r/AmITheA--Hole I Told My Daughter I Hate Her
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- čas přidán 11. 07. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
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0:00 Intro
0:06 I don't like my wife's kid sister for good reason
2:47 She is romantically in love with me
6:08 I went against my wife's wishes
9:50 I won't change the custody agreement
10:57 Family law worker gives his opinion
11:41 Wife chooses her family over her new husband
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Today I learned that rSlash is very innocent. Because I can never hear the phrase "she confessed her feelings" and not assume it means anything other than romance.
There is no other way to take it honestly. Like if it was what rSlash thought, saying OP was a much better parental figure then the wife/sister, then it wouldn't be worded that way.
Guess i am too. I thought the exact same as rslash
Well, this was a close call because there have been other times when he mis-judged a story and based his thoughts on that, like remember the story about OP's BIL or brother, can't remember, hating kids and actually locking OP's kids up in a room at a family party? When reading that, rSlash had completely skipped all of the parts that involve the brother's wife's in the story, even though we could easily read those parts in the video, and at the aftermath thoughts, he said that we don't have any info on her and is why he gave her a pass, even though if he were to actually include those parts, he would see that the wife is actually on her husband's side and supporting him on this. Like, those moments from rSlash kinda makes me baffled and I have more examples of him mis-judging certain moments in Reddit stories. This one could've been one of those moments, but he managed to save himself from the backlash he would've gotten by reading that reply from OP.
To be fair, I was leaning to what Daphne was thinking aswell. I was considering the romantic aspect, but dismissed it.
I was the same tbh
I love when rslash is reading a story and you can HEAR him make up his mind because he starts using a Karen voice lol
he shifts into it so smoothly sometimes lol it's almost like it's second nature for him
@@gmmywrmz at this point I’m convinced the Karen voice is his real one lol.
You KNOW you're in trouble when rSlash starts putting on a voice for your own post
fr its so funny
House key story: there HAS to be more to this. There's no way that the wife is reacting that much over a house key if they are on good terms with the mom.
I Know!!! i dont see the issue with the information given, the mother is a trusted individual. and theres so many scenarios where there needs to be someone trusted with a house key! if there not on speaking terms then that could be expected. but if they're on good terms then why? i understand privacy reasons, but in my opinion. and this is only my opinion, unless they're is someone else, then i am sorry. but that is something i refuse to not have.
That's my thought but possibly not related to the mother in law having the key and more to anyone having the key at all. As someone who's experienced a number of housing insecurity and issues, as soon as the wife said 'no' I thought "yep that's it, wife is being reasonable, says she doesn't want the mum to have the key because she feels insecure about it then that's that." it's not like she caused a scene or embarrassed OP. An alternative would be to have some sort of key safe, and in an emergency they can tell the mum the code, that way they can still be in control of who goes into the house and when
@@TerranosaurRex I disagree, there are plenty of alternative ways to ensure access without someone else being 'in control' of a key (my parents hide a key safe to their house and the code is something my sibling and I know, and likely my aunt/uncle who live near them. The only time spare keys/any key is shared is if I'm crashing at my sister's place and arrive a day before she does/leave after and afterwards she gets the key back. I can agree with requiring others have access to the house in cases of emergency, but I can also agree with OP's wife about not just having a spare key in someone else's possesion
That’s what I’m saying like bruh. Personally I didn’t see anyone as an asshole tbh
Each of my siblings and I have a key to our parents house. But my parents do NOT have a key to any of our houses (well, except me, now that I've moved back home to help take care of them, they're not in the best health). Anyway, this feels like one of those unspoken but absolutely vital rules, parents really should not have a key to their grown kid's house. ESPECIALLY if that grown kid is married or living with their partner, because at that point, it's not just the kid's space, it's another person's. So it just feels inappropriate and weird for OP to give a key to his mommy. Um, no.
I love that in the last story it seems like Phillip is 100% aware of why the family doesn't like him BUT that that's not what his issue is at all. It seems like he's like "Yeah I know why they didn't invite me, I'm not mad at THEM, I'm mad at YOU because you should be standing by me with this ... I get they don't like me but I can't believe you're going to just shrug and go party when they are deliberately excluding me ... wtf"
Exactly.
Facts poor Phillip
Agree and if this kind of problem is going to an ongoing issue then divorce is not that far.
But I wouldn’t argue with my wife’s family unless I’ve known them for 4-5 years. But yeah poor Phillip.
@@mikemclochlin.1167 Ehh he probably acted out of emotion imagine you spend your whole life focusing on the health of children and then you see a blatant disregard of children's health that could put the children in serious danger
Rslash's real time reaction to the first story was hilarious. I immediately thought romantically then started second guessing till he read the comments. Just YIKES
“Am I dumb? I CANT be THAT dumb… I’m THAT dumb…”
I can't blame him. He was innocent.. But then he understood. I think the most disgusting part is WHEN did she develope these feelings?! Like when she was a child? Or now? I hope it's now but feelings don't just come over night..
listening to him entirely break from his usual story voice and absolutely lose his mind was 100% the highlight of my day. that was so fuckin funny
@@bryn1063 oh shit- like yea... when did she get a crush on him... like, the hell is her problem...
I actually stopped and went back before the end because I had the exact same reaction! 😂
1st Story: Who wants to bet that Alexa told her parents and friends that OP was the one that came on to her, or said mean things about her. OP's wife should send her sister home and help OP set the story straight PRONTO. Her little sister literally tried to sabotage her marriage, she's being too nice.
Are her parents giving her financial assistance to raise their daughter? I know Alexa is her sister but the way she’s being treated, it feels like she’s a nanny without pay nor authority to discipline
nah, i'd say not to bother. just go no contact with the sister AND the parents. probably the best choice for everyone
@@zilesis1 the problem is, she could just lie about something worse, with zero proof
@@strikeforce1500 so what? he probably already made up something terrible for the parents anyway. and they took her side without even asking fot OP's or his wife's side of the story
just cut them off, go no contact and let them believe what they want
Sadly, it's not impossible that they know the truth and still support her. Hearing stories like this have made me painfully aware of new levels of crazy
I immediately thought in the first story that the woman meant confessing her feelings romantically, based on how awful she sounded in the OP's description. She'd never hesitate to crap on her sister. The fact that she was described as arrogant, rude, entitled and nasty, never led me for one second to think that she was suddenly turning nice and simply thanking OP for all that he'd done!
And you'd be right
Not to mention that she thought that all this time, the reason why OP had looked after her is because he liked her romantically more than he liked her sister. At 8, she'd still remember her real father, so of course, she never viewed OP as her step-dad. It's almost like she has this mindset that OP looking after her like a dad means that he likes her romantically. Imagine being in this situation where you look after this kid and you view them as if either they're your younger sibling or like your child, but then you realise that all this time, the kid actually has a romantic crush on you and they want to be in a relationship with you.
That last story, I was like "Wait, she's still going to her parents' house even though they excluded her husband???" She's way too self-centered and doesn't deserve her husband. She certainly doesn't respect him.
Yeah and I hate bashing on single moms, but this is far too common, which is why most avoid the situation. They build a sense of hyperindependece, you'll hear "it's me and my kids" more than you would hear "us and our children"
I don't see any problem with actually going except for the fact that she didn't first talk to her husband about it.
Honestly if I was the husband I probably would have let her go because unless I heard that wrong they were only going to be gone for a couple hours so it's not that big of a deal But the important thing is to ask your partner first. I mean come on it's Christmas.
Also I do think the husband shouldn't be picking fights with his in-laws so he does get 1/5 buttholes for that. The wife should nicely explain why he is wrong. I like thinking of it as "look I'm on your side and am here to help you and explain nicely why what you are doing is wrong.
Yeah, I’m fairly certain that if she goes through with it then that relationship will be completely nuked. I believe the appropriate phrase for this is “either stand by your man or he’ll go find someone else who will”. Rslash is right, that dude is premium Grade A husband material and OP is treating him like trash. And depending on where they live if they haven’t passed the 6 month mark he can easily annul the marriage with minimal consequences and completely break it off. Once he does that he’s more than free to go find himself a real wife unlike OP who’s more than willing to screw him over to make her parents happy.
the way i see it, she just need to push him to divorce and or flat our divorce him herself if he takes too long and shes good for the rest of her life lol.
the man is super smart and big respect for his profession, however for his relationship choices, this dude is a complete idiot.
he married a single mom after 16 months of knowing her ??!! if the guy was like in his early 20s , doing something this dumb could maaaaaybe get a pass, but at his age... he should know better.
Listening to the last story, some red flags came up in the pediatrician's behavior. Why couldn't grandma and grandpa spent time with Billy when OP was sick, even if herbal remedies are ineffective did the doctor have to call the inlaws ignorant? Don't most doctors know not to insult someone because once you insult someone you lose your credibility with them. To me based on very limited information the Doctor feels a little entitled and controlling.
First story: That girl didn't raise just a red flag. She raised a whole flippin' Soviet parade of red flags, complete with ballistics on display.
Yep, I bet that red flag was visible from the ISS!
the soviets don’t claim her /j
we socialists don't claim her
I was gonna go toward the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, with the UGA, OSU, BAMA and Northwestern Marching Bands alongside a Santa the size of a small rhino.
I love this comment!
Props to rSlash for using “Allie” instead of “Alexa” when reading out the first story, so he doesn’t constantly set off Amazon devices in everyone’s homes. 😂
Oh, is that why he pronounced it that way? I thought he just didn't know how it's supposed to be pronounced. I don't have Alexa so I'm clueless on how it works except the basics on what I've seen on the commercials.
I picked up on it after the second time. Also don't have one, but I was thinking, wow Rslash is so considerate of his viewers 100%
Now if only he could stop activating my phone whenever he says google that would be great
The custody story: You always say that if someone has the right to do something by law he's good to go, OP has a custody agreement and so he has no obligation to change anything for his ex wife ESPECIALLY if there will be legal fees for OP and the ex refuses to cover them. It's up to the ex wife to make the custody agreements work and I'm going to be honest, I think a court in a well functioning legal system would make sure that the second custody agreeent wouldn't collide with the first one
Love that the hate of the law office worker is like.. . "You doesn't want to pay me, so you don;t have the interest of his child in mind, you are the asshole for wating more time with your children instead of just paying me and agreeing to everything" you know instead of the one causing the conflic(the other guy) or the ex wife runnig a second divorce on her children...
Really glad to see this cause I was like how is OP the AH here when he’s been on the agreement wholeheartedly and set and now that outside source cause conflict with ex wife it’s his fault like how. He doesn’t have to agree but could be incentivized like more time spent with child or hey ex wife can cover legal fees some but he doesn’t just have to agree.
That last story, man what a mess. The grandparents are psychopaths who think the husband is "keeping their grandson from them". The family is into holistic health practices, which are not only very hit or miss, but can also actively harm the recipient in some cases. The husband gets into arguments over well being and coming from a qualified background, and as a result of him just rubbing the family the wrong way on a couple of occasions, he gets uninvited to Christmas. His wife is leaving him alone on this holiday because she's just as toxic as the rest of her family. I feel for this dude, and I hope he exits this marriage just like her last one did. She doesn't deserve him, and I feel sorry for Billy. Poor kid.
Yep, ETA in this situation
Agree, i think op should rethink her decisions if she watched this video. Op doing really big mistakes, you can't let your husband alone on his first Christmas with her wife. There will be other times op can spend time with her parents but for the love of god Op needs a reality check
I just think the husband seems a little manipulative if he didn’t but into a conversation with the in laws he would have been able to go to Christmas and him being all your gonna leave me ME all alone on Christmas YES and if I was op id do it again sorry guys I don’t think he’s that great of a catch
@@IamELARA420 no you are wrong cause it's his first Christmas with op and his step son and let's not forget he knew better from his in laws cause he is a professional doctor
@@Lucky-Nick123 ya but it’s not like the in laws asked for his professional opinion and it doesn’t matter if it’s his first Christmas with them or not he knew he was picking fights with his in laws every time and he probably knew there was gonna be a celebration that he was gonna get kicked out of to me it kinda seems like maybe he just wants to push op from her family and to him
It feels like the sister in the first story is really confused about romantic feelings toward a man vs. parental feelings toward a father figure, especially considering her real father is virtually absent. She needs therapy.
didn't OP say they tried to get the sister therapy and she refused? tbh, i feel a little bad for the girl considering she seems to have been spoiled out of a future by her parents. like, how much do you want to bet that the reason she never listened to OP's wife is that whenever something happenend that she didn't like the absent parents would magically re-appear only to take the sister's side
as soon as those parents are dead the sister will be alone and fully screwed since there's no way OP's wife will keep her around after this
@@zilesis1 I agree with who you’re replying to, this CHILD should have been forced into therapy a long time ago. That is literally a parent’s job. If the daughter refused to go to the medical doctor, would we all excuse her parents for shrugging and “letting it go”?
I think if the absent parent were at all involved, OP would have mentioned it. And the fact that the step daughter has a crush on OP because he apparently “treated her better” than OP’s wife growing up indicates that at the very least, the mom and daughter have never had a functional relationship.
@@BunnyQueen97 i think you're missing the point. OP's wife is NOT THE MOTHER. The child's mother and father live in a different country. OP's wife is the child's SISTER.
their parents forced OP's wife to take the sister in because it was more convenient for the parents.
r/Slash just called OP the "stepfather" because that's the dynamic of the family: the sister and brother in law basically became this girl's "stepparents".
@@zilesis1
It doesn't help that rSlash insisted on calling OP stepdad/stepfather instead of brother-in-law.
With the last story I was like ey yoo EYYY YOO. How can somebody be so ‘ignorant’
Edit: I didn’t mean it as a reply I meant to put this in the video replied oops
Nice of Dabney to not constantly set off our Alexa devices reading that first story, thanks man :)
Now I want the blooper of him realizing he needed to change the name! LOL
And I’m listening out loud
If I ever read and narrate a story with that name, I'll change it.
Not a problem with Google Nest.🤪
Oooooh, so *that's* why he was caling her Ally! I was so confused about why he kept saying the "wrong" name, but that clears it up! 😅
Imagine marrying someone and then acting surprised when they’re upset that you bailed on them for Christmas 🤦♀️
The part where Rslash said " Girl you married to the man, stand by you man" was probably the most sassy thing I've ever heard Rslash say. I'm here for it!
I don't blame you for misunderstanding the first story lmao. I don't think any rational human being would draw THAT conclusion the first time reading a story like that. Jesus Christ that is SO messed up
Guess I'm not rational then lmao. I was like "wait, did she confessed romantically? Wtf"
@@CardamomYGO Or have just seen way too much messed crap.
"Confess her feelings" is usually a shorthand for romantically, IMHO.
Not going to lie, if OP didn’t clearify I would’ve misunderstood too. Alexa is a horrible person honestly
@@gilded_lady i agree
RSlash: “Stepdaughter”
My mind: “SISTER-IN-LAW”
Yo I didn’t catch that part! Step daughter but he’s dating the sister
Could be because they’ve been raising her since she was 8 and it’s more like a parent/child relationship and not a sibling one.
I'm guessing he's trying to make it clear that he's been raising her since she was absolutely a child. He really is more of a father than a brother to her.
I think that relationship is a bit like a tomato or an eggplant - sometimes it's a fruit, sometimes it's a vegetable. It depends on which frame of reference you use.
(I'm a scientist so it's a fruit, because it really is, but I can also see the argument making it a vegetable).
@@survivedandthriving never heard that saying
Rslash; "I'm too innocent to get it!"
Also Rslash: *instantly puts her in an adult scenario*
Exactly my kind of humor.
@user-ul3jd2hf1w Damn, you spambots don't even try anymore with those obvious bot names.
I think we finally got to him when it comes to catching him on his bad takes. 😂 Poor RSlash... 😅
“Bad” is subjective, his opinion doesn’t need to match with everyone else’s. Plenty of people agreed with his «bad takes»
I notced it the last couple of weeks his bad takes are getting more and more frequent and more extreme
@@RobGMun because he’s a beta male feminist. The worst part of this channel is listening to his whiny liberal takes on reality…. Just read the stories ya big sissy
I just think that his bad take yesterday about the husband, wife, and grieving friend was awful. I don't want to be a bully about it though! I hope he hasnt taken that too hard :(
@@pulacascar179 there are stories where he literally misses information when giving his opinion... Like the one about someone throwing coffee recently
Last Story is just depressing.. There's no essential oil on this planet to fix the betrayal OP caused to her husband
Well put!
I don't see it as betrayal it's a few hours. But pediatrician or not. He is not the nieces doctor and no one asked his opinion so for him to not only butt in where not invited and name call he deserves to not be invited and it's honestly kind of controlling to tell someone that "since I can't go because of my own actions you can't either"
@@SA-wc2xq the fact that she made the decision without so much as a conversation with her husband...? Nah. Frankly the husband sounds like he could learn to be more respectful in his disagreements and maybe choose his battles more wise with her family but otherwise seems fine. Op should have expected her family to understand that its her first year married to Philip so their household comes first.
Natural medicines does not automatically mean essential oils were what was being discussed. For example, ginger is a natural stomach ailment remedy that is still widely used in many cultures today and there are literally thousands of doctors who will claim "just give them a little bit of Children's Pepto." Sometimes, most often I'd say, using a natural remedy to get rid of small things is many, many times better than just filling yourself with chemicals from a bottle.
@@SA-wc2xq 1_ Those "a few hours" are on the most important day for all family's you known, Friking christmas"
2_ It's him consent to interrupt people that may or not risk someone's health just because of his believes, calling them ignorant it's a valid point coming from someone who studied for years on the health field but it's still kind of a butthold thing to do.
3_ It is controlling to say that why his WIFE leaves him alone on CHRISTMAS just because her parents don't like him?
, also she get to decide to either support his HUSBAND or go and leave him alone just because her fathers don't like him
4_ also don't add words into someone else's mouth.
I am SO AMMUSED by RSLASH ranting at himself for misunderstanding the story. The self-reflection commentary is absolute gold! This is one of the reasons I love this channel SO MUCH!
We would continue to love you anyways, Rslash!
@Ш𝐇Δ𝐓𝐒Δ𝐏𝐏+①⑨⓪①②⓪⑥④④⑦②
ROFL! I call BS on this
3rd story (change in the custody agreement):
I think the Family Law worker and Dabney jumped to conclusions without getting additional perspective. Why are they divorced?
To understand where I'm getting at, let's put it into a rough estimated timeline. OP's marries this lady, their son is born sometime after and they divorce about 2-3 years later. The ex-Wife marries again within a short time post divorce, her 2nd child is born soon after, and then the new husband leaves within 2-4 years. Two different men divorce her presumably within a few years of being married and having children. That could mean one of two things:
1. This lady may be a good person who just has a poor taste in men; she married two terrible men back to back. I.e. her husbands were the reason for the divorce. If that is the case, her request is reasonable. She is parenting 100% of the time and has 0 days to herself, while both her ex-husbands are getting a week off.
2. The lady may be a terrible person, both her husbands resent her for what she is and left her when they couldn't take it anymore. I.e. the ex-wife is the reason for the divorce. As such, both are not inclined to give her any accommodations that would be a fair 50% parenting time for all.
Which ever of the above is the true, agreeing to this request would mean that the kids are the ones who lose out. (Didn't Dabney says "think about what's best for your kids"?) In the current situation, each child has a parent's attention 100% of the time. If the arrangement were to change per the ex-wife's request, she gets her 50% parenting time off and has both kids in the same week. But her kids are getting parental attention only 75% of the time because her parenting time is divided between the two during the week she has them.
There is also a plus side. In the current arrangement, both kids presumeably barely know each other since they are never together with the mother at the same tiome. Being together with the ex-wife in the same week would mean they have bonding time as half-siblings.
(Dabney... please please please post original post links in the video description)
I googled and found the original post on Reddit and in the comments OP unfortunately does not say anything about why they divorced. However, the tone of his comments are cold towards his ex-wife indicating some resentment. But this in itself does not provide any clues as to which of the above two things could be true.
4th story.
RSlash was too wholesome to realize how terrifying the story about the sister in law was 😭
His wholeheartedly terrified reaction just speaks volumes as to how stable, kind and wholesome he actually is in real life.
Part of me thinks it’s because of his daughter. Ever since his daughter was born, he’s been harsher on people who treat their families badly regardless of circumstances and has been overall more wholesome. I get the same way around little kids, especially my siblings and cousins (except they’re now adults and teens so less of that now)
@@kathryndunn8052 this. definitely has related his answers to having a daughter now. Normally I find it irritating when people say as a parent blah blah a lot but usually that's in regards to the context of the person and his reasonings are always wholesome and a betterment
@@Mrs.Self.Distruct Until he realizes the OP might be a woman, and is the innocent party. Then he adopts the soft innocent sad female voice, like apparently they can do no wrong. It's like watching the animal charity ads while "In the arms of an angel" plays in the background. Drives me up a wall.
So wholesome that he acted out a typical porn storyline. 🙄
Story 3: I dont understand why the wife wouldn't want someone trusted to have an emergency key but she definitely has a right to be upset that her contributions to the finances are being completely minimized and disrespected. I definitely need to hear her side of the story to get the truth on her feelings because op is biased but im going with a light ESH based on the assumption the relationship with mil is good. She sounds irrational about the key but op is clearly a bit of a prick.
I don't want people having an emergency key to places I live, personally. It's a good way to let people steal or snoop, at worst, and they might come over and let themselves in at bad times at least. Emergency keys are an everyone agrees or no one gets a key. OP needs to listen to his wife, as she said no and lives there.
It's quite tricky situation and in hindsight op should've asked beforehand if handing out keys is ok. If the wife and mother didn't have any problems before i would imagine they will have problems when and if they are going to take the key away.
There's been so many stories of women just after birth in a sensitive state having their MILs invite themselves over, I wouldn't deny a key myself but I could see that being an overstepped boundary.
I thought the same thing at first. But I think the wife has some sense, consciously or instinctively, that the husband making the sole decisions about who gets a key is the husband's way of reinforcing the idea that he is certain that the house is wholly his and that the wife is living in 'his house' with him rather than they are living together in their house. And really, by his own words, that assessment is correct.
That situation would certainly have made me uncomfortable. Granted, I wouldn't have continued to pay a grown-butt adult's rent and expenses while they were putting their money into savings, but who knows what discussions they had about that at the time? (maybe he is further betraying her by reneging on a deal?).
Either way, I don't blame the wife for being uncomfortable. I hope she has a good lawyer, because to me it seems like he is already laying the groundwork to claim the house in a divorce.
Not clear if the wife payed the rent of part of the rent. But the bigger issue is she blames her husband for making the decision alone, but she wants to substitute his wishes for her wishes. If the mother respects their privacy and doesn't use the emergency key unless it is an actual emergency I don't see the problem. Certainly I foresee some fun conversations in the future.
I recently found out my husband's grown nephew asked my 20yr daughter if she had an Only Fans. My husband & I got together when she was 9, nephew was late 20s. My husband & I are so disgusted with him that we haven't spoken to him since. He's also married with 2 kids.
The pediatrician in the last story deserves a better wife and in-laws lol
Tbh i just feel bad for the kids... Like billy has a great stepdad who cares for him. And the wife's sister has her own personal private pediatrician relative if her kid is ever sick... But choses to slather tee tree oil on her child instead.
Like... What?
I cannot imagine how the husband in the last story feels but I can imagine he is starting to think what the single life is like again...if his wife leaves him to spend Christmas alone.
I would be spending Christmas moving out. Or if it was my place, packing up her crap.
The husband just has to keep staring fights with his in-law. He's not trying to compromise either. Not everyone like to force medication down a kids throat when they get a little sick. As a pediatrician, he should explain that and take some of that into consideration, too. As someone who father fought a lot with their mother, it's not fun to see that. So my opinion is no one is the asshole. But I think they don't need to go anywhere on holidays till they can get thing under control. Because I don't think that marriage will last.
@@Nakiatakai yeah i agree, we need an upgrade about this. Op does love her husband but she doing lots of mistakes. I don't know but they need a thera family council , this needs to be change quickly
@@Nakiatakai "starting fights" yeah, like when grandpa demands to see his grandkid despite Phillip being busy with work. God, he's such a trouble maker!
Completely agree with you there.
Last story, she's totally delusional. She's going to lose her husband who's a Doctor, a pediatrician.. Over her parents. Omg YTA OP!
He might have been tactless but this is a tremendous way to lose your husband.
Maybe there is a reason they don't like him. He doesn't seem to be agreeing with their bs.
@@kg5626 how much you want to bet their also anti-vax.
She does not seem to take his feelings into account at all. She might be a very cold and selfish person.
@@afuzzycreature8387 I imagine his tactless approach is due to having to see the results of kids whose parents are using "oils" or other alternative "medicines" to cure their kid...
2nd story: He should've asked his wife if it was okay and explained why he thinks it would be a good idea for his mom to have a spare key. Im epileptic and have other health conditions, and my mom always respects my privacy, so i would give her a key AFTER discussing with my partner.
You are PARTNERS. Act like it.
Basically this yeah. Giving away key without asking. I mean it is bad, but could still be somehow explained with misreading the signals or earlier living situation(mom had key to previous house etc.) or something, but when he brings up stuff about money and how it is his decision alone then it instantly turns into assholish and controlling behavior.
Yeah, it should have been discussed beforehand and agreed upon and it doesn't have anything to do with who contributed more financially. It's one of those situation where you need both to say "yes" to give a key to someone else who doesn't live in the household. If one says "No", then that's the decision. Each person has the right to their own privacy and comfort in their own home. If I was with someone and they weren't comfortable with my mother having a key, I'd have to respect their privacy, regardless of their reasons.
@@villekorhonen824 ikr, op was very douchey and controlling 😵💫
@@dragonfliesnh4204 exactly
@@Thebatcavepetfriendlybakery I've been thinking about the mother in that story as well.
This is pure speculation of course, but from the story i understand that she asked for the key in the middle of the party, which she was hosting no less. Did she intentionally put them into tough spot and potentially cause a scene in front of other guests if they said no?
That sort of manipulation would even further explain why the wife was so adamant of not giving mother the key.
Custody Story: It really depends on why she wants to change the custody arrangement. I'm guessing she doesn't like that she doesn't get a break from her kids and wants them both on the same week. Neither of her exes wants to change the arrangement but OP is willing if she pays the required legal fees or he gets an extra holiday with his kid. I don't think this is unreasonable. She's the only person in this scenario who wants the situation to change. I also think this is more about what she wants than anything to do with the kids. So, without exact context on why she wants to change the custody arrangement, I'm on OPs side and lean NTA.
The tone was definitely against him. But if the wife offered to swap weeks by letting him keep them for two weeks that’s more than fair. You should both be trying to do what works best not just trying to “win”.
This. Granted AITA stories are always written skewed in the poster's favor, but unless the OP is preventing his kid from major events with the family or is hiding that they're an abusive parent, saying no to changing something that the OP doesn't want to change is entirely reasonable. RSlash and the commentator he read from just ASSUMED that denying the change without some sort of compensation to go with it meant the kid is being mistreated by OP's choice without anything to really go off of it.
What really gets me is that they talk about co-parenting. Well, the *CO* part of that means that both of them need to work together for solutions rather than the one bending to the other's will, and the OP made it clear that they were conserned about an escalation of expectations if they instantly agreed to the change.
Hell, as you point out, OP isn't even outright rejecting the idea. They just want SOMETHING in return for the inconvenience of the schedule change and are flexible on what that something is. And again, that's not unreasonable.
Maybe she wants it so that her kids can spend time together
I thought the exact same, Ops Ex Wife's Husband said that the custody arrangement doesn't work for him and that's okay but as soon as the actual father of the kids doesn't slightly approve of it, then he's a complete piece of shit?? He didn't even say no, just wanted an extra day or something with his kids and most people are calling him crappy, I think that's crappy 😂
Sounds like a classic case of man bad women right.
Yeah I’m all for the kids but let’s be fair here, this man has to pay for the change he didn’t ask for and all he’s asking for is for something else in exchange.
I thought we lived in a capitalist society? It’s give and take not take take take.
Last story: The biggest red flag about the parents are that they go to "natural" medication over medication that actually works. I'm not sure I'd trust my child in their custody should something go wrong.
ETA: Of course, this is in addition to all the other ways OP is TA.
the basic gig with those people is that they enjoy taking natural medication and stuff for when they are actually NOT sick. generally when they are they go right to the good old doctor to get real treatment. it's basically some weird girl hobby similar to talking about cosmetics i guess. slighty concerning in a way, yes, but no need to be an ass about it
Agreed and my take is that the Doctor has every right to be angry. Natural remedies are such a bad idea with kids. Diagnosing kids is hard, because they can't communicate effectively and they don't have an idea for what normal is. Worst of all, children want adults to be happy, so they will lie and say they feel better to make us happy.
Do you know what they call "natural medications" that work? Medicine. The rest is just a nice bowl of soup and some potpourri. If I want to know what medications actually work, I'll ask a real doctor, not my mother and sister.
@@Lapantouflemagic0 wtf how is it a girl hobby I know men who are into that stuff.
@@mariposa9506 He probably means the essential oil Hunbots. They are MLM pushing "boss babes" that think thier MLM is somehow better rthan all the other pyramid schemes being pushed.
First Story, NTA: Honestly, Alexa sounds like someone no one would like. Of course Alexa's parents would be mad but this girl wanted to get with OP romantically...yeah, no OP is beyond justified to say he don’t like her. Bro, I’m sooooo glad OP shut her down with this bs. This story is...insane bro. Not going to lie, I’m soooo glad OP clearified that "she confessed to me". Alexa is a horrible person; she not only is an entitled brat, she tried to be a homewrecker to her own sister. Not going to lie if OP went with Alexa, he would’ve deserved 6/5 buttholes
Second Story, YTA: I will edit this after the story finish but OP is the asshole just for trying to be controlling over the fact that he may or may not have bought the house. OP DID undermine his wife and OP's wife DID contribute. While OP saved, she paid all the rent and all of the expenses. OP is being inconsiderate to his wife's feelings. Also, I would be uncomfortable too if someone who don’t live with me have a spare key
Third Story, YTA: Greed at it's finest. OP don’t care about how his kids feel its all about what OP can gain
Fourth Story, YTA: OP is not treating this man right at all. OP shouldn’t be surprised when her husband flat out leaves OP. I personally think that OP's husband deserves better because this man is with someone who doesn’t respect him nor ever defend him against her family. I don’t fault him for calling them ignorant. There are people who think that they know way more than doctors (aka anti-vaxxers) and that causes the death of people. All I can say is that OP best hope she don’t lose this man because not a lot of people would treat a step-child as their own
Sooooo... the step dad in the last story is a pretty great guy. Even though he hasn't adopted Billy. I agree.
I'd argue that he still shouldn't have called them ignorant, as there is proof that non-western medicine is beneficial when used in conjunction with western medicine, or as a supplement but not as an alternative. So, I'd give him a slight asshole score (like 1/5 or 0.5/5) for calling the in-laws ignorant. But the in-laws still get an asshole score due to the way they reacted.
@@GryphStone Depends on what those "natural remedies" actually mean. I would guess stuff like essential oils or homoeopathy - which is bogus.
@@Ikajo homeo..bad
Essential oils good enough..they do help with headaches, stress, skin irritations etc. . Remember eucalyptus is an ee.
@@GryphStoneI’m no doctor so I can’t really say much. However, like rSlash said, it would be frustrating to hear someone do things that could harm themselves or others while working in that field
Last story: if she does end up going and leaving her new husband's first Xmas for her family, I hope he divorces her. Good men deserve to be treated better, find an intelligent and thoughtful woman to match.
Screw staying with someone that throws you aside when you're supposed to be partners in crime for life
I'm very very confused about the custody story
Like what did op do that was wrong?
From what I see she has a problem with her second not op
Op has every right to not want to change the custody agreement she Needs to figure this out with HER SECOND EX HUSBAND
Story 1: NTA. *The way my jaw dropped*! My god, what a horrible person Alexa is. Also, don't worry, Rslash, when OP said Allie "confessed her feelings", I didn't assume anything romantic until the update. Holy WOW...
I(M) had a custody agreement with the mom that initially had it 70/30 her way. I didn't pay child support though and also she couldn't leave the state without a 60 day notice. She did NOT like that and not even 4 months into the agreement she took me to court again. It ended with ME having the 70/30 AND I get child support AND the state line rule stayed intact. Many other things as well but essentially I'm the sole parent now as she doesn't even want our kid on her days because it involves "seeing me for a few seconds."
She sounds like she had the kid so she could get the money? Oh well, that plan went down the drain! Congrats 🎉 take care of that child
I'm a father of 4, we have an agreement where I see my kids every weekend and any days that require me to take them if she can't. We have the same state rule as well. Op in the story might have work on that day which might cause a conflict with his work or if in school.
@@erikw.torres8767 🎯 exactly! He’s being called the ahole, but Rslash as usual is pulling the double standard. Like bro got a life too
Sounds like my drama! I don't understand why people have kids to not want to take care of them plus play victim.
@@kg5626 If the ex-wife gets more custody of their son for money, he'll turn 16, run away from her, couch-surf in friends' houses, at 17, produce a kid with a girl he's dating, and marry her because she's pregnant, move into public housing, work multiple dead-end jobs, and 18, have another kid on the way. Not only should the ex-wife be be prepared for her son to have a judge make her give him back the the child support, in order to pay for baby necessities/expenses, she also needs to be prepared for him to make her kid from her second marriage his free babysitter.⚠️
Last story, I love the attitude and approach you took towards the problem.
Instead of being angry or accusatory, you phrased it as a wake up call. Pointing out but writing off OP’s AH behavior and asking them nicely to realize what they have and make better choices. Very wholesome!
I get the sense that the MIL in the 3rd story isn’t as respectful of boundaries as OP says she is, or, at the very least, the wife doesn’t want to give the MIL the opportunity to start disrespecting boundaries.
That's what I was thinking might be the case. To be fair, we don't know for certain which it is, but I have that feeling, myself.
Why assume the mother is the problem instantly and not the wife 🧐🧐
Yeah definitely the wife and not the mother.
@@MinusTheCoffee because Reddit. All MILs and men are the problem
@@RealJacior yeah noticed that even with the way Rslash reacts to each story, gender affects his critism and insults highly
It's remarkable what a pure soul @Rslash is to not realise that the young woman in the first story was making sexual advances on her sister's husband. Stay wholesome, @Rslash.
I didn’t realize either until the second part, my lord!
@@cardinalchaos2278 Same. That's why I am giving her 5/5 buttholes as well.
Dude's not wholesome AT ALL lmao have you seen how many times he's implied that people were having sex or made jokes about sex?? story was just vague
@@swingingspaceagebachelorma2498 at least he didn’t set off our home devices. Also he has changed because the algorithm got stricter
Honestly can't blame a pediatrician for being mad the parents aren't getting proper medical care for a sick child
Story 1 nta I've heard this before. The wife takes her in and this is how she repays her.
In story 3, the family discussing natural remedies as an alternative told me everything I need to know about how that family operates.
First story: it's real funny that the parents are mad at Opie when the parents haven't even been around for this daughter's life at all they sent her a broad to go live with her sister WTF. Absentee parents are also to blame
I don't think we can judge the dad as the AH in the custody story unless we know what his son wants. Maybe the son doesn't like his half-brother. Maybe the mom is just doing this to get the older child to watch the younger one. I've seen too many reddit stories of parentification and forcing "happy families" to trust the mom's motives in this. OP might be the selfish AH but he might also be saving his son from being miserable in the process.
Honestly, it’s not really selfish to ask for something if you’re going be out hundreds if not thousands of dollars in legal fees because your ex’s other baby daddy told her no.
There's a lot of reasons the dad in the custody story could have had that I think would be fine. "I talked with my son and he doesn't want to spend time with his half-brother", "I am struggling financially and these legal fees would really set me back", "I recently agreed to let her have him over Thanksgiving if I get him over Christmas then she turned around and kept him for both, so I don't trust her", "It took a lot of effort for me to arrange it with work to have time on his weeks here and there's no way they will let me switch which weeks". I was waiting patiently to hear OP bring any of these up, what did he bring up instead? "I don't see what's in it for me" *and* "If I give her this she'll be asking for more later". I'm not deaf to the idea that OP should get back legal fees, but clearly what his son wants or would be good for him doesn't even register on his list of reasons to agree/refuse, and that alone makes him an asshole regardless of everything else. It's his son's life he's playing with, not a game of cards to to beat his ex at.
I guess that's possible, but he says none of that. He only talks about what he can gain. I come from a divorced/blended family and I loved my siblings. When my dad pulled stuff like this to try to get my mom to give him things, it made me hate him.
I think its unlikely his ulterior motives are helping his kid. If he thought that was relevant or even would help him seem like less on an ahole he woulda said it. He didn't say anything about his son's feelings at all, so he doesn't even realize what he's saying about himself.
@@twistysunshine but it sounds like his ex is only asking so she doesn’t have to have both kids at once. It doesn’t really sound like it’s a in the best interest of the kids thing.
@@mhammer3186 That's possible- but it's also written from this guy's perspective, and he seems incapable of even realizing how he looks when he talks like this, so perhaps he doesn't have a good assessment of his ex's motivations.
I think the second divorce only happened recently, given that she's asking now. This would mean the kids already know each other well, they haven't been set up to not see each other like this their whole lives. I think with that info alone its safe to say the kids likely Should have the same week together, barring any knowledge of abuse or bad relationships between the two.
I'm honestly kinda surprised that it took rSlash a trip to the comments to get what really happened in that first story😄
Last story: F the whole natural remedy versus medication thing (I feel they both have their place personally) OP is expected to back up her husband no matter what side he was on. If he was a natural remedy fanatic and they were doctors, didn’t like his views and kicked him out, she should still be expected to stand by her husband. If he doesn’t attend, then neither do her or Billy until he is invited because they’re a package deal. That’s how it would be if my parents excluded my husband over something so stupid and petty.
Exactly. We are a package deal....either both if us or neither of us.
I agree with what you're saying. She needs to stand up for her husband. But there's a huge difference between sporting natural remedies alternative medicine. Then there is supporting actual medical science. Medical science has the weight of 100 of years of peer-reviewed journals millions of scientists. And natural alternative medicine has well. We've been doing it for a long time. Every time natural remedies or alternative medicine is put on the scientific method, the same scrutiny that scientific medicine is subjected to It fails. If it doesn't, it's already become regular medicine. I've seen many children have pretty severe medical neglect and it's always the crunchy moms that medically neglect their kids. Whether it's not giving them vaccines or antibiotics when they need it or taking the hospital or trying to treat pretty severe illness with natural remedies. And unfortunately, because we value parents rights over children's rights, it's the children that suffer.
I agree with you. She should stick up for her husband. But there's a difference between believing in natural medicine and medical science.
Story 2: When my wife and I were first married we lived in the same small town as my inlaws. My MIL had a habit of visiting us unannounced and would walk in through our unlocked door. The last time she did that she heard noises in the bedroom and investigated. The wife and I were being intimate. My MIL said: "What are you doing?" My wife answered: "It's called fellatio." MIL never came to the house uninvited again.
That would make sense if a mother in law was like that and would come over unannounced and be a little nosey.
Totally reasonable not to give that person a copy of the key.
However, from the information that we have, there is no anger, no animosity whatsoever between the wife and the mother in law, and again from what we know, there is no reason to mistrust the mother in law, and it doesn't seem like the wife misrusts her at all.
And notice how she didn't really give a good reason to not let the mother in law in the house?
It all went to money immediately. Personally, I think the wife is being overbearing, controlling and selfish.
I shouldn't be laughing on the fact that rslash misunderstood the first story but it couldn't be helped because of his track record of misunderstanding stories once in a while 🤣
Love how Rslash went from innocent and not understanding to dropping raunchy step-dad jokes so seamlessly 🤣🤣🤣
The wife who didn't want her MIL to have a key: wow, she is crazy! It is ALWAYS a good idea to have a trusted someone have a spare key, for a variety of reasons. I would add that if MIL ever abused that trust, THEN she should have the key taken away.
Story 4: Hey RSlash, I think you're looking at this the wrong way. The ex-wife came to OP to change the custody agreement. This involves going to court. Why wouldn't she go to her other ex and go to court then, if they have to go either way? Because she expects OP to suck it up and eat the cost of them going back to court because she wants to change the custody agreement. As from what I've heard, custody agreements are decided by both parties at the time the marriage dissolves. So why was this not a concern back when she got divorced from her second husband? I've heard this story before and my opinion hasn't changed. She wants the custody agreement changed, she can pony up for it. Everything is fine for OP and his kid. It's fine for the other man and his kid. The only one it isn't fine for is the ex, who would benefit most from the change of agreement, that being she would have a full week with no kids. Presumably to go looking for ex-husband number 3.
Finally was looking for this comment! It’s the second husband that is being unreasonable considering Op already had an established agreement and is being forced by his ex to change it because her second husband is being an AH.
@@dezzzydez That IS what is said, but like I pointed out, custody would have been decided when the marriage broke up, so why didn't having both kids at the same time be her major concern when getting custody worked out with ex-2? They were already in court to decide custody. And it says ex-2 was being unreasonable. How? Does he also not want to eat the cost of going back to court to change a custody agreement that works for him and his kid? The only one in the story who wants it changed in the ex-wife. And as I pointed out, while she may have a week where she has both kids, she would also have a week of no kids, where I can easily make the assumption that she's going to look for another husband-to-be. If she wants to change the custody agreement, she can pony up the cost, plain and simple. She just wants OP to be a doormat and pay out for this and any other changes she might want made in the future. This was one of his major concerns and I trust the OP knows his ex better than we do.
Alternative title: Rslash almost gets dog piled by the entire internet
Looks like we got as close to an answer as to whether or not he read the comments on that one story about the guy that got a problem employee fired for throwing hot coffee at him at work.
It's been worse. I remember when he tried to lay into a future groom for telling his fiancee that he wasn't a fan of her dress, making comments akin to "That comment ruined her wedding" and "You should have known when to be quite" and everyone teared into Rslash so much he posted and update next day and I'm fairly certain he deleted the video
Love Rslash trying not to set off the amazon alexas lol
YES!!! The moment I saw the name change I KNEW!!! LOL
Mine went off just from accidentally saying Alexa!! Lol
I'm glad that Philip came out so good in that story. Good to see there are real ones out there making a good name for us Philips out there
I feel you my unfairly-named-brethren.
Story 1: At first I was gonna say YTA, because I also interpreted the story as her telling him he was a much kinder father and she loved him as a dad. I was thinking "OP, you raised this girl for more than half of her life. She's like your daughter. She told you she loved you and you blew up at her?" But THEN the context of it being romantically changed everything. NTA. What kind of person would not only be comfortable being romantically involved with someone who treated them like a daughter, but would also confess to someone married? Nothing about Alexa is okay. She needs help.
the Karen mom with crystals and oils arguing with a pediatrician sounds like hell.
In this story I am pissed the whole time at op she has the freaking nerve to leave him behind because she has the audacity to say that he picked on her family exfreakingscuse me? I hope he freaking divorce op and her son hate her for that
I agree but the husband calling them stupid is put of line that's what he gets for being rude.
@@andysims2894 uhh no they are indeed stupid he is a pediatrician so he knows something about that
@@sophietremblay3795 even so calling someone stupid in their own house is going to get you banned.
@@andysims2894 yeah I know
i definitely don't think op is the ah for denying custody changes, fathers get screwed in court cases all the time, the fact that she got divorced twice and get 50/50 custody of both children from both marriages is mess up already, both have to pay child support and still have to suffer in order to accommodate the mother, she won't even pay the fees, yet she expects him to make changes for her own benefits, at his cost, not of the child but for her.
1) As soon as the words "confessed her feelings" came out, yeeeeah, definitely talking romantic feelings. RSlash, your reaction when you realized was GOLD. :) 2) I like the way you can sometimes tell while rSlash is reading a story that he's beginning to side against the OP by the way his voice changes to a whiny Karen voice.
How did rslash not even get the meaning of 'confessing her fealings'? It's the most obvious way to say it without saying it.
Well to be fair.l confess your feelings isn't just an expression for romantic feelings.
It just means come forward with your feelings. Any feelings really . It's just often used with romance in mind, but it's not completely surprising someone took it a different way.
Sorry for any typos.
Story 1: I can't have simply for someone who tried to steal her sister's husband, after 10 years of her receiving nothing but the best from her sister. OP clearly can't stand this girl but is only nice for his wife, and this is how the sister repays that kindness. No maybe OP said was harsh, but given that this is her sister's delusion I think being harsh might have been the best way to left the center understand that he does not want anything to do with her.
The term "Confess your feelings" is a sneaky way to say someone asked you out.
Story 3: we don't know nearly enough about the situation to judge the dad. The reddit comment could just be lying about his profession, and the wife is asking her ex to accommodate her other ex's schedule for nothing in return. The ex wife and other ex husband are being entitled, we don't have a clue what the kid wants, and op has his own damn life.
The only person we have enough info to call an AH is the ex wife, for trying to make OP pay for the schedule change that is entirely meant to accommodate her and her other kids dad.
After all this time, of reading these stories, I’m frankly surprised that you are still innocent and naive enough that it never occurred to you that the first story went that way.
I think that’s refreshing. Thanks for not letting these stories make you jaded Dabney!
First story, Rslash has something I call parental goggles, wich make people's minds think more innocent thin thease of childfree people
Last story: 5 out of 5 buttholes for OP.
Holy crap that story is something....
And OP is stupider than 12 feet of drywall during a six week dry spell
Story 2: I need to know the wife's side of the story. So I can see both sides. But what I would reccommend OP. Is basically talk to your wife and see what's going on. Cause odds are there has to be a reason. Also set up security cameras. Odds are your mom does snoop and it doesn't hurt to see the actual side of things
OP made exactly one comment under the thread, because someone called him out on trying to swindle his wife and not talking to her before handing over a key to his mom
No Rslash, you weren't dumb. Not even naive, maybe innocent, but I can guarantee that the majority of people are right there with you.
*First OP:* That was harsh, but if Alexa was really as bad as OP says she was, then she deserved it. OP is NTA.
_Romantically?! Yeah, OP is definitely NTA!_
Idk if rSlash changed Alexa’s name as not to set off anyone’s Echo, but shoutout to him if that was the case!
Did he just … malfunction? Lol, is he okay?!
*Second OP:* I was almost with OP until he pointed out that his wife paid for the rent and groceries (?) while OP saved up for the house. His wife should definitely have a say in who gets the extra key to the house. OP is TA.
*Third OP:* I’ve never been married, let alone divorced, but I’m pretty sure custody agreements don’t work that way. OP is TA.
*Fourth OP:* By “natural remedies,” did OP mean things that rhyme with “schessential schools”? If so, then I’m siding with Phillip. OP is TA.
I think rSlash has a crush on Phillip, lol
for the last story, OP is deffo TA. though it always bothers me when hearing about "natural" vs "medical" arguments without context. like the “schessential schools” is totally worth distancing from. but at the same time, giving someone tea with honey and lemon instead of a lemon-honey flavoured powder from the pharmacy when they have a cold is pretty reasonable and common. i kinda wish OP had made it clearer how far her family actually goes
Loving parents/step-parents are his turn on LOL
for the "natural remedies" i think of essentials oil which i guess makes them "anti-vaxx?" not sure they are that fanatic but still "natural remedies" makes the family sound like idiots imo
@@guestindisguise7079 Yeah I also think they're anti-vaxx. Just because something is natural doesn't mean it's good. Bears can naturally kill you and yet people don't let that happen.
@@zilesis1 Doubt he would have reacted to tea with honey.
Rslash has been traumatized thoroughly by story number one lmao
I shot scrambled eggs everywhere at "I've gotten stuck in the dishwasher!"
In the second story when husband and wife get locked out of the house and there is no one else with a key, we'll see how great those "boundaries" work to get in the house.
To me anytime the phrase, "I had feelings for....", comes up, there are romantic implications.
In the story of the father wanting something in return I disagree with R/ and the professional. Having been in a relationship with someone who was given something small and then demanded more and more I get where they’re coming from. The wife needs to “pay” for the change cause otherwise she WILL keep expecting more and more.
Without knowing more on the custody agreement, I can't give the dad a AH score
My issue is while I think OP is a bit of an AH the ex refused court costs too? Why should OP have to pay court costs when Ex wants a change?
@@Busefalis OP is the one who wants change, the ex shouldn't have to pay for that, not to mention both her exes don't wanna help her, that's kinda telling.
@@plannedsarcasm6930 rewatch at 10:21 states the Ex wanted the change
@@Busefalis Wrote that wrong. That's my bad
Second Story, YTA for pulling the "I paid for the house card" Not for trying to get a house key to a trusted family member. I did the same for our house, I have a copy of the house keys with my parents and my in-laws, you never know when you may need them for anything.
I was looking for this response. I definitely agree a trusted person should have a spare key since I’ve had quite a few instances where one might’ve saved a ton of trouble, but I stopped agreeing with OP once they downplayed his wife’s contributions.
true,a trusted person can be allowed to have a key.but the main issue in this matter is the fact that the husband straight up made a power move that didn't just disrespected his wife but also shows no care or concern to the wife's side.the real problem in here is not the key or whatever property,but the mutual respect and care of a married couple...
I honestly don't agree with your or the "professionals" opinion on the custody case. The way it sounds is that he'd get less time with his kid and have to pay the court costs because HER other Ex doesn't want to work with her. Sure, he wasn't polite, but maybe it's her karma for how their relationship ended. Please help me understand why he's the AH for not wanting to change the agreement because she's having a problem with her ex
I feel the same way. I think he worded his post like an asshole in parts but she literally wanted him to do everything and pay for everything because she has a shit agreement with her new ex. She's expecting the old one to accommodate her. He has to pay for it, he has to give up time. I don't think the "expert" is right either. She should have sweeten the deal. The least she could do is let him have extra holidays if he has to take her to Court and pay for it all.
Concerning the "custody agreement" story, can someone please explain to me in what way OP is a major YTA? Because I don't see it.
I think it’s this. The mother has 2 children from 2 dads. She has custody arrangements that give her custody for one week on, one week off. The weeks are opposite for each of the 2 boys, so she was asking OP to switch weeks so that she can have her 2 boys together. OP is YTA because he has no real reason to not allow her to switch the weeks. But is doing it just because he doesn’t get anything out of it. He’s keeping his son from having a relationship with his own brother but he doesn’t see that.
@@shelby8101 Fair enough.
@@shelby8101 Yeah but it makes me think of the story from a week or so ago where the lady didn't want to have her ex's kid over for Christmas even if it was her daughter's half sister and that got a "NAH" score. I guess because it was one day instead of ongoing?
When I hear stories like the last one, I just think, "What does this person think marriage even is?"
Story 2, about the step daughter trying to screw her stepdad/BIL brought back some SERIOUSLY CRINGE memories of my own step sister (Sydnee).
My mom and I met her and my stepdad when she was 7, and I was 11. Our parents dated for about a year before they got married, and, shortly after, I moved in because my biological father disowned me when I was 12 (that's an unrelated, but equally insane story).
It wasn't long after that when Sydnee started showing her true colours.
She was always a rebellious, entitled brat that had no respect for anyone and never listened to anyone, and she had it out for my mom from the moment she realized that she was marrying my step dad (who I just call dad because he stepped up to take care of me).
She would like to the teachers at our small private school run out of our former "church" that mom and dad abused her, and would also spread these same types of lies and rumours both to the other members of the contraction and to her extended family members.
It got to the point where the DHS worker and I were on a first name basis, because we got at least one visit from her every month for 6 months. All of dad's family members would regularly call mom, screaming at her and cussing her out, and that went on for about 2.5yrs.
She also lied to her family about me, saying that I molested her. 1) I would NEVER do that to someone. I've had a lot of close friends who went through that, and I know how badly it can ruin someone's life for YEARS; 2) I'm not a garbage human being; 3) I LITERALLY WASNT EVEN HOME THE DAY IT HAPPENED! I had spent the previous night at my grandmother's house!
At the same time, she was also ACTIVELY threatening to MURDER my mom! She once walked up to my mom, in front of my aunt and cousin, and told my mom that "The voices in my head are telling me to poison you." (She was 8 when this happened). She was also threatening to murder her own younger siblings. Of the 6 of us, me and dad were the only ones whose lives weren't being threatened by this girl. It got so bad that her therapist and case worker both explicitly told our parents that she is a danger to everyone in the house, and that, because inpatient psychiatric facilities and her medication didn't work/weren't working, that she should be isolated from the rest of us, and that all sharp objects in the house be locked up, and kept out of her reach. This little girl legitimately traumatized my mom to the point that, about a decade after these types of out bursts stopped, she literally can't leave her bedroom without her body immediately entering fight or flight.
There's a LOT more the I could add to this story, but it's already long enough. Anyway, the reason I was reminded of this is because, during the time where all of the above happened, she had explained to her therapist and case worker WHY she was doing all of it. She was trying to run my mom out of her and dad's life because she wanted to REPLACE MY MOM IN DAD'S LIFE! AND GAVE EXPLICIT DETAIL SHOWING THAT SHE FULLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT THAT WOULD ENTAIL!
For context, mom and dad tried EVERYTHING they could think of. Meds, therapy, psych wards, sending her off to stay with relatives (which is when she came after me); literally the only thing they didn't do was file with Families in Need of Services to have her legally removed from their care. They genuinely tried to get Sydnee help, but it goes to show that you can only help someone who wants to change.
For those wondering, she never actually got better, just less sloppy. a great example of just how much she's NOT better is the fact that, last year, SHE DROPPED HER NEWBORN SON, SO THAT SHE COULD START A FIST FIGHT WITH MY MOM! Why? Because she and her then boyfriend were getting kicked out for blowing all of the bf's income tax on junk (a truck with a transmission so bad it died in our driveway the night they brought it home; a switch that was "for her son" even though he literally couldn't hold a controller; and a trailer that was unlivable) without oaying the $1000 in back rent they owed from living with us rent free for a year.
rSlash once said in a past video that when a kid does something wrong, it's fundamentally the fault of the parents. My step sister is a sterling example of how, while that may be true at a general level of analysis, it DEFINITELY isn't true at anything approaching a universal one.
Thanks for coming to my TEDxTalk :-)
Yeah, there are always exceptions to the rule.
Wait a second. Unless I somehow misunderstood you somewhere, are you saying she wanted to marry her own *biological dad?*
Woooooooah!
There are so many levels of fucked up here. Kudos to your mum and (step)dad for still being together tbh.
What a fucking nightmare.
I hope you're taking care of yourself too OP. Like, that must be just exhausting in all senses of the word.
If I could venmo you $5 for like a special dessert you like, or a coffee or something, I really would.
I live in Australia, so not sure if they take my upsidedown currency.... If they do, hit me up. We can create burner emails or something coz anyone would need a little pep in their step after that Dante's inferno of a sibling
I'm having a hard time with the custody agreement story...I just don't see it how OP is a AH at all. He just wants to stick to what the court already ordered...OR not get f'ed over if they go for a new agreement. In those stories, I am 90% sure that rSlash would have given the MOTHER 0/5 AH if the roles were reversed
Oh, I am 100% sure you are correct but, it is what it is and until the court system changes, men will stop wanting to get married and risk everything.
Amen!
I felt the same, like why is he the AH for not wanting to give up time with his kid at HIS EXPENSE?! The "professional" sounds tired of actually having to do a fair job with people(men) who consistently get screwed by family courts and are tired of it.
I've never been in this type of situation, but I'm assuming that this whole process is not trivial for the dad. I'm guessing that I will require taking several trips to a lawyer's office or court to solve and require taking time off work to complete. Why didn't the wife negotiate this with the second husband instead of pulling OP into the problem?
I didn't get the rating either. It's not the ex-husband's fault that her new ex won't let her do anything with custody. That one is a tool. But she wanted him to change up everything losing part of his custody and paying for everything for a situation that doesn't involve him? It's not his fault that the agreement with the new guy is awful for her.
I totally agree the way he sounds is kind of assholey in the post the way it's written but I think his concerns are valid. Also, I get the expert on Reddit doesn't agree but what about the father who is trying to keep custody the way it is? It's not his fault that she has a kid with someone else. That custody is for them to decide and custody of his own kid is already decided. Seriously, she wants something for nothing while he pays it for the least she could do is maneuver a holiday to work for him.
Totally agree with you on the possible Rslash rating if it was reversed.
Story 2: I think it's always a red flag when a partner is holding their financial status over your head. This is a controlling behaviour and such a low blow... Especially since she did contribute. So basically once the power dynamic shifted he can do whatever he wants?
Wife is in a bad situation. She is basicly at his mercy in regards to the house since her name isn't on the deed and he is holding this over her
I'm happy someone noticed, dunno I keep asking my boyfriend for a key UT he thinks I'll lose it though he loses his keys way more than I heslost his and had to be replaced, I've never had to get a new set. He keeps his money inn here and thinks someone will steal it. But who is gonna go around every house here to see if the key fits?
Any idea on how to go about it? Ive been moved in since 17 and he's been the provider but he knew this when dating young woman, I'm 18 now and he wants me to finish school then work though i can do both. Meaning I could work pay bills but he doesn't want me too right now, though he holds his purchases above my head sometimes. Other than that he's literally done nothing wrong. Lol
Imagine not being able to give your own mother a key to your house, how ridiculous
@@MinusTheCoffee imagine not respecting your partner to the point where you ignore their input on giving another person a key to your shared home.
In the final story, the phrasing of the medicinal argument, sounds like it’s a case of “we want to try the “natural” remedies first before we try “those medications” which automatically puts them up a butthole score because delaying treatment often makes things worse
Rslash refusing to say “Alexa” in the first story to not trigger Amazon Alexa 😂
Story 1: NTA!!!! You didn't dodge a bullet Dabney, you dodged a hand grenade!
It’s okay RSlash when I started listening to this story I COMPLETELY forgot about about the title so I was like “yo what….what?” I did an actual spittake when you read the comments hahaha.
Story 1: The only way I interpret "Confessed (their) feelings" is romantically, if it was "She thanked me for being nice to her" then OP would have wrote that. And I don't get the parents, they are going "Oh you've been practically her dad for the past 10 years, _Now you can be her husband_ as she likes you." which is just wild to me.
It’s entirely possible she lied to her parents about what happened
The innocence of RSlash after so many years on reddit is truly the greatest gift of all 😅
"I own the house legally so I can give a copy of the key to anyone I want." - so landlords can just do that?
There's laws stopping that from happening. Leasing and renter's rights.
But if you own your own home... Uhh... Yes? I don't think anyone can get you into legal trouble for that.
Holy crap dude... The real-time reaction to Story 1 is fucking hilarious!
Last story - I hope OPs husband has a prenup signed. If it was me and she goes to Christmas at her parent, the first Christmas "together" would be the last Christmas together.
Story 2. The boundary part is important. But to add to it. There is more than one way to skin a cat. There must be multiple ideas to have a spare key in case one gets locked out.
RSlash: thank you for not saying Alexa over and over again lol
Story 2: You lived off your wife so you could save for a house but she didn't contribute so that's why she doesn't get say. OP how long were you living off of your wife so you can afford to buy a house, cuz even the smallest houses aren't cheap so how long were you living off of your wife's money? You put her name on that house because without her you wouldn't have ever gotten yourself a house.
Edit to add: as for the actual conflict she is your wife, you two are supposed to be equals you're not supposed to be trying to make yourself look like the bigger contribute to have more power than she does. If both of you don't agree on who gets a key then that person does not get a key. Her relationship with your mom is irrelevant the point is she doesn't want anyone who does not live at your house to have easy access to it. OP fix this mentality you have before you lose your wife.
Her name isn't on the deed...? Red flags
Agreed. It's insane how often people don't realize how much someone saving them money truly helps them.
I think I agree with the logic of giving the mom a key, I would do the same thing but at the end of the day if your partner is against the decision than don’t do it. Even if the wife didn’t pay shit her opinion still matters. If her and the mother really do get along great than the mother would probably be understanding to return the key. OP is acting so wack.
Fine. Then here's a scenario for you. House is on fire, you're both asleep, mom doesn't have key anymore. Both of you are too weak from smoke inhalation and die. WHOOPS maybe having the key with your mom COULD have saved your lives. Yes, the wife should be on the deed. Yes, the wife contributed in a way to the house. BUT OP is correct in saying for emergency purposes HAVE SOMEONE HAVE A COPY OF THE KEY. Things happen. What happens if wife has a baby and hubby isn't home and mom was nearby? She can rush in and provide help to wife. ALWAYS have a trusted emergency key holder. And wife said she would take the key back herself? What's she going to do? Assault the mom? That sounded a LOT like a threat.
Story 3, we also don't know if the mother will continually say she has a copy of the key, have lay it around, and have another member steal it to rob from OP's house. Just because your mother "respects and is a good person" that doesn't mean the people around her are.
Exactly, because since OP hadn't discussed it with his wife prior, I doubt he told her afterwards either...meaning she found out because either mom asked out loud in front of EVERYONE at the party, or someone else came and told the wife...meaning either the mom has already gone around telling others, or they really don't have a good relationship and MIL went to rub it in the wife's face that she bow has a key to her house and can do whatever she pleases whenever. Because their relationship is actually adversarial.
So I agree with you 100%
Yeah the wife family, co workers and friends might not be good people too, they can steal her key and rob the house .so I recommend the husband not giving her one.
Rslash I was having a bad day when listening to this video and your reaction to the first story just made it so much better. Thank you for content
Man it's been a while since we've had an AITA episode where the majority of OPs are in fact the butthole. That first story though....WHOA that shit took a turn.
I dunno about that last story. I agree that OP should have tried to talk about a solution with her husband, preferably before confirming she was going to her parent's house, but if most of OP's husband's interactions with her family were like the one with the mother and sister, then maybe he should have tried wording things in a way that doesn't insult the people he's trying to give advice to. Then we wouldn't be having this problem in the first damn place.
Ooh, we get a story from a spouse who chooses assholes over their spouse instead of the victim this time
Someone's going to have to explain the custody thing to me. I don't get it. Custody agreements are foreign to me and all it reads to me is "She wants something for nothing because her ex is a douche."