Neurological Dysregulation: The Hidden Trauma Symptom You MUST Heal First
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- Äas pĹidĂĄn 27. 01. 2024
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Trauma from childhood is associated with brain and emotional dysregulation that can cause a host of other CPTSD symptoms in adults. In this 4-Video compilation, I share my most popular videos on Dysregulation -- what it feels like, what causes it and how learning to re-regulate it can help you feel calmer and more focused, and increase your success in healing.
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![[Vowel]ëŹźęł ę¸°ë 돟ěě ě´ěěź í´đđ¤ŁFish have to live in the water #funny](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3G9MH063Cx4/mqdefault.jpg)
Finding your channel will probably be the best thing that will ever happen to me. What you're doing is huge. Your knowledge and familiarity with the things you're talking about, your humor, your mannerisms...you were absolutely made for this work.
Thank youâ¤
Thank YOU.
I agree with you 100%! This is HUGE for me.
You have no idea how this rings true âŚ
Thank you so much for this - so needed!
@@maryannelamb2547 Greetings beloved đI hope you donât feel Iâm bothering you,I canât just inbox for no reason,if Iâm permitted i can tell you what I sensed
Cptsd is like a double edged sword. The person you had to become to win the war, is not the person you can take with you. You have to leave that soldier behind.
And, Iâm crying. You are so right.
Wow yesssss
⤠that's Spot On Trueđ˘
Good analogy!
This sucks đŽ
18 months ago I became disregulated. I walked into a bowling club after a 2 hour drive to collect takeaway Iâd ordered for my grandmother, who I was and still do visit fortnightly. I had on a beanie, (it was cold and Iâm bald) and a Covid face mask on. About 50 or so people were there as I walked in. I didnât need to sign in because I was only getting takeaway, not drinking at the bar or poker machining. I was calm and tired, from the trip but had done this every fortnight for the previous 3 years without trouble, so I wasnât expecting any surprises. I got about to the middle of the club walking with my back to the bar, when the barkeep asked me what I thought I was doing. I turned and told him I was picking up takeaway.
The whole club suddenly had gone quiet and I felt like all eyes were on me.
Turns out this bloke was a well know bonafide bully. I grew up with 2 of them in my family, older sister and father, and an enabling mother. When I was 12, I voluntarily went to boarding school, because I thought Iâd be happier, change of scenery and all. I endured 4 years of abuse from other boys both physical, psychological and sexual from a head teacher. I was diagnosed with CPTSD in my mid 40âs.
I was calm at first as he ordered me to remove my beanie; (only women are allowed to wear head wear)revealing my hairless dome.Some found it funny. Then he directed me over to the door Iâd walked in, to the machine people sign in with, when theyâre staying at the club for a drink or pokies, even staying for lunch. He either didnât know or didnât care that signing in for takeaway wasnât a requirement.
As he walked toward me I stated the obvious and said looks like someoneâs having a power trip. Most bullies like to enjoy the feeling of power over another but when you call them out on it, it tends to deflate them. Especially if theyâve got a reputation for it. I think he realised I wasnât a mouse; I was a bear in a mouse suit. As soon as we reached his destination, I became completely disregulated, every time he spoke, I spoke over him, I got right up as close as I could, filled with rage and told him why I was there, takeaway lunch, in a way I doubt heâd ever been spoken too before. I told him what I wasnât there for, no bar and no pokies. The usual me had stepped aside and my protector had stepped in. Theyâre scared of nothing. This bloke was 6 foot + and Iâm only 168 cm, so I was nearly tippy toeing it to get my point across . He was completely taken by surprise, couldnât get a word in, couldnât shut me up and eventually gave up. I told him his patrons hadnât expected a show with their drinks but he gave them one, playing the flaccid bully.
I put my beanie back on, got my takeaway and left.
I canât remember the drive to my Nanâs place but when I got there, I fell to pieces. Fortunately a friend of hers was there and when I told them what happened the friend knew who it was straight away. (Small town). Disregulation on this level is a once in a decade event, if that.
My poor Nan had to watch me as desperately tried to pull all the shards and pieces back together; sheâd never seen me like this ever. I took the time to tell her that this is what my family had done to me, her son. I hadnât spoken to my family at that stage for over 5 years and Nan was encouraging me to reconcile and I told her as I agonizingly slowly reregulated myself, that this was why I couldnât have a relationship with them. Because they had never changed their attitude toward me. I was their scapegoat child. Thatâs my disregulation story, sorry for the length. I rage at the object thatâs triggered me with what I call the protector. When it leaves me thereâs a pause, like being in the calm of a storm and then a tsunami of emotions just completely overwhelms me and it normally happens somewhere I can go and ride it out . But not that time. If youâve got this far, thanks for reading I hope you got something out of it, take care.
@docroseau thank you for sharing such an intense experience & the trauma behind it. You're not alone â¤
I'm a 60 y.o. woman and I have done the same thing to a few men who have triggered me and tried to bully or intimidate me. I became so crazy and enraged that I actually scared them off. I noticed it worked. Bullies are pussies. But I can understand your feeling when you returned to your Nan's. I never knew why this happened to me until now. It makes it much easier to accept myself knowing how I got this way.
Your story resonates with me. I have always repeated a quote that I stole from James Brown âI donât know karate, but I ka-ray-zy.â I have the same bear inside of me. Too many times Iâve walked into a place with a target on my back that bully types seem to zone in on. Theyâve always regretted it. My inner caged bear comes out and I instantly go on the attack. Itâs gotten me out of some bad situations, (like the time a small pack of teenagers tried to mug me, and I felt the rage come up inside of me and simply told them to eff off and kept walking. They didnât follow.) But this has also lost me some jobs. Iâve been reactive at jobs where someone was being unfair or picking on me. In job situations you need to just take it in order to survive. I donât have that ability. Iâm working on it. Instead my inner bear came out and I told them off. Not good in an office setting. Even if it is a situation that might have warranted it otherwise. In any case, I completely related to your story. Hereâs to healing from a lifetime of learning to be a bear in situations where a kitten was needed.
You told your story really well here, thank you for sharing. I think you can trust that it helps a lot of us đ youâre quite an inspiration actually, sending best wishes from Scotland!
@@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness From one bear to another, thank you, youâre absolute right. Learning to be a kitten when the situation doesnât require our default large mammal reaction, is a challenging but necessary path to healing. I can also relate to your work place experiences. I donât work anymore. I was in an industry where bullying and abuse of workers in lower non tertiary educational roles were fodder for the wolves who did.
After 25 years of the same treatment, that only got worse as time went by, I knew I had to get out before the I just gave up and let the dark thoughts swallow me. Itâs hard to be a kitten when thereâs a bear trying to tear its way out of the place youâve put it, so the kitten can do its thing. I am fortunate to have a very supportive wife. Thanks for sharing, WWA, take care.
You are saving my life!
I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother and
Sexually abused by my uncle and other men as an infant, toddler, school age child. Gang raped as a teen then beaten by first husband.
I didnât know why I go into rages, or feel the urge to run, or feel like Iâm drowning with water in my ears.
Iâm 70 and because of you, I might just have the last decade or so of my life in some semblance of peace. đđđđ
đ˘â¤
Oh my gosh, that is A LOT, so unfair!! For me a clean diet and exercise are priority number one!! And yes, listening to Anna.
Woah, so sorry to hear đ˘
I was part of ASCA -adult survivors of child abuse and that helped me to heal. It's a great resource and has groups all over the US as well as info online. Anyone with trauma is welcome there. â¤â¤
I am so sorry for everything you've been through. A big hug to you sweetheart ! I am 60 and so understand !
It's not too late to learn to really love ourselves and enjoy our lives now and for all eternity, siStarâ¨đĽ° đšđśđđźđđđď¸đŤ Much Love and Light to you ! (Praying for us allâŁď¸âŁď¸âŁď¸)
@@watsmynameyo thank you for sharing this ! I'm going to check it out, hopefully available in Canada too, perhaps through online đđź
Doctor's offices. I straight out disassociate. I only remember bits & pieces of what they said, because I'm concentrating so hard on being "normal" in front of the doctor when I'm feeling anything but normal. I'm fighting running out the door.
YES!
Me too đ˘
Actually, some survivors knew that dysregulation was primarially a neurological event, but were mocked when we articulated this.
â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤
@@misguidedpearls7456 Yep. Just got shamed for "blaming" my responses on others.
You hit it on the nail, I'm kinda there still đ˘
True
People who come to realizations before others are always mocked. I'd have quite a bit of money if I invested on how many times I was right about someone or something and got shamed only to find I was correct weeks, months, years down the line...
Why does my therapist suggest going out & making new friends is easy? I donât think people whoâve never lived through abuse truly gets it. I appreciate you & thank you for helping me not feel alone or ⌠dare I say it? ⌠crazy!
I still stay with my current one even though its like they feel obligated to nudge you toward the door to get out more. I explained to them that i feel my worst when questioning my quiet life.
It is safe. It is quiet. It is on my terms đ
â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤
â@@2blackcatz426â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤
As an AuADHD person with C-PTSD I have never ever understood how people think making friends is easy. It is literally the hardest thing. And it only gets harder the older you get.
We get you â¤
"Waking up emotionally disregulated - that's called and emotional flash back" OMG! That happens to me all the damned time.
A LOT. Ugh.
This can be dream or sleep apnea related/triggered in my experience tbh, When your body feels like fighting for life you will wake at odd hours and with intense feelings so trying to make sense of it. It "feels" like you were in a car accident, been in 2 bad ones myself, but you weren't actually, yet the trauma, etc... feels incredibly similar. It's not in your imagination it's in you nervous system and your imagination was crafting a dream around that distress if you weren't breathing properly to alert you and if your dream was intense for other reasons, like medicine like singular known to cause or maybe what you ate before bed, etc...then your body can go into panic so a vice versa set of circumstances. Then add you waking to have the flashback, you can get very upset/overwhelmed so hard to go back to sleep and the cycle starts again and intensifies over time.
The mornings are great time for processing. Defenses are low.
It used to happen to me all the time.. up till I was in my early 30s it was a horrible feeling waking up disregulated .. esp after a massive blow out fight with my then bfs. Since then though.. all of 2023 was a massive awaking and painful healing. Iâm able to work through it now and much more regulated with my self awareness and actions.
â@@amandachilds5290this makes so much sense...
"its in your nervous system already, your imagination crafts a dream around that distress."
I woke up during the night last night,
(i wake like this all the time) because my dreams are so intense. I woke up this morning & let out a loud cry, then cried uncontrollably. I lost one of my beautiful son's to cancer last year. He just turned 16. It was unexpected. We thought we were out of the woods & he was cured. Not so. A routine scan confirmed our worst fears. He had been in remission for 6yrs. 3 weeks after we got the scan results...he was gone. I'm still in shock!
I dreamed my other son died, my 12 yr old. It was horrific. I had accidentally seen photo's the night before 16:12 of my 16yr old in his hospital bed the night he passed. They popped up on Google photos. That was the night before. Needless to say i am feeling totally deregulated. But the trauma of seeing those photos was still in me when i slept. My imagination crafted a dream around my that distress.
I've learned that sleeping on the floor gives me the pressure sensation of hug or firm contact.
Oh my gosh, that's a great idea, I never even thought of that . I have found that a body brush also is very comforting. I was surprised that it was. It's a super soft brush and I use it on my face and especially my arms.
Ohh.. That's why I like it?!
Wow. That's why I love it. Thanks !
I think that I have experienced this, too - on a yoga mat, in the warmth direct sunlight - feels very nurturing and soothing.
Weighted blankets can also be wonderful for that â¤
Most therapist do not even mention this ever. It's crazy. I always get the same thing, "You know what you have to do. Now you just have to do it". I have had at least 3 (in 3 different states) tell me that. Almost like they are dismissing me. Thank God for CZcams so I can get the help I really need.
That is horrible! As a therapist myself, who also experiences this, I feel for what you've been through and I'm sorry that you were told this. I vow not to treat my patients like that, thank you for the reminder.
My survival instinct got wounded very early on as I was a neglected child who was left to fend for herself in infancy. I still get triggered and dysregulated. I expect danger even when there is no danger.
For example when dealing with other people I expect to not be treated with fairness and kindness.
For example , calling a utility company , or anyone on the phone that I feel has some sort of â authority â or â in a powerful positionâ .
I feel frozen when having to make decisions and hiding has affected my ability to make a living . Iâm trying to get myself out of this situation. God help us all with CPTSD.
@bepassion4fashion581
Oh my what you said really helped me. I I react that you just noted and I've known I've had PTSD for dysfunctional childhood but I have this feeling that something specific happened during infancy - I took when dealing with anyone of authority inside I go through such a fear based situation and I always expect them to treat me very disrespectfully or a complete disregard so even talking to a person of authority like my supervisor it's never an easy process I don't trust people.
I realize when that happens my inner child does take over.
I get you girl, as someone with lots of authority trauma, I oscillate between freeze or fight with authority figures. And when I fight then they try to accuse me of being a bitch when they were the ones poking at me and not respecting boundaries. Society often tries to strip us of our power in a lot of situations to begin with so when you have trauma you are doing extra just to protect your self.
â@@Myatherosesauthority even the word triggers me 36 years of social services child tracking legally nu authority â¤â¤
I hear you & validate your experience. A few years ago, I learned about complex ptsd & it changed my life. Google Pete Walker complex ptsd. I found a huge list of symptoms that resonated with me. It also had steep by step what to do when triggered. I could finally go to the right kind of counselor. Somatic Experience Therapy changed my life. Crappy Childhood Fairy is excellent at teaching & helping us make sense of our lives. God bless you on your healing journey. We believe in you. You've got this! â¤
I wish âtrauma informedâ therapists were required to know this stuff inside and out rather than taking a couple of seminars and passing a stupid quiz. How much time do people like us waste on uneducated or willfully ignorant or downright malignant therapists when we could be getting this information instead?
I was supposed to be working on not repeating the things my parents did.
Part of that was working through the trauma and trauma behaviors like this.
My therapist, while I thought we were working through the stuff, was actually getting mad at me for not staying on track with our âplanâ.
I was on track. She had expectations that didnât fit my path.
I finally gave up when my oldest kid got sick, was in the hospital, and she was angry that I had to cancel an appointment.
we waste years of our lives, thousands of dollars, and ruined relationships because therapists don't know what they are doing
Therapists are bullshit. Psychology as a study, and the research is important and incredible. Different types of therapeutic protocols are good. Talk therapy is NONSENSE
I'm a trauma informed therapist for kids with autism. Because I personally have been through sooooooo much trauma, and I've been teaching myself how to heal myself for many years. â¤
Your 'therapist' needs to get a new line of work & not have anything to do with giving treatment or advice!
I'm totally with you regarding to the majority of so called trauma therapist. I got reached around at some kind of therapeutic center from therapist to therapist, which all of them weren't experienced enough nor well enough educated when it comes to the PTSD spectrum.
At least, after weeks of explaining my symptoms (they called it problems...well what says it at) at a bunch of pointless sessions with more confusing try & fail strategy to analyze my trauma based "problematic", they throw the towel and let me know they aren't able to "help" me due the lack to provide any therapy on the complexity with PTSD- so I had to walk away even more traumatized, having developed severe Fibromyalgic Issues with tortuous episodes of deep muscular pain all over my body & complete painful breakdowns when it's cold.
Some time ago I've learned that a trauma based treatment needs to be holistic and the better therapist would be some natural medicine Doctor instead a psychiatrist who usually "treats" with psychopharmaca to transform you to a zombie only get triggered by key words/moments to go completely ballistic.
But therefore, treatments by alternative practitioners has to paid in full out of the own pocket (around 120⏠up per hour) people like us will not gonna find any helpful, healing cure at these so called "trauma informed" shrinks.
But we have US, we're not alone and can help each other tremendously- love & hugs to y'all
My dogs are the best for comfort. I can feel the stress leaving my body as I pet them. Pitbull cuddles will change your life.
My dog saved my sanity and my life.âĽď¸
@@BloomingBriars their unconditional love is a beautiful thing
@SKA343 Pitbull cuddles are the absolute BEST! đŠˇ
the pittie is a special breed - otherwise known as house hippos, couch potatoes or cuddlebears
Iâm getting a pit bull best friend when I retire next year.
Horribly abused as a child. No help was in sight. At 71 I have had 40 years of therapy. But these videos have done so much for me.yes very did regulated. And always seemed calm when upset. Let narcissists take advantage of me relentlessly...etc, etc, etc. the Grace of God is the reason I'm alive.
Same 71 Decades of from Narc âmotherâ and they are right - they NEVER change.
@@lorrainenicoletti6232 my mom never really changed but she showed signs when I started AA and counseling I became quite spiritual and due to my healing she started realizing things. She told me she didn't do me right, and she never thought to ask if the old man working for my dad raped me. My energy changed her but right before she passed. Every little bit helps, because we never expected it.
You are a wonder of God's Love to come through and find grace is wonderful.
She really has a way of coming up with suggestions and solutions that l never heard of in all my years of therapy!
@@ninastar5833 thank you. One day, one step at a time.
I have an eye appointment to get new glasses. I have to psyche myself up even for an eye appointment. Iâm worthy, Iâm allowed to have decent eyesite, I deserve decent vision and flattering frames. I used to beat myself up for feeling this way. Whatâs wrong with me that I slink into the vision care store and apologize for existence, then end up so disregulated that I leave with a pair of glasses that I donât actually like because one of the sales people suggested it. Paying too much because they recommend 10 different special things I donât need. Thanks to your program Iâm now spending less money and feeling more worthy, getting what I want from these exchanges. Iâm not âcuredâ but I know I can do normal things. I deserve it.
I find it helpful to politely say that âIâm okay, Iâm just looking at the moment. If I have a question, I approach them.
Iâve worn glasses all my life and understand how frustrating it is to pick out frames that Iâm happy with.
Last time I was over an hour trying on frames. I saw people come and go and I even saw the staff look my way, snicker or whisper about me but I donât let it bother me these days. Sure, they think itâs odd but I think itâs odd that people donât take more time to buy a frame that they have to wear every day for the next year or two.
It does help if you have a friend with you, especially to gain more confidence.
Remember the staff are getting paid and have a job to do. Most behave as if they are working in McDonaldâs. you are the one buying so donât buy anything you donât want to.
Another thing Iâve done is to Trey the frames on and if I become too uncomfortable because of pushy staff or snickering staff who wonât let me just look is to leave the store and find another shop.
Occasionally you will find a very good salesperson that is helpful and patient.
Another idea is to shop for what you think you want then ask the staff to put it aside for you and youâll get back to them the next day. That way you can think about it and decide. You can even call them up and discuss it further on the phone if you want.
The bottom line is to learn not to be intimidated.
Just think, what if you were buying a car or a house? Sure, there are lots of people that are easily swayed by sales people but how unwise is that? Then there are others that take there time, do their homework, ask the questions and buy more confidently.
@@RiverDanube These are all good suggestions. I actually ended up even more disregulated than usual because traffic was heavier than I expected and I was about 10 minutes late to my appointment, which they gave away. When I went back the next day for my rescheduled appointment, the person I spoke with the day before had forgotten to write it on the calendar. They asked me to wait around to see if someone else was going to be late to their appointment, which theyâd give me, and she showed up ten minutes late, so they had me come back the next day, which felt unfair to me. And I sort of just went along with it because I donât want to be a Karen or make a fuss. So I had to come back a third day and by that time I felt like such a schlub. I donât even know what frames I picked out, and it all cost me more than I expected it to, and they didnât apply the apology discount they said they would, and I was so beat down that I didnât mention it. I later wish I had but I didnât.
@@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness That's really hard on you and an awful attitude of the store. I wouldn't worry about being a Karen, we need a label for a store when they behave unprofessionally.
Sadly, I have found that employees attitudes have changed a great deal in the last decade and many just don't care. Employers are finding it even harder to get good staff. Chances are, forgetting to apply the discount was not deliberate and you are not causing a fuss by asking them to do it. You could send them an email saying you noticed it wasn't applied, give your details and ask if they could make the adjustment. Of course they can do refund it to you, just because you paid the whole amount already doesn't mean an adjustment can't be made. If they don't do it, you know how bad they really are.
These can be very stressful situations and I wish you all the best.
I was doing this a couple days ago. Priced glasses at 2 places, haven't made a decision until I hit up Walmart where my favorite optician works (he's the best at adjustments - I've known him for 20 years). I tell the sales person up front that I'm not making a decision today & I need frames that are small & roundish. Square doesn't look right on me, & most frames swallow me up because of my child-sized skull. I definitely don't enjoy interactions with strangers, but it felt like an accomplishment to do that twice in one day.
I have the same issue. Basically it's an issue of caring for self. It actually sends my brain into a nonsensical frenzy
I do just the same: I became clumsy đŽ I drop things, I pronounce words wrong, I hit myself in furnitures, stumble to sticks and logs in the Woods with my dog...
I lie on my bed and get my dogs to push right up against my back and drape their bodies over me. I am so blessed yo have 6 rescue dogs, they are my lifeline.
Greetings beloved đI hope you donât feel Iâm bothering you,I canât just inbox for no reason, if Iâm permitted i can tell you what I sensed
You need your own TV show. So much info, and healing info. Forget Dr. Phil, and all my past therapists, you are amazing, and you are giving us free healing information. You are truly a blessing! THANK YOU!
She does! She has this channel, a membership website, and several in person conferences. She has more control here than on a network.
You deserve a Nobel peace prize. I've ruined so many personal relationships from dysregulated emotions and burned a lot of bridges. I'm so ashamed. People out there hate me now
There is a way forward! Consider taking one of my courses. We have a big vibrant community in our membership program too!
Make amends
Seriously! She is incredible! I want to send this info to the world!
Move away
Who are you commenting to?@@bobchevallier8456
As a child , after a beating I was never comforted .. I slept in terror. As a senior adult , I canât sleep well . I need something to press on me or something to wrap Around .. as a young person, I was addicted to sex as a way to get comfort . But I found in my 30âs I could not connect with anyone intimately . Iâve been in my marriage for 25 yrs now and I do not want intimacy I just want hugs and comforting and friendship ..I love being with my spouse , going places , or just staying home and watching tv together or eating together and laughing together ..
I find using a weighted blanket helps
One massive tip for all of you out there - Over the years, I've narrowed down the single largest correlator with my dysregulation. It sounds obvious but - sleep. The cliche is true. A bad night's sleep brings out the same cranky, emotional, overwhelmed child it did when we were little. Without fail, my lowest moments were in the evenings after days when I simply didn't get enough hours. Postpone that talk for another day. Problems can exist in the background without ruining the foreground.
If sleep is #1, then I'd like to suggest diet is #2. Sugar is one of my demons & when I consume too much, it is like gas in the tank of my dysregulation & chaos
Watch Huberman labs on sleep. I do everything he says and it has helped me so much
Great tip and yes, it helps. I also have found taking Ashwagandha (aka Withania somnifera) before bed helps have a good night sleep, especially as people with ptsd can have cortisol pumping even at night (due to the flight/fight mode of the sympathetic nervous system being so active), and not be able to have a good thorough sleep for about 5-6 hours.
@@1CrackedActress Yes agree with that too, it floods the body with glucose and then come the sugar falls. The cells of our body are like battery cells and they need salt water to function. 1/8 of a teaspoon or a pinch of salt in your water helps to keep the cells hydrated with electrolyte so that they can function.
For real I believe in practical solution. Fixing your sleep and habit is very important. Control your diet and exercise and it'll influence your mood regulations
You're one of the few experts that isn't afraid to use personal stories about your own past as examples, instead of talking about some hypothetical person... it's so refreshing honestly đ
It's an advantage of not being a therapist!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy A blessing really!
The clumsy thing resonates for me so much.
A lot of these symptoms are crazy accurate.
As someone who has these exact same symptoms when I had to go on Prednisone for my respiratory issue, it would cause sleep deprivation mixed with body feeling tired and yet mind was very alert/wired. The shoes too big and stuff feelings was right. I'd get fingers in drawers because my body wasn't moving at the timing my brain was. Felt like everyone was in slow motion like on the radio and sounds were a little weird too. I wonder if that info could help doctors understand connections. I get very accident prone then and shorter patience and temper and at first can think and be better than normally because inflammation down and O2 up and just things seem great but after a few days irritation sets in as sleep eludes and family seem louder and ruder and it's that I am more aware of the boundaries getting violated and less affable.about it or less sick so I don't ignore it due to picking battles and they complain I'm different. Hope that helps maybe. My son definitely has this and we all experienced extended trauma from his toxic dad. He always manages to hurt himself.when angry and it makes it things worse because then the person he's angry and raging out laughs at him for being awkward and clumsy and wonders of he didnt do it on purpose to get sympathy or if he is getting in trouble to distract. I never thought it was intentional.and now after this video am pretty sure it's more a cycle.and CPTSD
I think Iâve learned to shut down during times of upset because emotions were shamed in my upbringing. So I learned not to show them. Unfortunately, even much later in life, people who spot the scapegoat in me and take joy in hurting another, Will amp up the assaults in frequency and intensity to elicit a reaction. Iâve become avoidant and rarely choose to be around others.
I'm the same way. When my brother would bully me my mom would sometimes get mad at me for crying. So as an adult I'm too "easy going" and let people get away with saying and doing mean or rude things until I reach my limit and snap at them(It usually ends up shaking the person up). I've been described as "avoidant" by a family member before and it's true, I am. I distance myself from people even though I actually want to be close to them
Thereâs no scapegoat in you, my dear. Thereâs a strong victorious survivor in you, see yourself that way & others will get the same vibes & treat u accordingly as you deserve đ whatever is in our imagination is as good as done
Sometimes, Iâll feel like my whole reality change for a minute. Sometimes itâs just in the middle of a casual conversation. Itâs always happened to me. My vision will go white at the edges, if that makes any sense. Iâll feel like everything in the room is out of place, or that the light source has moved. Everything feels numb and it almost feels like Iâm dreaming. It makes me feel sick, scared and depressed. Suddenly very hopeless and unhappy with everything. Iâve never known how to fully describe it, or what to call it.. i brought it up to my psychiatrist back in the mid/late 2000s when I was a teenager, and I was accused of doing drugs. It sounds a bit different from what youâre describing (however, I have absolutely experienced exactly what youâre describing)
Profuse sweating ???
I pray that each and every person in this platform with C-PTSD find CCF, *SHE IS THE GOLD STANDARD!* â¤ď¸đđ
I found this channel at the "right time" in my life -- that was almost a year ago. It only took a couple of videos, and I felt a wave of relief and became a blubbering puddle of appreciative goo! I binge-watched this channel for a couple of weeks, and everything made sense!
â¤ď¸âđŠšđŠš
@@rebeccamay6420 Best to you in your continued healing! â¤ď¸đđ
I wish the normal people who have no idea whatâs it like to suffer with this, could truly understand it, or even realize it actually exists. Even though many of us who have it, donât even understand it. Seems that no matter how good of a person you are, or successful you are, or how much honesty and integrity you have, or creativity, every day can be a challengeâŚ. I feel like I donât belong here, fit in, or why I am even here⌠all because of CPTSDâŚ. But most people have no idea what we go through from day to day. Some of us have learned to perform as expected. A lifetime of trying to resolve it and trying to be ânormalââŚ.. but at the end of the day, there is always someone who is worse off than me. So I am grateful that I have been able to achieve what I have. I hope anyone who reads this, can continue to find the strength to live the best life they can, and love themself more than they were as a child, through no fault of their own. Thank you so much for this video.
After recent years-long intense stress and trauma (CPTSD survivor in healing), I could tell that my biggest immediate issue was a dysregulated nervous system. The stress wrecked every system in my body as indicated on various functional health tests, but what was affecting my quality of life the most was my nervous system. I couldnât handle any stress and was easily triggered into fight, flight or freeze mode. Iâve been working on re-regulating for several years and I am making progress from resting and relaxing, taking my time doing everything, spacing out tasks to not become overwhelmed, spending time in nature, avoiding stress and risks of any kind to prevent things from going wrong, and a lot of somatic body work like yoga, dance, walking, water aerobics, massage, sauna and chiropractic. This video was spot on and very affirming, thank you. đ
Wow!!!!!! Amazing on every single level!!!!!!! You are amazing what wonderful work your doing xx
Anna mentioned about getting out in the Sun, and it seems you may be doing this too in your walking. I like to get some sun light in the morning and relax and spend a quiet moment at sunset, I like to allow the warmth of the sun to enter my skin, like is the gentle touch of heavenly love. Sun governs our happiness, the Moon governs our subconscious emotions and anxieties, and why so many of us can feel more negative emotions at night and through the different phases of the moon as well.
Yes!!!!đ
Video is great, yes. Your comment post is also very affirming for me personally, and thank YOU for posting it. â¤
Osteopath would be better than chiro. cranio and reiki helps too.
All addiction. We're trying to regulate what most people take for granted.
Yes!!!
I was running late for work one day, and it felt like everything was going wrong. I didn't get my coffee before I left the house, so I stopped at a drive thru. It was raining, and cold, and early in the morning. After I placed my order something shifted in me. By the time I got to the window, I was genuinely able to thank the worker for coming to work that morning and with a smile. Because she did that, I was able to stop and get my coffee and RE-REGULATE my day. I don't know if she thought I was crazy, but I was deeply grateful and able to feel better. Expressing genuine gratitude really helps!
Im sure she appreciated your kind tone and gratitude.
Yes!!! đ Practicing gratitude, loving kindness (Mudita) meditation can change so much! I teach people how to do it. Love it.
I was sexually abused as a child. I watched lots of physical, verbal and emotional abuse occur for a majority of my childhood. I was raped in college and strangled by my ex boyfriend who passed away from an overdose a year ago. You are saving my life. I am going to heal I know I will and because of you-you have given me endless hope. Thank you from the bottom of my heart đ¤ I am 28 years old and the future is looking pretty bright.
Thank you for being a part of our community here. You are in the right place. Keep watching, more to come, and good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
Mom was the screaming authoritarian and would take her rants outside and publicly embarrass us into compliance. Every time I had a female supervisor I was walking on eggshells.
One of them decided that I was the cause of all her problems at work.
Being programmed to be in the wrong about anything that a female authority figure brought up she had me on the ropes emotionally.
There were times when I was pushed to my limit and needed to disengage or I would be angrily talking back.
It felt like I was being choked and my eyes felt like they were about to pop.
I would go visit the bathroom and pray, âLord I need your help to feel about this situation the way you want me to feel.â
Doing this helped me put some time and distance between me and the person/event.
It wasnât until later that I understood how family of origin issues can crop up in bad ways todayâŚ
â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤ure not alone
Many of the same stories
My mother was the abuser .narcissistic. full of anger, physical abuse, verbal abuse. I get deregulated with relationships. Anxiety
@@melc1918 Like wearing an arctic jacket in Alaska is necessary, wearing that jacket in Florida will kill you. We have a tendency to be likely to continue behaviors that were survival strategies in childhood but are harmful today.
@@melc1918sounds exactly like my mother.
oh yes. My mother would come in the door and we would hide in our rooms. When she threw her tote bag and started screaming...we knew it was going to be a long night.
If the dis-regulation is intense, here are a couple more techniques that may be helpful
1. Doorway push: Stand in an interior doorway, put a pillow behind your back. Push steady and quite hard with your hands and legs against one side of the doorway. Continue for a few minutes to tire yourself out a bit.
2. Dive reflex. Fill a large bowl with ice water. Use enough ice so the water is very cold. Take a deep breath and while holding it, submerge your entire face in the cold water and keep it there for 30 seconds. It can difficult to do the full 30 seconds, but try your best. After the plunge, lie down and if your body wants to do anything (like yawn or shake or whatever) let it do that. This is the body releasing excess energy.
Wow! Never even knew such a thing would help anything!!! â¤
The ice water works! I've done it instinctively when my blood pressure got really high post panic attack
These are great and do work but only if you're home đ
2. works great for hypertachycardia, also. Total reset.
I've heard ice baths work when I can do a cold shower it helps
I have always had trouble sleeping through the night - waking up to my CPTSD friends: worry, regret, and emotional storms. Then recently, after reading someone else's experience with this, I realized that I'm not the only one dealing with this. Now when I wake up I do read or work puzzles to calm myself, but it really, really helps to know that I'm not alone, and that there are others, even in my own neighborhood, who are awake going through the same thing at the same time -- sort of a club, if you will. For some reason this brings me back to reality and safety and I can go back to sleep sooner. (Last night I read one of my favorite cookbooks and then had trouble going back to sleep because I had too much fun! LOL) Thanks for these videos.
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I Listen to rain when I am sleeping...I am meditating and praying...B vitamins are good B3 is the happy vitamin in conjuction with the other b vitamins...nac and the best is glycin before bed, you feel so good the next morning, at the beginning you will have lucid dreams, but after a while you will feel really well,
Woke up at 4:00 a.m. and just couldn't go back to sleep so I scrolled CZcams as has become my dysregulated habit lately and I found the Michael Jackson movie and watched it with Keen interest even though I wasn't a crazed fan or anything... I think in some ways the movies that I watch about troubled people helped me feel more sane because at least I'm not as troubled as they are...
And then CZcams found me CCF again... To help me re-regulate my first realizing that I'm not
Yep! What could be more agreeable? After ~1 year practicing mindfulness/meditation/yoga/CBT Iâm sometimes amazed at how much better I behave during stressful events.
I concur. I began practicing Buddhist approaches - chanting, breathwork and meditation - in 2013 and felt the benefits almost immediately. I've gone on with these practices and am amazed at how my life has improved.
I started regular chanting Meditation religious more than half an year now and it's been working really well for me!
I recommend listening to Sanskrit hymns as well, they feel really soothing.
I have so much trauma, ptsd and brain damage that all I wanted to do was leave my body. I'd sleep walk and drive while sleep walking. Where I went idk, but I just needed to go. When the next morning came around I got screamed at for cheating or running away, but I just woke up in bed and had no idea what these people were carrying on about. I hated my life even more.
My husband figured it out and took my keys at night and put alarms on the doors. Now, I black out to escape. I don't know who im talking to, or what I'm saying, or I don't see anyone standing near me.
I just had an EEG done to see if I'm experiencing mini siezures. I also had an MRI. I'll get my results soon. In the meantime, I'm trying meds and therapy. Not exactly perfect, but it's a start.
So much stuff is coming back and its exhausting. Sometimes I want to scream but I stay isolsted so I'm not hurting others and I have space to work out the past and to calm down.
I hate my parents, the old neighborhood and the fact I've lost out on a steady career. I haven't been able to save for anything. If it weren't for my husband, I'd be homeless. It absolutely sucks that my abusers have great paying jobs, live in nice homes and I'm struggling. It even hurts more when my parents call me lazy and unmotivated. I just can't focus, communicate or hold a job as much as a normal person.
You are certainly not alone in this. I've gone from riches to riches many times. It took major trauma in my adult life from my family to dredge up everything they had done to me. I'm glad you landed in a good spot. It sounds like you're taking care of yourself and have a caring protector to keep you safe. Best to youđ
Dis regulation. I got that. Iâm 70 yrs old.
I was emotionally neglected. âGood familyââŚ.no childhood love to me. I was tolerated, ignored,âŚ.treated w/ indifference.
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you.
-Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for your wise counsel! I grew up with an angry father who had ADHD and OCD and a mother who had anxiety and depression. They were both orphaned, and both were abused or bullied as young children. My sister was autistic but high functioning. I was free of mental health issues until age 8, when the isolation, control, emotional neglect and bullying started. By the age of 12, I had anxiety issues, and by 13, my pediatrician told my mom I was depressed. But my parents didn't get help for me. I developed chronic general anxiety and chronic major depression. Instead of killing myself, I found hope in Jesus. I dropped out of high school and college because of what you discuss, the neurological dysregulation. After I married, I went to a psychiatrist because of the awful anger and fatigue and sadness I felt constantly. I began my medication and therapy. Although therapy and reading gave me understanding, my symptoms didn't fully end until my late forties, when I pushed my doctors find me something that would end my suffering. A higher dose of one SSRI, and five years later, a new dose of another SSRI and I am now in complete remission. The hardest part since then has been getting used to the changing perception of my senses, and learning new habits and responses to everyday living. My husband and I had to relearn how to respond to each other. I'm grateful to have a happy and peaceful life now. I use my experiences to encourage others.
thank you for sharing
Yes, thank you for sharing, Laura.
Christ is the great physician.
God bless you. âď¸
So wonderful to read this! I'm born again nearly 6 years now. Diagnosed with trauma a few years ago but I've also had bipolar since I've been in my early 20's, known as manic depression then. I moved from Ireland to France two years ago and it has plummeted me into severe depression, disregulation, trauma and shown up my lifelong possible borderline personality disorder. I'm in bits I am but it's bringing me closer to Jesus and I think He'll use me to help others. God bless you sister xx â¤
It is soooo refreshing to hear you speak to the importance of good nutrition, especially protein instead of carbs! Keep up your amazing work!
I have CPTSD and firmly believe it contributed to my developing progressive multiple sclerosis and neurological degeneration at only 23.
I too believe most instances of autoimmune disorders are caused by stored trauma w/in the body. I have my own physically limiting issues that I strongly feel are related to past trauma. There have been a few studies that found a correlation b/w PTSD and inflammation/ autoimmune issues. Dr Bessel van der Kolk touches on this in his book 'The Body Keeps the Score' and Dr Peter Levine details on regulating procedural memory in his lectures on somatic experiences. Louise Hay also surmised a list of different bodily issues and their corresponding emotional states in her book 'You Can Heal Your Body'. Her work isn't really backed by science and her proposed solutions won't work on those of us w/ CPTSD but I do agree w/ some (but not all) of the symptoms she outlines.
Me too. My first MS symptom was when so was 18âŚIâm just learning about this!!!!
Been living most of my life dis regulated, I can absolutely feel the difference as an adult now and it sucks knowing how ungrounded I generally am.
Now Iâm dealing with chronic pain issues. My problems literally manifesting as physical symptoms and itâs so hard to know what to do.
Glad I found this channel.
Go in to a forest and take off your shoes and socks . Put your feet in the earth and reground yourself by releasing the pain and recharge your grounding. ⤠I have chronic pain and it certainly helps.
A cup of tea solves a lot of problems.
00:00 đ§ Neurological disregulation is a core symptom of complex PTSD or childhood PTSD, often overlooked but crucial to understand for healing.
02:42 đ§ Disregulation affects the brain's activity, leading to dimness in the front left cortex, hampering reasoning, and overreactive emotions in the right front cortex.
04:03 đ Disregulation manifests physically with changes in brain waves, irregular breathing, heart rate variability, numbness, and difficulties in tasks or communication.
07:07 đ¨ Recognizing disregulation signs is crucial: feeling spaced out, scattered, hurried, overwhelmed, or experiencing emotional floods.
09:19 đ Safety is a priority during disregulation; pause, avoid driving, and find a physically safe place. Use gentle words to halt arguments temporarily.
11:27 𩹠Techniques to re-regulate include stamping feet, deep breaths, pressing tongue to teeth, feeling the weight of your body, or exposing yourself to cold water.
13:46 đŤ Medications may not directly address disregulation; focus on learning to re-regulate to break the cycle of making repetitive negative choices.
14:40 đ Re-regulation opens up possibilities for positive choices, allowing you to address behaviors and circumstances holding you back.
16:21 𤯠Personal experience: Overcoming a deep disregulation episode involves resisting the urge to dwell on the story, taking actions to re-regulate, and refocusing on positive behaviors for a happier life.
19:03 đŁ When facing emotional dysregulation, talking about the experience is crucial for self-regulation, even if it feels uncomfortable.
20:50 đ˘ Taking time to cry and express deep emotions is a powerful way to release pain and regain emotional balance.
21:43 đ¤ Ceasing venting and talking about the issue can allow for a deeper, more reflective connection with one's emotions and a shift towards calmness.
23:27 â Having tea and food, along with sensory experiences, helps in grounding oneself after an emotional outburst or confrontation.
24:52 đ Writing fears and resentments on paper serves as a tactile expression, allowing emotional release without triggering trauma associated with verbal venting.
26:46 đśââ Engaging in outdoor activities, like walking and immersing in the surroundings, helps reconnect with the present moment and align with reality.
27:40 ⲠUtilizing the Pomodoro technique, focusing on one task for 25 minutes at a time, can enhance productivity and aid in returning to work after emotional distress.
29:59 đ Attending a 12-step meeting and creating a plan of action, including potential apologies, contributes to closure and resolution after a conflict.
31:47 đŤ Avoid dwelling on negative memories; redirect thoughts towards positive memories to counteract negativity.
33:09 đ Doing acts of kindness for others, especially anonymously, serves as a powerful tool for personal happiness and well-being.
36:10 đ Learn to shift gears in your mindset to move from suffering to kindness, transforming bad days into good ones with persistence.
50:05 đ¤ Reconnecting with family after overcoming trauma can trigger old wounds due to neurological dysregulation. Family dynamics may lead to emotional meltdowns.
51:00 đ¤ Letter from Nia highlights challenges with family dynamics, including feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, and struggling to express boundaries effectively.
53:15 đ˘ Nia's experience at an amusement park exposes challenges in handling overstimulation, unmet expectations, and difficulty asserting personal needs within a family setting.
55:31 đŁ Nia's emotional response to family events reflects common struggles for those with a history of trauma. Learning to regulate emotions in the moment is crucial for healthier interactions.
56:46 đ¤ Apologizing for emotional outbursts requires self-reflection and understanding the other person's perspective. Acknowledge the impact, express remorse, and communicate intentions to improve.
57:39 đ Self-regulation improves with practice. Nia's situation highlights the journey of healing from trauma, gaining better communication skills, and expressing needs effectively.
59:50 đ¤ˇââ Family events with unexpected guests can be challenging. Nia's experience emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, communicating needs, and navigating family dynamics with assertiveness.
01:03:34 đ Overstimulation and difficulty expressing boundaries are common challenges. Healing involves becoming more graceful in asserting personal needs and navigating complex family situations.
01:06:21 đ Nia is advised to approach her aunt with a sincere apology, acknowledging her own behavior, expressing regret for the impact, and focusing on personal responsibility without making excuses.
01:07:15 đ¤ Crafting a good apology involves addressing how the other person may have been hurt, expressing embarrassment for one's actions, and emphasizing a desire for reconciliation without delving into lengthy explanations.
01:08:42 đ Humility in apologizing includes acknowledging the specific impact of actions on others, without putting oneself on a pedestal or excessively self-blaming. The focus should be on recognizing the hurt caused and expressing a sincere wish to make amends.
01:09:34 đ Apologizing is a courageous and tender act that requires emotional honesty. Facing the fear of potential negative reactions allows individuals to come out stronger by taking responsibility for their part in a situation.
Thank you.
dameanvil, thank you soooo much.. I AM NOW in a dysregulated pattern..and there is no way in the world I could have the patience to listen to this and wait and wait (in vain it often feels) for the nuggets of advice to turn up. It only heightens my stress as I listen and listen, so frustrated and getting increasingly angry and distrustful about how CZcams works. I even start to question the YOuTubers themselves. What are they up to? Are they deliberately teasing us, just for views?? It is tough as you can well imagine.
@@mebeasensei Yes, that is pretty much the game: run hours, because they are paid by the minute.
This describes my entire life. Im 71. There are quite a few incidents that i cannot seem to forgive myself for. I hope i have time to redeem.
Wow, feel exhausted already just reading that. So, the Lord put me here so will probably pass on that one.
Yup, I get that a lot. Other people often describe me as extremely stoic or extremely uncaring, or my emotions are described as [too] intense. And, I'm usually disregulated in the morning, often taking a few hours before I can do anything. This video has helped me to understand a lot. Thank you.
Just learned about this last year after being disregulated since I was a young child. When did "disregulation" become a thing? I've had many years of counseling and no one ever mentioned it. Horrible fibromyalgia, muscle spasms, TMJ disorder (so bad it squeezed a nerve and caused a permanent vestibular disorder), neck/back pain, have had bad obesity, life-long anxiety, extreme memory loss. At almost 60, I'm finally calming my system down. My memory is starting to come back. I've been getting the TMJ treated and will start brain retraining for the vestibular causing constant dizziness and nausea. OMG. My handwriting is horrible when I'm disregulated. I thought it was just my personality (and I beat myself up for it mentally), but getting some relief from making physical changes (craniosacral therapy is the best thing I've ever done). Disregulation is terrible. I've lived my whole life with it. I have all the symptoms you listed. Thank you for this. Everyone should know this. It's lifesaving.
Yes, I agree Cranio Sacral therapy is excellent and has been very beneficial.
Bless you for your strength and determination. Supporting each other here.
Itâs because therapists are very literally mostly full of shit and woefully stupid.
I don't think nervous system regulation has been much respected as a concept until recently.. it was seen as kind of new age. Now it's exploding into public consciousness and people like Bessel Van der Kolk and Gabor Mate are becoming mainstream talking about mind body connection and intergenerational trauma etc. On the other hand, survivors dont have the vocab to describe their symptoms well intially and pre internet we werent able to connect with people and understand and share these patterns... i've been on this healing journey for 20 years but i dont know how far i would have got if it werent for the net... part of the process of undoing all this trauma is recognising all these painful things we are carrying.. things we didn't tell anyone because we didn't even have words for them, we didnt know they weren't normal or if we knew they were there maybe we didnt want to talk about it either... I've also become aware that i experience physical pain in my body that is not normal (it builds up and up until I burn out) .. I always thought that's how people feel when they are really tired- they just ache all over and now I'm not sure that they do or that that's even tiredness, my body is aching all over at the moment because I've been going through some stressful things, now I need to make rest a priority so it doesn't turn into burn out.
I started figuring things out at 60. I'm slowly accepting and making things better.
I am in an aprtment where the tenants upstairs have guests who simply do not watch their child and he is so incredibly noisy that I cannot sleep I cant use my apartment, I cant go anywhere in the apartment without the worst noise i have ever experienced. The father of the noisy child is very abusive. The child is acting out because of that. I have tried every thing to draw attention to the situation. The sound of abuse is extremely hard on me YES CPS was notified. Now because I spoke up, the guests ( they are not even tenants) threaten me. Mock me and in general scare me. I have CPTSD. In October they attacked me from the community room and I nearly fell going up the stairs. They drink and carry knives, sit and loiter in their cars... I have filed police reports and tried so much to explain what it is doing to me the landlord will not do anything they are friends with the tenants upstairs. I do have witnesses to much of this. My question is this I seem to have some sort of seizure activity but not actual seizures. I am getting sicker and sicker but I cannot find help. I have nowhere else to go. No friends and no advocate. I would like know if you know any laws that may apply to me since I am elderly and disabled. IF I can get any help at all... if I am having some type of seizures. what does this mean. So sorry for the long post but I am not getting help here at all. Someone said the noise and behavior has me in constant fight or flight which is not doing me any good at all. I am 60 plus, poor disabled and have no idea what laws if any protect me and how to get anyone to follow through on them .Thank you for any and all advice.
Get noise cancelation earphones. A natural sound machine. Put noise retardant panels on wall. Send a certified letter to landlord, giving time to fix problem. If not fixed. Open "escrow" acct and deposit rent into it. Most cities have free legal aid for low income people. Call elderly services in your area.
Go talk to your doctor about the seizures. There is anti-seizure medication-a simple pill you might be prescribed to take once or twice a day. But definitely talk to your doctor about this.
Call for legal aid...ask them...if cps was involved there's an investigation...but you need to reach out to family or friends and get out of there. Not gonna get better there at all.
Try everything you can to move. It won't get better.
Perhaps you can buy some headphones or ear buds and listen to the radio if nothing else while blocking that out.
Dysregulation - and becoming regulated - is the whole (healing) game; tracking oneâs internal shifts, making changes, remaining present and more, all contingent upon a calm and balanced CNS: regulation.
i'm 34 years old and just found out about cptsd. i feel a little glimpse of hope now. I always felt that i was defected, that something was broken in me. because everyone around is acting like everything is okay and why is no one questioning what happened in my and my family's life.
the dysregulation, overstimulation etc
blind rage over little things
im already using little tricks i've learned and it's working slowly
im so happy and thank you for the info and tools
Did my first Daily Practice today. Holy crap. Iâve just been âmanaging the damageâ all these decades. I can feel it practically unraveling under that kind of scrutiny. I now see how Iâve been âchargedâ with this thing neurologically all this time⌠and people were picking up on it. I know you keep saying that and I understood it intellectually. But now I feel it in my bones.
As a Christian I also would like to make two observations. First, centering on your breathing is not spiritually problematic. You are literally returning to a proper center of psychological gravity. Second, The Lordâs Prayer is a PERFECT way to end the writing and begin the meditation. If everythingâs as bad as you fear⌠itâs still Godâs Will. Turn it over to Him. And forgive the people who trespass against you. Literally? Tear it up. Burn it. Start again. Theyâre probably not burning you on purpose. And if they are work it out with them later. Daily Practice isnât the time for that.
Glad you were able to align the practice with your faith. That is wonderful. What is âspiritually problematicâ is very personal to the individual. Consider Romans 14.
I was neglected and physically abused as a child. I learned, as a teenager, that rage and self-defense made others back off and I gained some control. But, that anger and self-defense became a habit throughout my life as an adult whenever I felt disrespected or abused. Finally, in my 60's and having been in counseling and taking anti-depressants for 19 years, I hated myself for my inappropiate anger behavior. I contacted a therapist who practices hypnotherapy. It worked wonders for me and I can honestly say that I never lose it, one year after treatment. For me, reminding myself to be in the "now" has helped me to learn to discipline myself when I feel anger coming on. It reminds me to assess the "threat" and I see that the situation does not warrant angry outbursts. I love being more regulated, but hypnosis with therapy is the only thing that helped me.
Thanks for sharing. I too used a lot of my anger and rage to gain some control but it only pushed others away. Staying in the present and using the tools Iâve learnt from many podcasts and self healing and work has helped me stay on track and to get out of dysregulation.
Glad you're learning. One day you might run into the wrong person.
@@island661 Uh, I'm 69 years old now, and I'm lucky if I run into anybody at all. lol
@@arlenerivera-gw4st Same, girl! 𤣠I stay home. It's my sanctuary.
Anna, could you please do a video on how all of this affects relationships and marriage? I'm willing to bet so many of us have been married at least once before because we didn't even know what CPTSD or dysregulation is or how to treat ourselves. This really makes me so sad. I feel we lose so much of our lives to chaos and it sucks so much. Truly hurts!
In reading this I knee jerked to " oh, nnooo, we end up blaming ourselves than realizing surprise it can be them". If we went to therapy, on meds, used techniques, obviously WE are the broken things poor mates have to Handle. I can't stand another poke. Anna wouldn't do that, but I threw that right on her. đŹ
This!!!!!!
Agree. I was severely abused as a child, in every possible way. Seems like there was no relief from any of the abuse and it badly affected me neurologically. Then when I got married the way, I would emotionally handle hard situations âŚsometimes didnât help. Donât get me wrong, he was Also riddled with problems. Maybe we didnât have a chance? I canât even go there thinking about that. Anyway, yeah, this stuff isnât talked about and it probably really badly affect relationships. Because you donât know about it you donât know what to do about something you donât really understand or know about.
I dissociate and get catatonic. People think I am having a stroke. My negative emotions feel like an avalanche is burying me. So my brain just switches off. My body gets so numb that I self-harm in the vain hope of "snapping out of it." I cannot speak. I get so angry about being in this state.
A carnivore diet helped keep my emotions balanced. Being educated about recognising narcissistic abuse helps me stay in control. Sleep is vital. Stamping my feet and raising your hands over your head like bear claws helps. Estimating the dimesions of a room, the size of windows, amount of carpeting, counting patterns on wallpaper helps. When all else fails, holding ice packs in your hands until it hurts helps.
Thank you for sharing. If you haven't already, try also Daily Practice (free course). It is a great way to process fears and resentment and it is a good first step to healing: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice. If you'd like to work deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
I had a not so mild concussion at 4yrs, like personality changed drastically.
Pelvic floor dysfunction has strangled my life. I had no understanding that my trauma could cause such muscular damage. Now I am beginning to commit to relaxing because my every day anxiety is 8 out of 10. It's working.
Open to chatting? I've got Pelvic Floor Dysfunction from a surgeon operating on me drunk. Wondering what you're doing that is working. Thanks
Clementine Morrigan does pelvic floor therapy (as a CPTSD patient) and does one-time hour-long talk sessions with people, she may help you
I cannot thank you enough for explaining this so thoroughly and also for repeating it over many videos. This repetition is vital! Iâve been in therapy for nearly four years for cptsd and while is is incredibly helpful, the addition of your videos, somatic exercises and just plain old aerobics is what is making all of the difference for me. Itâs taken me four years of hearing this for it to start sinking in, so for anyone out there whoâs feeling desperate after years of trying to heal, just keep at it. Clarity arrives in pieces and only when you are ready. Thereâs no speeding-up the process, so be patient and try to love yourself â¤
O Lord I go to therapy and my therapist love you.â¤And so do I.
It is extremely difficult, especially when you don't know what the heck it is! I'm SO grateful to learn what's gone on with me most my life. Thank you for speaking to me. â¤
Thank you for being a part of our community here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Dysregulation - like a car radiator overheating, a coffee pot (over) percolating, complete melt down internally.
I had a real shift in this area last week, and I have been waiting for the appropriate video of yours to share it. Like many of us, I have struggled with severe anxiety at different points in my life due to several (especially one) major trauma. I have learned how to avoid triggers, calm triggers and a myriad of other "techniques" to manage the anxiety. Due to a number of contributing factors, the anxiety was off the charts for over a year at various times. It recently led to me getting walking pneumonia, many sleepless nights, etc. One night it occurred to me that instead of trying to "manage" it, I was going to try to let it run its course. I used to work with severely emotionally disturbed children and I was advised that when they had tantrums it was best to let it run its course as they could only sustain that high level of for a certain amount of time.
After many nights of letting this happen, I finally got to the feelings causing the anxiety (sexual abuse by a priest). I had shut the feelings down and been the observer. I finally felt the feelings and I was able to comfort myself and let them go. Of course I was terrified. That was a normal reaction and I felt it. Instead of continuing to go around the trauma and the feelings, I was able to feel them and release them. It is true for me, I need to feel it to heal it. Thanks for all you do Anna.
Something you said touched a chord with me;waking up disregulated. Can you speak to that, please? Iâm 71 and really would like to wake up without it
I was molested as a child. As an older teen and then adult, I would go through times when I would just pass out unconscious for no reason.
I was sent to a neurologist and they did the EEG on my brain. While I was speaking with the neurologist he asked me questions and we chatted away. One thing I mentioned I hate startled very easily. He asked me that if I had been molested. Evidently it's something that's true with people that startle easily.
It's so interesting how our brains work.
I'm happy this video popped up.
I attempted therapy, because I feel like kids that have been abused, I stand out in a crowd. As I was trying to explain this to this therapist. She worked for the county health department. I was 19 out of my own didn't have insurance. This was 30 years ago and so I went to the health department and I'm talking to this therapist that is employed by our government. And I explained to her that I always feel like I stand out and it gives me so much anxiety. After I chatted for a while and explained how I was feeling, she literally said, "well you're a beautiful woman, but you're not the most beautiful woman I've ever seen".
Like she didn't even hear anything I said and what I'm trying to get therapy on how to feel not so beautiful. What the hell is wrong with that woman.
Iâm 52 ..and just going to therapy now ..was feeling so terrible âŚyou can feel better â¤đ it takes time ..and lots of crying âŚlots and lots
What exactly is helping you? Thinking about therapy as well, but I don't believe it will be usefull in my case.
My best therapy so far has been a hypnotherapist who did rebirth coaching. Unfortunately, she has moved to another field. I'm looking for another coach. I'm done with traditional therapy.
Now i know why i find it tricky to listen to you (especially when you read letters). It sounded youre running out of breath (to my ears). Its like I could see the chaos inside. I dont know how to describe it. It's subjective and maybe its just me but I keep going back because your content is gold. Im sorry for saying this. This realization is somehow telling me something. Thank you. đ
I just went through a terrible break up. I now realize I was in deep disregulation. I wish I found your video before I acted out.
Glad you are here now.
Nika@TeamFairy
People really don't understand it when I tell what I'm experiencing and feeling when I'm overwhelmed and deregulated. They hear me saying that I feel scared, but they don't understand the deeper layer of how scared I really am. Because an hour before I was just ok and functioning normal, but when I get triggered, my whole system goes wild. And it's hard to explain this. Also because this information is rather new. Luckily I understand it myself now, because of people like yourself and Gabor MatĂŠ and knowledge from books about the vagus nerve and polyvagal theory. And understanding it makes a difference in my experience. So thank you for explaining things in an easy way
Glad it was helpful!
Nika@TeamFairy
Stuffies are so helpful for me. They love me, I love them. I can snuggle into a pile of sweet, loving, happy faces when I am a complete mess. I can talk to them and just a look at their sweet faces gives me a lift. I even carry a little unicorn around in my purse that I can pet and snuggle when I'm out and about. I am 46 but I don't care if people judge me about stuffies, they give me strength. I'm sensitive about other things but not my love of stuffies lol â¤ď¸đŚ
â¤đ
This is my life. It took me decades to understand any of that. Having fibromyalgia and anxiety makes it not entirely under my control because it's physical damage. Pain/anxiety spiral is self-perpetuating. I have trained myself to recognize when dysregulation could be an issue in relation to personal relationships, and to stop myself from overreacting.
Chronic fatigue and brain fog make it even more challenging.
I've had fibro 36 years. Now even attempting to do anything requiring any level of concentrating, my ears start ringing so loud it is like having a siren going off in your head. It's not subtle that my regulation is out of control. It can happen from just trying to read a newspaper article, or doing Wordle.
This is why I stopped driving 8 years ago because my focus and ability to do it safely are totally shot.
My ability to recognize the dysregulation and years of therapy has made my life better, even though dysregulation is very difficult to control with all of these deficits now. I have a rational observer that is detached.
Something l have found helpful when lm distressed/disregulated is my weighted heated jacket. I got it off of amazon for ÂŁ30. It only works when lm in the house though coz it needs to be plugged in, but it feels like wearing a hug, and since l live alone and don't actually like being touched it provides comfort l can't get any other way. I wish l had discovered it years ago.
Hi,wonderful to hear. Could you please link this weighted vest on Amazon or mention the brand please ? Thank you very much đ¸
@sophie-hb8kp hi Sophie đđ. I tried to copy the link in for you yesterday, but the reply seems to have disappeared, l guess l didn't do it right đ . So l will just write the description instead. It's called 'The comfytemp weighted heat pad for neck'. I bought it in 2023. I hope you are able to find it đ¤đ
The table saw comment caught me off guard and made me laugh embarrassingly loud! đ
I *just* watched a video on table saw safety because I'm rusty.
I am super paranoid about it because my cousin actually cut her hand clean off on a table saw because she was using it while extremely upset. (Thankfully, an amazing surgical team reattached it and it works perfectly fine now.)
Omg, I literally read this comment as I was ÂŤ recovering Âť from bursting out laughing at that.
The absurdity of me even using a table saw, never mind when I canât function made a visual pop up up in my head that was just not ÂŤ processable ÂŤ
Thank you I'm going to be 60 soon and despite years of counselling etc am only just learning what to name the things I deal with. This helped me a lot!!
I adore hearing this as I learned as a child this was my perspective choice and it has really worked and kept me going đđťit is so true and so many of us need this too ââŚyour just shifting gears, youâre changing how you see this and whatâs your role in the world, getting out of suffering and into a cloud of kindness and you turn around one day and youâre going to realize that now youâre having a good day and thatâs how to turn a bad day into a good dayâ
I stay far away from others when I feel this way . Only trusting myself a bit at a time. Itâs so embarrassing to have to face people after.
I had a meltdown last night in a social situation (story story story) but I heard myself raise my voice. That did work to stop the overload, and I left the place. I got a few are you ok texts and responded with no but I will be. Today I have not had any human contact and I really don't want any, but I have plans with friends online. I'm having a hard time focusing on listening to you, which is embarrassing (symptom, yes), but I am going to stop about halfway through here and save this for when I can hear past the mess in my head.
Regarding the woman whoâs letter you read: Iâve been in situations like this more times than I can count. I used to react exactly as she did and my reaction would then lead to guilt on my part, then apologizing for my reaction, then resentment that they didnât apologize for their part of it all. I finally figured out that the root of the problem for me in this particular kind of situation was I had unrealistic expectations. I built events up too much in my head and had it all planned out and settled in my own mind so that when someone else was added to the plans, or just any of the plans changed, it would *always* throw me completely off balance. I had to learn that I canât see how things WILL go, only how they MIGHT. And I had to learn to be more in the moment. So, creating realistic expectations has helped me. Do I always succeed at doing that? No. But life is easier (around family especially) when I stay present and prepared to go with the flow.
I had a moment of bodily revelation after 3 months of daily stretching and poly vagal nerve exercises. I became aware that the right side of my brain was, and had been, very overactive and the left side was not in use. It was amazing to watch this video and hear you say that this is what happens with neurological disregulation. Thank you! After I felt this, I was able to observe this sensation of being âunbalanced in my brainâ and address it âin the momentâ.
I realised I have been disregulated for like the last 5 years. Your channel has really helped and I'm now meditating twice a day and doing the daily practice.
Wonderful!
I'm kinda teary đ˘ listening to this. It feels great to have someone understand my life-long feelings. As a kid, I never understood why i felt so inferior, angry if a friend didn't choose me first ..... I was so different in my class. It was difficult to make friends and keep them too. Then I started to compensate by being too nice until I've come to the point of being extremely overwhelmed from all the people that want to crowd my life right now because I dont feel connected to anyone of them. đ˘ Thank you so much
LOOOVE âYouâre made to be an agent of good!â Getting into Kindness! Could be our new mantra! â¤
Canât eat..stomach shuts down âŚ.yawning helps the vagus nerve ..& deep humming
i use milk for that situation
Today is the 80th day since my husbandâs passing. I claim that detachment is my superpower.
So sorry for your loss â¤
Dysregulation is one of the very few symptoms that appear to be common between autism (ADHD, neurodevelopmental disorders in general) and C-PTSD (I have both), but the "treatment" isn't the same. As an autistic person, being able to freely stim and have my limits/boundaries respected helped a lot.
im seriously crying. this channel has been the best thing ive found ever, ive been dealing with dysregulation but had myself convinced im just an emotional and neurotic person who doesn't deserve close relationships, because i almost always end up hurting someone in a random outburst caused by seemingly nothing, and then immediately come to regret it but get too embarrassed to properly apologize. i actually start therapy in a couple weeks and hope to learn how to deal with this while im ahead so i can properly enjoy my young adult years since i wasnt able to enjoy being a teenager haha. thank you for putting everything so perfectly into words â¤
THANK YOU!!! Finally someone is talking about it, describing it in all detail, addressing what is REALLY going on, that's at the core of the issue and apparently not even being understood by most Therapists! Neurological Dysregulation is in fact the most dominant issue at the root of all the other symptoms! THANK YOU for addressing that topic so honestly!
During covid shut down I made a merino wool blanket (3kg of wool) and my sleeping improved a lot. Sometimes when I feel dysregulated, I put my blenket around me and I feel better đ
I wish I had found your videos sixty years ago. After much therapy it was only when I saw your videos did I really know what was the matter with me over my whole life. It's as if you used me as your model. I finally understand why I have been such a loner (among other things) and why my behavior throughout my life was so different. Your videos also explain others I have known. I could write a book about what i have learned from you.
Thank you so much. No one knew this in the past. At least we are alive now to learn it!
Hi Childhood fairy. I need to tell you my history...when I was 13 I was kicked in the head by a horse...at the right frontal lobe right near the temporal lobe.
This is a great lecture. With the skull fracture (in 1974), all the surgeons could do was to just clean out the head of traumatized tissue. All of the symptoms you describe, every single symptom, is familiar that me..mand I've just become a mess over family dynamics. I've had no therapy for more than 15 years- so struggling right now. I'm having life issues that are more than I can bear. I'll finish listening to you, you are very helpful. Thankyou!!
This was the key to regaining control of my responses --
1. Identifying the sensation of dysregulation when I'm starting to feel like I'll "explode" with an emotional reaction.
2. Recognizing what sort of stimulus sets me off.
As I continue to learn about myself, I can better control how I respond during high stress moments.
The "string mop in my face" illustration is a familiar feeling. When I know I must do a necessary but stressful task, I get the sensation that "things" are physically in my way. I've noticed that I respond by first controlling the "things" that might interfere. Clothes must be comfortable, sleeves off my wrists. My hair must be tied up so it doesn't behave like that string mop in my face! Yes! Excellent description of that feeling! Either I want Silence or Music that Doesn't Require "Language Processing." No movies, no news, no sports. And I need a drink of water and a potty break before I start my task.
While watching this, I realized that I haven't taken notice of the symptoms in the early stages of dysregulation. Thank you for the nudge to pay better attention to my own presence -- "mindfulness"?
â¤ď¸âđŠšđŠšđ¤
Thanks so much for your insight!
Nika@TeamFairy
Iâve loved this breakdown and anecdotes but I canât shift the feeling of heal shaming that youâre only ok if youâve found a way to move ahead if you accept what happened. Sometimes people are crap, but trauma people are very dialled into it.
Iâve got a new one for you, Anna. My dear mother who is the prime (not so bad now due to working what Iâve learned from Crappy Childhood Fairy) who finally was giving me the âcrumbsâ I desperately needed from at least age 12 (my journals prove this has been ongoing since childhood)
The reason: my latest single release.
How did I feel when she gave me a crumb today? Like I won the lottery! Instantly I did a lot of regulating
I was overwhelmed by her attention that I desired for over 40 years
Sad, I know, but now since Iâve been studying your videos, itâs actually nice to feel whole. I didnât need her âbread crumbs â like I used to
I owe you a huge thank you
Even more, I am a testament that your channel has made a positive impact on my inner self.
A year ago I would have reacted so differently. And again, I would have been in the squirrel cageâŚ. Not today. Itâs taken so much work to feel good about myself against all the âcrappyâ messages ingrained in the brain. Omg Iâm so thankful to your channel to share the insight. You are brave indeed
Using a foam roller for my back release tension and helps regulate with my bodyâs stress reaction and come back to reality .
Oh, Anna, your situation with the vendor was pretty much an exact script of an exchange I had with my boss recently. This person was treating me exactly as you felt from this vendor, that I blew up and raised my voice in anger. I felt very embarrassed and terrible, even though I think this person was in the wrong and treated me poorly. But I was ruminating with regret for 2-3 weeks. I'm trying my best to have more patience and grace with myself and this person moving forward, but dealing with challenging people who trigger and disregulate us is very hard.
Same. I totally lost my sh..t at a fitness venue recently.
They were in the wrong but.....
I behaved so much like the angry hurt person hurting another
It was such a lesson for me
@@2blackcatz426 Ugh, that sucks and it's so hard when we lose it like that. I get really embarassed and feel exposed, and that others will judge me harshly. But I hope we can give ourselves compassion and grace when we can't hold in our feelings any longer and being a bit more authentic. At least we recognize our behavior and know what we can do next time. :)
Thank you so much for this information! When someone, specifically a male, says something offensive to me I get this shutdown feeling, I don't show emotion and I can't come up with any words! My mind is screaming No, but I just can't respond in the moment. It's a horrible feeling.
How the hell did I happen upon this RIGHT AFTER I spent an hour trying to explain it to my counselor? Holy shit! Itâs so spot on!! Thank you!!!! â¤
I'm so glad you found the video! -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm the opposite. I get extremely focused and I'm not clumsy. My physical senses are almost supernatural. I get quiet but my thoughts are working to make me appear normal for what the situation requires.
I have never truly seen normal because I believe at times it's subjective.
For example our work environment. All of them are abusive to some degree.
Three minutes in, and youâre talking about me! đ
Iâve been diagnosed ptsd, adhd, and borderline ⌠these first minutes description of dysregulation symptoms are primarily the reason for my borderline diagnosis.
I help care for a friends mom. She is almost 70, 2 years ago was the first time since she was a little girl that she was finally safe. Her daughter and I believe it is super important that she is heard and not overwhelmed with things. The biggest shut down for her seems to be with Dr's. So I go to all her appointments and sit in there with her. She is doing so much better now.
Thank you for this, I didnât have the words to describe this. I tried therapy for a long time and I had a hard time making any progress at all because I couldnât describe what I was experiencing because I just couldnât think clearly for years. I have autism and adhd along with the trauma, which makes being disregulated or overstimulated a constant. I started learning about cptsd recently and just understanding whatâs happening to me more and itâs made all of the symptoms easier to manage, I have no doubt dysregulation makes my adhd much worse. Iâve been so frustrated reading research about adhd and mental health recently because it seems when things like more intense adhd symptoms and longer times times spent in mental health facilities is correlated they always assume the adhd is what caused it, not that there is something making both things worse. The research on adhd and the comorbidity with other disorders is highly lacking, adhd is a neurodivergence that ppl are born with we know that. The differences in adhd and non-adhd children are apparent very early on, I wish ppl could accept that multiple things can be true at once. ADHD by itself can be a nuisance and it can be awesome depending on the situation AND there are possibly comorbid disorders that make symptoms worse or can bring out maladaptive behaviors that make it worse. Itâs all true, mental health needs to be looked at from every perspective possible and Iâm so frustrated with this field not looking at things through our eyes, the people suffering from these conditions. Itâs not an either or, brains are so confusing. Each person will probably need multiple types of interventions at once to get better, something our current model of mental health doesnât like to accommodate. Sorry about the rant, this video just got me thinking.
I regret my words and thoughts and I shut down. So much conflict and turmoil inside
Mix this with spiritual abuse you have perfect shut down post 50yr old wondering what use she has to even wake the next morning đ
Don't be so hard on yourself. I felt that way and at one point ended up in the hospital with babesiosis, a tick-bourne disease. I was so sick that I was delirious and almost died three times.
The point is my friends stepped up, all on their own, and took shifts to care for my dog and cat.
You may not believe it is true right now, but you matter to other people. I didn't see it, I just tried to help out people. When it came to my illness they all came to help me of their own accord. It made me understand that there are some people who want to help and give back to you. You are a part of their lives, no matter how small you are that part as in your mind.
When I was going through a bad period, I would never have been able to think about any of this.
I was taking some really bad medication đ˘ Prednisone. UGH
Two weeks of A. Muscaria and Lion´s Mane together was incredibly helpful in this regard.
Aloha đ how much of each ? Add niacin, Vit A & hyloronic acid. Parasite cleanse ( difficult detox) đ