As a kid I loved music and loved to sing. Adults quickly killed my confidence because they always told me to shut up when I sang. Now, at age 32, I'm starting to feel the urge to make music welling up in my soul.
@bigsweatyvols2817 I'm 32 and love music as a kid as well but hadn't got the chance to do it because my kid self never told my parents about this passion I had and I still think about it until now.
Haha when I was at a shelter one girl wouldn’t stop singing and we would complain lol! She had such a. Beautiful voice though this comment kind of reminds me of that. She was obsessed with it just like I’m obsessed with certain things. It’s great that you are doing what you love though
@@masayus.166you should start duolingo has a music app now I suck at it so I stopped I can’t even understand how to read notes but I love to do videos on Madfit 😂
Idk how tapped into popular culture you are but there is a huge movement of people specifically younger who are seeing that materialism and internet fame and achievement doesn't fill the void in them. It may be a long shot but I think you're on a collision course to be a very formidable voice in the next decade or two, maybe sooner. That or someone who can mirror and expand upon your message. That mass era of grieving you speak of may be coming sooner than later cause we're gonna reach a critical mass of depressed isolated people and then messages like yours will be in super high demand.
Thank you for this. I’m 53 and still looking for what I love to do. My life has been a revolving door of perfectionism. Failed jobs, depression and anxiety have been my life. Getting nowhere and always looking for answers. I’ve started to search my history and for the answers. I’ve been digging up a lot of painful memories with family members and they keep asking me why. Why are you doing this to Mom and us? What good is it? I ask myself this everyday but I keep moving on it hoping I’ll find the cause and solution to this unfulfilled journey. Thank you for sharing this.
One answer to your "why" that came to me is that 'obviously' (subjective) you keep digging it up because something was left unresolved, hence the need to keep bringing it back up. Also, as I pondered more on your wordings the scenario came to mind. If you brought up positive memories, would that bother them? In other words, if it was a life filled with positive memories instead. Also if it was resolved for them, it wouldn't bother them either, they would be able to speak about it lovingly and caringly (to help you understand and resolve). At least that's what I learned about healthy families, not coming from one myself.
My parents sabotaged the career I wanted. I wanted to be a guidance counselor and help children because I had no one to talk to at school or home (mom is schizophrenic dad is sociopathic) Two years into college father told me I could do a specialized degree that would allow me to be a warehouse manager and follow in his footsteps or quit college when I called him to talk about changing my major. It wasn't much of a choice. If I had it to do again I would have cut my family off after that conversation but at this time I thought he knew something that I did not. What he knew was that he wanted me in a subservient role underneath him and that my dreams meant less than nothing to him. It has taken so much to move forward from this. Not the college thing cause f it I can go do whatever for work but I just want less than nothing to do with my father and that just sucks because he was my hero in childhood and now if I never saw him again i'd be ok with that.
I have those "I knew it!" moments when I listen to you talk. I've pretty much always had that gut feeling but it sort of gets beaten up by parents, which makes it very difficult to be around them. I consider myself lucky to be that sensitive. When I'm on the "wrong path" it often becomes unbearable pretty quickly, no matter how comfortable the situation might be on a surface level. Then I either adjust or indulge in self-destructive behaviours. I've become numb and confused over the years. I hate to see myself like that but I just haven't found a safe space to unpack all the bullshit quite yet. It's very painful to stay stuck in a place where you KNOW you're destroying yourself. I'm tired of falling back into that family pit. I'd rather die than stay there. I can't stand the feeling of being tied to my parents and owing them something. Like I'm an extension of them. I keep screaming and shouting in my head but in reality it seems the confrontation never really take us anywhere better or clearer. "You're supposed to be grateful." I'm not. I'm angry and fearful. Unless what you want most for your children is freedom, don't have them in the first place. That's just my opinion. The opinion of an adult stuck in a childlike state. Now I'm learning to be my own parent. And your videos help a lot when I've got nothing to lean against anymore. It seems it's a balance between staying humble and keeping your real self awake. I will keep doing that. Until I find something better. Cheers 😊
This was a beautiful comment. And for what it's worth, for "an adult stuck in a childlike state", you articulate yourself exceptionally well :) I've had a similar journey and wish you all the best on yours!
That feeling of owning my parents something or me just being an extension of them is one of the most challenging things I've dealt with recently. It's like I don't want to disappoint them but at the same time I don't want to disappoint my true self 😮💨 its horrible.. but I believe we can get through it and find that safe place for ourselves ✊️ best of luck on your journey ❤
I totally relate to this comment. I was always always always going back to my abusers and trying to be and do good enough for them... truth is, they have no real concern for us and our wellbeing. They abuse and neglect us because they don't love us. I think the key is to that situation is to just cut that line. You gotta recognize that these people aren't your friends and have no interest in you having a self... so they will keep you stuck dependent on them so that you can never fully actualize that self. And if you don't want to have animosity towards them, maybe try thinking of it in "spiritual" terms... they are posessed/taken over by an evil, destructive force/spirit that causes them to abandon their self, and to go out and try to destroy other selfs/souls. They want to either take or destroy your soul and convince you that you are weak and can't function without them, etc. Misery loves company. I only recommend looking at things this way because it seems like you still have a lot of love and compassion for these people... so, if you see this as a spiritual war, you can maybe break away from them while still maintaining grace and compassion. Why would you owe your folks anything? They brought you into the word against your will, and they forced their way of life upon you. If you are an adult, you can be sovereign and free to do as you please. If you love your parents and don't want to have resentment towards them, then I'd suggest breaking away and at least attempting your dreams
46 year-old here. After despising the last few years of my corporate career (big pharma), I finally am doing what I love. It is not easy, nor is it impossible. You may have to humble yourself and start from the bottom, but if you are conscientious, optimistic, and self-disciplined, life becomes a great adventure.
The other reply asked about what you're doing now, but I'm wondering why you despised your likely profitable career in pharmaceuticals. Do you think a burden of harm against other humans hangs from your shoulders?
@@AntediluvianDoomer Replying to you and D4902. I liked my job in pharma (business development / communications) and objectively speaking, I was competent in the role. Two things which were a deal-breaker: the number of little psychopaths running around, and the 24/7 nature of the life. Ultimately, one is a slave. It's hard to imagine spending 15-20 years studying, delaying gratification for so long, investing in one's career only when, entering the Death Zone of the mountain, the other climbers on your team are trying to bludgeon you to death. These days I'm self-employed as a teacher/tutor in Central Europe. I founded a modest publishing house specialising in adapting classic literature for English-language students.
@@AntediluvianDoomer Probably because there is still an iota of awareness left in him, what the aware call humanity. Big pharma are among the greatest persecutors and oppressors in all of human history.
I’m a Japanese -New Zealander. I sometimes imagine the same thing if everyone were able to timely grieve for their trauma and were properly cared during childhood would crime rate fall? would racism , misogyny , war , poverty etc would this place be a better place or would we be less immune to challenges . As a person with intellectual disabilities I’ve already been trying my very best to fit into the norm ever since it was dismissed from childhood , i’m trying to be an artist in this world full of amazing artists and those who had proper access to education or were fortunate enough to go to University and take art classes , but I know that might be not always true. Right now I can’t even afford to go to therapy and get myself checked but art has always been my support even if I couldn’t afford a canvas and paint I could still imagine in my head and have fun with it.For all my life I’ve been treated like a lazy person who doesn’t study hard enough as others when I just couldn’t and was struggling a lot , I still feel guilty for not being able to understand what they understand and their work , if I could afford education that has can teach an adult with intellectual disabilities I would choose to take education but I can’t so I choose art. What I can do and love.
From this message alone I can tell you’re a deeply misunderstood creative thinker. A creative person as a whole, you seem wonderful. God bless you and may you get some relief and fulfilment at some point in your life. Love to you and take care
So true about the people who have kids! "My family system rejected me." Wow. That truth is going to echo in my mind for a long time. My experience of that proverb is that if you do what you love enough you'll become an expert in it and at some point those expertise turn you into a kind of unicorn-having skills and insight that no one else can. At that point the money starts showing up.
You have given me so much more guidance and insight than any therapist I have ever gone to has done... And I paid them hundreds of dollars, while paying you nothing. This video in particular makes me feel I ought to seek out a way to repay you monetarily. Thank you, Daniel, for "doing what you love."
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I came from a abusive household and I had ADHD as a kid with my parents cruel treatment as an adult I was diagnosed ASPD. I made a lot mistakes in my life, sometimes I am surprised I am even alive today. As a 35 year old, I finally came to realize that I am living my dream life and thriving in my career in arts. Without my passion and doing what I loved, I think I would be ending up in jail or died already. I really believe it was a my passion saved me. Now I feel I can get up most of the days excited and be ready work all day and all night, never get beat down for set backs, compare to other people around me. I know I finally am, fulfilled.
I'm a 4th year med student and i fear the same. At first, i thought it was my passion that i pursued but after a lot of reflection, i realised that it also had a lot to do with making my parents proud. As for life beyond med school, i am curious... i plan to quit if it isn't a match but i have no idea what to do or where to go.
Oh Waw, so sad to hear! I don’t know you Enmie, but I feel for u! U might be such intelligent and driven to be where u are at hay! I thought of Sam Harris (Neuroscientist that became a podcast presenter and has a meditation app) he is truly awesome …. Maybe neurology could be just a step up for you to something else… I forget his name, the author of 48laws of power…. He speaks about using his 20+ work experiences, feeling completely unfulfilled for years to only find his true calling when he wrote the best selling 48 laws of power and selling 1 millions + copies after he was 40yo…..
"Unraveling made misery but eventually saved my life" I realize creates the self-love that is necessary to obtain those valuable assets we have innately within from our childhood; like experiencing freedom, curiosity and expression. Also "My family hated me...was insightful as to who they are." was an observation that squarely puts their judgement back on them which is profound to me since we strive for acceptance from those we wish would be the source of unconditional love, but alas, finding self-love has more to do with becoming the hero in our own life. Thank you Daniel for your insights and your ability to articulate these complex issues for those of us that didn't have a good start in life.
@@robertbois7220 so it is , eventually realising, that nobody else holds the answers for you . It's all in you , the therapist is merely a sounding board until you realise the truth . Psylasybin is a powerful teacher or should I say , revealer .
After watching your videos and reading some of the comments I realise how valuable you are. Your determination to understand hardships, accept, grow and then share are the things that help shape the world in a better way. We can’t change other people or events but when we change at a cellular level everything changes. Thank you for what you do.
Daniel, this is the first time I've actually heard someone discuss this topic with such honesty and an accurate account of what goes on with parents and kids. I enjoyed music and art but that was not considered acceptable to pursue as a career. I studied what others wanted me to study but was so unhappy doing so. I now feel like I'm in a rut and have been asking myself this question...well what do I love to do. So how does one go about finding what they love? I seem to have lost touch with my true self.
I have this problem, too. Hoping to discover more of myself in continuing this healing journey. I need to move past this connecting the dots phase of looking back at childhood and realizing of course I have these issues, I'm a product of my environment. Wishing you well on your self-discovery process.
I’m lost at the same page… was denied my gift in arts, music and sports to become a lawyer(!?) and now i just don’t know what it is that i love. The only thing I know now is that I hate life.
I think you must imagine. Set aside what you think is expected of you. I was very lucky getting into music radio at the heart of it’s relevance. Talk radio and podcasting, no thank you. USC journalism degree but no thank you. You discern.
So I am also in this boat. I plan to just do what jobs I can get and in the meantime explore hobbies I like and see if I can make one profitable (I have an idea for an online business). I'm 41 and can honestly say i've never been happy. I have been happy for a few months recently but it's a long story essentially I became spiritual and found God. I know a lot of people will see this as a copout but I wish I had left my family after high school. I knew what I wanted to do with my life but it "wasn't good enough" for my schizophrenic mother and sociopathic father.
hi daniel I want to say thank you for this message. Even if you don’t have kids, your ideas, authenticity, depth and essence has become a comforting guiding light for those on a similar path.
Daniel, you touched on something that caught my attention: not having children. I wonder if you would do a dedicated video on how people w/ childhood trauma are impacted later in their decision to parent or not, including your own experience. I live with CPTSD and have no doubt that having been abused as a child made a pivotal impact on this for me. God bless you.
I'm a soon-to-be 20 year old and I'm feeling lost in life. I want to thank you for making these videos, they're really interesting and I feel like they will help me get a grasp on who I am and what i want to do with my life. Really insightful stuff
I had this forced into my life , the alcoholic neglectful abusive , needless to say emotionally absent parents. The subsequent addiction, alcoholism . Then sobriety, self reflection , relationship with narcissist, more self reflection, self realization and the sprouting of self love . I'm 51 now . Thanks for the video 🙏🏻
Yes, Daniel. I totally agree. I'm currently studying for govt examinations which I never wanted to. But I feel so stuck because of my parents expectations. Even though I told them that I'm not interested in this field. But they care more about status than of my well-being. Government jobs are status symbol in India. I've a great passion for filmmaking and photography. But they always try to put me down by telling that I can't do that. They really don't trust me. As long as we're(me & my brother) obeying them we're considered as good kids. But whenever I try to do things in my own way. Suddenly for them we become worst kids on the planet. And yes, I'm going to do what I always wanted to do. And you're right. It's so difficult but not impossible. It takes a lot of courage and sacrifice. I mean a lot. And it's not for people who have just a passing interest. That's why I don't have really good relationship with them. I want them to understand me but they never even try to. And they also call themselves greatest parents. And it's so annoying, suffocating and frustrating. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. This is one of the most genuine and realistic video.
Do what you want. You have a lifetime to get a govt job. Youth is the best time to take risks. Go for it. Your family will eventually understand. If they don't, you will be ok. Right now in youth it's tough...but it gets easier the longer you stay on your own path.
That’s what life is about. Knowing when to change paths that you previously thought were the right ones. It’s about discovering and exploring, yourself.
do what you love, you will find your tribe! You have helped many people just with your tubing channel here. I am retired. I come from a large family of 14. I am number 10. I grew up fast. I am living my dream. The hardest part is having my family want to dream along with me. We each have our paths though.
You can still have kids. A healthy woman can usually conceive until 45 and even some afterwards. If not then perhaps adoption... Finding the suitable partner though it's a challenge.
Thank you for speaking up. I'm a tunisian woman who declared a war on my father since I'm child and when I grow up on my sociaty. I was beaten, thrown in the street, abused countless times from men and women sexualy and verbally and physically and economically for saying the truth. I was raped, sentenced for jail and beaten many times by police forces for my idéologie. Now I'm 36 years old, still poor and harressed but I'm Will not give up my war, I was even sent to an assyulem, my brain is fucked up by all the aggressions I lived under all my years of life. Until my death I will fight for my rights as human dignity and freedom of thinking. I didnt have children and I won't have cause I don't want them to suffer in this filthy system that kills the spirit of the human. I think you for using your power to expose the devils. Please continue we need more people like you cause people like me don't have voice in this world
There's a number of things in this video which I like A LOT. Firstly, I like you mentioning curiosity. I think that's vital. You've got to be curious about what alternatives might be out there if there's to be any hope of finding a better path. But most of all I like the way you acknowledge that addressing one's own trauma is vital. As we address our trauma, the hidden or unused parts of self begin to emerge and live again. And that gives us a desire to live and participate more fully. Looking at my own self, and looking at that in combination with what you have to say about your own life, I would say that an important part of finding or doing what you love is being your full self (or as much of your full self as you can be in any given moment). People, I think, associate doing what you love with always being happy or successful or things being easy. But, in actual fact, we love doing things when we put the most of our self into it. So the great thing (whether it's a great relationship or a great career or even finding a great place to live) is finding a thing or a place or a context where we can be the most of our self. That includes the happy parts of our self, and the not-so-happy parts of our self, and the confused parts of our self, and the insecure parts of our self, and the chaotic parts of our self, and every other part, including the parts of our self we're not yet aware of.
For the past week I’ve been listening to Maddie Zahms music and The Head and the Heart and being vulnerable. I cry when I need to. If I’m at work I’ll cry if on the bus I’ll cry. I’m working a lot of overtime and I know that if I don’t release my past traumas I’ll eventually burn out then start calling out. So far I was able to work 3 days with overtime and although exhausting (because I’m dealing with inappropriate men) the crying has helped so much. I do do it in private but hey I’m showing up to work. This all has helped me connect to myself. To me music helps the growth process.
I’m a janitor and the job is okay but it takes up a lot of my time. I’ve decided to work over time to get the money I need to support others I believe in like (the under dogs) join protests I believe in and ultimately check things off my bucket list lol. I used to be homeless so I never want to go back to that life. I’ve also stopped with the weed but drink at times. Kind of want to give that up to and start journaling
oh daniel, i must tell you i tried some experiment. i have been imagined myself in a variety of situations and told myself that my parents never exist. i saw there in my imagination different human in all of the scenes. parents embed in kids large amounts of "software" which became part of the personality. it is insane!
Can anyone do what they love finally in this human world? Probably not this one as it is always turning around power to control others. A few people are like designed to seek power over others... Anyway, I'm stuck trying to go forward and do what I love in this world. If my inner system isn't allowing me to do it then I'll end my life in misery. I feel all my work in therapy isn't helping. Feel stuck, discouraged, and angry about myself and sometimes others. I hope I'll find a way through all my shit, and deal with it.
Yes, the sacrifice must be added on to the common advice to Do What You Love. Do what you love no matter how great the sacrifice. That's what the wise saying should say. Fuck work and sucking it up. That's what I did and it was wrong. But I had little self knowledge and my wrongs were inevitable. I was hanging on your every word in this video, Daniel. It seems to me to be vitally important and significant and inspiring in a deep way, all that you say here.
I wouldn't give up Daniel If I were you on the idea of having children from a healthy place yet. You are just in your 50s and you look easily in your 40s. I have a feeling that its not late for you regardless:) Thanks for sharing, Much love, Iggy
Whoa, Daniel. Connecting with the truth of my inner self. Deeper decisions. Comfort laden addictions. Following my curiosity . . .Thanks. You have a unique voice.
Hey man. Watching this now and its happening in my community. These vids are so helpful and you are inspiring me to take the same path as I know you speak wisdom brother. All the best to you and your journey.
It's great to find, someone like you on internet, it give me hopes for the future, and my life itself. I admire you, and I've known your channel recently.
Oh wow, ok Daniel. You are transformational and powerful in your say. Sensing it comes from the depth of your heart. Sending much love and support your way. Thank you for this video.
“You learned what you came to learn” careers aren’t only about the obvious energy exchange of service for money but there’s something for us to learn through doing it that we couldn’t learn any other way. When we’ve learned it we are done. To stay and not move into the next learning is to die. I have moved on many times. And will keep moving and following the lessons. Letting go has been one of the most important and hardest lessons. More and more I let go rather than be dragged. Thanks for the wonderful insightful video.
Good that you have and continue to follow your inner voice and connect to your True self. Following my intuition - the road less traveled has been incredibly fulfilling and amazing. I am committed whole heartedly to that path.
Daniel, another incredibly wise, honest and insightful video on the topic of what it means to truly be an alive and conscious being in this world. I just listened to Eckhart Tolle’s talk where he said when we are aware of our own being in the presence of each moment consciously, then we are truly living- versus being distracted by ego, thoughts, caught in unconscious reactive patterns, etc. or something to that degree ;) and of course, I totally agree! I also read somewhere, “nonconformity= pay a high price; conformity = wasn’t worth the price paid.” It’s true. I, too, still deal with the stigma or having to tread carefully about the fact that I’m estranged from my family of origin in casual conversations - but staying in that highly toxic and damaging relationship with them was not something my body and soul was able to sustain any more. Literally- I felt myself almost breaking to a point beyond repair and needed to get out in order to recover from the deep trauma and pain I was suppressing (as a learned coping mechanism during my chaotic childhood). Anyways- peace and blessings to you always, Daniel! Be well and take care :)
Very true I struggled with a degree that I thought I should do but hated it and wasn't good at it but I stubbornly continued. Sadly this caused me to get bad grades and withdrawls so I may not be able to do some other stuff I would like, but I will keep trying.
You say you don't care about the money now but what will you do in 10-20 years? I too have no family whatsoever and am gonna quit my teaching job in a few months. I also want to move away. But wow, the living costs are sooo high and it gets worse and worse! How do you think we can manage that later if we don't want to depend on the mercy of others?
Excellent. I think you need to lead men’s groups for mental healing, even dating coaching ironically. You have fantastic and genuine insight without the bluster or bullsh**. You’ve fought hard to find a healing, self-expressive, creative and compassionate life for yourself and I think its so great. The potential of what your heart, soul and mind are learning and growing into is amazing and exceedingly rare. Maybe Sanyasis or renunciates or monks, priests or whatever, strive for similar but the only religious or spiritual leaders I trust are some nuns and women-led circles. Nature. In any case, you’re a guy I totally would love to date and explore the world and life with if given the chance😉 Alas. I love you and your work and I’m wishing for you strength and health for your endeavors ❤✨🙏🏾
So important to push for the social changes that make it possible for people to do what they love... so that work is less terrible, so that people have more free time, so that our basic needs can be met. I'm glad you are able to do what you love Daniel, and to an extent I am also able to do what I love and I'm grateful for that. But I also hope for a society that makes it much more easy for people to do what they love.
Great talk. I really enjoyed listening to this. I do some video/film stuff myself and for work. I enjoy filmmaking and marketing (but wish to do music and art full time). I am trying to work through traumas that have made me struggle with being seen and having a voice. I believe if you used an additional light to the front or right of your face it would create greater balance and perhaps even increase your reach and views. Thank you for sharing this!
I just wonder if everyone did what they ‘loved’ then not enough people would do the necessary jobs. Because once your needs aren’t met what you love will change quick. I would like to have a semi self sufficient lifestyle with family but our own spaces. But also the ability to travel and time to learn new things
people would tell me, "Do what u love and the money will follow." However it was more a gaslight then a nice remark. 😐 They didn't wanna be open and share
Thinking of studying art and becoming an art therapist but I have health problems due to childhood trauma so I'm not sure this would be a good idea for me... However I've been doing jobs I don't care for the past 8 years so I feel like going forward would be the only option, although it feels like suicide since I haven't lived in the US for 8 years and everything is so damn expensive now 😢😢😢😢
Daniel, I discovered your videos and have watched a few and enjoy your insight a nd commiserate with yourpain. I hae to ask - is that your "video shirt"? 🙃
As a kid I loved music and loved to sing. Adults quickly killed my confidence because they always told me to shut up when I sang. Now, at age 32, I'm starting to feel the urge to make music welling up in my soul.
Lovely! Music is great.
@bigsweatyvols2817 I'm 32 and love music as a kid as well but hadn't got the chance to do it because my kid self never told my parents about this passion I had and I still think about it until now.
Haha when I was at a shelter one girl wouldn’t stop singing and we would complain lol! She had such a. Beautiful voice though this comment kind of reminds me of that. She was obsessed with it just like I’m obsessed with certain things. It’s great that you are doing what you love though
@@masayus.166you should start duolingo has a music app now I suck at it so I stopped I can’t even understand how to read notes but I love to do videos on Madfit 😂
I changed careers at 26. I realized that, to me, it was a matter of life or death. Now I am looking to re-adjust my life to keep the dream alive.
Good on you
Why did it take me so many years to find your channel!!??
As someone said, you are a hidden gem. I'm so grateful!
I’m like a broken record I tell everyone about him 😂
Idk how tapped into popular culture you are but there is a huge movement of people specifically younger who are seeing that materialism and internet fame and achievement doesn't fill the void in them. It may be a long shot but I think you're on a collision course to be a very formidable voice in the next decade or two, maybe sooner. That or someone who can mirror and expand upon your message. That mass era of grieving you speak of may be coming sooner than later cause we're gonna reach a critical mass of depressed isolated people and then messages like yours will be in super high demand.
That would be lovely- the mass grieving, that is. Humanity needs it.
Thank you for this. I’m 53 and still looking for what I love to do. My life has been a revolving door of perfectionism. Failed jobs, depression and anxiety have been my life. Getting nowhere and always looking for answers. I’ve started to search my history and for the answers. I’ve been digging up a lot of painful memories with family members and they keep asking me why. Why are you doing this to Mom and us? What good is it? I ask myself this everyday but I keep moving on it hoping I’ll find the cause and solution to this unfulfilled journey. Thank you for sharing this.
Same here, if you never had a chance to be yourself, you need to be born again in a way (like Daniel said in his other recent video)
Keep going. I’ve just found my life purpose at the age of 59 and everything that came before has led to this point.
One answer to your "why" that came to me is that 'obviously' (subjective) you keep digging it up because something was left unresolved, hence the need to keep bringing it back up. Also, as I pondered more on your wordings the scenario came to mind. If you brought up positive memories, would that bother them? In other words, if it was a life filled with positive memories instead. Also if it was resolved for them, it wouldn't bother them either, they would be able to speak about it lovingly and caringly (to help you understand and resolve). At least that's what I learned about healthy families, not coming from one myself.
My parents sabotaged the career I wanted. I wanted to be a guidance counselor and help children because I had no one to talk to at school or home (mom is schizophrenic dad is sociopathic) Two years into college father told me I could do a specialized degree that would allow me to be a warehouse manager and follow in his footsteps or quit college when I called him to talk about changing my major. It wasn't much of a choice. If I had it to do again I would have cut my family off after that conversation but at this time I thought he knew something that I did not. What he knew was that he wanted me in a subservient role underneath him and that my dreams meant less than nothing to him. It has taken so much to move forward from this. Not the college thing cause f it I can go do whatever for work but I just want less than nothing to do with my father and that just sucks because he was my hero in childhood and now if I never saw him again i'd be ok with that.
I am 55 and right there with you! Hugs…
I have those "I knew it!" moments when I listen to you talk. I've pretty much always had that gut feeling but it sort of gets beaten up by parents, which makes it very difficult to be around them. I consider myself lucky to be that sensitive. When I'm on the "wrong path" it often becomes unbearable pretty quickly, no matter how comfortable the situation might be on a surface level. Then I either adjust or indulge in self-destructive behaviours. I've become numb and confused over the years. I hate to see myself like that but I just haven't found a safe space to unpack all the bullshit quite yet. It's very painful to stay stuck in a place where you KNOW you're destroying yourself. I'm tired of falling back into that family pit. I'd rather die than stay there. I can't stand the feeling of being tied to my parents and owing them something. Like I'm an extension of them. I keep screaming and shouting in my head but in reality it seems the confrontation never really take us anywhere better or clearer. "You're supposed to be grateful." I'm not. I'm angry and fearful. Unless what you want most for your children is freedom, don't have them in the first place. That's just my opinion. The opinion of an adult stuck in a childlike state. Now I'm learning to be my own parent. And your videos help a lot when I've got nothing to lean against anymore. It seems it's a balance between staying humble and keeping your real self awake. I will keep doing that. Until I find something better. Cheers 😊
This was a beautiful comment. And for what it's worth, for "an adult stuck in a childlike state", you articulate yourself exceptionally well :) I've had a similar journey and wish you all the best on yours!
That feeling of owning my parents something or me just being an extension of them is one of the most challenging things I've dealt with recently. It's like I don't want to disappoint them but at the same time I don't want to disappoint my true self 😮💨 its horrible.. but I believe we can get through it and find that safe place for ourselves ✊️ best of luck on your journey ❤
I totally relate to this comment. I was always always always going back to my abusers and trying to be and do good enough for them... truth is, they have no real concern for us and our wellbeing. They abuse and neglect us because they don't love us. I think the key is to that situation is to just cut that line. You gotta recognize that these people aren't your friends and have no interest in you having a self... so they will keep you stuck dependent on them so that you can never fully actualize that self. And if you don't want to have animosity towards them, maybe try thinking of it in "spiritual" terms... they are posessed/taken over by an evil, destructive force/spirit that causes them to abandon their self, and to go out and try to destroy other selfs/souls. They want to either take or destroy your soul and convince you that you are weak and can't function without them, etc. Misery loves company. I only recommend looking at things this way because it seems like you still have a lot of love and compassion for these people... so, if you see this as a spiritual war, you can maybe break away from them while still maintaining grace and compassion. Why would you owe your folks anything? They brought you into the word against your will, and they forced their way of life upon you. If you are an adult, you can be sovereign and free to do as you please. If you love your parents and don't want to have resentment towards them, then I'd suggest breaking away and at least attempting your dreams
Only thing I care about right now is healing so I not only can do what I love, but so i can actually love!
46 year-old here. After despising the last few years of my corporate career (big pharma), I finally am doing what I love.
It is not easy, nor is it impossible. You may have to humble yourself and start from the bottom, but if you are conscientious, optimistic, and self-disciplined, life becomes a great adventure.
Good for you. Would you mind sharing what is is you are pursuing now?
The other reply asked about what you're doing now, but I'm wondering why you despised your likely profitable career in pharmaceuticals. Do you think a burden of harm against other humans hangs from your shoulders?
@@AntediluvianDoomer Replying to you and D4902.
I liked my job in pharma (business development / communications) and objectively speaking, I was competent in the role.
Two things which were a deal-breaker: the number of little psychopaths running around, and the 24/7 nature of the life. Ultimately, one is a slave.
It's hard to imagine spending 15-20 years studying, delaying gratification for so long, investing in one's career only when, entering the Death Zone of the mountain, the other climbers on your team are trying to bludgeon you to death.
These days I'm self-employed as a teacher/tutor in Central Europe. I founded a modest publishing house specialising in adapting classic literature for English-language students.
Hello from Poland 🙌
@@AntediluvianDoomer Probably because there is still an iota of awareness left in him, what the aware call humanity. Big pharma are among the greatest persecutors and oppressors in all of human history.
I’m a Japanese -New Zealander. I sometimes imagine the same thing if everyone were able to timely grieve for their trauma and were properly cared during childhood would crime rate fall? would racism , misogyny , war , poverty etc would this place be a better place or would we be less immune to challenges . As a person with intellectual disabilities I’ve already been trying my very best to fit into the norm ever since it was dismissed from childhood , i’m trying to be an artist in this world full of amazing artists and those who had proper access to education or were fortunate enough to go to University and take art classes , but I know that might be not always true. Right now I can’t even afford to go to therapy and get myself checked but art has always been my support even if I couldn’t afford a canvas and paint I could still imagine in my head and have fun with it.For all my life I’ve been treated like a lazy person who doesn’t study hard enough as others when I just couldn’t and was struggling a lot , I still feel guilty for not being able to understand what they understand and their work , if I could afford education that has can teach an adult with intellectual disabilities I would choose to take education but I can’t so I choose art. What I can do and love.
Do it!
I hope you are doing good 🤝🏻
i really feel you
From this message alone I can tell you’re a deeply misunderstood creative thinker. A creative person as a whole, you seem wonderful. God bless you and may you get some relief and fulfilment at some point in your life. Love to you and take care
Thank you for making these videos, and thank you for being YOU. It's rare, and also invaluable
Thanks Sara!
So true about the people who have kids!
"My family system rejected me." Wow. That truth is going to echo in my mind for a long time.
My experience of that proverb is that if you do what you love enough you'll become an expert in it and at some point those expertise turn you into a kind of unicorn-having skills and insight that no one else can. At that point the money starts showing up.
You have given me so much more guidance and insight than any therapist I have ever gone to has done... And I paid them hundreds of dollars, while paying you nothing. This video in particular makes me feel I ought to seek out a way to repay you monetarily. Thank you, Daniel, for "doing what you love."
You can give him a donation!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I came from a abusive household and I had ADHD as a kid with my parents cruel treatment as an adult I was diagnosed ASPD. I made a lot mistakes in my life, sometimes I am surprised I am even alive today. As a 35 year old, I finally came to realize that I am living my dream life and thriving in my career in arts. Without my passion and doing what I loved, I think I would be ending up in jail or died already. I really believe it was a my passion saved me. Now I feel I can get up most of the days excited and be ready work all day and all night, never get beat down for set backs, compare to other people around me. I know I finally am, fulfilled.
I absolutely love your vulnerability, transparency, passion, and love. Thank you for being you and sharing you Daniel!!!
I’m in the medical field (neurology resident currently) and I hate it so much and feel stuck 💔 I’m so miserable and need a way out.
Oh, I'm wishing you the best Emmie! Daniel
I'm a 4th year med student and i fear the same. At first, i thought it was my passion that i pursued but after a lot of reflection, i realised that it also had a lot to do with making my parents proud.
As for life beyond med school, i am curious... i plan to quit if it isn't a match but i have no idea what to do or where to go.
Oh Waw, so sad to hear! I don’t know you Enmie, but I feel for u! U might be such intelligent and driven to be where u are at hay! I thought of Sam Harris (Neuroscientist that became a podcast presenter and has a meditation app) he is truly awesome …. Maybe neurology could be just a step up for you to something else… I forget his name, the author of 48laws of power…. He speaks about using his 20+ work experiences, feeling completely unfulfilled for years to only find his true calling when he wrote the best selling 48 laws of power and selling 1 millions + copies after he was 40yo…..
"Unraveling made misery but eventually saved my life" I realize creates the self-love that is necessary to obtain those valuable assets we have innately within from our childhood; like experiencing freedom, curiosity and expression. Also "My family hated me...was insightful as to who they are." was an observation that squarely puts their judgement back on them which is profound to me since we strive for acceptance from those we wish would be the source of unconditional love, but alas, finding self-love has more to do with becoming the hero in our own life. Thank you Daniel for your insights and your ability to articulate these complex issues for those of us that didn't have a good start in life.
How can we deal with it? Is there a method I could use with my therapist?
@@robertbois7220 so it is , eventually realising, that nobody else holds the answers for you .
It's all in you , the therapist is merely a sounding board until you realise the truth .
Psylasybin is a powerful teacher or should I say , revealer .
After watching your videos and reading some of the comments I realise how valuable you are. Your determination to understand hardships, accept, grow and then share are the things that help shape the world in a better way. We can’t change other people or events but when we change at a cellular level everything changes. Thank you for what you do.
Daniel, this is the first time I've actually heard someone discuss this topic with such honesty and an accurate account of what goes on with parents and kids. I enjoyed music and art but that was not considered acceptable to pursue as a career. I studied what others wanted me to study but was so unhappy doing so. I now feel like I'm in a rut and have been asking myself this question...well what do I love to do. So how does one go about finding what they love? I seem to have lost touch with my true self.
I have this problem, too. Hoping to discover more of myself in continuing this healing journey. I need to move past this connecting the dots phase of looking back at childhood and realizing of course I have these issues, I'm a product of my environment. Wishing you well on your self-discovery process.
@@Earl_E_Burd thank you! You as well!
I’m lost at the same page… was denied my gift in arts, music and sports to become a lawyer(!?) and now i just don’t know what it is that i love. The only thing I know now is that I hate life.
I think you must imagine. Set aside what you think is expected of you. I was very lucky getting into music radio at the heart of it’s relevance. Talk radio and podcasting, no thank you. USC journalism degree but no thank you. You discern.
So I am also in this boat. I plan to just do what jobs I can get and in the meantime explore hobbies I like and see if I can make one profitable (I have an idea for an online business). I'm 41 and can honestly say i've never been happy. I have been happy for a few months recently but it's a long story essentially I became spiritual and found God. I know a lot of people will see this as a copout but I wish I had left my family after high school. I knew what I wanted to do with my life but it "wasn't good enough" for my schizophrenic mother and sociopathic father.
hi daniel I want to say thank you for this message. Even if you don’t have kids, your ideas, authenticity, depth and essence has become a comforting guiding light for those on a similar path.
I think you are very courageous to live a life this way. It gives me hope to know that's possible.:) Thank you so much for sharing your experience!🙏🏻
Thanks!
Daniel, you touched on something that caught my attention: not having children. I wonder if you would do a dedicated video on how people w/ childhood trauma are impacted later in their decision to parent or not, including your own experience.
I live with CPTSD and have no doubt that having been abused as a child made a pivotal impact on this for me.
God bless you.
I'm a soon-to-be 20 year old and I'm feeling lost in life. I want to thank you for making these videos, they're really interesting and I feel like they will help me get a grasp on who I am and what i want to do with my life. Really insightful stuff
You rock. Period. You are changing the world my friend. The old world is crumbling down.
I felt so identified. Thanks Daniel for sharing your thoughts ❤
Thanks!
I had this forced into my life , the alcoholic neglectful abusive , needless to say emotionally absent parents.
The subsequent addiction, alcoholism . Then sobriety, self reflection , relationship with narcissist, more self reflection, self realization and the sprouting of self love . I'm 51 now . Thanks for the video 🙏🏻
Narcsurvivor here too. Started healing journey at 48. 53 now. Life is much better
Yes, Daniel. I totally agree. I'm currently studying for govt examinations which I never wanted to. But I feel so stuck because of my parents expectations. Even though I told them that I'm not interested in this field. But they care more about status than of my well-being. Government jobs are status symbol in India. I've a great passion for filmmaking and photography. But they always try to put me down by telling that I can't do that. They really don't trust me. As long as we're(me & my brother) obeying them we're considered as good kids. But whenever I try to do things in my own way. Suddenly for them we become worst kids on the planet.
And yes, I'm going to do what I always wanted to do. And you're right. It's so difficult but not impossible. It takes a lot of courage and sacrifice. I mean a lot. And it's not for people who have just a passing interest. That's why I don't have really good relationship with them. I want them to understand me but they never even try to. And they also call themselves greatest parents. And it's so annoying, suffocating and frustrating.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. This is one of the most genuine and realistic video.
government cartoons would be fun
Do what you want. You have a lifetime to get a govt job. Youth is the best time to take risks. Go for it. Your family will eventually understand. If they don't, you will be ok. Right now in youth it's tough...but it gets easier the longer you stay on your own path.
Having just come out of psychosis I feel very like this. I love my own peace
That’s what life is about. Knowing when to change paths that you previously thought were the right ones. It’s about discovering and exploring, yourself.
do what you love, you will find your tribe! You have helped many people just with your tubing channel here.
I am retired. I come from a large family of 14. I am number 10. I grew up fast.
I am living my dream. The hardest part is having my family want to dream along with me. We each have our paths though.
Well I need to get some sleep, but it is very hard to stop watching your videos. They are so fascinating!
You can still have kids. A healthy woman can usually conceive until 45 and even some afterwards. If not then perhaps adoption... Finding the suitable partner though it's a challenge.
Thank you for speaking up. I'm a tunisian woman who declared a war on my father since I'm child and when I grow up on my sociaty. I was beaten, thrown in the street, abused countless times from men and women sexualy and verbally and physically and economically for saying the truth. I was raped, sentenced for jail and beaten many times by police forces for my idéologie. Now I'm 36 years old, still poor and harressed but I'm Will not give up my war, I was even sent to an assyulem, my brain is fucked up by all the aggressions I lived under all my years of life. Until my death I will fight for my rights as human dignity and freedom of thinking. I didnt have children and I won't have cause I don't want them to suffer in this filthy system that kills the spirit of the human. I think you for using your power to expose the devils. Please continue we need more people like you cause people like me don't have voice in this world
Very intense. I am wishing you the best. Daniel
There's a number of things in this video which I like A LOT. Firstly, I like you mentioning curiosity. I think that's vital. You've got to be curious about what alternatives might be out there if there's to be any hope of finding a better path.
But most of all I like the way you acknowledge that addressing one's own trauma is vital. As we address our trauma, the hidden or unused parts of self begin to emerge and live again. And that gives us a desire to live and participate more fully.
Looking at my own self, and looking at that in combination with what you have to say about your own life, I would say that an important part of finding or doing what you love is being your full self (or as much of your full self as you can be in any given moment). People, I think, associate doing what you love with always being happy or successful or things being easy. But, in actual fact, we love doing things when we put the most of our self into it.
So the great thing (whether it's a great relationship or a great career or even finding a great place to live) is finding a thing or a place or a context where we can be the most of our self. That includes the happy parts of our self, and the not-so-happy parts of our self, and the confused parts of our self, and the insecure parts of our self, and the chaotic parts of our self, and every other part, including the parts of our self we're not yet aware of.
For the past week I’ve been listening to Maddie Zahms music and The Head and the Heart and being vulnerable. I cry when I need to. If I’m at work I’ll cry if on the bus I’ll cry. I’m working a lot of overtime and I know that if I don’t release my past traumas I’ll eventually burn out then start calling out. So far I was able to work 3 days with overtime and although exhausting (because I’m dealing with inappropriate men) the crying has helped so much. I do do it in private but hey I’m showing up to work. This all has helped me connect to myself. To me music helps the growth process.
I’m a janitor and the job is okay but it takes up a lot of my time. I’ve decided to work over time to get the money I need to support others I believe in like (the under dogs) join protests I believe in and ultimately check things off my bucket list lol. I used to be homeless so I never want to go back to that life. I’ve also stopped with the weed but drink at times. Kind of want to give that up to and start journaling
journal about your janitorial life
practice makes perfect
oh daniel, i must tell you i tried some experiment. i have been imagined myself in a variety of situations and told myself that my parents never exist. i saw there in my imagination different human in all of the scenes. parents embed in kids large amounts of "software" which became part of the personality. it is insane!
Hypnotherapy removes damaged software
@@colettespencer3357 i am not going so far to say that
27 now and psychotherapy has been the carer that suddenly 'clicked' so related to what you said!
Can anyone do what they love finally in this human world? Probably not this one as it is always turning around power to control others. A few people are like designed to seek power over others... Anyway, I'm stuck trying to go forward and do what I love in this world. If my inner system isn't allowing me to do it then I'll end my life in misery. I feel all my work in therapy isn't helping. Feel stuck, discouraged, and angry about myself and sometimes others. I hope I'll find a way through all my shit, and deal with it.
This is all so incredibly true and crucially important!
Yes, the sacrifice must be added on to the common advice to Do What You Love. Do what you love no matter how great the sacrifice. That's what the wise saying should say. Fuck work and sucking it up. That's what I did and it was wrong. But I had little self knowledge and my wrongs were inevitable. I was hanging on your every word in this video, Daniel. It seems to me to be vitally important and significant and inspiring in a deep way, all that you say here.
I wouldn't give up Daniel If I were you on the idea of having children from a healthy place yet. You are just in your 50s and you look easily in your 40s. I have a feeling that its not late for you regardless:) Thanks for sharing,
Much love,
Iggy
Whoa, Daniel. Connecting with the truth of my inner self. Deeper decisions. Comfort laden addictions. Following my curiosity . . .Thanks. You have a unique voice.
love your videos daniel
i felt so much love in this video. keep up it partner!
Daniel's insights are liberating! Thank you!
Feels quite serendipitous- I was just thinking about this very idea (yet again) earlier this week. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Hey man. Watching this now and its happening in my community. These vids are so helpful and you are inspiring me to take the same path as I know you speak wisdom brother. All the best to you and your journey.
Deeply touched and inspired. Thank you Daniel 🙏
Daniel I love you!
Yes, Happy Sunday
Thank you so much for these videos. I’ve been at a loss for what to do and where to go and you have given me actual hope. Thank you so much.
It's great to find, someone like you on internet, it give me hopes for the future, and my life itself. I admire you, and I've known your channel recently.
Thank you, I really appreciate that you are sharing your thoughts
You are so amazing! Every word you say is so freeing!
Definitely inspiring. I can relate to the family trauma stuff and the shut downs.
Just recently found your videos. Just turned 51. I’m right here with you! Thank you so much for this.
Glad I stumbled onto your channel. Strongly connect with your authenticity, cheers
I am so happy to have found someone who thinks like I do! It's encouraging and inspiring!
I'm going through something similar. Thanks for articulating it.
Your a brilliant healer Daniel. Thankyou again for another great video. Always full of honesty integrity and healing
I just love listening to you!
I hope you know the massive effect your work holds...God bless you man🖤
I love you, Daniel.
Exactly! Keep listening to this and keep saying yes…and yes.
Oh wow, ok Daniel. You are transformational and powerful in your say. Sensing it comes from the depth of your heart. Sending much love and support your way. Thank you for this video.
“You learned what you came to learn” careers aren’t only about the obvious energy exchange of service for money but there’s something for us to learn through doing it that we couldn’t learn any other way. When we’ve learned it we are done. To stay and not move into the next learning is to die. I have moved on many times. And will keep moving and following the lessons. Letting go has been one of the most important and hardest lessons. More and more I let go rather than be dragged. Thanks for the wonderful insightful video.
Yes. Thank you. Same experience with my family.
Good that you have and continue to follow your inner voice and connect to your True self.
Following my intuition - the road less traveled has been incredibly fulfilling and amazing. I am committed whole heartedly to that path.
Beautiful brave man truly inspirational
Thank you!
This is so inspiring... thank you for sharing Daniel.
Daniel, another incredibly wise, honest and insightful video on the topic of what it means to truly be an alive and conscious being in this world. I just listened to Eckhart Tolle’s talk where he said when we are aware of our own being in the presence of each moment consciously, then we are truly living- versus being distracted by ego, thoughts, caught in unconscious reactive patterns, etc. or something to that degree ;) and of course, I totally agree! I also read somewhere, “nonconformity= pay a high price; conformity = wasn’t worth the price paid.”
It’s true. I, too, still deal with the stigma or having to tread carefully about the fact that I’m estranged from my family of origin in casual conversations - but staying in that highly toxic and damaging relationship with them was not something my body and soul was able to sustain any more. Literally- I felt myself almost breaking to a point beyond repair and needed to get out in order to recover from the deep trauma and pain I was suppressing (as a learned coping mechanism during my chaotic childhood). Anyways- peace and blessings to you always, Daniel! Be well and take care :)
Thank you.🥰
Thank you
Thanks.
Very true I struggled with a degree that I thought I should do but hated it and wasn't good at it but I stubbornly continued. Sadly this caused me to get bad grades and withdrawls so I may not be able to do some other stuff I would like, but I will keep trying.
I love watching THIS video ❤️❤️❤️
Hello kindred spirit. Thank you for sharing your journey.
You say you don't care about the money now but what will you do in 10-20 years? I too have no family whatsoever and am gonna quit my teaching job in a few months. I also want to move away. But wow, the living costs are sooo high and it gets worse and worse! How do you think we can manage that later if we don't want to depend on the mercy of others?
I love this!!!!!!!!!!!!! The best video on the internet right now!!!!!
Thanks Sara!
Excellent. I think you need to lead men’s groups for mental healing, even dating coaching ironically. You have fantastic and genuine insight without the bluster or bullsh**.
You’ve fought hard to find a healing, self-expressive, creative and compassionate life for yourself and I think its so great. The potential of what your heart, soul and mind are learning and growing into is amazing and exceedingly rare. Maybe Sanyasis or renunciates or monks, priests or whatever, strive for similar but the only religious or spiritual leaders I trust are some nuns and women-led circles. Nature.
In any case, you’re a guy I totally would love to date and explore the world and life with if given the chance😉 Alas.
I love you and your work and I’m wishing for you strength and health for your endeavors ❤✨🙏🏾
i can’t understand how this is the best society human kind was able to come up with. we really don’t deserve to be alive
So important to push for the social changes that make it possible for people to do what they love... so that work is less terrible, so that people have more free time, so that our basic needs can be met. I'm glad you are able to do what you love Daniel, and to an extent I am also able to do what I love and I'm grateful for that. But I also hope for a society that makes it much more easy for people to do what they love.
I just hope for society to respect integrity and not just the final product of any person
Thank you 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍💖🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
much love
This talk reminds ne of The Logical Song. Was listening to it when I was 16, not perfect at 57, but still a big part of me ❤
A great song!
Great talk. I really enjoyed listening to this.
I do some video/film stuff myself and for work. I enjoy filmmaking and marketing (but wish to do music and art full time). I am trying to work through traumas that have made me struggle with being seen and having a voice.
I believe if you used an additional light to the front or right of your face it would create greater balance and perhaps even increase your reach and views. Thank you for sharing this!
Easier said than done.
seems like a lot of people don't even exist - they're not there, simply
They’re asleep 😴
@@Maaraujo7 shackled.
@@asuka_the_void_witch yup, like the allegory of the cave they see shadows and not reality
@@Maaraujo7 true
Distraction and dissociation is a hell of a drug.
I agree !!
I just wonder if everyone did what they ‘loved’ then not enough people would do the necessary jobs.
Because once your needs aren’t met what you love will change quick.
I would like to have a semi self sufficient lifestyle with family but our own spaces. But also the ability to travel and time to learn new things
Thx, I am one more like you!
people would tell me, "Do what u love and the money will follow."
However it was more a gaslight then a nice remark. 😐 They didn't wanna be open and share
I am a therapist in early recovery hoping to do what I love. Transition can be like giving birth.
Thinking of studying art and becoming an art therapist but I have health problems due to childhood trauma so I'm not sure this would be a good idea for me... However I've been doing jobs I don't care for the past 8 years so I feel like going forward would be the only option, although it feels like suicide since I haven't lived in the US for 8 years and everything is so damn expensive now 😢😢😢😢
I think people should do what they love to do
I am doing this kind of discovery/path too. We should meet up. I’m in CT.
Daniel, I discovered your videos and have watched a few and enjoy your insight a nd commiserate with yourpain. I hae to ask - is that your "video shirt"?
🙃
19:51 same
God gives desires....then we follow thru...