would be shamed and shunned by all. Even if it isn't snowing or cold outside. Just insane.
Edit: Honestly the op is probably dodging a massive bullet here, she should take this as the red flag it is and stay home no matter what.
Story 2- just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean that has to be your entire identity.
I’ll never be a parent so maybe I’m off here?
You’re entirely right. In fact, it’s not healthy to make your entire identity around being a parent. Are you allowed to enjoy? Of course! If you choose to be one, should you properly take up the responsibilities? Definitely. But basing your entire identity around being a parent can destroy your mental health and social life, as well as your kids’ in many cases.
Sounds like it was the sister who cut the grandpa out of her life which means she deserves nothing. You don't deserve a free hand out just because someone disagrees with you.
7:25 look at rslash being amazing saying "chosen name"
as someone who has a chosen name, not my legal name, that made me happy
I'm a bisexual man, and for Story 1, I'd simply like to ask if Grandpa loved his granddaughter regardless of the queer stuff. From the story, she cut him off. I say that to say, that if grandpa flat-out disliked her and cut her off, then why would she want money from someone who hated her? I personally wouldn't feel comfortable taking money from a person who despised my existence. But again, maybe it was one-sided on her end. Either way, OP should be able to do as he pleases with the money.
Maybe he disliked LGBT because she used to steal from him or treat him badly? We will never know.
Yeah, I can't say why, but I got the impression from the story that the sister was actively antagonizing the old man well before they had their falling out; like she was poking a bear for sport and getting a rise out of his reaction.
@svenjorgensenn8418 I feel like that's a stretch. It really might boil down to grandpa being old and a bigot and having a gay granddaughter that he talked shit on. But regardless, I stand by my point that it's probably not healthy to take money from someone who knowingly disliked you and who you yourself cut off for your own well-being. They're probably both guilty in this situation.
@Brigand231 that's possible, but as a queer person myself, it's also entirely possible that grandpa simply doesn't like queer people, and she did what she had to to keep herself sane and not expose her wife to that kind of hatred. For now, I'm sticking with my thesis that taking money from someone who dislikes you isn't the healthiest thing, and here it borders on hypocritical. The only scenario where I can see her entitlement making sense would be if she and grandpa were super close before she came out, and now she wants the money as a way of mourning that relationship. But even then, just give her one of his keepsakes or something 🤷🏾
@@terrenced7742 All good points, if she took the money it would be easy for her (or anyone else who finds out) to accuse herself of taking a bribe. Kind of like charities needing to be careful about accepting donations that might harm them or their image.
Story 1 - Nothing in the story implied that the sister is a "victim"? She knew his views and cut him out of her life. But if OP loves his sister, there is no reason not to give her some of the money - but half? NTA
Bruh, while its true that the grandpa may or may not have had direct power to abuse the sister (being a grandpa with no implication he took a major part in helping raise the kids, naturally due to his place in the family tree), he still contributed to her emotional distress. Remember, the world is still extremely barbaric and hostile to LGBT+ people, so hearing about attacks on said people in the news, facing bullying for it in her personal life such as at school potentially, and on top of that being degraded and hated by your own grandfather because he can't accept that theres literally nothing wrong with being LGBT+? Yeah, it kinda does make her a victim.
Now does that justify her asking for money? Technically no? But I hardly call her a malicious a-hole either. I agree that OP should give her some of the money though.
What a great grandpa, op earned that money he deserves to keep everything
exactly lol. maybe third at most, but not half for sure. If he was the only one actually visiting him, he deserves the most.
Nothing pleases me more than Rslash raging against assholes
I felt the "then you do it!" rant deep in my bones
3rd story:NTA
many things to point out. 1st? The couch. Why cant she sleep there? Just cause your husband loved watching football? He can watch it later or somewhere else! 2nd? You can sleep on the floor right? It is harsh to do so, but better than freezing in a tent with JUST a blanket(if they even give one). Yeah I think maybe not spend the night there anymore
Story 3. Wtf man, I remember sleeping on a buddys hardwood floor since we ran out of space, or sleeping beside a 300 pound giant, who gives a shit who's beside you? You're sleeping
Story 2: My GF and her family always use a nickname that my girlfriend gave to me. The nickname was given since my given name was the name of her best friends fiance and to cut back on confusion when we were both in the room. The difference is, I'm 100% fine when they use that name over my giving name vs using a name I would NOT want to be associated with me
Who makes their own kid sleep outside in the cold elements?! Thats so horrible and dangerous of OP's mom for suggesting that! I'm so glad that OP's father was angry at his wife in making OP sleep outside in the tent! Kudos to the dad for having OP's back, though I wish he could work around the TV thing~
OPs dad and the TV loving hubby are two different people
It sounds like the mom is punishing op for not being married and having kids yet , i can tell the mom lied to her children saying that op agreed and shes playing the victim when they called saying that she doesn’t want to sleep outside
And OP didn’t know about the arrangement until her brother said something.
Story two: they don’t even give you the respect of calling you by your name so you should start calling them mama and papa and see how they react.
oh I'd call them much worse things
Last story: the family say they "thought OP would be gracious enough to pay for everyone." Uuuuh, no, they clearly didn't. If they did, they wouldn't have felt the need to ambush her into feeling forced to pay??
Story 2: my friend has been wanting to be a mom for years and was trying for a baby for a while and finally had a beautiful baby boy! It was a high risk pregancy but they both pulled theoigh happy and healthy as could be. For the first couple weeks i called her mama or mamas just as a celebratory/ congratulations nickname but i also called her by her name. Like when i texted her hey, i would be like "hey mamas, how are you?" And she would be like "im great! I love being a mom just look at him 🥺" but i agree that she isnt just a mother, shes a person. Im not gonna just call her mama, shes not MY mom. And if someone says stop calling them that, why cant they just respect it? If anyone says "oh i prefer this name" i immediately say "oh bet, i gotchu" i switch their name in my phone and call them that name from then on. Just respect people and their wishes, it's so easy
A reminder that Virginia is the only state in the country that you can’t legally run radar detectors in your vehicle
does this apply to cops too? this is rather interesting.
@@chriscarpenter3370 No it doesn’t. Virginia actually is the highest speeding tickets and suspended licenses per capita
@@MagicalMarioBros oh ok
@@MagicalMarioBros it was designed that way too. There’s many examples of shady practices done by the state police, and 20 over the speed limit is a suspended license, only problem is they do constant and abrupt speed limit shifts to get you to be going that fast
Edit: it works too because (if I’m correct) around 1 in 6 of registered vehicles in the state are operated by a driver under a suspended license
DC aswell
2nd story comes to basic human respect and it's clear that the mama brigade had none if they just kept calling you mama.
To put things into perspective for the second to last OP, my mom is one of six kids and during her first Christmas as a married woman the whole family was at my grandparents' house. That's 14 adults, several kids, and several dogs packed into their fairly small place. The luggage was under the dining table and nobody got stuck outside. In Florida, where the winters are a lot warmer. If my family can pull it off, yours could have. Mommy dearest just doesn't want hubby to get any ideas.
Ey yo for the second story, I'd be mega angry as the dad if I didn't get anything denoting I'm a father.
Like, do I just not matter beyond the "seed donating"?
I'd also feel angry that my wife doesn't get anything BESIDES that.
I can't remember which video used it, but I really liked when you used "Am I the Bad Guy?" For AITA, and it sounds better imho
CZcams doesn't like the words "bad guy" within the first 8 seconds.
@@mzov_1724 Which is dumb and plain Orwellian if true.
Story 2: just because you don't want Mom to be your sole character trait does not make you a bad person. You had a personality before you were mom, it doesn't go away when you become one, in seeing how your husband is in referred to as Dad they clearly understand this, just not with women. You went off because five years of, then we being only seen as a Mom finally made you burst, and at least your MIL apologized, SIL one now thinks you're having some mental hurdles, and SIL two somehow made about her. Yet the worth of it is your husband who clearly wasn't paying attention if he thought this came out of nowhere, and thinks you should be sorry for having a burst of anger from being ignored and only being referred to as Mom.
Second story: OP should stand her ground and even stop reacting whenever she's called anything but her name [or any nicknames she likes to be called with]. And giving a mother kid related gifts is good only like for baby showers or right after they are born or when a mother specifically asks for something. I have a friend who gave birth in 2021 and we exchange gifts for birthdays and Christmas and I've always went out of the way to give her something that's related to her interests.
I always find it weird when family members call someone mum who isn’t a. Their mother or b. In the context of talking to that persons child (asking a child “where’s you’re mum?”)
The last vid in this series I watched, it was "am I the bad guy" holy moly CZcams is cracking down on this channel
Not just this channel. CZcams updated their terms recently and started cracking down on "bad" language. Before, they had a hierarchy of badness, i.e., ass wasn't as bad as fuck but was worse than hell etc. Now all curse words are treated equally, and they added extras that aren't curse words.
They did this retroactively as well. So, entire channels got demonetized overnight, and some creators found videos years old had been demonetized.
Story 2 is the reason why when my sister-in-law was pregnant and after for holidays I always made sure to get my sister-in-law something that wasn't necessarily for the children or had to do with her being a mother, because she is her own person.
That third story is so messed up. Expecting ANYONE to sleep outside in a tent is insane!
1st story: easy NTA, even if it was bad of the grandpa, OP was the one that dealt with him with zero assistance.
Agreed. The old man might be a barstage, but it's his money to do with as he sees fit. OP is NTA, and should keep the money in good conscience.
I'd go beyond just not going to Christmas. Being forced to sleep outside in a snowy winter? Not even pets deserve this treatment!
This would be totally a "you're all dead to me, never speak to me again" situation for me.
Being a guy with a lifelong outdoors interest, and hating snoring and such, I'd take the tent. But, I know how to prepare and deal with the cold. I've slept in a three-man tent, on the ground (no cot) in 17F. weather and was perfectly comfortable, even got a bit overheated under my sleepingbag. But if OP isn't prepared or skilled in this, surely some place can be found for her in the house. As a kid visiting relatives, I occasionally got the sleepingbag in the hallway, being stepped over by people going to the bathroom late in the night.
9:30 I’d put up an argument against it and then say, “ugh, fine, I’ll sleep outside.” then after they’re all asleep, collapse the tent with everything still inside, then disappear for a while in a hotel just to make them paranoid and think they got you killed.
Every now and then Dabney goes OFF on a huge rant, and the "YOOOOUUU DOOO ITTT" killed me off. I'm commenting from the afterlife 😂😂😂😂
If nothing else in life is stable I can count on RSlash uploading another awesome video to get me through the work day!
His money she should of repaired the relationship with her grandfather it’s her fault
Story 3
OP gets a lot of money as a last gift from her mother, Her husband and family proceed to be like: "OOH FREE MONEY"
Story #1 - before OP gives her half, they should check with a lawyer regarding taxes and such, he could give her half and then get taxed on the inheritance AND the gift that he gives her and he won't have jack left. Inheritance and gift laws are nearly as bad as Tree-law.
The whole "mama" thing makes sense to me. In my culture, the moms are called mama (child's name). As i grew up i found it kinda strange because it reduces the woman as *just* their children's mom.
If I were to become a mom i wouldn't stand being called that. I would want an identity outside my children
Story 1: This is definitely a very different situation. Think of OP getting the money as a "caretaker" fee for visiting the dying grandfather on a regular basis. It must suck to deal with his bigotry on a regular basis, but you can't just cut off contact from someone and expect something in return.
Story 2: I would have been super petty with this. Calling someone mama just degrades their identity into a singular point. I would have done the same. Call any single one of them with kids as mom and the mother as grandma. Never use their names and never gift them anything outside of that identity as well. I would even regift the things given to me.
Story 3: Definitely a wrong ex-mother. If TV is so important, they should sleep on the couch so they can stay up watching TV as late as they want. OP should be given the ex-mother's bedroom. It should be a win win for both sides.
Story 4: The one inviting should be the one offering to pay or you take turns as a family unit.
I slept outside in a tent in the early fall, I live in Canada and was in army cadets then (6th grade).
It was so cold my friends and I had to cuddle to keep warm, I even had a really good sleeping bag and fleece lined coat.
The name thing is so weird to me. Maybe it's just how I was raised, but a name is just the word you use to address someone. I've gone by many names/nicknames in my life and unless someone is obviously trying to insult me, it have never bothered me an ounce.
The idea that calling you by the wrong name could be such a core, deeply insulting thing, is genuinely alien to me.
OP's sister in the first story is TA. Not because she didnt want to see the grandpa but because she demanded OPs money.
Agree. ive been in a very similar situation, and i gave my sibling her share of the inheritence as she was unfairly discriminated against - but she didnt DEMAND it! If she had I probably wouldnt have given her anything.
I don't care how well-off someone is, it's a dick move to expect them to pay for something without any prior knowledge. Ops NTA for walking out, I 100% would've done the same in that situation
I would literally put an air-mattress _in the kitchen_ before I made 1 invited guest sleep in the yard, in Winter. And I'm 🇦🇺; snow isn't even a factor, here!
This one broke my brain.
The story with a tent... Why OP can't sleep with her niece or nephew if they are young enough? Why can't she sleep in like dining room or even kitchen is better than sleeping in a tent DURING WINTER!
It's so sad that her own mother won't let her sleep inside.
Story 1: If OP wishes to give his sister a share of his inheritance then he should give her no more than 30%. She didn't even try visiting her grandfather once. OP was the sole family member who gave enough of a shit about their grandfather to visit regularly and he cared enough to forge a meaningful relationship with him unlike most people who visit relatives in care homes. I've seen people come to visit someone and they spent less than 15 minutes with their family member and only talk about the weather when the relative was still as sharp as a tack! Based on OP's sister's entitlement I believe that 15 minutes or less of small talk would the most amount of effort she would've put in any visit with her grandfather if they had gotten along and he wasn't a homophobic SOB. Based on her character, lack of visits, the Grandfather's homophobia, and his wishes for where his estate goes, I feel that 30% of whatever wealth OP was willed would be an incredibly generous amount for OP to give to his sister if he wishes to give her anything at all, although I would recommend a lower number, maybe 15%.
Much easier said then done. Try holding a conversation with someone who only wants to talk about how you should divorce your wife because you're "living in sin," that you're disgusting, that you're going to hell, etc. Even when you try to talk about the weather, pictures of birds, funny stories, and they keep changing the topic back to all that bigotry and wearing you down. It's one thing to put in the effort to talk to a boring person, a person with dementia, or someone you dont have anything in common with, but to talk to somebody who keeps verbally abusing you? You shouldn't have to spend your heart on somebody who would only hurt you in return. Your idea of the sister's "entitlement" assumes that the grandfather was an okay person and that the homophobia was a small flaw easy to overlook, but I highly doubt that was the case. Queer people spend a lot of their life "toning it down" for homophobic relatives, and it's almost never good enough for them because those relatives are already entitled enough to think everyone needs to be just like them. OP's sister may actually *have* spent a while (I mean before the grandfather got sick) actually trying to put in that effort you're talking about, but it wasn't worth it. Some people are just not worth it.
@@dagnytheartist I think you missed the part where I said "If they had gotten along and he wasn't a homophobic SOB!" OP's sister was also fairly entitled since she thinks she deserves a dime from a person that treated her as less than. Sadly people don't owe you money if they've made you uncomfortable at any point in their lifetime or else I'd be a wealthy man.
Story 2 is part of why I’ve made it a point to post very little about my baby but continue to keep posting about hobbies.
story 3: I first thought op's mom lived in the southern hemisphere, where christmas is in summer, so it would at least be camping weather, expecting someone to camp in the snow is ridiculous! Even worse that it is her own daugther. Op, she does not deserve to call herself a mother.
edit fixed some typos.
Depending on which western European country it is, being forced to camp out in a tent during winter could breach visa conditions. We do not joke around when it comes to the health and safety of people.
Also, there is not a snowball's chance in hell that OP wouldn't be stuck as the nanny on that trip. Which could also breach visa conditions.
First Story: While the sister has a valid reason for cutting contact with grandpa, but that doesn't mean she's entitled to the money after he passed. C'mon! Only OP was the only one who visited grandpa for 5 years, and the sister said it herself that she doesn't want anything to do with him. So, while she is a victim, she still doesn't deserve the money. NTA.
Second Story: At least the MIL was apologetic about this, but the rest of the family are just getting defensive and toxic. Why does OP's husband get to be his own person, but OP will always be known as mommy? And no, OP isn't beneath being a mom, she just feels that she's being disrespected and not called by her actual name and getting "mommy-themed" gifts. Also, the ones who need to apologize is the family, not OP. NTA.
Third Story: Like rSlash said, if it's not a big deal, then why don't THEY sleep outside? The fact the mom called OP a "nuisance" to the dad is a red flag. OP isn't being selfish, the mom is. I would've let OP sleep on my bed and I sleep outside. I don't understand why the siblings are mad OP though, they are mad because she was being difficult? NO! The MOM was being difficult! NTA.
Fourth Story: This made me mad. The family should be comforting OP over her mom's death, not treat her like an ATM! The fact the husband yelled at OP makes me very mad. If anyone need to console their WIFE, it WOULD BE HIM! TREAT YOUR DAMN WIFE WITH RESPECT DUDE! YOU are causing a huge rift between you and your WIFE! F*ck sake. NTA.