Parents don't view their kids as people but as things or as pets. You'd have no compunction discussing your cat with your guests in front of it. That's how they view kids.
My mother talked about me (how horrible I am) both in front of me and when I was absent. She loved destroying my reputation when she talked about me with neighbours, colleagues and family members. She wanted them to hate me, and even my 'golden child' brother whom she loved (if a psychopath can love anyone) admits she set everyone up against me including my father who did everything she wanted including beating me severely on so many occasions it became his favourite way to release anger. This was the only thing that could satisfy her because this was the only thing she knew from her own childhood.
I think the truth is simply that most of the parents are just not prepared to have children. They simply do not know how to care for them. Which is why I have decided very early on that I am never going to have children. Our parents have put us into this world and now it's onto us to repair the damage that was done inevitably...
I'm 44 and my parents still do this! And I recently found out that they talk behind my back and tell complete lies! Now, I understand why people have weird reactions towards me! I stopped giving any information about myself to my parents and siblings. It's a sick, twisted dynamic... well, I stopped giving information to anyone. Now, I keep it to myself!
Why are we talking negatively about our children period. Keep them safe and grow yourself a decent human being by example. Stop berating your children.
I can totally relate to this. Both myself and my brother have disabilities which are an inconvenience to my mother. It truly feels horrible to be on the receiving end of. I have much more distance from her and speak up for myself when I need to.
My mother once apologised to a visiting school friend, explaining that I was "rather stupid". As a young adult I started work in a men's clothing store. A mother came in with a group of her friends and her teenage son. These women teased this lad, all laughing and cackling right in front of me. I felt terrible for him and tried to commucate solidaty and sympathy ...... there are plenty of ways that parents can take out their own anger on their kids without raising a hand to them at all. It's incredibly destructive.
My mother once spoke about me with extended family, and I overheard it from another room. They were speaking about me being so silent and timid, "strange". And being that kind of kid made me feel even worse about myself. Now I am a problem, strange problem. More shame added.
Narcissists do this. They like to talk down about their child like they are the perfect parent and the child is the problem. My momster did this with all 4 of her children. Narcissists with covert narcissism LOVE to play the victim. As their children, we are nothing but a doll to them: no rights, no feelings, no needs. We exist strictly for them to dress up, place around the movie-set of their "perfect" delusional life.
My father basically called me a whore in front of all his extended family after I travelled abroad to meet a guy I'd been in a long distance relationship with in my early 20s. Everyone was in complete shock and disbelief with the way he reacted, including me, it just came out of nowhere and without solicitation, we were on very good terms and I looked up to him, we hadn't discussed it before and he did not express any thoughts or discontent about it previously, I was completely caught off guard by his outburst. He's had such unexpected outbursts on several occasions on various other topics throughout his lifetime and I gradually realised he's a very repressed person and not as cool and benign as he'd like to come across as and that caused me to slowly distance myself from him. We're no longer on speaking terms and I try to avoid him as much as I can these days, though he seems to be blissfully unaware of any of it.
Reading the comments, I'm just so greatfull i have parents that always treated me as a little person and growing up i really felt that my opinion counted.
These types of parents view children as objects. As my father told me many years ago after I told him how my classmates were calling me fat. He said:”All your fat belongs to me.” What?!!!
I got cancer last year at 57 and it was an eye opener for me because my family couldnt show any real ...empathy without attaching a negative of some sort , (and my sisters a nurse!!) they would rather sit in silence that show real emotional concern , THEN the more weak i got the more they ramped up the verbal covert beatings, it was so odd it just smacked me in the face that ive been an idiot listening to them at all , let alone for 50 odd years , her 3 husbands could only put up with it for 10 years each so i figured ive done my time , and it was time for them to go ...i don't mean they are under the patio, i just wrote and told them to go away ...it was quite brutal to be honest , BUT incredibly restrained given the 54 years it had been building. definately recommend walking away from all narccissists and control freaks
Parents don't view their kids as people but as things or as pets. You'd have no compunction discussing your cat with your guests in front of it. That's how they view kids.
My mother talked about me (how horrible I am) both in front of me and when I was absent. She loved destroying my reputation when she talked about me with neighbours, colleagues and family members. She wanted them to hate me, and even my 'golden child' brother whom she loved (if a psychopath can love anyone) admits she set everyone up against me including my father who did everything she wanted including beating me severely on so many occasions it became his favourite way to release anger. This was the only thing that could satisfy her because this was the only thing she knew from her own childhood.
I think the truth is simply that most of the parents are just not prepared to have children. They simply do not know how to care for them. Which is why I have decided very early on that I am never going to have children. Our parents have put us into this world and now it's onto us to repair the damage that was done inevitably...
Animals are way better at treating children than humans.
I'm 44 and my parents still do this! And I recently found out that they talk behind my back and tell complete lies! Now, I understand why people have weird reactions towards me! I stopped giving any information about myself to my parents and siblings. It's a sick, twisted dynamic... well, I stopped giving information to anyone. Now, I keep it to myself!
When he grows up she'll complain she never sees him because he's moved to the other side of the earth and married an Asian.
Why are we talking negatively about our children period. Keep them safe and grow yourself a decent human being by example. Stop berating your children.
It’s called a martyr complex.
You're a boss. I realized early that my parents were both idiots and I moved out soon as I could. I'm pretty successful now despite their predictions.
I can totally relate to this. Both myself and my brother have disabilities which are an inconvenience to my mother. It truly feels horrible to be on the receiving end of. I have much more distance from her and speak up for myself when I need to.
My mother once apologised to a visiting school friend, explaining that I was "rather stupid". As a young adult I started work in a men's clothing store. A mother came in with a group of her friends and her teenage son. These women teased this lad, all laughing and cackling right in front of me. I felt terrible for him and tried to commucate solidaty and sympathy ...... there are plenty of ways that parents can take out their own anger on their kids without raising a hand to them at all. It's incredibly destructive.
My mother once spoke about me with extended family, and I overheard it from another room. They were speaking about me being so silent and timid, "strange". And being that kind of kid made me feel even worse about myself. Now I am a problem, strange problem. More shame added.
I grew up like that,
Narcissists do this. They like to talk down about their child like they are the perfect parent and the child is the problem. My momster did this with all 4 of her children. Narcissists with covert narcissism LOVE to play the victim. As their children, we are nothing but a doll to them: no rights, no feelings, no needs. We exist strictly for them to dress up, place around the movie-set of their "perfect" delusional life.
My father basically called me a whore in front of all his extended family after I travelled abroad to meet a guy I'd been in a long distance relationship with in my early 20s. Everyone was in complete shock and disbelief with the way he reacted, including me, it just came out of nowhere and without solicitation, we were on very good terms and I looked up to him, we hadn't discussed it before and he did not express any thoughts or discontent about it previously, I was completely caught off guard by his outburst. He's had such unexpected outbursts on several occasions on various other topics throughout his lifetime and I gradually realised he's a very repressed person and not as cool and benign as he'd like to come across as and that caused me to slowly distance myself from him. We're no longer on speaking terms and I try to avoid him as much as I can these days, though he seems to be blissfully unaware of any of it.
Reading the comments, I'm just so greatfull i have parents that always treated me as a little person and growing up i really felt that my opinion counted.
A lot of parents reject certain aspects of their child. Sometimes they'll use social shaming as a way to make it stick.
These types of parents view children as objects. As my father told me many years ago after I told him how my classmates were calling me fat. He said:”All your fat belongs to me.” What?!!!
I got cancer last year at 57 and it was an eye opener for me because my family couldnt show any real ...empathy without attaching a negative of some sort , (and my sisters a nurse!!) they would rather sit in silence that show real emotional concern , THEN the more weak i got the more they ramped up the verbal covert beatings, it was so odd it just smacked me in the face that ive been an idiot listening to them at all , let alone for 50 odd years , her 3 husbands could only put up with it for 10 years each so i figured ive done my time , and it was time for them to go ...i don't mean they are under the patio, i just wrote and told them to go away ...it was quite brutal to be honest , BUT incredibly restrained given the 54 years it had been building. definately recommend walking away from all narccissists and control freaks
My mom told me "if you werent my daughter, i wouldn't even want to be around you. "