Fearful Avoidants & Anxious Attachments: How to Meet Your Own Needs for Connection
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- čas přidán 21. 07. 2020
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In this video I go over some of the best strategies for the Anxious Attachment (sometimes called Anxious Preoccupied) and the Fearful Avoidant to meet some of their own needs for connection.
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I post every other day, and you'll find some completely new content there :)
Thank you for watching!
Yes, I feel the pizza analogy 100%. And then I find myself resentful to the person who gave me to sub-par “pizza” and ask, “why don’t you think I deserve better?” instead of asking, “why did I accept it so quickly and not advocate for myself?”
Yes loved the pizza analogy lol
My mother told me recently I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. Well, I was too busy trying to please my family and everyone else because that is what she taught me. At first it hurt but I in that moment I knew it was a gift of information.
(Edit) General Notes for this video:
1. Love and Connection
A. Self Care Behaviorally
B. Emotionally Validating
Oneself DAILY
EVALUATING 7 AREAS OF
ONE’S LIFE
Meditation: Hearing Oneself and knowing thyself
Trust oneself to self regulate
2. Growth
3. Significance
4. Contribution
5. Certainty
6. Uncertainty
Through positive or negative associations of personality needs, we build:
1. our needs,
2. strategies,
3. a vision of our lives,
4. and get a stillness of the mind.
Fulfillment of our lives usually stem from if we are getting our needs met!
We fill ourselves up at least 50%
People fill us 50%
Book reference:
-The Mastery of Love
Wow I never thought of Journaling as a strategy to meet my needs of connection by connecting... With myself. Damn..
That's a high self-worth action right there
2:50
Thank me later
Thanks!
Thank you!
THIS!! Thank you Thais - the pizza story makes so much sense. I feel i've been STARVING for so long, I'm excited to continue to utilize these tools to develop a forever relationship with myself and fill my bucket.
Thank you this was helpful. I feel like self love is such an ambiguous term. Especially if you’ve never done it, you really need someone to explain it to you and show what it looks like in order to understand it.
Exactly
Thank you for helping me realize what is mising on my self healing journey. I've struggled with taking care of my physical body my whole life. It's so hard for me to create an eating and sleeping routine. I have meal only when hungry. I stay up late at night and fall asleep when really tired. Whenever I feel overwhelmed emotionally, i become numb, just lie in bed all day and eat anything edible found in the fridge to survive. That's how I treat myself for many years. This year I learned about self healing and attachment styles, I spent so much time reflecting on myself and analyzing my fears behind those feelings that I went on neglecting my physical health. That's why I still sense distrust inside my body when I told myself that I love her and I'm trying for her. I was treating her the same way my parents did. That's why she didn't trust me. My parents just provived me with physical care and totally ignored my emotions, but insisted on saying that they made every effort for me.
This is so so clear and helpful.
9:14 where the magic list comes. Thank you for this deep talk.
I’m loving your work✅
She is awesome
Thanks guys :)
I viewed is particular video about 9 times thus far. Thank you Thais. It has been the main thing this week that has soothed my ever building anxiety. You layed it all out so simplistically and beautifully.
Such a great video and message - thank you! I like how you made the distinction between the self-care we usually think of and emotionally intimacy with the self.
Love the new background! Looks great!
Thanks Leah! I would love to take credit but someone on my team did it aha :P
I love your channel, thank you so much for making these videos for us fearful avoidance trying to make sense of our issues
So ready for this video. Friend analogy was already comforting/helpful. I wish this video was longer. Such a great topic. It’s still difficult for me to isolate those personality needs, especially when I haven’t been able to successfully tap into them yet in the ways that I want.
Thank you :)
Wow. Your production has increased a lot. Your sound and picture are much much better.
So in summary, we need to be good on self care and also add something that strengthens the emotional connection to self such as Journaling or medidating.
Love this video. You really are giving me the tools I have missed out on for so long, thank you!!
Wow! Thais, your work is revolutionary in a way! Thank you so much! :)
You are saving my life!
Thank you do much for these videos. I really needed them to work on myself
I am very grateful for your work and how it is helping me to understand so much more about myself, my partner and also other people ❤️🍀
Thank you, the magical kitchen analogy was so insightful and helpful!
You are amazing, so helpful and beautiful!
Wow! I came to CZcams exactly for this content, since I am relationship fasting for a year in order to learn these things during this time. Thank you ❤️
Oo relationship fasting, I love the sound of that. I'm on a similar journey. I'd love to ask you some questions... Would you mind if we could connect?
Lydia Tic sure :), but how? Is there a way of sending a pm here?
@@Chaxbs thanks for the response. I don't think there is sadly.. If you have any social media that you don't mind talking, I don't mind posting mine then deleting it after
Lydia Tic dear Lydia, sorry for the late response! Are you on Instagram?
Thank you this video helped a lot !!
4:20 to 5:03
😳 OHHHH THAT'S IT 😆
Love this! Not the fluff usually peddled around
Thanks Thais I needed to see this video 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I can just repeat myself: You are wonderful : D
Wow. So good
Thank you.
Starts @ 2:50
I love your work
Congrats for 100k!!!!
Thank you a lot🤗❤️💙
Really cool channel!
This is soooooo awesome! Just throwing it out there but this originates from Manslows Hierarchy of Needs
Maslow*
Hello Thais, i have a million dollar question for you🙂. I have a year o personal development from FA to a secure person. I dedicate daily 2 hours for development and journaling but how can i fill 50% buchet for belonging and love in this time of pandemic? I work only from home, i stay alone no girlfriend or other friends. Can you answer the question below.
Thanks and great work
If we don’t have our own ‘magical kitchen’ inside of us, bc we don’t know how to MEET OUR OWN NEEDS for love & connection, and don’t really know and understand what it means to SELF-connect, to ourselves and fill up some of our needs buckets at least 1/2 way,
(here’s the catch)
THEN we’re LIKELY to get into a painful dynamic or situation where we’re STARVING for love. #micdrop
Thais, thank you. I have been watching these videos and they have helped me communicate better w my ex in person. We have had really positive outcomes since my ex is an anxious attachment. However when it comes to having a phone convo my ex constantly seems to cry with no resolve. Any tips?
Why does it always feel like you are talking right to me or telling people my biggest secrets? I wish I could take your courses Thais, you have helped me grow so much 💜
Shelley, if you want to take the courses but you've come across some obstacles, you can always email my team at info@personaldevelopmentschool.com . They might be able to help you :)
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool omg you responded!! I'll email them today, thank you!
so one should for example journal throghout their healing journey? I can understand that, although I wonder, how long will this go on then? Until one doesn't feel lonely or is my interpretation off here?
I need me a magical kitchen!
Thank you for these videos.
Can you make one about the difference between what is FA protest behavior and what is abusive behavior? The push when my FA push pulls, is so hard I’m wondering if it’s unhealthy to continue this relationship.
Grace Chan I would like a video on this too!
Hi Grace, you can check out this video for more information on FA deactivating strategies :)
czcams.com/video/cVKwWT68hUs/video.html
I get it, but he specific.
I get it and I go to do stuff, then I don't know what to do.
What you're saying is too vague.
This isn't actionable.
Do journaling... Ok... But how do you know if it is working? It'll feel just as empty... Is it supposed to not?
Be more specific please
journaling - that is pretty specific though. Maybe there is more detailed info inside Thais` school.
Yes there is DEFinitely more detail in the school! List of like 60 questions to ask yourself, for example
Basically treat yourself as though you were the object of your affections - what would you want to know about the other person? What would you enjoy doing with them? Now do those things on your own
Woow!!
I have a question. I am sometimes stuck between knowing what would be good for me versus something I really want. Sometimes these two align, but not always. In the latter case, I am feeling very conflicted because I have the tendency to overanalyze and rationalize and should listen more to my heart (and what I want). On the other hand I also know what's good for me and I know what I deserve, and perhaps I should act towards that. Do you have any tools that I can use to figure out what I should do in this case?
I have deep self-awareness of myself and a deeply entrenched rationalizing mind. What I have done to respect both is to actively meet needs, establish boundaries and foster emotional intimacy with myself by being more vulnerable (engage in inner child dialogue and connection). I bypass the rational mind by coordinating with my self-awareness to address my needs, core wounds and being intimate with myself. By default and when I am on autopilot I am highly rational. When I am attuned to myself and being self-aware of myself I am able to meet my personality needs. Meeting your own needs utilizes your rational and emotional parts. Disproving your core wounds also does the same thing. Turn it into a habit and you will have no problem with getting what you want.
Ignoring your intuition is a symptom of trauma. You learned that your needs for happiness are not important so you’ve become accustomed to neglecting your own happiness.
@@meringue3288 Need for Love and Connection: Seeing/Hearing/Understanding/Feeling Connected to yourself. Basically the same way a FA is emotionally attuned to others turn that emotional attunement into yourself. Intimacy with self is how you meet this need without the need for a romantic relationship. Like Thais mentions this cures the feeling of being alone! My way to meet this need is through massage, inner child dialogues and self-care like exercising, cooking healthy meals for myself, getting a good night's sleep and emotional connection with myself.
Oh my goodness.. did you just read my diary?! That’s literally what I’ve been thinking about nonstop this week about myself
Thank you for all your responses! Glad to hear that I'm not alone in this and that there are ways to deal with it. It definitely brought me a new perspective!
Having healthy boundaries = meeting one's own needs.
I'm hoping this helps me. I've been dating a dismissive for 7 months now and I'm an anxious. I've been therapizing myself to become secure and it's been working but there are times when I make my needs clear to him in a positive way but then nothing is done about it and it makes me upset and I feel myself slide back into anxiety.
I don't know how to let go.
Rose Morningstar I recognise this feeling and it is very painful. The thing is, you both need to work on yourselves and the relationship, and be aware of your patterns, reactions and dynamics to have a successful and fulfilling relationship. I’m in a similar situation and it is hard work when you are the only one who is trying to change and repair...
@@ronjakh Thankfully we've been communicating needs a lot in healthy ways and I've been in therapy. Things are actually going quite well.
Update. We both make our needs clear, communicate openly. He picks up on my feelings and knows when I need to talk without me even mentioning it and invites healthy conversation. Things are awesome. :)
You know it’s probly over when you see your two types in Thai’s video title and roll ur eyes 🙄😭🤣
I think Robbins got those needs from Maslow.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
👀 wow
Is this course for people who want to become a practitioner or just individuals or both? It’s very unclear
The school is open to anyone who is interested in addressing past trauma and dysfunction :)
Annette I know just wanted to know if it allows you to become a personal development practitioner and gives any certification
@@tifftom ah I see! No it doesn't!
@@skwerl81 oh ok so you for the company?
Design Capsule oh, no I'm just a devoted member lol