I don't think I've ever commented on one of your videos before, but I just wanted to hammer in one more time the fact that there are definitely people out here who appreciate all the videos you make. I am one of them, your videos are very enlightening and I find it extremely admirable how open and honest you are about so many difficult topics. Thank you, for all the videos, for all the shared wisdom and the funny moments.
@ameliabateman Thanks Amelia! I appreciate your words. But I also feel quite fine if people don't comment -- though, I admit, I do like it when people do comment, because it helps me to know that real people are hearing my message. Sending you a warm hello--Daniel
weird the other people deleted their replies but I have watched every single video you've made except for the doctor pig series, your message is incredibly helpful and caused immense psychological transformation within me. Your videos helped me realize that I wasn't crazy, and that everything I was seeing was real. Society tried to gaslight me into thinking it wasn't.
@@dmackler58You're awesome Daniel! I don't have an equivalent thank you to give in the form of words... which has kept me from commenting. I surmise many others concur. Thank you SO much for this channel, and for being out here. Happy New Year!
"I am a great mother" announced my friend the other day (referring to herself). I just stunted. I see the good and the bad in her parenting but I just couldn't say anything. Afterwards I realized that my opinion is this: it is not the mother's or father's place to say whether they are good parents or not. Because ultimately it is the child who has the last word in this. And I would like to add that when the child has grown up and is somewhat conscious of his or her traumas in the family system. But of course I felt I couldn't say any of this out loud to my friend because I fear she would have taken it as my way of saying to her that she is a horrible mom.
You raise a really good point. The child’s assessment is the final exam grade with the most weight, not the parents’ social circles who gratuitously pat each other on the back and give each other awards
A lot of mothers think they are good moms I just don’t understand why they don’t say instead, “I’m trying to better myself so that I can be a good mother.” But everyone seems to be a good mother or father or friend or sibling when in reality is that really the truth?
@@annmarie6870 yeah, i would only really trust parents who are open to learning and bettering themselves...even then, i've seen people using the phrase "i'm trying" as an excuse to never really try. Actions and results will always speak the loudest. It's all so sad
@@annmarie6870 yes, this is an excellent point! Being a parent doesn't mean living in a vacuum. Parents set up an example for their children too on how they treat other people (or talk about other people when they are not around) or themselves, as an examples.
@@Sketch_Sesh yes exactly. And I feel like what you described of patting each other's backs on stuff like these is the norm that we are living in, unfortunately. And seeing the world like Daniel or us supporting these kinds of ideas is sometimes so lonely because it is so on the marginal.
As a single person with no kids your videos have profoundly helped shape my values more so than any professor, professional, or adult figure. I am soon to be in the second year of my MSW program and I am taking your lessons with me on this adventure to further help and understand others, including myself. Thank you for your brute honesty, because it has so truly shined a light in my path and helped me heal myself and the world. When you expressed the anguish making these videos put you through, I was reminded that only the best things in my life have come to fruition from the struggle. I hope you continue to shine your light and be yourself, unabashedly. Thank you so much Daniel.
You deserve to have so many more likes and positive comments on this video then you so far do. You're speaking the truth no one wants to admit. Something I have realized for a long time--. That society is ritually invested in procreation but that what happens after that--; is what they completly turn their heads away from--. Thank You--.
Daniel I feel in a lot of way my upbringing was similar. My parents didn’t get divorced until I was 20. It devastated me for years because they were to preoccupied hurting and controlling each other. I realized I never had a childhood and was really never spoken to for more than 5 minutes. I couldn’t even have a conversation and didn’t know what it was until I was in my mid 20’s. Scary to think about. How parents are more concerned about their own self image and getting compliments from others, before their own child. I was forced to play sports at 5 years old I quit at 15 because I realized my dad never spoke to me, like you said he just wanted compliments from other parents about how good I was doing but never told me. Instead of telling me how good I was doing he would give me 1 or $2 per goal I scored. It felt so empty inside getting $6 after a game, I just wanted my dad to talk to me.
@@viktoriab4293 thank you for taking the time to read and respond. yes im doing much better now to a point i am self sufficient. with my own home land and Dog. I'm working through my past day by day. i am getting great enjoyment from reflection and improving on the developmental milestones i missed out on as a child. ive chosen a life of freedom, reflection, solitude and joy. i hope your doing well in your own life, thanks again for being concerned i appreciate it.
"love-magnet" lolol. My sister was 13 when I was born, and she got judgement when she would push me around the neighborhood in a stroller. Elderly women would be like "so young, and already had a baby?" :))
@@annmarie6870 because parents dumping their responsibility on the other child, instead of handling it themselves, did not occur to people who want to believe that all parents are awesome parents.
@@annmarie6870 well it was not totally unheard of for a teenager to have a child, this was East Europe in the late 80s before the fall of communism. In the countryside especially a lot of girls married at 15-16.
It’s okay not to want kids it’s usually those who have kids that usually asked, “are you married? Do you have any children?” Especially when I was attending church.
I think it's ok for people to ask do you have children, may be just easy small talk. But if they ask why not, that's too deep of a conversation topic for someone you just met. If someone asks why you didn't have children, just ask them why they did.
I can totally relate! One thing I don't agree about is relationships. I would say, having a relationship is always hard, regardless of mono or poly, especially because most people are not healed enough. so all those feelings of jealousy, anxiety, competition, needing the other to compensate for something... all that comes up. It comes up in mono and poly relationships and people in both would do better not having children. But when you heal, all these things dissolve: you don't need to "own" or "control" a partner anymore. You don't need to fear abandonment from them, you don't need them to compensate for something. You don't need to force them into some behaviour or try to be in a certain way so they still like you. And then, at least that's what I experienced and what also seems logical to me: jealousy disappears as well as the need to impose rules upon the other person like who they are allowed to have sex with or feelings for. Being healed more means being able to meet others on an equal footing and even being able to feel joy and excitement for them when they get to know someone else who they like. Also I think, monogamy as a norm petrifies the very family system that is so much screwed, because it is a little realm for itself where no other has access to and all that happens to the children there will not be seen by anyone else. Also, monogamy teaches children jealousy and possessive mentality towards persons from the very beginning. That is not to say that polyamorous relationships are automatically better. There are very screwed poly or open relationships as well and they definitely traumatize their children too when they have any.
I would bet parents "love" their kids while they're cute little babies, and when the kid hits the age where saying "no" is an option, Mommy and Daddy can turn real dark.
Wowwwwwww I found my guru!!! I feel like you Daniel, totally! Thank you soooo much for doing this. You're such an inspiration; I no longer feel alone in my thoughts. Thank you for your analysis and honesty. For risking your reputation in this thick society to share your views! I wish we could be friends!!!🍎Greetings from England!
I sometimes feel that I am the only one I this world who took the red pill. It make me feel very lonely. Your channel make me think I am not and hope that someday I will find and connect with like minded people... Thank you for sharing all of this with us, this is truely healing.
Your videos and experiences, your voice, is inspiring. I have been so shut down after speaking the truth, even in a calm, boundaried way. My elderly parents are cruel, self centered. Society now = my family of origin. Despair, yes. I think despair makes sense rather than bearing teeth. Thank you. Emotions were pathologised in the revolting family i come from, sociopathic father, malignant borderline mother.
@@annmarie6870 thanks. He's 80 now, though it seems like he has been turning 80 for the last 15 years The results of this are 3 children (myself, and 2 significantly older ones): my sister: dead. My brother: a sick amalgamation of both my parents. Sister and brother, 4 years apart. I come along 11 years later. They never were parents. Ever. Can't think of one moment of feeling empathy from them, care, love .... of course, their interpretation would be different.. Although i have a feeling they've just had to change their stripes and completely victim playing. They terrorized me into near death, 2 years ago this May, denied it ever happened. The interference in myself and my late sisters life (whom i love and miss), is staggering and stomach dropping.
It's true that we take their rejection and hate, but there is no other way. This is the right way, no matter how hard it is. Thank you again for this great video! 💜
The courage it takes to walk the path of truth and stand and speak from your truth is from my opinion the path of Christ or Buddha or yogi teachings and I believe that it is laden w/n each of us. Yet so few walk it. Not in a religious way but deeply personal and spiritual in the true nature of who we all are when truly connected. When you go within and are open to Self you are supporting and awakening this precious truth to humanity and I honor you. You are like an oasis for my healing journey and I thank you. Please keep sharing. Keep questioning and keep honoring your truth. We accept you. And I understand that you’re hard not so much on your parents and the denials that keep people getting along in life, but challenging the mindset that keep us all stuck and the ostracism it creates when we reject it. ~ Stay golden ~ Love and light to you Daniel! 💗✨🪷
I had a child before I knew or understood the severity of my traumas and after I had him I realized why I shouldn't have anymore especially due to the current state of affairs, all I can do is learn and continue to heal and be a better mother for him for the time we have left.
Lol life of some relationships apparently one person trying to control the other. My ex tried so hard to be good at this and yet would get mad at me when I’d raise my voice. “None of my other friends do this” was his reply. Yeah because you don’t ask questions like I’m in the court room. People are a million times better off just being friends it’s okay to end any relationship as long as the person that is getting dumped isn’t going to go crazy. I won’t date anymore though or get married or have kids and I’m okay with that.
Life (living) can be so difficult. Why do people risk bringing children into this awful inhumane structure? Seems very selfish on procreators part, like they “know” it’s best. For whom?
It's wonderful to hear someone speak their truth and not just say what will benefit them in some way. Your level of emotional intelligence always amazes me, and I highly appreciate your courage and authenticity!
Daniel, Your work matters. The truth is dangerous to anyone who tells it. It doesn't matter how you say what most wish to deny, the outcome is the same. This the hardest road and for those of us working our own paths it is a relief to listen to you to hear the validation that the world denies us. (Round my way we call it bush slashing ie carving a path where none existed before). With gratitude and respect, Sarah
Your level of awareness never seizes to amaze me, societal acceptance and approval and being a standard sick “normal” person vs being a rebel to senseless norms, I would always choose being the rebel. You might be the most healthy type of rebel I know, others are either self-harming, aggressive or delusional. Your determination of following the truth and having the bravery to realize and analyse the truth is wonderful. It’s like emotional slavery to have to engage with parents after 18 when it isn’t preferred, really happy to see you get out of this harmful family system and being in a nurturing trusting relationship with yourself. I can understand it’s really tough to find similarly aware people to be a family with and isn’t as necessary without the need for bowing down to societal pressures. In the upcoming centuries I would bet family systems will change permenantly, the reason people are looking for different ways like open relations is I think because there’s lawful and fundemantal issues around how families run in our days. Thank you Daniel for a thought-provoking video ☺️❄️
this open relationhip thing is a joke, people are lying to themelves, its like a who will swerve first when it comes to admitting love and need of love
Thank you, for articulating what I wanted to say to the world, for voicing my heart and soul, for validating my thoughts; my whole being and especially for letting me know I am not alone in this. Thanks
We the truth seeing/feeling ones, greatly appreciate your videos Dan. It means we are not alone in these corrupted world. Thanks for sharing your corpus of knowledge with the rest of us. Those who seek will find it. In my case YT suggestion algorithm guided me, based on my previous watch history of related topics.
Shooting the messanger… You are loved Daniel. The energy you pour into these videos bears fruit in peoples’ lives. We are genetically designed to crave societal acceptance. Gaining our OWN acceptance through understanding self, feels pretty darn good in itself.
Perfect timing. I was dating a guy who wanted open relationship. As soon as I found out, I ended. Amazing that this timing is perfect. And now I weed out everyone who wants open or enm relationships!
Virtual hugs to you. I resonate with every single word. I’m a therapist and…surprise surprise….a trauma survivor. It takes so much to go against the grain. You are not alone. You are heard. You are appreciated.
It would be nice to say even more, a whole hour on this topic. Including everything, social media, images, billboards, advertisements, every little unhealthy thing there is created by society that is passed as a “norm” alcoholism is the one I dislike the most. The sufferings of the dependence on alcohol over American veterans and civilians is just sickening.
What I have noticed is that society will reject people for not having kids and for taking a different and more enlightened path but life will reward those for making better decisions. I see now that people who decided to have kids pay the price for that when they're not outside getting complements from strangers. They face reality alone behind closed doors. Life rewards good decisions like Daniel said in one of the videos.
Just love you!!!!!!!!! I hope you exercise or go on long walks. I've never had kids,never been married,am 57 so I relate to you on everything. I just have to go on my long walks everyday to stay centered. I walk with small weights. Love all your videos!!!!!!
ياخي قسم بالله انك رهيب انا طول عمري وانا رافض اني انجر ورا المجتمع ولازم ادرس خطواتي وافهم كل شيء ليش اسويه وصلت للقناعة حقتك هذي وتاكدت وايقنت انه هي الحقيقة والقطعه الناقصه وللاسف حسيت بعد ماوصلت للحقيقة اني الوحيد اللي مستوعب هالشيء وكل ماحاولت اقنع اي احد بهالفكرة يجيني رفض قوي وغير منطقي من المجتمع حسيت بالنبذ افهم الحياة والوضع اللي قاعد تعيشه مبسوط اني لقيت قناتك لاني كنت متعطش لاحد يفهم ويشوف اللي انا اشوفه
I have been ultra blessed in that, since I was a child, I never cared what "the public" thinks about me, much to my parents' consternation. Of course, I can perceive others' judging as they do, but it is clear any criticism is always about them because it's their own projection of their SELF-criticism. Life is too short to care what anyone else thinks about you.
Some years ago I did an interview to become a social worker. I talked about how you needed a licence to own a dog.... Needless to say I wasn't offered a place on the MSW...
You dont need to be accepted, you only need to be loved. Being accepted means that you are what another person wants you to be like, being love means that they like the way you are.
Forever grateful for you. Your impact is huge and will continue to be. You are doing such important work. I strive to be as courageous as you! The truth is medicine and you are a healer, Daniel! Enjoy being alive, enjoy nature, peace be upon you ☀️🏞
Thank you for telling the truth. Your messages help me feel less alone in this society. Your personal sacrifice and bravery are so appreciated ❤️ Deepest gratitude!!
+ an extra reflection to what you already discussed, it's especially frustrating how much kudos dads (or just being a man being with a child) get just for doing 5 mins of the work a mother does all the time without any praise or attention. It's a very dishonest and inconsistent world, and definitely not a meritocracy on any level. + Being a "more acceptable parent" doesn't lead to as much acceptance as other parents, it leads to *less acceptance* than a "normal parent" and it's really difficult work, as you say. Going against the tide is always difficult. I hope the tide is genuinely turning ❤❤❤❤
You are fantastic Daniel - it gives me so much listening to your ideas, confirms my own experiences of working with traumatised men who had been violent in prison, in addiction and in mental health. ...we desperately need mirrors when we are being scapegoated for telling the truth and yours is such a wonderful authentic voice, not in the wilderness although I imagine it feels like that. I think the biggest issue is isolation and whilst I have to pull out of being a therapist to heal, I see that groups which help people heal together would make that process of recovery so much easier and less alone. You are running a kind of online group here which clearly has attracted people - 11000 on my screen here. Anyway thank you - it's an incredible contribution and I hope social acceptance comes sooner than after your death so you get to bask in the sunlight.
Thanks for making these Daniel. Idk if it's necessarily worth it to take this "hard road," but it's very nice to hear from someone who has. It's comforting to hear that others are on this path. Not many are willing to share their difficulties the way you do. Thank you 🙏
Hi Daniel! i just wanted to salute you for being true, it's very brave and very strong of you. Then I also wanted to share some thoughts on this subject; it's true that many people live in denial and don't make an effort to heal in any way, but don't be too upset about that, it's just the way of life that some people are comfortable lying to themselves and not sending truth and love to others, just try your best to ignore them, they don't deserve your time and energy. Also I would add that not every family system is a failure, some make it work pretty well actually, so there is hope i think
brilliant video Daniel. Thank you for what you are doing, you help me feel that there are a group of people that really get it. By far the hardest, bravest thing I've done is face up to my horrible upbringing, discover my real feelings. It's been terrifying, but it was better that the depressive cycle i'd been in. Only people who have faced up to their truth are interested, otherwise most belong to the society of denial. I can see their desperation to get away from me when I tell them my truth. I've learned to edit it out of the day to day stuff, while not denying my own pain. Please keep on doing what you're doing.
Wow, Daniel.... thank you so mush for expressing so honestly everything you share in all your wonderful videos... so greatly appreciated, much love to you
Hey Daniel! Takes alot of courage to express the truth. Each video of yours that I view validates my own experience. I greatly appreciate your willingness to put your self out here and risk negative responses from those who are not conscious of their own trauma. I can see how stressful this is for you and admire your allegiance to the Truth. The Truth sets us free irregardless of how painful it can be! Thank you 🙏
I think it was very refreshing to hear the human behind all this excellent content you create. I recognize myself very much in this description and benefit from the reflection you give me. I just wanted to say that for a teacher it is not only important to learn the taught subject but also to learn how to stay healthy oneself while teaching and how to best convey the subject. While listening to this I thought about the analogy you made in a recent video about the male bird that died in the process of feeding his family. I hope you keep this in mind yourself, Daniel, because it is sometimes difficult to remember. If you don't get a strong feeling after making a video that it feels good overall then maybe it is a sign that you need to take a break and care for yourself for a while. Remember to only give your surplus to others.
Thank you so much for the efforts you make to do these videos with your raw honesty and analysis from your knowledge and experience. So much value, it helps me to breathe in this fake wolrd with no desire of depth and truth, I suffocate so much on earth, thank you for helping me breathing...
I really love your videos Daniel. I see these things everywhere I go. People call me weird and a variety of other names all the time. Until I'm living alone, I am in frequent despair also. I'd love to have a drink with you or just hang out some day.
To be fair though open relationships really isn't cheating, because cheating comes down to a breaking contract over the nature of the arrangement. If one consented to an open relationship setup, then they did do so, even if they feel they got the short end of the stick in it
Hi Daniel, I'm about your age, but I'm sure there are many young people here listening to you who are sort of your children, because you are more competent and knowledgeable than their own parents, therefore you are the one who is teaching them about life!
I get the alienation when people don´t get you´re lifestile. I also get that you find it hypocritical of people who are "in the club" that they are just so nice to parents and little children and stuff, but here´s why I do what you describe, me, being just as much of a seeker as you: I see a child and I see it´s aliveness, it´s joy and it´s potential and I encounter it with love and joy as a response to that, which I see (and sometimes I have to push myself a little bit to get this energy up rather than the resentful "I hate children most of all" part, which I am honest enough to notice in myself and to contain it to a certain degree). And then, being full of love and joy and being remembered of that alive parts in myself (sometimes really painful as well) I look at the parent sometimes and I just look at them. They don´t necessarily make me any more happy than other people but I am still filled with the joy over the child and so I just share it with them by showing them my joy over their child (altough I am waay too shy to actually start talking to them). And so I wonder, according to you, would it be better if I not do that or if I should stop doing that if I ever choose to have children? I mean I just don´t think it´s going to make the world a better place if people weren´t nice to parents and children. Rather, the positive energy towards the parents is also good for the children, as that makes the parents healthier and feeling better overall. And I don´t see that that´s bad. I wish, I wish, other people could understand your way of living better, I get it, as much as anyone might, but you know, Daniel, people don´t even get when I eat just a little differently than them, AT ALL, and they CAN´t accept it, no wonder, there´s no way they could understand someone who has a completely different ethics than them, who sees the world from so many more perspectives than them. And if they don´t get it yet, well, if they ever choose that path, they will grow to understand, and if not...well, I wouldn´t consider them people very capable of judging people like us anyway, altough it is always important to listen.
Your videos are some of ours reasons to love you. I've never cared for societal acceptance and desensitized myself to societal rejection from an early age, but interestingly not through dissociation. I truly do not care if most people don't like me. It does nothing to my self esteem. I love myself so much that it feels like a shield around me where negativity bounces off of me. Being vulnerable is good and necessary. But at some point you get to a point where your certain emotional needs reach equilibrium. Its like an old person needing less food or less sleep. Us women literally thrive on love and attention. Its what produces estrogen. But I have the strange feeling that I've transcended my biology. At 40 never wanted and never had kids and I have only ever lived the way I decided how with 0 regrets and 0 resentments to anyone because I didn't allow anyone to pick my path for me. You are doing the same and as is apparent in the comments here, you have every reason to love yourself and you are loved by the right people anyway.
Geat insights. Society has always treated the natural impulse to procreate as if it were volitional do-gooding. I deeply resent all the parents out there who talk about having children like it's this onerous horrible burden that keeps them from having a life. I always want to ask them "so you hate your own kids then? Because you're blaming them for everything you don't do and don't choose to become. " I don't know about ethical non- monogamy but as someone in a successful polyamorous family (albeit no kids) for 17 years I would point out that humanity did not live in diads for a very long time. Perhaps if people had the presence of mind to parent in groups it would be a lot harder to abuse kids. In most poly families i know it's very hard to engage abusive behavior because to quote Lincoln "you can fool some people some of the time but you can't fool all people all the time. "
You are assuming that when abuse is discovered, other adults would do something about it. But I don't think they would. They will keep their mouth shut, and go along to get along. Of course depending on power dynamics in the group. Those with more power are more likely to be abusers, and everybody else will look the other way.
@@cricketycrickets3141 i think that can be true and i've certainly seen it... Ukraine as a meta-example even... but i will also attest that being different - polyamorous for example- does tend to put pressure on ppl to investigate themselves more. I find polyamory tends to go w more self-questioning....
@@cricketycrickets3141 one other thought that is often hard for monogamous people- power dynamics are arguably a by-product of the competitive mindset that pits everyone into adversarial postures. Most unconscious family dynamics are rooted in this instinct. Polyamory is not functional in this mindset which is why most monos say they can't relate. if you tried to participate in a poly group and maintain your power you'd just be in a multiple marriage cult. That's NOT polyamory. Sexual jealousy is a stripe of competitiveness that exposes ego pre-occupations. A lot of monogamy is a defense for that.
Hey Daniel, I think you're awesome! And I'd hire you for my mom in 2 seconds flat if you ever decided to go back to working as a therapist. Thank you ❤️
I appreciate you making these videos. I don't agree with everything you say and i can't imagine how difficult it must be to be so vulnerable. But i also feel you are a bit self absorbed and too focused on how you view and experience things and how your truth is the only truth...there are other lived experiences and perspectives in this world that are different than what you believe in and still as true as your beliefs and experiences.
I don't think I've ever commented on one of your videos before, but I just wanted to hammer in one more time the fact that there are definitely people out here who appreciate all the videos you make. I am one of them, your videos are very enlightening and I find it extremely admirable how open and honest you are about so many difficult topics. Thank you, for all the videos, for all the shared wisdom and the funny moments.
Thanks Simsonico!
@ameliabateman Thanks Amelia! I appreciate your words. But I also feel quite fine if people don't comment -- though, I admit, I do like it when people do comment, because it helps me to know that real people are hearing my message. Sending you a warm hello--Daniel
@ameliabateman Yes! :)
weird the other people deleted their replies but I have watched every single video you've made except for the doctor pig series, your message is incredibly helpful and caused immense psychological transformation within me. Your videos helped me realize that I wasn't crazy, and that everything I was seeing was real. Society tried to gaslight me into thinking it wasn't.
@@dmackler58You're awesome Daniel! I don't have an equivalent thank you to give in the form of words... which has kept me from commenting. I surmise many others concur.
Thank you SO much for this channel, and for being out here. Happy New Year!
Yeah it makes me sick how my mother got compliments for being a mother. She actually was getting compliments for torturing and destroying me.
Well said ! That's exactly what happens👌☺️
Analytical deep thinkers are so hard to find in the world so I’m glad your channel exists.
Walking the path that most people avoid is a very good life choice.
"Wherever the crowd goes run in the other direction. They’re always wrong.”
- Charles Bukowski
"I am a great mother" announced my friend the other day (referring to herself). I just stunted. I see the good and the bad in her parenting but I just couldn't say anything. Afterwards I realized that my opinion is this: it is not the mother's or father's place to say whether they are good parents or not. Because ultimately it is the child who has the last word in this. And I would like to add that when the child has grown up and is somewhat conscious of his or her traumas in the family system. But of course I felt I couldn't say any of this out loud to my friend because I fear she would have taken it as my way of saying to her that she is a horrible mom.
You raise a really good point. The child’s assessment is the final exam grade with the most weight, not the parents’ social circles who gratuitously pat each other on the back and give each other awards
A lot of mothers think they are good moms I just don’t understand why they don’t say instead, “I’m trying to better myself so that I can be a good mother.” But everyone seems to be a good mother or father or friend or sibling when in reality is that really the truth?
@@annmarie6870 yeah, i would only really trust parents who are open to learning and bettering themselves...even then, i've seen people using the phrase "i'm trying" as an excuse to never really try. Actions and results will always speak the loudest. It's all so sad
@@annmarie6870 yes, this is an excellent point! Being a parent doesn't mean living in a vacuum. Parents set up an example for their children too on how they treat other people (or talk about other people when they are not around) or themselves, as an examples.
@@Sketch_Sesh yes exactly. And I feel like what you described of patting each other's backs on stuff like these is the norm that we are living in, unfortunately. And seeing the world like Daniel or us supporting these kinds of ideas is sometimes so lonely because it is so on the marginal.
As a single person with no kids your videos have profoundly helped shape my values more so than any professor, professional, or adult figure. I am soon to be in the second year of my MSW program and I am taking your lessons with me on this adventure to further help and understand others, including myself. Thank you for your brute honesty, because it has so truly shined a light in my path and helped me heal myself and the world. When you expressed the anguish making these videos put you through, I was reminded that only the best things in my life have come to fruition from the struggle. I hope you continue to shine your light and be yourself, unabashedly. Thank you so much Daniel.
Good luck to you! 👍😄
Yes, good luck Jonathan!
You deserve to have so many more likes and positive comments on this video then you so far do.
You're speaking the truth no one wants to admit.
Something I have realized for a long time--.
That society is ritually invested in procreation but that what happens after that--; is what they completly turn their heads away from--.
Thank You--.
Daniel I feel in a lot of way my upbringing was similar. My parents didn’t get divorced until I was 20. It devastated me for years because they were to preoccupied hurting and controlling each other.
I realized I never had a childhood and was really never spoken to for more than 5 minutes.
I couldn’t even have a conversation and didn’t know what it was until I was in my mid 20’s. Scary to think about.
How parents are more concerned about their own self image and getting compliments from others, before their own child.
I was forced to play sports at 5 years old I quit at 15 because I realized my dad never spoke to me, like you said he just wanted compliments from other parents about how good I was doing but never told me.
Instead of telling me how good I was doing he would give me 1 or $2 per goal I scored.
It felt so empty inside getting $6 after a game, I just wanted my dad to talk to me.
@ Vlog City : wow. that is extreme.
your story is quite touching, are you ok?
@@viktoriab4293 thank you for taking the time to read and respond. yes im doing much better now to a point i am self sufficient. with my own home land and Dog.
I'm working through my past day by day. i am getting great enjoyment from reflection and improving on the developmental milestones i missed out on as a child.
ive chosen a life of freedom, reflection, solitude and joy. i hope your doing well in your own life, thanks again for being concerned i appreciate it.
@@vlogcity1111 I'm glad to hear that 🤗
Im so sorry😥.Wishing you find comfort and happiness. Sending lots of love ❤️
There is a society beneath the surface that really appreciates you embraces your existence.
I agree, its a crime to be mentally healthy, or thats how it feels in society sometimes
💯
"love-magnet" lolol. My sister was 13 when I was born, and she got judgement when she would push me around the neighborhood in a stroller. Elderly women would be like "so young, and already had a baby?" :))
Lol Jeez. Why would someone think that?
@@annmarie6870 because parents dumping their responsibility on the other child, instead of handling it themselves, did not occur to people who want to believe that all parents are awesome parents.
@@annmarie6870 well it was not totally unheard of for a teenager to have a child, this was East Europe in the late 80s before the fall of communism. In the countryside especially a lot of girls married at 15-16.
It’s okay not to want kids it’s usually those who have kids that usually asked, “are you married? Do you have any children?” Especially when I was attending church.
I think it's ok for people to ask do you have children, may be just easy small talk. But if they ask why not, that's too deep of a conversation topic for someone you just met. If someone asks why you didn't have children, just ask them why they did.
I can totally relate!
One thing I don't agree about is relationships. I would say, having a relationship is always hard, regardless of mono or poly, especially because most people are not healed enough. so all those feelings of jealousy, anxiety, competition, needing the other to compensate for something... all that comes up. It comes up in mono and poly relationships and people in both would do better not having children.
But when you heal, all these things dissolve: you don't need to "own" or "control" a partner anymore. You don't need to fear abandonment from them, you don't need them to compensate for something. You don't need to force them into some behaviour or try to be in a certain way so they still like you.
And then, at least that's what I experienced and what also seems logical to me: jealousy disappears as well as the need to impose rules upon the other person like who they are allowed to have sex with or feelings for. Being healed more means being able to meet others on an equal footing and even being able to feel joy and excitement for them when they get to know someone else who they like.
Also I think, monogamy as a norm petrifies the very family system that is so much screwed, because it is a little realm for itself where no other has access to and all that happens to the children there will not be seen by anyone else. Also, monogamy teaches children jealousy and possessive mentality towards persons from the very beginning. That is not to say that polyamorous relationships are automatically better. There are very screwed poly or open relationships as well and they definitely traumatize their children too when they have any.
I would bet parents "love" their kids while they're cute little babies, and when the kid hits the age where saying "no" is an option, Mommy and Daddy can turn real dark.
Society can’t deal with negative emotions. They only ever want you when it doesn’t make them ‘feel’ bad.
people obsessive with babies like they obsessive with new gadgets and iphone because they view both as objects to use
Wowwwwwww
I found my guru!!! I feel like you Daniel, totally! Thank you soooo much for doing this. You're such an inspiration; I no longer feel alone in my thoughts. Thank you for your analysis and honesty. For risking your reputation in this thick society to share your views! I wish we could be friends!!!🍎Greetings from England!
Thank YOU!!
I sometimes feel that I am the only one I this world who took the red pill. It make me feel very lonely. Your channel make me think I am not and hope that someday I will find and connect with like minded people... Thank you for sharing all of this with us, this is truely healing.
Your videos and experiences, your voice, is inspiring. I have been so shut down after speaking the truth, even in a calm, boundaried way. My elderly parents are cruel, self centered. Society now = my family of origin. Despair, yes. I think despair makes sense rather than bearing teeth. Thank you. Emotions were pathologised in the revolting family i come from, sociopathic father, malignant borderline mother.
Oh gosh I’m so sorry your father was a sociopath that’s awful to have to go through.
@@annmarie6870 thanks. He's 80 now, though it seems like he has been turning 80 for the last 15 years
The results of this are 3 children (myself, and 2 significantly older ones): my sister: dead. My brother: a sick amalgamation of both my parents. Sister and brother, 4 years apart. I come along 11 years later. They never were parents. Ever. Can't think of one moment of feeling empathy from them, care, love .... of course, their interpretation would be different.. Although i have a feeling they've just had to change their stripes and completely victim playing. They terrorized me into near death, 2 years ago this May, denied it ever happened. The interference in myself and my late sisters life (whom i love and miss), is staggering and stomach dropping.
@@erockfreedom6399 So sorry this happened to you!
You are so very lovable Daniel, appreciated and admired.
I feel less alone when I watch your videos. I feel understood and seen. Thank you.
It's true that we take their rejection and hate, but there is no other way. This is the right way, no matter how hard it is. Thank you again for this great video! 💜
The courage it takes to walk the path of truth and stand and speak from your truth is from my opinion the path of Christ or Buddha or yogi teachings and I believe that it is laden w/n each of us. Yet so few walk it. Not in a religious way but deeply personal and spiritual in the true nature of who we all are when truly connected.
When you go within and are open to Self you are supporting and awakening this precious truth to humanity and I honor you.
You are like an oasis for my healing journey and I thank you. Please keep sharing. Keep questioning and keep honoring your truth.
We accept you.
And I understand that you’re hard not so much on your parents and the denials that keep people getting along in life, but challenging the mindset that keep us all stuck and the ostracism it creates when we reject it.
~ Stay golden ~
Love and light to you Daniel!
💗✨🪷
I had a child before I knew or understood the severity of my traumas and after I had him I realized why I shouldn't have anymore especially due to the current state of affairs, all I can do is learn and continue to heal and be a better mother for him for the time we have left.
Lol life of some relationships apparently one person trying to control the other. My ex tried so hard to be good at this and yet would get mad at me when I’d raise my voice. “None of my other friends do this” was his reply. Yeah because you don’t ask questions like I’m in the court room. People are a million times better off just being friends it’s okay to end any relationship as long as the person that is getting dumped isn’t going to go crazy. I won’t date anymore though or get married or have kids and I’m okay with that.
Life (living) can be so difficult. Why do people risk bringing children into this awful inhumane structure? Seems very selfish on procreators part, like they “know” it’s best. For whom?
It's wonderful to hear someone speak their truth and not just say what will benefit them in some way. Your level of emotional intelligence always amazes me, and I highly appreciate your courage and authenticity!
No, Daniel, We SEE YOU! I love your videos!!!!!
Daniel,
Your work matters.
The truth is dangerous to anyone who tells it. It doesn't matter how you say what most wish to deny, the outcome is the same. This the hardest road and for those of us working our own paths it is a relief to listen to you to hear the validation that the world denies us. (Round my way we call it bush slashing ie carving a path where none existed before). With gratitude and respect, Sarah
Your level of awareness never seizes to amaze me, societal acceptance and approval and being a standard sick “normal” person vs being a rebel to senseless norms, I would always choose being the rebel. You might be the most healthy type of rebel I know, others are either self-harming, aggressive or delusional. Your determination of following the truth and having the bravery to realize and analyse the truth is wonderful. It’s like emotional slavery to have to engage with parents after 18 when it isn’t preferred, really happy to see you get out of this harmful family system and being in a nurturing trusting relationship with yourself. I can understand it’s really tough to find similarly aware people to be a family with and isn’t as necessary without the need for bowing down to societal pressures. In the upcoming centuries I would bet family systems will change permenantly, the reason people are looking for different ways like open relations is I think because there’s lawful and fundemantal issues around how families run in our days. Thank you Daniel for a thought-provoking video ☺️❄️
this open relationhip thing is a joke, people are lying to themelves, its like a who will swerve first when it comes to admitting love and need of love
Thank you, for articulating what I wanted to say to the world, for voicing my heart and soul, for validating my thoughts; my whole being and especially for letting me know I am not alone in this. Thanks
We the truth seeing/feeling ones, greatly appreciate your videos Dan. It means we are not alone in these corrupted world.
Thanks for sharing your corpus of knowledge with the rest of us. Those who seek will find it. In my case YT suggestion algorithm guided me, based on my previous watch history of related topics.
Shooting the messanger… You are loved Daniel. The energy you pour into these videos bears fruit in peoples’ lives. We are genetically designed to crave societal acceptance. Gaining our OWN acceptance through understanding self, feels pretty darn good in itself.
Perfect timing. I was dating a guy who wanted open relationship. As soon as I found out, I ended. Amazing that this timing is perfect. And now I weed out everyone who wants open or enm relationships!
You saved my life, Daniel.
Virtual hugs to you. I resonate with every single word. I’m a therapist and…surprise surprise….a trauma survivor. It takes so much to go against the grain. You are not alone. You are heard. You are appreciated.
Thanks! Daniel
Thank you! From Sweden the world needs more People like you!
Nice…water for the plant in me.
It would be nice to say even more, a whole hour on this topic. Including everything, social media, images, billboards, advertisements, every little unhealthy thing there is created by society that is passed as a “norm” alcoholism is the one I dislike the most. The sufferings of the dependence on alcohol over American veterans and civilians is just sickening.
What I have noticed is that society will reject people for not having kids and for taking a different and more enlightened path but life will reward those for making better decisions. I see now that people who decided to have kids pay the price for that when they're not outside getting complements from strangers. They face reality alone behind closed doors. Life rewards good decisions like Daniel said in one of the videos.
Just love you!!!!!!!!! I hope you exercise or go on long walks. I've never had kids,never been married,am 57 so I relate to you on everything. I just have to go on my long walks everyday to stay centered. I walk with small weights. Love all your videos!!!!!!
ياخي قسم بالله انك رهيب
انا طول عمري وانا رافض اني انجر ورا المجتمع ولازم ادرس خطواتي وافهم كل شيء ليش اسويه وصلت للقناعة حقتك هذي وتاكدت وايقنت انه هي الحقيقة والقطعه الناقصه وللاسف حسيت بعد ماوصلت للحقيقة اني الوحيد اللي مستوعب هالشيء وكل ماحاولت اقنع اي احد بهالفكرة يجيني رفض قوي وغير منطقي من المجتمع حسيت بالنبذ افهم الحياة والوضع اللي قاعد تعيشه مبسوط اني لقيت قناتك لاني كنت متعطش لاحد يفهم ويشوف اللي انا اشوفه
I have been ultra blessed in that, since I was a child, I never cared what "the public" thinks about me, much to my parents' consternation. Of course, I can perceive others' judging as they do, but it is clear any criticism is always about them because it's their own projection of their SELF-criticism. Life is too short to care what anyone else thinks about you.
Some years ago I did an interview to become a social worker. I talked about how you needed a licence to own a dog.... Needless to say I wasn't offered a place on the MSW...
You dont need to be accepted, you only need to be loved. Being accepted means that you are what another person wants you to be like, being love means that they like the way you are.
You are real and honest, do keep updating the videos and we're there all the time.
Forever grateful for you. Your impact is huge and will continue to be. You are doing such important work. I strive to be as courageous as you! The truth is medicine and you are a healer, Daniel! Enjoy being alive, enjoy nature, peace be upon you ☀️🏞
I look forward to the masses healing.
Dude, I love your videos and honesty.
Simple as that 🙌
Thank you for telling the truth. Your messages help me feel less alone in this society. Your personal sacrifice and bravery are so appreciated ❤️ Deepest gratitude!!
This is SO GOOD!!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏
+ an extra reflection to what you already discussed, it's especially frustrating how much kudos dads (or just being a man being with a child) get just for doing 5 mins of the work a mother does all the time without any praise or attention. It's a very dishonest and inconsistent world, and definitely not a meritocracy on any level. + Being a "more acceptable parent" doesn't lead to as much acceptance as other parents, it leads to *less acceptance* than a "normal parent" and it's really difficult work, as you say. Going against the tide is always difficult. I hope the tide is genuinely turning ❤❤❤❤
You are fantastic Daniel - it gives me so much listening to your ideas, confirms my own experiences of working with traumatised men who had been violent in prison, in addiction and in mental health. ...we desperately need mirrors when we are being scapegoated for telling the truth and yours is such a wonderful authentic voice, not in the wilderness although I imagine it feels like that. I think the biggest issue is isolation and whilst I have to pull out of being a therapist to heal, I see that groups which help people heal together would make that process of recovery so much easier and less alone. You are running a kind of online group here which clearly has attracted people - 11000 on my screen here. Anyway thank you - it's an incredible contribution and I hope social acceptance comes sooner than after your death so you get to bask in the sunlight.
Keep it up daniel, i FUCKING LOVE THE RAWNESS OF THE VIDEO
I feel happy and relieved watching your videos.
Thanks for making these Daniel. Idk if it's necessarily worth it to take this "hard road," but it's very nice to hear from someone who has. It's comforting to hear that others are on this path. Not many are willing to share their difficulties the way you do. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for your work and efforts in making these videos ❤️
Hi Daniel! i just wanted to salute you for being true, it's very brave and very strong of you. Then I also wanted to share some thoughts on this subject; it's true that many people live in denial and don't make an effort to heal in any way, but don't be too upset about that, it's just the way of life that some people are comfortable lying to themselves and not sending truth and love to others, just try your best to ignore them, they don't deserve your time and energy. Also I would add that not every family system is a failure, some make it work pretty well actually, so there is hope i think
I've really appreciated your videos, thank you.
brilliant video Daniel. Thank you for what you are doing, you help me feel that there are a group of people that really get it. By far the hardest, bravest thing I've done is face up to my horrible upbringing, discover my real feelings. It's been terrifying, but it was better that the depressive cycle i'd been in. Only people who have faced up to their truth are interested, otherwise most belong to the society of denial. I can see their desperation to get away from me when I tell them my truth. I've learned to edit it out of the day to day stuff, while not denying my own pain. Please keep on doing what you're doing.
Wow, Daniel.... thank you so mush for expressing so honestly everything you share in all your wonderful videos... so greatly appreciated, much love to you
This is huge stuff Daniel. YOu're doing a world of good. Thank you
Hey Daniel! Takes alot of courage to express the truth. Each video of yours that I view validates my own experience. I greatly appreciate your willingness to put your self out here and risk negative responses from those who are not conscious of their own trauma. I can see how stressful this is for you and admire your allegiance to the Truth. The Truth sets us free irregardless of how painful it can be! Thank you 🙏
I think it was very refreshing to hear the human behind all this excellent content you create. I recognize myself very much in this description and benefit from the reflection you give me.
I just wanted to say that for a teacher it is not only important to learn the taught subject but also to learn how to stay healthy oneself while teaching and how to best convey the subject.
While listening to this I thought about the analogy you made in a recent video about the male bird that died in the process of feeding his family. I hope you keep this in mind yourself, Daniel, because it is sometimes difficult to remember. If you don't get a strong feeling after making a video that it feels good overall then maybe it is a sign that you need to take a break and care for yourself for a while. Remember to only give your surplus to others.
Love your work, it has certainly helped me
Thank you so much for the efforts you make to do these videos with your raw honesty and analysis from your knowledge and experience. So much value, it helps me to breathe in this fake wolrd with no desire of depth and truth, I suffocate so much on earth, thank you for helping me breathing...
This is so spot on. “Real man” is so weaponized. Its using shame to make people conform.
I really love your videos Daniel. I see these things everywhere I go. People call me weird and a variety of other names all the time. Until I'm living alone, I am in frequent despair also. I'd love to have a drink with you or just hang out some day.
Proud of you for helping others (your babies) not feel so alone. Xo
This was such an eloquent breath of fresh air, an amazing video I hope more [people see.
This actually really helps me , i enjoy watching you. I like u so much .
Hi Daniel, I appreciate your videos, and you as a person. I feel a deep safety in hearing your commitment to facing the truth. Lucy
Thank you, Daniel! 💓
To be fair though open relationships really isn't cheating, because cheating comes down to a breaking contract over the nature of the arrangement. If one consented to an open relationship setup, then they did do so, even if they feel they got the short end of the stick in it
Your videos are life changing for me
I can dig it! Right on brother. I feel you. I appreciate your voice.
Iappreciate your videos and I have learned some amazing information from them.
Hi Daniel, I'm about your age, but I'm sure there are many young people here listening to you who are sort of your children, because you are more competent and knowledgeable than their own parents, therefore you are the one who is teaching them about life!
I love you David, and what you are doing.
I get the alienation when people don´t get you´re lifestile.
I also get that you find it hypocritical of people who are "in the club" that they are just so nice to parents and little children and stuff, but here´s why I do what you describe, me, being just as much of a seeker as you:
I see a child and I see it´s aliveness, it´s joy and it´s potential and I encounter it with love and joy as a response to that, which I see (and sometimes I have to push myself a little bit to get this energy up rather than the resentful "I hate children most of all" part, which I am honest enough to notice in myself and to contain it to a certain degree). And then, being full of love and joy and being remembered of that alive parts in myself (sometimes really painful as well) I look at the parent sometimes and I just look at them. They don´t necessarily make me any more happy than other people but I am still filled with the joy over the child and so I just share it with them by showing them my joy over their child (altough I am waay too shy to actually start talking to them).
And so I wonder, according to you, would it be better if I not do that or if I should stop doing that if I ever choose to have children? I mean I just don´t think it´s going to make the world a better place if people weren´t nice to parents and children. Rather, the positive energy towards the parents is also good for the children, as that makes the parents healthier and feeling better overall. And I don´t see that that´s bad.
I wish, I wish, other people could understand your way of living better, I get it, as much as anyone might, but you know, Daniel, people don´t even get when I eat just a little differently than them, AT ALL, and they CAN´t accept it, no wonder, there´s no way they could understand someone who has a completely different ethics than them, who sees the world from so many more perspectives than them. And if they don´t get it yet, well, if they ever choose that path, they will grow to understand, and if not...well, I wouldn´t consider them people very capable of judging people like us anyway, altough it is always important to listen.
Thanks for helping me in ways I never expected.
All your videos are great 👍
Yes, Daniel, yes! :(
Your videos are some of ours reasons to love you.
I've never cared for societal acceptance and desensitized myself to societal rejection from an early age, but interestingly not through dissociation. I truly do not care if most people don't like me. It does nothing to my self esteem. I love myself so much that it feels like a shield around me where negativity bounces off of me. Being vulnerable is good and necessary. But at some point you get to a point where your certain emotional needs reach equilibrium. Its like an old person needing less food or less sleep. Us women literally thrive on love and attention. Its what produces estrogen. But I have the strange feeling that I've transcended my biology. At 40 never wanted and never had kids and I have only ever lived the way I decided how with 0 regrets and 0 resentments to anyone because I didn't allow anyone to pick my path for me.
You are doing the same and as is apparent in the comments here, you have every reason to love yourself and you are loved by the right people anyway.
Daniel, thank you!
Geat insights. Society has always treated the natural impulse to procreate as if it were volitional do-gooding. I deeply resent all the parents out there who talk about having children like it's this onerous horrible burden that keeps them from having a life. I always want to ask them "so you hate your own kids then? Because you're blaming them for everything you don't do and don't choose to become. "
I don't know about ethical non- monogamy but as someone in a successful polyamorous family (albeit no kids) for 17 years I would point out that humanity did not live in diads for a very long time. Perhaps if people had the presence of mind to parent in groups it would be a lot harder to abuse kids. In most poly families i know it's very hard to engage abusive behavior because to quote Lincoln "you can fool some people some of the time but you can't fool all people all the time. "
Right?
You are assuming that when abuse is discovered, other adults would do something about it. But I don't think they would. They will keep their mouth shut, and go along to get along. Of course depending on power dynamics in the group. Those with more power are more likely to be abusers, and everybody else will look the other way.
@@darcyroyce lol
@@cricketycrickets3141 i think that can be true and i've certainly seen it... Ukraine as a meta-example even... but i will also attest that being different - polyamorous for example- does tend to put pressure on ppl to investigate themselves more. I find polyamory tends to go w more self-questioning....
@@cricketycrickets3141 one other thought that is often hard for monogamous people- power dynamics are arguably a by-product of the competitive mindset that pits everyone into adversarial postures. Most unconscious family dynamics are rooted in this instinct. Polyamory is not functional in this mindset which is why most monos say they can't relate. if you tried to participate in a poly group and maintain your power you'd just be in a multiple marriage cult. That's NOT polyamory. Sexual jealousy is a stripe of competitiveness that exposes ego pre-occupations. A lot of monogamy is a defense for that.
Hey Daniel, I think you're awesome! And I'd hire you for my mom in 2 seconds flat if you ever decided to go back to working as a therapist. Thank you ❤️
Thankyou brilliant.. hope you gone to New Zealand on your travels xxxx
Alas, I’ve never been to New Zealand! Maybe someday- I’d love to go!
Enough babies already.
Are you lost or just a troll 🥸
Enough baby-ing
Love this. Your sharing my story and feelings. Thanks for speaking your truth, authenticity and vulnerability. Side note: your adorable btw
FINALLY SOMEONE WHO GETS IT!!!!
Thank you for this
I do get you and very much appreciate your videos
Thank you so much.❤
Thanks Daniel. It helps.
Great video
Thanks for sharing
I appreciate you making these videos. I don't agree with everything you say and i can't imagine how difficult it must be to be so vulnerable. But i also feel you are a bit self absorbed and too focused on how you view and experience things and how your truth is the only truth...there are other lived experiences and perspectives in this world that are different than what you believe in and still as true as your beliefs and experiences.