Daniel, I think you’d be a better father than most fathers today because you are self-aware. I think that’s the most important quality a parent could have.
Isn't it ironic that having enough empathy to not want to condemn a child to live in this fucked up world by giving birth to one makes us the most eligible ones to be a parent?
That’s why when I served with children I observed more. I hate it when kids run wild and I feel like I need to have control idk where that comes from…my controlling dad probably. 🤦🏽♀️🤷♀️
If all your shadows from the past are not healed then don't have children. A perfect start is what every child DESERVES. Humanity would die off if that was implemented. So be it. Billions of lives would be spared misery and suffering. What I noticed is the majority of healed humans don't have kids.
All those self aware and conscios people who are too scares to mess a kid up.... While too many unconscious people get 4 kids without thinking and without having a clue of how much they traumatize them
When I was 10 years old we moved from a rich suburb to a bad neighborhood because my dad had a bad accident.. It was so violent I just stayed home most of the time, I was very friendly but I could not cope with the level of violence to make friends..
I was born in 1967 I never married or had children. I perked up when you talked about being able to survive. I'm 56 now and I'm still struggling figuring out how to navigate in the world because I was overprotected and emotionally neglected by my family.
People don't seek extended repeated escapism if they are secure and content/curious in their real lives. All you have to do is love and trust your children and yourself, Daniel. I'm glad I never had kids because I've been so ill for so long. But I'm in my 40s and a lot more healed now, and I grieve that I couldn't get here sooner and have some kind of family.
Nothing stopping anyone from having a family. The question is are you so arrogant and delusional that you believe only your own genetic issue qualifies? If so, don't become a parent. You're a narcissist. If you get that you could literally save children brought into this world by feral people who were gratifying their sexual urges get on it and go apply for the job of parent.
Your opinions are unprofessional in my opinion, but my opinion prolly don't matter in this instance, but better out than keeping it in i always say. Good luck in your life journey lol. Just remember life memories are distorted and feelings change constantly and people use their own life experiences to make decisions based off of their memories of their past similar experiences. Just saying.
The school problem is a difficult one- I was home schooled most of my life and for the most part I’m glad I was. It made me more able to me my true self, more of a free thinker and I genuinely enjoyed education + learning. Having said that, my mother was very abusive and I was super isolated. I went to school for a few months when I was 13 and got PTSD from the experience. I do think home education is the way to go IF and only if the parents are healed, otherwise it can be a horrible recipe for abuse. These days there seems to be a lot of home schooling groups and alternative education programs such as forest schools, I think it would be easier than ever to socialise a home educated child now, although still a challenge!
Spot on, Daniel. I feel the same about dog-"owners" - why get a dog if you don't live on the countryside. I consider it abusive, at least neglectful. Like most dog-"owners", parents would be hard-pressed to justify their decision to procreate. It's so strange that we've made it cultural custom to congratulate new parents - it's presumptious and wrong. I remember as a teenager, I self-identified as an anti-natalist and I told my parents about it at some point and I asked them why they decided to have me. Their reaction was sheer disbelief, not even an attempt at explaining, but rather dismissing my inquiry as nonsensical, perhaps just a phase. It goes to show how arrogant and irresponsible they were. I don't identify as anti-natalist anymore, but for sure I still hold on to many of those sentiments. I don't plan to have kids myself because like you I wouldn't know where to socialise them; the education system is a disgrace and a boiling mess of abuse; all the while I see it absolutely necessary for children to grow up close to nature. Mother Earth is Mother for a reason, she is an extraparental force that human beings need to stay sane and healthy and connected with themselves. Nature can accomplish parental guidance where the parents fail as well, serving as another layer of protection. I agree very much on the point of intelligence and exposure to nature and less screen time - this is something that will continue to be borne out through scientific discovery as we proceed into the future, but science is already strongly indicating this to be the case. Good thoughts.
man you went so much deeper, than what I've thought of homeschooling a child to not a crappy education system-- yet their social needs with kids their age too
Hearing about your youth in wild nature made me smile. It served your spirit well. I had an abusive mother but a similar independence in nature saved my spirit as well. I also would never bring children into this society, this world of being a human. Oh no no no. No way. Thank you to Daniel and others who also make this choice 🙏✨
So many of your thoughts resonate. I am so happy i never had kids. I love the netflix series Rita. She says she became a teacher to protect kids from their parents. I was lucky in elementary school. I went a fully integrated open-structure school. It was amazing. It only lasted the 2 years i lived in that area but it set me up to take command of my own learning.
Having a child really brings back past emotions. I was a mess when my daughter approached 5-10 years old. It was the height of my own trauma living in NYC. I’m glad that my husband and I was there for my daughter. My mother and sister ridiculed me for being a stay at home mother. My time with my daughter is not their business. My daughter is in a safe and loving home and excels in school, tennis, and violin. She is my priority, I never had that as a kid.
Daniel thank you so much for this. Being a parent and raising children right now myself everything that you mentioned in this video is so on point... especially with what we have all been put through over the past year. It’s a very confusing time for both children and adults and unfortunately there are no simple answers.
I know right? With vivid? Kids having to wear masks? The electronics they are addicted to like their cell phones. I would definitely parent in a different way but I would also not be too controlling.
My experience with school was similar to yours. So much for the compassion and maternal instincts of women. As for private schools, no they are not better on the humane aspect but at least they do (in my case they did) better on academics.
Life is a journey with many twists and turns. You don’t always know what turns you’re going to take until you get there. You might think about what it might be like to become a parent… but you don’t really know until you allow that experience. Sometimes you can overthink it and be afraid to allow the experience. I almost let that happen. I wasn’t sure and felt very insecure about becoming a mom …but something told me that I wouldn’t be happy in the long run without sharing the love I felt I had inside, to give to a child/children. Looking back, I’m so glad I made that decision. It opened up my eyes and opened up a whole new world I would’ve never known existed had I not given it a chance. In fact, I had 2 children who taught me as much as I have taught them over the past 40 years….and I’m STILL learning with them and with 5 special and very loved grandchildren! Some things you just never know… or could never imagine, unless you just give that thing a chance!
Same philosophy. Same doubts. Same passion for truth. Same ambitions. Same fear of becoming overprotective. ❤️ But no fear to be a little bit unperfect. 🦥
Why I didn't get married, I was a nanny for 2 years..I decided I was too " messed up" to take kids,,,to a private school..I was bullied in public school too..and my parents didn't care.
Kids should just be able to do what ever they want to do lol! In my boyfriends class he teaches some of them did the craft (most) one gave up, 2 others just did their own thing. The parents sit outside and chat. I’m better with talking to kids and engaging with them but it takes sooo much energy. I’ve been hoping to get my nephew to join the class because theirs a kid their that gets really deep into detail about what he likes and I know that my nephew would get along with him.
I love to stick my phone in a pocket or cupboard and don't look at it for hours at a time at work and at home. It's interesting you mentioned learning foreign languages online because fellow pupils from my European birth country learned English almost alongside the native language through games and websites. It's at the point where children have better grades in English than in their mother tongue.
Yeah I love nature to Daniel. I'm from Wyoming and. Have lived here off and on most of my life. My Great Grandfather had dozens or hundreds of thousands of acres of ranchland here in the early 1900s He started the big sheep raising ranches here then. I had another Grandfather that had a really awesome home and property out in rural southwest Washington with a really nice house 5 acres of pasture and 70 acres of second generation trees mostly large Douglas Firs.. Somehow my mother and other relatives have stolen all of it from me. I'm 53 years old and just started learning several years ago how most of my relatives especially my mother are very narcasistic or psychopathic towards me and always were. God bless anyone affected by these kind of people.
I would have liked to send my children to a Waldorf school. I homeschool my youngest and we started with waldorf style curriculum but now that she is older she likes an open n go curriculum.
@@foxtail7363 They do. The origins of Waldorf are something to look into. It’s founder Rudolph Steiner was a discutabel “philosopher” with anti-intellectual, anti-scientific and proto-fascist ideas. Recently a former teacher openly criticised cult like thinking among staff specifically around sensitive topics like race and vaccination.
YOU give me hope, Daniel!🥰 Thank you. I believe I was able to survive my childhood & 65 yrs on this planet because of my connection to Nature as a child. Growing up with my jellyfish, turtle & Billy Goat friends in Chesapeake Bay area of Virginia gave me the balance I needed after being born into Psychiatry/Construction/Musical Theater home of chaos. Time all day in the woods supported my creativity & ability to figure things out for myself in a world of self involved adults. You would have been a cool Dad. Potential of overprotecting my sons has always been difficult tightrope for me to walk. It's always seemed ironic that mostly the highest evolved humans are avoiding duplicating. This planet is a hoot.😎🤡🤷♀️
I had a thought some time ago when I finally fully realised how fucked up the world is, including family systems, how traumatic and abuse perpetuating it is. Those who were boken by it, did not adapt, embrace it, dissociate from emotional self, who emotionally realised from the early age that this is all wrong. These people become outcasts, generally don't want and don't have children (to not perpetuate the cycle of abuse, programmed in by their parents). What is the really sad part is that the natural selection is at work here: those who don't pass on their genes (cultural and biological) are weeded out of the population without much trace. Contrary to those who do adopt to the environment through abuse and trauma, and pass it on to their descendants. The way this is going I don't have much hope for humanity's future, and the way people of the future will be. It's good that Dan leaves his legacy in the forms of these videos. But seeing the number of views on most videos, you can tell what he says is not popular among population. Truth is unpopular, the world prefers to live in a delusional/denial/dissociated state.
Daniel, i have a lot to say about this video and your videos in general. First of all, about the school system : idk if you have this kinda thing where you live, but in germany we have something called a forest kindergarden where essentially the kids grow up in nature in kindergarden. Also there is alternative school systems here like Waldorf or Montessori which do follow a lot of the principles you talked about, but theyre also very anthrophologist.... Okay, so i love your views and enjoy watching your videos and hearing your clear insights in the world, but i have to admit that whenever i watch them, i get this strong feeling that youre using youtube as a platform a lot to deal with and to voice your own pain. Which is legitimate of course, but sometimes i wonder if you dont get lost in it too much? If you center an entire online persona around voicing your pain about your childhood, thats gonna be hard to let go. Your views on raising children are so on point. I struggled a lot with adultism when i was young and i love hearing a voice of reason fight against it.
Hmm, I don't know about forest kindergarten. I'll have to look it up. It sounds lovely! I know a lot more about Waldorf schools, and a little about Montessori. Waldorf schools in my opinion are way better than average American schools, for sure.. Warm greetings! Daniel
I would like to hear a video of your conceptions of - how you would had had parenting if your child resists your ideas, views, and your methods "don't work". I want to hear what your acceptance of your child will be if your child doesn't like you, despite all your understanding effort, psychological "right" approach.
as simple as it is difficult, i think it boils down to respecting the child and his opinions and emotions. He can resist all he wants to ideas and views, but at least there will be the basic relationship of mutual respect. This is how i think a child can be completely open to some of the ideas.
If you are trying to indoctrinate your kid they have a reason to resist you. If you understand that you aren't right about everything and that your kid has every right to reject your ideas, you won't get so bent about it. My uncle raised 3 completely different people. None of them align w his views on the world. Don't have to. His son is right wing nut job. He doesn't agree w him but he knows it's ok. The world is full of all kinds of people. They are fine about their differences. Your kids are actually DIFFERENT people. Not little mirrors of you.
I agree with the opinion that raising physically and psychologically healthy children nowadays is a nearly impossible task. I also believe that if someone is mature enough to understand how big of a responsibility parenthood is he or she could continue growing and healing while at the same time setting a healthy example for his or her children.
Boarding school was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would not want my own child to be able to say such a thing, but if it had not been for that place and the integrity I thought they were modelling (which I didn’t yet know was hypocrisy) there would have been no springboard from which to even contemplate concepts like virtue being its own reward. The raw materials of inspiration certainly weren’t accessible back at home. I left home at 13 and never lived there again for longer than a summer, and when I see photos of my schoolmates from back then sometimes I’m struck by what children we were. It’s very weird to me that I never reacted that way to any of the photos of myself. There are boarding schools in the UK that take kids as young as three. Not sure what the youngest is here in the US but it’s definitely idiocy to try and force any parent who’d send their kid away not to do so. Still not a certainty the kid will recognize the degree to which they are truly on their own in a productive enough way to most benefit from their escape. The goal of social services being primarily to keep troubled families together seems also to be the very type of hypocrisy one expects to be devoid of insight about itself being the unconscionably cruel irony which insults another’s injury.
I wondered if you’d be interested to make a video about how to/you find meaning without kids in life? As this is a common question ChiLdfree people get. Like how you spend your time etc. love your videos btw!
I am the same! for the larger part of my life, I have thought about what would I do with their schooling if I were to have kids. I couldn't think of any school that would be good for them! and also since growing up I really doubted my ability to have money, I was not happy paying a fortune for a school which again was not worth it! so it was a big question mark! And it still is But i am sure there are lots of people like us! wanting a better school system and experience! I also believe the degree system is not good. I wanted my kids to explore a variety of subjects and then if they decided to go deep with something to get a diploma and evem self study... but not necessarily expect them to graduate and have a degree. And not follow a traditional expected education path!
Dear Daniel, Thank you. I have followed your material with joy for many years. I have read a lot about The Big Five personality type research and it seems our personal is genetically determined, while behavior is a cost benefit calculator filtered through our genetic and environment. This changed my thinking about parenting to just try to not be in the way of their genetic potential and not worry that much and just enjoy having children around. Have you seen the twin studies where their behavior as adults are extremely similar even though they got separate as infants and raised in very different environments? How much do we actually matter as parents, is good just good enough and let genetic just play out?
Also Daniel I wonder what it means that we both wear the same kid of shirt most of the time. Because I usually wear the same colored long sleeve shirt as you also except I usually wear it unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up over a t-shirt.
I would like to hear a video of your views on how are you gonna connect with your child and how you gonna understand your child? Do you have any expectations from your child, and if you do - what there are?
Hi Daniel! I'm not sure if you read the comments from older videos but I wanted write anyway. I believe you might find it intereseting to read from Peter Gray about the school system, and possibly from John Taylor Gatto. And regarding parenting styles and environments, I think that Darcia Narvaez has an amazing wealth of knowledge about species-appropriate parenting. I think their ideas are generally useful, even if you don't have children yourself. Best wishes.
I had a similar early childhood. Out in nature. I sometimes look back and think how lucky I am that nothing happened to me. I sure did love that freedom! My kids are growing up under 24hr surveillance in comparison. I can’t let them have that same freedom. Our neighborhood isn’t as safe, though we have plenty of nature. I’m always with them, when doing outdoor activities. Oh the things I would change in schools😩 You’re right on about that!
Daniel what did you get your masters in and which license did you get? I understand you aren't practicing anymore but I am curious because I'm in school and wondering which direction to go in
Hi, can you maybe talk about what emotionally connected really means, and more importantly, how to be emotionally connected and healthy and still function in the world today? I honestly struggle to understand what an emotionally connected person would really be like. Maybe that means I am very disconnected
Nature access depends on the city. Mine has plenty of parks and wildlife. But as for benign neglect ( pls cover this one day). I am a gen x, much older than most of her friends' parents. They goggle when my kid, 7, comes calling to me while I sit reading, "a kid was mean to me. They won't let me swing". I ask her "do you know them?" Dd "No?" Me "Then don't worry about it. They're a weiner. Just do something else and wait your turn." DD "ok mama" Goes to play. No tears, no hurt, moves on. Then again, as a gen x, I am fully aware that the internet isn't "real". It's a tool. Why bring her into the world? I wanted to help grow a soul and here she is! And finally, all people are hypocrites, the best we can do is be honest. Too many people worry about screwing up their kids like there's some kind of perfect score we can achieve. Go into a forest. No tree is perfect, but they are all beautiful.
Hi Melissa -- interesting, four people asked me about Waldorf/Steiner schools in the last two days! I know some things about them. I've visited a few over the years, and also visited Dornach in Switzerland. And, strangely enough, I have been working doing editing of some works about Steiner so have been heavily immersed in the Waldorf world... I mostly feel positively about Waldorf schools. Definitely a step up from most schools, and especially the ones I went to. I have some criticisms of Waldorf schools -- certain rigidities and dogmas, etc. But overall much better than average!
@@dmackler58 A lot of people think that the whole Waldrorf thing is a cult. They also say that Steiner, I believe, was racist because he had some kind of philosophy that the color of people's skin was related to how good of a person they are on a spiritual level, or something. I don't remember the details of it because I haven't looked into it that much. A lot of people are still attracted to it, though, because of the no computers and no TV thing. I've thought about the whole screen time issue a lot when it comes to raising kids. I was born in 1985 and I personally think that the way I was brought up with technology was the best way. Maybe I'm just personally biased, but I think my generation was kind of like an accidental experiment. We were introduced to computers and the internet and cell phones, all at the most developmentally appropriate ages, not on purpose, but just by accident because that's how the technology grew with us. I feel like I have a foot in both worlds. Now people are saying that you need to send your kid to a Waldorf school, if you want to recreate that experience with your own kids. I find that to be really ironic because I actually had a childhood friend who was in a Waldorf school in the mid 90's and at the time, I would've thought you were crazy if you would've told me that someday people would be sending their kids there to recreate our experience in the 90's. The boy was 8 years old and he didn't even know the alphabet. He only could count to 8 because that's how old he was. Meanwhile, I was 10 at the time, going to a public school, and loving it. And I and my 8 year old brother were WAY ahead of him, academically and socially. We were both shocked at the things he didn't know. He and his family were recent immigrants from Norway and they didn't allow their boys to watch any TV, so they knew nothing about mainstream American culture. I actually thought that what his parents were doing was kind of weird and abusive. I lived in a small town in New Jersey, where my younger brother and I had free run of the town and we went to a public school that was great. Not all public schools are bad.
With the "ugly", "beautiful" is coming also. This is how it always been and probably will always be. I do not think there will be a paradise on Earth ever. Is the meaning of life to be born and live in perfectly healthy conditions? I don't think this is realistic, nor healthy. Also, our assumptions of healthy, world/conditions grow and what we think now might be not what we will think in years - so how can we say what is healthy/good/,.. at all, when it grows and change even in our minds?
Screen time is 1) the modern way of parents getting rid of their kids 2)the thoughtless way parents parent - thinking that a kid always needs stimulation like a pacifier thoughtlessly stuck in the mouth.
Hi Palisades! Perhaps you saw my comment elsewhere on Waldorf schools, but I wanted to share it here too just in case: So... I know some things about them. I've visited a few over the years, and also visited Dornach in Switzerland. And, strangely enough, I have been working doing editing of some works about Steiner so have been heavily immersed in the Waldorf world... I mostly feel positively about Waldorf schools. Definitely a step up from most schools, and especially the ones I went to. I have some criticisms of Waldorf schools -- certain rigidities and dogmas, etc. But overall much better than average!
The parents are also victims of violence and social expectations..the whole thing goes top to bottom transgenerational , its nobodys fault and everybodys fault at the same time . Action , reaction ...its like chemical reaction
If I am ever unfortunate enough to impregnate a woman, I would FLIP: from being 'childless forever' to being _'I AM RAISING A BROOD OF ANTI CULTURE DAEMONS!'_ 😂
If I had a kid, I would first decide in depth if I really wanted to be responsible for raising a life into a world such as ours. If I decided to go forward with the process, I would want to keep my habits and values in line. I would want to make sure I'm not disconnected or traumatized from the world already myself. I wouldn't let the child watch TV until a certain age. It would be a highly conscious choice.
@@magdalena.slavova Ha. Probably because their parents screamed instead of listening, because they, too, needed to be heard...So no one is heard, but, perhaps worse, no one hears him or her self, because if any of us did, we'd be ashamed all over again. What a mess!
It's as if you low key realized that bringing children into this world, even the modern world, imposes on them necessary forms of abuse in a way or another, whether you impose this to them yourself, or you protect them for long enough and then they get traumatized later on... Do you identify as an antinatalist, Daniel?
Daniel, as poorly behaved/insensitive as your parents were at the time of your childhood, have you ever considered evaluating them as not bad people but too often misguided (I'd say 95% of parents are)? And finding something good to say about them? Or even looking to find the upside effect on you? No one's perfect and no one's a perfect parent.
Your information on home-schooling is stereotypical and dated. There has been a growing variety in home-schooling. It's not all just staying home and being taught by your mother at the kitchen table. Home-schoolers have their own opportunities to interact as a community.
Daniel, I think you’d be a better father than most fathers today because you are self-aware. I think that’s the most important quality a parent could have.
Isn't it ironic that having enough empathy to not want to condemn a child to live in this fucked up world by giving birth to one makes us the most eligible ones to be a parent?
@@keixoun Huh... that's a good way of putting it.
Agreed 100%
I agree
man, I agree about the school. Half the teachers were horrible, especially the music teachers. I agree. Their way or the highway. Bullying, etc...
My Music teacher had no soul
That’s why when I served with children I observed more. I hate it when kids run wild and I feel like I need to have control idk where that comes from…my controlling dad probably. 🤦🏽♀️🤷♀️
If all your shadows from the past are not healed then don't have children. A perfect start is what every child DESERVES. Humanity would die off if that was implemented. So be it. Billions of lives would be spared misery and suffering. What I noticed is the majority of healed humans don't have kids.
All those self aware and conscios people who are too scares to mess a kid up....
While too many unconscious people get 4 kids without thinking and without having a clue of how much they traumatize them
When I was 10 years old we moved from a rich suburb to a bad neighborhood because my dad had a bad accident.. It was so violent I just stayed home most of the time, I was very friendly but I could not cope with the level of violence to make friends..
I was born in 1967 I never married or had children. I perked up when you talked about being able to survive. I'm 56 now and I'm still struggling figuring out how to navigate in the world because I was overprotected and emotionally neglected by my family.
People don't seek extended repeated escapism if they are secure and content/curious in their real lives. All you have to do is love and trust your children and yourself, Daniel. I'm glad I never had kids because I've been so ill for so long. But I'm in my 40s and a lot more healed now, and I grieve that I couldn't get here sooner and have some kind of family.
The real world is brutal… it’s out of our control. Having kids makes one feel good but it’s a big gamble
Nothing stopping anyone from having a family. The question is are you so arrogant and delusional that you believe only your own genetic issue qualifies? If so, don't become a parent. You're a narcissist. If you get that you could literally save children brought into this world by feral people who were gratifying their sexual urges get on it and go apply for the job of parent.
Your opinions are unprofessional in my opinion, but my opinion prolly don't matter in this instance, but better out than keeping it in i always say. Good luck in your life journey lol. Just remember life memories are distorted and feelings change constantly and people use their own life experiences to make decisions based off of their memories of their past similar experiences. Just saying.
The school problem is a difficult one- I was home schooled most of my life and for the most part I’m glad I was. It made me more able to me my true self, more of a free thinker and I genuinely enjoyed education + learning. Having said that, my mother was very abusive and I was super isolated. I went to school for a few months when I was 13 and got PTSD from the experience. I do think home education is the way to go IF and only if the parents are healed, otherwise it can be a horrible recipe for abuse.
These days there seems to be a lot of home schooling groups and alternative education programs such as forest schools, I think it would be easier than ever to socialise a home educated child now, although still a challenge!
Spot on, Daniel. I feel the same about dog-"owners" - why get a dog if you don't live on the countryside. I consider it abusive, at least neglectful. Like most dog-"owners", parents would be hard-pressed to justify their decision to procreate. It's so strange that we've made it cultural custom to congratulate new parents - it's presumptious and wrong.
I remember as a teenager, I self-identified as an anti-natalist and I told my parents about it at some point and I asked them why they decided to have me. Their reaction was sheer disbelief, not even an attempt at explaining, but rather dismissing my inquiry as nonsensical, perhaps just a phase. It goes to show how arrogant and irresponsible they were.
I don't identify as anti-natalist anymore, but for sure I still hold on to many of those sentiments. I don't plan to have kids myself because like you I wouldn't know where to socialise them; the education system is a disgrace and a boiling mess of abuse; all the while I see it absolutely necessary for children to grow up close to nature. Mother Earth is Mother for a reason, she is an extraparental force that human beings need to stay sane and healthy and connected with themselves. Nature can accomplish parental guidance where the parents fail as well, serving as another layer of protection. I agree very much on the point of intelligence and exposure to nature and less screen time - this is something that will continue to be borne out through scientific discovery as we proceed into the future, but science is already strongly indicating this to be the case.
Good thoughts.
What do you think of Dr Gabor mate? Have you read any of his books?
Something tells me those kids were jaded before having a lot of screen time.
man you went so much deeper, than what I've thought of homeschooling a child to not a crappy education system-- yet their social needs with kids their age too
Hearing about your youth in wild nature made me smile. It served your spirit well. I had an abusive mother but a similar independence in nature saved my spirit as well. I also would never bring children into this society, this world of being a human. Oh no no no. No way. Thank you to Daniel and others who also make this choice 🙏✨
So many of your thoughts resonate. I am so happy i never had kids. I love the netflix series Rita. She says she became a teacher to protect kids from their parents. I was lucky in elementary school. I went a fully integrated open-structure school. It was amazing. It only lasted the 2 years i lived in that area but it set me up to take command of my own learning.
Having a child really brings back past emotions. I was a mess when my daughter approached 5-10 years old. It was the height of my own trauma living in NYC.
I’m glad that my husband and I was there for my daughter. My mother and sister ridiculed me for being a stay at home mother. My time with my daughter is not their business. My daughter is in a safe and loving home and excels in school, tennis, and violin. She is my priority, I never had that as a kid.
Daniel thank you so much for this.
Being a parent and raising children right now myself everything that you mentioned in this video is so on point... especially with what we have all been put through over the past year.
It’s a very confusing time for both children and adults and unfortunately there are no simple answers.
I know right? With vivid? Kids having to wear masks? The electronics they are addicted to like their cell phones. I would definitely parent in a different way but I would also not be too controlling.
My experience with school was similar to yours. So much for the compassion and maternal instincts of women. As for private schools, no they are not better on the humane aspect but at least they do (in my case they did) better on academics.
Life is a journey with many twists and turns. You don’t always know what turns you’re going to take until you get there.
You might think about what it might be like to become a parent… but you don’t really know until you allow that experience.
Sometimes you can overthink it and be afraid to allow the experience. I almost let that happen. I wasn’t sure and felt very insecure about becoming a mom …but something told me that I wouldn’t be happy in the long run without sharing the love I felt I had inside, to give to a child/children.
Looking back, I’m so glad I made that decision. It opened up my eyes and opened up a whole new world I would’ve never known existed had I not given it a chance. In fact, I had 2 children who taught me as much as I have taught them over the past 40 years….and I’m STILL learning with them and with 5 special and very loved grandchildren! Some things you just never know… or could never imagine, unless you just give that thing a chance!
Same philosophy. Same doubts. Same passion for truth. Same ambitions. Same fear of becoming overprotective. ❤️ But no fear to be a little bit unperfect. 🦥
Why I didn't get married, I was a nanny for 2 years..I decided I was too " messed up" to take kids,,,to a private school..I was bullied in public school too..and my parents didn't care.
Kids should just be able to do what ever they want to do lol! In my boyfriends class he teaches some of them did the craft (most) one gave up, 2 others just did their own thing. The parents sit outside and chat.
I’m better with talking to kids and engaging with them but it takes sooo much energy. I’ve been hoping to get my nephew to join the class because theirs a kid their that gets really deep into detail about what he likes and I know that my nephew would get along with him.
I love to stick my phone in a pocket or cupboard and don't look at it for hours at a time at work and at home. It's interesting you mentioned learning foreign languages online because fellow pupils from my European birth country learned English almost alongside the native language through games and websites. It's at the point where children have better grades in English than in their mother tongue.
Yeah I love nature to Daniel. I'm from Wyoming and. Have lived here off and on most of my life.
My Great Grandfather had dozens or hundreds of thousands of acres of ranchland here in the early 1900s
He started the big sheep raising ranches here then.
I had another Grandfather that had a really awesome home and property out in rural southwest Washington with a really nice house 5 acres of pasture and 70 acres of second generation trees mostly large Douglas Firs..
Somehow my mother and other relatives have stolen all of it from me.
I'm 53 years old and just started learning several years ago how most of my relatives especially my mother are very narcasistic or psychopathic towards me and always were.
God bless anyone affected by these kind of people.
I love your videos Daniel. I was wondering what you think about montesorri schools? If I had kids, I’d want to send them there
I would have liked to send my children to a Waldorf school. I homeschool my youngest and we started with waldorf style curriculum but now that she is older she likes an open n go curriculum.
@@hazehaze0 open n go curriculum?
I heard montessori and waldorf have very different approaches to each other
@@foxtail7363 They do. The origins of Waldorf are something to look into. It’s founder Rudolph Steiner was a discutabel “philosopher” with anti-intellectual, anti-scientific and proto-fascist ideas. Recently a former teacher openly criticised cult like thinking among staff specifically around sensitive topics like race and vaccination.
YOU give me hope, Daniel!🥰 Thank you. I believe I was able to survive my childhood & 65 yrs on this planet because of my connection to Nature as a child. Growing up with my jellyfish, turtle & Billy Goat friends in Chesapeake Bay area of Virginia gave me the balance I needed after being born into Psychiatry/Construction/Musical Theater home of chaos. Time all day in the woods supported my creativity & ability to figure things out for myself in a world of self involved adults. You would have been a cool Dad. Potential of overprotecting my sons has always been difficult tightrope for me to walk. It's always seemed ironic that mostly the highest evolved humans are avoiding duplicating. This planet is a hoot.😎🤡🤷♀️
Thank you Daniel. All becomes clearer after watching your video.
As a new-ish parent, I completely relate to the concerns.. no easy answers!!!
The people most qualified to be parents wind up not having them and the people least qualified wind up having several.
I had a thought some time ago when I finally fully realised how fucked up the world is, including family systems, how traumatic and abuse perpetuating it is. Those who were boken by it, did not adapt, embrace it, dissociate from emotional self, who emotionally realised from the early age that this is all wrong. These people become outcasts, generally don't want and don't have children (to not perpetuate the cycle of abuse, programmed in by their parents). What is the really sad part is that the natural selection is at work here: those who don't pass on their genes (cultural and biological) are weeded out of the population without much trace. Contrary to those who do adopt to the environment through abuse and trauma, and pass it on to their descendants. The way this is going I don't have much hope for humanity's future, and the way people of the future will be.
It's good that Dan leaves his legacy in the forms of these videos. But seeing the number of views on most videos, you can tell what he says is not popular among population. Truth is unpopular, the world prefers to live in a delusional/denial/dissociated state.
Daniel, i have a lot to say about this video and your videos in general.
First of all, about the school system : idk if you have this kinda thing where you live, but in germany we have something called a forest kindergarden where essentially the kids grow up in nature in kindergarden. Also there is alternative school systems here like Waldorf or Montessori which do follow a lot of the principles you talked about, but theyre also very anthrophologist....
Okay, so i love your views and enjoy watching your videos and hearing your clear insights in the world, but i have to admit that whenever i watch them, i get this strong feeling that youre using youtube as a platform a lot to deal with and to voice your own pain. Which is legitimate of course, but sometimes i wonder if you dont get lost in it too much? If you center an entire online persona around voicing your pain about your childhood, thats gonna be hard to let go.
Your views on raising children are so on point. I struggled a lot with adultism when i was young and i love hearing a voice of reason fight against it.
Hmm, I don't know about forest kindergarten. I'll have to look it up. It sounds lovely! I know a lot more about Waldorf schools, and a little about Montessori. Waldorf schools in my opinion are way better than average American schools, for sure.. Warm greetings! Daniel
I would like to hear a video of your conceptions of - how you would had had parenting if your child resists your ideas, views, and your methods "don't work".
I want to hear what your acceptance of your child will be if your child doesn't like you, despite all your understanding effort, psychological "right" approach.
as simple as it is difficult, i think it boils down to respecting the child and his opinions and emotions. He can resist all he wants to ideas and views, but at least there will be the basic relationship of mutual respect. This is how i think a child can be completely open to some of the ideas.
If you are trying to indoctrinate your kid they have a reason to resist you. If you understand that you aren't right about everything and that your kid has every right to reject your ideas, you won't get so bent about it. My uncle raised 3 completely different people. None of them align w his views on the world. Don't have to. His son is right wing nut job. He doesn't agree w him but he knows it's ok. The world is full of all kinds of people. They are fine about their differences. Your kids are actually DIFFERENT people. Not little mirrors of you.
I agree with the opinion that raising physically and psychologically healthy children nowadays is a nearly impossible task. I also believe that if someone is mature enough to understand how big of a responsibility parenthood is he or she could continue growing and healing while at the same time setting a healthy example for his or her children.
Boarding school was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would not want my own child to be able to say such a thing, but if it had not been for that place and the integrity I thought they were modelling (which I didn’t yet know was hypocrisy) there would have been no springboard from which to even contemplate concepts like virtue being its own reward. The raw materials of inspiration certainly weren’t accessible back at home. I left home at 13 and never lived there again for longer than a summer, and when I see photos of my schoolmates from back then sometimes I’m struck by what children we were. It’s very weird to me that I never reacted that way to any of the photos of myself. There are boarding schools in the UK that take kids as young as three. Not sure what the youngest is here in the US but it’s definitely idiocy to try and force any parent who’d send their kid away not to do so. Still not a certainty the kid will recognize the degree to which they are truly on their own in a productive enough way to most benefit from their escape. The goal of social services being primarily to keep troubled families together seems also to be the very type of hypocrisy one expects to be devoid of insight about itself being the unconscionably cruel irony which insults another’s injury.
montessori, waldorf, moma website and froebel seemed like interestering ideas when i was researching schools
I agree daniel! Enjoy the fruits of your own mental labor 😊
He would of been amazing.
Apple II, wow, that's luxury.
I wondered if you’d be interested to make a video about how to/you find meaning without kids in life? As this is a common question ChiLdfree people get. Like how you spend your time etc. love your videos btw!
I am the same! for the larger part of my life, I have thought about what would I do with their schooling if I were to have kids. I couldn't think of any school that would be good for them! and also since growing up I really doubted my ability to have money, I was not happy paying a fortune for a school which again was not worth it! so it was a big question mark! And it still is
But i am sure there are lots of people like us! wanting a better school system and experience!
I also believe the degree system is not good. I wanted my kids to explore a variety of subjects and then if they decided to go deep with something to get a diploma and evem self study... but not necessarily expect them to graduate and have a degree. And not follow a traditional expected education path!
Dear Daniel, Thank you. I have followed your material with joy for many years. I have read a lot about The Big Five personality type research and it seems our personal is genetically determined, while behavior is a cost benefit calculator filtered through our genetic and environment. This changed my thinking about parenting to just try to not be in the way of their genetic potential and not worry that much and just enjoy having children around. Have you seen the twin studies where their behavior as adults are extremely similar even though they got separate as infants and raised in very different environments? How much do we actually matter as parents, is good just good enough and let genetic just play out?
So true. A kid will never reach his potential without. Love support and kindness.
Under the age of 25
I think what your describing is a family farm/homestead not that far from town. That life seems pretty much impossible these days.
Also Daniel I wonder what it means that we both wear the same kid of shirt most of the time.
Because I usually wear the same colored long sleeve shirt as you also except I usually wear it unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up over a t-shirt.
I would like to hear a video of your views on how are you gonna connect with your child and how you gonna understand your child?
Do you have any expectations from your child, and if you do - what there are?
На кого вы работаете, если не на психотерапевта?
I wonder if out of my love for my unborn children is not to bring them to this life, or do I love them less when I do?!
As for parents getting rid of children, yes, that is a common sentiment of parents.
Hi Daniel! I'm not sure if you read the comments from older videos but I wanted write anyway. I believe you might find it intereseting to read from Peter Gray about the school system, and possibly from John Taylor Gatto. And regarding parenting styles and environments, I think that Darcia Narvaez has an amazing wealth of knowledge about species-appropriate parenting. I think their ideas are generally useful, even if you don't have children yourself. Best wishes.
Thank you 😊
I had a similar early childhood. Out in nature. I sometimes look back and think how lucky I am that nothing happened to me. I sure did love that freedom!
My kids are growing up under 24hr surveillance in comparison.
I can’t let them have that same freedom. Our neighborhood isn’t as safe, though we have plenty of nature. I’m always with them, when doing outdoor activities.
Oh the things I would change in schools😩 You’re right on about that!
Daniel what did you get your masters in and which license did you get? I understand you aren't practicing anymore but I am curious because I'm in school and wondering which direction to go in
Hi, can you maybe talk about what emotionally connected really means, and more importantly, how to be emotionally connected and healthy and still function in the world today? I honestly struggle to understand what an emotionally connected person would really be like. Maybe that means I am very disconnected
Parents need to teach kids instead of control them that’s what I’m learning. Teach them boundaries, about life, about empathy and how to treat others.
What do you think about Montessori and Reggio Emilia schools?
I've been on Xbox 15-18 hours.
I grew up playing videogames to escape my life. since age 10.
Sega, Nintendo, Xbox...
really bad for you.
I've been jaded since age 10
overprotective parent did hurt me.
Nature access depends on the city. Mine has plenty of parks and wildlife. But as for benign neglect ( pls cover this one day). I am a gen x, much older than most of her friends' parents. They goggle when my kid, 7, comes calling to me while I sit reading, "a kid was mean to me. They won't let me swing". I ask her "do you know them?" Dd "No?"
Me "Then don't worry about it. They're a weiner. Just do something else and wait your turn."
DD "ok mama"
Goes to play. No tears, no hurt, moves on.
Then again, as a gen x, I am fully aware that the internet isn't "real". It's a tool. Why bring her into the world? I wanted to help grow a soul and here she is!
And finally, all people are hypocrites, the best we can do is be honest. Too many people worry about screwing up their kids like there's some kind of perfect score we can achieve. Go into a forest. No tree is perfect, but they are all beautiful.
What do you think about Waldorf Schools?
I asked the same question before seeing this comment, lol.
Hi Melissa -- interesting, four people asked me about Waldorf/Steiner schools in the last two days! I know some things about them. I've visited a few over the years, and also visited Dornach in Switzerland. And, strangely enough, I have been working doing editing of some works about Steiner so have been heavily immersed in the Waldorf world... I mostly feel positively about Waldorf schools. Definitely a step up from most schools, and especially the ones I went to. I have some criticisms of Waldorf schools -- certain rigidities and dogmas, etc. But overall much better than average!
@@dmackler58 A lot of people think that the whole Waldrorf thing is a cult. They also say that Steiner, I believe, was racist because he had some kind of philosophy that the color of people's skin was related to how good of a person they are on a spiritual level, or something. I don't remember the details of it because I haven't looked into it that much. A lot of people are still attracted to it, though, because of the no computers and no TV thing. I've thought about the whole screen time issue a lot when it comes to raising kids. I was born in 1985 and I personally think that the way I was brought up with technology was the best way. Maybe I'm just personally biased, but I think my generation was kind of like an accidental experiment. We were introduced to computers and the internet and cell phones, all at the most developmentally appropriate ages, not on purpose, but just by accident because that's how the technology grew with us. I feel like I have a foot in both worlds. Now people are saying that you need to send your kid to a Waldorf school, if you want to recreate that experience with your own kids. I find that to be really ironic because I actually had a childhood friend who was in a Waldorf school in the mid 90's and at the time, I would've thought you were crazy if you would've told me that someday people would be sending their kids there to recreate our experience in the 90's. The boy was 8 years old and he didn't even know the alphabet. He only could count to 8 because that's how old he was. Meanwhile, I was 10 at the time, going to a public school, and loving it. And I and my 8 year old brother were WAY ahead of him, academically and socially. We were both shocked at the things he didn't know. He and his family were recent immigrants from Norway and they didn't allow their boys to watch any TV, so they knew nothing about mainstream American culture. I actually thought that what his parents were doing was kind of weird and abusive. I lived in a small town in New Jersey, where my younger brother and I had free run of the town and we went to a public school that was great. Not all public schools are bad.
Very interesting! Thanks for sharing, Melissa.
Child raising is far too important to be left to parents.
With the "ugly", "beautiful" is coming also.
This is how it always been and probably will always be.
I do not think there will be a paradise on Earth ever.
Is the meaning of life to be born and live in perfectly healthy conditions? I don't think this is realistic, nor healthy.
Also, our assumptions of healthy, world/conditions grow and what we think now might be not what we will think in years - so how can we say what is healthy/good/,.. at all, when it grows and change even in our minds?
Screen time is 1) the modern way of parents getting rid of their kids 2)the thoughtless way parents parent - thinking that a kid always needs stimulation like a pacifier thoughtlessly stuck in the mouth.
have you heard of Waldorf school?
Have you heard of Waldorf Schools, Daniel?
Hi Palisades! Perhaps you saw my comment elsewhere on Waldorf schools, but I wanted to share it here too just in case: So... I know some things about them. I've visited a few over the years, and also visited Dornach in Switzerland. And, strangely enough, I have been working doing editing of some works about Steiner so have been heavily immersed in the Waldorf world... I mostly feel positively about Waldorf schools. Definitely a step up from most schools, and especially the ones I went to. I have some criticisms of Waldorf schools -- certain rigidities and dogmas, etc. But overall much better than average!
I know this is old but what about spending time with your child with screen time.
I would really like to meet you in person, Salam, peace oh stranger
The parents are also victims of violence and social expectations..the whole thing goes top to bottom transgenerational , its nobodys fault and everybodys fault at the same time . Action , reaction ...its like chemical reaction
If I am ever unfortunate enough to impregnate a woman, I would FLIP: from being 'childless forever' to being _'I AM RAISING A BROOD OF ANTI CULTURE DAEMONS!'_ 😂
If I had a kid, I would first decide in depth if I really wanted to be responsible for raising a life into a world such as ours. If I decided to go forward with the process, I would want to keep my habits and values in line. I would want to make sure I'm not disconnected or traumatized from the world already myself. I wouldn't let the child watch TV until a certain age. It would be a highly conscious choice.
School is another name from prison discipline and rote learning
Unfortunately many parents (including mine) treat their kids like they are second class citizens.
Why do parents yell and scream?
Has to do with their own unresolved issues.
@@lextor4712 Also: raising children is tremendously difficult.
@@bt4086 It is - especially in this state of the world we are living in. 99.9% are not prepared for this.
Because the is no one is to Hear them - that is why they scream - desperately need someone to Hear them.....
@@magdalena.slavova Ha. Probably because their parents screamed instead of listening, because they, too, needed to be heard...So no one is heard, but, perhaps worse, no one hears him or her self, because if any of us did, we'd be ashamed all over again. What a mess!
It's as if you low key realized that bringing children into this world, even the modern world, imposes on them necessary forms of abuse in a way or another, whether you impose this to them yourself, or you protect them for long enough and then they get traumatized later on... Do you identify as an antinatalist, Daniel?
Daniel, as poorly behaved/insensitive as your parents were at the time of your childhood, have you ever considered evaluating them as not bad people but too often misguided (I'd say 95% of parents are)? And finding something good to say about them? Or even looking to find the upside effect on you? No one's perfect and no one's a perfect parent.
Your information on home-schooling is stereotypical and dated. There has been a growing variety in home-schooling. It's not all just staying home and being taught by your mother at the kitchen table. Home-schoolers have their own opportunities to interact as a community.