From Fearful Avoidant to Securely Attached - My Personal Journey | Attachment Styles
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- čas přidán 24. 10. 2020
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In this video I'll talk about my personal journey from FA to Secure. This video is not me giving advice, but merely sharing some things that worked for me along my journey. If you are struggling with addiction, an eating disorder etc., please seek out help from a local medical professional and be sure to follow the protocols of the program you are enrolled in!
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll recieve an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
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(Access to all 45+ courses, workbooks and live events for FREE!) - Doors Close on May 5th 2021!
you all prolly dont give a shit but does any of you know of a trick to log back into an instagram account..?
I was dumb forgot the login password. I would appreciate any tips you can offer me!
Just wondering during your four years if singleness did you make make friends with guys you were attracted to?
Thank you so much for this video! I am an AP and found many helpful things to use in my life in your story. Thank you for all of your content ❤
so happy to hear that! @@PR-cv1if
You being vulnerable and sharing IS serving the listeners. I can’t tell you how helpful it was to hear your story. When people feel like they can relate to you, they trust what you say even more. Thank you so much for all your work and all your videos. They really have been life-changing for me.
I 100% agree!
Yasss!!!!
100%
100%
Spot on.
I become anxious when in a relationship and dismissive when out of it. Staying in a dismissive space feels safer than being in an anxious one.
Exactly the same! I am doing my best to balance it out. Dismissive avoidant patterns are painful for me without a lot of effort and communication. Preoccupied triggers avoidant patterns for me. I need a securely attached person willing to work with me.
I’m crying because I just spent the entire weekend drunk to avoid feeling my pain. I was in denial about it and telling myself I was just having a GREAT time... drinking on my own for 3 days straight. Yeah right. I’m an FA and INFP and I needed to hear this so bad!!! Thank you Thais
Love u
❤️❤️❤️
I'm also an infp and fa, and one of my closest friends is also an infp and fa. I wonder if infps have more of a tendency to become fa's easier than others because of our sensitivity. It's just a thought I havent explored, but I'd like to know your thoughts on this if you've thought this before.
But, I hope Thais' videos help you to grow and heal 😊
Kayla Kunkel I definitely think so. Infps value closeness as long as it’s not superficial and hate small talk like FAs. I also think because we think so differently to most people, feeling alone and misunderstood definitely contributes to my FA type. Like I feel like even if I get secure there’s certain things that will make me feel like I’m still FA because of my infp personality.
Yep, I’m ENFP and FA. I totally agree that you’re onto something with that. Being highly intuitive and feeling makes us quite sensitive.
The part where you talked about a year of being single and working on yourself, I did the same thing after a pretty crappy relationship, and it was amazing. It was probably one of the best years of my life. I truly believe that is the year I became a secure person.
Ready to watch all 41 mins of this
I have noticed that when I’m vulnerable or I say too much then the other person goes away too so I don’t know when to say something or when not to or how much?
Not only did she share a personal story, she was thoughtful enough to not interrupt it with ads for her listeners. Thias, you’re an angel. ❤️
i got like 4-5 ads 🤭
Definitely full of ads. Irrelevant loud ones!
@@riverbilly64tbh wish yt had a way to choose muted ads or set ad playing volume
My dear Thais,
I am glad you recorded this video for your audience. Sometimes, more than scientific explanations, people need real healthy testimonials from real people.
Sending you love.
Alexandra
I can’t put into words yet what your story just did for me but you reminded me of things I forgot about myself. I feel so lucky and fortunate to be part of your community. Crazy how your story triggered memories I had buried. Your timing is always right when it needs to be. You da Best, Thais!
I'm also a fearful-avoidant leaning anxious and I'm dating a dismissive-avoidant and I get so nervous that I'm gonna ruin this relationship. Hearing your personal journey just gave me a lot of hope.
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Same
I ended my emotional entanglement with a da and I am here to look for myself. I hope you have a good relationship with your da as I noticed it was three years ago.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I noticed you kept mentioning how long this video was as if it was a negative. I think others might agree with me when I say, what are you talking about?! It couldve/ should’ve been longer!! After watching your video I felt like I knew where I stood in my own journey and that I was exactly where I’m suppose to be right now, as cliche as that is. I felt guidance as well, not from a superior/inferior, do as I did, angle but, from an equal level, non-judgmental, take what you want from me sharing my own experience angle. The kind of guidance that is actually helpful and able to be received, at least with me. Just having an idea of what your journey has been like for you offered amazing new perspectives, thoughts, possibilities and hope. Serving from an angle only possible from going outside your comfort zone personally. As uncomfortable as you were, know it was definitely worth it. You being vulnerable and open with us is as important and valuable as the scientific information and explanations you offer within the PDS and CZcams videos. And that’s coming from a lifetime member (edited to add: ‘of the PDS’) who knows her journey is not a fast paced one, hears internal dialog saying it should be faster and is already feeling more peace before I even had a chance to change the thought patterns yet. I’m so glad you listened to all the requests to share your story. Thank you for taking the time to make this video.
I thought the same thing!! We’re way too appreciative of what this angel is sharing to be annoyed she’s taking “too long” lmao
Thais you are a beautiful soul, it’s obvious everything you’ve been through has made you into a wonderfully warm and empathetic person. I think one of the reasons PDS is so good and effective is because of your authenticity 💜 everything you’re teaching us you’ve lived. Thank you so much for sharing and being vulnerable with us, you are a gift 🎁
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“Having resentment against someone is like drinking poison and thinking it will kill your enemy.” ― Nelson Mandela 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Hey, I'm an INFJ too! :O (also FA). Thanks for sharing vulnerably - I know how hard that is for us. I might have to start meditating.
Wow thais I have no idea, I just assumed you were secure right from the start. You are definitely the role model to all your subscribers
Thais Gibson, you have changed my life and given me hope, strength, inspiration and light after so many years of darkness and pain. You are unbelievably brilliant and literally spot on in every video. I cant describe how satisfying it is to finally have some clarity and understanding of myself as an FA. I have suffered for years and been overdiagnosed, overmedicated and considered to be an "anomale" by medical professionals. Yet nobody could put their finger on the issue. Your videos have helped me understand the intricacies of my personality, my relationship dynamics and have pointed me to the source of my issues. You have an amazing grasp on human psychology and are so gifted at explaining it with such clarity. I honestly cannot thank you enough for gifting this world with your knowledge and it is evident how hard you have worked to reach this point. You are such an inspiration to me and a true example of someone who took their years of suffering and darkness and transformed it into pure light. I am eternally grateful to you for making it to the other side and for dedicating your life to helping us get there too!:)
Zoe, YES to all of this
@@alexandral1731 Amen sista!
"pain doesn't solve pain" AMEN. I also loved "it is better to focus on finding solutions than the problem"
Talk about synchronicity. I was walking to the store to pick up a new bottle of wine because I finished my last one. I decided to get something else to work on new pathways. And give myself compassion until I am ready to get a handle of this. Thank you so much Thais for sharing your story. It’s inspirational and powerful. Thank you for being you.
Oh wow! This video was so healing! Especially the part about recreating neuro pathways. Lately I’ve started therapy and I’m working on my fearful avoidant attachment style with my therapist and I look in the mirror almost every day and say “I love you, I’m going to love you through any moment of your life, I’m not going to run from you or leave you….your okay” this is helping me work through the pattern of beating myself up
I'm FA leaning DA and this has been one of the most helpful and insightful vids I have ever come across in my healing journey. I had placed you on a pedestal and almost told myself that where you were could not be attainable. However listening to you sharing your truth, the highs and lows has made it all the more real to me. You didn't have to share but in sharing, I am in eternal gratitude. I am learning that just because someone has their ish together it doesn't mean they haven't experienced adversity and overcome it. THANK YOU for being vulnerable and I'm so proud of the person you have become x
This wasn’t even super emotional yet I had to pause and cry about 3 times because I relate so much and it almost feels like I can’t get out of my traumas and pain. But your story is so powerful and motivating❤️😭 thank you for sharing! xx
Helene, We'll heal ❤
Watch her videos. Learn about your attachment style. Start journaling. Take it slow. Every little change that you make counts. I thought it was impossible too. Healing is confusing and it's tough but it's so very possible! You are capable of more than you give yourself credit for. Start healing! ❤ Wish you well. 😊❤
Thank you Thais. As a fellow psychotherapist, I understand the consideration, self-awareness, skill and artfulness it takes to use self-disclosure in an authentic way while also considering how to make it connective and helpful and avoid innocent mistakes that could possibly burden or confuse others. I thought this was a very graceful example of the power of sharing our story. I am FA and becoming much more secure. Like you, I had studied and practiced many psychological and spiritual growth systems but the clarity and actual concrete steps you explain have been a major turning point in my journey ❤️
My god.
I'm in the exact same space you were in.
Meditation, learning and figuring out what's going on.
You got this. Humans are amazing at change. Keep reaching out. You deserve it. Don't give up❤
Thais,
as an ex FA who became a secure attachment through similar experiences, learning patterns and therapy, finding your video and listening to your story has helped re assure me how far I’ve come, and reminded me to even now forgive myself and have self compassion for the smaller mistakes.
We all make them, so thank you. ❤️
I took your test and another test on psychtest and scored both secure attachment
Omg I clicked INSTANTLY, haven't even seen the video yet but GOD BLESS YOU Thais Gibson, and thank you SO MUCH for how you've been saving my little FA soul, too :)
me too :D
Ditto! I ❤ her!!
She’s so amazing! ♥️
I don't think you understand, this video saved me. I feel so seen and heard. I learned so much. I've been sober now for almost two months, going to therapy, learning a lot about myself, tending to my mental health practices and this was just so eye opening. I feel so lucky to have stumbled upon this video, thank you for doing all that you do. You are saving lives
Proud of you pal
I experienced severe trauma and struggle with CPTSD. Thank you for sharing. I need the 4yrs.
Guys. After watching some of Thais’ videos, I decided to go to her online school and enroll and start taking the emotional mastery course- and BOY has it been incredible. I’m nearly finished with the course now and I can honestly say after going to a year of therapy that *this* short time I’ve spent learning has been far more useful. Some of her examples are literally the exact problems that I’ve been facing and the number of epiphanies I’ve had about my own life is insane. Just the ability to hear what she’s saying and then have this internal realization about why I am the way I am. I’ve learned so much about myself and I’m just so so thankful I found someone as incredible as Thais. For anyone considering it, please at least take the 7 day trial and learn as much as you can in that week of free content- i promise you will not regret it :)
After the free trial is it 67$ for one time payment, or monthly?
@@MissModernprincess that’s per month, I did the 3 month plan and just did as much studying as I could in those 3 months. But it’s 100% worth it because it costs about what you’d pay for 1-2 therapy sessions and what you learn here is way more important
@@seansull Awesome! I am glad there is hope out there, because I was out of hope yesterday with this particular attachment style
Hello! Fellow INFJ and fearful avoidant too. Thank you for pushing past those feelings of not wanting to be the center of attention, and sharing your encouraging story.
Thank you for sharing. This gives me hope because healing can be overwhelming sometimes. Feeling like I took 3 steps forward, only to take 4 steps back.
It can for sure be overwhelming. Please keep on going forward, be easy on yourself and give yourself so much credit for being brave enough to try - PDS team member
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I just wanna say, i've been struggling dealing with the attachment style of my crush/friend (and my own). Not to mention the frustration of so much isolation these days. Your videos have helped me so much. Instead of being frustrated at my crush, i empathize with them and don't personalize their actions. I don't know if things will work out, but i feel like you've given me a cheat code and now i don't get upset with them when they deactivate. So i just wanted to say thanks! You and your staff are appreciated for creating this lovely community :)
Thanks Cameran! You're so so welcome and I am very happy to hear you aren't personalizing your crushes actions! Thanks for your lovely comment - PDS team member
A year later and you still make me feel hopeful 💕
14:00 so much relate, the constant research into psychology, absorbing little things people hear around like about boundaries ect
I held a lot of grudges as well. My true healing came when I learned to love myself and respect myself. Prioritizing Self care was key to feeling safe, then I was at peace with my past and was able to forgive and let go of resentment.
It’s one thing to trust the information a professional shares but quite another thing to trust the person who shares it. You were brave to tell your story. I’m not able to do that yet. Thank you for sharing who you are. 🙏
Thank you.. I also am FA and my partner is also DA, sometimes we deactivate so hard that it is just so discouraging. Knowing that there is this reward at the end of this hard work is such a motivation! As always- you are an inspiration what one can achieve when we choose connection over self-protection
After a year of battling and only making small progress in couples therapy, I've found these videos and started analyzing me and my partners attachment styles and I swear one of jer videos on a relationship between a FA and a DA was like OMG SHES GOT CAMERAS IN OUR HOUSE! I pray my partner is open to learning about what she can do to work on herself because she too agrees we are just like that video, and she told me what I didn't voice, she can be both FA and DA so she gets it...but I don't know that she's ready to do the work on herself. She believes if I FIX me, we will be great and me working on me the last 6 months has helped but only because I've learned how to control my emotions and how I react to things but it doesn't change the things I have issues with in our relationship and I'm not willing to endure that for the rest of my life. Unfortunately we truly had such a great beginning and a significantly long "honeymoon " phase, like 2 and a half years easily and such an easy relationship that when we started hitting regular bumps and challenges in the road, it was HUGE and we didn't handle it well at all.
Oh btw, on the cptsd subreddit, theyve done polls on everyone's personality types. Turns out almost all the members on that board identify as INFJs. Very interesting...
I'm part of that sub and that fact seems interesting wow. I'm a guy...
Interesting. I'm also an INFJ.
I relate SO much.
I was in competitive soccer. I developed chronic regional pain syndrome in my legs. I developed severe bulimia and then addictions to drugs and alcohol. All of my relationships were abusive and tumultuous. Meditation has helped me so much and I had a similar process if realization and betterment. The relationship stuff is my latest hurdle.
Also, i relate to the damaged teeth girl. When I sobered up i had 9 cavities and a few root canals. Lol you've given me even more hope and I have so much faith in the path you've laid out. So grateful for you and the work you did on yourself.
When I started meditation I was usually only able to sit like 4-5 minutes every day. Even that short amount of time every day was of huge help.
What if you (me) are so insecure, hurt, distrusrful and have so much shame even getting into a relationship feels impossible. It literally feels impossible for me to let myself be liked, let someone see me and all that. I'm doing pretty well the more alone I am, because then there are no triggers. But the shame, self loathibg and toxic super ego is going all the time. Feel like I've tried everything.
Everyone who says they struggled with self-esteem, relationships and self-sabotage somehow always at least managed to get into some kind of relationship. I can't even do that..
Isn't it soo beautiful to witness your soul's healing into wholeness through your own unique human journey
20:00 Actually thank you for modeling successful harm reduction. That is so important. As you say nothing against the 12-step model, but the alternative is certainly relevant and needs to be de-stigmatized. End of the day all that matters are successful outcomes. As everyone has said, thank you so much for sharing your story. 💕
So true! Thanks for pointing that out
I was addicted to painkillers myself for over 10 years from an injury. I’m so
proud of you
How great your payoff Inside has changed. Openness, pain.. used for
good. The desire to be more, the depth so helpful, so attractive. Thanks fir all the work and sharing
You are such a gift. Thank you for sharing so much personal detail. It really really does help others ... I can relate so much, and being brave helps others. I learned to self-soothe and have intimacy with myself partly through your videos. (Forner FA here) 🥰🤍✨
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Thais, thank you so much for sharing your story! I’ve been in PDS school for months and have followed your videos for quite some time. Of course it is clear to anyone who has lived and processed that you must have lived through a lot to be as wise as you are today! But nonetheless was still powerful to hear your journey!
We have many parallels 😳
I am an INFJ, FA, grew up in Toronto, was also a soccer player and obsessed with going to the states on a soccer scholarship, and also struggled with annorexia/ bulimia for a long time.
But I chose music as my path to help myself ( and hopefully others) feel less alone 🙂
Thank you for all your work ❤️
You're a beautiful soul , and I really appreciate all the things you do , I'd be really lost if I didn't have your help the last couple months.
It even makes you more relatable and attractive that you've had your own struggles. You have so much grace.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I’ve discovered that I am a F A today. I feel so much joy and compassion for my little girl 👧
I’ve done 30 years of inner work, this takes the confusion out of my eco system
Thank you
This inspires me so much I’ve been through a lot escaping from narcissistic family ended up in a DV shelter out of living in and out of my car. Prior to that I always had a stable job with an education- so scary how someone can ruin your life. I escaped and secured a great job and have been working in the legal field for over a year. I secured a great apartment in Ny and now I’m focused on myself. I want to do what your doing Thais! Thank you
Congrats on becoming secure. That’s amazing and I’m proud of you☺️
FA, CPTSD, INFJ too- thank you so much for sharing your journey! Starting my own reprogramming journey and this is so encouraging to hear and I appreciate you going out on a limb and letting us get to know you better! 💛
Beautiful testimony. I related on SO many levels. You did a wonderful job of telling your story without giving fodder for trolls. My trama was initially family dynamics, then my brother was brutally murdered by his girlfriend and best friend. Talk about trust wounds. First relationship was identical to family dynamic between my mother and father, but I got out. My first time opening up ended up being with someone who had heavy narcissistic tendencies- he laughed at me while I was expressing my pain over the death of my mother. That incident took the cake and has been very hard to forget when it comes to vulnerability, but I have made a lot of progress over the years- All of that was before stumbling upon attachment theory and personal work. Indeed it is journey, there is not a quick fix and forgiveness of self and others plays an indispensable roll. Thank you Thais for your candor.
You really are describing my personal life for the last 15 years. I didn't know what was wrong with me until you put it into such succinct words. That burden of wanting to be accepted in a world that you felt wronged you can feel overwhelming. Thank you for putting it into words. You've greatly helped me 🙂
You’re amazing! I went from being completely despondent that my life could get better after struggling with addiction and then most recently my boyfriend of 7 years (avoidant) and I am bpd (disorganized att.) ended things. I could not see a future without him but after listening to your story I am not just hopeful, I am actually excited to begin this journey. Thank you so much!
Thank you sooo much for sharing all this! I’m an FA and have CPTSD, was addicted to pain meds from an injury as well. I have wondered your story for so long and literally felt my nervous calm down hearing you share this! Thank you!! 🙏🙏🙏
I love your comments about your relationship! I have a partner currently that doesn't know how to reciprocate when I'm trying to be vulnerable so it shuts me down to allow myself to be open to him because of his reaction. This is only my second video but I'm going to check out your others for sure. I actually first clicked on your shadow work video of which I'm new to, but knowing that you not only have this research under your belt but also the education is very important to me. Thank you!
I KNEW YOU WERE AN NFJ
I think More likely Fe-Ni-Se-Ti rather than Ni-Fe-Ti-Se, that mistype is very easy to make.
Great vulnerability in front of so many people!👍
Oh my Lady, you won’t believe the synchronisity tonight with watching/listening this right now 25.10 .... I love the way universe works
Tesla referenced human energy 🌪👻jesus christ referenced living waters 💎🤍science described water memory 🌊👨🎓existence reflecting psychologically,psalms16:24 k,j 👻💎🤍👨🎓💖🗽🌪🌪🌪
That's how you can talk so genuinely and insightfully about fearful avoidants ❤
I already thought you were amazing, but after watching all 41 minutes of beautiful vulnerability and honesty, now you are just over the 🌙 in my book! This was so helpful to hear the whole journey you’ve been-highs and lows. Thank you for all of it. One of your best CZcams videos ever.
I really appreciate these. Helping me discover so much that I have put off that I wasn’t aware of till someone told me to look into it and something I saw years ago and then forgot about the attachment styles till recent
Thank you for sharing this Thais! It really flew by - not overly long at all. Am sure I'll be coming back to watch this one again (as I have done with others, particularly those explaining Fearful Avoidant patterns). The fact that you're speaking from personal experience really does hold a lot of weight. Infj here, and defo relate to discomfort with the spotlight, so thanks for pushing through that!
i love you so much, Thais! i definitely get where you're coming from in regards to "not making it about you" especially because i have noticed that people sort of tend to parentify therapists (without meaning to probably) and they probably see it as like a compliment, but one of the things i love about you is that you make sure you clarify that you are human in all of this. you aren't perfect and that's not the goal. that's very inspiring and just thank you for being so loving and sharing this with us 🥰💗
Wow 41min felt like 10 plus no editing of the video, I love it. Your story and info is very engaging! I am an anxious preoccupied and my ex is Dismissive avoidant I think. Thank you for sharing, you have open my mind
thais, you did not know how much this video has helped me realize how much i punished my self for 20+ years and forgot to love and respect my own heart. i was too invested in the overwhelming emotions that i did not realize that my mind needs love too for withholding the clouds accumulated.
the pain was so bad that i had random pangs of pain on my head and chest even when i have a healthy lifestyle (kind of) and i am actually worried what it will make me.
i think watching this made me cry approx 7 times already due to both sad (obv) and happy tears it has given me - happy because i finally praised myself for the first time for being so strong through the lonely childhood to a self-made adult despite the neglect, pain, and helplessness i received. this, i never knew that i needed.
but at least i can now learn how to actually love myself before trying to learn how to receive actual love - which i rarely get and don’t know how to.
thais, thank you so much.
(most of my pain came from my own family due to neglect from parents and unconscious unfair treatment they gave me and my brother - which we share the pain with. working from home has slowly taken a toll on me due to being home with my fears all the time and im scared.)
So beautiful you shared that. Thank you so much. We love having you here :) - PDS team member
To change their attachment style, I think a person needs four things:
1 ) A realization that their current mode of living has failed them
2) A strong internal motivation to change
3) A willingness to confront their deepest pain and worst fears
4) Interaction with people more secure than themselves
A person's attachment style is a major part of their personality, and changing your attachment style is a major life event. I think that APs who want their DA partners to just open up a little, and DAs who want to their APs to chill out and not be so needy, are massively underestimating the magnitude of the required change. A change of attachment style is nothing short of a personal revolution.
I think that the place that most people get stuck ist 3), particularly DAs. Even if they recognize that their life isn't working very well and they have a strong motivation to change, most people just aren't willing to confront the pain in their life and aren't willing peel back the layers of fear that underlie their insecure attachment style. So they stay stuck.
9:30 feeling like you’re always losing this battle to yourself… is a very helpful word picture to me. Thank you ❤
I want to give my deepest thanks (this video is me to a tee) and tell you how grateful I am for your amazing knowledge and tremendous generosity to random strangers like me !!❤️🌈💐
Discovering the PDS has been a real turning point for me. I have expereinced a real cocktail of pretty intense trauma and i have recovered in so many ways but was still doing all these self sabotaging patterns. Understanding that I am a strong FA has been both an amazing breakthrough to understand but also so disheartening...because i felt like it meant i would spend the rest of my life either lonely or in abusuve relationships,and that i am in an abusive relationship with myself. Hearing your story has really helped convince me that i can rewire these behavioural patterns and one day have a life with people who are willing to show up, love, be loved, support and be supported. Thank you Thais, thank you thank you thank you. ❤🌻
Woman, I see you, I admire you and you inspire me. Thank you.
Been watching videos for a while (few months) This is one of the most Powerful Ones
Well done. Thanks for your story. Yes totally relate to the battle of thoughts, conscious and unconscious
I stumbled across you on CZcams. You have given me hope and direction that I too can heal and prosper. Thank you for your gift of exposing yourself and sharing your knowledge through this video
Relating to all, sponge, no outlet, eating disorder, A lot of physical health but avoided the meditation and always talked about the ashram...i lived in Hawaii years later I've had complicated grief 4 years ago during divorce. Struggling on and off with drinking wine. Quite functional. Partner was a good. person, but lots of fighting.. All this and codependent. I tested as AP/ leaning FA. I wonder how many here will resonate with your story. Always the lost battle. A life as a health practitioner, studied biology. helping others. I'm now 52. This is how I am achieving my new goals. I'm left wondering when is your birthday, more so your numerology. How do souls travel together. I read codependent no more and the dark side of the light chasers years ago But i didn't understand it all. It's been a 35 year journey healing. Thanks for sharing the tortured soul journey. But the one thing I didn't do was beat myself up for imperfect. but was creating new paradigms as a raw foodist. Exercising, new sports, and only have 1 glass of wine per week when I went out. Much later in life was the bottle of wine alone during divorce. I say all this so people realize without continuing the inventory check in, patterns can be" reused" again to meet needs. Forgiveness was huge. The Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. I lived there, but every failing relationship due to not knowing how to express. My needs, I returned to wine. Sometimes only a glass. I am finally having a. Lovely relationship with myself and not punishimg the little girl who sometimes gets a little bloated or non perfect. This morning I believe I may have met the very healthy peaceful relationship. It means I've worked through enough to attract something I like that I am., since we attract what we are. I tested as just secure a month or 2 ago. Thank you! 🥰
Wow! I really needed this testimony and insight. Thank you so much for taking the time and strength in ur vulnerability to open up about this experience. I relate so much to u! I am also fearful avoidant and INFJ personality type, and everything u said rings true. I am at a similar place to where u were after taking some years to develop myself independent of a romantic relationship. Now I have just met this amazing guy who is dismissive avoidant. There is so much compatibility between us and I feel such a special connection, yet I am still struggling with my anxiety in a relationship capacity. He is actually motivating me to deal with these issues in a more complete manner, and I am so grateful for this opportunity. He has also done some independent work on himself, but I see he is being triggered in a romantic setting as well. This relationship is very new, so I am hoping to see him try to work on his healing when it comes to romance with me as well. Like u said it takes the awareness and effort of both parties to make the healing of the relationship turn into a healthy attachment. Thank you for all the beautiful work u do to help others also heal their attachment wounds. God bless u! ❤
Thanks for sharing. I'm a fearful avoidant INTJ with BPD albeit in remission most of the time. So, your journey resonates with me.
Thank you. Your healing story is better than a psychotherapy
Not even halfway through and I absolutely love this. Thank you so much for sharing.
Finished this. Loved it. Such a beautiful journey
Change is so definitely possible for FAs. I’m so amazed at how much change I have seen over the past few months, things I was really struggling to shift myself in therapy. Amazing work being taught at PDS.
I am a 26 year old Fearful avoidant and I've been following you for a year to become secure, as a child i was very avoided my parents my mom has me when she was 15 years old she was a child herself she did not know how child develops. I followed her footsteps and got married at 18 and had my son right away then I wasn't getting affection from my husband at the time so we separated my son is now 6 years old. Basically how i found myself is when i took 5 years digging within trying to figure out why certain things were trigging me. I thought i was fully secure but i met a man a year ago who is now triggering the fears I thought i took care of.. Lucky he is an amazing person and we communicate and try our best to let my brain take over ur videos has helped us a lot and today i came across this my subconscious mind Definitely wins and I've been telling myself Stop thats not true. i really do have a battle within myself and its Very bad
You are so amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey. You have helped me in ways you'll never fully know. This is so inspiring.
Thank you for sharing. As someone who is in recovery and repairing what I've broken, it means a lot.
A lot of people beat addiction or at least make major headway beating addiction the same way you did, and more people need to hear it!!!
How painful to hear such anguish springing from yourself; I am delighted to know about you flourishing over the years until the extraordinary person of today, that has been very much relatable and comforting to hear; thank you Thais! 🌻🌈🌞
This is off topic but if it weren’t for you I don’t think I’d know how to process my feelings or know what they were. Watching your videos and being friend with this secure group of people has helped me tremendously. I can communicate my feelings or thoughts way more then I could, before it wasn’t even a thing. I just wanted to say thank you
You mentioned previous relationships that were unhealthy, big fights, etc. I would have found it helpful to have examples and see how the FA style plays out in those kinds of fights.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was a beautiful illustration of hope and healing.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability of your cycles. I appreciate your honesty, openness and knowledge. I appreciate your application and journey. I contemplate between emotion and cognition like a slinky.
Your personal journey just helped me leap to great heights in my emotional healing. Thank you so much for healthy steps towards healthy thoughts. I’m so grateful to be able to give up the spirit of depression. It’s 5 am and I have been journaling with this video since 2/3 am. I’m finally feeling sleepy. Thank you so much!!!! Peace of mind
Ooh those synchronicities... Always interesting to look back at those. We love you, Thais! Thank you for sharing and inspiring us all 💜💜
Thank you for your wonderful comment Annette! The work you all put in to yourselves is inspiring as well - PDS team member
I just became aware of my attachment style. This video gives me so much hope and feelings of safety.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I related to the negative voices. Because of PDS I am learning to speak kindly to myself. Appreciated your bravery!
Thank you for sharing! It definitely helped me understand the further work that has to be done. What really resonated with me was when you described how it would seem to be getting better and then get pulled back into the cycle of non beneficial behaviors and how our subconscious mind would continue to tell you the opposite of what your conscious mind was saying. Meditation is something that I’m exploring further. You look beautiful today 🙏🏾💛
disorganized/fearful avoidant + INFJ
thank you for sharing!
this resonated with me on so many levels
I just want to say that your channel is life saving. And I really appreciate you sharing your story. You’re like an angel!
Dearest thais, i recently came across your channel , and after seeing your multiple videos, realised i am a FA, and was trying to cope up with a DA, quite a difficult journey, i was emotionally drained like literally, everytime i was watching some video, your introduction would come in starting, but i would never go there and watch them, it's like universe was telling me to see and hear you, trust me, since then u are my blessing in disguise, and now i have started working on myself, thank u so much, and i wish to have secure attachment style, proud of you for sharing your journey, lots of love and happiness... Love from india..
Your story is very helpful to us, and you explaining how to get more secure - THANK YOU!
Your a beautiful person. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
I'm crying watching this, it's so hard to even listen to this so how to find strength to do the work. When my mind touches the subject I go deeper into depression. I'm a FA leaning anxious and an ENFP. I'm going out from rocky but very special for me, relationship with another FA ENFP but leaning dismissive. You can see yourself in a person like this but it's very hard. I wish you all a lot of strength...