We Thought Our Marriage was Over!
Vložit
- čas přidán 22. 05. 2024
- In this episode of #HowMarriedAreYou, we share why we had to take an unexpected break.
Email us: HowMarriedAreYou@gmail.com
Leave a voicemail: (760) 335-6643
To order a wrap visit thewrap.life/?ref=mrsmelanin
Use the code "MrsMelanin10" at checkout for 10% off!
Every week we share with you all exactly how married we are. Now it's your turn! Send us a voicemail on the anchor app linked below or record an audio message to our DM's on the #HMAY instagram page (also linked below).
Check out a new episode of Yvette's podcast, Yvette Unplugged!
anchor.fm/yvetteunplugged
On IG, you can find her at / yvette_unplugged
Don't forget to follow us on Instagram,
The Podcast:
/ howmarriedareyou
Glen:
/ beleafmel
Yvette:
/ mrsmelanin
The Kiddos:
/ chocolatebabies
The Homie:
/ frankpuppet
Also, don't forget to check us out on CZcams @ Beleaf in Fatherhood:
/ beleafinfatherhoodtv
If you would like to catch early episodes of the podcast and other extra content from our little fam bam, then sign up to be a pattern at / bif !
If you'd like to support this podcast with a one time gift, then feel free to donate to our paypal. We appreciate you! www.paypal.me/HMAYpodcast
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of How Married Are You?! If you haven’t done so already, please take a moment to leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcast by clicking the link below. It will help us to keep sharing our marriage, parenting and life experiences as a unit.
Anchor
anchor.fm/hmay
Apple
itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/h...
Google
www.google.com/podcasts?feed=...
Spotify
open.spotify.com/show/48RH1hS...
Stitcher
www.stitcher.com/podcast/anch...
Ppl say “Communication is key” actually comprehension is what makes the difference
Empathy is what makes the difference. Empathy helps you understand where they are comibng from with their statements and then understand what you would want to be done in that situation.
@@rinahzahra3873 listening and empathy. People have no problem saying how they feel, but empathizing with how someone else feels is the only thing that makes communication work.
Say it again!!!!🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Communication without comprehension isnt efficient
This is it!
Glen, I don't think you realize how healing and impactful it is for Black men to see you experience your emotions. As a Black woman I can say that my upbringing taught me to be calloused towards the emotional state of Black men. The strength it takes to pause and look inward and ask the hard questions is absolutely beautiful. You're providing for your family, dealing with depression and inspiring others. If this was the inverse women would applaud a wife carrying that purpose, passion and burden. So as a sister in the faith I want you to know that if it ended today your dream turned ministry helped thousands of people. Love yall. Do what's right for yall. You both sharing your life has been a blessing but we don't want it at the detriment of your marriage and peace. Family first, fans later.
Beautifully articulated. I agree 1000%
Agreed
This.
Profound in the truth of it all.🙌🏽
Totally agree as a sister in faith, we love you both and want what’s best for you both. And the family you have.
Feeling secure definitely is a necessity.
Definitely he wants *extra points* for being secure. It's almost like he's resentful and thinks she doesn't deserve it. Privilege is inherently something that one doesn't necessarily deserve as a basic.
@@rebeccaanne8546 right. I was like wait...what? What is the point of the relationship if we both don't feel secure in it
@@OGK-1414 he feels like he's doing more work than her and think she doesn't deserve space ?? Or what? I honestly don't know what he's saying but he's coming off entitled af. She gave him her virginity. He needs to checkkkk
no.. it's actually more than a necessity.. it is THE foundational element of the relationship itself.
When I heard that, I was automatically like "what, that doesn't make any sense". It is stated in Maslow Hierarchy of Needs that physiological and safety are both basic needs, in life and relationships. If I do not feel secure with you or in any part of the relationship, what are we doing this for?
Yvette be killing her part of the intro so effortlessly!
Right??!!
Facts!
ON FOE NEM GRAVE😂
Reminds me of Lauren Hill .. possibly better!
Yep
I feel as if Glenn got triggered when Yvette said she was leaving, and all kinds of horrible stuff came up in his heart, abandonment, instability, ask the things he fears. And now, he wants to punish her for making him feel that pain. But the insecurity it his, it comes from inside of himself. One way to handle this without causing more pain is to simply say “you scared me, please help me understand how to help you so that you don’t get to this point again.” You can forgive yourself for getting triggered. She is being blamed for falling apart one time. Instead of continuing to hold her accountable for how she made you feel, you could just step into her pain in that moment and be a beacon for her.
It seems as if you both go into self-protection mode in precisely the moments you should fall into one another. She wasn’t running from you. She was running. The best you can do is be there when she gets back. It isn’t fair. But it’s what is needed. I think this is hardest part of relationships. I watched my parents divorce because they couldn’t find each other after they lost my sister. Years later, both remarried, and they both say “If we could have just found our way back to one another.” My dad always says “I should have tried to understand her pain more instead of trying to make it go away.” They are so regretful because they love one another but couldn’t love each other in deep pain together in the same space, in overpowering and deep pain, together.
I think there’s a part of loving someone that’s just deep and irreversible vulnerability and giving. And you’ll lose something of yourself because you give that part of yourself to someone else. I think you have to give your pain to person you love and share their pain even when takes you both to a place where’s no ground under your feet. Because if you can’t do this, you will run away from each other when you feel pain.
I left my ex who was a good man, because he, like Glen, wanted to manage my emotions instead of just letting them be. He was a great guy, but he couldn’t be my friend when I needed a friend. Glen wants to preserve order and protect his core self when Yvette’s emotions are unpredictable or too deep. You can’t do this. It just makes the other person feel as if they have to be who you want or they have to go away to be themselves. I’ve learned from watching my dad grow into being my dad that a big part of his growth was just letting me cry and feel things and allowing himself to just be there. I don’t know. Sometimes you just have to let go and be the person she needs even when it completely unanchors you at a soul level.
ETA: I never check back after writing here, I’m so glad that helped someone, I was afraid to write it. Hope it said something to Glen and yvette, you’ve both said some seriously meaningful words to me. Reading the comments made me cry.
Beautiful message brought tears to my eyes
@@maquesha47 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I really needed to read this. This is exactly what I'm afraid of, when it comes to marriage. Afraid I'll still be alone in the darkest times.
🔥
This message was everything!!!
As much as I love seeing a new upload from you guys, I will happily never see another again if that's what y'all need to more than survive, but thrive. The ministry of your household is paramount, over even us benefiting from your sharing with us. Also I gotta say that I think a feeling of security in a relationship is mandatory for both parties, not easy to have, but needed. Rooting for you both 🖤
Agreed!
Same!
I agree!
Agreed!
My heart as well! Glen and Yvette are a special pair. Please do all that you need to be one flesh and protect your hearts against growing an empire in this world with the risk of losing yourselves in the process . We love you so much and are praying for your continued growth and well being in every aspect of your lives 💕
Hard to listen after saying "security is not a necessity, it's a luxury"... That's a tormented black man's speech. That's the ONE thing women need. If I don't feel secure, why would I stay?
Yvette, I have learned a lot from simply watching you interact with Glen. Your temperament and ability to be so patient is admirable. I grew up constantly watching my mother criticize my father, her children, and herself and now that I'm an adult I've found myself doing just that. I really want to be better, and watching you listen without judgement and allowing Glen to express his thoughts even when they differ from yours has been so beneficial to me. Thank you for modeling womanhood, and what it looks like to walk with God even in the midst of all our challenges and imperfections. It truly is a blessing.
Yes, bc I have a quick temper. I wouldn’t be able to listen without the urge to interrupt. I’m working on it. She actually really helped me in that area.
I was thinking the same thing. Lord help us all!
Yvette is such a graceful and patient woman, no doubt.
I agree , Yvette handles herself very well.
With all due respect Glenn, a therapist might serve you well. Your sensitivity is part of your super power but also seems to be a great source of irritation. Both the keys to your happiness and the root of your discomfort are inside of you. Although Yvette is transparent about her shortcomings, she seems genuinely interested in shifting to make things better between you. You two are BRAVE to be so vulnerable. Take care of yourselves and take care of one another. CZcams can wait!!!
Yvette is a project manager. She makes schedules, she makes sure things get paid and things get done. She's the finisher.
Boom!
when Glen told Yvette to stop talking that was lowkey wild to me, I think its a dangerous place to tell your spouse that they can't dream out loud to you, there probably needs to be adjustment in how Yvette communicates what things are just thoughts for now and desires that require action from you but you jumping to read between the lines and take it upon yourself to make these things come true is a personal problem, the answer is not for Yvette to shut up but for you to heal the trauma that makes that your response. sounds like you've already come to some understanding about that.
Even though your topic today was based on communication I also just wanted to point out how much Yvette has improved in speaking on the pod, you seem less hesitant and unsure of yourself. You articulated your thoughts so well, the confidence in self is evident, or maybe comfortability in transparency/vulnerability.
And Glen, I understand the frustration of always feeling like you have to make sure everyone is good and being weary in the walk, obviously, I can not understand the magnitude of a husband with a wife and four kids, and employees to look after but I sympathize with your struggle so imma let you be lowkey salty for a bit, but don't let this make you forever petty when it comes to giving reassurance. ( and that thing about security in your relationship was not the move, imagine you didn't have security in your salvation, or God, in the Bible God makes specific effort to provide reassurance many times,)
All in all the wedding party agrees that you should take whatever time you need to heal your marriage, we love you both
As a Stan for Glen this was such an A1 critique. Especially the security part.
❤
This is good!
This was perfect I agree
Well said ❤️❤️❤️
Marriage is not a dishwasher. Glen seems passive aggressive; giving speech to words that should be kept and worked out internally. Yvette is passive, accepting and internalizing the hurtful expressions. You are not lovers, you are partners. Now you're in a space where neither one of you is emotionally fulfilled. This podcast began by discussing Yvette's needs but it morphed into Glen's needs. That seems to be the story of this marriage. May God guide your tongues and your hearts and your minds as you walk. My prayers walk alongside you.
Security is a necessity in any relationship Glenn. 😳
Just cause you think it don't mean its right 💯
I agree. Not just for myself but I also never want my partner to feel invalidated or insecure about my love, respect, and adoration for them. Feeling secure emotionally, mentally, and physically is the best feeling in the world in a healthy relationship. If this is not on the list of necessities when bonding and beginning to cultivate a serious long term relationship then what goes on the list of absolutely must haves in a union?
As a nurse, this totally sounds like: Caregiver Fatigue. I'm praying for you two to cleave closer to one another, as you conquer this difficult time.
That's what I thought.
I disagree, I would rather they cling, not cleave
I agree
Your wife feeling security is a necessity. When she talks... it’s from her heart. Question is, dad are you helping the kids a few days a week to home school. This is a lot on her. You can put the kids to bed at night as well. You started your business to be a good father. Being a good father is being a good husband. Maybe you both need to find a job you like to leave the house a few days a week. To give you both a break. Or, eliminate your business stress. Read the Bible. Trust in Him. Marriage is forever... non Negotiable. Praying for you all!
Y'all in the middle of a growth spurt.. two different people, both in love.
Exactly.
As women, we NEED moments to escape. Working with Glen and being home with the kids all of the time, there is no time for Yvette. I believe her true passion is teaching and I think she should look into doing something related to teaching if that's what drives her and gives her purpose. It doesn't have to be full- time in the classroom. The podcast is great, the vlogs are great but that's GLEN'S thing. It may not be Yvette's thing and that's okay because that's what makes you two different. It will also change up the evening "how was your day" conversation.
Whatever it is, maybe she needs to find her niche outside of the home so that she feel productive and needed, all while getting a small break from the hustle and bustle of things at home. There's no break for her.
Tonisha, I agree. I felt like Glen wanted Yvette to mother, wife, AND help him do what HE decided to do for a living. That was asking too much. I couldn't imagine taking care of my 1 baby , home, and having my husband ask me to help him do HIS job. They have 4. Asking her to make money outside of the home would have been one thing - still not cool - but ....requiring her to help him do his job, uummm, no. And I still say most men undervalue motherhood- lack effective compassion for it.
@@naychagirl2389 agreed.
Wow really on point! She needs some quality alone time. Dad does as well, but a lot of internet relationships, are hard to maintain and then people become fake to keep up the appearance for the sake of the show
I think Yvette needs to be clear in what she wants. When the nanny is there, she needs to take a break, to be in the moment, breathe, pray.. do Yvette
This Comment!!!
Yikes! Glen’s only response to Yvette expressing her true commitment to him was deny everything she said, focus on a clarification she threw in and twist it around and attack … it was so painful to watch that I can’t even move forward to watch the rest of this. But I’m hearing a lot of people who did watch the rest give opinions that dig deeper into where he’s coming from. Unfortunately it’s too much of a trigger for me. I know this song happened a year ago and I’ve watched your beautiful short videos and my heart melts for each and everyone of you! Keep up the fight, your children are smart, beautiful and amazing people. They could only have gotten that way because of the two of you. I hope things are better for you now. 💝🙏🏼
If you weren't making an impact in the body of Christ, the enemy wouldn't even consider you a threat. Sometimes I think when these kinds of things are happening, it's because the enemy is trying to stop you from impacting the kingdom the way you have been. Times are tough but keep your head up! You guys are not alone. ❤️ Thank you for fighting!
Peace and Love from Chicago ✌🏼
Absolutely!!!!
Exactly
I agree
He is the Author of confusion, he will do Anything to impede the impact that you’re having on the listening audience. Praying for you two, even in tears as I write. It’s my duty to cover all 6 of my cyber chocolate babies in prayer. We’ve come to far to turn back.
Absolutely Absolutely
A privilege??? Huh??? Security is the basis of a relationship is it not
I had the same question. Like why would I be in a relationship if my partner does not make feel safe???
It is a basic necessity - simple foundation so....
women more than men desire security in the form of feelings of safety...men seek admiration and affirmations of a job well done....his comment was WILD to me, but his perspective is male.....
Thank you! Completely agree! It should be inherent not something begrudgingly given.
I kind of understood his stance on this. The Privilege is that he is willing to offer security but he feels that the same security isn't offered. As much as he is saying its a privilege to have security . It comes across like he is saying it because he doesn't have that same security offered. I maybe wrong though
OMG YVETTE HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL VOICE....I was making coffee 6 am here in Miami and I'm like wait WHAT??? Had to remind 3 times...
I think this is why it took me into my 40s to get married and have children. I needed to REALLY get to know myself deeply. When I finally reached a point where I met someone special and got married and had children I was at a point where I got all the “weeds” out of my life. I graduated college three times, traveled, lived alone for like 10 years, had toxic relationships and friendships, and now I feeel like the only friends I want are my husband and children and I cannot solve any issue without consulting the almighty first. Once I got out the repetitive cycle of playing things out the same way I was taught to, everything went up for me and I am so happy in my peace and solitude. I might be extra guarded since my overall boundaries went way up BUT I have things worth protecting, myself included and it took a shit ton of work to get here and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I see why the almighty gave me these blessings much later in life because my souls path of self discovery was a must in order for me to even be prepared for the blessing. Thank you for sharing bc being vulnerable isn’t easy. Blessings to you both and your family….🙏🏾♥️
Thanks for sharing- I’d love to hear your story ❤
"You being secure in the relationship is a privilege"? Such a loaded statement eesh. He wants credit for being faithful to his wife. Which is kind of bizarre? You don't get *extra points* or applause for your married partner to feel secure in the relationship. Either be faithful because you want to be or get divorced bro. No one's gunna applaud you for doing what you promised you were going to do. It definitely shows how "tapped out" or resentful he is in the relationship. It sounds like he feels like he's pulling more weight and he doesn't think she deserves it. Which is HARSH man.
Evette said I never thought we would be apart unless he died. Glen you kinda blew that off
I am not feeling him today but she right fully she needs to breath
Same, sometimes it feels like Glen isn't giving Evette enough space to say how she feels without conceptualising /criticising what she says. I love both of ya'll btw. From what i'm hearing, Evette needs more patience to express herself without a response to what it means from Glen's perspective. Sometimes it feels like he infantilise's Evette in a way that implies she doesn't know what she feels, which might stunt her growth. It is much easier for Glen to articulate himself, especially with the assumed role of the 'man of the house' and he is a lyricist, maybe its easy to assume the the role of interpreter.
@@nabisere5894 💯
Even Glenn's "I'm so married that..." was full of disappointment and anger. Hope you are doing individual counseling too.
She was overwhelmed I feel you Sis
Yes, I’m so ready to judge Glenn but I’m thinking, who am I❓I’m just a soldier and so is he. My heart definitely resonates with Yvette, she’s a voice of reasoning for her family. She looks beyond temporal things. Yes the ability to pay bills and set up a nest egg is essential but we’ve gotta have balance in all things. Her eyes and heart are not set on carnal rewards, she’s in warfare for her marriage and family. While Yvette is a diamond in my eyes, Glenn is looking like a big ole lump of coal. Oops, did I say that❓Again, I’m just a soldier and so is he.
A lot of this is Glen projecting his own insecurities. But this converstation is so real but really sad. Wishing yall the best.
Glen kinda took her words way further , like took it as a judgement, but is not like he's wrong, he's not at fault for the entire world. He was like Yvette smile is my scale, but that was a set up to be upset if she wasn't perfectly happy. Which was not gonna happen, happy goes up and down.
If he sticks with this mindset of a woman feeling secure in a relationship is a luxury and not a necessity mindset, they won’t make it. It’s sad that marriages are built like this these days... there used to be a time where a conversation of a marriage breaking up wasn’t even a reality to think of unless there was cheating or abuse. And even then (regardless of correctness because I’m not condoning any type of abuse) people stayed and made it work. These are foundations that should be started during the dating/courtship phase and built sturdy and strong in the beginning of a marriage definitely before kids are brought in. I’ve really enjoyed watching them but this podcast is eye opening. I hope he’s able to grow and heal emotionally because for a woman security is the glue that holds a relationship together. That’s key. It sounds like they need personal therapy on their own in addition to marital counseling.
He said it's not worth it too....damn. he is so checked out.
Security is a privilege?! This brother has tapped out, but with FOUR kids...both of them have to work it out, even if you're not feeling it. This is the truth of marriage and parenthood...selflessness. I appreciate you all for telling the truth.
This is what they DONT show on TV
Exactly
No really. Imagine him telling her he doesn’t feel secure and her saying oh well that’s a luxury.
I think security is a basic.
"You being secure in the relationship is a privilege"? Such a loaded statement eesh. He wants credit for being faithful to his wife. Which is kind of bizarre? You don't get *extra points* or applause for your married partner to feel secure in the relationship. Either be faithful because you want to be or get divorced bro. No one's gunna applaud you for doing what you promised you were going to do. It definitely shows how "tapped out" or resentful he is in the relationship. He feels like he's pulling more weight and he doesn't think she deserves it. Which is HARSH man.
Security in the relationship is a non negotiable. Otherwise, why are we even here? If you measure your success based on things outside of your control (ie someone else’s happiness) there’s always a potential to come up short. What would it look like for Glenn to think about what success looks like for him in God’s eyes? Take Yvette’s perceived desires out of the equation. Finding the sweet spot between his desires and God’s will, would be fighting for himself and the marriage.
Praying for your family!
Yea, i didn't understand Glen at this point lol. Security is trust, which is the foundation of any relationship/partnership. How is security a luxury??? wow, that took me aback.
@@nabisere5894 He is hurt and I think he is trying to make Yvette hurt the way he is hurting. Hurt people, hurt people. He literally said, "I don't get to have security in this relationship. Why should you?" He is in his feelings and when you lack emotional maturity you'll do things like what he did. We have all been there. But, dang. I feel like Yvette was trying to be positive and he was like nah... imma just be hurt and petty and try to bring you to this place with me.
@Nabisere I think he explained it that when she wanted him to reassure her but at that time he felt there was no one reassuring him. So to him it felt like she gets the privilege of receiving/expecting reassurance/a sense of security but he doesn't. So he is now interpreting it as a luxury that he doesn't necessarily get to have. But seeing how at times their relationship works without him receiving that reassurance, it's quite possibly not a necessity. He's chosen at that moment to rather live without that reassurance/security than to leave the relationship.
To my understanding, He's saying a drop in a sense of security is not enough to call it quits to what they have together. He knows because its not a constant stream for him.
Is it a truthful statement for everybody? Idk but thats a conclusive statement his reality has brought him to.
@@Bindi_Marc yeah....I think he needs to communicate what would make him feel secure and how Yvette can help give him the feeling of security that she also desires/needs.
@@tolutete597 well said
Security is actually paramount in a relationship not a privilege...
Yeah, Glen was trippin in some ways here.
he didn't make a general statement though.. He said "YOU feeling secure in our relationship... " He was very precise with his words.
I kept getting the feeling that he was lashing out 😪
It truly is a privilege.
What Yvette is saying about needing a specific type of friendship, sisterhood, is key. Some friends even longtime friends can't always understand your relationship dynamics.
Yes, you must elevate your friends when you elevate. I've let go some friends to bring in more elders and womentors.
Glen and Yvette need to also have some 'they' time. This thing called LIFE is no joke.
Yeah, they need a date nite. Glen like Yvette says she's good at delegating.. she's helping to take some of the mental stress off you, which is great, and Glen you need a homie to do fun stuff with.. no talking about wife, nor kids, nor business... Just chill and talk shop. Let your down a bit. Don't yourself too seriously. When Y says something, she's just thinking out loud, it's not for you to fix anything.. u r only one person. Don't tell her not to say it...not nice. Instead of fixing or worrying about fixing, just hug her. Touching at times could be the BEST meds.
my husband and I are currently fighting through the hardest time in our marriage thus far. THE HARDEST TIME. just hearing that another couple is in the trenches gives me hope. you guys are NOT beholden to us however you do impact the black love community in a positive way.
Please don't give up. You're in my prayers 🙏
Hope you and your husband got through that
Hope y’all still hanging in there 🤎
Glen was trippin here imo. They both have their own stuff that they are admitting they need to work on. But she took a four hour break which was miscommunicated as a separation from the marriage, and Glen pretty much went off the deep end. Also, thank you both for sharing your marriage in a kind of intimate way. Thanks for sharing your lives and your family. I pray the best for you guys, that you grow even stronger together with God's favor. Also, security in a marriage is imperative. It shouldn't be a privilege.
I feel like we as viewers have seen some of the lapses in communication by listening to this podcast. I think it would be beneficial for you guys to focus on your relationship and friendship. I get that your family is the focal point of your work however, don’t allow the business to completely overpower the natural relationship you guys hold. Some conversations do not need to be apart of the podcast. Some videos do not need to be published if it means you guys better your relationship.
Good job, Yvette, for allowing Glenn to speak and not taking everything he was venting to heart nor personally. I am learning from you.
Yes she is really great at that! I am learning from her too....cuz boi, my feelings be hurt and my mouth be ready to fire off sometimes!
@@Vuwanaka SAME.
it’s really interesting to see that Glen appears frustrated with not feeling heard or validated when it comes to issues with his wife and how he expressed strong feelings on the happy wife, happy life phrase. It’s interesting because in the majority of relationships I have seen play out in my lifetime, the majority of women are naturally inclined to put their spouse and families before themselves. To give and give and give and then wake up the next morning and do it again. We have whole conferences and ministries dedicated to how we can better serve our homes and husbands. It doesn’t take much to believe that our whole existence is meant to be poured out as a sacrifice before our families. And it some ways it is and it’s beautiful. But it’s just interesting to hear a man seem frustrated about his feelings not being validated. When we have whole systems invalidating our whole being. I’m always encouraged when I heard men giving wisdom to other men on how to better serve their wives emotionally, because it’s so often overlooked and dismissed. Financial provision is preached but rarely do I hear sermons encouraging men to love and live with their wives in an understanding way. No judgement to them as a couple, I know we are only getting the tip of the iceberg, as we should. Just sharing my thoughts
A WORD!
I’m super late but very well said,
I appreciated this episode. I appreciate the fact that you actually shared this. Marriage can be scary, and not everyone understands the reality of marriage, so thank you. My wife and I just crossed the 10 year mark this month (10/23). And last year was probably our hardest year. Although we're best friends, it's still a bending, stretching, squeezing, and pinching to become one everyday. And I've realized that the journey doesn't end. Glen, well Beleaf lol, BROTHA!! I felt you 1000%. Especially because as men, we can be natural fixers. If my wife says there's an issue...i go into fix-it mode. My issue early on was that I was trying to figure my wife out. I've learned...it's not about figuring her out. And I've found peace in knowing that everyday is a new journey. And much like my relationship with God, it's no longer about understanding what I understood about her. I realized that I was trying to analyze her to the point of trying to predict and make course corrections rather than giving the both of us the freedom to BE who God made us to be for one another. I think I wanted to be the perfect husband. But perfection is subjective. And what I thought was perfect for her, wasn't. So I just gave up lol! I stopped trying to be what I thought she needed, so I can Be who God made me to be for her. I stopped trying to fix everything, and I really just trusted God. I can't figure her out...figuring her out isn't my business anymore lol. Just like, I'm not supposed to figure God out. I just trust Him. And I trust Him with her. So now, everyday i'm learning this new woman He blessed me with. And we are finding new things about us because we are always evolving. So brotha! You aren't alone. I do agree with finding something that you like individually (hobby, etc.) though. And even finding something new that only you two like as well. Just wanted to publicly communicate this. We appreciate you two because you also show us that we aren't alone. So keep going. We're rooting for you!
I was hoping for a man’s perspective on this!!!!! Yessss! It seemed like so many ladies were coming for Glen, I wanted to know what it would look like through a husband’s eye.
Beautifully said
She is so docile, when men say black women are not gentle and docile. Not in a bad way. We want to be docile but how can you be sweet and pleasant when someone want to talk to you so brutally
Glen you sound so hurt, broken and damaged.
You can't trust a broken person
God first
Yvette, no matter what choose you first after God. You both must heal individually. Glen just said to you that he does NOT want to do the work to rebuild and he does to want this - believe his words. You can't rebuild on your own so remember to take care of yourself first and build self. You can't expend energy on someone who does not want what you do.
Glen reminds me of my husband. He takes everything I say or do and interperates it the ways he sees it vs the way it really is.
Same thing I do. It's in the Husband Manual.. page 6.
I enjoy watching the podcast and seeing Glen and Yvette interact. I've been reluctant to say so when discussing their interactions with my girlfriend but in this episode it's very clear to me that Glen speaks in such a condescending manner to Yvette. The statement that her security in their relationship is a luxury baffles me. Perhaps it baffles me because I'm not a Christian and their faith obviously influences their relationship but it doesn't seem healthy. Yvette tends to look down when Glen says questionable, insensitive things. I just can't understand how the happiness of your life partner, and mother of your children, isn't a priority. A man should be happy as well but after helping bring 4 lives into the world your happiness should no longer be paramount.
I agree & thank you for your thoughts. It does come off condescending & cold even if in his mind that is not his intention.
She Birth the kids, what her body was made for. But now it’s time to provide for them. Making her happy isn’t going to take care of a House, Cars, 4 kids, and a family.
But I do disagree that in a long term relationship, you should provide security to the relationship. I also agree with his point of view, I want you to have security but you need to know I won’t accept everything
Christianity has nothing to do with whether security in the marriage being a luxury. The security does not mean I can go have an affair and you will stay with me anyway. It is the Agape love that you are not just going to up and leave for whatever reason.
I don’t hear condescending but I think his straightforwardness is uncomfortable at times for her and I definitely don’t agree with his statement about her security being a luxury
@@PD-qu8dq Sir both of their lives are on display, she’s helping to provide too. She’s also supported him while he pursued his dreams because he wasn’t happy with his 9-5… don’t misspeak about women and what they’re supposed to do because that’s what their bodies are made for because I always hear men say what a woman is supposed to do, I’m patiently waiting for men to be honest about what you all are made for. There would be not one person on this earth if a woman did not push them out. Women birth kids, raise kids, work, homemake etc. the role for men has yet to be defined because women are expected to give birth, then be a superwoman while being primary caregiver for these children and in most cases still help provide while receiving no credit for it and also being told, it’s what we’re made for… while also fitting into the expectations of a woman to be pursued for marriage etc. If women are made to have kids, what are men made for???
Yvette saying “say that again” to glen and then mouthing what he was saying, took me all the way out
Glen reminds me of how my ex husband felt, but he didn't have the words. Men do tend to determine their success around their partners being happy and feeling secure. They equate their Beingness to providing. Not just Being. Which can be so difficult and so much pressure for them.
THISSSS!!! Wow 😯
Same actually and I was never able to receive answers to why he left but thinking back to what he did say I feel like he didn’t know how to articulate that.
So amazing how insightful you are....that is exactly what men feel and go thru most men can't put in words to understand and most women can't comprehend the pressures that comes along with being the natural born providers....the ladies that do understands their power to alleviate some of his pressure he can focus on building and caring for his family significantly greater
@@Jaitea35 🙏🏾 its a lot of unnecessary pressure if a couple is indeed partners. I do believe that's often why some men leave. It's not personal towards the woman it is actually often due to the man's feelings of inadequacy. I hope for men to find more safe spaces to speak about these feelings and move through them so they can have healthy relationships. Women definitely have our own areas of healing, but there are more spaces created for them to process and grow.
@@t.lunaimhotepmdiv135 I agree with you 100%
Glenn you definitely low-key bully ish. Almost made me fall back on y'all a few times. Lighten up bro. You so blessed to have what you have. Be gracious, be humble, be You.😉
Glenn I didn’t feel like you wanted to fight for your marriage either, I’m sorry I know my opinion doesn’t matter but I would like to see you be a little bit more gentle on her. You should know your wife well enough to know that she doesn’t mean that she’s going to leave you, like keep an open mind, don’t come to a conclusion until you talk to her. I’m not married but guys please fight your marriage. It’s worth fighting for.
I’ve been married for 25 years and l have been where you are. For Yvette, she needs time away and find what makes her happy- separate from family. Dad you are doing great but what you do for your family doesn’t define her happiness,. please keep communicating, Allow each other to express themselves without trying to fix their complaints. Sometimes we just want someone to listen and let them tell you when action is required. You two have a great foundation and will make it!
I would like to see a deep dive into Yvette’s feelings of being overwhelmed as she has to constantly give as a wife, a mother, and a business partner. I’d also love to see Glenn speak more on his mental health journey and finding his purpose and role in the relationship as the provider and how that affects his drive.
You. Guys. Are. The. Real. Deal. Currently, I am a nanny and tutor for an affluent family. The mother runs 5 acres of land and raises 3 children at home while the father is away financially providing for his family. I feel so grateful that God has guided me to them because I get such a deep innerstanding of the realities of motherhood, parenthood, etc. I am so proud of you guys. Thank you so much for your honesty!
My favorite quote is, "Love Is not a feeling; it's a decision". Every marriage goes through the same thing. Every successful marriage has Christ as the center. It's so easy to let the focus shift from serving each other to being served. Working together is so incredibly hard to do. I love your honesty. So many people can relate to this podcast. ❤️
My perspective: I get the feeling that the danger of this platform that Glenn was referring to, lies in sharing your struggles too soon; perhaps, what you all might need to do first is: heal before you share. I’m not saying complete healing has to occur, but at least heal (or be on the road to recovery) from whatever segment/topic/story you would like share, before actually sharing. You can journal in the interim about your experience, and use this as a reference for a next episode.
P.S. I have found that in my personal walk in marriage, journaling has a healing property, than some might think.
Yvette you should reach out to Melissa Fredericks (MrsKevOnStage) from the Love Hour Podcast. I believe she would definitely be able to help you navigate some of the things you're going through and feeling.
Yes! My thoughts exactly! They've worked together before, so hopefully it would be easy to connect.
Glenn sounds like my partner. When he said he allows Yvette to say what's in her mind, I thought I was watching my relationship from a distance. Then the conversation afterwards... more of the same. I'm prayerful for Yvette's personal happiness and fulfillment. It's so easy to get overwhelmed by mommy and wife duties that women put themselves last.
To me, a woman (or man's) security in a relationship is knowing they are unconditionally loved and have a true friend in their partner. Knowing that their partner is in it for the long haul with them, and that everything from finances to child-rearing are in order. I think this an absolute necessity. I wish the best for Glenn and Yvette. I've been listening for about 5 months now and thoroughly respect the vulnerability and rawness although there are moments that are definitely awkward. I truly hope everything works out, and hope noone gets left with the burden of four children. I've learned from them the importance of vetting potential partners thoroughly, not rushing into having children, and the importance of communication. I'm completely in agreement if you guys plan on ending the podcast. Not all your business needs to be on front street but maybe you should still have these conversations with each other (in private) regularly? God bless you guys.
The openness and vulnerability that you guys display on this podcast is amazing. Often we only get to see the highlights and not the real difficult moments couples go through. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of y'all journey. And best believe the we are absolutely rooting and praying for you guys 🖤🖤🖤
Yes y’all. Thank you 🙏🏾
I feel like this is a reason why individuals should not rush into marriage so young. It is important to figure out who you are, and to develop as a person before you join your life with someone else. Slow down an take time for yourself before rushing into marriage and family. I am proud of the two of you for being introspective and working on creating a better life for yourselves.
She's got it right...and daily prayer is important to stand against the deceptions of the unseen forces of life.
God is our replemisher, restorer ect...hold on in faith 🙏
Great people great conversation.
My husband and I have been married for 25 years and we look at you guys and say remember when we went through that? The struggle is real and today we still go through some things but not that intense but we have learned communication was so important to continue to stay together. Once we figured out how we needed to communicate and not how others thought we should, things started to come together for us.
Yay another post. I haven't even watched yet
After watching, it appears you are both under a serious spiritual attack materializing from recent successes that you've made. E.g Black love. Y'all need our prayers now more than ever. When something is this good, the enemy is gonna fight to destroy it. Don't let him win. There is so much greatness designed for you. Keep Pushing. We love you
I feel she’s an empath and he’s not. But they have magic here. Keep it going
Exactly that. They’re a great balance
Yvette the phrasing you used in the beginning was exactly how I felt with my husband. Sadly, after almost 30 years together and almost 25 years of marriage he literally just walked out..I pray God blesses you both and completely heals your marriage. Marriage is not disposable. We
made a promise to God and need to honor that.
Security is absolutely necessary for the wife and mother of your children.
Don’t forget success is having food and shelter and family
I'm am praying for yall! You both WILL MAKE IT!!! THE MERCY OF GOD IS SUFFICENT AND ENDLESS! Love yall!
Yvette, you seem, from the conversation, to be the optimistic solutionist,the fixer but equally exhausted.
It's evident in all the videos how you give so much to your family without being on the center stage or getting public acknowledgement.
Take care of yourself. You can still pursue your indiviadual passions ,form networks of supportive women while contributing to your family development. That's number 1,be happy, your children equally pick it up.
PS Reminds me of a recent clip where Glen was triggered when Naya thought it was appropriate for Uzzi to mistreat her because she loves him.
He himself made the comment that maybe she picked it up from how he may have treated her mother and I add, how she reacts to that.
I hope you work things out, you have a beautiful family on screen but it shouldn't be at the expense of the quality of life and of the individuals making up the family unit, off screen.
I am unmarried and this is one of the most courageous conversations I have EVER witnessed between 2 people, between a married couple, between 2 human beings. Hardly no one is brave enough to share this side of marriage and family. I am beyond grateful for your transparency, commitment, and devotion to this ministry. Sending so much love and hugs...
I feel like the Lord is using Yvette be the person that she needs right now, for other people. Like she’s going through this right now so eventually someone can call her when they’re going through the same thing and she can be that for them.
The Lord is using her because he made her strong enough to handle this.
Sometimes in a marriage as a wife and mother you feel overwhelmed. Even with a great husband you can feel like a single parent. You feel like they don't help but when they do you don't like how they do it. Lol I can only relate to Yvette. Because If I take the time to think hard about the husbands role and his responsibilities it would send us over the edge. I recommend to ALL parents to find your tool for survival. Walking, talking to God, journaling, talking to a friend, Singing, Dancing, Sleeping, crocheting, Reading, Yoga, Whatever! Your podcast is a testimony and ministry to others that they are NOT the only one, they are NOT alone, they are NOT selfish, they are NOT losing their minds, they are NOT a bad mom! This is a difficult time, but it will pass. Happy spouse happy house. I love you guys.
Such a beautiful comment. I screenshot this comment so I can read it when feeling overwhelmed ❤
This! All of this n
👏🏽🙏🏽
Survival does not belong in the same sentence as marriage. Absolutely not! 🤦🏽♀️
@@bereajohnson8906 It does though actually. After you've been married for at least several years you will understand. Marriage isn't all just happy & sweet. & it's not just one big fight & then u make up all the time. Sometimes it's life & life being hard & instead of blaming one another it should be tackling it together , but a lot of times that's easier said than done. Resentment builds, the in love feelings fade ect. Sometimes it's just about choosing to get through it & SURVIVE through it together - as long as it's with the right person. Sure after a few months of not getting along & not connecting u can just say this isn't it. But you'll always have problems regardless of who you are with - they just might be slightly different problems. So you get to choose between the issues you prefer. But life is surviving even on your own , it's no different when being in a long marriage. You just both have to know and reassure each other that no matter what at the end of the day you're going to be there for one other & of course trust. Is not a large part of marriage the luxury of security. & of course there's a difference between security & taking your spouse for granted or vice versa.
From the last few episodes I’ve watched, one main thing that I noticed for sure is that Glenn wants Yvette to be as passionate as him about his dream/“purpose” which is the business. He wants her to specifically be a partner in achieving that purpose. He enjoys working together with his wife. Though Yvette helps out more now, I don’t think she is totally sold out on the business being her thing/“purpose”. I think it is fine for her to feel that way because it’s not her dream. (I don’t think Yvette has found her “purpose” yet. Lowkey, it also seem like Glenn doesn’t even think the business is entirely his dream either)... Man I don’t know where this idea of you HAVE to have a ministry/special purpose (usually in the sense of career) together as wife and husband came from... Maybe it’s from the Christian gurus or maybe it’s this new era of “everyone wanting to be entrepreneurs/ business owners.” 🤷🏾♀️ Is this concept biblical? Someone book/chapter/verse it IN CONTEXT for me please if it is?
I love you guys! I appreciate the vulnerability you guys let us in as the audience. However do what is best for you and your family please. If that means to unfortunately end the podcast, do it.
I wonder if it's the success that may be what's putting pressure on Glen.
@@MzSoulllmhhhhh you might be right.
Sounds like y’all are both just humans being humans and having those human emotions ❤️
What y'all are going through is normal. Me and my Hubby have been together for 21 years and often times we look at one another and think 'Man I should've stay home that day and just wash my hair!' I own the company and could easily hire Hubby... but in order to save our marriage that ain't gonna happen no more then I'm willing to exercise with him. He's Marine and I'm Army. We love each other but it's a challenge. Nah Beleaf me feeling secure in my marriage is a requirement because if I'm not secured then I'm out because I'm secured by myself. Yvette would NEVER leave her chocolate babies... EVER!!! Ooh and y'all need to continue doing y'all podcast because you're not only helping others but believe me... you're helping each other individually and as a couple. When you talk your ears, heart, brain and soul hears. So continue and this too shall pass, I'm a living witness!!! 🙌🏾📖✝️💖
It sounds like Yvette is a good project manager. Keep talking even if we never hear it. The enemy can only work in your silence. Taking someone for granted and feeling secure are two different things. It makes so much sense to find deeper community that is suitable (great word Yvette) for where you’re going. Fight the issue, not each other; don’t lose yourselves in the fight. A person’s happiness is their own responsibility. There is a way to develop together. Pray, rest, go to counseling, and take some time off.
I’m ok with not having the podcast anymore.
You guys could just do the segment where you give advice!
@@notoftheworld508 but how does that work for them if they're struggling with their own issues?
My prayers for their strength
Thank you for this! Your transparency has been such a gift, but Glen also hit it on the nose... your audience would rather see y’all make it rather than have success in the world but home falls apart. I appreciate what HMAY has given thus far and if this is as far as it goes you given enough!
So, it is now 2023, November. I have been watching for one month. My wife and I are heads of the marriage ministry in our assembly (church). You guys may never see this comment but I wanted to plant this here in case someone who needs it does see it.
The journey of this podcast truly helps the untold conflicts of a marriage. Thank you for your efforts and know that none of this is in vain. You ARE really helping people. But, let it also help your relationship. We are taking great things from this podcast and applying it accordingly. Thank you.
But isn't this what Yvette was saying all along? having a community and close friends? I mean when she voiced that she needed more time to find out what it is SHE wants to do, she was being pushed to help with the Beleaf in fatherhood stuff. I mean she can still support her husband and have her own thing. Now Glen is realizing that he also needs his own friends and hobbies. People were on here making her feel bad for not fully working with him. " oh he needs your help, his doing this for his family". Glen chose this. he's a creative and that's how he chose to make a living.
But I feel like Glen doesn’t WANT her to have a community of friends because that takes her attention away from the family.
It's typical unfortunately
Schedule sabbaticals and periods of fasting and worship. Sounds like you all are burning out. It's normal, but it is important to put yourself first in order for you to be healthy. Just like they say on airplanes...put the mask on yourself before you put it on someone else.
Also, there's a quiz called How We Love that discusses the patterns and struggles married couples have based on their past. It is very enlightening. It's also important to discover your marriage conflict cycle. Praying for you all.
I feel Yvette on feeling alone and like there is no one you can talk about these kinds of things. I’m the only one married of my friend group and my family members in my age group so I get it.
same!! I’m 23 and I feel so alone . It sucks being the strong friend out your group too .. I think I need a balance
This podcast is really emotional and we appreciate your willingness to open up with some of your struggles. I am sensing though, that between both of you, there are things that are unsaid out of fear of the outcome. This is further breaking down each individual's mental and emotional health. Maybe you guys writing letters to each other about things you fear saying aloud, could be a safe space.
Btw, Happy wife, happy life is not the way. 2 happy spouses =happy house, that's the way.
Love you guys and will be praying for you.
Ooooooooowwwwwwweeeeeeeee
Ya'll should definitely take a deeper dive in the "You feeling secure in our relationship is more of a luxury than a necessity" topic.
There is depth to this and it can be connected to so many facets of a relationship. Finances, Provision, Vision, Marriage being sustained through any obstacle, etc...
As believers I feel our only security is in God through Christ and sometimes we can put that on our significant others.
Thoughts....that is if ya'll are still gonna do this podcast.
I would say luxuriously necessary....it's a necessity to have security in the marrage however it's luxurious and a blessing to have that most don't so it should be appreciated when had
@@milanjohnigarn1490 this was a good way of putting it!
@@melbel10333 thank u sis
@@milanjohnigarn1490 but something shouldn't be a luxury just because most people don't have it. security is a basic human right. Lets not normalise oppressive structures giving us crumbs that makes having security a luxury. The need for security is not the same as having 2 cars.
@@nabisere5894 you are absolutely correct which is why it's a luxury these days...we can't change the sociological constructs in which are around us....sometimes in life we never get to see what security looks like if it weren't for certain you tube creatives....so when we have it it becomes a luxury....kinda like growing up in a struggling single parent house hold and getting older and being able to buy a 2010 BMW in 2020.....some would say that's not luxury cause it's not a 2020 BMW or a mazarati....but it will be charished as such....it could be a complete 🍋....so it's not that it's normalizing but when u have it it becomes like a luxury because like u said it's a human right that is not normalized for us
You and Evette are so amazing together. I just finished watching the episode “ my wife needs a break” and you two are just so patient with each other and with your kids and it’s so beautiful to see. I get so much joy from watching your family and your ability to be so vulnerable with all of us. I smile when I watch you interact with the kids. It really makes me wish I grew up in such an environment like the one you’ve created. I’m an unmarried single biracial female and I just want you to know you don’t have to be married with children to get something positive out of your content. Thank you ☺️ 💜💚💜💚
I would be curious to know what your therapist thinks about this whole conversation.
Feeling secure is the absolute bare minimum...on both sides.
Q: Why not, instead of stop talking, preface the desire with a level of urgency.
That long pause and stare!!!! 🤣🤣🤣 Ms. Melanin: “I’m not a killa but don’t push me”
Glen please love your wife as Christ Loves His Church, and Christ Jesus always makes sure we feel secure no matter what. That's is your job to her no matter what. This is the word. In marriage the Lord placed such a big task on the man because she is the weaker vessel. I feel like your breaking her down sometimes. I'm praying you two win.
Yes. I feel like the real weight of being a head of household, husband, and father is getting to Glenn and he's responding to that pressure by targeting his wife. It wasn't until maybe the other day or so that I began to really understand the burden my husband carries as the provider and protector of a family of 4. The Lord gave me eyes to see it and I immediately went home and thanked him for all he does. My husband makes being a patriarch look easy but it's not. I think Glenn is in the thick of feeling just how *not* easy it is and instead of turning to his Father in heaven for help and strength to hold up under the load God requires of him.... he's turning on his wife. That's a typical response for spouses under pressure... to take it out on the closest person (the other spouses) and that's a big part of what I think people mean when they say "marriage is hard."
I understand your position but disagree we always feel secure in God. If we truly feel secure in God, people wouldn't be anxious. Trusting when you can't see beyond the circumstance is what makes us secure
I know you didn’t ask my opinion but it almost feels like u think Yvette must have the same amount of passion you feel about the business. She has a right to not be guilted into being into the business or enjoying working with you. Maybe she just needs to find her own path and it might not be beleaf in fatherhood. And that’s ok
Also, I’m ok with not having the podcast anymore. If it’s a hinderance to your marriage then get it outta here lol. Choose yourselves over this podcast. Well miss it but your supporters will be ok.
Agreed. I’ve long since gleaned that Glenn wants Yvette to be “sold out” for *his* personal mission, even professionally speaking. It’s like it’s assumed that she must be his wife, mother of their children, homemaker, homeschooler AND his business partner. He needs employees and a (bigger) team but instead wants the overflow of his *choice* of work to land on Yvette. AND he wants her to be happy about it. My husband also has a business and I talked this over with him and he said he never assumed that I’d be his professional partner unless I asked for a job/role. (And he furthermore desired to take me on as an employee). It was never assumed. I think Glenn needs to pick a line of work that he can handle. He bit off more than he can chew and wants Yvette to catch the falling pieces.
I think we're mistaking what we see as Glenn's success when it's more of an obligation to be a provider.. I don't think this was his vision at first.
@The Mrs
! You nailed it perfectly! 👏👏
@@Bindi_Marc Yvette's analogy about the container lids was spot on!!
@@Bindi_Marc But yet he says she puts pressure on him when she dreams out loud, does he not realize sometimes it's just that dreaming out loud, not a request. Also, it's pressure on her to try and fulfill Glenn's desire for her to work with him on top of all the other duties she has, the pressure he is feeling from Yvette, he's also applying to her. I was always like he would say I don't know what you should be doing to Yvette, telling her to figure it out, but then pushing her to be involved/gung-ho about his business ventures....🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Heavenly Father, I pray for this couple. Help them Lord to get through this time. Lord when the weight of their ministry gets heavy, help them Lord to lay it at your feet. Jesus you already won on the cross and I know this couple will win as well. I thank you God for their honesty because they have shown me that Christ centered relationships do exists. Help them , give them strength, give them hope, give them support. In Jesus name amen.
Your first ministry is your family. You need to make sure your family is well.
I am WITH THE MOM. This is A YAWNING EXPERIENCE. OBSERVE the Guy's SMUG FACE , He COULD CARELESS regarding her Feelings. PEACE&LUV
As much as I love listening to the podcast, I can honestly say that the transparency during these sittings is more healing and understanding for YOU, than it is for us. Your platform offers US the opportunity to understand that we are not alone. Even if you opt not to do the podcast for US, do it for YOU. Your transparency should be for the health of your relationship more than for the entertainment of us.
I understand the need for space after years of marriage (I've been married for 17 years + 3 children and I am 37). The work necessary for a successful marriage is dependent on the persons and the dynamic and not a solution. Take the space necessary from each other while remaining connected to God. I stepped back from helping relationships via my ministry to save my own.
Yvette, please find something for YOU rather than viewing yourself as an extension of Glen.It is almost as if you're scared of simply stating to him that you simply want and desire to BREATHE,THAT is your SOUL speaking to YOU ,the message is here ,now act on it ,it won't move you away from them(family) it will be the reason for your growth,face that fear ma'am, it's time
Praying for you two.
I love y’all. I can tell there’s a problem because y’all look exhausted...
When Glen brought up validating his feelings, it mad me think of Pastor Cal from Married at First Sight, when said Happy House Happy Spouse Instead of Happy life Happy wife.
Yes Yvette. Yes.
Thank you for your transparency.
I'm grateful ya'll share this type of vulnerability. Relationships, parenting all of it is so much work. It can be overwhelming. You two are a gift. Communication is a tough one with so much going on. So much love to ya'll!
Awwwwwww 😢 Praying for you guys, for real. 🙏🏽
Wow thank you both for sharing! ❤️❤️❤️
Raw and real. I respect it