Our Last Episode
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- čas přidán 24. 04. 2019
- In this episode of #HowMarriedAreYou, you get the raw and ugly of life in the Henry house right now. Yvette had a whole discussion planned for this week's episode of HMAY, but given a conversation we had earlier in the day of this recording it would have seemed so unauthentic. So, here we are in raw form, hopefully modeling a healthy way to discuss the state of each of our hearts as it relates to our marriage right now. We discuss Mark Driscoll's three types of marriages: Back to Back, Shoulder to Shoulder and Face to Face. We discuss what stage we're at and so much more. Let us know in the comment section below which type you think describes the current stage of your marriage/relationship?
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This was a wild ride, but I am extremely grateful for it. Although it was uncomfortable for me to watch, I realise that it was necessary for me to see that healthy marriages will still go through these issues in transitional periods and pursuit of personal purposes. Thank you for sharing, and helping to normalise healthy conversation and confession in relationships because silence would be dysfunction.
I apologize, in advance, for saying so much and for sounding preachy, but here goes. Glenn, Yvette shouldn't have to try to figure out what you are thinking or feeling or what it is that you need. You are responsible for articulating your thoughts and feelings and needs, and not in a retrospective, accusatory way, but in the moment. Also, Yvette can't be expected to disappear into you, no matter whose turn it is to shine. And, at the end of the day, you both may have unrealistic expectations of how your lives can actually be, with three young children, a baby on the way, and trying to become financially secure, while building a demanding, creative business, from scratch. However much good you are doing already and however rewarding it all may be in the long run, it is going to be tough right now, and neither of you can change that. Neither of you is going to have everything, or perhaps even most of everything that you want, during this particular phase of your lives, but you can have the things that are most important to each of you, if you choose wisely, communicate honestly, love each other enough to make that happen, and, maybe give couples or individual therapy a try, if you can and haven't already.
I was thinking the same thing. To gently add to what you have beautifully and humbly articulated - I think men often expect their partners to carry their emotional weight (the same could be said of women but I often see this inability to recognize feelings yet a request for an anticipation of needs to be met coming from men) . It felt a bit unfair to ask Yvette to create a schedule for you and it seems she's tried to do this and it hasn't worked. This places the responsibility of your actions and follow through on your wife. This is YOUR marriage (a beautiful one at that!) and we're only bystanders - thank you for your vulnerability. I just hope Glenn understands this perspective because many women can relate to Yvette's momentary frustration of "Dude, what is it that you want because I don't know and it seems you don't either." I highly recommend reading Terrence Real's The New Rules of Marriage. God bless you both!
This was so on point. I could not have said it better.
This was a really insightful comment!
Jaclyn Palmer yes!! I was thinking the same thing. Communicate what it is you need!
Thank you for articulating this so well. I completely agree.
This is REAL marriage. Team all the way through. Praying for you all.❤🙏🏾
I’m about 20 minutes in..listening to Glen share his heart. And I’m just so grateful that you let us in to these vulnerable moments. 🙇🏽♀️
Thank you 💕
And I’ll be praying ♥️
Bruhhhhh, this got real deep 😳
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@1:03:50
#BARRRRSSSSS
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This was such a ROLLERCOASTER of emotions. 😶😯😥😨😱😲😓🥴Glad you guys aren’t making this a finale..ya know..unless you actually need to. 🤗
Really do appreciate you guys giving us a peak into such a raw conversation. Glen, you’re not a bad guy for speaking up. Your tone and heart is clearly and carefully communicated for the majority of the podcast. Sounds like your wife wants the opportunity to talk through expectations/desires and what you’re suffering through more often. Melissa always shouts this from the rooftops..because it creates intimacy.
Yvette, seems like your gifting of bringing together people and setting an atmosphere of love will be useful for HMAY lives/meetups. 🥳🙌🏽
Praying that God gives you all patience and wisdom to walk this season out. 😌🙏🏽♥️
Wow. I felt like I was sorta kinda eavesdropping on a conversation that I had no business hearing.I understand why Glenn doesn't ever want to do this again. He's trying to be considerate, and put himself aside....as unhealthy as that is. He doesn't want to be demanding - because he doesn't want to be selfish. I completely understand that, but that's not fair to Glenn. You can't suffer in silence. You may think that you're suffering in silence, but energy doesn't lie. You can only mask it for so long. Continue to choose these difficult road, no matter how low energy and draining it is. In the end, it gets results.
Great discussion, and thank you for letting us be a part.
Now, I'm off to sage myself and this space and get this frequency back up! See y'all next week ;-)
This is how I felt. I need them to post and tell me they are ok.
Let me just say Yvette i applaud you for how well you are able to take constructive criticism; It’s really inspired me for my own marriage. Sometimes it’s hard to be “sharpened” by our spouse and maintain a meek heart. Gwen, I love how much you LOVE Yvette!! Like, literally nothing you said came from a hateful or spiteful place & your meticulous choice of words to protect her heart is what shined through the most in this episode; even though you STILL felt bad for speaking your truth (eloquently).
Y’all are great & honestly the whole “side by side/ facing each other” marriage categorization is....kinda laughable BECAUSE i feel like we (married peeps) have seasons , & we just rotate through all the categories. And That to me is where growth occurs in our marriages
According to the old wife's tale, Anaya's attention means you are having a boy.
I wonder if Yvette started the podcast to be close to Glen in a creative space moreso than pursuing her own personal goals.
Maybe Glen needs to be clear about what he wants and allow Yvette to do those things while she's figuring you out. Is it more important for her to do the things or to know what you are thinking.
This is an interesting take#Insightful
I say this very respectfully...I’ve listened to almost all of the podcasts and I’ve observed such a strong need for validation and affirmation from Glen. It seems to be your dominant love language. However I think that yearning may be deeper than what Yvette is capable of providing. Yes as your wife she has a responsibility to affirm, encourage and support. But I encourage you when you feel that need or craving for affirmation/validation/support to sit with it and explore whether you’re wanting the validation of Yvette your wife, or whether you are craving a void that was never filled from a parent(s). In some instances you may have to invite Holy Spirit in to affirm you as HIS son. You both are only human and Im pretty sure giving each other your best under the circumstances (entrepreneurs, 3 children and baby on the way, etc). I’m not saying get comfortable or complacent but just extend a little more grace. Anyhoo, I really enjoyed the conversation and you both willing to tackle such a difficult discussion so tactfully and respectfully. God bless you both.❤️❤️❤️
Your words hit home..
What if mom's group is her peace? I.e. recording for mom's group, etc.
Why does her mental break have to look how you (Glen) think it should?
You can't say "I want you to have mental health days/times/breaks" and tell her how to use that day/time/break.
Great post. So, raw and uncut. Keep up the good work!
I agree
Mom's group may be Yvette's thing. I think she has a lot to juggle and she needs help.
It is really for her to be everything to everyone. Glen....this assistant thing keeps looking better and better.
When I look at successful couples like KevOnStage, they are at a different phase. Their kids are grown and yet they still have help. Yours are babies. You need help, for the podcast, outside Yvette....I know money may be an issue....maybe a collection plate for that is in order
This was a really good episode, I would love to see an episode of you guys with KevOnStage and MrsKevOnStage LoveHour.
Did you see it?they did it with them last week w/Kev & Liss
I ALWAYS listen All the way through....you guys are great!!!
I second that. They are great.
I listen all the way through as well. 🙏🏾❤️☀️
Y'all were really transparent. Maybe extra help for the both of you will be beneficial or rebuilding that schedule again. Good/raw episode see you guys later.🙈🙉🙊✌️
Glen sounds just like my husband and it pissed me off. BUT my husband doesn't communicate like this and I appreciate the contradictory expression he's given nonetheless. And Yvette takes it like a champ - I'm cussing a fool out! Love y'all.
I agree! I feel like I have a similar personality as yvette, I resonate with a lot of what she says and for that reason, beleaf had me trippin! Lol! I was clutching my pearls for a minute but I have to respect that they communicate and are honest, which I think it’s true that that’s hard for men to do sometimes
Even though it may have seemed as if the energy was low, as a married woman. I truly loved the dialogue and the reflection of what a healthy discussion can look like in marriage.
i've watched this episode multiple times and honestly, i felt that this was very healthy dialogue... no name calling, no yelling, no opting out.... was it perfect NO (no marriage/critical conversation is) but overall.. I think this was good to witness as a married person who is FERVENTLY working on communicating with my spouse.
Aw man! This was hard but really good example on how to communicate.
Aww man, I gotta admit. Im not ready. haha.
The Richards Revealed - TRR it was good!
@@allthingsnaynagarcon It was! I was supposed to he editing one of our videos or something. Who knows. Haha
One more thing, that I forgot to write about...
Someone knowing Glenn better than you, no bueno. Yes, he's complex, but so is Yvette. Not everyone would have been successful in relating to the issues of intimacy that we're experienced in the beginning. Glenn had to study you well, to be able to have a breakthrough in that area. Him being a creative does not excuse Yvette from not being his person. Someone being one with your husband better than you? Naw... So I am glad that Yvette is going to open to glean from those who know Glenn better, until no one knows your man better than you...
As always, thanks so much for your honesty. I believe that your authenticity is breaking chains in other couples' relationships.
This was open and honest. This is the way I would love to be able to communicate with my partner. He tends to shut down and nothing gets solved. Keep communicating,it can only help. Thanks for the transparency and vulnerability.
Glen, Yvette was right in what she said at the end. You shouldn’t shut the doors of communication, just because it is torturous to reveal these awkward thoughts. I’m not sure what your personality is like but adapting and keeping quiet might lead to bitterness and resentment and further distance. Because you aren’t helping Yvette to understand you. Maybe you should get counselling to have guided conversations in a safe zone to effectively communicate your desires.
Warily listening after that intro, writing comments as I watch so I dont forget stuff... Yvette is rarely prepared for the chocolate baby storytime or the hmay at the end. I'm always like, "Yay she's got one today!" when she's ready. I think it's cool that you have musical queues for different parts of the CB's day. I'm kind of waiting for y'all to get that chair too. I think it's cool y'all can speak on the distance you're feeling. I feel when Yvette said she wants to "get" Glen but doesn't feel like she's one of the people that really does but at least you recognize those who do. I feel like Glen is really insightful and is family focused when it comes to his thinking and decision making and is looking for that same focus in Yvette. Oh my goodness the suffer in silence thing! I just had a similar conversation. My husband didn't want to share because he doesn't like the way I react to his sharing. I want to be able to hear all the feelings no matter what and be able to react and process and grow too. There is so much in this episode. Have to watch again. Maybe I'll finally leave an affirmation. Glad you started it with the warning. I would have been kind of upset with how it ended. Always look forward to these, sorry such a long comment.
How is this hers but you decided a season finale....Yvette i just want to give you a hug, this felt like gaslighting
So many things going on in this podcast. First let me say, I love watching you two. You guys are doing great at the fact that you both are communicating and listening,. I’ve been married for 17 years and I must say when I’m frustrated , sometimes I don’t listen. Yvette, you are not a stay at home mom. You WORK from home, PERIOD! You work at your family, your business and most importantly yourself. No one should ever underestimate the power of a parent that works from the home. And we all need proper self care (outside) of family,\ and business to properly take care of others that need us. And I believe that no one can determine what self care looks like to you but you. Oh and I watched all of the podcast to the end. ☺️❤️❤️
Yvette you have definitely taught me how to listen and respond better. I loved how mature the communication is between you both. You’ve blessed me with the power of “ummm hmmm”. It’s nice to hear you hearing him out.
I feel as though I am about to write a novel, as there is so much that I want to unpack, and yet I don't know where to begin...
Yvette, monetize your gift so that Glenn won't feel so pressured to work around the clock to be equipped to cover the overhead of household expenses.
You both are suffering in silence. Glenn, it is no bueno to have so much that you feel you have to deny expressing to avoid a disruption in your engagement with Yvette. She can handle your truth, so release it so you both can grow from it. Yvette, create a calendar, and hold Glenn accountable to helping out. Yes, he's busy, and has a lot on his plate, but not speaking up and causing Glenn to stay on track is only causing resentment to fester.
Glenn, I am so sad that you have to agonize and negotiate how to attend your aunt's funeral. If I was in a position to bless you financially I would, because your pain and loss is palpable.
And I do think you both would benefit from marriage counseling. The kids are watching, and a healthy marriage is the mirror that I am sure that you both want to reflect.
Finally, I hope that you both watch this episode over and over again until you can empathize with each other's point of view, that initiates more honest moments together.
Life is full of cross experiences, don't avoid them, and don't miss out on what they are able to teach you.
Loved the episode, I think that having those types of uncomfortable conversations are hard for men, but it is good to put everything out in the open.
invest in babysitter/nanny/childcare a 2-3 days of week. its an investment.
I have been binge watching the #HMAY channel for 2 weeks straight, literally listening/watching on my way to and from work, while cooking, and with my husband at dinner. Now that I’m caught up, it’s so hard to wait for more yet so exciting to anticipate what’s next. Every episode has been beneficial and insightful to me as a Christian wife, mother of two boys, Art educator, creative, and black woman. These hard conversations are so needed! They prompt conversations for me and my husband and allow us to see that we’re not alone in our thoughts/experiences. I just want to encourage you two to do whatever is necessary to prioritize each other first but you’re also needed here and so many people love what you two are doing for people whether married or single. A conference, tour, or something is in the future. I pray for financial blessings to ease the struggle and understanding of the amazing things God is preparing you two for. Much Love,
Jae from GA
Sounds like you both need personal assistants that is not your spouse.🤷🏾♀️
I really agree with this. I really agree....
I agree ☝️
TURRRRREEEEE
Y’all, your tribe is giving ME life! Lol
Just so you know... podcasts like #HMAY and #TheLoveHour are so transparent that they are digging through issues and doing the work to come to resolutions LIVE... with the hope of encouraging & inspiring others. THANK YOU! Your labor is not in vain 💖💖 Your dialogue in this situation encourages me, and others I'm sure, to put in the effort to work through conflict in healthy and honest way. God bless you two!
coco698 I watch both podcasts, as well!! I find myself thinking back to things Kev and Liss have discussed on #TheLoveHour while I watch #HMAY. Both couples are teaching singles and helping to save existing marriages. 💪🏾
I feel like I experienced the conversation completely different than the comment section. I watched this twice, the second time with my husband, and we surprisingly had the same reactions to the discussion. Glen's observations, feelings, and connections were clear. This is what my husband and I heard: At some point they collectively established a mission and vision for their family and acknowledged what it takes to progress toward their goals, thus anything that does not serve the vision must be prioritized accordingly. 1) If Beleaf in Fatherhood is the primary source of income, how was it possible to create a schedule without consulting him, especially since the family is the subject of the video? I'm specifically speaking to the day trip that was mentioned, not choirs. When Glen was the homemaker, Yvette was physically gone during the day, making it easier to establish some kind of structure for the household. That same agency/liberty to create structure without the other spouse simply can't be recreated or reciprocated, because the kids are the subject of the video and Glen works from home. In addition to the fact that, as Glen mentioned, there's no blueprint for this form of content creation (CZcams) (or whatever else that's being planned), so there needs to be some grace there. 2) At some point two requests were made: a mental health day and creating How Married Are You? both of which Glen honored and encouraged Yvette to take ownership of. If the podcast isn't being managed well --which Yvette admittedly said she doesn't feel like she's given things her full effort--yet there's time to contribute to other people's dreams by way of event planning, that will definitely cause tension, especially when Yvette said she needs help with the podcast. Unless there's a technical aspect that can't be self-taught on CZcams, I assume her request for help is due to lack of time (I could be wrong) so to ask for assistance but then make herself available for other things can be perceived as lacking focus. 3) Yvette didn't say this explicitly, but it seemed like she was concerned about growing distant from their community, which is valid, however, I think the better approach is to discuss what does community look like in their current season with their current goals. It may not be event planning. 4) I completely empathize with Glen's challenge to not only communicate his needs but to also be expected to provide the solution when the solution is asking someone to make a sacrifice. Regardless of the relationship, especially in a marriage, and even more so within those gender dynamics, no culturally and socially conscious husband wants to be the one to explicitly say, "The best way you can serve our family vision is to stop doing something you enjoy." No one wants to make that request. Is it possible for Yvette to put her all into the podcast, give Glen the space he needs to create, and do event planning? Yes and no. Yes, if the podcast is receiving the proper attention it needs, but if not, the event planning has to come second, third, or simply not exist in this season. 5) Is suffering in silence ok? No, but it's also not healthy to constantly tell your spouse about the sacrifices--big and small--being made for the sake of their marriage or family. That just leaves people riddled with guilt and no one wants to feel like a burden. Will your spouse knows what you gave for the sake of investing in your family? Of course, but I think there's wisdom in not sounding like woe is me.
Glen mentioned Yvette going back to work and that he could take care of the children. Maybe Yvette might think about at least going back to work as a teacher part time since Glen seems to be behind it.
I think this communication is Marvellous.
Listening to him I think he wants to be engulfed in everything you. And your both strong people, this communication is key.
I pray positivity peace understanding and stronger love.
I always listen through!!! But this was the best episode by far!!!!
Yvette, Yvette, Yvette I love you guys so much. But I hate when you say, "I don't know", because I feel like you absolutely do know how you feel. I don't know during this type of conversation is what people say when they don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. Sometimes to get to the other side you need to hurt some feelings. Say what you need to say and get it out the way. You need to, so he can have clarity and you can have peace. Love you guys and we'll be praying for you and your family.
I hate when she says I dont know! She reminds me of myself and it helps me learn to communicate better.
@@BenBro1651 Exactly! I used to be the exact same way in my marriage and other relationships. Always trying to say the politically correct thing or just not saying anything at all to spare feelings. I hate to argue, so I would just always say I don't know. That is a bad habit and it causes more conflict and damage than we can ever imagine. I am still learning and through the little bit of growth that I have had, me and my husband's conversations and debates are much more genuine and purposeful.
I think the same energy Yvette puts into planning, Glen wants that same energy in the business! However, Planning is a outlet that feeds Yvette outside of Mother and wife!
Glen wants Yvette to find her passion.
I love that you guys are so open and honest!
Fantastic conversation. You both remained respectful throughout the tense moments. Glen Yvette is right. You guys please continue being open with each other. Don’t hold it in otherwise resentment will grow and that’s what can end a marriage.
I love you guys. 22 minutes in and I am holding my breath already. "Trophy Husband", Such a male prospective. Your presence is important to Yvette. Your being close to her matters. Being able to just be in your presence. Yes, she may have been participating in activities of the school but she wanted you with her, not as a trophy or an ego filler, just to share your space. Why was that seen as an inconvenience? I am sure I will be back with edits. Back to listening.
I really enjoy and look forward to the How Married Are You podcast. This is hands down the best podcast thus far and I have watched all of them. The transparency while difficult was extremely informative and riveting. In order for your message to be powerful, you have to tackle the tough issues in a marriage, because that is what a real marriage is about. Thanks guys for an excellent episode. Looking forward to seeing your newest addition.
I absolutely loved this episode... #raw... There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable and speaking your truth... As wives we can not make changes when our husbands do not open up and voice their truth but hide behind the "chameleon" effect and "adapt." The results are a husband's suppression of expectations to turn around and voice that he doesn't feel supported. Which is unfair to us as wives because he refused to be vulnerable to voice his expectation and to be vulnerable to relying upon his wife to fulfill an emotional need. Keep it going! I have learned so much!!!
That survival thing you're talking about us what creates bitterness and resentment at the end
Woooow! I can’t but be in awe of the manner in which you both conducted this conversation😫 it has been painful to watch! But I must say this is eye-opening, this is beautiful to see that a couple can have a conversation like this: where both actually express themselves so rawly to one another while the other listens so well! Like I’m used to seeing screaming and anger but this... makes me want to weep with admiration and just leaves me speechless. May God continue to grant you both grace and strength and wisdom in Jesus name!🙏🏾❤️ I love you both💕 I thank God for you🙌🏾✨
It was very eye-opening, but I believe it was the realist discussion I've ever seen two married people have. I'm surrounded by married couples that don't communicate and they wind up pillow talking with folks that aren't their spouses and many winds up cheating. I wish more couples understood, it is better to tell each other how you're feeling and air out grievances among yourselves and be honest than to hold it in an act it out elsewhere. Thank you for being groundbreakers in marital commitment, thanks for showing the good, the bad and the ugly in the journey of marriage. Thank you for not sugar coating and faking "fairytale" life as many others do. You're appreciated and loved! Peace...
It is the first time that I have been able to learn the importance of discussing honest or uncomfortable thoughts within a relationship. I did not have this example growing up. In fact, I had a very unhealthy portrayal of confrontation. Throughout my personal experiences I then kept my thoughts and feelings hidden in order to not cause confrontation. Yvette, I love how you were able to take in constructive criticism in a healthy way. Glen, I love how you were courageous enough to communicate your truth. You both thought me a whole lot of helpful tools with this podcast. Thank you for your honesty. 🦋 It was an honor.
Oh Yvette! Sending love and positive energy and encouragement your way! This was a much needed raw and real podcast. I appreciate your guys’ transparency and vulnerability. 💕💕💕💕
I’ve never seen people argue so well and listen to each other so well. I appreciate you guys modeling this behavior for me. It helps me see how many ways I’ve gone wrong in past relationships.
Fwiw, you two are so different as people. Just from what I can see, it sounds like Glenn is feeling as if he not being supported , not because Yvette is doing anything wrong, but because she is passive aggressively kind of undermining his goals because she is not fully committed but won’t completely stand out of the way. Like he’s committed to the media and she’s not committed so she is doing stuff that doesn’t quite hurt him but doesn’t really show full support of what he’s doing.
And Glenn sounds like he has a hard time receiving. He is more comfortable when he’s pleasing you , but he doesn’t always know if you feel it. And he loves you so much, he can’t stand the thought of making you feel as if you are disappointing him. And he loves you so much that he doesn’t want to tell you how to make him happy because you might actually do it and then his love for you will be more than his heart can handle, because he will be relying on you for his happiness. That’s why he said he’ll just suffer in silence.
It’s all just love trying to find a way to live.
But you two have such different ways of being in the world. It’s so hard. I applaud you two for doing the work and letting others learn from it. I appreciate you so much.
ETA : it’s crazy that Yvette is ten years younger than me, and I’m learning from her about how to remain calm and polite and listen to your partner. Appreciate you so much, more than words can say.
Please come back soon. I saw so much of my own battles with myself and my relationship with the people in ,y life through this conversation. Thank you for the rawness of this video. I have so many revelations through this episode. Take care y'all and I can't wait for the baby to come thru!
It’s raw but it’s so good. Thanks for being so vulnerable ❤️ love both y’all
Watching/listening all the way through is a MUST for me! I want to also say to Glen, sorry for your loss. :(
That being said, OMG!!! I teared up because the selfish part of me disliked the "season finale" business. BUT oh my goodness, THANK YOU both for allowing us to sit with you during this very intense, deep and necessary discussion. I always pray for your family and will continue to do so. I will pray this time that you two move towards being face to face! Much love always from NYC, Kema!
This a great post. A real relationship having a conversation about a season in life. Addressing a difficult season is the best way to get through it.
Sometime your spouse will say his/her truth that stings and you have to disgust it and learn & make changes or stay stagnant.
It’s just amazing to see Glen be so aware and open about his feelings. Most men do no know how to do this. Kudos!
Mhhh this is sooo real. Like I can't comprehend the depth of how things are in person nevertheless.. thank you for being authentic and real. First of all the calm environment of addressing issues and coming in the "argument" not to bicker but to empower the other on 'you could be flourishing in certain ways'... it's not our place to say much there.. but seeing all that in actions.. wow!! This is new. It screams healthy and am running with it.
Ya'll are in good hands and will keep praying for you✔🙌😊
I watched your New Year's podcast earlier this morning & you both referenced this episode, so, after a beat, I'm here. Getting started, I appreciate you mentioning Mark Driscoll's three types of marriages: Back to Back, Shoulder to Shoulder and Face to Face. I've never heard of them, but I will be researching once I've listened to this all the way through. I think I'll avoid the last episode for now though. Thank you all for remaining raw. Now, hitting play.
"For you to suffer in silence is unfair to me" maaaaaannnn. That's marriage. I definitely feel like beleaf has been through so much that he may be more comfortable in bad situations opposed to good ones. I'm the same way. I've been let down and hurt so much that sometimes I feel better when things aren't going well.
When i heard ... i don't feel like your as trapped as you feel all the moms in the world said hmmm right along with you!
I know I did.
This is so real! Thank you for being transparent. These are uncomfortable conversations to have, but are so needed. It seems like you both may need a break/ a time away from home to further flesh things out about career, family, personal goals! Maybe a baby moon isn’t such a bad idea???
My gosh. What an episode. I love your transparency. ❤️
Glen...in my marriage, I am the one who suffers in silence. Suffering in silence breeds bitterness. Nobody is good at suffering in silence, trust me it always bubbles to the surface somehow...and when it comes out, it is nasty. Case in point, this episode. Nobody can read your mind.
....because I am averse to conflict but I can articulate my words...soooo....my husband and I came up with a 1-2 day rule.
When he does something that irks me, I must tell him,"You just made me mad"...then after a maximum of 2 days, he has the right to call me out and say,let's talk about it. That way I do not bottle up stuff and I have time to cool down and process my emotions....sometimes I cannot...so if I cannot talk about it, I must write to him.
Our biggest conflicts have been solved in letters and emails and voicenotes. Just saying...you may find it hard to say it face to face...but Glen, you must say it coz nobody's a mindreader.
Praying for you both. God is on your side.Love you guys.
Book recommendation: "Now You Speak My Language" by Gary Chapman
Thank you for this raw and honest conversation. I always listen to your podcasts all the way through and sometimes twice. This conversation brought so much heaviness to my heart as I listened. Why? Because I can see that both of your emotional needs can only be met completely and fully by God. I understand that in your roles as husband and wife there needs to be a filling of emotional needs but our Father is the only person who can fill those needs to the point where no void or lack can exist. Know that I am praying for you both that your marriage will thrive and that you both individually put God as first priority in your lives so that you can be filled by Him first. I love all that you both do and always pray for your success! 💕
Yeah this was a real conversation lol. One thing I noticed that I really respect about you two, is that you both seem to be go-getters and are willing to put in a great amount of effort to be your best, whether that be parenting or your business. Don’t be so hard on yourselves or each other. Thank you for being so vulnerable here, I’m not married and I don’t have kids but seeing you all honestly reflect with each other and yourselves help me get insight into myself.
I always watch until the end.
You both show love to each other by wanting the best for each other. Love languages and communication skills being displayed for yourselves and others. Prayers to y'all and all of us.
This was an amazing episode... dealing with the same issues and the distance between a couple could be very hard to deal with... especially when not understanding where it’s coming from could be so heartbreaking! I admire you both in being vulnerable with us... very inspirational... Black Love is powerful!
Bless y’all for sharing this! ♥️🙏🏿 Being vulnerable to this decree is super uncomfortable and it may not get any easier to express these type of truths but I believe you will get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Bc like Yvette said it’s unfair to say you’ll never do this again. Kevonstage said the person you marry is not that same person years later, so conversations like this may continue to happen. But it’s so awesome that y’all are not only having the conversation but you’re intentional about your words. I love how y’all are fighting for your marriage and your family! 🙌🏿 And I am praying with y’all 🙏🏿
Omg I just found you guys randomly and man I loved this episode. I almost wanted to ask Alexa have y’all been dropping in. This is real married shit. Thank you but I have to go back to season one. It seemed completely unscripted yet professional and respectful. God puts people in your life when you need it.
Watching this shows me how much you both love each because your gonna speak your truth but as respectful as possible... Keep having these tough discussions.... It's nothing like having a partner who wants to fight. My marriage is back to back we're separating and I low key am very happy about it I've been fighting by myself for awhile and I have nothing else to give. And this let's me know I'm moving in the right direction.
"YOU were hurt?!" with the eye roll from Yvette around 45 second mark, lol missed that first time around
I appreciate you all sharing this very raw and real discussion because it further humanizes the both of you and shares the reality of the not so sunny days of union. I am sure too that I am feeling a level of countertransference leaving this comment because this dialogue really mirrors a similar issue my love and I encountered.
The frustration Glen felt that somehow communicating how you feel to your partner is a threat to the survival of a relationship or “harmony” and Yvette looked bewildered at that…i felt that look 100%. In having dialogue and putting things out on the table, it leaves the opportunity to explore the issue, work together to overcome it and potentially heal from it. Although this dialogue was not an easy task to traverse, the sincerity and intention as always between you both was apparent and opens up the door to actively avoid that "back to back" marriage.
If I may offer up some food for thought...you both are two different entities, strong as individuals and even stronger together. However, setting expectations on how one should operate or hold up to a certain regard the thing you solely have passion for or might have more passion for isn’t the solution. Don Miguel Ruiz has a great book called “The Four Agreements,” you all should give a read. One of the agreements states that “Expectations are assumptions. In making assumptions, we create our reality without respect for another’s truth or experience. To avoid assumptions, ask questions.”
In certain regards Glen might have an expectation of Yvette based on how he operates. Glen you stated that you don't want to have that “expectation" but you do. Acknowledge that and understand there is no fault in you trying to process why. I think we all have to ask ourselves why we have certain expectations to begin with and if so determine if we are in someways projecting what we expect of ourselves onto others. In the video you made clear that there are patterns from your personal life experience you are trying to avoid repeating. Makes sense, however the things we are try to right from our past are not necessarily the things our spouse has to champion to “right” for us as well. Vocalizing need for support is vital and accountability is too.
Forgive me for the dissertation but I love HMAY and Beleafinfatherhood. The things you both have a hand in are always so genuine, thought-provoking and heartwarming.
In this day and age we all have a lot of things contending for our attention in the name of survival. To a degree it is at the expense of our families and spouses. There is a battle for attention and energy that can leave us, in some cases, fighting with feelings of neglect and also unrealistic expectations we set on one another to say and do or regard things we personally value in the exact same manner. For anybody reading this, I say all of this to say that, in our pursuit for a future we have a tendency to lose sight of the present. I know it is easier said then done but make time for “time", sincerely and intentionally. Map out what that looks like for you on an individual basis, together basis and family basis and work to cultivate moments that will embrace and honor that “time.”
Yvette & Glen, I hope you both keep blessing us with your transparency but never at the expense of your peace.
this was so refreshing and, like incredible.. i'm not on beleaf's patreon but i've felt motivated to after certain videos of his but this video/podcast episode brought a lot of inspiration to become a patreon.
This episode was so tragically beautiful that I don’t know whether to laugh or to just have a wow face.
Y'all still are encouraging.....YES masking it through EXACTLY
Thank you for the vulnerable conversation recording
This is such a great discussion. Will share with my hubby!
Her Mental Health goes off of what she does Gathering people together to have good time and he wants to really be the first priority and the family of course. But if he shuts down, how married are you? This is very good and I think that you should continue the podcast whenever you feel a little better opening on sharing
This was so much food for thought. My husband doesn't like to Express himself either he struggles with his vulnerable feelings . I'm the open book in our family so it's unbalanced and difficult. Communication is hard for everybody but you guys can do this. 💜
I just want to say that Im at around the 28 minute mark and this is a beautiful conversation. Im sitting here thinking about how Glenn is certainly an extrovert and how extroverts are people centric so they are typically more in tune with how to be thoughtful towards people. Introverts can struggle with that because we dont have a lot of practice.
Hi Yvette and Beleaf,
This podcast literally just saved my relationship.
As a Wife, Beleaf my husband has the same sentiment and I finally figured it out!! Thank you sooo much!
You made it make sense.
Yes, he stated the expectations but not CLEAR! He beat around the bush.
He wants you to be a wife and a life assistant.
Love this openness it's a real.... love you guys
We always listen until the end.
THIS podcast hit me in the freaking gut guys. Even with all of the twists and turns I found myself wrapped in all of it. Trying to understand your partner who refuses to communicate what they want. Putting your energy into things that does not serve your partner. Bruhhhh heavy HEAVY!
So happy this isn't the last. I was shook when I read the title. I just discovered this podcast.
Wow this is deep but so real!! Love you both
This was such a real convo!
This was a really tough one to watch. But I thank you guys for having this episode and being so frank about it. I have had similar conversation with two of my exes, and it is necessary but unfortunately our relationships did not live to tell the tale. And i totally related when you said you suffer well because I know that is exactly how I am. I do not want to burden others. But in a relationship it is necessary to have your partner be there for you, I fail at it bu i realize it is necessary. It is not healthy to suffer in silence. But I am glad to see you guys in better space in the later episode. One Love Beleaf Family
Listening to this in 2020. That 'suffering in silence' crap is why I ended my last relationship. Please don't do that, Glen. I agree with Yvette, it's not fair to her. I'm hoping that you guys moved past this point by now.
I love your family and all of your work. Keep on pushing!
Wow, my husband and I have allot of work to do. I don't think we have ever Expressed ourselves without raising our voices. Great job
I love y'all the communication was rough but really good...whew!!!
First I want to say Glen sorry for your loss praying for peace and coverage for you and your family. Second I always listen all the way through. I've been trying to get my husband to listen because you guys are always right on time with the topics. For example, I just asked him on Tuesday where does he seem himself upon leaving the military and he said he can't see past where he is right now. so I asked if he still wanted to pursue certain dreams I know he had and he said no. I then said well try to think of possible new dreams so that you have a bit of direction when the time comes. I could tell he was getting frustrated so I just dropped the convo since we were trying to spend some time together over his lunch break. I think if he listened to these he would understand my point of views on some of the things we are dealing with that you guys have also discussed. We don't have a marriage mentor so a lot of it we figure out on our own or just drop it for the meantime until we can come to a solution. finding you guys and seeing that you guys each share some of the same viewpoints as each of us showed me that we're not in this alone and it helped me to see his viewpoints better. now if only I can get him to listen/watch to hear and understand mine.
Ps: sorry for the long post just wanted to let you guys know the podcast does help us. However, do what is best for your relationship even if that includes a short break (yes I know you guys said you aren't taking one) the true followers will be here waiting.
Glen i was in a relationship that made me constantly feel studied and analyzed my goodness this was hard to watch too much of a reminder of a mentally draining, abusive relationship i had to end that constantly left me feeling empty and inadequate
You have to communicate with your partner so you all will be on the same page. I believe they were just trying to keep an open line of communication through an analysis of where they each were coming from. Speaking ones's truth when done respectfully is not abusive.
Agreed , but his approach and technique to communicate right here was very reminiscent of how difficult it was to talk to my ex abuser...Not saying Glen is abusive, but the merry go round, the highs and lows, accusations of jealousy, and being made to he knew me better than i knew myself and i knew nothing, being made to feel my thoughts about what i like or want are inaccurate and making me live in constant doubt all while trying to figure out how to love and care for this guy, etc was enough to cause anexiety and PTSD triggers. Glen is intelligent and deep and thoughtful about his point of view but for someone working to find their voice, this could feel like being steam rolled and gaslighted...this episode made all those old feelings come rushing back.
This was scary, but thanks for being vulnerable
I feel like you guys were agreeing more than you realize. Glen wants to help so he's asking for a schedule to be able to do that. And Yvette needs time off or free days which can be included in that schedule. That would allow more time to event plan. I think the difference of opinion comes in with the role of HMAY because Glen seems to view it as Yvette's thing but I feel she perceives it as something they do together. I think Glen feels if you're passionate about event planning then you should monetize off of it but maybe it's more of just an outlet and fun for Yvette. I did understand what Glen was saying about needing help with BIF, he sees these great qualities that his wife possess and realizes his need for it and how beneficial it would be for business. They may seem to come easy to her but event planning requires even less energy. Suffering well and dying to ourselves are helpful at times and in certain situations, but this can also be debilitating and destructive. Please listen to Yvette and keep speaking your peace because that's where that bitterness and resentment will creep in. TFS this guys! ✌🏾💖
This was a very real and raw convo. I appreciate you guys being vulnerable and exposing the difficult parts of marriage and entrepreneurship. My advice? I think you guys would do well getting into both individual and couples therapy. From this podcast, you two struggled to communicate what your thoughts are. You might not even know yourselves really or have the language to express it in a productive way. Therapy can help establish a communication style where you guys are able to verbally express your complex thoughts. Also, if possible, I would definitely look into getting an assistant to help with scheduling and keeping things organized as you guys are growing and expanding your business. You guys are growing into new territory with the business and a new baby and it's going to be tough finding your way through. Be patient with yourselves.
This speaks to me in my singleness....This is dope!
I listen all the way through !
This is a good end for a season finally because, considering how you are leaving, it leave watchers waiting to see what's next. See you next season!
Just read the description and we rock with Mark Driscoll aka Mark Dreezy. ha
I have three kiddos, 7, 4 and 8 months, and I definitely feel the tug too to be more intentional in spending that one on one time.
51:26 I actually connect the 2 shows because you are a husband-wife team. Everything you do together or individually is for the FAMILY. I do understand though; 1 person can work the "How Married are you?!?" It is also flexible; you can do this show on the road. I am glad that you are speaking about this, because I want to see both shows succeed. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SUCCESS YOU CAN HAVE WITH BOTH SHOWS FEEDING OFF EACH OTHER!?
19:57 I think I understand what he is saying. He sees the 2 of you as a team that should be working together on the 1 project that is building an empire for the family. However, he still wants you to do your thing without him getting in his feeling...it's like dealing with a knife sharpened on both ends.
Wow 200,000 plays! Congrats!
Both of y’all need a little “me” time. 😊💜
I got emotional.....come back soon
Oh wow. Things got real. 💕
Man Im all nervous.