Michael Cohen Doesn't Want To Go To Jail

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  • čas přidán 3. 12. 2018
  • The President's former fixer is cooperating with Robert Mueller's team in a way that is causing his ex-boss to lash out angrily on Twitter.
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Komentáře • 1,6K

  • @arbknight12
    @arbknight12 Před 5 lety +636

    Ok.
    It doesn't matter if you're liberal or conservative.
    Republican or Democrat.
    What Trump did at the G20 is just plain rude.

    • @sillythingsme186
      @sillythingsme186 Před 5 lety +9

      arbknight12 what did he do? I missed those news. Can’t keep up

    • @ChannelMath
      @ChannelMath Před 5 lety +15

      Oh but it unfortunately does matter. We now seem to let politics affect our views of EVERYTHING

    • @sillythingsme186
      @sillythingsme186 Před 5 lety +22

      arbknight12 Ah just finished the video, nevermind

    • @GiratinaofFury
      @GiratinaofFury Před 5 lety +43

      He did a dump on the floor and blamed it on Japan.

    • @hks2377
      @hks2377 Před 5 lety +33

      It’s disturbing. The man has lost what little mind he had😳

  • @scarletspidernz
    @scarletspidernz Před 5 lety +195

    Man imagine using 10% of that military budget on medical care or education

    • @pardunmeesuh5612
      @pardunmeesuh5612 Před 5 lety +7

      We ALREADY spend more than the next EIGHT COUNTRIES COMBINED on the military (and six of those are our allies)! Why have the republicans cut funding for the areas that we are being attacked on? Daht daht daht -Election security?
      www.forbes.com/sites/niallmccarthy/2017/04/24/the-top-15-countries-for-military-expenditure-in-2016-infographic/#34cac1d843f3

    • @pardunmeesuh5612
      @pardunmeesuh5612 Před 5 lety +2

      One guess is all you'll need.

    • @lilaclizard4504
      @lilaclizard4504 Před 5 lety +3

      I saw a study a while ago on what difference it would make to teh space program if they had the entire military budget. To put it simply, space developments are slowed by a lack of money, not innovation, the ISS taking 10 years purely due to budget issues. With teh full military budget, it would have been the original 7 person "freedom station" completed within 1 year & within 10 years it would be a full colony on Mars - with an extra colony on the moon as part of the progress to get there.
      So maybe someone can convince him to redirect funds that direction & then move himself & his followers there, so they can't be attacked by anyone the military currently defends against (and are also out of reach of sane people who can then divert all the funding to healthy care etc)

    • @ixlnxs
      @ixlnxs Před 5 lety +11

      Public spending on the health and education? That's SOCIALIST! Only developed countries still do that!

    • @lorrainewest7408
      @lorrainewest7408 Před 5 lety +1

      @@ixlnxs You think socialism is not Democracy. Oh you like Plutocracy better of course.

  • @unvergebeneid
    @unvergebeneid Před 5 lety +2301

    Trump saying Cohen should serve "a full and complete sentence" gave me an idea. Lock Trump away until _he_ can produce a full and complete sentence. That'd be the last of him we'd ever see.

    • @FlorisGerber
      @FlorisGerber Před 5 lety +96

      i have a little file for good quotations. yours just made it into it.

    • @gagandhaliwal9391
      @gagandhaliwal9391 Před 5 lety +21

      Lmao 😂

    • @unvergebeneid
      @unvergebeneid Před 5 lety +32

      @@FlorisGerber I feel very humbled to have made it into your file ;D

    • @Bugman541
      @Bugman541 Před 5 lety +4

      Nice.

    • @makepeace234
      @makepeace234 Před 5 lety +10

      Oh that's good! Loloooo 😆😆😆

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Před 5 lety +1398

    We need a compilation video of all the "Daht daht, daht...." in a row.

  • @MeganKoumori
    @MeganKoumori Před 5 lety +58

    "He should serve a full and complete sentence."
    Presidents first.

  • @jorenbaplu5100
    @jorenbaplu5100 Před 5 lety +715

    don't have healthcare, don't have proper education, but hey we have 716 billion for the military

    • @goblinwisdom
      @goblinwisdom Před 5 lety +97

      But the regular servicemen and women won't see a lick of any extra money. Cynical me says it's just another way to put public money into private hands

    • @michaelpondo6324
      @michaelpondo6324 Před 5 lety +2

      Wars are good they help the economy.

    • @carrie0508
      @carrie0508 Před 5 lety +53

      @@michaelpondo6324 no they don't!!! Spending $716B on the people is better!!! I want MY money!!

    • @terridd6265
      @terridd6265 Před 5 lety +43

      Who needs healthcare and education when we can just go out and legally kill people with no repercussion???? Real life Grand Theft Auto Max!!!

    • @AA-xk1uv
      @AA-xk1uv Před 5 lety +27

      I need healthcare, so does my parents and all the people with life threatening issues badly needs healthcare. Education is important too because half of the Americans just wants to become a stupid CZcamsr bcoz they are not suitable for real jobs.

  • @master20072007
    @master20072007 Před 5 lety +1656

    Donald Trump is the best writer The Late Show has ever had.

    • @falcore91
      @falcore91 Před 5 lety +26

      Ryan I’d be cool with trading him in for Biden. Jokes might get a bit stale, but I think the pacing would be less hectic.

    • @flone9872
      @flone9872 Před 5 lety +28

      Dot dot dot ...... every dot is an achievement.

    • @ohiosfinest5889
      @ohiosfinest5889 Před 5 lety +1

      BFKC is this a whoosh! Cause I’m confused 😐

    • @bfkc111
      @bfkc111 Před 5 lety +3

      No, he isn't, he is a deranged scumbag, and the last few weeks are the show's low-points - and wanky creatures like you just confirm it too...

    • @charlesroberts3650
      @charlesroberts3650 Před 5 lety +2

      @@flone9872 "Dot dot dot ...... every dot is an achievement." AND counts as a "character". You and your Loved one's have a Merry Christmas and may God bless you.

  • @SuperScooterPop
    @SuperScooterPop Před 5 lety +101

    $716 B into the pockets of companies who manufacture American munitions overseas while the VA is shorting actual soldiers

    • @ravivdlin9412
      @ravivdlin9412 Před 5 lety +7

      Well there's no incentive to help the people who served this country the government already got what they needed from them. The profit is in creating conflicts not cleaning up after them. It's pathetic.

  • @paulramos4037
    @paulramos4037 Před 5 lety +257

    Gonna love Colbert's "dot, dot, dot" rendition....MAKE A BOOK ON THAT ONE, STEVE!!!

  • @DanielDanielsen
    @DanielDanielsen Před 5 lety +177

    America, the sitcom for the world

    • @nikolinac.4237
      @nikolinac.4237 Před 5 lety +10

      Yes, you are so right. We are loving it here in Switzerland. Better than „this is us“ or „shameless“

    • @mypetcrow9873
      @mypetcrow9873 Před 5 lety +2

      Daniel Danielsen If you think this is a sitcom you haven’t been paying attention.

    • @mypetcrow9873
      @mypetcrow9873 Před 5 lety +2

      Nikolina Cacija And if you think this “sitcom” isn’t effecting you now and doesn’t have the potential to Really effect you in the future, you haven’t paying attention.

    • @JoshSweetvale
      @JoshSweetvale Před 5 lety +1

      And then the nukes go off and everybody dies.
      Haha.

    • @Goreuncle
      @Goreuncle Před 5 lety +2

      @@mypetcrow9873
      1- It's "affecting", not "effecting" (that word doesn't even exist).
      2- Yes, anything Trump related is hilarious.
      I mean, have you read the guy's tweets? ^^
      Didn't you see how the UN council laughed at his hilarious attempt to picture himself as one of the best US presidents ever? ^^
      The way he talks, the way he throws his "friends" under the bus, his utter contempt towards others, his flaming speeches, ^^
      This time I got a good laugh at his military budget flip, it's comedic gold ^^.
      But, honestly, the funniest thing for me isn't Trump, it's knowing that there are 80+ million people in the US who voted for him (and hundreds of millions around the world who would vote for such a guy) ^^.
      Truth is that he doesn't mean anything he says, he's simply an extravagant showman, a talking head...and those halfwits don't see it ^^.

  • @jenpenn22
    @jenpenn22 Před 5 lety +139

    Love when he's out of the country, hate how he makes us a laughingstock abroad. It's a real catch 22 situation

    • @carlakinsella3833
      @carlakinsella3833 Před 5 lety +1

      lolzpa lulzpa 😭

    • @Two-for-One_half-off
      @Two-for-One_half-off Před 5 lety

      lolzpa lulzpa
      Not cool, bruh.
      Very not cool.

    • @jenpenn22
      @jenpenn22 Před 5 lety +1

      @lolzpa lulzpa that's a trickier situation than foreigners think. Have we made moral mistakes, very much so. When unethical things happen though we tend to get two vastly conflicting criticisms though. "Why aren't you doing anything?" And "who are you to police the world." We're damned if we do, damned if we don't.

    • @ValerieJNorse
      @ValerieJNorse Před 5 lety +1

      @@jenpenn22 -- Exactly! Mostly to your second comment, but "Exactly!" to both of them.

    • @OmniValor
      @OmniValor Před 5 lety +1

      Catch 45

  • @saiyajedi
    @saiyajedi Před 5 lety +27

    A “Big Leap Forward”, eh? Now where have I heard that before…?

  • @TorchbearerOfReach
    @TorchbearerOfReach Před 5 lety +401

    Wow, Trump is actually referring to himself in third person.

    • @ConciseOxford100
      @ConciseOxford100 Před 5 lety +13

      Like a king.

    • @siddokis2945
      @siddokis2945 Před 5 lety +14

      Except he calls it, "like, as though someone else is talking about me"!

    • @retromemories8522
      @retromemories8522 Před 5 lety +30

      I could be wrong, but is this the definition of insane?

    • @luciennoens4165
      @luciennoens4165 Před 5 lety +12

      I am waiting for Eric to give his father the final stab and Trump uttering his last words : 'Tu quoque fili mi?'
      Trump speaking Latin, huh, who am I kidding?

    • @ronburgundy244
      @ronburgundy244 Před 5 lety +3

      Lucien Noens that's too intelligent.

  • @ORIONGaming
    @ORIONGaming Před 5 lety +540

    Sorry, did I say pardon? I meant pardon't.

  • @Lugmillord
    @Lugmillord Před 5 lety +160

    I don't want to go to jail either. So, I don't do illegal stuff. It may sound surprising, but staying on the legal side actually prevents jail time. Crazy!

    • @LordAJ12345
      @LordAJ12345 Před 5 lety +10

      Unless you’re black, that is.
      (Trump always manages to bring out the cynical side in me...)

    • @makesmefeellikeatalltree8250
      @makesmefeellikeatalltree8250 Před 5 lety +4

      @@LordAJ12345 yea. I still make sure I have a drink and snack along for a five minute trip to the store in case I get pulled over which normally involves a very lengthy investigation time (for doing nothing wrong/based on pers history). And I'm a little old white lady in a WRX (there's where the profiling comes in) and not even black so I can imagine. btw, because of this phenomena, I raised my white son as I suppose a black mom raises her black son i.e. to be watchful of the police.

    • @vandayshataylor4096
      @vandayshataylor4096 Před 5 lety +3

      makesmefeellikeatalltree um to be honest....I just don’t think you raised your white son as a black mom would raise her children. Your son could be profiled but it’s most likely he wouldn’t be killed. I just think it’s irresponsible to think you could possibly think that you do what a black mom does regarding this matter. The panic is to real. It just is not the same.

    • @ProjectFlashlight612
      @ProjectFlashlight612 Před 5 lety

      It's a bold plan

    • @merbst
      @merbst Před 5 lety +3

      Well it should in a nation with a functional Justice system... But... Well you know...

  • @rickuslastname6305
    @rickuslastname6305 Před 5 lety +641

    It makes me nauseous to think these maniacs are in control of Our housing. Our education. Our safeguards against corporations. Our finances. Our military.

    • @esmediamond
      @esmediamond Před 5 lety +8

      Rickus LastName problem with republicans

    • @nirmalapersaud7589
      @nirmalapersaud7589 Před 5 lety

      .

    • @Lucius1958
      @Lucius1958 Před 5 lety +19

      Rickus LastName: I agree with your sentiment, but let's be accurate with our grammar.
      *"Nauseous"* means "creating or causing nausea: revolting, disgusting". 45* is "nauseous": we are "nauseated".
      This has been your Grammar Nazi Public Service Announcement...

    • @heatherc772
      @heatherc772 Před 5 lety +6

      Rickus I agree. Imagine if the u.s. diverted some NASA funds, some Weapons Manufacturing plants and divert those moneys to housing, health and education? Like in a meaningful way? Respect.

    • @davidbeppler3032
      @davidbeppler3032 Před 5 lety +8

      Here in Missouri we elected a governor that wants to lower property values so you don't have to pay as much in taxes.... think about that. While the cost of building houses is skyrocketing due to lumber tariffs against Canada, our Republican Governor is lowering property values. This will be fine. As long as we kill off 20% of the people in Missouri.

  • @niceguy2171
    @niceguy2171 Před 5 lety +39

    Michael Cohen "is an honest, honorable lawyer." -- Rudy Giuliani, May 6, 2018.
    “I have no concern that Michael Cohen is going to do anything but tell the truth." -- Rudy Giuliani, July 8, 2018
    Cohen is “a fine person with a wonderful family” who is a “businessman for his own account/lawyer who I have always liked & respected.” -- Donald J. trump, April 2018
    “I always liked Michael Cohen… No, he’s not my lawyer anymore. But I always liked Michael, and he’s a good person.” -- Donald J. trump, June 15, 2018

    • @sundancer7381
      @sundancer7381 Před 5 lety

      The trouble is......Cohen has had to dance thru some complicated crap!

  • @saidtoshimaru1832
    @saidtoshimaru1832 Před 5 lety +197

    Tell Trump that "Great leap forward" is not the best term to use in relation to China.

    • @dr.dugong9200
      @dr.dugong9200 Před 5 lety +8

      came here to say this. thank you

    • @hazukichanx408
      @hazukichanx408 Před 5 lety +25

      Ah, Mao. One of history's all-time greatest fuckwits, and probably the reason current-day China is known for making cheap imitations of things invented in other places rather than driving innovation of their own... turns out, if you intentionally murder all the smart people, burn all the books you can find, and force upon people a brutal system that kills them and/or treats them like crap unless they act exactly the way you want... your country ends up with severe, lasting harm. o.o
      Good thing Drumpf isn't trying to dismantle the US' educational system or build a cult of personality that blindly obeys his every terrible idea or anything!
      OH WAIT.

    • @roxanab.3169
      @roxanab.3169 Před 5 lety +2

      Hazukichan X scary.

    • @lilaclizard4504
      @lilaclizard4504 Před 5 lety +4

      @@hazukichanx408 The ones that survived were also so starved that it effected the brain development of anyone who was a child at the time. I'm sure that would never happen in America, school lunches or food stamps would never be threatened would they.......

    • @robertbogan225
      @robertbogan225 Před 5 lety +2

      @@lilaclizard4504 our school food is one step above prison food. Some are way better though.

  • @ethanrhine5944
    @ethanrhine5944 Před 5 lety +17

    The fact Trump walked off like he did and just said “Get me out of here” is so disrespectful and shows why he shouldn’t deal with foreign affairs

  • @TheJoeSwanon
    @TheJoeSwanon Před 5 lety +33

    “ get me out of here” what the hell did he become president for then if he can’t stand being around other world leaders and having to travel

    • @MapleBull95
      @MapleBull95 Před 5 lety +4

      the military parades

    • @aileenpierce2998
      @aileenpierce2998 Před 5 lety +1

      The Money. He was relying on the "paycheck till he dies " for his service in office.

  • @stephmaccormick3195
    @stephmaccormick3195 Před 5 lety +49

    "Here comes the Trump handler..." 😂 🤣 😃 😄 😅

    • @Nirrrina
      @Nirrrina Před 5 lety +2

      That part was hilarious wasn't it?

  • @Chunkboi
    @Chunkboi Před 5 lety +531

    If these people didn’t want to go to jail, why did they agree to work for president💩?

    • @chongmcafee3799
      @chongmcafee3799 Před 5 lety +27

      They probably thought they would never get caught

    • @flintyoungblood
      @flintyoungblood Před 5 lety +20

      I know this is weird to think, but... working for a president used to be a great honor. I mean, yes, sometimes you were asked to do shady things, but great pains were taken to hide the crimes because a scandal involving the president was unthinkable. Granted, that was over two centuries ago in the beforetimes when things made sense.

    • @GrouchyMarx
      @GrouchyMarx Před 5 lety +20

      Chunkboi. They thought Trump & Putin were going to setup a dictatorship and thought they would have a job for life.... without jail.

    • @owingsmillss
      @owingsmillss Před 5 lety +10

      Money

    • @flintyoungblood
      @flintyoungblood Před 5 lety +13

      @elijah mikle Oh, it's true, no president was ever perfect. They all had their own goals and I have no doubt at all that there was money deals left and right. Trump is only different in the fact that he sucks at hiding things and the sheer volume of shady shit he's involved in. How can we be shocked when he keeps hitting us with scandal after scandal? We don't even get to take a breath before he's done something else even more insane.

  • @JustAnotherDayToday
    @JustAnotherDayToday Před 5 lety +102

    Scott Free is nice guy I hear.

    • @katsebua
      @katsebua Před 5 lety +3

      When I saw "Scott free" .... I thought of the toilet paper stuck to his shoe. I won't speculate on why that happened.

    • @Ingmanthorpe
      @Ingmanthorpe Před 5 lety +2

      Scott Free is innocent!

    • @raybohn7
      @raybohn7 Před 5 lety +5

      Actually what the idiot doesn't realize is that the phrase originally refers to not paying taxes

    • @tomspoors768
      @tomspoors768 Před 5 lety +2

      The word scot refers to a tax from Old Norse and French. So "getting away scot free" means not paying a tax! How apposite!

    • @kremlintroll3268
      @kremlintroll3268 Před 5 lety +1

      @Lucille Hino you go scot-free ;)

  • @alienbodo6060
    @alienbodo6060 Před 5 lety +229

    The Mueller should be the name of the next Marvel superhero...

    • @ZaxorVonSkyler
      @ZaxorVonSkyler Před 5 lety +11

      He'll always be a hero to me!

    • @silence-humility-calmness
      @silence-humility-calmness Před 5 lety

      Alien Bodo delusional NPC Obama is a deep state puppet,,his own brother says there was a change in his demeaner the moment he became president,,,Trump is getting the flack from deep state,,,it's a common criminal practice across the USA were they leverage people to testify against others and if they don't then they find a way to get that person jail time or other forms of revenge from government because they cooperate we are now witnessing it being done to the president himself ,,there is no equality of justice at all ,I mean just yesterday Neil degrass Tyson was on Stephen Colbert,,he has at least 2 sexual harassment accusers that are way more credible and recent than the 40 year old vauge one against kavanough,,,,and you don't even know about it,,,,because they have NO MORAL STANDARDS,,,it's all power,,,just look up and listen to Keith Ellisons accusers interview were your fellow leftist explains how she was treated by her own Democrat party,,,you exploit women and anything else that you think will get you power ,you don't care about people

    • @alienbodo6060
      @alienbodo6060 Před 5 lety +5

      critical thinking wow...talk about a shiny tinfoil hat...btw I stopped readin your mental diahreea at “deep state puppet”...

    • @daviddelaney2407
      @daviddelaney2407 Před 5 lety +3

      By the "deep state" I always assume they mean the collection of Lovecraftian monsters slumbering the aeons away at the ocean's bottom. It usually makes more sense that way.
      --Dave, also, if your demeanor does NOT undergo a marked change on becoming President and getting security-briefed, ur doin it rong

    • @JSkyGemini
      @JSkyGemini Před 5 lety +1

      @@alienbodo6060 I didn't make it past delusional NPC...

  • @kn9ioutom
    @kn9ioutom Před 5 lety +14

    NIXON HAD TAPES ! COHEN HAS TAPES !

  • @Collarian
    @Collarian Před 5 lety +311

    Greetings from Finland. Wtf is wrong with your president?

    • @lw3269
      @lw3269 Před 5 lety +51

      So many things. How much time do you have? Not my president.

    • @mariaelenaarata303
      @mariaelenaarata303 Před 5 lety +25

      Everything🙄

    • @coreyanderson7359
      @coreyanderson7359 Před 5 lety +18

      Mita kuluu... he's insane.

    • @arinmorton1943
      @arinmorton1943 Před 5 lety +19

      I would like to assure you that as an American, I do not need to live in an arctic marshy "forest land" to know what is wrong with the prospect of raking millions of acres of forest besides the fact that it would remove plant nutrition and eliminate natural habitats for small creatures like mice and insects, which are, of course, vital to the ecosystem.

    • @komalahayes1535
      @komalahayes1535 Před 5 lety +36

      What ISN'T wrong with that doofus? To Finland, and the rest of the world: we're trying as fast as we can to impeach this Tangerine twit.😣

  • @caspianblue4141
    @caspianblue4141 Před 5 lety +125

    I hope TRUMP serves a full, complete and very LOOOOOONG prison sentence!!! Most corrupt mafia boss Pres, ever!!

    • @fairytail2484
      @fairytail2484 Před 5 lety

      Not if those cheeseburgers get to him first. Let the race begin.

    • @pirobot668beta
      @pirobot668beta Před 5 lety +3

      My dream for Donnie?
      Fugitive President...he makes a run for it, tries to hide out in a morals challenged country without extradition.
      He succeeds for a time, until the once friendly TWSH turns him in for the reward.
      Then he, his family and their cohorts all suffer a lengthy and embarrassing trial, found guilty of treason at a time of war and executed.
      Providing material support and comfort to enemies during time of war is treason.
      Putin is the supplier of all the arms used against our troops in Afghanistan and Iraq.
      Russian bombs and bullets kill our soldiers every day, yet Trump calls Putin 'friend' and asks him publicly for favors.
      Reagan, the Commie Hunter, is spinning in his grave.

    • @hawkeye5955
      @hawkeye5955 Před 5 lety

      @@fairytail2484 : Those cheeseburgers are the only friends Trump has.

    • @billyj3842
      @billyj3842 Před 5 lety +1

      He's second behind reagan

    • @Chunkboi
      @Chunkboi Před 5 lety

      Greg Gallacci no, he should not be executed lest he become a martyr. He should get life without parole.
      In general population.
      In Mexico.
      And Trump should pay the Mexican government for the imprisonment, at prices _they_ will set. He’ll have to pay exorbitant prices for each sub-par meal, toilet paper will require a lease agreement...

  • @wardencalm5625
    @wardencalm5625 Před 5 lety +121

    Am I the only one who found the line about a "BIG leap forward" funny, especially as a positive about China and farm supplies.

    • @etraag
      @etraag Před 5 lety +22

      I wouldn't say I found it funny, more appalling. Although I can't imagine Trump knows what 'the great leap forward is'.

    • @JustPraiseHim09
      @JustPraiseHim09 Před 5 lety +1

      BuckGreywolfe Why would we hope for that?

  • @sarabeth9877
    @sarabeth9877 Před 5 lety +103

    "Get him out of here" America to Trump

    • @MrMferg240
      @MrMferg240 Před 5 lety

      you are not America. speak for yourself socialists.

    • @Chunkboi
      @Chunkboi Před 5 lety

      MrMferg240 she’s more America than the people who support Trump.

  • @coryfrankart3410
    @coryfrankart3410 Před 5 lety +69

    Can't wait to see all of this shake out

    • @Douglas_Props
      @Douglas_Props Před 5 lety

      Plot twist; if anyone’s “framing” Trump, it would be Trump.
      I mean he’s so stupid he’d probably admit to killing someone to try and get out of a speeding ticket.
      Side question: How does Trump golf with bone spurs?

  • @chtsv
    @chtsv Před 5 lety +14

    It would be super funny if it wasn't so terrifying

  • @09spidy
    @09spidy Před 5 lety +166

    For every Trump statement, there's an equal and opposite un-statement.

    • @shinyarceus997
      @shinyarceus997 Před 5 lety +8

      It's called an alternative statement

    • @foxsmith770
      @foxsmith770 Před 5 lety +4

      Aka FAKE NEWS!

    • @tinaloveseddie
      @tinaloveseddie Před 5 lety

      Spiderous nice😅

    • @mypetcrow9873
      @mypetcrow9873 Před 5 lety +1

      Come on, keep it up we’re on a rol!

    • @stilltoomanyhats
      @stilltoomanyhats Před 5 lety +2

      While this is a well-known empirical law, it also follows analytically from the Trump-Gödel Incompetence Completeness Theorem. New branches of zero value logic have been created to account for the surprising discovery that usually neither the original statement nor its negation are true.

  • @theurbanyankee
    @theurbanyankee Před 5 lety +42

    The Trump handler should have used a butterfly net. 😀😁😂

  • @kaseyMmm
    @kaseyMmm Před 5 lety +47

    New Zealand actually produces the ‘finest and cleanest’ agricultural products in the world. Particularly dairy products and they provide China with the entirety of their dairy imports.
    Damn I write better than a US president. But that isn’t difficult I guess!

    • @carlakinsella3833
      @carlakinsella3833 Před 5 lety +4

      Funny White Girl! You are funny!! You do write much better! Donald needs an English tutor.

    • @lilaclizard4504
      @lilaclizard4504 Před 5 lety +3

      Australia provides the milk for their baby foods though :P Australian made baby formula is in such demand in China that it is limited in quantity in Australian supermarkets to stop people buying out the stores just to ship to China for profit. There were shortages for Australian mothers before they implemented a 4 tin limit per person per day.
      So start them on the Australian milk & then transfer them to the Kiwi stuff when they're old enough for ice cream :). I don't think there's any disputes that NZ ice cream is the world's best!

    • @kaseyMmm
      @kaseyMmm Před 5 lety +1

      Lilac Lizard I know there’s something crazy going on in Australia with the Chinese obsession with formula!!! That’s where the real money is!

    • @morgancampbell3505
      @morgancampbell3505 Před 5 lety +3

      Indeed, that comment on the USA making the best stuff is a major lol, its so bad for you it wouldn't pass EU food quality laws ...stuffs practically a bio weapon

    • @Chunkboi
      @Chunkboi Před 5 lety +1

      They also produced the finest exploding pants.

  • @AlvinDuCarri
    @AlvinDuCarri Před 5 lety +193

    can't wait to see trump getting the mueller's award

  • @troywalkertheprogressivean8433

    so hypocritical for the rich/corporations to demand a "level playing field". goddamn that pisses me off.

  • @casperguylkn
    @casperguylkn Před 5 lety +9

    Tis the season for subpoenas!

  • @drt-abrat1256
    @drt-abrat1256 Před 5 lety +9

    When that was first reported ($716 billion for military), it was also reported that the military didn't request it!!! (Another "thanks, Trump!) Let's set future generations so far into debt that they'll be passing that debt on to their kids, grandkids, great grandkids, great-great grandkids...

  • @1SaG
    @1SaG Před 5 lety +33

    Is it just me or does Stephen's "Brendan Frasier"-tangent sound like something DT would actually bring up in the middle of a press conference?

  • @ronanrogers4127
    @ronanrogers4127 Před 5 lety +56

    Are you not completely and totally embarrassed by your president?

    • @fairytail2484
      @fairytail2484 Před 5 lety +10

      I am no American so I'm just embarrassed for humanity.

    • @carlakinsella3833
      @carlakinsella3833 Před 5 lety +8

      Fairy Tail Yes, very embarrassed by this president. We are getting increasingly in debt bc of this fool that is supposed to know how to run businesses and companies. Our hole just gets deeper and deeper.

    • @Desertvibes234
      @Desertvibes234 Před 5 lety +4

      Fairy Tail oh wE are.

    • @papabear2515
      @papabear2515 Před 5 lety +6

      More than anyone cam imagine. Much more. We have a rude, illiterate hard boiled egg for President.

    • @MapleBull95
      @MapleBull95 Před 5 lety

      Carla Kinsella That is the problem. He 'knows'(?) how to run businesses and companies. Not a country. They require two completely different skill sets.

  • @anitaclarke7085
    @anitaclarke7085 Před 5 lety +6

    LMAO Treason's Greeting's !

  • @RIXRADvidz
    @RIXRADvidz Před 5 lety +15

    716billion!! wow! that's a whopper!! no limit in size to Donny's Lies.

    • @mypetcrow9873
      @mypetcrow9873 Před 5 lety

      RIXRADvidz President Lord of the Flies. Father of Lies.

  • @raisingkane8058
    @raisingkane8058 Před 5 lety +2

    The way he says dot dot dot dot dot is hilarious!!!

  • @flipeman
    @flipeman Před 5 lety +53

    Greetings from Brazil, my fellow Trump haters!

    • @urielsalas9265
      @urielsalas9265 Před 5 lety +2

      Oiiii, don't worry we will have him out of office soon.

    • @flipeman
      @flipeman Před 5 lety +1

      I hope so. Meanwhile, a "Trump-like" man is about to get in office exactly 4 weeks from today. The shit hasn't even been thrown in the fan yet. :)(

    • @flipeman
      @flipeman Před 5 lety +2

      @Sean Williams And also 50 congresspeople, in the same party of the President, who are as crazy as the GOP folks. E. g., some of them, here, want to criminalise communism, as in the darkest days of Brazilian history (1964-85).

  • @michaeloconnor5904
    @michaeloconnor5904 Před 5 lety +7

    The leash would explain his yanking handshake.

  • @king_kable
    @king_kable Před 5 lety +11

    that pardoff thing is so spot on, i bet trump actually asked it

  • @kihlos2768
    @kihlos2768 Před 5 lety +5

    Ah yes just like the Great Benjamin Franklin said, “In this world nothing can be certain, except death and taxis”.

  • @Montesama314
    @Montesama314 Před 5 lety +50

    Trump has finally devolved to the point of referring to himself in the third person.

    • @theveganvillainess2404
      @theveganvillainess2404 Před 5 lety +3

      He has always done that.

    • @Lobishomem
      @Lobishomem Před 5 lety +1

      Zone 9 but now he’s added the quotation marks. What’s his point?
      It’s anybody’s guess.

    • @ChrisM-xx6cf
      @ChrisM-xx6cf Před 5 lety +2

      @Lucille Hino Lay off the drugs. Don couldn't find his ass with both hands, much less research anything.

    • @Davidka1978Xoroshiy
      @Davidka1978Xoroshiy Před 5 lety

      Montesama314 my dad does it all the time.3rd person when he is in trouble

    • @pardunmeesuh5612
      @pardunmeesuh5612 Před 5 lety +1

      @Lucille Hino WOW! That was the biggest slathering of KOOL-AID I have ever seen! Swallow much?

  • @2332Stephen
    @2332Stephen Před 5 lety +78

    Is this how ego centric Trump is? Make a problem like tarffis happen, which screwed over farmers, and then fix it and then take credit for it? LOL

    • @donaldscribner5847
      @donaldscribner5847 Před 5 lety +5

      Oh, so hoped that I wasnt the only one. This is bloody nutz!🤪😱

    • @hawkeye5955
      @hawkeye5955 Před 5 lety +1

      Not surprising really. Anything that comedy writers come up with, Trump will always take it to the next level.

    • @samhugh4965
      @samhugh4965 Před 5 lety +3

      Here’s the thing...the stupid farmers are applauding him for it.

    • @ghorn1217
      @ghorn1217 Před 5 lety

      Yes

    • @alexandereverhart654
      @alexandereverhart654 Před 5 lety +1

      One of the identifying traits of a sociopath.

  • @outrider44
    @outrider44 Před 5 lety +10

    Does he remember what the Great Leap Forward was in the history of China? Talk about tone deaf

  • @slgaleas
    @slgaleas Před 5 lety +3

    Argentina's President turn around just to be able to laugh!

    • @ValerieJNorse
      @ValerieJNorse Před 5 lety

      It struck me as odd, but I bet that was it!

  • @Peter_S_
    @Peter_S_ Před 5 lety +133

    After Argentina, Individual 1 flew home on Air Force 1 with a number 2 in his pants.

    • @karenpiotte90
      @karenpiotte90 Před 5 lety

      Peter S Smokey!

    • @hawkeye5955
      @hawkeye5955 Před 5 lety +3

      Only you can prevent trouser fires... by pooping on it.

    • @tzvikrasner6073
      @tzvikrasner6073 Před 5 lety +3

      Congratulations on winning the comments section.

    • @ss67camaronut
      @ss67camaronut Před 5 lety +1

      @@hawkeye5955 has a team raking his undies out to control/prevent trouserfire!

    • @jeanetteandersson7152
      @jeanetteandersson7152 Před 5 lety

      Peter S Good one dude!!! 👍👍👍👍😜😜😜😜😂😂😂😂LMFAO)LaughingMyFatA**Off) and PIMP(PeeingInMyPants)!!!

  • @Ragazar
    @Ragazar Před 5 lety +20

    Scott Free rofl

  • @jeffbyrne107
    @jeffbyrne107 Před 5 lety +23

    World Here. Just to let you know we are loving The Trump show. Best thing to come out of America since Breaking Bad. Hilarious 😂

  • @Alcagaur1
    @Alcagaur1 Před 5 lety +19

    I've reached the point where I can't, with certainty, distinguish Stephen's original material from his Trump quotes and paraphrases.

  • @maureenhastings2156
    @maureenhastings2156 Před 5 lety +3

    I watched a news report this morning where they read some Trump tweet, the ellipses were not annunciated but as I read along I heard Stephen saying "dot, dot, dot, dot" in my head, lol

  • @kcwizard72
    @kcwizard72 Před 5 lety +40

    Hilarious!!!! Way to go Stephen!!

  • @rontavakoli-JD-MBA
    @rontavakoli-JD-MBA Před 5 lety +16

    I think Donald J(..off) Trump, who's father has the money, should also serve the full sentence.

  • @thacrypt223
    @thacrypt223 Před 5 lety +11

    Cohen wasn't faking it😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @ursaltydog
    @ursaltydog Před 5 lety +46

    When has Trump not had a press conference or held his twittering tongue out of respect for the dead?

  • @misslanapford9169
    @misslanapford9169 Před 5 lety +160

    Oh how I have missed Stephen Colbert... Why so late it past 7 in England.......🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🎄

    • @kawaiipusheenlovexoxo5352
      @kawaiipusheenlovexoxo5352 Před 5 lety +9

      Lana Hudson me too! I think they just uploaded!!but thinks God we can still watch today!!

    • @misslanapford9169
      @misslanapford9169 Před 5 lety +15

      @@kawaiipusheenlovexoxo5352
      I know..... it's the only thing besides Seth Meyers that I have to look forward to when I wake up in the morning.. 😁😁😁😁😁😁

    • @frankie5862
      @frankie5862 Před 5 lety +8

      Lana Hudson I thought I was the only one! 😊

    • @debbiethompson14
      @debbiethompson14 Před 5 lety +5

      I AGREE!

    • @debbiethompson14
      @debbiethompson14 Před 5 lety +9

      I listen to him EVERY MORNING and it wasn't there this morning! What's up???

  • @gmora400
    @gmora400 Před 5 lety +4

    "In fact, can I make him go to jail. What's the opposite of a pardon? A pardoff?. I Pardoff you" Lol!!

  • @nbbim2012
    @nbbim2012 Před 5 lety +9

    Google image result for regret.... God this show is good

  • @crimsonhalo13
    @crimsonhalo13 Před 5 lety +2

    Stephen, you missed Trump's opening for a Great Leap Forward joke. IT WAS RIGHT THERE.

  • @squidsquiddly5970
    @squidsquiddly5970 Před 5 lety +70

    2:00 that's shitty, you can tell that their were Trump hecklers in the audience. They are definitely becoming more vocal in public. Last week when a friend of mine dared to say how bad Trump's tariffs were for his family farm business, a man from across the damn isle at Walmart started yelling obscenities and telling us to go back to Mexico. "I am not Mexican and he is from Indiana.." It was actually funny once the initial shock passed

    • @omaramoo1509
      @omaramoo1509 Před 5 lety

      BACA TORTURED US IN JAIL HE BRAINWASHED US FBI ONLY CARED AFTER 2 AGENTS GOT BRAINWASHED. HE TAUGHT TRUMP HOW

    • @vandayshataylor4096
      @vandayshataylor4096 Před 5 lety +1

      What did you say to him ?

    • @squidsquiddly5970
      @squidsquiddly5970 Před 5 lety +8

      @@vandayshataylor4096 We didn't really say anything because we assumed he was yelling at someone else. I mean neither of us are Mexican and we were not talking about anything related to immigration so we figured maybe we were the ones overhearing an argument. That is until we saw him walk past the isle and flip us off. Then we were laughing at the absurdity of it all.

    • @vandayshataylor4096
      @vandayshataylor4096 Před 5 lety +5

      Squid SQuiddly I say shut it down. People say racist things to me all the time . Sometimes it applies to me most times it doesn’t....because I’m very multi cultural. I shut people down in public for racist crap. Like free speech is great but what if he was talking to an actual Mexican person. That is traumatic to deal with. Was everyone gonna just let that mess happen. You’re lucky you could laugh but try to be an ally. I believe some people know what there doing. He’s a moron but people don’t say racist things for no reason. I just want you to look at it from another view. Btw I like you CZcams name if it refers to squidward

    • @mypetcrow9873
      @mypetcrow9873 Před 5 lety +4

      It’s pretty scary. I am a new transplant from Seattle to Pisswater AZ. The pseudo-christian hypocrisy and knee-jerk patriotism is sickening. I am actually thinking of doing the unthinkable and ordering a custom bumper sticker to put on my beloved year 2000 box-style 4 door cherry red Cherokee Classic, ‘Cayenne.” ( You can tell that I love my car.). It would read ‘Put your religion, politics and pride in killing back in your pants!’

  • @pranshuanand4560
    @pranshuanand4560 Před 5 lety +17

    Man 716$ billion. You guys know, that's more than the next 20 countries (Russia, China, India, so on....20!) military budget COMBINED!
    Meanwhile my school lunch budget is 1.5$ per person..... Good enough?

  • @KikiLivesInMe
    @KikiLivesInMe Před 5 lety +4

    Greetings from Denmark.. I didn’t get to enjoy the monologue doing my morning routine. What gives Mr. Colbert? 🤗

  • @emmanuelperez808
    @emmanuelperez808 Před 5 lety +4

    Haha you forgot how trump said he understood spanish better than his translator and then dropped the mic on the floor XD

  • @emmasprague5465
    @emmasprague5465 Před 5 lety +9

    i think it’s a pardon’t

  • @johnmohblaxta
    @johnmohblaxta Před 5 lety +8

    trump presidency is my favorite reality show and i am from Kenya. 🤣🤣🤣

  • @roxyqueen2
    @roxyqueen2 Před 5 lety +1

    They knocked it out of the park with this monologue.

  • @annalisevezina
    @annalisevezina Před 5 lety +2

    My favorite monologue in a long time!! Sooooo funny!!!!!! I love you Stephen!!

  • @mustafa1name
    @mustafa1name Před 5 lety +6

    Trump thinks his family are all going deaf, because every time he talks to them they say "Pardon?"

  • @maxnullifidian
    @maxnullifidian Před 5 lety +25

    Trump can't even write a full and complete sentence...

    • @EvilFookaire
      @EvilFookaire Před 5 lety +1

      Full, yes... complete (or even coherent), no...

  • @vandayshataylor4096
    @vandayshataylor4096 Před 5 lety +2

    That exit Pres. Trump did ....I can’t I’m dead 💀 What is happening lol

  • @malayagr
    @malayagr Před 5 lety +1

    It's like he can't resist demonstrating his stupidity every day.

  • @nightw4tchman
    @nightw4tchman Před 5 lety +26

    Trump actually tweeted "big leap forward" when referring to China? I kind of hope he doesn't know what he's almost referencing.

    • @MeanGeneSanDiego
      @MeanGeneSanDiego Před 5 lety +6

      Rest assured, the OrangeOne doesn't know anything.

    • @tinaloveseddie
      @tinaloveseddie Před 5 lety +5

      nightw4tchman he doesn’t read

    • @lilaclizard4504
      @lilaclizard4504 Před 5 lety

      @@tinaloveseddie neither did the Chinese after the great leap forward. dot dot dot dot dot

  • @AndiDuck
    @AndiDuck Před 5 lety +49

    The Art of Speaking Like Donald Trump --
    1) Add "very" in multiples of three or "really" in multiples of two before any adjective. Trump often uses simple adjectives, but he modifies them to emphasize the importance of those adjectives. "I'm rich. Some people would say I'm very, very, very rich."
    2.) Use the word "not" before any adjective and for bonus points, combined with Rule No. 1. "He is really, really a not smart person."
    3.) Reference how many people have told you or asked you something. Add "I don't know, but that is what people are telling me," after Rule 3, especially if what you are saying is highly critical of someone. "Dozens of people have called me to tell me that Joe is really, really not an honest person. I don't know, but that is what people are telling me."

  • @TheRealBeatMaster
    @TheRealBeatMaster Před 5 lety +3

    It seems like Individual 1 is getting pretty nervous

  • @gailalbers1430
    @gailalbers1430 Před 5 lety +2

    because his pressekonferences are such fun- too much fun for the grieving...

  • @_Alpha
    @_Alpha Před 5 lety +104

    "Unrelated to Trump"

    • @Ragazar
      @Ragazar Před 5 lety +30

      Ooh ooh I know this one! Things he wishes Ivanka was.

    • @momon969
      @momon969 Před 5 lety +17

      Trump now speaks of himself in the third person. Momon is worried by such behavior.

    • @rydastyle9875
      @rydastyle9875 Před 5 lety +3

      @@momon969 I see what you did there😁👍

    • @mgaus
      @mgaus Před 5 lety +6

      I'm glad he cleared it up. For a moment, I was concerned it was all related to drumpf.

    • @pirobot668beta
      @pirobot668beta Před 5 lety

      Mr Trump, can you tell us what happened that night?
      "Yes, I was there when they were cutting up the body, I was careful and didn't get any blood on me, and it was late so I left before they finished. Not guilty!"

  • @norbertMK
    @norbertMK Před 5 lety +19

    PARDOFF =))))

  • @mercedesgomez8258
    @mercedesgomez8258 Před 5 lety +3

    Y'all need 2 post your segments sooner than this, I was waiting last night for y'all

  • @RW_CreativeMedia
    @RW_CreativeMedia Před 5 lety +1

    *716 Billion dollars in useless equipment... FEED THE PEOPLE and stop this non sense.!!*

  • @rabindergangapersad3665
    @rabindergangapersad3665 Před 5 lety +7

    Farmers..the dairy peoples:)

  • @snowflake3361
    @snowflake3361 Před 5 lety +7

    I think you misinterpreted the last word on trump’s arms race costs tweet. I think “Crazy” was trump’s signature! 🤣

  • @JeffreyGillespie
    @JeffreyGillespie Před 5 lety +1

    "Man calling Warby Parker to ask about their return policy" !!! LOLLLLLL

  • @Spirit-dg5xi
    @Spirit-dg5xi Před 5 lety +1

    Colbert and his writers are on fire and it's getting hotter and hotter

  • @AtariSTGuy
    @AtariSTGuy Před 5 lety +20

    "unrelated to trump things" Too Funny. What will poor Steven do when Trump is defeated in 2020!?!? Trump does the best material The Late Show has ever had!

  • @laragallahue7127
    @laragallahue7127 Před 5 lety +4

    Hey from once I’m early. Hello from Ireland America!

  • @jamesl9371
    @jamesl9371 Před 5 lety +1

    A very angry 😡 cheeseburger ! Scary !

  • @HarrisonsFord
    @HarrisonsFord Před 5 lety +1

    Anyone catch the Rugrats theme? You gotta love Jon Batiste.

  • @lorddeathofmurdermountain76

    A "complete sentence" something trump can't do both on twitter and in prison

  • @themusicarena8045
    @themusicarena8045 Před 5 lety +18

    Have a nice day all ❤❤😊

  • @busyVea
    @busyVea Před 5 lety +2

    So embarrassing gawd

  • @arashnomater7001
    @arashnomater7001 Před 5 lety +2

    Imagine how many ambitious Science projects can be done with that money 💵

  • @Jet-rx1ji
    @Jet-rx1ji Před 5 lety +10

    This is one of those days I’m finding it hard to see the humour in what this Orange Farce is doing to the world. Thanks Stephen. Dot, dot, dot.

  • @torideymedia898
    @torideymedia898 Před 5 lety +8

    Argentina president 🤔🤔🤔😜😜😜🙏 hahahahahahahahaha

  • @michelemaliano7860
    @michelemaliano7860 Před 5 lety +1

    He’s talking in 3rd person hoping that Mueller won’t think the he is president trump.

  • @nicot9305
    @nicot9305 Před 5 lety +1

    That pard-on cannot simply go away.