I Was Never a Boy
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- čas přidán 31. 10. 2021
- Twitter: boonewwilliams?t=...
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Background music by my brother!
What does it mean to be "born a boy"? I've always had a bone to pick with the idea that just because I was assigned male at birth, I somehow grew up, existing in the world as a boy. Today, I rant about it, and maybe you'll like what I say.
(These are just my silly thoughts and ramble-y feelings. Let me know of yours in the comments!) - Zábava
Lord I have so many thoughts on this. I didn’t really come out till 38. I definitely used my “male privilege“ to pretect myself from anti trans or gay violence by pretending to be cishet and enjoying the simple privilege of not being attacked for existing in a public space
Yeah ... growing up being labelled as weird, being perceived as gay possibly, not having male privilege inherently ... but then around age 25 learning enough about gender roles to literally pretend, to act out 'being a man' at the cost of not being yourself, and experiencing 'male privilege' (not quite the same as inherent male privilege).
So the experience is not the same as that of a cis woman, but it's very different from cis male.
It took me 28 years to realize I'm trans, so I can't say I haven't experienced any male privilege, but I guess my experience with it has been different. Until recently I've never really felt afraid walking home at night, people listen when I speak without cutting me off and when I've been in male dominated spaces I've always felt that I have some kind of advantage that the other girls don't, and I notice it more because I've always related more to the girls, making the differences more obvious. At the same time, I often feel like I'm given full privilege at first in a new situation, but to keep it I have to pretend. It often comes at the price of having to be more masculine and fit in with the boys, and when I don't, I lose some of that privilege. And even though it's been good to not have to be afraid at night, or at clubs, or, hell, in groups of men, I always felt really weird about it. I was never comfortable being "one of the boys" and getting away with things other girls wouldn't.
I want to clarify that I also consider myself having always been a girl, it just took me a good while to figure it out. I also want to say that I feel like many of my friends had more privilege in many situation, either because I was deemed too feminine/"gay", or because I'd distanced myself from it so much that they didn't trust me. This is my own, personal experience with it.
You are hitting crystal clear points, and I VERY much appreciate you sharing your experiences. Thank you ❤️
The thing I've realised is that I was only ever read as a 'boy'. Even into adulthood, never a 'man'. Even during my 'boyhood', as it were, I was almost never taken seriously and I went through a lot of shit during secondary school because I just wasn't 'man enough' and because I was sensitive and sadly, quite depressed. If anything, I feel I get taken more seriously now than back when I lived as a boy. I'd say the only aspect of 'male privilege' I experienced was not being randomly harassed on the street all the time, and even to that end I sometimes was, and there were a few times I was even perceived as a girl by strangers.
During my secondary schooling years, I went to a single-sex school, and that was an experience I had to numb myself through, but I also got to see firsthand the awful ways boys think about women. Hell, I got to see how disturbingly early boys get into pick-up culture too.
It took me until I couldn't bear it anymore, as stubborn as I was, and seeing myself continuing to age in a masculine way in my early 20s, before I realised something had to change.
Wasn't sure if there would be any new video's after 7 months, glad you're back
I have been saying the exact same thing! I never had male privilege. I was always effeminate, short, and skinny. I was never treated with any respect. I was never listened to. I was always talked over and had things explained to me (even if I was more knowledgeable on the subject). I never felt safe walking alone. Due to my size, mannerisms, and overall girlish build, I passed in my teens and early 20's, LONG before coming out. Passed so well, men were always confused in the bathrooms, and I was once assaulted in the water at the beach by a creep because I passed.
I don't know what it's like to be taken seriously. To be respected. To have confidence. To be able to defend myself. I never knew what it's like to be a man, because I never was, and nobody ever truly saw me as one.
I grew up with people laughing at me and screaming at me because I did everything "like a girl". Everyone in middle/high school thought I was gay. I AM gay. Gay for women. 🤷😜😁
I am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you. I can only imagine what that would be like. I do relate to a lot of what you have written. I also feel like I experienced childhood as any cis girl would have (just with my own, unique challenges). I've heard many stories of trans women being picked on for being girly before they came out. If it's who you are, it can never really hide. You can hide from it, but it's always there.
Thank you for your bravery in telling your story and shedding light onto this conversation about which I am very passionate
Lovely to hear from you as always! It was only earlier I was thinking about the topic you discussed in the video, and you raise some really good points, all of which I agree with. Also those kind words at the end of the video was absolutely what I needed to hear right now, all the same back to you. 💜
Glad for the video! I always appreciate your content!!
Good to see you back!
Good to see you back
personally what i think a lot of cis (and trans) people miss when they talk about being raised as a certain gender or male/female socialization is that it's a two way street. people may see and treat you as one gender, but you won't necessarily internalize or reciprocate the treatment you're receiving, yknow? like i was raised as a girl, but i never fully accepted or appreciated "girlhood". not to even get into how arbitrary and complex the concept of girlhood can be...even if i was raised as a girl, i was also raised as a neurotypical and heterosexual and well. that certainly affected me but didn't end up making me less transgender, neurodivergent, or gay
"I grew up socialized as a trans woman"
Holy shit that quote hit me so hard...That's it. Because of my internal world, I didn't really have the privilege of a cis boy, but because of my external appearance, I also didn't have the lived experience of a cis girl growing up.
I learned at a young age to play a certain part, while still intuitively letting myself exist inside, even if I didn't fully understand what that was. I suppressed a lot of stuff for a long time, but I perceived a lot too. There are so many nuances about interactions and social dynamics that I had long been acutely aware of, yet unable to language. That part about internalizing and absorbing society's views on women and trans people made so much sense to me and put some very familiar feelings into words too.
My own internal realization and acceptance happened like 9 years later than yours did, and I'm only 7 months on E, so I'm still on quite the intense internal journey. This video was really validating and helpful, & your channel is awesome, thank you for sharing!!
Thank YOU for sharing! I can't take credit for that quote. I wish I could remember who said it, but I think it's a very universal experience. I totally relate to everything you're saying, and I'm excited for you in your journey! Forever rooting for you!!
Thank you so much for the lovely comment 💛
@@boonewilliams5338Omg thank youu! Your kind words and support mean so much to me! 🥲🤍
@@defaultusername9 you're so welcome 💛💛💛
I can relate to this so very much. I never understood the idea of male privelage when applying that concept to myself. I have always felt like a woman even when I was trying really hard to be a man, because thats what society expected of me. I have never felt comfortable being around a group of men. I always felt like I was actually an imposter when I would be around a group of guys. I felt like they somehow knew I wasnt one of them. In fact growing up I feel like most people understood that I fit in better with the women and girls than the men and boys. In fact on multiple occasions my friends would say that I somehow didnt fit in with the guys. They could tell I was different. Everyone thought I was gay growing up but I was attracted to women and thought that because of that I would have to live my life as a straight man. It felt I was sentenced to a miserable life. I tried so hard to be straight but I think even women could tell there was something different about me when I got to dating age. I would often joke around that the only girls I was attracted to were the gay girls. Little did I know that's because I too am a gay girl and always was.
I relate to just about every word of this. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so happy you've found your truth and comfort ❤️
I get that a lot. I mean of course there’s always a difference when you present male or present female. But even so, I grew up in an environment for example, where being trans was like not even a possibility. It was never something that I could have the option to be, so I pretty much had to present male, I had to be (or at least pretend to be) a capital letter Man. So one would guess I did enjoy male privilege, right? Not quite. Once anyone (school peers, teachers, even my family) got to know me a little bit, it was quite obvious that I just wasn’t what a man was supposed to be. So in the end, I was never treated like a man - I was treated like a person who failed to live up to the standard of being a man. So I never had like “male authority”, or like “male respect”, or physical intimidation or whatever. I wasn’t treated like a woman either (I wish). I was exclusively treated as a failure, or a weakling, or some kind of freak, even when I claimed to identify as a man. So no, I don’t think I had that kind of privilege. And yes, sure, cis women still faced a whole lot of issues that I didn’t have to face (so I guess you could call that privilege), but in the end I was never a part of the “boys club”
I love to hear from you
Sorry for commenting twice on the same video, but I forgot to say I'm happy to see you're well ^_^
Oh my goodness, no need to apologize at all!! Thank you!!!!! I appreciate your comments very much ☺️❤️
Ooh! You’ve got the Hendrix birthday 🎸
Oh I didn't know that!! I'm honored. It's also Bill Nye and Bruce Lee's birthdays
Hey it's me again! I was always a girl just I didn't really know what the feeling was if that makes sense, I always had dysphoria and aligned with female but I never knew that was that, I was always told I was a boy so I thought I was and when I was younger I had my hair long and liked dresses and stuff and I passed for female, but I would correct someone if they called me a girl because I thought it was factually correct that I was a boy so I would tell them I was, and dysphoria wasn't incredibly strong until I hit puberty around 12, I was like "woah wtf is happening" and kinda panicked and the further puberty progressed for me the stronger it became and I told one of my friends and he explained to me what dysphoria was and it all made sense to me, and I then realized I was a girl, always had been just I didn't know it if that makes sense
I hope that made some sense, I have kind of an unusual story
Happy early birthday
Why thank you!!!! :)
I was born on the 19th of November wishing you a happy birthday
Ahhh thank you!! Happy birthday to you too!!!!
I'm quite unsure what to think about this kind of thing myself. A lot of the doubts I'm currently having over being trans I think stems from how strictly many other folks will define the term(s). I often describe myself as having grown up as a boy because I honestly at one point in my life was kind of neutral to the concept of being a boy. When I was younger I just didn't care, and I tend to think that's cause some kids don't particularly care what boxes they were put into as children.
I don't think I started showing symptoms of being trans until I was about... 15ish? It was kind of rapid really. I was exposed to a lot of new things on the internet, having grown up in a conservative environment, though I did have a very basic idea of what a trans person was without understanding the terminology. I can't remember the specifics of how it had happened but after a certain point I came to the conclusion "I want to be a girl". To me I didn't see it as "I always HAVE been a girl" it was more something that I felt like I was going to turn into through a process, but it's a process and change I wanted, though I abandoned the idea of such after experiencing a large amount of doubts and anxiety with no proper mental health support for it, leading to about 7 years of denial.
Since then I think I've experienced a lot of I guess more minor kinds of dysphoria and desires to be seen feminine. I can't remember how I felt when I was a child but since I was a teen I NEVER liked being referred to with more typically masculine words. I was fine with more infantilizing male terms I suppose, like I didn't hate being referred to as a BOY, but as soon as the word 'man' became involved I just immediately was like "no, nope that isn't me, that feels wrong to describe me like that". I felt similar things with relationships, boyfriend wasn't a huge deal but when I was referred to as a future husband I just hated it.
Though even when I was in denial after the age of 15, I still idolized being extremely feminine. I really related to the whole 'femboy' idea, but it still felt slightly wrong, and the wrong part was being male I think. Nowadays I've just felt a great amount of happiness mowing towards transition. I think I experience a great amount of gender euphoria, though unfortunately I experience some really intense doubt over myself, unfortunately today's been one of those days of doubt, though it's the first one in like a month. I feel like if I had to live the rest of my life as my AGAB I could do it but it just wouldn't feel right, the idea brings me great sadness. At my heart I'd rather be a wife, a mother, a very pretty woman. I don't understand why these doubts and anxiety fight me so much.
I apologize for the very long and rambley comment, I have a lot of feelings, thoughts, and stories, but not many trans sisters to tell them to. Hope you're having a good day Boone.
Thank you very much for taking the time to share such a profound insight into your own life experiences and psyche. Unfortunately, I cannot offer you an answer or a path moving forward, but you seem to have a very solid understanding of your own feelings, and I am confident that, no matter what path you take, you will do what's right for you. I really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your story with me, and I wish you the absolute best in life and your present and future :) 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 Yeah, ultimately the answer has to come from within myself. I appreciate you taking the time to read my comments c: Even if validation from others doesn't reveal a path for me, it brings comfort at times.
idk I feel like I got to have it pretty easy, like my gender never really mattered until I questioned it, got taken serious as the quiet nerdy "guy" I guess
Start a patreon!
As a transgender woman I gave up a lot of things and privileges not just male privilege
I guess I had male privilege, but I never took it. I did not understand I was a girl (it was the '60s-'70s), but I did always hate the way I was perceived by others, and never understood the behavior of boys.
I have known I was a girl seance I was 8
I think people forget that no-one asks to be born as a certain gender, or asks to be raised as that gender. It is all based on "luck" and random chance. If someone has always felt internally female then I don't think they have experienced male privilege, despite what others may say, because many of those privileged experiences were probably not as appealing as if they happen to a cis man because of constant dysphoria and feeling like they didn't deserve what was handed to them. I guess, at the core it asks, "would I still have this opportunity if I was presenting as my actual gender?" Which is likely to cause further depression as they struggle with coming out and people then telling them that they have male privilege...
I think you hit some very, very key points here. Personally, I actually believe that I didn't even have the option to take on the societal male role that would give me the upper hand. Not only did the thought of it cause dysphoria, but it wasn't who I was. I genuinely don't believe it would have been possible for me to claim that spot. I could try my best to act in such a traditionally masculine way that would "earn" me male privilege, but I'd be acting, and it wouldn't place me in the same societal tier that men exist in.
Just my thoughts! And I really appreciate yours. Thank you so much for watching and sharing your views!! :)
What does male privilege mean to you?
I am a trans woman who was definitely socialized as a male. Of course my parents ran my family like a cult so there were a ton of other issues anyway and I did not experience what would be thought of as male privilege, I was just raised to function within the male role inside my fathers deranged system.
I am so sorry. That sounds absolutely awful
@@boonewilliams5338 Thank you. My childhood was a disaster in many ways, the easiest way I can describe it that you might be familiar with is the red room from black widow.
On the bright side I did get amazing self confidence, the ability to push through nearly anything, and basically never lose hope.
@@zoeevans543 I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but what a wonderful way of looking at it. I'm really happy that you've come out of that situation and are doing so much better now 💛
This is so true. As a trans girl who is forced to live as a boy for a number of reasons, I can definitely agree. Thank you for this video and I hope to see more in the future!
Thank YOU for watching and sharing that :)))) 💛
As a transwoman myself I totally agree with u hun-I always grew up as a girl and had no male privileges-luv u sweetie xx
It's kind of funny how that social stigma evolves over time, isn't it? Get called sissy, or weak or whatever for not being enough of a "man", then get told you inherently experienced male privilege after you transition. It does seem like some cis people have it in their heads that being transgender isn't something that takes years of introspection and reconciliation with one's understanding of their internal identity, and is rather a switch that can be flipped when you get a little too bored with your wardrobe. I'm sure there are plenty of trans women who got along just fine in a more masculine role before either coming out to others or themselves, but my journey was a lot more like constantly feeling uncomfortable in my skin and with the way I was being treated or perceived; kind of hard to feel privileged when all you felt was dysphoria.
Yes. I completely relate to this. Anytime I was lumped in as "one of the boys" which would happen a lot, since I had three older brothers and was on a couple sports teams that were usually all male, I would cringe and feel shame and discomfort. On some level, it was very clear to me that I was a girl and that is how I should be labeled and understood, but I wasn't educated enough on the existence of trans people to be able to give myself permission to actually call myself a girl. Even though people recognized me as a literal boy, I don't feel like I was ever treated that way. I always felt outcast, weird, isolated, different, etc. I used to dance on the soccer field when all the other kids would be determined to win the game (not that girls can't have that level of determination in sports; just a funny memory). The most pivotal moment in my childhood was making friends with a group of girls. My brother's friend had a younger sister, and at parties, I would always hang out with her and her gaggle of girlfriends, rather than hang out with my brother and his group of friends. I was so much more comfortable in that environment. I didn't understand why I wasn't allowed to wear galaxy leggings, like they all were, or have dolls, or love the color pink, etc. Etc.
The point is, even though I had some obstacles, I have ALWAYS navigated the social world as female. People treated me as the closeted trans girl that I was; not as a boy
You asked for a tea set (so that you could have a tea party) at age 3. You asked for a sewing machine when you were 8. You were never a boy, not for a single day. You have always been you, and now you've grown into a beauty young woman. Proud of you!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I love you
Not your place to promote vac
liar.