This channel is therapeutic. Your honesty cuts past all the shame and grabs onto the actual reality. I look back sometimes on my journals from my late teens and early 20s. I was devastated. I spent my entire childhood looking forward to freedom as an adult, but I was still stuck with my parents, being discouraged and pressured and manipulated. I didn’t escape them for another decade. Your videos are helping me so much with processing my trauma and having hope for the future. Thank you 🙏
Do whatever you have to do to get out. Get on any & all the government benefits you can get to help. You have to be persistent but you can get housing help, good. Get into a university that’s far away, then you can get their physical help & protection. Get out and never, ever look back. Trust NO ONE they know. Don’t be afraid to change your name. In my county it’s about $100 & you don’t have to get a lawyer. Let nothing stop you. It will never get better, only worse.
@@rs5570 Back then, in my heart I knew I needed to do this, but I was too afraid of the unknown. Unfortunately I didn’t even know about financial aid. I sacrificed my mental and emotional health for the comfort of the familiar. If I could do it over again, I would leave at 18. I would have been ok. But regretting my mistakes doesn’t help. I can only be thankful I am free now. I’ve considered changing my name, just for my own sake.
I think you are one of the kindest human beings i've ever heard. The thing about empathic people is we too often take years or decades to realize we are worthy of the same kindness and love we show others.
Yes. One of my favorite songs in the the world is Misread by Kings of Convenience. I think people like myself, people like Daniel might relate to the words A LOT.
It was also almost a miracle for me to finally walk away from my family. When I was 16, I by chance managed to get a job as a part time software dev in a prestigious company. I ended up supporting the family financially for 2 years. I then went to uni and it took me another 4 years to finally build up the courage to fully walk away. The thing that finally made me walk away was the fact that my mind seemed to be falling apart. I couldn't sleep, couldn't trust myself even to lock the door when I left the house, I was getting angrier at everything, I was losing my mind. As I looked back and reflected, I began to realise what it was and confront my parents for all the violence that happened years ago. It led to a situation which almost escalated into domestic violence, but I was able to de-escalate it since I'd learnt deescalation through Taekwondo at uni. I finally walked away a few months after. But, if I never had my chance encounter with my manager, never wandered into taekwondo at uni, I'd never had the strength (financial or emotional) to leave. It was a miracle pretty much, that allowed me to leave
I don't think it's such a slim chance.. bodily energetics has a way of pulling the situations you are needing towards you. Maybe you think it was just a completely random one off.. but where you're vibration at never lies.
Exactly what you said about the mind falling apart, couldn't sleep, anger, couldn't trust yourself...it all happened to me. I recently described it as, "I was loosing my mind!" Until I went no contact in my mid thirties. And what gave me the strength/last straw to leave? Law school! My performance was horrible on exams but my pre test scores predicted I would arrive at the top of my class. Well it's hard to focus when I was getting verbally berating by "family" non stop. Later I realized I was being retraumatized. My entire life I was constantly gaslight, blamed, neglected, demeaned, berated...no wonder I had those symptoms. Sadly, i believe you were treated the same. I'm glad you made the right decision and taekwondo gave you the strength 🥰. Proud of you!
Ok but your “vibration” won’t get you out of a toxic, sick, violent family. I talk to people most every day who are scared sick to get away. There will be repercussions that will have them coming after you to wreck your life even more. This man has just discussed that at length. These sick families will find ways to literally kill you. They will send others they’ve duped to find you, claim you threatened to murder them, will set all your.belongings on fire and worse. Many can’t get out ever despite their “vibe.” I had to move to another country and change my name. Now I support others in doing that. Many times you’ve been made physical ill by relentless abuse since infancy. I’d say it can definitely take a miracle to get out before you off yourself just to get out of the pain they put you through.
"I look back and think 'what could I have done' and nothing comes back to me" is a loop I keep running. We're the same age and its comforting to hear you struggle too because you have experience in self-healing. I can't help but think, when I see the young pictures of you, "Wow. Thank you, Little Daniel, for taking all that for 'Wise and Older Daniel' so that others can benefit from his insight."
There is nothing you could’ve done. They want you to think it’s your fault. It’s part of the game. Stop that loop running. I did it, too. Now I talk to people 65 who still can’t get out from under an 85 yr olds brutal, hostile agony. It’s their fault, not yours. Get out asap.
Thank you Daniel for everything you do! I means a lot.:) I've moved out from my mom's place today! Just wanted to share this with you. You channel is a life line for me right now. Love from Siberia.
@@rishaa682 "Toward Truth" a book that's more or less just about his life philosophy and a sort of guide to self-therapy and healing from childhood trauma, and "Breaking from Your Parents", that focuses specifically on how one's relationship with one's parents molds them into who they become, for better or worse, and details the benefits of taking distance from one's family of origin. I've read them both a few times, highly recommended.
my issue is finding a job and "plugging in" to society. it seems like every job ive ever had has been a repeat of the same toxic system and its breaking me
My teenage years were often miserable due to the bullying of my step mother. My 20's were a decade of loss and distress as my parents divorced, had breakdowns, turned to drink and my half sister was killed. As usual no one had any concern for me. Looking back on it is always distressing but ultimately worthwhile.
Johnny Ecoman. God bless you Johnny. You are courageous and intelligent. Keep on with the good fight . You are not alone myself and others have been suffering from toxic and narcissistic parents. I went no contact over 20 + years ago. Proud of you Johnny. 👍👍❤️💯
You're a gem, Daniel. I also have an abusive alcoholic mother who abused me verbally, emotionally and physically growing up - in a additional to a narcissistic sister who was verbally abusive. My Dad generally was the least of my issues, especially as I matured, but he still wasn't any help emotionally or spiritually - even turning abusive towards me at various times throughout my life. I was the "odd ball," "the black sheep" of my family and I was often picked on for it throughout my life - even to this day, though in more subtle, "gentler" ways. I realize now distancing myself from them is the only way I can have any chance at moving forward to a better place in life, so I can be in the best possible position to give what I can to others and help others, which was/is always my main intention. Humans are failing miserably as a species. Politics and voting in the right person isn't going to solve anything. We need to change how we view one another and ourselves. We need to look out for one another and take care of one another as if we were all one family - and it all starts with the self. Charity starts at home.
Thank You Daniel, This is so real , Long time listener. I’m 63 yrs old relate so much I still have nightmares of being stuck in a horrible family system. I messed up with a very bad marriage on getting away though. For me life is just very hard I have a handicapped adult to take care of in my older years I don’t think I ever recovered just got more protective of myself try to be grateful for what I do have. I really am thankful to you Daniel because you are so many wonderful things authentic, Smart, educated in ways of the world a real honor to listen to.
Daniel, you are walking the path of The Mystic. The Old Gods have baptized you in fire and blood. What you've gone through and survived has turned you into a spiritual warrior to be of help to others. It's a blessing and a curse.
Thank you for your videos, Daniel! I am currently on my own journey of healing from my childhood trauma & I feel this deep historical pain you often talk about. I know there is hope. Thank you very much. Love from Vienna, Austria
having your father there helped you move along faster. He was not afraid to be your overt enemy. My single mother would never dare express it so openly. It was always hidden, even from her in a lot of ways. It allowed me to stay in denial much, much longer.
"I couldn't afford to be me." I feel that so much. I have dreams of trying to scream out and having no voice. No one could hear me. Trauma and the self hatred has consumed my life.
Thank you for all you do here on CZcams, Daniel. You've become a beacon of light for me in just a few weeks of seeing some of your content. I see so much about myself in what you talk about regarding your own life. You have become a lifesaver, a lamp and a ladder for many of us who wander around the contents of CZcams. I feel so lucky to have encountered you. Please, keep on keeping on - I promise I'm doing the same, God, I swear I'm trying. Best wishes from a pal in Sonora, Mexico.
'Opposites attract' IS NOT what we're looking for, I always thought that was a wrong match in relationships, looking for that missing part of me in someone else...using them to heal me or to 'make me whole'. The ridiculous belief that I will find "OH, You complete me" fantasy movie world BS. I had lunch this week with a neighbor and we were talking about love languages and how they are actually emotional needs that we probably DID NOT get as a child, therefore we were trying 'to get' those unmet needs met thru someone else! Well, you know how that works out. I used to give praise and encouragement like crazy to everyone around me, I realized I was pushing onto them what I never got and expecting them to return that to me! OMG what a mess this life can be if we don't find humor and grace for the craziness and futility our yearnings are without hope and faith. I assure you God is not judging us judicially as to our guilt or innocence LIKE WE DO! Laws laws and more laws so we can judge each other and criticize and fault find and scream 'hang them'. Love does not do that, love is always pointing out the truth (what is) so we aren't self delusional, so we can discover our inner God Given power of individualism. God is wanting us to learn and communicate with him...to learn to trust again...NOT TO TRUST IN FALLIBLE PPL, to learn to trust that still small voice inside all of us that got crushed and pushed down and beat out of us and caused us self-doubt...satans mark and trick....to get us to distrust God and our very essence as good and beautiful beings able to give and receive love (instead of objects to manipulate, mandate, labels, sexualized, forced to be jabbed for $ etc).
It is reassuring to hear you talk candidly about the ways you struggled in processing your traumas and emotional pain, especially when you were younger. I am on the younger side and it can feel incredibly daunting/overwhelming at times to be aware of how deep the pain goes and how long the journey ahead of me really is when it comes to navigating these waters, diving deeper than I ever thought possible to retrieve ruins of a “forgotten” past. Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to be able to wade through it all, that my emotional stamina is no match for the cataclysmic waves which threaten to drown me again and again as they violently slam themselves relentlessly into the rocky shoreline. But hearing your experiences in navigating this- it’s comforting in some way, so thank you, Daniel, for speaking so openly about something that is both so intimate and personal and yet, in another vein… is universal, is a common thread that weaves through each of us- these wounds from the past that yearn to be lovingly tended to.
“Ruins of a forgotten past” - Love that description.. for a long time I thought I had to try to “save” them until the grand epiphany that I was the one who needed saving from Them
Holy Hemingway! I need you to write my biography. My writings are blunt and crude; a product of my environment. Your talent shows a tasteful way to communicate trauma and despair. Clearly you've put in the work. Cheers
Thanks Daniel, I've been learning a lot from your stories and resonate a lot with your past. Im a medical doctor and theres a lot of healing to go through, much of it being helped by your example
Work at a young age, and throughout my adult life really has been my ticket to freedom & giving me independence from unhealthy family. Its been a long long ongoing process to do the work and come to terms with the truth of self, as shaped by dyfunctional family. Eye opening and life changing!
Daniel, so with you…yes, it feels like a miracle how we got out of the trap that is toxic families. But thank goodness our spirit remains intact and connected to the greater Universe, our surrender to the mystery and wonder that is Life that helps us pull through and not only survive, but thrive. When we listen to ourselves; and commit to the truth of who we are, our being, our voices.
I hate to hear u say that u wish to b of use to somebody.....u are unique, special and wonderfully made to b just u....u need not serve any purpose but your own happiness my friend....u are much loved(by me and many viewers and all you meet in daily life I am sure),seen, respected, heard, admired and thanked......
thanks so much for you sharing this. i took off at age 14 and am still the black sheep at 58. but from a healthy distance now and with open eyes. thanks for sharing about the songs too
I don't know if Daniel has written a book but he has several books in him... It takes a strong person to climb out of the well of despair. We have Grow groups in Aus, self help groups are a path to finding answers within in a supportive environment. I found it a good place to start.
Your honesty is inspiring. You believed in yourself in those earlier days of searching for freedom. You did the best you could with what you knew at that point in your life. Thank you for your courage, your wisdom, your generosity and your desire to help all of us who are on our own unique journeys. ❤
Daniel.. That was so amazing; in fact a lot of things really resonates with me... Fance family system, everybody seems perfect. not admitting problems Cluster B dysfunctional family desperate, scary, confusing life - No idea how to get out My spirit wasn't allowed to come out Hands around own throat Wasnt aware all emotions and feelings inside Journaling and journaling and journaling - only self healing Deeper Tsunami waves came out around 31 started as a typist No clear answer everything axcept finding out old tapes.. and 12 steps Though I am 35 and normal .. but still stuck with an covert narc... unable to do anything, Financial coercion, spiritual coercion.. I know this ally you got - its with me all the time, self reflective self.. need a miracle now...
DANIEL you did exactly what I did. I had enough self awareness to know that I HAD TO BE THERE FOR MYSELF and I also wanted to spare myself from any bad decisions of letting someone in my life who would hold me back from my own recovery process. I stopped drinking when I started my recovery bc I knew I was drinking to bury emotional pain but now that all my pain was coming up and I was dealing with it so I no longer needed to drink bc I was now dealing with it head on. Never smoked weed or even cigarettes so the drinking was the only thing and now I had gotten rid of that and it was permanent. I also believe there was divine intervention bc I prayed everyday nonstop. I God intervened in ur life too Daniel. U have a pure childlike heart and we’re sincere in changing and I think God honors that. God loves ur pureness of soul and intentions. Don’t underestimate HIM Daniel. You are a rare gift and God is fully aware of that. 5/26/23.
Your videos are so amazing and opening as a person. You just broke my heart and give me a little light of hope that all my tryings in all my ages wasn’t wasted and I know that I wasn’t wrong all this time! Thank you for you work and your a open heart to tell your own history of your life ❤ With Best Regards Oleksandr,student 20.
Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best form of THERAPY I have ever had ! .......... Leaves you with no more Questions !!! * REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
OMG I felt the same way! I set myself to becoming independent! I could take care of myself. Then when my eyes were opened, I could walk away from the emotional abuse
Social worker with 11 years in the field here. I didn't make it very far in your video until I broke down sobbing. Our journeys have been quite similar. I always felt it patronizing when my own therapists have provided me recognition for having "made it out" of my circumstances and away from my family. Hearing your words is the first time that I have ever felt my accomplishments to be valid. Realizing how pervasive the impacts of my trauma/neglect have been on my life (and how its largely what led me to my career)... just oof.
I’m only 18 right now… I feel this video. How you speak of your past feels like my current self. I’m very confused, very lost. My family feels I am stuck but they can’t help me… little do they know they are holding me back. There’s so much they do not understand, so much I feel I want to express but am so held back by my environment.
I wish I had come as far as you. We’re the same age and I wish I had figured out my family and what was happening in me much earlier. It took me into my early 40ies to do that. But I don’t know how to go about the separation from my family. My family has suffered from the total unawareness of my mother (I think she may have many narcissistic traits - a therapist I had once said there’s more going on with her but he didn’t tell me what it was), and my dad just always went along with her verbally/emotionally abusive and controlling habits, he found excuses or denied what she did and turned the tables on me when I felt hurt and wanted to talk about what had happened. My mother did that anyway. It was just hard that he did it as well. I’m not with them often now and don’t tell them any personal stuff. So abusive comments have gotten less often. The last time they happened it was horrible, though. It was about inheritance and who should get what share. My mother had hurtful reasons for wanting to nearly cut me out. “You don’t have a family, you don’t need it as much as your sister.” (My sister’s husband has a very good income and she chose to stay at home and not pursue her career as a doctor any longer. I have to work full time as a teacher, was too depressed and struggling with antidepressants, I was unable to work/make money until I was free from withdrawals of the antidepressants that I had to stop due to severe side effects and I was too unwell and struggling to start any healthy relationship really for years and am single now). My parents have never been able to deal with emotional pain either. Plus my mother tried to destroy my self-respect by criticizing things I did well but that she didn’t do as well. She criticized me when I looked nice but didn’t wear her style. She criticized me for having a life chosen by myself. She managed to make finding friends who were like me impossible when I was at school, and shamed me harshly wherever she could as soon as my individual personality, preferences, hobbies, skills etc. showed and were different from hers. Now my brother and sister have apparently taken over my mother’s role by denying things that have happened and criticizing me “You’ve always been trouble, you’re a burden to the family with your depression, it’s just attention seeking behaviour…and with your relationships that didn’t work and you’re a constant worry to our (totally uncaring, always shaming and denying) parents.” Along those lines was the message that my brother sent to me two weeks ago when I tried to address their lofty behaviour towards me. I wish I knew how to do the separation. I have kept the contact with my parents very superficial during the last two years. I realized that my father might actually see what is happening but is torn - and now I don’t dare “dumping” him and my mother because I fear that it will destroy is health, he is 87 years old. On the other hand my life is going by and my best years have gone and I do not know how to deal with this situation. Like you, I have tried, oh I don’t know how many therapists, maybe 12 or 14, and they never got what was happening or were so very passive, often forgot from one session to the next what I had told them. I never got the impression that they cared, and they were totally against sharing ideas of how to best deal with this situation, if they got it at all.
Thank you. So many similarities, yet so different on the outside. I feel voice-less at the moment, just being kicked while I'm down and trying to get up. I remember tapea too ... don't have them, or really anything from my childhood. I found some pictures though, one that actually tells the whole story. I got out, and long painful story as to how I got drawn back in.... thank you for sharing your strength and courage. I have been attending some ACA/DF meetings as of late. My life was very much interrupted in my 30s, and just turning 40, it's like... what a huge mistake I made accepting their "help" ... I can't seem to re-channel my 17 year old self, that just had that thing in me to get away from them, and did. Even though I almost graduated high school, I for my GED, worked full time retail in the beginning, put myself through some schooling and made poor choices with loans. And i think to myself, they never bothered to teach me the fundamentals of anything! So, now I am teaching myself even more, and I know what I've been through. They never cared to know me and I honestly think they are blocked from love. I don't know why they had children, or even how they met. If what I do know is the tip of the iceberg, then my goodness. . I don't need to know anymore. Things have a way of revealing themselves though, as they do, especially in times of crisis. They couch their intrusions and triangulation in concern. Thanks, Daniel, for your channel and ... helping me feel a bit less alone
I did the same thing with a recorder I have. I’m 25, in the recordings I was 14. The thing about the voice being pinched is so true. My voice SOUNDED like I was blocked. It SOUNDED like I couldn’t breathe.
It is so interesting how much deeper each video can go when you watch it again. That was a message that many of us need desperately - being literally in despair, certainly me. The message is that the miracle of liberation can happen. You are the living proof. The irony is that this shouldn't be a miracle. It should be the normal, but when living in lies is normalised, then Truth becomes a miracle.
You always try to do your best and what's right. Very admirable in this time of self serving narcissists - and not at all easy. And you did your best back then too. Try to be kind to that boy who still needs you.
I'm currently living with my sister, a lot has going living with her, but then i only felt of injustice and oppression, when i see this, i have the urge to escape, to live freely, is really a curse when your own family is your demons, but then, seeing my light, seeing something in life, seeing memories, writing, feeling those unknown and familiar feeling, seeing that the way my sister treat has something to do with the past, it was just a struggle to live now with her, then when i explore the people outside, i feel the freedom outside, even if it's lost, i feel it, soon i'm moving to another place where i encounter myself, where i will be grateful from lifes treasures during the oppression and torture of a human soul ande being, the broken are the most evolve, the will be marks when we free ourself, but then those marks turn into monuments, their into moments of silence, when i found place where i can encounter myself, i will encounter my peace and the rest of the world, yet it's something that still let me reflect that our own family is our own enemy
You are being challenged, Daniel. This is the time for courage. It is the inner child that is provoking you now to follow the path of community, to share with others and so to regain your true self that was repressed all those decades ago. That self is known to us only when we see our generosity and paradoxically selflessness while helping others-it is found in the reflections in their eyes. Our true selves are not found in a spring of water but in the eyes of those we serve and walk side by side with.
In 7 years of Al Anon, I never once heard that you're supposed to support and/ forgive the alcoholic. Never. In fact, it's the opposite. It's all about DETACHING from the alcoholic and supporting yourself. That is is literally what the whole point of Al Anon is. The absolute worst thing anyone can do is support an alcoholic. People who have been affected by an alcoholic are all severely traumatized. Adult children are tormented because they trust without firm boundaries. Forgiveness is NOT anywhere in the 12 Steps or Traditions. I, personally do not believe in forgiveness. Please do not mischaracterize that program.
I went to a couple of AlAnon meetings awhile ago and they told us to set boundaries I think. I’ve been so very traumatized I lost my memory so I’m not positive.
Interesting. Maybe the program has evolved since I was there in the 90s and early 2000s. I found this line, meanwhile, in the book "How Al-Anon Works": "Forgiveness is no favor. We do it for no one but ourselves. We simply pay too high a price when we refuse to forgive. Lingering resentments are like acid eating away at us." I remember reading a fair amount of stuff like this in the literature back in the day, and also hearing people speak positively about forgiveness quite a bit in meetings. And the 5th tradition of Al-Anon speaks about "encouraging and understanding" our alcoholic relatives: "Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics." I heard a lot of people quote this back when I was in Al-Anon, and in NYC at the time there were sometimes even 5th Tradition meetings. Yes, people did talk about boundaries a lot, but I also remember people getting a lot of support and praise for "being there" for an alcoholic relative -- including (as in situations like mine) a now-sober alcoholic parent who had been terribly abusive when they were children.
Ha! I actually wrote an essay on that in 2006... Not sure if it still holds, but I will paste the link here: wildtruth.net/eighteen-ways-to-speed-up-the-path-to-enlightenment/ Daniel
The beginning of the essay reminded me that Elon Musk has been in the news saying that "civilization will crumble" if people don't have more kids. If that's the case, then I guess it's either us, as the virus, or our entire host, Earth. Reportedly he has his own traumatic upbringing. Rather than process it he chooses to replicate his unhealed trauma all over the place, currently with ten kids from various broken homes. In my observations, engineers and accountants are popular professions for the emotionally neglected.
A society (CULTure) that "doesn't respect emotional independence". That gives me helpful perspective. The world pushes me to dependence on drugs, gambling, sex, food, entertainment... all of which feed off a FANtasy based conceptual model that keeps me in place. REALity is harder to face, so just take the easy way, eh?
Thanks Daniel. I'm 23 and stayed at my Mum's place again last summer - she threw me out and threatened to call the police on me and told me I wasn't welcome there anymore. (And then, after a couple of months, nonchalantly texted me 'Come over for dinner this week?').
What happened's happened. no reason to dwell on the past. No reason to think what one "could have done." What matters is the courage to tackle fear in the present. nothing else matters.
Hearing this I wish I could hug your younger version and alleviate some of your pain. I too dreamed of the perfect partner, felt so lost, lonely and confused. Trying to escape my own family system. The despair is real and scary
Great video, Daniel. You are helping so many people. Never doubt that. Thank you for your emotional courage and honesty. It is a different existence for those of us who are on the planet to self-explore through this lifetime. It is a great gift to others, and sometimes it is hard for us to feel that, because self-knowledge and healing aren't valued enough in our society.
Thank you for giving voice to my experience in so many ways. Self reflection as salvation. It really is a miracle to be able to take your life back, when you don't even consciously know what's destroying it! I sure didn't. ..and I love looking back and realizing how many ways I was strong, or couldn't be broken, or found my own creative ways to manage an unmanageable-feeling life, too. Deep resonance here.
I read my old journals and cringe. It seems I am working on the same issues and I’m in my late 60’s. I did the best I could under the circumstances. Over all I have a life I can be proud of. I’m still working on improving me based on what I want.
As my school year comes to an end, and I think about what I want in the classroom next year, I want my children to see themselves as beautiful and free to expresss their true self and at the same time, recognize the right of their classmates to have that same freedom. Thank you for sharing your story. You helped me come to this epiphany. Because I was thinking about self advocacy within the context of relationships. It's so important to maintain a sense of self while at the same time allowing another to do that as well. The relationship type really doesn't matter; it's the reciprocal energy to love and be love, to witness and be witnessed, to grant freedom, and to be free. I want my students to feel safe enough in my classrom to have this blessing.
You are the kind of person I so need as allies/friends. No emotion family and friends now I'm 61 struggling with how to help myself once again vs that young age just like you. Thank you Daniel for sharing, you are helping. I wish I kept my cassettes, though I have tons of diaries I should probably burn.
Thank you Daniel for sharing your miracle. I survived a bad childhood then married an alcoholic malignant narcissist. Every word you speak resonates with me. I'm 83 years old.i have life. I outlived my abusive husband,raised five children who had 27 years of tertiary education. I was part of Al-Anon for 9 years but most importantly I journalled through all those years of pain.i have an enlarged heart,Congestive Heart Failure, atrial fibrillation and a tremor caused by living with constant adrenaline burnout, fight or flight mode. I have been alone for 19 years now. I had PTSD. ( Panic attacks, claustrophobia,flashbacks, insomnia) . But I have life.
I asked myself the very same question often looking back: what could I have done better/earlier? If I think long enough: nothing. Another person with another background could have but not me with my circumstances. I did the best I could. Its hard to look at it, but it also acknowledges how difficult things were.
If the young person becomes aware in the mix, I say EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION. Study hard so a student can get scholarships and have some financial freedom. Without financial freedom it is a slow crawl out of the situation.
Bro you almost looked like Bad Bunny, you looked handsome no homo. I am learning from you experiences. You are very brave. I wish you well my brother. I am living a life similar to yours. But I've always prayed God / Jehova / The Spirit, Our invisible Creator and Father and he has always given me strenght to keep going. I am 27 now, almost 28 and it's been hard but as you mention, I am eventualy seeing light again. Loce is the key in my life. Love to my parents although they are hard most of the time. No bringing negative emotions to my mind or heart. But when they do come, I meditate on my negative thoughts and conciliate them just as if they were my own children. Thanks for sharing you experiences Daniel.
Thanks for sharing Daniel. So many similarities (coincidentally got my first job as an intern then receptionist in the mid/late 90s too :) ) but some key differences as well, as my transition to emotional independence has been longer, less linear, and yet incomplete - have just in last few years given up and decided I need to draw hardline boundaries, and haven’t yet done so due to other trying circumstances. May comment more later when time but just wanted to mention for now how notable and self-loving it is that you are never self-deprecating. There were so many times in this video where I expected self deprecation as I was seeing a reflection of myself in things you were saying, but it never came, and I so appreciate that. I think self deprecation can be so harmful - I see it come out of myself to higher degrees when I let my parents’ views of me poison my own views of myself. I think comedian Hannah Gadsby in her hilarious but poignant special Nanette described well the insidious harms of self deprecation for herself. I don’t know if you ever struggled with self deprecation and letting go of that as a crutch - perhaps a means of protecting from criticism by criticizing oneself first under the guise of humor, stemming from the desire to be liked and lack of self-love. Would love to hear your thoughts on this at some point if you have any. It’s inspiring to hear the love, respect, and empathy you have for yourself now - something I continue to struggle with perhaps because I have not yet drawn the hard boundaries I need to draw. Sending love to you; please keep doing these videos.
It’s SO RARE to come across a genuine human being on CZcams these days. Thank you, Daniel, for sharing and for this channel.
This. 🙏
Yes!! 🖤
couldn't agree more
This channel is therapeutic. Your honesty cuts past all the shame and grabs onto the actual reality. I look back sometimes on my journals from my late teens and early 20s. I was devastated. I spent my entire childhood looking forward to freedom as an adult, but I was still stuck with my parents, being discouraged and pressured and manipulated. I didn’t escape them for another decade.
Your videos are helping me so much with processing my trauma and having hope for the future. Thank you 🙏
Do whatever you have to do to get out. Get on any & all the government benefits you can get to help. You have to be persistent but you can get housing help, good. Get into a university that’s far away, then you can get their physical help & protection. Get out and never, ever look back. Trust NO ONE they know. Don’t be afraid to change your name. In my county it’s about $100 & you don’t have to get a lawyer. Let nothing stop you. It will never get better, only worse.
@@rs5570 Back then, in my heart I knew I needed to do this, but I was too afraid of the unknown. Unfortunately I didn’t even know about financial aid. I sacrificed my mental and emotional health for the comfort of the familiar. If I could do it over again, I would leave at 18. I would have been ok.
But regretting my mistakes doesn’t help. I can only be thankful I am free now. I’ve considered changing my name, just for my own sake.
I think you are one of the kindest human beings i've ever heard. The thing about empathic people is we too often take years or decades to realize we are worthy of the same kindness and love we show others.
Yes. One of my favorite songs in the the world is Misread by Kings of Convenience. I think people like myself, people like Daniel might relate to the words A LOT.
It was also almost a miracle for me to finally walk away from my family.
When I was 16, I by chance managed to get a job as a part time software dev in a prestigious company. I ended up supporting the family financially for 2 years. I then went to uni and it took me another 4 years to finally build up the courage to fully walk away. The thing that finally made me walk away was the fact that my mind seemed to be falling apart. I couldn't sleep, couldn't trust myself even to lock the door when I left the house, I was getting angrier at everything, I was losing my mind. As I looked back and reflected, I began to realise what it was and confront my parents for all the violence that happened years ago. It led to a situation which almost escalated into domestic violence, but I was able to de-escalate it since I'd learnt deescalation through Taekwondo at uni. I finally walked away a few months after.
But, if I never had my chance encounter with my manager, never wandered into taekwondo at uni, I'd never had the strength (financial or emotional) to leave. It was a miracle pretty much, that allowed me to leave
I don't think it's such a slim chance.. bodily energetics has a way of pulling the situations you are needing towards you. Maybe you think it was just a completely random one off.. but where you're vibration at never lies.
Exactly what you said about the mind falling apart, couldn't sleep, anger, couldn't trust yourself...it all happened to me. I recently described it as, "I was loosing my mind!" Until I went no contact in my mid thirties. And what gave me the strength/last straw to leave? Law school! My performance was horrible on exams but my pre test scores predicted I would arrive at the top of my class. Well it's hard to focus when I was getting verbally berating by "family" non stop. Later I realized I was being retraumatized. My entire life I was constantly gaslight, blamed, neglected, demeaned, berated...no wonder I had those symptoms. Sadly, i believe you were treated the same. I'm glad you made the right decision and taekwondo gave you the strength 🥰. Proud of you!
Ok but your “vibration” won’t get you out of a toxic, sick, violent family. I talk to people most every day who are scared sick to get away. There will be repercussions that will have them coming after you to wreck your life even more. This man has just discussed that at length. These sick families will find ways to literally kill you. They will send others they’ve duped to find you, claim you threatened to murder them, will set all your.belongings on fire and worse. Many can’t get out ever despite their “vibe.” I had to move to another country and change my name. Now I support others in doing that. Many times you’ve been made physical ill by relentless abuse since infancy. I’d say it can definitely take a miracle to get out before you off yourself just to get out of the pain they put you through.
@@sarahw7616 PROUD OF YOU TOO Sarah. God bless you dear one.
Haven't spoke to my family of origin in 7 years.
I'm too happy
In this life you get to choose your friends.
You do NOT get to choose your family!
You are a good, strong man, Daniel. And, you are appreciated by many.
"I look back and think 'what could I have done' and nothing comes back to me" is a loop I keep running. We're the same age and its comforting to hear you struggle too because you have experience in self-healing. I can't help but think, when I see the young pictures of you, "Wow. Thank you, Little Daniel, for taking all that for 'Wise and Older Daniel' so that others can benefit from his insight."
There is nothing you could’ve done. They want you to think it’s your fault. It’s part of the game. Stop that loop running. I did it, too. Now I talk to people 65 who still can’t get out from under an 85 yr olds brutal, hostile agony. It’s their fault, not yours. Get out asap.
Thank you Daniel for everything you do! I means a lot.:) I've moved out from my mom's place today! Just wanted to share this with you. You channel is a life line for me right now. Love from Siberia.
Hope you are doing well x
@@springwood1331 I'm doing much better, thank you.:)
That's good to hear. Best wishes to you 😊
The realest therapist out there. I bought one of your books. It's awesome.
What books did he write?
He is so real. I just found his channel and that’s why I subscribed immediately.
@@rishaa682 "Toward Truth" a book that's more or less just about his life philosophy and a sort of guide to self-therapy and healing from childhood trauma, and "Breaking from Your Parents", that focuses specifically on how one's relationship with one's parents molds them into who they become, for better or worse, and details the benefits of taking distance from one's family of origin.
I've read them both a few times, highly recommended.
A true blessing❤️ I just got a book today too🫶🏽💕👍🏾👊🏼
@@SantaFeSuperChief1Thanks for posting that book title
my issue is finding a job and "plugging in" to society. it seems like every job ive ever had has been a repeat of the same toxic system and its breaking me
My teenage years were often miserable due to the bullying of my step mother. My 20's were a decade of loss and distress as my parents divorced, had breakdowns, turned to drink and my half sister was killed. As usual no one had any concern for me. Looking back on it is always distressing but ultimately worthwhile.
Johnny Ecoman. God bless you Johnny. You are courageous and intelligent. Keep on with the good fight . You are not alone myself and others have been suffering from toxic and narcissistic parents. I went no contact over 20 + years ago. Proud of you Johnny. 👍👍❤️💯
"step - mother"
"Parents(?) divorced"??? 🤔
Step is step, not parents. Dunno, how many pArEnTs they have in 'murica 🥴
I escaped and went back. Trying to simply survive.
You're a gem, Daniel. I also have an abusive alcoholic mother who abused me verbally, emotionally and physically growing up - in a additional to a narcissistic sister who was verbally abusive. My Dad generally was the least of my issues, especially as I matured, but he still wasn't any help emotionally or spiritually - even turning abusive towards me at various times throughout my life. I was the "odd ball," "the black sheep" of my family and I was often picked on for it throughout my life - even to this day, though in more subtle, "gentler" ways. I realize now distancing myself from them is the only way I can have any chance at moving forward to a better place in life, so I can be in the best possible position to give what I can to others and help others, which was/is always my main intention.
Humans are failing miserably as a species. Politics and voting in the right person isn't going to solve anything. We need to change how we view one another and ourselves. We need to look out for one another and take care of one another as if we were all one family - and it all starts with the self. Charity starts at home.
Thank You Daniel, This is so real , Long time listener. I’m 63 yrs old relate so much I still have nightmares of being stuck in a horrible family system. I messed up with a very bad marriage on getting away though. For me life is just very hard I have a handicapped adult to take care of in my older years I don’t think I ever recovered just got more protective of myself try to be grateful for what I do have. I really am thankful to you Daniel because you are so many wonderful things authentic, Smart, educated in ways of the world a real honor to listen to.
I just wanted to say hi and I can relate. I’m 63 as well. Born in ‘59.
I hate life. I hate my life.
Now you are helping people who were like your old self
I am so lucky 🍀 to find you
🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
Daniel, you are walking the path of The Mystic. The Old Gods have baptized you in fire and blood. What you've gone through and survived has turned you into a spiritual warrior to be of help to others. It's a blessing and a curse.
Thank you for your videos, Daniel! I am currently on my own journey of healing from my childhood trauma & I feel this deep historical pain you often talk about. I know there is hope. Thank you very much. Love from Vienna, Austria
Sending you much love and healing, you are not alone. I am on this path too. We are many, but we are spread on the whole globe.
having your father there helped you move along faster.
He was not afraid to be your overt enemy.
My single mother would never dare express it so openly.
It was always hidden, even from her in a lot of ways.
It allowed me to stay in denial much, much longer.
Refreshing to hear an open heart. I hear you. TY
"I couldn't afford to be me." I feel that so much. I have dreams of trying to scream out and having no voice. No one could hear me. Trauma and the self hatred has consumed my life.
Im glad you took the path you did and make the things you do. You Could never have predicted how much of a life-saving asset it is for me.
Thank you for all you do here on CZcams, Daniel. You've become a beacon of light for me in just a few weeks of seeing some of your content. I see so much about myself in what you talk about regarding your own life. You have become a lifesaver, a lamp and a ladder for many of us who wander around the contents of CZcams. I feel so lucky to have encountered you. Please, keep on keeping on - I promise I'm doing the same, God, I swear I'm trying. Best wishes from a pal in Sonora, Mexico.
Wishing you the best! Daniel
'Opposites attract' IS NOT what we're looking for, I always thought that was a wrong match in relationships, looking for that missing part of me in someone else...using them to heal me or to 'make me whole'. The ridiculous belief that I will find "OH, You complete me" fantasy movie world BS. I had lunch this week with a neighbor and we were talking about love languages and how they are actually emotional needs that we probably DID NOT get as a child, therefore we were trying 'to get' those unmet needs met thru someone else! Well, you know how that works out. I used to give praise and encouragement like crazy to everyone around me, I realized I was pushing onto them what I never got and expecting them to return that to me! OMG what a mess this life can be if we don't find humor and grace for the craziness and futility our yearnings are without hope and faith. I assure you God is not judging us judicially as to our guilt or innocence LIKE WE DO! Laws laws and more laws so we can judge each other and criticize and fault find and scream 'hang them'. Love does not do that, love is always pointing out the truth (what is) so we aren't self delusional, so we can discover our inner God Given power of individualism. God is wanting us to learn and communicate with him...to learn to trust again...NOT TO TRUST IN FALLIBLE PPL, to learn to trust that still small voice inside all of us that got crushed and pushed down and beat out of us and caused us self-doubt...satans mark and trick....to get us to distrust God and our very essence as good and beautiful beings able to give and receive love (instead of objects to manipulate, mandate, labels, sexualized, forced to be jabbed for $ etc).
It is reassuring to hear you talk candidly about the ways you struggled in processing your traumas and emotional pain, especially when you were younger.
I am on the younger side and it can feel incredibly daunting/overwhelming at times to be aware of how deep the pain goes and how long the journey ahead of me really is when it comes to navigating these waters, diving deeper than I ever thought possible to retrieve ruins of a “forgotten” past.
Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to be able to wade through it all, that my emotional stamina is no match for the cataclysmic waves which threaten to drown me again and again as they violently slam themselves relentlessly into the rocky shoreline.
But hearing your experiences in navigating this- it’s comforting in some way, so thank you, Daniel, for speaking so openly about something that is both so intimate and personal and yet, in another vein… is universal, is a common thread that weaves through each of us- these wounds from the past that yearn to be lovingly tended to.
“Ruins of a forgotten past” - Love that description.. for a long time I thought I had to try to “save” them until the grand epiphany that I was the one who needed saving from Them
You have a beautiful way of describing painful things
Gosh, you say such pretty words
Holy Hemingway! I need you to write my biography. My writings are blunt and crude; a product of my environment. Your talent shows a tasteful way to communicate trauma and despair. Clearly you've put in the work. Cheers
@@Sketch_Sesh so true
Thanks Daniel, I've been learning a lot from your stories and resonate a lot with your past. Im a medical doctor and theres a lot of healing to go through, much of it being helped by your example
Thankyou thankyou thankyou for sharing 💜🙏💜
Work at a young age, and throughout my adult life really has been my ticket to freedom & giving me independence from unhealthy family. Its been a long long ongoing process to do the work and come to terms with the truth of self, as shaped by dyfunctional family. Eye opening and life changing!
Daniel, so with you…yes, it feels like a miracle how we got out of the trap that is toxic families. But thank goodness our spirit remains intact and connected to the greater Universe, our surrender to the mystery and wonder that is Life that helps us pull through and not only survive, but thrive. When we listen to ourselves; and commit to the truth of who we are, our being, our voices.
I hate to hear u say that u wish to b of use to somebody.....u are unique, special and wonderfully made to b just u....u need not serve any purpose but your own happiness my friend....u are much loved(by me and many viewers and all you meet in daily life I am sure),seen, respected, heard, admired and thanked......
Thanks ☺️ I appreciate your words
thanks so much for you sharing this. i took off at age 14 and am still the black sheep at 58. but from a healthy distance now and with open eyes. thanks for sharing about the songs too
Daniel you saved my life. Thank you.
So courageous. So authentic.❤❤❤
I don't know if Daniel has written a book but he has several books in him... It takes a strong person to climb out of the well of despair. We have Grow groups in Aus, self help groups are a path to finding answers within in a supportive environment. I found it a good place to start.
Your honesty is inspiring. You believed in yourself in those earlier days of searching for freedom. You did the best you could with what you knew at that point in your life. Thank you for your courage, your wisdom, your generosity and your desire to help all of us who are on our own unique journeys. ❤
Daniel.. That was so amazing; in fact a lot of things really resonates with me...
Fance family system, everybody seems perfect. not admitting problems
Cluster B dysfunctional family
desperate, scary, confusing life - No idea how to get out
My spirit wasn't allowed to come out
Hands around own throat
Wasnt aware all emotions and feelings inside
Journaling and journaling and journaling - only self healing
Deeper Tsunami waves came out around 31
started as a typist
No clear answer
everything axcept finding out old tapes.. and 12 steps
Though I am 35 and normal .. but still stuck with an covert narc... unable to do anything, Financial coercion, spiritual coercion.. I know this ally you got - its with me all the time, self reflective self..
need a miracle now...
DANIEL you did exactly what I did. I had enough self awareness to know that I HAD TO BE THERE FOR MYSELF and I also wanted to spare myself from any bad decisions of letting someone in my life who would hold me back from my own recovery process. I stopped drinking when I started my recovery bc I knew I was drinking to bury emotional pain but now that all my pain was coming up and I was dealing with it so I no longer needed to drink bc I was now dealing with it head on. Never smoked weed or even cigarettes so the drinking was the only thing and now I had gotten rid of that and it was permanent. I also believe there was divine intervention bc I prayed everyday nonstop. I God intervened in ur life too Daniel. U have a pure childlike heart and we’re sincere in changing and I think God honors that. God loves ur pureness of soul and intentions. Don’t underestimate HIM Daniel. You are a rare gift and God is fully aware of that. 5/26/23.
Your videos are so amazing and opening as a person.
You just broke my heart and give me a little light of hope that all my tryings in all my ages wasn’t wasted and I know that I wasn’t wrong all this time!
Thank you for you work and your a open heart to tell your own history of your life ❤
With Best Regards Oleksandr,student 20.
Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best form of THERAPY I have ever had ! ..........
Leaves you with no more Questions !!!
* REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
OMG I felt the same way! I set myself to becoming independent! I could take care of myself. Then when my eyes were opened, I could walk away from the emotional abuse
Despair is a good word for it.
I so identify with you, Daniel... thank you so much for sharing 💖
The thing I value the most about your talks is how much disbelief I can, in good faith, eliminate in taking a good look at my own journey. Thank you.
Hello. Thank you. I appreciate your videos. You help me.
Thank YOU for being YOU
Thank YOU for existing
Thank YOU Daniel.
I swear this is the best channel on CZcams. Thanks Daniel
Social worker with 11 years in the field here. I didn't make it very far in your video until I broke down sobbing. Our journeys have been quite similar. I always felt it patronizing when my own therapists have provided me recognition for having "made it out" of my circumstances and away from my family. Hearing your words is the first time that I have ever felt my accomplishments to be valid.
Realizing how pervasive the impacts of my trauma/neglect have been on my life (and how its largely what led me to my career)... just oof.
I’m only 18 right now… I feel this video. How you speak of your past feels like my current self. I’m very confused, very lost. My family feels I am stuck but they can’t help me… little do they know they are holding me back. There’s so much they do not understand, so much I feel I want to express but am so held back by my environment.
Make sure to back up those files on a second drive. Tapes can go bad, but hard drives and SSDs can also die eventually.
I wish I had come as far as you. We’re the same age and I wish I had figured out my family and what was happening in me much earlier. It took me into my early 40ies to do that. But I don’t know how to go about the separation from my family. My family has suffered from the total unawareness of my mother (I think she may have many narcissistic traits - a therapist I had once said there’s more going on with her but he didn’t tell me what it was), and my dad just always went along with her verbally/emotionally abusive and controlling habits, he found excuses or denied what she did and turned the tables on me when I felt hurt and wanted to talk about what had happened. My mother did that anyway. It was just hard that he did it as well. I’m not with them often now and don’t tell them any personal stuff. So abusive comments have gotten less often. The last time they happened it was horrible, though. It was about inheritance and who should get what share. My mother had hurtful reasons for wanting to nearly cut me out. “You don’t have a family, you don’t need it as much as your sister.” (My sister’s husband has a very good income and she chose to stay at home and not pursue her career as a doctor any longer. I have to work full time as a teacher, was too depressed and struggling with antidepressants, I was unable to work/make money until I was free from withdrawals of the antidepressants that I had to stop due to severe side effects and I was too unwell and struggling to start any healthy relationship really for years and am single now).
My parents have never been able to deal with emotional pain either. Plus my mother tried to destroy my self-respect by criticizing things I did well but that she didn’t do as well.
She criticized me when I looked nice but didn’t wear her style. She criticized me for having a life chosen by myself. She managed to make finding friends who were like me impossible when I was at school, and shamed me harshly wherever she could as soon as my individual personality, preferences, hobbies, skills etc. showed and were different from hers.
Now my brother and sister have apparently taken over my mother’s role by denying things that have happened and criticizing me “You’ve always been trouble, you’re a burden to the family with your depression, it’s just attention seeking behaviour…and with your relationships that didn’t work and you’re a constant worry to our (totally uncaring, always shaming and denying) parents.” Along those lines was the message that my brother sent to me two weeks ago when I tried to address their lofty behaviour towards me.
I wish I knew how to do the separation. I have kept the contact with my parents very superficial during the last two years. I realized that my father might actually see what is happening but is torn - and now I don’t dare “dumping” him and my mother because I fear that it will destroy is health, he is 87 years old. On the other hand my life is going by and my best years have gone and I do not know how to deal with this situation. Like you, I have tried, oh I don’t know how many therapists, maybe 12 or 14, and they never got what was happening or were so very passive, often forgot from one session to the next what I had told them. I never got the impression that they cared, and they were totally against sharing ideas of how to best deal with this situation, if they got it at all.
I really needed that encouraging words. Thank you, for putting yourself out there again and again.
Thank you Daniel. Bless you
Thank you--sometimes I wonder who I would be if not for spontaneous heart-sharing from others. Please keep truth wild :)
Thank you. So many similarities, yet so different on the outside. I feel voice-less at the moment, just being kicked while I'm down and trying to get up. I remember tapea too ... don't have them, or really anything from my childhood. I found some pictures though, one that actually tells the whole story. I got out, and long painful story as to how I got drawn back in.... thank you for sharing your strength and courage. I have been attending some ACA/DF meetings as of late. My life was very much interrupted in my 30s, and just turning 40, it's like... what a huge mistake I made accepting their "help" ... I can't seem to re-channel my 17 year old self, that just had that thing in me to get away from them, and did. Even though I almost graduated high school, I for my GED, worked full time retail in the beginning, put myself through some schooling and made poor choices with loans. And i think to myself, they never bothered to teach me the fundamentals of anything! So, now I am teaching myself even more, and I know what I've been through. They never cared to know me and I honestly think they are blocked from love. I don't know why they had children, or even how they met. If what I do know is the tip of the iceberg, then my goodness. . I don't need to know anymore. Things have a way of revealing themselves though, as they do, especially in times of crisis. They couch their intrusions and triangulation in concern.
Thanks, Daniel, for your channel and ... helping me feel a bit less alone
I did the same thing with a recorder I have. I’m 25, in the recordings I was 14. The thing about the voice being pinched is so true. My voice SOUNDED like I was blocked. It SOUNDED like I couldn’t breathe.
Thank you for this reminder Daniel, the importance of "emotional independence" really should be our top-top priority!💪
It is so interesting how much deeper each video can go when you watch it again.
That was a message that many of us need desperately - being literally in despair, certainly me. The message is that the miracle of liberation can happen. You are the living proof. The irony is that this shouldn't be a miracle. It should be the normal, but when living in lies is normalised, then Truth becomes a miracle.
You always try to do your best and what's right. Very admirable in this time of self serving narcissists - and not at all easy. And you did your best back then too. Try to be kind to that boy who still needs you.
I'm currently living with my sister, a lot has going living with her, but then i only felt of injustice and oppression, when i see this, i have the urge to escape, to live freely, is really a curse when your own family is your demons, but then, seeing my light, seeing something in life, seeing memories, writing, feeling those unknown and familiar feeling, seeing that the way my sister treat has something to do with the past, it was just a struggle to live now with her, then when i explore the people outside, i feel the freedom outside, even if it's lost, i feel it, soon i'm moving to another place where i encounter myself, where i will be grateful from lifes treasures during the oppression and torture of a human soul ande being, the broken are the most evolve, the will be marks when we free ourself, but then those marks turn into monuments, their into moments of silence, when i found place where i can encounter myself, i will encounter my peace and the rest of the world, yet it's something that still let me reflect that our own family is our own enemy
You are being challenged, Daniel. This is the time for courage.
It is the inner child that is provoking you now to follow the path of community, to share with others and so to regain your true self that was repressed all those decades ago.
That self is known to us only when we see our generosity and paradoxically selflessness while helping others-it is found in the reflections in their eyes. Our true selves are not found in a spring of water but in the eyes of those we serve and walk side by side with.
In 7 years of Al Anon, I never once heard that you're supposed to support and/ forgive the alcoholic. Never. In fact, it's the opposite. It's all about DETACHING from the alcoholic and supporting yourself. That is is literally what the whole point of Al Anon is. The absolute worst thing anyone can do is support an alcoholic. People who have been affected by an alcoholic are all severely traumatized. Adult children are tormented because they trust without firm boundaries. Forgiveness is NOT anywhere in the 12 Steps or Traditions. I, personally do not believe in forgiveness. Please do not mischaracterize that program.
I went to a couple of AlAnon meetings awhile ago and they told us to set boundaries I think. I’ve been so very traumatized I lost my memory so I’m not positive.
Interesting. Maybe the program has evolved since I was there in the 90s and early 2000s. I found this line, meanwhile, in the book "How Al-Anon Works": "Forgiveness is no favor. We do it for no one but ourselves. We simply pay too high a price when we refuse to forgive. Lingering resentments are like acid eating away at us." I remember reading a fair amount of stuff like this in the literature back in the day, and also hearing people speak positively about forgiveness quite a bit in meetings. And the 5th tradition of Al-Anon speaks about "encouraging and understanding" our alcoholic relatives: "Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics." I heard a lot of people quote this back when I was in Al-Anon, and in NYC at the time there were sometimes even 5th Tradition meetings. Yes, people did talk about boundaries a lot, but I also remember people getting a lot of support and praise for "being there" for an alcoholic relative -- including (as in situations like mine) a now-sober alcoholic parent who had been terribly abusive when they were children.
Thanks for the video Daniel. The honesty in your videos helps us thankyou.
Oh my gosh that was powerful one of the best ones I’ve seen so powerful bless your heart my friend!🦋🕊🌹
Love and appreciate you SO MUCH DANIEL. 5/26/23. 9 pm.
Ha, I wish you had tips on how to speed up the healing process, but I appreciate your honesty. Great video, Mr. Mackler!
Ha! I actually wrote an essay on that in 2006... Not sure if it still holds, but I will paste the link here:
wildtruth.net/eighteen-ways-to-speed-up-the-path-to-enlightenment/
Daniel
The beginning of the essay reminded me that Elon Musk has been in the news saying that "civilization will crumble" if people don't have more kids. If that's the case, then I guess it's either us, as the virus, or our entire host, Earth.
Reportedly he has his own traumatic upbringing. Rather than process it he chooses to replicate his unhealed trauma all over the place, currently with ten kids from various broken homes. In my observations, engineers and accountants are popular professions for the emotionally neglected.
@@Earl_E_Burd So true. The last line too. It's like they channelise all the neglect to their work which keeps the mind busy and escaped.
@@Earl_E_Burd Nicely said Earl.
A society (CULTure) that "doesn't respect emotional independence". That gives me helpful perspective. The world pushes me to dependence on drugs, gambling, sex, food, entertainment... all of which feed off a FANtasy based conceptual model that keeps me in place. REALity is harder to face, so just take the easy way, eh?
Thank you, Daniel, your videos truly helped me in a very difficult time in my life, they still do, thank you for everything 💜
Thanks Daniel. I'm 23 and stayed at my Mum's place again last summer - she threw me out and threatened to call the police on me and told me I wasn't welcome there anymore. (And then, after a couple of months, nonchalantly texted me 'Come over for dinner this week?').
You‘re helping me save myself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
What happened's happened. no reason to dwell on the past. No reason to think what one "could have done." What matters is the courage to tackle fear in the present. nothing else matters.
Daniel, thank you ❤
Hearing this I wish I could hug your younger version and alleviate some of your pain. I too dreamed of the perfect partner, felt so lost, lonely and confused. Trying to escape my own family system. The despair is real and scary
I can relate to this so much
put your guts on the table , thanks daniel
You definitely are useful - these videos are a great help. Thank you!
Great video, Daniel. You are helping so many people. Never doubt that. Thank you for your emotional courage and honesty. It is a different existence for those of us who are on the planet to self-explore through this lifetime. It is a great gift to others, and sometimes it is hard for us to feel that, because self-knowledge and healing aren't valued enough in our society.
Thank you for giving voice to my experience in so many ways. Self reflection as salvation. It really is a miracle to be able to take your life back, when you don't even consciously know what's destroying it! I sure didn't. ..and I love looking back and realizing how many ways I was strong, or couldn't be broken, or found my own creative ways to manage an unmanageable-feeling life, too. Deep resonance here.
Thank you for sharing your story. It IS very useful :)
I read my old journals and cringe. It seems I am working on the same issues and I’m in my late 60’s. I did the best I could under the circumstances. Over all I have a life I can be proud of. I’m still working on improving me based on what I want.
As my school year comes to an end, and I think about what I want in the classroom next year, I want my children to see themselves as beautiful and free to expresss their true self and at the same time, recognize the right of their classmates to have that same freedom.
Thank you for sharing your story. You helped me come to this epiphany. Because I was thinking about self advocacy within the context of relationships. It's so important to maintain a sense of self while at the same time allowing another to do that as well. The relationship type really doesn't matter; it's the reciprocal energy to love and be love, to witness and be witnessed, to grant freedom, and to be free.
I want my students to feel safe enough in my classrom to have this blessing.
Thank you for your videos Daniel. By being so honest, I believe you are helping others to feel like they are not so alone also.
Thank you for this, it's amazing how open you can be about your feelings o.O
You are the kind of person I so need as allies/friends. No emotion family and friends now I'm 61 struggling with how to help myself once again vs that young age just like you. Thank you Daniel for sharing, you are helping. I wish I kept my cassettes, though I have tons of diaries I should probably burn.
Your videos have been very useful to me. Thank you, Daniel. Joe.UK,
Oh gosh, i relate so much
Daniel you are inspirational and help a lot of people! Thanks!
great work
I didn't know how to get out until I figured out what I was in!
Thank you, your content has been a blessing in my journey
oh my god
thank you
Thank you Daniel for sharing your miracle. I survived a bad childhood then married an alcoholic malignant narcissist. Every word you speak resonates with me. I'm 83 years old.i have life. I outlived my abusive husband,raised five children who had 27 years of tertiary education. I was part of Al-Anon for 9 years but most importantly I journalled through all those years of pain.i have an enlarged heart,Congestive Heart Failure, atrial fibrillation and a tremor caused by living with constant adrenaline burnout, fight or flight mode. I have been alone for 19 years now. I had PTSD. ( Panic attacks, claustrophobia,flashbacks, insomnia) . But I have life.
I asked myself the very same question often looking back:
what could I have done better/earlier?
If I think long enough: nothing.
Another person with another background could have but not me with my circumstances. I did the best I could.
Its hard to look at it, but it also acknowledges how difficult things were.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's fortunate you have those tapes to explore!
i really think you helped me save my own life
If the young person becomes aware in the mix, I say EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION. Study hard so a student can get scholarships and have some financial freedom. Without financial freedom it is a slow crawl out of the situation.
Thank you, Daniel.
this is food for my soul
Bro you almost looked like Bad Bunny, you looked handsome no homo. I am learning from you experiences. You are very brave. I wish you well my brother.
I am living a life similar to yours. But I've always prayed God / Jehova / The Spirit, Our invisible Creator and Father and he has always given me strenght to keep going. I am 27 now, almost 28 and it's been hard but as you mention, I am eventualy seeing light again.
Loce is the key in my life. Love to my parents although they are hard most of the time. No bringing negative emotions to my mind or heart. But when they do come, I meditate on my negative thoughts and conciliate them just as if they were my own children.
Thanks for sharing you experiences Daniel.
Thank you, you saved my life so many time.
I love the way you are able to reflect and express yourself
Thanks for sharing Daniel. So many similarities (coincidentally got my first job as an intern then receptionist in the mid/late 90s too :) ) but some key differences as well, as my transition to emotional independence has been longer, less linear, and yet incomplete - have just in last few years given up and decided I need to draw hardline boundaries, and haven’t yet done so due to other trying circumstances.
May comment more later when time but just wanted to mention for now how notable and self-loving it is that you are never self-deprecating. There were so many times in this video where I expected self deprecation as I was seeing a reflection of myself in things you were saying, but it never came, and I so appreciate that. I think self deprecation can be so harmful - I see it come out of myself to higher degrees when I let my parents’ views of me poison my own views of myself. I think comedian Hannah Gadsby in her hilarious but poignant special Nanette described well the insidious harms of self deprecation for herself.
I don’t know if you ever struggled with self deprecation and letting go of that as a crutch - perhaps a means of protecting from criticism by criticizing oneself first under the guise of humor, stemming from the desire to be liked and lack of self-love. Would love to hear your thoughts on this at some point if you have any.
It’s inspiring to hear the love, respect, and empathy you have for yourself now - something I continue to struggle with perhaps because I have not yet drawn the hard boundaries I need to draw.
Sending love to you; please keep doing these videos.