Want More From Someone? DO NOT Chase; Do THIS Instead!
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- čas přidán 22. 05. 2024
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In today’s new video, I share very specific principles that will be useful the next time you feel like you’re getting carried away with someone you like. And remember, no one (including yourself!) should make you feel like you’re “not enough.” No matter who you’re dating, by investing in yourself, you can come into any situation feeling like an equal.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:47 - A Common Mistake in Early Dating
1:47 - 2:23 - Trying Harder When We Like Someone
2:23 - 3:54 - Dave Mustaine and Pete Best
3:54 - 4:41 - Learning to Value the Right Things
4:41 - 6:44 - Legs Under the Table
6:44 - 8:00 - “F-You Confidence”
8:00 - 10:51 - Don’t Let the New Relationship Diminish You
10:51 - 13:42 - Invest in Yourself
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Hi Mathew 👋 I watch manifesting video. They do not work .I've only ever really loved one man .and yes I used to chase him.not anymore for a long time .I get on with my own life but I know I will Die loving him and knowing he was the right man but he's not coming back
@@aquariusstarchild5156 same situation and I’m done with the chasing because he’s made so many promises to me for three years now ,I even got an engagement ring/ promise ring , it’s not only beautiful, but it is real unlike my last engagement ring from my ex, this man was supposed to be separating from his wife and they live a completely separate life but I’m so done with the constant lies and excuses and promises. I just can’t do it anymore. I am beyond heartbroken, and I don’t want to ever date again if it means going through this and it’s unfortunate that there really aren’t many honest and good guys out there that’s just what I feel and what I’ve seen.
What are the dates?
I'm ME. I LOVE ME
Could you, please, block the trolls that use your (Matthew Hussey's) photo as their profile picture and spam the viewers and try to scam them? It's so annoying. They keep tagging people under the comments and don't disappear, even though I keep reporting them.
Don't be out there losing your mind for someone who wouldn't mind losing you.
Wow a statement.
Wow what a good statement.
@@vivpayton3959 I'm not so profound, I'm just repeating a friend. I had to learn this the hard way this summer.🥲
Goddamn right.
Real
If you are chasing, it is because they are running away. Why keep someone in your life that doesn't want to keep you in theirs...
Because insecurity and desperation is a cruel puppeteer
@@MrNightpwner Wow. Love the way you worded that! And sadly, so true.😂😢🥰
@@cherylh4688 when we focus on the lack and what we dont have, it vibrates more n more. those feelings of sadness and why not is inevitable
Because sometimes its better the devil you know...and constantly meeting new people can be very tiring after awhile.
@@michaelmaruszewski5323 - [ ] channeling that energy like ahhh todays a good day for lovers, a good day to love. each day is. channeling that and feeling that energy, even without a partner, is so essential to welcoming that vibration into your life
"Real confidence is the ability to say no to things you DO want, when you know they're not right for you" 🔥🔥🔥
I also thought this was a really important point he made. It relates to my own situations in the past.
There is a girl I like, but I say no and I am not the best for you
Mixed messages or NO message are both very clear messages: they don't want you. You deserve someone who WANTS you unequivocally.
Very true. Mixed messages can sometimes be worth persevering with if the person is genuinely apprehensive or maybe nervous about committing to something, but not if they’re playing games and keeping their options open.
Very true.
I wish I had read this when you posted this 4 months ago when I met the person who ended up hurting me.
But what if the only people who seem to pursue you weigh more than you and you like fit women like yourself?
@@michaelbarrett9107 ?
"Real confidence isn't the ability to say no to things you don't want, real confidence is the ability to say no to things you do want when they're not right for you" - damn, this hit me.
Timestamp
Same. I wrote it down
Very easy to say! Bloody hard to do. But it’s exactly what I need to do right now…
Powerful! And totally true
So true
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Great video! Never stop doing the things that bring you joy. Invest in yourself. Never stop becoming the very best version of yourself. I’ve seen too many people get tripped up when they lose sight of their own journey and sacrifice their own best life for someone who eventually leaves them.
Everyone needs a purpose.
Thank you for sharing your experience!🙏
I wrote this bloody book
I'm really glad to hear the opinion of a divorce lawyer.. I'm 46 physically active never been married I have a couple of kids I share with their dad's.... I want to hear more about people get divorced... I know that staying together is I think having God involved in your marriage is helpful having respect honesty communication annoying you can trust them a spark have date night every week be there for each other I think the list goes on
Excellent advice! It's such a shame that individuals accumulate resources, get involved with selfish, self centered individuals, lose those resources and have to start all over again after a divorce.
Who else is here watching this while waiting for a reply from that person you want to connect with? It's so easy to get stuck in our heads and ruminate over every little thing that's said or isn't said
Shhh😢
In junior high this poem was on a poster
Love is like a butterfly
When you chase it
It eludes you..
When you put your attention on other things..
It sofltly comes and seats on your shoulder..
This is wonderful.
So true!!
❤️🔥
Yep, so very true, live you life to your fullest without needing anyone but if someone amazing walks in, be ready to open your heart but don't comprimise yourself and what's important to you.x
No one should be chasing or pursuing someone. You two should be running towards each other if you click.
So on point !!!
This.
Precisely... And then no one who get heart broken...
Thank you
Hmm, so pursuing and chasing is running towards.
In short : if you find the person you want, and that person is interested in you, do NOT change in order to better suit that person. Because then you change what attracted that person to you.
Profound!!!!
Absolutly
Now that's a good quote, thanks for saying that
Standard feminist message : never do anything for a man.
@@jackdeniston59 Standard Sigma male reaction : I don't need you, but I may want you. But I don't want you if you don't put in any effort.
I started a relationship with a girl 1 month ago, she seemed amazing, comprehensive, a 10 out of 10. A few days after we made things official she began giving me less and less attentions, she was a complete differrent person. I have been in relationships and I don't consider myself emotionally weak but this change of her behavour destroyed me. In just a month I started feeling insicure about myself and I kept asking why that happened, why I always have to do everything first. I needed this video, made me realise she was litterally monopolising my thoughts and making me feel addicted to her. I will spend more time building up my "legs" and if she doesn't change, it is what it is, I still have more important things. Thank you man, you made my day.
Is it possible that you stopped doing things that made her want you as soon as you made it official? A lot of men do that whether they realize it or not. That makes the woman feel bad which of course will affect her behavior toward you. Not saying you DID that, but pointing out the possibility…..
While you’re busy feeling insecure and checking out of the relationship, she may be wondering why you suddenly changed and feeling hurt and confused.
Update ?
@@LinnLinnok-fe5tq do we know that this person is a man? It could be a queer woman. Their pfp is gender neutral
just happened to me, too. not into a relationship just yet, but everything was going perfect and boom. Thank you for sharing and huge thanks to Matthew
Same here. 3-4 months in. Gathered enough strength to cut the relationship. She keeps insisting I did it right after she started getting "hopeful", which is absolute BS. Always gaslighting me that I'm not enough. Telling me hurtful things like she fill find another one if I don't change, that I need to go to therapy, saying that we're all the same, questioning the relationship repeatedly, walking away from me and just ignoring me.
My elderly friend used to say"I don't want someone who doesn't want me "! Lots of truth to that.
The person that cares the least has full control of any relationship.
True
100% I saw it with my ex girlfriend as well, she did the least yet she had the power in the relationship 😅😅😅
@@oceanviewZA Ya, you gotta read the tea leaves. When they pull away and think they can do better, the relationship is over. Never chase them. Kick them through the uprights and move on. Maintain your dignity
@@danbev9313 I totally agree I was most recently in a relationship and from being happy to an instant break up. She didn't even give me a choice, over the past few days I was trying to understand why and she kept disrespecting me. Yesterday I told myself to screw it, I blocked her and deleted her number. I realized, there's no point in chasing. Never again
@@oceanviewZA
Good for you. I know its not easy and a blow to your pride....but just remember we all get kicked in the balls at some point in our lives. Chances are she checked out of the relationship a while ago and just didnt have the back bone to tell you.
Always keep women at arms distance. Never let them know you are "all in".
So basically, the best relationship happens when your core focus is yourself! But not in a selfish or conceited way. Great advise Mathew❤
Be a giver not a taker to fill joyful. Do things you enjoy and a partner that adds to it. Vs taking away from. ( mission, values, lifestyle )
Focusing on myself is what I always do regardless of a relationship.
I think it’s also important to understand the difference between taking initiative to make your interest clear to her and chasing when she’s clearly not interested. Sometimes, the whole forcing to be emotionless and only focus on yourself thing can lead to lifetime of loneliness and jaded nihilism. It’s not wrong to show interest. However, if she rejects it, then any further initiatives are just simpy and unhealthy. It’s all about self awareness and balance.
Yes!
Taking initiative based on genuine interest is a really good thing and having that initiative be met with respect and enthusiasm is even better… and not impossible . Chasing is not at all worth it….
*WELL SAID!*
Can you elaborate more on the balance part, specifically how that would look like for a person tipping between that hope and desire to be with someone not entirely sure if they feel the same way about you as you do with them and not falling for that jaded nihilism of self improvement that leads to loneliness, a fate opposite of love and companionship, please?
@@norlancruz917 just gotta make it clear that you are into that person. The more clear you are, the more you’ll know if they reciprocate or not before being too emotionally invested in them. People become jaded due to too many times of being emotionally invested and finding out that the feelings were never mutual.
'When relationships don't feel easy, it's not worth your effort'
Okay yikes this one is really bad. 100% of relationships will go through times that don't feel easy. This type of thinking is why damn near every single relationship ends up failing these days. As soon as it's no longer easy, people just give up. Claiming that NO relationship is worth ANY effort is absolutely fkn wild
Actually when it does come easy, you don’t want it anymore. Things worth having are hard to get.
Umm..married people say it's work..inthink everyone is lying
Real confidence is when you can say no to something that you want because you know it's not good for you. Well Said.
I’m
Doing this now ❤
That’s not confidence that’s called self discipline..
@@adminbusinessdevelopment6220 it takes lot of self love to do this 💯
Well Matt you’ve done it again. You’ve been spying on my life. Brought me to tears.
I walked away repeatedly and kept going back.
Until he finally ended it and my table came crashing down.
I just turned 33. Occasionally, friends and family ask why am I still single. Truth is, it wasn't until my 30's were I really started to challenge my relationship with myself. No matter what life goal I achieved, it didn't matter, my internal dialogue could only fixate on my weaknesses. Applying self compassion has truly changed me and the confidence I bring to any situation. To everyone here trying to grow themselves, you should be so incredibly proud of yourselves 😊
This message really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing.
I disagree with Matt. We live in a matriarchy, so women do the choosing. They should therefore chase men while men wait for them
Glad to hear this, even ur age n attitude is same wid me.. mucho gracias ❤
It's no business why your not married yet I was 30 before I got married then got divorce after 8 years got custody my daughter I raised her til she got on her own Never dated no one for long time cause daughter was main priority I was called gay and bunch stuff People can be so cruel
I'm in the exact same position, even age. Cheers
It took me a long time but I finally understand (or feel comfortable with) the idea that I won’t have to chase after the right person because the right person won’t make me feel that I have to do that. They’ll show attention without me forcing it and I’ll be able to give everything I have without ever feeling like it’s not enough. And there’s no need to rush it, because I’m fine on my own building up my “table” and anything I add to it will be a welcome addition but won’t become a necessity if something goes awry.
Pretty much, if you constantly feel anxious etc etc, it is already lost.
Affirm it! 😌
@GMAceM Everything about human nature is seasonal. There is no such thing as the right person. There is a such thing as the right person, for a particular moment in time. Right people have the potential to turn into the wrong people, and vice versa. Thats because life is seasonal, not monolithic.
Just look at all of your friendships in a lifetime. Some were the right people, that eventually turned into the wrong people.
This has taken all the stress and depression from the past few days out of my life. Thank you.
My eyes watered at this, because it took a lot of heart ache to realize that I’m responsible for my own happiness. Its such a relief.
Oh, that's heavy and a bit toxic in a way. You are not responsible. You have no control over random events that may get in the way of fortunate events coming your way or over unpredictable reactions of other people towards you. But you have total control over your own perception of events that can hurt you. I think you should read some books by Victor Frankl and other experts in "posiitve psychology". And no, it's not about "being responsible for your own happiness" but most of people who belonged to this movement in psychology have came out alive from war camps during WW II and managed to get a good life afterwards. And I guarantee you wanna know how they managed to accomplish something like this.
Buddhist philosophy
Same here 💕
I'm in that pain, its a sort of addiction, and rehab
Oh dip
This comment hit hard
FU confidence is honestly a game changer, and it's one of the best ways to scare of narcissists too. They won't want anything to do with you, and the good people think you're cool.
I love this post!!
Yep i just did an FU to a narcissistic mama's boy and the person couldnt believe it he didnt even have a retort for me!! He is still in shock!!!
@@chercher304re you sure they’re a deep narcissist if they’re a mamas boy?
If you want others to love you and respect you, first you have to love and respect yourself.
This is not true. It’s a toxic positivity mantra. You can be loved and respected whether you love and respect yourself or not. You can despise yourself and still someone can and will love you. It’s not conditional.
My dude, wtf, I am literally 2h away from asking someone out, and this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear to feel less anxious. Thank you for this message.
Good luck on the asking out!
@@cocochanel1399 Didn't end up working out but that ended up being good, because after being sad for her (since she doesn't know how good a relationship between us could've been) and angry with myself for not being able to perform at my best in the moment, it finally hit me that I shouldn't feel bad for not being able to save someone who doesn't want to be saved, which is something my friends have been telling me for over a decade now, so in my opinion this "no" did way more good than bad to me so I'm happy that things didn't go as planned lol
Update?
@@hazydave420 Why don’t you just read ?
So, how did it go 😊
Very very true. I have fallen into that trap fair number of times. In my case, men treated me like "reserve" until they find "something better", like someone younger, more pretty, more something I am apparently not, or whatever. And few times I've fallen into that stupid trap because I thought they were "great" and "in time they will see my value". Of course, that would never happen. After few humiliating events with them, like cancelling dates at the last minute, them being late for hours, ghosting me for months then sending me a message "hey, what are you doing? I called it quits. I am done with giving a one single chance to anyone who considers me "temporary" or "reserve in case others fail" or anything but the main partner. It was idiotic to think they will learn to value me when I didn't even value myself.
That happened to me too. Especially with exes. Just blocked them all
@@Jennifahh Those who don't respect us, don't deserve our time.
The Trap 🙌
Welcome to modern dating
Becoz we have a lot of choices nowadays
Dating apps and social media messed up
Is it me, or does Matthew always seem to post the EXACT video we needed to watch at the moment we’re in the situation he’s describing?? Uncanny! Thanks, Matt, for being present and authentic-as always!
SAME 🤣
I have been a caretaker/guardian/conservator for my brother now for almost 27yrs. He had a traumatic brain injury almost 32 yrs ago.
He was in an active duty status when it occurred and is in the VA health care system which comes with even more challenges. I am very grateful that he has been high functioning and able to remain in the family home for this long but it takes a definite toll on your own life trying to enable a better quality of life for another person.
Happens to me all the time🤔
You are definetly not alone.. Its like he's watching us👀 Honestly, I think Matthew is extremely in-tune and experienced with the problems most people are facing on a daily bases.. Hes advice is always so relevant and pure!!
Or is it, relationshit is nothing new under the moon? And this is it ain't rocket science to make some sober and accurate observations about it?
We chase out of Pain. We gotta be strong. It's worth it.
This video got me emotional, after a day feeling like 💩 because I decided to no longer put my energy and heart into a guy I really liked and met couple of months ago because he is investing very little. I was watching tons of videos to convince myself pulling away is the best decision. But this video is what I really needed, it helped me realize that after meeting him I have been neglecting all the other beautiful and important parts of my life. I started to feel like my life wasn’t enough for a person like him. So, I started chasing him and trying to do everything to give him my best energy and investment without getting the same amount and feeling unworthy of it.
Now I understand that the best thing I can do is to value and invest in myself and all the important pillars of my life because I am valuable and my life has meaning and a relationship or a person I idealized is not going to fulfill or sustain the life I’m called to live. Thank you Matthew, this video was so empowering.
Thank you for sharing. Sometimes emotionally unavailable person make us feel like we are doing too much. And they keep telling us to stop overthinking when they not making any efforts
@shireysuperslash so true! I'm about to break up with a guy I met 8 weeks ago and we really hit it off, he was the prince charming I dreamed off and then 5 weeks in he changed and stopped putting in the effort. I was doing everything for him and making all the effort. I would always go to him he hardly came to me, I would run errands for him on my day off if he's at work. I did alot and now I realize that was wrong, I shouldn't give so much. He went from opening doors for me and pulling me to the other side of the footpath away from the street to now not even walking me to my car when I leave his place. I now feel it was all an act and he was putting on a false reality to reel me in. I've told him my concerns and he doesn't seem interested in hearing it so I'm gonna end up as soon as he decides to get off his "I need some time to think" .
Being single and happy is better than being in a relationship and miserable
The same here. Take care ❤
@@arabian_empress_of_christmy advice, run from him and find someone real ❤
Hope you forgot him ❤
" DON'T PLAN IT ! JUST LET IT HAPPEN. ❤️"
People in your life come and go. Invest in yourself cause you are with you forever. Thank you for this and all your videos. It can applied in many aspects of life in addition to love life.
Brooooo, what you said at 9:45, that hit hard. I've been a caregiver to my sister with cancer for 13 years now. And recently I met someone that was awesome when we met, but she then flipped around on me, started becoming cold hearted and short, ghosting me but hovering in my socials.
We were acquainted through friends 20 years ago and met up recently at a friends wedding after party in japan. Well it's been tough cuz after not making a connection with a woman for these past years, that meeting stoked some strong feelings recently. But those words you said are so helpful. Caring for my loved ones gives me so much more meaning to my life and keeps my mind active with other aspects of life. I needed to hear that bad, thank you!
You are living a much much richer life..don't ever feel low coz of someone who can't see value in you. God is always there to support you. Blessings ❤
Thank you. Whenever I like someone I always push the really important things in my life to the side and solely focus on my crush. I forget about myself. That is an area I really have to work on because the important people and things in my life are still here, while those insignificant crushes aren't.
"Real confidence isn't the ability to say no to things you don't want, real confidence is the ability to say no to things you do want when they're not right for you" - the Best Line❤️❤️❤️
That's not confidence that's discipline
I did it lately. Everything is going better
Everything is going better
So hard. Thanks for the reminder
I started listening to Matthew when I was single. Now, I'm 3 years into my marriage and his advice rings truer in married life. Thank you, Matthew.
Me tooo 😢 but i am single, still. Huhuhuuu
I'm so happy for you!! 💌🧸
I was finally able to break this cycle by removing myself from the situation and loving myself enough to know that I deserve better, instead to forcing a fix on the situation. It was the most liberation experience I've ever had, also it allowed me to generate self love because it was the first time I stood up for myself against "Love", the love I've always wanted. Now i can actually feel the self love being generated within me, and I've bever been happier.
This is perfect for me because i’m seeing an actor who’s had a pretty successful career and i’ve been feeling so intimidated and worried he doesn’t think as highly of me because i haven’t had the same kind of achievements but i’ve definitely had some in my own circle of influence and my youtube channel so i don’t wanna compromise on what i need just because he’s so impressive to me and he’s probably used to people doing that. he might actually want a woman who’s confident about her own life and knows what she wants. so this video is really helpful to navigate the situation! Thank you
I didn’t chase him and he didn’t come back. It’s going to be 1 year of no contact. We lived together for almost 5 years. It was hard , tbh really hard. But it opened my eyes. It feels like he was waiting for me to leave. I didn’t worth it, He didn’t worth it. We aren’t meant to be.. That’s the truth i am left with. I am learning to love myself, exploring my wants and needs, getting to know myself better. I promised myself that I will never let myself down again. I won’t ignore my instincts 🌸
Same situation here. 🙏
@@dianaschoen4485 sending virtual hugs to you. I realized in this process of healing lots of things that I wasn’t aware of before like setting boundaries, working on my unhealed trauma and triggered BPD. Most importantly I got to know what I want and what I don’t want. It’s lots of work but I am working on it everyday. My ex was very manipulative. He used silence treatment for months when we were living together under same roof. I wasn’t crazy one but I had issues. I tried hard to suppress my feelings just so he won’t leave me. At the end when I decided to leave I didn’t come out as normal. I was mentally unstable and lost big part of me. I got used financially. I was someone else, i could hardly recognize myself. Sad thing is beautiful faces get lots of attention and bad intentions. I fell on it few times already. Now I am working on my low self esteem. I am feeling better everyday . Never loose hope. Love yourself first ❤️
ignoring your instincts makes it much harder to deal with it falling apart. But its just as hard to walk away when your instincts kick in and tell you to leave but you're invested, and in love. I feel for you. I'm only three months out, still want to reconnect and be friends because I miss and value her friendship, but I either don't matter to her, or she's afraid she has too many strong feelings to be friends. Either way it fING hurts like hell. And just not giving a F, or being the best version of yourself doesn't do much to ease the pain or answer the lingering questions or heal the self doubt they cause...
7:50 Real confidence isn’t saying no to the things you don’t want. Real confidence is saying no to the things you do want when they’re not right for you.
Love that 👍
A woman I know who does relationship coaching says “boundaries are outsourcing your well-being, whereas knowing your LIMITS (what you’re willing to do/what you’re not willing to do) is in-sourcing your well-being.” I love that!
I swear you are better than a therapist instructed to help us heal from codependency. What you're talking about here is how to overcome codependency. Thank you so much. Much love.
I think codependency is good when it is reasonable, controlled and reciprocal )
I needed to hear this...don't settle or be less so someone can be more.
Positive 🌝
Someone madly in love is trying to please her 😂😂😂😂
Exactly ❤️
Real confidence isn't the ability to say no to things that you don't want.
Real confidence is the ability to say no to things that you do want when they are not right for you ...
This is genuinely one of the most sincere and beautiful videos you have ever made. It made me cry. I ended a very confusing close what I thought to be important friendship/situationship with someone who treated me like I was indespensable, while also being very willing to discard me, when something else came along. I spent the last year taking care of my sick brother, and myself, and struggling with depression and needing help to pay my rent .. while the other person that I had always been a support system to has gone on to thrive, creating this externally beautiful seemingly perfect life. I cry because I felt, more deeply than ever this year, the richness of my life.. even when I had nothing, and lost so much. The richness that had always been there, that I had been ignoring for someone I thought was so amazing. His life might look beautiful, but I have never felt more myself, and whole, since letting him go. I forgot who I was, and it pains me that that even could happen. I hope everyone who watches this video understands the importance of it, and the meaning of it, not just dating advice. This is a message that could save a life.
I think i always lacked in self-belief. That made me chase people so much because i always believed thats what i am supposed to do to be accepted. But the more you chase, you lose yourself in the process. Been very rough couple of months but surely trying to break the old patterns. Thanks Mike for the video!
I recently met someone amazing and I started doubting myself and feeling overwhelmed/ a little scared. this is the exact advice I needed to hear. Thank you, well said.
Grow up
@@Chris2jz no accountability required for posting online, right? Such unproductive remarks likes yours are just energy suckers.
@@Chris2jzTroll
Just happened to me.. all those feelings also plagued me. Now we are broken up 💔😔
Listen to your fear, it is your guide
Not chasing men is easy. But it's really difficult to try to brainwash myself into believing that I can have a full and happy life without a romantic relationship when I'm 39 and well aware of all the research that shows that people in happy relationships live longer, get sick less, have less intense stress responses, are generally not as bothered by things that bothered them before, have better emotional regulation, better sleep architecture... the list goes on. We are meant to be with someone. All of my passions and hobbies are great but they don't make me "not give a fuck" about possibly being alone for the rest of my life. That possibility is always hovering over my head and after watching hundreds of videos I still don't understand how to not feel sad about it pretty often.
THIS! This is why these videos are actually depressing. They don't address the very real need we have. And they're usually coming from people who have found the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
I feel you.
I think he is just talking about a mindset that you should have, and that that is what attracts people to you - when you have other things going on in your life. However, it does seem almost like a paradox when time is running out but you’re not supposed to care but you can’t just ignore that very important reality.
Exactly this! It's like we're all pretending that there isn't this big elephant in the room. Yeah hobbies, passions are great and needed, but it's not what l ultimately want from life. I'm afraid there's no cure. We can only accept the fact that life is unpredictable and that nothing is guaranteed (even if you try/ work for it or let it happen)😌
The simple answer is being with the wrong person is much worse than being alone.
A big difference between chasing and pursuing. I will keep on pursuing knowing that I can move on at the right time.
If you treat her like a celebrity she will treat you like a fan.
Learning to love and invest in myself has been the single most important lesson in my adult life. It's an essential thing, yet challenging to internalize. Thank you for reminding us of this
This makes so much sense. Things I never learned. Merci beaucoup!
I love this part "confidence is ability to say no to things you want, but they are not right for you".
“If you don’t give me enough, I don’t need this “ this rang a bell. The only way we will even realize this is when we stop obsessing and chasing .
The first description of the mistakes we make by believing that person is the right one for us was so accurate!
Needed to hear this right now...I'm exactly that person....Meet someone hot after a long time and i behave like a starving man at a buffet.....No wonder they want to run after a while.
I’m 73 and I love this. You never stop learning ❤️🙏🏼
the kind and tone and composing words you do really helps me Matthew you are really helping people thank you brother.. (typing this in getting so less attention while i give alot to her and had pain..!)
The amazing feeling of coming to this video for advice and then realizing I'm already doing this right because I'm taking good care of myself and prioritize my own life :))
I never used to do this but at the age of 42 and single I find myself chasing sometimes not out of a lack of confidence but out of a sense of urgency or lack of time, since I still want to start a family. I have noticed exactly this phenomenon, that I start to give up my hobbies and priorities. I’ve noticed that not only is this bad for myself because I start to loose my mooring and sense of self/identity but this actually turns women off, because as Mathew said, part of what they liked about me were my independence and the fact that I have my own life which is rich with varied interests and skills.
I have to agree. Some of the dating advice out there about FU confidence and not chasing doesn't take into account that time DOES matter and your age starts to create more of a rush whether you want it to or not. It's a difficult balance to strike, to say the least.
If you are able to have kids on your own as a single mom (by finding a sperm donor or getting IVF treatment) then consider this path. Being able to be a mom on your own will bring you peace and will take away the desperation to find a guy just to have a family. Then you can find someone who is truly a good fit for you when you are ready to get back into dating.
So true
Same here urgency and lack of time. It's not easy to accept my future might be alone
I’m on my way to 34 and it is scary when you have that time limit on starting a family. I feel like it’s really difficult not to let it impact your behaviour in relationships.
Never become a boring lover, no one loves a boring dull person who has no life of his own 😊
Follow this advice you will for certain attract plenty of people with Amber Heard personality type. You will becme a real magnet for people with Histrionic personality disorder (HPD).
I think this is the peak of confidence, you are right i'm a programmer, i like play guitar and singing, when love actually comes all these things that define me tend to disappear for a while. it's a strange feeling but I think for very emotional people like me there's little you can do but grit your teeth and keep insisting on your own goals along with the love relationship, otherwise there is a serious possibility of becoming ill for the other person and especially if you have few friends or social activities. my way to combat this is to add new activities from time to time to the rountine, for example going to dance school and socializing i find can be a very good solution for socializing.
agree with this... if you stay connected with your life, no one can come along and intimidate you 💯
Very well explained and I agree 100%. I think most people can handle rejection but if someone has some underlying trauma of being unloved or unappreciated by a parent they can then find themselves unnaturally desperate for love and will not even realize why.
Matthew’s videos are not only very valuable because they teach important lessons but they are also emotional. It touches our innerbeings.
This video hit hard. I needed this. Coping exactly with a situation I can't help stressing about and do not need. There is no good outcome no matter how much my ego craves for it. Thank you Matthew for your insights.
One of my all-time favourites from you Matt. I've heard the essence of it before but the way you communicated it today was just perfect. So beautiful. Thank you
This video is totally on point. Actually, friends and partners come and go, and investing in ourselves is the best decision ever. I decided to do it years ago. And now I feel I've gotten the 'muscles' to keep going with no need of someone's else validation. Thank you for sharing these words here, Mathew.
P.S.: I'm brazilian, so English is not my first language. Sorry if I made any writing mistake.
You’re English is great! Thank you for being here. ❤
Never excuse yourself!
People with 🧠 can see that you’re not a native speaker so they will appreciate your effort to learn English.
And don’t excuse in your life neither, for what/ how you are.
You do great, you are great, be self confident
Ooof! This hits home and is a timely reminder of how to show up without giving off that needy energy. I have just started chatting to a girl and am reminding myself to break away from old patterns of over-giving or putting people on a pedestal. Thank you Matt! 💯
It’s a hard one to break! Im the same with girls I’m really into, But I know when I’m talking to a girl I’m not 100% keen on, when they’re too needy I lose attraction!
Putting people on a pedestal make no sense at all. Everybody has flaws. Everybody is crazy and imperefct in some way. It just takes time to discover in what ways a specific person is very far from being "perfect". Idolizin people, putting them on the pedestal hurts boths sides- you fall for your own illusions and do not see them for who they are, fail to learn about their imperfections to make a well-informed decision if you can live with their imperfections and they do not get recognition and appreciation for who they really are, so entire thing being "fake" on both ends stands little chance of working out and building any intimacy.
Thanks a lot man. It's such an incredible help to hear the words being spoken, even if you knew them all along but were just never able to get started on them.
Let's all grow to be better humans and find peace within ourselves, then shine that onto others.
Thank you Matthew, this just cleared up my mind from worrying too much about the friends I have
This video really helped me. I was just about to go in a downward spiral which would have most likely turned me into a past tense. Since I was a teenager, I always chased a girls/girlfriends. And I chased them all away. And it made me empty and "not wanting to find love" and then I would find someone, slowly let my guard down to them, think "maybe this is finally it, I've been through enough, now I can finally be with someone forever" then I would interact with them, and spend too much time thinking about what I will say to them when I meet them next time. I was needy and I chased all of them away. Making me hate myself for it, I have been heartbroken 3 times in the past 9 years, and I often feel like I don't deserve to be loved, today was the first time I seriously considered ending it all, and this video came in my recommended at the right time. The world wants me to live, I'll live a good noble life. Thanks alot Matthew
Your last sentence there is a bit upsidedown.
God wants you to live,
The world wants you to die.
Obedience is what God asks,
The world demands slavery.
Only God is good,
We are all sinners.
I've been following your work for years, but this one was the most powerful yet! I needed to hear this today :) Thank you Matthew and the team for all the work you're doing xx
when we focus on the lack and what we dont have, it vibrates more n more. those feelings of sadness and why not is inevitable
It's like everything you need to hear in your life. Focusing on yourself, not putting someone on a pedestal, building self confidence, focusing your goals, etc. This has everything
I definitely needed to hear this too... He's amazing... X
@@lightstarsincerity2447 ok
How the hell did CZcams know I needed this more than anything else right now. This is absolutely insane.
I will use this
the advice of doubling down on ourselves is a piece of advice ive never heard, deffo gonna try it
I was about to text that ex, then youtube sent me this...man the algorithm knows my life 🤣
😅
That table illustration was GENIUS. Double down on the other legs to your table, what an awesome, awesome illustration that should be repeated so many times.
Matthew, you are a true angel sent from above. You are healing so many people.
I've been watching your videos all day, tears in my eyes. It feels as if you are speaking directly to me, guiding me to become a better version of myself.
Some people on this planet are here to do good. You are definitely one of them, thank you.
This video came to my attention JUST AS I NEEDED IT. I am so grateful, Matthew!
I'm dating someone and I genuinly started getting this feeling since a few days, thank you so much for describing my feelings and helping me be more confident
Double down. I just made this mistake allowing myself to be consumed by her. So dumb.
Holy, really needed this. One month in a relationship after 4 years of a toxic one. Took 3 years to be single and learn about myself.
I’m finding myself getting lost in the relationship already, just out of the excitement of it. But because of this video I see the reason this person started dating me was for those other things I’m invested in.
Thank you for reminding me to focus on myself, and the rest will follow as it needs to❤
I’ve watched 2 videos of you now Matthew and I’m pretty sure you are saving my life. Thank you more than this comment can ever convey ❤
Revisiting Matthew’s teaching after 3 years, it’s got even higher level and every single word rings truth! Particularly love the table top analogy, perfect way to bring us back to the balance of living a fulfilling life. Thank you Matthew ❤
Started listening to Matt in 2017, my life has never been the same! Applying these relationship principles makes all the difference.
It's amazing how I came across this video looking for one thing, and discovered a whole new perspective that I didn't even realize I needed in my whole life, not just my dating life. Thanks Matt.
Thank you so much for this video!! I’m so glad I ran across it and watched it, I needed this today!! I’m going to listen again tonight before bed!!
Thank you Matthew. I just needed to watch that video tonight as I am in a situation where I could start chasing. But your reassurance on what I know is right , that is valuing my friends, my interests , time with my family or travel is much more important. I’m a subscriber now to your channel
This is a meant to be message for those who are lost and are trying to connect with their inner self. You've literally given answers to everything. Thank you Matthew ❤️ Much love and light to everybody...
This was exactly what I needed to hear right now ! Thank you so much !! My mind is blown how accurate this was for my life. 😮💨
i am so grateful for your wisdom and guidance. you genuinely help people to become more whole and happy, and dating is the after effect of that. such a beautiful approach to dating and life that you teach
My God. That background is beautiful. The late afternoon light, that forest. Even the leather couch and of course yourself.
You passed me such a message where you talk about the importance of my world. Authenticity is everything, staying truthful to myself. Thank you so much!
Thanks Matthew that’s exactly what I needed today. Grounding yourself instead of trying to find security in another person. We tend to see this as opposites, but they don’t have to be love your channel man.❤
Thank you, man.
As someone who tend to get obsessed with goals, same goes on relationships. And this is something I’m really needing to hear
This is really meaning/powerful. I've been there, putting someone on a pedestal. I recently realised that and now I'm doing exactly what you're saying. Grounding myself. Putting myself on a pedestal so to speak. 🙏❤
Yess so trueeeee
This is my new favorite message from you. I found this on the perfect day. Exactly the reminder I was looking for. Thank you Matthew for keeping it real
This has spoken to me in this moment and I’m investing in my other legs from this very minute. Thank you so much
Thank you Matthew, this video really helped me open my eyes and know what I have to do. I wish you all success!
Your kindness is gold
I love this AND as a mother, it's so hard not to put child and family above the self. It's a deep purpose. And when your doing that alone, I have to work extra hard to do things for myself.
This is like a sermon, I'd love to hear everyday. Thank you Matthew!
Thank you so much for this video! I realized I was on the right track by taking care of myself, and focusing on myself before pursuing a relationship with the current person I'm attracted to. 🙂