@@flaaaviafor me, it’s been made more possible by strategically placing and allowing myself to be in healthy, supportive environments and relationships. With more of these in place, i feel more safe and able to face head on the deepest, darkest elements of my personality and life. Not to encourage them, but to meet them, and turn their control over me into more understanding of my wounds, deformations, compensations. Over days, months, years, i’m seeing these painful elements lose their power over my thoughts, actions, self dialogue, and dreams. Hope this helps
I have friends but I don’t have a friend that I connect to on a deep level. It’s all superficial talks and if I talk about my deep feelings and thoughts it scares people off! 😔
@@NEWSUPERCHARGER2001 same😣 . I'm definitely an old soul and too deep honest for most. I want true deep emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections in relationships and I'm finding it's SO rare which is disappointing. Too many ppl are so inauthentic and insincere much more narcissistic in this surface level social media culture. I feel u!
Same here. One of my sisters is the only person I can habe deep discussions with and she takes me serious and I truly care for her. But at the same ,she is the fastest to go gossip about me and treat me like crap in front of other people be a use of her low asteem and insecurities so I had to stop contact with her at the level it was before. I have yet to make friends like you speak about though.
It's true that you appreciate the self-loving people, the psychologically healthy ones, but even fairly crazy people can be entertaining in unique and mind blowing ways. To appreciate weirdos is rewarding, too.
Your "friend" let you down, elsa Grace. What I meant in my comment is that I admire people who are different and have still flourished. This is because they remind me of myself. It is harder as it takes more thought and creativity. The result can be a person who is a jewel because in "becoming" they had to find their own way rather than just following social norms, like a diamond formed under pressure. These are some of my favourite people. They do entertain me, and I hope I sometimes do the same for them.
I have a lot of friends that see my eccentricity and like my caring way. But at the same way i care that this eccentricity is a symptomp of my psicological problems.
I can see your soul and the deep care that you have for other people. It's truly special to see this in someone. I love your videos, and I would be honored to be your friend.
Volunteering at a place that offers a listening ear as well as practical help is awesome. Those places attract people who can be great, even lifelong, friends. Look for a place whose directors are friendly and down to earth and a value each and every volunteer.
The other day i was in a group psychological education class where everyone was dealing with mental illness. I was skeptical and asked some questions at the teacher, and suddenly almost all the students crossed their arms and felt judged going by their body language by me pointing out the danger of hearing that most of the patients there chose (10 out of 13 approx.) to use their contact person there as a middle man communicator with their families. I pointed out that so many things could go wrong with that. and that instantly took the vibe of the room from open end nice to closed and defensive/depressed. I was intending to put responsibility on the teacher, not the students but it had the opposite effect. : ( I wanna make friends and empower other patients.
Shamanic Healing Journeys are helping me to transform trauma into strength. My group meets once a month. Additionally, I joined a Shamanic Apprenticeship to learn teaching others how to heal themselves. All dis-ease, imbalances, addictions and inhibitions start on an energetic level before they manifest on a physical, emotional and/or mental level in your Energy Field. Shamanic Healing addresses the underlying vibrational manifestations and dissolve dysfunctional energetic patterns throughout your system.
Thank you Daniel for this video. I used to think I was anti-social but I need to be by myself a lot I think because of my upbringing I was out of touch with myself and it’s hard to stay present with myself. I use the analogy of throwing a ball back and forth. The fluidity of conversing should be throwing a ball back and forth and how does that work Does the other person hold the ball, catch it, Whip it back ...
Yeah I have had people just hold the ball and not throw it back. No give on their end and no receiving either when I want to give . rhen when zi decline an invitstiom or stop returning calls right away suddenly rhey get butthurt and stop talking to me entirely.
I don't go to bars either, but some of those people at the bars are in most need of a friend. You just have to be careful. I agree with most of what you say. You make a lot of sense. I think most people meet friends through their line of work. You can make virtual friends, but it will be different of course. If you're making CZcams videos, you can expect feedback. People will want to talk to you. It's all about taking down those walls, and letting people in. :) ~debbie
I love the idea of healthy and unhealthy places to meet people - that is something I will take with me, thank you. I used Couchsurfing and hitchhiking a lot in my early 20s when I didn’t have a good relationship to myself and I met all kinds of wonderful but also other troubled people. I would love to try it out now a decade later and see how I can profit more from the experience. I am still in touch with my best friend who I met over Couchsurfing 13 years ago :) Now that I have spent the last 5 years really working on the relationship to myself, I am hoping to go out and meet some new people and watch for the give and take, not just me listening all the time so I can feel wanted and needed, it’s important to share too
Hi Daniel, I really honour the inner work you have done through your life. I have done a lot of this inner work myself as well. So rewarding...thanks for sharing! :)
Hi Daniel, thank you for your videos - I'm really grateful for them and agree wholeheartedly with this idea that first to make friends is to be a friend with oneself. Also one of this healthy places to meet others for me was a local theatre group.
it's a challenge, for sure -- but possible. i certainly have learned to love myself more as an adult than i was ever loved by my parents or other adults as a kid.
Not to detract from this video... I did find an amazing help at presidelife.com > healing... for yourself. I didn't even pay the $25 (just listened to the intro video). It's somewhere on FB for the video (recommended over the audio, IMO). Both video and audio are excellent, though!
You start by NOT allowing people to trratvyou disprespectful. That involves bonderies,and making the decision to let people GO if they are not good for you (like toxic people).
All your videos, especially after going through my own, before unimaginably hard therapy peocess, are very insightful. Maybe something that is very noticeable: you often seem emotionally triggered by not being understood (no judgement here) but talk very judgy yourself most of the time. I’m aware, it may seem judgy to me because I myself get triggered. I wanted to help you with your therapy process. I ended up helping myself too. I’m incredibly thankful for being able to access your videos for free. Kind wishes from Germany!
Deep therapy is indescribable. Im getting broke all the way down to dust getting this s* out. I become somewhat paralyzed after sessions & physically sick...some days go by & the clarity comes. Such a strange process. Must do.
I just love watching your videos especially the healing childhood trauma ones. Helped me a lot. In one of your videos you say you don’t believe children belong in therapy, can i ask why please?
hi sarah. hmm...i wrote about this somewhere but i can't remember. one of my books i think. well, my basic idea is that if kids have problems often their parents in some way are behind it and if the parents make moves to heal and resolve their problems the kids problems resolve themselves organically or at least the parents can offer the natural guidance to their children that they couldn't when they were more troubled. also, kids are not independent or autonomous beings and i personally preferred to avoid working with people who didn't have a great capacity for autonomy, because when the kids made changes in their lives that contradicted the people who had power over them (that is, often their parents), the parents often intruded on the therapy process and sabotaged it entirely. the end result is that children could only change insofar as it didn't upset the screwed-up parameters set by the people who had power over them. for that reason i preferred to work with adults. i worked with some kids at first and realized it just wasn't for me. i'm not saying all therapy with kids is necessarily bad, but this is just a quick overview of my POV on it...
Daniel Mackler what if the mother was already in a better place? Also sorry to ask but could you please tell me what kind of therapy that would be? My daughter has been to two therapists but they was just asking her about day to day stuff even though they said she needs help because of past experiences, is it a milder form of therapy because she is a child?
i'm not sure i have a good answer for you... again, personally i don't have a great feeling about children being in therapy. i think it can stigmatize them too -- and even get them to feel that they are the problem. i know life is not as simple as this in many cases, but if at all possible i think it's better if the parents get the help and then through being more resolved in their own traumas and conflicts can in turn help their kids. sorry if this is not so useful....it's a tough question.
Daniel Mackler thank you for your reply it has been helpful. I couldn’t understand why there isn’t much help out there for children, but your reply explains a lot, thank you
How then can you be with the same openness but then in your own community....I am like you when I'm traveling I have meaningful friendship...but then how can you make it home?
Daniel would you please organize a few playlists to include ALL your posted videos ? The reason Im asking, is because when I click on your CZcams channel ,it only shows 3 playlists with very minimal content and I know you have many more videos than that. I have to clixk on "videos" or somehow come across thrm randomly on CZcams in order to watch. And #2 reason, is Its muxh easier sharing Someone s else's content on my playlist by clicking the little plus icon at the top of their playlist zi want to copy to my channel. #3 If I can do thst it bring you more views from people clicking on miem as well. Be a use it still links it your channel. Thanks so much 💓👍
Daniel, I have a question. This has more to do with other videos you have posted regarding cutting ties with your family of origin. What would need to take place or change with your parents that would absolutely convince you to start having a relationship with them again? What if they did admit wrong and apologized to you and actually showed positive change? Would you give them another chance? I’m curious. I have cut ties w my family of origin and I am convinced they will not change. After years of giving them chance after chance, I finally decided now at 42yo that it was best to end the vicious cycle w them. It’s difficult to not have them but I also feel more free.
Hi Katie, First I guess my parents would have to acknowledge what they did (and did again and again). That would be a start -- and would go a long way to making me consider any sort of relationship with them again. I used to this this acknowledgment was possible -- and it motivated me to go back again and again. Finally I gave up, when I realized that it was the furthest thing from their mind. I was tired of banging my head into the wall of their personalities and lies...and just walking away with a bruised head... But if a "miracle" happened and they did start acknowledging, I'd probably open the door again. There does remain a part of me that still loves them. They weren't all bad, after all. Painful stuff, though... all the best, Daniel
Katie Rojas These types of parents NEVER OWN WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. I went no contact with my parents 20 years ago. U have to face the facts . Trust me these malignant psychopathic narcissists NEVER CHANGE AND HAVE NO EMPATHY WHATSOEVER. Check out NARCISSIST RESISTANCE CHANNEL it is jaw dropping and u will learn a lot about these evil ppl. I’m not being overly dramatic by saying that. Look into narcissism you will be blown away by the knowledge that is out there.
I disagree with you about hitchiking. When I was 18 I was nearly raped by someone whilst travelling with him. I don't doubt that there are some great people out there but its potentially dangerous.
And it's much more dangerous for women, for sure!! Hope I didn't give any other impression -- or maybe I did?? Sorry about your horrible experience, Deborah.
Meeting new friends (genuine friends) as an adult is weird; actually as a child I never **really** had friends; essentially they were just turds (my age) that so happened to live in the same neighborhood 🤷♀️ (they were turds that bullied me about how while they were fat as well, **I** **was** **the** **fattest**); so, yes diseases such as diabetes and aspergers (even bipolarism and probably schizophrenia) are both genetic and environmental. And I’ve let-go of attempting to find my ‘soul tribe’ because first off, I never identified as a social butterfly (I don’t care how much money I make) and there’s no guarantee that such friends (or a TWiNFLamE) is gonna make my life better. But I’m surrendering to my innate loner-hood this year (something I’ve never done **completely**) and I’ll see how it goes attempting to refine my self-sufficiency) on CZcams I can have friends (and cats 🐈) without the commitment tho 💞
Alpha males make me so I can't even speak face to face. So do alpha females. Its called inimitated. I like myself. I can listen to people and care about them. I would rather listen. There really are no healthy environments to go. I hang out at work. Yes I agree its isolating being alone. I hate meeting on the internet. I find people more attractive in person. Its easier to over look flaws when they are face to face because you see the whole package.
Dana May - Learning about personality types can help with the problem of ''feeling intimidated.'' In my experience, every negative trait is the flip side of a positive one that I might not have. Intimidating people are often strong leaders, have a need to make decisions quickly, and to trust those decisions (without having all the needed info, or accurate info, if need be), because they like decisions to be made vs the discomfort of an open-ended situation. Intimidating others is either 1) a bad expression of that strength, 2) your own reaction as someone more gentle and comfy with the unknown, or 3) a combination of the two. Own and appreciate the value of your own nature, whether it is sensitivity, flexibility, the ability to create harmony, seeing the big picture, caring about feelings, etc. And recognize the intimidating person as a possibly flawed action-oriented leader, the person who gets things done, who isn’t afraid to stand up for what they believe, the person you probably want around in a natural disaster or other emergency...they usually save a lot of lives with quick thinking, action, facing the enemy in whatever form, pushing through harmful red tape, and that intimidation can come in handy. Appreciate the potential underneath the surface, and realize that you may have the power to help them develop a better way of expressing it.
Hmm, some of the best people I've met were at a local bar. I've never been a bar person because I had the same judgement as you (wouldn't meet quality people in a bar). Though think about the life long friends on Cheers. As a young woman who is found attractive it caused me anxiety to go alone but I did it anyway. Since I was isolated and there was nothing else in my area. So I went over to the pub down the street with a book, sat at the bar where two others were also with books that night. While I didn't make life long friends I met a lot of cool people from musicians to moms taking a break. There's a variety of people at a bar and not all of them are what you think so I think it's not fair to judge people based on the fact you met them in a bar. There's really all kinds there. Depends on the bar too in terms of location and demographic. There's something about alcohol that helps people connect as they're more open and help determine who's a fool or not. Since booze usually brings out people's core personality. There's always some that don't drink at all as there are games, live bands as well.
I generally appreciate Daniel's work. This time I stopped listening at the you have to love yourself part. Although true on some level, I'm tired of always being told to change myself before something good can happen. My life has seemed to be one long self-improvement product, with a common theme being I'm supposed to give myself something that would traditionally have come from others. People are social beings.
@@ryank6322I share your sentiment wholeheartedly., it’s difficult to make genuine friendships with people these days., but I found solace in art, reading and writing, journaling is helping me unload the stress and anxiety of the things that I don’t have anymore to talk to about. And yes that inner self- dialogue towards ourselves is so important. I don’t think that life is fair., and I understand the frustrations of having to always work so hard to get a reward. However, hopefully the more you heal your wounds and trauma the less likely you are to seek other people to fulfill your needs. It’s a good fairy tale to dream about someone who can come into our lives and make things easier for us, but it doesn’t work that way. Majority of people out there are wounded and very damaged people who will exploit your vulnerabilities to the fullest. So it’s not easy but you have to heal yourself and build a stronger foundation within yourself.
I know how you feel Athena., I been feeling like that most of my life., at least for the last 20 years., it’s very difficult..! As adults we are supposed to meet our own needs and not wait for others to come to us and fulfill them..! It’s difficult when our parents didn’t give us the tools to succeed in life., it’s even more difficult to manage when our parents were abusive, neglectful and abandoned us. We go through life searching for someone who can give us that love and nurturing we never received as children. Unfortunately, others are not capable of loving themselves at least majorly of people I encountered were very selfish and exploited my vulnerabilities and took advantage of me as opposed to love me and uplifting me. I am an adult now and I have no other choice but to try to the best of my abilities to protect, provide for myself and be kind to myself and talk to myself with love and kindness. If I don’t do that for myself then I am also abandoning myself.
I was agreeing with everything you said UNTIL you mentioned hitchhiking. You have a wide range of viewers I'm sure, and you must be mindful of that. It is not safe for young girls, or women in general to hitchhike, they may be putting themselves in dangerous situations. Especially as you tied it in with traveling, in many countries a young (especially foreign) woman travelling alone in say a Middle Eastern country, but many other places as well, have deeply entrenched sexist and misogynistic cultural beliefs that if a woman is alone, she is fair game for rape. That's just the unfortunate reality.
definitely a greater risk for women hitchhiking, especially if they're alone. also i have been in places where i myself (as a man) wouldn't hitchhike, because it didn't feel safe.
im 56 i just learned to love me
Pretty much
How
Bravo. Getting close at 31. We can do this!
Now at 54 I've been learning for last 6 years
@@flaaaviafor me, it’s been made more possible by strategically placing and allowing myself to be in healthy, supportive environments and relationships. With more of these in place, i feel more safe and able to face head on the deepest, darkest elements of my personality and life. Not to encourage them, but to meet them, and turn their control over me into more understanding of my wounds, deformations, compensations. Over days, months, years, i’m seeing these painful elements lose their power over my thoughts, actions, self dialogue, and dreams. Hope this helps
I have friends but I don’t have a friend that I connect to on a deep level. It’s all superficial talks and if I talk about my deep feelings and thoughts it scares people off! 😔
Ugh, I feel you
Seriously man, I only had 3 friends who would go to that level, it's a shitty feeling when others are closed off like that
Samina Yaghouty let's be friends
@@NEWSUPERCHARGER2001 same😣 . I'm definitely an old soul and too deep honest for most. I want true deep emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections in relationships and I'm finding it's SO rare which is disappointing. Too many ppl are so inauthentic and insincere much more narcissistic in this surface level social media culture. I feel u!
Same here. One of my sisters is the only person I can habe deep discussions with and she takes me serious and I truly care for her. But at the same ,she is the fastest to go gossip about me and treat me like crap in front of other people be a use of her low asteem and insecurities so I had to stop contact with her at the level it was before. I have yet to make friends like you speak about though.
It's true that you appreciate the self-loving people, the psychologically healthy ones, but even fairly crazy people can be entertaining in unique and mind blowing ways. To appreciate weirdos is rewarding, too.
The trick is to love yourself and cut loose people who mistreat you. The eccentric can be beautiful, not2tees.
Your "friend" let you down, elsa Grace. What I meant in my comment is that I admire people who are different and have still flourished. This is because they remind me of myself. It is harder as it takes more thought and creativity. The result can be a person who is a jewel because in "becoming" they had to find their own way rather than just following social norms, like a diamond formed under pressure. These are some of my favourite people. They do entertain me, and I hope I sometimes do the same for them.
I have a lot of friends that see my eccentricity and like my caring way. But at the same way i care that this eccentricity is a symptomp of my psicological problems.
Entairtaning perhaps but most health people wont want a relationship with them not even a friendship.
It’s vital to first be your own best friend ..💚👩🏻🦱🐰🌻
Smart phones have become a major barrier to meeting people.
MeetApp is an internet forum that features awesome activities and groups to join. Give it a go❣
But ultimately THEY can still choose not to allow that .
Such beautiful soul you are Daniel.
I can see your soul and the deep care that you have for other people. It's truly special to see this in someone. I love your videos, and I would be honored to be your friend.
“We have to be friends with ourselves” first and foremost. Thanks for kicking that out of the park first off.
Yes, this is how I am and I refused to be in environment with people who do not align with my value system.
Excellent video once again.
Volunteering at a place that offers a listening ear as well as practical help is awesome. Those places attract people who can be great, even lifelong, friends. Look for a place whose directors are friendly and down to earth and a value each and every volunteer.
Like what places offer those things?
@@Ot-ej5gidistress centers, hospitals, homeless shelters.
U can
Also meet people who abuse u no matter how much u love yourself this can happen as a result of abuse in childhood
You want to meet healthy happy people? Go to healthy happy places...love it!
The other day i was in a group psychological education class where everyone was dealing with mental illness. I was skeptical and asked some questions at the teacher, and suddenly almost all the students crossed their arms and felt judged going by their body language by me pointing out the danger of hearing that most of the patients there chose (10 out of 13 approx.) to use their contact person there as a middle man communicator with their families. I pointed out that so many things could go wrong with that. and that instantly took the vibe of the room from open end nice to closed and defensive/depressed. I was intending to put responsibility on the teacher, not the students but it had the opposite effect. : ( I wanna make friends and empower other patients.
Shamanic Healing Journeys are helping me to transform trauma into strength. My group meets once a month. Additionally, I joined a Shamanic Apprenticeship to learn teaching others how to heal themselves. All dis-ease, imbalances, addictions and inhibitions start on an energetic level before they manifest on a physical, emotional and/or mental level in your Energy Field. Shamanic Healing addresses the underlying vibrational manifestations and dissolve dysfunctional energetic patterns throughout your system.
Thank you Daniel for this video. I used to think I was anti-social but I need to be by myself a lot I think because of my upbringing I was out of touch with myself and it’s hard to stay present with myself. I use the analogy of throwing a ball back and forth. The fluidity of conversing should be throwing a ball back and forth and how does that work Does the other person hold the ball, catch it, Whip it back ...
nice!
Yeah I have had people just hold the ball and not throw it back. No give on their end and no receiving either when I want to give . rhen when zi decline an invitstiom or stop returning calls right away suddenly rhey get butthurt and stop talking to me entirely.
Nice screen name.
You are refreshing to listen to Daniel.
This is exactly where i am today...good to meet a soul mate! Thanks Daniel
Thank you for sharing this. This is wonderful to watch and learn psychological hygiene. Hope thos sends some positive vibes back to you
I don't go to bars either, but some of those people at the bars are in most need of a friend. You just have to be careful. I agree with most of what you say. You make a lot of sense. I think most people meet friends through their line of work. You can make virtual friends, but it will be different of course. If you're making CZcams videos, you can expect feedback. People will want to talk to you. It's all about taking down those walls, and letting people in. :) ~debbie
Thank you for your content.
You give good practical advice on how to be in the world!
Always found your work very powerful. Glad to see you back on here again : )
I love the idea of healthy and unhealthy places to meet people - that is something I will take with me, thank you. I used Couchsurfing and hitchhiking a lot in my early 20s when I didn’t have a good relationship to myself and I met all kinds of wonderful but also other troubled people. I would love to try it out now a decade later and see how I can profit more from the experience. I am still in touch with my best friend who I met over Couchsurfing 13 years ago :) Now that I have spent the last 5 years really working on the relationship to myself, I am hoping to go out and meet some new people and watch for the give and take, not just me listening all the time so I can feel wanted and needed, it’s important to share too
I'm so glad I kept listening to your videos, Daniel Mackler.
Very good points, it's important to have a very balanced give and take conversation
I really like you man, I found your channel about a week ago and I am glad I did. I meet most of my friends thru fishing.
you're an angel.......blessings on your travels!
Hi Daniel, I really honour the inner work you have done through your life. I have done a lot of this inner work myself as well. So rewarding...thanks for sharing! :)
Thanks Daniel. That is one healthy reminder and advice.
Last video I need some sleep
Thank you so much I am getting a lot of help from all your videos that I watched so far.
This is really helpful...thank you.
Thank you for sharing
THANK YOU for making this
The golden principle is great i think, as long as it's coupled with taking care not to project your own virtues on another (before developing trust)
This comes up a lot in my chair, the hair chair💇🏻♂️💆🏽♀️💃🏽 🤗
Great information here. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Daniel. Mom never let me play with other children and don’t skills to make good friends.
0:48 “Loving caring gentle listening respectful way”
Thank YOU very much.
Thank YOU for existing Daniel.
You are a very interesting person. You have a new subscriber from the UK. Thank you and many blessings xxx
Another great place is joining a running club.
Thank u for being the best u..If only all of us are willing?? the world would have been magically:)
Hi Daniel, thank you for your videos - I'm really grateful for them and agree wholeheartedly with this idea that first to make friends is to be a friend with oneself. Also one of this healthy places to meet others for me was a local theatre group.
You are wonderful
Hafta say..... Yr freaking adorable!! Peace my brother! :-) :-)
How can I treat myself in a respectful, caring way when no one has treated me like that?!
it's a challenge, for sure -- but possible. i certainly have learned to love myself more as an adult than i was ever loved by my parents or other adults as a kid.
Wow! That is something I struggled with and sometimes still do.
Not to detract from this video... I did find an amazing help at presidelife.com > healing... for yourself. I didn't even pay the $25 (just listened to the intro video). It's somewhere on FB for the video (recommended over the audio, IMO). Both video and audio are excellent, though!
Check out Lisa a romanovs channel. She has some excellent advice regarding self. It helped me a lot! I hope it helps you too!
You start by NOT allowing people to trratvyou disprespectful. That involves bonderies,and making the decision to let people GO if they are not good for you (like toxic people).
thank you.
I think we need to start having dopamine detox parties.
You’re really cool! 👌
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Good for you!!!!!
How did I forget all this?
thanks for sending me this asha
All your videos, especially after going through my own, before unimaginably hard therapy peocess, are very insightful.
Maybe something that is very noticeable: you often seem emotionally triggered by not being understood (no judgement here) but talk very judgy yourself most of the time.
I’m aware, it may seem judgy to me because I myself get triggered.
I wanted to help you with your therapy process. I ended up helping myself too.
I’m incredibly thankful for being able to access your videos for free.
Kind wishes from Germany!
Daniel you are so beautiful inside and out. You’re amaaaaaaazing.
Deep therapy is indescribable. Im getting broke all the way down to dust getting this s* out.
I become somewhat paralyzed after sessions & physically sick...some days go by & the clarity comes. Such a strange process. Must do.
YEAH..... until ya start seeing they are crazy.
you sound like that one voice in my head which I really like
I just love watching your videos especially the healing childhood trauma ones. Helped me a lot. In one of your videos you say you don’t believe children belong in therapy, can i ask why please?
hi sarah. hmm...i wrote about this somewhere but i can't remember. one of my books i think. well, my basic idea is that if kids have problems often their parents in some way are behind it and if the parents make moves to heal and resolve their problems the kids problems resolve themselves organically or at least the parents can offer the natural guidance to their children that they couldn't when they were more troubled. also, kids are not independent or autonomous beings and i personally preferred to avoid working with people who didn't have a great capacity for autonomy, because when the kids made changes in their lives that contradicted the people who had power over them (that is, often their parents), the parents often intruded on the therapy process and sabotaged it entirely. the end result is that children could only change insofar as it didn't upset the screwed-up parameters set by the people who had power over them. for that reason i preferred to work with adults. i worked with some kids at first and realized it just wasn't for me. i'm not saying all therapy with kids is necessarily bad, but this is just a quick overview of my POV on it...
Daniel Mackler what if the mother was already in a better place? Also sorry to ask but could you please tell me what kind of therapy that would be? My daughter has been to two therapists but they was just asking her about day to day stuff even though they said she needs help because of past experiences, is it a milder form of therapy because she is a child?
i'm not sure i have a good answer for you... again, personally i don't have a great feeling about children being in therapy. i think it can stigmatize them too -- and even get them to feel that they are the problem. i know life is not as simple as this in many cases, but if at all possible i think it's better if the parents get the help and then through being more resolved in their own traumas and conflicts can in turn help their kids. sorry if this is not so useful....it's a tough question.
Daniel Mackler thank you for your reply it has been helpful. I couldn’t understand why there isn’t much help out there for children, but your reply explains a lot, thank you
sarah123295 this is the video where he explains why he doesn’t believe children should be in therapy.
czcams.com/video/TqvqLUSNv98/video.html
How then can you be with the same openness but then in your own community....I am like you when I'm traveling I have meaningful friendship...but then how can you make it home?
Daniel would you please organize a few playlists to include ALL your posted videos ? The reason Im asking, is because when I click on your CZcams channel ,it only shows 3 playlists with very minimal content and I know you have many more videos than that. I have to clixk on "videos" or somehow come across thrm randomly on CZcams in order to watch. And #2 reason, is Its muxh easier sharing Someone s else's content on my playlist by clicking the little plus icon at the top of their playlist zi want to copy to my channel. #3 If I can do thst it bring you more views from people clicking on miem as well. Be a use it still links it your channel. Thanks so much 💓👍
Examples of healthy environments please
Hi Daniel, you mentioned your writing; have you written any books? What are they called?
you're very cute
Chip Walter Isn't He!! :-) :-)
Daniel, I have a question. This has more to do with other videos you have posted regarding cutting ties with your family of origin. What would need to take place or change with your parents that would absolutely convince you to start having a relationship with them again? What if they did admit wrong and apologized to you and actually showed positive change? Would you give them another chance? I’m curious. I have cut ties w my family of origin and I am convinced they will not change. After years of giving them chance after chance, I finally decided now at 42yo that it was best to end the vicious cycle w them. It’s difficult to not have them but I also feel more free.
Hi Katie,
First I guess my parents would have to acknowledge what they did (and did again and again). That would be a start -- and would go a long way to making me consider any sort of relationship with them again. I used to this this acknowledgment was possible -- and it motivated me to go back again and again. Finally I gave up, when I realized that it was the furthest thing from their mind. I was tired of banging my head into the wall of their personalities and lies...and just walking away with a bruised head... But if a "miracle" happened and they did start acknowledging, I'd probably open the door again. There does remain a part of me that still loves them. They weren't all bad, after all. Painful stuff, though... all the best, Daniel
Katie Rojas These types of parents NEVER OWN WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. I went no contact with my parents 20 years ago. U have to face the facts . Trust me these malignant psychopathic narcissists NEVER CHANGE AND HAVE NO EMPATHY WHATSOEVER. Check out NARCISSIST RESISTANCE CHANNEL it is jaw dropping and u will learn a lot about these evil ppl. I’m not being overly dramatic by saying that. Look into narcissism you will be blown away by the knowledge that is out there.
I disagree with you about hitchiking. When I was 18 I was nearly raped by someone whilst travelling with him. I don't doubt that there are some great people out there but its potentially dangerous.
And it's much more dangerous for women, for sure!! Hope I didn't give any other impression -- or maybe I did?? Sorry about your horrible experience, Deborah.
Meeting new friends (genuine friends) as an adult is weird; actually as a child I never **really** had friends; essentially they were just turds (my age) that so happened to live in the same neighborhood 🤷♀️ (they were turds that bullied me about how while they were fat as well, **I** **was** **the** **fattest**); so, yes diseases such as diabetes and aspergers (even bipolarism and probably schizophrenia) are both genetic and environmental.
And I’ve let-go of attempting to find my ‘soul tribe’ because first off, I never identified as a social butterfly (I don’t care how much money I make) and there’s no guarantee that such friends (or a TWiNFLamE) is gonna make my life better.
But I’m surrendering to my innate loner-hood this year (something I’ve never done **completely**) and I’ll see how it goes attempting to refine my self-sufficiency) on CZcams I can have friends (and cats 🐈) without the commitment tho 💞
3:32
i love myself
i hate others
Alpha males make me so I can't even speak face to face. So do alpha females. Its called inimitated. I like myself. I can listen to people and care about them. I would rather listen. There really are no healthy environments to go. I hang out at work. Yes I agree its isolating being alone. I hate meeting on the internet. I find people more attractive in person. Its easier to over look flaws when they are face to face because you see the whole package.
Dana May - Learning about personality types can help with the problem of ''feeling intimidated.'' In my experience, every negative trait is the flip side of a positive one that I might not have. Intimidating people are often strong leaders, have a need to make decisions quickly, and to trust those decisions (without having all the needed info, or accurate info, if need be), because they like decisions to be made vs the discomfort of an open-ended situation. Intimidating others is either 1) a bad expression of that strength, 2) your own reaction as someone more gentle and comfy with the unknown, or 3) a combination of the two. Own and appreciate the value of your own nature, whether it is sensitivity, flexibility, the ability to create harmony, seeing the big picture, caring about feelings, etc. And recognize the intimidating person as a possibly flawed action-oriented leader, the person who gets things done, who isn’t afraid to stand up for what they believe, the person you probably want around in a natural disaster or other emergency...they usually save a lot of lives with quick thinking, action, facing the enemy in whatever form, pushing through harmful red tape, and that intimidation can come in handy. Appreciate the potential underneath the surface, and realize that you may have the power to help them develop a better way of expressing it.
Hmm, some of the best people I've met were at a local bar. I've never been a bar person because I had the same judgement as you (wouldn't meet quality people in a bar). Though think about the life long friends on Cheers. As a young woman who is found attractive it caused me anxiety to go alone but I did it anyway. Since I was isolated and there was nothing else in my area. So I went over to the pub down the street with a book, sat at the bar where two others were also with books that night. While I didn't make life long friends I met a lot of cool people from musicians to moms taking a break. There's a variety of people at a bar and not all of them are what you think so I think it's not fair to judge people based on the fact you met them in a bar. There's really all kinds there. Depends on the bar too in terms of location and demographic. There's something about alcohol that helps people connect as they're more open and help determine who's a fool or not. Since booze usually brings out people's core personality. There's always some that don't drink at all as there are games, live bands as well.
Have you been to China? Maybe we can be friends:)
I generally appreciate Daniel's work. This time I stopped listening at the you have to love yourself part. Although true on some level, I'm tired of always being told to change myself before something good can happen. My life has seemed to be one long self-improvement product, with a common theme being I'm supposed to give myself something that would traditionally have come from others. People are social beings.
Society has failed us all, and we are no longer a traditional society. There is no other option except to improve ourselves and do for ourselves.
@@ryank6322I share your sentiment wholeheartedly., it’s difficult to make genuine friendships with people these days., but I found solace in art, reading and writing, journaling is helping me unload the stress and anxiety of the things that I don’t have anymore to talk to about. And yes that inner self- dialogue towards ourselves is so important. I don’t think that life is fair., and I understand the frustrations of having to always work so hard to get a reward. However, hopefully the more you heal your wounds and trauma the less likely you are to seek other people to fulfill your needs. It’s a good fairy tale to dream about someone who can come into our lives and make things easier for us, but it doesn’t work that way. Majority of people out there are wounded and very damaged people who will exploit your vulnerabilities to the fullest. So it’s not easy but you have to heal yourself and build a stronger foundation within yourself.
I know how you feel Athena., I been feeling like that most of my life., at least for the last 20 years., it’s very difficult..! As adults we are supposed to meet our own needs and not wait for others to come to us and fulfill them..! It’s difficult when our parents didn’t give us the tools to succeed in life., it’s even more difficult to manage when our parents were abusive, neglectful and abandoned us. We go through life searching for someone who can give us that love and nurturing we never received as children. Unfortunately, others are not capable of loving themselves at least majorly of people I encountered were very selfish and exploited my vulnerabilities and took advantage of me as opposed to love me and uplifting me. I am an adult now and I have no other choice but to try to the best of my abilities to protect, provide for myself and be kind to myself and talk to myself with love and kindness. If I don’t do that for myself then I am also abandoning myself.
I was agreeing with everything you said UNTIL you mentioned hitchhiking. You have a wide range of viewers I'm sure, and you must be mindful of that. It is not safe for young girls, or women in general to hitchhike, they may be putting themselves in dangerous situations. Especially as you tied it in with traveling, in many countries a young (especially foreign) woman travelling alone in say a Middle Eastern country, but many other places as well, have deeply entrenched sexist and misogynistic cultural beliefs that if a woman is alone, she is fair game for rape. That's just the unfortunate reality.
definitely a greater risk for women hitchhiking, especially if they're alone. also i have been in places where i myself (as a man) wouldn't hitchhike, because it didn't feel safe.
First 25 seconds: Oh, that's why I have no friends...
Please do not hitchhike if you live in America and/or if you're a woman. Its too dangerous.
Everything sounded great except the hitchhiking part 😅 Extremely dangerous and do not recommend.
I don’t agree with these points. Just be yourself people will naturally gravitate to you. They can see your authenticity.