Narcissistic Relationships | Hidden Signs
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- čas přidán 30. 04. 2024
- Learn more about the traits of narcissism here: my.medcircle.com/3OG1z5F
Narcissists behave in such a subtle way so it can be difficult to spot the signs that a friend or loved one is in a narcissistic relationship. In this eye opening discussion, narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula and MedCircle Host Kyle Kittleson break down the hidden signs someone's in a narcissistic relationship.
In this video, discover...
- What a timeline of narcissistic abuse actually looks like-how it “develops” or “changes” over time
- What happens to a person on a psychological level at 3 stages:
1. Right when the narcissistic abuse begins
2. Once the abuse becomes more consistent
3. Once the abuse becomes embedded in everyday life
- What someone can do once they recognize they are experiencing these effects
#Narcissism #Relationships #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #psychology #narcissistic #narcissist #narci
This was just one video from the MedCircle all-day Mental Health Summit.
*Claim your free seat to future MedCircle Summits here: **bit.ly/3wF6Lfg*
@@puppymonkeybaby113 I can relate to this so much. I’m sorry you went through that and thank you for sharing.
@DrRamani #DoctorRamani I am not sure if you are taking any new clients, however I would be very grateful to be one of yours. I just have to get a little bit of money first. Still waiting on the first and second and third Covid check from my husband. I mean ex-husband.
“I can see dead people. I can see survivors.” Hahahahahah so accurate 😂🙏❤️
What is the difference between narcissistic abuse and being married to someone who is incapable of emotional intimacy?
This is sooooo true
10 year marriage of this, he controlled my weight, what I ate, how I did my hair, how I dressed. I was his little puppet. Educated myself and I left him. 🙏🏾 went back to uni, law degree, good job, single mum. Happier🙌🏾
I am proud of you
@@Aquarian231990 thank you 🙏🏾
@@noroxxx2349 ❤
Wow!!!! You go girl!!
Good for you! I was just like you! I now own 3 businesses and he told me I would never make it on my own. Guess what....He was wrong! He thought I would say because of money...lol. Now I make my own money!
I am healing and beginning to survive and thrive. I just got accepted to graduate school at 53!
Keep growing!!! ❤️💪🏼❤️😊
That’s super! Thank you for existing :)
This is motivation for my 39-year-old self. Be proud ☺️
That's incredible! Good work!
Fuck yeah! Pardon my French...but, you go girl...I am in graduate school after putting it off many times before over what I think were these type of relationships...currently trying to figure out all of this narcissistic relationships effects on the self
Only 2 months free of the narcissist & he is hoovering hard. My no contact is devastating for him. I’m listening to Dr. Ramani every day to stay strong and sane. Thank you, doc. You are the GOAT.
when he happens to get hurt or ends up in the hospital, don't cave, don't go see him. He is there because it's a tactic he thinks will work. He put himself in harm's way.
@@jellybean6778that’s literally happened to me and I caved in my mother saw it however and called it out and now she used a very personal info I had told her about my parents against my mom
Ended a 14 year marriage of this, and I can say it is so much harder to realize you’re in it than you think. If you’re going through this know that there is light on the other side and you are so so loved. This relationship does not have to be a life sentence. You can get out. I love you! ❤❤❤
Thank you!!! I needed that!
Thanks!
I am in a complicated relationship with a girl. She is going through a narcissist relationship now. She loves me want to move out from his house but he is not letting her go. He is threatening her for alot of things. She is so confused and she don't feel she have enough courage to move out of that house. But she wants to. Help me out how I can get her out from there and we both can live a happy life. I know she is capable to do alot better in her life. She discussed her goals and bucket list with me. I don't think so she discussed that with him. Survivors please help me out.
Thank you
Well I'm stupid but when I see the truth I except it.
I couldn't figure out why my wife was this way until I came across a video about this subject.
When I realized they never change an even deeper depression hit me 😭
Almost 20 year with 4 kids, so I can't leave for their sake.
I don't think there's anything anyone can do.
@@danno5805brother...I have been in a marriage to my female narc wife for 25 years. I learned about covert narcissism 5 years ago and I too stayed for the kids. Living with a narc is much much different than what the clinical traits state in the DSM 5. I didnt see it till it got intolerable and I did research. Despite staying...my two oldest turned into her flying monkeys and both are narcs just like her. Nothing I did could change that bc narcissism is both genetic and social learning. They learned from watching their mother. I did everything to protect them and it didn't hepl. Btw im a therapist and if I couldn't get through to them,, I don't think most can.. Today, my oldest son at 20 is a full blown narc and I believe he's a psychopath as well. He's my wifes flying monkey and full on collaborator in crime. He's estranged from me bc of his mother's smear campaigns behind my back. My 25 year old daughter is a bit better but she married a male version of her mother, so she's taken on the narcissism as her personality. She's alienated somewhat but she treats me disrespectfully despite setting a boundaries. Shes also anti-dad bc of the smear campaigns from her mother for YEARS behind my back while STILL married to her. It's parental alienation. Brother if I wrote a book on my life experiences with growing up with narcs and marrying one, nobody would believe me. BUT, if I can survive what I've been through, so can you. Do NOT stay. Get a competent coach from CZcams for one on one sessions to help you prepare. Plan out an Eighteen month exit plan. Save $, get proof of her infidelity via a PI, coordinate everything so you file for separation the same day you move. Do not ruminate about getting half of your possessions bc they are just that. You need to save yourself and rebuild your life by yourself. No....they don't change and you can. That's the beauty of being a well functioning empathetic human being. Be well my friend. I know exactly what you are going through abd you can do it.
I am a survivor from a covert narcissist. I was married for 31 years. Since I left, I received my bachelors degree in psychology and working in a masters in clinical mental health counseling. I want to help victims become survivors from these toxic relationships. It feels so good to be free!!
Good for you 👏🏼💐😇
Help me 🙂♥️
Your real life knowledge and professional application will really help people. Thanks for sharing your story.
You're amazing! I barely survived my 8-month long stint with one... he was so well loved that many friends were extremely surprised, and some even doubted my experience when I told them about it. You're so strong to be able to give back to the community by educating others about how narcissistic abuse works.
Survivors make the best kind of therapists. Congrats.
At the beginning of any relationship we should take a quiet moment and say to ourselves...”I was Sam before I met Mark; and I’ll be Sam after he’s gone”. NEVER lose yourself in a relationship.
I’m not sleeping much, like 4 hours a night for months. The level of confusion is aggravated. Cognitive dissidence continues although I am more aware as time goes by. I saw something in my Narcissistic intimate partner that really scared me a couple of days ago. We’re in the discard stage...hard but I’ll get through this. What I saw was a black emptiness inside, behind the face. A black blank nothingness that seemed real. I’m an empath and want to hear if anyone else has experienced something like this
@@diannelynn2243 I just experienced this yesterday and it was terrifying. Luckily I was with my neighbor/close friend when I saw him this final time and it felt like he wanted to hurt me or wanted me to get it through my head for one final time that I was to blame or this horrible disgusting person. He was almost unrecognizable.
And how does one do this when the narcissist is our parent? How does one assume that “self control” when the abuse is something that has always been and is the only normal a person knows. Narcissistic abusers are not just romantic relationships. Some of us have been groomed since birth by one or more narcissistic parents/caregivers.
I know your comment was well intentioned but it is actually a comment that blames the target rather than empowering them. It’s a “hindsight” lesson than CAN be helpful but also not functional as a blanket statement because it assumes that the person has a healthy emotional state to begin with and most targets of narcissists are survivors of trauma (either from narcissistic abuse or other traumatic events) which makes them vulnerable to narcissistic relationships to begin with.
😍😍😍
@@diannelynn2243 I am so sorry you're going through this. Hand in there. Your partner may well have allied himself with a dark being because they didn't think they had the strength to survive. Doesn't excuse it and is definitely something to look out for and be aware of.
On a side note, in case you want to look into it more, the spelling is cognitive dissonance.
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them. That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves. Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
My sacral screamed my entire being shut down within a year and then 2 years of SA because he said he was allotted to my body 1 week after a c section
Can't trust your gut if you grew up with narcissistic parent(s).
Just got out of a narcissistic relationship of 10 years this March. The worst thing she ever did which I only discovered last month. She told me she was pregnant (knowing how much I've wanted to be a father). She told me not to tell anybody about it until after the first trimester. Because I know it's a common thing I said nothing. When it came close to the first trimester being over, my foreman on my worksite saw me smiling to myself and asked me what I was smiling about. I hesitated and finally just said, "I'm gonna be a dad." I went home and told my wife that I'd told my foreman. I didn't think it was a problem, because he had no relation to anything in our personal lives. She got angry and said I shouldn't have said anything. Her specific words were, "What if you told someone and now something happens?" I said, "Why would something happen? It's not just gonna go wrong because I said something." The very next day she called me crying frantically that her stomach was hurting and she was bleeding everywhere and she was at the hospital. Immediately I left work and drove as fast as I could to the hospital. I should've noticed back then, but when I had arrived she wasn't crying nor did she even appear to have been crying before. Later on she said to me, "You weren't as sad about losing that baby as I was." Looking back at the situation I realize, I don't believe that she was ever even pregnant at all. That kind of stuff breaks your heart. For four years I mourned over a child that never existed.
These things do happen… I’m sorry but yes she probably never was pregnant 😣
That is heartless and cruel. I'm so sorry...
I experienced the flip side of that... My husband (a narcissist) cheated and abandoned me with a newborn baby and a child I've had to raise completely by myself no partner to help. Almost no help from family.
@@vhayashi7369 I pray that God sends the right people to support you and your children. These narcissists out here be narcing! Stay strong, sister!
My heart goes out to you and your recovery. No wonder we lose faith in humanity.........
Omg that is f'ed up🤬
I put Mayo on my sandwich for the first time in almost 20 years! I’m remembering who I used to be
Aww ♥️
You can do it ♥️
Forget what lays behind.
P31Woman was a very decisive woman
Her wise husband trusted in her.
Some men choose not to recognize her worth
They are blind by choice.
I'm a survivor and thriving...GLORY
Wow blessings ❤️
I bought a gallon of whole vitamin D milk poured myself a tall glass and enjoyed every drop!
It doesn’t surprise me that growing up with narcissists would lead me into three or four relationships with narcissists. You end up fighting for validation of even the simplest things and it never arrives.
Did either of you ever learn self-validation or is it always going to be a huge struggle?
...fighting for validation - wow, well said...that hit me hard because I can totally relate.
@@Ranzo24 I think no matter how self-assured you may be with regard to who you are, what you think, or how you feel, if you attract people who would rather erode your sense of self worth than provide a healthy exchange of validation and consideration, you’ll end up the dysfunctional upset mess they want you to be. For those types of people, they care more about their ego than you or the quality of your relationship with them. People who challenge you to be the best you, with sincerity, will want you accountable for your part in a conflict with them but will also take responsibility for theirs. True narcissists won’t do that ever - I’ve never known one to spend any introspective time, to offer an apology, to admit to any flaws within themselves, or to care how you feel before, during, or after an argument. They are masters of proving how little they care about you. You will always feel attacked in some way because that’s how they want you to feel - less than. In order to heal yourself from the damage they cause, you’ll need to focus on you for awhile and if you can, surround yourself with people who will build you back up from the damage they caused. What I said above only applies to closer relationships. Sometimes someone can have the appearance of being a narcissist when in fact, they simply don’t value you as someone they need or want in their life. How to spot someone with NPD: You’ve known them for years but despite expressing how they’ve made you feel (badly), they’ve never sincerely apologized or shown you a non-verbal apology. They also make baseless accusations (not speculations) as deflection. They want you to feel bad about good qualities you have.
@@MDNightz Unfortunately that description in the last part of your paragraph sounds exactly like what my mother does to me. Ouch. What really gets me is that I have a relationship with God & a big part of that is because of her, because she believes in him & has taught me a lot. She keeps the word close & is very good at pointing out wrong in many people's doings/ behaviors. She's deeper than the average mom or person in a way, I'd say. Yet when it comes to her being in the wrong she either deflects until it drives me insane or sometimes I'll even hit a nerve from pointing something out very clearly about how she's behaving & she'll react in anger. It's all very strange & I hate it so very much. I have expressed to her how I feel as clearly as possible in different ways, & I've tried just about everything with her to get my point across & to try & help her to be better. For our relationship to be better. But no matter what, she always ends up behaving the same way over & over again. All while claiming to know God herself & fearing him, but blaming everything on me & then telling me that I do just that.. It is truly insanity.
Yesssss. Carrot caarrot they hold a shiny validation illusion out ahead, if we just lose more of who we are, diminish ourselves, are they happy now? Nope, never will give an ok, you are validated.
Survived 26 years with a narcissist and I felt like Dr. Ramani was describing my marriage. I've been in a wonderful relationship with a good man for 3.5 years, have the best job with the highest pay I've ever had, and am happier than ever. It hasn't been all roses since leaving, but my life has been immeasurably better in every way.
I am happy to hear that there is a chance to build a healthy relationship after those experiences.
gives us hope - well done
I survived narcissistic parents, major damage was done by my mother as I was the eldest sibling and the only daughter. made it out of home by 16, but had to go no contact in my mid twenties after a major depression episode that nearly killed me, during which I had to stay at my parents where my mom's abuse hit its darkest and I was encouraged regularly to suicide. it took me 28 years to be able to date, and in despite of all the knowledge and awareness I gained through therapy and self learning, I landed a covert narcissist (just like my dad), I recognized his behaviors early on but doubted my judgment, but after our first anniversary I ended the relationship. now i'm 30, part of me is grateful for overcoming the both experiences, and the other part is so bitter and sad for my lost 20's. I feel like I'm starting my 30's building everything from scratch, but I hope that this decade I will do better.
Similar - in 30s, regret lost 20s
You are now preparing for an incredible future
That is great 👍 I am 60 and just getting it
30’s is still young, some don’t figure it out in a lifetime
You still have time. Get therapy. Change yourself first.
If googling keeps giving you narcissistic abuse explanations for what's happening to you, don't waste years of your life trying to convince yourself that the person isn't really a narcissist. Listen to your intuition and do not be fooled by these broken, toxic, unhealthy people. You will break your own heart trying to help them.
Agreed!
Facts. I couldn’t accept that I was with a real narcissist because it seemed like something other ppl went through for whatever reason but not me - how in the hell did I get into this?? And so it kept me behind the research even though deep down I realized this is exactly what I was in. Got to the point that because my love was gone, I was able to really pay attention to his interaction with his children, his mom, me - without the cloud… and said wow I gotta get out. And I did
Absolutely!
@port nut A personality is not properly forged without hardship. positive disintegration. Too different from the unforged, too different from people who have become real individuals. The key to being in union is to not have a sense of self and that is the paradox we must suffer in. We left the herd, we saw, and now we must stand alone. A companionship out here is a rarity. Banished from the Garden
When she gave the example of the cat on a blanket and said “oh, I can go back to school!” It brought tears to my eyes. 18 years of narcissistic abuse and now I’m free… and will be graduating from college in 82 days 🥳
Congratulations You! Here is a cheer to a good life! You put in the effort. May you be blessed and enjoy all that is good and beautiful and healthy in this rich and awesome world!
Congratulations
Congratulations 🎊🎈
Congratulations!!!!
Congratulations!🎉
I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I felt like I had forgotten who I was. Now I know myself better than before. I went on to graduate from nursing school with honors and actually figured out that I am good at painting and drawing which is now my favorite hobby! These videos is what helped me to heal. When I started watching these CZcams videos it was like a light bulb went off in my head and I finally understood that I wasn’t the failure he made me out to be and that I never would have been able to do anything right in his eyes. Knowledge really is power.
Omg. Been in my situation for 23 years. Went to nursing school and have failed my Nclex test twice. Everytime that I'm scheduled to take my test he does things to distract me. Praying I can get out of this before the next time that I take my test.. I'm so happy for you!
I left my narcissist husband a few months ago. We were married for eight years. It seems I even forgot how to be happy. I am glad I got the strength to leave. His words were terrible. He told me I can never get anyone better than him. Now, I am healing, beginning to rediscover myself again and I am also enjoying life with my three daughters.
Yep, mine said that ALL MEN ARE LIKE HIM! I was ALWAYS wrong.
I spent 24 years under my father’s thumb, and then 13 years in a relationship with someone like this.
I’ve been a survivor for two days.
2 months ago you were a survivor for two days . I hope that now you are a survivor for two months . I am praying for you .I pray that you are safe and well and happy .
@@lucyt-c8092 omg, you’re so sweet! And yes, I’m done with all that now haha I don’t know about happy, but I’m at peace within myself.
Thank you, kind stranger!
So glad to hear you've gotten out! Praying you find joy as well as peace. It took me awhile to find joy.
Congrats! I hope you’re still surviving and thriving!
yo ubeen a survivor from before, keep the head up and the sight to the front! im proud of you!
Dysphoria, aka I walk around like a zombie. No joy and no self value. Strangely until I learned this was a thing, I thought it was normal and I was a mentally ill person... always diagnosed as "depressed" . NO MORE!
God bless you Dale, get out and get therapy right away and be very selective about who you surround yourself, choose loving caring environments
@@jennifercarleton7550 thanks I have been in therapy for ten weeks. When I described the part about walking around like a zombie. That was when I was in the narc relationshipS. I no longer feel that way.
@@daleswain9520 Okay honey, good for you! Wish I would have went, but you also need a specialist in this area, and I didn't know WHAT was going on, only that it was systemic abuse and I was exhausted and depressed to the core of my being after 10 years, it's been 12 years since we broke up and I'm still reeling from the effects of co-parenting with him. He hasn't changed in 25 years! I never understood how a person could not learn a lesson until I began studying this in the last few months and found out that this person became warped somewhere in their childhood and they have a false self that is designed to ensnare victims, and a cruel inner core that needs to destroy you to feel good about themselves. Good luck, sending you LOTS OF LOVE & ENCOURAGEMENT!!!
I’m dealing with an overt violent very obvious narc age 26 it’s my own estranged son. It occurs to me often as I look at videos and comments: the covert narc is much worse. It’s subtle. The flying monkeys and sympathizers are abundant. The clever covert narc will always be able to play the victim. My son repeatedly batters women and then still tries to play the victim. All narcs are excellent at “crazy making”. This is what narcs do. My son does it too, arguing arguing on and on. but he’s so violent so obvious. He’s the crazy one. Very shameless about it. Losing his temper screaming crying yelling in public frequently. My son is the super super overt obvious controlling arrogant bully. textbook narc. He’s on the far end of the spectrum. Learn about the spectrum. And come to understand that everyone experiences moments of narcissism. Everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum. Disorder. Remember that word. Ppl with NPD have a disorder/ meaning that dysfunction & disorder occurs in their life. When somebody shows you who they really are? Believe them. Don’t forgive or give 2nd chances to ppl. I think when u meet and/or deal with a disordered. narc you’ll see signs in the beginning. Get weird feelings. Notice odd things. Good luck always.
You could be a narc magnet. I was in my life for sure. I raised up a little baby narc. My son. Whatever happened betwixt you and the narc you met? It was a valuable learning experience. Choose your partners in life wisely. But don’t be so hyper aware that you dismiss everyone as a narc. Great ppl successful confident ppl can be high on the spectrum. Also learn about OCEAN. It’s the way doctors measure personality traits in a general way. A in ocean stands for agreeability. An important trait in a healthy well balanced personality. Narcs are always lacking in this trait. Always.
I am a survivor. I am surviving, healing, growing, and using radical acceptance. I love myself, and am worthy of healthy friendships and relationships. So Do YOU!!!
I had to pause it to cry. She was kind of reading my life.
I'm a survivor and I'm thriving. I remember when there was no hope, but I found it and am living in it. Hang in there if you're not there yet.
Thank you for those inspiring words.
It really does get worse before it gets better, but it’s a beautiful journey of self discovery
I’m really trying to survive the effects of my ex fiancé’s abuse. It’s very difficult because I’m still in love with her.
I spent 8 months trying to figure out what had happened when I was summarily dumped by a narc. Those were lonely days, but finding help on line was a lifeline, and helped me make good decisions. Thanks for your post.
Word! 💗
The fact that she just literally explain my whole relationship in 20 minutes is heartbreaking 💔
I hear ya xxxx
It is heartbreaking, but it doesn’t have to be your long term future
I know right? 🤦🏻♀️😔
I feel u
I'm cring right now. I wonder if you made it out?
Experienced 28 years of living with a narcissist.Escaped three years ago and I am now very happy .
I’m surviving and thriving. Trust me there is hope. I’m now with my soulmate and life is great
I am a survivor! I was married to a narcissist for 20 years. I was financially dependent on him, as he talked me into retiring. The final straw was 5 months of the silent treatment.I packed up, took my dog and cat and moved in with my daughter and her family. Now 6months later I am working full time, I just got my own apartment.and am beginning to recognize that person in the mirror again.
Same here, sending you a hug.x
So proud of u babe
The silent treatment...I can relate to that as well. I am currently sitting at one month of a silent treatment (and many others previously) and it hurts so much. For me, not having closure is very painful.
Oh my goodness 💓 you did it!! I'm so happy for you.
It often seems to fall into the silent treatment. That's where my 20 year marriage ended too, but it is also where it began. Just a matter of degree. I too am myself again - took me 3 years to get here, but I am thoroughly enjoying myself. I look at the possibilities now, rather than the impediments. Good luck to you. :)
The tears started flowing uncontrollably the second she said survivors can spot each other. I had a moment while out at the bar with my narcissist partner (we weren’t fighting and to anyone else would look like we were having a great time) and from across the room another woman gave me the “eye.” That look of just telling me she knows or can just tell and I’m not alone. I just smiled and nodded but I know she heard my every thought responding “thank you, I’m working on my exit plan”
This comment just brought me back to tanking in a tennis tournament (doubles) because my opponent was verbally abusing his wife (tennis partner). It never occurred to me before WHY I tanked. I just lost my sh@& watching it happen and couldn't snap out of it! I have always thought it was mental weakness, or lack of temper control on my part, but now I know it just triggered me and kicked off the PTSD and fight or flight response. I was so LIVID I could hardly see straight.
PS She wouldn't even make eye contact with me. 😢
Me, too.
Wish you all the courage you need for your „exit“ 💪🏽
love your story
I was born to two very traumatized narcissists who themselves grew up in highly narcissistic environments. I have experienced so much that putting them into words overwhelms me. But I have made it out of home and am continuing to get the mental health care that I need. I am experiencing many liberating experiences for the first time in close to 3 decades. Building my personality from scratch. I identify toxic behaviours within seconds. It was a bloody battle swarmed with lots of darkness and void to get to the this point and I continue to face many issues but now I am confident that I will be able to survive anything that the world can throw at me. Nothing surprises me anymore, in a good way.
i can relate
I can relate with you. You are amazing and strong. As a super sensitive person l, I developed coping mechanism… but I also developed unhealthy relationships. I feel for my parents as they were born into trauma. It is what it is. Not too much really surprises me. It’s never too late to break the cycle though.
Same here. It makes it difficult when severing ties. But for the first time, I feel free.
The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way. You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives. Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Dr Ramani should be awarded by the president of United States of America
Can someone please give this woman the Nobel Peace Prize for hacking the absurdity of narcissism and narcissistic abuse!
PERIOD
AGREE TOTALLY♥️♥️♥️♥️Thank you for everything, Dr. Ramini!!
My sincere wish is a major movie is made about people who are going through narcissistic abuse and it’s stated they’re specifically going through narcissistic abuse. It would be great if Dr. Ramani has a cameo appearance speaking what narcissistic abuse is, like when she did that Ted Talk about narcissism.
Narcissistic awareness really needs to be brought to the masses. Narcissists are able to thrive and abuse people in secret because the public doesn’t know how to recognize the signs.
Presidents are most likely to be narcissists. So that would be ironic!
Im a survivor/ thriver!. 37 years in a emotionally abusive marriage. Um 60 years old. My life truly began 3 years ago!
Congratulations for reclaiming your own life! You sure deserve a life of your own!
Good FOR YOU!!!!! Keep Moving Forward!!!!!
Congratulations I'm 62 thank God we are free keep moving forward and I will do the same
good for you! I'm 60 and went back to school too. I'm not concerned what my hubby complains about anymore. But I'm thinking this relationship is done after 39 years of marriage.
It’s so encouraging to read all these comments. I’m 62 and trying to leave an emotionally abusive marriage. It’s hard as my husband is taking on the role of the victim and playing on my emotions to try to win me back. I feel like I’ve totally lost myself in the relationship. Leaving is going to be the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced, but I’m determined to succeed and reclaim myself.
I am a survivor. I made it out after a 20 year marriage. It took the strength of my chronically ill son to make me see it and we got out late one night after the police were called. Unfortunately, we had a detour while living with my narc father and narc step mother while I got us back on our feet. It was at their urging and snide comments saying I needing mental help that I started seeing a therapist. I described my whole life and she is the one that introduced me to the idea of narcissistic traits. After reading many books and working with my therapist, I feel I am slowly starting to heal. Do I still cry a lot? You bet. Do I still feel lonely? You bet. Do I feel safe now? More safe than I have felt in years. But there are victories. I have full legal and physical custody of our son (that was easy once I took his offer to wave child support in exchange for custody) I have our pets, I have a beautiful apartment and have made some really great friends. BONUS: In about 28 hours the ex is moving across the country!
STILL I RISE!
After 3 yrs of the mental anguish from this type of a relationship I walked away. I realized now how mentally exhausting it was daily. I was in defense mode all the time. My best was never good enough. “ I was not enough “. 2 months out of this relationship and still recovering . Thanks to these insightful videos ❤️ it’s one day at a time… life is slowly getting back on track. Thank you Dr . you are a jewel ☺️
❤
Looking back, I can see that the abuse started on our wedding day. I got free of a 21 year marriage but never knew there was a name for the abuse, or what a narcissist was. I stayed up nights, coming up with a plan. I left, and I can't say that living alone was easy, but it's way better than staring at that angry little face!
Now I own my own farm, am about to retire, have lovely friends and gratifying hobbies. You can do this.
Stay strong.
I am happy you are doing fine, but it is heartbreaking to read all the stories here, such as yours... How much time and energy it can cost... :(
Aww I’m so glad that you are happy with yourself! I’m working towards that! You sound really nice, so happy your no longer having to look at that angry face. Take care and I wish you well!
Damn this is inspiring! There might actually be life after a narcisstic abuse!
Thank you Barb! We can do this!
On your wedding day?? Wow, I'm so sorry
I'm a survivor! Left my marriage of 33 years, went back to school at the age of 56, became an Addiction Counselor working for Inyo County, and married the nicest man I've ever met. Surviving is thriving! ❤️
Wow your story gives me hope
Congrats you deserve the best🎉
good for you!!!!!
Seeing this gave me so much hope! Thank u for being brave
Gives me hope. Bravo! So amazing!
“Far over reaching sadness that is in every corner of life” sums it all up.😢😢
I'm a survivor! I have narcissist parents and a narcissist ex boyfriend. I'm trying to fight my depression and trying to live my life fully again. I hope I can thrive and be the best version of myself 💜
Spent 8 years in an abusive relationship followed by one year in another. The major takeaway here: do not confide in your new partner about the past abuse until you know them very very very well!
I know what you mean, because they will use everything you tell them against you, in a way that they won't give any red flags because they know what you won't tolerate anymore and will act differently than your ex did. Happened to me, I was confiding to a friend from college, at the time I didn't know what a narcissist was. Later on we ended up together. If it wasn't for this knowledge on the internet I would still be a puppet on a string. Honestly I don't think we should confide to anyone except for therapist or if you are lucky to have decent parents or siblings. 90 % people are narcissist and view us empaths as suckers that deserve to be used and abused.
A major takeaway indeed, practically did the same thing....8 year relationship followed by a 1 year friendship with a person of the same mindset.
Sooooo true!
I just told myself “good luck with that” because I say whatever I want to say and that’s my problem. I don’t need to fall so fast
10000% could not agree more!!!! Do NOT confide about past abuse or they can use the same tactics even if they aren’t very smart! I was extorted for 18 months (by a “friend”) after 8 years of custody battles with my daughters father. 18 months was threatened he would “tell my ex about my smoking” (knowing it was never around my daughter and he smoked too) anytime I told him to leave he said “I’m worried about your daughter I need to contact your ex she’s not safe with you” until my daughters father got charged with possession of child pornography March 5 2021 and he COULD NOT threaten to go to him any more, who would care what someone on trial for a charge like that says about they’re ex wife? I took back my power. I quit smoking marijuana to numb myself, even quit cigarettes and my vape. These people will use your weaknesses to control you. DO NOT confide in people please seek therapy!!!
I ended a 5 year relationship with a narcissist 6 days ago. I never thought I would be able to do it, but I did. I feel absolutely amazing.
Good for you!! ❤️🙏🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 You did the right thing. I left a few months ago and I am still healing
You did it :)
🥳 Celebrating with you for your win!
7 year marriage here! Going through the divorce and I cannot wait to be free!
@@raspberrykissable it is a much more gratifying existence!
I survived not one but three narcissists, and so can you. Thank you for a very helpful video.
Any tips for faster recovery? Thanks! 😀
I am in a complicated relationship with a girl. She is going through a narcissist relationship now. She loves me want to move out from his house but he is not letting her go. He is threatening her for alot of things. She is so confused and she don't feel she have enough courage to move out of that house. But she wants to. Help me out how I can get her out from there and we both can live a happy life. I know she is capable to do alot better in her life. She discussed her goals and bucket list with me. I don't think so she discussed that with him. Survivors please help me out.
Thank you
Surviving after a 20 year marriage to a covert narcissist followed by a childhood with a horrible narcissist of a mother. I've been free for four months - at 38, this is the first time I have lived for myself. I have a lot of work to do in myself still. But you saved my life by waking me up, Dr. Ramani.
I’m so happy for you!
I really from the bottom of my heart say Good luck to you. Continue to be strong! Start a New life. Do what you want to do. I'm happy for you!
Bravo
I‘m so happy for you!!! ❤ wish you all the best.
Shut out negativity n listen to your heart! Don’t go back
Months ago I came out of a relationship with a partner who was narcissistic. When it ended I found myself looking in the mirror and legitimately having no idea who was staring back at me. I'd completely lost my sense of self and individuality. After seeing my therapist, spending time with friends I'd lost connections with, telling the people I care about that I love them, even experiencing MORE loss, I learned the value of living. Life is too short to spend any energy on people undeserving of your love. You might feel shame or regret that you allowed yourself to give that abuser your time and you might feel like you wasted it. But you are free, and every moment apart from them is still one less moment spent ON THEM. For the first time in a long time, I walked home from a long shift at work with the biggest grin on my face. I survived.
Emma, I'm so proud of you. Congratulations for surviving, and for having the courage to escape such a relationship. I know what you have dealt with and I am sorry for your pain and the loss of who you were. But you are stronger now, and a better person for having gone through this experience, just like me and all the others here on this page. I'm proud of you and your working to find yourself again. God Bless you and keep you safe and happy. BE HAPPY and keep that beautiful smile on your face. Namaste, xxx
So well said, Emma. You have my full respect.
😳😳😳 not recognizing myself in the mirror hit me before my nine years marriage to a narcissist collapsed. It's a sure sign of abuse....
Wow, thank you for sharing, Emma! I really resonated with your post especially when you discuss looking at yourself in the mirror and not recognizing who was staring back at you! I felt the same way when I left my narcissist for the 8th and final time. Breaking free of the cognitive dissonance was so painful but it truly was worth it. It’s been a little over 2 years since I’ve left the relationship, and now I no longer feel shame or regret that I let this person waste my time. I’ve now reached a space where I can appreciate the sorrow I experienced in the relationship because it has allowed me to understand what true joy is, taught me to honour my worth, has helped me uncover my childhood history of trauma which made me susceptible to this relationship, and has helped shape me into the incredible woman I am today. I really hope everyone who has experienced one of these relationships can arrive at this space in their own time and find healing from the regret and shame.
In the words of Khalil Gibran “your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else could it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is it not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potters oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hallowed with knives?”- Joy & Sorrow, The Prophet
I thought it was only me who didn't reckonise the Face in the Mirror. .Now I DO and I ❤️ the reflection.
I am a surviving coming out of a 3 year relationship. It's tough & I find myself being withdrawn. It's slowly getting better & I'm so thankful..
The sad part is I've never related so hard with a video like this. I know I'm in a narcissistic relationship and I want to leave but I don't. And the hardest part is being afraid of what he will do if I do leave. I feel as if I'm the only one on this earth keeping him alive. And I'm the only one that can fix him. I'm confused, lost and scared. I know I need to leave. But what haven't I?
Please ,the person is not your responsibility.If you keep doing this it is bad for you and that other person also.You can’t heal them.Just go away from that person,you do love them but loving ourselves is more important ❤
I had the same feeling of fear. He made me take care of him. I was working for both cooking, cleaning…all of it. Each time I wanted to leave he would come to my workplace to spy on me when i live, he came at my house to watch me from my balcony…i was scared cuz he was telling me if i leave he commits suicide. Only long after I realize that a person feeling entitled will rather watch you do it than them. It was scary at first and I admit I ran away to a different country as I saw it as a sign of God otherwise I would have only been pulled back as he did drag me several times through guilt. It is scary cuz he makes it feel like he is dependet on you and you wanna fight and fix and try things to make it better but it wont. Even his father was acusing me…for working for his son…as if i was the problem. The moment i moved with work, he got a job right away while telling me for one year and a half that he has panick attacks and suffers from depresion…but when he had no choice, he made what was necesarry to live. I hope this relates…as your comment resonated with me. You are not alone, you have people who are supportive. Try meditation, mindfulness and therapy. God bless❤
Your fear is valid. I had the same fear too because my partner had turned explicitly violent towards the end and I was concerned for my safety. First, seek support from friends and family, and manage a place to stay with a friend or fam where your partner doesn't know the address to. Second, Drop the break up bomb, but tell your trusted friends to be nearby in case things go South. Live with friends at least for 2-3 weeks, and if possible let the people in your mutual social circle know of all this. If this person is a narcissist he will try to woo you back, but hang in there and do not give in. He will back off when he doesn't see you go back to him and people around him knowing that he is narcissist will also help.
I feel the same way. One day we will get the strength and courage to leave🙏🏾🙏🏾
He will only heal, if he is doing his Therapie on his own, you can't do it!
What I found the most serious thing in the narcissistic relationship I have been in for many years, was the brain fog. I ended up completely confused, could not concentrate, like being drunk all the time. Apart from all the other symptoms.
@Ericka Hill Yes, so very right. The constant drama and chaos. Very well expressed. Thank you.
I had a serious concussion and was not clear thinking. BUT at some point I became clearer and was convinced that I was still confused (NUTS). This went on for 4 = yrs until I realized that I was not the one who was confused. It is so easy to believe what we are told, even when we think it is not right. Then I found this website and learned the truth.
Same
They do that to make you feel stuck as if they are the only person you can relate to.It's often times feeding ones bad habit instead of encouraging them to heal!! They do it to keep a person stuck with them,because they themselves don't and won't change!.
Omg YES! I was so shocked that it was possible to experience this within a couple months and by 6 months I was completely lost and it took over a year to come to terms w what happened and slowly validation began w help and yet I still ruminate over how it got to that point and shame is still very present but I am hopeful ❤ I hope you’re doing ok
Thriver here! Got out of a 4 year relationship with an abusive narcissist. It was difficult at first but you just need to be strong in your boundaries. Now I'm in grad school, gainfully employed, married to an amazing man, and expecting my first baby. Life is good on the other side ❤️
Nice! So refreshing to see a positive story here. So happy you’re free now! We started our channel to provide similar support and guidance to people suffering in ways that can’t be seen.
Congratulations! God is great!
Proud!
This is what my grandmother would of loved to hear and see.
I think when anyone is dating, I always say don't rush into EVERYTHING take your time and learn each others habits. Once you know this is it then hopefully you are on the road to positivity. X
Congratulations!! 🥳🙏🏽
So happy to hear happy stories like this!
THANK YOU! I'm struggling at the beginning stages of waking up to this and your insights are a godsend!
❤❤❤❤❤❤me too
You will make it ✨
Me too 🌻💖
Yes, I am a survivor of over 30yrs. He always tried to make me feel that I was crazy, stupid, and many other things. It has taken me 12yrs to start to regain some self-esteem, and courage, be a little more confident, be able to set boundaries, put up walls to protect myself, and be able to stand up for myself. I had started drinking which escalated fast to numb my emotional pain, I can say that I am gratefully 11yrs sober now.
I'm a survivor and my greatest weapon is learning about the psychology of a narcissist on this channel and a few others. Never have I spent so much time on youtube until I found out about narcissistic abuse. For 14 years I knew something serious was wrong, but didn't know there was a syndrome for it.
Same..
Same here!
PreciseLeigh.
Same same
Same.
I’m just now learning that what I experienced was abuse. It never occurred to me that it wasn’t normal or my fault.
Yeah, I get that for sure. It wasnt normal, and wasn't our fault. And just because we say so doesn't render us somehow weak and substandard. Many grew up in families with secret, disgustingly hidden dynamics of dysfunction. I still feel like throwing up and taking off never to be seen again. (Even though they 're dead now)
@Lisbeth Bird I feel that so much!
I did not know how badly damaged I was until I tried to get started again with life. I found it does get better with time, patience, and practice. Thank you for sharing.
Just out of a 33yr marriage, and realizing, It not all my fault.I was blamed for everything, that in cluded the weather? I was, am still paralised with fear, because Im still struggling with my heart and head. What did I do so wrong? Hes with a friend now, why is he different with her, will he be defferent with her? Is it just me
@@stephaniehoward1716 Don't freak out or get even more nervous, but, you were targeted by a "person" who 1) doesn't know you, and 2) probably gets pleasure from controlling you with b.s.
It's all about getting a reaction, and a sense of power over someone=something. Because, make no mistake, in their world, you're a thing.Shiz I don't mean to frighten anyone.
I’m coming out of a narcissistic abusive relationship now and I’m in so much pain. It’s been all I can do to focus on healing from the angry outbursts, the name calling, the gaslighting and what not….. I’m just praying that when I look back in a year that I’ll feel better.
I am in my second marriage of 8 years, with the second narcissistic husband that I am only just recently recognizing as another narcissist. This video was inspiring and has given me hope for a future beyond this abuse, by giving me information and knowledge about it. Thank you.
I'm still in the middle of this abuse... Thank you for letting me know that this is NOT all in my head !!! ❤️
Me too 😔 they make sure that it is damn near impossible to leave. 😡
Wishing you both the best🙏🏻💛
Amen!!!
same 😐😐 I am even sick right rn. I might get surgery soon.
They make you feel like you are alone. You are not! Sending hugs.
My mantra: A Dr. Ramani a day keeps the Devil away! Lol! Love her and appreciate being educated by her. I’ve been so enlightened and I keep growing!
I like this mantra lol!
She is the best! Her videos have helped me so much!
Absolutely. I agree
Fantastic mantra! LOVE IT!
Love the mantra...
I left one narcissist after 22 years of marriage, only to fall victim to another type. I needed to take the time to find me.
"Antagonist Relationship Abuse" is a much better term for it, agreed. Having been on the receiving end of it, it's absolutely more of a "fight to be heard and not hurt" than it is just "someone being narcissistic." Also, this is totally me (every symptom you mentioned). And I definitely have dysphoria, yes.
When you said “you are not alone” - I started to cry. Thank you.
❤️
You are not alone, hearing and knowing is helping me get through my new life after a very toxic relationship...Thom
Been there, life is so much better now that I’m out & away from it. Bless you, stay positive!
Bless you me too, why does it take so long ? The knowledge out there today is amazing, we need to tap into it. Listen and learn, that’s the key to moving on from these monsters.
@@wendyhannan2454 I agree ☝️ when we were growing up we didn’t have tthis information and knowledge is power . So thankful people can see this . Women are being shamed for breathing air ❤️❤️🙏🏽
I am a survivor. My Mother. All three husbands. Surrounded by with narcissistic fiends. I thought I was the crazy one. Always hgh achieving but feeling like a failure. Therapist kept telling me crazy people didn't think they were crazy but never tried to uncover why I felt this way. A true friend was telling me about narcissistic behavior and I found DR Ramani! What an eye opening, educational, self evaluating past year I've had! I'm a 65 year old survivor and no longer think I'm crazy. And working on fixing decades of mental damage. Thank you. You are correct, it is very isolating and not understood by others.
I am soon to be 65 and can relate ...
I am so happy you finally found yoyr way through. Love & light to you💖
❤️
@Kathleen
This too shall pass. I am surviving.
Kathleen, I am 65 also and a Survivor of a Narcissist and a sexually abused split personality parent's. I moved into my adulthood and had 3 long term narcissistic relationships before I worked out exactly what was going on. I had no self esteem, no belief that I was good for anything, or deserved anything. I'm learning that I am actually very valuable, and valued by understanding friends and people who love and care about others just for who they are. You are courageous and intelligent, and you are strong and valuable in this world. I'm proud of you and encourage you to take care of yourself and make sure you have happy moments every day. Life gets better when you learn to value yourself and no longer accept the abuse of others. God Bless honey, and stay well. xxx
I'm a survivor and, just like Dr. Ramani said, there came a point when I looked around and realized I was surrounded by narcissistic people and enablers. I was a compulsive listener, empath, helper, fixer, and sometimes I was even like a bank to these people. I was done. I had to start my life over from scratch, but I did it. Moved cities. Got a new job. Went back to school. Focusing on helping myself to develop instead of appeasing "friends" who would have been happy taking every penny and every ounce of sanity I had left. Cheers to living a new life, fellow survivors. You can do this.
This video was the hammer to the head that really got to the emotions. I have been through 26 years of everything that was addressed in this video. Thank you for validating what we have all been through.
Yesterday for the first time in 25 years I laughed, really laughed, until the tears fell down my cheeks and my diaphragm heart. It wasn't even over something that was amazingly funny.
Its such a relief to really laugh again. I thought I never would.
Nadia bowley, I know that feeling so well. Didn't laugh like that for a year and months, until few months ago...in the middle of night I just remembered something funny/silly...texted my girlfriend and laughed so hard...I couldn't believe it. The joy of knowing that in this God given life I will never again share my personal space with that demon and others I figured later....it just gives me joy😊😊😊😊😊. I am just smiling as I type this😊😊😊. I am on my 2nd year of no contact. Life is good
I'm so happy for you
@@waiting4hispromise486 thankyou😊. I pray the same for you🙏🏽
Yep, those parasites steel people's joy.
Beautiful 🥲
Married almost 40 years until I could not take it anymore. Divorced one year ago and learning how to live at 63. It is never too late. Either you have it the same way the rest of your life or you change your circumstances. I feel like my own person now. Thank you for the wonderful insights.
I am proud of you. Be encouraged by the breath you take each morning when you rise Queen. It belongs only to you! You are deserving of all great feelings, moments and experiences!!! You always were! No one can take that from you ever again. 🤗💗🙏🏼✨
I salute to you.
I’m 64. Left my Attorney Husband, almost 4 years ago. He tries to keep me in a state
of flux. I’ll never be able to Divorce. It will take a team of Attorneys, to get me away from him.
Over all, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, living out of a suitcase. Always on the move.
I’m just now processing the last 41 years. My adult children, will never understand how dangerous he is, and what he has done.
I was denied a restraining order, but they took away his concealed weapon’s permit, a year later, on the date of him injuring me. Permanently damaging my right arm.
Thank You Deputy Trish, for whisking me off to a safe place.
The Laws need to change.
There are Domestic Violence zoom meetings, with lots of support, and the woman help each other with resources.
Just keep reaching out.
God will send help your way.
These videos, give me strength, I never knew I had.
Thank You
I’m leaving a 36 year marriage at 61 and I just realized my Mom is also a narc. It makes so much sense now.
@@kathysmith7008 been our familiar space since childhood, hasn't it? Makes sense we also chose that personality in "friends" (who weren't capable of being anyone's friend), spouses, colleauges, etc. Once we wake up, we see all those in our past & some in our present. Moving forward, we'll sense new ones from a mile away 😊
I am so glad I found this web page. I now recognized that I was indeed was in a narcissistic relationship. I was considering moving on with my life but I felt since me and this person have been on and off for 40 years, there was still hope for lasting relationship. I have the courage to now move on. Thank you for the insight of a narcissistic personality.
I'm thriving 5 years later. It takes SOOO long. But it's SO worth the effort and time!
When she said, you can cook with garlic, that is me. My narc ex constantly blamed his blow ups and behaviours on his indigestion and stomach issues. I tried so many different diets and ways of cooking to reduce his angry reactions. I had been over two years without garlic when I finally left this summer.
Every clove is a celebration now.
@A it was only one of dozens of excuses for blowing up. Did he legitimately have IBS? Maybe, doesn't matter. He also blamed depression, anxiety, being hot, being cold, being tired, being hungry, having a bad day at work, having issues with his family, etc etc etc. Not to mention all the times I "made" him blow up from something trivial and innocuous that I had done. Everything was a slight.
So yeah, if garlic can represent a freedom from the abuse and from all the failed attempts on my part to reduce the abuse, then bring it on!
I love garlic!!!
For me he told me that he is elergic to perfume, and he doesent like when i where makeup... so i put perfume in the car, and try to ignore him when he talkes about my makeup...
Love it! Go You, and Looove that Garlic.
That hit me very hard, too. I've had to completely change the way I cook for 5 years. No garlic, onions, spicy food, ethnic food, beans, etc. I've lost myself.😪
This is a horrific experience that I can't even find the words to describe. Wanted to die so many times...lucky to still be here. I now exhibit some of the signs of being a narcissist myself...overly concerned with my looks..don't know still if I am the narcissist or him...makes me feel crazy.
I am a survivor. 1 year out of the relationship. And I'm moving forward in my life, slowly but surely. Finally starting the podcasts I've dreamed of for years!
YOU GO GIRL💖🌺 I LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THESE BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS AFTER SUCH TOXIC ENDINGS. KEEP GOING HUN
@@rosebud_blooming 💙
It is 1 year for me too😘😘😍😍😍
Three years out and the 20/20 insight is very important as I work with supportive counselling.
Under the control of narcissists since birth till senior I could not understand or see clearly how or why anyone would behave in such confusing and intentionally abusive ways towards someone they profess to love. Verbal and physical assault, stalking are against the law but they always have a way of claiming innocence and even that they are the victim so there is never or seldom any legal consequence to face and no justice for their victims. Narcissism is rampant and as a society we must find a way to remedy this. Currently, victims are being counselled for PTSD from narcissistic abuse, clarity on why they were victims, and how to recognize relationship red flags, build stronger boundaries, and learn to love themselves enough to never make even one act of abuse ok to overlook. However, the narcissist needs supply, will continue to hunt for more prey, and having already violated all previous partners and faced no legal consequences will yet again abuse more partners.
@@ka8990 You are brave and strong Astra. Well done. Keep going because every day forward is a day further away from all that pain and torment. You are a strong, lovely person with a heart of gold. Be Happy, because you deserve it, and make sure you take good care of yourself. You deserve a wonderful life with someone who will love you for who you are, not for what you can give up for them. I'm proud of you Astra. xxx
Thank you both for sharing this post. About 6,5 years out of the abuse, I feel it's still difficult to dare to experience joy and spontaneity, like the abuse is still going on inside of me, keeping me apart from my vulnerable self....I know I can get "there" but still have to go through some things...Thank you both for (keeping) informing and supporting all survivors💫🕊🐛💝🙏🏼💝🦋🕊💫
I am a survivor of 40 years- 2 years ago was able to access these lessons on CZcams and it has changed my life. I have chosen to stay and there are ramifications for that. The reality of needing ongoing counseling and support rings so true. Rural circumstances make that most difficult but these presentations are literally life giving and so I thank you!!
The love bombing cycle and trying to get back what you had reminds me of " chasing the dragon" trying to get back that first feeling and it never comes no matter how hard you try.
It hurts to admit that I've been chasing that for decades as well....
@@robb4cubs I'm sorry for your pain. For me personally it's in those moments of self honesty that I am able to go forward. Never easy be kind to yourself 💚
I'm a recovering addict and also recovering from narcissistic abuse and you are exactly right! Both are addictions and very hard to break.
I agree. When I was in a relationship with a narcissist it truly felt like I was fighting an addiction. It was confusing and I was constantly grieving, then feeling ecstatic and loved again which of course would only last long enough until he had my attention back and then I'd be feeling diminished and discarded and alone and crazy. Eventually I felt like I was being dragged through the mud by someone who wouldn't just let me go... It felt like a drug addiction. I literally could not stop and I felt hopeless. Truly hopeless. I eventually did put an end to it somehow. I mustered up enough strength to somehow shift my pattern of thinking and get myself out. If I hadn't figure out how to do that (which of course I don't even know how to explain now- it was almost like a miracle that I was able to pull myself out of the madness) I don't know where I'd be.
Once they take that away they never fully bring it back. The love bombing is just to hook you.
I just left my narcissistic relationship 3 days ago after 5 years. Thank you for educating me on what I've been dealing with - This too shall pass. Blessings to all the survivors out there - sending love and light to all
Thank you. We will survive this
Whitney, I am proud of you. I just left my narcissistic relationship 5 weeks ago after 4 years, we were engaged. I kept putting it off thinking something is wrong. Yes this will pass. It is strange to see men in relationships like this but the narcissist's are popping up everywhere. Good Luck and NO CONTACT if you are in a situation where that is possible.
@@Gettingitreal good for you😃❤️
Mine now 3 weeks broken up ..no contact..and we were together for 8 years. ugh......it was so textbook...
@@jambo731ditto brother. I'm in the process of leaving my 26 year marriage. Yes....im learning that there are alot of us men in marriages with covert narcissists.
I’m a survivor of a covert narcissistic mother. Got out of her house by 14 but stayed in the cycle for many years. I’m now 31yo and feeling like I’m starting my path to healing and thriving! I see you and you can do it! ❤
I had 38 years with a narcissist ...I had 5 children with him ..I i was traumatised in every way ..money , emotionally mentally and physically ...I kept telling him if he doesnt change I will leave him ...well I left him eventually it took every single ounce of strength I had.... I have many very good friend who supported me .....he almost drove me to suicide he lied and cheated to the police and in court ...he took almost everything ...he got my children to write to the police saying that I mentally and physically abused them ..3 of them did this ..the two girls didn't ..he offered the £20,000 each but they still said no ..my eldest daughter I havent seen for 4 years ...he encouraged my children to have no respect for me so I had many problems with them and still do he has damaged us all ..I try so hard to please everyone but no matter what I do it's been drove in them that I have no value ....I moved to another country where I have relatives and my parents live ...to be honest both my parents are narcissistic..and my youngest sister who has convinced my mum to put all she has on her which she has done ...I went from narcissistic parent to a narcissist husband my whole life I was surrounded by them .... closed people in my life ...I was a child when I married him 18 years old just about I wasnt allowed to leave him ...I'm free from him now but now, and again he contacts i my relatives and has my youngest sister as one of his flying monkeys ...telling everyone it's me that's at fault ...iv tried so hard to get away and move on in my mind ...the years were many and I cant move on from the trauma ...even though I show I'm ok ...sometimes I wonder why I'm even still here ...if anyone is in a new relationship with someone that criticise them or makes them feel sad and lonely run away as far as you can ...it gets worse ..the roots get stronger and you just can't run and they will crush you
Oh boy, those symptoms like rumination, depression, anxiety are not my "personality" but symptoms!
That is by the way a relief to understand. I am not my rumination, my anxiety, my depression, my sadness, my anger (I've noticed that my basic feeling is ANGER. Even when I feel "happy", I feel the hint of anger inside myself. it is not my personality, thank god!
Yeah me too. It's one strange ling trip with these folks. 💓
are you single?
Wow… thank you for helping me realize this within myself!! Sending you much love ❤️
I'm so glad that you shared this because I've felt the same way! Thank you. I'm so sorry that you've had to feel this pain.
Wow...I present with anger too. I ended up on depression meds for my consistent anger after an incident that left me in a position I was not ready to be in, and that caused me so much stress at that point in my life. I am regularly angry with my situation as I feel trapped in a relationship (if you can even call it that) that I have realised if basically non-existent. Once I took intimacy out of the equation it was apparent that the whole relationship and premise of being loved (even though he can be an ass often) was a lie. He believes he does nothing wrong, and I just expect too much. Because I get so angry at my needs not being met and lose my shit, I am labelled as abusive.
We can't have a 'conversation' in private, or public, that doesn't result in him cutting me off and talking over him because his train of thought and his opinions are always more significant and important than mine. He can't handle even the slightest criticism, whether directed at him or not. Extremely defensive.
He works a physical labour job, and I look after the 5 children, 2 of which I homeschool, one goes to primary and the other 2 are young.
He sees himself as deserving a break and being able to do things outside of us, but doesn't see me as being worthy of the same break, and his remark when I speak of the unfairness is always that I don't know how hard his job is and what I go through is nothing compared to him...invalidation of the challenges of raising the kids and anything else my day throes at me.
He expects me to help him when he needs help, but when I ask for help it either doesn't get done or can literally take months. He's always too tired to help me.
He also has terrible habits, and is lazy in the home, validating to the children that my expectations of keeping the house clean(ish) and keeping things organised is unreasonable and unfair, so I have constant struggles with the older children and I'm so worn down from parenting, constant struggles and trying to teach a man how to respect his partner that i have very little patience for anything...add sleep deprivation for the last few years with the toddler and baby and you have a seriously angry woman!!!!
I don't know how I can not get angry in this kind of situation. I'm not for one second claiming I'm perfect or don't have my own annoying problems, but this is the reality of my life. I'm too weighted down most days to feel genuinely happy.
I don't really think he's a full blown narcissist, but he definitely has many of the traits and is unwilling to work on our relationship in a way that will help it be successful and loving again, if it ever actually was on his end. He doesn't want to do couples therapy because "he's not paying someone to tell him he's doing everything wrong and he's the problem"... kinda says a bit right there... i highly doubt we will stay together once the kids are grown. Kinda sad really 🤷♀️
It's day 2 of finally getting out, I've been planning this day for about a month now. Thank you for all the work you've done with educating people like me. I was only hours away from taking my own life. I was so hopeless, helpless, and thought I was deserving of the abuse. I saw no other way out! Thank God for all the people who came into my life who kept me going so I could find out the truth of what was happening! I am forever grateful beyond words! Anyone out their going this this.... you are worth it, you are enough! Please reach out for help! Never give up!
Stay strong and live your Sunshine Haven life ⭐⭐🏆🏆🌈🌈🙏🙏😇😇💛💛👑👑🎖🎖🌷🌷
Same here sister and let the experience make us strong again to have the courage to feel the magic of living..
Stay strong , we can't give up ,,we fight for our lives ,,god bless you
I see you, I feel you, I hear you 💓💓
Thank u for the encouragement I'm stuck in this current situation and don't know how to get out without taking me and my dog to the streets to live and although it's better than living this nightmare out it is however unrealistic to think I'd b any better off out there with nothing at all. I'm so so done with this though just don't know how to get to the next level of a successful departure
The best material I have found about this subject so far. Books, studies, articles, and everything else I’ve exposed myself to are summarized here. This is GOLD. Thank you! This finally brings closure.🙏🏻
I'm a survivor! 9 years of 5+ cycles with this man, but whoa did the clarity come to light. So happy my therapist sent me your channel for self-education. This content is so valuable!
My mother remained dissonant her whole life and she died at the hands of my dad. So very sad. I've done much work, however there are many layers. It's a lifetime of unraveling. I am now 55 yrs old.
My Mum likewise. She married in the late 50s when divorce was shameful in itself. So she stayed and died , 15 years ago, quite literally of a broken heart. I only came to fully understanding myself since she died . My Father’s traits are very covert, so although I always knew something was wrong, I didn’t know what it was.
I'm 55 also and my mother did the same with my stepdad. When I turned 17 she finally left. We were homeless but she eventually found a new place. For yrs my brother the middle golden child resented our mom for us becoming homeless, but it was because of his father's narcissist abuse to our mom. Im free now. My mom is now past on. I'm learning I was with a narcissist for yrs, now I'm free to be me.
I am 65 yes old a d my Mother passed away at 61 yrs old cause she stayed in a marriage and she died of a broken heart.
My mother allowed my grown narcissist brother to live with her, and died not liking herself though she was loved and admired by many.
@@psycheread3258 OMG yesssss very similar story to mine 💔
I just wanted to tell someone walking on eggshells and always questioning how their s/o will feel before their own feelings...leave and never look back. I hope you find a healthy, loving relationship someday.
Thanks .
I enjoy these videos. As a person in the process of recovering from narcissistic abuse, the knowledge I gain from your videos helps me better understand what happened to me. It also helps me perserver through the sadness, depression frustration and come to terms with things so I can move on. Still working on things. And yes, I am training to be a life coach. I look forward to rising beyond this.
I'm definitely a survivor! Thanks SO MUCH for your Narcissist/ Sociopath videos- I've been devouring them and sharing them with my ... 8 (yes, eight) kids! And these are making a huge difference just at the time we are all ready to hear it. REALLY, thanks so much. I'm SO looking forward to living again. Just in this video it occurred to me... we could get a cat! I'm going to get a cat! My kids will be thrilled. We've had terrible pet experiences with my husband of 23 yrs and now... he's not here! And we can get a cat and treat it NICE. Love you guys!
I am a survivor, and after being so embarrassed and ashamed and felt alone for years, I finally started to share my story with other women and recently started a CZcams Channel. I am working on my Book. Finding me again after depression and suicidal thoughts is just so amazing. To anyone going through this, there is hope and power, and strength when you survive.
Congratulations on your channel and your book
Followed 😊
Congratulations for speaking your truth!!! So proud of you!! I followed you… 💜💜
Thanks for sharing this.
💕🙏✨
I am a survivor. And totally detached myself from people’s hate and cruelty. And people have noticed my new confidence and starting to say “Every time I see you, you look younger!” (At least 10 people!)
That encouragement makes me look even better! Next birthday I will be 80! I so respect myself in diet,exercise, deportment and smiles I know that I am getting there.
That is a blessing!
Way to go Fay , that's wonderful 🙏🙋♀️❤🧡
My 'Blessing' is my new attitude. No hate, no anger, no bitterness. Just be kind, respectful,and cheerful TODAY. The past is over, tomorrow is not yet.
Yes. Mine left 6 years ago for someone else. We were married over 26 years. It took me several years to come up and gain confidence. People tell me I don't look my age and that I look about 15-20 years younger than I actually am.
Proud of you
I am a 60+ year old survivor! I survived several narcissistic abusive relationships, family marriage, work. I learned some of these things on my own but it is SO good to hear Dr Ramani and Dr Les Carter talking about this topic! Their insights are excellent! I watch them over again and I learn something new each time!
I’m working on the after depression and grief. What I can say is it’s nice to be in a home where I’m no longer afraid and where more damage isn’t piling up. I watch Dr. Ramani daily. Thank you 🙏 ❤
I got out of my engagement with my partner of 4 years. He was what I felt a narcissist to the core. Talking about issues and needs not being met with him was a nightmare. He would have to see what he did wrong to understand what I was saying. He was never wrong. I would repeat the same things and talk in circles with him over and over again. It was draining. I never felt so depressed being with a person in my life. I had given so much of myself to help improve his life that I began to lose who I was and my identity. He wasn’t a malicious person. He would never wish harm on anyone. He’s give his shirt off his back. But he lived as everyone revolved around him. I’m happy it’s over. We’re trying friendship but that’s not going over very well. I’m learning that he’s never going to change. He’s never going to listen. He’ll never reflect on his own behavior.
Same here, the guy I was dating did me like this..I always had to explain that you can’t be getting angry with me for something I didn’t do, I was always trying to get him to understand why I would say/do certainly things based on his actions but he would never ask me how I’m feeling or try to understand where I’m coming from.. towards the end which was about 2 weeks ago I tried so hard to fix the misunderstanding we had but he didn’t care and didn’t want to fix it so I had to let go and he just recently blocked me so I guess that’s good🤧🙏🏽
What you said hits home
I’d amend this after further studying he’s got narcissist tendencies. Not who he was to his “Core”
@@valeriemendez3053 if you’re going through something like this. Please, get out. I did it. It’s totally worth it. I severed ties so there isn’t a place for this person to sneak back in as cloud up my resolution. You’ll feel you come back.
Just run
I am thriving!!! Just over 2 years out of at 11 year toxic relationship! I love my new life and new self. That old Jen no longer exists, however she will never forget the lessons learned!
jen brown,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Happy to hear it, your comment is inspiration 🥳🦋🙏
I am getting choked up as I watch this video. I am a survivor of a narcissistic relationship and I am thriving. Thank you for all that you do. Thank you, Medcircle
20 plus yrs in what I believe is a very severe case of narcissistic abuse. We met at 13 got married at 19, him 20. I saw red flags even then but at that age and you think to yourself they will grow it of it we can overcome all the disrespect so on and so forth. Here I am 2 boys & 20 years later... and barely now learning my worth. No one deserves to be treated this way and one of the main things pushing me to make changes is that I DO NOT WANT TO HURT PEOPLE. However, if you stay in this type of relationship IT CAN CHANGE YOU. I do not want to lose myself completely, which I now understand will happen if I do not escape this tormented way of living. Good luck to the victims who are currently going thru this as well ... be strong! 🙏
My gosh, even after understanding that she's a covert narcissist, the relationship has been the most unrewarding, depleting, mind-boggling, hurtful and draining experience of my life.
So recognizable.. I'm drained purely by his presence.. I only really relax when I'm home alone..
Oh dear.. I feel you..never guessed she was a covert..now, 3 months of being out of that, I realized she is a covert narcissist..so fragile, but attention seeking, always giving this bit, which was barely enough to keep me fighting for someone, who never existed in reality..so hard to get flashbacks now, of so many RED FLAG Situations.."love" makes you blind.. I wish you all the best 🙏🏽❤
I know the feeling quite well.
Yes, mentally, physically and emotionally draining. Pure exhaustion is how I felt. Been almost a year and I’m finally starting to recover mentally from all of it. Now we know!!
SkyHug
Just want to say I was having a down day today..and this powered me back up 💪
Hope your up and up continues. Bad days aren't forever. You've been through worse. You'll get through this xx
@@shoopydoopy9388 thank you 🙏 xx
I got through so much with insanely positive thoughts! My life is just happy! It’s easy to use down with out something to lift! Being brought down is easy, lifting takes more power!!
Exactly!
Yes stay strong! As I drove to the park with my dog I saw how happy and excited she was and I realized that I am finally happy and excited for each morning. Living without the huge weight that I had on me. Hip hip hooray! We are free!
This hit home. Finally walked into apoc the other day. Finally starting counseling wednesday. Its been 7 years and I am finally ready to get help to figure out why I have choosen to stay for 7 years old getting beat, called horrible names, cheated on, almost killed. You described it perfectly and its crazy my end goal when i get out of this is to do anything i can to make sure other people know they can get out. Thank you for your video
I am surviving - and these videos are helping me open my eyes to what has been all around me for so long. I live with regrets that I didn’t understand this sooner.
I'm in the middle of a divorce with my narcissistic husband and I feel like I'm at war. This man has cleared out and closed our bank accounts and left me and our two kids (one of our kids was diagnosed with autism) to fend for ourselves. I'm doing everything that I can to not break down or give in but he's making things damn near impossible for me right now. Please keep me and my little girls in your prayers 🙏
Update: I just found out that my oldest kid is autistic as well.
Hello Talia , I'm praying for you Talia. I too just left my narcissric husband who I was married to for eleven years. But together for almost 22 years. I've been free from him 7 days. But he has closed my checking account and discontinued my phone service. I have three children by him. It's been so hard trying to believe that things will turn around for the good but I keep pushing forward because of my children. We are survivors and I believe their is purpose For all we have been through. Keep pushing forward we Got this!❤️
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Hey Talia I was in the same position 15 months ago. No support from my family. My siblings supporting my ex husband -who cleared our bank account as well. I had no income at that time. My ex mother in law monthly put some money on our account for the rmortgage of his new appartment. I took the money as soon as it was on the account, left one quarter for him and 3 quarters for my 2 kids and me to buy food. She accused me of stealing her money and my ex wasn't amused either when the bank warned him about the due payment. It was a terrible time I felt so lonely and grieved for going no contact with my and his family. But I am so happy I divorced him. Meeting safe people at last...feeling so much joy and peace now. Started my coaching business and am helping my first clients. They are happy with my help. Take care you will get your best life too❤️
It's sad how they can get away with doing this. I have no support system either. Just hoping to move past this and create a better life for my girls
@@pattersontalia it is... and you just cannot understand the cruelty and that you couldn't see it coming. Radical acceptance is the only way. That creates the space and clarity in your mind to see each step of the way forward.
I’ve watched my dad for years endure narcissistic abuse from his father. He puts him before our entire family and treats him like gold while my mom and his kids are treated like complete garbage. I’m very fortunate to have survived the tight grip of multiple narcissists in my family and also two long terms relationships with narcissists. Radical acceptance and the freedom I have now has completely changed my life. It still breaks my heart to watch others suffer through this on-going and not be able to help them. I just sit back and watch and it’s hard to shake. If there is any advice on how to handle people in the family unit that are under the narcissists spell and how to handle them (as they paint me as the villain for not bowing down to the narcissist) that would be interesting to hear more about. I have watched your videos for years now and am grateful for all of your insight and teachings 🙏🏼
I am a survivor, two years after discard. I have a PFA against the narcissist that I was engaged to and I am starting to thrive. Thank you for all of your educational videos in this topic
I’m finally understanding what I was living in. I ended up in the hospital alone and sick and the narc did not care. I was alone struggling with my physical health and taking care of two small children. I’m just so grateful to be learning what I thought was me was not. Thank you ❤️
❤️
Didn’t have kids but experienced the same. Glad you survived. Ms. Brine I wish you the best of health.
That is exactly what happened to me to. He even used my physical health a joke. No more! I’m taking my 2 young kids and leaving and choosing for life. I wish you the best Shelley, your strong and will come out even stronger. Congratulations on surviving and you will make it!!
I am in that situation now trying to get out and my health is not good
Shelley Brine, yes, they leave you alone in the hospital and when you're sick you're left to fend for yourself. Something you'd never do to your narcissist!
I am a survivor! I’m celebrating 1 year free from my 8 years of narcissistic abuse. I am still healing and learning how to love myself again. I can admit I have never been so happy as I am today. My teenage daughter is the one who started educating me on narcissism. I had no idea what this was. Once you understand this disorder you will get the courage to walk away because things will never get better until you do!
It's been 2 years for me after 9. I was targeted for financial gain so the fraud and theft extreme, obvious, she had help inside the legal systems in my town. She coached out 10 year old and dropped him off to add to the struggle and, it is very hard, he tries her games often but his empathy level after 2 years of her has came back. I am still healing, backwards a while once I had him but we are learning. I'm thankful I survived her attacks
Amazing comment 🥰
same for me. my daughter educated me as well
This is one of the most helpful videos i have ever come across. One of the biggest confirmations that i am not crazy or stupid. I have saved it to help me stay focused during this hoovering attempt and as a reminder. I had no idea that was why i got so sick. No doctor could figure it out and i thought i was dying. I left and it took me awhile to recognize that he had trapped me in a new cycle. We have two kids together and he financially trapped me after our first and uses money over me because of the lack of childcare due to covid and how young our kids are. I have just started to see things for how they are as a whole picture. Its always the same over and over and he takes my light from me. I cant thank you enough for another piece of the puzzle. Thank you!!
I’m a survivor, I wish I had all this awareness about narcissistic abuse. I ended my marriage of 18 years. Everything makes sense now, what I was going through. It’s crazy how your own family can contribute in enabling these people. My ex covert narcissist was so hard to identify as he had a complete different face even to my own family. I realise his abuse carried on for so long because people around me were enabling him as well.
I am in a complicated relationship with a girl. She is going through a narcissist relationship now. She loves me want to move out from his house but he is not letting her go. He is threatening her for alot of things. She is so confused and she don't feel she have enough courage to move out of that house. But she wants to. Help me out how I can get her out from there and we both can live a happy life. I know she is capable to do alot better in her life. She discussed her goals and bucket list with me. I don't think so she discussed that with him. Survivors please help me out.
Thank you
She could be a nar herself playing the victim. Sometimes 2 nar can be drawn to each other etc be careful
I watch these videos to stop me from unblocking my abusive narcissistic ex. It'll be 7 months no contact on the 14th and considering all the private number calls and stalkerish tactics, it wasn't easy to ignore her. Dr. Ramani always reminds me that I made the right decision.
Proud of you. Keep going
Please don’t let yourself down and ever give in. Once an abuser ALWAYS an abuser. You deserve better and there’s a whole new life right around the corner just waiting for you. Stay strong !!!!
I do the same . Every time he’s hoovering or send flying monkeys . I start to think I’m the problem . Then I quick run to Dr. Ramani s videos . And boom she saves me lol . Dr Ramani validated me more in three days then I had in 23 years . Thank you Dr Ramani !
we all get private numbers calling us, every day. How are you any different?