Stephen Applies For White House Chief Of Staff
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- čas přidán 9. 12. 2018
- With Mnuchin, Mulvaney and Ayers declining the opportunity, Stephen Colbert volunteers to be Donald Trump's White House chief of staff.
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A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss, and two Russian oligarchs walk into a bar. The bartender says: "You guys must be here to talk baby adoption."
How do u take a split pic like that??
Republicans are projected to pick up hundreds of seats..... in federal prison! 🔐
*The bartender says: "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Actually, he said "What will your lawyer have, Mr. Trump?"
The lawyer looks at the Russians, gives the bartender a mournful look, and says. "First, adoption from Russia is hell. And, second, little Covfefe ... AND the bathwater ... high-tailed it out of here faster than Ayers."
Nick Ayers informed Trump that he was flattered at being offered the job as his White House Chief of Staff, but regrettably, he turned it down. He instead decided to the job as a Porta Potty cleaner that he had been offered minutes earlier. He said it was best for his future and his family.
David J
One job is honorable and the other, Well, . . .
Stormy Daniels has experience handling Trump’s staff.
She can spank some sense into him.
I knew someone would make that joke. I Toad you so.
She's the staff master
@Peter C Beat me to it. :P
Ooohhh. You really went there.
Bring back "The Mooch" as Chief of Staff! He was killed off way too early in season 1, and it would be a nice plot twist for the season finale of season 2 if he returned :)
Nice!
YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS! IJS!!!!!!
YEES
Look that's constructive thinking😃
scaramouch scaramouch can you dance the fandango. ( thinking of the right music to accompany that)
Jim Acosta should formally apply for the job. 😂😂
This.
That would be histarical.
@@TheRabidWolverine
Is it's formerly it would be historical.
@@SpeckleKen
No I'm thinking hysterical because there's no chance Colbert would be hired... But if he was it would be sooo funny.
You meant "formally"!
You're not a criminal Stephen Colbert. That is the first requirement of the job. Sorry.
Stephen Colbert potus 2020
LOL!!!
Where's OJ these days? Oh wait he ticks the criminal box but Trump doesn't want to share any press coverage with anyone....
Yes. Get ready for Trump's new economic adviser, Bernard Madoff.
WHAT would I do without Stephen to help me through this NIGHTMARE in the W.H.!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amen
Chatty Cathy am in London and am think the same thing.
I like how he gestures with an imaginary knife, and then sets the knife down to keep continuity.
He does that with all his imaginary props! :D
If CBS isn't selling those 'INDIVIDUAL-1' foam fingers already, somebody should. I'd buy one in two shakes of a lamb's tail...
Colbert for Chief of staff...only if he gets to wear A BIG FURRY HAT!
It would be interesting...
And a long red tie.
The view from the WH Titanic is absolutely breathtaking while it's sinking...
Can you see Trump with a mirror, murmuring "My Precious"? ...
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Its true... He gave to Charity... And Destiny, Candy and Ginger 😆
unstable genius FL85 I hollered! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
@@kaybombshell huh
unstable genius FL85 huh what? I laughed...? 🤔
@@kaybombshell oh ok. I wasnt sure what the notification meant 😆
unstable genius FL85 😂 all love ❤️
Individual 1 is totally cleared for prison. Don’t forget to throw away the key.
Taylor Aren
And put the shower soap dispensers on the floor.
How about including Hillary too. She really broke the law. That too will come to pass. Everyone to jail!!!! LoL
No PARDON..FULL SENTENCE!
@@annarodriguez1581 No she didn't. He did
@@annarodriguez1581 stupidass
BREAKING: Trump Nominates Muffler-less 1971 Buick Skylark as Head of EPA.
Perfect.
Don't forget runs on leaded gas
My first car. With a muffler, though.
Sounds about right.
Hey, if Caligula appointed his horse, Incitatus, to the senate, why not Trump with a few extra horse power, if you know what I mean? ;) *nudge nudge wink wink* I can totally see Trump, in his mania, appoint a Mufflerless 1971 Buick Skylark
Ayers knows what happens to you when you work for Trump . Cohen's picture is the best reminder of it .
Eaten by stress and ready to be casted in a horror movie , no make up needed .
I'm gonna miss good ol' "Resting 'He said WHAT?' face".
Or the modern "Picard facepalm"
😂😂😂😂
I'm surprised Donnie didn't make Kelly fire himself.. considering he bravely made Kelly fire everyone else in the WH for him so far.
New Message -------- Or Eric !! ---------- Eric Trump as the Chief of Staff !!
Where's Omarosa?
Can't wait to see as now Mr T is tweeting there is as many as 10 that want the job LMAO.... Ivanka.....
No homo but it's the little things that Colbert does that makes me so admiring of him and his talent. 6:00 Look at the way he uses the imaginary knife. Then look at how he flips the knife over from holding it by the imaginary handle, to holding it by its imaginary blade and setting it on an imaginary table, all without skipping a beat and having a straight face! LOL Just genius and adorable.
LMAO!
Hiring immediately! No experience necessary. Deck officer position on H.M.S. Titanic. Bonuses and hazard pay.
"I have the _best_ people. The _best._ And by the end of my administration, I will have hired and fired _every blessed one of them."_
lazyperfectionist1 Best comment I've seen today. Thank you!
Colbert could solve a lot of world wide issues with his ability to create objects out of thin air.
Torso ventilation. Brilliant!
Yes go for it Stephen....i totally support you.
"torso ventilation!" LMAO
IF Stephen Colbert became Chief of Staff, that would be the best thing that has happened in the Drumpf Administration...
John Kelly, you are no longer working at the White House. What are you going to do next?
I'm going to Disneyworld!!!!!
Where everything makes sense 😂
Hahahaha 😂
Can't be as entertaining as being in the white house, errrrr, fun house! Errrrr, haunted house! !
Atten Shun Honestly, I'm surprised that we don't have footage of Kelly fleeing the WH on his last day screaming 'FREE AT LAST!'
"Kelly has been given his papers...Kelly is FREE!!!!!!!"
Holy crap...sell the Individual-1 foam fingers and donate the proceeds to a charity!
Good job, soldier.
You did not accomplish much, but you came out of it alive. John Kelly everybody! Let's give him a standing ovation.
When Trump saw this he heard:
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Trump's Number One Wooooo!
He'll tweet about this honor later 😉
Trump will want one of those foam hands like the one Stephen had, except it was too big for Trump's little hands and Stephen was holding up the wrong finger.
Cypresssina 😂😂😂 #Facts
It is very possible that tRump hasn’t realize that Individual-1 designates him.
He doesn't, it is why he tweeted that it "totally clears the President" his name is not on the document. People still tend to view him as a rational person who lives in reality.
@@StevenStarksjbirdcapitalllc he lives in a reality. The problem is is not the same that most of us occupy. Unfortunately about 34% of the American people share it with him.
“I would like to humbly announce...”
Colbert is so good with the voice. 😂😂😂😂
BREAKING NEWS...the White House has just(ly) installed a revolving door at the employee entrance! Trump's White House...where "Employee of the Month" takes on a whole new meaning!
LOL
Steven Colbert: Chief of Laughs.
the walls are closing in on don trump . "let's hope it's the walls of a federal prison''.
You can't possibly be paying the person sitting in the Late Show offices examining and interpreting Trump's tweets enough...
/
"Individual-1" is the perfect title for when this whole era of US history is made into a blockbuster political thriller.
I agree so long as you classify the "whole era" as being pretty much this whole century so far.
@@jasondashney I can get behind that.
@@jdkanuch2790 Plus I'm Canadian so to me it's just entertainment.
Stephen for Chief Of Staff!
Stephen’s monologues are unmatched of all late night!
Thanks, Stephen, for your great show!!!! Did you hear of the "smocking" gun yet????
Where there's smock there's fire.
Some people say that Maria Butina is smocking hot.
Would it be good for my health if I switched from smocking to vapping?
I tuned into COZITV earlier today to watch an old episode of _Gunsmock._
Trump's gone from blowing dog whistles to sending smock signals.
OK that's enough. Any more puns and people will be so upset smock will come out of their ears.
Has anyone noticed that Stephen always “puts away” the imaginary objects he uses?
raspberrycannibals 😁😂😂😂😁😂😁😂😂😂😉😁😊😊😊🤣🤣😂🤣😊
That's the first thing I noticed bout him
Yep! I think it's good technique. Once you create the object for the audience, you have to deal with it.
Mueller can afford to tip his poker hand...
Donnie's playing go fish.
More like he's eating the cards
The question is, what game are we playing: poker or go fish?
@@therealzilch Actually we are playing Monopoly. And Trump drew the jail card.
Lisa: Do you have a 3?
Trump: Go Fish!
Lisa: No, see Donald, the problem here is that you have _several_ 3's.
Trump: .... GO FISH!!
Lisa: Uggh
Thank you Mr. Colbert I don’t think I would make it through the day without you
People are leaving the trump cabinet faster then they did on the titanic! Colbert show rules👏😎
"regret emoji" 😂😂😂😂😂
😆😂😂😂😆;
Stephen, Stephen, Stephen !
(repeat)
🧐 - Brilliant. 👍
Remember, *THE BEST PEOPLE!*
Stephen Colbert is one of a kind..
Does anyone know when the finale of this WH series ends? I hope it doesn't pick up another season. The plots are great but the acting isn't as believable.
*scoffs* The plots seem WAY over the top! There's no WAY this shit would happen in the real world!
Rachel El exactly! Which makes it good fictitious drama for television. Like Scandal on ABC.
I find the characters a bit shallow.
Mimi M they definitely will not win any awards. That's for sure lol
Well said
"Stabbing - Torso ventilation... LOL!
It’s mueller time 😁
David Wall u r what’s wrong with this country,I feel sorry for ur ignorance,Sad,but I will no longer feed into ur delusional views 👍
"Regret emoji".
I bet someone's already working on it.
That rose bit does not make sense. Trump wouldn't accept a "no" from a woman.
We need
Stephen now more than ever!
HardcoreGamers115 I know, as if looking like a younger Donnie is such a great look in his pasty white 30’s.
Totally clears the president from remaining brain cells.
He gave to Charity 😂
Stephen,
Throwing your hat in the ring for a White House job is a big step in the right direction, but it's the wrong White House job! Throw your hat a little higher: #Colbert2020!!!
Colbert monologue 12/11/18
Good god no. Colbert used to be insightful and clever and funny and centre left but now he's gone off the deep end and is a full blown SJW. I'd be okay with 2007 Colbert running for office but not 2018 Colbert.
He should hire Kanye West.
Very legal, and very cool! Thanks, Kanye.
Stephen, you're getting better every day!!! Bless you!!! Applause from Indonesia!!!
John over here playing "The Ants Go Marching" lolol
6:33 "Cohen argued for a lighter sentence, citing his support for other charitable causes."
To quote Odo of Deep Space 9, "your favourite charity is your own pocket!"
Remember how things actually calmed down when Kelly took over? It's about to go back to animal house.
Maybe for like four days or so. Which means it was still a flaming dumpster shit-storm circus by normal standards.
"Regret emoji" ugh, priceless!
"Individual One it's totally screwed" loool i lost it :'D
Who is the lady in your profile pic? For reasons.
I wonder how long it will take John Kelly to admit he wrote the op-ed
Stephen never runs out of steam doesn't he.
Hysterical! Good thing we have free speech! TY!
Awwww, I was hoping for a new Hungry for Power Games.
You always make me laugh
Thanks for being such a great comedian
Trump is as dumb as rock, USA is just in a hot mess.
He does have good writers.
Not only comedian and telling the truth as an eye opener to everyone ...
And handsome 😍
Since when does Trump worry about someone being single before he asks them out? He wasn't single when he went after wives #2 and #3...
Stephen, you are just brilliant!!!
Individual-1 and “Totally clears the President” got me rofl 🤣. Individual-1 is a troll!
What if John Oliver goes with an American accent and we pass him off to Trump as Mnuchin for Chief of Staff?
It's been a long day, and I'm winding down. I love going to bed and turning on Stephen Colbert.
Well... done? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Colbert is a master of the comedic pause.
ROFLMAO. Stephen Colbert is my therapist. ... regret emoji, torso ventilation, spank bank. I just can't.
Nick Ayers declining to become Trump's chief of staff really ruined Trump's "Freaky Friday" gambit to get out of jail. He was really hoping to get Ayers to complain about how hard being chief of staff is at the same time Trump complains about how hard being president is and wishing to switch bodies while they're holding a magic fortune cookie.
KingOfMadCows this is my favorite comment
I didn't read the title of the video... and I chocked on my water when he said it
That is one job interview that Fox&Friends really need to televise. Just seeing Trump welcome Stephen into the Oval Office would be priceless.
Stephen Colbert for Chief of Staff!!!! Yeahhhhh!
Individual #1 weighs the same as two regular individuals.
really? just 2?
Individual 295#
“and his adult children”
My oh my, Donald's "Stupid" character trait continues to increase each week.
OMG! Yazzzz Stephen for Chief of Staff! 👏😄😀
Go for it
Trump can advertise on Indeed. Should include excellent spell checking abilities
Well !!!!!! DONE
Individual 1 is FBI's #1 Most Wanted!
Can't believe CBS let him "smell the finger"!
Dear Donald: "Wooohhh!!! You're (individual) #1!!!"
God bless Stephen Colbert! Thanks for giving me laughter in my misery over Trump!
You know things aren't going well for the commander in grief when the whitest guy they could find turns them down.
Stephen is too funny!
Somehow, I'm pretty sure Trump has not yet offered the job to Robert Mueller. What about James Comey?
Colbert is the best. 🤣🤣🤣
Everyday Stephen explains my feelings so perfectly even when you can't explain it.
Damn! where can I get one of those individual 1 foam fingers??
Oh please dear Lord. Make this happen. Let us witness this.
LOL anything that brings trump grief is a plus. I love it. #resist
Whoo!!! Stephen for Chief of staff!!!