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daniel they could never make me hate the way you explore topics with such empathy

I've gotten a lot less attractive to men since I've done a lot of self therapy. I think I've actually gotten more physically attractive and confident. It's definitely my energy repelling men who only want to take advantage. They can sense desperate energy.

My parents thought they could outsource being emotionally available. "We can't do it, so we'll hire you a therapist instead."

Good for you for doing the difficult work; it is not easy! Thank you for sharing your story with the world ❤

Lovely said. I just love listening to you!

💙🐾🙏🏼

You have many gifts in life! Wow 💜

I'm 54, had many therapists (all female because I was drawn to that, which likely is a red flag - see below), and first time hearing a man talk about this and it's like "Yes. Right. Wow. Exactly." I hate gendering things, but maybe overall a man can see this in a way that connects with men better. I know, gender is not sex and identifications etc. Look, more power to it. I'm just too old for my brain to see that stuff as anything except abstract. From age 10 until I left for college, the woman I worshiped in so many ways (my mother) began turning to me for spouse-like support after her third failed marriage. She stopped dating to "give you a stable home." Looking back on it and how she responded to not having a partner, I wish she had kept dating. First it was emotional. As her son I was always on her side, defending her against the presentations she gave of how bad these men were (often true, although, ironically, my own father wasn't - he was just boring and she left him for more exciting men who treated her like crap). When she was home from work (and our situation was always precarious financially so she worked a lot), I was called to the couch as she drank. She'd tell me many things. I spend hours some nights. Often highly inappropriate things, some significant % sexual. She was a therapist. The guy who banged the Thanksgiving turkey. Her former lovers sexual skills or lack thereof. My father's premature ejaculation. Etc. Many conversations of sex and sexuality. "I want you to know these things. Most boys don't." I was made to feel privileged. That I should be grateful. She walked around nude as I entered puberty. "I'm a child of the 60's. This is normal. You should celebrate the human body." My discomfort was made to feel prudish, wrong. Then she moved to asking me to massage her. She was tired. Sore. You can guess the progression, clothed at first, shoulders. Years later it was her completely naked on the bed, me massaging her buttocks and legs, her moaning. Is this "mild" like the video? She never got me off (I was never aroused, thank goodness). Never touched me. Never asked me to touch her genitals even if she would grind some on her belly while I did the other side. I guess she had some self-determined limit. But adolescence is confusing enough. This felt wrong and I felt dirty. But I was repeatedly made to feel I was ungrateful, a prude, not willing to help his mother. At times she would scream at me for not sufficiently participating or trying to get out of it. I was a selfish boy who treated her as an ATM. She was so sad and upset, so tired, worked so hard. She needed me. I was going to give her a heart attack (she'd act it out, sometimes). Because she did care for me in so many ways, and told me how amazing she was caring for severely mentally ill, how progressive she was in the Deep South (she had black friends! at 12 it just fit into the myth she built, I didn't have the education or critical thinking skills to parse it all), because of all this, I believed her. I really, actually felt it was a matter of her health, sanity, survival for me to do the things she asked. So, I learned early on, my neurons trained for years, that this was GOOD what I was doing. That denying my truth, going against my own nature, running the engine wrong as it screeched, this was noble, virtuous, and what a good son should do. I was rewarded for doing it, punished emotionally when I did not. More generally, the lesson I learned was to betray myself and decency to fulfill the expressed needs of others because they were upset. 54 years old, disastrous life of broken relationships, I see finally how it twisted me to not having a damn clue how things work, to need things others could not imagine, to give in ways that were odd, to be reluctant in normal behaviors. I began to break free from her in college. She wasn't around. Friends said our relationship was creepy (and they only knew it superficially). My fiancee visited and was stunned when I left her to go massage my mom in her bedroom. Yup. That's how it was. I felt something was off, but decades of programming locked me in. It seems ridiculous to me now, but I can still remember the myopic sight and feelings of that boy in his early 20s, one who had no business getting married and wrecking another's life, but who thought he was normal, tried especially hard to live a normal life in contrast to his life of chaos. The words of the video of how for female abusers the path and energy to sexual abuse often begins emotionally really rang true for me. "I think what happens a lot of times is moms feel very very disappointed in their relationships with their male partners - with their husbands, with their boyfriends with whoever their partner happens to be. Because a lot of men are really terrible toward women. They're really rejecting, they're really, abusive, they're really violent, they're really inconsistent. They cheat. They really they don't treat women well in a lot of. They feel very isolated. And suddenly here they have this baby this baby boy who desperately loves them, desperately needs that mom to love them back and will do anything to gain this mother's love. I think sometimes or more than sometimes moms really can take advantage of that and they can see this perfect little boy as something to make them happy in all sorts of different ways. A lot of times I think it basically happens on an emotional level, but a lot of sexuality can get charged through that emotional level. It can run down the current of that emotional connection and through that it can really violate the little boys and it can really really mess them up. When the boys grow up they have really distorted pictures of what healthy boundaries are with women." And honestly, of the actually inappropriate physical stuff, it was the guilt, emotional warping of my person that has caused me (and those unfortunate enough to love me) the most pain. I have luckily not physically abused anyone. I didn't do that generational thing. I was from the beginning hyper-repulsed and careful about inappropriate sexual behavior. I guess part of my subconscious knew what had happened to me was messed up. But I sure as hell hurt people in many other ways. I had no idea, but I needed a giant "stay the fuck away" sign hung from my neck. I don't see fixing me as part of the last chapter of my life. At least I do know so much more. I see the threads. But the neuron-biology is baked in from formative years. (I even tried shrooms once with the idea of brain-rewiring, but the retreat place in the Netherlands, nice as it was, the tea was a dud. Did nothing to me. Pretty blue, though.) I know now that the more passionate I am about someone the more likely 300 coiled snakes of messed up psyche are involved. I see myself as toxic and keep the poison away from others as much as I can. I distrust everything in life, every person, every ideology, every religion, and I distrust myself, my feelings, my deductions, my beliefs, most of all. I've had a life of everything inverting and showing itself a lie. Where does one go after that? It's hard. I'm horribly alone. But that's better than fucking people up. I've done enough of that. Outside of likely suffering (so tired of pain), I do welcome the end. (don't worry, too inhibited for suicide. my biggest fear? an afterlife. I just want oblivion).

Hello Daniel! I am too in my own hell in the hallway right now. 30 yrs old, graduated with a 5 yr degree in Forestry, but it didnt go that well at finding a job. I've been waiting tables for a long time, and im lost, confused and emotionally excausted. I understand now how traumatised I am, and how limited I grew up. At least i got my girlfriend on my side, and a couple of friends who understand me. But there are days that I live in misery and confusion and anxiety. I've been watching your videos for a few years now and im doing a lot of self therapy, journaling. Im also keeping some distance from my family of origin. Your videos and psychotherapy have saved my life. Wish you the best!

This might be a little off topic but I noticed you have a lisp and that makes me feel so much better about my lisp. Thank you :)

„To take my power back“, yes, that is, what it is all about. My power is to keep calm inside like a big silent sea, that keeps being silent, no matter, what happens in the outside world. On this planet, the most important theater skript is about who has the power and who gives the power.

Much love to everyone here. It felt like dad was gonna snap at any moment and beat my mom or worse...once my younger brother got old enough to start remembering things, my parents toned it waaaay down on each other and focused that rage on me.

YESSSSSSSS 11:22

Dear Daniel, Now I had an inspiration: The wind is a living being. A storm/wind is alive. There is life within. When you stand in a storm and the storm sweeps over you and threw you: „Tell it to the wind Shout it in the storm Sigh it to the storm The wind will take it Far, far away. Sing with the crickets Connect yourself with the earth And become one with her.“ Much love 💫 from Austria 🇦🇹

Daniel, they didn't know, they were in their 20ties

LET ME TELL YOU WHERE YOU WILL FIND HELP IS PSYCHOLOGISTS ON THE INTERNET! THERE IS ONE YOUNG WOMAN IN THE UK WHO IS PARTICULARLY GOOD, DR. JULIE!

It's A SCAM. THEY CAN JUST SIT, AND IF THEY EVEN LISTEN, YOU ARE LUCKY!

Fuck yes! From a fellow therapist.

i still don't understand how i can get to thr true verion of myself. Cuz many people, icluding you, are saying that i should discover myself, but still, i don't know how

This should have over 1 million views. Golden advice is at part 7:58

Hello, Daniel. Could you please give me some advice? Maybe a lot of people with the following problems would really appreciate it as well. Well, I've watched your videos on why you don't recommend forgiveness and I couldn't agree more. I could really relate to them. But I feel I need a practical advice. I come from an broken, abusive household and I don't seem to get past it. I try to move on, but everyday I get really, really mad because of the things that happened to me in life and they held back for so long. How do I wake up without feeling like I'm gonna explode in this huge ball of hate and anger? I can't really afford therapy and self reflection hasn't been much effective.

00:04 Intellectualization is using logic and reasoning to avoid dealing with emotions. 01:09 Intellectualization as a defense mechanism against emotional connection and trauma. 02:07 Intellectualized people can become uncomfortable with emotional truth and can become even more defended. 03:52 Intellectualization can make people think they are intellectual even if they are not 04:48 People who intellectualize their pain may have underlying emotional wounds. 05:45 Using academic jargon to confuse and distract others 06:46 Connecting with feelings and healing through grieving Intellectualization is when people use their intellect, logic, and abstract reasoning to avoid dealing with their feelings. This often stems from childhood trauma and emotional disconnection. Intellectualized individuals can become uncomfortable with emotional truth and may exhibit arrogance and snottiness. Intellectualization is using logic and reasoning to avoid dealing with emotions. - Many academics use intellectualization as a way to discuss complex ideas and use fancy language. - The speaker experienced this in college, where professors used intellectualization to make sense of their own ideas. Intellectualization as a defense mechanism against emotional connection and trauma. - Allowing intellectual expression but blocking emotional expression. - Observations of people with intellectualized behavior linked to childhood trauma. Intellectualized people can become uncomfortable with emotional truth and can become even more defended. - Intellectualized people often struggle with expressing and processing their emotions. - When confronted with emotional truth, intellectualized people can become even more defensive and intellectualize even further. Intellectualization can make people think they are intellectual even if they are not - People who use intellectualization as a defense may not actually be intelligent - Intellectualization keeps people dissociated from reality and their true abilities People who intellectualize their pain may have underlying emotional wounds. - Intellectualizing pain is often used as a defense mechanism. - Sometimes people are forced to drop their intellectual defenses and reveal their emotional pain. Using academic jargon to confuse and distract others - People sometimes use academic jargon intentionally to make it difficult for others to understand what they're talking about. - This concept is often used as a strategy to prevent people from challenging their ideas or actions. Connecting with feelings and healing through grieving - Facing and reliving the horror of painful and ugly experiences - Not intellectualizing, but sitting still and quiet with the pain - Remembering and feeling in the body to process and grieve

💗💗💗💗💗💓💓💓💓💘💘💘💞💞💖💖

Grew up isolated after a chaotic first 10-12 years of my life but seemed to not be wanted by the people who were taking care of us at the time From then i didnt really know how to live or interact with anyone and stumbled through the next years trying to figure stuff out And even after figuring certain things it still seems like im out of place Ill take it day by day and can hopefully live a decent life

6:00 dissociation

Thank YOU for existing Daniel ♥️

Children make for great narcissistic supply. I believe my mother had me in order to get more attention and status (narc supply), to have another reason/excuse to spend money and live out her shopping addiction, to have someone to take out her issues with control/power on, and as a way to receive the worship that she has always felt entitled to. As I grew older, I believe she has hoped for the worse for me, so that she wouldn’t feel as much envy towards me and could use me as a way to play the “poor mother, I have such a difficult daughter” card to garner attention and simultaneously put me down as I became a threat.

I'll be honest I don't feel like I'm experiencing horror. I am experiencing a level of extreme prolonged isolation that 99.9% of people will never experience in their life. Not because I want to and it's certainly emotionally painful, but horror? No not really, but I think that's because my brain might just be wired a bit differently than most people.

This is a breath of fresh air to listen to. Thank you

czcams.com/video/FWwOEie7Eh0/video.html

It’s happening now

lol it’s so true..!

Comment on Freud's concept of the 'Devouring Mother,' and what do you think of people who choose to die alone? For I'm facing a forced isolation, following a life-time of abandonment and social isolation (my mom divorced my dad when I was two), and find that I relish the prospect. It gives free reign to my drive for solitude, I'm a Lone Wolf. Also, I'm drifting into absolute silence verbally.

I can't believe you really made a video. I was the one who asked how could i help a friend of mine with grieving. I am still working on myself and i will keep doing it thanks for your guidance. And i hope my friend finds her way through it too.

I love you

something about this mans eyes just pierces my very being

I also struggled with this quote for a long time, until I understood that, the feelings that were created by past events and yet being experienced at the current moment is an important part of my "here and now". Anchoring in the "here and now" does not mean that I should judge a feeling by when it was created. As long as I am experiencing it, it is present. This teaching is not the best for people with traumas I agree.

Damn, wish I met a therapist or friend like you. Just wonderful insights

They’re just hungry 😅

Everything he said was spot on! Being an attractive women can only get you so far and you will be better off being around people of your level. Less attractive men or too scared and don’t try and if you do give them a chance they see you as a trophy just to flaunt and show off to their friends or even exes. Not all men are like this but being a extremely beautiful women I had to deal with a lot of my boyfriends showing me off, one even sent my intimate photos to his dad just to show him he was an alpha or something. I don’t mean to sound rude or bias but every time I was treated less than, ignored, bullied, mocked, etc, it was all by people who were failing in the looks department. The problem with being attractive is that you attract a lot of psychopaths at least in my case, it’s like people see something shiny (you) and want to posses it, your a target for bullying, gossip, etc, while all these people will make it seem like they are better than you but they take time and energy to talk about you. It doesn’t make any sense… and an attractive person sets off something in people, not all but just the insecure ones. It causes less attractive people to feel doubt, shame, questioning their own self worth etc…. Hey being pretty is a dream and I wouldn’t change it for anything but I say hang out with people who is on your level so you don’t feel weird or bad in any way, it is what it is rich people don’t hang out with people with no money… because we know how that goes. It’s the same way for attractive people.

Lone wolf empath

I remember my dad and mom took me and my sister to visit my dad's family,,,it was all about showing off,my dad did this alot dragged us along,,, jobs,cities, vacations ,dinners outings,,,my life was a shit show,,,I feel like he was really trying??? A therapist would hear this and my last one said,,,well you are processing,,,,,,ok,😊❤

Parental Alienation after a divorce.

❤Been isolated,,,😮 , drugged,,,, Life. is " never " the same , against my will😢 , ohhh 30 days later,,,$$$ have a great day! thanks?

❤Yep! What else can you do ,,,survive! Parenting,,,,,,,,,,,,,😊

This sounds like a sophisticated form of Master and Slave Morality.

its so hard to realize and then even harder to accept this but the parents have no free will either. you could keep telling them theyre bad and blah blah blah and it will amount to absolutely nothing. your best bet is running away from them. through education. its hard as hell

Finally a man who speaks truth . Been a client enough times and I’ve always had my suspicions.

Very interesting! I have all kinds of issues with verbal flow that come up - especially when speaking with someone one on one. There are few exceptions for me where I am able to - relax. Keep making these wonderful videos! It is ridiculous that you only have less that 150k followers after over six years on CZcams!

MAybe watch Maria Goretti' s story she is a saint