Unhealed Disorganized Attachment Triggers Emotional Abuse
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- čas přidán 2. 07. 2024
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A Disorganized Attachment style is a trauma wound that can drive you to LONG for love and then push it away again and again, every time you feel irritated, or vulnerable, or disappointed. Childhood trauma is almost always the cause of this, and THAT wasn’t your fault. But when you need to manage your well being by constantly breaking up with someone, and then trying tto get them back, you are creating chaos and instability, and almost certainly give them trauma wounds in the process. The push and pull generates a trauma bond, where a previously happy and strong person gets so weakened by the emotional abuse that they can’t seem to stay away. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who wonders if two people swirling in this drama can ever change.
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Thank you for being so straightforward in this, sometimes that’s all we need. A little bit of tough love from someone we trust.
I'm not pushing away "love." I'm pushing away people who aren't emotionally available for a relationship.
I recently exploded my relationship. I was anxiously attached, and would
This has been me. Recognition was the hard part. Something I'm actively working on.
I realized something I was never in a happy relationship with a guy..
I really believe its not her wounding but simply they are incompatible. As soon as they meet someone more secure or simply someone more suitable- they both will be totally different person. People often pick the worst possible partner and then call it attachment style or “attracting unavailable people”. You are not attracting them, you pick them and then you entertain them. Break the pattern - pick someone safe
I think both of these people have attachment issues and are addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship. They pushed each other's buttons. They brought out the worst in one another. Probably better off without each other but it is more likely that when each moves on to another partner they will encounter similiar issues and maybe even attract another person with attachment issues. It takes two to be in this kind of relationship.
it's so hard to hear "you need to be single and work on yourself" because I'm 26 and want to have a family in the next few years. I want to meet my person soon so I can start to build that foundation. I was single for 4 years up until last summer, and working on myself as best as I could, but it feels like im worse off now than I was.
💡Everytime I watch one of these videos. It highlights my own patterns. No matter how long I've been in therapy, I'm a work in progress everyday. 💪🏽🙏🏽 Sending love to All CPTSD we will be whole and healed keep working through 💯🫶🏽🤗☺️
Sucks so bad. All I want is a lifelong partnership, but thats simultaneously one of the most daunting/terrifying ideas to me. I used to think I just needed to meet the right person, but im 26, have dated tons of people, and the only ones I really liked were the ones who didn't want me back. I find faults with everyone and I fixate on "is this toxic?" "are they treating me unfairly?" etc. Anything so that I never am fully in, and so that I have a reason to eventually leave. I honestly just feel doomed to be in and out of relationships my whole life. I just can't fathom truly committing to someone and not wanting to get out and be alone again. Because of my experiences in life, there's no one I cannot live without. I'm really good at loving people from a distance. This is engrained so deep in me that when it's a choice between my peace and a relationship, I'll always choose me. Relationships are too stressful and triggering for me.
This was my abusive household growing up. My parents were just two traumatized people who refused to get help. They always want credit for not being as bad as their parents but refuse to be accountable for the damage done to the children they dragged through their "chaotic attachment style".
I wish I found psychology youtube so many years ago. It's been almost 2 years since I figured out I have the Fearful Avoidant attachment style and it clicked how I was often emotionally abusive, especially as a teenager. I started trying to figure myself out at about 8 years old but nothing seemed to fully fit.. Borderline, bipolar, autism, avoidant personality etc.. were all previous guesses for various things. Found out I have PMDD instead of Bipolar pretty early on(maybe 14 years old), but only recently realized I am fearful avoidant which clicked all the other missing pieces together.
Sounds like she rejected him for actual good reasons whenever she broke up with him. She didn't feel safe due to his anger and he often didn't keep his word by changing things at the last minute, and she didn't feel loved due to his emotional unavailability.
I'm guilty of this. When we first met and started dating he was doing something sinister. He would always threaten to break up with me if l did x, y, z. I was nice and courteous because the relationship was new. I took note. Later in the relationship, l changed, because my feelings had changed. I realized l didn't really like him. So, l started breaking up with him, but l couldn't walk away. It was like: l love you, no l hate you, no l love you, no l hate you. I still don't know what l was feeling.
Wise words that are difficult but necessary to hear ❤
I have a therapist - a team actually and ive listened and read bessel vander kolk gabor mate and other utube contributors - your experiences and observations seem valid
Bless you. Just bless you. I see these patterns in my family. ❤ Generational clean up. ❤
sabrina is in such a tough position - i wish her all the best ❤
Thanks again for your help.
BPD/BPD traits and NPD/Narcissistic traits/ Love addicts/Love Avoidants...SLAA is a great program, but this has to be combined with intense therapy.