Lazy Husband & What To Do About It

Sdílet
Vložit
  • čas přidán 21. 08. 2024
  • My husband won't do anything. He is so lazy. Everything ends up on my plate, and I’m drowning in responsibility. I can't keep living like this." Does this sound like you? If your spouse seems like they don’t want to do anything or don’t care about anything, it can be hard to know where to start in turning things around.
    If you're struggling with a husband who doesn't seem to invest in or care about helping you out in your day-to-day relationship, I totally get how frustrating this can be. My own marriage faced this struggle at one point, and I can help you talk to your spouse about what’s going on and how things can change.
    Get our FREE Mini Course “How To Get Your Spouse Back”
    marriagehelper...
    Marriage Helper Workshops:
    marriagehelper...
    More Free Resources:
    marriagehelper...
    Facebook:
    / marriagehelper
    Instagram:
    www.instagram....
    Relationship Radio Podcast:
    podcasts.apple...
    It Starts With Attraction Podcast:
    podcasts.apple...
    Marriage Helper Quick Tips Podcast:
    podcasts.apple...
    #MarriageHelper

Komentáře • 205

  • @mijadelsol
    @mijadelsol Před 4 měsíci +44

    I think by the time someone’s watching this video, they’ve tried all the things

  • @DIAMONDGIRL57
    @DIAMONDGIRL57 Před rokem +74

    I cannot live with anyone who is lazy. I’d rather live alone.

    • @scsclassics
      @scsclassics Před 11 měsíci +9

      Unfortunately, a lot of women stay with their spouses because of money and looks and more than the likelihood of being afraid of being alone so they accept this laziness.kinda sad .

    • @thatkatt_
      @thatkatt_ Před měsícem +1

      What do the bring to the table as a man or partner at that point?

  • @kirsty2861
    @kirsty2861 Před 2 lety +261

    What about the trauma and mental hurt they cause us by not caring that they do nothing and we pick up all the slack. So much anxiety and stress burdening us because of it and they don't care. It works both ways

  • @ZZ-qy5mv
    @ZZ-qy5mv Před rokem +203

    I did all that. Encouraging, love, asking about his feelings. Years of love and patience. Meanwhile, I had to be the breadwinner staying at a stressful job while my depression was (without saying the word) pretty much as bad as it gets. I’m starting to think that sometimes, it’s because if they can get away with it, they will.

    • @pugwash84
      @pugwash84 Před rokem +26

      absolutely some people are just lazy and some men think that its a womans job to do the housework even if they don't work and the woman does !!

    • @louisatutu2580
      @louisatutu2580 Před rokem +17

      I agree with you after 17 years I decided to seperate. He does not want to speak about it.... Im not baby him no more. Im moving on finding myself. Its hard but I will move forward.

    • @millamonyayi8806
      @millamonyayi8806 Před rokem +14

      I absolutely agree with you, I too have been supportive, respectful, encouraging and loving and yet no results at all. I am drowning and he makes me empty promises every time I speak to him about it but i see no changes.

    • @amyb5339
      @amyb5339 Před rokem +11

      I have asked for a separation, and he said he wouldn't leave. He is a borderline hoarder. And now wants a pole barn. The house is in my name, so that's a no-go. We will be divorced before 10 years married. He wanted this large property. It scared me, and I said I would do it....with him. He has totally dropped the ball. I have learned to use a chainsaw, ZT mower, and some many other things. He wants the property to "pay for itself", but does nothing to try to make it happen. I pay extra on the mortgage to pay it off sooner. He thinks the earth is flat and we live under a dome, and oh by the way, gravity doesn't exist. When did all the weird start???

    • @hoflungdung111
      @hoflungdung111 Před rokem +2

      I work a full time job and contribute to bills. I'm just a slob when it comes to certain things like house chores. When i'm doing my laundry I don't fold my clothes. I just take them out of the dryer as needed. No point.

  • @azrafanoos1631
    @azrafanoos1631 Před rokem +83

    Like I have a double duty. I have to manage all the physical emotional and financial burden as well as manage his trauma. Who will take care of my trauma that is caused by him

    • @totalhealthtrip
      @totalhealthtrip Před rokem +7

      I got heart palpitations, anxiety and fight depression because of all of the burden.

    • @KALILOVESCATS
      @KALILOVESCATS Před rokem +7

      I'm with you Azra. This woman is not for women

    • @pyanemax4633
      @pyanemax4633 Před 8 měsíci

      So being a housewife is trauma????? So weak your foremothers are rolling in their graves!!!!!!!

    • @lijohnyoutube101
      @lijohnyoutube101 Před 8 měsíci

      @@pyanemax4633 Why are you so mean? I hope you get the help you need!

    • @lijohnyoutube101
      @lijohnyoutube101 Před 8 měsíci

      Yes!!!! Soooooo much yes!!!!

  • @LovelyDarling1928
    @LovelyDarling1928 Před rokem +113

    What about a husband that had a mother that did everything for them and expect their spouse to continue that way of life?

    • @tiffanybrink1895
      @tiffanybrink1895 Před rokem +7

      Same with my husband!!!!!

    • @YA-jh9lv
      @YA-jh9lv Před rokem +6

      Same with my husband

    • @ScripsngBuhayMo7536
      @ScripsngBuhayMo7536 Před rokem +5

      Same with my husband.

    • @plumbus8315
      @plumbus8315 Před rokem +10

      Anyone have answers? Same. My therapist says it will never change so I guess I'm left with acceptance or leaving

    • @coffeebitt1
      @coffeebitt1 Před rokem +5

      Got it! Husband adopted and spoiled!

  • @mzgreendayfan
    @mzgreendayfan Před 9 měsíci +32

    Ive tried every thing in the book to get husband to help. Absolutely nothing works. Giving him space, asking politely, begging. Nothing makes a budge. Ive realized it much less effort to just do everything myself and let him play video games all day. I'm at a breaking point and I see no way out.

    • @user-us4tp2pt5i
      @user-us4tp2pt5i Před 8 měsíci +3

      Honestly, you need to put your mental health first.

    • @jasmine.pponnudurai835
      @jasmine.pponnudurai835 Před 6 měsíci +1

      Don’t break out and don’t quit but prove him you are the strongest person who can never be shaken. Focus on yourself and do your job for the family.

    • @bluedressandsneakers1194
      @bluedressandsneakers1194 Před 6 měsíci

      Same. For 20 years, I was as patient and kind as I could be, cleaned up everything, made his life easier and gave him plenty of space. I thought one day he would recognize and be grateful for everything I did for us. Not for me. For us. But when things got really rough, he made it very clear that all of the doting, cleaning, me shuffling my schedule for him and centering him in my life… All of that meant nothing to him. He said I was a woman and we do that inherently, and that any woman would have done that, and it didn’t make me special and it didn’t indicate that I was showing him love.
      The moment he said that, I checked out. I stopped doing everything. He told me that 20 years of my life met nothing. That 20 years of my hard work and sweat and labor and sheltering him from the hard work meant nothing to him.
      I feel like I gave myself away for pennies. And he’ll never respect me. I feel so disgusting and used and angry. The anger is overwhelming.
      And our marriage counselor told me I needed to be more communicative, have sweet, startups and just keep trying.
      If he can’t be bothered to help me and to care about me after 20 years, did she really think that it was going to start now???
      And to add insult to injury, because I was processing all this and swimming in anger, I could not sleep with him.
      He asked me to leave because I wouldn’t sleep with him. That’s how disposable he saw me.
      I have no more empathy for these lazy men. I just cannot.

    • @Diaicy19
      @Diaicy19 Před 5 měsíci +3

      Im in the same boat. No improvements no matter what I do.

    • @GS-cg3yn
      @GS-cg3yn Před 4 měsíci +3

      @@Diaicy19 Me, too. I’m so worn out.

  • @messforever9979
    @messforever9979 Před 6 měsíci +27

    My husband thinks is job starts and ends at work. He does nothing around the house, nothing with the kids and expects me to do it all. All while complaining about how much his life sucks.

    • @debbiecochran6501
      @debbiecochran6501 Před 5 měsíci +1

      My husband was always like that and now he's retired and literally doesn't do anything but watch movies and go to the bar for happy hour. He says he's earned this and shouldn't have to do anything else.

    • @geminix1510
      @geminix1510 Před měsícem

      Makes me sick to my stomach

    • @bhargavikommineni6970
      @bhargavikommineni6970 Před 24 dny

      Every single word is relatable

    • @christinebattershell4545
      @christinebattershell4545 Před 3 dny

      Yep, I get the “my life sucks” all the time too but does nothing to change it

  • @bernadinenewland5100
    @bernadinenewland5100 Před rokem +63

    Why is it always that the wife just has to work more. So she's got to sit down and try to be patient and talk to him and all that stuff and I've done that a thousand times. I know that's a slight exaggeration but seriously it just requires more work for me. And he still hasn't changed and I don't think he's ever going to.

    • @cord11ful
      @cord11ful Před rokem +11

      He's a man-baby. Many, if not most, are these days. I think it has a lot to do with the lack of mature fathering by their own fathers; the lack of a strong male role model in their childhood. It is sadly lacking in society these days. Men don't know how to 'man up'.

    • @azrafanoos1631
      @azrafanoos1631 Před rokem +2

      Because she is a good wife, so

    • @Diaryofaqueen777
      @Diaryofaqueen777 Před 6 měsíci

      @@cord11ful 1000% true

    • @masnamfinsha6663
      @masnamfinsha6663 Před 3 měsíci

      Right

  • @fatkidfatfamily3609
    @fatkidfatfamily3609 Před rokem +128

    this video teaches us to do more for a good for nothing slacking husband

    • @kaylanmichelle_
      @kaylanmichelle_ Před 9 měsíci +8

      Thanks for saving me time!

    • @humblebee9022
      @humblebee9022 Před 6 měsíci +4

      Exactly... I do all of this and still...NOTHING. It's beyond annoying. 17yrs of this is a long time coddling a grown man 24/7...

    • @ScotianSouthy
      @ScotianSouthy Před 5 měsíci +1

      You cannot change them. Accept that and then decide the next thing you can do within the limits of what you can control.

  • @vickimerritt2832
    @vickimerritt2832 Před rokem +134

    you can change your spouse it is called divorce

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Před rokem +4

      Hey Vicki Merritt, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,

    • @TheSupermaav
      @TheSupermaav Před rokem +14

      I agree because I am in 15 year marriage and I give up

    • @mickefy682
      @mickefy682 Před 6 měsíci +2

      I beg to differ; they still won’t change, sometimes.

    • @personincognito3989
      @personincognito3989 Před 6 měsíci +4

      Yeah, I've done all this, and I've been carrying it for 24 years. I'm tired and I don't want live in this dumpy renovation anymore. This has made ME depressed. If he won't talk, this info is completely ineffective.

    • @humblebee9022
      @humblebee9022 Před 6 měsíci

      @@personincognito3989yup...17 and counting for me! So aggravating.

  • @Reneroxy
    @Reneroxy Před 5 měsíci +12

    Not gonna lie, this is the opposite of helping

  • @bygrace8485
    @bygrace8485 Před rokem +47

    I feel so guilty after snapping on my husband for being so messy. I am so physically and emotionally exhausted from constantly cleaning up after him. I ask for help, I try to talk to be calmly but it never holds up.

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Před rokem +2

      @bygrace8485, Thank you for your comment. The first thing we try to teach people is how to have healthy communication with their spouse to avoid making the situation any worse. One of the main tips is to stop PUSH Behaviors. This is anything you do (or don't do) that tends to push your spouse away from you. We teach you 4 other rules you need to follow to help with this situation in our free e-book! You can download it here if interested!
      Free Ebook here:
      bit.ly/3BSuzRo
      We hope this helps!

    • @pyanemax4633
      @pyanemax4633 Před 8 měsíci

      Thats your job quit fighting it!!!!!!

    • @catbee1452
      @catbee1452 Před 7 měsíci +5

      Don't feel guilty. They are getting off SO easy if the worst things that happens, is that we snap back at them once in a while.
      Oh wait, that's right. Then WE are 'nags'.

  • @krisopinionsful
    @krisopinionsful Před rokem +26

    I'm crying right now I love my children but if I never would have met their father my life would be better

    • @BackpackKid_
      @BackpackKid_ Před 11 měsíci

      I agree with this so much!! ☝🏿🥰🥰

    • @YellowRoseOvTx
      @YellowRoseOvTx Před 10 měsíci +1

      God bless you. I feel bad for you. You don't deserve that. I prayed for you and I want you to know it.

    • @lijohnyoutube101
      @lijohnyoutube101 Před 8 měsíci +1

      I have never related so hard to a statement in my life!

    • @Iamdoesmith
      @Iamdoesmith Před měsícem

      ‼️‼️‼️

  • @Greens5511
    @Greens5511 Před 7 měsíci +15

    I learned this video was a waste of my time, i would think anyone that would watch this video has already done all those things. I have struggled with a lazy self centered spouse for over 40 years, my only fault is that i beat myself up and used up my self and lost myself to trying to fix our relationship to get him to understand how this is ruining our relationship. It never worked. I now just have to make him lists, double check that he did it, which usually is him not doing as asked, its miserable too. But at least he is doing something. And yep he is miserable too, but for better for worse...🤷...this is the worse part I guess 😮‍💨🙁
    Its hard to get to the point of accepting this is my life, but once i have accepted it, i feel free in knowing i can be happier with my life and no longer care about fixing it. Is that sad, yes, it was sad, now its like dealing with anything else in life we have to learn to live with, move on.
    But yeah, a weak video coming from my perspective.

    • @lookherejack
      @lookherejack Před 5 měsíci +2

      Yes, this video assumes two things: your partner is able to communicate with you, and your partner has a legit reason to be lazy. Not the case with my situation, I feel your pain.

  • @missxmarvel
    @missxmarvel Před rokem +13

    Divorce. Or be just as lazy as him so that the trash takes itself out. You owe a lazy person nothing.

  • @Bonner901
    @Bonner901 Před rokem +22

    He is selfish plain and simple. Expectations were set

  • @DaniBeau19
    @DaniBeau19 Před rokem +14

    I dont want to any extra work trying to fix this when I've already done all the chores and EVERYTHING else...

    • @ALINA-eo1cr
      @ALINA-eo1cr Před 2 měsíci

      I mean there is one solution that I didn't see anybody recommend: just stop doing anything. Don't wash or iron his clothes, don't wash dishes, don't clean up after him. Just leave it as it is and start doing what he does, play video games or do something else. See what happens.

  • @lucilanavarrete9287
    @lucilanavarrete9287 Před 4 měsíci +4

    What do you guys think about: I ask my husband if he could please help me to clean the car that means to take the car to be cleaned by someone else. He said I didn’t do all the dirt inside and I don’t speak the language to take the car to be washed. I was absolutely shocked almost have a heart attack. I washed the car myself. I do all the chores at home because he “has” his own timing. I try to understand the “other” but my body is super tired. I think even a psychiatrist would lose his mind. I didn’t know this was a pattern. So frustrating.

  • @melissacrockett1095
    @melissacrockett1095 Před 2 lety +32

    Yeah, understanding why & relating doesn't get the 'lazy' spouse to work..... still got bills....

  • @CC-vl4ku
    @CC-vl4ku Před 2 měsíci +3

    It won't help, this kind of suggestion. No matter how you're polite, patient, and sacrifice more, the guys are selfish and poor.

  • @user-us4tp2pt5i
    @user-us4tp2pt5i Před 8 měsíci +5

    The best way is to leave. It won't change and you will stress yourself out

  • @plumbus8315
    @plumbus8315 Před rokem +23

    Sounds like you tried these things, and it worked for you. Congrats, you have a spouse that treats you like a human being! Mine doesnt. Im a mop, a server, a therapist, a sponge, whatever object benefits him in a given moment. Funny how your video ends at setting boundaries but you hardly expound. 😂

  • @thara21
    @thara21 Před 5 měsíci +5

    This is ridiculous! This might apply for some,but I don’t think it’s fair to put more on the person who’s already carrying the weight of the relationship and marriage,sometimes the only way is divorce and no one should feel guilty about drawing the line. If you’ve tried everything, leave and live your best life ❤

  • @done611
    @done611 Před rokem +14

    I'm going through this. It's how I found your channel. I'm so frustrated with doing everything while my husband watches tv unless he's actually at his job. What really bothers me is that our 16 year old son has witnessed a lazy dad that has just nagged him to go to college to get a degree so he won't have to work the rest of his life. Problem is, my son loves to work with his hands and mind. I don't know what to do. I realize that once my son leaves home that this marriage will just get worse. I would appreciate encouragement.

  • @myneighborhood3466
    @myneighborhood3466 Před 3 měsíci +2

    Depression, anger and what's not, really? I don't have them? Of all the advice, this one boils my blood.

  • @kat-n-mouse
    @kat-n-mouse Před 4 měsíci +2

    Oh please!!! ' Curiosity' is ok when a normally responsible man begins to slack off.... In many cases though the husband is perpetually lazy - probably as a result of never having grown up. You do not need to treat a fully grown man with kid gloves( unless something traumatic has happened) ...He's not a baby and he needs to take responsibility. Period.
    And, btw, telling your husband to share the chores is not control... it's a legitimate demand
    And if the husband is a strong, mature man he would do things without being told. Sharing chores is part of the marriage deal and any man who wants to remain lazy should not get married

  • @yarigarciaa
    @yarigarciaa Před rokem +22

    I appreciate this video on many levels. Thank you for making it. I do have a concern though. Why does it fall on us? This past year my husband and I both have suffered through depression…yet as the wife/woman no one came to me with curiosity. How do you deal with emotional one sidedness? What do I do when nothing changes? I need support too. Just curious.

    • @KALILOVESCATS
      @KALILOVESCATS Před rokem +1

      GOOD QUESTION YARI

    • @DavidDouglasToth
      @DavidDouglasToth Před 11 měsíci

      I would say someone has to be the hero, the role model, the catalyst for change.
      The spouse who has issues with the other spouse would be curious about what’s going on with the “problem spouse” but also speak their point of view and concerns in a calm way, that is the least attacking as possible. Like using the common (googleable) “assertive communication method”
      It for sure can be frustrating though.
      Counseling for you could be helpful in dealing with it. At some point if nothing changes I think you have to decide if your willing to live like that or if you want a divorce and you could communicate. Probably let him know that divorce is on the table if things don’t change, if it truly is. If it’s not, find a way forward, simplify life and slow way down on things that are for him.

    • @jasmine.pponnudurai835
      @jasmine.pponnudurai835 Před 6 měsíci +1

      Focus on your goals and interests… keep yourself motivated with the things that you like to do.. you are here to live your life and so enjoy every moment of your life

    • @jennifergoble
      @jennifergoble Před 5 měsíci

      Listen to songs like Me and Flowers then go do something nice for yourself. I am in the same boat. When I try to ask him, I get nothing back, no response. He may be better for a day or two but then goes right back to it.

  • @meow_meow_hurry
    @meow_meow_hurry Před 4 měsíci +2

    You cannot change your spouse, but you can change your spouse 😂

  • @trevetarowe92
    @trevetarowe92 Před 5 měsíci +4

    Good points. However, it only addresses how a wife can help her husband become motivated and help with some shared responsibilities. It would be beneficial to give perspective on both sides and to share how a husband contribution using his own efforts, taking initiative, etc could alleviate a wife’s anxiety and stress. Wives are depressed and frustrated too. A more realistic approach would have been better.

  • @mefirst27
    @mefirst27 Před rokem +10

    If all husband is like your husband who analyze what bothers him all problem in marriage can be solve but my husband is not he was addicted to mobiles games and like to procrastinate i thought before i know him it was only his past time but even we are family and have a child his addiction to mobile games never cease😢 and its very hard for me to ask help from him doing household chores he never like doing it.😞

  • @miknmas1301
    @miknmas1301 Před rokem +21

    Not really helpful. Just sounds like MORE work and effort on my part, while he continues to be married to his job more than me for the past several years. I get the crumbs at the bottom of the chip bag, while everyone else gets his best and bubbly personality. Some days I feel like I'm about to SNAP!

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Před rokem

      That's exactly right! It is more work for you. But marriage takes work. And if you believe there is even an OUNCE of good in your spouse, then the marriage is worth fighting for! Please consider reaching out to us for more help! And consider getting our free mini course to help you through this!
      Free course here:
      your.marriagehelper.com/how-to-get-your-spouse-back-mini-course

    • @bluedressandsneakers1194
      @bluedressandsneakers1194 Před 6 měsíci +2

      I absolutely snapped. I didn’t see it coming.
      I had an emergency and asked him to leave his phone on, which he didn’t normally do.
      When he didn’t answer his phone, I got home and we got in an argument. He told me that he never had to leave his phone on for anyone, not even me.
      Something in me snapped. Something in me decided I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I was completely done. And I never came back, mentally. 23 years and I checked out.
      And because I never came back, physically, he asked me to leave. Because I wouldn’t sleep with him, he couldn’t take it.
      So I’m just warning you, you could snap and you would not see it coming and you cannot stop it.
      Listen to your gut. If you think you’re going to snap, get into counseling, or start doing something

    • @ALINA-eo1cr
      @ALINA-eo1cr Před 2 měsíci

      @@MarriageHelper Why would marriage entail more work just for the woman?! That doesn't make sense. Telling someone a specific thing entails ONLY work and no benefit will not make a person want that thing. No woman will want to get married in this situation, believe me. What you are doing right now is just convincing a bunch of women to either not get married ..or divorce so they can get some benefits too. Nobody wants ONLY to work all their life, while other like the men who are husbands get to work a bit and have fun/relaxation time too. I would just say pass, no thank you, it's a bad deal for me.

  • @KALILOVESCATS
    @KALILOVESCATS Před rokem +5

    "Poor man!" Smh. Hes experiencing begative emotions? What about the wife??? No no no.

  • @mickefy682
    @mickefy682 Před 6 měsíci +4

    It really sucks that in a time of need, this is the video that came up first, with its unrealistic “solutions.”
    Don’t get me wrong, I wish they worked, but at this point, it’s a “been there, done that” situation.

    • @bluedressandsneakers1194
      @bluedressandsneakers1194 Před 6 měsíci +1

      I’m with you.
      My husband only agreed to get into marriage counseling after I signed a lease on an apartment.
      It took that for him to realize how serious I was.
      And in that marriage counseling, the therapist told me that I needed to communicate my needs better.
      And I got so angry, I’ve been with this man for over 20 years… You don’t think that I have communicated in 50 different ways to try to get him to help?
      So I just closed my eyes and said it doesn’t matter what I say, I cannot get this man to care about me, this house or this relationship. She had nothing to say to that. Nothing at all. That would have been a place to move forward from, but I was ignored.
      And he just nodded his head and agreed, that I just wasn’t laying out what I needed well enough.
      It’s irritating to find these videos that tell the wife that she needs to be softer and sweeter and give us these specific blueprints on how to address and approach our husbands.
      It’s like they are relieved of any responsibility in this toxic environment and it is condescending and just makes me angrier.
      It’s like they don’t believe our experience, they don’t believe that our frustration matters.

  • @strawberrymilkk4583
    @strawberrymilkk4583 Před 8 měsíci +4

    Are you kidding me????

  • @nin9249
    @nin9249 Před rokem +5

    My spouse leaves everything out, laundry on floor rubbish left everywhere, plates left out , food left out, condiments left out. Shopping he buys is left out. What do i do? If i dont put his stuff away he makes it out to be my fault?

    • @skol_RL
      @skol_RL Před 8 měsíci +3

      I am on the same boat too. Depending on both of your, I am afraid this attitude is very hard to change. I have wasted my 30s hoping there will be change, I do not think it will change.

  • @soulsciencewithgia5915
    @soulsciencewithgia5915 Před rokem +11

    I made my plan to leave as a better version of myself despite the 24/7 effects of severe depression, loneliness, lost years, anxiety, neglect, emotional abuse, severe health challenges, the effects only compound as the years go by in this unhealthy environment.
    being held hostage to a person on the couch for years while watching you run around trying to stay afloat..
    yeah its save myself time.

  • @SophieAspen
    @SophieAspen Před 5 měsíci +2

    Real advise: get together, make an extensive list of all the housechores that need to be done and chose who is doing what. It can be with an app or a piece of paper, but make sure there is an equal division.
    Don't nag or motivate him, that's a parent job.
    Stop using the word "helping", it is "sharing".
    If you accept that, I'm judging you. You have a really poor consideration of your life. And if you have kids, you are setting a terrible example

  • @candycane9264
    @candycane9264 Před 2 lety +9

    What do you do when you have had enough and this husband doesn’t want to change his ways????? And it’s hurting you but he Blane everything on you as if you are the problem

    • @GrahamLaight
      @GrahamLaight Před rokem

      Maybe you've reached the "get help" stage mentioned in the video?

  • @PTSDTALKTV
    @PTSDTALKTV Před měsícem +1

    We know of a couple that goes through this…actually many. Babying them makes them begin to behave with the same pattern until you put your foot down; husbands or wives. Sometimes someone has to leave to cause a change.

  • @geminix1510
    @geminix1510 Před měsícem +1

    So I have depression, trauma and anxiety and have household and family chores, have to work, and take care of the child. I take care of everyone one but myself all day long I still manage that somehow. Now I have to sit down with my spouse and have a pity party for them because they can’t do the same? Kind of pathetic. That’s life. We all have daily struggles. No one asks us if we’re okay. Lol. No one takes over for us when we’re sick or depressed and just don’t have the energy. Imagine what it’s like to just clock out for a day bc you’re feeling down. That’s not how life works and it’s certainly not how being part of a family works. If you have a problem speak up, talk about it, move forward, and continue to pull your end of the rope. This is why women are giving up on men in this society.

  • @Marchotaga-obda
    @Marchotaga-obda Před rokem +5

    What to do when husband doesnt want to find a job? Its too much too handle being a breadwinner and when you go home house needs cleaning, sometimes wanting to peace out.

    • @lijohnyoutube101
      @lijohnyoutube101 Před 10 měsíci

      Get them therapy

    • @pyanemax4633
      @pyanemax4633 Před 8 měsíci

      So you can't handle being a breadwinner but that's what women wanted.....right?????

    • @lijohnyoutube101
      @lijohnyoutube101 Před 8 měsíci

      @@pyanemax4633 No, we wanted opportunity and most of us wanted partners.

    • @simplyhamy4492
      @simplyhamy4492 Před 2 měsíci

      @@pyanemax4633 i think she's being a mother to a grown man is the problem

  • @AK-du7ss
    @AK-du7ss Před měsícem +1

    When this happened to me, I made a list of what is still possitive in the relationship and afterwards I desided to start a new life. So I did. Witout my husband. I mean, even men do not like men that are doing nothing...they do not even like themselves. It is pity. Thank you for the video.

  • @jackieo8693
    @jackieo8693 Před 2 měsíci +1

    You can threaten your spouse. Sometimes separating is the only answer.

  • @akkm6234
    @akkm6234 Před 3 měsíci +3

    Now I have to take the responsibility of raising him too? Apart from all the slack I pick up ?

  • @joshuakent5234
    @joshuakent5234 Před rokem +5

    There is a quick fix to all of this that most will not want to endure. We own what is ours and what is not our responsibility, we don’t own. Let’s start there lol.

  • @Roh_elle05
    @Roh_elle05 Před rokem +2

    I told my husband to get help. His the one with the problem. From the past he had and it’s affecting me and the kids. And now, I end up being included to the problem he have. I lost my confidence, emotionally physically I lost everything how I used to be. Independent woman. He told me take care of the kids. Be a house wife. Now, financially we are struggling because I’m not working.

    • @pyanemax4633
      @pyanemax4633 Před 8 měsíci

      You're supposed to be his help instead you abandon your husband in his time of need. You have separated yourself from him because that's his problem!!!!!!! So selfish and unsupportive!!!!!!!

  • @thatkatt_
    @thatkatt_ Před měsícem

    It’s so frustrating to be the partner who has to carry majority of all responsibility then still have to muscle up more energy and care when we are already frustrated just so we can work around their needs. It almost feels like abuse and neglect to allow ourselves to put the effort in staying with them.

  • @1Love1Hart
    @1Love1Hart Před měsícem

    Literally did this gentle approach for over 10 years with two kids. Now trying to save my marriage alone but also dealing with the constant inequity of household responsibilities. I need a video about setting boundaries for this while trying to save a marriage. None of this helped. 😢

  • @geminate3997
    @geminate3997 Před 4 měsíci +1

    My husband was laid off and while he still is able to pay the mortgage, him being at home spotlights how lazy he actually is. I know for a fact that I could never be unemployed very long bc I would take any job because I could not sit around the house. If I were at home, I would be cleaning and organizing. If he is depressed, he should be. I am depressed coming home to a man who is not making more of his time. I am starting to think that he does not have a job bc he is delusional and feels entitled to a certain position. He saw a mouse in our house but not until o asked what HE was going to DO about it did he do anything. And honestly I know it will be a half assed response. I am starting to really resent him. I would be better off without him.

    • @LilithCain
      @LilithCain Před 2 měsíci

      Omg..... I saw a more in the house and screamed! I begged him to do something, he did nothing. He did say, "Sometimes homes just get mice?
      REALLY??????

  • @leysan7729
    @leysan7729 Před 2 měsíci +3

    Oh nice, being a free psychologist extra to all the other chores you already do, what about our emotional needs. 🤨 Like we don't need the emotional support. How about men grow up.

  • @Psalm23YoungKnight
    @Psalm23YoungKnight Před rokem +5

    What about the wife on other way around

    • @RenGuitar1750
      @RenGuitar1750 Před 2 měsíci

      I came to this video because I couldn't find one on lazy wife. I guess there's no easy fix. The hardest thing is confronting them, especially if it's been going on for many years of marriage. I feel it's too late.

  • @Bothegamer16
    @Bothegamer16 Před rokem +4

    I simply ask my husband to take the kids out for one weekend so that i can deep clean and destress and he wont do it. Ive been asking for MONTHS and he wont budge. He wont help with daily chores either. So what am i supposed to do at this point?

    • @JazZippo
      @JazZippo Před rokem +5

      He doesn’t respect you and you have an extra child in the home. It is better to be alone and let your soul sprout and find happiness!

    • @oneandonly3139
      @oneandonly3139 Před rokem +4

      Take his money and pay for a cleaner.

    • @scsclassics
      @scsclassics Před 11 měsíci

      ​​​​@@oneandonly3139is it always about money and looks with women's thoughts 🤔?

    • @lijohnyoutube101
      @lijohnyoutube101 Před 10 měsíci +2

      Tell him he goes to therapy or you sign divorce papers.

  • @achumstmachumstm9536
    @achumstmachumstm9536 Před 5 měsíci +1

    My husband also very very lazy 😭😭😭🤦🤦🤦

  • @preciousfamilyfunthings
    @preciousfamilyfunthings Před 6 měsíci +1

    Am dieing is affecting me so bad , he's too slow we lose opportunities because of him , I feel like giving up he's putting no effort, too shy too slow people don't like him

  • @kateandrova
    @kateandrova Před 13 dny

    I looked at the comments section and just had a panic attack. I haven't even watched the video; I'm 18 seconds in. I don't know what to do.

  • @christinebattershell4545

    My question is woman also go through grief, depression sadness loss etc. Does he step up and support as well? Act curious etc? So if not then we always suppose to tip toe and do everything right to “motivate” some kind of change but why does no one have to do that for us? Why are we carrying the load regardless of what we experience and go through? Well simple, because no one else will

  • @azrafanoos1631
    @azrafanoos1631 Před rokem +6

    All these people are telling some imaginative things that never work. If a man doesn't communicate, he doesn't period. Either you should be a typical woman filled with drama or just save your energy and time and live your own life and don't care about them.

  • @jamesbedukodjograham5508
    @jamesbedukodjograham5508 Před 7 měsíci +2

    Men man up clean up the house.😊

  • @jacobkindsvatter4055
    @jacobkindsvatter4055 Před 11 měsíci +1

    I work around the clock and im taking charge of my actions with my marriage before i work myself to death alone

  • @Sizzle247
    @Sizzle247 Před 3 měsíci +1

    Maybe leave your husband and find someone else if that makes you happy

  • @oCh0ppyoU812
    @oCh0ppyoU812 Před 7 měsíci +1

    What happens when kids are involved

  • @patriciaortiz2069
    @patriciaortiz2069 Před 10 měsíci +5

    I did even finish watching this nonsense when your husband is lazy and don’t want to do nothing get out leave you wasting your time

  • @TammyTimeMovies
    @TammyTimeMovies Před rokem +2

    Why are you smiling?

  • @pookietheplant_
    @pookietheplant_ Před 4 měsíci

    These comments make me feel so bad, men live longer when they connect with women and we die sooner 😵‍💫🥴 I don’t understand human beings. I truly don’t get it.

  • @adehill6615
    @adehill6615 Před rokem +2

    From the other perspective there are also lazy and selfish wives too perhaps we should say spouse.

  • @JuscallmePhilly
    @JuscallmePhilly Před rokem

    Great advice Thanks so much.

  • @sandragill9916
    @sandragill9916 Před 7 dny

    What if they don't want to go out and do things and won't help you as they think you are telling them to do things

  • @candicel8290
    @candicel8290 Před 7 měsíci +2

    Never give an unemployed spouse access to your money! 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️

  • @rustyb78
    @rustyb78 Před 2 lety +2

    He should join the American Legion. We’d love to have him in any Tennessee Legion Post.

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Před 2 lety +1

      Thank you for the comment Rusty! We will definitely pass the word along. Also, would you be willing to reach out to us? We might be interested in creating more content associated with the veteran community and would love to know if you have anyone we could talk to. Feel free to call us at 1 866 903 0990 to see if we might be able to do something! Blessings,

  • @user-tf6nn6rw8y
    @user-tf6nn6rw8y Před 6 měsíci

    My husband is really lazy he goes to work but when he called off he just lays around I am a homsechool mom or three that has a lot on her plate when I ask him to help he said no I won't I am not doing anything 😢 I don't kno how to make our lives work anymore

    • @chrisharris2367
      @chrisharris2367 Před 5 měsíci

      Just curious, why do you homeschool?
      I’d put my kids in school and church and youth groups so I could have more me time

  • @saeedurrahman2056
    @saeedurrahman2056 Před 11 měsíci +5

    The most simple way no need for this long unnecessary talk, just divorce them it isn't hard. Just simply divorce them. What else can be more simpler nothing then that

    • @anapadinha907
      @anapadinha907 Před 11 měsíci

      I always think of that, but i get thoughts that he might do something to himself if i do, he cannot live without me, he cant pay rent, bills, or even buy anything. Its that and his anger.

    • @melis6294
      @melis6294 Před 11 měsíci

      Yes

  • @3Augustin3
    @3Augustin3 Před 4 měsíci

    Still waiting on the lazy wife video

  • @EmmanuelSebaiwa
    @EmmanuelSebaiwa Před 26 dny

    But did he start doing something

  • @simoncourt8494
    @simoncourt8494 Před rokem +4

    I work full time, I pay the bills, I do my bit at home yet I'm 'lazy'

    • @GS-cg3yn
      @GS-cg3yn Před 9 měsíci +1

      Your “bit”?

    • @simoncourt8494
      @simoncourt8494 Před 9 měsíci

      @@GS-cg3yn An old English saying not literal

    • @simoncourt8494
      @simoncourt8494 Před 8 měsíci

      @@GS-cg3yn bits come in various sizes but do the same job

  • @SoTo905
    @SoTo905 Před 11 měsíci

    Rbendz's brother, who is lazy and without a job, spends most of his time in a café, while his wife works on her children.
    When he returned home, his wife asked him: Do you want to eat?
    He says: Yes, if God guides you
    He wants one of the his daughters to wash his feet for him😂😂😂😂😂

  • @coraltarr4480
    @coraltarr4480 Před 2 lety +3

    That sucks

  • @prabhjodhsingh
    @prabhjodhsingh Před měsícem

    Your stuff do no work.

  • @parisevony2
    @parisevony2 Před 4 měsíci

    Just stop backing twhat are you twenty twenty four

  • @graciethankful4643
    @graciethankful4643 Před 3 měsíci

    😢

  • @ragukrishnasagar5131
    @ragukrishnasagar5131 Před 5 měsíci

    Fantastic video. Very true 👍

  • @the-woman-empowered
    @the-woman-empowered Před 5 měsíci

    I learned that sometimes the best changes can come from inside. I've been handling my husband "laziness' without compassion and understanding and everyone has been suffering because of it. But today I am going try a different approach and be more understanding. Awesome video thank you

  • @benscott6826
    @benscott6826 Před 2 lety +2

    Follow with my wife let herself go. Got comfy and is lazy

  • @Oddoboy
    @Oddoboy Před 2 lety +5

    My wife needs to see this but she already kicked me out. She doesn't understand that I've hidden my trauma.

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Před 2 lety

      Hey Alex Oddo, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 (866) 903 0990 and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
      We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!

    • @cookingnunna4190
      @cookingnunna4190 Před rokem +21

      Hi Alex, but what about the trauma you have caused her?

    • @oneandonly3139
      @oneandonly3139 Před rokem +6

      Stop being lazy and help your wife

  • @flopes11
    @flopes11 Před 4 měsíci +1

    invest in cat food

  • @videosandstuff7328
    @videosandstuff7328 Před 2 lety +5

    Plenty of lazy women out there too. Even want Men to keep house. Just saying.

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Před 2 lety +1

      This is true! We will likely be creating a video for that in the future, but the rules we talk about in this video apply to both sides! Thanks for the comment. ❤️

  • @benscott6826
    @benscott6826 Před 2 lety +2

    All wives usually go straight to complaining.

  • @j-scribble7676
    @j-scribble7676 Před rokem +18

    What do you do, when you’re always the one doing stuff for the kids, when you clearly need help? Sure, my husband works, but so do I! We both work 9-5 jobs. I do way more than him around the house, as well as childcare. I take medication for anxiety and depression. I had bad PPD/PPA with our second child. I’ll never forget how much he did NOT help me and when I asked him to get up in the night with me, he straight out told me no. He also called me a burden because of my depression. I will never forget his insults. I’m now about to get my tubes removed, because he refuses to get a vasectomy. I’m married to a very selfish/lazy person. It’s not fair to me at all.

    • @zuzanadvorska405
      @zuzanadvorska405 Před rokem +1

      I feel you sis..:(

    • @beyaazaiez
      @beyaazaiez Před 11 měsíci +4

      I would run for the hills!

    • @catbee1452
      @catbee1452 Před 7 měsíci +2

      Sounds like he's a narcissist. They don't like it one bit when someone else is not well or needs help. It's beyond their pay grade.