“i don’t want to be friends w people who are nasty to me. i want to be friends w people are nice to me.” thank you for this reminder. it’s amazing how easily this boundary can seem to blur when you’re not in touch w your own preferences, needs and desires
caty lee yea and the worst are those who say that they care about you that’s why they’re rude and nasty, trying to push you do smth or help you... it’s sick twisted :/
Mina Voncat i agree completely. daniel said something else in his book about breaking from parents that stays with me- something along the lines of “it was perfectly healthy to be intolerant of those who reject my authenticity.” this makes a lot of sense to me because my instinct has commonly been to assume i’ve done something wrong if i’m honest and still misunderstood, but his comment is a reminder that if someone can’t make sense of your authenticity or wants to say it’s in some way invalid, there is probably a deeper problem in the relationship that is going to make it ultimately unsustainable
After moving in 3rd grade, my mother forced us to call a potential friend every week. She let us make horrible choices. The first kid, I remembered his full name because he punched me in the stomach in line. When I called him to ask for the homework, he said, "You're doomed". Feeling like I was required to have friends and being impressed with his intelligence and intrigued by his misanthropy, I made friends with him.
Whoa! Teachers! He WENT there... So true. A big reason bullying is rampant in our schools is because there are educators who are punking students around just the same. It's there from preschool all the way to the highest of universities. Thanks for the reminder, mate. I remember a math teacher in middle school that took noticeable pleasure in the psychological and emotional abuse of her students. A middle aged woman who would smile ear to ear as she made YOU call your parents if you broke any of her stupid fucking rules. She would stand there with a GRIN as these kids cried while their parents scorned and screamed at their kids over the phone, with all our classmates watching.
I view atleast one of your videos per day. Your honesty is like balm for my soul. It makes me self reflect and look at life in new ways. Thank you for doing this.
OMG I can SO relate! Right down to figuring out what the assignment required. My first college roommate asked me one day "How do you do so well in your classes?? How do you get all your teachers to like you??" I simply replied, "I just figure out what they want and give it to them. It's all just a game." But yeah, it was dangerous for me to be my authentic self when I was young, too. If it wasn't my Borderline mom literally beating it out of me so she could project herself through me, it was kids and teachers and total strangers bullying me. Hiding my authentic self was a good strategy back then, but it's really getting in the way of my life now. I won't allow myself to be successful in my music career because I keep thinking "Oh, god! But what it people see me??" and yet I have to be seen to do bigger and bigger things. It's taking a lot of courage to do the things I need to do, anyway, to push forward. It's slow right now, but I'm sure with practice it'll get much easier. Fingers crossed!
Hey, I am relating too, all my life trying to figure out these issues and I learned only a short time about Asperger syndrome. Many people especially girls dont know about it, maybe it could be your case too?
That’s probably why so many teachers like me I gave them what they wanted, thankfully a lot of it lined up to my authentic self because I liked that they liked me and I liked them too. I loved grade school and had a lot of fun (mixed with some bullying and unhappy memories). The older I got the less teachers I liked and didn’t care if they liked me.
I've often wondered why I value authenticity so much. I think it's because I knew somehow that my mother and father weren't being real and there were things I couldn't say around them. I remember saying the most absurd things to other kids at school and completely not giving a shit. The ones who liked the fact that I wasn't afraid to speak remained my friends throughout high-school. People will always be there to screw you down.
Yea, and it's not just the words. It's also the way it's said, the resonance from within, that makes it so powerful. We need a human voice behind the words, and a true human experience behind the human for it all to make sense.
Daniel, I love listening to your authentic voice. I feel inspired by your courage to speak your truth and share your heart. I am so pleased you are here. Thank you.
My biggest problem with authenticity is what is real and what isn’t? Sometimes what “feels good” is bad for us or what “feels bad” is good for us. It’s not an easy thing to figure out. And our society is obviously very sick so there is no guide from society.
Daniel, it's remarkable how similar our stories are. I also grew up in a narcissistic household where guilt, contempt, and inferiority ran rampant. What a toxic environment to grow up in. Hearing your story has been so incredibly healing. Thank you, and I sincerely hope you continue ♥
As a small mental health youtuber who also works in mental health I feel you on this one. It's really liberating to be our authentic selves and to be congruent. On camera or for myself at work. It can attract the best kind of people. However, it's easier said than done being our authentic selves. Thanks for this video - I needed this.
This is really important for people to hear. The process of introspection and reconciliation is essential for self-actualization. Thank you for sharing and you've definitely inspired me to be unafraid to look within.
The best advice I got from a psychiatrist once was that when we think back on what we have said, the thinking back process is never accurate because we filter those recollections through a mental filter that distorts the authenticity of the original expression. I just realized this sage advice is moot because you have videos for your recollections lol. But good advice for when you don't. I enjoy our little talks.
Don't worry about what may have happened in the past. So what if you used to be a caterpillar. Now you are a butterfly. Spread your wings and fly (so to speak). I used to cry a lot as a helpless child. Now I don't even remember when it was the last time that I cried. People have done horrible things to me literally destroying my life. Recently a coworker hit my brand new car without admitting to it. That doesn't change who I am. Maybe I have so much experience that I just don't care about what people think about me anymore because nothing they ever thought about me ever did me any good. None of their scorn or abuse ever helped me. *People want to put you into their mold.* You are not obligated to be their sockpuppet. I have seen it happen so many times. A person is taken out of their environment and they are no longer limited by what people used to think of them. They are free to be someone that people in the past could have never imagined. You can't drive looking in the rearview mirror. You have to look ahead to keep yourself properly oriented. People did wrong to you in the past? Forget about 'em. Miserable is as miserable does. You don't have to be miserable like them.
Thanks for having the courage to publish this Daniel. I work as a psychotherapist, couples counsellor and men's coach and your videos and publications has informed the way I work. Ive grappled with the amount of self-disclosure with my clients and like your approach. Your attitude to breaking away from dysfunctional FOO's is also a breath of fresh air. I often recommend your work to clients and on a forum I run for people with limerence, will again make reference to your content. If you're ever in the UK, let me know, dinner is on me!
Daniel - so glad you put this up on the internet! Your insights on this particular topic have been very helpful for me to hear at this point of my life. I, too, am terrified of revealing "too much." Also, I struggle with the idea of becoming more authentic - beginning with understanding who I really am. Thank you.
Also, I could relate to what you said about your mother criticizing your social skills. My mother taught me to be shy and then shamed me for it! When in reality, she was only good at superficial "relationships." Truthfully, I still struggle with relationships, but I can still learn and I suspect I already know a lot more about them than I give myself credit for, too.
I was the literal embodiment of the quiet kid in school. Teachers loved me and i was the model student. One time a teacher used me as a model when some of the other boys were being loud. Its a core memory for me because even then at that age i realized “wow i am really quiet”. The teacher even gave me a “reward” by buying me lunch. Even at lunch I didn’t say anything to her.
Wow..... this is so powerful, and so strong. Yes you stand out Daniel ..... POSSITIVELY!!!!!! Thank you for trusting us with this very sensitive, raw, vulnerable, authentic piece of art.
when I think/feel 'ooh look what you've done now!' it makes me feel sick and horrible but also reminds me that this was one of the many emotional/psychological weapons used against me as a child - making me fear and mistrust my authentic self was what my parents were all about. when I've tried to avoid the feeling I've also missed the knowledge/insight
Thank you for creating this channel and sharing your authentic thoughts!! 💖✨ I’m recently learning how to love and accept my authentic self. It’s a part of me that I lost a long time ago because so many people around me convinced me there was something wrong. The part where you said “It’s as if the family owns the child” is so spot on. Parents who deny their authentic selves let their insecurities devour a child’s confidence. The child loses their voice and their light. Then we spend such a painfully long time denying our self while seeking out approval from others. It’s a nasty and vicious cycle that takes time, compassion and patience to work through.
Dear Lord help us to help the children and adults who’ve gone through this trauma 🙏🏽❤ We don’t “own” children- I remember when I realized that and began to see my children as themselves versus “my child”❤
Teachers were the main instigators of bullying in my life. Yet no one wants to hear this. I worry about all the kids going through school now. Nothing has changed. Thank you for sharing Daniel. I feel less alone in the world because you are so honest.
Thank You Daniel...You are doing a fantastic job...I really enjoy listening to you & its giving me new ways of coping with my f**ked Up Childhood...but I have come a very long way with the guidance of yourself & others openly & vunerably sharing your own experiences...the best thing I ever did was alienate myself from such toxicity...that was what opened my cage door & released me totally... please just be YOURSELF...I do Reality...it brings great lessons & stronger Boundaries. GOD Bless You 🙏🏼😊
Hi Daniel! Thanks for sharing all this intimate stuff, i really appreciate your courage doing those videos, i feel very mirrored by you struggles and your insights, i hope you can heal deeply and all those voices vanish from your being, even if they don´t you are already what you are, a beautiful expression of live itself. Thanks!!!
In response to your statement at the end of the video: I for one _am_ really glad you put this up on the internet. Your insights have been profoundly helpful to me.
Love love love your videos Daniel. Discovered them about a week ago and have been on an amazing tear of self-therapy and purposeful memory exploration since. Thank you
You right about teachers being the initiators of children bullying children - it's a control system - most of the trouble caused during childhood which leads to having adulthood issues are caused in the school environment over and above the home environment.
this (teachers modelling bullying) is a new revelation to me and very profound. love your videos. I'm guessing I've watched about 20 hours by now and they still seem fresh and helpful so I look forward to watching (and learning) more.
I love what you're doing with these videos. I was a PROBLEM child I didn't fit the image of a model student, or play the game as I heard you say in another video. But when the school insisted I see a therapist, my Mom was strong willed enough to tell my therapist (when she suggested the psychiatrist in her office put me on a psychotropic medication) that if she couldn't help me by talking to me then we'd find someone who could! Those medicines numb you to your feelings and somehow my Mom knew that the meds would change me in an unpleasant way! I thank God for her insight in that regard. She's been dead for almost as long as you've not been a therapist. I really miss her. I honestly believe that these videos are gonna help people on a massive scale #1 to resist psych meds. #2 to understand that maybe having a friend who is willing to listen can be more effective then therapy! #3 that in the human condition we will all at some point feel inadequate in some way! Can you do a video on helping someone get released from a state mental hospital?
the ways that you will so honestly say things that resonate with my feelings of unease in this society, in an honest, informed-by-your-own-introspection way ... are ways that i have trouble finding on CZcams. the authenticity brings real feelings of being a little less lonely for me, when it's instead so normal to have only personas and carefully engineered speech to be found on CZcams and on the Internet in general. thank you for your authenticity and putting it out there for us to benefit from it.
Thank you very much for your videos, Daniel, I have been finding them very helpful and healing as I work through my own (sometimes painful) reassessments and recognitions. You are an earth angel for me and the healthy integration of the collective unconscious/world. Blessings, love and peace for all that is.
LOVE IT!!!!! I am glad you put it out there for us to see!!!!!!!!!!! I know exactly how you are feeling. Never stop doing it. You are digging for something... and you only find it if you keep finding the courage.... You choose the friends which showed you other ways. They reflected how you felt inside. Very well done! Oh yes, that makes so much sense Daniel. You are very courageous. And it is a tough way not to give into the cultural game playing. It is the constant struggle when it comes to the decision making between what is expected of you and you are being, your real self. The generational troubles are normal I think. It shows that different generations have different callings and usually they clash. But you refused to live to the older generations expectations and that was the right thing to do and was very difficult because you have been in the minority. Yes, those voices come back as long as they have too. But one day they will be gone. So it is all good. Nothing wrong with keep doing the right thing!!!!!! You are also very sweet when you just allow yourself to be who you are. I thought if you would have been part of my Kindergarten class back in those days in Germany, we would have gotten along very well!
I appreciate these videos so much and I feel like so many aspects of your situation apply to my life, even if its not a direct comparison. I understand there are risks in sharing too much but please dont be afraid to put out these videos, because I'm sure there are others like me who also gain a lot from your experience.
I love your talks on CZcams. This one in particular I can relate to in many ways so thank you for deciding to post it. I'm sure you are expressing things that many people have experienced but have a difficult time defining and discussing . I'm so glad that I was looking for music by Blind Tom and accidentally stumbled upon your channel..my absolute favorite. Thank You;
I love your autenticity. I almost feel envy about it. In fact, some days ago I journaled about that very aspect that I apreciate from YOU, like literally wrote down your name, and jotted down that I want to cultivate that in myself. So thank you!
You have a rare voice. A lot of your videos I heavily relate to. Keep up the good work. It's amazing to hear the word of a like-minded individual. You are a rare gem
I love everything about you Daniel. Anyone who does not appreciate your incredible value as a human being is a total idiot. Do not ever doubt anything u say or reveal to us. You are the best and I’ve been checking out therapists and psychiatrists for over 20 years and I in 15 minutes have gotten everything about me that took over 20 years to not find in any therapist. I have done tons of research and self education though that I got a lot out of . I was my own therapist and it took a lot of work. I’ve been binge watching your vids in the last year and you sum up all I have learned and much more. Much love ❤️ to you and admiration. I agree with everything and I mean everything that you share.❤️❤️❤️❤️👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👶👶🌹
I recently learned about, purchased and am currently reading your book about parental separation. I separated, without any assistance, from my FOO in 2014. Your book has helped me revisit many of my prior feelings. If I had your book in 2014 I could have known ahead of time the problems I would eventually have to deal with. However, the VALIDATION I now feel has been very helpful! It will be the 5-year anniversary this November. Everybody has a unique life, but I consider the decision I made in 2014 to separate from my FOO, secondary to a toxic relationship for decades, the very best decision I have ever made for myself--by far! Thank You!
Getting to know what you really are requires letting go of the identity forged through all those years of childhood conditioning. This identity was shaped as a survival strategy and so it is not you, it is a mere mask. I, like Daniel, was met with mockery or hostility after realising my authentic self and revealing it to others. I have since moved country, and choose my company. Although now I am approaching fearlessness, and through a combination of self-awareness, love, courage and humour, am reentering the town square. Typically, those who object the most are those who are most affected by what you say.
Glad you decided to post this, as you express many points that are in common with many people , in the same wavelength. Btw, teachers, yes teachers in the 1960s. My 4th grade teacher on the first day of school, shut the door, looked around the class and with a scowl asked, "Are there any Jews in here?" The first words out of her mouth , I kid you not.
Bravo Daniel. Honesty like yours is invaluable for me and for anyone who has believed the worlds verdict. The consequences of being real can be like torture and the tortured don’t want to be tortured again.
I am grateful you decided to Upload this video it has shown me I should not suppress my feelings and experiences rather they’re worth sharing and facing in order to properly heal. Thank you.
It is good to realise that not every thought we have needs to be shared, but when we do need to be heard the consequences can be very damaging if we aren’t. You have certainly expressed how I feel quite amazingly eloquently.
I have had a life ...that would be difficult to understand...many times I was convinced that no one else...in the world...had this kind of situation...no one around me did...or even no one on oprah had...she was the closet thing too a therapist I had...It was about my parents...my only sister...my husband...and my in laws...and my children...It was the hardest life situation I could have had...Many times I wished I were not me...hearing you talk...about thinking...I cannot even do that...I ignore my self...as much as I can...but...thank you... for being here... for many will benefit from listening to you...as I'm sure I will too...I have sub your channel...and I like you...sir...thumbs up !!
Your courage to reveal your authentic self is refreshing and a helpful inspiration to reflect on my childhood on the path to healing. As someone put it, it's time well spent!
i was questioning this earlier today. i was battling a bit of self hatred and when i fought against it and spoke my mind to someone, and they reaffirmed an otherwise obvious thing, “no you aren’t annoying to talk to”, it was like… why was it hard to ask that? why do i look dumb asking someone if i’m annoying? if it looks so dumb, why was i genuinely believing it in my head?? why is it embarrassing being genuine and honest?
"The best way to fake authenticity, is to actually believe it" that's some wise words. as children we had to accept a lot of things that we can let go of now. and it take some digging and grief.
I am still living with my parents , my problemized parents , which is a big big troubke to me , I have used so many energy to explore myself and I feel tired after that , and I am a schizophrenic taking medicine which makes me feel weak and feel that I don't have the energy to solve the tons of problems and keep me on the right track.sorry to me , myself and I
SK3PTiK0S holly shit I don't want to have stagnation. You mean your family member become more and more dysfunctional every year because he or she is taking anti psychiatric drug , that's sad....
poon meiun God bless you. This is not ur fault. It is your parents who are at fault. Please believe this. That’s what Daniel is trying to get across to all of us. We have all been traumatized by our very horrendous parents. I as an adult today have nothing to do with my parents at all anymore.
Your channel is so underrated. I can relate with a lot of your experiences, especially the family delusion aspect. It can be incredibly disorienting and anger-inducing when you see through those lies and start to undo the damage. Sadly, my family will never change and so my only recourse is to completely cut them off eventually. Being around them makes me feel incredibly anxious and miserable. For a long time I felt that I was broken, but it was really not me; it was them.
...as vonkruel said below: 'Listening to you feels like a good use of my time.' Ditto I like to hear you ramble....don't worry about whether you think it is of value. There are plenty of us like to hear you, and you have a pleasant voice....do you know that? I could just give you a hug....and no speech would be necessary....think about it! luv and lite!
I found myself thinking something similar. I just like listening to his stories even though I'm not sure why. His voice reminds me of David Foster Wallace, but with a slight lisp.
Great video, I am glad you decided to share. The thoughts you shared hit a lot of the same things I am feeling when i want to express my authentic self. I find I self censor too much along with procrastination I never seem to do anything outside of the "normal" or how i want to express myself. To the point where I am writing this I can hear the voices of contempt building. How do you get pass this? I have been struggling with it for some time and rather than try to find the root cause I end up self attacking and becoming frustrated. I want to do so much more, I desire to be vulnerable with my thoughts but I cannot break the restraints.
MrBillInc possibly build on the part of your psyche that pushed you thru writing this comment witch btw was expressed very well . Learning to trust the positive voice inside myself as well. Take a leap of faith and try trusting yourself.
“i don’t want to be friends w people who are nasty to me. i want to be friends w people are nice to me.” thank you for this reminder. it’s amazing how easily this boundary can seem to blur when you’re not in touch w your own preferences, needs and desires
caty lee yea and the worst are those who say that they care about you that’s why they’re rude and nasty, trying to push you do smth or help you... it’s sick twisted :/
Mina Voncat i agree completely. daniel said something else in his book about breaking from parents that stays with me- something along the lines of “it was perfectly healthy to be intolerant of those who reject my authenticity.” this makes a lot of sense to me because my instinct has commonly been to assume i’ve done something wrong if i’m honest and still misunderstood, but his comment is a reminder that if someone can’t make sense of your authenticity or wants to say it’s in some way invalid, there is probably a deeper problem in the relationship that is going to make it ultimately unsustainable
Very true!
After moving in 3rd grade, my mother forced us to call a potential friend every week. She let us make horrible choices. The first kid, I remembered his full name because he punched me in the stomach in line. When I called him to ask for the homework, he said, "You're doomed". Feeling like I was required to have friends and being impressed with his intelligence and intrigued by his misanthropy, I made friends with him.
@@edwardmitchell6581 thanks for sharing Edward.
Whoa! Teachers! He WENT there...
So true. A big reason bullying is rampant in our schools is because there are educators who are punking students around just the same. It's there from preschool all the way to the highest of universities. Thanks for the reminder, mate. I remember a math teacher in middle school that took noticeable pleasure in the psychological and emotional abuse of her students. A middle aged woman who would smile ear to ear as she made YOU call your parents if you broke any of her stupid fucking rules. She would stand there with a GRIN as these kids cried while their parents scorned and screamed at their kids over the phone, with all our classmates watching.
That could've been a malignant narcissist because of the obvious display of sadism along with power and control.
@@user-jq8jy8ld4utrue, how vile
❤😢
U changed my life brother...PLEASE KEEP DOING WHAT UR DOING...IM 19 AND MY LIFE IS CHANGED BECAUSE OF U!!
Hope you’re still doing well Ivan
I view atleast one of your videos per day. Your honesty is like balm for my soul. It makes me self reflect and look at life in new ways. Thank you for doing this.
'balm for my soul' ...Can I use that? brilliant!
O I It’s an old saying.
I agree BEING ABLE TO TALK IS IMPORTANT. Being heard -is so wonderful.
OMG I can SO relate! Right down to figuring out what the assignment required. My first college roommate asked me one day "How do you do so well in your classes?? How do you get all your teachers to like you??" I simply replied, "I just figure out what they want and give it to them. It's all just a game." But yeah, it was dangerous for me to be my authentic self when I was young, too. If it wasn't my Borderline mom literally beating it out of me so she could project herself through me, it was kids and teachers and total strangers bullying me. Hiding my authentic self was a good strategy back then, but it's really getting in the way of my life now. I won't allow myself to be successful in my music career because I keep thinking "Oh, god! But what it people see me??" and yet I have to be seen to do bigger and bigger things. It's taking a lot of courage to do the things I need to do, anyway, to push forward. It's slow right now, but I'm sure with practice it'll get much easier. Fingers crossed!
Hey, I am relating too, all my life trying to figure out these issues and I learned only a short time about Asperger syndrome. Many people especially girls dont know about it, maybe it could be your case too?
That’s probably why so many teachers like me I gave them what they wanted, thankfully a lot of it lined up to my authentic self because I liked that they liked me and I liked them too. I loved grade school and had a lot of fun (mixed with some bullying and unhappy memories). The older I got the less teachers I liked and didn’t care if they liked me.
I've often wondered why I value authenticity so much. I think it's because I knew somehow that my mother and father weren't being real and there were things I couldn't say around them. I remember saying the most absurd things to other kids at school and completely not giving a shit. The ones who liked the fact that I wasn't afraid to speak remained my friends throughout high-school. People will always be there to screw you down.
❤
Thanks for putting this (and every other video) up on the Internet :) Listening to you feels like a good use of my time.
vonkruel Yes he is the real deal because he has done his own family of origin work.
@@xmikeox feels like it is good enough.
I absolutely love these videos. I come from a traumatic childhood and it's so comforting to see self-expression modelled so healthily
what he says is not that uncommon;
@@anacionqtfixo true but it’s his authentic vibe which is powerful
Yea, and it's not just the words. It's also the way it's said, the resonance from within, that makes it so powerful. We need a human voice behind the words, and a true human experience behind the human for it all to make sense.
your suffering belongs to humanity. thanks
You absolutely change my mind about male therapists.
Konrad
👍🏻🙏🏻❤️
What has been your experience in the past?
What is typically the problem with male therapists?
Everyone has a preference when it comes to a therapist due to their issues from the past and Konrads comment is perfectly okay
Daniel, I love listening to your authentic voice. I feel inspired by your courage to speak your truth and share your heart. I am so pleased you are here. Thank you.
Stay on CZcams, you're literally my best friend
My biggest problem with authenticity is what is real and what isn’t? Sometimes what “feels good” is bad for us or what “feels bad” is good for us.
It’s not an easy thing to figure out. And our society is obviously very sick so there is no guide from society.
I could watch this one video every single day. You did the right thing Daniel. Don't ever worry.
Thank you for your videos Daniel, they are beautiful and honest.
Daniel, it's remarkable how similar our stories are. I also grew up in a narcissistic household where guilt, contempt, and inferiority ran rampant. What a toxic environment to grow up in. Hearing your story has been so incredibly healing. Thank you, and I sincerely hope you continue ♥
As a small mental health youtuber who also works in mental health I feel you on this one. It's really liberating to be our authentic selves and to be congruent. On camera or for myself at work. It can attract the best kind of people. However, it's easier said than done being our authentic selves. Thanks for this video - I needed this.
bipolarpug I like your username 😁
thank you! I have type one bipolar disorder and have a pug. Hence the name haha.
Thank you for putting up this. I feel your struggle and I feel mine too. Thank you for being real and showing that to me. It is indeed precious.
It is always nice listening to you, Daniel. It is like a friend is talking. Thank you.
This is really important for people to hear. The process of introspection and reconciliation is essential for self-actualization. Thank you for sharing and you've definitely inspired me to be unafraid to look within.
Sounds like the story of my life
Same same, but different.
same.
The best advice I got from a psychiatrist once was that when we think back on what we have said, the thinking back process is never accurate because we filter those recollections through a mental filter that distorts the authenticity of the original expression. I just realized this sage advice is moot because you have videos for your recollections lol. But good advice for when you don't. I enjoy our little talks.
I know success and fame is not what you are looking for but I believe you can have the reach of say... Peterson. Amazing material.
In being real and sharing as you do, you don't let us (society) forget the honor and kindness due to the child.
Don't worry about what may have happened in the past. So what if you used to be a caterpillar. Now you are a butterfly. Spread your wings and fly (so to speak). I used to cry a lot as a helpless child. Now I don't even remember when it was the last time that I cried. People have done horrible things to me literally destroying my life. Recently a coworker hit my brand new car without admitting to it. That doesn't change who I am. Maybe I have so much experience that I just don't care about what people think about me anymore because nothing they ever thought about me ever did me any good. None of their scorn or abuse ever helped me.
*People want to put you into their mold.* You are not obligated to be their sockpuppet. I have seen it happen so many times. A person is taken out of their environment and they are no longer limited by what people used to think of them. They are free to be someone that people in the past could have never imagined. You can't drive looking in the rearview mirror. You have to look ahead to keep yourself properly oriented. People did wrong to you in the past? Forget about 'em. Miserable is as miserable does. You don't have to be miserable like them.
I always feel that, although painful, if I am making enemies, I must be doing something right---thank you, Daniel, for being willing to make enemies
Thanks for having the courage to publish this Daniel. I work as a psychotherapist, couples counsellor and men's coach and your videos and publications has informed the way I work. Ive grappled with the amount of self-disclosure with my clients and like your approach. Your attitude to breaking away from dysfunctional FOO's is also a breath of fresh air. I often recommend your work to clients and on a forum I run for people with limerence, will again make reference to your content. If you're ever in the UK, let me know, dinner is on me!
Daniel - so glad you put this up on the internet! Your insights on this particular topic have been very helpful for me to hear at this point of my life. I, too, am terrified of revealing "too much." Also, I struggle with the idea of becoming more authentic - beginning with understanding who I really am. Thank you.
Also, I could relate to what you said about your mother criticizing your social skills. My mother taught me to be shy and then shamed me for it! When in reality, she was only good at superficial "relationships." Truthfully, I still struggle with relationships, but I can still learn and I suspect I already know a lot more about them than I give myself credit for, too.
I'm glad you put the video up here too!
I was the literal embodiment of the quiet kid in school. Teachers loved me and i was the model student. One time a teacher used me as a model when some of the other boys were being loud. Its a core memory for me because even then at that age i realized “wow i am really quiet”. The teacher even gave me a “reward” by buying me lunch. Even at lunch I didn’t say anything to her.
Wow..... this is so powerful, and so strong. Yes you stand out Daniel ..... POSSITIVELY!!!!!! Thank you for trusting us with this very sensitive, raw, vulnerable, authentic piece of art.
Keep going, Daniel - no one else is telling the truth - ON ANYTHING.
when I think/feel 'ooh look what you've done now!' it makes me feel sick and horrible but also reminds me that this was one of the many emotional/psychological weapons used against me as a child - making me fear and mistrust my authentic self was what my parents were all about. when I've tried to avoid the feeling I've also missed the knowledge/insight
There's something so positive and genuine about Daniel. Having tough times, his videos I've watched fifty times over already. Thank you Daniel!
Thank you, really glad you did post this.
Amazing
I really like your videos
Thank you for creating this channel and sharing your authentic thoughts!! 💖✨
I’m recently learning how to love and accept my authentic self. It’s a part of me that I lost a long time ago because so many people around me convinced me there was something wrong. The part where you said “It’s as if the family owns the child” is so spot on. Parents who deny their authentic selves let their insecurities devour a child’s confidence. The child loses their voice and their light. Then we spend such a painfully long time denying our self while seeking out approval from others. It’s a nasty and vicious cycle that takes time, compassion and patience to work through.
Thank you for putting up the video. Your insights are always fascinating to me.
Dear Lord help us to help the children and adults who’ve gone through this trauma 🙏🏽❤ We don’t “own” children- I remember when I realized that and began to see my children as themselves versus “my child”❤
Teachers were the main instigators of bullying in my life. Yet no one wants to hear this. I worry about all the kids going through school now. Nothing has changed. Thank you for sharing Daniel. I feel less alone in the world because you are so honest.
Talking about your life, we learn so much from.
i learn a lot from you Daniël. Thank you so much for being you.
Yes! Being authentic causes friction with the inauthentic, denying the gooie, lulling feeling of harmony
Mackler you are amazing as always! And so glad you chose to post it!
Spot on. Fake authenticity is one of the worst forms of manipulation! Thank you.
Thank You Daniel...You are doing a fantastic job...I really enjoy listening to you & its giving me new ways of coping with my f**ked Up Childhood...but I have come a very long way with the guidance of yourself & others openly & vunerably sharing your own experiences...the best thing I ever did was alienate myself from such toxicity...that was what opened my cage door & released me totally... please just be YOURSELF...I do Reality...it brings great lessons & stronger Boundaries. GOD Bless You 🙏🏼😊
Hi Daniel! Thanks for sharing all this intimate stuff, i really appreciate your courage doing those videos, i feel very mirrored by you struggles and your insights, i hope you can heal deeply and all those voices vanish from your being, even if they don´t you are already what you are, a beautiful expression of live itself. Thanks!!!
In response to your statement at the end of the video: I for one _am_ really glad you put this up on the internet. Your insights have been profoundly helpful to me.
Love love love your videos Daniel. Discovered them about a week ago and have been on an amazing tear of self-therapy and purposeful memory exploration since. Thank you
You right about teachers being the initiators of children bullying children - it's a control system - most of the trouble caused during childhood which leads to having adulthood issues are caused in the school environment over and above the home environment.
Bill Howard Yes, and there are also wonderful teachers in the system doing their very best.
this (teachers modelling bullying) is a new revelation to me and very profound. love your videos. I'm guessing I've watched about 20 hours by now and they still seem fresh and helpful so I look forward to watching (and learning) more.
I love what you're doing with these videos. I was a PROBLEM child I didn't fit the image of a model student, or play the game as I heard you say in another video. But when the school insisted I see a therapist, my Mom was strong willed enough to tell my therapist (when she suggested the psychiatrist in her office put me on a psychotropic medication) that if she couldn't help me by talking to me then we'd find someone who could! Those medicines numb you to your feelings and somehow my Mom knew that the meds would change me in an unpleasant way! I thank God for her insight in that regard. She's been dead for almost as long as you've not been a therapist. I really miss her. I honestly believe that these videos are gonna help people on a massive scale #1 to resist psych meds. #2 to understand that maybe having a friend who is willing to listen can be more effective then therapy! #3 that in the human condition we will all at some point feel inadequate in some way! Can you do a video on helping someone get released from a state mental hospital?
This video is incredibly therapeutic for me, could listen to you for hours.
the ways that you will so honestly say things that resonate with my feelings of unease in this society, in an honest, informed-by-your-own-introspection way ... are ways that i have trouble finding on CZcams. the authenticity brings real feelings of being a little less lonely for me, when it's instead so normal to have only personas and carefully engineered speech to be found on CZcams and on the Internet in general. thank you for your authenticity and putting it out there for us to benefit from it.
Thank you very much for your videos, Daniel, I have been finding them very helpful and healing as I work through my own (sometimes painful) reassessments and recognitions. You are an earth angel for me and the healthy integration of the collective unconscious/world. Blessings, love and peace for all that is.
Kathleen Nugent Wow, your comment was so wonderfully said. Thank you for posting!!! 💞
Thank you so much Daniel. Your words mean the world to me and and my healing.
LOVE IT!!!!! I am glad you put it out there for us to see!!!!!!!!!!! I know exactly how you are feeling. Never stop doing it. You are digging for something... and you only find it if you keep finding the courage....
You choose the friends which showed you other ways. They reflected how you felt inside. Very well done! Oh yes, that makes so much sense Daniel. You are very courageous. And it is a tough way not to give into the cultural game playing. It is the constant struggle when it comes to the decision making between what is expected of you and you are being, your real self.
The generational troubles are normal I think. It shows that different generations have different callings and usually they clash.
But you refused to live to the older generations expectations and that was the right thing to do and was very difficult because you have been in the minority.
Yes, those voices come back as long as they have too. But one day they will be gone. So it is all good. Nothing wrong with keep doing the right thing!!!!!! You are also very sweet when you just allow yourself to be who you are.
I thought if you would have been part of my Kindergarten class back in those days in Germany, we would have gotten along very well!
I appreciate these videos so much and I feel like so many aspects of your situation apply to my life, even if its not a direct comparison. I understand there are risks in sharing too much but please dont be afraid to put out these videos, because I'm sure there are others like me who also gain a lot from your experience.
Al Stewart
👍🏻❤️🙏🏻
Fantastic videos. Thank you.
I love your talks on CZcams. This one in particular I can relate to in many ways so thank you for deciding to post it. I'm sure you are expressing things that many people have experienced but have a difficult time defining and discussing . I'm so glad that I was looking for music by Blind Tom and accidentally stumbled upon your channel..my absolute favorite. Thank You;
Thanks !!!
Your videos are so therapeutic.
thanks for your vidoes. the world needs more of people like you
I love your autenticity. I almost feel envy about it. In fact, some days ago I journaled about that very aspect that I apreciate from YOU, like literally wrote down your name, and jotted down that I want to cultivate that in myself. So thank you!
On point, Daniel!
You have a rare voice. A lot of your videos I heavily relate to. Keep up the good work. It's amazing to hear the word of a like-minded individual. You are a rare gem
Thank you
Thanks Daniel, love your work.
I love everything about you Daniel. Anyone who does not appreciate your incredible value as a human being is a total idiot. Do not ever doubt anything u say or reveal to us. You are the best and I’ve been checking out therapists and psychiatrists for over 20 years and I in 15 minutes have gotten everything about me that took over 20 years to not find in any therapist. I have done tons of research and self education though that I got a lot out of . I was my own therapist and it took a lot of work. I’ve been binge watching your vids in the last year and you sum up all I have learned and much more. Much love ❤️ to you and admiration. I agree with everything and I mean everything that you share.❤️❤️❤️❤️👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👶👶🌹
I recently learned about, purchased and am currently reading your book about parental separation. I separated, without any assistance, from my FOO in 2014. Your book has helped me revisit many of my prior feelings. If I had your book in 2014 I could have known ahead of time the problems I would eventually have to deal with. However, the VALIDATION I now feel has been very helpful! It will be the 5-year anniversary this November. Everybody has a unique life, but I consider the decision I made in 2014 to separate from my FOO, secondary to a toxic relationship for decades, the very best decision I have ever made for myself--by far! Thank You!
I am thoroughly enjoying your videos. Hope you keep putting them up.
My life too! Thanks for sharing!!
Getting to know what you really are requires letting go of the identity forged through all those years of childhood conditioning. This identity was shaped as a survival strategy and so it is not you, it is a mere mask. I, like Daniel, was met with mockery or hostility after realising my authentic self and revealing it to others. I have since moved country, and choose my company. Although now I am approaching fearlessness, and through a combination of self-awareness, love, courage and humour, am reentering the town square. Typically, those who object the most are those who are most affected by what you say.
Glad you decided to post this, as you express many points that are in common with many people , in the same wavelength. Btw, teachers, yes teachers in the 1960s. My 4th grade teacher on the first day of school, shut the door, looked around the class and with a scowl asked, "Are there any Jews in here?" The first words out of her mouth , I kid you not.
Bravo Daniel. Honesty like yours is invaluable for me and for anyone who has believed the worlds verdict. The consequences of being real can be like torture and the tortured don’t want to be tortured again.
Thank you for sharing this.
I am grateful you decided to
Upload this video it has shown me I should not suppress my feelings and experiences rather they’re worth sharing and facing in order to properly heal. Thank you.
This guy is better than 90% of therapists out there. And I've been to a lot of good therapists.
You really put yourself out here with your guard down. That's impressive and brave, Daniel.
Thank you for sharing ❤
It is good to realise that not every thought we have needs to be shared, but when we do need to be heard the consequences can be very damaging if we aren’t.
You have certainly expressed how I feel quite amazingly eloquently.
I absolutly love your autenticity.
Thank you Daniel for another great video. I appreciate your work.
I have had a life ...that would be difficult to understand...many times I was convinced that no one else...in the world...had this kind of situation...no one around me did...or even no one on oprah had...she was the closet thing too a therapist I had...It was about my parents...my only sister...my husband...and my in laws...and my children...It was the hardest life situation I could have had...Many times I wished I were not me...hearing you talk...about thinking...I cannot even do that...I ignore my self...as much as I can...but...thank you... for being here... for many will benefit from listening to you...as I'm sure I will too...I have sub your channel...and I like you...sir...thumbs up !!
My big accomplishment in life ?...Survival !! Most of them are gone...but I'm still here....
Authenticity does require sacrifice and is dangerous to our health. BUT for some of us there is no option...it.is do or die.
Thank you for pointing out the role of teachers/adult role models in inciting bullying.
This brought back memories of teachers singling you out if you talk during their lesson and trying to humiliate you that I completely forgot about
Your courage to reveal your authentic self is refreshing and a helpful inspiration to reflect on my childhood on the path to healing. As someone put it, it's time well spent!
Your authenticity Daniel is admirable. Thank you for sharing.
It's very healing to hear you, Daniel.
i was questioning this earlier today. i was battling a bit of self hatred and when i fought against it and spoke my mind to someone, and they reaffirmed an otherwise obvious thing, “no you aren’t annoying to talk to”, it was like… why was it hard to ask that? why do i look dumb asking someone if i’m annoying? if it looks so dumb, why was i genuinely believing it in my head?? why is it embarrassing being genuine and honest?
Really excellent video
Thank you so much for your courage to speak up Daniel ❤
"The best way to fake authenticity, is to actually believe it" that's some wise words. as children we had to accept a lot of things that we can let go of now. and it take some digging and grief.
Healing words for me these are, and I thank you, my friend.
I am still living with my parents , my problemized parents , which is a big big troubke to me , I have used so many energy to explore myself and I feel tired after that , and I am a schizophrenic taking medicine which makes me feel weak and feel that I don't have the energy to solve the tons of problems and keep me on the right track.sorry to me , myself and I
SK3PTiK0S holly shit I don't want to have stagnation. You mean your family member become more and more dysfunctional every year because he or she is taking anti psychiatric drug , that's sad....
poon meiun God bless you. This is not ur fault. It is your parents who are at fault. Please believe this. That’s what Daniel is trying to get across to all of us. We have all been traumatized by our very horrendous parents. I as an adult today have nothing to do with my parents at all anymore.
Your channel is so underrated. I can relate with a lot of your experiences, especially the family delusion aspect. It can be incredibly disorienting and anger-inducing when you see through those lies and start to undo the damage. Sadly, my family will never change and so my only recourse is to completely cut them off eventually. Being around them makes me feel incredibly anxious and miserable. For a long time I felt that I was broken, but it was really not me; it was them.
...as vonkruel said below: 'Listening to you feels like a good use of my time.' Ditto
I like to hear you ramble....don't worry about whether you think it is of value. There are plenty of us like to hear you, and you have a pleasant voice....do you know that? I could just give you a hug....and no speech would be necessary....think about it! luv and lite!
Steve Filkins i feel exactly the same way about him. Hugs and all :-) :-)
I found myself thinking something similar. I just like listening to his stories even though I'm not sure why. His voice reminds me of David Foster Wallace, but with a slight lisp.
Great video, I am glad you decided to share. The thoughts you shared hit a lot of the same things I am feeling when i want to express my authentic self. I find I self censor too much along with procrastination I never seem to do anything outside of the "normal" or how i want to express myself. To the point where I am writing this I can hear the voices of contempt building. How do you get pass this? I have been struggling with it for some time and rather than try to find the root cause I end up self attacking and becoming frustrated. I want to do so much more, I desire to be vulnerable with my thoughts but I cannot break the restraints.
MrBillInc possibly build on the part of your psyche that pushed you thru writing this comment witch btw was expressed very well . Learning to trust the positive voice inside myself as well. Take a leap of faith and try trusting yourself.
you are a wonderful person🦄