Childhood Neglect and the Struggle to Form an Identity

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  • čas přidán 14. 05. 2024
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    A chaotic and neglectful family life can deprive a child of forming an identity - not just who they are, but what they like, and what they might like to pursue in their lives. In adulthood, you may try to fill this empty space with relationships - or rather, the IDEA of a relationship - to give you direction and a sense that your life matters, and that you’re REAL. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call Bea, and she writes:
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Komentáře • 195

  • @frankendoll1455
    @frankendoll1455 Před 25 dny +29

    I pre ordered the hardcover within 10 minutes of your email, can't wait to get it in my hands in October!!!! Soooooo proud of you, and to be following you Anna!!!! And thank you for helping me save myself!!!!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

  • @thegoodsleepworkshop6158
    @thegoodsleepworkshop6158 Před 25 dny +250

    I wouldn't presume to offer anyone any advice, but for anyone interested, this is what helps me:
    - Clean your house and get rid of clutter.
    - Eat healthy meals, stop alcohol, limit sugar to a total minimum.
    - Get some light exercise, walk, some sunshine, and get enough sleep.
    - Do a budget and make a start on getting rid of as much debt if you can.
    - Make lists of things you need to do - especially anything niggling on you mind - put everything on a list and get it done.
    - Don't gossip or badmouth others.
    - Become highly competent at something you love (a new skill, a hobby, a learn a language, anything you love)
    - Be confident, even if you need to pretend, and don't overly worry what people think.

    • @monikagin
      @monikagin Před 25 dny +12

      Thank you
      Take home points for me are budgeting and confidence 👌
      I was already doing others.
      But everytime I tried a hobby or work, I felt like an imposter and quit soon. I guess pretence is okay if it leads to confidence, which will overtime lead to competence, I hope so.

    • @ar-onefive7270
      @ar-onefive7270 Před 25 dny +16

      These are fabulous, and to-the-point, common-sense suggestions. At age 65, I'm subconsciously trying to kill myself. I do EVERYTHING wrong. I feel as if I need a gigantic PUSH to get going before it's too late. I wrote every, single one of these down. This was definitely meant for me to see today. THANK YOU SO MUCH, AND BLESS YOU 💕😊!!!

    • @Captain_MonsterFart
      @Captain_MonsterFart Před 25 dny +1

      @@monikagin I was recently given advice by a successful artist to learn to love imposter syndrome. Fake it till you make it, in other words. Everyone feels it, even very talented people!!

    • @Captain_MonsterFart
      @Captain_MonsterFart Před 25 dny +1

      These are things I am currently working on. Mixed results so far but surely it'll get me somewhere in the end. Clutter is the hard one for some reason! It's driving me mad.

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  Před 25 dny +7

      Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

  • @andeannafarnes4719
    @andeannafarnes4719 Před 26 dny +188

    When a guy tells you who they are. Believe what they say

    • @deb4610
      @deb4610 Před 26 dny +7

      Truth ❤

    • @LexiSanat
      @LexiSanat Před 25 dny +1

      Shows* not tell. He told me he was a Christian… turns about he was an abusive porn addict

    • @seabreeze4559
      @seabreeze4559 Před 25 dny +8

      a threat of self-deletion is still a threat

    • @krembryle7903
      @krembryle7903 Před 25 dny +14

      Or when your family shows you who they are.

    • @BudFuddlacker
      @BudFuddlacker Před 25 dny +8

      Why did you single out men with your comment? As if that doesn’t apply to cheating narcissistic females as well

  • @elizabethsmith6408
    @elizabethsmith6408 Před 25 dny +61

    I love how engaged Anna is when she reads the letters. She really cares about her community.

  • @helensophia2900
    @helensophia2900 Před 25 dny +59

    He knows what he is doing. As an addict he knows she is addicted to his intermittent reinforcement. It is sadistic how he uses her, breadcrumbs her and still tells her he doesn't want her.Major cognitive dissonance. Leave him,he will not hurt himself,his behaviour is narcissistic.

    • @melanieborduas8687
      @melanieborduas8687 Před 23 dny +9

      That’s my only issue with Anna saying the girls behavior making her unlovable because the person doesn’t have to “fight” for you. I don’t think this guy would magically become a loving partner for the right person. He also has a long history of failed relationships.
      This story hit close to home for me so maybe it’s wishful thinking but whenever I hear that it’s a girls fault for not respecting herself it really hits that “you weren’t good enough” core wound.

  • @artisticagi
    @artisticagi Před 25 dny +35

    10:52 when someone pulls away you become desperate to pull them closer which is a trauma response that doesn’t make sense

    • @pauladuncanadams1750
      @pauladuncanadams1750 Před 25 dny +1

      That's it right there!

    • @echase416
      @echase416 Před 23 dny +9

      But it made sense when they were a child. Trying to reengage a neglectful or unavailable parent. Children need their parents for survival.

    • @lowlowseesee
      @lowlowseesee Před 20 dny +1

      @@echase416 exactly. CCF says that once you carry that into your adulthood it becomes maladaptive. its no longer serving anyone carrying it as a template in their romantic relationships

  • @kattilathehunfreedomfighter

    Ugh. 🤦‍♀️ I now realize that all my life I've been the ULTIMATE crapfitter and cool girl. I never would have learned this knowledge without this amazing woman, counselor, mentor, the one and only amazing Anna the Crappy Childhood Fairy. I'm so mad at myself because I wasted all my best years, my prime, on all these worthless men. I'm now 51, no children, and feel like being alone is my plight. I have totally shut down and dissociated the past two years. I hate being alone because I have so much to give, but the thought of being close with a man ever again makes my skin crawl. Way too much damage and I'm too tired at this point to care to fix it.

    • @christinelamb1167
      @christinelamb1167 Před 25 dny +14

      Wow, my feelings exactly! And I'm 60 (also no children).

    • @kattilathehunfreedomfighter
      @kattilathehunfreedomfighter Před 25 dny +10

      @@christinelamb1167 I'm so sorry for your circumstances, sister. But I do feel some comfort knowing that I'm not as alone as I feel in this whole thing because of your reply. Sending you a big hug 🤗😘🌻💚

    • @sabrinelan
      @sabrinelan Před 25 dny +17

      We still have ourselves. We still have this beautiful world to witness if we try. We never know what could grow out of our passions, gifts, and life goals.

    • @kattilathehunfreedomfighter
      @kattilathehunfreedomfighter Před 25 dny +4

      @@sabrinelan Thank you, sister. That was beautiful and gives me a glimmer of hope..🤗😘🌻💚

    • @shaunaperez6684
      @shaunaperez6684 Před 25 dny +7

      I’m sure you have lots to give. I too am 51, spent 29 years doing said crapfitting and had seven kids. But I’m looking forward with what I can share with the world. Do the healing work, get settled in yourself, being comfortable with yourself, then the right kind of guy will find you. I’m praying for and working on that myself.

  • @janethagen3385
    @janethagen3385 Před 25 dny +49

    SADDEST SONG EVER :
    “I can’t make you love me if you don’t.
    I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.
    But here in the dark,
    In the final hours,
    I will lay down my heart
    And I’ll feel the power,
    But you won’t, no you won’t
    Cause I can’t make you love me
    If you don’t.” (Bonnie Raitt)

    • @AllUserNamesAreUsed
      @AllUserNamesAreUsed Před 22 dny +1

      This song is so painful to listen to

    • @gottabme
      @gottabme Před 17 dny

      I remember when it played constantly on the radio. For me, ( long before Bonnie), it was "Little Girl Blue", by Janis Joplin.

  • @5150Targeted
    @5150Targeted Před 26 dny +65

    Growing up I thought my name was either "too" or "shut up".. I was either "too" loud, hyper, emotional, dramatic, needy...OR just "shut up"!

    • @Anonymas-di6zc
      @Anonymas-di6zc Před 26 dny +4

      Know that, I began to talk very fast to take less time.... I was told my sentense where to long.... It's you talking again ?
      Even here I have the feeling I need to make it short, but don't last.... I see my cptsd in action now, wow what a change...

    • @marystellarosetarot5700
      @marystellarosetarot5700 Před 25 dny +6

      Me too!!! Always too much. Have been trying to reprogram myself for what seems my entire life

    • @5150Targeted
      @5150Targeted Před 25 dny +5

      @@marystellarosetarot5700 worst part? I keep people pleasing people I shouldn't want validation from! @#$!

    • @maddi3582
      @maddi3582 Před 25 dny +3

      Folk outside the family would tell me I was shy. Inside the family - bossy, stroppy and loud! 🤷‍♀️

    • @marystellarosetarot5700
      @marystellarosetarot5700 Před 25 dny +4

      @@5150Targeted being around them can be a trigger that makes us relapse... I can relate

  • @cindyj5522
    @cindyj5522 Před 24 dny +23

    This was me until the age of 58. 35 years of struggling to find a relationship with someone where I felt accepted so that I could relax and trust. When I emotionally separated from my second ex and let go of the idea of being with a man, I did a complete 180. The idea of having to worry about what a man thinks of me, needs from me, demands of me or does to me is anathema. Relationship seems like slavery to me now, and I would rather be alone than beholden or responsible to another person.

    • @gottabme
      @gottabme Před 17 dny +1

      I said something very similar on this channel a short time ago.

    • @ushere5791
      @ushere5791 Před 12 dny +3

      there is a great deal of joy and satisfaction in living our own lives in our own ways by our own rules on our own terms. it's exhilarating!

    • @gottabme
      @gottabme Před 12 dny +3

      @@ushere5791 Indeed! I wouldn't trade a few bouts of loneliness, for all that drama of long ago! I can take that lonely little child to the garden, where she was only able to plant a couple of tomatoes, and sit with her. We watch them grow, and thank the heavens above that we finally found the peace, in just being still! At least, that's how it works for me. (And maybe a few others, whom I am blessed to know!) Much joy to you, Friend!✌️

  • @PalettePrincess97
    @PalettePrincess97 Před 26 dny +98

    Shoutout to those who were born and brought into the world without any purpose. Unfortunately a lot of parents have kids for welfare checks and no purpose to even care for them. Definitely hurts.

    • @marystellarosetarot5700
      @marystellarosetarot5700 Před 26 dny +19

      It's not just for welfare checks, sometimes they want a picket fence dream without having to do the work, but yeah, shoutout to the realist of real ones 💪

    • @angelisa368
      @angelisa368 Před 25 dny +6

      @paletteprincess97
      This is validating. Sending hugs. ❤

    • @krembryle7903
      @krembryle7903 Před 25 dny +8

      I dunno why they had me, maybe I was an accident, but my brother was born "so I had someone to play with". Sad we never had a good relationship. He was 5 years younger and I could never relate to him.

    • @G-host0069
      @G-host0069 Před 25 dny +7

      I was repeatedly told “I was told to abort you”

    • @susancohen9534
      @susancohen9534 Před 25 dny +6

      @@G-host0069 Oh, how very sad. Think of the children that didn't make it to live their life. These are selfish people who are mentally children themselves. What a sick world we live in.

  • @l.landren544
    @l.landren544 Před 25 dny +16

    Wow, this person's childhood was SO MUCH like mine (complete with a violent brother whom I had to forgive over and over, mentally ill mom who either loved on me or exploded, and a trucker dad who showed up rarely). And I have had "love" relationships just as messed up, too. I feel bad for my younger self, she was desperate to be loved and only knew how to look for it in the worst possible people, because they felt like family.

    • @roseysimpson2992
      @roseysimpson2992 Před 15 dny +2

      Oh my god hit the nail on the head there why we choose crappy partners because they feel so familiar 😞

    • @ushere5791
      @ushere5791 Před 12 dny +1

      @@roseysimpson2992 exactly. my first ex reminded me of my abusive-neglectful parents; my second ex reminded me of my narcissistic sibling. been single and happy ever since that second divorce!

  • @uui219
    @uui219 Před 25 dny +26

    "Only date people who are excited to date you." That's LITERALLY never happened to me. I can't get ANY romantic attraction from ANYONE I actually value without chasing. I have to lower my standards sooooooo far down to find someone who is excited to date me. 😂

    • @sophirichmanfletcher4657
      @sophirichmanfletcher4657 Před 24 dny +14

      Don't lower your standards or that's all you'll get. I got so tired of people telling me to do that!! I used to say, if I lower them anymore I might as well wait outside the jail when they release people. 😳🤦‍♀️😡 Focus on you, and finding what makes you happy, without a partner. If you're out doing fun stuff, meaningful stuff, maybe you can meet someone then, but don't have that as the goal.

    • @ushere5791
      @ushere5791 Před 12 dny

      @@sophirichmanfletcher4657 amen!! my parents used to tell me to lower my standards. i ended up nearly killing myself (i was on the verge of getting cancer) from an abusive-neglectful 14 yr marriage to someone who wasn't even honest with me re who they were when we got married...then i rebounded into a (thankfully) short marriage with a narcissist because i was so starved for interaction. lowering our standards any further we might as well hang out in the morgue! ;D (i never said i didn't have a sicko sense of humor!) i've been free for the past 10 years, living alone, taking care of what's important to me, having my own permanent home for the first time in my life, and having a really great life with no romantic partner since the second ex. a friend tried to tell me that someone was interested in me, so i opened the door to the possibility of relationship...but since it turns out that my friend was wrong and the person isn't interested, i'm on the verge of closing it again...and i'm considering nailing it shut for good this time because why mess with a good thing?

    • @jenniferburton7044
      @jenniferburton7044 Před 6 dny +1

      @@sophirichmanfletcher4657Not waiting outside the jail 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 OMG I needed this laugh

  • @northerngaltrue
    @northerngaltrue Před 25 dny +24

    Thank you Anna. It was uncomfortable hearing my own behavior echoed in this woman’s story. Just different players. It’s easy to crapfit any relationship - family member, child, friend, partner. But your genuine concern and clear “that’s not okay” as you advise her is a wake up call. I’ll be listening to this one again.

  • @linyCi
    @linyCi Před 26 dny +36

    How beautiful is your blouse! 🌻

  • @marv3914
    @marv3914 Před 25 dny +13

    I'm a 28 yo man and I can relate to some of her struggles. Having grown in an problem-ridden household, and being exposed to too many stressful/traumatic events I spent most of my early teens shifting my focus to getting a girlfriend. Never heard a word about taking therapy or guidance to prioritize mental health over relationships. At this age I did most of the work, but it is a struggle to make others grasp why I was single for so long. As I'm not financially stable yet it is pretty hard to attract a prospective girlfriend to be with you, despite being alright all in all (as described by my own circle), fit, having enough fun hobbies and interests.

    • @rhinoskin7550
      @rhinoskin7550 Před 18 dny +1

      Yes. It's unfortunately a biased situation. We have to save ourselves first, then we can invite others to join.. such a messed up situation, lol. I feel you, man.

  • @Rotting12
    @Rotting12 Před 22 dny +10

    Poor girl she’s traumatised and her need for attention turned her into the cool girl

  • @pauladuncanadams1750
    @pauladuncanadams1750 Před 25 dny +9

    I know this person because it was me. And my heart and soul goes out to this person. So desperately needing that love to be reciprocated from someone who can't and never will. Oh how I wish I had a Crappy Childhood Fairy of my own way back when! It took a very long time but I'm not desperate and needy anymore. And I'm never alone because I've always got me.

  • @natalie77867
    @natalie77867 Před 25 dny +10

    We've all been there - looking for some guy to rescue us. Joining a 12-Step group and getting into regular serious therapy has helped me change myself, and my life. Not perfect but at least I can see the pattern now.

  • @mlr4524
    @mlr4524 Před 25 dny +18

    I often have to "pause & process" during these types of videos. Today's pause-worthy word for me is INDIFFERENCE. My unready birthmother was indifferent to my existence. My alcoholic/abusive adoptive parents were often indifferent (to any emotional needs). My adoptive and biological siblings are all indifferent to my very existence. And like the letter writer and many commenters I often 'chose' unavailable / indifferent quasi-potential 'partners'. Too late now to have my own family (beyond those with fur) but glad this type of content is available freely to others now. Just working on getting out of survival mode and trying to exist, never mind thrive (which seems far too unlikely now, though not impossible).

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  Před 25 dny +1

      It is possible and you deserve to thrive! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

    • @racqueljp
      @racqueljp Před 25 dny +1

      Sending Strength of Love
      💕🙏🏼💕

    • @sophirichmanfletcher4657
      @sophirichmanfletcher4657 Před 24 dny +1

      Hey from a fellow adoptee. When i finally stood up and realized I deserve better, stepped away from the toxic people in my life because I could see that not only did they not have their own act together, they didn't generally give me healthy advice either, and just started traveling a new path, I feel like my whole situation changed. I trusted God to take me down a better road, to help me form healthier relationships, mostly with older women who serve as surrogate moms and have provided a lot of healing. I volunteer twice a month with a homeless ministry and that's a great way to stay humble, serve others, and make some new friends. I work to educate people on the pitfalls/trauma related to adoption in my spare time. 💪😉👊💞🙏

  • @MrLetmein2011
    @MrLetmein2011 Před 26 dny +28

    Two years ago I fell in “ love “ with a guy 30 years younger than myself. I came to find out he is a drug addict, he’s has an avoidant attachment style and is a very unhealthy person in every way.
    This channel helped me get through that horrible time .

    • @Anonymas-di6zc
      @Anonymas-di6zc Před 26 dny +1

      Happy for you that it's over.
      Hope you'r ok 👍

    • @idid138
      @idid138 Před 26 dny +8

      I don't get falling in love with someone so much younger. You should question your own health. This goes for men & women. Just my opinion. Hope you can find someone more compatible.

    • @lion5452
      @lion5452 Před 25 dny

      ​@@idid138Exxxcitement

    • @clonejones7955
      @clonejones7955 Před 25 dny +7

      It's not "healthy" to want to be with someone 30 years younger.

    • @claudiobeachball
      @claudiobeachball Před 25 dny +1

      @@idid138sure, but hindsight’s 20/20

  • @rihanhashim4321
    @rihanhashim4321 Před 25 dny +6

    The title of this clip hit me deep as I was neglected as a child, unknowingly got 'caught' by a narc husband and now struggling to define myself, to be authentic.
    As someone who experienced neglect in my parents' house, it is hard to realise the impact, how it affects me and what I am missing.
    Because neglect is 'not loud'.
    Thanks for the video, Anna ❤.

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  Před 24 dny +1

      Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. Hope you will find help here.
      Nika@TeamFairy

    • @ushere5791
      @ushere5791 Před 12 dny

      yes! neglect is not loud! and it's heavenly compared to active abuse.

  • @melissaconrad4665
    @melissaconrad4665 Před 25 dny +12

    While she may not have been responsible for how her parents turned out- I know exactly how she feels. It's a feeling of responsibility and guilt. The loser dude thing- unfortunately, know this feeling as well. I did kick the loser to the curb after too many years. I never looked back and have decided alone is a very fulfilling place to be.

  • @tonyabraggs4721
    @tonyabraggs4721 Před 26 dny +17

    This sounds eerily familiar to my last relationship. Thank you for sharing your advice.

  • @thecommonsensecapricorn
    @thecommonsensecapricorn Před 22 dny +6

    I dated a guy 5 months ago who, the first time we hung out, told me he attempted to hang himself to get his exes attention. That she found him returning to consciousness on the floor because the ceiling fan broke or something, and that he asked “why wouldn’t you save me?” Repeatedly. He didn’t say this and go “that was horrible of me, I’ve grown from that experience, I was in a fucked up place”. No he was just sharing that story. Like this writer, I found it endearing that he would share such an ugly and horrific part of his past with me. Smh. He ended up to be insanely jealous and controlling and emotionally unstable, we only lasted 2 months.

    • @peaceforyou-ag
      @peaceforyou-ag Před 14 dny

      I had a colleague share the same experience with me. I guess he wanted to be heard. I understood him as I've been in similar emotions but he's too traumatised to be around. I keep my boundary with him.

  • @seabreeze4559
    @seabreeze4559 Před 25 dny +10

    OP don't be a hospice care kid and you don't have to be parentified because of your brother. Go no contact with anyone angry or violent. You are NOT his parent.

  • @johngallagher72
    @johngallagher72 Před 25 dny +4

    With a home life like that what kind of chance did Bea have. 🙏❤🙏She finds the peace love and joy we are all looking for. 🙏❤🙏

  • @beverlyhayshouston2770
    @beverlyhayshouston2770 Před 25 dny +8

    I just put up boundaries and dumped crap-fit friends.

  • @ushere5791
    @ushere5791 Před 12 dny

    oh, this dear lady! she's going to be ok, but ugh what a hard road for her to get to ok!! it's so difficult to overcome the temptation to devalue ourselves.... there's someone i have a thing for, and i've been doing a lot of volunteer work for them. someone i love (!!) has been telling me for a long time that the person is into me, and i held out hope for a long time, but i finally had to admit to myself that i see no evidence of it! so, after months of hard volunteer work, it finally started to affect my health. so i came up with an exit strategy. and i will pull the trigger on it on my own terms so that i can leave the rest of the team in good shape without causing myself any further mental, physical, or emotional harm.

  • @t3hsis324
    @t3hsis324 Před 25 dny +5

    God this is rough listening to her story. I have a really dysfunctional family, fucked off to another country cause i thought i found love. Like her, I felt like if i could just find the right person everything else would fall into place. I realize it isnt how it works, but you desperately just want to be loved. 😞

  • @yvonnesegers3214
    @yvonnesegers3214 Před 26 dny +10

    Anna, I’m só glad with your program!
    I’m learning a lot from it.
    Thank you very much!

  • @Jo-whoknowshowmany
    @Jo-whoknowshowmany Před 20 dny +2

    Extremely helpful. Some major points resonated, I will be watching this again. Thank you crappy childhood fairy, sound advice. To the writer, know that you are not alone in ending up in situations like this.

  • @carolinar4973
    @carolinar4973 Před 25 dny +13

    Anna, me and my family are going through a huge trauma right now: our home state, Rio Grande do Sul, in Brazil, has had huge unprecedented rains and floods, leaving over 2 million affected and 100 thousand homeless. There are still 46 cities in state of public calamity. The rain washed everything away, covered the cities, killed people and animals, a current so strong it took brick houses, bridges and roads away. It was so fast people could save nothing, many not even their pets, their family... A month for the water to go down. People trapped in contaminated water, no food, no clean water, no energy... All we want to do is cry, for help and of despair... Our people are broken 💔 How do we go from here? How do we heal from it? 😢 Things are so traumatic right now... A war scenario. And it will keep raining, climate change is not a joke. It will happen again and again. How can we survive the next 50 years while keeping sanity?
    Thank you for your beautiful work ❤

    • @lela888
      @lela888 Před 25 dny

      Brazilians…very bad karma

    • @carolinar4973
      @carolinar4973 Před 25 dny +1

      @@lela888 Wow. That sure helps a lot, thanks. Do you even know where Brazil is? Do you know our states? Our culture?

    • @Captain_MonsterFart
      @Captain_MonsterFart Před 25 dny +1

      Wow how awful!! I can imagine how scary that must be.

    • @martyvirtue4051
      @martyvirtue4051 Před 25 dny +1

      Climate change is man made dear.

    • @gottabme
      @gottabme Před 17 dny +2

      ​@@martyvirtue4051I agree. Doesn't make it any less devastating to those who are it's victims, right? (Lahaina, Maui, HI and many more.) I am so sorry for all the lives lost, destroyed, and devastated. 💔

  • @onetuliptree
    @onetuliptree Před 25 dny +2

    Thank you for reading this letter and shine the light where it is needed.

  • @sophirichmanfletcher4657
    @sophirichmanfletcher4657 Před 24 dny +1

    "You didn't cause it. You can't control it, and you can't cure it." 👊

  • @theworldneedsyou111
    @theworldneedsyou111 Před 25 dny +1

    This is so beautiful thank you for posting this! 🙌🏻🤗

  • @terisalund3367
    @terisalund3367 Před 19 dny +5

    When you’re raised by immature bullying narcissistic parents with a golden sibling & non stop told what a disappointment you are in every way possible. Behind your back bad mouthed to all the relatives. But don’t understand why they aren’t kind to you. And you know stuff is wrong but don’t trust yourself. Then someone shows interest. Flatters you. Wants you. You don’t see or trust the red flags. Or make excuses for them. Until it’s undeniable. And a parent, that doesn’t know the details, says, “what did you do? Who’d want you anyway” Because there was repetition from your mother about just as easy to marry rich as poor. And college is for getting a husband. And you need a man to take care of you. You fall for it again. Charm, flattery & b. s. And just wanting to be loved. And stay to long, again until it’s undeniable. And you do it again. And you think this guy is kind. But he’s really not. And each time you pick yourself up from bottom or below and carry on. There is child from the first marriage that is my main thought & responsibility. Way way more than to myself. And I’m still getting negative toxicity from parents. Opposite of support. Making it harder. I’ve gone to counseling throughout. Not gotten any real help. Was put on Prozac. Not helpful. Then I took an eye opening class from a psychologist called “how to get along with anyone”. Asked if she’d take me on as private client. She did. A few weeks in she asked to run some questions by me. Quite a few. Said I had a very strong case of c-ptsd. Changed my life. I had a path. I’m 70 now. Still learning. Son is grown. We don’t have a close bond. Breaks my heart. But I understand. Still regret not finding the love of my life instead of user/ abusers. I’m financially poor but my independence & freedom are gold. I understand that I’m a sensitive, empath , INFP with c-ptsd. And a frickin Pisces🙀 Knowing all that I wish I had a heart connection to a person. I’m always checking new male friends as potentials. And I chap myself for doing it. Even though I can’t imagine being in a relationship. I’m a narcissist magnet with trust issues. Including trusting myself.

    • @gottabme
      @gottabme Před 17 dny +1

      It never ceases to amaze me, how nearly identical these experiences have been, for so many of us. Living with narc/abuse, you feel so isolated and alone; and you can't make sense of it to even talk about with ppl, because you think it's you. (And there never seems to be a shortage of folks to tell you exactly what's wrong with you, given half a chance! lol) Then you find out that a whole lotta ppl went through the SAME thing? 😱 Yeah, I don't trust myself much, either, but at least we know we're not... any of that stuff they said we were! ✌️

    • @roseysimpson2992
      @roseysimpson2992 Před 15 dny +1

      Doesn't matter if you 70 at 70 you could find someone to love 😊 I'm also a pisces, infj I think, I'm very sensitive but I've grown to hide it pretty well, I grew up with an alcoholic father and emotionally unstable mother. 3 other siblings. My father was always out or at work I missed him and felt he didn't like me. At times he showed me love but at other times he would hit me. I grew up with a void inside me but didn't realise it was beacuse of my father. I drank alcohol as a young adult and tried drugs. I had a boyfriend at 15 I always went out with. I guess it was so escape being at home. And I subconsciously needed a man to rescue me and fill the void. I attracted bullies and narcissistic men. I've been on a path of healing for at least 2 years now. I knew I was leaving him a long time ago I just needed the strength, I was in therapy and realozong he was a narc abuser. I thought I'd marry this man have his kids but I started to observe him and what I saw I didn't like and I knew I had to get out. I suffered with my mental and physical health I still am. But I have peace now and I'm not inside it I a getting flashbacks and memories of things he said and done. I will never go back to him. And I'm 31 starting life again. I'm realizing now what healthy love is and what is not healthy. At 31😂 in working on my bounderies everyone needs them.

  • @haikuMandi5048
    @haikuMandi5048 Před 23 dny +1

    Thanks again to Anna for reminding us where the crazies come from😅

  • @flumpyflumpy3515
    @flumpyflumpy3515 Před 23 dny +1

    Hit the nail on the head ❤️

  • @tim2154
    @tim2154 Před 24 dny +1

    ohgod, this was so hard to listen to. my heart goes to you.

  • @2blackcatz426
    @2blackcatz426 Před 24 dny +3

    Love 'crapfitting'

  • @DarlingsDomain
    @DarlingsDomain Před 24 dny

    Wow i needed this video it was very close to my childhood

  • @MsSwankie10
    @MsSwankie10 Před 26 dny +3

    Hi.

  • @helena3970
    @helena3970 Před 24 dny +4

    A nuclear waste site 😆
    Sad, but how accurate!

  • @tomtbi
    @tomtbi Před 25 dny

    One of my therapists reccommended a program to help me build healthier relationships.... Sounds this might be a good idea for Bee to look at too....

  • @biba350
    @biba350 Před 25 dny +2

    This story is kind of my life
    I was in 10 year relationship that should have ended many years ago he ghosted me few times throughout the 10 years what I'd like to know was this hin telling me he didnt want to be with me or was the using it as a controlling behaviour
    Thanks Anna love your channel have learnt so much appreciate all you do

  • @lillianedwards11
    @lillianedwards11 Před 10 dny

    The part where he is saying he is pulling away because he doesn't want her to see him in this pain is not normally kindness in theses cases it is manipulation through use of victim role

    • @lillianedwards11
      @lillianedwards11 Před 10 dny

      Narcissists also use death threats to keep people close

  • @rhinoskin7550
    @rhinoskin7550 Před 18 dny +1

    I'm a guy and feel lost without a woman, but unfortunately, that is much much much less attractive than a woman who needs a man.

  • @UniquelyHerz
    @UniquelyHerz Před 25 dny +4

    ❤❤❤ ❤❤

  • @D.M.S.
    @D.M.S. Před 25 dny +3

    I'm thinking about writing you a letter. How do I do that?

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  Před 24 dny +1

      If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
      Nika@TeamFairy

  • @KoolT
    @KoolT Před 25 dny +1

    Nah, take breaks between

  • @JackieMoss
    @JackieMoss Před 19 dny +2

    I hate hearing the truth

  • @1973onigiri
    @1973onigiri Před 24 dny +1

    I had been with unavailable guys in the past, and the latest one really send me backwards. My childhood is full of trauma, abuse and to not let me express my feelings. I'm 50, no kids and don't know what's my purpose in life is still. I wanted a family and a husband that cares about me and gives me the world. But I have been hurt so many times that when I thought he was the right person, he friendzone me. I'm not dating right now. I'm on therapy. (but I wish it could be everyday) I treating him like a friend, but I need to be alone. I'm done with that dream of being in love and all that.

  • @kit2564
    @kit2564 Před 18 dny

    HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO READ MOST MEN? SOME ARE REALLY GOOD AT
    MAKING YOU FEEL SPECIAL? IN TH 70'S I READ "HOW TO BE YOUR OWN BEST
    FRIEND" -- THIS THIN BOOK REALLY HELPED......IT REALLY HLPED

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  Před 18 dny

      Yes, I read that book in the 70s, when I was in high school and it really helped me too.

  • @GrammaMellow1
    @GrammaMellow1 Před 13 dny

    Thank God I do not suffer being lost without a man. I can use some help with Heavy lifting, however, I do not NEED a man. A reciprocal partner would be cool 😎

  • @caoillainn
    @caoillainn Před 25 dny +1

    We're not all Straight....

  • @chaimabch3629
    @chaimabch3629 Před 22 dny

    You said the quiz is free, but it's not 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  Před 22 dny

      It most certainly is. Dozens and even hundreds of people take it every day.

  • @G-host0069
    @G-host0069 Před 25 dny +1

    I am a man 🧐😝

  • @margaretmcclellan5744
    @margaretmcclellan5744 Před 25 dny +9

    One of your best; I’ve watched it 4 times already, but/I recognized myself-you are a lifesaver!
    Thank you for all you do; it’s making such a positive difference!
    ✨🪄✨

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  Před 25 dny +2

      Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad the video was helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy