How to Meet Your Own Needs (For Love, Romance & Emotional Connection) | How To Control Your Emotions
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- čas přidán 11. 07. 2024
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll recieve an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
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#Relationships #MeetYourOwnNeeds #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #Love #Dating #Romance #EmotionalMastery
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6 Basic Human Needs
1. Certainty (Safety, security, order, structure)
2. Uncertainty (Novelty, change, adventure)
3. Growth
4. Contribution
5. Love and Connection
6. Significance (Meaning, having a sense of purpose, approval)
I would add Ease. We don't just need achievement and forward movement
After 2 years with someone I thought was finally 'my person', she ended things 7 weeks ago, while I'm enduring extreme isolation with basically 6 months of lockdown in Australia. Coupled with severe BDD, at age 43 this last few months have been the hardest since my early 20s. Your videos have helped me cling to sanity, and I know I can continue to grow and be a better person, even when all hope feels lost. Thankyou.
Oh dear one, I so feel you. I just went through the same thing this summer.... In solidarity.
Same here, stuck in WA Australia, family back in Europe, breakup after 8 years together, it was my decision but nevertheless the most difficult one, this year has been by far the hardest of my life but what a time of growth and reflection, there is a reason to everything hey.....2021 will be better, you can do it, we can do it. Look after yourself for now
Felt that. My partner from Australia left me and then passed away in January of last year. Here's to personal growth.
I wouldn't take this video as gospel.
You don't need other people to be compatible with you to meet your needs.
She speaks about ways we were nurtured and that makes us who we are. It's only nurture, so you can always adapt.
I don't think you have to feel like you know she was for you when there's no way to know that. You wanted to assume it. Let it go. You'll get someone more fitting for you.
You matter and you are enough. What you seek is your own unconditional love, not theirs.
Self care has been helpful to me. Setting up things that feel good: electric fireplace, pink salt lamp, oils diffuser, furry rugs, blankets and pillows, my sweet cat, a fan for white noise. These work collectively to create a safe and nurturing place for me in my loft bedroom. 💗
Wow that sounds already soothing 🤗
This is really inspiring... I am working on this now. I like the white noise idea. I also need to stop doom scrolling social media too...raises my anxiety :(
Pink salt lamp? That sounds v interesting
Oh your list is really good. Thank you.
I'd like how you had some concrete things to do, this teacher said a few good things but basically it's not that helpful
6 basic human needs:
Certainty
Uncertainty! Interesting!!
Growth
Contribution
Love and connection
Significance
Triggered by people who "threaten" an unmet need.
How do we meet our own needs? Knowing what we need and being able to communicate that need effectively. Need to "fill our own cup halfway" before being able to get needs met from others. Needs are like buckets, when filled feel happy and fulfilled. Desperation pushes people away and sabotages our efforts to get needs met from others.
Recognize what basic human (unmet) need is driving your (bad) behavior.
I took Thais' needs course almost a year ago, and it helps me everyday to know what I need and find ways to efficiently meet those needs in creative ways. This has definitely impacted my life in many positive ways. Highly recommend!!!
Thank you for sharing
Thanks. I'm seriously considering it.
There's literally courses for any struggle you may be going through and the webinars are awesome.
Is it really that good?
@@LilBoyBlues85 I am one to fully jump in and do the work so it was that good but only for the people who really do the work it requires to change. I think you can try it for 7 days for free
For anyone interested, Rosenberg's nonviolent communication is another good resource on this topic 🙂
That is some amazing stuff!!!
Regarding blame and judgement being about others using it to let you what is this need that is not getting met..
Could actually be a gift or opportunity to allow someone express or even discover their needs and can help the attachment grow closer by discovering what is alive in your caring, loving partner and help discover how you can both help each other by wanting to provide what you can and want to do for them and your life together while also getting your needs met either with them or by yourself.. nonviolent communication and all his videos are remarkable in discovering this.. so beneficial in relationships!!!
Very true :-)
Totally agree! I'm reading this book now. 🙂
@@w.o.r.d7516 me too
Seriously get triggered when I see it when mentioned because of how people with abusive tendencies use it it gaslight/bring it up to shutdown discussion by criticizing the person's communication style.
Your videos have done more for me than years of seeing a therapist. Thank you!
I am particularly interested in understanding why we are prone to sabotaging things when trying to get your needs met from a position of desperation. I'm AA and my wife is DA, we get into these feedback loops where she detaches from me, I react in a way that's wanting reassurance from her, and she reacts by detaching more. Once this has escalated enough (I'm sufficiently desperate) I start to sabotage the relationship. I start talking earnestly about divorce, and in those moments it feels like achieving the certainty that the relationship is over is infinitely better than the continual detachment.
I can empathized 100%. Have you learned how to improve in any way? How’s it going?
She left a month and a half ago and we're going through divorce. She made the final call to end the relationship. I think if we could have made things work we would have. In the end I have been iced out and emotionally abandoned for too many years, and she got tired of me being angry about it.
You did the right thing. Since ending a situationship that went on for three years I am at peace because it was a daily struggle asking and looking for connection. I know it hurts and I know you were married but you should not have to beg and chase anyone to love you. Work on your emotional regulation and do the inner work. So happy I found this channel. I know ots easier said then done to love yourself but everything Thais is saying is correct. You have this information and it is impossible for you to grow and learn and still accept what you had in the past. You will be in eternal and internal conflict with yourself. God bless you.
I am only happy when I am living like a teenager constantly. I like having fun, lights, cameras, noise and action, entertainment, such a self-date at the cinema, watching movies, (going to theme parks, zoos, aquariums), clubbing, most of the time being on my own doing this stuff. I feel connected to my soul and that I need to do to this to care for my inner child, and if I don’t, I cannot do much work.
I literally get my inner child talking to me in the background of my mind, and putting her foot down and saying you need to watch a movie now, like I will feel I have to watch a movie to relax, and feel magical and special, and Motivated more to pursue my dreams, and feel like a superhero myself. And if I don’t I start feeling poorly.. I feel better going to sleep in the early hours, doing stuff all the time, and fill myself up again. i like living a high octane, energetic life, and living this unconventional life.
And it was going to an event with Tony Robins as part of it, that made me realise I need to constantly live like a teenager, regardless of my birth certificate age and what people may think, to be my true authentic self. It’s going back to the source of who I am truly am.
But I don’t understand which of those basic needs would this meet? Why do I need to often watch movies to feel good otherwise I just cannot work? I feel like that should be my reward after I have worked, but it doesn’t work like that for me. I feel guilty, as I sometimes have a lot of self employment work to do, but cannot do it until or unless I watch movies as and when my inner child demands. Could you please tell me why this is the case? I feel like having constant fun and magical feelings is my base default and need, almost like food and oxygen. And I get debilitated without this, but I have no idea why it feels like a basic need. Like my soul is dying and I am running on empty, why is this so essential , almost equivalent to breathing for me? When, I feel it shouldn’t be the case. I don’t think it’s uncertainty as it’s a regular thing for me, unless I have misunderstood? Please, so what need would this be? I am really stuck with this and confused?
As an extrovert I do also get energised from other people being around me, even if not talking to them, I feel like I get re-booted up like Iron man. I can literally soak up the energy of others to be stronger in myself. And I do believe I have some real life superhero qualities.
When I know I need desire physical affection I get myself a massage. I remember as a kid I wanted my mom to rub my back because that was a way to meet my need for a hug which she was incapable of doing but she would rub my back.
Yes, please create a video on self-sabotage :)
I would love to see a video about sabotage when we are coming from a position of desperation. Just joined the school and I have much to learn but everything I've learned so far has been super helpful and enlightening (including the knowledge that I'm an FA). BTW: You were were recommended to me by my therapist.
Wow! This video is gold. I listen to a LOT of self-help material and no one has taken this angle (not even Tony Robbins really). This is valuable and nuanced knowledge. I definitely need to listen a couple of more times to digest it. Thank you Thais! You are amazing.
ps. Don't reduce the playback speed to .50 because then Thais goes from caffeinated genius to drunk college girl. Dial it down to .75 for best results.
I just did that, thanks!! 0.75 is perfect
@@pasmetha At 2x Thais starts speaking Swahili.....
@@LoreMIpsum-vs6dx 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Caffeinated genius 😂💯
1.5x speed is how I get my listening needs met.
I’m able to meet my own needs very well almost intuitively as a DA. My issue is that I don’t know how to articulate them so as to invite partner to fill the other half. Plus deep down inside I feel I don’t have the right to ask my partner to fill the other half so I just do it myself.
Super interested about the sabotage reasons when we look for affection from a place of desperation!
Please do this video about sabotage😔
Who on earth gives a thumbs down to these precious informations?!!
At about 11 something minutes you mentioned about how if certainty is highly ranked, then a reckless person can threaten our need. It’s interesting because my thought was that if safety is a need but chaos was your upbringing then maybe we’d be more threatened by the unfamiliarity of a calm person - like a maladaptive need. Something to definitely try to work on and change, at least for myself!
Great info! Thanks Thais! 🙏
Yes !! Can’t wait to start the needs course today
Nobody talks about needs the way you do. Your videos has brought unexplainable amount of clarity in my life in just past few weeks & m so grateful for that. Thank you.
Yes, would love to hear the content you mentioned towards the end of video. Very nice video.
Glad that i could understand this. Thank you.
This makes a lot of sense ! I resonate very well with this and this gives me tons of clarity on un met needs I wasn't even aware of. Now I feel more aware of them and feeling confident to express them in communication.
I love how you communicate and explain so well! Thank you beautiful soul!!!
Thank you for hearing me 💞. This has helped. My need for certainty and love and connection is spilling over so much into my ocd. I think having some order in my life will help me. Eternally grateful for this . Claire w
Thais, you are changing lives out here. Thank you
Spot on. I completely understand. Thank you so much for making this video. I'm really grateful to understand myself more at my core because of this video.
Such a powerful video!! Thank you 🙏🏾
Wow. I pretty much never comment on CZcams videos, but this just changed my life. Thank you so much. I've been in therapy and working on myself and relationships for a long time, and this is like the piece of the puzzle that I've been desperately missing. THANK YOU. Will be signing up for the needs course today!
This video came up at such an eerily perfect time for me I couldn't be more grateful. Exactly what I've been struggling with lately and definitely challenged me to think about me emotions differently.
YES more on self sabotage of needs sought in desperation
Best video! Thank you for all this great information.
I am going to give this another listen. Some eternal wisdom right here
Wow. This. 100% ❤️❤️❤️ thank you Thaïs...I’ve been a subscriber and familiar with your channel for quite some time, but the level to which I relate to some of the content you out put never fails to surprise and move me! Thank you for everything you do in sharing this valuable information, you are an absolute diamond 💎 ❤️❤️❤️
I have been listening and watching thais for the last 7 months, it is always so good
I always start listening a little bit guarded, and she is so good at softening me up and I completely open up and wanting to understand what she is saying. This is so much needed for me in my life and I'm very appreciative and I can see how it can benefit my whole family.
If I could just figure out a way to to offer it without without them being offended Or just feeling goofy about it. There's some really good information in here
Thankyou thais
I love the comparison to an amusement park! Totally makes it relatable and easier to apply. Thanks!
Thais!! This was truly amazing. I suspected some of these needs were unmet, but hearing that there are basic needs and personality needs and these unmet needs manifest through our subconscious mind as emotional pain is so clarifying! Loved this so much. I watched this video at least 3-4 times and took notes. Thanks so much! Love all your videos. 💗
This is incredibly profound!
You're so kind! Loved this video, thanks a lot for this wonderful content :)
Wow! This video is life changing!
Yes! Please do a follow up on sabotaging with a lack mentality.
a video about the self-sabotage when coming from a place of desperation and unmet needs would be great!
I'm loving all your content!
Thank you! This was super insightful, helpful, educational, and hope producing.
thank you Thais! this was so insightful ❤
Wow. Thank you so much. I didn't realize how much I depended on other people to feel safe, it makes so much sense why I have a dependency on certain people.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge ♥️
By serving others, our own highest needs are met...
Great Video. Gave clarity💜💜. Much Love to you❤❤❤
I'm so happy I came across this video! I'm ready to figure out what my needs are, since I'm struggling in identifying them. This was super helpful. Thank you 😊 💜🙌
Thank you so much 💞 you've helped me tremendously with all this information.
You are amazing! This is the first channel I have subscribed to.
This is amazing, Thank you
This makes so much sense -great information
Love love your videos!!! And enjoying the online school 🏫 I was very overwhelmed by how much there is to learn but I am learning to take it one day at a time. Love , FA
Thanks. Good stuff.
Loved this!!
Wow this video is AMAZING! so so insightful and helpful. Thank you!
THANK YOU SO MUCH💫
This was really useful. Thank you 😊 the analogies really help my understanding and what you say about coming to a person with your needs already at least half met makes complete sense. I will work on creating more life structure and stronger connections with F&F.
This is life-changing, Thais. Thank you so much 🥺
What a great eye-opening education. I am loving all your tapes. Thank you for the slowing down hint… really helps me digest it better. Thank you
Just want to Thank you for making this video, I feel so lucky to have seen this one and this is the video makes me decided to enroll for pds courses.
No tell me more 😂
I love story time with you I can’t get enough of it! I just learned so freaking much and it all makes sense the puzzle pieces are coming together 🥳
Want to add to the list of people who want to see the video on why you sabotage when coming from attachment.
Thank you for what you do!!!
That was so informative!!!
Thank you so much for your videos, they have become my go to when going through tough times and they really speak to me. I am not sure if this video has already been made, but would love a video on sabotaging as I am guilty of this and would love to work on it. Thank you again for helping through really tough times
I've just purchased this course and so excited to find out what my needs are and work on it😅
Thank you Thais, this was so helpful. I realized I wanted to be chosen and by being chosen as the only option, I would feel safe. So I realized that I didn´t choose myself in a way. Thank you again
I love your videos. You are so knowledgeable and have such a talent to express yourself concisely, eloquently and very clearly. Thank you so much for your work, Thais!
Finally, cracked the tip of the iceberg. This is all starting to make sense to me. We need to get are unmet needs met to be able to live a more happy and fulfilling life. You are true gem 💎 Thank you
Thais, your pace of speaking stimulates my mind and emotions. You pack in alot of info in short time. Your knowledge is vast and detailed around this stuff. I may listen to a video twice, but do as you do, the information brings so much awareness and insight. And tools! Thank you!
I’ve been binging this channel and she is amazing! It seems like if I get THIS figured out then I will heal and become secure and won’t need the other videos. Isn’t this the foundation for secure attachment? Isn’t this how to parent ourselves? I think this is gold! Thank you for all you do! You are a gem. Tony Robbins who? He is the Slim Fast of self help. You will get some quick results but they won’t last and you can’t live on Slim Fast. You’re the Whole Foods of self help. The fruit and fiber!! 🙏🤣💕
Thank you for sharing this Thais. This explains why I had codependent tendencies.
This video helped me more than all of the therapists that I've seen combined! Thank you!
Amazing video! I feel that healing the AA in me will actually require me to learn how to feel my own needs. And sadly that’s the biggest struggle.
I love your videos, they are so helpful to me in understanding myself! I process things a little slower, so I am one that slows down the video playback speed to 75%. That is helpful to know! Thanks!
This was very helpful thank you 🌹
This is such a great video! Thank you so much for it 😊
Thank for this video ♥️ this does helps in some extent
Life changing information..
I'm a PDS member. Thais is changing my life. Thank you so much! ❤️❤️❤️
What a useful mind blowing video. Yet it all makes sense , I need to do this course soon .Amazing video
This kind of deep explanation is actualy needed. :) Brilliant examples - imagination helps me understand more. Thank You so much for Your time. :)
This is the best daily breakthrough video I listened to. I took so many notes. You're presenting us with the fundamentals to develop and grow our own identity. Excellent stuff. Thank and so grateful.
Thank you!
You make these lessons so easy to apply. In a few months i have learned to feel fuller so much more of the time. More like i was when i was younger before I let myself be in several unhealthy situations.
this is awesome stuff! thank you! and your speed is fine for me💕 I actually speed it up to 1.5x so I can absorb more videos in the same time
Thank you for sharing this information. I find it very helpful in understanding my needs. Your videos have been such a huge help in understanding myself and others and feeling fulfilled. ✨
Yes please a video on sabotaging 😍🙏🏻♥️
Thank you for all you do, you are simply the BEST 😇
Thanks to you, I understand the principles of human needs and how to manage them. You are so passionate about this... you have saved me from years of not knowing myself. Thanks to you ,many people are healing from neediness and frustration. Tremendous work. 👍
Thanks so much for your tips I appreciate it and you are perfect at your speed of talking. Lots of content should be delivered fast! I feel relaxed at ease listening to you!❤❤👌
Very good indeed
God bless
Next course on the list. ❣
just being able to see the positive and negative associations we have 😢 absolute game changer
Great work Thais. Subbed and looking forward to more learning. 👍
Yes please cover why we sabotage when we come from a place of need and deficit!!
I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which is probably a combination of lack (lack of boundaries,lack of emotional support etc). So I am very happy about your Videos,thank you!
That was really informative .💙❤️
Please make a video about these mechanisms of rejecting and sabotaging the receive of needs.
Thank you for this amazing lecture 💖