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The first thing that a lot of guys want to do is get a girlfriend without understanding how the culture works. Instead of meeting a girl online and have an instant girlfriend, the better option is to come, settle in and observe how life works, and especially relationships function. The family will be hugely important to her and if one has more than the others, then “she” will be expecting to pick up the slack. This attitude allows for all members to survive. If he vets the girl properly, he will understand what her circumstances are and what will be expected. The gray line is determining the difference between help and enabling. If a man comes from a Western culture without understanding Asian culture, there will be conflict.
Part of the vetting means using self control and not doing anything sexual, getting to know her and her situation beforehand and seeing if it is something you want to deal with or even can deal with, a lot of guys get in over their head and unknowingly commit to whole lot more then are aware of.
Don't give the Filipina any money until you have been with her for a few years. The Filipina was fine before you met her. Why do men have to try and buy a girlfriend? I have never done it.
My aunt married an american guy whom he had met in Korea more than 20 yrs ago. My aunt was an english part-time teacher in Korea, and her american husband was a professor. He helped us to send in university, but they dont give us money. Instead, they get a ricefield for our parents to work and my other aunt too, they help my other aunt's and uncle's to bring in Korea to work too. Because of the help of my american uncle, we had a successful life. Some of my cousins live in abroad specially in america, and some of my cousins have successful businesses here in the Philippines, and most of my family own a big farm.
👍 No money no support no allowance you have to meet first you have to see where this Possible relationship is headed \ And See if your compatible \ Don’t let yourself be scammed 👍
In my case and I´m sure for many others too, what I have is my retirement pay. I have worked every day for 45 years and saved just enough to set myself up in the Philippines. I have small savings for emergencies like the need for a hospital or dentist. It´s money I can´t touch. I have many dreams and wishes for things to do and places to visit. For me to have the life I want, I have to make a budget and follow it. I can´t do everything all the time. My point is that my future gf/wife understands and respects that there is a budget. If I can support her family, I will. But I will not set myself on fire to warm them.
Same here, I've set a budget under the maximum. Things that must get paid FIRST. Rent, electricity, water, food, internet, and other miscellaneous essentials. After that, I allow her to manage that amount as she likes. If she can save on the food budget allotted, for example, she can send the savings. We have a daughter as well, that must be provided for. If she's honest with what she's spending and saving, I will reward her for that honesty, and it helps me adjust the budget as needed. Often, your partner will try to push you to buy this and that. I then retort, can you find it in the extra I give you in our budget? No? then NO.
My Filipina wife used to be an OFW in Taiwan so she knew what it felt like to be forced to give handouts to a family or be harrassed for money. She is now firm and refuses anything besides maybe some small things. She even shields me from their family; they must get through to her for any monetary requests. So happy to have such a sweet wife.
When I grew up, Allowances were earned by doing chores. Maybe $20 for mowing the lawn, $10 for washing the car. $5 for keeping your room neat and clean. Maybe her family should earn their allowance. Mamasan could make dinners for $10/week. Papasan could do some gardening (maybe grow some food) for $10/week. Little brother could do the shopping for $10/week (which could help save you money, by not paying "Joe" prices). Little sister some house cleaning/laundry for $10/week. Teach them that money is earned, not begged for. Then, her family could pull in an extra $40/week or $160/month without being freeloaders.
One thing to consider, if your girlfriend/wife is living with you, then you are already "supporting" the family. Although actual cash may not be exchanging hands, you are the one spending money to take care of her needs, not the family. If she eats 1200 pesos in food a week, 4800 a month (Not sure if that's high or low, just an example), then that is 4800 pesos her family now has in their pocket to do with what they want because you are buying the food not them. That's just for 1 of her needs, all of them together add up and saves her family a considerable amount. They are adults and it's on them to be financially responsible, if they don't have enough money to support their lifestyle, then they need to change their lifestyle to fit the money they have. They complain about not enough money but they all have make-up, jewelry, nails/hair done, karaoke machines, etc. wouldn't that money have been better spent on things they need like food. I didn't work most of my life, being deployed to war zones to support someone else's retirement. You need to talk to your girlfriend right up front HONESTLY about your intentions and expectations and hers, and this topic is one of those things that NEEDS to be talked about. You need to set boundaries too!! If you give, you are setting a precedent and rewarding poor behavior, and will be expected to continue to give. You worked to EARN the money you have, and you are the ONLY one that decides how you will spend it. If you get "secret" messages, I would say let her know, show her the message immediately, and let her deal with her family/friends and put an end to it. Me personally, I would be happy if she didn't put anything on social media, even happier if she didn't even have any social media. I don't want my personal/private life posted on the internet for the entire world to see.
@@paulthurson I disagree !00% you are not eliminating an expense from the family , you are depriving the family of a potential revenue stream. I do find this is the the cheaper foreigners making an excuse not to truly support their wife or girlfriends . If you are not giving money to the family your just cheap thats all. You dont have to make excuses to make yourself feel better !
@@michaelbyrne5469 using the same old shame, insults, and guilt to get your point across calling him cheap. Maybe instead realize it's as simple as he said, which is not rewarding bad behavior. Either way relationships come and go, so who's the smart one if/when it ends? Obviously the guy who wasn't manipulated. You do you and don't worry about us "cheap guys".. we'll be fine lol.
Like many people elsewhere they're addicted to social media and won't readily agree to give it up. If you're the only one in the relationship to decide how your money is spent then you don't have a partner - you have a slave. Maybe that's the kind of relationship you prefer.
Great video Gio with some very important information. One thing to keep it mind also is if a Filipina isn't used to having or handling money they can spend it frivolously. They have a new found freedom
At 4:00 minutes you mentioned the guilt complex of having a new and better lifestyle as a result having a foreigner boyfriend/husband. In Thailand this is a circumstance called "mia farang" and there is quite a bit written about this. Your relationship with her puts her into a new and separate social status relative to what she was before and with her friends and family. It doesn't happen much in the larger society so can be difficult for her to navigate. This is an interesting topic for future videos. This goes along with the comments about not posting all the fun and games with the foreigner on social media. My wife stopped posting and I stopped tagging her in my posts. My wife didn't want the kids in the family to see her lifestyle too much. A posting of a night out eating seafood at a BBQ place would then have to be followed by sending money back home so her family to do the same on their own. And yes, the relationship/marriage does open up the floodgates of requests from friends, family, distant friends and distant family. Teaching her about money means teaching her where to draw the lines.
Boundaries are important for a married couple. My wife's so called "friends" know she is married to me and I remind her to say NO to requests for money or to borrow her luggage to travel somewhere. I'm grateful my wife and I are a team and she now realizes they're coming around because she will be leaving the Philippines to be with me.
After 2 ex Flipinas-one poor and one rich-the poor one (and her family) were so much more grateful than the rich-educated one (felt entitled etc.) also I notice the educated ones are more narcissistic (in general) poor ones are so grateful for what you give them!
My filipina eagerly looks after my needs, so I'm happy to support her in her needs. She's already objected to the idea of her family looking after my needs...so they're on their own! 🤣
Asking for loans that will never be repaid is crazy. Some families have a tendency to squander their resources to show people that they're doing better. It's sad that some families will have to be limited to a certain amount of money or else the flood gates will open up for trivial requests. My wife gets the requests and we have to stand up for us being a married couple and let the family respect our boundaries.
This is an important conversation to have. If you’re not on board with helping your partner’s family, then stop pursuing that partner. There are many other potential partners out there that are not looking to catch a big fish.
One of the best lessons I learned in the Philippines is that men should up their standards. I would not recommend online dating; in my opinion, 85-90% percent of women there are scammers, escorts, ladyboys, married women, gold diggers, etc. If you want a good woman, you should stay in the Philippines for 4-6 months and meet women organically (a lot easier here than in the u.s). If you make good Filipino friends, tell them you are single, and they will be thrilled to introduce you to someone. Also, if you're a religious man, the church is a good place too. Online women vs. non-online women, the difference is enormous.
LOL! It amazes me how these guys are too willing to simp and send women they don't know women money. For me, that ain't happening. I wholeheartedly support your statement about meeting women organically.
@@daddypoker23 Online is how I found my wife and married her 53 days later eight years ago. Married her on my trip to meet her but we did chat exclusively about four hours a day before she arrived in America. It can have its drawbacks but I have known of a lot of guys who didn't struggle to find a Filipina online and others who ran into a lot of scammers. One thing that helps is of course not sending money before meeting and ignoring "I love you" claims. Love can come after marriage, before then it is just getting to know who each other is.
@@LoveBeyondTheSea I Am glad online dating worked out for you. But most horror stories about Filipina women are from online dating and bar girls. Unfortunately, the majority of Filipina women are put in the mix with those women.
You can take the Filipina out of her village but you can’t take the village out of the Filipina.And her family back in the village will constantly harass the Filipina for your resources.I totally agree with Gio about this dilemma.There’s only one solution .Avoid getting involved ie.relationships and you will be able to hold onto your resources
A lot of this can be avoided by being selective. If you date a girl who has a poor and/or unmotivated family you are asking for trouble. She must have a career. She must be educated. Her family should be self sufficient. No allowance for anyone. It takes time to find a good girl when you have higher expectations. Take your time. Establish your red lines early and stick to them. There are things that you can't compromise on. There are things that you can compromise on. There are things that you can leave up to her. Boundaries are the biggest issue here. They don't understand them or want them.
Pretty spot on but even being educated and having a carrier they will pull a rabbit out of the hat to milk money out of her if her family is poor, my wife have helped them out of poverty at great cost so your spot on good advice .trouble is the key word then the marriage will break down .I agree with all of your points.
She doesn't need to be educated but the family should be motivated and not lazy. The main thing the man needs to be a man and put his foot down and say NO. Men need to put it in check. I don't blame the filipino families I blame the foreigners for being weak minded and allowing it to happen.
It’s definitely worth it to wait for a girl who is middle class. Even don’t send money for load or transportation. This is the first test, somebody is financially stable. Trust me on that, you end up paying for absolutely everything in her life, when she even can’t afford load or transportation.
@thebigmann81 I agree with you but even if her family is lazy, NO is the key. This is common sense. Anywhere in the world, the husband or the provider decides where to put his money especially if the wife doesn't work. If a foreigner is not strong-willed to not help her family if he's not willing, he better not marry the poor Filipina, or he'll end up blaming the Filipinos which is always the case. Lazy is for those who are able to work and there's jobs to find anyway as in the case in the west. It doesn't apply to Filipino families who tries their best but there's simply no jobs to find. Lastly, saying NO to your wife's family is not rocket science.
I know exactly what your talking about, and I will go one step further. My Filipino in-laws were way behind on the mortgage payments for the shack that they built and the bank did not want to take the house from them, it was only a shack. Well somehow they got word that their daughter was in the USA and now they are threatened with eviction if they don't pay all the money they owe. I paid off the mortgage and back payments and penalties so they could stay, and my wife would stop crying. I think they owed more than it was worth but I paid it off. Shortly after that the city got word of what was going on, so now I need to pay all the back taxes that have not been paid for many years, or they would take, the now paid for house, so again I open the wallet and pay again. If I would have gotten hit with both at the same time I would have been further ahead to have them abandon the shack and give them money to get something else. We still get her friends and relatives asking for "Loans", or outright gifts for wedding expenses, funeral or medical needs.
As far as helping the family, what I can say is I've found it rewarding to help the nephews and nieces with their education. Not so with helping the wife's brothers with micro-busineses. That hasn't worked out so well. But the young people have not let us down. We have a trained chef, two nursing students, and more will follow. From a cost point of view, ok there is an up-front cost. But you can get it back off them when they go abroad, eg, chef. And you can find training that fits your budget. Take care.
Before you become boy friend girl friend it's critical you have "the" talk. Clearly discuss and both agree about children, Church and money to family or not. If no money to family make it very clear to the family members you will not be providing money. If you do agree to provide an allotment make very clear the EXACT amount and if there will be exceptions for if the rooster needs meds or grandmother has died for the third time this month or if brother ran out of cold beer.
Gio, great (and delicate/controversial) topic. Many expats get together with young, poor uneducated Filipinas who see him as a solution to her family problems. Why start a relationship with a Filipina who is already in extreme poverty ? There are millions of young, productive Filipinas with great jobs, why do most expats end up with the lowest of the low ?
For some it's they meet the girl and settle down quick . First philpinas they meet its love. For many it's they dont get a chance to meet the well off philapina in professional jobs like doctors or lawer . Some on lower incomes might not think they could date a well educated philapina. Many reasons I'm sure.
Well according to the Philippines Statistics Authority (PSA) 58.4% of Filipino households are considered to be in the poor socioeconomic class. The middle class income range is 48,328 to 84,574 php a month ($774 to $1,500). Typically most forgeinors end up dating a single mother living at home with her parents. These women are not in the best economic situation and do not mind dating a man 20+ years older that is financially secure. How many Filipinas do you know that earn 50,000php or more a month that are willing to accept a 20+ year age gap relationship?
Not to bragging. I am stable Filipina., my family is in a right track. What turn me off, they are not family oriented. Ofc, i want someone who lloves my famiily too. Ive always heard if they marry , only the girl not the family., im afraid of that mindset. This is not just about money. And im against of living Together without marriage, against of pre marital sex. But thats Me., so many Filipina comply what they want. 😄
This is sound advice but that could all go out the window later when certain needs come up. My wife has a good job so she can help all she wants but still has to draw a line.
I have been helping a family and a couple others for over 2 years. I went to the Philippines February 2020 for a month and then could not return of course. Went back in December 2022 finally. I have learned many lessons.. been scammed by a couple that I knew past... yet the ones I am helping now do have a future and trying hard to just get by. Once you give money to a filipina... watch out... they will endlessly harass you future, so make sure you really know them.
Good evening Gio and very informative video. One major thing in that I decided to turn towards having a new Thai girlfriend now (which I have had for 7 months and I just came back from Thailand) vs me seeking another Filipina girlfriend (which I had before for 3 years but broke up due to Covid) was the money borrowing issue from a Filipina, her family, etc. My Thai girlfriend speaks some English, is educated, has a great career, has 3 properties, and does not ask me for one penny nor any of her family members nor any of her friends. I could of easily gone to the Philippines this time to seek a Filipina and start a new relationship BUT I honestly felt that meeting one and falling in love, I may have been bombarded to send money to any of them. Not happening! I am a Disabled Educator and even my disability checks are not even enough for me until I actually retire and also start collecting from my Florida Educator Pension.
Help without money isn't much help when you have physical needs. My wife's family is getting bigger so she bought them a van to make travelling easier and they will be able to drive further out together. Well worth it. If the food is short then there is only one way to help I would think, which would be to give the money and make sure it gets used for what it is supposed to be used for.
Expats are in the Philippines, enjoying the benefits of Filipino poverty. As a result there should be a $10 or 50php (for every year of age gap) sent to the family of every Filipino girlfriend..
I fall on the side of support if your Filipina is not working. Many of us go to the Philippines with insanely deep pockets. Support only to the widowed mom. I will not allow sibling and other strap hangers. We are not familial social programs. I will absolutely not support any business startups. No spending $7,000 on a truck like that John character. Also, no pictures or mentions of me on social media. Strict rules for your Filipina are important.
My wife just spent more than that of her earnings for a van for her family, because she thought they needed it. Built them two houses too. Having a Filipina that is working in the west is the best way to not have to spend a lot of money on her family, but I sure hope men still want to out of love for the family.
What I have learned living in the Philippines is be very careful helping people because when you give once there will be a problem if you don't give forever.
I was a " Juicy Girl" when I met my husband in S. Korea. Went to school & received my Masters Degree. My husband & I make 6 figures. We helped my family; in one condition: They have to finish college". We helped them because we have more than enough. Be KIND and Generous when you can.
Woman want the power of a man The responsibility of a child and The privilage of a woman. When woman demanded equality & the right to vote. Then it's there responsibility to provide, not mine. If they don't provide, that's called privilage & privilage is not equality. If they don't want to provide, then they need to remove there vote.
Of course it's a decision for each individual but the voice of experience offering a perspective we may not have considered is priceless. Thanks for sharing.😊
When I built a pool for my desert home, I made it nine feet deep. It keeps the pool cool and comfortable. We have over 100 days a year of 100+ degree temperatures.
Supporting the family is a rough row to hoe. This is an issue in Thailand, as well. Most expats on a fixed income are not prepared to support anyone other than themselves and the wife.
My husband told me when I came to USA, he said your responsibility is we are first and if you have extra money send them. I only send them every year December for Christmas.
Filipinos will survive long before and after you. They can literally survive anything, No allowance needed. It's amazing how they can live in the province with big families with little to no money.
My wife's family doesn't care about our happiness she has 4 younger siblings and the bottom 2 sisters do nothing to help one brother does what he can but the worst is the oldest brother he works the oil rigs in Dubai and when there is a medical emergency with his own parents we have to pay more I just can't wrap my head around it
Sure i agree for most part but the downside is that you will be required to help out as long as you live or as long as the ones you're helping lives, personally I couldn't handle it.
@@richieredw9218 yes exactly! the problem is 'the help' will NEVER end or at least the expectation of said help .. if you're fine with that then go nuts .. personally i am not because i'll feel used .. occasionally sure .. but then .. as stated .. the 'expectations' start.
98 % of the time, when u send money to your Filipina while u are in a long-distance relationship (LDR) will only make your Filipina and her Pinoy BF's relationship even stronger. So think before u send. #ForeignFinancer If u like the sound of that hashtag, go ahead and send that $$$. #basedontruestory
I tell my friends relatives and siblings straight to their face😂 no loans (go to bank) no donations (sell something donate your own earnings) no allowances (not my responsibility) no to gifts (materials not that important) my presence is more important in that what ever event that is ..haha no one will ever get something nor will i ask from my foreign partner.. ...but my parents i do give them some from my own salary..that is for their medications maintenance...i think its good most men choose women in poverty just make sure their not on the side where always expecting handouts i think...there are women in poverty but still work so much to get by the day (these women i think value much and appreciate it better, they know not to abuse the kindness given to them) and its true filipinos in business are funny to see at ..one neighbor will open sarisari store the next day week or months all neighbors are into sarisari store..just competing who has the best customer service or items available..🤣
Regarding the cousin asking if he could borrow some money for food, the word borrow itself is a red flag as he most likely would not repay the money he borrowed. He either has no intention of repaying or he doesn't have the money to repay. I would tell the relatives, Sorry no. I'm not a bank.
Hey Gio . I've watched your blog for sometime now and enjoy every one of them . I have to say that , I'd never contribute to my wives family , and I would never accept anything from my wives family . Not even a handshake 😮
Me personally I don't care about the lady or the culture. The relationship is between you and your lady and her child or children that is who you help. Other family members i would not take care of. Occasionally if you need help I would consider it. But never would I weekly, monthly, or annually give money to a family just because I'm with their daughter.
I met my Filipina in 2019. She is 55 and living with her daughter at that time. A year later she got her own apartment - our idea. I am supporting her 100%. She wants to come to America. So i am supporting her until she comes here. I don't support her family. Just her. She has never asked me to support her family and said she never will, because her daughters have good jobs. Waiting on anullment then filing K-1.
When I made the decision to focus on one woman in the Philippines, I decided to send her $100.00 USD (10 years ago). I looked at it this way it was a standing date every night for me for the cost of 2 dates in the USA. I looked at it this way if you are online getting to know that person and her family it's a date and you should pay the cost It was way cheaper for me then going out 3 or 4 days a week on dates or looking for a date. My GF now my wife never asked for me to send her the money I did it because I'm old school and believe the man should pay. As time went on, I increased the money I would send her. She was going to be an OSW in the Mid East for 3 years I told her to hold off till I could see her in person. Her employment contract was ending in the Philippines, and she had a new job overseas. She was the bread winner for her family, so it cost me $150.00 USA a month. I figured out her pay and how much it cost her to get to work. She made around 100.00 a month and sent half on transportation cost. So, I made up the difference in her pay and soon we would have a face-to-face meeting. It worked out and we have been married 10 years.
My filipina lives with me in Canada , has been here over 8years, still get asked a lot to send gifts , Loan peso … I stopped loaning as it’s never a loan . I have been sending her mother about 100k peso per year. Still asking more all the time, the answer is now no. I’d recommend being very cautious sending support to any family as once they are use to it , super difficult to stop. I’m considering taking a partial early retirement and moving to duma ,I have to say the constant asking peso is a huge concern . It’s likely to be worse the closer you live
It's easy to stop sending money: don't send it in the first place. Not to be hypocritical, but when I was dating my ex-wife, her stupid brother got locked up on spring break. He thought he could fight the police and was proven wrong. I gave her money so her father and brother could travel to get him, i.e., bail, air transportation for everyone, etc. Didn't get a thank you or anything. So I didn't loan a dime after that...
Hello, I’m a fellow Canadian living in Japan, but considering returning to Canada. Did you meet your Filipina wife online, in the PH or in Canada 🇨🇦? I’m open to the idea of meeting a Filipina, but may want to live in Canada at least until I retire in 5+ years. How is the best way to meet in your opinion?
Gio thanks alot again for great advice. I’m facing these issues as well. I don’t want to help my Filipino family with money. But hard and I have been contacted by family members asking for money. I have known my Filipino for 14 months. Going to meet her for the first time in June in Cebu. Wish me luck 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Jeez, if you haven't even physically met her yet and the family are hitting you hard for money already, I'd run and fast. You are clearly nothing more than a walking talking ATM to them. Give them an inch and they will expect a mile. What starts off as requests becomes an attitude that money from you is due to them rightfully.
I pay my companion 10,000.P a month. I take out of her pay expenses that enable her to have the job like: makeup - clothes - transportation - etc. I deduct those expenses from the 10K and usually end up paying her about 7,550.P in cash - and I don't care what she does with that money as she earns it through domestic chores and nighttime service. When she particularly enjoys a romantic evening - I tell her that she should pay me for being such a considerate lover. The other day out shopping - she found a nice swimsuit for 950.P and asked if I would buy it for her. I said I would pay 500.P towards it and she would have to pay the other 450.P - She ended buying one for 350.P which I paid 300 and then told her I was going to deduct 50.P from her monthly stipend. She agreed - so we got it. Everything is negotiated - nothing is free - they need to have some skin in their own game of life.
She earns her allowance through “nighttime service”. So…. You are not actually Murray but “a John” and your “companion” is your prostitute ? It sounds like your whole relationship is a business transaction but hey at least “bombwill” like the way you do business.
i have never been asked for money or support from any of my wifes family and beleive me they are far from middle class i have made some donation to help pay my mother inlaws hospital bills but so did all her sons
Great video Gio. Just on what you have expressed here, I'd be more inclined to not share personal stuff all over social media, like travelling with your girl. Your spot on with elevated status, I recall this before in Philippines. On the subject of money support, I think it's only important for you girlfriend/wife parents, siblings should understand 💰 money does not grow on trees. I have made a point, well documented to my LDR, not physically meet yet, I never lend, nor borrow. She understand very well and has never ask me for 1 peso, though I do support her, my decision. BTW when is the wedding, have you chosen a location/ date? Cheers from Australia, regards to your beautiful wife to be Maya.
Gio, here's the thing, one should not loan or give money to anyone that you are not a in a committed relationship with. Then only with an understanding that a hand out does not equate to a helping hand. There should be an understanding that you are not a Bank nor are you wealthy,so don't enable them to start a bad habit. The wisdom of that statement is that it will only last a moment and the hand will be outstretched for more help again without any appreciable positive change in their lifestyle. Only give an amount that you can afford to lose or walk away from. That applies to amounts say of a hundred dollars or more on a consistent month to month basis.
I met and married my Filipina wife on Christian Filipina. I got married in October 2022 after having met her and spending a month with her in July. I was looking for a traditional, educated, working woman, and we are now working on her Visa. As is common, she has a large family, and all her family is well educated with good jobs. She has a sister who was very helpful in planning our wedding, who is married to a veterinarian with a thriving practice, with a beautiful home, so fortunately, there is no one asking for money from us. My wife who has both a nursing degree and a teaching degree and was teaching in the public schools, quit her job and I have been sending $1,000/month to support her and her 10 yr old son (who is a great kid). She is planning to teach again once she comes to the US, which actually is an unexpected plus in terms of generating some income.
It's usually the number 1 reason for break up when you're wife is supporting over 20 people the parents are dead but she has to support her sisters brothers their kids + their partners and friends that just like to stay there no one works always problems the juice ain't worth the squeeze 😮 !
I have lived in the Philippines with my wife for 4 years now. My wife gets more money requests than I do, but I get them too sometimes via Messenger. We were paying utang na loob to her father (apparently a lot of which was leeched by his gold digging girlfriend, I found out later), and I thought the support would be done after he passed (I had to pay for the funeral and burial - no help from the other 4 siblings). But now, I get "loan" requests. These are no. I also get mortgage requests - They will borrow money, and I will get half of the harvest to sell for at least a year, until the mortgage is paid back. I have done it once recently - we'll see what happens as a result of that.
Haha I’ll be damned if I’m going to take my hard earned money and send it to someone in another country without even knowing the person! Oh hell NO, only a sucker would do that!
If she is with you so you can support her family, then she is by definition their whore they are pimping out. My rule is simple, you don't work they don't eat. My wife now appreciates the value of her labor and is very frugal to her parents. They live rent free in our house over there with a humble $250 allowance to feed and pay utilities. Her friends and family gave up long ago with holding their hands out, every other month it was some new drama or scheme to try to get her to part with her salary. It took a while, but she started resenting that people would only chat her up when they wanted to borrow money, solicit christmas/birthday or some lame business scheme. She works hard for her six figure income here in the US and for anyone over there to expect they deserve a cut is now insulting to her. So many of her friends here in the US sob and weep to her how their parents and extended family in the Philippines are soaking them for all they earn and the now barely make ends meet. Just gotta learn to say no and recognize the emotional blackmail as abuse. One of her friends is shelling out 2/3 of his six figure income to support his parents, siblings, cousins. All of which have retired early living in the two houses he built; oh and they demand he covers all their fiesta, Christmas, birthdays, schooling, housing, food, medical,utilities.
Dude I guess I got lucky very lucky. My Filipina family are farmers and own and rent farm land. They have very rich cousins that are married to foreign men already. My Filipina doesn’t ask me for anything and has her own side hustle which nets her good money. All her family wants to know is if we are going to be married or not.
My buddy in Philppines, He is retired PNP around age 64. He has handful of younger girlfriends around mid 20's to early 30's. He give them each a sack of rice monthly, some money for load or other expenses. He always has a handful of girlfriends in the Philippines.
I totally agree!!! It’s a crap shoot !!! Fairness isn’t easy over there !! It’s a tough subject!!! Good video!!! What you say is soooo true!! Cynthia and I really like your videos, very honest and respectful!! Good job ❤
Great topic Gio. Touchy subject and like you said, so many variables. And you are right about all the requests for money when a Filipina is with a Foreigner. I brought my Filipina wife over to U.S. for 10 years now. We will now be moving over this July to Bacolod City. When I first married my Filipina wife, I originally sold my guitar and gun collections just so I could keep sending money to my wife's family. When that ran out, and we had no more to just give out to help family, I came up with the best idea that will work whether living in U.S. or the Philippines. I told my wife she could work and earn money to send back home and I would never ask for any of that money she makes. So now she has to be the motivated one and work if she wants to help her family. And it will be the same for when we move to the Philippines. My Filipina wife wants to get a business started up once we get established there and any money she makes will go to her family if that is what she chooses.
Very true I dated a girl short term payed to go to visit her family and they drove me crazy you would have thought I was their lotto lol She go mad because I told her i would never marry a filipino and I know she was having arguments with them about hitting me up for money, We are still friends and she still ask for money even after I accidently sent her $1500 usd and then told her to keep it her mom got most of it and was asking for money the next month wow
Your money suddenly does not become your girlfriend's or her family's. Life is a universal struggle; suck it up, buttercup. If you choose a poor girl from a poor family take her 2 islands away.
Hi Gio, this is a very thoughtful piece. The subject is capable of causing many different opinions. I agree about not providing funds where you have not met the other party. One of the issues is that often the requests for help are put forward in a crafty manner ie a comment is made about lack of income or funds to cover a simple part of living expenses such as water rates, bottles of gas, rice and other foods. Not to mention internet and phone load costs. These are just some of the things I have been told about. No direct requests however, so it is left to you to decide to offer to help or not. In my case, I decided to pay the basic living costs. I should mention that the mother is a widow, 74 years with no income. The other immediate family members are my Filipina who has no job and no income, plus her son who is at secondary school. So I am supporting a family of three in this manner. I decided against a regular allowance. My reasons are that I want my Filipina to always maintain some aspiration towards seeking a job. This is a difficult area as they live in a small island which has a small localised economy plus local employment via a Chinese nickel mine. I have friends who have warned me that I am stepping onto a slippery slide. It is around 9 months since we were last together and my plan is to visit again asap. We maintain daily Messenger contact both visually and voice which seems to be acceptable to us both. Time will tell how secure our LDR is, but so far so good. I am wondering about other opinions about the topic of this video. It’s an area sure to engender a lot of different ideas. Thanks Gio for introducing the topic. I know you have altered your earlier position somewhat as I have followed you for some time. Cheers to both yourself and your lovely Filipina. Kevin
Thank you for the information I enjoy watching your videos. i married to Filipina a little over a year ago. Waiting on the papers from the embassy to bring her to the United States. When I was there visiting her she said she wants to work here in the United States so she can send some money back home for family. The family all seems like good people I told her I would not marry her just so she can come here to USA just to work for her family. And she told me no if she not doing it just for her family that she would help with our bills first and then with leftover and money back home I don't care I did not even want her to work wright away I am retired and I like to do some traveling. I have sent her money from time to time. But one time I sent her $500 and in one month she acted like she was already broke and she could not explain to me we're all that money went she said groceries and bills but I was there with her for 4 weeks and bills and groceries shouldn't have not been that much. I really think she is a great girl but just cannot explain to me we're she spend that much money. well she speak English and can understand but not that good she said she still has a little money left but does not explain to me how much. month latter was our first year anniversary and she asked me for $100. This is when I started to wonder. I guess when I get her here to the US then I can really find out how well she is about spending money. I married her in the Philippines but now I think I'll wait for a while when I get her here before I will marry her in the US. I just hope I didn't screw up on this one. I really think she is a sweetheart but you know how it goes. She only has one kid and he works on a oil rig out in the ocean. 27 year old boys seem like real nice man.
She is asking you for money?? No self respecting girl would do that unless it is a true emergency. Good luck. This is a snapshot of what is to come. Also, if you are married in the Philippines, you are married in every country. You can't get married again.
The girls that don't want their relationship publicly more than likely are married girls non serious seeking support money and many Filipina seeking out money will lie about their relationship status.
Hello Gio, I have known My Filipina for about six years. The first four years We were only friends. I did send Her a little money each month for about one year before We met in person. This was My Idea and She has never asked Me for anything. I have a Great Job as a Tradesman in the Auto Industry. Now We are Engaged and will be Married as soon as She comes to America. I am excited to be going back to Mindanao in June for three weeks. Take care.
I’ve dated Filipinas in the past. All have had college degrees, and good jobs with above average salaries. Of course, I would date them the same way I would any other nationality. I never had a request for money for them nor for their family. I have a lot of Pinoy friends with good jobs. None of them do that payment to their gf’s or wives family. Also none of my Korean, Japanese, or Chinese friends who are married to Filipinas do this. This phenomenon only exists for some western guys who date/marry Filipinas. I wonder why??
My wife has for sisters. All five help the parents equally if there is a big expense. That’s been twice in ten years. I’ve given my own elderly mom 15x. If you want zero financial demands, don’t date poor province girls.
Equally share is expected but when they want all from one source is different. Also support a parent is OK but I definitely not going to support every aunt,uncle ,or working abled family member. But I'm not rich either so maybe if I was rich I wouldn't care. Most Americans are not rich or wealthy.
Simple solution I have is if any family member is in need of money they must start working for me labouring doing jobs I have no wish to do in this hot climate. They then get money paid daily it's also a lesson in life how to manage money and save for emergencys.
Gio, maybe you should do a video on the mean and median assets, savings, social security benefits, and other retirement funds of the average American to make Filipinos realize that Americans are not as wealthy as they think they are.
Good idea but I think you will find that it won't matter because if you can get on a plane and fly that far away, you are not short of money in their eyes.
As I was listening to this, I thought, "This sounds a lot like the experience I've heard about people who win the lottery." People come out of the woodwork asking for money, loans, donations, wanting to get into can't-lose business ventures with you, etc. I'm sure it's a lot like that for Filipinas - it's sort of like winning the lottery. Of course, in the PI, family members, particularly women, are expected to bring money into the family as a whole so they can all survive and thrive. And if we as relatively rich foreigners come in and turn our Filipinas into sort of lottery winners, it can't be very surprising that many of these women and their families have the reactions Gio mentioned. As others have said, if you want to avoid much of that, you really need to figure out the situation with the women and their families before getting too involved. In this case, dating an older Filipina with grown children who's no longer expected to provide money to her extended family would be a better idea.
You actually have to be cautious with this scenario as well. Having older or younger siblings who have families themselves just multiples the chances of emergencies needing funding. Your wife will have a hard time saying No to her older brother who has a child in the hospital and needs special medical attention. Same with grand kids. If your wife’s daughter has a child in the hospital that needs surgery you will be the first person they go to.
I did the allowance before i got here. Months later after i arrived, her father was sickened to a wheelchair. I helped will his hospital bill and his therapy.
Been living philippines over 15yrs and parents consider the children a retirement plan. So we give a monthly allowance to her elderly parents not talking big money. And there very nice to me. My first wife we meet in usa and married 21yrs once she passed there colors showed my new wife 6 yrs never asks for anything just help her parents. But a funny one after my wife now her distant like cousin and aunts started showing up looking my wife always gives a reason we can't. Most didn't even talk to her before we got married and were lucky there's 6 siblings and all either have jobs or there husbands have so they share with parents expenses. But I will say don't send money to anyone unless you come over and make sure it's legit. Heard to many horror stories. Guys sending money to philippines and end up supporting her husband and kids. Also don't meet off dating apps. If you fly over there will be so many girls wanting to meet you.
Also left out don't meet a girl in the bar or with kids .there's no divorce here lots of guys will let the girl meet a foreigner knowing it's a payday for them. And if you meet a girl with kids and end up together there's a lot of legal problems. Go to mall or church meet a good girl you will be happy
You can tell how long you've lived here Gio with videos like this. There is so much to Filipino culture that takes a long time to understand, and you have a wealth of knowledge.
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The first thing that a lot of guys want to do is get a girlfriend without understanding how the culture works. Instead of meeting a girl online and have an instant girlfriend, the better option is to come, settle in and observe how life works, and especially relationships function. The family will be hugely important to her and if one has more than the others, then “she” will be expecting to pick up the slack. This attitude allows for all members to survive. If he vets the girl properly, he will understand what her circumstances are and what will be expected. The gray line is determining the difference between help and enabling. If a man comes from a Western culture without understanding Asian culture, there will be conflict.
@@ionutmititelu2083 Maybe moving back to Romania might be an option for retirement?
Part of the vetting means using self control and not doing anything sexual, getting to know her and her situation beforehand and seeing if it is something you want to deal with or even can deal with, a lot of guys get in over their head and unknowingly commit to whole lot more then are aware of.
Don't give the Filipina any money until you have been with her for a few years. The Filipina was fine before you met her. Why do men have to try and buy a girlfriend? I have never done it.
My aunt married an american guy whom he had met in Korea more than 20 yrs ago. My aunt was an english part-time teacher in Korea, and her american husband was a professor. He helped us to send in university, but they dont give us money. Instead, they get a ricefield for our parents to work and my other aunt too, they help my other aunt's and uncle's to bring in Korea to work too. Because of the help of my american uncle, we had a successful life. Some of my cousins live in abroad specially in america, and some of my cousins have successful businesses here in the Philippines, and most of my family own a big farm.
👍 No money no support no allowance you have to meet first you have to see where this Possible relationship is headed \ And See if your compatible \ Don’t let yourself be scammed 👍
In my case and I´m sure for many others too, what I have is my retirement pay. I have worked every day for 45 years and saved just enough to set myself up in the Philippines. I have small savings for emergencies like the need for a hospital or dentist. It´s money I can´t touch. I have many dreams and wishes for things to do and places to visit. For me to have the life I want, I have to make a budget and follow it. I can´t do everything all the time. My point is that my future gf/wife understands and respects that there is a budget. If I can support her family, I will. But I will not set myself on fire to warm them.
Same here, I've set a budget under the maximum. Things that must get paid FIRST. Rent, electricity, water, food, internet, and other miscellaneous essentials. After that, I allow her to manage that amount as she likes. If she can save on the food budget allotted, for example, she can send the savings. We have a daughter as well, that must be provided for. If she's honest with what she's spending and saving, I will reward her for that honesty, and it helps me adjust the budget as needed. Often, your partner will try to push you to buy this and that. I then retort, can you find it in the extra I give you in our budget? No? then NO.
My Filipina wife used to be an OFW in Taiwan so she knew what it felt like to be forced to give handouts to a family or be harrassed for money. She is now firm and refuses anything besides maybe some small things. She even shields me from their family; they must get through to her for any monetary requests. So happy to have such a sweet wife.
When I grew up, Allowances were earned by doing chores. Maybe $20 for mowing the lawn, $10 for washing the car. $5 for keeping your room neat and clean. Maybe her family should earn their allowance. Mamasan could make dinners for $10/week. Papasan could do some gardening (maybe grow some food) for $10/week. Little brother could do the shopping for $10/week (which could help save you money, by not paying "Joe" prices). Little sister some house cleaning/laundry for $10/week. Teach them that money is earned, not begged for. Then, her family could pull in an extra $40/week or $160/month without being freeloaders.
One thing to consider, if your girlfriend/wife is living with you, then you are already "supporting" the family. Although actual cash may not be exchanging hands, you are the one spending money to take care of her needs, not the family. If she eats 1200 pesos in food a week, 4800 a month (Not sure if that's high or low, just an example), then that is 4800 pesos her family now has in their pocket to do with what they want because you are buying the food not them. That's just for 1 of her needs, all of them together add up and saves her family a considerable amount. They are adults and it's on them to be financially responsible, if they don't have enough money to support their lifestyle, then they need to change their lifestyle to fit the money they have. They complain about not enough money but they all have make-up, jewelry, nails/hair done, karaoke machines, etc. wouldn't that money have been better spent on things they need like food. I didn't work most of my life, being deployed to war zones to support someone else's retirement.
You need to talk to your girlfriend right up front HONESTLY about your intentions and expectations and hers, and this topic is one of those things that NEEDS to be talked about. You need to set boundaries too!! If you give, you are setting a precedent and rewarding poor behavior, and will be expected to continue to give. You worked to EARN the money you have, and you are the ONLY one that decides how you will spend it. If you get "secret" messages, I would say let her know, show her the message immediately, and let her deal with her family/friends and put an end to it. Me personally, I would be happy if she didn't put anything on social media, even happier if she didn't even have any social media. I don't want my personal/private life posted on the internet for the entire world to see.
100% with you on EVERYTHING you wrote .. excellently stated !!
@@paulthurson I disagree !00% you are not eliminating an expense from the family , you are depriving the family of a potential revenue stream. I do find this is the the cheaper foreigners making an excuse not to truly support their wife or girlfriends . If you are not giving money to the family your just cheap thats all. You dont have to make excuses to make yourself feel better !
@@michaelbyrne5469 using the same old shame, insults, and guilt to get your point across calling him cheap. Maybe instead realize it's as simple as he said, which is not rewarding bad behavior. Either way relationships come and go, so who's the smart one if/when it ends? Obviously the guy who wasn't manipulated. You do you and don't worry about us "cheap guys".. we'll be fine lol.
Like many people elsewhere they're addicted to social media and won't readily agree to give it up.
If you're the only one in the relationship to decide how your money is spent then you don't have a partner - you have a slave. Maybe that's the kind of relationship you prefer.
Yes I believe your right and if they start asking for money it’s time to cut to cord. 😊
I'm Filipino, and everything you said is true. ❤
Great video Gio with some very important information. One thing to keep it mind also is if a Filipina isn't used to having or handling money they can spend it frivolously. They have a new found freedom
At 4:00 minutes you mentioned the guilt complex of having a new and better lifestyle as a result having a foreigner boyfriend/husband. In Thailand this is a circumstance called "mia farang" and there is quite a bit written about this. Your relationship with her puts her into a new and separate social status relative to what she was before and with her friends and family. It doesn't happen much in the larger society so can be difficult for her to navigate. This is an interesting topic for future videos. This goes along with the comments about not posting all the fun and games with the foreigner on social media. My wife stopped posting and I stopped tagging her in my posts. My wife didn't want the kids in the family to see her lifestyle too much. A posting of a night out eating seafood at a BBQ place would then have to be followed by sending money back home so her family to do the same on their own. And yes, the relationship/marriage does open up the floodgates of requests from friends, family, distant friends and distant family. Teaching her about money means teaching her where to draw the lines.
Boundaries are important for a married couple. My wife's so called "friends" know she is married to me and I remind her to say NO to requests for money or to borrow her luggage to travel somewhere. I'm grateful my wife and I are a team and she now realizes they're coming around because she will be leaving the Philippines to be with me.
After 2 ex Flipinas-one poor and one rich-the poor one (and her family) were so much more grateful than the rich-educated one (felt entitled etc.) also I notice the educated ones are more narcissistic (in general) poor ones are so grateful for what you give them!
My filipina eagerly looks after my needs, so I'm happy to support her in her needs. She's already objected to the idea of her family looking after my needs...so they're on their own! 🤣
Asking for loans that will never be repaid is crazy. Some families have a tendency to squander their resources to show people that they're doing better. It's sad that some families will have to be limited to a certain amount of money or else the flood gates will open up for trivial requests. My wife gets the requests and we have to stand up for us being a married couple and let the family respect our boundaries.
This is an important conversation to have. If you’re not on board with helping your partner’s family, then stop pursuing that partner. There are many other potential partners out there that are not looking to catch a big fish.
One of the best lessons I learned in the Philippines is that men should up their standards. I would not recommend online dating; in my opinion, 85-90% percent of women there are scammers, escorts, ladyboys, married women, gold diggers, etc. If you want a good woman, you should stay in the Philippines for 4-6 months and meet women organically (a lot easier here than in the u.s). If you make good Filipino friends, tell them you are single, and they will be thrilled to introduce you to someone. Also, if you're a religious man, the church is a good place too.
Online women vs. non-online women, the difference is enormous.
Sure but most men can't get more than a few weeks of vacation at a time and maybe only a month for the year.
@@LoveBeyondTheSea True, enjoy the chaos that’s comes with online dating.
LOL! It amazes me how these guys are too willing to simp and send women they don't know women money. For me, that ain't happening.
I wholeheartedly support your statement about meeting women organically.
@@daddypoker23 Online is how I found my wife and married her 53 days later eight years ago. Married her on my trip to meet her but we did chat exclusively about four hours a day before she arrived in America.
It can have its drawbacks but I have known of a lot of guys who didn't struggle to find a Filipina online and others who ran into a lot of scammers.
One thing that helps is of course not sending money before meeting and ignoring "I love you" claims.
Love can come after marriage, before then it is just getting to know who each other is.
@@LoveBeyondTheSea I Am glad online dating worked out for you. But most horror stories about Filipina women are from online dating and bar girls. Unfortunately, the majority of Filipina women are put in the mix with those women.
You can take the Filipina out of her village but you can’t take the village out of the Filipina.And her family back in the village will constantly harass the Filipina for your resources.I totally agree with Gio about this dilemma.There’s only one solution .Avoid getting involved ie.relationships and you will be able to hold onto your resources
A lot of this can be avoided by being selective. If you date a girl who has a poor and/or unmotivated family you are asking for trouble.
She must have a career.
She must be educated.
Her family should be self sufficient.
No allowance for anyone.
It takes time to find a good girl when you have higher expectations. Take your time. Establish your red lines early and stick to them.
There are things that you can't compromise on.
There are things that you can compromise on.
There are things that you can leave up to her.
Boundaries are the biggest issue here. They don't understand them or want them.
Pretty spot on but even being educated and having a carrier they will pull a rabbit out of the hat to milk money out of her if her family is poor, my wife have helped them out of poverty at great cost so your spot on good advice .trouble is the key word then the marriage will break down .I agree with all of your points.
She doesn't need to be educated but the family should be motivated and not lazy. The main thing the man needs to be a man and put his foot down and say NO. Men need to put it in check. I don't blame the filipino families I blame the foreigners for being weak minded and allowing it to happen.
Facts for Asian women in that area. You wind up dating the family and extended family.
It’s definitely worth it to wait for a girl who is middle class.
Even don’t send money for load or transportation. This is the first test, somebody is financially stable.
Trust me on that, you end up paying for absolutely everything in her life, when she even can’t afford load or transportation.
@thebigmann81 I agree with you but even if her family is lazy, NO is the key. This is common sense. Anywhere in the world, the husband or the provider decides where to put his money especially if the wife doesn't work. If a foreigner is not strong-willed to not help her family if he's not willing, he better not marry the poor Filipina, or he'll end up blaming the Filipinos which is always the case. Lazy is for those who are able to work and there's jobs to find anyway as in the case in the west. It doesn't apply to Filipino families who tries their best but there's simply no jobs to find. Lastly, saying NO to your wife's family is not rocket science.
I know exactly what your talking about, and I will go one step further. My Filipino in-laws were way behind on the mortgage payments for the shack that they built and the bank did not want to take the house from them, it was only a shack. Well somehow they got word that their daughter was in the USA and now they are threatened with eviction if they don't pay all the money they owe. I paid off the mortgage and back payments and penalties so they could stay, and my wife would stop crying. I think they owed more than it was worth but I paid it off. Shortly after that the city got word of what was going on, so now I need to pay all the back taxes that have not been paid for many years, or they would take, the now paid for house, so again I open the wallet and pay again. If I would have gotten hit with both at the same time I would have been further ahead to have them abandon the shack and give them money to get something else. We still get her friends and relatives asking for "Loans", or outright gifts for wedding expenses, funeral or medical needs.
Crazy.
Perfect ATM . 😂😂😂😂.
so how do you deal with "friends and relatives asking for loans...."?
Taxes and mortgage? Haha you were the one scammed…
Wow, parasites.
As far as helping the family, what I can say is I've found it rewarding to help the nephews and nieces with their education. Not so with helping the wife's brothers with micro-busineses. That hasn't worked out so well. But the young people have not let us down. We have a trained chef, two nursing students, and more will follow.
From a cost point of view, ok there is an up-front cost. But you can get it back off them when they go abroad, eg, chef. And you can find training that fits your budget. Take care.
I agree, I agree, I agree! I wouldn't ask a girl to quit her job to hang out with me. Second, I'm not the family ATM.
Before you become boy friend girl friend it's critical you have "the" talk. Clearly discuss and both agree about children, Church and money to family or not. If no money to family make it very clear to the family members you will not be providing money. If you do agree to provide an allotment make very clear the EXACT amount and if there will be exceptions for if the rooster needs meds or grandmother has died for the third time this month or if brother ran out of cold beer.
Gio, great (and delicate/controversial) topic. Many expats get together with young, poor uneducated Filipinas who see him as a solution to her family problems. Why start a relationship with a Filipina who is already in extreme poverty ?
There are millions of young, productive Filipinas with great jobs, why do most expats end up with the lowest of the low ?
True
For some it's they meet the girl and settle down quick . First philpinas they meet its love. For many it's they dont get a chance to meet the well off philapina in professional jobs like doctors or lawer . Some on lower incomes might not think they could date a well educated philapina. Many reasons I'm sure.
Well according to the Philippines Statistics Authority (PSA) 58.4% of Filipino households are considered to be in the poor socioeconomic class. The middle class income range is 48,328 to 84,574 php a month ($774 to $1,500). Typically most forgeinors end up dating a single mother living at home with her parents. These women are not in the best economic situation and do not mind dating a man 20+ years older that is financially secure. How many Filipinas do you know that earn 50,000php or more a month that are willing to accept a 20+ year age gap relationship?
@@mikesimpson9997 One of them being that kind of Filipina will want a younger Filipino since she doesn't need an older foreigner.
Not to bragging. I am stable Filipina., my family is in a right track. What turn me off, they are not family oriented. Ofc, i want someone who lloves my famiily too. Ive always heard if they marry , only the girl not the family., im afraid of that mindset. This is not just about money.
And im against of living Together without marriage, against of pre marital sex.
But thats Me., so many Filipina comply what they want. 😄
I recommend you have the discussion with your Filipino partner in advance and reach agreement so you both know what to expect.
This is sound advice but that could all go out the window later when certain needs come up. My wife has a good job so she can help all she wants but still has to draw a line.
I have been helping a family and a couple others for over 2 years. I went to the Philippines February 2020 for a month and then could not return of course. Went back in December 2022 finally. I have learned many lessons.. been scammed by a couple that I knew past... yet the ones I am helping now do have a future and trying hard to just get by. Once you give money to a filipina... watch out... they will endlessly harass you future, so make sure you really know them.
Good evening Gio and very informative video.
One major thing in that I decided to turn towards having a new Thai girlfriend now (which I have had for 7 months and I just came back from Thailand) vs me seeking another Filipina girlfriend (which I had before for 3 years but broke up due to Covid) was the money borrowing issue from a Filipina, her family, etc.
My Thai girlfriend speaks some English, is educated, has a great career, has 3 properties, and does not ask me for one penny nor any of her family members nor any of her friends.
I could of easily gone to the Philippines this time to seek a Filipina and start a new relationship BUT I honestly felt that meeting one and falling in love, I may have been bombarded to send money to any of them. Not happening!
I am a Disabled Educator and even my disability checks are not even enough for me until I actually retire and also start collecting from my Florida Educator Pension.
Don't GIVE anything but HELP them as much as possible BE KIND TO EVERYONE
Help without money isn't much help when you have physical needs. My wife's family is getting bigger so she bought them a van to make travelling easier and they will be able to drive further out together. Well worth it. If the food is short then there is only one way to help I would think, which would be to give the money and make sure it gets used for what it is supposed to be used for.
@@LoveBeyondTheSea I agree my wife's family is also large we don't give money BUT spend money to support them as much as possible
Expats are in the Philippines, enjoying the benefits of Filipino poverty. As a result there should be a $10 or 50php (for every year of age gap) sent to the family of every Filipino girlfriend..
I fall on the side of support if your Filipina is not working. Many of us go to the Philippines with insanely deep pockets. Support only to the widowed mom. I will not allow sibling and other strap hangers. We are not familial social programs. I will absolutely not support any business startups. No spending $7,000 on a truck like that John character. Also, no pictures or mentions of me on social media. Strict rules for your Filipina are important.
My wife just spent more than that of her earnings for a van for her family, because she thought they needed it. Built them two houses too. Having a Filipina that is working in the west is the best way to not have to spend a lot of money on her family, but I sure hope men still want to out of love for the family.
Where are the people who we can date or whatever that have their own money and don’t need to be supported ? Have family that have their own successes.
Probably not interested in a westerner.
I'll support my partner and children but not her family, if you give money to family they will never stop asking for more. I'm not a ATM
What I have learned living in the Philippines is be very careful helping people because when you give once there will be a problem if you don't give forever.
I was a " Juicy Girl" when I met my husband in S. Korea. Went to school & received my Masters Degree. My husband & I make 6 figures. We helped my family; in one condition: They have to finish college".
We helped them because we have more than enough. Be KIND and Generous when you can.
Woman want the power of a man
The responsibility of a child and
The privilage of a woman.
When woman demanded equality & the right to vote. Then it's there responsibility to provide, not mine.
If they don't provide, that's called privilage & privilage is not equality. If they don't want to provide, then they need to remove there vote.
Of course it's a decision for each individual but the voice of experience offering a perspective we may not have considered is priceless. Thanks for sharing.😊
They all live before you and they all will live long after you're gone. There's an old American saying don't start none won't be none.
When I built a pool for my desert home, I made it nine feet deep. It keeps the pool cool and comfortable. We have over 100 days a year of 100+ degree temperatures.
Supporting the family is a rough row to hoe. This is an issue in Thailand, as well. Most expats on a fixed income are not prepared to support anyone other than themselves and the wife.
Retired expat from the US living in Thailand. I helped my Wife's family before. No more.
I give her money each month. She helps her family a bit.
My husband told me when I came to USA, he said your responsibility is we are first and if you have extra money send them. I only send them every year December for Christmas.
Filipinos will survive long before and after you. They can literally survive anything, No allowance needed. It's amazing how they can live in the province with big families with little to no money.
My wife's family doesn't care about our happiness she has 4 younger siblings and the bottom 2 sisters do nothing to help one brother does what he can but the worst is the oldest brother he works the oil rigs in Dubai and when there is a medical emergency with his own parents we have to pay more I just can't wrap my head around it
For me, there's nothing wrong with helping the close relatives of your wife, but make sure sure there should be a limit to what you can extend.
Sure i agree for most part but the downside is that you will be required to help out as long as you live or as long as the ones you're helping lives, personally I couldn't handle it.
@@richieredw9218
yes exactly! the problem is 'the help' will NEVER end or at least the expectation of said help .. if you're fine with that then go nuts .. personally i am not because i'll feel used .. occasionally sure .. but then .. as stated .. the 'expectations' start.
98 % of the time, when u send money to your Filipina while u are in a long-distance relationship (LDR) will only make your Filipina and her Pinoy BF's relationship even stronger. So think before u send. #ForeignFinancer
If u like the sound of that hashtag, go ahead and send that $$$. #basedontruestory
I tell my friends relatives and siblings straight to their face😂 no loans (go to bank) no donations (sell something donate your own earnings) no allowances (not my responsibility) no to gifts (materials not that important) my presence is more important in that what ever event that is ..haha no one will ever get something nor will i ask from my foreign partner.. ...but my parents i do give them some from my own salary..that is for their medications maintenance...i think its good most men choose women in poverty just make sure their not on the side where always expecting handouts i think...there are women in poverty but still work so much to get by the day (these women i think value much and appreciate it better, they know not to abuse the kindness given to them) and its true filipinos in business are funny to see at ..one neighbor will open sarisari store the next day week or months all neighbors are into sarisari store..just competing who has the best customer service or items available..🤣
Regarding the cousin asking if he could borrow some money for food, the word borrow itself is a red flag as he most likely would not repay the money he borrowed. He either has no intention of repaying or he doesn't have the money to repay. I would tell the relatives, Sorry no. I'm not a bank.
Hey Gio . I've watched your blog for sometime now and enjoy every one of them . I have to say that , I'd never contribute to my wives family , and I would never accept anything from my wives family . Not even a handshake 😮
Me personally I don't care about the lady or the culture. The relationship is between you and your lady and her child or children that is who you help. Other family members i would not take care of. Occasionally if you need help I would consider it. But never would I weekly, monthly, or annually give money to a family just because I'm with their daughter.
I met my Filipina in 2019. She is 55 and living with her daughter at that time. A year later she got her own apartment - our idea. I am supporting her 100%. She wants to come to America. So i am supporting her until she comes here. I don't support her family. Just her. She has never asked me to support her family and said she never will, because her daughters have good jobs. Waiting on anullment then filing K-1.
Wow. And who is paying for the annulment and the visa?
Sorry to say this, but there are plenty of 55 year old women or Asian women looking for husbands already in America.
annulments can take 6 years
...find a woman who is not married. Annulment is expensive.
55 wow. There is a smorgasbord board of single, older Asian woman in western countries, who have money. I don't understand what your paying for.
Hit it and quit it! No drama no added expense!
When I made the decision to focus on one woman in the Philippines, I decided to send her $100.00 USD (10 years ago). I looked at it this way it was a standing date every night for me for the cost of 2 dates in the USA. I looked at it this way if you are online getting to know that person and her family it's a date and you should pay the cost It was way cheaper for me then going out 3 or 4 days a week on dates or looking for a date. My GF now my wife never asked for me to send her the money I did it because I'm old school and believe the man should pay. As time went on, I increased the money I would send her. She was going to be an OSW in the Mid East for 3 years I told her to hold off till I could see her in person. Her employment contract was ending in the Philippines, and she had a new job overseas. She was the bread winner for her family, so it cost me $150.00 USA a month. I figured out her pay and how much it cost her to get to work. She made around 100.00 a month and sent half on transportation cost. So, I made up the difference in her pay and soon we would have a face-to-face meeting. It worked out and we have been married 10 years.
It all depends on mutual needs built upon the relationship
My filipina lives with me in Canada , has been here over 8years, still get asked a lot to send gifts , Loan peso … I stopped loaning as it’s never a loan . I have been sending her mother about 100k peso per year. Still asking more all the time, the answer is now no. I’d recommend being very cautious sending support to any family as once they are use to it , super difficult to stop. I’m considering taking a partial early retirement and moving to duma ,I have to say the constant asking peso is a huge concern . It’s likely to be worse the closer you live
That's a lot of money to give to relatives.
It's easy to stop sending money: don't send it in the first place. Not to be hypocritical, but when I was dating my ex-wife, her stupid brother got locked up on spring break. He thought he could fight the police and was proven wrong. I gave her money so her father and brother could travel to get him, i.e., bail, air transportation for everyone, etc. Didn't get a thank you or anything.
So I didn't loan a dime after that...
Hello, I’m a fellow Canadian living in Japan, but considering returning to Canada. Did you meet your Filipina wife online, in the PH or in Canada 🇨🇦? I’m open to the idea of meeting a Filipina, but may want to live in Canada at least until I retire in 5+ years. How is the best way to meet in your opinion?
Gio thanks alot again for great advice. I’m facing these issues as well. I don’t want to help my Filipino family with money. But hard and I have been contacted by family members asking for money. I have known my Filipino for 14 months. Going to meet her for the first time in June in Cebu. Wish me luck 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Jeez, if you haven't even physically met her yet and the family are hitting you hard for money already, I'd run and fast. You are clearly nothing more than a walking talking ATM to them. Give them an inch and they will expect a mile. What starts off as requests becomes an attitude that money from you is due to them rightfully.
Definately not a one shoe fits all scenario.
Exactly what happened to me so it turned me off so bad I got out of that relationship
No money, period. I will spend my money on her but the family is hers.
I pay my companion 10,000.P a month. I take out of her pay expenses that enable her to have the job like: makeup - clothes - transportation - etc. I deduct those expenses from the 10K and usually end up paying her about 7,550.P in cash - and I don't care what she does with that money as she earns it through domestic chores and nighttime service. When she particularly enjoys a romantic evening - I tell her that she should pay me for being such a considerate lover. The other day out shopping - she found a nice swimsuit for 950.P and asked if I would buy it for her. I said I would pay 500.P towards it and she would have to pay the other 450.P - She ended buying one for 350.P which I paid 300 and then told her I was going to deduct 50.P from her monthly stipend. She agreed - so we got it. Everything is negotiated - nothing is free - they need to have some skin in their own game of life.
I Like How You Do Business
She earns her allowance through “nighttime service”. So…. You are not actually Murray but “a John” and your “companion” is your prostitute ? It sounds like your whole relationship is a business transaction but hey at least “bombwill” like the way you do business.
i have never been asked for money or support from any of my wifes family and beleive me they are far from middle class i have made some donation to help pay my mother inlaws hospital bills but so did all her sons
Yes I'm experiencing this at the moment, however it has slowed down compared to before.
Great video Gio.
Just on what you have expressed here, I'd be more inclined to not share personal stuff all over social media, like travelling with your girl.
Your spot on with elevated status, I recall this before in Philippines.
On the subject of money support, I think it's only important for you girlfriend/wife parents, siblings should understand 💰 money does not grow on trees.
I have made a point, well documented to my LDR, not physically meet yet, I never lend, nor borrow.
She understand very well and has never ask me for 1 peso, though I do support her, my decision.
BTW when is the wedding, have you chosen a location/ date?
Cheers from Australia, regards to your beautiful wife to be Maya.
Gio, here's the thing, one should not loan or give money to anyone that you are not a in a committed relationship with. Then only with an understanding that a hand out does not equate to a helping hand. There should be an understanding that you are not a Bank nor are you wealthy,so don't enable them to start a bad habit. The wisdom of that statement is that it will only last a moment and the hand will be outstretched for more help again without any appreciable positive change in their lifestyle. Only give an amount that you can afford to lose or walk away from. That applies to amounts say of a hundred dollars or more on a consistent month to month basis.
It's ok.
Extremely informative content. Thank you brother! Aloha!
I met and married my Filipina wife on Christian Filipina. I got married in October 2022 after having met her and spending a month with her in July. I was looking for a traditional, educated, working woman, and we are now working on her Visa. As is common, she has a large family, and all her family is well educated with good jobs. She has a sister who was very helpful in planning our wedding, who is married to a veterinarian with a thriving practice, with a beautiful home, so fortunately, there is no one asking for money from us. My wife who has both a nursing degree and a teaching degree and was teaching in the public schools, quit her job and I have been sending $1,000/month to support her and her 10 yr old son (who is a great kid). She is planning to teach again once she comes to the US, which actually is an unexpected plus in terms of generating some income.
It's usually the number 1 reason for break up when you're wife is supporting over 20 people the parents are dead but she has to support her sisters brothers their kids + their partners and friends that just like to stay there no one works always problems the juice ain't worth the squeeze 😮 !
I have lived in the Philippines with my wife for 4 years now. My wife gets more money requests than I do, but I get them too sometimes via Messenger.
We were paying utang na loob to her father (apparently a lot of which was leeched by his gold digging girlfriend, I found out later), and I thought the support would be done after he passed (I had to pay for the funeral and burial - no help from the other 4 siblings). But now, I get "loan" requests. These are no. I also get mortgage requests - They will borrow money, and I will get half of the harvest to sell for at least a year, until the mortgage is paid back. I have done it once recently - we'll see what happens as a result of that.
Haha I’ll be damned if I’m going to take my hard earned money and send it to someone in another country without even knowing the person! Oh hell NO, only a sucker would do that!
If she is with you so you can support her family, then she is by definition their whore they are pimping out. My rule is simple, you don't work they don't eat. My wife now appreciates the value of her labor and is very frugal to her parents. They live rent free in our house over there with a humble $250 allowance to feed and pay utilities. Her friends and family gave up long ago with holding their hands out, every other month it was some new drama or scheme to try to get her to part with her salary. It took a while, but she started resenting that people would only chat her up when they wanted to borrow money, solicit christmas/birthday or some lame business scheme. She works hard for her six figure income here in the US and for anyone over there to expect they deserve a cut is now insulting to her.
So many of her friends here in the US sob and weep to her how their parents and extended family in the Philippines are soaking them for all they earn and the now barely make ends meet.
Just gotta learn to say no and recognize the emotional blackmail as abuse. One of her friends is shelling out 2/3 of his six figure income to support his parents, siblings, cousins.
All of which have retired early living in the two houses he built; oh and they demand he covers all their fiesta, Christmas, birthdays, schooling, housing, food, medical,utilities.
Dude I guess I got lucky very lucky. My Filipina family are farmers and own and rent farm land. They have very rich cousins that are married to foreign men already. My Filipina doesn’t ask me for anything and has her own side hustle which nets her good money. All her family wants to know is if we are going to be married or not.
My buddy in Philppines, He is retired PNP around age 64. He has handful of younger girlfriends around mid 20's to early 30's. He give them each a sack of rice monthly, some money for load or other expenses. He always has a handful of girlfriends in the Philippines.
The gentleman has found the fountain of youth.
I totally agree!!! It’s a crap shoot !!! Fairness isn’t easy over there !! It’s a tough subject!!!
Good video!!! What you say is soooo true!!
Cynthia and I really like your videos, very honest and respectful!! Good job ❤
You’re 100% correct.
The struggle is real!!
Great topic Gio. Touchy subject and like you said, so many variables.
And you are right about all the requests for money when a Filipina is with a Foreigner.
I brought my Filipina wife over to U.S. for 10 years now. We will now be moving over this July to Bacolod City.
When I first married my Filipina wife, I originally sold my guitar and gun collections just so I could keep sending money to my wife's family. When that ran out, and we had no more to just give out to help family, I came up with the best idea that will work whether living in U.S. or the Philippines. I told my wife she could work and earn money to send back home and I would never ask for any of that money she makes. So now she has to be the motivated one and work if she wants to help her family. And it will be the same for when we move to the Philippines. My Filipina wife wants to get a business started up once we get established there and any money she makes will go to her family if that is what she chooses.
man, this is really true.
Never send money, even if you know the woman from previous vacations
Very true I dated a girl short term payed to go to visit her family and they drove me crazy you would have thought I was their lotto lol She go mad because I told her i would never marry a filipino and I know she was having arguments with them about hitting me up for money, We are still friends and she still ask for money even after I accidently sent her $1500 usd and then told her to keep it her mom got most of it and was asking for money the next month wow
Why would you be sending money to someone you have never met other than a small amount for load? You can't buy love.
Your money suddenly does not become your girlfriend's or her family's. Life is a universal struggle; suck it up, buttercup. If you choose a poor girl from a poor family take her 2 islands away.
Hi Gio, this is a very thoughtful piece. The subject is capable of causing many different opinions.
I agree about not providing funds where you have not met the other party.
One of the issues is that often the requests for help are put forward in a crafty manner ie a comment is made about lack of income or funds to cover a simple part of living expenses such as water rates, bottles of gas, rice and other foods. Not to mention internet and phone load costs. These are just some of the things I have been told about. No direct requests however, so it is left to you to decide to offer to help or not. In my case, I decided to pay the basic living costs. I should mention that the mother is a widow, 74 years with no income. The other immediate family members are my Filipina who has no job and no income, plus her son who is at secondary school. So I am supporting a family of three in this manner. I decided against a regular allowance. My reasons are that I want my Filipina to always maintain some aspiration towards seeking a job. This is a difficult area as they live in a small island which has a small localised economy plus local employment via a Chinese nickel mine. I have friends who have warned me that I am stepping onto a slippery slide. It is around 9 months since we were last together and my plan is to visit again asap. We maintain daily Messenger contact both visually and voice which seems to be acceptable to us both. Time will tell how secure our LDR is, but so far so good. I am wondering about other opinions about the topic of this video. It’s an area sure to engender a lot of different ideas. Thanks Gio for introducing the topic. I know you have altered your earlier position somewhat as I have followed you for some time. Cheers to both yourself and your lovely Filipina. Kevin
Thank you Kevin
Thank you for the information I enjoy watching your videos. i married to Filipina a little over a year ago. Waiting on the papers from the embassy to bring her to the United States. When I was there visiting her she said she wants to work here in the United States so she can send some money back home for family. The family all seems like good people I told her I would not marry her just so she can come here to USA just to work for her family. And she told me no if she not doing it just for her family that she would help with our bills first and then with leftover and money back home I don't care I did not even want her to work wright away I am retired and I like to do some traveling. I have sent her money from time to time. But one time I sent her $500 and in one month she acted like she was already broke and she could not explain to me we're all that money went she said groceries and bills but I was there with her for 4 weeks and bills and groceries shouldn't have not been that much. I really think she is a great girl but just cannot explain to me we're she spend that much money. well she speak English and can understand but not that good she said she still has a little money left but does not explain to me how much. month latter was our first year anniversary and she asked me for $100. This is when I started to wonder. I guess when I get her here to the US then I can really find out how well she is about spending money. I married her in the Philippines but now I think I'll wait for a while when I get her here before I will marry her in the US. I just hope I didn't screw up on this one. I really think she is a sweetheart but you know how it goes. She only has one kid and he works on a oil rig out in the ocean. 27 year old boys seem like real nice man.
She is asking you for money?? No self respecting girl would do that unless it is a true emergency. Good luck. This is a snapshot of what is to come. Also, if you are married in the Philippines, you are married in every country. You can't get married again.
@@scottjohnson921 he can get a divorce in the US
The girls that don't want their relationship publicly more than likely are married girls non serious seeking support money and many Filipina seeking out money will lie about their relationship status.
Hello Gio, I have known My Filipina for about six years. The first four years We were only friends. I did send Her a little money each month for about one year before We met in person. This was My Idea and She has never asked Me for anything. I have a Great Job as a Tradesman in the Auto Industry. Now We are Engaged and will be Married as soon as She comes to America. I am excited to be going back to Mindanao in June for three weeks. Take care.
I’ve dated Filipinas in the past. All have had college degrees, and good jobs with above average salaries. Of course, I would date them the same way I would any other nationality. I never had a request for money for them nor for their family. I have a lot of Pinoy friends with good jobs. None of them do that payment to their gf’s or wives family. Also none of my Korean, Japanese, or Chinese friends who are married to Filipinas do this. This phenomenon only exists for some western guys who date/marry Filipinas. I wonder why??
They are NOT eating spam at 250 to 300 pesos for a 12 ounce can
My wife has for sisters. All five help the parents equally if there is a big expense. That’s been twice in ten years. I’ve given my own elderly mom 15x. If you want zero financial demands, don’t date poor province girls.
Agree. Very well said.
Equally share is expected but when they want all from one source is different. Also support a parent is OK but I definitely not going to support every aunt,uncle ,or working abled family member. But I'm not rich either so maybe if I was rich I wouldn't care. Most Americans are not rich or wealthy.
Simple solution I have is if any family member is in need of money they must start working for me labouring doing jobs I have no wish to do in this hot climate. They then get money paid daily it's also a lesson in life how to manage money and save for emergencys.
6:40 Isn't this what happened to Big Ed from that 90 day fiance show?
Gio, maybe you should do a video on the mean and median assets, savings, social security benefits, and other retirement funds of the average American to make Filipinos realize that Americans are not as wealthy as they think they are.
Good idea but I think you will find that it won't matter because if you can get on a plane and fly that far away, you are not short of money in their eyes.
Just ask them "how did you survive before I came into the picture"? Then say "keep doing it"!
As I was listening to this, I thought, "This sounds a lot like the experience I've heard about people who win the lottery." People come out of the woodwork asking for money, loans, donations, wanting to get into can't-lose business ventures with you, etc. I'm sure it's a lot like that for Filipinas - it's sort of like winning the lottery. Of course, in the PI, family members, particularly women, are expected to bring money into the family as a whole so they can all survive and thrive. And if we as relatively rich foreigners come in and turn our Filipinas into sort of lottery winners, it can't be very surprising that many of these women and their families have the reactions Gio mentioned. As others have said, if you want to avoid much of that, you really need to figure out the situation with the women and their families before getting too involved. In this case, dating an older Filipina with grown children who's no longer expected to provide money to her extended family would be a better idea.
You actually have to be cautious with this scenario as well. Having older or younger siblings who have families themselves just multiples the chances of emergencies needing funding. Your wife will have a hard time saying No to her older brother who has a child in the hospital and needs special medical attention. Same with grand kids. If your wife’s daughter has a child in the hospital that needs surgery you will be the first person they go to.
I did the allowance before i got here. Months later after i arrived, her father was sickened to a wheelchair. I helped will his hospital bill and his therapy.
Yes I gave mine lots peso and she left still we were 10 years together but as u say up to the person
Been living philippines over 15yrs and parents consider the children a retirement plan. So we give a monthly allowance to her elderly parents not talking big money. And there very nice to me. My first wife we meet in usa and married 21yrs once she passed there colors showed my new wife 6 yrs never asks for anything just help her parents. But a funny one after my wife now her distant like cousin and aunts started showing up looking my wife always gives a reason we can't. Most didn't even talk to her before we got married and were lucky there's 6 siblings and all either have jobs or there husbands have so they share with parents expenses. But I will say don't send money to anyone unless you come over and make sure it's legit. Heard to many horror stories. Guys sending money to philippines and end up supporting her husband and kids. Also don't meet off dating apps. If you fly over there will be so many girls wanting to meet you.
Also left out don't meet a girl in the bar or with kids .there's no divorce here lots of guys will let the girl meet a foreigner knowing it's a payday for them. And if you meet a girl with kids and end up together there's a lot of legal problems. Go to mall or church meet a good girl you will be happy
You can tell how long you've lived here Gio with videos like this. There is so much to Filipino culture that takes a long time to understand, and you have a wealth of knowledge.
So very true so many times it happens very good report