r/Maliciouscompliance "Hit Me HARD!" "lol sure"
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 11. 07. 2024
- r/Maliciouscompliance In today's episode, a creepy martial arts instructor shows up at a school to teach kids about self defense. The guy is incredibly smug, and to make matters worse he gets a bit touchy-feely with some of the girls that the's teaching. So, when he spars with a girl student and he tells her to hit him as hard as she can, she does exactly that and lands a kick square into the family jewels. Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Karate guy! If you like this video and want to see more, subscribe to my channel for more daily Reddit videos!
đ r/Maliciouscompliance I Dumped Trash On My Boss's Head! âą r/Maliciouscompliance ...
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#reddit #maliciouscompliance #funnyredditposts
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Anybody else think that creepy martial arts guy got what was coming to him?
Idk (jk, he does.)
AAAAAAAA HICC AAAAAAAA
idk haven't watch that part yet
IDK I didn't watch it yet
rSlash yes!
Mother: "So a man was touching my daughter?"
School board: "Yes."
Mother: " And she was directly told by this man to fight him/kick him for real?"
School board:"....yes..."
Mother:"And she obeyed and is now being punished?"
School board: "Well ya see...."
Standard school response. Im surprised they even had a self defense class at all, because even if someone punches you in the face the school systems seem to think you should only try to use your words to end the situation. Any form of self defense other than curling up in a ball or running away = detention/suspension.
You never start a fight... But you better be damn sure you finish it... And that little girl did just that.
Every man in there felt that
@@MsKeroseneLamp "Zero Tolerance" is a joke because it punishes the victim as much as or more than the victimizer.
So you want to punish her because she learned self defense...and used it...against a creepy adult male that was touching her inappropriately? What was the problem again?
OH MY GOD. They paid a local kid to guard their tree and spray people with a hose. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life.
Same here
So who's gonna tell him?
@@haydensayles7543 Not a guy. Also what? That there's some super dark past behind the story or that it's fake or some shit?
My old neighbors paid me to do something similar because the neighbor kids would mess up their lawn so they hired me to sit on a chair in their lawn with a water gun and said to me to shoot anyone that walks on their lawn that was the best job Iâve ever had
thatâs both the easiest job and most enjoyable for a kid, he probably touted it when he went back to school that fall!
Punishing a kid for doing EXACTLY what you told them to is the scummiest thing you can do as an instructor of any sort
School administration in the vast majority of situations doesn't care in the slightest about their students. They just care about keeping their establishment looking nice on paper so they don't lose their funding, which they promptly devour most of instead of, yknow, using it for the thing it's supposed to fund.
My SIL Danyâs had an elementary school teacher (fourth grade I think) give her a weekâs worth of detention because she brought a book by Jaques Cousteau to school and read the section about River Dolphins aloud after the teacher said that River Dolphins didnât exist.
Another teacher, after asking Dany why she was in detention, again, was shocked and angry that the teacher had given Dany detention after doing what was asked and provide proof that River Dolphins existed.
The teacherâs excuse? She made me look bad in front of the class.
@@JediLadyMisty Why did her parents allow the school to punish her? My dad would've popped their eardrums
@@limiv5272 and my mom's brothers would closed that school due to lack of funds.
They are lawyers.
@@JediLadyMisty People with fragile egos have no business attempting to teach in a classroom setting. If you're trying to "teach" to seem smarter than a group of children for your own ego then you're a failure and a disappointment.
Creepy Martial Arts Guy: "Go ahead, hit me as hard as you can!"
Girl: *Hits him*
School: *Tries to Suspend her and give her detention*
Her mom: *"So, you have chosen, death."*
Like what the hell was up with that anyways, what school punishes a kid for obeying orders?
Its a school. Students still get in trouble for getting hit.
Aaron du Bourg I once was hit with a ruler while in school and got mad and yelled at the boy and I got in trouble. What a world..
Aaron du Bourg
Reason #3 Why school is a waste of time that needs to be replaced.
In early high school my friend got in trouble for having a non-fight related blackeye (he got it from a car accident and his face hit the side window (his mom was the driver and their got rammed from the side by a log and plank transport truck (impact was more on the back than the front so no one got hurt more than one black eye and safety belt marks))).
It was (I think if I remember correctly) something along the lines of the school giving him suspension (because who ever wrote the suspension believed it was from a fight in the school premise, despite having no other student as a possible opponent and my friend having the frame of a stick figure that was only marginally more physically active than I was (I wasn't at all due to asthma, allergies and other breathing issues I had younger)) because they didn't believe if was from a car accident because not a single teacher bothered asking until his mom called the school to give them a piece of her mind.
PS: Sometimes the parents MUST raise some hell to prevent the school from being non-nonsensical and overbearing. Dunno if the school tried to enforce some rules or policy reinforcement about violence which my friend ended in their crosshair for looking like he was in a fight, but that was just really weird and awful on their part.
The man told her to hit him full-force in front of hundreds of people. You can't even try punishing her for that! Wtf. Good thing mom helped.
don't underestimate a school's willingness to punish a student for no reason!
âSo you took my daughterâs artwork, altered it without her consent and are now trying to suspend her for defacing *her own property?!* Ms Principal, have you ever heard the phrase âviolation of civil liberties?â Or the phrase âBig fat lawsuitâ?â
schools (in the US) do not care about who started shit; if you are acting in self defense you are in as much trouble as the person who hit you first.
@@mongmanmarkyt2897 most of them dont, but you dont hear about those ones. but there are quite a few in the us who do that, and some are even worse. I was locked in a room for being disruptive, when i tried to run to the bathroom because they wouldnt let me go. i ended up peeing my pants. to be fair, this was a school for people with anger issues, and it was protocal to lock students in rooms. not to mention it wasnt locked there was a button that had to be held down to keep it closed, so it wasnt like i wouldnt be ble to get out in case of a fire, but it still was way to far, and i swear miss Treesa if i see you again ill punch you in the face for it.
@@JaelinBezel love that episode. Helen was awesome!
When I was a kid, we had a small peach grove. One of the trees was close enough to my uncle's property that some of the branches hung over the property fence. He always picked the peaches that were hanging over, but my mom felt it was a decent trade off for not having to hack the limbs off her most beautiful peach tree. Then, he started letting his company pick the peaches, no biggie. Until he began bringing his company onto our property to pick the fruit from the rest of the tree because he'd already stripped all the fruit from "his side of the tree". They picked all but the greenest peaches. They stripped it every time they came by. She asked him to stop several times but he waved her off. Mom could be a bit spiteful so, the next time his company came over for peaches, she took the chainsaw & began cutting the branches off "his side" of the tree, right when they reached for it. She completely scalped that side of the tree so that they couldn't reach any fruit without crossing the fence. She then piled the branches ,fruit included & set them on fire all in front of uncles buddies. He was furious, his buddies apologized. He'd told them it was *his* tree... why they believed him, I have no idea, but they weren't the brightest bulbs. She told them the next person to reach for her trees would "end up like those branches"
Your mom sounds awesome
@@limiv5272 She was quite a personality for sure lol
@@MrsShocoTaco Awesome move bzt sad for the fruits that could have been eaten.
MrsShocoTaco lmao a toast to your mother. That poor tree
I feel bad for the poor tree that did nothing wrong more then your entitled uncle! Still you mom sounds awesome!
This entire subreddit:
Annoying person: Do something lol
OP: Ok
Annoying Person: Wait no
@N Logan
your reply:
Person: makes joke
You: makes fun of person for joke
You: am I being cool?
@@tacobanana6538
your reply:
Person: makes joke
You: makes fun of person for joke
You: am I being cool?
i only saw this oportunity,
@@Happy-zg4zd Me: WHAT IS THIS GRAMMATICAL MONSTROSITY!?
@@nikkiofthevalley yes
The self-defense guy was definitely Detective J.J. Bittenbinder
See this method will surly knock them off their r h y t h m
STREET SMARTS stay alert out there
He wasnât a predator. How dare you
âBecause as any Boston cop can tell you, phonebooks donât leave bruises.â -12 year old boy using the Bittenbinder Method
Yes! XD
You can tell rSlash is having fun reading these when he can barely get a sentence finished without laughing
Admin assistant: "He's always sitting at his desk doing nothing!"
Also admin assistant: "He's never sitting at his desk! Where is he?"
_WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT!?_
Me to the kid paid to spray people: *You guys are getting paid?*
*Wait are yall not getting a fine? Ive been spraying people in the eyes*
Simply Sim1 I got jail sum bout my shit had bleach in it and it was blinding people when it got in there eyes đąđđ
*You guys are getting sprayed?*
I would be willing to PAY for that. But they are GETTING PAID.
You guys get paid to spray people? I get paid to get sprayed(if you know what i mean)
Moral of the soup story don't knock mum's cooking EVER.
They will love vegetables eventually. :)
Mum probably used stock or boullion too.
ShadowMan does anyone know why kids hated veggies Iâve always loved them!
Hungrybox is in need of a major comeback
*sweats profusely*
they should have let the kid throw water balloons at people when they try to steal some strawberries, its just an army of kids throwing water balloons at strangers, AND GETTING PAID FOR IT!
I think they wouldnât mind doing it for free
@@wta1518 but moneeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy
But pressure washer
I just imagine walking by and seeing a kid spraying people with a power washer, that must hurt a lot
Ilost myoreo it can kill
Anyone else just picture, to the fart story, the door swing open, a tiny pale butt slowly, inch by inch, creep in as the mother sits there, trying to finish up as quickly as possible in a panic, before a massive, long winded, rippling fart tears into the room like a thunderclap. The butt withdraws, the door slams shut, and the boy runs off laughing like a villain.
I imagine him doing it super fast, like a fart ninja. The villainous laugh is the same, though. đ
But if slow, don't forget the ominous music. Duuh-dun... Duun-dun...
yes but i thought a bit more than a fart would come out...
Ryan Curtis LOL
69th
I bet you Alice's mom raised a fury of a thousand scorned women because of the way the dude was on top of Alice and especially of whatever he said
I love how he couldn't compose himself for the 'Only Fart in the bathroom' story!
When I was growing up, there were farmers near us who grew corn who also had problems with people stealing their corn. They were growing sweet corn, the kind that people eat. This is not the kind that is grown as animal feed. Many of the farmers solved the theft problem by planting several rows of "pig corn", as i called it as a kid, along the county road.
That's actually a common pest control strategy. You surround and divide up the field with a plant that the pest hates (often GMO specifically designed to be pest resistant). Apparently, it works on people too.
What is pig corn
@@sir_boop6486 its the kind that is grown as animal feed. Don't know the proper or variety name. To humans it's very tough and tastes awful, so it's either dried and ground and mixed with the feed for cattle or dried and fed to pigs. Pigs have teeth teeth that can just chomp right through everything and have a digestive system that can pretty much digest anything. If anyone knows the proper names of the varieties I'd be interested in knowing them.
For a 13 year old?? Iâm 21 and Iâd love that job đđ
I would love to have that job, Iâm female and 29:-)
shersmk90 Exactly us girls wanna have a bit of fun too đ
Mate anyone would. Iâd do it for free.
Who wouldn't what to do that đ oh yeah I'm 11/12
@@shersmk90 hell yeah!
I'm a little sad that Alice didn't yell, "THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!"
Dang it Bobby
We can all rest assured that he now has, pocket sand.
I had to google that. Thatâs hilarious. đ
@@MaggieTheCat01 You're welcome.đ
@@freckleonmylumpsack6031 gone, reduced to atoms
My favorite thing is "hit me then you won't"
*Screams in broken arm*
Seeing a guy getting kicked in the balls is still funny no matter what grade you are in
That's quite sadistic. It is so painful it can make you go into cardiac arrest. And they can be permanently damaged. I don't understand why it is such a socially acceptable comedy bit.
For a 13 year old boy? I a woman in my 30âs and that still sounds like a dream come true!!!
What? I never said I was mature for my age. Hell, Iâm currently imagining myself as the superhero Queen of Justice by Testes. I can see the costume now...it has big boots!
That Alice story was truly comedy gold and she is a good role model for girls around her age.
"I'm a MASTER of the ancient Martial Arts, so I NEVER have to worry about some helpless little elementary school kid!"
Alice: "... And I am the master of smooshed egos" Creepy Martial Arts master, dies of well-deserved embarrassment and is buried with an icepack between his legs.
It does remind me of one of the boys that took classic and contemporary dance. Never make fun of a ballet dancer!
Probably wasn't all he hyped himself up to be, what he was teaching was honestly asinine, and can be shut down extremely easily. Honestly hoping for a child to land the one in a thousand groin shot that actually incapacitates someone is basically the only way an elementary school aged kid is going to be able to meaningfully defend themselves from an adult.
@@danielhounshell2526 - Not sure of that as my sister took down a high school senior in the third grade by cannonballing the guy's knee. The guy was beating up his little brother, my sisters' best friend, and she hyperextended his knee badly. As someone who has raised kids, I can tell you that kids have corners and those corners will nail you in the worst possible places.
@@jaspr1999 there are always exceptions, but the issue in actually teaching children that what they're doing is self defense is that those exceptions are so extremely rare that telling them they can fight off adults is outright irresponsible for an instructor to do.
@@danielhounshell2526 - Yes, it is. In the event of an attack, a kid should be taught to get away and do anything to achieve that end result. A good self-defense class is one that emphasizes survival. I've taught the kids I've raised this and they learned it very well. Well, now those kids have kids of their own so they teach them all the same rules.
"Now Alice, I want you to come at me, armed only with a satsuma"
"I'd rather use a pointy stick"
Don't you know fresh fruit is more deadly?
13:30 she should have said: "You're right, it does only work on an amateur"
If my dad had a guy parking on his crops, he'd probably put something sharp their.
7:21 I would take that job lmao imagine being that kid, everyone got proffit there - they werent stealing strawberries, and the kid got paid for spraying water at peoples and having a good laught
lol sure
**kicks the weakest kick ever**
guy: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Ooooo.... When I was a little kid I LOVED veggies! I'd pretend to be a dinosaur eating trees when chowing down on broccoli. Brussel sprouts were just as much fun! I always loved the salad bar. Dammit! this coronavirus is making me REALLY miss my favorite restaurants. My favorite local steakhouse/salad bar is shuttering forever. I've been going there with my family since I was eight! đ§
I have a phobia of broccoli
Bro I did the same thing. Or Bro_ ess depends on who you are.
Either that self-defense guy wasnât all he said he was or he was just that overconfident, because my daughter took a simple 8-week karate class and they had even the girls wearing groin protectors. Youâd think that would be the first thing any man would expect if he has a tween girl kicking at him from that angle.
"He was instructing us on how to basically go belly-up like a distressed turtle and kick off an attacker."
THAT'LL THROW HIM OFF HIS RHYTHM!
OP: How much of discount do you want
Karens: *YES*
I think I know the kid in the 11:04 story, and if I'm right, we took swim lessons together and were on the same teem for 3 years. She's even stronger now.
I watch those vids and have a weird deja vu, and then I remeber "Oh, yes, I've read that on Reddit already lol". Also, most of the time I'm reading a post on Reddit on one of those subs, I hear Rslash' voice in my head xD.
The soup one isnât a bad thing itâs a good learning and teaching experience itâs a good thing to do
R/yesnât
A subreddit Where a person asks a question, and another person answers with a answer that is both right and wrong
zhi pei zhou Maybe
So itâs just r/technicallythetruth.
Damn I sort of wish I had used this dad's tactic when my kids refused veggies!!!
Was that the Street Smarts guy? He's always teaching kids to go on their back and kick, because it throws kidnappers "off their rhythm"
Edit: no, nvm. The Street Smarts guy isn't creepy like that
I have never heard of that and personally think itâs dumb as shit if a child s being attacked by and adult going belly up on the ground and kicking wonât do anything as an adult could just grab the kids legs leaving them defenceless what they should teach is fight hard show no mercy balls eyes and throat are fair game and then once there on the ground run and find a parent or cop
Hearing him laugh his ass off over a fart story made my nightđ
The wholesome ones make my day in a world of bad.
Rslash's laugh is so contagious and whole hearted đâ€ïž
I swear chicken noodle soup is the dictator of all soups!!!! Any time anything happens EVERYONE says âeat chicken noodle soupâ. It literally canât cure anything/everything. đ
Look up the effectiveness of psychosomatic responses, palliative care, and placebo drugs. Chicken noodle soup does have some restorative properties, and the rest is all in the mind. But it's amazing what a big difference the mind can make!
ALL PRAISE THE MIGHT CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP
Eoin Frazer lol
My jahovahs whitness friends had a 'only fart un the bathroom' rule. If they broke it the mom would make them read bible verses. They where studying the bible anyway and would comstantly break the rule just so they could study it early so they could play video games later in the day instead of thier typical bible study before bed. She never caught on. These people are wild
Finally another Malicious Compliance video
rSlash's laugh is an instant serotonin hit for me đ
Anytime I hear "60% of the time.." (0:50)
Me: *"IT WORKS EVERYTIME đ"*
"It's made with bits of real Panther, so you know it's good."
The only thing that would have made that kick to the groin better is if she screamed âthatâs my purse, I donât know you!â
Rslash: now I kinda want.....
Me: awwwww does that story make Rslash want kidsđ„°
Rslash: ....chicken noodle soup
Me:đł
Less than a year later: R slash has a new baby and chicken noodle soup âšwhat a feel-good story
"Everyone has a plan, until they get kicked in the nuts"
I'm gonna be honest, I've seen some pretty bad days and Rslash has kept me going. Every night I light a cigarette and listen to Rslash, it's something I look forward to every single day. Thank you man, you make me believe this world is so much more than what I've imagined it to be (the good and the bad).
My dad once screamed at me for farting in the same room as him. I was about 8 and started crying. He started yelling at me for crying. I did my best to never fart around him ever again. He would let it RIP whenever. Dick...
Please tell me you went no contact with him
@@rominazarei744 I see him very rarely. Last time I saw him for a funeral.
Plot twist:
The Thumbnail was the other way
That dad with the soup is golden.
You ever see a title and fear someone wrote about your experience?
Edit: No not a story I was involved in but good for Alice lol
If my kids tried to tell me black pepper is too spicy, I would get new kids.
Day 2 of telling everyone to stay safe.
@@enderyeeter9947 Would be epic if the person offering hugs would cough at you when the person did.
@@hyperbravo5514 wowđ
Thx bro
@@enderyeeter9947 coincidence
@@hyperbravo5514
Epic? More like bioterrorism.
Alice.... The Nut Cracker!
đđđđ
One time I had a bus driver that wouldnât give me a paper towel when I had a bloody nose so I went back to my seat and plead blood all over my seat.when it was my stop I told him I â got a little blood on the seatâ
I fng hated him
Oof.
clicked faster than rSlash himself
S Gamingz well you were 2 minutes late, pathetic!
@@fredrik5832 phft, git gud scrub
Creep: Hit me as hard as you can.
Swimmer: *FALCON KICK!*
Sometimes i feel like i am the only kid in the world that likes veggies đ€Ł
Time for that daily dose of Rslash đ
Yes
But is this YOUR daily dose of rSlash?
We all gangsta till we find out RSlash has no comment yet
Everybody gangsta till the gacha start infecting the comments section
Karen: LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
Me:I am the manager...
Karen:(confused screaming).
Lol
Lol best parenting hack ever!!!!đđđ
Not being a grammar nazi but "Salut" isn't pronounced with the "t" it's pronounced "Sa-loo"
Not in Australia itâs not
actually it depends on what accent/origin he is referencing
But isn't it a French word
@@justdenks originally from Latin but used in French and German (mostly in Switzerland and Baden-WĂŒrttemberg) but it's not pronounced sa-loo. In German it's either sa-loot or salĂŒ. in French it's salĂŒ. The "ĂŒ" in this case is [y] the same sound as in Marie Curie's last name. I can't think of any English words with a similar sound
Not first, go away.
(Don't delete me this time, rslash!)
Lol did he actually delete you?
Big oof
@@miraculousfalls8896 Yeah, I got deleted yesterday lol.
What for
@@pyramidine1782 idk, mb It was too vulgar to say "You're not first, suck a d and take the L away.", lol.
paying a local kid to basically have fun is quite a genius way to get people to stop stealing your strawberries
Old joke in the US South: Fellow has a nice watermelon patch and the area kids come by and steal some every weekend. So the guy puts up a sign, "One of these watermelons has been poisoned".
He checks the patch the next morning. His sign has been changed to, "Two of these watermelons have been poisoned."
?
when you're so early that the comments are unoriginal, just like this one
Gamma
Ok SCP-049
@The Plague Docter hi 049
How are you
@@marmellubug ok gachalife profile picture
Last time I was this early, Karen was sane and had common sense
So it's your first time?
Damnnnnn you were early!
@@meabhmcaleese8080 second, actually
Sooo around the time of the Cambrian Explosion?
OMG!! That fart story! đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđđđ
6:45
"Salute" xD
People on rslash trying to comment:
I AM SPEED
*u WaNna sEe sOmE rEaL sPeEd bÂĄTcH?*
@@romi6885 sUrE
The thumbnailđ„đ„
I liked this comment and looked back and saw ur profile pic is a Fortnite skin I Disliked
Eh the thumbnail is cool but fortnite but y fortnite tho đ€
11:11
This begging made me think it was STREET SMARTS!!!
My dad is a 2nd degree black belt, did VARIOUS forms of Martial Arts and fighting (karate, tiquando, jujitsu, krav maga, MMA, boxing, etc) as well as helped teach young kids with his former Sensei, he would have "un-alived" that guy for creeping on a young girl like that.
That's kind of an unspoken BIG rule (at least in my area) with being a Sensei or any form of hand-to-hand/martial arts/fighting instructor. You TEACH your students, you PROTECT your students, you DON'T creep on them.
Iâve never clicked on a notification faster
HIII
10:06 "Black pepper - no (gross, too spicy)
Me, a Korean: What in the gosh damn...
These stories are great to listen to while cleaning.
"No views" "100 likes" gotcha
YT is freaking out with the comments today
*I A M S P E E D*
Lmao slash dying of laughter is killing međ
How are you people so god damn fast? ;-;
First
Nope
No
Stoopid
nooooo oneeeee caresss
Nope.
Am I the only one bewildered by the farting in a certain location rule? My dad taught all of us to play fart tag when I was like 5.
That's an unusual title:
Queen of Justice-by-Testies
While in college there was a guy in my business fraternity whose family had a small produce farm. One of the hot items they had for theft was watermelons. Folks usually stole the first ones nearest the road. So the family marked some melons with a tag as being special.. Then they injected them with a strong laxative. It only took a week or two before almost all thefts stopped.
I love watching your videos and they help me get through tough times and right now my guinea pig has a double infection in his stomach. Thank you so much for making these videos
Nothing I like more in quarantine than your accurate and convincing sarcasm
@10:55 I used to be that kid! LOL
Thank you to r slash for posting videos every day so i wont be bored during this pandemicđđ
13:51 shame on the adults that were there for not stepping in sooner with the man showing creep signs.
"One of the best human beings I've ever known." "Worst human beings I've ever known." Who tf are you?
we need Yugo on these Malicious Compliance vids