How to Make Them Call and Text You Every Day

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  • čas přidán 20. 07. 2022
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Komentáře • 1,2K

  • @Xianne027
    @Xianne027 Před rokem +4669

    "It's on you if you mistake my vulnerability for desperation"
    That's a mindset I want to keep in mind. 👍

    • @gwortman3515
      @gwortman3515 Před rokem +99

      Problem being men usually don't care about vulnerability and they are the desperate ones, not the lady, but it's blamed on the lady in a masculine driven society. Keep smiling.

    • @scottstewart8737
      @scottstewart8737 Před rokem +20

      Too much vulnerability is desperation

    • @beaglesrfun5896
      @beaglesrfun5896 Před rokem +30

      @@scottstewart8737 ???

    • @melody0007
      @melody0007 Před rokem +6

      This. I am keeping this forever.

    • @CarolinaCasares
      @CarolinaCasares Před rokem +31

      Showing yourself as you are is also a sign of being mature, if the person doesn’t meet me three is his problem not mine

  • @hsgjkhagljkh
    @hsgjkhagljkh Před rokem +5564

    That's how I treat all relationships. I'm proactive about taking the next step towards that potential friend/partner. But I do it with a more "experimental" mindset. So if they don't take a step forward, no big deal, I take that step backward (or end the connection). Casual friends stay casual. Distracted men lose my interest. I don't pay attention to what they say to me when we're together (or on social media). I observe their behavior: do they initiate a text conversation, do they invite me over/out, do they ask me about something I told them the last time we were together. If they're not making an effort, then I don't waste anytime on them.

    • @kaoshi_kutie
      @kaoshi_kutie Před rokem +55

      This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    • @KA-ub4rc
      @KA-ub4rc Před rokem +53

      Awesome mindset 💯💞

    • @emmagalvin3254
      @emmagalvin3254 Před rokem +143

      I do the same and i always felt superior or above getting hurt, i thought i was winning at dating. I am still single though so the joke is on me. I want the real deal but I think I've wasted too much time toying or judging people based on little things instead of focusing on the big picture....

    • @hsgjkhagljkh
      @hsgjkhagljkh Před rokem +258

      @@emmagalvin3254 I don't view the people in my life with judgment but with empathy and acceptance for who they are. In the past I use to try too hard, which is an awful, devaluing practice. Now I stop just before or as soon as I cross that emotional boundary. It's not out of fear or arrogance (which is just concealed insecurity), my boundaries come from confidence, self-care, and practicality. I've worked incredibly hard on myself and only want my inner circle to be people who value me. So I won't waste time on people who don't value me. It's fine if they don't like me "enough." There are plenty of people I don't like enough. That's just being human. I try to keep my heart, mind, and time free so I'm available and proactive to meeting the right people.

    • @vixenvalenzuela
      @vixenvalenzuela Před rokem +33

      Yes, exactly ! And it works perfectly, I’ve done this too

  • @shesqueen_esther
    @shesqueen_esther Před rokem +934

    "If your truest version of yourself is not right for someone, then they're not right for you".

    • @dolapoojagbuwa6466
      @dolapoojagbuwa6466 Před rokem +2

    • @santiagoaraiza8530
      @santiagoaraiza8530 Před rokem +8

      I’ll add more on that.
      If your truest version of yourself is not for someone, then they’re not right for you; at the moment. Moment meaning wrong time, wrong place, or just, circumstances.
      Time - age for example
      Place- location for an example
      Circumstances - they probably have a responsibility, that could damage the relationship naturally. For example if someone wants to move. But the other person wants to stay. Maybe having a responsibility on keeping their job for example that they’ve removed to a different location.

    • @trynatural23
      @trynatural23 Před 3 měsíci +6

      I LOVE THIS THINKING! I’m not going to feel ashamed for HOW I love. Just move on to someone who appreciates HOW I LOVE❤

    • @sweetcutey7318
      @sweetcutey7318 Před 2 měsíci

      Thank you! was going have to relisten cause I was trying to remember this exact statement lol

    • @ajayraho
      @ajayraho Před 2 měsíci

      GREAT THOUGHTS ✨

  • @Denzeb
    @Denzeb Před rokem +101

    I actually feel like I did the right thing. I asked a guy out for a second date last Monday. He said yes. And then Tuesday I asked if Saturday worked for him. Didn´t hear from him since then, so a friend of mine asked me out to go have drinks with her on Saturday, I waited until Friday to confirm and because he hadn't replied yet. I got annoyed and said yes to her. This guy appeared Friday night saying Saturday worked fine for him. And now I just told him I made other plans because he took 5 days to confirm. I still don't know what he will reply but even though I really like him I'm tired of being a doormat and waiting for guys to confirm a stupid date. I won't postpone other plans because of you.

    • @Madison-jm4cb
      @Madison-jm4cb Před 6 měsíci +14

      Smart. Even 2 days is lots of time to wait. Snooze you lose

    • @cayennesinivassinel6977
      @cayennesinivassinel6977 Před 15 dny +1

      I have learned that busy people are not into phones like we are....question the individual without projecting your views on them😊

    • @valkyrie_592
      @valkyrie_592 Před 7 dny

      ​@@cayennesinivassinel6977Thats very true. Calling someone out in polite and friendly way, might actually work

    • @SnowLeopardForever
      @SnowLeopardForever Před 7 dny

      @@cayennesinivassinel6977Nope. That is an excuse. I had a “friend” do a similar thing.
      I asked if she could get together for an event. I asked on a Thursday morning, the event was the next week on a Saturday. I waited 3 days didn’t hear anything so I called to ask, she didn’t respond. Then on the Friday before the event (on a Saturday) I texted and asked, again no response from her.
      So I went to the event alone.
      TWO WEEKS LATER, she calls me and says sorry, she had decided to go to Chicago with her family on that day and was busy. Yet she COULDN’T bother to call nor text and let me know. I ended the friendship. One of the best decisions I ever made.
      From my life experiences with others, PEOPLE WHO USE BEING BUSY AS AN EXCUSE ARE SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE. They are using “being busy” to get away with doing and saying all kinds of rude, selfish and inconsiderate things. They know that if they say they are “busy” it gives them a shield to get away with all kinds of shady things.
      In this day and age of the different ways to communicate and how easy it is, THERE IS NO EXCUSE.

    • @SnowLeopardForever
      @SnowLeopardForever Před 7 dny

      @@cayennesinivassinel6977​​⁠Nope. That is an excuse. I had a “friend” do a similar thing.
      I asked if she could get together for an event. I asked on a Thursday, the event was the next week on a Saturday. I waited 3 days didn’t hear anything so I called to ask, she didn’t respond. Then on the Friday before the event (on a Saturday) I texted and asked, again no response from her.
      So I went to the event alone.
      TWO WEEKS LATER, she calls me and says sorry, she had decided to got to Chicago with her family on that day. Yet she COULDN’T bother to call nor text and let me know. I ended the friendship.
      From my life experiences with others, PEOPLE WHO USE BEING BUSY AS AN EXCUSE ARE SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE. They using “being busy” to get away with doing and saying all kinds of rude, selfish and inconsiderate things.
      In this day and age of it being easy to communicate in so many different ways, people who use “being busy” are using it as a shield to do and say all kinds of shady things.

  • @loomonda18
    @loomonda18 Před rokem +2256

    Always comes down to a very simple thing as well, and I find it never fails: if someone wants to be with you, they will do everything they can to be with you. You won't have any doubts.

    • @grabbelton
      @grabbelton Před rokem +110

      That's what my stalker did 😱🤷🏻‍♀️

    • @loomonda18
      @loomonda18 Před rokem +13

      @@grabbelton HAahahhaha

    • @nolanerunner1
      @nolanerunner1 Před rokem +45

      Unless they’re shy

    • @amdjoy251
      @amdjoy251 Před rokem +1

      Shoot yes! Now slap that into me!!! Please 🙏 😢

    • @Pink-fx8qb
      @Pink-fx8qb Před rokem +25

      I agreed. When they not want to be with you don’t want to commit they’ll give you a bunch of excuses

  • @stephaniemcadie6786
    @stephaniemcadie6786 Před rokem +952

    As a 64 yo woman - I can guarantee Matthew is giving you all a BIG head start - I have wasted so many years being quiet, and waiting for the other person to lead. I recently reached out by making it very clear to a guy that I liked him - leaving the ball in his court. I have not heard from him again - but I am not left wondering "what if".

    • @janety7264
      @janety7264 Před rokem +22

      😘 hugs 🤗

    • @IndieCindy3
      @IndieCindy3 Před rokem +65

      I’ve done this three times now in my 35 years of life. Getting rejected has stung, I’m not going to lie, but never having to wonder “what if?” is so wonderful. It would kill me with each of them constantly wondering if they were just too shy or hesitating for some reason; knowing that they didn’t want to reciprocate my feelings freed me up.

    • @PossumLover1111
      @PossumLover1111 Před rokem +13

      Thank you for your post, Stephanie. I'm 65 and I need to learn this lesson. I wait for them to lead and once there's an established something there, then I'm a bit braver but sometimes that scares them off as they just assumed I was not one who leads and they can't accept that perhaps I can at times.

    • @hortensejones4050
      @hortensejones4050 Před rokem +19

      Very helpful. In my 60’s abt to Re-enter dating world for first time in yikes 48!!!! years. Refreshingly new to think I can be out there and wait….or wonder what if? Thank you and best wishes 🌷

    • @Deb_deCoder
      @Deb_deCoder Před rokem

      You old haggards still get men !! What kind of men are they !!

  • @barbarawinslow6895
    @barbarawinslow6895 Před rokem +449

    People just need to chill and stop over analyzing relationships, especially early on. Bottom line is, if he's not paying attention to you, he's not into you. Invest time on yourself and the right person will come along...or not. Be happy on your own.

    • @TheLunablackheart
      @TheLunablackheart Před rokem +34

      It's nice to say that and I think a lot of people wish they could just do that, but the problems are when feelings are involved. When you actually like the person, you'll try to make it work and read into little things to fill in the gaps that they're leaving.

    • @barbarawinslow6895
      @barbarawinslow6895 Před rokem +9

      @@TheLunablackheart I understand. However, these videos usually center around brand new relationships. There shouldn't be much emotion involved in the beginning. Projection, maybe.

    • @XoXo475
      @XoXo475 Před rokem +1

      What if I’m ALWAYS the one to initiate contact and it’s her that will leave it all day without texting ME?

    • @barbarawinslow6895
      @barbarawinslow6895 Před rokem +4

      @@XoXo475 then she's not into you

    • @anonymousanonymous-cy6ut
      @anonymousanonymous-cy6ut Před rokem

      @@XoXo475 Then she is probably playing hard to get or, more likely, she is just super busy a lot and forgets because at this point you are not YET a priority. I know I am that way because I have a demanding job. The guy I have been seeing off and on for years (I keep moving out of state an back) is the same way. He will literally responding to a text from the night before at 5:00 pm and say he literally just saw it. I know he likes me but a lot of girls would wonder by his sometimes pokiness. But, like me, he works a ton of hours because he is a vice president and has a lot going on. Don't listen to barabrawinslow. My daughter is engaged to be married to a guy and she let him do all the chasing. I bet if she hadn't they wouldn't have ended up falling in love the way they did!!! You said, "all day." People are working during the day.

  • @hannahhardy7557
    @hannahhardy7557 Před rokem +172

    I modelled instead of mirroring after 5 dates. He wasn't capable of giving me anymore so I went forward and met a great guy who makes it easy to stay in touch. 😘

  • @gb-204
    @gb-204 Před rokem +1278

    'You are mistaking my vulnerability for desperation' love this part! Thank you!

    • @ramparkash2318
      @ramparkash2318 Před rokem +1

      Giulia BarberaAr.. Are you saying ture.?

    • @Vepporizer
      @Vepporizer Před rokem

      Actually surprised about the amount of women watching these videos

    • @ericsohn9133
      @ericsohn9133 Před 7 měsíci

      @@Vepporizer Mat is a handsome lad

  • @iamwonderfullymade
    @iamwonderfullymade Před rokem +284

    I’m sorry, if a man is not actively pursuing me in the early dating stages after I’ve opened the door for him to do so, I will interpret that as him not being interested and move on to other men in my rotation.

    • @nush8528
      @nush8528 Před rokem +13

      I think you need to see more than 1 rather than 1 by 1 because if it's still early he's probably doing that too.

    • @kristykay4221
      @kristykay4221 Před rokem +49

      I'm the opposite. If I've just met a guy, I don't expect them to be actively pursuing me. Why would they, we just met, they don't know how awesome I am, and vice versa. I've found the actively pursuing part happens after a few months of casual dating.

    • @factsondeck1552
      @factsondeck1552 Před rokem +21

      Read your comment. If you were a man would you want to be with a woman like you ?

    • @ptrsrfns
      @ptrsrfns Před rokem +17

      You sound entitled and demanding. If there is true attraction between two people it just happens and there are no expectations or "rules". I don't think you would say the same thing if you truley liked a guy.

    • @nush8528
      @nush8528 Před rokem

      @XLR 8 only a guy will comment like this...none thinks mem are dogs just because you chase a little, if men are dogs then that means women shouldn't chase either right? You're immature and clearly needn't bother commenting if that's your comment. Uneducated and clearly poorly brought up!

  • @costelloandlizzievolk2233
    @costelloandlizzievolk2233 Před rokem +924

    I think people need to just relax and be themselves. Some people are more proactive and talkative than others. But if you feel like you’re chasing, doing all the work and it doesn’t feel good to you, then let them go, focus on your life and move on. 😊

    • @carlosverde-datingtips7001
      @carlosverde-datingtips7001 Před rokem +22

      Personal Development is one of the best things you can do for yourself - because, we as human beings, we’re supposed to embrace growth!
      So make sure you find your Purpose in life - whatever it might be, and work on it daily, and continue to make progress, because progress is - really the key to happiness.
      But don’t do it for any girl or guy, make sure you’re doing it for yourself - and just be happy!
      Anyway, that’s my two cents.
      -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips

    • @raginisharma9302
      @raginisharma9302 Před rokem +20

      Actually this is very tricky to spot especially when one is emotionally invested in the relationship that’s why it’s important to use the mind along with the heart. Actions are so important to watch here to really see the situation for what it is. And this is where we get confused so we start lying to ourselves… may be this … may be that.We are too scared to accept what we really see. But sooner or later, this would uncover so better to do it now than linger it on.

    • @costelloandlizzievolk2233
      @costelloandlizzievolk2233 Před rokem +5

      @@raginisharma9302 for sure. Always important to be yourself and be aware of the other persons actions:)

    • @costelloandlizzievolk2233
      @costelloandlizzievolk2233 Před rokem +2

      @@carlosverde-datingtips7001 so true!:)

    • @carlosverde-datingtips7001
      @carlosverde-datingtips7001 Před rokem +2

      @@costelloandlizzievolk2233 thanks! I appreciate it.

  • @tammylinforeman
    @tammylinforeman Před 6 měsíci +23

    When you risk rejection
    You gain direction
    It's a form of protection
    So you don't get caught
    Being someone you're not

  • @punimirle4493
    @punimirle4493 Před rokem +357

    That's a beautiful thought: 'When I am the best version of myself meaning act in a way that I am proud of myself, I don't have to fear someone elses reaction. Because I am at peace.'
    That thought itself gives me already peace.

  • @amyitis
    @amyitis Před rokem +163

    This just confirmed what I was feeling with a current potential relationship. I've been modeling the behavior I want to get back (asking about him, keeping conversations going, calling him, etc) but he doesn't give it back. I communicated my concerns but no changed behavior. Now I'm in the mirroring phase and he isn't hearing much from me, and he wonders why I don't reach out to him. He expresses interest, sends me a good morning text and makes an effort to spend time with me, but makes zero effort in asking me questions or wanting to get to know me. Now he just wants that instant gratification of just having someone there when he needs attention or is feeling lonely. What a waste of time...

    • @zaddyholmes6735
      @zaddyholmes6735 Před rokem +22

      Proud of you for recognising this! Now you know and you can make space for someone worthy x

    • @aBBy-pq4tx
      @aBBy-pq4tx Před rokem +27

      It’s great that you noticed his behavior early on. Men who show no interest other than crumbs of his time (to make it seem like interest) just want an ego boost unfortunately😏

    • @alina409
      @alina409 Před rokem +6

      I applaud your comment!

    • @redefinedliving5974
      @redefinedliving5974 Před rokem +4

      I was just an ego boost, alright!

    • @shinebabyshine.
      @shinebabyshine. Před rokem +6

      Thank you for sharing. I’ve learned something from your experience ❤

  • @aurakl2407
    @aurakl2407 Před rokem +611

    It’s an art. If you’ve never done it successfully, I can understand how this might confuse some people. It doesn’t mean you will get the guy. It means you are what you want in a partner, if they don’t show you the same-you have your answer. Save yourself the time, fire em or just don’t give ‘em the position at all in the first place. The trick is also to be living your best life. If they are your only source of pleasure, you will get addicted just like a drug. You need to get a life first ☺️

    • @gwortman3515
      @gwortman3515 Před rokem +42

      Well said... everyone needs to be the most important person in their own life.

    • @rs5570
      @rs5570 Před rokem +3

      I don’t agree either. I think this dilemma is often seen in those w less experience of life & in those who perhaps haven’t invested in a spiritual perspective. It is very helpful to pursue such a Middle Way.

    • @rolliecrafts255
      @rolliecrafts255 Před rokem +3

      We’ll said! 👏👏

    • @thisinterestsme.5307
      @thisinterestsme.5307 Před rokem +3

      !!!!!
      Thank YOU

    • @sandroca3446
      @sandroca3446 Před 9 měsíci +2

      👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

  • @gersended6184
    @gersended6184 Před rokem +1038

    It’s crazy how by working on myself and finding peace within being alone, facing my issues, having standards etc… I have found the best relationship I’ve ever been in. One that is stress free and « chase » free while still loving and fulfilling. We’re together but I’m still my own individual , and if it ended I would be incredibly sad but I I know I would get back on my feet.
    Over the years, your advice has truly helped me and opened my eyes to my relationship to myself and to others. Love these conversations 👌🏻

    • @h0nof
      @h0nof Před rokem +10

      Thank you! I needed to hear this! I have very low motivation for dating now, after a lot of dates last year, but I didn't got so much out of it.
      Working on myself is a thing I can control myself though.

    • @tuathadesidhe1530
      @tuathadesidhe1530 Před rokem +15

      I've had the same unintended result - I was very happily single and intending to stay that way - when love in epic proportions came into my life and changed things in the most perfect way 💕

    • @ladyinred3735
      @ladyinred3735 Před 9 měsíci +1

      I have this kind of relationship too and people around me see it.. Advice me that I should take care of it and appreciate it. I do appreciate it being stress free and chase free, however, I am afraid, I do not like the guy enough. If I am being honest, I do not feel like I like him enough as a person, but I like how the relationship feels safe, stress free and trustworthy. Please help.

    • @oeu3669
      @oeu3669 Před 9 měsíci

      @@ladyinred3735if you don’t like him enough. Eventually you will leave him. You will break his heart eventually no? So why stay with him if you don’t like him that much?

  • @lisao6928
    @lisao6928 Před rokem +145

    I feel a little better now. Putting yourself out there and being rejected sucks, but in the long run, I'd rather not waste my time with someone with poor communication skills.

  • @Beautytrends77
    @Beautytrends77 Před rokem +498

    I totally get what he is saying here but I’ve learned that when a man wants you, you won’t have any questions bottom line. You won’t have to worry about texting because it will be reciprocated. I also learned that anytime I was in a situation like this that If the guy wasn’t reaching out then he just wasn’t interested in me. I’m sorry but men aren’t that complicated,
    You’ll know when they are serious about you the rest is just in between bs!!!

    • @Yogis406
      @Yogis406 Před rokem +25

      Your words are very accurate in my experience.

    • @cassidy_p01
      @cassidy_p01 Před rokem +14

      i agree 💯

    • @Beautytrends77
      @Beautytrends77 Před rokem +38

      @@Yogis406 I just see it like this, I know how I act when I’m not interested in a man so if a man is acting the same way I do/did when I wasn’t interested in a man then he isn’t interested. When I wasn’t interested in a man I wasn’t engaged in anything they did and that’s the same way a man acts when he isn’t interested in a woman!

    • @kristinej.4182
      @kristinej.4182 Před rokem +22

      I totally agree with your assessment. It is true that if a man is into you, you will know! There won’t be any guessing game.

    • @Yogis406
      @Yogis406 Před rokem +15

      @@Beautytrends77 right! This is why that film he’s just not that into you is so great. Our intuition never lies and it pays to listen.

  • @martini7454
    @martini7454 Před rokem +160

    "It's on you if you mistake my vulnerability for desperation. And you'll quickly learn that you've miscalibrated here if you mistake my initial proactivity for desperation."
    I vibe with this. I feel confident being vulnerable with new people on dates, because I feel very secure in who I am. This is almost always a good thing, but I also don't hesitate to check out if the other party doesn't reciprocate.

  • @How.Dare.You.
    @How.Dare.You. Před rokem +56

    I did that, I did initiate with the guy, I did show my interest, I even told him I liked him, I always kept conversations cheeky, lively and interesting, I did come over with ingredients for spagetti so we could cook together, I did suggest we do something fun. All he cared about was casual sex twice a month. After 2 months I had to let him go and I can never understand how so many women spend a lot more time than that. Sometimes there just isnt a good reception and you have to move on if the guy clearly makes no effort and keeps making excuses for this to go anywhere. Thats the problem with modern dating- guys have too many options or they think they do, so no wonder he just "enjoys you" rather than wants to create something meaningful with you. And tbh apart from lovebombers I havent experienced the "men want to chase". They learnt they dont have to do it anymore, they can just swipe. We destroyed positive masculinity. Shame

    • @mariek4362
      @mariek4362 Před rokem +3

      Same situation and after I moved on he woke and realized I was the one that got away and many years later we are now back together getting married. He said, he thought I knew and he was out getting his life together and creating a place for us. Make them talk. Be honest with your feelings and if they still make no change then walk.
      Yes, "someone has to make the first move"

    • @How.Dare.You.
      @How.Dare.You. Před rokem +1

      @@mariek4362 it took him years to realise??

    • @mariek4362
      @mariek4362 Před rokem +2

      @@How.Dare.You. no about a year and I had moved on.

    • @ShortGirlsClimbCounters
      @ShortGirlsClimbCounters Před rokem +5

      This is why I have decided from the get go I will have standards I will not back down on. If the guy cannot meet me there, I will not be rejecting him, he will be walking away. It will make things easy. He will not get girlfriend behavior if he does not treat me like a girlfriend. I will not commit to him if he does not commit to me. He will not get last minute hangouts until we are a couple, if he can't value and respect my time (and me) enough to ask me out on proper dates, then he will not see me. There's more. And P.S. I think every single and dating girl should read all the books by Bruce Bryans.

    • @mariek4362
      @mariek4362 Před rokem

      @@ShortGirlsClimbCounters yes, spot on. Life does throws us curveballs sometime though.

  • @_nellysunshine
    @_nellysunshine Před rokem +448

    This was very helpful and affirms what I've been thinking lately: your partner has to treat you better than your platonic best friends. Your friends are that "minimum standard" of emotional relationship. Your friends would call you back or at least send a meme on another platform lol

    • @rs5570
      @rs5570 Před rokem +4

      Good comment.

    • @sharhful
      @sharhful Před rokem +7

      Also important to not expect men to be hairy women though 😆

    • @ProdavackaDivu
      @ProdavackaDivu Před rokem +14

      @@sharhfuleven male friends will respond to their male friends with a meme or on another platform like she stated

    • @NenneN...
      @NenneN... Před 11 měsíci +3

      Good way to look at it. I have started to call dating 'romantic friendship building' lol.

    • @ericarice4588
      @ericarice4588 Před 11 měsíci +8

      My best friend -She texts me every single day, first thing in the morning and right before bed, consistently tells me every day how much she loves me, she sends gifts often, is literally my favorite to talk to.

  • @OnePulsar
    @OnePulsar Před rokem +59

    Mirroring, modeling, why make it so complicated? Be honest and be yourself. Ask him want he wants in a relationship and ladies, tell him what you want in a relationship.

    • @gwortman3515
      @gwortman3515 Před rokem +11

      Yes .my take as well...not into feeding the game playing.

    • @Jassywazzy1
      @Jassywazzy1 Před rokem

      Thank you ❤

  • @smn921
    @smn921 Před 3 měsíci +5

    “I showed just how wonderful I can be as a partner.” I love this. Thank you!

  • @jc4171
    @jc4171 Před rokem +283

    She makes very good point.. Men say they need to be the hunter and pursuer and are turned off by women who aren’t a challenge.. Women hear this a lot and you want us vulnerable when the man isn’t.. it’s a tough call.

    • @sandrinemasse9392
      @sandrinemasse9392 Před rokem +7

      exactly!!

    • @btdtpro
      @btdtpro Před rokem +67

      A know a lot of men who never bring up "a challenge", when it comes to traits they're looking for in a woman. Men are challenged in a lot of aspects of their life already, and in marriage you'll often take on even more challenges together, like raising children, caring for aging parents, etc, so why would men or women look for someone who challenges them. Many men are looking for someone who's enthusiastic about them, and supports them.
      I think a lot of people want people who they perceive as slightly out of their league, so they also might think they want a challenge, since someone out of your league would be very challenging to get interest from, but take some super model and have her proactively try to get a relationship from some average guy, and see if he's not totally into it regardless of challenge. It's even kind of a movie trope in movies targeting men, that some really attractive women is into the nerdy main character for basically no reason.
      If you make yourself a challenge, to get men who wouldn't like you if you're not a challenge, then you're setting yourself up to get a man who isn't very mature. You can't be a challenge indefinitely, so how long do you have to make yourself a challenge for him to stay interested? Just the first few weeks, a month or more, for five or six years till you can't keep it up and he leaves cause now he's bored?

    • @nonadavies4692
      @nonadavies4692 Před rokem +4

      Yes! And from a polarity point, this would be leading (masculine) with desired outcome expected

    • @haych27
      @haych27 Před rokem

      At the same time men are lazy, at least they are in my country and want everything on their terms

    • @gwortman3515
      @gwortman3515 Před rokem +36

      Don't worry about being a challenge to any man. Always be a challenge for your own self...watch how great your life will be when you remember you and forget about him.

  • @lidamooini2064
    @lidamooini2064 Před rokem +50

    If a guy wants you he will move mountains. If not he is just not that into you. Period

    • @stuntcellist3338
      @stuntcellist3338 Před rokem +2

      Yes, it’s easy to get caught up in the details and overthink it, but it really boils down to this. It’s not that hard to figure out.

    • @dipanggilmas3189
      @dipanggilmas3189 Před 9 měsíci +3

      This is a dangerous way of thinking. You may miss a few good chance to get a good man

    • @jamilsherif6755
      @jamilsherif6755 Před měsícem

      Not true, most men have self respect

    • @SnowLeopardForever
      @SnowLeopardForever Před 7 dny

      @@dipanggilmas3189 ⁠No it’s true.
      After years of experience, I can definitely tell when a guy is interested genuinely in me and when he just wants his ego stroked (I cut those guys off quickly as soon as I realize it), they are a waste of time.
      BAD MEN will breadcrumb you if let them. Don’t be so desperate for a relationship that you can’t see it.

    • @drakuelvaltuk733
      @drakuelvaltuk733 Před 4 dny

      Sounds entitled, why is it the man's responsibility to move anything so you feel wanted, I think both parties are responsible in showing each other they want each other by nurturing there relationship seed. Either you both nurture it, because if you don't the seed will die before it even has a chance to grow.

  • @MCGreggy28
    @MCGreggy28 Před 10 měsíci +13

    Lately I’ve been doing my best to practice this in my social life (dating and otherwise). I’ve had some people express interest in seeing me only to stop responding as soon as I’ve proposed a concrete time. It’s frustrating and makes me worried that I’m doing something wrong, but I also believe that my time is valuable and I want to spend it with people who want to be there. Who else here can relate to this?

  • @KaysKreatives9610
    @KaysKreatives9610 Před rokem +105

    This is so true. I'm not someone who takes risks when it comes to relationships however after watching this, it's good to know that if you're being a good role mode in a relationship and it doesn't work out, it should not make you think lower of yourself but continue to maintain until someone who reciprocates comes along ❤

    • @melbaT2770
      @melbaT2770 Před 4 měsíci

      Past behavior predicts future behavior. How you act in a relationship now will usually predict how you’ll be in the future. Be authentic yet let the person go when they do not share your values and intentions.

  • @brandyhousemedia9042
    @brandyhousemedia9042 Před rokem +31

    I release all past relationship, situationships in my past and I’m moving forward to new energy

  • @jessicathejedi35
    @jessicathejedi35 Před rokem +285

    The word needed here is “vulnerability.” She asked what do women do when they are worried about looking like they are pursuing or chasing a man by reaching out. This is where we as women show the man that we are NOT afraid to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable (to a healthy masculine) is extremely attractive to a man. It will even help him be more vulnerable. It takes practice, and can be done in small ways, but it can exponentially move a connection forward and help for a deeper connection. It takes bravery.

    • @venet5024
      @venet5024 Před rokem +26

      Exactly. All a man wants is having the confidence that his emotional effort is worth pursuing the girl and it is going to be reciprocated. Most men are not those who can choose but those who are chosen and who can only accept the offer. Therefore, they don't like to show their feelings to girls who hasn't made it clear how they feel about them. Often when a guy shows his feelings fast (which is not anything to blame them for or consider desperation, it is just the unstoppable mechanism ingrained in male nature to engage quickly; after all, even most confident men can infatuate after one date) he is rejected because this is perceived as desperation, whereas it is just the sign of pure interest. Hence, he needs to wait untill the girl is vulnerable to him as first because this is perhaps the best indicator that she is treating him seriously, and so will not reject him if he finally shows his feelings back to her.

    • @Lmr271
      @Lmr271 Před rokem +33

      How about men trying to be brave for a change?

    • @bahadortanzif8932
      @bahadortanzif8932 Před rokem +6

      I'm not setting myself on fire to keep anyone warm. @lmr Some women just aren't... accountable adult human beings.

    • @Hejirah
      @Hejirah Před rokem +2

      @@Lmr271 what does that mean? Brave to do (or be) what?

    • @FLRProject
      @FLRProject Před rokem +3

      @@venet5024 you`ve explained that so well! I find myself being a vulnerable male when someone catches my genuine interest, I take initiative and show it, with reassurance and caress ... although, this always seems to backfire on me, she steps down or simply runs away, leaving me with a hole inside, blaming myself for my willingness to commit.

  • @tarawalsh-arpaia3928
    @tarawalsh-arpaia3928 Před rokem +12

    She is soooooo right. PEOPLE like to 'chase' or engage. I just asked my now 26 year-old son and his friends about this and they all agreed that they were not strangers to women having their own feelings and wants etc and that it is more than perfectly acceptable to them for a woman to initiate an engagement with them. They just haven't been raised in a world where the women in their lives were silent doormats who had to sit about with empty hopes forever and ever. Take a chance, live your life! That's what they say. It's your life to live and yours to lose, too. Don't let it go for some outdated, dinosaur 'rules'. They expect women in their lives to initiate when and if they want, voice their feelings/wants/needs and they appreciate the communication. I am proud of them! And those of us that have raised these young Men (not permanent infants).

  • @JemyM
    @JemyM Před rokem +29

    This was my job when I worked in Service Desk. Despite the poor pay it was a very strong lesson to learn just how powerful YOUR influence is on other people. I had so many angry or upset customers coming in, and left me with a smile.

  • @AthenaIsabella
    @AthenaIsabella Před rokem +67

    I can’t thank you enough for this video. I sent “hey wanna talk on the phone?” That’s IT lol. And we ended up talking for hours and it turns out he was super nervous about reaching out since we only hung out twice while he was visiting town and wasn’t sure it meant as much to me. I love your point about underestimating your part in it. I prayed for a sign and then this played and I’m so grateful it did.

  • @georgemcalleck671
    @georgemcalleck671 Před rokem +328

    22:25 "I saw how great I can be in a relationship. I saw just how wonderful I can be as a partner." These 2 sentences gave me so much confidence and shelter even though I broke up 2 and a half weeks ago. Thank you so much Matthew for all of your videos and advice and motivational speeches. You have and will help many people with their lives daily. We apprieciate it

    • @july821
      @july821 Před rokem +9

      You are somebody else's prayer. And she will find you. 🤗

    • @g4vftp
      @g4vftp Před rokem +7

      @@july821that was rly heart warming, thank you! God bless you

    • @h0nof
      @h0nof Před rokem +3

      I also got a good feeling from hearing this. My motivation for dating is really low now, so I need a shift in mindset.

    • @july821
      @july821 Před rokem +2

      @@h0nof I feel you...

    • @widM_
      @widM_ Před rokem +4

      those two lines were also probably the most powerful message of this video

  • @raginisharma9302
    @raginisharma9302 Před rokem +167

    I love this advice…Model the right behaviour that one wants to see couple of times before deciding to mirror them. In other words , be balanced to avoid regretting your conduct later👏 But then, even after giving your best, if the person can’t match your effort then walk away with the understanding that this person is not the right partner. Nothing to take anything personally here..just that it’s not the right fit.
    And modelling the right behaviour doesn’t imply one is desperate. All it shows is that one is putting one’s best foot forward to assess the compatibility . One is trying to evaluate the potential of the relationship to decide if one should continue pursuing this.

  • @aurainshape
    @aurainshape Před rokem +152

    I think the best is just leave it in peace if you need always think how to make your relationship and work hard on it. Why you guys need this. I was in the same too and nothing good only pain in a**. When you meet the one who is for you he will text and call you everyday without tricks. Amen

    • @joditawhai7844
      @joditawhai7844 Před rokem +2

      The guy I like never texts or calls me and we hardly if any have any conversations at all

    • @joditawhai7844
      @joditawhai7844 Před rokem

      Ok, so now after hearing this I'm going to message da guy I like and acknowledge him...that way I'm not sounding desperate

    • @aurainshape
      @aurainshape Před rokem +8

      @@joditawhai7844 You know actually when I was in this kind toxic relationship when you need ask for attention nothing helps. If you say I am not ok with how things going he always will turn table on you or find very serious reasons why he is too busy and bla bla even if he is online all day. Why we need this pain ? There are many other guys who know how to treat woman well and makes us happy. I can't imagine someone who really cares about you and in all day has no time to ask how are you doing.

    • @Deb_deCoder
      @Deb_deCoder Před rokem

      @@aurainshape this is because mn have to earn and you just live off them.. that's why you have all the time in the world 🌎 but they don't have any

    • @aurainshape
      @aurainshape Před rokem +1

      @@Deb_deCoder Nice point of view but woman also earning and has a lot to do. Even more because kiss, home and etc.

  • @CMD_Line
    @CMD_Line Před rokem +15

    The mirroring and modelling is fantastic. It makes sense to me, I'll set the standard by modelling and if that isn't reciprocal I'll discuss it with said person, failing that then you're clearly different and that's OK. Needs are not being needy, it's how you like to communicate, be confident and respect yourself. Both people should be pulling eachother up, nobody should be lowering themselves to meet someone else level, you're going against yourself and you'll be unhappy.

  • @belle.m
    @belle.m Před rokem +27

    How about just being honest and asking the question? You don’t have to confrontational, just ask. At least you’ll know their intention, and they’ll know it bothers you, and if they like you, they’ll make more effort.

  • @CareBear-og6pe
    @CareBear-og6pe Před rokem +33

    I’m the one that says hello to everyone and most respond positive and very few don’t say anything. The ppl that don’t respond or acknowledge me, I just let it go. It use to bother me but haven’t walked in their shoes.
    I hold the door for everyone and a lot of females don’t say thank you. More men say thank you then women or girls.

  • @AlexaOrchid
    @AlexaOrchid Před rokem +18

    "What's beautiful about that is I saw how great I can be" IS a great message.

  • @MarianaRochap
    @MarianaRochap Před rokem +22

    That's so important to understand, I like to communicate at least a message per day, if you can't deliver that, sorry we are not for each other

  • @traceyjones321
    @traceyjones321 Před rokem +83

    I especially appreciate the last 2 minutes of this…I showed what I am capable of in a relationship and I’m proud. Even though it was to the wrong person, at least I saw what I could be❤

    • @trynatural23
      @trynatural23 Před rokem +9

      LOVE THIS COMMENT! No regrets. WE were good to them. Their loss🤷🏾‍♀️😁

    • @sethtenrec
      @sethtenrec Před 7 měsíci

      Yeah, he needs to let the other two talk a bit more

  • @johnsnow7575
    @johnsnow7575 Před 2 měsíci +3

    Ngl to me this sounds like a bunch of games. Both parties need to communicate their wants/needs in the relationship and come to a solution

  • @janewildly
    @janewildly Před rokem +35

    22:25 about looking at past relationships & finding confidence in how much you can give in a relationship is something that made me thankful about my last relationship. My 6-yr long relationship ended 8 months ago. Although it was sad that it ended, I came out in awe of how loving & devoted I could be as a partner. Before meeting my ex, I never thought I was capable of long relationships at all. Now I feel confident & unafraid to be proactive or take risks to find my person.

  • @lisamanca7717
    @lisamanca7717 Před rokem +19

    As a therapist, who works on repatterning adult attachment styles, I hope you have Diane Poole Heller on the show as an expert. Her book The Power of Attachment is more in depth than Attached and her breadth of knowledge is wonderful!

    • @kaiyodei
      @kaiyodei Před rokem +1

      is that hard? i don't know what mine is. I guess it's a bad one if I'm not willing to give any man a chance, ask out random men I am not interested in or choose men on dating sites that live 40 miles away.

    • @lisamanca7717
      @lisamanca7717 Před rokem

      @@kaiyodei I think it takes some work and willingness to change patterns of behavior but is SO worth it. Our attachment styles just are how we try to get our needs met based on our previous experiences.

  • @PKP1
    @PKP1 Před rokem +26

    This has helped immensely to breakdown the understand if that push and pull, that give and take. Can't thank you enough for helping us become more at better identifying the causes for patterns.

  • @davebalmada
    @davebalmada Před 3 měsíci +1

    I think that this kind of education should be taught at schools. It blows my mind that we attempt having adult relationships without knowing this kind of information. This channel has opened my eyes so many times and I'm forever grateful for it.

  • @ValentineListerInspires
    @ValentineListerInspires Před rokem +6

    Omg, Audrey had me crying at the end. Such a beautiful perspective on vulnerability. Thanks!

  • @andreabarabas
    @andreabarabas Před rokem +104

    I loved that you brought in the voice of a woman! She asked the most relevant questions! I loved it! This video was extremely useful! Thank you so much!

    • @louiethemouseful
      @louiethemouseful Před rokem +4

      100% AGREE!! A woman's touch ;)

    • @sassenachdragon
      @sassenachdragon Před rokem +3

      I agree. She is serving as the stand in for the audience. I REALLY think this is a great approach, I hope he includes her more. His brother has his own role which is great but the perspective of a woman is sooo needed.

    • @janety7264
      @janety7264 Před rokem +3

      That’s His fiancée 😂

    • @anneperonne8023
      @anneperonne8023 Před rokem

      I don’t agree. I don’t think she adds much thoughtfulness rather regurgitates what he’s saying

  • @flowersroses4430
    @flowersroses4430 Před rokem +6

    I agree. Give the BEST version of yourself and be proactive; if a man likes you, he will progress the relationship. If he doesn't , it's time to quickly to move on with your life!

  • @maryammajdiyazdi2344
    @maryammajdiyazdi2344 Před rokem +24

    Matthew your conversation is so divine. You put everything in such a good perspective because everything comes from inner confidence-regardless of other person. Knowing when to take action and when to mirror and not getting offended is an art. 😊🙏❤️

  • @NathalieLazo
    @NathalieLazo Před rokem +42

    Remarkable person reading this.. It’s going to get better; all it is a season of opportunity to grow and be better than before. Challenging times are meant to strengthen us, not to break us. Success doesn’t define to what happened to us; it is how we choose to deal with our circumstances. The more you grow and develop as an incredible person as you are, the more things will change for the better. Forgive more (for you), be grateful for even the smallest things (we have it way better than someone else), choose love over ego, choose humility over ego (humility is strength), and finally, invest into new skills so that your future self will thank you. Our lives will change forever the more we grow. Be thankful for the challenges for we know something greater is coming. Love you always - Nathalie ✨❤️

  • @justinbrockwell8396
    @justinbrockwell8396 Před rokem +160

    Great vid! Every interaction in every relationship is dynamic and never static. I believe in showing interest and making intentions clear, I always treat potential partners fairly and with respect, so long as they do the same. If the way they treat me changes negatively, I simply withdraw and allow them to figure out what they want... the further away they go, the less likely I am to show interest. People need to learn to value peoples character as much as they value physical appearances

  • @MartinHernandez-re6hh
    @MartinHernandez-re6hh Před rokem +11

    After trying all the "how to make a person" do this and that by you doing this and that, I've learned that simply you can't force anyone into doing and feeling anything for you. You just be the best version of you for you, and the right person will "click" with who you are. Some people will be fortunate to find a partner that will last for the rest of their lives and other will be fortunate to experience love with partners that will last only for certain time in different degrees. Let's enjoy life however it unfolds instead of waste our lives "making people do things, so that they can fall in love with us"...
    Love and great vibes to you all!!!

    • @Jm649
      @Jm649 Před rokem

      So true I feel this

  • @chumbanga
    @chumbanga Před rokem +262

    We can always learn about ourselves, no matter how great a communicator we think we may be refinement is always necessary. Great tips 👌

    • @JessicaM1111
      @JessicaM1111 Před rokem +8

      Yes improvement is necessary until our last breath. 👍🏼

    • @hdshjs
      @hdshjs Před rokem +4

      Very mature and spot on comment, this is the best life philosophy basically. Growth mindset

    • @rs5570
      @rs5570 Před rokem +1

      Good comment. Refinement is always necessary. 🎯🙏🏻

  • @vivianejones4452
    @vivianejones4452 Před rokem +33

    Very useful discussion- thank you! I modelled what I wanted for many years in my marriage and still often feel like I failed so it was like a revelation that I can reframe that experience as me at my best! Love that.

  • @commanderkitten9954
    @commanderkitten9954 Před rokem +24

    Yoooo that last bit got me. I remember thinking I gave them MY BEST, the best version of me. I'd never been so kind and thoughtful and empathic to someone b4. And I thought my best just wasn't good enough. But u kinda brought light to what was n the back of my head about it. That I was PROUD I could b such a good partner. They just weren't the right person to give it to. But I learned there's more love in me than I thought I would ever be comfortable enough to give

    • @annndugu1032
      @annndugu1032 Před rokem +3

      Whhv... U said it. I did love more than I ever thought. N imagine at some point they know they have you in their fingers and take you for granted. No. I gave up. I only love myself now. I enjoy my every day with all my energy focused to better myself. Diet, self care, investment for my kids n I just sleep happy. I have simply become my own goddess. I scream with joy. At first I thought I was going crazy the joy I felt after letting him go. Just go. I won't hold on to this anymore. I won't put effort to keep it together. Just go.

    • @SageTaylorKingsley
      @SageTaylorKingsley Před rokem

      Beautiful insight

  • @anonymousperson8259
    @anonymousperson8259 Před 11 měsíci +10

    Wow it's so cleansing hearing all of this. Grew up around narcissistic parents that I still have to be in contact with, along with being surrounded by a lot of negativity in my greater social circle. Have had a lot of low self esteem, desperation and reactivity in my relationships. Great point, to focus on being real, authentic and giving it my best and confidently evaluating if the other person can do the same. I need to listen to this like, a thousand times.👌

  • @celiaescalante
    @celiaescalante Před rokem +22

    Love experts say, "detach, so they will call you," and "send them positive vibes so they will be attracted to you." Yet, at the end of the day, he'll only contact you if he wants to complain from getting too many emails.

  • @chiinme1481
    @chiinme1481 Před rokem +9

    I love Mathew because he helps people step into their confidence power which heightens standards, self worth and gives them an opportunity to be a higher version of themselves

  • @jamie.gothvader
    @jamie.gothvader Před 11 měsíci +4

    I feel like I want to give Mathew Hussey the BIGGEST hug and thank him!!!! I was literally looking for advice like this. I'm so happy. Loved this entire video.

  • @anony885
    @anony885 Před rokem +6

    I'd like to hug matthew... There are so many on CZcams but he genuinely sounds concerned and also the way he articulates with his beautiful voice..

  • @jessicashirley6634
    @jessicashirley6634 Před rokem +4

    Wow, I love the part at the end where you talk about looking back and being proud that you tried your best, instead of feeling resentment. Such a great way to look at things, what a great attitude you have!

  • @austecon6818
    @austecon6818 Před rokem +4

    The last 2 mins was the best... Give your all then you can a) see how great you can be in a relationship and have no regrets about wondering if maybe it would have worked out if you tried harder... It's the only way to play it and is paradoxically easier to move on afterwards than always wondering if you really messed up. You can walk away proudly knowing that they just were not right for you or didn't deserve you.

  • @DT-wh4qr
    @DT-wh4qr Před rokem +13

    Very deep and thoughtful conversations. I really enjoy the depth of all these talks. No other podcast gets even close

  • @rafaelsayno724
    @rafaelsayno724 Před rokem +9

    Another awesome topic! I realized that I have been putting myself out there when I text him, and though he doesn't reply immediately, I have the self respect to not be the toxic one who sends a hundred more texts. Mirroring vs modelling. I'm really enjoying all these, I'm so glad I found your channel Matt!

  • @BorsheimArts
    @BorsheimArts Před rokem +6

    I love this. As a shy person who had to train in order to speak to people, I know that if you put two shy people in a room, nothing happens. And when an adult speaks to a shy child, the only way to get him to open up is to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. As an older adult trying to date, it is obvious that the people I meet, thank goodness, have full lives already. Often aging parents and quasi-grown children that "compete" for the few free hours in a day we have. Thus, it is logical (and a sign of a caring person) that those closer to him are a higher priority than someone he still knows so little about. This is a good discussion because the world is not black and white. We think too much when we want more, when life is not only about us. And also this reminds me of the "BE the change you want to see." Bravo!

  • @lanamayberry2639
    @lanamayberry2639 Před rokem +58

    I think that everything discussed here is healthy advice to follow - I particularly loved having a woman on here too, so thank you, Audrey! I will say this though, I think a good general rule is this: "If he likes you, you'll know. If you're spending time trying to 'interpret signs' or if you're confused, then he doesn't." Is it technically more mature to first briefly reach out and model exemplary behaviour before moving on? Yes, probably. But I feel that, unfortunately, if you're at that point then it's probably not going to work.

    • @pattylizzy
      @pattylizzy Před rokem +2

      I think that is his fiancé!!!

    • @lanamayberry2639
      @lanamayberry2639 Před rokem +3

      @@pattylizzy Yes, she is! She's so lovely. :)

    • @notimetodienttd1115
      @notimetodienttd1115 Před rokem +1

      @@pattylizzy Wow...Wondering how did they become compatible couple..Whats their secret..🤔Comparing notes..☺️😉 Wishing them happiness & all the best..💃🕺🙏💖😍

  • @chrissy_rose8052
    @chrissy_rose8052 Před rokem +12

    THANK YOU for this!!! I’ve been mirroring and that’s resulted in both of us texting rarely and only two or maybe three words. When I started modeling, it’s been a huge turn around.
    I thought to myself “I don’t have anything to lose at this point by being authenticate “ so I started texting him the way I would want. He’s very responsive. ❤❤❤

    • @contagiousintelligence5007
      @contagiousintelligence5007 Před 5 měsíci +1

      I like this! At that point we have nothing to lose. Worst case he disappears, best case he mirrors you.

  • @justinitacameralleri3927
    @justinitacameralleri3927 Před rokem +12

    ‘I saw how great I can be in relationship’ what a perspective. Matthew I’m so glad you walk the earth in my lifetime. The amount of times you have floored me with so many uh huh moments. You are such a gift, gorgeous in every way. Thank you for all you wisdom and guidance. Bless you 🙏

  • @shinylittlepeople
    @shinylittlepeople Před 5 měsíci

    This is one of the best pod casts of all I have seen... it touched on subjects that are the ones we should read between the lines but sometimes don't. I love that all three of you brought up things that we are all asking ourselves... so thank you so much... it just backed up everything I am going through in a long term relationship... thanks so much!

  • @ninacantieni6188
    @ninacantieni6188 Před 5 dny +1

    Audrey just touched my heart so deeply in the last part. And we have to embrace that feeling. Wow thank you so much. ❤

  • @ekaterinasedelnikova7268
    @ekaterinasedelnikova7268 Před rokem +19

    Matthew, this is pure genius! If you're confident and fullfilled enough to initiate/model a move, it's analogous to giving, you've got enough energy, resources, etc. to share, not because you're desperate or needy or anything. So, you're doing it from a completely different mentality when you're in a strong position and ready to take a no for an answer and stay fine and go on living your wonderful life. Love it!!!

  • @sofifatale3374
    @sofifatale3374 Před rokem +19

    I love Audrey! Thank you for being around and always speaking your mind -- I find that sometimes I'll have questions about the things Matt and Steve are saying (which are great!) but sometimes I'll have follow-up questions or scenario questions that can only really come from the women's perspective. So THANK YOU Audrey

  • @ingridkhajeh8982
    @ingridkhajeh8982 Před rokem +1

    Hey Matthew
    This is the best most articulate video I have seen on this subject.
    Yes, when I got over myself and started being more open and willing to not be texted back things changed for the better.
    He often texts me first now and checks on me when the weather is bad.
    I went in with the mindset I’m ok if he doesn’t text back.
    Also be consistent with your inconsistency.
    Example be unpredictable.
    It also depends on the person.
    Thanks for the great info. ❤

  • @talesfromtheroad9530
    @talesfromtheroad9530 Před rokem +2

    What makes me laugh about these videos is I get caught by the flashy, quick-fix, almost superficial title--how can I get him to text me every day!--even if I cringe at myself for clicking for that reason--and then find that I instead get a substantial feast of wisdom and that the answer is 'You CAN'T get them to text you every day.' Well done as always, Matt! I love your nuanced, classy, healthy advice.

  • @tatiannadanger9643
    @tatiannadanger9643 Před rokem +8

    Really beautiful the points made about how we can, as women feel confused about the modeling aspect. Where we get out of our element when we reach out first, and how it messes with our head if it doesn’t work out. As if we made a mistake by “being too much”

  • @RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light

    Matthew I love how Audrey is included in your videos......I really like her and Steve of course xxx you all do great together.......I like the clear way Audrey speaks too.......and Steve always chilled.......and Matt your wisdom

  • @gnocchi.artyst
    @gnocchi.artyst Před 4 měsíci +1

    I think the key to dating or other things in life is to be curious and stay curious. You can never really control a person’s actions or reactions to what you do. You might be able to manipulate them once in a while, but manipulation is never right in a healthy relationship. What you can do is simply to be curious about the person in front of you, allow yourself to be surprised by them, as well as by your own self within that relationship. Being curious and staying curious will help you dealing with fear of rejection or failure.

  • @mundea
    @mundea Před rokem +42

    cannot believe that I found you at my age, heck i may only be 17 but this advice will help me for decades

    • @TheBlissCatalyst
      @TheBlissCatalyst Před rokem +4

      Good job! I wish I found this kind of advice when I was 20!

    • @bahadortanzif8932
      @bahadortanzif8932 Před rokem +1

      @Mwansa Mumdea Be yourself, for yourself. There's no fairytale answer and life's too short for BS. Fill each other's cup, and do what you got to do. Do unto others... If they don't reciprocate, don't waste your time or life on them.

  • @Mushroom321-
    @Mushroom321- Před dnem

    I love the re frame mindset , " i saw how great i can be in a relstionship !"

  • @kareta24
    @kareta24 Před rokem +31

    Beautiful ending 👏 “I saw how great I can be in a relationship”.

  • @user-or1ye3iz6d
    @user-or1ye3iz6d Před rokem +66

    That was a really good podcast. I really like Audrey's input bc she seems to understand the subtle intricacies of how us women get unsure of ourselves inside of our own psyches about how we come across to men, which can be very paralyzing. She really broke that down and got to the root of that internal quandary quite succinctly, which many of us have a hard time verbalizing. Thank you, Audrey. That was very helpful. You guys make a great team. God bless ❤️🙏❤️

    • @SamT-qk6cx
      @SamT-qk6cx Před 6 měsíci

      Great podcast, thank you! Audrey was so helpful in voicing the typical concerns a number of women might initially have with this approach. And Matthew did such a wonderful job of taking the time to explain the different scenarios. Great team, you two!
      I got out of my comfort zone and tried the approach last night and the response I received was very positive. 😅

  • @nikkiwills6784
    @nikkiwills6784 Před rokem +37

    This conversation is so fabulous! Thank you so much! What is super interesting as well around the 'turning up as yourself' is the fact that if I don't turn up as myself I am rejecting ME and that's the worst form of rejection there is. Xxx

  • @Koga-Ed
    @Koga-Ed Před rokem

    That last remark was a real eye-opener ! Thanks you so much for the insight ! 🙏🏼

  • @angelinpdx2297
    @angelinpdx2297 Před rokem +8

    “I saw how wonderful I can be as a partner. I saw how great I can be.” Love that. That does give peace of mind and build your own confidence to move forward with your beautiful life. You were your best self. Move forward to find a better match for you. Thank you!

  • @btdtpro
    @btdtpro Před rokem +30

    A woman who always sits back and let's the other people initiate, will never be directly rejected. If a woman starts initiating with people, even if 80-90% always say yes to her, she's still getting rejected 10-20% more often than she ever was before. I think this reinforces the idea that men like the chase, and don't like it when women make the first move. Men who make the first move get rejected by women pretty often, but no one says, "yeah, women don't like it women men make the first move." It's interesting to ask ourselves why in one case not always getting a yes is proof we shouldn't be proactive and put ourselves out there, and in the other it's not. It might just be that rejection sucks and we're looking for a way to justify not risking getting rejected by saying that being proactive actually makes men dislike us.

  • @annndugu1032
    @annndugu1032 Před rokem +2

    Wow wow.. Model the behaviour you would want a few times before mirroring.
    If you have high standards, and an internal attitude, you become vulnerable intentionally to gauge their level of communication or if he can deliver. If it turns out they can't match your actions then you leave happy that you tried....no big deal..but if you become vulnerable to see if they like you and find out they don't..you will feel afraid which is not good. So be confident in yourself and intentional .. Thank you so much for the synergy and having the Lady there to think for 'us'. She did a great job.

  • @rtd7066
    @rtd7066 Před 3 měsíci

    "Its on you if you misunderstood my vulnerability as desperation "...love it. Feeling the truth of this on so many levels. Very validating...in all my connections. Not arrogance false pride or ego. Just me knowing my value/worth❤

  • @anna7934
    @anna7934 Před rokem +6

    Don't mirror an awful behavior!! Thank you🥰

  • @tourdfrance9263
    @tourdfrance9263 Před rokem +14

    Thank you Mat! You’re amazing for saving/solving so many relationship! Sometimes it’s missed led and confusing.. it’s an opening eye.. what man think and what woman think..different mind that is wired totally different. It is very healthy and helpful. 👏🏻👍🙏

  • @leannebraden8711
    @leannebraden8711 Před rokem +1

    Wow!!! I feel This is the single most important thing anyone interested in another, needs to hear! I cannot believe how much I learned just in the 3 ideas you’ve mentioned so far…”modeling,” “mirroring,” and the “pride” thing. I have actually just been taught what I recently did wrong, and that pride can ultimately prevent me from getting my intended result. 😮 You have wisdom beyond your years! Thank you so much for the words you used to express your thoughts.

  • @captainprincess5943
    @captainprincess5943 Před rokem +1

    Do you hear all that clicking in the background of the last 2 minutes?!
    Yeah, that's me, realizing the attitude needed to be able to move on after a wholly abusive relationship!
    No one can take my best effort away from me! This totally refilled my resilience aspect! Thank you so so very much!!!

  • @sudenims5235
    @sudenims5235 Před rokem +8

    At the age of 60+ I finally know how to date. I wouldn’t put up with any rubbish now. If I’m doing the “does he like me?” or “if I do this he might like me” or if I’m sitting around for a call . I’m done. I know something is wrong. I only want someone interested in me , end of. No contact? they get no contact back. I concentrate on me. I would give it a few weeks though but nothing too physical would happen in that time. I wasted too many years of my life on men that did not have my best interest at heart. In fact barely any interest in me at all. Please young people, if you are hoping? You’ll always be hoping. Spend a huge amount of time studying what a healthy relationship is. I wish I had in my younger days .

    • @beseez
      @beseez Před rokem +1

      You sound pragmatic, a bit angry.
      Age is something we've earned fair and square.
      However, the 'not knowing' and 'wondering worrying' is real. They must earn it on their own. This speaker has honest intentions and good insight that we'd have soaked up when we were younger.
      Self confidence isn't easy. The whatifs are tough.
      Discounting the emotional normal stuff that people go through from the beginning of time. This is the age of the technical world. It's texting and Tick Tock and Facebook and all the social media crap. It's really hard to decipher a person when they aren't seeing each other or talking to each other face to face in person.

  • @PalmOLivreChannel
    @PalmOLivreChannel Před rokem +16

    For me, it’s an easy answer! If that guy cares about you enough and think you’re the right one for him. He will do everything to let you know you’re special person for him no matter how busy he is. Not chasing or investing to the man just because you’re afraid them will ghost you. And please don’t pretending you’re okay if you have to change yourself just to impress them. Because it’s not gonna work out.

  • @Aris-Darling
    @Aris-Darling Před 2 měsíci

    Love this channel. Such an important message.. a lot of coaches just teach mirroring and it feels like a mind game rather than a genuine connection. I love that your channel promotes genuine connections

  • @elvergreen5284
    @elvergreen5284 Před rokem

    I love listening to Matthew speak, he has so much clever information that is super relevant for me

  • @j00f
    @j00f Před rokem +3

    This was beautiful! Not only did it give me a lot in terms of dating, but also made me feel much better about breaking up with my ex. I modelled the kind of love I would like to get, but she couldn''t meet me there, so good riddance.

  • @rutedanielacruzdacunha
    @rutedanielacruzdacunha Před rokem +5

    Could we just acknowledge that this couple look so beautiful together ❤️

  • @msakapolly84
    @msakapolly84 Před 22 dny

    what i got from this video is that everyones advice or tips on how to get someone or date hoping for effort, is all just contradicting one another
    hence why dating is soo hard, i hope that we all just stop giving people who dont deserve out time go and we find the right person who likes us for us and if someone doesnt truly want us and is just passing time, i hope they have good enough character to just be friends and not lead us on or waste our time.. its exhausting honestly... i can barely keep up with any of these videos because i feel like most of us, have tried all of the things told to us and it just isnt that easy or as black and white. i wish everyone the best!

  • @lmoorelawpractice6214

    Gold mine … lots to digest and apply. Hard work but so worth it. Huge Thank you to you all.