r/AITA For Demanding My Siblings' Inheritance?
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
Patreon: / rslash
Discord: / discord
0:00 Intro
0:08 Give me the entire estate
4:47 Cleaning horse stalls
9:14 Pawning off my responsibilities
11:15 Hero mom does what she has to
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Story 3 with the Divorced dad and the daughter's hair. He clarified in an edit that he IS learning to care for her hair. The ex wasn't willing to teach him while they were together or after the divorce. For once it seems like it wasn't willful incompetence, just a divorced dad in over his head asking for help.
Thank God, one of y’all had to say something about that this dumb, dumb ass crack jack trying to make the Dad look like a bad guy
This is definitely from a while ago then, since there's no edit in the video.
Yeah, it's the exe's fault for not catering to his weaponized incompetence... 🙄
It sounds like he isn't even bothering to stay and learn while the teacher is doing the daughter's hair.
Yeah, that’s kinda what I was thinking. Learning new things can take time, even when you’re trying your hardest. And yeah, it isn’t the teacher’s job to do his daughter’s hair, but she is giving advice on products and how to care for curly hair so he can learn how to do it himself.
Curly hair, based on what I have heard, can be a struggle to take care of and if he needs time to learn how to do it properly then I don’t begrudge him for asking for help. Especially if his ex wasn’t willing to teach him.
It didn’t sound like weaponized incompetence to me, it just sounded like a dad being a bit lost in how to care for his daughter’s hair- which he had never done before.
See that’s what I was thinking. Curly and textured hair is so hard to deal with and it does take time to learn. It took almost 2 years to learn how to take care of my daughter’s hair because as much as it looked and felt like mine it reacted differently. It really isn’t as simple as others think. Good on that dad I hate people assumed he wasn’t even trying. The first thing that came to mind when the ex wife called was “why didn’t she offer to help?” If I was in the same situation I would have asked “why didn’t you come and ask me? When are you free and let’s get together so I can teach you.”
Story 1, you know what’s greedy? Having a child that is supposed to have no other purpose in life besides being her older sister’s babysitter
And she's in a group home now so the parents aren't even looking after her. Why can't she stay in the group home after the parents are gone and they set up some sort of payment plan?
@@paiget6200 I think the intention is for her to continue living in the group home but the guardian needs to be readily available to advocate for the sister and make payments and handle other finances
@@paiget6200 My guess would be that someone has to keep an eye on the group home to make sure that they are providing the level of care that is being paid for, and also not engaging in fraud.
I've read about some scandalous behavior by for-profit retirement homes in the U.S. The owners were bribing judges to declare residents under their care as mentally incompetent and give the retirement home power of attorney. This when the residents are still fully mentally competent, just physically frail, and also have sons or daughters who should be assuming decision-making responsibility. With the power of attorney, the managers get control over the property of the residents, sell their homes which should have gone to the heirs, and steal the inheritance.
Yup. Abuse from birth, period.
But... isn't that the only reason to have kids? I mean, what else are they good for?
Story 3: I'm a black women with 4c hair. I have a hard time with my hair and it took me years just to find out what my hair needed. My family used to force relaxers in my hair until I was 14 and wanted to go natural. I continued getting relaxers after just because I struggled so much. If I had someone who could guide me back then, I would have cried. Op is NTA in my opinion. It really can be really hard to navigate. I still get it wrong and I'm almost 30 .
I'm a white woman with naturally straight hair and if I forget to brush it for one single day or sleep on it overnight without tying it back, it becomes absolute hell to brush the next day and I end up ripping loads out and sometimes have to sit in the bath and brush huge amounts of conditioner through it for like an hour before the tangles are gone, so I can't even imagine how difficult it is to deal with curly hair :')
I also really hated brushing my hair/having my hair brushed as a kid because I have a low tolerance for pain, so I also think the dad in the story is NTA as it's much better to get some help than put his child through unnecessary pain by trying to deal with it himself if he's inexperienced in dealing with that type of hair.
@@BeasEasel A couple notes that might make your life easier as a curly-haired person:
- Untangle from the bottom to the top. Trying to brute-force knots is likely whats leading to excessive hair tearing. Gently teasing knots out from the bottom and working your way up to the top is much kinder to your hair.
- Buy a Tangle-Teaser! [that specific brand, not just brushes saying they tease tangles.] Those brushes are a godsend when it comes to knots. It glides through my hair like butter when wet.
@@pigeontoes5421 Thanks for the advice :) I already start from the bottom but some knots are just really bad and don't wanna come out either way once I get to them :') But I'll look into the brush you mentioned :)
I am the same way, i had relaxers on my hair for years until a bad one burned my hair off. After that it was going natural, but still getting it straightened ir in braids.
I had my first big chop a few years ago and loved how much easier my hair was to maintain. Now i keep my hair short cause its easier for me.
I dont really care about styling so short hair isnt just convenient but also just works for how i am
True, but I do think he could've asked the teacher to teach him how to do it, especially since he needs to do it on his own at some point anyway. But I still don't think he's the AH, he's probably just afraid to mess it up and at least he was man enough to ask for help, many wouldn't have and would've just messed up the girl's hair because their ego stood in their way to ask for help.
Story 3: NTA, RSlash had a very bad take on this topic
As a black woman with type 4 hair, curly and coily hair is very difficult to take care of. There are many factors that go into proper hair care for curly hair. For example like hair porosity, tenderness of the scalp, and density. Finding products that take care of and actually work for curly hair can take a long time, which is why so many people spend years or even decades on their natural hair journey.
Additionally, watching videos does not always work because everyone’s hair is different (especially curly hair) and hair is going to react differently to different products.
I actually commend the father for asking for help because I have experienced and witnessed too many horror stories of parents not properly taking care of their child’s curly hair which causes their hair to mat up and break off. I genuinely hope that the father is taking the tips from the teacher so that he can gain enough confidence in doing his daughter’s hair.
I remember he had a bad take on another one like a week or two ago. He made WILD assumptions.
Here's something people need to understand about the dad... he didn't ask for advice or help in how to do it himself. He simply asked someone to do it for him. That sounds lazy to me
@Shykorus Totora Apparently he is trying to learn though. He said as much in an edit. If he isn't willing to learn then you're right. But if he is, it's extremely reasonable to ask for someone's help that actually knows what they're doing.
I feel like the problem is that the father didn't say he was learning how to do it. He needs to learn eventually.
@@anastasiamccarter8029 Glad to hear he's learning, props to him. But I didn't know that, I'm just going off the video.
Also, it does worry me that his first instinct was not to figure out how her hair works, but instead, find someone else who also has curly hair and dump the problem on them. It was after he asked the teacher to just do it for him that she volunteered the information. Not like he took her to a salon and asked a professional and wrote down notes or even did basic research on his own. THAT is actually what I'm concerned about the most and why he comes across as "lazy"
Story 3: Here's something people need to understand as a person with badly curly hair. IT HURTS TO COMB/BRUSH IT WRONG! If you're doing the hair, you'd better be damn sure you're doing it right cuz it's pure torture to try combing through when you don't know what you're doing. I know this because my mother would do my hair and wouldn't care that it was actively hurting me while she did it. So I don't blame the dad for asking for help or having the teacher do it until he's confident enough. It's better for the kid because that shit made me never want to comb through my own hair at the age of 24.
NTA
The problem with that though is the dad ISN'T learning, he ISN'T gaining conifdence. Hes completely outsourced it to the teacher. The teacher doing the hair isn't a stopgap solution, it's dad's seemingly permanent plan.
@@Another64driver did you miss the part where the teacher was giving him products and telling him what to do and he was slowly learning how to do it
Thank god someone with curly hair spoke up on this, I have Spanish and black hair so not only is it extra curly, but it’s dry too, not using the right product to correct moisturize your hair and not combing it right is a living hell, (when I was younger I would go to school crying because my dad didn’t know how to take care of my hair and just decided to force the comb) the mother is just looking for another tiny thing to nitpick at her ex over, I can see why she’s an ex lol
@@lahlybird895 exactly lol, anything to blame someone lol, the teachers even ok with it so what’s the problem
@@Another64driverhe is learning how to do it. He’s kinda mentioned it in the main post and then clarified it better in an edit. The mother refused to teach him also both while they were married and after they divorced.
story 2: The harshness of the punishment was specifically because the older daughter was allegedly bullying the younger. It's a dick move to (partially) break a promise, but, depending on what happened between the daughters, it might've been deserved.
Yeah. The vast majority rule about this kinda feels wrong. The kid does something wrong, they are punished for it accordingly. There have been previous posts about more outlandish punishments. (Like that Mom that made her daughter sleep out in the yard in a tent to show her what it would be like to be homeless)
@@Pastel_Dreams- You may not have wanted to, but you succeeded anyway. Especially when you started comparing traumas. I think OP has successfully convinced the elder daughter to go no contact with this stunt.
Edit: the post I was responding to originally started with “I don’t wanna sound like ‘that person’”, and then something about stuff being too PC, for context.
@@Pastel_Dreams "PC has gotten out of hand" There's nothing that r/ has said that was PC?
If the bulling had really occurred and, especially, if it had to do with horses, then OP would be justified on the grounds of teaching the daughter to appreciate the animals and the hard work that goes into their care.
If, however, the younger really is the golden child, then r/ is correct.
I'm just saying we don't know what happened.
@@madeline6951 I agree. We can only go off of the information we have at hand and how we interpret it.
I wouldn't say it's a dick move, at all. The daughter acted like a complete brat and was bullying the younger daughter. I'd say that's a more than appropriate punishment.
Hey r/slash, just wanted to point out that OP in the 3rd story was asking for help from the teacher, she gave him a list of hair products to get along with giving him pointers to learn as he would take his daughter in early so he can stay as long as he could to watch and learn how to do her hair.
Story 2: I don't want to give a judgement purely because I want to know what the older daughter said to the younger one. Op was very vague about... pretty much everything 17 was doing, and while I get the whole "didn't mention it cause it's not relevant" argument, I literally can't give a proper answer unless I know what exactly went down. Was this a case of genuine bullying or was it a case of 17 saying something vaguely rude cause she was in a bad mood and 13 exaggerated to make her look bad? She's staying out late, her grades are slipping, and she's seemingly angry all the time, something's going on with her and I don't want to fully call someone an AH unless Op gives more info which I doubt they'll ever do.
I’m with you. It seems he’s been drawing crazy conclusions lately. I think punishments are, again, supposed to be something you don’t like. If the older sister WAS bullying the younger, I think the punishment fits. I think calling her Cinderella based off the very limited info we got was suuuuper harsh and a bad reach. And it just went downhill from there on story 3
@@alexlevinson8629 Rslash really needs to 'wonder' less and just stick to the facts we are given. If he suspects OP is lying, he should just refuse to give a score, because if OP is lying, then we have no information to judge on and making up shit is just dumb.
He is sounding more and more like some crazed lunatic conspiracy theorist lately.
@@alexlevinson8629
I agree with the punishment being something you don't like. It seems pretty fair to be honest.
Most ppl are the AH if they're hiding something to make them look good. Normally if they hide something it means they're hiding it for a reason, to not look bad yk?
@@miniman649 luckily these were recorded way before he went on a small break, so hopefully he levels out in the coming weeks, he needs to stop wondering and just give the opinion at face value
I went about 18 years unaware that my hair was actually curly and dealt with insane frizz before cutting it all off. I watched my friend in college dedicate a solid portion of her morning routine to taking care of her super tight curls with special products. Curly hair is *no joke* to the point that hair stylists can specialize in it, and frizzy hair is a nightmare for a little kid. I'm on the dad's side. He tried, asked the teacher for advice, and even bought all the product for the teacher to use when she volunteered.
Absolutley agree with you here
Hard agree!
My husband has long, incredibly curly hair. Even after witnessing his ridiculously long, meticulous routine for the past 8 years I'd still have NO idea how to handle it if I ever needed to.
Curly hair is not to be underestimated!
The dad took the right first step... however he needs to learn himself. What happens when the kid has another teacher that can't do her hair? ^^'
@@Alteusgirl Understandable, but from what I have seen from the post it doesn't look like he hasn't been trying to learn. That's only what I've seen tho.
This! I was just going to comment about having curly hair, the special hair dressers etc, and that if not done properly, curly hair can get tangled to a point of no return. If he was a "bad dad", he would have ignored it and not cared, but he cared enough to seek help from someone with similar hair. The mother needs to back off. He's trying to do right by his daughter.
Story 3: I’m a biracial woman who, as a child, was largely raised by my white mom who had no idea how to take care of my super thick, super curly hair. On top of that, in the 90s, the beauty ideal was long straight hair, so there was very little education, products, or support for hair like mine outside of the chemicals used to make it completely different. My mom’s solution was to take me to a stylist frequently enough to get some semblance of control over it.
Nowadays, there are so many more resources available for hair like mine - CZcams, as you mentioned, but also many more professionals with the appropriate training and readily available drugstore brand products.
COULD the dad educate and prepare himself to tackle the challenge on his own? Undoubtedly. But at the same time, I harbor no shame for someone who legitimately feels like he’s in over his head and sees his more experienced teacher as the lifesaver she OFFERED herself to be. I personally think the ex-wife is in the wrong for judging the dad for finding a solution that… I don’t know, is less “honorable” than hers? It smacks of “I’M the better parent because I did it all myself”. Like those people who judge you because you don’t make meals from scratch or look down at you for hiring a maid instead of cleaning your house yourself.
Utilizing a “professional” (in this case, a teacher with far more experience that, again, OFFERED to assist) in an area you either have no knowledge or no energy to address is Not Something To Be Ashamed of when your ultimate goal is making sure that area is taken care of to the best of your ability.
Hair isn’t all the same, and I commend OP for looking out for his daughter’s needs in what he (appropriately) felt was the best way he had to offer.
You put it into words! This is exactly what I was thinking, but couldn't think of how to phrase it!
It seems in the update the dad specifics that the mom shoved him off about learning how to when they were still together, the teacher also helps other kids with hair stuff and he stays to get advices and have an irl experience on how to do the hair, and honestly i already was with the dad, but with this info i am more, i sometimes have very hard time learning from videos, but when told irl how to do things is instantaneous for me
Thank you! I thought Rslash was totally wrong with his assessment.
This, I don't even have curly hair and I still resonate with everything you said here
Completely agree. I hate how everyone jumped on him saying that he's bad for choosing a perfectly reasonable and fair way to ensure his daughter can have nice hair she can be confident going around with.
Story 2: If I misbehaved as a child, my punishment was always picking up sticks from the yard because I HATED it. Rslash's take here is bizarre. It's not the end of the world. Like, what better punishment could they have given her? Would you rather them spank her? Go out in the yard and pick out her own switch to get whipped with?
Take away her phone, ground her, have her do other household chores, etc. Anything but the one thing that she agreed to stop making a big deal out of because they said she'd never have to take part in any of it.
What's bizarre is that you're only capable of thinking of violent forms of punishment as alternatives.
Is a Reddit response. If two children aren’t treated perfectly equal then the parents deserve the death sentence. Never mind that different kids have different needs or wants, if there’s a hint of possibly unequal treatment they’re the devil.
@@firesong7825I agree the violent punishment option are bizarre but given the circumstances, depending on how badly she treated her sis/how far her grades have slipped and how disrespectful she’s being, it’s a perfect punishment. The one thing she hates the most is a perfect way to get it in her head that this behavior is unacceptable.
@@firesong7825 heres the thing, if the punishment is easy and durable likely she wont get the message that her behavior is wrong. Making her do this even though she hates is good since then she will get the message that if she does behavior like this, this is the consequence.
i agree, a chore and a punishment are 2 different things
Story 1: Not going to lie, I was thinking that OP was being greedy at the beginning. She’s not, she is right on the money. The estate would help her take care of her sister.
So you should be paid less to do more work?
@@bibigamer502 my bad. I was thinking faster than texting 😂🤦🏽♂️
And they are practically asking OP to put her life on pause indefinitely by being the guardian
I Know! I thought the same thing aswell!
@@lorilancaster5917 exactly what happened to my flatmate, his elderly parents health was ailing, they treated me like family (child abuse survivor with no contact with my own biological family), and I greatly loved his mother and father so I helped where I could, whether that was being at my flatmates home and caring for our pets and running the house whilst he was gone for several days, or visiting his parents and cooking meals, cleaning, just sitting and listening to them.
His life was put on indefinite hold, constant hospital visits as his dads transient ishchemic attacks got more frequent before leading to a final stroke that took him, then his mother dying about a year later and struggling hugely with loneliness, the guy didn’t have much of his own life.
Wanna know what his dirtbag brother was doing? Using his mothers house, with his mother in it, to meet his mistress (during daytime hours when flatmate is working, I’m mostly bedridden crippled so I could only help his mum when driven there, I don’t have much mobility). Yes, you read that correctly. As his mother was dying, he used her home, with her still living in it, to meet his mistress. Did he help his mother at all? N O P E. No, he just ignored her needs, his mistress didn’t care, and then he’d harass my flatmate for “not helping enough.” After flatmates mother died his brother illegally locked him out of the property, he had to fight through lawyers to get access, his brother then demanded he “sell” his half of their mothers home for well under market value.
So for the last 4 or so years my flatmate has done nothing to give into his brothers craziness, he’s done nothing but get threatened, get stalked, have his nephew weaponised against him (he’s still, somehow, married to his wife, that he cheated on…), so for the last 4 or so years my flatmate has documented everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, from home CCTV, to threatening letters mailed, threatening emails, threatening texts, photographs of him following him around places (his brother legit almost got ran over last week because he was unhinged and following around flatmate in a parking lot, and yes I got a photo from the passenger window), and his brother keeps threatening he’ll sue… which at this point is actively encouraged, because go for it, sue. He won’t win, he doesn’t have legality on his side, he tried illegally taking flatmate off the will, he’s hired and fired I think 6 lawyers at this point, he tried illegally keeping flatmate having access to his mothers home (which is equally split 50/50 in ownership), on top of all the threats and stalking, so go for it bud, you try and sue, we’ll see what happens.
So yes, being expected to put your own life on hold is sadly far too common, and this especially sucks when relatives claim they care but don’t help at all, they don’t even bother. Or they see their mother struggling and just use her house as she slowly dies to meet their mistress.
For the third story, its totally absolutely normal to have someone else do curly hair. I have super curly hair and contrary to what you said it CAN be rocket science. Its literally my hair and I despise having to take care of it some days. He made sure it got done by someone who was more experienced in the hair type his daughter had. It honestly was very responsible of him, especially because trial and error can REALLY mess up hair.
Here's something people need to understand about the dad... he didn't ask for advice or help in how to do it himself. He simply asked someone to do it for him. That sounds lazy to me
@@shykorustotora Except he actually did get advice and tips from the teacher.
@@cynister7384 And yet... he's still going to the teacher, so it was either sh*t advice or he's just lazy and getting her to do it
@@shykorustotora Do you think he should do trial and error on his daughter's hair? He could do so much damage when he still doesn't know what he's doing. Your complaint was that he isn't learning, but from the post he is obviously trying to learn.
Do you have a personal grudge against the guy or something?
@@shykorustotora as someone who has curly hair, I’d 100% would rather have someone do my hair
Rslash: "I don't like to speculate"
Also Rslash: "I have to wonder if maybe there aren't ultra sinister motives in every single story I read"
I think the vacation was probably a good idea, because he seems super jaded and cynical.
Honestly it's understandable how jaded he can get, especially when he constantly reads from r/AmITheAsshole
100%
I feel like at this point he is giving bad takes and going off on tangents on most stories for the extra comments and reactions they get. It’s really bringing the channel down for me. Each story in this video was quite short and he would talk about each longer then it took to read the story
@@Dudman83 The videos are prerecorded from like 3 weeks now ahead of time, the stress he had at the time to keep making content for us has obviously reached a limit hence why there are WILD WILD takes in some of these videos. Guy spent 4 whole years making multiple videos each day(watched all of them literally) not including how many stories he reads(there are repeats in some videos) soo he obviously needed a vacation, though these videos are still generating revenue and channel growth. He should calm down and be more relaxed once he gets better as "clout" isn't something he needs for having this big of an audience not even including his podcast or patreon.
@@Murtida got to say he has only missed one day in the 4+ years I have being watching. He will hopefully come back from a break and not look so far in to things
Story 3: It sounds like OP is not *just* having the teacher do the hair, but also learning some along with the process, and the child is also learning how to take care of her own hair. The teacher also offered to help, so it's not his fault. I think that by accepting help, it's going to be better in the long run. There could be some nuance here in some bias, but I can't call him an Asshole just for allowing his daughter to get help with her hair.
For me, the issue is him relying on the teacher. What if she calls in sick one day? His daughter is just... screwed?
I know OP made an edit that he's helping with the hair more, but only going off the original post in the video, yeah, he does come across as lazy
@@shykorustotora Wtf is he supposed to do? He said that he's learning how to do her hair and that he's getting tips from the teacher so he could do it at home. If he was lazy he would not even bother to learn and just let the teacher do it 24/7. Your judging him to be lazy even though his post is suggesting the exact opposite.
@@Damned-Soul-Sundea On the contrary, his post suggests that he found someone to do it for him. Yes the teacher gave him advice on what to do and what products to buy.. but he's still taking her to the teacher every morning and never once mentions that he's attempted it since getting the advice. Yes, that's lazy
@@shykorustotora How the hell did you get that from the story when he said MULTIPLE TIMES that's he's trying to learn. It's like your not even trying to understand. This isn't something he can just learn instantly, hell this is something people go to SCHOOL for and make a job out of it. Would you rather him continue to go to the teacher and learn at the same time or for him to do it by himself, not learn it from a professional and possibly do damage to the hair.
@@Damned-Soul-Sundea He never once mentions after getting the advice from the teacher that he actually attempted to do it using her advice or products she recommended. I never said he had to know how to do is instantly? How the hell did you get that from what I wrote? lol. People go to school to learn how to be a hairdresser, not to learn how to comb their own curly hair. How many people do you know when to College specifically to learn how to take care of their own curly hair? Exactly. As he says, is he the AH for taking his daughter to the teacher every morning? Not at first, of course not... but why is he still? Why does he not mention that he's currently doing it or made attempts? More than likely because he's made no attempt, only made the gesture as so then he could excuse himself from responsibility and resign himself to "Oh well, I tried"~ Then get someone else to do it for him
Story 2: Albeit he went against a promise he made by dishing off the younger daughter’s responsibility to the older one…i feel like its fair because this was a punishment stemmed directly from her bullying her younger sister
I agree. Bullying is wrong. Either that or grounded and take away device.
I completely agree
yep. feel the same here (as a parent of 2 kids). I mean we never had horses, but if the oldest was bullying the youngest, guess who'd be cleaning BOTH bedrooms. If the other way around - same thing.
While i agree with your reasoning, I still don't agree that it was okay for the parents to use that reasoning. This just feels like going back on a promise while using technicalities to be technically still following the promise you made. And if you have to use a technicality to feel okay about breaking a promise for a child of yours then it shouldn't be something you should be doing. I agree with rslash on this one.
@@khrishp they wouldnt have to go back on anything if the daughter behaves, she’s 17, under her parents roof. If my kids think they have a single grain of authority when i had moved out at 17 and was living my own life they’re dead wrong. I’d give her the choice; either clean horse shit for a week, or lose all media privaliges for 3 months. Her pick.
It's always the daughter that is responsible for caring for the grandparents, siblings, and parents. I feel that some families have daughters so they can ensure someone will take care of them.
Also considering that OP is the youngest and only other daughter, i think you’re right that OP may have been born with the intention of being the caregiver
I know and I hate that. I really want a girl but not for that reason. Really I want us to have an even split of boys and girls.
I also want a daughter, but I will never burden her or make any of my kids care for me more than a light housework when I'm very ill. ( I have autoimmune issues at the age of 23) My parents want me to care for my sister, who has multiple sclerosis. Im the only sibling from my whole family who cares for my grandfather with pancreatic cancer. I hate that reality and will never replicate it.
My mom admitted to having kids so someone would take care of her when she got old, expected me and my sister to do it, and it lead to us being NC.
Children are not your caretakers nor the caretakers of other kids. It's so cruel to expect that of ANY child.
My kids can put me in a home if needed, I'll likely be demented anyway
kinda weird, in most cultures it's the men.
In fact, this is why the one-child policy in China led to a mass "unaliving" of female babies, because they weren't legally required to care for their family.
I think in many Islamic countries it's similar, but I'm not sure.
I know that in Germany, it's legally irrelevant what gender/sex you are.
Story 2: The concern I have with this is that Rslash is making massive assumptions about OP and the spending habits he has for his daughters. How do we know that OP didn’t buy the 17yo clothes or a car or something to the effect of 10k or more? Calling someone a princess type isnt an insult if that person maybe prefers jewellery and fancy clothes over horses.
That's a lot of IFs
he always does this, especially when a guy is the bad guy.
@@jezusmylord Like you can be a bad guy and still not be a 5/5 bad guy horrible person. I'm just hoping that Rslash is having a fantastic holiday, where he can relax and unwind, and maybe when he comes back, he can do some soft subs. Wholesome stories!
But we also don't have context for what the older daughter said to younger sister.
Also, I'd be fucking livid if I was made to take care of an animal that I never wanted in the first place, and would definitely hold resentment for a long time. I'd also be wary of any further agreements I made with my parents.
@@guywholikesgoodmusic be wary of agreements all you want.parents don't need her agreement whatsoever to buy horses for her little sis.
Story 4: I can only hope that the daughter stays away or stays hidden in her western area of choice. I am only guessing because of the head covering, but I've seen quite a few stories of devout Muslims having a girl killed for this exact reason as she "brought shame to the family." I also hope the OP is okay because she knowingly facilitated the actions.
Murder is restricted in Islam
@@furiousfaidh6036 It is. Sadly it still happens a lot.
@@itemboy6814 cant put that on Islam tho
@@furiousfaidh6036 I just said I didn't?
@@furiousfaidh6036 I agree that it's restricted, but tell that to the people who are killing others in the name of Islam. I wonder if they'll disagree with you.
The curly hair story, to play Devil's Advocate for one second here... I have very curly hair and so does my mom. As a kid, even my mom struggled to keep my hair from being a frizzy mess; it just happens. Now, are there WAY better products these days than 25 years ago when I was a child? Yes. And the teacher told the dad to buy those. What I'm hoping happens is the teacher shows the dad a few styles and what to do, and then says "Okay, it's on you, the PARENT, now. Step up."
1. His ex refused to let him learn how to take care of their daughter's hair when they were together.
2. the teacher already volunteers to take care of other children's hair.
3. He only asked her for advice as to how to do it himself & the teacher volunteered to do it while teaching him.
I read the post and it's been weeks. OP said he stayed to watch a couple times but he needed to leave to go to work so even after all that time he can't do it. He also hasn't been practicing at home or even trying out the products.
He really was just palming off the responsibility tbh.
@@VamptoniusHow does one refuse to let a parent comb their child's hair and what do you think might have led to that? You always hear women complaining that men don't help in the home so imagine what it must have taken for her to decide that she may as well do it herself.
It was weeks of the teacher combing the child's hair and he wasn't even trying it at home or practicing. He rarely even stayed to watch and learn what she did.
What happens when the child moves to another school or the teacher leaves or goes on maternity leave? Which woman is he going to find to comb his daughter's hair?
@@anonimus8375 Are you suggesting that the daughter should do it herself? because if the child grow up, who is going to comb her hair? (same logic as u).
OP is definitely in the wrong due to refusing to learn, but yeah, it's not easy. Not in the SLIGHTEST. My hair is curly and thick and it's an absolute nightmare to make look nice. I don't even get into all the styling because I'm visually impaired and it takes HOURS and tons of product to do anything with it. I dread when I have to go to events when I'm expected to style it. Even just getting it to look presentable is enough of a chore. Still, OP should learn since it's his kid. I know it's hard, but she can't do it herself yet.
Story 3- I actually disagree, some people have genuine difficulty figuring things out, hair is hard to figure out for men, so I totally get it, I don’t think it’s any different than taking the daughter to a salon, he’s not offloading responsibilities, he’s making sure his daughter is comfortable, he’s not a bad father, he’s a very good one.
I think I agree with you, as long as the day care worker is being compensated fairly for the work.
With things like the internet, the entire wealth of human knowledge instantaneously at our fingertips, this guy is completely undone... by curly hair? Nah, don't buy it
I agree as well. I’ve got my own hair problems now as an adult cause my mom never taught me how to care for it. There’s a lot of information on the internet yes but too much, it’s overwhelming trying to figure out which descriptive words match perfectly to your own hair. And especially curly hair. I think that dads learning bit by bit from the teacher it’s not a big deal.
How is hair difficult to figure out for men, because the are unable to care?
Men need help? RSLASH: man the f up
Story 3: I had to listen a second time just to be sure.
As a father with a curly haired daughter, I can relate. My wife left for a week, and I attempted to learn how to handle her hair... and yea it's really hard. So I can understand the dad reaching out for help. Asking the teacher, in my opinion, is reasonable. And from the information given, it does appear the teacher was willing to help (not coorsed) and is giving him some tips to help the dad out.
Here is something to think about. What if the dad went to a saloon instead? It is sort of the same thing only difference is that it's not a trained professional. Why is it so important that the father is the on to do the hair? Yes, this can be a good quality for a father to learn, but you shouldn't judge a person harshly, because they struggle to learn a skillset that people go to school for.
right. Like are we gonna judge every single parent that hires/asks for help for another adult in relation to their kids?
A mother asks for help to fix her son's computer, despite there being tons of videos online to fix any and every issue?
According to Rslash she is now a neglectful mother who is making excuses.
Lmao no he should def not bring his daughter to a saloon.
If he took his daughter to a Salon how sure can you be that the stylists even know how to take care of curly hair? It's better to ask someone you know actually has experience with curly hair over gambling with someone you don't know
My mom was in the hospital giving birth to my brother. I was 4 and my dad attempted to do my long hair. I remember it hurt, and even though he had a brush, he patted my head with it instead of brushing. Instead of a single braid, he tied my ponytail in a weird configuration. Long story short, my grandmother fixed it, then showed him how to braid properly. I empathize with both dad and little girl, but it is an early memory I fondly recall. He tried, he really tried. 😆
Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with the arrangement OP made with his daughters teacher. It's nice to know he's trying for his daughter. He sounds like a really good dad.
I think OP's ex wife is jealous he could be getting close to another woman, and she doesn't like the idea of him moving on.
The comments on Reddit are awful. Honestly, I was heavily disgusted with them.
Rslash: I dont like to speculate.
Rslash: Speculates about every story.
I have come to learn that rslash only speculates whenever the man is not at fault. He try to come up with some reason as to why the woman might be in the right
Story 3: I think Rslash was coming from a good place but, he is just a bit naive to the upkeep of other cultures hair types. It definitely is not easy to just look up how to take care of very curly hair and figure it out right away. Most people need to be taught on how to take care of coily hair.
As someone who has what most consider "Easy" hair, it is rocket science sometimes. I've tried really nice updoos before and had to cut off 4 inched
😊p😊😊
Story 3- I was raised in a family of women, who all have hair just like described. I have had to deal with it my whole life, and even now I cannot fully do the hair. I have watched tutorials and everything, I just can't do it. Op also said he's staying to learn which means he's actually trying. I don't see how he's weaponizing anything in this. It kind of seems like everyone is just really against him as a father.
He left out a lot of details in that story.
1. His ex refused to let him learn how to take care of their daughter's hair when they were together.
2. the teacher already volunteers to take care of other children's hair.
3. He only asked her for advice as to how to do it himself & the teacher volunteered to do it while teaching him.
@@Vamptonius Yeah OP is in the clear here. Ex is a nasty bitch alienating him from learning about his daughter's hair.
I am really excited for rSlash's eventual video. "Ummm... Hey guys, so, wife is out of town for a few days, alone with the kid who has long hair... turns out styling hair is a lot harder and you can't just solve it through watching a CZcams video, it actually takes practice..."
You'd think that dabney of all people would have a better take.
Wasn't he complaining about sexist ideas not to stories ago?
@Lahly Bird You are so right Rslash has lost his his perspective he seems more close-minded than he used to be and I understand you probably get jaded reading stories and he said that but I'm found myself in the last few months enjoying him less and less and getting to the point where I might unsubscribe because some of his takes are just weird and unreasonable and don't make sense to me.
@@breadlicker7488 Well don't unsub too fast. Let a couple weeks go by and see if his vacation with the family freshens him up a bit.
Story 3 - I disagree, some curly hair is extremely difficult to work with and in fact can be easily damaged if not done correctly. I think the dad is being really responsible by finding someone who knows what they're doing. He's still buying all of the products and making sure that the teacher is given enough time to do it. He's not being entitled or lazy, he's just recognizing his weaknesses and making sure his daughter is still cared for. Great dad, 0/5 bad guys.
I slightly disagree. I think initially it started with good intentions, but the proper approach would be for him to also watch and learn from the teacher instead of dropping the daughter off and washing his hands of the duty. How long is the teacher expected to keep this up? What happens when the daughter goes to a new school? Who is teaching his daughter about her hair? The dad should at least learn the basics from the teacher.
@@Hajiroku fair enough. That would be a good addition. Then he'd still spending the time he would be doing his daughter's hair still on his daughter and bettering his parenting skills.
Same I feel r/slash was to hard on the dad 🤷 I thought he was doing good by finding a way for his daughter to look good when he doesn't know how to do hair.
@@Hajiroku I definitely like your opinion on this story than some others I’ve read in the comments. Cause I literally read “…so I asked if she could help me with my daughter’s hair. She said she could do my daughter’s hair in there mornings if I dropped her earlier…” ( 9:50 ) So the dad started with good intentions but didn’t follow through.
It’s fine to have the teacher help except the dad isn’t learning and I hope he’s paying her because it’s not cheap to do hair.
I agree with what everyone is saying about Story 3 - I have curly hair myself when neither of my parents do (recessive gene) and it took over a decade of trying products and styles for me and my mother to learn to manage it. This dad is trying his best, and it’s not as if he asked the teacher to do it every day - he asked her for tips and products so he could do it himself and SHE offered to do his daughter’s hair. He’s not offloading any responsibility onto her that she didn’t ask for, at least for the time being. OP is trying his best, but learning takes time - would his ex-wife rather their daughter have a rats nest ever other week?!
It took NASA less than 10 years to figure out how to put a man on the moon, in the 60's...
You seriously took just as long to figure out how to hair?
@@shykorustotora Given that I was a CHILD through those ten years, and one without a degree in hair styling (unlike the folks at NASA with degrees and years of experience in engineering and astrophysics), yes it took over 10 years to find the best products and styles for my curly hair when no one in my family had ever had curly hair (as I said, it’s a recessive gene and I got both copies)
Babe idk how to tell you this, but curly hair is a dominant gene, Not a recessive one. So it is extremely rare for two straight haired parents to have a curly haired kid bc straight hair is a recessive gene, it’s like two blue eye parents having a brown eye child. So either one of your parents has curly hair and just didn’t know it (v common since back in the day ppl would straighten their hair till kingdom come, and men tend to keep their hair short so they could just not know) or one of your parents ain’t ya parents, ORRR it’s just one of those rly rare cases.
@@Rosegirl132 Well my mum has wavy hair and my dad has male pattern baldness, so maybe my mum has codominant curly and straight genes. Also, I’m Arab, both my parents are from Syria, so maybe that skews the whole curly/wavy/straight gene pool a bit.
Also, my brother and I are the spitting image of each other and we were born 13 years apart, and we both have physical resemblance to our father (down to my brother having male pattern baldness) so there’s no chance of that
@@Justice237 So if you were just a kid, why didn't your parents take you to a salon? Or look up some YT tutorials? Why did they leave you, the child, to figure it out all on your own?
If you were, say a teen, did you have an iPhone? If so, why didn't you google it?
Man I'm glad rSlash is taking a break cause this takes are really wild and off
What do you mean?
Agreed
The horse and hair story in particular
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 Probably that his takes sound unnecessarily mean and unfair. Like that horse story’s take was entirely speculation and he said so himself
Yeah - he's basing his takes on some arbitrary assumptions. Honestly, even with the first story - where's the whole "sexism" thing coming from in the first story? Don't get me wrong, parents are definitely horrible people - but it's more likely the thinking of "oh you aren't married and have no family like your brothers - so we are going to anchor you with someone".
@@lavenderpotato5734 well at least he admits it and uses his imagination
Story 4 sounds like Pakistan or rural India sadly (hear this stuff out of Pakistan a lot though India has made improvements to tackle this). I truly hope OPs daughter is in 1 of the countries like the UK with laws protecting women from being forced back into their home countries into these situations.
OP could also possibly apply for asylum elsewhere, as this would mean she is in danger in her home country due to helping a female relative escape. If she can, she should try to convince her husband she will try to talk their daughter home, leave, and then immediately apply for asylum as her life could be in danger over this.
As for the dad, "family man" not really, women are still viewed as property in their culture it seems given she explicitly says they would find her a husband, meaning that it would be an arranged marriage. Nah fuck that noise.
100% this. I wouldn’t be surprised if rSlash is just not aware with how bad something like this could get in these religious, conservative countries.
@@Tustin2121 I'm surprised how weird his takes sometimes are honestly, he has rated worse parents for being like "i have some x thoughts, would it suck if I say it out loud?" And gets 3 to 4 and a "you are probably a asshole sexist that hit your kids/wife", and here is "we weren't even going to send her to study, but my husband thinks she will return and marry right away but the plan is keeping her away forever" and suddenly is like "is just dad's religion, he doesn't sound that bad"
I have very tight curly hair, and like it's a chore to take care of, with my hair at least it can take a while to get it done, and I actually know how to take care of it. So long as the dad in story 3 is starting to learn how to do it I think he's doing a good thing. It's better the teacher does it rather than him damaging her hair
1. His ex refused to let him learn how to take care of their daughter's hair when they were together.
2. the teacher already volunteers to take care of other children's hair.
3. He only asked her for advice as to how to do it himself & the teacher volunteered to do it while teaching him.
@@Vamptonius Exactly, I’m sorry but I feel like Rslash has been a tide bit unfair in judgement calls.
My hair is a mix of 2b/2c curls with a wavy root, im still learning how to properly take care of it.
The majority of my family had their curls chemically straighten, so i had no one to teach me how to style, wash & dry, and which products to avoid/use.
Since the dad is staying over those minutes to learn, I'd say he's not TA, most dads don't even bother learning how to part hair properly, kudos to him
@@Vamptonius Yeah, I don't agree with Dabney either... The dad has custody, hes doing the right thing by having somebody experienced do the hair. There were a handful of times in my life when I was a kid when my mother thought it was a good idea to cut my hair herself, it always turned up in disaster... let a professional do it. The kid's mom is just being a bitter ex. Its absolutely none of her business how the child's father does the kid's hair when shes in his custody.
@@overthinker5877 half the problem here is that I don’t think R/slash knows how much of a pain curly hair can be
So, on that front, I’m willing to cut him a little slack
The horse story, on the other hand, he had a bad take on
This isn’t breaking a promise. OP only promised it wouldn’t be part of her chores. This isn’t part of her chores
The golden child thing?
Possible, but too little info to say for sure
It’s equally possible that OP got the punished daughter equally nice things that that daughter enjoyed just as much. They were treated equally, but didn’t have the same interests
IDK, lots of unknowns in the bigger picture
Golden child argument gets a big ol NMI from me
But based on the info we DID get, OP gave the daughter who was misbehaving an unpleasant punishment.
The punishment was for ALL the misbehaving. The bullying was just the straw that brown the camel’s back, and got OP to act
Last story, the dad isn't really mad about the head covering, he's mad that his daughter is no longer under his thumb so he can sell her off in an arranged marriage.
Story 1: the brothers seem to remember the "women's role" but forget that the "man's role" is to protect themselves and and their family from harm so that also includes supporting the op and her sister
Why is everyone not taking into consideration that the brothers are married and have families to attend to?
@@puff_the_magic_dragon because in traditional male roles, it's the males that are supposed to take charge of the family Unit. Not just their immediate. The parents want to put that responsibility on the op but give the brothers (that are already well established in their adult lives) a pass on any assistance in that but let them still reap the benefits after the parents are gone. Fairly it should be Legally all three of them in charge of her care.
Story one: It's not her responsibility to take care of her sister. She isn't her parent and she's only 23. She was very reasonable about sharing the care with her brothers and getting the estate to make it easier. Poor sister, I hope she gets the help she needs after those parents pass and doesn't end up in a home.
she is already in a home.
@@samhainnc9416 she's in a group nhome, which is more like a college dorm with medical staff. Or an assisted living faciliry. I think Francesca means a literal nursing home, with limited staff and activities. If OP would give up and the borhters said no, guardianship would go to the state and that's where she's end up. No cushy group home, but a nursing home.
My grandma worked in a nursing home for 50 years and she saw it happen often. People in their 20s to 40s end up there because the family did not or could not care for them.
To be easier for her to get the help you need it if literally any of her siblings would bother to step up instead of fighting about the will
@@clarky23 Thank you for clearing that up, that's exactly what I meant
What's so wrong with the disabled sister ending up in a home where she gets the care she needs? There's nothing wrong with that at all. It's not the responsibility of the siblings to take care of somebody that needs round the clock care. You know whose responsibility that falls to? The parents to ensure that the sister gets the quality of care she needs and deserves in a facility that will take care of those needs.
Story 2: The daughter was being mean to her younger sister and a slacker. A punishment shouldn't have to be fun.
That’s what I’m thinking. I had to listen to the scenario again bc I thought I was crazy. She’s not being beaten or verbally/mentally abused as far as op has let on, I’d really like OP’s daughter’s take on this bc I’m so thrown off by RSlashs take on story 2
Yeah I think it’s a fair punishment. I’m sure there is some stuff about the older daughter they didn’t say in the story too.
Of course it shouldn't be fun, but I can promise you there are better options available than "thing your nearly-full-grown child is begging not to do, and has specifically been promised she would not have to do". If you want to go with physical labor - how about yard work? Could be anything from making her pick up all the sticks in the backyard or doing some weeding to learning how to cut grass. Or how about cleaning the inside of the house, maybe even the bathroom? Those might be some of her regular chores, but given the description, I doubt she's one for scrubbing toilets and showers very often.
Or as another option? Give her some other punishment now, and tell her that if she doesn't get her act together, they'll be considering the barn. She'll still be upset, obviously, but it gives her an explicit chance to weigh her options - what matters more, behaving however she feels like, or not having to scoop horse poop? (And let me tell you, as someone who grew up making trips my grandmother's barn, keeping the stables clean is capital-W Work.)
But at the end of the day, it's still up to the parents how they choose to discipline their children. There's probably more context that we don't have, and I can absolutely see the logic in choosing a drastic, but still fairly reasonable punishment when they've been trying to fix this situation overall for probably a while. And it's not like they're making her clean the stalls out for the next month or two - it's for a single week, enough time to sink in but not so long as to raise eyebrows. I would've done it differently, but I've also got the benefit of not being stressed and having time to think about it.
I agree. When r/slash said that she was being punished to the benefit of the younger daughter, I was thinking, "yup, she was mean to her sister, so it's poetic that she's now doing something to benefit her sister"
If you talk back to a teacher at school, do you have to teach the class? No, you do lines or ISS, and then apologize.
If you get in trouble at work are you then assigned to do your coworker's duties on top of your own? Absolutely not.
Making children do chores as punishment that benefit their siblings creates an irreparable power dynamic, and is unfair, no matter who the victim is. On top of that, things that need to be done for a home to function (chores, taking care of other people in the home, shopping, etc) should NEVER be used as punishment for kids or teens, because it creates negative associations that damage how they function as adults.
The point of parenting isn't being the judge and jury, its trying to create happy and functional adult people when they grow up. Punishing rude behaviour by going back on a promise you made is absolutely not a way to encourage good behavior, and is also going to desensitize your kid to shitty behaviour from other people in their lives.
Punishment should be a removal of extra privileges, never service. You're running a home, not a prison.
Story 4: That mother SAVED the daughter. She could have grown up to be forced a life she didn't want like the mother, but she gave her daughter the opportunity to live a life she wanted. I feel so horrible for the mother that she can't live that life herself, since I'm assuming the way she talked about the money means her husband is probably the only one making real money, so she wouldn't be able to live on her own.
The mother is a hero.
the hijab part is enough evidence that "that culture" needs reformation
@@MalekitGJ what other culture makes girl's hair cover and can get married? lmao? WHERE? TELL ME
@@yurikim4503 =D
@@yurikim4503 Which culture? There is alot of them, for example Saudia Arabia, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Egypt (To a degree) a lot of north African nations and Islamic African nations also require women to wear hair covers and practice arrange marriages. There are plenty of examples, even in countries where there are more religious freedoms, women are culturally required by their families and communities to wear head covers and enter marriages they did not arrange, such as Indonesia.
So you are racist huh
Story 3: I totally disagree as a black girl with 4c hair it has to be taken care of the right way. My dad tried to take care of it one day and it was the most painful hair experience ever and he was even watching videos on it. & if you don’t know what you’re doing it can be a stress/painful experience. I think the teacher doing her hair before school is amazing, I wish I had a teacher that could’ve helped when my mom was in the hospital
Story 2: I agree that Older Daughter is acting out because of her parents pending so much on Younger Daughter and not her. At the same time, a punishment is a punishment, you are meant to be punished for what you did, so do this one horrible chore for one week. If this didn't give off Golden Child vibes, I'd say the Mother is NTA. Right now, it's a solid NMI.
NMI?
@@Alakaizer Need More Info, I think
@Alakaizer Need More Information
I'm with you, I did much worse chores when I was younger, and they weren't even punishments. We had horses, we had chickens, we had a massive garden, and our house was situated in the woods. Scooping up horse poop is not difficult, nor is it really that disgusting. OP's daughter sounds spoiled and entitled. OP promised his daughter she wouldn't have to do the horse stalls as REGULAR chores. He kept that promise, according to him. The horse stables are not regular chores. They're punishment chores. OP didn't break any promises imo.
When you get an animal without all the family consent it's absolutely unfair to impose chores related to an animal the daughter did'nt want anything to do with, to her. Like an other story about a father who wanted his son to take the dog out, but the son was against the idea of getting a dog and wanted to do nothing with it.
"It's hair, not rocket science."
He is seriously undermining just how difficult it is to take care of curly hair. I'm not saying it is rocket science, but as someone who has curly hair myself, it's a pain in the ass to maintain. Ffs, I cut my hair short so it's easier for me to take care of. Even when I try to style it myself, I still mess up, so I just stick with simple styles or just put it up.
Yep I totally agree. Dealing with thick and curly hair can be extremely difficult and tiring to do especially towards people who either don't have it or just aren't educated on how to do it. It's not like you can just put water on it and then it would stay perfect for the whole day the amount of products you need to use and use to see if it will actually work because not everyone's hair is the same. So I don't really blame people for not knowing what to do (doesn't mean they shouldn't try. But the father in the story said he was so that great!) And trying to do easier ways to do the hair. Plus products ARE NOT cheap.
Totally agree. It’s sounding like someone who has NEVER dealt with curly hair.
Yeah dabney, sorry if dad doesn't think his responsibility includes literal child torture SMH
I think what he was meaning by that isnt he's dissing the hair. It's hair, there's always a solution to it. It's not rocket science because you don't need complicated math formulas to count for vectors and other such things. The teacher said "These products" and the dad bought them. I'm sure he tries to do it at night since the teacher isn't there but in the morning, he utilizes a source that OFFERED their services. That's better than him ripping his daughter's head off trying to brush it. He knew he couldn't do it, saw he was hurting his daughter, found someone who would help, and probably uses that little bit of time to take notes so he can do it at home. He'd rather the teacher do it then him mess up. That's not being irresponsible. That's the most RESPONSIBLE thing I've seen. I know from experience how some people don't care if they cause you pain. He found a way to avoid that for his daughter.
It's not rocket science, But it kinda is rocket science🤣
i've gotten my curls to be about to my mid back at the longest point. And I'm always so torn between I love my long curls, and it's so much work I just wanna chop it all off.
One of the things my parents were adamant about was that their children were to have their own lives, and were not to be sacrificed to care for them if they became frail. Both of them ended up in nursing homes for a few months before their deaths. We visited frequently (except for Covid lockdowns) but we would not have been able to care for them at home. Knowing that we had that freedom of opportunity without expectation was a blessing.
Story 2: almost forgot.... why did the daughter get 0 out of 5? The school grades dropping, staying out late, and constant disrespect is part of the story, her actions are the direct result of this story.
The oldest daughter should be punished and it is totally reasonable since the final straw was against her younger sister to make her do the chores so as penance to her actions to the young daughter
Your not a bad person if you are q teenager who test the bounderies
Your kids will have no own will if you treat then like that
@@obivan22431 some testing is unnecessary and disrespectful. She just sounds like a disrespectful kid who’s rude to and can’t even handle the same responsibilities as her little sister. Her parents warned her, then gave her a perfectly reasonable punishment.
@@eyeruscat9439 okay little dictator
the only thing i would take away from this is that my parents dont hold up their deals
Why not punish her different?
@@obivan22431 I am literally this girl’s age and found my own voice without being a brat. I am fairly certain that she can too. Besides, punishments aren’t supposed to be chosen or preferred. She didn’t respect them and what they asked, so why should they do it for her?
I am glad rSlash is taking a break, because he is being overly harsh in story 3. OP did nothing wrong, he didn't go to the teacher and said "HEY, FROM NOW ON, YOU DO MY DAUGHTER HAIR, OKAY?" He asked for help, and she did! She gave him a list of products and tips in how to help taking care of her hair, and he is compling. Heck, I just started seriously taking care of my hair at 18/20, so I think learning it now is great! "But there is so many videos on CZcams!" Yeah, do you know how much of them worked for me? None. The routine and products I use for my hair now was recommended by a hairstylist I know and, fortunately, it worked. Like, hair it's complicated, it's harder than it looks to find videos about hairstyles that matches my own hair, and have the patience to do so. Like, there is days I am willing to spend half an hour brushing my hair, others I just do a 5 minute job and decide to suck up a probably bad hair day (which actually doesn't happen much, my hair just doesn't get much shape). Like, even my mom who has curly hair, our hair is completely different, so what works for her won't necessarily work for me (Mine is 3B/C and my mom is 4C). Another example, me and my sister have the same hair type and mostly use the same products, but for some forsaken reason, a product I was using I started to develop? an allergic reaction to. And my sister didn't. I developed dandruff and it took me months to get ride of it, and my sister didn't have anything.
I will say that the only thing I agree is giving the Teacher some extra money, because taking care of a student's hair isn't her job, but she is doing it anyway, bless her heart
Perfectly said! My partner and I were taken aback with how harsh the response to the dad was. He's struggling and trying his best and he gets attacked by the ex?? And the ex is in the right for doing that? Hell no. Not everyone is lazy and using that as a weapon, there are good people in the world who are just in a rough situation.
Yeah they really needed a break even in a few other videos they're being over critical on people just because of "past posts they read"
Here's something people need to understand about the dad... he didn't ask for advice or help in how to do it himself. He simply asked someone to do it for him. That sounds lazy to me
@@shykorustotora No he asked for lessons on how to care for curly hair from the Day Care Worker who offered to do it.
@@shykorustotora Ugh, I think you need to listen the start again. He first ASKED if the Day Care Lady could help, and SHE offered to do his daughter's hair in the mornings. And he IS learning. He literally said afterwards that the Teacher gave him a list of hair products for him to buy and tips to wash and take care of his daughter's hair, and from what we can gather, he is doing so. Which basically means, he is learning how to take care of his daughter's hair.
Again, if he just demanded the Teacher to do his daughter's hair and made no effort, I would get it, but that is not the case at all. He just doesn't feel confident doing the daughter's hair and, heck, that is okay!
Like, even my parents had a hard time! My mom said that, one time, she and my father forgot to untangle the underside of me and my sister's hair for a few days that, when they noticed, it was so tangled the only option they found was to cut it! Unexpected hard time happens, in this case, OP isn't confident in doing his daughter hair and, if anything, he caring in the first place is important!
Like, he could just brush her hair with no care if she felt pain or discomfort and make a poor job at his daughter's hair and leave at that, but the fact he admits he doesn't know how or what to do and is asking for help, shows he is a good dad! I saw a lot of people saying he should have gone for a hairstylist, which isn't a bad idea, but the reason he chose the teacher was because it's someone both he and his daughter know. I understand people saying about "weaponizing incompetence" since we saw stories of other people doing that, but that literally isn't the case here.
Like, seriously, if the right answer wasn't to ask for help, then what was it?
Last story: I get the feeling OP wishes she could have had the life she gave her daughter with "the life I could never have" comment. Also the fact she was 18 marrying a 29 year old...
Not to mention he knocked her up immediately at (barely legal) 18
Yea I'm gonna take a wild guess that she didn't get much say in who she married.
Sounds like its a Muslim country, so it was possibly an arranged marriage
Sounds like its a Muslim country, so it was possibly an arranged marriage
@@jerica2432 I can only take a guess from the context clues of OP's post and say that in her Country, women don't really have a say. Only the men in the family do, and OP, said that since she was "Allowed" a laptop did she start to learn more about the world outside her Countries beliefs. Good on OP for wanting a better life for her daughter.
Story 4 Mom: I hope that your daughter gets citizenship in that country and that she can help you get a visa to stay with her
I feel like we need to acknowledge that in the last story OP was eighteen when she got married but her husband was twenty nine. That severely changes the story. She was still barely not a child and he was a full grown man, that power dynamic is extremely unhealthy and puts more light on the post itself
Thank you! I was looking through the comments trying to see if anyone else would catch that piece of info. As soon as he said the ages and said that they had been together since she was 18 I had to take a quick mental break to do the math. I know that in other cultures an age gap like that, especially in an arranged marriage, is common, but I still find it disgusting. When you look at the ages even further, OP's son is 27 which means she had him at the age 18 which also means it's very possible she could have been pregnant at the age of 17.
Okay, story 3: I STRONGLY have to disagree. My fiancee has curly hair. It's insanely curly but enough that she buys special products for it. Her daughter has even curlier hair. I've watched my fiancee take care of her daughter's hair and I'm always worryied that she's hurting the kid. But she has to do it the way she does so it doesn't become a tangled mess and even more impossible. People with straight hair (like me, and I'm assuming you, rSlash) have absolutely no idea what it's like to hair naturally curly hair much less care for it. OP was probably hesitant to ask the teacher, but the teacher graciously agreed to do so. Why? BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS IT IS. "He could look up stuff online, watch some CZcams videos!" Yeah, he could but that not always a good way to learn and he could still end up hurting the kid. He wants to avoid that because he loves her. Meanwhile, he found someone willing to help, it's only an extra half hour (and let me tell you, that's a short period of time to keep curly hair from becoming a mess), and the daughter doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Yes, he could find a hairdresser that specializes in curly hair and maybe he should have. But that's way less impersonal. I think OP's ex is the one that has the problem here, trying to say he doesn't care. Also... Maybe OP is sweet on that teacher...?
Slash didn’t read op’s extra comments, he is learning and doesn’t expect the teacher to just do her hair forever. Op isn’t hesitant and has already started to learn.
@@crizmeow8394 if you rewatch it, you will notice that Rslash also read that the Teacher gave to OP a list of products & tips on how to handle the kids hair. Part of the main post before the edit.
I really think that OP should be staying with his daughter for the extra half hour and watch as the teacher does her hair, really learn what to do, because I see both sides.
He isn't paying her or compensating her or anything for her time/effort etc. He can't keep going to her for months to do his daughter's hair, I think it really should only take a month to learn how to care for it himself.
I have straight hair but (and I don't mean to offend anyone with the next words) I have seen and brushed poodle hair. Keeping that clean and untangled was a nightmare and that was only a few centimetres, I can't imagine keeping 30-60cm's of poodle hair from becoming a "Welcome Mat".
@@jackieblakey5763 even before the edits:
Dad said he is trying to learn from teacher.
Here's something people need to understand about the dad... he didn't ask for advice or help in how to do it himself. He simply asked someone to do it for him. That sounds lazy to me
RSlash, I grew up in a single father household and the only advice I was given to maintain any hair longer than a 1/4 inch was to “comb it”. I don’t know how to even describe my hair so shopping for products to care for it is difficult and I don’t even know where to start on finding information. The fact that the father in story 3 actually tried and is seeking help from the teacher is quite commendable rather than leaving it the tangled mess that the op had described, and I think the Ex is being unfair in her calling him a bad father for changing the routine by 30 minutes. So TLDR, I disagree with your take for story 3
Wow, if only you had Google or something to help you....
Sigh. Figure it out. Do you think women are born knowing how to do things men don’t? They aren’t. They bother learning things.
Story 3: NTA . The dad mentioned that his daughter has curly hair, which is a little more difficult for people to work with. A dad that doesn’t have the same hair type and wasn’t previously doing his daughter’s everyday would be at a disadvantage. However, he also mentioned he TRIED and it was a mess. If that is true, why fault him for trying? Also, paying for someone to do your child’s hair is better than sending his child to school with hair that is tangled/matted (which matted hair is used as a sign of neglect). Yes, he can still learn more and try but… what’s the difference of paying for her to go to the salon? Are parents that pay for a service for their child putting their parenting responsibilities off? I just see it as him using his money for a service his daughter needs that he couldn’t do himself.
Story 1: If the parents expect the youngest girl to take care of the older girl then YES she deserves the inheritance so she is financially able to take care of her older sibling. If the boys don't help then they don't deserve anything other than minimum and sentimental. I cannot stress this enough, It is HARD to care for another adult that cannot care for themselves. I know this because I went through it with my own Mother for 10 yrs before she passed. I could not get a job, I could not go out to any kind of entertainment i.e. movie, theme park, zoo, science museum, any free event. I was complete care for her, from cooking her meals, to lifting her onto the commode, taking care of making sure she cleaned herself properly and then doing it myself when she couldn't and applying ointment when needed, not to mention taking care of her wounds from her scratching herself (itching) and her surgeries, and reassuring her when she would get anxious or frightened for whatever reason. We were only living off of her retirement, SSI and my own daughters SSD and we only had enough money to take care of the bills and absolute bare minimum household necessities.
Do NOT underestimate that the girl in the first story needs the inheritance to take care of her older sisters needs and the parents SHOULD set up the inheritance so that the older sibling IS cared for and not just foist it off on their youngest daughter and rely on her and insurance and what State funding she can get because that is the barest minimum. It is the parents responsibility to set up a trust for their oldest child so that she can have good care and good quality of life and if that entails giving all of the inheritance in a trust to her with the youngest sibling as POA and Caretaker then that is what they should do. Not rely solely on the youngest child to take care of the oldest with no financial backing because that is just wrong and the youngest sibling should be allowed to have her own life and dreams. She should not have been born to live her life as a Nurse and Caregiver to her oldest sibling. I don't ... I hope the parents didn't think that would happen to their youngest child when she was born however that is what they are doing to her now.
I know that you want and try to be fair in your opinions about each of the stories you read, however, there are some circumstances, some experiences that I don't believe you understand the entire scope of. You have stated as such in other videos. Unfortunately, for this first story you are wrong. The parents inheritance should not be divided equally in this case and should be put into a trust for the eldest sibling's care and the other siblings, including the youngest, should get the sentimental items of property their parents state they can have. If a child cannot care for themselves it is the responsibility of the parent to set up their end of life to make sure the child will have a good quality of life after they are gone. If not then they should never have had children to begin with. Harsh but true. If something were to happen to you and your wife (God forbid cause I would miss your reditt retellings and opinions. Yes selfish I know.) does it not fall upon you to set up something in your will or create a trust to make sure that your daughter is taken care of in all ways until she can be a healthy independant adult?
Yes I know, TLDR. But this is just my opinion. Keep the reditt stories coming, I love them. ❤
I feel bad for the mom in the last story. She's stuck in this marriage where she has to hide her beliefs and pretend to be religious. A marriage built on lies is not a good one, so I hope she either gets a divorce or talk it out with the husband, though based on his conservatism OP has to play around in the story, that's not gonna happen. I'm really glad OP was able to help her daughter live her life as she wants even while she couldn't save herself.
Op in an edit compared their religion to "the eastern equivalent of Mormons" and if that's anything to go off of, divorce isn't an option for her. I hope she gets out tho
@@justaperson4656 hopefully the father dies soon (painless ofc) so she can finally be freed from the chains.
if The Opie asks for divorce, they'll probably cut her neck off.
They're the kind that if a woman gets graped, they do "honor" endings by offing the victim to "restore the family's honor". The Opie is stuck in the 14th century, and not by choice.
Judging from what she said, OP sounds like she lives in a theocratic shithole, so maintaining the lie might lead to a marginally better life than divorce (if divorce is even possible).
She should just make an excuse to visit her daughter alone (ostensibly to talk some sense into her) and then just stay there ... and get a divorce.
First story: if the sister is going to require lifelong care, then they should put their entire estate into a trust, where OP is the executor of the trust, and in charge of managing disbursements to cover care expenses.
1.5 out of 5 “Bad Guys” for the parents for not ensuring the lifelong care of their child that needs it.
she has lielong care. the daughter is in a group home. However, you still need a guardian to make decisions (like if sister got sick, and was in a lie or death situation).
Story 3: Ex-wife is the A for not helping her ex-husband understand the best way to care for their daughter's hair. You want him to use CZcams techniques in a trial and error method, possibly hurting their daughter or messing up her hair, instead of just telling him "This is what works?"
Rslash severely misfired...
Another possibility on story 1 is the parents know the brothers would just stick her in a home and let her rot if they got guardianship, so they are hoping by forcing it on her she'll actually have family around.
Story 3: OP's ex is a horrible parent, she left and now she's using anything she comes by to insult OP. I'd seriously love anybody who says that OP is lazy to try to do hair as said, It's not easy, no matter how many CZcams tutorials you use, OP actually asked his ex to tell him how to do it but she refused, why? Because she is a b*tch who clearly just wants an excuse to insult her ex. OP is deffinetley not lazy, he quite clearly states that he tried on many occasions. Doing hair is hard, he is deffinetley not lazy because he cannot do it. That's like saying that a secretary is lazy because she cannot do the accountant's job, because cOuNtInG iS eAsY, well maybe she's bad at maths, but that doesn't make her lazy.
I really hope this vacation makes him come back sane again
He even tried to get the ex to teach him while they were still married and she refused even then. So no one can even argue that he was shirking his responsibilities as a father in the marriage! And yet, here we are…
@@kranberry3318 Yup I said it in the comment, I just don't understand how such a good dad can be called bad, like wtf?!
The ex might not be looking for an excuse to insult the father. It could be a full blown case of "dad has to choose between physically hurting her while damaging her hair or allowing her to go to school without taking care of her hair and be judged by her peers." Both of which can erode the relationship between dad and daughter, and allow mom to swoop in and fix the problem. It's not necessarily the case, but small manipulations like that can slowly pile up to have a big effect on who the daughter relies on and trusts as she gets older, if properly utilized by a spiteful parent.
I agree the ex is a b**ch... but dude, it's hair. We put a man on the moon, split the atom, gazed into a black hole, but my man is undone by curly hair? More likely he lazy
Disagree on story 3, my parents got divorced and I was 10,my mom always did my hair because I had stimulation problems, but after I got 90% custody with dad and yeah, of course it turned to a mess. I ended up getting gum in it and dad had to cut it all off. The kid would be much better utilized learning from someone with those skills, CZcams is not reliable source of info for how to manage hair because what works for 1 kind of hair doesn't work for another. The goal here is to provide, make sure she is OK, and encourage the kid to learn what teacher is showing her. It's gonna have to happen eventually anyway but there's just so much involved and we don't know if there is stimuli issues, I certainly didn't know how to articulate that even at 10 years old.
He left out a lot of details in that story.
1. His ex refused to let him learn how to take care of their daughter's hair when they were together.
2. the teacher already volunteers to take care of other children's hair.
3. He only asked her for advice as to how to do it himself & the teacher volunteered to do it while teaching him.
I can not agree with you more
@@Vamptonius yeah those are really important details. Father is not the AH at all here. He IS manning up, he's acknowledging his weaknesses and searching for a solution. Mother is being toxic for no reason.
I did want to mention real quick; owning horses doesn’t always mean that one is rich. It sometimes just means they’re good at managing money for their hobbies (I say this, as someone who grew up in a poor house who had horses as a hobby)
So that family may not be super well off, it may just be that whoever is doing finances for that house is doing them DAMN well.
Additionally, a well and true horse girl tends to be VERY rough and tumble LOL
for the third story, im with the dad. I've lived with curly hair for 25 years and I still don't know how to properly control it.
he will need to learn how to do it eventually, but right now he is getting help during a hard time.
Story 4: “Can I really begrudge the guy for having a religion and forcing it on others?” I CAN! *[raises hand, waves it high]* I CAN! I CAN BEGRUDGE HIM!!
Exactly. I totally begrudge staying in a religion that punish women for being women. Totally disgusting.
Seriously. Dude wants to just sell his daughter off to a different family for some archaic reasons and now can’t and is mad about it.
@@Unavenged Also he is 11 years his wives senior and was way into his adulthood when he married her. Makes you think if she was groomed, she didnt even have a chance for adulting. I mean she didnt even have a choice. Its fine to say that some traditions / cultures are WRONG. Clearly this woman was opressed all her life and her daughter would have been too had she not intervened. Im tired of "woke" people coddling traditions and beliefs that are unjust and hurtful.
@@NM-jd9ck You do know you're using that word wrong right. Woke. People would be against those traditions woke. This is about treating people with respect and having an inclusyou use that word so inappropriately that you don't even understand what it means you. Are wrong here won't people would be against that it's conservative scumbags that That love their traditions look at all these Christian morons that want to force it on to us in this country. God you sound like an idiot and don't understand how that word works.
@@NM-jd9ck OOH you are an American that has never left the states I feel so bad for you if you ever decide to travel... the real world is cruel as hell, it's not sun shine and rainbows you so desperately want... you are so ignorant it's disgusting. I hope you travel the world and open your eyes.
Honestly, of all the various types of animal feces I have cleaned over the years; horse poop is one of the easiest ones. It’s usually all in one pile, you literally use a six foot pole to handle it, and the smell is the least unpleasant.
Story 3: Depending on how curly his daughters hair is, it may be in his best interest to get some help. It’s pretty easy to ruin textured hair when you don’t know what you’re doing. I appreciate that he seems to be getting some outside help, but he should figure it out himself eventually.
Story 3: NTA. I have incredibly curly hair and I can barely take care of it. It is nearly impossible for anyone without that type of hair to understand it regardless of the amount of CZcams and research you do. It is amazing that this dad was willing to ask for help and even provide the products for a teacher to help. He is not shirking off his responsibilities, he is taking in the fact that it is impossible to comb curly hair correctly, that it requires special products and techniques, and that he is not someone that is equipped for that.
You know who is equipped? Salons
@@shykorustotora Yeah, and guess how expensive it is to get your specialty hair done at a salon even once. 100 bucks. Curly hair is expensive. Not all hair dressers know how to work with it so you have to do research and hope one is in your area. You are not going to go to a salon every single morning and spend hundreds of dollars when you can buy the hair products yourself and have a teacher who has graciously lent her time to help you do her student's hair. That teacher is going to go on and mean so much to that child because she was willing to help out in such a tough spot
A 29 year old has no business even DATING an 18 year old, much less MARRYING one. That already set my alarm bells off during the last story, and it only got worse from there
Edit to add that I went to the original post on Reddit and according to OP, her husband is so unhappy with their daughter staying in the west to work that he’s asking relatives and friends to try and track her down so that they can “talk.” The daughter can’t have social media because of this and had a hard time applying for jobs because she was afraid of using even LinkedIn. I’d say the husband is definitely into AH territory at that point.
Also, OP’s daughter hopes that she’ll be able to secure citizenship in her current country, and thus be able to sponsor a visa for OP to move there also and live with her, to which OP seems to be on board with as well. Make of that what you will.
Yeah, hubby gets 5/5 buttholes.
For sure, so sad for women who are forced into this hell
He is worse than it seemed with just the base post, I wish OP and her daughter the best. Also, let's hope their son never follow his father footsteps
and not just marry the 18 year old but knock her up immediately! If OP is 45 and her son is 27, that means she gave birth to him when she was barely an adult herself. and even just in what Rslash read, you can tell she is unhappy and wants her daughter to live the life she never got to because she was groomed and trapped in harmful religious traditions. I know this stuff is common practice in other countries and has cultural roots, but that doesn't mean it's not objectively unjust and messed up.
@@2amazing101 Yes! Thank you! I can’t believe Rslash didn’t notice this stuff! It’s so gross and sad. It’s seriously disturbing!
Yeah, no, I have to disagree on Story 3. If he constantly messes up her hair, she might get bullied for it. Him asking for help is pretty much the best he can do for her. The only way I can see a 0.5 B-Score for him is if he doesn't make it up to the teacher in some way.
Bullying is the least of it, screwing up curly hair causes physical pain.
Also teacher volunteer to do it as a gesture of Goodwill and somebody else said that it's mentioned in other edits that she does as with other children as well.
Not to mention if her hair always looks a mess/tangled/etc. one may even go as far as to accuse OP of neglect even if it's just his inability to properly care for his daughter's hair. The ex-wife didn't want to teach him and honestly, hair care is one thing that definitely should be learned in person, not from a video. He asked for help and he got it.
@@lahlybird895 physical pain and extremely damaged hair too. If he were to have used the wrong product he could have caused his daughter to possibly need to get her hair shaved off because of the severity of the damage-
@@Axiser and that
Bullied? She's 3. My ex's son didn't start getting bullied until he was 8. I think he gets a .5/5 simply for the fact that instead of going to a salon and asking questions, or asking the teacher "How do you take care of your hair?" his first instinct was to say to the teacher "Too hard. You do it for me?"
Story 2 NTA. She was bullying her younger sister, on purpose, and was actively starting to slip up in her own life AND with family rules. The promise was that cleaning the horse stalls would never be her permanent chore. This is not permanent and it’s not a chore, it’s a punishment. The sister deserves it.
First off, OP gave absolutely zero context to what older daughter said to younger daughter, so you're reaching with the bullying argument.
Secondly, older daughter never wanted the horses in the first place. That's a HUGE difference in the situation that I only caught on the second listening. That absolutely changes the situation. OP can easily find a much better punishment that doesn't have the dude effect of losing older daughter's trust and causing potential long-term resentment. I know I'd be fucking pissed if my parents had ever made me take on a responsibility for an animal I never wanted to begin with. Horses are fucking disgusting, too.
@@guywholikesgoodmusic Your right in the fact that OP never gave context on what the daughter said, so it's ironic that you think it's something that's not deserving in this punishment.
Second, this is a PUNISHMENT. This isn't something the daughter is supposed to enjoy. This is supposed to be a deterrent from doing bad things. I absolutely HATED the punishment my parents gave me but now that I'm older I understand why they did it and I don't hate them for it.
@@Damned-Soul-Sundea You are wrong, it doesn't matter in the slightest what the 17 y/o said or did, this punishment was not appropriate. Literally any other chores would have been appropriate. What the parents need to do is parent, part of parenting is figuring out how to give your soon to be an adult enough autonomy while still providing a safety net. Cleaning up after a pet you didn't want and don't interact with is just wrong.
No. That's a shitty take. She did not want the horses. You cannot force a child to care for an animal that they explicitly said they were against getting.
They ignored their daughters wishes MULTIPLE TIMES, LIED TO HER, AND CLEARLY FAVOR HER SISTER.
The parents are fucked up.
@@Damned-Soul-Sundea I bet your parents didn't break a promise to punish you. That's the key here that you're missing.
Story 2: I am a horse owner. The very last person I would want to be caring for my horse is someone who does not want to. There are many things that can go wrong with horses and someone who doesn't like them is not going to pay attention to the many details that may indicate a serious problem.
She’s just mucking out stalls. Settle down.
I don't like horses, but have taken care of them for a family member. It was OK if the weather was good enough for them to be outside while I mucked out, but one day it was torrential rain. The horses didn't want to go outside, and I was not clued up enough on horse body language to avoid getting kicked. Might not be an issue where the story was set, but, like you, I know how it can go wrong. And horses hurt!
I'm actually in a similar boat to the first story. My brother has special needs, but my parents have actually gone out of their way to tell me that in their will I'm getting everything, and they will leave it up to me to figure out how to distribute stuff to him as I see fit. My brother and I are really close though, like I bought a house so that we can both live together for example, plus my parents have made it clear that I am under no obligation to take care of my brother and that I should live my life as I see fit. It just so happens that the way I want to live my life involves taking care of my brother. I mean, he is my brother. I love him and stuff, why would I not want to take care of him?
Story 3: I think as long as he's making an effort to learn from the teacher, then he's fine. He said that he tried to figure it out but couldn't get it right. Maybe he tried looking at youtube, maybe not, but I think he's a good father for asking for help. On the condition that he listens to the teacher's advice and learns how to do it himself, having the teacher help in the meantime is a great idea.
He's not though. He stayed twice to watch her hair being done, hasn't bothered since and doesn't do anything to her hair all weekend since he "still sucks at it".
@@Npyne Not everyone can deal with the demands of curly hair. And it also depends on the type of hair. If it is a specific type it is really really hard to learn how to do and takes even hair dressers(aka cosmetologists) a while to learn how to do.
@@Npyne Curly hair ain't something you see done once or twice and get it down. It ain't rocket science but it certainly isn't easy.
You absolutely can begrudge a father for getting mad at his daughter for not adhering to the religion that he grew up in. It's a very clear indicator that the father doesn't recognize his daughter as being their own individual capable of making their own decisions.
Story 3: The dad is not being incompetent. He said he’s learning. Learning to take care of textured/curly hair isn’t easy. There’s a lot of trial and error to see what works best for your hair. If you do the wrong thing, you could damage your hair. I think his ex is the butthole in this situation. She could have given him some tips instead of complaining.
Story 1: I completely agree with you, you make the least amount of money yet you're the one who's going to be the sole care giver with equal amount of the chair at your brother's who won't be doing anyting. I would take the foot down option, either you get all the estate to take full-time care of your sister, or she gets all of the estate so they can arrange for her to be completely taken care of. I took out the other option because after that reaction I do not trust your brother's to make good on that deal.
Story 3: just want to point out it’s none of the exs business what OP does during his time with their daughter. The girl is getting taken care of. Awesome dad 10/10 would recommend
HUGE fact that no one has touched on.
It IS the ex'a businnes becauses thats also HER daughter. You have no idea how co parenting works, if u did u wouldnt have made this comment. If a parent doesnt like something the other does, depending on agreements signed at the divorce, the parents can actualy go to court. The dad isnt being super awesome, because a super awesome dad means going above and beyond. This dad isnt even reaching the standard bar 💀
@@arosad It would take less time than it would to drop her off 30mins early every day to let her teacher do even more unpaid labour than it would to just learn himself for free. Is this his plan forever? What happens when she has to go to another school or just another class? Is he really just going to rely on others to do his job as well as their own because he's too lazy to learn how to do it himself? Does that really sound like 10/10 parenting to you? I think him taking advantage of his daughter's teacher is her business.
The problem is that he’s passing off his responsibility on someone else. He should know how to take care of his own kid on his own, it’s not viable to have a teacher do it every day. What happens when she moves to a different class? That’s like saying it’s perfectly fine to have fast food every night because he just doesn’t know how to cook.
Yes I know lots of moms who have others do their kids hair so the whole learn it on CZcams my mom taught how to cut and do hair and yet she could never master a French braid
Story 3. RSlash, buddy, pump the breaks here. The man is getting HELP. The man ASKED for help, the teacher gave it, and he is utilizing it. It sounds like the ex wife is mad because the husband isn't doing things her way. He's not pawning off responsibilities, she's framing it in a way where it looks like he's a bad dad.
Story 3: Its not about beauty!! Its about comfort! If my daughter had curly and/or frizzy hair, i’d want to learn how to brush her hair properly to avoid damaging her scalp and cause her pain! Its totally understandable that he dropped his kid off early to get her ready.
Story 3: I am a daughter of a single father and have EXTREMELY curly and difficult to deal with hair. It took me 20 years to figure out how to care for it, youtube videos and all. If I had a teacher who had been willing to do it for me I would have greatly preferred this and my dad did his best but it often broke my hair and make me cry every morning for years. It really depends on how difficult her hair is to deal with in my opinion.
No offence but it took NASA less than 10 years to put a man on the moon, in the 60's...
But it took you 20 years in the 21st century, to figure out how to manage curly hair?
The multibillion dollar government organization with thousands of scientists took a decade to figure out how to send a man to the moon and you think that’s a fair comparison to someone taking two decade to figure out their hair🧐
@@shykorustotora unless you have curly hair yourself don't comment on how long it takes others to learn how to care for it properly 🙄
@@godemperorofmankind3578 And yet how much easier would it have been if NASA had access to google, unlike literally 4 billion people today
@@caitbee18 Bruh, that's like saying "Unless you've directed a film, don't give a review on how good a movie is!"
Isn't it funny how much people HATE freedom of speech if you say something they don't like? The irony~
Last story OP is an awesome mom, feel proud you gave your daughter the chance at a life.
She got to escape the family religion and live her life on her terms.
Nope op is an ahole she manipulated her husband. And is actively lying to him as far as his faith. And what believes to be her faith as well.
@@randywright8908 and if she reveals she doesn't believe any longer she's likely in a location where that would endanger he well being or her life. She did what she had to do so her daughter could be FREED from the shackles of their religion. The father's reaction showed that he wanted to control his daughter.
@@MarkLLawrence Well there is nothing to suggest she would be in danger. There are plenty of religions and cultures. That have beliefs that look to the males. And the women are not in danger. But she is choosing to stay and be with her husband. And like I said actively lying, deceiving, and manipulating him. If she is in a place where she could be in danger. The things that she is doing. Would guarantee she would in danger. And she said her husband now knows, but didn't mention anything of being scared.
@@randywright8908 she's more than likely not able to leave her husband. Most places where religion has a grip on the government and laws, divorce is a hard thing to obtain by a woman.
Story 2: NTA. It takes me 15 minutes to clean out my horses stall everyday. It’s not a big deal lmao.
Story 3: If you don't have curly hair or know someone with very curly hair then you can't understand how painful it is to comb/brush it wrong. My sister could tell you that it's absolute torture. The father states that he's getting advice and slowly learning more from the teacher (who OFFERED to do the child's hair unprompted by the way, because all the father originally asked for was advice) until he's confident enough to be able to do it himself. I hope rSlash has a good vacation because that was a very bad take.
Story 2: I'm going to point this out. The details are in the wording. The parents, at least with the info we have to go off of did not promise the older daughter anything. They told it wasn't something she'd have to deal with. The SISTER made the promise. Not the parents, the sister did. They warned her to shape up, she didn't, she is paying for her actions. OP is currently NTA, but also feel like more is indeed missing from the picture.
Story 3: Go to CZcams to try to figure out something you don't understand. Curly hair is not as simple as you seem to think it is and if the teacher offered after being asked, he isn't unloading and maybe he is trying to figure it out. OP is NTA because if he messed it up is could cause more issues for his daughter.
Yeah, I'm glad R/ went on vacation because he's been really off on these calls lately.
@@takeovermars I kind of hope he does the stories people disagree with him again after his break just to see if his opinion has changed any. Like how some of the channels react to their old stuff or something
I do feel like he needs a week trip every month for a recharge
@@takeovermarsi said the same thing after story 2. like the parent made perfect sense.. a punishment isnt supposed to be a normal chore.
He’s frustrating me lately he def needs that break.
The parents stated that she wouldnt have to deal with it. That’s basically a promise, and the younger sister did promise. That means that the younger sister would do it all, considering the younger one promised too.
Therefore, both parents and the younger sis said, “hey, you don’t have to do this, and the younger sis will do it”, while basically promising.
Yeah, ops the AH. They directly stated that she wouldn’t have to do it, and that the younger one would. Then, they broke that statement and proved they were lying, and forced the older sister to do it.
Great way to get kids to resent you and move out ngl.
Just make them decide between the horses and a bunch of the other chores at least. That way, they’ll be unhappy either way, but they could do horses if they wanted to.
EDIT:
People are complaining and being like, “uhmmm acthuallly, you’re wrong 🤓”
As a teenager who is literally her age, the horse one won’t make her feel like she messed up.
You know what she’ll think? “I hate my parents and my sister, they are so obnoxious. I resent my sister, because she wanted these horses. I will never be kind to her, because she is the reason I am cleaning the horse stalls”
THATS WHAT SHE’LL THINK. The younger sister is the entire reason those horses exist on that property, and she has to clean the stables, so the older sis will think it’s her fault. She is going to despise her sister even more. She is not going to recognize her mistake.
A lot of the people reading this can’t even know whether she would recognize the mistake, because you aren’t her age. I regularly deal with these sorts of teenagers. She will blame everyone else no matter what. That’s how a lot of teens work nowadays, I’m going to be honest. (Remember that I’m also a teen, so I definitely know. I’m around these people constantly)
Instead, make her do all of the other chores besides the horses or something. It’s completely logical.
.
***Edit: I just asked 3 of my friends whether anyone in high school learns from their mistakes***
“no”
“LOL, yeah no. I just learned to not get caught :p”
“you’re a mistake”
@@CausingChaos. yeah these people are tripping thinking this take is one of rslash's burnout ones, especially when the actual post's comments come to the exact same conclusions. There's other punishments for a teenager with rude behaviour and slipping grades--making her take over her sister's chores for animals she didn't want and was promised she wouldn't have to take care of is a major AH move here.
Ground her, take away her phone or internet use, make her cook dinner for the family, literally ANYTHING besides making her take care of the four-figure gift for her sibling that she never wanted and was explicitly promised she wouldn't have to deal with. All this does is make older sis resent her sibling more for getting the horses, and has the potential for younger sis to realize that all she has to do to get out of doing her chores is to get the older one in trouble.
Story 2: NTA. They’ve never made the older daughter do it as a chore, and were true to their promise. It’s more than a fair punishment. 17 year old female, princess personality and she’s doing poorly in school and staying out late? Seems like she’s also breaking commitments, and promises herself for it to get to the point her parents make her do something she truly hates.
And bullies her little sister who took all the responsibility of the horse stable maintenance to the point she doesn’t have to. Good lesson learned living in someone else’s shoes for awhile
Rslash doesn't understand that having luxuries with the expectation of full responsibility isn't princess-like behaviour. That term is always reserved for entitled kids who think they don't have to do shit in life and the world revolves around them. The luxury of two horses was afforded on the condition that everything to do with horses, feeding, cleaning shit, is the 13yo's job only. Im general while I think teens should be allowed to violate curfews, it should never be at the expense of grades, which decide the trajectory of your life for the next 10 years at least. Know what? Cleaning horseshit is the most apt punishment, since it gives her time to reflect on her life choices for a moment
@@TsukiKageTora I was going to say this but you beat me to it.
Rslash needs to go on vacation. He is saying more shit every day. The punishment is perfect because of the bullying and since it is something the old daughter does not want to do.
Is it me, or RSlash is been an asshole more and more, siding with bullies and spoiled brats, especially girls. I see a chicken father complex growing in him.
@Shreyash Singh He also doesn't understand the context that getting two horses at once honestly isn't uncommon in the farming/ranch culture. I have lived on a farm my entire life, and though I never had horses, I guarantee if the parents were willing to get horses and had a place to put them, they already had everything needed to raise and ride a foal/horse.
Story 3 A father of a daughter with curly hair, I understand OP and congratulate you on asking for help. OP NTA, the daycare teacher, gets the super rare 4.5 out of 5 Good scale for helping out. He asked for help with something that most guys struggle with, and that's girls' hair.
The mother gets 0.5 out of 5 bad guys for dipping her nose in where it doesn't belong, as long as the daughter hair is going done and looking cute who cares if it's father or someone who he deems better qualified too do this. If they have a arrangement let it be.
So many repeats!
Story 2: this is roughly how my generation was raised. Actually, I vaguely remember being punished like this.
And honestly, that's not a very bad punishment. If anything, it fits the crime. You treated your sibling badly, you get one of their chores.
My sisters and I had a punishment system when we were younger made by our parents: The Job Jar.
Slips of paper were shuffled and shaken inside a coffee bucket. Each slip of paper had a chore in it that was not on our chore list. The one we dreaded the most was either cleaning the bathrooms or cleaning the baseboards. For a while, there was a "mercy" slip; but it was taken out because we managed to cheat the system and always get that slip.
But, yeah. The parents in this story were technically fair. (Don't get me started on parents breaking promises though. That's a list I don't want to go over.)
So many repeats? As in 0?
@@mariposa9506 It may have just been a different channel, but I've heard the first two stories once before... in this exact order too, now that I think about it.
Which has also happened before. Two different channels will cover the same stories days after each other, but have those stories on the same video, read in the same order as the channel who released their video before.
What makes it weird is when both channels either have the same reactions or the same reading style.
@@Drahjan_TheoryBREAK Right. So you accuse a channel of posting repeats while knowing you could have heard the stories from any number of other sources.
@@mariposa9506 The thought didn't cross my mind until your response, actually. I was genuinely under the impression that this was a repeat until you said something.
op never even promised that his daughter wouldn't have to handle horse chores "but we told her it wouldn't be something she'd have to deal with."
it's the younger sister who promised to take care of them
Last story: rSlash, yes you can begrudge him, the husband is being backwards and wants his daughter to be submissive and basically as miserable as his wife is. I really hope that now that OP kids are grown up she can find a way to get rid of that guy...she should try to save some money and leave her country to start somewhere else (her daughter may be able to help her)...as for her son although he was exposed to western culture IDK if he`ll be able to breakaway from his upbring...
Yes, this. 🙌
Especially with that 11 year age gap
Last story: The mother did what was best for her children. I hope she can use that loving caring energy to help her husband come to accept that his children are happy and doing well. That is all a parent should want for their kids.
I'm worried her husband will honour-kill her and/or get contacts in the "western country" to honour-kill the daughter on his behalf.
What is best for the child should be decided by both parents. Not unanimously by the mother. And she did exactly that with her lies of omission rather than giving her husband a chance to also make an informed decision. If the roles were reversed everyone would be hating on the parent for making a decision for the child without the mother's informed input.
Western hypocrisy at its finest.
@@TheFlyingClutchman one wouldnt want the dad the unanimously make a decision in this case because he was taking his daughter's possible future away from her in favor of a life stuck in a marriage based on religious beliefs she doesnt even hold. The mom did what was right for her daughter by giving her options.
@@TheFlyingClutchman where did she lie though? it is true that rich or powerful guys now prefer educated girls over uneducated ones. The father probably knew the perks as well he probably was also more educated than the mother so he should have known the downsides as well. The decision was still made by him the mother just tried to influence it and i doubt anyone would be hating him in a reversed situation either
@@TheFlyingClutchman
He was literally against his daughter having any future or agency outside of being a housewife because of his sexist religious beliefs, stop trying to coddle the dad, he and his beliefs just suck.
I gotta say I’m glad rslash is taking a vacation. I’ve been watching his videos for 4 years, this is the first time where I’ve agreed with only 1 out of 4 of his AITA takes
Story 2: No, Rslash. OP promised that it won’t be a part of her CHORES. PUNISHMENT IS NOT CHORES. After the week is over, she won’t have to do it again given she learned her lesson. OP broke NO promises. The 17 y/o is old enough to not be a brat. She was warned and knew the consequences beforehand but she still continued.
Rslash, you’re being soft.
OP gets 0/5 AH and 5/5 on good parenting score.
Story 4
The lie was the op had no intention of selling her daughter to a rich family, she definitely hoped she'd decide to live the life she wanted, and the husband was tricked into it.
For the best, op should run away and live with her daughter if she wants out.
Agreeing with some of the other comments on story 2, with a few personal caveats (regarding information)! Note uh. I haven't read the actual post / OP's replies on reddit.
- It's not really clear whether the poster HAS spent that much on the 17-year-old. Who knows, maybe they got her a new car or something and were making sure it was equal with the other daughter. Depending on pedigree and WHERE you get it, a horse can be a lot less than $1500, too. Gear can be costly!
- While there was a promise, there was never an outright promise of "I will not punish you by making you do this". Oh the other hand, there should have been some kind of mention of "while this won't be a chore, if you do something really bad, I will tell you to do this as punishment", but that's probably not something that was anticipated. Hindsight being 20/20 and all.
- My main concern would be breaking the 17-year-old's trust, so maybe a sit down talk about WHY cleaning the stable was a punishment. It'd be more of an issue with a smaller child, but even a 17-year-old can be hurt pretty badly by broken promises. More reason for the sit-down talk mentioned above.
- Since the insult was directed at the 13-year-old, having to do part of the 13-year-old's normal tasks to make up for it / doing her a favor as repayment for a mistake makes sense.
- I'm not a fan of the OP calling the 17-year-old a princess, but on AITA people tend to dress up stories a bit. Granted, that may make the OP a bit more of a jerk than they actually are, and that the 17-year-old is nowhere near as bad as she actually is. I'm just saying it doesn't surprise me with the sub in general lol.
(Sorry for the long comment, this one just struck a chord with me. And I may be wrong ofc!)
Story 3: as someone who has wild curly hair the dad was right in the story
Like I took me years to finally learn how to take care of my hair. I watched video and I look for tips for my hair.
I literally had to cut my hair shorter so it's easier to take care of.
That dad did the right thing by taking her to someone who knows what their doing
And don't ppl take their kids or themselves to a salon? Is that "no caring"?
aw OP changing her mind and letting her daughter go to uni is beautiful :) i hope the husband also changes his mind, its possible, and becomes more lenient with his daughters choices!
Honestly I bet you're right about the first story and the parents giving birth to a daughter in order to take care of their disabled daughter! My parents sort of did the same thing, when I was twelve my brother was 11 and they realized that they had already messed us up and we were never going to talk to them again once we turned 18, (which came true) they went and had 8 more children. No. I'm not kidding. And then Lucky them, they had a built-in slave to take care of all of the children! Me!!!
That’s straight out of a horror movie 😦 I’m so sorry you had to deal with that oh my gosh- the parents of the year award is definitely DEFINITELY not going to your parents wow 😭
@@buttmunchie lol, no kidding! They also beat the absolute crap out of all of us too LOL ahhh, childhood. 🤷 This is what religion does do psychotic people!
Story 3: I get people are thinking it's "weaponized incompetence" but I don't think that's truly the case. Some men are just not hairstylists, even at the basic level. Why do you think so many guys keep their hair short and manageable by just washing it? Even myself as a woman, I have a hard time managing my own hair because it's so thick and stubborn. It's not a skill that anyone can master, especially when everyone's hair is different. Lighten up on the dad, man.
He left out a lot of details in that story.
1. His ex refused to let him learn how to take care of their daughter's hair when they were together.
2. the teacher already volunteers to take care of other children's hair.
3. He only asked her for advice as to how to do it himself & the teacher volunteered to do it while teaching him.
@@Vamptonius he recorded this week's in advanced
@@KomaedasOneTrueHope I know.
Dad literally uses an available avenue to take care of her daughters hair.
Rslash: “Stop being a lazy parent, man up, and take care of your daughters hair.”
Wife LITERALLY lies to husband in order to get money for her daughter
Rslash: “Cmon OP, you’re NTA for being a good parent.”
🤦♂️
Story 3: He asked for help and the TEACHER offered to do her hair. The way OP wrote it, it sounds like he wanted advice and the teacher said she would do it. That's not weaponized incompetence. I lived with someone who use it for 5.5 years so I know what I'm talking about.
The best solution is to put the estate in trust for the daughter's care the other children can take care of themselves.
Which OP mentioned only for parents to scoff at. They aren’t open to other possibilities
Story 3: I don’t think the father in that story is the a-hole. If anything, I would call the mother out! The father is having issues, he asked for the help, and the teacher doesn’t seem to have issues. Hell, the OP even said she gave him tips on how to care for his daughter’s hair at home. So, yeah, I think OP isn’t the a-hole.
1. His ex refused to let him learn how to take care of their daughter's hair when they were together.
2. the teacher already volunteers to take care of other children's hair.
3. He only asked her for advice as to how to do it himself & the teacher volunteered to do it while teaching him.
I really don't understand why people are giving the father a hard time. His daughter is being well looked after by someone who knows what they are doing. If a mother was taking a son to a barbershop to get his hair cut, no one would be telling her to watch CZcams videos and cut the kid's hair instead.
@@JimLambier Since when do kids need daily haircuts? You're comparing apples to oranges. If a mother was taking her son to someone else to style his hair daily, I would also be giving her the side eye.
@@Npyne Can I ask why you would give her the side eye?
Cleaning horse stalls story - OP, not the bad guy.
If you don’t want to be punished, don’t commit the crimes.
If parents know they can use something against you to deter you from misbehaving, then guess what buttercup, that’s exactly what they will use as punishment !!!
Story 3: NTA!! Curly hair is HARD! He is actually an angel for caring enough to make sure it gets done properly! I do think he should've learned something from his ex while they're together. But now he can learn from the teacher.
Strong disagree story three. I'm mixed. My hair isn't tight (type 3B, maybe C) but my mom had to figure out how to do it when my dad skipped the country. I remember being fucking miserable AND having frizzy hair. and this is with my mom trying, but not having a lot of resources (early 2000s, and we moved to a mostly rural white area). I don't know if y'all are actually black or have curls but if you did I think you'd have a way better idea on how good this is. I wish the dad learned how to do his daughters hair, yeah, but I think this is a good solution until he does because it sucks for Everyone involved. I think he should pay the teacher tho. Hair days are super important and I hope he does learn.
1. His ex refused to let him learn how to take care of their daughter's hair when they were together.
2. the teacher already volunteers to take care of other children's hair.
3. He only asked her for advice as to how to do it himself & the teacher volunteered to do it while teaching him.
@@Vamptonius
1. yeah, i didn't say anything about his ex lol. there's other ways of learning.
2. cool. i think it is a lot of work and think maybe some monetary compensation would be nice. doing hair takes a while.
3. yeah. i think it'd be beneficial for him to learn it himself eventually.
I think we agree in sentiment? I don't get why you needed to reply but maybe im confused
edit : ah. serial reply guy. okay man good luck
@@staryam2441 Just adding some details that Rslash left out that completely changes the story.
Story 2: Sometimes you need to break promises to punish your kids; especially, in this situation. The older daughter was bullying her younger sister about said chore along with being rude and disrespectful. OP is right to say that punishments go beyond the norm also. Yeah, why in tf did OP get the younger daughter 2 horses, but OP still wasn't wrong for punishing the oldest that way. It looked like poetic justice to me.
Story 2: I'm very... Conflicted about the punishment. Because I've been "wired" to believe that the punishment the older daughter went through was acceptable. But listening to the opinions of others, I'm being "rewired" in a sense to think that this really isn't a good punishment.
It's the fact I've had to take on chores from others at such a young age that I believe that. Like how I was the sole house cleaner of this condo I lived in with my dad because he worked most of the week. Or have chores for weekdays I don't have work only for my step mom to do them on the weekend.
I've just be wired into the mindset that this was normal and I should be thankful I have shelter. Which, quite frankly I am. Chores just to live at my parents house till I can get a place with roommates? I'll take it over being homeless or living at a friend's house that has no room for me at all.
Here's the thing, right? The older daughter never wanted the horses to begin with. She was very vocal in not wanting to care for them. The younger daughter promised to do everything, and the parents promised the oldest that she wouldn't have to do it.
So, straight up, right there... Promise was broken. Forget the semantics around the situation, because she's not going to see it as a punishment, but rather her parents lying to her. At the same time, it will likely sew resentment between the sisters. If the promise was never made, then I think the punishment would be suitable.
Also, OP was repeatedly vague about certain details, such as what older daughter said to younger daughter. She also doesn't seem all that interested in the 'why' of the older daughter's behavior. Could there be a reason behind it? That's what I would strive to figure out, not immediately seeking the worst possible form of punishment.
About the second story:
The older sister was disrespectful to the younger sister, that is why she's getting the younger sister's chores. If she had been disrespectful to someone else then yes, OP would be the bad guy.