Ever cleaned out a closet? As soon as you start pulling everything out, the mess spreads out into the room and even into the whole house. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s the only way to get that space clean and clear.
Khecid’s Dragons There is a method for approaching this with intent to maintain balance and momentum while attacking such piles. I will describe it in the main comments section.
Excellent analogy. This is especially true if you have kept journals over the years. As ones pulls out the boxes of journals from the closet, the memories are literally written on the pages. The process is enough to send one spinning off into oblivion!
If I hadn't started on my journey of healing my trauma caused by my parents I would still be medicated up to my eyeballs to deal with severe depression and anxiety. I am on nothing now and feel so free like I was reborn. Going no contact with my abusers was a critical part of this.
You're quickly becoming my favourite CZcamsr. How you speak so volubly about these issues really gets through to me. I've just gone into therapy for social anxiety disorder (in the UK), and watching your videos has helped me become mindful of aspects of myself that need extra work and care. Thanks for your output - it's tremendously valuable.
I started trauma therapy more than a year ago with EMDR, I was more of a “head on” person back then, really insisted to dive right into my trauma, and got very unlucky with a therapist who didn’t bother to correct me, to teach me how trauma therapy actually works, to teach me how to stabilize my emotions. I was on the verge of psychosis after sessions with him. Then I decided to change a therapist and my current therapist was a true blessing, she often reminds me to not push myself too far, reassures me that we are “not wasting time” when I need a light session or just regular talk therapy. She says I am building a tolerance with putting one foot into my trauma and then letting this foot to rest before keeping testing/exploring the depth of my trauma further. I still go into a panic response when I have to open up or talk about some of the painful experiences, but a year ago I wouldn’t even IMAGINE being able to talk about it at all. Plus it’s taking me way less time to stabilize, and in recent weeks I stopped spiraling all together after a session. I cannot thank life enough for sending me my therapist, I know she’s truly there for me, and although my functioning is very low these days, I practically don’t work anymore, I know I’m taking this time to get better, and that my resource is being spent on my healing, so I don’t care about chasing some financial goals/bigger sales/etc. I found peace in my non-functioning and finally learned how NOT TO push myself, because I know if I keep pushing, I’ll push myself to the edge. It’s been a few months now without suicidal thoughts (that I’ve had for 3 years) and a few weeks without violent intrusive thoughts (I’m down from several a day to one or two in 2 weeks), I’m far from being healed by I’m finally accepting that this IS a marathon, and not a sprint.
Daniel Mackler. I have been hurt by lots of therapists in the ways you describe. Thank you for letting me know I’m not crazy for being hurt, that I’m not just denying help by thinking I know what’s good for myself. That’s all I can really say. It means a lot.
Thank you for this. You have just described exactly what happened to me when I was in counseling for anxiety and depression. My story came out during counseling sessions. I was sexually abused by a very close and beloved family member at age four. Again, by a neighbor at age 7-8. Yet again by my fathers cousin, an adult male, when I was nine. When I told my parents, I was 44. My mother thanked me for telling her. My father walked away from me and didn’t want to hear my story; the family members who abused me were on his side of the family. Mom passed 17 years ago. Dad is 87 now and still doesn’t believe me. He has even asked why I didn’t tell my mom when I was first abused if it was so bad...🙄. I explained that at age four I had no idea what had happened nor did I have the words or intellectual capacity to explain what had happened. At ages 7 through 9, I still had no way to communicate my traumas. At age 40 I began getting panic attacks. That went on for over two years. When I saw my doctor, I explained my feelings and he was the one who referred me to a counselor. That counselor was well prepared to get to the cause of my anxiety and depression. It is very hard work to realize what was done to me. To this day I have flashbacks. I know that I’m safe yet my heart still aches for the little girl who lost her innocence to selfish adults.
I am so sorry, words cannot describe how you feel or what you've gone through Im sure... I sincerely hope one day you can be at some peace and have some happiness. Take care of yourself always and do what's best for yourself esp while you heal.
Before even starting to watch this video I will say that yes, it is SO worth it to heal your trauma. It is THE ONLY way I was able to truly get rid of my depression.
"Life becoming worse"... Yea it became worse for others who try to use my trauma to try to manipulate and take advantage of me. It's hard for others to function with my newfound ability to say 'No'. Healing my trauma has been overwhelming and hard to deal with but i would never go back to the time that i didn't actively heal. It's a slow(wouldn't say stagnant) and rewarding process and i embrace my experience so far. I used to live my life for others first, now i live my life for me. It brings me so much peace knowing that i nourish myself with love and understanding every single day.
My healing has been like floodgates. I hate grieving the life I thought I had. But I’m soo much happier I had, even when it’s difficult it outweighs the bad
@@user-dq2ym1nn9k Hi! That’s so kind of you to ask. So much better. I’ve just finished a year and a half of weekly therapy with a great therapist. Moved out of my toxic home almost three years ago. Happily living on the other side of my city. Starting the journey felt so raw, but I’m no longer mentally enmeshed in the drama that consumed my childhood and life. Even with its moments, I’m stronger and happier I’m excited about the future I’m making. I love this little time capsule haha 😊 wishing everyone the best!!
My own personal preference? I choose to leave the past alone. I need to function and be a responsible adult. I do better observing my own behavior and trying to do better. And if you disclose trauma to a therapist you are taking a huge risk. I did with my therapist and she played along telling me to reprocess it and then the very next session told me she was leaving to be with her son at the end of the month. The leaving wasn't upsetting. Her knowing she was leaving and allowing me to talk about it and saying she would help me through it if I got numb inside is what did it. Never again. Such a waste. She tricked me because she couldn't tell me she was leaving. She let me get knee deep in trauma and then told me she "waited " to let me know she was leaving and I had only one session left with her. I plan on writing a letter to her supervisor for some kind of closure.
Be vareful getting that attached to a therapist or placing your recovery in anyone elses hands. You can reprimand the therapist but ultimately its your healing.
I've noticed this as well. If you really want to freak someone out and break them. Give them hope and tell them there is a way out, that they can get better. That realization will awaken the droves of hidden resentment and anger that they were ignoring just to survive their current situation with their sanity in tact. It can get really bad. Gotta be careful who you give hope and the chance of healing too.
Being aware of the trauma reaction paradox can give you advantage. Trauma is something that happens to you. If someone had intervened to prevent it, you would not be traumatized. But no, the trauma is with us; into us; upon us; inside us polluting our hearts and minds and hobbling our bodies. Now, the paradox is that no one but you can straighten yourself out. How you attempt that is a big deal. But you will be stuck in reaching out as if to prevent something which has already happened if you unconsciously believe (pre-conscious) that any other person can save you.
If you don't work on a trauma, it keeps repeating and repeating because it want's to be healed. It is a very long and lonely journey if you truly commit to self-healing. It was 2017 when I realised, that I can't be hurt if I don't have a deep wound already. I got triggered on the sentence "you are unwanted". I was ready to feel this pain and it felt like death, it felt like my skin starts burning and got ripped off and I processed through it. I just thought: "ok, if I have to die now, I am ready" But I did not. And this was the key momen when I realized I won't die. I lost ALL my fear for triggers and I am longing for them, I am thankful for them. I lost my fear of abandonment. But Daniel is right, you need to have a good preparation, a save surrounding and in best case someone who already went through it. My journey of self-study, behavorial therapy, spirituality, daily meditation, yoga.. already began 8 years ago (I started early with 25, same time I cut off most "family" members). So you see, it took me ages of preparation until I started understand the whole picture and was able to handle the process. And I can't describe how thankful I am that all my work pays off, I feel more and more complete, I lose fears, I know my own truth, the strange veil between me and others fades more and more, for the first time I have a will to live because I feel wanted (by myself!). It's incredibly sad that there are "professionals" who walk around and tell people, it's not worth it to HEAL trauma. (Come on, wtf..) There is also a lot of literature which tells that traumatized people will be fucked up forever because there isn't a cure. I never believed them and I was right. Just because the way is the heardest fucked up thing you ever did, it doesn't mean there isn't a way. All my love for the fighters out there, keep fighting, you will be rewarded
I thought your explanation of the pain was excellent - your skin burning and being ripped off. I often refer to it as a rebirthing process. Excessively painful and as close to death as we can get, but the relief on the other side is so so very worth it. Rebirthing yourself and learning to love yourself in a way that wasn’t modelled for you (and is our actual inherent birth right), is the kindest most loving thing you can do for yourself. ♥️
Of course it is! Until I was ready to do the hard work, and address my trauma I was using food, men, shopping and alcohol to run away from the horror of my childhood and early adult trauma. It took me decades to be ready to face it but I had to. My life was stuck and I wasn't progressing.
Kat, would you be open to sharing how you worked through and past your personal traumas? Was a therapist involved? And, if so, what types of therapies were implemented? Talk therapy, Gestalt, DBT, ACT, EMDR, etc.? Did you journal, attend support groups?
@@bethanysaxton7351 It all started in late 2014. I saw a graphic segment on The Today Show where an NFL player had physically assaulted his fiance and they showed it on tape. It triggered my abuse flashbacks and instead of shutting me down I started researching what was happening to me in terms of my response(I have PTSD). I quickly realized that some of the television shows, movies and even porn I had been watching for years was a way to retraumatize and revictimize myself. I also realized and this was BIG, the reason I dissociated all my life is because I viewed my body as the "scene of a crime." That's because it was! I have a history of childhood and early adult sexual trauma and physical abuse. Anyway, I called a local counseling center and went on a waitlist. In the meantime I started going to groups at the center until my therapist became available. It was the first place I went where they did grounding techniques and asked me to scan my body to see where I was holding fear, anxiety Etc. Just doing that technique stopped me from dissociating because I had to be in my body to know and describe what was happening to it. At the same time I picked up yoga. I would do yoga in front of a humongous mirror so that my asanas were correct, and because I had to look in my own eyes it caused me to see the pain, anger, sadness-i had to stay in the present to name those emotions. A month later I met my therapist and I could tell she was the right fit for me when she came out into the lobby and called my name! It wasn't any particular style of therapy but what was important is that I asked to be matched with someone who also had a trauma background. That's why she and I were such a good fit. I did art therapy as instructed by her, and on my own I began to write a lot of poetry and songs and I began to listen to early bebop jazz. There's A LOT of pain in that style of music and it was so cathartic. I began to eat mindfully instead of abusing my body as I always had. And I began to explore my spirituality by learning about Buddhism. So yoga, therapy, writing in my journal, writing poetry and songs, deepening my spiritual practices, eating mindfully, and beginning to open up to the Universe by setting my intention for the day is what helped me get through psychically ripping my guts out on the table in weekly therapy sessions. Still, if any one of those had not been in place I may not have lived to tell you about it. My flashbacks became so severe during this process that I was suicidal. There's no way I could walk you through everything that I went through but I healed as much as I could in those six months. I have to tell you that talking about being raped in a more public forum literally change the way that I walked. I held my head high(reading Maya Angelou helped with this, too!), and I released DECADES of shame and put it back on my perpetrators where it belonged. It was the right time as I had never been so motivated to look at my trauma and deal with it head-on AND I had the right tools in place to do it. I am currently in two 12-step programs(OA and SLAA), plus Refuge Recovery(Buddhist-inspired recovery program). I am finally tackling my food issues and some of my sexual addiction patterns in the right way for me. I am now a Buddhist and proud to be on this path of continued healing. I think when you have had as much trauma as I've had it can take years and years to bring it all out and deal with it. I haven't had that brick of anxiety in my stomach since 2014 and at the time I didn't realize that that sensation never left my abdomen until I started doing the grounding and sensing work (and healing) at that center. Complete healing is possible. I have made peace with that little girl who was so badly harmed and brought her fully into the light with the adult woman I am today.
Kat, wow. Just WOW. What a testimony you have and such determination and strength. I am so grateful to you for sharing, and in such detail. And, yes - you are right. The shame does not belong to you. I don’t know you, but I am so proud of and inspired by you. I wish you continued healing and happiness. ❤️❤️❤️
@@bethanysaxton7351 oh, thank you for saying that. Glad you got something out of it. I tried to be as detailed as possible. It has been a long road to healing. I'm meeting Refuge recovery meetings. It is different than 12 step programs. You can be much more raw and vulnerable and you have a longer time to do it. I'm thankful that I have Warriors to walk the path with. You haven't said anything but are you on a road of healing as well? Don't feel compelled to share if you're not comfortable.
A supportive network is so important for dealing with deep stuff. When I was in the middle of supportive retreats I could look at horrible stuff much more easily than living on my own or with unsympathetic people.
You have to have a balance to it. I started the work in late 2014 and then 2015. I did well for a few years. Then this year, I realized I'd gone back to some unhealthy coping methods so now I'm back on a healing path. It takes years to get to a healthy place. Different for us all.
Lol it's funny that you bring this up now, because I've been in the process of this for a week now. Crying like a baby at night. Spending entire days thinking about my life and what Led to where I am today. And sitting family members and friends down and laying down my emotions for them to see who I really am. I'll have to see if its worth it for me. But I'll tell you it would have been a lot easier not to do it, and go on living a lie.
Im going through the same thing right now also,its painful as hell,ive hit rock bottom and everyday is a struggle.but we must keep going.ive got people to see this week to kinda lay my cards out to them,my anxiety is through the roof at the very thought of the things i need to say,but it must be done to go forward.hope u feel better soon x
By far one of the most honest and insightful commentaries on the process of finding a good therapist and healing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this way and for being true to yourself and helping others along the way ! Your thoughts need to be heard a lot louder than some of the prominent psychologists and CZcamsrs out there .
Thank you for the validation Daniel. I feel so defeated everyone is asleep around me and I want to wake them up feel I’m alone like childhood vicious cycle. Keep believing in yourself!!
I like your videos a lot, Thank You. Baby Steps and Support from C-PTSD/Trauma Therapy. Trauma can cause Infantilization and that can make it difficult for people to look into healing from their Traumas - it can seem quite overwhelming. We do need Support with this - Very Important! "When you're going through Hell, keep going." ~Winston Churchill
EMDR is really very helpful instead of talk therapy & it works pretty quickly too! Also paying attention to IFS within. Yes it is worth it to heal our traumas!
Super info and very timely. Thank you Mr Mackler 🙏😊🙏 I'm an ex jw and trying to heal from religious trauma. Religious trauma syndrome is very real. What you said about the pressure within a culture or group to think the same way, be the same way is a massive thing with JW's. Expressing your Individuality is extremely frowned upon. I'm still trying to find out who I am!
I understand, have grieved the same terrible inheritance, I'm so grateful there is so much more online discussions to support specifically this trauma... Much luv friend 🙏🏻😇
You're being kind Daniel, some "healers" exploit their clients' vulnerabilities to dominate and gaslight them & cause harm, to satiate their undiagnosed MH problems & unresolved feelings of powerlessness. .
Great video. When I was in therapy trauma just came rushing out uncontrollably and I had amnesia for everything I said. My therapist didn't let me talk about trauma again.
It’s either take a step back to deal with the pain to eventually take 2 steps forward or live in dissociation/denial with drugs & alcohol, wreck less behavior
People have lost their resilience, it is so difficult to heal it has taken me more than 7 years, and I am fortunate not to have to work, but the changes are so worth it. The practice of network chiropractics is great because trauma is held in the body not the mind. The body does know how to heal itself with the stimulation of nerves. My experience is that you are correct. The therapist cannot give enough love to heal that child within. Yes you have to integrate the bad stuff but the feeling of integration is wonderful. It is so hard to do but so worth it.
I’ve been addicted to your channel the last few weeks. I came across it at a time where I really needed to hear the things you’re saying. Approaching trauma is of the upmost importance in my life right now. This content has been tremendously helpful, and I just want to say thank you..
Thank you for posting this video. It's very helpful to know that you recognize that healing can be extremely difficult. I started a process of healing with a therapist about eight months ago, and I'd like to offer a "client" perspective. The reason I found it difficult was because it's unlike most educational experiences. When you want to learn how to play the piano, you take lessons, you practice. And even if it sucks at the beginning, there is a clear feedback loop to help you know that you're getting better. It happens with sport, learning a new topic, creating art, almost everything. With therapy, it was extremely difficult to know if what I was doing was helping me or hurting me. My therapist walked me through the process, but it didn't help *enough*. So the first thing I wish this therapists did was provide a better feedback loop. The second is that the exercises given to me felt vague. I was asked to "grieve", "connect", not repress my feelings. These are, by definition, general terms. It's not like being told to learn chapters 1 through 4 and take quizzes. Instead you think about stuff, or write down stuff, and then... just wait. This makes it extremely frustrating. So the second thing is I wish therapists used clearer language and just got down to brass tacks *and stayed there*. I know therapy perhaps isn't as straightforward, but as it stands now, it feels way too much like the wild wild west. Improvements would be welcome and reduce frustration.
Love this! As Ive felt quite stuck sometimes, like was it all even worth it? Will I feel like myself again. But we are also doing this work for the next generation, sort of cleaning up the mess.
So true! I’m trying to go through a trauma on my own currently. It’s so difficult, but I have decided to face it and to experience the darkest feelings that buried so deep. When I concentrate my mind sometimes, I got the inner knowing and wisdom that I could not have known normally and those inner guidances brought me hope and confidence to walk through that dark channel.
I learned a lot from this video- thank-you for this! When you were speaking about wha happens if we don’t heal our traumas I thought of the common example of a festering wound. We’re terrified and sickened to look at it and know the pain involved in cleaning and patching it up so we keep not dealing with it until it literally starts to poison us to death. I think not dealing with our traumas is like that. We will live a kind of dead life and/or shorten our lives due to illness developing from our internal pain or making very destructive life choices to forget about the pain.
I came to the same conclusions! Still in process of healing and this is the hardest thing I ever went through. I hope, I'll come to "another side", in "way of me" that is more stable.
Becoming more conscious can create some positive things but also has the danger of creating its own trauma, especially if handled too hard and too fast, or arrogantly, or even semi-malignantly. I had this experience with “personal development healing“ gurus who did just this. The good psychotherapy I eventually found was so much better. However I also met a few awful therapists to begin with, who I agree with Daniel, just re-traumatised me, including group therapy. But somehow, somehow, and it was a massive battle when I was ill and had so little money, I kept kept going till I found one who could help me.
your discussion on therapists is very interesting. Im starting a masters in therapy this fall, but I have also had nothing but negative experiences with therapists. At this point I have given up finding a therapist (after several negative experiences in a row). But I do believe that it has increased my ability learn about myself, because what else can you do?
I stuffed everything down with heroin for a decade. I’m much better and off dope...and while I had trouble at first I’m so much better now. Helping people by talking about my own shit has helped tremendously. (Esp “Why I Am A Recluse” & “Suicide Attempt” vids.) I have a much very different youtube channel started by accident. ... In a way that is who was there to help me get thru stuff and listen. It did get ‘rough’ for a little and had to slow down in a way (Livestreams got very personal.) I’ve never had a therapist who has helped me. I loved what you spoke about in terms of learning to trust yourself. Spot on. I don’t really keep up with many CZcams channels but I love this one !
I also wanted to add.. that since last summer, watching your videos helped me stabilize my feelings of my self worth and question myself less. I'm making strides in healing steps that are unfathomable to some. Started my own channel as well this yr revealing a box of my childhood documents & letters. I'm struggling w getting the videos made because it's grief striking and no support emotionally. This account now I'm leaving my comment on is the account I use to watch and comment on CZcams. Idk if I'm allowed to comment my channel but it is called Soul Shattered 2 SuperStar. Your input would b treasured, as you have helped me get there too. Ty. 💛
Daniel, you have such great and conscientious insight. Sooooo true that mental health professionals DO go in a little hastily and bareknuckle with no regard for the aftermath: this really hurt someone I love so much.
So true. Happened to me after opening the doors of trauma. I now see that the chaotic episode that followed was a necessary part of my healing from trauma. These videos for me, are better than any psychotherapy session.
great video...this precise issue makes me super hesitant to seek help. On the client end I don't know who is really qualified to help me with opening up in a constructive deep healing way. I want help, I want to do the work, and yet, I have had therapeutic experiences that left me exposed and not benefited. The qualified therapist is hard to find, rare, elusive so far for me
Yes thank you. You are correct. I did it on my own and still struggle but I reformed my fragmented self and move ahead. I went deep within and connected internally and it’s a daily minute by minute process. Thank you for all you do and clarify. I never found a therapist that got it, no tools to help myself just wanted to keep me telling my story over and over.
It depends. Some people function very well indeed in our messed up society with their traumatised selves, particularly the sociopathic/narcissistically inclined. Ignorance is bliss for these individuals. As for the rest of us? Yes healing our traumas is worth it so we are no longer victims or prey to such people, suffering in the shadows of their abuse. It’s the only way to find any peace of joy as adults in this fucked up world.
Very insightful video yet again. I have healed a lot of my trauma's and indeed life is hard when you heal and even after healing the major wounds, exactly because I am aware how aware I am. Haha. Nevertheless I am so much happier and now able to help others. I wouldn't want it any other way. Healing for me is a life time effort and I think it is beautiful. Thank you Daniel! 🙏🏼
I am in a master program to become a licensed clinician and the most shocking thing is that the classes are full of 20 something year olds. Many of whom laughted when I said that in part I am in this program to educate myself on trauma and how it affects and my life is because of my own trauma. Many of the students in my master program believe they have no problems emotionally or psychologically speaking., and yet these students will graduate and go onto become therapist . I am 40 years old and I am one of the oldest students in the classes. It scares me to think that anyone would want to have a 20 something therapist with no life experience, no dept and understanding of trauma and mental health issues besides what they’re funneling down our heads now in university lectures. And you can get the best grades and you can get two masters degrees and a PH.D and still be a lousy therapist in the end. I been through multiple therapists who took my money and did nothing to help me resolve my emotional issues or address my psychological distress and mental anguish.
Again, like with your other videos; well-said! As a mental health counselor, I know that Trauma-informed therapy is big right now since it's guided by Medicaid, State licensing boards, and it's big money, like Mindfulness was big money 10 years ago (still is pretty big, since people are starved for spirituality and meaning and Mindfulness is a generic way to address the issue; doesn't really address it well, though, at least in agencies, but it does mean money, and the Providers can feel good about it.) I've gotten much feedback from my clients in the past 15 years, that I really do help them. Some, I am absolutely sure, I have NOT helped. This is due to my own wounding, just as you describe. I must take responsibility for that. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but hopefully, I can make amends and/or keep striving to be a better person/clinician. Keep up your magnificant work!
Really great talk, Daniel. Thank you. I know of many examples that reflect what you describe here. One woman I know has had several series of sessions with different therapists over the years. These series were funded by the government in response to acute situations she found herself in, so they were short term arrangements, not enough sessions to establish the trust required for deep work. Not surprisingly, she now has a very low opinion of psychotherapy and instead is seeking relief by following various new age spiritual gurus around the world in order to heal by “receiving their energy”. Have you ever spoken on the topic of spiritual bypassing, or guru-worship? Perhaps an idea for a future video?
I did a lot of processing of my unresolved traumas last year. I felt like every trauma I pulled out, there was another one behind it - felt like a box of Kleenex where you pull out one and the next one pops up. It was overwhelming but I took it at my own pace and managed the process myself and got support where needed. I did so much healing work via my own dreams. My dreams showed me split off parts of myself that needed to be seen. I was lucky to have a counsellor to work with on occasion during this time who was totally present and let me lead the pace - I am realizing from this video that I was lucky to have that! I also love what you are saying about coming back to self, listening to self. So much wisdom here.
wow daniel!!! thank u for validating what u said about whole cultures not caring about the individual at all, in fact can we say collectivist cultures are like this as a whole? yes i think so. asians are notorious for this, and hispanics too. im hispanic and its like in my family, u are not an individual person, u are part of a whole body; the "family body" i call it. what u think and feel doesnt matter (unless u are the main malignant narcissist then u are the king/queen of the family). if u decide to leave its painful for the family because its like u are severing a limb....but thats all u are, not a person, a limb, an appendage thats useful. the main use is for a nice, respectable family image....its deeply narcissistic because its all false...teh false self and utterly false family image. its heinous and i have to stay away from them for my own mental health.....
There is no choice. Pain of addiction and bs or pain of grieving. We have to fall apart to come together. Its taken me decades. Yes, its been hard. Its a mind fuk. But its sooo worth it once it starts to come together.
yes made it worse for me my trauma talking about it. How open can you be when they tell you if you say anything that could pose a risk to you or your kids i have to report you. Wellllll no thanks. Freedom to talk is everything without worry of having cops called on you. in time with enough peace in my life i healed all the symptoms took 1 years though for everything to go away flaskbacks, nightmares, insomonia, nervousness of noise and anyone moving fast around me.
Yes!! I couldn't even confide in my own sibling, with how I was,FEELING. I was told to stop the "hate talk" and that I needed to talk to a therapist. After I cut her off, and had nothing to do wih her,as well as snother family member (I mistakenly thought I could confide in) not even 24hrs later I had a feeling of peace come over me like I just got rid of unhealthy baggage. I prwctice what is called letting go of toxic people. I also prwctice letting go of people who not only have nothing to offer me at all,and only cause hurt, as well as refuse to take my own help I offer them. I had aquantance that I wanted to be friends with. I be at could progress to friends status. They used me by only ever talking to me as someone they could vent to sbout their problems. That's fine for people to do but when it's the ONLY thing they do ,and only time they talk to me, yeah...anyway same person tells me that me cutting off people for life is "just running away from my problems" I thought about it and decidee they were on the list of new people to cut off lol. When I let go of people I let go of baggage I dont need and am a better person for it. It's not "running away"from problems,if the problem is a toxic person lol and this person who said that is in an,abusive relationship they refuse to get out themselves. But they stay because they don't want to "run away from their problems" lol. And guess eho has been seeing a therapist. This person mentioned above. Sp of course rhey rgibk because I domt talk to a therapist I need obe too. Be ause rhere must not be a possibility that some people CAN work ob thwir issues by themselves ans with supprt of the right people of course, people who they have existing HEALTHY relationships with. Yeah any "professional" is a mandated reporter and they DO report you.
Really good video. Really appreciate your perspective and passion to help others. Thank you. And one obvious answer to your friend that you didn't mention is - well, perhaps we need better screening, better education and training and healing for anyone who contemplates helping others so that the therapists themselves are more inwardly whole and mature (and have resolved their own traumas) AND to make sure that the therapists have real love and compassion in their heart and the capacity to be there for someone who goes through the profoundly difficult process of healing the deep painful wound of trauma. this is not just a technical skill that you learn i class, that is real depth of heart and the maturity and sensitivity and compassion that comes out of real awareness of the process of living.
But how? The very training is massively flawed. Narcissists are drawn to the power and authority and weeeding them out would be difficult but also the people in charge are probably like that themselves and don’t want it to change. I see my psychologist and how absolutely stuck she is on useless therapy that gives her money, prestige and supply from patients. She’s not giving that up. She constantly worried about liability too.
Thank you, Mr. Mackler, for this video. You are spot on with your analysis of trauma and the need to face it. Additionally, the focus on staying busy in the community is more important than your own feelings will slow down or prevent a traumatized person from ever having the inward strength to overcome the trauma. Staying busy in the community as a distraction therapy is systemic in the CMH system. Being distracted from the trauma by panting pictures or piece work in a sheltered workshop s not going to solve the issue, but it the effects of the trauma will foster and grow in the mind of a person that is told his feelings don't matter, and that the thoughts and opinions of others are far more important.
Thank you Daniel. Lots of honest truth in your talk. I appreciate you.Your talks in these videos have had (are having) a beneficial influence in the developement of my understanding of my own neuroses, and in my understanding of what I can and cannot (or should not) expect (or require) of a therapist.
Beautifully insightful, honest, clear truth. Daniel, you really do ‘get it’ and see things with the complexity with which they exist. Everything you share is so valuable and for that, I thank you.
Me too . I was told I should get therapy and I said the obly two people I trust is one guy (Daniel) who no longer practices, and another guy who I'm not sure if he is in practice,but he's in a different state far away.
YES! Should be a disclaimer in all therapy, not talked about enough at all! Another thing I think that makes people (individually) resist going through this is this unconcious/protective knowing that at the other side of the healing/negative emotions/positive self nurturing experience the person is straight up changed in big ways/liberated in mind, body, spirit. Accepting the truth of their lives opens up a lot and that is terrifying because people dont know what to do with that....and like to be real freedom and truth are not just different states to live in, they are infinitely more powerful and wake you up to see others and reality in a whole new way (unity conciousness, god conciousness, oneness with all things) and you sort of cant go back to being "asleep" or "limited" once you see and experience it. It's exactly the same as the whole concept of the matrix or jesus, or any political or social movement that leads people to liberation. Society hates healed people, people who reclaim power within themselves and aren't lead around by their traumas to be like one another and to think like one another and to consume instead of create. Most people despise the truth for this reason, for what it stands for and will attack you if you are liberated around them in self defense because they are so dependent on their traumas and limitations to get by. Actual freedom terrifies most because they fear they wouldn't fit in or would be misunderstood or not loved and maybe not be able to communicate anymore and then lead down a road to going insane/psychotic and falling prey to larger evil forces than the original trauma, like being labelled schizophrenic and pumped with pills for the rest of their lives and/or locked in a cage or left on the street. So yes trauma healing (the integration of fragmented soul back to itself) and also seemingly innocuous things like yoga, plant medicine, therapy in general anything that heals beings back to their innate power all follow the same principle of UNIFICATION (anti-separation/fragmentation/dissassociation) which is not just a "oh great im healthy" thing. Historically systems of power relay on exactly this unhealthy/unhealed and divided state to keep people disempowered and subservient and confused and needy and in pain to use them and their resources. A lot of history is a never ending cycle of battles between the machine/powers that be (which rely on strength, the ability to control, force, dominate others) and the individual/human life (relies on true power, the ability to master oneself through and with nature) at odds with one another. Most people choose to avoid this conflict by avoiding going within and instead accept their trauma response which conditions them into limited states of being and makes them acceptable to others within society and therefore safe/able to live a predictable and stable life.
THANKYOU so much. I needed this video tremendously today. Ty for ALL your videos, but today, this was HUGE for me in a solitude environment looking for my direction in healing. 💛
It is truth whem I first began going to therapy I became paralised with sadness n depression because healing took me to the darkness of my family life. It took time to heal but it is worth it. I no longer have explosions of rage as I used to, I no longer drink or do drugs to supress my feelings. And lets be honest given the history of slavery n the psychological violence men are encouraged to inflict on women I think rage n anger it is the obvious reaction to have.
That happened to me, my therapists opened the trauma awareness without caring if I had a strong enough net support to fall back on, which I didn’t and spent some years in an emotional spiral of which was really difficult to get out. The sad part is when you instinctively tell them that perhaps you need to cool it with the truth trip and they don’t listen, don’t care and keep pushing. I don’t regret to have been able to see the darkest parts of my history but now, I also have to add the trauma from what those mental health experts put me through and my trust issues definitely worsen, this is the stage I’m in now. I would recommend relational analysts though, they’re not that bad, they’re trained to avoid some of these issues, but that doesn’t mean they also have jerks amongst their mist... so I also agree in always try things with your eyes 👀 really open...
Dear Daniel, I believe you are correct about all this..There actually isn’t many safe places for people in this world especially people wanting to be genuine and heal these types of things. Some people need to change living arrangements to be able to heal. These things you talk about are truth, and sadly like you satiated the world is quite cold to it. I know from experience. 💗
Please do a video on how to find a good therapist etc. that is a good match for oneself. How do you do that without spending too much time searching, spending too much money, and revealing too many embarrassing things about yourself to too many people; the wrong people? How do you do that with learning disabilities, ADD, OCD, tourette syndrome, a bunch of psychosomatic ailments, no friends around and an inability to make friends?
14:50 ............. powerful stuff Daniel thank you. I just ended a relationship with my 12 step NA sponsor. Though my sponsor had 18 years in NA recovery , the two of us together were exemplifying this exact dynamic. I tried to speak to what I was seeing to her on multiple times, to no avail. I was told "stop avoiding yourself by taking my inventory.......... I have more recovery tools and am the one sponsoring you.....not vice versa........" Maybe I am too unruly for the steps..... but the meetings are a help. I am now told "If you are sponsoring yourself, you are being sponsored by an idiot" . I am accountable to a friend, but that is questioned by 12 step group think. Hard times...... but glad to be clean and sober. K
Your sharing, Daniel, is a saving grace! I love you as a soulmate, as a fellow traveler. You have no idea how helpful this is - it supports my experience, confirms to me that I'm not the only one on this planet with my experience and discoveries ! I got to know myself quite late in life and what you found in hiking, I discovered in landscape and wildlife photography. It was an unusual thing to do among my peers, something out of ordinary, but it gave me life, freedom, a completely new perspective of the world and of myself. Cheers!
Ever cleaned out a closet? As soon as you start pulling everything out, the mess spreads out into the room and even into the whole house. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s the only way to get that space clean and clear.
Khecid’s Dragons There is a method for approaching this with intent to maintain balance and momentum while attacking such piles. I will describe it in the main comments section.
Excellent analogy. This is especially true if you have kept journals over the years. As ones pulls out the boxes of journals from the closet, the memories are literally written on the pages. The process is enough to send one spinning off into oblivion!
That’s what I always say. At first you Have to get the shit out to look at
Khecid’s Dragons Great metaphor.
and the method to deal with feelings without getting worse? EFT!!!!!!!!!!
If I hadn't started on my journey of healing my trauma caused by my parents I would still be medicated up to my eyeballs to deal with severe depression and anxiety. I am on nothing now and feel so free like I was reborn. Going no contact with my abusers was a critical part of this.
Have you had the experience of grieving yet?
I understand.
Healing is the best investment of your resources in the long term if you want to find genuine happiness, contentment, and inner peace.
You're quickly becoming my favourite CZcamsr. How you speak so volubly about these issues really gets through to me. I've just gone into therapy for social anxiety disorder (in the UK), and watching your videos has helped me become mindful of aspects of myself that need extra work and care. Thanks for your output - it's tremendously valuable.
I started trauma therapy more than a year ago with EMDR, I was more of a “head on” person back then, really insisted to dive right into my trauma, and got very unlucky with a therapist who didn’t bother to correct me, to teach me how trauma therapy actually works, to teach me how to stabilize my emotions. I was on the verge of psychosis after sessions with him. Then I decided to change a therapist and my current therapist was a true blessing, she often reminds me to not push myself too far, reassures me that we are “not wasting time” when I need a light session or just regular talk therapy. She says I am building a tolerance with putting one foot into my trauma and then letting this foot to rest before keeping testing/exploring the depth of my trauma further. I still go into a panic response when I have to open up or talk about some of the painful experiences, but a year ago I wouldn’t even IMAGINE being able to talk about it at all. Plus it’s taking me way less time to stabilize, and in recent weeks I stopped spiraling all together after a session. I cannot thank life enough for sending me my therapist, I know she’s truly there for me, and although my functioning is very low these days, I practically don’t work anymore, I know I’m taking this time to get better, and that my resource is being spent on my healing, so I don’t care about chasing some financial goals/bigger sales/etc. I found peace in my non-functioning and finally learned how NOT TO push myself, because I know if I keep pushing, I’ll push myself to the edge. It’s been a few months now without suicidal thoughts (that I’ve had for 3 years) and a few weeks without violent intrusive thoughts (I’m down from several a day to one or two in 2 weeks), I’m far from being healed by I’m finally accepting that this IS a marathon, and not a sprint.
Have you told her ? Show her your comment here maybe
Daniel Mackler. I have been hurt by lots of therapists in the ways you describe. Thank you for letting me know I’m not crazy for being hurt, that I’m not just denying help by thinking I know what’s good for myself. That’s all I can really say. It means a lot.
Thank you for this. You have just described exactly what happened to me when I was in counseling for anxiety and depression. My story came out during counseling sessions. I was sexually abused by a very close and beloved family member at age four. Again, by a neighbor at age 7-8. Yet again by my fathers cousin, an adult male, when I was nine. When I told my parents, I was 44. My mother thanked me for telling her. My father walked away from me and didn’t want to hear my story; the family members who abused me were on his side of the family. Mom passed 17 years ago. Dad is 87 now and still doesn’t believe me. He has even asked why I didn’t tell my mom when I was first abused if it was so bad...🙄. I explained that at age four I had no idea what had happened nor did I have the words or intellectual capacity to explain what had happened. At ages 7 through 9, I still had no way to communicate my traumas.
At age 40 I began getting panic attacks. That went on for over two years. When I saw my doctor, I explained my feelings and he was the one who referred me to a counselor. That counselor was well prepared to get to the cause of my anxiety and depression. It is very hard work to realize what was done to me. To this day I have flashbacks. I know that I’m safe yet my heart still aches for the little girl who lost her innocence to selfish adults.
try to do inner child work
Congrats for having the courage to deal with your painful experiences from the past and pursuing your well-being
I am so sorry, words cannot describe how you feel or what you've gone through Im sure... I sincerely hope one day you can be at some peace and have some happiness. Take care of yourself always and do what's best for yourself esp while you heal.
Prayers are with you.
Please see if there's anyone in your area who is EMDRIA trained & can have EMDR sessions w/ you. That really does work!
Why can’t I like this video multiple times? Brilliant! Thank you for your deep commitment to speaking to the truth of self-healing.
Before even starting to watch this video I will say that yes, it is SO worth it to heal your trauma. It is THE ONLY way I was able to truly get rid of my depression.
Yes, yes, yes....finally somebody gets it. I'm not alone. So brilliant. Thank you so much. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
"Life becoming worse"... Yea it became worse for others who try to use my trauma to try to manipulate and take advantage of me. It's hard for others to function with my newfound ability to say 'No'. Healing my trauma has been overwhelming and hard to deal with but i would never go back to the time that i didn't actively heal. It's a slow(wouldn't say stagnant) and rewarding process and i embrace my experience so far. I used to live my life for others first, now i live my life for me. It brings me so much peace knowing that i nourish myself with love and understanding every single day.
My healing has been like floodgates. I hate grieving the life I thought I had. But I’m soo much happier I had, even when it’s difficult it outweighs the bad
How are you going now...4 years later ? xx
@@user-dq2ym1nn9k Hi! That’s so kind of you to ask. So much better. I’ve just finished a year and a half of weekly therapy with a great therapist. Moved out of my toxic home almost three years ago. Happily living on the other side of my city. Starting the journey felt so raw, but I’m no longer mentally enmeshed in the drama that consumed my childhood and life. Even with its moments, I’m stronger and happier I’m excited about the future I’m making. I love this little time capsule haha 😊 wishing everyone the best!!
My own personal preference? I choose to leave the past alone. I need to function and be a responsible adult. I do better observing my own behavior and trying to do better. And if you disclose trauma to a therapist you are taking a huge risk. I did with my therapist and she played along telling me to reprocess it and then the very next session told me she was leaving to be with her son at the end of the month. The leaving wasn't upsetting. Her knowing she was leaving and allowing me to talk about it and saying she would help me through it if I got numb inside is what did it. Never again. Such a waste. She tricked me because she couldn't tell me she was leaving. She let me get knee deep in trauma and then told me she "waited " to let me know she was leaving and I had only one session left with her. I plan on writing a letter to her supervisor for some kind of closure.
Be vareful getting that attached to a therapist or placing your recovery in anyone elses hands. You can reprimand the therapist but ultimately its your healing.
I've noticed this as well. If you really want to freak someone out and break them. Give them hope and tell them there is a way out, that they can get better. That realization will awaken the droves of hidden resentment and anger that they were ignoring just to survive their current situation with their sanity in tact. It can get really bad. Gotta be careful who you give hope and the chance of healing too.
Being aware of the trauma reaction paradox can give you advantage. Trauma is something that happens to you. If someone had intervened to prevent it, you would not be traumatized. But no, the trauma is with us; into us; upon us; inside us polluting our hearts and minds and hobbling our bodies. Now, the paradox is that no one but you can straighten yourself out. How you attempt that is a big deal. But you will be stuck in reaching out as if to prevent something which has already happened if you unconsciously believe (pre-conscious) that any other person can save you.
If you don't work on a trauma, it keeps repeating and repeating because it want's to be healed. It is a very long and lonely journey if you truly commit to self-healing.
It was 2017 when I realised, that I can't be hurt if I don't have a deep wound already. I got triggered on the sentence "you are unwanted". I was ready to feel this pain and it felt like death, it felt like my skin starts burning and got ripped off and I processed through it. I just thought: "ok, if I have to die now, I am ready" But I did not. And this was the key momen when I realized I won't die. I lost ALL my fear for triggers and I am longing for them, I am thankful for them. I lost my fear of abandonment.
But Daniel is right, you need to have a good preparation, a save surrounding and in best case someone who already went through it.
My journey of self-study, behavorial therapy, spirituality, daily meditation, yoga.. already began 8 years ago (I started early with 25, same time I cut off most "family" members). So you see, it took me ages of preparation until I started understand the whole picture and was able to handle the process. And I can't describe how thankful I am that all my work pays off, I feel more and more complete, I lose fears, I know my own truth, the strange veil between me and others fades more and more, for the first time I have a will to live because I feel wanted (by myself!).
It's incredibly sad that there are "professionals" who walk around and tell people, it's not worth it to HEAL trauma. (Come on, wtf..) There is also a lot of literature which tells that traumatized people will be fucked up forever because there isn't a cure. I never believed them and I was right. Just because the way is the heardest fucked up thing you ever did, it doesn't mean there isn't a way.
All my love for the fighters out there, keep fighting, you will be rewarded
Thanks for this comment.
I thought your explanation of the pain was excellent - your skin burning and being ripped off. I often refer to it as a rebirthing process. Excessively painful and as close to death as we can get, but the relief on the other side is so so very worth it. Rebirthing yourself and learning to love yourself in a way that wasn’t modelled for you (and is our actual inherent birth right), is the kindest most loving thing you can do for yourself. ♥️
Of course it is! Until I was ready to do the hard work, and address my trauma I was using food, men, shopping and alcohol to run away from the horror of my childhood and early adult trauma. It took me decades to be ready to face it but I had to. My life was stuck and I wasn't progressing.
Kat, would you be open to sharing how you worked through and past your personal traumas? Was a therapist involved? And, if so, what types of therapies were implemented? Talk therapy, Gestalt, DBT, ACT, EMDR, etc.? Did you journal, attend support groups?
@@bethanysaxton7351 It all started in late 2014. I saw a graphic segment on The Today Show where an NFL player had physically assaulted his fiance and they showed it on tape. It triggered my abuse flashbacks and instead of shutting me down I started researching what was happening to me in terms of my response(I have PTSD). I quickly realized that some of the television shows, movies and even porn I had been watching for years was a way to retraumatize and revictimize myself. I also realized and this was BIG, the reason I dissociated all my life is because I viewed my body as the "scene of a crime." That's because it was! I have a history of childhood and early adult sexual trauma and physical abuse. Anyway, I called a local counseling center and went on a waitlist. In the meantime I started going to groups at the center until my therapist became available. It was the first place I went where they did grounding techniques and asked me to scan my body to see where I was holding fear, anxiety Etc. Just doing that technique stopped me from dissociating because I had to be in my body to know and describe what was happening to it. At the same time I picked up yoga. I would do yoga in front of a humongous mirror so that my asanas were correct, and because I had to look in my own eyes it caused me to see the pain, anger, sadness-i had to stay in the present to name those emotions. A month later I met my therapist and I could tell she was the right fit for me when she came out into the lobby and called my name! It wasn't any particular style of therapy but what was important is that I asked to be matched with someone who also had a trauma background. That's why she and I were such a good fit. I did art therapy as instructed by her, and on my own I began to write a lot of poetry and songs and I began to listen to early bebop jazz. There's A LOT of pain in that style of music and it was so cathartic. I began to eat mindfully instead of abusing my body as I always had. And I began to explore my spirituality by learning about Buddhism. So yoga, therapy, writing in my journal, writing poetry and songs, deepening my spiritual practices, eating mindfully, and beginning to open up to the Universe by setting my intention for the day is what helped me get through psychically ripping my guts out on the table in weekly therapy sessions.
Still, if any one of those had not been in place I may not have lived to tell you about it. My flashbacks became so severe during this process that I was suicidal. There's no way I could walk you through everything that I went through but I healed as much as I could in those six months. I have to tell you that talking about being raped in a more public forum literally change the way that I walked. I held my head high(reading Maya Angelou helped with this, too!), and I released DECADES of shame and put it back on my perpetrators where it belonged.
It was the right time as I had never been so motivated to look at my trauma and deal with it head-on AND I had the right tools in place to do it.
I am currently in two 12-step programs(OA and SLAA), plus Refuge Recovery(Buddhist-inspired recovery program). I am finally tackling my food issues and some of my sexual addiction patterns in the right way for me. I am now a Buddhist and proud to be on this path of continued healing. I think when you have had as much trauma as I've had it can take years and years to bring it all out and deal with it. I haven't had that brick of anxiety in my stomach since 2014 and at the time I didn't realize that that sensation never left my abdomen until I started doing the grounding and sensing work (and healing) at that center.
Complete healing is possible. I have made peace with that little girl who was so badly harmed and brought her fully into the light with the adult woman I am today.
Kat, wow. Just WOW. What a testimony you have and such determination and strength.
I am so grateful to you for sharing, and in such detail. And, yes - you are right. The shame does not belong to you. I don’t know you, but I am so proud of and inspired by you.
I wish you continued healing and happiness. ❤️❤️❤️
@@bethanysaxton7351 oh, thank you for saying that. Glad you got something out of it. I tried to be as detailed as possible. It has been a long road to healing. I'm meeting Refuge recovery meetings. It is different than 12 step programs. You can be much more raw and vulnerable and you have a longer time to do it. I'm thankful that I have Warriors to walk the path with.
You haven't said anything but are you on a road of healing as well? Don't feel compelled to share if you're not comfortable.
@@katjames7601I'm so sorry for what you've been through but wow what a great job you're doing to recover fully ❤❤❤
Daniel nails it again!
...nails *multiple* concepts!!!
A supportive network is so important for dealing with deep stuff. When I was in the middle of supportive retreats I could look at horrible stuff much more easily than living on my own or with unsympathetic people.
Drop the unsupportive people. Alwaya,has worked for me and helped me keep more in communication with this ARE supportive.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" ~ Socrates
You are a very good guy, Daniel! My life had gotten so much worse the more I open up about what has tramatized me now.
You have to have a balance to it. I started the work in late 2014 and then 2015. I did well for a few years. Then this year, I realized I'd gone back to some unhealthy coping methods so now I'm back on a healing path. It takes years to get to a healthy place. Different for us all.
Lol it's funny that you bring this up now, because I've been in the process of this for a week now. Crying like a baby at night. Spending entire days thinking about my life and what Led to where I am today. And sitting family members and friends down and laying down my emotions for them to see who I really am. I'll have to see if its worth it for me. But I'll tell you it would have been a lot easier not to do it, and go on living a lie.
Im going through the same thing right now also,its painful as hell,ive hit rock bottom and everyday is a struggle.but we must keep going.ive got people to see this week to kinda lay my cards out to them,my anxiety is through the roof at the very thought of the things i need to say,but it must be done to go forward.hope u feel better soon x
I just went through this process in finding my tru self and overcoming a number of traumas. This is good stuff.
Dave, may I ask what kind of therapy or therapies you used?
Yes. I would also like to know, how and what kind of therapy you did.
By far one of the most honest and insightful commentaries on the process of finding a good therapist and healing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this way and for being true to yourself and helping others along the way ! Your thoughts need to be heard a lot louder than some of the prominent psychologists and CZcamsrs out there .
I was told the truth: It's going to get worse before it gets better.
Thank you for the validation Daniel. I feel so defeated everyone is asleep around me and I want to wake them up feel I’m alone like childhood vicious cycle. Keep believing in yourself!!
J Cat ❤️😘
So good to hear honesty in psychology.
I like your videos a lot, Thank You. Baby Steps and Support from C-PTSD/Trauma Therapy. Trauma can cause Infantilization and that can make it difficult for people to look into healing from their Traumas - it can seem quite overwhelming. We do need Support with this - Very Important!
"When you're going through Hell, keep going." ~Winston Churchill
EMDR is really very helpful instead of talk therapy & it works pretty quickly too! Also paying attention to IFS within. Yes it is worth it to heal our traumas!
It's a mindset. Healing vs acceptance. A break between the ego & the persona...acceptance for self is the key to self actualization.
True. Well said 👍~🌹~
Super info and very timely. Thank you Mr Mackler 🙏😊🙏
I'm an ex jw and trying to heal from religious trauma. Religious trauma syndrome is very real. What you said about the pressure within a culture or group to think the same way, be the same way is a massive thing with JW's. Expressing your Individuality is extremely frowned upon. I'm still trying to find out who I am!
I understand, have grieved the same terrible inheritance, I'm so grateful there is so much more online discussions to support specifically this trauma...
Much luv friend 🙏🏻😇
You're being kind Daniel, some "healers" exploit their clients' vulnerabilities to dominate and gaslight them & cause harm, to satiate their undiagnosed MH problems & unresolved feelings of powerlessness. .
Great video. When I was in therapy trauma just came rushing out uncontrollably and I had amnesia for everything I said. My therapist didn't let me talk about trauma again.
It’s either take a step back to deal with the pain to eventually take 2 steps forward or live in dissociation/denial with drugs & alcohol, wreck less behavior
People have lost their resilience, it is so difficult to heal it has taken me more than 7 years, and I am fortunate not to have to work, but the changes are so worth it. The practice of network chiropractics is great because trauma is held in the body not the mind. The body does know how to heal itself with the stimulation of nerves. My experience is that you are correct. The therapist cannot give enough love to heal that child within. Yes you have to integrate the bad stuff but the feeling of integration is wonderful. It is so hard to do but so worth it.
I’ve been addicted to your channel the last few weeks.
I came across it at a time where I really needed to hear the things you’re saying.
Approaching trauma is of the upmost importance in my life right now.
This content has been tremendously helpful, and I just want to say thank you..
Thank you for posting this video. It's very helpful to know that you recognize that healing can be extremely difficult. I started a process of healing with a therapist about eight months ago, and I'd like to offer a "client" perspective. The reason I found it difficult was because it's unlike most educational experiences. When you want to learn how to play the piano, you take lessons, you practice. And even if it sucks at the beginning, there is a clear feedback loop to help you know that you're getting better. It happens with sport, learning a new topic, creating art, almost everything. With therapy, it was extremely difficult to know if what I was doing was helping me or hurting me. My therapist walked me through the process, but it didn't help *enough*. So the first thing I wish this therapists did was provide a better feedback loop. The second is that the exercises given to me felt vague. I was asked to "grieve", "connect", not repress my feelings. These are, by definition, general terms. It's not like being told to learn chapters 1 through 4 and take quizzes. Instead you think about stuff, or write down stuff, and then... just wait. This makes it extremely frustrating. So the second thing is I wish therapists used clearer language and just got down to brass tacks *and stayed there*. I know therapy perhaps isn't as straightforward, but as it stands now, it feels way too much like the wild wild west. Improvements would be welcome and reduce frustration.
Love this! As Ive felt quite stuck sometimes, like was it all even worth it? Will I feel like myself again. But we are also doing this work for the next generation, sort of cleaning up the mess.
So true! I’m trying to go through a trauma on my own currently. It’s so difficult, but I have decided to face it and to experience the darkest feelings that buried so deep. When I concentrate my mind sometimes, I got the inner knowing and wisdom that I could not have known normally and those inner guidances brought me hope and confidence to walk through that dark channel.
This!! So many people can live their entire lives never processing their trauma and unconsciously inflicting their trauma into others. So sad.
I learned a lot from this video- thank-you for this! When you were speaking about wha happens if we don’t heal our traumas I thought of the common example of a festering wound. We’re terrified and sickened to look at it and know the pain involved in cleaning and patching it up so we keep not dealing with it until it literally starts to poison us to death. I think not dealing with our traumas is like that. We will live a kind of dead life and/or shorten our lives due to illness developing from our internal pain or making very destructive life choices to forget about the pain.
Very well said!
Well said indeed
Brilliant! Subconscious dynamics explored in details.
I came to the same conclusions! Still in process of healing and this is the hardest thing I ever went through. I hope, I'll come to "another side", in "way of me" that is more stable.
Becoming more conscious can create some positive things but also has the danger of creating its own trauma, especially if handled too hard and too fast, or arrogantly, or even semi-malignantly. I had this experience with “personal development healing“ gurus who did just this. The good psychotherapy I eventually found was so much better.
However I also met a few awful therapists to begin with, who I agree with Daniel, just re-traumatised me, including group therapy. But somehow, somehow, and it was a massive battle when I was ill and had so little money, I kept kept going till I found one who could help me.
took the thoughts right out of my mind.
your discussion on therapists is very interesting. Im starting a masters in therapy this fall, but I have also had nothing but negative experiences with therapists. At this point I have given up finding a therapist (after several negative experiences in a row). But I do believe that it has increased my ability learn about myself, because what else can you do?
Understanding one's role in psychotherapy is fundamental, as is understanding the role and limits of a therapist.
I stuffed everything down with heroin for a decade.
I’m much better and off dope...and while I had trouble at first I’m so much better now.
Helping people by talking about my own shit has helped tremendously.
(Esp “Why I Am A Recluse” & “Suicide Attempt” vids.)
I have a much very different youtube channel started by accident. ... In a way that is who was there to help me get thru stuff and listen. It did get ‘rough’ for a little and had to slow down in a way (Livestreams got very personal.)
I’ve never had a therapist who has helped me. I loved what you spoke about in terms of learning to trust yourself. Spot on.
I don’t really keep up with many CZcams channels
but I love this one !
"earn my trust" YES!! thank you!
I also wanted to add.. that since last summer, watching your videos helped me stabilize my feelings of my self worth and question myself less. I'm making strides in healing steps that are unfathomable to some. Started my own channel as well this yr revealing a box of my childhood documents & letters. I'm struggling w getting the videos made because it's grief striking and no support emotionally. This account now I'm leaving my comment on is the account I use to watch and comment on CZcams. Idk if I'm allowed to comment my channel but it is called Soul Shattered 2 SuperStar. Your input would b treasured, as you have helped me get there too. Ty. 💛
Totally! Impressively articulated, Daniel.
Daniel, you have such great and conscientious insight.
Sooooo true that mental health professionals DO go in a little hastily and bareknuckle with no regard for the aftermath: this really hurt someone I love so much.
So true. Happened to me after opening the doors of trauma. I now see that the chaotic episode that followed was a necessary part of my healing from trauma. These videos for me, are better than any psychotherapy session.
It’s alright to wind up in a hospital in life for a short time if that’s what it takes to heal. 💗
great video...this precise issue makes me super hesitant to seek help. On the client end I don't know who is really qualified to help me with opening up in a constructive deep healing way. I want help, I want to do the work, and yet, I have had therapeutic experiences that left me exposed and not benefited. The qualified therapist is hard to find, rare, elusive so far for me
So sorry hearing that Wesley but I am so sure there must be a good Therapist out there you can find. Send you strength
Yes thank you. You are correct. I did it on my own and still struggle but I reformed my fragmented self and move ahead. I went deep within and connected internally and it’s a daily minute by minute process. Thank you for all you do and clarify. I never found a therapist that got it, no tools to help myself just wanted to keep me telling my story over and over.
Have you gotten anywhere three years after this comment?
I'm glad you finally have a patreon
It depends. Some people function very well indeed in our messed up society with their traumatised selves, particularly the sociopathic/narcissistically inclined. Ignorance is bliss for these individuals.
As for the rest of us? Yes healing our traumas is worth it so we are no longer victims or prey to such people, suffering in the shadows of their abuse. It’s the only way to find any peace of joy as adults in this fucked up world.
Very insightful video yet again. I have healed a lot of my trauma's and indeed life is hard when you heal and even after healing the major wounds, exactly because I am aware how aware I am. Haha. Nevertheless I am so much happier and now able to help others. I wouldn't want it any other way. Healing for me is a life time effort and I think it is beautiful. Thank you Daniel! 🙏🏼
I am in a master program to become a licensed clinician and the most shocking thing is that the classes are full of 20 something year olds. Many of whom laughted when I said that in part I am in this program to educate myself on trauma and how it affects and my life is because of my own trauma. Many of the students in my master program believe they have no problems emotionally or psychologically speaking., and yet these students will graduate and go onto become therapist . I am 40 years old and I am one of the oldest students in the classes. It scares me to think that anyone would want to have a 20 something therapist with no life experience, no dept and understanding of trauma and mental health issues besides what they’re funneling down our heads now in university lectures. And you can get the best grades and you can get two masters degrees and a PH.D and still be a lousy therapist in the end. I been through multiple therapists who took my money and did nothing to help me resolve my emotional issues or address my psychological distress and mental anguish.
Again, like with your other videos; well-said! As a mental health counselor, I know that Trauma-informed therapy is big right now since it's guided by Medicaid, State licensing boards, and it's big money, like Mindfulness was big money 10 years ago (still is pretty big, since people are starved for spirituality and meaning and Mindfulness is a generic way to address the issue; doesn't really address it well, though, at least in agencies, but it does mean money, and the Providers can feel good about it.) I've gotten much feedback from my clients in the past 15 years, that I really do help them. Some, I am absolutely sure, I have NOT helped. This is due to my own wounding, just as you describe. I must take responsibility for that. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but hopefully, I can make amends and/or keep striving to be a better person/clinician. Keep up your magnificant work!
Really great talk, Daniel. Thank you.
I know of many examples that reflect what you describe here. One woman I know has had several series of sessions with different therapists over the years. These series were funded by the government in response to acute situations she found herself in, so they were short term arrangements, not enough sessions to establish the trust required for deep work. Not surprisingly, she now has a very low opinion of psychotherapy and instead is seeking relief by following various new age spiritual gurus around the world in order to heal by “receiving their energy”.
Have you ever spoken on the topic of spiritual bypassing, or guru-worship? Perhaps an idea for a future video?
I did a lot of processing of my unresolved traumas last year. I felt like every trauma I pulled out, there was another one behind it - felt like a box of Kleenex where you pull out one and the next one pops up. It was overwhelming but I took it at my own pace and managed the process myself and got support where needed. I did so much healing work via my own dreams. My dreams showed me split off parts of myself that needed to be seen. I was lucky to have a counsellor to work with on occasion during this time who was totally present and let me lead the pace - I am realizing from this video that I was lucky to have that! I also love what you are saying about coming back to self, listening to self. So much wisdom here.
This explanation of client and therapist is crystal clear. Thank you for sharing your wise understanding everything rings true. Excellent video.
wow daniel!!! thank u for validating what u said about whole cultures not caring about the individual at all, in fact can we say collectivist cultures are like this as a whole? yes i think so. asians are notorious for this, and hispanics too. im hispanic and its like in my family, u are not an individual person, u are part of a whole body; the "family body" i call it. what u think and feel doesnt matter (unless u are the main malignant narcissist then u are the king/queen of the family). if u decide to leave its painful for the family because its like u are severing a limb....but thats all u are, not a person, a limb, an appendage thats useful. the main use is for a nice, respectable family image....its deeply narcissistic because its all false...teh false self and utterly false family image. its heinous and i have to stay away from them for my own mental health.....
I would so much enjoy knowing more people like you. You care about things that matter most. 😊
There is no choice. Pain of addiction and bs or pain of grieving. We have to fall apart to come together. Its taken me decades. Yes, its been hard. Its a mind fuk. But its sooo worth it once it starts to come together.
Daniel, you are so awesomely unconventional!
Thank you for sharing your journey 💜
yes made it worse for me my trauma talking about it. How open can you be when they tell you if you say anything that could pose a risk to you or your kids i have to report you. Wellllll no thanks. Freedom to talk is everything without worry of having cops called on you.
in time with enough peace in my life i healed all the symptoms took 1 years though for everything to go away flaskbacks, nightmares, insomonia, nervousness of noise and anyone moving fast around me.
Yes!! I couldn't even confide in my own sibling, with how I was,FEELING. I was told to stop the "hate talk" and that I needed to talk to a therapist. After I cut her off, and had nothing to do wih her,as well as snother family member (I mistakenly thought I could confide in) not even 24hrs later I had a feeling of peace come over me like I just got rid of unhealthy baggage. I prwctice what is called letting go of toxic people. I also prwctice letting go of people who not only have nothing to offer me at all,and only cause hurt, as well as refuse to take my own help I offer them. I had aquantance that I wanted to be friends with. I be at could progress to friends status. They used me by only ever talking to me as someone they could vent to sbout their problems. That's fine for people to do but when it's the ONLY thing they do ,and only time they talk to me, yeah...anyway same person tells me that me cutting off people for life is "just running away from my problems" I thought about it and decidee they were on the list of new people to cut off lol. When I let go of people I let go of baggage I dont need and am a better person for it. It's not "running away"from problems,if the problem is a toxic person lol and this person who said that is in an,abusive relationship they refuse to get out themselves. But they stay because they don't want to "run away from their problems" lol.
And guess eho has been seeing a therapist. This person mentioned above. Sp of course rhey rgibk because I domt talk to a therapist I need obe too. Be ause rhere must not be a possibility that some people CAN work ob thwir issues by themselves ans with supprt of the right people of course, people who they have existing HEALTHY relationships with. Yeah any "professional" is a mandated reporter and they DO report you.
This man is very insightful!!!
Really good video. Really appreciate your perspective and passion to help others. Thank you. And one obvious answer to your friend that you didn't mention is - well, perhaps we need better screening, better education and training and healing for anyone who contemplates helping others so that the therapists themselves are more inwardly whole and mature (and have resolved their own traumas) AND to make sure that the therapists have real love and compassion in their heart and the capacity to be there for someone who goes through the profoundly difficult process of healing the deep painful wound of trauma. this is not just a technical skill that you learn i class, that is real depth of heart and the maturity and sensitivity and compassion that comes out of real awareness of the process of living.
But how?
The very training is massively flawed. Narcissists are drawn to the power and authority and weeeding them out would be difficult but also the people in charge are probably like that themselves and don’t want it to change.
I see my psychologist and how absolutely stuck she is on useless therapy that gives her money, prestige and supply from patients. She’s not giving that up. She constantly worried about liability too.
Thank you, Mr. Mackler, for this video. You are spot on with your analysis of trauma and the need to face it. Additionally, the focus on staying busy in the community is more important than your own feelings will slow down or prevent a traumatized person from ever having the inward strength to overcome the trauma. Staying busy in the community as a distraction therapy is systemic in the CMH system. Being distracted from the trauma by panting pictures or piece work in a sheltered workshop s not going to solve the issue, but it the effects of the trauma will foster and grow in the mind of a person that is told his feelings don't matter, and that the thoughts and opinions of others are far more important.
I am currently reading the book whose title is YOU’RE IN CHARGE! by Janette Rainwater. She was gestalt therapist
Thank you Daniel. Lots of honest truth in your talk. I appreciate you.Your talks in these videos have had (are having) a beneficial influence in the developement of my understanding of my own neuroses, and in my understanding of what I can and cannot (or should not) expect (or require) of a therapist.
This is very good! Spot on... in so many ways...🦋🕊
Beautifully insightful, honest, clear truth. Daniel, you really do ‘get it’ and see things with the complexity with which they exist. Everything you share is so valuable and for that, I thank you.
The ACA/D provides support, a sponsor and many meetings. I think it is a marvelous organization.
I need you to be my therapist. I don't know how to find someone I can trust, someone who gets this stuff like you do.
Me too . I was told I should get therapy and I said the obly two people I trust is one guy (Daniel) who no longer practices, and another guy who I'm not sure if he is in practice,but he's in a different state far away.
YES! Should be a disclaimer in all therapy, not talked about enough at all! Another thing I think that makes people (individually) resist going through this is this unconcious/protective knowing that at the other side of the healing/negative emotions/positive self nurturing experience the person is straight up changed in big ways/liberated in mind, body, spirit. Accepting the truth of their lives opens up a lot and that is terrifying because people dont know what to do with that....and like to be real freedom and truth are not just different states to live in, they are infinitely more powerful and wake you up to see others and reality in a whole new way (unity conciousness, god conciousness, oneness with all things) and you sort of cant go back to being "asleep" or "limited" once you see and experience it. It's exactly the same as the whole concept of the matrix or jesus, or any political or social movement that leads people to liberation. Society hates healed people, people who reclaim power within themselves and aren't lead around by their traumas to be like one another and to think like one another and to consume instead of create. Most people despise the truth for this reason, for what it stands for and will attack you if you are liberated around them in self defense because they are so dependent on their traumas and limitations to get by. Actual freedom terrifies most because they fear they wouldn't fit in or would be misunderstood or not loved and maybe not be able to communicate anymore and then lead down a road to going insane/psychotic and falling prey to larger evil forces than the original trauma, like being labelled schizophrenic and pumped with pills for the rest of their lives and/or locked in a cage or left on the street. So yes trauma healing (the integration of fragmented soul back to itself) and also seemingly innocuous things like yoga, plant medicine, therapy in general anything that heals beings back to their innate power all follow the same principle of UNIFICATION (anti-separation/fragmentation/dissassociation) which is not just a "oh great im healthy" thing. Historically systems of power relay on exactly this unhealthy/unhealed and divided state to keep people disempowered and subservient and confused and needy and in pain to use them and their resources. A lot of history is a never ending cycle of battles between the machine/powers that be (which rely on strength, the ability to control, force, dominate others) and the individual/human life (relies on true power, the ability to master oneself through and with nature) at odds with one another. Most people choose to avoid this conflict by avoiding going within and instead accept their trauma response which conditions them into limited states of being and makes them acceptable to others within society and therefore safe/able to live a predictable and stable life.
THANKYOU so much. I needed this video tremendously today. Ty for ALL your videos, but today, this was HUGE for me in a solitude environment looking for my direction in healing. 💛
You're so right about the needy clinician....
Applaud
It is truth whem I first began going to therapy I became paralised with sadness n depression because healing took me to the darkness of my family life. It took time to heal but it is worth it. I no longer have explosions of rage as I used to, I no longer drink or do drugs to supress my feelings. And lets be honest given the history of slavery n the psychological violence men are encouraged to inflict on women I think rage n anger it is the obvious reaction to have.
Exellent - we are in charge - to help our self and people around us I’ll be treating my family and friends as my patients ha ha- started today
Bravo. Well said. 100% accurate.
Great words from a great man. God bless you sir!
8:18. Yes ! Totally agree Daniel.
Incredible video!
That happened to me, my therapists opened the trauma awareness without caring if I had a strong enough net support to fall back on, which I didn’t and spent some years in an emotional spiral of which was really difficult to get out. The sad part is when you instinctively tell them that perhaps you need to cool it with the truth trip and they don’t listen, don’t care and keep pushing. I don’t regret to have been able to see the darkest parts of my history but now, I also have to add the trauma from what those mental health experts put me through and my trust issues definitely worsen, this is the stage I’m in now.
I would recommend relational analysts though, they’re not that bad, they’re trained to avoid some of these issues, but that doesn’t mean they also have jerks amongst their mist... so I also agree in always try things with your eyes 👀 really open...
Dear Daniel, I believe you are correct about all this..There actually isn’t many safe places for people in this world especially people wanting to be genuine and heal these types of things. Some people need to change living arrangements to be able to heal. These things you talk about are truth, and sadly like you satiated the world is quite cold to it. I know from experience. 💗
I'm still glad you are back making videos
Please do a video on how to find a good therapist etc. that is a good match for oneself. How do you do that without spending too much time searching, spending too much money, and revealing too many embarrassing things about yourself to too many people; the wrong people? How do you do that with learning disabilities, ADD, OCD, tourette syndrome, a bunch of psychosomatic ailments, no friends around and an inability to make friends?
urganodevotaton Yes!! How do you find a good therapist given the time and cost?? Many therapists don’t accept insurance including Medicare??
14:50 ............. powerful stuff Daniel thank you. I just ended a relationship with my 12 step NA sponsor. Though my sponsor had 18 years in NA recovery , the two of us together were exemplifying this exact dynamic. I tried to speak to what I was seeing to her on multiple times, to no avail. I was told "stop avoiding yourself by taking my inventory.......... I have more recovery tools and am the one sponsoring you.....not vice versa........" Maybe I am too unruly for the steps..... but the meetings are a help. I am now told "If you are sponsoring yourself, you are being sponsored by an idiot" . I am accountable to a friend, but that is questioned by 12 step group think. Hard times...... but glad to be clean and sober. K
This is another great insight from you Daniel which will be treasured. Thank you for sharing!
Another great video! You’re on fire!
17:00 Yes! That's why even though I would dearly love to get certification and help people...I don't feel worthy until I completely heal in myself.
So, so many great/profound thoughts here....have to listen again!!!
Your sharing, Daniel, is a saving grace! I love you as a soulmate, as a fellow traveler. You have no idea how helpful this is - it supports my experience, confirms to me that I'm not the only one on this planet with my experience and discoveries ! I got to know myself quite late in life and what you found in hiking, I discovered in landscape and wildlife photography. It was an unusual thing to do among my peers, something out of ordinary, but it gave me life, freedom, a completely new perspective of the world and of myself. Cheers!
Thank you so much, you nailed exactly what I needed to hear.
So incredibly helpful and insightful. Thank you
you put my feelings into words! amazing.