7 Tips for Newly Out Lesbians and Bisexuals
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- čas přidán 3. 07. 2024
- Advice for newly out lesbian and bisexual women - how do you navigate the queer world, how do you meet other lesbians/queer women, what is the dating etiquette like? We share some tips and stories from our early rookie days in the LGBTQ community to shed some light on the mystery!
Share any advice, questions and tips you have in the comments!
Check out our other LGBT dating videos:
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Love,
A + L
/ one99four
/ liliangessner
I'm bi and I want a girlfriendddd
Same
Same
Same
Wassup
Laura S hi Laura can we be friends? If ur interested contact me in my what's app +639168501161
Well, as bisexual man, I could say it's not easy to came out as bisexual, because it is seen as a "girl thing", or a "phase", while that not true.
I just came out bisexual 3 months ago, I feel relifed, and I got support from my wife, and my sister, but I did lost lot of people, who I though were my friends ... Anyway, we just survive ... It s a new start for me.
Congratulations on taking that big step, I’ve definitely heard so many times that people even think that bisexual men simply don’t actually exist 🙄 It’s ridiculous. But that’s an exciting new start with knowing who your true friends are and it sounds like you have an amazing supportive wife and sister! Some people may not know enough about it at first but they may come around. Thank you for sharing and sending love and good vibes ♥️ - Lilian
@@AlexisLilian Danke Schön :)
Good on you!! That’s not an easy thing to do!!
It’s always great to see bisexual men come out for me because I feel like they aren’t seen enough
may I ask how your wife reacted? when my brother came out he was given the opportunity to explore, but I imagine that's difficult when u have a wife...
“We’re turning into one person”😂😂😂🤣 soooo cute!
hahaha the best part
I watched that part so many times as it’s too cute! aww
I’m bi and I have my first date tmw that’s scaryyy😭 (date with a girl)
@just someone it did!!!!! I’m gonna go into detail 🧍🏾♀️ we went down fourth street (where it’s kinda like a pride street in Long Beach) and we went into vintage thrift stores and she bought us succulents and I bought her this candle she wanted :)) then we got funnel cakes at a lighthouse. But before all of it I got us pink drinks from Starbucks🙃
@@serenityyf.6967 👏👏👏👏
Serenityy F. 😭😭wild ...that’s dope 😛👏🏿👏🏿✨
@@serenityyf.6967 yay! omg 😂 that’s the dream haha
Hahaha me toooooo
i feel like most of the advice out there regarding lesbian/bi identities revolves around the lead up to coming out and how to come out. it's helpful and refreshing to also hear advice on the post-coming out process :) thank you !!!
Aw, glad to hear that! Thank you!
My closeted ass is listening to this in the bathroom so no one in my family sees or hears what im watching😅 anyway it was a great and helpful video💖 thank you for making it
Girl same 😭
1:09 "UMmmm oh" 👀
XD
Loved that part hahahaha
I love how your videos really acknowledge bisexuality as well as lesbianism💖💖
I’m Bi and I just got a girlfriend today!! It was so amazing!!
Lesbian things I liked
Movies: Pariah, But I’m a Cheerleader, portrait of a lady on fire, the handmaiden, booksmart, how I felt when I saw the girl, the miseducation of Cameron post, yes or no
CZcamsrs: Jade fox, Ari fitz, anjali & Sufi
Tv shows: oitnb, euphoria, san junipero
Books: the miseducation of Cameron post, Stone butch blues
thank you so much!!
Thank you!❤
At 25 (now 26) I accepted my sexuality last year after years of ignoring it. so i am so thankful for this video. It answered so many questions i have about being a 'new' lesbian, so thank you so much!!
I’m right there with you. I’m finally starting to accept myself at 25
Imagining when you ignored your true sexual orientation for all your life... I realised 3 years ago I am 56!
Sex tip: communication! Sometimes when you're in a relationship with queer people, you may do bedroom stuff with someone who has a complicated relationship with their body. They may not even want to receive. This surprised me at first but I've come to realize that this is okay and not an indication that you are doing anything wrong. Different people have different boundaries.
Coming out of the cave and I’ve been doing just fine, gotta gotta be down because I want is all...
It started out with a kiss... How did it end up like this... 😆
I missed you guys so much 😭💕 I'm very confused about my sexuality :( and definitely scared af
Hey, Honey, don't worry, you are not alone, we all passed from this journey. We support you no matter what!
@@akirubamiru6700 thank you so much😭♥️🌹
Tbh, just give it time and if you feel comfy with trying around, do that. I often say "everyone always is looking forward to decorating a cake, but to do that, you have to make the pie first. So try and focus on your own life, bake that Amazing pie. The decoration will happen later😜". So take the time, no one is forcing you in any boxes❤️
saame. but you don´t have to know for sure rn. just go with it n trust it babee
Always love seeing people being so caring and helping each other in the comments ❤ Thanks for being such a great, supportive community!
you both are so stylish and beautiful! inside n out
I would highly recommend the movie "Carol". ❤️ It will leave you with a beautiful feeling, i promise
Ah yes that’s a good one!
Cats Blanchett, rooney mara and Sarah Paulson in one movie.... Just lesbian heaven😂
@@sarahrose7445 absolutely 💗💓
Girls, thank you so much for this video! I’ve recently discovered my sexuality and it’s been amazing for me in some aspects, like finally being able to feel like myself. I really needed a video like this. If you can, please make a video one day of the family issue, because it’s my biggest fear. I’m Brazilian and I still live with my family, although I’m 22, and they really don’t accept that I’m lesbian. Again, thank you so much, I love your channel!
Yes that's definitely a big and scary step for many people. We'd love to do a video about it, possibly with a guest who can share what it's like to deal with a family that isn't accepting. Congratulations on discovering yourself, that's such a liberating feeling and you have so much to look forward to :) Wishing you all the best!
Alexis and Lilian Thank you so so much 🖤
Lilian taking the ad out reminds me of "Kissing Jessica Stein" That was definitely a legit way to reach out in previous years! Of course in that movie she put an ad in the newspaper. Lol
Haha imagine! That would have been an even better story, to have put an ad in a newspaper 😆
I came out as bi last year. What I didn’t expect was that it’s harder to get dates with both men and women now. I think that is easier to handle if you’re prepared. Still I want someone who loves me for me so I’m not going to hide who I am to get dates 🙂
Highly recommend “portrait of a lady on fire”!!! So romantic and profound.
Other than those recommendations of tv shows, I would suggest Gentleman Jack and One Mississippi.
Yess Gentleman Jack!!!
I literally just paused to watch that San Junerpiro episode and balled my eyes out for an hour thank you
I love when they just sync three times in a row
Best video I have come across. Thanks guys!
I just love you Alexis and Lilian!!!
keep up the awesome work!!
I’m 22 and came out to my family and friends as bi. Thankfully, they are all so supportive. These tips are so helpful, thank you both. ❤️
I am bisexual....🤘🏻⚡️🎸....🏳️🌈💜🏳️🌈❤️🏳️🌈💙🏳️🌈
ZOEY FISHTAIL Me too
Same
Me too
I am also bisexual:]🙌🧋💕
What an apt topic to make a vlog !!! Honest and straight from 💓 .... beautiful 😊
I think I need to hire you guys as my personal introduction to the Toronto Queer Scene ..... lol. You say exactly what I have been thinking about the past few weeks since I finally stopped ignoring what I kinda knew all my life. And it's been a long life... lol. I turned 50 last year but look and act (according to everybody around me) more like I turned 40! It's funny how being cooped up at home for 6 weeks, facing 'yourself' and not being able to be distracted by life outside your home works in strange ways. Not that I am thankful for this pandemic (good grief NO) but I think it made me realize that life can be short and we should enjoy the time we have. So. Taking your advise in this video (and the other videos I have watched from you) to heart, I feel a little more 'prepared' to go out there and find like-minded people once this 'situation' lifts and we can socialize again. Thanks guys! Giant hugs (virtual and social-distancing of course) and keep making these awesome videos!! Tschuessi!!!!
Hi Alexis and Lilian! I so appreciate this video, it helps me so much! I've come out to myself and to other people in the last 3 weeks and it's a wild ride. Videos like this help so much! Love from Belgium !
Imagine me & you has been one of my all time favorite movies for years. It always makes me smile
thank you for the film recommendations :)
Me reading the title of this video, before I clicked on it. "Is there really a such thing as a rookie bi sexual"?
Me ten minutes in "Yes , there is , because I only came out a year ago.
Alexis!! your hair is amazing I love it
A good movie representing 2 women falling in love is Portrait of a Lady on Fire. It's set in the 18th century though.
And the director is a lesbian in real life and her girlfriend is one of the actresses of the movie 😉
you guys make me so happy, i'm currently going through a rough time and everytime i'm watching your videos i'm fine for a little while
Maya Ella me too. I’m binging all the LGBTQ+ videos I can find on CZcams
i'm so in love with alexissssssssssssss, everytime i'm sad or just overwhelmed by social media i come here and it just takes me like four seconds to be suddenly laughing and smiling a lot from watching her... so glad i found your videos
Haha same!! It's mentally soothing to watch these video's, lot's of love!
great video but i’m so obsessed with alexis’ hair i could barely concentrate on what was going on 😭😭
Thanks ladies, this was very helpful. xxx
Ah!! I'm so early, I love you guys thank you for the tips
Great video guys. 😊 I just acepted myself as a lesbian and my family and friends thankfully to it great.😊
THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEEDED TYSM XXXX
Thank you so much! I currently really need this! Ps I feel like Lilian is being roasted by Alexis almost the entire video 😂🤣
I thought the same thing while editing! 😅 - L
Your videos are so cute and helpful! Thank you for making them :) A book I really loved was It's not like it's a secret by Miss Sugiura. It's a classic highschool love story but with girls and I thought it was very relatable and fun to read.
I took an online test and I’ve just found out I’m 80% bisexual which, now I know why I feel more comfortable dating girls. I was so happy! Thank you so much on the advice. I’m still single but I’m fine with that at the moment but whenever I do want to get out there, I would love some more of your advice.
I feel so lost. Thank you for this video. :)
Love you guys 💕💕💕💕
This is really interesting for me as I'm beginning my first relationship with a girl, thank you guys ✨
I came out to my husband last night and it was the worst thing i ever did. He was so sad and disappointed and upset. I swore i didnt do anything but he thinks it's only a matter of time before I cant control myself. I swore i never would. Im so embarrassed.
I am so sorry to hear that, what an awful reaction. I am so proud of you for coming out, know you will always have our support and that you are wonderfull and amazing, just the way you are❤️❤️ sending lots of love your way xxx
@@chocolatecurls94 i really appreciate you taking the time to be so kind. Thank you a million times. 💙
meeting girls in the midwest suburbs is impossible :( but i'll get to travel the world with my future gf eventually
I absolutely adore your videos 💕
Also Alexis, what lipstick are you wearing?
Great advice! Thanks
💛great way to end the day 💤💤💤
Thank you for including bi girls ❤️
Some recommendations!
Novels: The Miseducation of Cameron Post, Get it Together, Delilah!, We Are Okay, Fat Angie
Graphic Novels: Blue is the Warmest Color, Honor Girl, Princess Princess (that one's on CZcams somewhere I think? author is Katie O'Neill)
Movies: But I'm a Cheerleader, The Miseducation of Cameron Post
Your smiles are so infectious and uplifting! :) keep doing what you do.
Also, comment by Alexis about not feeling ashamed if you don't get "jumped on". Hilarious!! 😆
My crush reveal her negative side but I still love her 😭😭😭
the first couple of books I read when I first came out were The Miseducation of Cameron Post which is about a teenage girl growing up in the late 80's early 90's and is outed by her best friend/girl she's secretly hooking up with and as a result she gets sent to conversion camp (sounds really sad but is actually really uplifting and a really great read). the second one was called Lies We Tell Ourselves, I can't remember the exact dates but it's about two girls, one white one black, and their experiences together figuring out their sexuality in a time when black students were just introduced into traditionally white schools. Yet again sounds really sad but it is also really inspiring and really recommend.
One of my fav movies is Saving Face
That was hilarious when Alexis said, "I'm queer so I'm gonna shave my head." Then looked right at Lillian! Thanks for making me laugh. I very recently came out and am new to the dating world but hope to find someone. Thankfully, my whole family is accepting of me and basically they said be you, whoever you date is fine. That is a relief. Looking forward to seeing more of your videos! Thanks so much! Jessica 😊
You both make sense instead of these giddy kids. You two are real women.
A book that I loved when I was in middle school is a novel written in the 70s called Rubyfruit Jungle :)
you guys are so lovely. I am enjoying your videos even though I came out 2 decades ago at 14 :D
I love you two!
Tiktok is also a great way to get an insight into a wlw community lol. Lots of lesbian/bi content on there
luv u guys so much..
Oh I loved lost and delirious too!
I’m Pansexual and I have a girlfriend
I’m not out to my parents but I’m out to my best friend who is bisexual
My girlfriend kinda has most of the same style but I have short hair and am taller and she has long hair and is short
And we’re all kinda a group and I’m in her friend group now (I make friends easily)
We have kinda thought about things if we do go on a date (I would pay the first time and say that to her)
We kinda just go with it UwU
Im just kinda scared to come out to everyone because I live in a conservative family
Although I always think about when we are older,we could walk hand in hand and kiss without worrying about our parents
We said that we would figure this out and do this together ♡♡♡
My favourite book (German): "Den Mund voll ungesagter Dinge" by Anne Freytag
I just found you and really enjoyed your video. Do you have any advice for an older individual who is coming out. I’m 61 and never pursued this due to my upbringing and real fear because of it, etc. I’ve tried getting help from others but no response. I hope I can still do this even at my age
1:09 you guys are definetely becoming one person hahahaha
Tipping the Velvet is a great book
Beautiful! Love from India ❤️🇮🇳
I think this is a great video! My book recommendations- Sissy by Jacob Tobia- one of the best books I've read this year and definitely solidified a lot for me!
Also- another good lesbian sex ed CZcamsr- Stevie Boebi ! Super informative
OHHH the book that i love is "The Price of Salt" (aka Carol movie) - really really nice, sweet, sad and good :)
10:09 😭💀🤣 I wasn’t ready.
Wish I had your confidence...
Im an arabic lesbian girl and I hate that.
I wish I was straight because I can't even talk with my mom about that (She would never accept it)
My friends are homophobic, and sometimes I say homophobic things just to prove that Im "straight".
I was in love with my bestfriend ( she moved out with her boyfriend)
My mom is waiting for me to get married with a man and have kids.
I can't even tell my bestfriend, she will never talk to me like before if I told her.
I hate my life
😔 I hope you can find your people
Update please habibti
First of all thank you for your tipps. I have a little question: I am a little introverted and not really used to going to events especially alone. I also have never had any really active social media accounts or a lot of chatting with others. So i am kind of not sure if i want that, but i know that i would be really nervous and a little bit afraid to try any of those out. Do you or anybody here have any tipps for me how to handle my situation? Greetings from Germany
Hi! I kinda get how you feel, I'm not an extrovert, not really chatty, I barely talk about my self in social media, maybe is shyness, but I got to a point in which I would like to meet people who has kind of the same interest romantically talking, but first I don't think I look such as a straight or queer woman and I live in a very conservative country where it's not easy to talk about this topic. I had the chance to date a college classmate a couple times, but it was kind of a miracle to find someone up to, or at least things looked like that to me. Now I'm kind of stuck, I would be happy to talk to more people who has experienced or is experiencing similar situations, not exactly in a date mood but it would be amazing to make new friends. Greetings from Paraguay!
Hey Valar, Lilian here: I am also an introvert and shy, and used to be so a lot more when I was younger. I felt that I just had to push myself sometimes to out myself out there and socialize, because thats always when the best things happened, out of my comfort zone. Queer youth groups often have events with activities etc., where it's not just you and a bunch of people forced to have small talk, so I always found that that helped! Because it eases you into it and makes it easier to open up and talk to people. And then once that's happened it gets easier after. Also, volunteering for LGBT organizations is a great way to meet people, and again, often you just need to make that first connection to meet lots of other people after that! I know it's scary, but you have nothing to lose and it will get easier with time. Apps are great for introverts as well though because talking online first and then being1-1 with someone is a bit less intimidating I find. Viel Glück and liebe Grüße 😊
Hi! I'm also introverted (*very*) but i have managed to be very sociable sometimes (ideally when my social batteries are charged lol). What has worked for me:
- search for advice online. most advice is bs, but some is actually useful for socially akward people like me (or us). i recommend charisma on command, and some ted talks. a guy named todd valentine is kinda too sexist for my taste, but i have found some of his techniques useful for opening up people who think they are too cool for you and that kind of things.
- focus on the other person. we get nervous because we worry they will not like us, or that we are boring. truth is, most often, people like to talk about themselves: just ask them about themselves. good questions though (interesting, new, about things that they are passionate about, perhaps even a little defiant).
- accept the unconfortable parts. there's a youtube psychologists (therapy in a nutshell) that explains this better than me, but the point is, anxiety/feeling bad doesn't actually do you harm, and fleeing it only reinforces the anxiety cycle. we just have to get better at feeling it. the thing is, you have to get *exposure*.
- pay attention when people make you feel good with their word, and emulate them. we all have met those people, you start talking to them and you just feel better, validated, seen, more adequate. we can do good to other people too.
- if you can, improve your self esteem. also big topic, a thousand ways to do it. for me it was a lot of stuff + the school of life + i started seeing the inmense value in skills that were often underapreciated coz sexism and racism and stuff, like being a good listener, making other's feel good, etc. + therapy. but when you realize you actually are a good catch, it helps.
truth is, as introverted, we can be great socially, because we are very attentive and sensible and usually think a lot and have interesting internal lives. but because we often aren't very motivated to be social, we don't have much experience. but when you try it, the rewards are amazing. hope that helps.
@@AlexisLilian Danke für das Antworten Lilian 🙂 i plan to try it out after i am finished with my Abitur. It really helps to hear that from you.
@@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721 thank you for sharing that with me ❤️ i really appreciate it. From what your wrote you are a lot like me :) I like to watch the school of life too, they are really helpful and their philosophy is refreshing. But it is still hard sometimes to learn to relax and not sink back in your head and drown in your thoughts while you constantly reflect on what is happening or try to solve a problem that may not even be there. That can be sooo exhausting. For me it has gotten better and i expect it to even more 🙂 tipps like yours have helped incredibly. I also have learned a lot from podcasts of a woman called Kasia Urbaniak. Maybe you would like to check that out too.
You guys are sooo cute as a couple! #GOALS ^.^
I love you guys so much
Thank you for this video. I’ve been questioning my sexuality for quite some time. I’ve really only dated men and currently am dating one (who is lovely and amazing and supportive). I’ve lost a sense of physical connection with him as I’ve really immersed myself over the past year in exploring my past and understanding who I am. In the beginning of the video Alexis mentioned her experience dating men and then coming out. If you’re comfortable sharing your experience Alexis, I’d be so grateful for a video like that. ❤️ I think I am experiencing something similar.
She talks about it in our video „how to find out if you’re gay/bi/straight“ - maybe that will be helpful 😊
Alexis and Lilian thanks for your response ❤️ I’ll check it out
Hey 💙 I recommend the movie "Go Fish" (1994). It's about a lesbian girl, looking for love. And about her friends and lesbian community. Scenes are natural and beautiful. like, I am in love with this movie :D 💙
You are my only youtube reference and i am so glad! You have great energy, good topics and humor ! you girls/women/human being rock !
Books : Historical novels by Sarah Waters , Under the Udala Trees by Nigerian-American author Chinelo Okparanta , Movies: Portraits of a lady on fire indeed or the georgian movie "and then we danced" (about two men and traditional georgian ballet , incredibly beautifful)
On a less positive note and I hope you don't get offended cause I really do love what you do , the comment on "she was way too canadian small town for me " is a bit condescending , I grew up in a small town in France and I hope hope hope that's not how the women I dated refers to me :) I just thought I'd point that out cause I have watched almost all your videos and you've be so thoughtful on how to approach your topics and it is the first time i felt uncomfortable so I thought i'd share ! Have a great week !
Hey Emma, thanks for the recommendations! Re: the Canadian small town comment - I grew up in a small village of 500 people in Italy. So no hate to rural people haha, I was pointing more to the significant cultural gap that it caused, and why we didn’t seem to have anything in common, but for sure that’s an over-generalization, you are right.
I have always been with men, actually I have two kids, never really think that I could be attracted to a woman. However, I have always looked at women differently "ohh she is beutiful". Anyway 3 weeks ago I went to a party that that changed my life. I met a lesbian women(femme). She stepped in a room and my heart skipped, when we were in the same room it was electrical....fast forward we are here and madly in love with each other. So I guize I'm bi; I love her soo much, we are compatible. And you two have made this transaction sooo easy for me😭😭. Sex has been amazing by the way, thank you so much
Love all the way 🇰🇪🇰🇪
such a helpful video! (you guys are soooooo cute together i can't take it. ❤ 7:42 i was like AWWWWWW!! :D )
Lilian kinda looks like Izzy from from "you, me her" with a buzzcut!
I didn't want to come out to my parents, I was forced to because my mom is so nosy and I had been talking to my girlfriend every day and she heard me. She asked who I was talking to and I was so annoyed I just replied I'm talking to my girlfriend. Mom was kind of offended she didn't expect it I guess.
1:07 was so cute omg
You guys ever seen high tension lol 😂 ❤y’all resemble the actors so much
If they ended up getting together
Can you guys do a video on straight girls? Either how to get over one or how to manage a friendship with one when you have feelings for her?? Or what to do when a straight girl does frustrating things to you when she knows you’re gay like stroking your arm, putting her leg on yours, staring at you in a group etcccc. Need advice for a “friend” 😂
Lexathorn you have to set boundaries even with friends. If she puts her leg on yours move away. If she stares, don’t make eye contact. Some straight girls enjoy knowing you’re into them but they don’t really take you seriously. I hope that’s not the case with you. I hope she’s either genuinely interested or doesn’t realize what she’s doing. I dealt with a friend like that then when I kind of called it out, “omg. I thought we were just really good friends” 😒. Is it possible that she actually likes you? Maybe you can find out somehow?
Don’t daydream about her. Be really clear with yourself that she’s your friend. Try flirting with other people to find a new crush. Maybe take some time away from the friendship. I hope this helps. In my mind, I keep friendships and romance separate to avoid the confusion.
Keep in shape
Thank you
I can vouch for the gayer neighborhoods of CZcams as a pretty solid way to meet LGBTQ people. I know people who've met their most bestest friends or significant others that way. It does tend to skew younger, in the high school/college age crowd but you do find the occasional over 30. (Some of whom are straight 👋😆) I deffo suggest getting involved in the associated Twitter communities. Lots of times people make group chats. If nothing else, being a hardcore fanperson can be very difficult and it's a lot to carry around by yourself. You gotta get u a squad to help ya out!
Your lecture or story has put me into a place very great and peaceful in my life thank u so much ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ stay bless
Hello, your videos are inspiring. You such a lovely couple. Well, I only came to terms with my bisexuality this year... I really like this lady at work but not sure how to go about it. Decided to let it go because I'm not sure if she likes me...
Please, can make video about books and movies that can help us 💙💙
1:09 IS THE CUTEST THING BYE
i'm still a baby gay but worried i'll stay in this phase forever because i have no game
Ya I know what you mean
Have you seen "Tell It To The Bees" yet? Soothing and fantastic lesbian movie. I enjoyed it thoroughly. The kind of fiction that honoured the real life lesbian story.