Thank u so much for making this video Boone, ive also struggled with anorexia for a long time as a trans girl because i feel like i cant be comfortable in my skin unless i get so much smaller and thinner. Everything u said rang really true for me. Im glad ur doing better since back then & i wish u all the best things !!! 🖤
Boone ... very interesting video! I can sympathize with your issues, having struggled with alcoholism and addiction in my life ... but the food thing is so hard, since one HAS to eat, so one can't "one day at a time" it! Glad to hear that you have come to a place where you have some control on it.
VERY good point, Brendan!! And thank you for being so generous to share that personal tidbit!!! We DO have to eat food, so finding a healthy relationship with food is imperative but so so difficult
Thank you so much! you’re actually doing important stuff here - there’s not enough people talking about how societal / psychological issues intersect with being trans. Honestly, I’m trans as well and eating disorders have plagued me all my life, and I always struggled to find an examination these two things where they aren’t treated entirely independent from each other. It’s always treated like ED and transness would never have anything to do with each other (cuz I guess trans people weren’t rly allowed in the public eye for the last centuries of psychological research). So yeh, thanks:)
Ay that last point is very true!!!!!! Trans people are still largely not acknowledged or thought of. I'm really glad you appreciate this video, and I'm so grateful you took the time to write this lovely comment. All the best!!! ~Boone :) 💛
As someone who is Tran Non-binary, & mostly fem presenting it can really relate to what you said about needing to be small & thin. I know i deal with this struggle all the time, & despite having very little fat on my body, there is ALWAYS the feeling of wanting to be smaller & thinner. So i over exercise, like heaps & it not good. But hearing you talk about this has been very helpful to me, so thanks Boone!
It can be such a challenging, compulsive feeling to deal with it, but all we can ever do is to try and put our well-being at priority as much as possible. One day at a time :) Thank you so much for sharing your struggles. I'm so so so glad that my rambling can help in some way. I'm wishing you all the best!!!! 💛💛
Thanks for this video! My eating disorder started fairly young when I was in grade-school, and it started out as restriction from school food; but also, as an artist I would draw women from magazines, and I think I subconsciously I knew I was more feminine (non-binary), (but this was in the early 2000s, so I didn't understand the terms). I wanted to be like them, and I tried to be as slender as possible, even though I was one of the skinniest in my class. I think some people noticed, but as you said when most people think of eating disorders, they think of cis-women. My anorexia went on for about a decade until I started therapy and medication. I will say it was a struggle, because during high school I rarely exercised because I didn't want to build muscles. I kept believing that femininity was this rigid ideal when it's so much more diverse than that. And although I believed I recovered from anorexia; I do fall into at times when I'm having depressive episodes.
Thank you so much for your candidness and beautiful insight. I so relate to this (obviously wasn't/am not in your exact situation! Not non-binary myself and don't want to claim to have that experience), but that feeling of wanting to be as slender as possible in order to meet that ridiculous ideal that the patriarchy has created for feminine people. That intense desire to make yourself smaller is something that's plagued me since I was probably 8 or 9, and it's still happening. The good news is it's less intense than it's ever been. I hope that you're feeling a lot more comfortable within yourself these days overall and that things only continue to become easier and more peaceful :) That said, I completely understand things bubbling to the surface from time to time, and that's absolutely normal. We can only navigate this wacky world one day at a time, and I'm wishing you the absolute best in your journey :) All the very best :) 💛💛💛💛 ~Boone
I have not manifested my ED either physically or behaviorally, but it lurks. I lost 100 pounds of male pattern fat before starting HRT by very carefully controlling my diet, losing the weight in less than a year, 100% diet, no exercise. The desire to lose the weight and be smaller set up unrealistic goals and fears. I sometimes feel myself slipping towards a precipice.
That's a terrifying feeling, and I'm so sorry you experience it. I hope and believe that you will get to a place where you feel more at peace. All of these unrealistic desires and compulsions are so unfair and are an awful product of patriarchy. I am sending you all the love!!! 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 Another trans youtube creator I follow says "trans bodies are beautiful bodies". Hearing this has really helped; I'm not cis, will never be cis, I'm my own thing. Besides, passing is contrary to visibility, and it's so rewarding to fuck with peoples gender expectations!
Thank you for this video. Something I'm really struggling with is I have a pretty burly torso and I hate it. I want to be smaller. I know I can't. I hate it. I was a cage fighter too so I have a lot of muscle I wish wasn't there. I don't know what to do. Idk. Maybe I will never be feminine. 😢
This struggle is so hard, and I certainly won't claim to be able to fully understand your situation, but I offer my love and support. For what it's worth, I know many, many very buff, broad-shouldered cis women whom I very much admire. Muscle is beautiful, and I hope and believe that with time, you will learn to love and embrace all parts of yourself, but I know it can be very hard. It's taken quite a long time, but some of the things I used to despise about myself, I now love very much. It's a journey, and I'm sending love 💛
(ignore the Mr in username, gender = unknown currently lmao) Related a lot to this video with what im currently going through so here is just my own experience with it: For most of my life, I just ate way too much and didn't exercise at all because i just didn't care about my body, i knew it was bad for my health and that I should be more healthy but whenever I tried I just couldn't get the motivation to improve anything about it. so I became overweight, and felt like that would never change. Then about 4-5 months ago I suddenly realized "oh fuck, might be trans" and that basically consumed my life, have been trying to figure that out which is a lot harder than I expected :P but as a side effect of that, I became a lot more aware of my own body and I realized just how much I hated it, not just the masculine aspects but just everything, so I started trying to improve so that hopefully if I lost all the weight I had gained over the years that maybe it would make it easier for me to figure out how I feel about my body. so I started eating less, started exercising more. but it wasn't enough, and when my mental health got so low that I didn't have the motivation to exercise, I started eating even less and less, because if I'm not losing it through exercise I needed to lose it through some other way. so my diet basically flipped entirely, from just eating too much stuff, to just barely eating anything at all. currently, I have lost 20kg, not close to being done, and I know it isn't healthy to basically starve myself as much as possible just to lose weight. but I just feel so trapped, trapped by this literal weight which feels like it is preventing me from figuring out how I truly feel about my body because anytime I look at it I just feel so god damn ugly which makes it feel impossible that I could ever be the version of myself that I think I would want to be. and it is preventing me from being comfortable experimenting with stuff because I know no matter what I do that I won't like how I look. probably way too personal :P but just felt like sharing my experience with it since it mostly has just been inside of my own head and needed to get it out somewhere. Your videos have helped me a ton just trying to figure all this trans stuff out, so thank you for that.
Not way too personal. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I am not going to pretend to know what it's like to go through what you're going through, and I really really hope that you either have or can get in touch with a professional, because I think that would be very very beneficial. Our relationships with our bodies are so personal and so challenging often times. It's impossible to see ourselves without our own biases and prejudices that have been born out of everything we've ever witnessed in the world. I hope you know that no matter what your body looks like, you are beautiful and worthy of love and appreciation. I wish I could offer more specific guidance, but unfortunately, I don't have enough authority on this topic, to feel comfortable. I wish you the very best in moving forward, and I hope you have/find good help. Lots of love 💛 ~Boone
This is so familiar to me! I even had the sick thought: "if I get fat enough I won't be able to see my junk". I really hated myself and didn't care if I let myself go, or died.
Thank u so much for making this video Boone, ive also struggled with anorexia for a long time as a trans girl because i feel like i cant be comfortable in my skin unless i get so much smaller and thinner. Everything u said rang really true for me. Im glad ur doing better since back then & i wish u all the best things !!! 🖤
Boone ... very interesting video! I can sympathize with your issues, having struggled with alcoholism and addiction in my life ... but the food thing is so hard, since one HAS to eat, so one can't "one day at a time" it! Glad to hear that you have come to a place where you have some control on it.
VERY good point, Brendan!! And thank you for being so generous to share that personal tidbit!!! We DO have to eat food, so finding a healthy relationship with food is imperative but so so difficult
Thank you so much! you’re actually doing important stuff here - there’s not enough people talking about how societal / psychological issues intersect with being trans. Honestly, I’m trans as well and eating disorders have plagued me all my life, and I always struggled to find an examination these two things where they aren’t treated entirely independent from each other. It’s always treated like ED and transness would never have anything to do with each other (cuz I guess trans people weren’t rly allowed in the public eye for the last centuries of psychological research). So yeh, thanks:)
Ay that last point is very true!!!!!! Trans people are still largely not acknowledged or thought of. I'm really glad you appreciate this video, and I'm so grateful you took the time to write this lovely comment. All the best!!!
~Boone :) 💛
I wish you all the absolute very best with what you're going through as well 💛
As someone who is Tran Non-binary, & mostly fem presenting it can really relate to what you said about needing to be small & thin. I know i deal with this struggle all the time, & despite having very little fat on my body, there is ALWAYS the feeling of wanting to be smaller & thinner. So i over exercise, like heaps & it not good. But hearing you talk about this has been very helpful to me, so thanks Boone!
It can be such a challenging, compulsive feeling to deal with it, but all we can ever do is to try and put our well-being at priority as much as possible. One day at a time :)
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles. I'm so so so glad that my rambling can help in some way. I'm wishing you all the best!!!! 💛💛
So very true !
Thanks for this video! My eating disorder started fairly young when I was in grade-school, and it started out as restriction from school food; but also, as an artist I would draw women from magazines, and I think I subconsciously I knew I was more feminine (non-binary), (but this was in the early 2000s, so I didn't understand the terms). I wanted to be like them, and I tried to be as slender as possible, even though I was one of the skinniest in my class. I think some people noticed, but as you said when most people think of eating disorders, they think of cis-women. My anorexia went on for about a decade until I started therapy and medication. I will say it was a struggle, because during high school I rarely exercised because I didn't want to build muscles. I kept believing that femininity was this rigid ideal when it's so much more diverse than that. And although I believed I recovered from anorexia; I do fall into at times when I'm having depressive episodes.
Thank you so much for your candidness and beautiful insight. I so relate to this (obviously wasn't/am not in your exact situation! Not non-binary myself and don't want to claim to have that experience), but that feeling of wanting to be as slender as possible in order to meet that ridiculous ideal that the patriarchy has created for feminine people. That intense desire to make yourself smaller is something that's plagued me since I was probably 8 or 9, and it's still happening. The good news is it's less intense than it's ever been. I hope that you're feeling a lot more comfortable within yourself these days overall and that things only continue to become easier and more peaceful :) That said, I completely understand things bubbling to the surface from time to time, and that's absolutely normal. We can only navigate this wacky world one day at a time, and I'm wishing you the absolute best in your journey :)
All the very best :) 💛💛💛💛
~Boone
I have not manifested my ED either physically or behaviorally, but it lurks. I lost 100 pounds of male pattern fat before starting HRT by very carefully controlling my diet, losing the weight in less than a year, 100% diet, no exercise. The desire to lose the weight and be smaller set up unrealistic goals and fears. I sometimes feel myself slipping towards a precipice.
That's a terrifying feeling, and I'm so sorry you experience it. I hope and believe that you will get to a place where you feel more at peace. All of these unrealistic desires and compulsions are so unfair and are an awful product of patriarchy. I am sending you all the love!!! 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 Another trans youtube creator I follow says "trans bodies are beautiful bodies". Hearing this has really helped; I'm not cis, will never be cis, I'm my own thing. Besides, passing is contrary to visibility, and it's so rewarding to fuck with peoples gender expectations!
Thank you for this video. Something I'm really struggling with is I have a pretty burly torso and I hate it. I want to be smaller. I know I can't. I hate it. I was a cage fighter too so I have a lot of muscle I wish wasn't there. I don't know what to do. Idk. Maybe I will never be feminine. 😢
This struggle is so hard, and I certainly won't claim to be able to fully understand your situation, but I offer my love and support. For what it's worth, I know many, many very buff, broad-shouldered cis women whom I very much admire. Muscle is beautiful, and I hope and believe that with time, you will learn to love and embrace all parts of yourself, but I know it can be very hard. It's taken quite a long time, but some of the things I used to despise about myself, I now love very much. It's a journey, and I'm sending love 💛
(ignore the Mr in username, gender = unknown currently lmao)
Related a lot to this video with what im currently going through so here is just my own experience with it:
For most of my life, I just ate way too much and didn't exercise at all because i just didn't care about my body, i knew it was bad for my health and that I should be more healthy but whenever I tried I just couldn't get the motivation to improve anything about it. so I became overweight, and felt like that would never change.
Then about 4-5 months ago I suddenly realized "oh fuck, might be trans" and that basically consumed my life, have been trying to figure that out which is a lot harder than I expected :P but as a side effect of that, I became a lot more aware of my own body and I realized just how much I hated it, not just the masculine aspects but just everything, so I started trying to improve so that hopefully if I lost all the weight I had gained over the years that maybe it would make it easier for me to figure out how I feel about my body.
so I started eating less, started exercising more. but it wasn't enough, and when my mental health got so low that I didn't have the motivation to exercise, I started eating even less and less, because if I'm not losing it through exercise I needed to lose it through some other way. so my diet basically flipped entirely, from just eating too much stuff, to just barely eating anything at all.
currently, I have lost 20kg, not close to being done, and I know it isn't healthy to basically starve myself as much as possible just to lose weight. but I just feel so trapped, trapped by this literal weight which feels like it is preventing me from figuring out how I truly feel about my body because anytime I look at it I just feel so god damn ugly which makes it feel impossible that I could ever be the version of myself that I think I would want to be. and it is preventing me from being comfortable experimenting with stuff because I know no matter what I do that I won't like how I look.
probably way too personal :P but just felt like sharing my experience with it since it mostly has just been inside of my own head and needed to get it out somewhere. Your videos have helped me a ton just trying to figure all this trans stuff out, so thank you for that.
Not way too personal. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I am not going to pretend to know what it's like to go through what you're going through, and I really really hope that you either have or can get in touch with a professional, because I think that would be very very beneficial. Our relationships with our bodies are so personal and so challenging often times. It's impossible to see ourselves without our own biases and prejudices that have been born out of everything we've ever witnessed in the world. I hope you know that no matter what your body looks like, you are beautiful and worthy of love and appreciation. I wish I could offer more specific guidance, but unfortunately, I don't have enough authority on this topic, to feel comfortable. I wish you the very best in moving forward, and I hope you have/find good help. Lots of love 💛
~Boone
This is so familiar to me! I even had the sick thought: "if I get fat enough I won't be able to see my junk". I really hated myself and didn't care if I let myself go, or died.
bon chance