r/Bestof A FAKE Wedding Ruined My Life
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- čas přidán 9. 07. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
Patreon: / rslash
Discord: / discord
0:00 Intro
0:10 Wedding
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
They didn't "keep the wedding secret", they kept the wedding secret *from specific people*. Because the entire wedding party had attended the first wedding.
I wanna know why so bad mannnnnn like why would u do that to ur sister
My sister got married in secret (eloped with no guests etc) and revealed it all at a big new years party 4 YEARS later. Completely different than OPs story. But still kinda weird considering they did it on my birthday and while my younger sister was living with them.... siblings be weird sometimes 😂
But at least no-one knew in between so it was easier not to care. Plus the party was ace!!
@@ifoundhisjams4075 Because for the brother getting dicked was more important than his sister ... I blame the husband. There'll be an ugly divorse.
@@msmcflythey had four years to decide when to announce their marriage and they did it on your birthday? Yikes. I hope that didn’t steal the spotlight away from you.
the text: "AS close as twins"
dabney: "how are they twins? they probably mistyped their age"
no dabney, you misread it lol
I guess he just wants more comments correcting him to boost the video in the youtube algorithm...
His almost 2 million subs probably give him enough comments he doesn't need to do a mistake like this just for a few extra comments@@somaplay
@@frodofranzhave you not seen the hundreds of bots in his comments? The dude is buying subs and comments. I doubt he's above cheap clickbait tactics. Why do you think he has so many intentionally garbage takes? He's been called out by other creators in the past for buying subs and comments. This isn't new for him.
@SkunkApe407 you know a lot of bots are a youtube problem, but a creator issue 😂
@@SkunkApe407You are aware those allegations were proven false years ago, correct?
I am OP and I said “we are as close as twin” not actual twins. But the closeness you imagine when you have twins is how close we were even though we are not actually twins.
I also wanted to say I have listened to you for so long and someone sent me this and I realized it was my story and I sat on my closet floor crying because hearing you have my back felt like having a friend stand up for me. So thank you.
That has to be a surreal experience for you. Over the years, I've lost some very good friends when it became clear they didn't care enough to put forth even minimal effort to be there for me, but the situations were never anywhere near as bizarrely twisted as what happened to you. I'm sorry you had to suffer through such a huge betrayal, but you can hopefully take at least some solace in the fact that everybody seems to agree you did nothing wrong.
I’m sorry for what happened to you, but if it helps, I think your decisions or what you did was right. If you even tried to repair the relationship that the BIL tore apart, I’m pretty sure the BIL will use that as proof of you being the “problem.”
It’s a lose lose situation. Hopefully your brother doesn’t fall for his manipulation forever but all the best to you and your family!😊
I just wanna say: I wouldn’t be too hasty to say your brother ISN’T being abused. This is wrong, he needs you to hold him accountable for this eventually: but the only possible explanation I can see for this meticulously calculated act of cruelty is that BiL gets to isolate your brother.
Because if his family has him blocked, then they won’t get is calls for help.
Girl ya and your mom needs to get your money back from them. Your brother and his husband used your asses for money and entertainment. Maybe then they'll actually admit fault and come crying when they need to have a payment plan
I'm sorry you had to go through that
rSlash’s complete confusion about the twins thing, all because he misread “raised like twins” as ”we’re totally twins, one year apart!” 😂😂😂
Exactly! He goes off on the husband’s “writing style,” but doesn’t ever go back to re-read an important detail that causes him so much confusion? “We’ve always been as close as twins,” does not have the same meaning as “We’ve always been close, as twins.” rSlash, the self-professed English major, missed the simile. (And this is coming from a Social Worker, lol.)
@@kitop310 To be fair, "English major" usually means English Literature, not language. No shade on that degree -- I have one too -- but I went out of my way to take the minimum number of literature classes and take as many skills classes as I could: professional writing, novel writing, copy editing, research, etc. Some of these only count as general electives, they couldn't be counted towards my major despite being part of the Department of English. For someone following a standard program it would be easy to miss any class related to language.
I feel so bad every time he gets tripped up on that
@@cmlemmus494 I get it, and no shade on the degree either, but if one is going to go of into the land of confusion, one should probably take a Quick Look back at what caused the confusion. That was my bigger point, the English major jab was more a joke than a complaint. All-but-guaranteed that the English major running this channel makes more in a month, between ads and sponsors, than I’ll make in a year, so the usual cracks like “What can you do with a BA in English? Get an MA in English so you can teach others to get a BA in English,” don’t have the same pop. (Again, this is coming from someone whose Master’s degree is pretty much worthless without an additional two year process and exam for licensure (Social Work).)
Maybe he was just tired or exhausted mentally at the time of making this video? For example perhaps somehow he either kept accidentally reading it wrong or he read wrong once and foolishly convinced himself that what he thought he read had to be true. Therefore, he then had to try to find a way to make it make sense.
I love how NOTHING is the brother-in-law's fault which tells me he was definitely the mastermind.
And the fact that he’s the one consistently calling and responding to the post
B-b-bingo!
But OP is the “narcissist” 🙄
a spanish smile on g@y/trans/drag queen wedding? Imagine my surprise!
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012 Exactly! You don't feel a NEED to respond to those things.
Glad you caught the alt account too. That was 100% the bil trying to make himself look better. So spineless and disgusting
Ya, he can't hide his continual condescension. No one would see this as a "stand up person".
I find it suspicious when people pull the 'two sides of every story' line to excuse obviously shitty behavior. I think you're right I smell a rat with that response.
No one was buying his BS. And yet, he didn't understand and still tried to defend himself that it was not his fault
I honestly thought it might be the brother
right! As soon as he started reading it, I was like oh it's the BIL attempting to defend himself from another account.
"I can't get married without you by my side"
-the guy who was literally already married for a year without informing his family
Why does BIL not get that it's not about keeping the wedding a secret? It wasn't about that. It was about how EVERY MEMBER OF THE WEDDING PARTY was invited to the real wedding and she was only invited to the fake one while being told "I can't get married without you there" when CLEARLY they can.
Because aholes only care about the man in the mirror and no one else. That's why.
Because aholes only care about the man in the mirror and no one else. That's why.
And the money she spent and her dignity she sacrificed in the name of her brother.
@@lorilancaster5917 exactly. The lying was just the icing on the cake
Yeah, she even begged to be a guest cause she didn’t want to deal with the BS. She was pushed to do all those things for nothing.
Dabney went on a whole tangent about the family history, but he just misread the first sentence lol I'm dying haha
😂 Right, he read they were "LIKE twins" and completely missed it 😂
he has one job and he's consistently getting worse at it
@MidnightMajesty Nobody is perfect. I think with the quantity of videos that some are not going to be spot on. Dabney has provided us with a lot of content, though.
@@solomonrobertson845 , I think @MidnightMajesty was just being sarcastic. .. since rSlash's main catch phrase lately is "they had ONE JOB!!!"
@MidnightMajesty why are you being mean? anyone could make a mistake like that. even you
"as close as twins" is a simile, kinda surprised it tripped you up so hard XD
i was bout to say, lol, he needs to reread tht slowly alil
I was thinking Irish twins.
@@bridgetbenson6291that's a slur, based off of a racist stereotype. It comes from the racist belief that the Irish breed more than other races.
Pretty much what I was going to say.
Never heard of it before
The way the brother-in-law comments saying he's not fond of OP and that she's full of it for thinking the fake wedding was all a plan to humiliate her, but doesn't deny that she was literally the only person who didn't know says all we need to know about this situation. Brother-in Law is an AH who purposely excluded his partner's sister, then gaslit her and her brother to turn it around on OP. What a terrible, under-handed, selfish human being. Feel bad for OP and her brother for having to be involved w him.
Thier mother didnt know either.
@@josefineandersen2165Of course she didn't, because OP's mother would've told OP and ruined the plan, which was apparently just to separate OP's brother from her.
I feel like the "lack of homophobia" was the problem. They wanted to fight evil people for their love, but everyone was so damn supportive.
So they made up some bias conflict
The brother in law is the reason - my theory is that the BIL doesn't believe OP's accusations about his father and hates her for having made them and, therefore, wants to do something to remove her from his life (and, by extension, her brother's life).
Also, it's VERY common for narcissists to call others narcissistic when they call out their bullshittery.
I believe so too. Very common to victim blame because you don't want to admit someone you lose is just a p-word and a r-word.
Heres what i suspect might have happened:
The BIL, who doesnt like OP and doesnt want her at his wedding, goes to the brother and says "Shes heavily pregnant and just moved across the country! Thats a lot of stress to put on a pregnant lady! Youd be doing her a favor if you didnt invite her."
"But she'll be upset if she isnt invited."
"Then we just dont tell her! Maybe later, when shes recovered, we can have a pretend wedding for her benefit"
He then proceeded to slander her to their friends, making sure they were on his side. Now hes whispering in OP's brother's ears to further drive a wedge
This.
It also explains why the mother and other people who would tell OP regardless weren't invited either
It's not even subtle, either.
I'm thinking the same thing.
Typical behaviour of an abuser that wants to remove his victims family and friends.
Yet he's treating OP brother good.
But once he disconnected him from everyone, he'll emotionally and potentially physically abuse him every day for the rest of his life.
1000% it's the new husband pushing OP and her brother apart. He stated that he does like her and it's very telling that HE was the one to respond to the post and no her brother.
Well her brother is choosing to allow that to happen. She doesn’t need either of them.
This, right here.
The faxt that, not ONCE did we hear anything from the brother is telling.
@freezycastform I wonder if the brother knows about the reddit posts. I find it hard to believe he wouldn't, but also weird that he wouldn't post to defend himself or husband etc.
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089 Oh you're absolutely right in that her brother deserves blame for allowing himself to be manipulated to sabotage their relationship.
As much as it sucks, her going no contact with these people is for the best.
Another weird thing to me is, why get married a few days before she's supposed to go into labor? Either it was a spontaneous thing done knowing she couldn't be there, or it was planned ahead of time to deliberately be close so they could use that excuse.
Tbf, some weddings can take quite a while to plan. They might not have known OP was pregnant yet when they set the date
@@irishuisman1450 If the date was set even a couple months before she gave birth, she would've known about it or they weren't ever planning on inviting her anyway.
@@lytenakye486 that is true, though it also could've been that they set the date, OP announced that she was pregnant, and they sent the invites some time later.
Not that I'm defending their actions in the slightest, but I'm just giving a possible explanation
@irishuisman1450 then they weren't planning on inviting her or her family at all, if that's the case. Remember OPs mother didn't know it was a fake wedding either. They could have streamed the wedding so she could still "attend" (even if they were broke another attendee could do a facetime for the ceremony) . There is no plausible and non exclusionary explanation if it wasn't spontaneous.
@@irishuisman1450they could’ve sent the invites after but it doesn’t explain or excuse not telling her they were getting married at all
RSlash breaking his brain over OP and her brother being twins or not purely over a misread opening makes me chuckle more than it probably should lol.
The fact that OP is upset she was tricked into going to a fake wedding and having to be around their abuser makes her a narcissist in the BIL’s eyes is…indescribable. Both the BIL and the Brother lied for an ENTIRE YEAR and then had OP come to a fake wedding where their abuser would be there and then call her a narcissist for being upset by it? With what logic? How would that make OP a narcissist in any light?
It only makes sense from the logic of thinking you literally can't do anything wrong, so everything you do must be right. Which Is to say, from severe narcissism.
It's basic projection. Lots of garbage people do that.
projection. Literally BIL exude narcissism from every pore.
@@SenseiRaisen It's a shame. Makes me wonder if he poisoned OP's brother against her or if he was always a narcissist himself.
@@beck-nightengale OP describe her brother with words who make think: "He wasn't kind or thoughtful ... he was a jerk and was enabled by everyone just because he is gay", as everyone point: "that is Golden Child behaviour".
Make me thing he was already, only now is enabled by BIL.
Also, the fact that people are saying how nice the brother-in-law is and how they are so confused why the author of the post is being like this just shows that this guy is a master manipulator and maybe even a narcissist. Those people know nothing about narcissistic abuse when these people handpick their victims to abuse and do their best to be the best to everyone else to make sure the victim is not believed. I can’t believe people don’t know anything about that.
The BIL strikes me as someone who has been a victim and had actual struggles but is also an AH. I'm bisexual and also have PTSD so I've been part of a lot of online and offline support groups. I've learned that just because someone is a victim doesn't mean they are a nice person. Some people will actually weaponize their conditions, like the BIL. They also learn from support groups how to talk and position themselves to make people sympathetic with them. Unfortunately, this also makes them more proficient at victimizing others, especially people they perceive to have slighted them in some way.
Unless you experience it first hand, it’s sometimes really hard to wrap your head around it. Even when you 100% trust the person telling you the abuser is abusive, but then the abuser treats you super well… I’ve seen some people go through some mindfucks after those encounters
@@amierithI've sadly met some people like that online.
do narcissists really do it on purpose like that? i always thought they didn’t actually realize how abusive they were being and they were just like that and thought it was normal 😭 idk it feels weird that someone would know they’re being abusive and continue to do it, but i’ve been told i’m naïve ab evil people before
@@amierithNo, I think BIL is a narcissist who viewed OP as a threat and I do believe brother must be abused by him. Keeping away from close family is a number one tactic.
I love how this simile confused him so much through the whole story and in my head I'm screaming "You used a metaphor on my son!? He takes things literally!!"
Dude, I love Lion King 1 1/2!
on Timon 😂😂
My take on this is. The Brother in law is narcissistic and has been putting doubts in the brothers mind for a long time, the past fights they had could have been how BIL started it and used OP being preggo to keep her out of the real wedding. BIL has to be cutting off the support system, I'm thinking that he started with replacing brothers friends with his own as backup for getting Op out of brothers life and trying to strain brother and moms relationship; but those are just my thoughts.
I think a lot of us are thinking that.
OP's bro-in-law: WAAAAHHH! I HAVE ADHD! WAAAAHHHHH! I DON'T LIKE TO PLAN, IT'S NOT MY FAULLLLT! WAAAAHHHH! SHE WAS LEFT OUT OF EVERYTHING BUT SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE MAAAAD! WAAAAHH!
Don't you hate when your adhd makes you not invite anyone from your partners side of the family! Such a common issue for us ADHD havers, lol.
Thats all sarcastic, never be too sure on the internet lol
BIL isn't making himself look any better at all.. Her brother sucks big time just like BIL
Dude... I once forgot to shower for a month... cuz ADHD. My life is hard... and smelly.
@@KatRo13834 felt, I once only shaved one leg and only realized when I was going to a water park.. I looked like half of a sasquach 💀
And the brother in law is projecting hard onto the op
1- The F! They already got married and invited everyone, BUT OP and his mom! Why not tell people it was just a party to celebrate their union?
This is what's so crazy, even beyond the loss of a relationship, the lying, snarky comments and literally inviting a p*do who molested her to the fake wedding she was attending which is all so so awful... But even beyond all that, they also essentially defrauded the mother and sister of $6K for a party, and that's SO clearly the reason they kept the previous wedding a secret. I'm surprised how little that was mentioned.
She's probably a basket-case. The kind of person you intentionally don't invite because they do stuff like this.
I mean even Rslash couldn't be bothered to read all her nonsense. She's a nutter.
Exactly. My brother married his wife as a quick ceremony (he got a job in another country and if they weren’t married, she wouldn’t be able to join him) but they told everyone that they’d have a big wedding in the future for people who couldn’t make it to this one.
That’s how you do it.
@@beautifulmidnightI mean OP’s brother and brother in law had to be jerks and couldn’t think of other ways
Either this was a prank or the brother in law loves to remind others that they are married and makes a huge party out of it.
Op: why did they lie about having a wedding?
BIL: I have ADHD…forgive me!
And the thing is, regardless of BIL's alleged ADHD, how does that stop OP's brother telling OP?!
@@AliveisKip ADHD is HIGHLY contagious, forgive him and everyone else involved with the lie!!! 100% true!!! Not clickbait!!!! Do NOT factcheck!!!
"As close as twins"
Dabney don't make us hurt you 🤣
BIL doesn't make himself look all that better at all in his comment. This is not something you do to close family. You also don't force someone to talk about something until they've had time to process.
Yeah he’s either lying through his teeth or a complete moron
These are very creepy people. Omg!
Exactly, NARCISSIST force you to talk when you are vulnerable and unsettled.
My brother , a diagnosed NPD and Sociopath , works hard at always always controlling the situation and the narrative 🙄 😑 ya the BIL is the AH
The way he comments saying he's not fond of OP and that she's a narcissist for thinking it was all a plan to humiliate her, but doesn't deny that she was literally the only person who didn't know is all anyone really need to know about this situation. Brother-in Law is an AH how purposely excluded his partner's sister, then gaslit her and her brother about it to turn it around on OP. What a terrible, under-handed, selfish human being.
Actually, it seemed even more isolating the brother from family. Neither OP nor the mother knew about the original wedding.@@CrownedYeti
I have adhd, and I have NEVER forgotten to tell family about big events, such as when I went back to school, I told my brothers and some of my close family but I wouldn't have forgotten something THAT huge!
Exactly. I have ADHD and ASD, I forget things but a big event like that I NEVER forget
Using someone’s disorders to insult them is disgusting.
Exactly, I would be talking about it all day, from the moment I get the news!!
Same, how could you forget an event that massive!!!
Lgbqt is synonymous with narcissism. You can deny it, but that's the truth.
ADHD has: made me leave my phone in the fridge, forget to tell my family someone says "hello", lose something when it's sitting somewhere I specifically put it so I wouldn't forget it.
ADHD has not: made me forget to tell family important events in life.
ADHD is not the blame.
Exactly I'm the same
ADHD has me making typos not hurting people in undoable ways
The only thing I agree with the BIL is that my ADHD makes me a poor planner, but I at least ask for help, and set notifications to help me
I’d argue adhd would make it more likely you let them know because you’d be hyper fixated on the important event
Rslash trying to put together all the science of them being twins when he actually just read it wrong 😂😭
This BIL seems to be quite the narcissist. What a mess.
He definitely seems to be isolating the brother and alluding to "things she left out" without clarifying is sus. if there was actually anything he would have stated it.
@@impishrebel5969 If the transcripts are to be understood, I think the issue is OP got SA-ed by BIL's bio dad. Maybe she confessed and his parents split and BIL blames her and her family. But he won't own up to that because it makes him look _worse_ and he KNOWS it.
my theory is that the husband hate that OP and the brother are super close so he did the whole fake wedding thing to ruin the relationship and it work and also the brother so deep in the husband hand that the brother haven't reaches out to OP at all
1st story. The BIL is definitely the ringmaster here. I can guarantee he orchestrated the whole thing, convinced the brother of it, so he can claim its a mutual decision, and did it all to drive a wedge between OP and brother.
And he WON!!!!
💯👍🏿😮
That's what I was thinking. It seems like he manipulated and possibly isolated the brother. At least from his sister, though I wouldn't be surprised if he starts doing it the rest of the family either
He's trying to drive a wedge between at least the brother and op and their mom/parents cause the only other one that didn't know about the real wedding was their mom
Agreed.
The BIL is orchestrating the whole thing to both isolate the brother from his supportive sister (OP) and to drink up all that narcissistic supply generated by the drama of it all.
A friend at work once told me that she heard a rumor that I was divorced. We both cracked up, as I've never even been married, much less divorced. But now I understand. My ADHD must've just made me forget the entire marriage. 🤣
I love that he completely misread "as close as twins" and throughout the entire thing was super confused... XD they were saying they were super close, like you would expect twins to be, but they weren't twins xD😂
1st story's OP meant it like "we've always been close, like twins", probably because of their close age and the way they grew up/spent time together
Nope she typed the English correct as verb as is similie
@@tishellefrancois7840 Yea I know, but I wrote it differently on purpose. It serves the same purpose but is clearer
there was only one story though
@@sauvagess yea, I wrote comment 1min into video
The fact that he had at least 10 minutes to let this kick around in his brain and it still didn't click with him is pretty hilarious.
0:16 Dabney ignoring the "close as" word like ignore my life problems 😂
He always does that. LOL
Oh, he read that part but missed the “as” in front of it, which made all the difference.
He doesn't usually miss stuff like that....had me shaking my head!!!
I think he read "close as" rather than "as close as"
@@jay2thaudydoesn't change the meaning of the sentence...
Erm. Wtf? The brother invited the person who mol3sted his sister to his wedding?! Did I mishear? When without any connection to anything, I would need a lot of restraint to not go and blow up the wedding. And he invites both, the mol3ster and the victim?
Disgusting
"OP Doesn't think BIL is abusive to her brother"
....
GIRL!!! The way he talk, he mocks you, the way he was acting, the way your brother was shutdown, and everything. That screams from here BIL is a walking red flag.
Also that notion of "LGBT can't be bullies" is a a bs. Anyone can be a bully too no mater race, sexuality or anything.
Agreed
This was easily one of the WILDEST stories I've heard in a while. Just yikes. BIL definitely seems like he's trying to isolate the brother and force him into low or no contact with his family. The fact that it wasn't just OP, but the mom as well really is the nail in the coffin
Bro invited his child molester father (Op's abuser) to the wedding he's not innocent in this
I wonder: how many close female family were at the actual wedding. Just a thought.
@@jessilynallendilla5014 I was actually thinking about that after. Do they want to keep the relationship with the abuser and left out OP and their mom cause of that?
@@TomDarkwulf87 people are weird when it comes to blaming the victim and holding the abusing relative responsible but from the looks of it Bro never really cared about OP because no one who cared would pull disgusting crap like this
Seems more like he wants to isolate the brother from OP.
Speaking from experience, being forced to sit next to your abuser at a big family gathering is not altogether uncommon. I had to deal with mine at my sister's wedding, and when I protested, I got shamed for not being supportive. Even my own mother told me to basically just suck it up and be there.
I'm sorry you had to go through that experience.
Fr it’s actually completely common. Family members of all, just don’t talk about it or acknowledge it.
I know this feeling too well. Even 40 years later someone mentioned mine in a room I was in and I just walked out and left. I don't get it but it brings back all those emotions that you thought you shoved away or dealt with appropriately. Sorry that you've been through similar, it's extremely unfair.
I have adhd. It does make me really forgetful. But I would have to actively go out of my way to avoid telling people I got married. It would literally be a challenge. In fact, if I forgot anything in that scenario, it would be that the wedding was secret, and I would for sure accidentally say something about it in front of everyone. Adhd makes you forgetful. It does not make you braindead.
Watching rslash not realize that op wrote "AS close AS twins" (simile), is totally making my day.
It's so funny cause as soon as I heard how close OP and her brother were, I immediately thought "oh God, this is going to be just like my brother" and I was 100% right. I adored my older brother. He was my best friend for almost 30 years. But the truth was I was NOTHING to him. I sacrificed for him all the time and he never gave back. And when I finally accepted how abusive he was and cut him out of my life, he didn't even care.
I don't know what it is about having that level of loyalty to someone...but it's a red flag to me.
If it makes you feel any better, he's going to realize what he lost, but it will be too late.
I am OP- I am sorry that your brother also did this to you. I know that it’s a pain that is so irrational and undescribable.
BIL: "OP is a narcissist"
Also BIL: is a narcissist
Projection ... Typical for Narcissists. When your used to manipulating people around yourself, you see everybody else as a possible manipulator.
That's unfortunately basically the core of narcissists' behaviour 😥
@@BiNy26 Yep! Pro-Jeck-Shun
@@sourisvoleur4854 and Man Ee Pull Asian 😂
Using other mental health diagnoses as an excuse for terrible behavior is also a trait of narcissism. "I can't be responsible for my actions I'm [insert bullshit]"
Speaking as someone with ADHD so severe that boredom is literally physically painful to me, the trick would be getting me not to tell anyone for a year. Apparently I have a problem with OVERsharing.
I will bet anything that if OP had talked about it during the wedding, that would have become proof that it was all OP creating drama and "why didn't she wait until later?"
It's a lose-lose situation and it sounds like it was designed to be so.
This!
There is no one, no friend or family member, that could possibly get me in the same room as the man who SA’d me. And he IS family, so I have actually missed out on events to avoid him.
OP: were as close as twins.
/Rslash: So they're twins
I do believe the Brother in law, because nothing he said actually disagrees with OP. With one exception: he apparently *does* have something against OP. He just paints himself in a dumber and really self centered light. You can't force someone to talk it out and forgive you.
As someone with SEVERE ADHD, I am SO damn glad that you called the brother in law out on his bullshit! I absolutely agree with you and also HATE how people blame their ADHD on them just being an asshole. Like- Come on dude, ADHD is already stigmatized while being simultaneously glamorized enough, we don't need yo ass trying to make your ADHD into a quirky little joke about how you can't plan and therefore claiming you're not equally at fault for this shit.
The brother in law is 10000% a cold blooded narssasist and saw op as a threat to his relationship because they were so close so he divided them. There is no telling what he told op's brother but when under the spell of the narrsasist all you believe is them, you don't even believe yourself anymore. I feel so sorry for both op and her brother, but the real villain here is the brothers husband.
As a non- medicated ADHD adult. The brother-in-law is full of shit. I hate it when someone falls back on, "Oh my adhd this or oh my adhd that" my friends and gf use my adhd more of an excuse then i do. Yes, sometimes it's truely adhd at work, but that dude is making excuses and hiding behind a disorder.
They’re not actual twins, she said they were close “as twins” cus twins are usually very close. the brother is a year older than her.
Story1 I'm getting the impression that op wasn't invited to the real wedding because the BiL doesn't like her and that the fake wedding was, in part, to appease the brother's guilt of not having her there.
Just my opinion.
*After listening to BiL's input, I'm also getting the impression that he wanted her to argue with him at the wedding. Likely so he could point and say, "See! I told you she would cause a scene!" Thereby backing his reasons for not having her at the real wedding.
I love Dabney being super caught up in "as close as twins" which just means that they're so close it is as if they were twins.
She said like twins, not are twins. That's why there's an age gap. This guy is doing all sorts of mental gymnastics to make them twins lol.
The worst part about this is even if we did get more updates, I doubt we'll ever fully know why the BIL and Brother did what they did. Even if they did talk, I don't think they would tell the truth. There is no closure here.
Unless one of the BIL/Brother's close friends decides to have a conscience and tell OP the full story, yep. OP will likely never be able to fully trust her brother or his husband, for good reason.
When you mentioned the age my brain immediately went "Ah, Irish-twins"
petition for more “i don’t work here lady”
+
We need a compilation of it /genuinely
They are certainly better than whatever this is.
The fact that the brother OR the brothers husband hasn't even bothered contactting OP shows clearly to me that either the brother is beeing emotionally blackmailed/manipulated by his husband ... or he's a physcopath. It don't matter ONE bit who planned either of the wedding, the fact that they didn't tell ANYONE beforehand should be viewed as a scam and they should be sued for the costs incurred by ALL the guests+ whatever gifts was given should be reimbursed aswell as the contributions to this "wedding".
If I was the parent of OP and the brother I'd just go. "I'm so happy that you have found love and support from *husbandsname* because when I get back home I'm gonna write you out of the will and setup a restraining order against you, If you EVER call me or my family again I'll press charges for harrassment since I no longer view you as my son, and I'll strongly recommend OP to do the same." Then just walk out. Note: I'd say this in private AFTER the "wedding".
_No. The stereotype is that twins are closer than most siblings._
*So she's saying that she and her brother had a sibling relationship that is as close as a relationship that a pair of twins have.*
OP’s brother married a genuinely insane sociopath 😅 good on her for standing up for herself I always hate reading these stories where they don’t even try to put boundaries down
Me and my husband can't stop laughing about your confusion of the first sentence 🤣 -oh love you!
Also Jesus, BIL is so full of crap and I really feel bad for OP and her family. Sounds like her BIL has a motive to keep her brother from sharing big moments and details w the fa.ily. II'd, BIL gives me real manipulative vibes
how much you want to bet the "there's stuff from years ago that OP left out of her story" is just some one sided beef he's harbored against her to justify all the sociopathic behavior towards her
rSlash, to answer your questions*
1) Yes. Twins can be fathered by two different men. The term for this situation is heteropaternal superfecundation. It is extremely rare in humans, but has been known to happen.
Heteropaternal superfecundation is more common in other mammals such as goats, sheep, and cats (my own cat is likely full-sibling with one of her littermates and half-sibling with the other two - her mother was a feral rescue so there is no way to know for sure).
2) Technically it is possible for twins to be born at different times days apart, but it is highly unlikely, especially as the time period gets longer. Apparently the record is 90 days apart but a few other cases have been 80-90 days apart. However, such an occurrences are extremely rare.
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*Yes, I know that rSlash misread the phrase 'as close as twins' at the start but the above information still accurately responds to the questions he asked at the end. I too had a brother who was as close to me as a twin (I'm about 1.5 years older). My NM, however, excels at 'divide and conquer' and she finally managed to do so between me and my brother. I, unfortunately, have some understanding of OP's pain in this matter.
every time rslash is "i don't understand how they are twins" i'm yelling internally 😂😂
close LIKE twins
This story brought me to tears. It reminds me of the relationship I have with my biological sister. The pain OP has is how I feel and how I feel about her not being around my kids. It's been about to be 3 years since we last spoke, and I've learned that you love those who love you. You don't need to take crumbs of attention.
She said that they were "AS close AS twins". That their relationship was the type of relationships twins have.
I agree with Dabney... That the random user who chimed in as a person who was in wedding part was just BIL with alt.
1. Random guy in party who is not part of the wedding party.
2. Is BIL's Best Friend and not part of the wedding party.
3. Goes to the Brunch arranged for wedding party.
4. Adds additional information to based on OP's post to add legitimacy.
It’s clear to me… it’s the partner of the brother! He is jealous of the sister’s close relationship with the man that he wants to be HIS only. Classic Divide and Conquer, he even succeeded in making OP look like the bad guy.
My tin foil hat theory is that the Bro always was actually not that close with OP and only went along with everything to keep the facade running
You are right. I came to the same conclusion. I have siblings, some very close, some not. I could NEVER do this to any of them.
BIL is a liar and manipulator and doesn’t like OP. He did this as a way to hurt her because he resents her and her relationship with her brother.
No. OP's brother is the manipulator. I am very close to my sister. I know for a fact, she can NEVER do that to me. I know that she wouldn't even think of marrying a man who hated me and she would certainly never let an ab*ser near me. This all starts and ends with the brother. BIL was just trying to defend himself but the fact OP's brother has not apologised and is pretending that everything is normal, shows that he is the evil manipulator.
Unfortunately, after hearing this story, I am afraid there is no turning back for OP and the relationship with her brother. Her BIL has successfully played every card associated with narcissists and people known for DV. This is classic isolation, gaslighting and manipulating both parties to put distance between them so the mastermind can sink the claws into the prey. If there is a definition of "evil mastermind", the BIL is it.
Diagnosed with adhd since I was a kid. The second I’d get married everyone gets to know. I’d be so excited to share that. Planning the wedding would be a struggle cuz I get side tracked so easily. But no I wouldn’t just keep it quiet.
This story is clear as glass. The BIL is a narcissist who is jealous of OPs relationship with her brother, so he sabotages it.
This.
I feel so sorry for OP. I have a brother and while we’re not matching tattoos and naming our kids after each other close, we are close and I would be devastated and angry if my brother got married a year before, didn’t invite me and only invited me to the fake wedding where I was bullied by the wedding party. She clearly loved her brother and probably would’ve set herself on fire to keep him warm, it doesn’t seem like he would do the same and would probably even complain that the fire wasn’t warm enough
As someone whose family doesn't know he's married, sometimes your family assumes everything is fine in your relationship purely because they conveniently forgot every terrible thing they ever did to you while acting like anything you've ever said has been a grave insult. Not to excuse anyone, but there's usually a lot more to situations like that than you may see.
But if they are so distant and have a troubled relationship, why invite them to the fake wedding?
If the relationship is over, why pretend it isn't?
@Peter_The_Great They have more money than I or my wife could earn in 60 years and I want to stay in the will.
They may not be good people, but their money is just as good as any
@@repetitiveroutine7051 I didn't mean YOUR situation. I was just referring to the relationship between the OP and their brother.
If it is damaged, why pretend it is fine? Or if the brother wants to fix it, why not discuss the issues?
@Peter_The_Great Ah, okay, that's fair. Sometimes it's just easier to not actively ruffle feathers. There could be family you're fond of that are close with the ones you can't stand, or you could want to stay in someone's will, or you just don't have the heart to cut off family.
ADHD person here... I would never do something like that! Forgetfulness is one thing but that's just bad... You don't forget to tell someone close to you that you're married.
I have absolutely no words for this story! It just keeps getting worse and worse.
I usually believe that there are three sides to every story (each POV and then the truth) but after hearing from BIL.....nope! Team OP. There is no excuse for this, I don't believe his nonsense. Especially because they also left out the mom who had no idea as well, that alone should tell readers that the issue isn't with OP alone so BILs logic doesn't make sense (and not making a scene at the wedding by being forced into a 'discussion' about it with them was a kindness and good etiquette from OP! You are supposed to leave and not cause a scene at someone elses' wedding. I believe they were trying to bait OP into making her look bad. Nothing good would have come from that discussion.)
Frankly, keeping your wedding secret from someone "close" to you for a year is enough, in my mind, to justify them cutting ties with you.
The only one who is justified in forgetting to tell their sibling they got married is Yor Forger from Spy Family.
I have ADHD and my doctor warned me about compulsively planning fake weddings and destroying sibling relationships. Thankfully I've largely kept it in check and only done it a handful of times.
OP and her brother aren't twins. When she said they're close as twins, she meant they're close like twins are close together. She was using twins as a simile.
OP said she and her brother were as close as twins, not that they were twins.
I have ADHD AND three traumatic head injuries that affect my memory. I wouldn't forget that shit
Feels like OP won’t get the story until after her brother’s divorce.
adhd has caused me to forget my purse in numerous locations and I'm positively garbage with dates, even forgot my birthday ON the day of. But somehow I haven't forgotten to mention major life events to family for a whole year
My husband and I were legally married for about 8 months before our actual wedding party. Everyone there and even those who weren't able to make it knew we were married already. The wedding we hosted wasn't "fake" it was a party to celebrate with family. These people are wild.
My sister is getting married this spring and I'm her MOH. We aren't as close as we used to be since moving into different cities but she is still one of the most important people in my life. If she and her fiancée told me on their wedding day that they had been married for a year and didn't tell me.... I'd probably never talk to her again. This is such an *unnecessarily* cruel and hurtful action, I don't even try to understand how the "happy couple" didn't think this through.
One thing that was pointed out in the comments was the insidiousness of her role in the wedding, that's easy to overlook.
They had her play a fairy, an often childlike figure. She wore wings and pranced around while scattering flowers. That's what they had her do.
Now connect that with the fact that her father, the abuser, was there at the wedding, and she was overruled when it came to his presence.
They made her dress up as and frolic around like a child in front of the man that violated her when she was one.
"We're like twins"- super close siblings, they're not twins.
Yes. In the first sentence, OP says...My brother and I have always been AS CLOSE AS twins..not, "We are twins."
Slash, op and her bother are not twins. She said they were "as close as twins." Meaning she felt they had a special bond
This is the waiting room until rSlash realizes the statement was "AS close as twins" in other words very close, like twins.
Edit: He never realized
It could be a case of OP disowning her "dad" and her brother still being close with him.
I have ADHD and although I am not married I can confirm:
* when my boyfriend and I got together we only kept it a "secret" for like a week and it was pretty obvious to our families anyway
* my dad has ADHD and my mom may or may not; they had only one wedding for their large families, and had a very easy time NOT keeping it from their siblings, considering 3/4 members of the wedding party were siblings.
How is nobody talking about the major bummer in the story: OP's brother and the BIL are having a fake wedding 1 year after their real one. They keep it a secret from OP and her family. And then someone goes forward and spoils everything by telling the guests that they already got married?! Why? Did OP's brother plan this? Why go through all the effort, if you blow your secret anyway?
I have ADHD. It is NOT a mental disorder that causes memory loss to such an extent that you "forget" important life events. I forget what I ate yesterday. I don't forget that I have a long trip with my family or a huge even with my aunt.
The BIL is an absolute monster in disguise. A true wolf in sheep's clothing.
As someone with ADHD, when something good happens to me I IMMEDIATELY want to run and tell my closest people. Like, I want them to know ASAP. I literally couldn’t imagine being MARRIED and not telling the people I love for a second let alone a YEAR
Rslash, she said "as close as twins", they aren't actual twins just really close as if they WERE twins
OP must've been referring to Irish-tweens. The in-law and Spanish smile could be poisoning the brother against op. That might explain why he's done so little to make mends with her.
OP didn’t say say they ARE twins, that they’re close AS twins. As in, their relationship is akin to the closeness that twins are assumed to have.
Sounds like the brother is with a group of friends that do not mesh with his family and he is choosing them. She stated that she got whole mean girl vibe from all of them, not just the BIL. Unfortunately, this happens a lot with siblings, no matter how close they all once were. I was the awkward friend that people only liked when we were alone together, but in front of other people, not so much.