BEFORE You Get Married, Listen to This!
Vložit
- čas přidán 13. 05. 2020
- In this episode of #HowMarriedAreYou, we discuss the things we wish we knew before we married each other.
Glen's interview with Stephanie Ghoston on the Take Nothing When I Die Podcast:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Email us: HowMarriedAreYou@gmail.com
Leave a voicemail: (760) 335-6643
To order a wrap visit thewrap.life/?ref=mrsmelanin
Use the code "MrsMelanin" at checkout for 10% off!
Every week we share with you all exactly how married we are. Now it's your turn! Send us a voicemail on the anchor app linked below or record an audio message to our DM's on the #HMAY instagram page (also linked below).
Check out a new episode of Yvette's podcast, Yvette Unplugged!
anchor.fm/yvetteunplugged
On IG, you can find her at / yvette_unplugged
Don't forget to follow us on Instagram,
The Podcast:
/ howmarriedareyou
Glen:
/ beleafmel
Yvette:
/ mrsmelanin
The Kiddos:
/ chocolatebabies
The Homie:
/ frankpuppet
Also, don't forget to check us out on CZcams @ Beleaf in Fatherhood:
/ beleafinfatherhoodtv
If you would like to catch early episodes of the podcast and other extra content from our little fam bam, then sign up to be a pattern at / bif !
If you'd like to support this podcast with a one time gift, then feel free to donate to our paypal. We appreciate you! www.paypal.me/HMAYpodcast
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of How Married Are You?! If you haven’t done so already, please take a moment to leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcast by clicking the link below. It will help us to keep sharing our marriage, parenting and life experiences as a unit.
Anchor
anchor.fm/hmay
Apple
itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/h...
Google
www.google.com/podcasts?feed=...
Spotify
open.spotify.com/show/48RH1hS...
Stitcher
www.stitcher.com/podcast/anch...
Yvette you have beautiful voice we wanna hear more
It really is
Glen: “...or I’m gonna go to jail”
Yvette: *wheeze* “What?”
Glen: “Like, I’m gonna go to jail.”
Yvette: “Why are you gon-?”
Glen: “BECAUSE IMMA HURT HIM”
Yoooo I died
Me too!! 😂😂
I know, that got me too 😅
Literally just told my gf I’m trying to work on being more physically affectionate because I also believe my jerk away from touch stems from past trauma. But we’re all on a journey from hurt to blossoming.
So we need a track featuring Yvette!
Ohhhh I was cringing during this episode😩. I understand that Yvette felt like her contribution to the home was being minimized but I definitely understand where Glen was coming from on the issue of debt.
Seems like he wants acknowledgment for taking the reigns on resolving the tuition debt, which is fair. In addition, it was Yvette’s responsibility to ensure that she was aware of HER own financial debts before entering marriage as opposed to needing to consult with dad.
I appreciate you both for having these candid convos for your audience to learn from.
I love how Glen and Yvette are perfectly petty with each other...you crack me up.
“Was that a sufficient answer for you?” 😂😂😂
Exactly! I would love to be this comfortable around my future spouse.
Not sure why, but I'm looking forward to when the line goes, "My name Beleaf, this is Yvette and we've been married 10 years."
Me: knitting a shawl "HMAY has a new episode I'm gonna take a break on the patio and knit my socks"
Yvette: "You know how when your knitting a scarf?"
Glen: "Who knows how to knit a scarf?"
Yvette: "I do"
Glen: "Now your putting pressure on women like 'now I gotta learn how to knit a scarf.'"
Me:🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🥴Me, a premed student, watching them talk about debt 🙈
RIGHT!?!?!?! Also I pray your journey is a prosperous one, I understand the struggle(biology student)! Also I'm creating a channel for young Christians who are looking for a Godly community and if you are most welcome if that's what you're looking for as well!!!❤
It's always hilarious when Glen quotes a lyric and Yvette never knows the hip hop reference. 🤣 🗣 Your husband raps. LOL
I don't understand why she can't just accept things the way they are and spend time with her family minus him and then spend time with him minus her family. My Hubby is good with my family because we're inclusive. However I support my Hubby in visiting and speaking with his family where I'm not always involved. I definitely don't require him to pick and choose between me and them. This way he has the BEST of both worlds... 🌎
so happy these episodes are coming out so consistently! thank you y’all for the dedication
What I love about this channel is that we can visibly see you growing in your relationship. Thank you for the continued emotional work and transparent content.
Glen has the Money saving mindset whether its $10 or 1,000. Your upbringing will determine how you spend money. Its money saving or money spending. I get it, I'm a money saving too. Haha
I believe you didn't know your debt. When dating my now husband i asked for his latest credit report and last 2 check stubs. He agreed. I showed him how to fix some things because that information hadnt been explained to him. I HATE DEBT.
It sounds like Uriah is exploring his boundaries with you two which is inadvertently a sign of trust. It's a bit backwards but maybe he's trying to see how far he can push you all without misbehaving because he's building confidence (& middle child attention needs are real fun, I know, I'm a middle kid). Getting this out the way now with healthy reinforcement of, Yea son, that doesn't work with me, will save him so much heartache later. We don't have to go ham, we can just remind them we love them & they can do all things through Christ but test us, lol.
I'm also trying to figure out how I'd respond if my son did that to our couch... I don't believe in spanking children. If I ever hit a kid it was because they did something dangerous & two or three pops max because we actually need to talk about how messy that is baby. :-D -- Googles Nugget brand kids' furniture again...
I'm not going to go deep with it here but for years as an adult at my own home I truly feared the sound of my mother's arrival or even just the sound of her walking up the stairs. I really don't like being surprised or approached too suddenly. I'll deal but you probably won't get the response you're looking for. I've shared online in the past that I dealt with beatings & unpredictable intimidation growing up but have never gone into detail. It's not easy to discuss though I am healing. Thank you Glen for that visibility.
I can discuss my views on our families another time, I don't really trust my lens today, & he's aware that my stuff with my family is pretty bad even with maybe 1/2 or even 1/4 of the story. There are some things I will need him to take at face value and trust my POV because getting too close could harm us both. My family has shown me they don't mind going there & they won't be there to pick up the pieces.
Last comment. I'm jealous. I went to three different stores after Google searching today because I wanted my Caulipower Sweet Potatoast for my low carb needs while I'm stress munching & they were sold out everywhere. I went to two other stores earlier this week. :-( Glen gets good breakfasts. Those, plus Rx almond butter. chia seeds, & bananas? I'll have to try them with sunflower butter & honey. And bananas. If I ever find them again.
When Glen said “Absolutely not. There will be just this.” I was like this man is me and I am him!
I find the older I get the less “fronting” I can do. We gon deal with it or not but IT IS THERE!
Rich is a sweetheart indeed!!! please d "A day in Riah´s life" the way you guys did it for Theo!
Whew. Love this podcast and I mean all this in love. Sometimes hearing the way Glen speaks to Yvette makes me cringe. As a wife and as someone who has been in therapy, I hear what Yvette is and isn’t saying. I also think Glen doesn’t realize how sharp his words come across. I had a traumatic.past and didn’t realize how much it impacted my view of relationships and myself until therapy. I believe therapy would help Glen unlearn a lot of survival tactics that he’s developed but doesn’t need to rely on anymore. It will also help him learn new ways to thrive.
Nichole Tuffin-Shelton It is so great that you said this because I always notice this when I watch but wouldn’t have been able to make a suggestion as constructive as yours. I really hope communication is an area they can grow in. I come from a background with a lot of trauma as well and the way Glen speaks to Yvette or is critical of her sometimes really reminds me of my dad’s tone with my mother and it can make it hard to listen to their podcast. It seems that Glen may not realize it although he is trying to be a good dad and husband.
@Nichole Tuffin-Shelton
, I have also been taken aback by the way Glen speaks to Yvette!
Did Yvette 👍🏾 this comment? 😂😂😂. I think Yvette can handle herself just fine 🤣🤣🤣
I noticed this as well. And I love them both but I definitely do cringe at times with the way he talks to her...
You really said this so elequently. I was thinking the same thing. That's why I stopped watching them a while ago. Came back and nothing has changed.
I feel like this conversation is super personal.
Minute 34, as I sit here organizing my yarn to knit with. I’m like people knit! Lol
Glen do you feel comfortable talking about your past issues and how it affected your relationship? With Yvette also saying how it affected her. I would love to see you open up more
That little snippet...😦
Let's GET IT.!!
Y'all are gonna make me cry. I LOVE LOVE RIAH BEAU. I don't know what it is, I love all these kids but my spirit just connects with this child. It's like I understand his heart.
He just oooozes God's love man, true reflection.
My favorite couple ❤️❤️ happy late Mother’s Day Yvette 💞💞
This video is an eye opener. This teaches you about what questions you should be asking your person before getting married and not jumping into marriage blindly.
I promise you this episode was like looking in a mirror of my husband and I. I love how even through the conversations yall can still laugh together. Great episode!
There’s a lot of important financial points and issues discussed here from student loans to spending habits and mindsets. Could be a whole other podcast! Maybe invite Anthony back over for a talk on this. Thanks y’all for sharing and being real with us!!!
I just turned 18 and for some reason I get joy in watching marriage podcasts. lol maybe I think they'll help me in the future. when i watch these, i find myself getting annoyed w Glen bcz i'm similar to him lol
“WHO KNOWS HOW TO KNIT A SCARF!? the aggression 😂😂😂 gave me Kanye “You don’t have all the answers Sway” vibes 😂😂😂
Glen, it was not cool for you to tell Yvette she would not have paid her debt. I agree with you Yvette, it was a low blow and you had every reason to feel irritated. Great podcast as usual!
Yeah that was a bit insensitive
"Yeah I gotta do laundry... and the grass need'a be cut outside" Hahaha just the way he said that. This podcast brings me joy.
I agree with Yvette! Pull off the band-aid. And I would do that in my personal life. I don’t like overlooking conflict. Resolution me please! Lol (enjoyed the podcast btw)
and dont feel bad. most 17/18-22yr olds arent fully aware of how much they've taken out in student loans. that's just not the mindset for most people in college...hopefully the tide is changing on this.
I know exactly what you mean. My hubby also portrays many of the traits Glen does. When he tells me something that is, "too much like right", in my head I'm like, "uuhh, shut up"! 😐😑🤫 but I know he's right.🙄 and I listen.
😂
Thank you for being so open and sharing!
When you you're feeling hopeless the book, "Tipping Point" can give some perspective.
Loved this episode, thank you for your transparency and fun energy! Blessings from London!
That podcast was brilliant. The frustration from having to explain "what you do" or what it is you want to do and NO ONE understanding.. but also it not being their responsibility to understand.... whew. Major gems dropped.
I've binge watched all of your podcasts in 3 days and I absolutely love you lot. Love from South London
I thoroughly enjoyed this Podcast. Pure Joy!!! Thank you guys for the Transparency. Blessings to you and your entire Family!!
Congratulations on being Married 10 years ! ❤
Random: I totally forgot AO and Yvette were siblings. Me and my sis were just discussing him earlier bc I'm still waiting for the Lord to drop my number in his spirit😂
I love love love this podcast thank God I found it ❤️
I am a 4 and my fiancé is a 3 so it is interesting to see your dynamic and learn from it and gain insight. I truly appreciate your podcast!
Our son is working on pedaling too...we sing Just Keep Pedaling to the tune of Just Keep Swimming from Finding Dory 😀
I love yall, I've beeb binging all the videos 😍😍 yall got a new subscriber. Greetings from Italy
Great episode will definitely take the time to journal about this, even though I'm not in a relationship good to have this for the future
I appreciate all that your family brings to the world
I love you all. You are so beautiful together. I love how you sing and your words of wisdom. And also your headwraps. I would like to be wearing headraps more regularly now.
Is that a song??!? Yvette lawd have mercy 😅😂😂 it’s still all love
I think it would be helpful for Glen to explore the aspect of childhood trauma. The way he spoke about his family dynamics and dealing with things just reminds me of things in my own life. I’ve recently learned about childhood trauma and how it would still affect you and trigger things in your life. Not judging or anything, I’m in the same boat. I need therapy too 😂 but definitely look into the topic of childhood trauma, it might be helpful
Yvette is so churchy!!!! 🤣That was dope tho👏🏾
"I think the cowards inside of me are leaving" - Glen Henry
So this is from Glen's interview and sheesh! to the level I felt that. My story is very similar to his. Down to the preferring to create and being too cool about parting friendships lol. But Glen's story inspires me. Because I am on a journey of healing too. And his talking about having to activate yourself. So many things I'm coming to understanding. I feel so encouraged to keep going. Thank God freal for y'all
Omggg to be so oblivious of student loan debt. 🥰🥰 Yvette that's such a privilege. If it were anyone else I'd be jealous and being a hater but I love all the good for you.
I love this podcast I am laughing and getting convicted at the same time.
y'all are super transparent, and that is such a blessing for us
Such a blessing 🙌🏾
" is that a song?" My goodness, Yvette is a treasure!😄
I am single and topics and advice you give is helpful in many different types of relationships
Great podcast 👍
Hahahhah OMG you guys have me cracking up with the pee story! Keep up the good work!
Glenn I like the fact that your a male that trust to vocalize your thoughts. Yvette I love how you don't take offense when faced with some hard truths even if you agree or not.
"I value you" yes!! Student loan conversation is real. That's what I'm working on now.
I looooove the intro song, it is constantly in my mind
Just relax 😌 with him he like my husband of 40 years I enjoy 😉 looking at you guys being married and staying married is work hang in there
Glen come on now so many people especially that go to school as young as 18 don’t know the details of student loans and parents just doing whatever it takes to put their child through school without acknowledging the future repercussions.
The podcast with Stephanie Ghoston was dope Beleaf!
I am in Bihleaf's shoes trying to get goals met. Versus get life experiences and social goals met. My wife and I have 5 kids.
“Is that a song though”!!!? Yvette really 🗣😂😂😂😂
Love y'alls rap and song. 💜
Riah sounds like a creative/a hsp/doesn't feel confident in knowing his own hidden gifts or talents (only bc he reminds me, how you describe him, of one I know). Do you think deep down he is a lot like Glen? Lots of people say (not that saying that is always a "qualifier" for something to be fact) the child a parent is most challenged by is the one who is most like them.
Happy belated, Beleaf. 🎂
Yvette, I felt like that what you described you were feeling might have been visible to us, or something to do with those kinds of notes was coming through, lately. I've been praying for you. Real prayers.
Making sure the bug doesn't get in the head wrap=true love.
I think for the woman who wrote in, if it's this hard before marriage and if there is a continuous issue one person won't address and the work is all on one person, that's not healthy. It's ok to consider letting that one go. ESP if you're becoming alienated or put in a position of being loyal to your family (you've been close with/enjoy being around) or making your bf/gf happy...that's not your job.
This was really good. I appreciate the thoughtfulness and candor.
Beleaf, man...it's a work of God that you were so instrumental to getting the debt out of your life together, but sometimes a wife needs to be affirmed. Yvette, describing what she was describing, she could have easily done it alone. What's wrong with seeing that? She just needed to hear you recognize that fact in the hypothetical "no-you-there" equation. She would have done it differently than with the specific goal mindset you happen to have, but why is that something to not just recognize for a minute? Affirm her abilities as the wife to you and mother to both of your children that she is and what she brings that's made it *possible* for you to make and carry out the goals and plans for the family you have been able to, *and* *as* the woman she is, in and of herself-with no one else but God, ability-wise. What you keep "just saying" is about you...platitude's weren't what Yvette looks like she wanted to hear. She's actually telling you what she's needing, Brother. Drop the defenses for a sec and you'll hear it.
To that loan note, I didn't know till my third year of college that you can choose only a PART of what is offered, if that's what you need (if any). You don't have to just accept the loan amount as-offered. When I found that out, I couldn't *believe* no one had told me that. Someone put this info out there.
Yvette, try making two sandwiches at the same time. You're so great in so many ways and help encourage me as a mom-keep showing up! Keep seeing your therapist, bringing it all to God in prayer, and loving your BEAUTIFUL family.
I have to remove my counselor lens when on CZcams. 🥴 Thank you guys for being so honest. ❤️
Glen, when you said he’s so frigging handsome, I was like “Yes he is! For real! And he was the cutest baby too.”
Have your parents/family done something to him personally? If not why the resistance? It doesn’t cost too much to be around your partners family - unless you have be round them everyday/frequently enough to disturb your peace. He should make an effort that he can manage - if he’s not willing to do that then you’ll have to deal with that or let him go. It’s ridiculous to think you can have a marriage in isolation from your former immediate family - it can also be a red flag of other issues. He should put his pride aside on the they didn’t text him direct especially if they make him feel welcome.
Yvette gurl...I feel your heatedness with him throwing that student loan crap up! Loooooow blow indeed! Shame, Glen!
I think Yvette would have paid the debts. If not married, she would have stayed at her parents home and pay them down aggressively. I know cuz that's what I'm doing. I'm an unmarried Yvette. 😊
What Glen said is the reason I'm scared to be a stay at home mom. Even if I would want to for 2 years just to have my babies and be there until they walk. When my boyfriend suggested we get married faster and he'll be the sole provider for a while while I study, I really wanted to do it, but couldn't stomach to be dependent on him like that and for him to one day throw it at my face that he's the reason I'm debt free or he's the reason I can have this or that.
I worked very hard to be where I am and I knew these words would cut me very deep so I can't risk hearing them one day. I'll always work, always bring in money, because it seems that men don't fully appreciate other types of contribution. Even if they say they do, there's that little comment they'll say one day and your world comes crumbling down...
Great episode as usual.
I’ll also chime a little to what Nichole was saying - I felt like some of the things you were discussing about ‘What you would’ve known prior to getting married’ shouldn’t be for us to know (mainly when you were talking about debt).
Just so that you still have some things you feel like you haven’t come to a resolution, aren’t apparent to us The Wedding Party as they are to you.
BIG UP THE SCARF KNITTERS!!!!!!💛💛💛💛💛
I know how to knit! I got you Yvette!!!! LOL!!!!
That's for the video
Which is funny b/c I think Mr Anthony O'Neal and Beleaf Mel have very similar type A-ness
“Listen to me” 😂😂😂😂
This is a kandi Todd and mama joyce situation if you follow housewives of Atlanta. Meaning, she know her family and behaviors that caused this, but is minimizing it or hopefully everything will naturally work itself out. He not being direct with her family because it'll cause a bigger rift. He already odd man out so he feels as though he screwed either way. Tough situation and best of luck because it has to be dealt with now
You got hit in the head with the sign because you should be reading them!!🤣🤣
I swear, everytime you get too 'aaand that's........' I'm like NOOOOOO. Never want it to end lol.
I feel pressured 😳..I don't know how to knit 😞
No really, I don't know how to knit, but I'm ok. 😂😂
I enjoyed listening!!
What I never knew Yvette could sing!
I don't do it every time after I used the knives but I agree with Glenn a dull knife is the worst!!!
There are knives that you can buy that never need to be sharpened. I've had the same set for 20 years. Any time I have to use anyone else's knives that are less sharp I'm always so confused at how they can use them without chopping off all their fingers.
I know how to knit, Yvette 😭😭
The mosquito thing is a perfect illustration of what you were talking about, . He deals with things head on, he can't just act like it( the bug) is not there and move on with the show. He confrounts. But, she is the opposite, she's like, forget about it, let's go on with the show!! Interesting !
The guy was just saying he had a major role on helping her stay focused on the goal and the methods of accomplishing the goal. Not that it was cause of his money the debt is cancelled. Missunderstanding
37:50 get that fly glen! 😂
Yvette bout to pop off 😂
School's not great at explaining loan stuff- finance stuff in general. There should be an entire finance class next to math and english from like middle school
Glen trying to fix it and it’s just not working 😂😂😂 unconsciously keeps scratching his head 😂😂😂
Mine too!!
Too funny but this was great and real
Pray about it, but you guys would be great match makers🙂
36:50 "There will be justice." Never have I resonated with this sentiment so hard. "I'm sorry, I'm not perfect." What kind of apology is that?!?
Edit: I mean it, I've never known anyone else to have this feeling as deep as I do. The verse "Don't go to bed angry", like I just- it's deep. I have never been able to understand how angry people go months and years without trying to resolve it...
The chocolate baby story time 😍😍😍I love them lol
Daaaamnnn let me start by commenting before watching coz I've been waiting 😂 love y'all '🇰🇪💝🙂
I don't normally comment but when you said you don't have life insurance, I wasn't sure if you where kidding but it made me cringe. If you don't have insurance please please please get some. I try to educate people on the importance of obtaining life insurance for family and children