Want More From Someone? DON'T CHASE & Do This Instead... | Matthew Hussey

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  • čas přidán 6. 05. 2023
  • Download For FREE: The Most Important Questions You MUST Ask Your Partner here! - bit.ly/3dWyB2d
    Check out my FREE 4-Part Confidence Workshop! - bit.ly/3fZcbO5
    Make sure you check out the full interview I did with Matthew Hussey right here! - • The MAJOR RED FLAGS In...
    On Today's Episode:
    Ladies, we are the boss at creating a story about a person before we even have the first date. This leads us to drama, disappointments and feeling totally blindsided often for situations we could’ve avoided had we done this one thing.
    Matthew Hussey is masterful in how he delivered massive truth bombs about men and dating to help women better manage expectations and avoid heartbreak. His CZcams channel is clearly a fan favorite with close to 3 million subscribers and almost half a BILLION views on his content.
    This bite sized nugget is packed with all the truth some of us really needed to hear today. Matthew lists the 4 Stages of Importance in starting a potential relationship, and highlights our special skill for creating stories when we’re dating and the trouble that really causes.
    Let’s stop creating stories and jumping to conclusions and start doing this instead.
    “If the reaction is hysterical, it’s historical” -Unknown
    QUOTES:
    “Instead of watching a story unfold, we’ve created the story before it’s happened .”
    “Instead of going in with a curiosity, we go in with a conclusion.”
    Follow Matthew Hussey:
    Website: www.howtogettheguy.com/
    CZcams: / gettheguyteam
    Instagram: / thematthewhussey
    Facebook: / coachmatthewhussey

Komentáře • 760

  • @LisaBilyeu
    @LisaBilyeu  Před rokem +294

    WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!

    • @BunnyOfThrones
      @BunnyOfThrones Před 9 měsíci +3

      I know a man that still wants to marry a "woman" that cheated on him with 3 different guys. I dont understand anything.

    • @esmediamond
      @esmediamond Před 9 měsíci

      girl ever heard of cultural appropriation?

    • @katiethepro
      @katiethepro Před 9 měsíci

      Don't worry Lisa. We can hide in plain sight anywhere - just kidding xx;-)

    • @Melanin_so_sweet
      @Melanin_so_sweet Před 5 měsíci

      Exactly!

    • @peaceofmindofpeace1650
      @peaceofmindofpeace1650 Před 2 měsíci

      ​@@BunnyOfThrones 😢 bless him

  • @charlieaugust1715
    @charlieaugust1715 Před 9 měsíci +1713

    If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and move on

    • @allenie5910
      @allenie5910 Před 9 měsíci +40

      Sounds simple but hits deeper 🤗

    • @Gm36909
      @Gm36909 Před 9 měsíci +17

      😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤❤👏👏👏👏Short and deep

    • @happym3008
      @happym3008 Před 9 měsíci +13

      life is not personal m took years to get it
      Ppl just do what is good for them
      Its always about them
      Let it go

    • @keritho5578
      @keritho5578 Před 8 měsíci +2

      😂

    • @PeterPan-je1oq
      @PeterPan-je1oq Před 8 měsíci

      ​@@allenie5910your so beautiful

  • @outroseok
    @outroseok Před rokem +2938

    it's crazy how much power a man you didn't even know 3 weeks ago can have over your emotions and mental health.... I was fine before I met him, I'll be fine without him.

    • @tiffanyyisrael7989
      @tiffanyyisrael7989 Před rokem +41

      It's crazy.

    • @clip012
      @clip012 Před rokem +87

      Don't be like me. I let it slide for 14 years, until one day in 2021 he made it clear he will not marry me. I was so heart broken, I cried for 2 years. Only now, getting back to dating scene, I am learning knowledge on relationship I could find now. Trying to do it the right way this time.
      But still emotionally I have mini heart break here and there. This kind of video, make me not stray from the right path.
      If there is one thing I learned from 2 years of crying, is that I don't die from heart break. I will be fine.

    • @jesscateyesquad
      @jesscateyesquad Před rokem +6

      I have been with my 18 years. I marriage it sucks

    • @mitchalvarez3038
      @mitchalvarez3038 Před 11 měsíci +10

      Exactly the situation I'm in now and same thinking..😂😊😢

    • @fmckenzie106
      @fmckenzie106 Před 11 měsíci +6

      I want divorce

  • @nikevabrown6614
    @nikevabrown6614 Před rokem +3730

    Men are simple. Men go after women they want with true intention. If a woman is confused about where she stands with a man that’s all she needs to know. Confusion means he’s not interested….period! Men do not need help pursing women they ACTUALLY want. Take heed!

    • @Nikki.....
      @Nikki..... Před rokem +314

      take into account the love bombers. they make you think that they're so into you and love you but when they get you and you've fallen for them, it all changes. it needs to be consistent.

    • @WernTheDRUID
      @WernTheDRUID Před rokem

      You don’t know a single thing about human psychology do you.

    • @TheConsummateArtist
      @TheConsummateArtist Před rokem +256

      Problem is, the confusion is really a sign within the woman that she has issues she needs to look at and be honest about. Sometimes we create our own outcomes in relationships by being jealous, confused, overthinking, reading too much into a man's actions - but the first question a woman must ask is: why do I feel this way? ... If she looks deeper into that question and sees that the man's actions are inconsistent or questionable, that's one thing. But what if she's actually acting from her own subconscious fears, doubts, and past relationship trauma and putting that interpretation on the man's actions?

    • @nikevabrown6614
      @nikevabrown6614 Před rokem +40

      @@TheConsummateArtist very valid points here!! Thanks for sharing.

    • @ag197906
      @ag197906 Před rokem +53

      I needed to hear this as painful as it may be. Thank u

  • @gulpari8222
    @gulpari8222 Před rokem +813

    If he wants you, he’ll make sure you know. If he’s playing around and making you feel confused, he isn’t serious with you.

    • @nimfall
      @nimfall Před 11 měsíci +20

      wrong he is testing you

    • @Thriftyabundance
      @Thriftyabundance Před 11 měsíci +2

      Explain. Please.

    • @Thriftyabundance
      @Thriftyabundance Před 11 měsíci +3

      @@nimfall explain

    • @nimfall
      @nimfall Před 11 měsíci +8

      @@Thriftyabundance
      if woman are chasing rich and handsome man then they will not take you seriously

    • @nikevabrown6614
      @nikevabrown6614 Před 9 měsíci +33

      @@nimfall and why should a woman deal with being tested? Who has time for games?

  • @kaylaxx2037
    @kaylaxx2037 Před rokem +722

    Heavens!! Ladies, all we need to remember is: if a man likes, you will know it. If he doesn't, you will be confused. It is that simple.

    • @jendabekCZ
      @jendabekCZ Před 7 měsíci +41

      As a man I am telling you it isn't. There are many reasons why a guy can struggle to be clear with his feelings and telling you directly what he wants.

    • @serimanulusoy6511
      @serimanulusoy6511 Před 6 měsíci +6

      @@jendabekCZgood to know 🙏! Thank you !

    • @abhishek2026
      @abhishek2026 Před 3 měsíci

      you are stupid in your thoughts.

    • @lifewithjesseneemachase5404
      @lifewithjesseneemachase5404 Před 2 měsíci +1

      @@jendabekCZwhat are some of the reasons?

    • @jendabekCZ
      @jendabekCZ Před 2 měsíci +9

      @@lifewithjesseneemachase5404 Low self-esteem, shyness, fear of rejection, the presumption that he will impress with disinterest, insecurities, phobias...

  • @kaicanyonellis
    @kaicanyonellis Před rokem +1114

    2:30 "Instead of watching the story unfold, we've created the story before it's happened." That's fire right there.

    • @sassenachdragon
      @sassenachdragon Před rokem +18

      Ain’t that the truth?? I’ve had these conversations go through my head when a guy cancelled on me, I held it in and lo and behold he reached out later that evening (it was prime time and he was talking to me). So yeah the conversations you have going into hyperdrive in your head can drive you nuts!! His reason for cancelling was real and we’re planning to make up for that date this weekend. But like Matthew suggested I’m leaning into the building we’re building not the narrative in my head and we’re getting closer!!

    • @kaicanyonellis
      @kaicanyonellis Před rokem +5

      @@sassenachdragon that's great to hear! Always trying to get better about that myself. Good luck to you on building your building together!

    • @mihaelagadinceanu977
      @mihaelagadinceanu977 Před rokem +2

      True

    • @Radeo
      @Radeo Před 9 měsíci +1

      Young people have the luxury of coming to such conclusions as "watch the story unfold"...because they have time to watch the story unfold.
      Then when the young who have "watched the story" unsuccessfully unfold several times already have become older, they experience less and less the sense of "watch the story" unfold, and more and more some sense of a biological imperative to "get this done".

    • @noticeyourneighbor8649
      @noticeyourneighbor8649 Před 4 měsíci

      Yesssss! 🔥

  • @og6920
    @og6920 Před rokem +549

    How about instead of "reading into things" or overthinking and worrying about what the other person is thinking or doing or feeling, we just be honest with each other. Jesus christ, the games people play.

    • @Coconutshavebadhair
      @Coconutshavebadhair Před rokem +70

      Thing is.. most men promise a lot but lie.

    • @hawkeyesonthewallwatchmanf9032
      @hawkeyesonthewallwatchmanf9032 Před rokem +4

      And you couldn't say that without cursing God, hmmm

    • @Lina-cy2yc
      @Lina-cy2yc Před rokem +38

      in theory. I've tried all the ways. Was honest and open and the truth is.. old and simple as that: if he's into you he is, and he will find the way to be be with you. If he isn't, you can find million of reasons, and that's not gonna change the fact he's not into you.
      Also most of the ppl are not ready for being super open. I think as adults we've developed more subtle ways of telling ppl things, and it doesn't have to in the verbal ways.

    • @ellyrenee
      @ellyrenee Před rokem +10

      @@Coconutshavebadhair then they’re not the right man for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • @pinacolada1393
      @pinacolada1393 Před rokem +24

      People want to have someone on the side while they wait for someone better. When playing the field you must keep your guard strong.

  • @missykasi8248
    @missykasi8248 Před 9 měsíci +358

    When I met my husband I literally "interviewed" him to see if we were compatible. Values, beliefs, moral standards are what keeps you together through all of life's difficult moments.

    • @user-ej5jc5dk1e
      @user-ej5jc5dk1e Před 5 měsíci +2

      ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

    • @shellyjohnson7964
      @shellyjohnson7964 Před 2 měsíci +3

      May I have a copy of ‘said interview’?😅

    • @Z-gg3fc
      @Z-gg3fc Před měsícem +1

      We all need to do this , why waste time not having these important conversations . See it’s her husband now, Months later you realize you guys are not a match. Need to know before proceeding if you are compatible. I’m trying now to ask more questions. ❤

    • @BugDrivenExplorer
      @BugDrivenExplorer Před 15 dny

      Could you share these interview questions😅

  • @cherylross393
    @cherylross393 Před 10 měsíci +159

    If a man wants you,you'll know.....period if not you're not the one!😮😢 Don't chase people who are going away have some respect for yourself. It hurts but chasing isn't the answer

  • @Joshualuv13
    @Joshualuv13 Před 11 měsíci +147

    I find as a woman that often guys give mixed messages because they throw u enough attention to get u into bed, but then not enough for pursuing a relationship, which becomes clearer as it unfolds but gives one hope initially.

    • @juliafisher5844
      @juliafisher5844 Před 10 měsíci +5

      No change there then!

    • @osolvholts
      @osolvholts Před 9 měsíci +9

      🎯

    • @tabbylove86
      @tabbylove86 Před 8 měsíci

      Yeah

    • @emj850
      @emj850 Před 7 měsíci +5

      It's not about the man here in this case it's about women knowing what they want and not tolerating mixed messaging the clearer you are with yourself the better and healthier it will be

    • @tinyking11
      @tinyking11 Před 3 měsíci

      💯‼️

  • @moka91808
    @moka91808 Před 10 měsíci +324

    all my romantic relationships have been built on stories, fantasies of what I want the other person to be and not reality and its taken me 40-years to realize this. This was a great video to show me the process that relationships need to go through to become something real. Thank you!

  • @stinabo77
    @stinabo77 Před rokem +552

    Good points and so true! Have to keep these stages in mind. 1. Admiration 2. Mutual connection/ chemistry 3. Commitment/ both saying yes 4. Compatibility ❤

    • @cindys2995
      @cindys2995 Před rokem +28

      I agree with his steps, but I would rearrange it a little. I see no reason to commit and then assess compatibility. I need to check for that EARLY. Admire, compatible, then connect, then commit, for me.

    • @cheekymonkeygirl3378
      @cheekymonkeygirl3378 Před rokem +11

      Most people have problems with commitment and compatibility because they have a hard time committing and they want to do their own thing so they are not compatible.

    • @svilenaninetta9838
      @svilenaninetta9838 Před 11 měsíci +8

      We had it all but not commitment from his side.

    • @Enjoycapetownbysara
      @Enjoycapetownbysara Před 10 měsíci +8

      @@cindys2995me too! But sometimes you don’t have the entire picture of compatibility before commitment

    • @cindys2995
      @cindys2995 Před 10 měsíci +2

      @@Enjoycapetownbysara True

  • @clip012
    @clip012 Před rokem +247

    5:02 slow down the story happening inside the brain by valuing the work that has been done in real life, don't value the potential.
    5:38 4 stages of importance in potential relationship.
    1) Admiration- not important,
    2) Mutual Connection/ Chemistry- not important,
    3) Commitment, saying yes to be in a relationship- not important,
    4) Compatibility- important

    • @thechildlessmillennial1538
      @thechildlessmillennial1538 Před 6 měsíci +4

      Actually he said stage 3 is important

    • @Frederiekje221
      @Frederiekje221 Před 5 měsíci +1

      All true - untill you meet a borderliner.

    • @hajji1509
      @hajji1509 Před 4 měsíci +1

      They are all important surely. Because for example if you have compatibility only without chemistry (sexual compatibility) that's just a friendship. That's guaranteed hurt down the line.

  • @Swim234
    @Swim234 Před 7 měsíci +27

    I learned the hard way that if a man is
    Going back and fourth with you. One day he’s interested and the next day it’s like your invisible the reason behind that is because the person who he really wants has now become available and your on the sidelines. When he was available for me it’s because the girl who he was actually truly pursuing had rejected him for that moment and I was “available” men are simple. They go for what they want and use the one (if you allow it) who is craving there attention. Not all are users but that confusion and complicated situation I found myself in the answer was truly crystal clear. Guys don’t offer confusion to the woman they truly want to be with.

  • @cynthiagomes2979
    @cynthiagomes2979 Před 9 měsíci +97

    I'm going to wait on who God has for me. It will happen the way God wants it to. I will stay in my place as a woman, a child of God. He directs ALL of my paths. Our paths will cross when God wants them to.

    • @tamasapatra397
      @tamasapatra397 Před 9 měsíci +3

    • @charlottebruce979
      @charlottebruce979 Před 9 měsíci +5

      I did that. It took me 20+ years to find him, but all good things in God's time.

    • @cynthiagomes2979
      @cynthiagomes2979 Před 9 měsíci +1

      @@charlottebruce979 I know!! 27 years for me!! I know who he is. In God's PERFECT timing!!

    • @ElizabethReyes-np1kq
      @ElizabethReyes-np1kq Před 9 měsíci +3

      My friends tell me, I have to do my part, God s not going to put your future husband right on front of you, you have to act as well. But I know God can make him happen just like that! Nothing is imposible when we believe in his power .❤️

    • @cynthiagomes2979
      @cynthiagomes2979 Před 9 měsíci +2

      @ElizabethReyes-np1kq yeah, your friends are directing their own path. Making decisions for themselves. Walking with God and allowing him to direct your paths doesn't involve making decisions for yourself. Listen to your spirit.

  • @kathyokelley9916
    @kathyokelley9916 Před 11 měsíci +240

    Love this, "if my reaction is hysterical, then it is historical".
    Stay present, let the real story unfold, without filling in the details. Simple truths can change everything!!! Love this!

  • @BreNichols94
    @BreNichols94 Před 9 měsíci +118

    I let my ex leave and live his life and I went on to live mine. I learned to accept that I may be alone for ever and became ok with that. 2-3 yrs later, he came back and showed tremendous changes in behavior from the way he was treating me before. Turns out he went and dated someone much worse than me and realized how good he had it with me. Now he’s doing everything right.

    • @catharinamariatheresia1626
      @catharinamariatheresia1626 Před 3 měsíci +9

      How are things now? Still good?

    • @dustymauve8636
      @dustymauve8636 Před 3 měsíci +7

      I wish you all the best! Does he still carry on with his good behavior or was it just hoovering? Please let me know!

    • @Z-gg3fc
      @Z-gg3fc Před 3 měsíci +1

      Oh hell no! He went around sticking his Thing in other women and he’s probably not a good man so nobody wants him and he decided to come crawling back to the sucker that would only take him. Now he’s Doing everything right?? After he is done having his fun, that will not last. Don’t be so pathetic

    • @user0m170
      @user0m170 Před 2 měsíci +2

      This is wild... 2-3 years is a long time. How did you feel about that? I'm so intrigued..
      Most people / general advice I find lean on saying you should never take people back and there's all this weirdness and shame about it. But I'm such a romantic and dunno how to feel about this.
      Also had on and off relationship drama
      All the best to you!

    • @Z-gg3fc
      @Z-gg3fc Před 2 měsíci +4

      @@user0m170 if your okay with knowing he felt like you were not good enough for him in the first place and went around with other women and sleeping with them and Then came back to you? Low self esteem. Have some respect for yourself. Also he will do it again guaranteed. I would never even take back an ex unless it was a shorter period with no body else involved.

  • @i.I.j
    @i.I.j Před 10 měsíci +149

    I am seeing this guy and we have a amazing connection that we both have noted. I've been celibate for a few years we did the "dance" amazing. After I felt a little confused on what "this" was and I might have traded in my celibacy for uncertainty. Well without me even mentioning anything( as it's my problems) he told me how he felt, he made his feeling completely clear for me. We now know what it is❤❤. When a man wants something with you he will make his feelings, plans and desires very clear.

    • @TeenWolfFan1011
      @TeenWolfFan1011 Před 5 měsíci +4

      Wow, that’s exactly what I’m dealing with as well. I am seeing a guy, I have also been celibate for a few years. We have an amazing connection and have a lot in common. Then we did the deed on the second date and I also feel confused and I also feel like I should have waited and that the ball is really now in his court since I gave it up. Now I feel as if he is not talking to me as he used to, there are really no “good mornings” anymore. So it feels like he is distancing himself from me.

    • @catharinamariatheresia1626
      @catharinamariatheresia1626 Před 3 měsíci +3

      How is it now?

    • @ritaportus
      @ritaportus Před 2 měsíci

      O​@@catharinamariatheresia1626

  • @indigenouscuisines1446
    @indigenouscuisines1446 Před 11 měsíci +109

    Dont want to chase and dont wish to be chased. Learn and Practice self love is most important for women I feel..❤

  • @zinedinezidane4771
    @zinedinezidane4771 Před rokem +92

    Agree all this dating tips give me anxiety.. can't we just be real and honest. Is that too much to ask. We are all too broken anyways to hold meaningful relationships it's literally a lot out here when it comes to dating.

    • @jarkachalmovianska7812
      @jarkachalmovianska7812 Před rokem +9

      Exactly all these stupid games al the time

    • @sandramirekuayim1161
      @sandramirekuayim1161 Před 10 měsíci +7

      People are just mean, bleeding on those that didn't cut them. Cos why should mutual love be this complicated...

  • @jessicasinclair323
    @jessicasinclair323 Před 8 měsíci +34

    Come from nothing with no expectations. Dance in actual face to face conversations you have with them, (not on the phone or on social media). Expect nothing and enjoy being present in the moment. Leave your fantasies behind. If you both truly appreciate and enjoy the present interaction with one another, you may very well become platonic friends which is so much more rewarding than sexual relationships in general

  • @nscales20
    @nscales20 Před rokem +173

    I’m just glad I’m not the only who does everything he described. I thought I was so crazy. I’ve done this all my life and I would feel so ridiculous.

    • @janataylor6869
      @janataylor6869 Před rokem +7

      I know, right?! 😅
      Even some men do this

    • @staejaye1910
      @staejaye1910 Před 11 měsíci +5

      Same

    • @aeliciaallen8268
      @aeliciaallen8268 Před 9 měsíci +2

      Me too❤

    • @kirbykipling9515
      @kirbykipling9515 Před 9 měsíci +11

      Don't feel ridiculous. And you're not crazy. When you know better, you do better. It's called growth with what you go through.

  • @cindys2995
    @cindys2995 Před rokem +65

    Experience has taught me that COMPATIBILITY is FIRST or SECOND. Why get involved before that? ASK tough questions and do that work EARLY! Once you're in, you'll be way more likely to ignore flags!

    • @Jackyguty
      @Jackyguty Před 9 měsíci +9

      This is soo true . You’ll definitely ignore the red flags cuz you want to hold on to the relationship

    • @emj850
      @emj850 Před 7 měsíci +1

      Compatibility will never be first because in order to start talking to someone you have to have the initial attraction

    • @cindys2995
      @cindys2995 Před 7 měsíci +1

      @@emj850 I'm not talking about attraction. Obviously you have an initial interest. I said what life has taught ME about getting involved further.

  • @joannegomes5099
    @joannegomes5099 Před 8 měsíci +30

    I feel a weight lifted.. by this message.. I want a man.. but he does not want me... I have been building my and driving my self nuts story.. . thank you for this message

  • @starbright2683
    @starbright2683 Před 11 měsíci +151

    I am SO tired of hearing people say that if something hurts your feelings, it is because you must have unresolved trauma in your childhood.
    How about being ghosted by someone you are consistently talking to, dating, and possibly sleeping with, at any point in a relationship, is traumatic and horrible!
    Stop invalidating the feelings, experiences, and expectations of women!

    • @desi9358
      @desi9358 Před 10 měsíci +9

      Well said

    • @RomyaRana
      @RomyaRana Před 10 měsíci

      Th3 other day i was thinking, These idiotic sitcoms like Himym and friends has destroyed the idea of GRIEF, these mofos are laughing among their friends, hopping in bed with someone in the next episode. Real life sucks! In real life being apart from someone hurts like shit, as if someone has punched you in the guts, you cry, cant think or work properly... idiotic hollywood dramas. Fck em

    • @sallybella8824
      @sallybella8824 Před 9 měsíci +4

      Invalidating the expectations is logical and reasonable when the expectations are based on pure fantasy. It's called grow up.

    • @takentoday
      @takentoday Před 8 měsíci +6

      Both of those things can be true. Being attracted to someone who isn't confident about how they feel with you can be a trauma response. It's not invalidating to say that - it still matters and it's still important wherever it comes from

    • @winspiff
      @winspiff Před 2 měsíci +3

      You are saying that someone who already was invested in building suddenly left. Being upset about that isn’t hysterical, it is understandable and valid.
      Hysterical would be if someone you’d never met ghosted you in the first date, and you were upset for weeks mourning what could have been. That’s what he’s talking about.

  • @tinyking11
    @tinyking11 Před 9 měsíci +63

    This interview was amazing. He’s spot on. I’m definitely the one that overthinks or catches feelings from great chemistry & conversation bc I don’t connect with too many men. It’s rare for me.

    • @Hmy87
      @Hmy87 Před 8 měsíci +6

      Same for me.
      I feel weird sometimes around other people because I can’t move on easily as I can’t see many people. It’s so overwhelming for me.

    • @gumaber_
      @gumaber_ Před 3 měsíci +2

      Same for me. It’s hard to connect so I get attached so easily when it happens.

    • @tinyking11
      @tinyking11 Před 3 měsíci +5

      @@gumaber_ You just described me. I’m picky af when it comes to men but when I find someone I’m actually attracted to on all levels I become head over heels bc it rarely happens. In the end I always get played or love bombed. Now I’m currently dating men I’m not attracted to or don’t like bc I always benefit in the end. 🤦🏽‍♀️😐 I hate dating bc it never works out for me long term. The feelings are never mutual. Most mehn I’m attracted to only Lust for me they don’t genuinely like me.

    • @gumaber_
      @gumaber_ Před 3 měsíci +1

      @@tinyking11 i was a victim of love bombing too. I hope you find the right guy for you so you can be with someone you really like.

    • @tinyking11
      @tinyking11 Před 3 měsíci +1

      @@gumaber_ Thanks so much for the positivity I receive it. I wish the same for you as well. 🙏🏽❤️

  • @starbright2683
    @starbright2683 Před 11 měsíci +50

    It is not "insane" to feel heartbreak after three weeks. Many people get engaged or married in three months!

  • @amanac5403
    @amanac5403 Před 8 měsíci +91

    I was needing to hear those words today.
    Stop chasing and be the chased.
    Thank you ♡

    • @guitarsoundsaround
      @guitarsoundsaround Před měsícem

      Yeah, hard pass. That’s a time waster. Get out there and chase ladies!
      One will want your company eventually.

  • @samaracharlotin
    @samaracharlotin Před 10 měsíci +59

    I unfortunately just did this. I went on a trip to a different state and although the trip wasn't for this guy, I intended to hang out with him AND we planned to see each other, yeah well he completely ghosted me and it was our 2nd time hanging out (it legit was an amazing time and he was acting like I wanted as in it was a dream ) and its crazy bc I legit created this story in my head before even meeting him. I pursued him instantly and although everything went perfect both times we hung out, he only saw me one day out of the trip. I was so heartbroken but then when I got back home like this is our 2nd time hanging out and yes he was definitely going along with telling me he feels the same and blah blah, but I calmed down when I got back home after blaming myself for so much. moral of the story, just realized I shouldn't of romanticized so much on this person when we barely even know each other. my toxic trait is wanting these things so bad, so already creating a script of our lives and then get heartbroken when this person doesn't think the same, lol yes im insane but im a lover girl and when I feel the connection its like the thing to me. idk crazy/ Matthew soooo spot on, needed to vent this out.

    • @burnerinsyd
      @burnerinsyd Před 9 měsíci +14

      I hear you! That's me too unfortunately. And even though I'm aware of it now I still fall in the same trap. I just claw myself out of it faster now.

    • @shaunajones3244
      @shaunajones3244 Před 9 měsíci +4

      No your not. I used to do this too. I learned my lesson though.

    • @y.e.9907
      @y.e.9907 Před 9 měsíci +5

      Did this as well lol

    • @CrockyDile15
      @CrockyDile15 Před 9 měsíci +4

      I'm like this too girl 😂 I realized I need to chill, and simply let the man lead.

  • @agnesr.4664
    @agnesr.4664 Před 9 měsíci +94

    Four stages of a relationship (around 5:20):
    1. Admiration.
    2. Connection/Chemistry (mutual admiration).
    3. Commitment (Saying yes to each other).
    4. Compatibility.
    -> This was a revelation to me. I guess, I am at maybe stage 2 - now we need to see if it is worth moving forward. And it would not be a DRAMA to decide if that is not. Basically, my take from this: Don't write the story before it happens by forbidding things to develop without pressure. THANK YOU, Matthew. There's clearly wisdom in what you are saying about this topic. Appreciate it.

    • @rehemaparmena4714
      @rehemaparmena4714 Před 9 měsíci +4

      Shouldn't stages 3 and 4 be switched ? I think compatibility should come before committment.

    • @otaku4Gaijin
      @otaku4Gaijin Před 7 měsíci +2

      ​@rehemaparmena4714 Right. Or more accurately, compatibility (I), commitment, compatibility (II).
      There are some things we cannot know without actually taking risk and being in a relationship with a person; however, many do-or-die questions regarding values, beliefs, lifestyle, past relationships, upbringing (attachment style), mutual future direction in life should be known before commitment is made. Then, go from there to see whether you're TRULY compatible.

    • @Sfw20brinoue
      @Sfw20brinoue Před měsícem

      When he got to stage 2 he said he feels too emotionally into me he wants less meeting time and less talking time to get clarity

  • @CrystalDatingCoach
    @CrystalDatingCoach Před 6 měsíci +11

    Love is not what you say but what you do.

  • @patricialantigua
    @patricialantigua Před 3 dny +1

    You’re so right!!! I never want anyone in my life that can’t pick up a phone and call me. I’ve worked too hard on myself to not just heal , but made Whole by GOD YEHOVA THE CREATOR. And trust me, my brain took me there once and I learned and realized I was the problem.
    I had to ask my self ,”what do I need to deal with internally that I thought it was okay to be treated that way?”
    If anyone doesn’t like me, want me or celebrate me.
    Be it a lover or friends or family. I dust my feet and go. I don’t get offended or hurt. I just go 😆 now and theres so much peace in that.
    I want and need the stages one to 4 and a future.

  • @julietruesdell.371
    @julietruesdell.371 Před 10 měsíci +31

    Love is a choice to do everyday..it's not selfish or single minded..settle disputes quickly before the wrong outcome effects to the point of not continuing and growing..nurture each other..love all his or her insecurities and fears..please communicate!

  • @o_m8717
    @o_m8717 Před rokem +35

    This guy is just so WISE. Thank goodness for his existence!

  • @cynthiakila1161
    @cynthiakila1161 Před rokem +71

    He’s answering illogical questions logically . This is truth. ❤

  • @priscillarose_
    @priscillarose_ Před 10 měsíci +112

    On point we create a story line and when it doesn’t happen frustration follows and because we expected something.

  • @insightful_fairy8743
    @insightful_fairy8743 Před 9 měsíci +33

    If men were just honest and up front with how they feel then women wouldn’t have to wonder all this! Lol

    • @sallybella8824
      @sallybella8824 Před 9 měsíci +1

      But they are! If they want you you will know and feel it in security and stability. If they don't you will feel confusion. That's it.

    • @brennam954
      @brennam954 Před 7 měsíci

      @@sallybella8824If they play games with you, love bomb you, then you won't necessarily know. It's only something that's revealed with time.

    • @888alp
      @888alp Před 5 měsíci

      Yes, this is true

  • @joancarol1970
    @joancarol1970 Před rokem +87

    This video will help us all to grow up and to stop hurting ourselves

  • @Inca1122
    @Inca1122 Před 9 měsíci +36

    Better than any therapy. Listen on repeat!

  • @teresapesce8432
    @teresapesce8432 Před rokem +9

    Douglas and Zeta-Jones were first introduced in 1998.”I had been told Michael Douglas wanted to meet me,” the Chicago actress told Larry King in 2001. “I was a little nervous because I didn’t quite know what he wanted to meet me about.” Douglas and Zeta-Jones were first introduced in 1998.”I had been told Michael Douglas wanted to meet me,” the Chicago actress told Larry King in 2001. “I was a little nervous because I didn’t quite know what he wanted to meet me about.”
    Meanwhile, the Falling Down actor knew immediately that the duo would have a future together - but worried that a cheesy pickup line might have ruined his chances.
    “I said to her after about half an hour [of hanging out], ‘You know, I’m going to be the father of your children,’” he revealed during a 2016 appearance on The Jonathan Ross Show. “It sounded good, and she said, ‘You know, I’ve heard a lot about you and I’ve seen a lot about you, and I think it’s time I say goodnight.'”
    To correct his mistake, The Kominsky Method star sent her flowers and an apology, which seemed to work. He proposed to his love in 1999 and they said “I do” nearly one year later.

  • @patriciapeeters7
    @patriciapeeters7 Před rokem +34

    Selflove is key!!!!!

  • @anonanon8974
    @anonanon8974 Před 8 měsíci +12

    Holy moly. This was terrifying to watch. Mind-blowingly accurate.

  • @YGb-127
    @YGb-127 Před 11 měsíci +14

    Imo, compatability must be identified before going into commitment. Yes, you need flexibility and leniency. Just dont compromise on compatability.

  • @k-luffydev1686
    @k-luffydev1686 Před 5 měsíci +4

    I know its a long shot in the dark for anyone to read this or for him to come back to me, i had a rough childhood and never felt safe or seen neither from family nor friends, when i met and he hugged me for the first time in my 32 years or living i felt it, i felt safe and that i could let go and be who i want to be, and he treated me with utmost care and gave me all the hints he wants to be with me, but only to say lets end it before someone gets hurt, i get it.. but i wish i could feel it again, i wish i could be with him but i dont want to force it, i will be fine, just a little tired.

  • @sheilazimmerman3905
    @sheilazimmerman3905 Před 9 měsíci +49

    I began to value the friendship more than anything, and I’m so happy I did🌸

  • @preciousmousse
    @preciousmousse Před 9 měsíci +7

    My self confidence, independence, ease with myself and my sexuality are at nuclear levels. It took a lot of working on my independence, dreams and mental health, and I can tell you that looking at things from this side, men are used to being begged for, to play games feeling confident that they are the master manipulator in the game, and, ultimately, used to being this version of themselves that wastes their own time on b*s* and ego boost. I'm not drawing any quality comparison between sexes (I've never dated women nor will), I'm just describing what I observe from the bright side.
    Thank you for your work, Matthew, it’s definitely been part of my journey! 🙏

  • @sandramirekuayim1161
    @sandramirekuayim1161 Před 10 měsíci +5

    Well sometimes we do create stories before they occur by the help of our instincts. More often than not, whatever we envisaged wasn't so far from the truth. Some men can be really toxic!

  • @ollybossy
    @ollybossy Před rokem +2

    I am addicted to your channel.. 💕

  • @DailamiPuang
    @DailamiPuang Před rokem +308

    Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

    • @peterwilliams6361
      @peterwilliams6361 Před rokem +8

      there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

    • @DailamiPuang
      @DailamiPuang Před rokem +2

      @@peterwilliams6361 its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.

    • @peterwilliams6361
      @peterwilliams6361 Před rokem +2

      @@DailamiPuang this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.

    • @banganimay1526
      @banganimay1526 Před rokem +5

      ​@peterwilliams6361 , the best thing to do is work on yourself. Remember what attracted to you in the first place.

    • @stellawil
      @stellawil Před 8 měsíci

      Wishing you and your wife the best❤!

  • @estellel412
    @estellel412 Před 9 měsíci

    Best relationship analysis I ever heard.
    Thank you.

  • @Jenna-op9lx
    @Jenna-op9lx Před 8 měsíci +6

    If the reaction is hysterical then it is historical. That is brilliant, Matthew! ❤❤❤

  • @MsGaella
    @MsGaella Před rokem +3

    Brilliant. Thank you.

  • @bojangles95
    @bojangles95 Před rokem +7

    This speaks to me so much

  • @nikkileader3995
    @nikkileader3995 Před 9 měsíci +2

    SO much gold here and understanding attachment styles to work alongside this is Platinum!!

  • @virginiastrother4098
    @virginiastrother4098 Před 3 měsíci +3

    Dudes smart. He knows exactly what’s up. Expectations are a killer. It’s really this simple… if they want you they make it happens.

  • @XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO25
    @XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO25 Před 9 měsíci +4

    I need to listen to this everyday

  • @Bbbbbbb486
    @Bbbbbbb486 Před rokem +24

    I love both of y’all! Glad y’all made this collab :)

  • @user-iw6rv4hw9y
    @user-iw6rv4hw9y Před rokem +18

    Wow this was so enlightening 😊🙏🏽❤️

  • @cristi8995
    @cristi8995 Před rokem +6

    Wow, this is so true. I need to listen to this like 5 more times. I give so much. Andddd it kind of bites me.

  • @MB-iq9ew
    @MB-iq9ew Před 8 měsíci +1

    such an important points discussed, great to listen and it really helps to understand certain behaviors and move on with life

  • @paulinesimamane9968
    @paulinesimamane9968 Před rokem +4

    This guest is so on point...wisdom

  • @Illbedoctor
    @Illbedoctor Před rokem +6

    I needed to hear this!

  • @user-xv6re4ty6x
    @user-xv6re4ty6x Před 9 měsíci +1

    One of the best videos of Matt! Thanks again! 😊

  • @quirkyquester
    @quirkyquester Před rokem +15

    This video is life changing, thank you!

  • @murieljacob8588
    @murieljacob8588 Před 10 měsíci +8

    Thank you for your advice, Matthew! I must confess that each time I watch a video of yours I then feel content because I know now that I am doing the right things because of your advice 😊. Plus I love your accent 👍🏼

  • @joowen3266
    @joowen3266 Před 9 měsíci +3

    This is so good! The four stages is wonderfully clarifying. Thank you!

  • @natureflowadventure4158
    @natureflowadventure4158 Před 7 měsíci

    This is so true! Wow. Love this advice

  • @TheMisssy2
    @TheMisssy2 Před 3 měsíci +1

    It sucks that it is so true that compatibility ends many relationships...I was a day person, he was a night....I never thought anything could break us....

  • @irinen5217
    @irinen5217 Před 9 měsíci

    Perfect timing 🙏

  • @anitachojnacki4512
    @anitachojnacki4512 Před 9 měsíci

    Soooo spot on

  • @DayaMcCarthy
    @DayaMcCarthy Před 4 měsíci +3

    This man gives amazing knowledge that doesn't just apply to romantic relationships but friendships as well

  • @sarahdcollins_
    @sarahdcollins_ Před měsícem

    I never comment on videos, but this video came at a timely manner for me. Literally read my mail. Thank you

  • @Illuminatelove36
    @Illuminatelove36 Před rokem +2

    ❤THANK YOU. Healing isn't really taught...Bandaid are the quick solution. GRATEFUL learning to Authentically heal

  • @mostpowerfulquotes
    @mostpowerfulquotes Před rokem +19

    If a man like you then you already know it

  • @helenhui8523
    @helenhui8523 Před 9 měsíci

    Awesome explanation

  • @khanyimasombuka1228
    @khanyimasombuka1228 Před 11 měsíci +33

    "If the reaction is hysterical then its historical" wow ❤

  • @ayumisakaguchi3624
    @ayumisakaguchi3624 Před 9 měsíci +3

    I needed to watch this video 😂🤣🫶🏼 thank you for the content ❤

  • @queenmarissa
    @queenmarissa Před 9 měsíci +13

    Beautifully said in every way. I love your reactions Lisa you are just the cutest most authentic beautiful human. Thank you for loving us and sharing this with us ❤🙏🏻💖🥳🤗

  • @lindagatwiri869
    @lindagatwiri869 Před 10 měsíci +4

    Quite insightful,thank you. I now know where I need to invest my time in and that's me for now.

  • @CA-hl4hi
    @CA-hl4hi Před 7 měsíci +3

    Sometimes there are reasons why he or she cannot invest at present. It needs to be your choice if you stay or not. Timing is everything- it may not be the right timing for both of you.

  • @Bronwnie85
    @Bronwnie85 Před 10 měsíci

    Best thing l heard all day 🙌👏🏻

  • @lucianadosanjos4070
    @lucianadosanjos4070 Před 3 měsíci +2

    Compatibility is so important! Couldn't agree more with Matt

  • @spyderqueentrading
    @spyderqueentrading Před 3 měsíci

    Instead of watching a story unfold we try to create the story instead.... THAT was great!!

  • @jadestewart7499
    @jadestewart7499 Před 10 měsíci +65

    Honestly I think if you feel desperate for a relationship this is what happens, you over think it

    • @sandramirekuayim1161
      @sandramirekuayim1161 Před 10 měsíci +6

      I strongly agree cos what more could make us victims of such unpleasantries...

    • @c.h.5559
      @c.h.5559 Před 6 měsíci

      Spot on ! This bloke is as super into m after 1 meet up .., he didn’t even ask me Q so he doesn’t really know me .. I would think I looked attractive to him without trying hard I mean . Then as the week progressed I felt uncomfortable as I couid tell in his communication he was sold / done thinking I’m all in ( even tho he didn’t actudlly check in with me) and he didn’t show any effort to plan ahead .. kept asking me to
      Calll and drop in .. kept asking wjtnni finish woek wooah dude .. invest more !!!! I can be trim if to help too straightforward but he wasn’t reading my little signs . I was getting stressed . it ended up resolving unexpectedly easily when I did something important to me but usually wouidnt so early … I asked if he’d listen to a little something on health & wellness I was listening to that was fascinating and I’d like to share . I said in text that health is trying to be the most healthy and hsppy is important to me …. He said “ good luck to you “ and dropped communication 😮. Well clearly he wants to keep drinking and regularly visiting the pub snd run from any hint of health .., so not my guy !! I’m glad I was “me “upfront

    • @spleenog
      @spleenog Před měsícem

      What to do when no sign of a relationship comes to you though? You end up looking for it.

  • @Odaat2-18
    @Odaat2-18 Před 6 měsíci

    Brilliant. Castle analogy very helpful.

  • @ranikster9955
    @ranikster9955 Před 10 měsíci +11

    Yes!!! Let the guy go, and see if he comes if after you. If he does, then maybe he deserves you.

  • @SharieFoster
    @SharieFoster Před 2 měsíci +2

    The magnificence of your clarity on this VERY IMPORTANT subject is PIVOTAL, educational and life changing. THANKYOU Matthew! And thank you, Lisa for hosting him.

  • @Chrissy.H
    @Chrissy.H Před 7 měsíci +1

    He is good. There is a reason he is top of his game.

  • @annettepartida9213
    @annettepartida9213 Před 7 měsíci

    Wow. This is gold.

  • @christineabbot6987
    @christineabbot6987 Před měsícem

    THIS IS VERY GOOD!

  • @mays339
    @mays339 Před 10 dny

    This is so brilliant! 🎉

  • @herbely247
    @herbely247 Před 6 měsíci

    eye opening - thank you so much!!!

  • @bigbanktai8204
    @bigbanktai8204 Před 9 měsíci +1

    Yes smiply put .. love is not enough. You need love and plenty more to flourish its sad but its the truth .

  • @coachtammyspeaks
    @coachtammyspeaks Před 3 měsíci +2

    OMG! If the reaction is hysterical, its historical. That is epic!

  • @macareuxmoine
    @macareuxmoine Před 2 měsíci

    That’s a fantastic short analysis. A situation a found myself in way too often. Thanks to both of you 🫶🏻

  • @karenshipley966
    @karenshipley966 Před 2 měsíci

    Thanks Lisa!❤I've learned so much from you!

  • @rosiemac2538
    @rosiemac2538 Před 9 měsíci +1

    Wise Words❤

  • @dejesuso4329
    @dejesuso4329 Před 4 měsíci

    Great topic and insightful

  • @BernadethBautista-pj3hl
    @BernadethBautista-pj3hl Před 8 měsíci

    I like the way his advice MATTHEW HUSSEY. His really good