I didn't tell my date about my disability... | But I'd Never Marry A Blind Woman
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- čas přidán 8. 01. 2024
- Hello lovelies! Happy New Year! Hope you had the best time off and you were able to rest. We are back recording and we had a white supremesist in our comments this week. It was all very shocking! Don't forget to rate us, we would absolutely love your feedback. See you next week!
Remember to send your own Disabled Dilemmas to help@lucyedwards.com
Produced and presented by Lucy Edwards and Ollie Edwards-Cave.
Music composed by Alice Edwards and produced by Ollie Edwards-Cave.
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With the amputee date story - I’m sighted and able-bodied and think these perspectives put the burden on the person with the disability. They’re expected to disclose, they’re expected to think about it, when the ‘burden’ (for lack of a better word) should be on the other person to just show up with an open mind
I don't know man, it's complicated: I can think of a lot of reasons why even an able-bodied person might want to give a heads-up to a first date: You're divorced and have kids. You're married but have an open relationship. I don't know, your job has you working in another country six months out of the year.
There are a variety of reasons why you might want to be respectful of people's time, especially if there is a big part of your life that differs significantly from most people's situation/experience.
Yes, but that’s IF the able-bodied person wants to disclose that before meeting. There are a lot of able-bodied people who might wait until the second date before they say they have kids. It’s not as if the amputee was hiding their situation, and the reason those issues you mentioned would be issues is if the person is hiding them. Also, all the factors you mentioned are choices and being an amputee isn’t a choice
@@richardwatson5437Yes but all those examples you listed could potentially affect a relationship going forward. Having 1 prosthetic arm isn’t going to affect a relationship in anyway I can think of.
Greetings from Austrslia, i really love podcast. As somebody who suffering glaucoma from birth. I think you guys do great job in showing people that having blindness doesn't limit and making a positive impact in the workd. Byway i really love accents. Cheers mate ❤🎉
Why do people even watch videos about disability if they hate disabled people. There's so much content out there. Go find something you actually like.
Wow leaving Lucy and Ollie at the end of the podcast knowing they had to go about their day after reading those hateful comments was hard! I know Lucy and Ollie are full of love and they will be okay, but there’s a part of me that feels quite protective over these sweet people. Thank you for making the content that you make in the face of discrimination. You two have so much light to share with the world and the world is better because of it.
I use to transport people with disabilities! Or people who became disabled! This young man became a quadriplegic from a motocross accident! When I picked him up from the hospital all he keep saying was he think his wife is going to leave him and leave with his children because he's so disabled! I told him your going to have to be very patient with your wife! Because this is a life changing event for the both of you! Your going to want things or need thing for her to do for you right! So having patience and understanding with her is the key for success! I seen him again a year later! And he said to me that was the best advice he gotten from anyone! And there both very happy!!!
Hi Lucy I’ve been watching your videos on and off for the better part of a year and I’d just like to say I think you are absolutely stunning and the comments you read are absolutely unbelievable and disgusting, I cannot believe these are comments on YOUR videos I love all accents and people no matter if they are disabled or whatever I hope they don’t get to you love, you are amazing keep on spreading love and support to others who are disabled and feel alone ❤
Love the podcasts keep up the good work talking about disability.
Don't EVER stop making videos about your life and the challenges you face as a blind person. They are so informative and since watching them, it's made me much more mindful about how challenging things can be if you are blind! Ignore the haters - they are probably basement dwellers who eat pizza all day and have a grease line from their gobs to their chins!
You and Ollie are such an adorable couple - I love your videos (this is the first podcast I've watched)!
I'm here because I care and I'm curious about how you do things. The other reason is I like knowing how to help people without over stepping. Good on ya!!
But seriously, Michael Cane, or rick the stick, or who ever you are, disclose if you wish, and if you don’t want to, don’t. They’re not right for you anyway if their reaction is “you owed it to me to tell me. Oh poor me I didn’t know you’ve had this all your life and how could you keep such a thign from me?”
Also, that accent has changed the world in so many ways, has brightened so many of our lives, and anything said with that particular accent and by those people, no matter what it is, sets me off laughing in the best way so everyone that simply doesn’t get it can go in the bin, or any one of Lucy’s growing dump the guy lines. :)
Just commenting on the person who lost their arm and then found the courage/strength to go on a date, but the person they met said they should have told them upfront about the disability! I've got to say - Life isn't perfect and what happens if that non disabled person gets married and their spouse is in an accident and loses a limb or has a severe brain injury? People watch Hollywood films which give the idea that life is perfect and all ends up ok in the end, but it isn't like that! Life happens and sometimes its horrible!
Edit: commented before Lucy said "it's the one minority group everyone could join" (I like that description because it's true)!
I understand the feeling of being able to go somewhere that you don’t know it is hard to navigate some in an area that you don’t know whether you are a white cane user emoji or a user emoji and for those of us that are visually impaired and blind are happy to see Someone in our community accomplished that even though it’s hard for some of us
In my opinion, if a disability could potentially affect a relationship going forward (ie. Being deaf and mute could affect communication etc.) then I don’t think the person needs to disclose it before the first date. I can’t think of a single way having 1 prosthetic arm could potentially affect a relationship going forward!
Well you and your sister are very talented singers!
And being visually impaired I can understand Michael Caine's wish to keep his disability secret.
I mean in shops. For instance, if I want help I will ask for help.
But if I don't that's fine and I won't and just use the vision I've got or use technology to assist me.
great episode!
Love this podcast
As usual, can’t help with the out of context quotes.
“Its the one monority group that anyone can join…”
“Oh sighted boy.”
“Lets not get on the singing again. I don’t think I will get the same praise.”
“I am the lower version of Alice’s voice.”
“Oh sighted boy is on team Lucy’s.”
“They’re not for you anyway. Get in the bin. Bye.”
“You’re going bald and you’re wearing a wig and you didn’t tell me?”
“How mean do you have to be, eggo waffle?”
“Maybe eggo waffle might become blind one day. Maybe eggo waffle is blind and they’re having a bit of a meltdown.”
I’m even happier because I don’t have to be in eggo waffle’s life.”
“The dude needs to chill out.”
“How did they find me. Go away.”
“I know we make videos for everyone, but maybe not you.”
Lol this is brilliant!
Love the podcasts so fun and really bring great perspectives yah had people tell me to my face that people like us should not exist I just take my guide dog and walk away because at the end of the day if we are happy and loved that is all that matters
For the “you should have disclosed it” thing… there is no other medical condition that you are required to disclose to a date???? In fact in most cases if you do disclose a medical issue people will be like “tmi.” It’s not his fault that SHE was uncomfortable learning something. Maybe she should do some self searching and figure out why she felt entitled to his medical history.
I don’t think Mike had to disclose ahead of the date, that he is an amputee. On the other hand if he discloses ahead of time, he could avoid wasting his time on dates with those sorts of people.
When I start online dating again this Spring, my profile will state that my mobility is limited due to a neurological condition & that I rarely drive due to this condition. I guarantee you I will get comments about my profile photo saying, "But you look fine." I will be happy to share more over text/phone & then more as we date. I have a very rare pelvic neurological condition & couldn't begin to describe how it all effects me in one date, nor do I want to. And it would plain just be too overwhelming for my date, to dump it on them all at once. I'm sure I'll get the "Can you have sex question," right off...might as well get it out of the way & let them know, "Yes, I can have sex..." Hopefully my very cheerful disposition & sense of style will win them over.
Woooo 🎉
22:49
Hey Lucy & Ollie!! I love your channel & podcast ! Idk if you’ll read this but I hope you do - I just wanted to let you know how much I’ve learned from your channel about blindness & specifically your Guide Dog videos with Olga & Miss Molly! As part of my university illustration degree I had to create a small zine on the brief 'When The Lights Go Out...
And I decided to create a zine which tells the story of how a Guide Dogs puppy transforms into a fully qualified Guide Dog. I would love to send you guys a copy if you’d be interested ! I actually submitted it today as part of my assessment haha! There’s some more information below about the zine I made ! Thank you ! all the best for the new year!
More info:
I decided to focus on the concept of blindness for this project, as I have sponsored Guide Dog puppies for the past five years, seeing three Guide Dogs qualify and help people live their lives more freely and independently.
I wanted the zine to not only entertain, through the fun illustrations, but to educate people on the impact the amazing work the Guide Dogs charity have on the lives of people who are visually impaired.
My hope for this zine is for more people to get involved with the Guide Dogs charity, to raise more donations and sponsorships of future puppies.
To create the zine, I researched the process of how the puppies become Guide Dogs, looking into the specific types of training they must go through. I then began illustrating the zine through using a mix between digital and traditional art. I digitally drew the outlines of the illustrations, before printing them out and working on top of them in coloured pencil. I have deliberately made this zine accessible to all age groups, to help spread the importance and impact of the Guide Dogs charity. Whilst designing the zine, I also researched into specific design qualities that help make printed publications accessible to those who are visually impaired: I printed my final zine on silk 200gsm paper, used large bold contrasting text for the story of the zine, and used the approved accessible Guide Dogs colours and fonts for the entire zine.
I think it gets trickier the less physically obvious the disability is, even if an invisible disability has very significant challenges.
Personally, I’ve been on full disability for over 2.5 years because my hEDS (genetic, degenerative connective tissue syndrome) destabilized my spine, causes me to pass out up to 30x weekly, impacts my vision, and results in around 100 subluxations and dislocations a week.
It’s incredibly challenging to manage, but the response I receive with medical providers, in the general public, and even among friends and extended family varies depending upon what physical signs of my disability are visible on a given day.
For longer distances or if I’ve had recent lower body dislocations that need to recover I use a wheelchair, on better days I only have a rolling walker, and if you meet me sitting down or on a zoom call you may have no idea. I wear a lot of medical braces and compression garment to support my body, but they are generally under my clothes in the winter and I only use a cervical collar when traveling in a car or when I’m feeling especially woozy. So, I can appear more able bodied than I actually am.
It is wild to me how many people address whoever I am with instead of me when I am in a wheelchair. As though I automatically could not possibly be an autonomous and mentally capable person if I am in a wheelchair. We have a routine now where my dad immediately leaves the office or sits in a far away chair if he drives me to a medical appointment, so the only option for the receptionist is to speak with me. However, when I’m less visibly disabled I’ve had people challenge me in parking lots and chastise me for “stealing” a handicap spot. I was also misdiagnosed or under diagnosed for 31 years before a doctor took me seriously enough to start the multi-year process of figuring out and getting a full diagnosis. “But you sound good” or “you look fine” are really challenging sentiments to navigate for me. Some days I have the patience and spoons to explain and educate, other days I do not.
I have also had multiple long term relationships fail as my health worsened. I dated one person for 5 years, moved countries and continents, learned a new language and then the first time I needed to get surgery and go to the hospital for a complication he freaked out and got really distant. Then he told me he could help me or date me, but he couldn’t do both because he couldn’t find me attractive after seeing me sick. I mean live and learn I guess, but it’s honestly so intimidating to consider dating again after three failed relationships because I didn’t know my diagnosis and was equally surprised by new symptoms. Even when I disclosed everything I knew at the time I guess there is a big jump between the theory of dating someone who is disabled and the reality. In all of these failed relationship scenarios I was still functional enough to work and I was much more able bodied that I am now, so the idea of ever dating again is something I relegate to a future where my condition is better managed. It also would be a big deal for me to put myself out there again.
This is all to say I really feel for the man with the prosthetic arm that wasn’t immediately visible. It’s a weird opener for a conversation, and equally not necessarily a conversation that’s easy to have.
How do you go up and down stairs as a blind person?
Pretty sure just like the rest of the world, one step at a time. =)
You're blind not a vegetable. You can still do 90% of things the rest of us can. Minus driving a car an operating heavy machinery.
Now there's a video idea, "I'm blind and this is how I operate a bulldozer."
As for Mike, no he wasn't in the wrong. Yes, you should offer that information up. I'd say no later than date three to five. Sooner if your comfortable or there is a need.
But, it's amazing how people fail to realize that you are both strangers. You don't need to know everthing about a person or their life before the first date or by the end of it.
And if someone feels confident enough to share something personal like that with you. Don't throw it back in their face.
Agree. To me, it's no different than other major 'life things' like having kids, for example. Some people disclose that upfront, others wait a few dates until they think it's appropriate or feel like this might be going somewhere before sharing such a big and personal aspect of their lives.
Life isn't black and white. There is nuance in everything, and each individual is allowed to share - or not - as suits them.