5 Reasons Why People Fall Out Of Love
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- čas přidán 15. 07. 2024
- Why do so many relationships fall apart? What makes people fall out of love with someone they used to be so infatuated with? This is what interested me during my psychology studies, so did a lot of research and reading and wrote my Master's thesis about it. Many of you have been asking me about what my findings were, but it's hard to sum up! So I have decided I will be doing a mini series on this broader topic of the psychology of love, and this is the first part of it - 5 reasons why people fall out of love. It's all based on scientific theories, if anyone is interested I can link to the respective studies and research papers.
Sorry about all the colour/light changes, we weren't able to bring any lighting equipment on our travels.
Thanks for watching, I hope you found this interesting - let me know if you're interested in me continuing this series, and what topics/questions you're interested in!
Love,
Lilian
/ liliangessner
I'm a giver in a relationship and I love taking care of people. But I have rarely had it reciprocated in a relationship. Being taken for granted or taken advantage of is a big one for me. It's not that I fall out of love it's more that I keep trying till I'm burnt out.
You must find for the sake of your personell happiness and wellbeing find out, why you do this. Because imagine you whole life living like that. This is a sight of not appreciating yourself.
Not loving yourself. Unless you love to be unhappy till the end of your days you must change.
I read from one smart and famous lady saying: self love is thinking all the people that do love you for real are surrounding you all the time and feeling this love. (Invisible for others)
Listen to them why they love you, and accept the reasons that they love you for. Take this gift if love they give to YOU. Find the reasons that you love on yourself and add them.
And practice this every day. Walk through a room with people in it and think about the ones that love you. No Matter if someone in that room dislikes you or you only imagine that person dislikes you.
And say more often NO to the demands of people who do not appreciate you. You make them not better treating you by saying YES to everything.
It's the opposite as you learned already.
Because that trashing feeling is not a good medicine for your needs or anyone in this world.
so in conclusion i’m scared of love
moa b same :v
Probably scared of being hurt if you do happen to fall in love. My ex used to say this all the time to me, 'I can't fall in love with you. I won't be able to handle the hurt'. Haha just insanity. Anyway, I hope you're not scared anymore.
Girl don’t be scared to fall in love and fall out
@@sydney-uv2iq Haha but they will be
So you fuck around with other people's emotions 😐👍
Lmao for half a second when I read the title I was afraid you'd broken up 😂
stargazingduckling sameeee. Literally got a knot in my stomach. And said “wait what?! Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god”🤣
ME TOO I Was like NOOOO WAY...you ladies are my #relationship goals LOL
Really after reading this top comment I can’t help but wonder really why do you give any shit if they are together?
you call it clickbait lol
Not clickbait but the topic of the video?
Reading the title and seeing you alone in the thumbnail I immediately thought _fu*k they broke up no no no no no no no.. no!_
yes that was my first thought as well
Hey everyone! This one's been a long time coming as I got many requests for it - I hope you find it interesting. Sorry about all the colour changes, didn't have any lighting equipment on our trip ;) We left South Africa a few days ago and are back in Berlin for now, will have more vlogs and updates coming in the next few days! Thanks for watching and let me know if you’re interested in me continuing this series 😊
Hello Alexis and Lillian~ I appreciate you both in all your heart-felt sharing.
Lillian, your vid was very good. Not boring at all. I think everyone who wants to grow with their partner could benefit
from your knowledge . You guys are great! Thank you and Rock on! :) ...more please :) xo
please continue the series!!! it's not just interesting but very helpful as well
Interesting topic, indeed! If I can give some feedback, I was a bit disturbed by the classical approach of the term "relationship". Are we supposed to expect everything to come from a relationship (appreciation, intimacy, passion,...)? Are there differences in LGBTQ+ relationships? What about open or polyamorous relationships? As the starting point is a research, I would find it interesting to talk about other types of approach in relationships than the so called "norm". Of course, I am aware that time is limited in videos. It's more food for thoughts than anything :) Good job in any case, I like what you started!
I find this extra interesting, especially cause I think of the 6 year relationship that ended between me and my partner at the time, who I always had felt as my Person, but that I ended drifting from for many of the reasons you listed in the video. I am now very on guard in my new relationship, which is also open because I felt that monogamy was not the right fit for me. But still, I am so afraid of letting myself go, and investing so much, to then end up hurting the other person and myself again. I am also very interested of how you would apply all of these theories to open/polyamorous relationships, if there are any studies in this regard, or if someone has started studying these (since I think they are a pretty recent thing?).
Anyway, long story short: that was great, make more please!!
That was a great video! Well structured and with interesting (and important!) points :)
Relationships are too much hard work.I can't be bothered
🤣 agreed
Good relationships, good friendships, love are the most rewarding things in the world. "Without love is not worth living" is a cliché, but a true one.Yes it takes work, as anything worth while, but it's a very pleasurable sort of work when you're fighting for happiness. Don't be lazy!
passion is disruptive,stressful AF, superficial, exhausting...and actually, not as unpredictable as we might think...I'm happy we're past that stage and we get to step up our game, being creative but also hardworking, showing empathy, limiting the ego, and exploring other cooler and deeper stuff: conversations about culture, politics, memory, economy, and gossip..., travels, gardening, cuddling, surprise sex, sports, language learning, skills and knowledge exchange, meditation, cooking, organizing little surprises and leaving silly notes on the fridge, loooong waaaaalks, hiking, cycling, dancing, role-play., and karaoke... we don't own a tv set, we both work two jobs, live close to a forest and we just happen to love doing the chores that the other one doesn't, so we're both happy most of the time...but it took us a lot of time to find each other...I think most people begin their romantic life totally unprepared and vulnerable AF (unless they're narcissists, those fuckers are always prepared) without analyzing themselves and knowing what they want, what they can and cannot do...they just let themselves go as if there's only this chaotic force-of-nature aspect to the romance...not saying this is not a process or that love shouldn't be spontaneous...the best advice I've ever heard about avoiding romantic risks is to bring your own house in order before you go shopping for a partner...it's not just about what you want but what they want and what you're bringing to the table is your homework that needs to be done before the party starts...and if you have a lot to offer (skills, knowledge, physical and mental strength, and good rep), which all take time, discipline and patience to accumulate, well, then - you're good to go and you'll know them when you see them and they will know you when they see you, because it takes one to know one...unless the sky falls and you die in the process but that's another story
Well put !
this could be a really great series and needed for the community.
Absolutely continue with the series. I find it fascinating. These are things are so important for keeping relationships healthy and connected.
Yess! Please continue! It helped me a lottt! Usually people never thing about these things when in a relationship they just feel and interiorize and then explode, if they're lucky maybe they talk about it but if you don't have the habit of introspect you might never really get to the issue and cause of that you'll most certainly explode (verbal fighting) again in the future and it will never work. It's just the opinion of the 19 yo human who loves psychology and human connections
You are always meaningful and I love watching how you always make sense. Making these videos in first place shows, that you are kind and want to help. Thanks Lilian.
I find those kind of topics very interesting! Enjoyed watching it and would love you to continue the series!
I love this kind of content! I'm not a psychologist, but I'm really interested in this topic, in order to be self aware of the impact of my actions and reach balance in life. Send you two a big hug from Paraguay!
Lovely video, I would love to hear more on this topic! I was recently in a 5 year long distance relationship, besides effects from some of the things in this video, I think trust was also a big factor in the end of the relationship. Months before the end I felt like I was the only one willing to work on us. I think it's hard to find someone with the same level of commitment. I can't wait to see you expand on the topic, I think it will be helpful to a lot of people!
Much awaited video! Thank you for explaining it so well! You did a great job and I would love to see the second part 😊💓
Love this video! I just ended a one year relationship for a lot of these reasons so I can definitely relate. I’m looking forward to the rest of this series!
Relationship is too much of hardwork
Thank you for the video! I would like to see a series on this topic. It is very helpful and it is not boring at all! I find it very interesting. The breakdown of different stages toward the end of the relationship is very clear. I think I am currently at almost the end of the stage, so the following series on how to keep the passion in the long term relationship would be great!!!
Thanks Lilian, for such a insightful research sharing. Love’s really hard, but I’ll keep learning about it.
Good to know someone out there like me, cause when I shared my thought about Emotional intimacy... I have seen an expression like I'm an Alien.
I've sacrificed sooo many bottles of wine to this topic! Good one. Please keep them coming.
I like that you said regarding to Reason # 5 to TALK to your partner and try to revive things rather than just 'calling it quits'. Thank you!!
You guys are back!!!!!!! Felt like I've been waiting for a while !!!!! Can't wait for more videos
Thank you for sharing such interesting and important thoughts & knowledge, absolutely loved it!
Never been in a relationship before and not in a relationship right now, want to be in a relationship but always reject people. I think I need an advice! XD
Well I'm in the same case :(
Stay si
Who has hurt you so badly in your life that you stay distant. Find the questions, go deep, write a diary about every relationship you would have liked and you rejected or that fell apart. Maybe you find you answers one day. Maybe the right one wasn't among them.
yesss i love this so excited for it to be a series
Lilian, I just came across this video. this is soooo invaluable video. Thank you very much for sharing your research finding. Cannot wait to watch more from you.
Yes!! Do continue this series and share with us some bibliography! Also, I'd like to know about how to deal with violence in past relationships, psychological violence especially. I know it's a hard subject and I understand if it's not the space to discuss it, but I really like to meditate on your ideas and I'd like to hear what you can share. Loads of thanks and love from Mexico!
I understand since I saw a dich how men treat in Mexico their women. Their is not much a support there. They start now I Heard- to build up some concepts to help themselves and others.
I hope you will find your way into a good life. Good luck for you. And all the strength you need and optimism.
Thank you so much for posting!!
Thank you! Was very helpful to confirm how I feel at this point of my relationship.
Wow! Excellent presentation! I really do like these series, great information! Thank you Lillian
thank you, your way of presentation is super clear and easy to follow. the diagrams are very cute too! thank you for this valuable information.
Oh yes please do more psychology videos!! 😍 Looking forward to the next one!
Oh my god... exactly what I wanted to hear ❤ you helped me a lot!
Great video!! So helpful! I appreciate your insight. Please make more!
Love all your videos and such practicable advice! Thank you for putting yourselves out there 💕
Loved it! Please continue the series!
Thanks For Everything That Was Really Helpful.....
I'm definitely interested in you continuing the series. I found what you shared today interesting and valuable. I'm wondering if you would be willing to go into greater detail the difference between interdependence and co-dependency. What do they each look like and how can you tell if you have crossed into co-dependency. Keep up the great work!!
Great topic! I'm collecting different questions and ideas for topics to explore so will definitely put this on the list!
Very insightful. Thank you, Lilian.
Very well said, everything👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
You have some very good points, we have been together for 23 yrs now and have faced a lot on this. I agree that talking with each other is key, that has been our saving grace. Relationships are a give and take and if you are not willing to do that it wont last. However i will say it takes both wanting to work for the relationship. Thank you for your video i am sure it will help many couples.
I'm up for a series! Don't really have any particular topics in mind, but I'll take all the insights I can get! 😂
'I love you, but I don't think I'm in love with you'. Oh man, my current predicament! :(
A really interesting and insightful piece, keep 'em coming!
Those stuck in purgatory need all the help we can get! :)
please continue these series ✨
Very well put, makes a lot of sense!!! Thank you!!
would really love to hear more of those educational topics!
you are informative and nice to listen to.
Aw thank you!
YAYYA! You posted again!!! WHOOT WHOOT!!! 💓🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉 (love your feed! Keep it up!)
Yes. Please continue these videos. This was great
It was great! Thank you and please continue!
Ummmm so there is another video coming soon on how to "stay in love" right? Keep the passion? Stay interdependent and not co-dependent? Something!? Lol
dont have too much experience but maybe have like those notes to yourself on a sticky note on your mirror to think about each day. what does that mean to you, that kind of thing. have conversations with your partner about it. do new and exciting things both you and your partner enjoy but also have those days where you go and do something you enjoy and love. for example if you two think you would like exploring rock climbing maybe try it. maybe if there's a band you would like to see on your own that your partner doesn't like go on your own. if you have a hobby, like painting for example, take a day to yourself to do it. i think just trying new things while keeping lilian's 5 points in mind are the answer.
LOVE this thank you, very insightful
Great video, Lilian. Thank you for the information. I have been wondering about types of intimacies and I found out about them here. It turned off a question mark quite well :)) cheers.
Super interesting! You put in very smart words the things I've been thinking about since a recent breakup, trying to understand what happened and what to do differently next time. Would love to see you continuing the series. Also maybe you have some book recommendations during the video, so people can dive in more deeply if they are interested?
Grüße aus Berlin!
Super interesting smart thoughts thx! Shell intimacy is great, and being appreciative / not taking things for granted always seems key, incl. for keeping passion lovely long-term. It almost seems like "keeping passion" also is self-work thing, not so much "job for beloved" if that makes sense. Seems kinda odd to expect beloved to "work something up in me" idk lol! Kind thx again!
I think it would be interesting to know more about how to keep the passion going an would be interested in that kind of video :) thanks for the content!
Very true! Yes more, indeed more of your thoughts and information please.
Sehr interessant, looking forward other videos like this, thanks..
hey Lilian thank you for sharing your insights on this topic, I find it really helpful. my parents have been divorced for 10 years now, so in some ways what you shared really opened my eyes to a new perspective and helped me understand a bit more, what they might have been through. looking forward to more on this topic! 👍
p.s. thank you Alexis and Lilian for your content. watching your vids always make me feel so much better 😊
lots of love from Singapore 💕
Thanks so much for your lovely comment! I'm glad you feel like it was helpful, I'm sorry to hear that happened, that must have been tough to go through. Sending love to Singapore - only been to the airport so far ;)
Thank you sooo much!!! I would like to hear about starting a new healthy relationship what to do at that point and what not to do
Hey Lilian, I love how structured you explain those issues! Would be great to see the follow up on each of those. Question: which category does lack of trust follow into? I feel like many couples break up because people let each down and they can’t trust each other. What do you think about that one?
Ah, definitely trust is a big one that influences all of these heavily. Good point, I'll write it down to do a future video on it, thank you :)
Please continue the series!
This was a masterpiece
This was something I discovered happens without us realizing it.
It was only when I started to observe my thoughts and emotions that I uncovered how much I was living in my head. It was a confronting revelation.👀💦
Thanks for the vlog, it simple but powerful!
Thank you so so much for this educational video. I learnt quite a bit. If anything, I have a better picture of why my ex and I didn't work out. She did indeed run out of love for me. She was commited very much to her arts. Whilst I was still trying to find my footing. We spent as much time as possible together. But in the end our interests didn't line up. We had trouble talking about it to one another. understanding it. And most of what we did, not much interdependency. I still love her very much. But I doubt we'll ever be together again. At least we are friends.
Your presence gave me courage.
I really appreciate.😊
This is very good. Thank you.
This helped me a lot. Are you planning to continue the series? When? Thank you very much :-)
this was a great video. definitely saw these things in my past LT rship.
Very helpful thanks!
Wow. Nailed It. 🥺
I love this! Can you please talk more about how some of these points relate to long distance relationships? i.e. How you can have a high level of interdependence when you’re living your separate lives in your own corners of the world? Sharing this with my girlfriend during our quality time on Skype later. ♥️
Great idea, noted! Thank you, hope the Skype chats were lovely - I remember those times!
I love this type of video, thanks :)
Hi, I enjoyed this video so much. Are you still thinking of making a video of How to bring back the passion into relationships? And how do you handle a partner that has gone cold?
Hello Lilian, you're video and the way you share it it's totally interesting! I really enjoy it and learn from it. Please more video like that :)
Thank you for your time and advice!!! Love from Paris.
Aw thanks so much, glad to hear 😊
I learn lot of stuff with you thank you!
More videos on this topic, please. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
Lillian, I love this. Please do more. I adore psychology & human behaviour. You have great insight. Thanks.. PS.. You still playing the drums.?!!. X
Nice, thank you! And yes sure still am :) Just a bit hard to do while traveling 😕
This is a very informational video why doesn’t it have more views
I failed all the stages obviously. Sad. But good to know now. Thank you
Great video and really good points !
Thank you! :)
Loving Lilian's voice..would love to hear some more please ❤❤
Love Lilian. Full stop 😁
Bitte mehr von dieser Reihe!!! 😊
would love if you made a video more in depth on the passion part!! more videos on this plz
Hi Lillian. This is great. Where are you going to do the other videos in this series?
This was really great :)
Thank you! 😊
Thank you so much!
Love u both waiting for another videos eagerly ❤️
Hey Lilian, I couldn't find a playlist for this series. Did you make more? I think this stuff is very special so I hope you keep sharing your expertise!
Not yet unfortunately, I was considering starting a new channel based around these topics cause whenever I publish a solo video here people are like “where is Alexis?” and “did you guys break up?” 🙄
I think you could just preface it with something like, "I decided to film another one of these videos while Alexis is at work since so many people requested it". You both have unique interests and knowledge so it's perfectly reasonable that you would film separately sometimes. Of course another channel is great too and I will definitely sub but fewer people will hear the message until it grows. I sent u a message on Instagram btw, to thank you and share my experience with you.
Hi 🙋🏼♀️ new viewer ;)
Great tips! you were very interesting ;*)
I enjoyed watching the both of you too:*)
I'm a few hrs north of TO🇨🇦
I am still waiting for the next episode
What a great video 🥰 btw your hair is growing so fast 🤭 looking good Lilian💖
Haha I’ve already re-buzzed it 3 times 😅 Every two weeks or it’s too long
@@AlexisLilian oh God😂 I wish my hair was like that :D
Waiting for more videos on this topic 🙈🙈
Not boring at all!! Very helpful. Actually I kind of wanna download your master's paper to have a detailed reading. Can I read it? Where can I find it?😂 And I think it would be better if there is more details or reasons that cause these 5 factors. For example, why couples become less appreciated?
I just enjoyed watching this video and listening to you Lilian so much. Everything you said just covers all my thoughts of the last months. And I'm really thankful you uploaded this video. It helps me to deal with and understand my current mind chaos. Have a wonderful weekend und Grüße aus Deutschland 💙😊
Aw I‘m glad to hear that! Vielen Dank und viele Grüße zurück 😊
This. Is. So. Great. Bravaaaaa
Hey girls. We from Iran and we support your program 💖⚘💖⚘💖⚘💖⚘💖⚘💖⚘💖⚘😊😊😍💕
Thank you
i love this topic, thanks for all the effort you put into this video lilian!!!
thanks maya, I appreciate the appreciation 😉 ♥️
I feel like one of my defenses is to know things not seem like a beginner which then skews my experience and is a sort of mask to protect from injuries to my deepest fragile self. So basically, even though in some areas I am ok admitting I don't know squat, 😂 but if I am humilited teased or rejected in one area I cut all feeling and prepare to leave when I can handle the breakup because it feels like the relationship is 100% unsafe now. My family was so judgemental and rejected any flaw or percevied flaw and my dad was the one who put me down as a child has no patience or tolerance and I fear intimacy but oddly am very social and love groups of people and am the over the top touchy feely one who gives incredible massages to my partner. Its 3 decades of this pattern and I am so on the brink of hitting critical mass and having the break through to healing these wounds. My family fought and yelled daily both parents and my older brother who physically beat me for no reason randomly. I always had to defend my self and not retaliate so it wouldn't escalate violence.
Its a mind fuck to be the victim and then get blamed by the ones with power in their patriarchal system - so I come from a war zone upbringing and act like nothing hurts me.
Am saying in conclusion, we pick who is familiar and break ups are not surface issues they are affected by security safety and survival at the foundation. Shame and pride fear and trust, defense or acceptance. That is the underlying cause of what we manifest in partnership
you are smart. good advice
and yes, I would love to hear how you can maintain the passion in your relationship