r/AITA My Father-in-Law Is Stealing From Me
Vložit
- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
Patreon: / rslash
Discord: / discord
0:00 Intro
0:08 Criminal
2:48 Haircut
5:54 Creep
8:23 Kids choice
11:05 Escalation
13:57 Great comment
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Let the sister have her own body autonomy. The OP wasn’t the one practically getting scalped every morning. The mom needed to find a way to deal with her grief that didn’t involve using her kid as a therapy doll.
Mom is dead now so the daughter is free
That’s not the issue here. The issue is that she’s going on and on about it and trying to goad her siblings into a response. For that, I’d give her 1/5 buttholes, but that can be wiped away by the fact that she’s an abuse survivor, so it kind of makes sense as to why she’d act this way.
@@guitarbass22 oh yes nothing like lamenting that you're free from your abuser. That you finally get to be your own person because you finally gotten away from your childhood abuser. Absolutely horrendous how dare she celebrate that. And the fact that her siblings don't realize that she was being abused so bad that she was screaming and hollering every morning for hours shame on them shame on them. Sounds to me like families that abused together Stay Together.
@@LLandS18 Did you seriously not read my entire comment? 🤣 I literally said that her being an abuse survivor makes sense as to why she’d act this way, AND that that fact wipes away her 1/5 butthole score. Lmao
I have that kind of weird hair where it's not curly but it's not straight. I don't even know if it counts as wavy. I know I have fine hair and a lot of hair. Growing up my step mom would do what I see a lot of latina girls saying their mom's did (my step mom is first gen American on her dad's side and second on her mom's, her family is from Mexico), I am SUPER white, until I discovered that I don't have to wear a sweatshirt 24/7 I made Casper the ghost look tan. My step mom would rip the brush through my hair and bend my neck every which way brushing out my hair. She got special (very expensive) straightening cream to blow dry into my hair and would spend a couple hours after church on Sundays trying to make my hair presentable for school. I hated having my hair done and looking back I'd call it torture. Eventually a daycare teacher at my school (prek-8) discovered she could send my sister (with special needs) home and not have to work with her if she "found nits" (lice eggs) and I'd be sent home too because you can't leave a 3 year old alone. My step mom couldn't get a lice comb through my hair so she had my hair chopped off in some ugly mix between a high bob and a bowl cut. I had to talk my dad into letting me basically shave my hair.
10 years later I still won't let my step mom touch my hair and I don't know what changed (maybe I actually learned how to care for my hair, maybe it's the under shave, maybe my hair got it's shit together after being shaved for so long), but my hair is a lot more manageable. In the time period of having my short hair I had to deal with my step mom getting pissed that everyone thought that I looked like a little boy, and comments from family members that I'd look more beautiful if I grew out my hair.
I'm a lot happier now that I have my own autonomy. I know my experience isn't the same as OP's sister's but I always feel for people who had to go through stuff like that because in a way I understand. I also learned from a curly haired roommate in college, you can't brush curly hair, because it get's tangled too easily and it'll just get poofy. I don't know much about the afro textured curls, but according to my BIL )he's trying to grow out his fro) it sucks and he doesn't know how to so any of the stuff to straighten it.
Story 2: I feel so bad for the curly-haired sister; not only do I have curly hair that can get tangled easily, I’m extremely tender-headed, so I can imagine the pain she was feeling getting her hair brushed every day. OP is definitely the AH.
Me me too. I don't know what type of curly hair she has but I know for my type of curly hair the only time I run a brush through it is when there's conditioner in it. And if I do use a brush it's a wide-tooth comb that specially designed for curly hair. It doesn't sound to me like she was using her curly hair to remember husband it sounds to me like she was punishing her daughter's curly hair because she reminded her of her dead husband.
Same. I jokingly call my hair Medusa because it is so curly and thick and sensitive, always looks insane before I style it. Growing up was ROUGH with super curly hair because of all the broken hairbrushes, terrible tangles, and the pain trying to figure out how to style it.
Also, who effing dry brushes extremely curly hair?? An abusive person, that is who.
Agree- op and her mom kinda sounds toxic
No one deserve to get dictated what hairstyle they can't do .
I'm male but I hate to keep my hair short like short short for girl(ummm military style? I from Asia so I don't what it called) ,Shortest I can get is Shortcut(for woman) other than that is no for me.
But I dont just other for what hairstyle they have, You do you, go on.
Story 2: I have very curly hair. If the child is screaming as you take care of it THEN YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. VERY WRONG! The mom was so obsessed with her hair yet she never learned how to properly take care of it. Was she trying to punish her daughter for reminding her of the dad?
OP heard the sister screaming abd crying every day and thinks nothing of it?! Let the sister cut her hair and celebrate being free of an abuser and finally having autonomy.
This is exactly what I was thinking. It should NOT hurt to take care of somebody's hair. The way OP describes it makes it sound like she was dragging a brush through from root to tip! YIKES. Plus, Sister didn't need to keep it long to remind them all of their father... Her hair would've still been curly! OP is so unempathetic if she can't even realize what kind of a torture it is to dread getting up every day because you know your MOM is going to make you hurt every morning just because you have dad's hair. Poor kid.
And I worry if the sister was being abused in other aspects besides her hair?
Yer that's how it hit for me to. My mum used to do this to me as a child, brushing and blow drying it daily till the age of 8. Ripping my hair out, burning my ears, and basically made me look like a cross between candy floss and sheep.
She did this because was embarrassed too ask her sister for advice.
My Nanna had to showed me how to treat my hair after 2 years of me refusing to let my mum touch.
I still don't really like anyone touching my hair.
when I had long hair, I would refuse to brush it for weeks on end. because of this, and combined with the fact that I have incredibly thick hair, it hurt when I eventually did brush it. but it shouldn't hurt to the point of screaming every. single. day. this mom was definitely doing something wrong.
I was about to say it shouldn’t hurt so it seem like her mom was intentionally doing it also op just sat by and thought she was grieving- both are toxic
Update on the first story: Hubby needed a day to deal with the shock but he has filed a police report.
thanks mate!
Grief is an explanation, it is NEVER an excuse
100% agree, I have no idea what op is on about
100%
couldn't have said it better myself
Doubt it was actually grief bet she hated her daughter
Story 4: The NERVE of a parent who drove her children away criticizing ANYONE else’s parenting. NTA Op she DEFINITELY needed to hear that.
The level of delusion is just amazing. It's one of those: "do you hear yourself?" situations.
I’m also reasonably sure that story four is not only a repeat, but a repeat of one that the scores got cut off from.
Really nice to get those score, glad for it.
I grew up Mormon. My mom was addiment that my sister and I not even appear to be dating before 16. If my sister wanted to go to a movie with a boy as friends, mom called it a date and said for her to be able to go they had to gather more people.
I agree i would rather hear rslash choosingbeggers vidros or hear his best advice😊
Hasn't he read this story before?
Honestly, SIL needed to be told plainly that her thoughts on sexualizing every aspect of a relationship is what ruined her marriage. She is gonna be set up for failure if she tries dating again if no one tells her
My thoughts exactly 😂 I was so shocked when he went with everyone sucks cause op really doesn’t 😂 “attacking her” dude she called it like it is; this girl came in and IMMEDIATELY made it weird for no reason and was the one to break up with her ex for “not having enough s*x” 😂😂 like bro you’re ex pointed it out as a problem for a reason, one or two jokes here and there are fine but 😅😅😅😅
I agree. I'm kiiiiinda known for being a big supporter of brutal honesty but like... reality checks kinda NEED you to be brutally honest. And that's all OP did. Give her SIL a reality check
yeah that's what i was thinking, too. but that's coming from the person who smacks their friends on the ass as a joke 🤷🏼♀
There called jokes you tell them to be funny there not serious.
@@kruntmasterkrunterson you wouldnt be saying this if it was a guy who "told the joke"
Story 3: My Theory is that this guy is a creeper who wants to creep on OP and he's using the whole "backpack taking up seats" and 'entitled people" BS as sort of an excuse to....creep on OP, And he is mad when OP didn't let him do so. The fact he changed seats immediately and starts up on that "backpack taking up space" thing is a red flag. NTA, OP should stand her ground.
Yeah I was thinking the same, The fact that the guy went straight to OP when The were planty Seats open, the age Difference and the fact that he also moved to be with op in the other seats
I agree. He deserves a higher butthole score. This pings every red flag drilled into women from a young age.
I naturally get super bitchy when my personal space is invaded and would have gone off anyway, but damn if this isn't predatory behavior.
I also saw him as a creepy. The train was basically empty, he went up straight to OP, and when she moved he went after her again. Then when she refused to move her bags again, he pulled the whole "I HATE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEIR BACKPACKS NEED SEATS TOO" to disguise his real intentions;
It's like rSlash said: if OP was on a full train and refused to move her bag she would be the one in the wrong. But the train was basically empty, so he didn't had any reason to pull that besides either hiding his creepiness or simply for being a douchebag
Not every guy harassing a woman has to be a creep. Its not unbelievable for him to think he's some kind of public transit vigilante teaching some punk kid about proper etiquette. Hes still a douchebag though.
Yep, this guy is a creep and a fullblown AH. I'd caution OP to carry security spray, just in case.
Honestly the second story is what the non abused kid perspective can look like, i mean i get it, op can be annoyed about their sibling constantly going "my hair this, Sharon that" constantly, but you just say "hey, you bringing that up constantly is annoying please stop", instead of "your hair isnt important stfu"
The guy in story three definitely just wanted an excuse to harass her. How can you be so hell bent on being self righteous that you hallucinate problems that don’t exist. Nobody was there, and there were a bunch of empty seats. There’s no way he didn’t just want to evoke fear in her. She was a singular woman sitting alone on a near empty train, how could he not see how creepy that was?
I think he might've been stalking her and finally decided to approach.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. A stranger, is hell bent on sitting next to a woman, and is getting aggressive when he isn’t allowed to. Nah, I probably would’ve gotten off or something super dangerous could’ve happened
Lol yup. One time, I pulled into a nearly empty, really huge gas station, around 2am. I'm talking.. maybe 2 vehicles at the pumps, with 10-15 pumps (it was right off the interstate highway). Just as I was about to get out of my car and fill up, I see these blinding halogen lights in my rearview mirror. This lifted, souped up, extended cab, huge hemi truck had pulled up riiiight behind me -- so close that, if it were a normal vehicle whose grill wasn't 5 feet off the ground, I wouldn't have been able to see the headlights anymore.
I just groaned and pulled to another pump across the lot. Just....why. I wasn't about to start something with some roid ragey truck guy. He probably really thought he did something, as far as establishing dominance....and at 2am, I could not have cared less lol.
I'd either scream, threaten with my non-existent pepper spray, or point-blank ignore him. Maybe just angrily glare and hope that for the love of Dragons, he'd catch on Fire, lol.
Edit: Spelling mistake fixed and punctuation added
He's calling her entitled while acting entitled himself 🤦
Correction Eugene, aka Flynn Rider, cut Rapunzel's hair. Rapunzel wanted to use her hair to heal Flynn after Mother Gothal stabbed him but he sacrificed his life so she could be free of Gothal. He did get revived by the last bit of sun flower magic that Rapunzel had though.
he means the original rapunzel. Mother gothel cut it there after finding out Rapunzel had a prince coming. She cut the hair and used it to trick the prince and such
Was it the last bit though? I think it's still inside her, just harder to access 🤷♀️
@@lynnclusive3577 He literally said "the movie, Tangled," so he wasn't referring to the original fairy tale.
@@amandasunshine2 I know there was a TV series where she had long blonde hair again, with all the magic and then some. I haven't actually seen it, but it does follow the movie as a sequel with an overarching narrative. Apparently, it's super slept on.
@@lynnclusive3577 someone already said he said the movie but also it doesn't make sense because he said rapunzel cut it not mother gothel so i don't think he meant the original
the hair story reminds me of that story from like a few weeks back where the whole family wasn't doing birthdays because of a dead relative. you cannot ruin the lives of children who barely (or not at all) remember the deceased as some weird shrine to someone they don't know. good on op's sister for the haircut
I like how the mom of the two daughters can say that OP is a terrible mother and everything but as soon as she says it and says the reason why you are divorced, is this reason and so-and-so, but she can’t take it like OP can don’t dish it out unless you can take it
The second story, I can relate. My mom always claims, "I prayed for you to have red hair. " Well, you don't have to live with it, Mom! It's thick, curly and a hassle to maintain. It's like she made it my whole personality as a kid and won't even let me have my own style with it. She would always roughly brush and style it like OP's mom did with his sister. And I'm tender-headed. Because of my mom, I hate my hair.
Any time I talk about cutting or dying it, she always interjects that she prayed for it. I'm 30 and she still does it. I have it grown past my shoulders now and I plan to get a pixie cut soon. But instead of throwing it in the trash, I'm gonna ask the stylist to let me bag it up so I can give it my mom and say, "You want my red hair so bad, here you go."
@desperate need of scotch better yet tell her to start working harder for the extra large inheritance 😅 lol
Im gonna comment so i can be here for the update.
Good for you! I just got a buzz cut for mine! My mom loves my new look while other women on my dad’s side not too much lol
My question is why are you talking about cutting it? Walk into a salon and get a haircut
"I'm praying for somebody's early senility. Guess who?"
I think story 3 needs a stronger Ahole rating. he publicly berated, shamed, was unrelenting, yelled, made her move, and tried guilt tripping. it must have been really distressing for them
No one made her move she did that so she could take up 4 seats
@@isaaclopez8472 In an empty train.
@@isaaclopez8472 @isaaclopez8472 okay fair nobody made them move. but in the same breath some guy came up to them in a near empty train and demanded to sit next to them. which is super creepy, aggressive, and all around uncomfortable. they weren't forced to move. but they were forced into an uncomfortable situation.
@@isaaclopez8472 On an empty train. It just sounds like a set up for stalking story
I get the horrible feeling the guy wanted to get close to grope OP (or worse). I'm a guy and even I felt creeped out by the guy's actions.
The train: lots of people use spare seats for their stuff when the train/bus is mostly empty. The issue only happens when it fills up.
I agree, that guy wanted to fight
FR. Like op already gave him her original seat, but he decided to follow her to her new seat.
@@kaykay8855 and how he demanded the bags be moved instead of asking. Hypocritical that he called OP entitled when he’s the demanding and chasing people minding their own business
@desperate need of scotch they were on an almost empty train he could sit just about anywhere but he wants to bother a person minding their own business
yes it can be annoying if someone takes up several seats but it's an empty train there's plenty of room
@desperateneedofscotch the train was empty. I would understand if the train was packed but barely anyone was there. Plus op was nice enough to move the first time, that’s far from selfish.
@desperateneedofscotch so you think it’s the right thing for the guy to harass op?
Did not expect r/ to cover tangled today, but the way I audibly gasped. Also: Eugene was the one who cut her hair in the movie as a means of self sacrifice, because cutting the hair inadvertently killed Gothel. The hair was the literal golden child in the situation.
it would depend on which version rslash was referencing, if it was the original story, Rapunzul is the one that cut her hair. if it's tangled then it's Eugene, but even in tangled, in the series, Rapunzul still ended up being the one to cut her hair.
@@BleuchuCake he litterally said "this is almost the plot of Tangled" 😅
@@BleuchuCake in the original, Dame Gothel actually cut her hair as a way to punish her for having a prince. Then she cast her out to the desert where she gave birth to twins: a boy and a girl. She then used the severed braid to lure the prince into the tower. Depending on what you read, the prince either jumps off to get away from her, or he’s pushed out the window. He roams around eating berries and twigs for 2-3 years until he hears Rapunzel singing again. After following her voice, she cries, and her tears heal his blindness. They go off and live happily ever after. In TTS, (which due to inconsistencies/contradictions with the movie, I have reason to believe is not cannon), she does cut her hair, but not as to be free of Gothel, but to save her kingdom. R/ specifically referenced Tangled the movie.
@@jessicadicologero TTS is absolutely cannon. Where did it contradict the series?
@@dramamole Eugene’s canonical age according to an official book released in 2010 days Eugene is 26 years old in the events of tangled the movie. In the show, he’s 25 when she’s 19. I also assume this was done bc an 8 year age gap is a lot, but that, and just some out of character writing leads me to believe it’s not cannon. Specifically where Eugene acts like flynn for a good majority of the show. Understandably, he may not immediately switch to Eugene right away, but for him to act in the flynn persona for that long doesn’t make sense.
Story 3: The guy is either a male Karen or a creeper. I hope OP informed a conductor. Behavior like that can get you kicked off a train.
Story 5. OP is NTA. I am a nymphomaniac. Even I know not to sexualize everything. And if I do, I keep my damn mouth shut. What she said to OP and how she described her relationship with her ex was beyond creepy and pathetic. She 100% needed a wakeup call, potentially therapy because she sounds like a legitimate sex addict.
Bruh, I would leave in 3 seconds
Nymphomania is an outdated concept
Story 3: him trying tell force you to let him sitting next to you and just completely creepy, even if it was about the bag this was a creep. When the place is empty and there's plenty of spots to sit you can put your bag on the other seat, most people do that specifically because they don't want to sit next to a complete stranger, and sometimes your bag is really heavy. You did nothing wrong this guy need to stop trying to dictate complete stranger. Also this is why I will never get on public transportation well my phone's because of people like this.
If you don't want to sit next to a complete stranger don't us public transport coz its bound to happen
@@isaaclopez8472 Some people don't have cars nor can the afford Uber, so the Bus is the only way to go.
Honestly, I think it was more to do with "Alpha Male Dominance" on us "Weak Women." It's stupid when people see a woman then try to boss them around!
@@isaaclopez8472 yo it’s the creep from the 3rd story
@LilDevyl it could be being a creep, it could be about the 'alpha male' thing. Personally, people can quite easily tell if you're faking the 'alpha male' behaviour.
Hair story: my mother and older sister had thin, fine hair that didn't really grow much past the hairline, so they always wore it very short and permed it and did all kinds of things to make it look thicker. Then I came along, and my hair was thick and grew long very quickly. The misery I went through with those two, treating me like a doll, combing and yanking at tangles until I had tears in my eyes, burning my ears with curling irons, is NOT a fun childhood memory. The two of them always had a tendency to treat me like a doll; I hated it. I wound up cutting my hair myself when I was 9...I got into massive trouble and my sister cried over it, but it was totally worth it.
Thats so odd to me, im so sorry you had to go through that. Imagine crying over someone cutting THEIR OWN hair
I was lucky when I was young my hair would be treated by neighbors who were expecialists in black hair (I am mixed and my hair is curly on the top ang straight on the bottom nowadays 😅😅) my mother NEVER touched my hair and only cut it one time when I caught lices it destroyed me but hey I was lice free after 🤷♀️🤷♀️. I honestly love the fact that my mother respected my wishes but we moved I never got to learn how to take care of my hair but I don't blame my mom I know she did her best
I’m so sorry.
As a curly haired person whos mom obsessed over (nowhere as bad, but there were a lot of ridiculous care tactics) it I totally understand why the sister did that, hell when i cut my hair short i had so much better of a relationship with that part me
YTA for not respecting that your sister wants this freedom, dont snap at her for dealing with this the way she is
Yall missing the point of "haha our mother is dead so she cant tell me waht to do anymore". Dont snap at him for not wanting to listen on someone celebrating his mothers death.
@@pauliussipavicius4658 I mean I entirely get his point here, I’d be upset too, I guess I was a bit too rash and just be like no AH here cause everyone is different in these times
Then again I have the bias of the curly hair pain haha
@@pauliussipavicius4658shes not celebrating her mothers death, shes celebrating finally having total control over her own body. You can grieve and still feel good about finally gaining control that youre entitled to. Stop twisting the situation
@@pauliussipavicius4658and its really easy for him to talk when he isnt the one that had to endure that abuse and control
@@pauliussipavicius4658 Ah. I hadn't thought of it that way. To be fair, the mom was abusive. The mom was also super weird about making the sister a symbol of her dead husband. I know of people who had a great burden lifted off of them when their abusers died. And that may seem like they are joyful.
The sister who cut her hair. Cudos to her it must have felt so good to finally do what she wanted to her own hair. Btw Rapunzel didnt cut her hair, Flynn did. But yeah, still same symbolic.
@desperate need of scotch true but, the way that the story goes i feel like she wants it short. I dunno tho. It could be a phase for her just to safely experiment w her hair and find a style that she loves
Rapunzel knew she needed to get out but didn’t quite have the strength to do it alone. She needed the extra help. The sister here was in a place where she could help herself.
@@LizLuvsCupcakes true
It wasn’t Mother Gothel who cut Rapunzel’s hair, it was Flynn.
And he did it to save Rapenzel's life, so her kidnapper couldn't use her hair against her anymore.
It's still beautifully symbolic, though. Flynn took away the one thing that Gothel wanted so Rapunzel could be free. It put a lot into perspective for me.
Not to mention it literally killed her lol
It was Finn but he was suggesting Rapunzel cut her own hair
@@sapphirepup200 Well, when you don't have what your abuser wants, they have no more power over you.
You rightfully pointed out that she is THE reason her children want nothing to do with her and that her selfish Petty antics are the reason why she will die alone
I'm not giving my own opinion, I'm just providing some additional information. The thing about curly hair is that there's a specific way you have to take care of it. You're not supposed to wash it every single day because then you'll end up getting rid all of the vital oils that it needs to stay healthy and hydrated. Based on the story, it sounds like the mom didn't know how to properly take care of or maintain curly hair which ended up drying out her scalp which led to more knots forming. You're also not supposed to start brushing from the scalp with curly hair, you're supposed to start from the ends and then work your way up which reduces the amount of pain.
And it's best to just detangle it while sopping wet and leave it be when dry
Hearing you describe the plot of Tangled physically hurts me. Her hair was cut to save her life and that killed Gothel.
Last story - *sigh* I really really hate pulling this card, and now it’s the second time this week. If the sister in law was a brother in law instead and still had the same reasons for divorcing their partner, people would be singing OP’s praise. There are countless stories of guys leaving their SO’s because they weren’t having enough sex and they get absolutely destroyed on social media.
Unfortunately, I'm inclined to agree. I was surprised at people saying TA and ESH.
Is your point that they shouldn't be getting destroyed on social media or that she should? It seems very ironic to me that people are so harsh on cheaters and then complain when someone who is not sexually satisfied with their partner decides to break up? Like what where they supposed to do, stay in the relationship and cheat? Or stay in the relationship and be miserable?
@@seb3209 it’s ironic to how you read the comment and you still managed to miss the point 😂
@@seb3209 uuuhhhhh you seem pretty triggered by my comment. Nowhere did I even mention cheaters. My point is there is a double standard, that we shouldn’t give a pass to one group while admonishing another.
@@dragonrider1549 I agree, my point is that we should give the pass to both. I'm asking whether you think we should admonish both or give a pass to both and my point about cheaters was in relation to that.
Control freak mother: I'd never allow my kids to go out on dates, I don't even allow them any privacy.
Me: And how is that working out for you?
Mom: After the divorce, they decided to live with their father. 😤
For the second story, curly haired person here. When i was a child, I had them long, and it hurt like hell. I dreaded having it taken care.
Nowadays, I still have them long. Strangely, taking care of them doesn't hurt that much anymore, I wonder if it's because I actually did research on how to take care of it instead of blindly brushing them every morning, which isn't only painful, but can also damage hair.
It's because of people's ineptitude when it comes to hair. Even the straightest of hair gets tangled or needs combing and having a rough handed person do it will always result in pain. Obviously research helps but you know your pain tolerance also so your brain and hands work together to be as gentle as possible.
Also you were a kid and pain is a lot worse lol. I have thick shoulder length 3c hair so I'm speaking from experience.
Amazing that the mom "took care" of her daughter's hair for years and never learned that you're not supposed to brush curly hair. I have a hard time believing that any of that came from good intentions, because if she really cared about her she would have learned how to take care of curly hair without torturing her daughter every day.
OP's sister in the "kids chose to live with their dad" post sounds like the "missing missing reasons" type of person you see regularly on r/insaneparents. To quote TimTamTom, if you don't got 'em, you know someone who does.
First Story, NTA: So basically OP's FIL was stealing for OP and her husband for years and OP's husband wants to let that slide? This will affect both of them, not just OP so I can’t understand why OP's husband is so worried about his reputation
Side Note: The AITA mods suck. They banned me for a mistake and intentionally singled me out. I just want people to know their bias
Second Story, YTA: After years of being forced to keep her hair long because her mom refused to let OP's sister get it cut IS an accomplishment on OP's sister's part. The fact its self is a sign of true freedom to do whatever OP's sister wants to do with her own body
Third Story, NTA: This guy just wanted to be next to OP and be an insane creep. The irony of calling OP entitled when he is demanding OP to move her bags just so he can sit next to her. The fact he followed OP to a different section of seats is insane
Fourth Story, NTA: OP only called out her sister's ironic statement. She calls OP a horrible mother for not setting boundaries but this is coming from the woman whose overbearing nature caused her own two kids go choose to live with their dad instead of her. She can’t judge OP until she becomes a good mother herself
Fifth Story, NTA: So basically, OP's sister believes sex is all that matters in a relationship and without it u are seen as basically a roommate? Why do I have a sneaking suspecion that OP's sister could be a sex addict. Sex isn’t the only thing that matters in a relationship
There is small update to 1st story: Finally, my husband needed a minute, but he called me today at lunch and said he has to do what is right for our future. He is going forward with the fraud report this evening.
Hang on. I'm curious. What happened that got you banned?
@@michaeljenkins178I was quoting the OP of a post and it had "bitch" in the statement and they perma-banned me. The funny thing is I’ve seen other comments way worst than mine and none of them got banned or removed (hence why they singled me out)
Pretty much all mods on reddit suck ass. I got perma-banned and a warning for "harassment" for pointing out the other side of an argument in a hivemind
About AITA mods sucking and banning everyone who they do not agree with - same story here. I am currently permabanned there and you know what? Maybe it's for the best. Trying to argue with literal manchildren they so graciously call "moderators" wasn't really gratifying all things considered.
Story 3: OP wasn't entitled because she let the guy sit in a seat he asked, and that's that. The bus is empty, so there shouldn't be any other issue. Heck, I put my bags on seats if the train/bus is empty, it makes it easier to pick up
*Train
But yeah, I also place my bag beside me if I can. Otherwise it will be on my knees because I don't want to place it on a dirty floor.
in the haircut story, the sister's haircut is actually an achievement. and in a way OP thinks so too, otherwise they wouldn't have made a big deal of the comments and the sister cutting her hair, and making a big deal of what it meant to their mother.
You don't brush curly hair when it's dry. That hurts, no wonder she screamed. That flipping mum couldn't bother find out how to take care of her kids hair. Rslash is right that's abuse.
Story 2: I agree with all of your comments EXCEPT that op needs to "celebrate" their mother's death. They need to understand and respect that their sister was abused and is grateful to be free, but to say op should be happy their mom is dead is asking a little too much...
I think he meant support her sister in her way of celebrating being free, while also telling her to let her grieve.
R/slash is very culturally removed from this story. No matter how much product you put in thick curly or coarse hair, there's discomfort, and kids are going to cry.
@@charlesmaxey9342 there's a few people that are very much of the right culture saying that they agree with Rslash. I'm going to trust them.
@SidereusOfTheFallen whoever the lyrics are they're foolish to think that kids won't cry while getting the hair combed. If the mother did her hair every day, then that can be seen as abuse .
@@charlesmaxey9342 I know many people with various hair from various cultural backgrounds. There are absolutely ways of taking care of all types of hair that don't involve HOURS of screaming and pain. Also, it's clear from the mother's behavior of kicking anyone who even suggested a trim out of the house that it wasn't about the culture, it was about using her daughter as a therapy doll.
the train story, the guy is the one being entitled for imposing something on OP with no real reason other than a rather stupid one given the situation.
@@desperateneedofscotchI mean I won’t take off my shoes but if the train is basically empty I would put my bag in the empty seat next to me and/or set up my laptop to do work or whatever.
Story 2: I was ready to support the mom, even after the screaming in the bathroom story - that’s also just a part of growing up with difficult hair 😂 but when OP said the mom kicked people out for suggesting it be cut, I went, “ooooh.” Lol yea that’s bad
I have a niece whose 5. Her hair is thick and unruly. My sister, her mom, is super resistant to idea of getting my niece a big haircut. It is barely that she wants it cut to get rid of split ends.
My sister can be rather gender conservative at times 😑
Hair can mean so much to an individual even if it seems strange or vain to people who don't get it. Going for such a drastic change can be mentally unsettling even if you make the decision yourself and love it because you're changing a huge part of your appearance and even identity because having long, curly hair can be a defining trait of someone. It's why people will drastically change their hair in some way during mentally difficult times as it's like a reset on who you are without having to actually drastically change your life. It sounds to me that the sister is just seeking reassurance from other people that her decision was a good one especially since there was abuse tied to that former identity. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense but even if you absolutely love the change yourself, you still sometimes need the validation from other people.
yeah, but i don't think she's looking for it in the right places. it sounds like OP actually loved their mom and is grieving her death. so the sister constrantly going "how mad do you think Sharron (Sherill?) would be about my new hair?" is really not what OP wants to hear
i think everyone sucks in that story. the sister needs therapy, OP needs to learn empathy and the both of them should probably go low/no contact while they figure themselves out
This exactly. To change your look so drastically can be a coping mechanism, hair is just a huge part of you. And she probably feels so free and happy to finally have control over her body. I wish we could hear the sisters side. If it was normal or obsessive how the mom treated her, but likely it would be in a RaisedByNarcissist sub. And everyone grieves differently the siblings should try to understand more how the sister feels.
@@zilesis1 the sister is under no obligation to be compassionate to their grief when they've showed zero compassion for the fact that she was abused and used by their mother for decades. She was abused so bad that she was screaming and hollering every morning for hours because her stupid mother didn't bother to learn how to take care of her hair. No f*** that. A terrible abusive parent is still in a terrible abusive parent when they're dead. And you are under no obligation to be sympathetic that your bully your childhood abuser is dead. Because it might upset someone that's too naive to see when you abused a child either physically mentally sexually or physically it doesn't matter what other great things you did you are painted and destroyed as a human being. And you don't deserve to be mourned over. Plus it doesn't sound like the mother use the daughters hair to remember the husband it sounds like she punished the daughter because she had the husband's hair and it reminded her of her dead husband.
Story 2
The mother abused her daughter due to her own grief.
But I get where the guy is coming from, his sister is celebrating that their mum is dead, and op is probably still grieving.
It's a tense situation and there's a lot of pain everywhere.
For the last story, I can understand the ESH ruling, but I’m leaning more towards the sister being the AH than OP. Not everything should be fetishized, and the fact that her marriage falling apart because of a lack of intercourse (not intimacy, intercourse) is kind of messed up. lol. While OP’s comment should get him 1/5 buttholes, the sister’s comment deserves an easy 2/5, and she needs to look inwardly and see that the OP is right. Lol.
Also, about the story where the mother told her sister that her overbearing attitude is why her kids live with their dad: sometimes, the truth hurts. Lol. OP gets an easy 0/5 buttholes there, and her sister gets an easy 3/5 for being a controlling weirdo.
The sister's comments on how a relationship is only a relationship with sex is the reason why I am 100% on OP's side. I'm asexual, and while I'm not interested in romantic relationships myself, it's a very common story in asexual spaces of people being told their romantic relationships are "just friendship" because there's no sex, regardless of whatever kind of intimacy exists in the relationship. Some people put too much emphasis on sex; sex alone doesn't make a relationship, and if you make your relationship all about sex, it *will* crash and burn at some point. Not even mentioning that you just don't fucking sexualize someone without their consent.
Story 1: this is going to sound super harsh but I'm going to say it. Your husband is about to screw you both over finance for years to protect a man who will not be affected by this given he is no longer here. His father's reputation is not more important than your financial stability, and he's incredibly selfish to make the sacrifice fly that will affect both of you badly. The family may not like the situation, but if they care about him they'll understand why your husband will not go into a crippling debt to protect his dad's reputation.
And between the report and the collectors who else will be involved? He stole plain and simple. If spouse doesn’t want to do anything about then OP may need to keep all finances separate. May need to consider divorce to keep her from paying a debt she didn’t create
I'm thinking that the reason he doesn't want to file charges is because he knew about it already. Allowed it to happen. That's not fraud.
Divorce isn’t the answer .
@@amber9236 I wouldn’t be surprised if that notion is correct.
And if the family really thinks his reputation is more important than money, then THEY can pay the debt.
I feel like it’s a bit shallow for OP to think the sister cut her hair out of grief. She cut her hair to reclaim control over her own body and hair
Hearing RSlash say mother Gothel as “Gurthel” makes me die inside.
The sister in the last story deserved WAY more than one out of five. What if the roles were reversed and the husband had been the one pressuring for sex constantly?
Exactly!
THIS! THANK YOU!
OPs sister is a pervy woman who only sees her husband as a sex toy.
But somehow its not a problem? Why? Because men don't deserve love and basic respect????
Like nah. That is a HUGE problem.
I feel like the sister would of been judged harshly even by OP cuz anytime a man talks about their ex like that, hell would unleash.
Then he would be entitled to do that? Sex can be a very integral part of a relationship to many people and it seems like pretty uncontroversial potential deal-breaker to me.
@@seb3209 Ew. No. It's not about it being a deal breaker. It's about how she pressured him into having sex when he didn't want to
I've heard similar stories of mothers essentially using their daughters as living Barbie dolls, styling their hair and refusing to let them get it cut. One daughter, whose mother did this and spent an absolute fortune on hair products over the years, finally convinced her father to let her have a pixie cut at the hairdressers' because she was so miserable from it all, and he relented because he wanted her to be happy although he knew the mother wouldn't like it. The mother ended up having a complete breakdown and drove off alone, refusing to answer calls. I didn't get to find out how it ended unfortunately, but if anyone knows of the story in question, I would be so grateful if you could dig up a link.
What are the odds that the "Move your Bag" wanted to sit next to op on an empty train cause he found her attractive?
The odds are that it's very plausible and adds to his creep meter
Sure that could have been the reason but if she doesn’t want to sit with him that’s her right.
Story 2: That is an abuse survivor celebrating being free of her abuser and coming to terms with years of abuse. You should be happy for her. YTA real hard. This IS an achievement for her!
Look, when you’ve been abused, some mundane things become achievements. For example, wearing big headphones around one’s neck is a normal thing that hundreds of thousands of people do, maybe even millions. I couldn’t do that for years bc I have PTSD from being strangled, and for many years, ANYTHING touching my neck triggered me, sent me into a panic attack, made me struggle to breathe, and I had to relive the experience of almost dying all over again. My being able to wear headphones around my neck “like a normal person” is a HUGE achievement for me.
Just because it’s mundane for you, doesn’t mean it’s not a great milestone for someone else.
Yet OP should still be given the time and respect if he wants to grieve. It is still his mum at the end of the day and he does not want to see her death as a good thing.
I said this before - my mom had to take out loans in my name when I was 12 to save our family. I was annoyed but as soon as she died I had it wiped. I reported identity theft. It didn't affect her memory in any way and nobody ever found out. It's not going to tarnish his image if that's what she's worried about.
Okay so the advice for curly hair is to not brush it unless it's wet and covered in conditioner (more accurately, cowash) so the mom was doing something very wrong to be brushing it every morning.
For the bus story, I'm gonna say ESH. I get that the socks were fresh and they put a jacket down to keep them from touching the seat, but I still can't get over the need to take your shoes off on the train. I take a train to school and it's like 2.5 hours to get there and it's EARLY in the morning. I have to wake up at like 5:15 to catch my train and I have never even considered taking my shoes off.
I agree about the bag, that it's not a big deal when the train is relatively empty, but it sounds like OP was doing more than just casually putting a bag on the seat next to them for convenience.
Also, the guy was being overly dramatic and blowing the situation out of proportion. That's the kind of situation where you give a judgemental glare and move on because you're not actually the train cops. If you really care, you ought to tell a train worker and get them to sort it out
For the hair story, you aren’t even supposed to brush curly hair like that! I brush mine in the shower because the water helps prevent it from frizzing, so I can only imagine that this was done dry and was getting tangled and knotted and I feel sooo bad for the sister.
Story 5: How much she wants fun time and the fact that her now ex would shy away or not let her touch him at all because he knew she was just doing it to get freaky sounds sort of emotionally abusive. maybe manipulative is a better word but the way he’s uncomfortable with her touching him really gets to me.
You made up so much shit just to barely stretch it to being abusive even though its not
Right? That whole story confused me.
Exactly!!! And Rslash is just pushing that under the rug like this girl doesn’t have an issue of SOME kind, making jokes here and there is one thing, making your SO uncomfortable with how often is another 😅😢, OP is not an ah for calling out the weird behavior in a way that would stick cause clearly it didn’t when her ex brought it up or when op expressed her slight disagreement 😂
I mean the girl sexualized her own brother for no reason when seeing intimacy 😅 she needed a real wake up call not a “gentle nudge”
Last story - In my marriage, I was married to someone like OP's sister. It's very degrading being seen as only good for one thing, and if they don't get what they want, the whole relationship is thrown away. I definitely felt some schadenfreude when I heard what OP said.
“Millions of people get haircuts,” That’s teeeechnically true, but I feel like that number is a bit understated. 😆😂
The mother wasn't using the daughter as a therapy doll it was torture and Schadenfreude as Rslash said. Hair is an act of freedom like getting inked. A ladies hair is her life. My hair is below my butt it was an act of freedom, since my abusers hated long hair it had to be pixi short. Ever heard of "cut your hair keep your head, cut your head keep your hair." Some soldiers would rather cut their head to keep their hair, so would I.
I understand how the girl in story 2 feels. Letting my hair grow out was something I've always wanted as a man. But time and time again, I was forced to get it cut by my mother or father because it looked to girly. Around my teen years, They stopped forcing me to get my hair cut but socially still pressured me and on a few special occasions I was made to get it cut. When my mother died about 4 years ago, I finally let my hair grow, and currently it reaches my shoulders. In a way I was like the curly haired girl when I finally got something the way I wanted it. I asked my sisters what they think my mom would say now or how she would react. Despite being the youngest sibling, I wasn't really allowed to make my own choices. I had to follow what everyone else did so I could grow up to be better than my family. Letting my hair grow out was my way of saying "I decide what I want, not you." And Now that I'm graduating from undergrad, I'm making the conscious choice to have my haircut on my terms, no one else's.
So What I'm saying is that OP is Butthole. Your sister had a part of her controlled all her life, and now that she has the chance to express herself in her own way, you still cling to the past by yelling at her for cutting her hair. She is not an emotional replacement for your father. No one will ever be. She is her own woman, and she's allowed to get her haircut.
You completelly missed the point. Maybe because of your bias. Yelling was not because of cut hair, but because she tried to force celebration of his mom death on him. If that makes her happy, to celebrate her mother death, good for her i guess, but expecting others to celebrate mothers death with her? A- move.
@@pauliussipavicius4658- I think *you’re* the one who’s completely missed the point here…
@Tustin2121 no. You did. There are no AH here. Sister is free if thier abuser, but that doesnt mean they get to continually bring up stuff other people don't want to hear about. All of you are heaping the moms abuse on op and acting like it was op that did it.
@@pauliussipavicius4658 I think you're are missing the point of why she is doing this. She is not celebrating her death, not intentionally anyways. She isn't going around saying "GLAD YOU DIED MOM,LOL". She has discovered her own autonomy and is relishing in it. I can't really blame her, so you may be right, maybe my bias is not letting me see it any other way. But i see her more she's enjoying the idea that this would make her mom upset, even if she is not here now. I wouldn't say she's happy about her death in the way you are describing it. Her mom's death means she's allowed to be herself, not someone else's replacement. She can dress and look how she likes not as he mother declares it. She doesn't expect the celebration from anyone else,but I think what she expected was other people to agree that their mom was unnecessarily controlling. However it seems like in her family, she was the only one to have experienced this unnecessary control, or more likely, she was the one to notice and be bothered by it. As we see that both sisters have widely different views of their mother. And as someone who grew up in a complicated family dynamic, I can see why they both have different reactions. But the reason that OP is the AH is not because of her yelling, but because of the fact that she too is like her mother. She shames her sister for cutting her hair and constantly being pushed to answer her sisters rude statements (while I agree with the sister, I admit, it's childish to act this way).
@@andykerr1263 Not necessarily true that last part. The reason people think OP is the AH is because they don't recognize that their mother was abusive, but only to the sister. Because the sister looked like their dad, she got rules that the other did not. And when it came time to face the music with her sister she blew up on her (rightfully so, because girl your just being annoying now) she shamed her sister like her mother would for the act of getting her hair colored and dyed. That is why people think OP is the AH. She simply continues the cycle of control rather than recognizing they were both treated differently and they do not have the same view of their mother as she once thought.
To the 2nd story:
I always had long hair, like, really long, and was afraid to cut it.
Then my father died. He was my abuser (emotionally & mentally), and even though I had cut him out of my life several years ago at that point, the next time I was at a hair stylist, I had my hair cut short. Then next time, shorter. I even have an undercut now.
This was such a relief. I didn't even noticed how much I used my long hair as a kind of shield to hide behind until it was gone and I wasn't feeling bad about it at all, and I felt free!
Cutting hair can be such an amazing step forward into freedom.
As a tender headed natural hair girly who has a mom without curly hair, you’ll never understand that trauma. My mom was super controlling about my hair too and the first thing I did when I left was dye my hair and cut it. It was really therapeutic
Story 1 had an update. They ended up filing the charges to clear themselves of the debt.
I seriously find it funny that if one party gets back the same attitude that they give they act like baby’s you wanna dish it out you better learn to take it don’t be a baby
I looked at the haitcut post, OP only replies to people supporting her and keeps avoiding blame. She thinks the sister wasnt abused at all and she only wants attention.
As someone who went through something very similar with my mom about my hair; you have no idea how refreshing and free I felt after I finally cut all my hair and dyed it, having autonomy of my own body was something I was not allowed to have over her roof and I really don't blame OP's sister for talking about it so much. OP is the a-hole for not understanding and supporting their sister
The father is in the ground, file for fraud to get the $6k out of his name.. There sounds like something more to this I'm sorry.. He's dead, the police aren't going to go around to friends and family and say a police report was filled.. That doesn't even make sense what the son's reasoning is...
Last story 100% agree with that comment and R/SLASH!
Story 4: do you think your sister is regretting calling you a terrible mother because your cake football of giving your child speed to breathe? She started this can of worms when she criticized you for letting your fourteen-year-old daughter go on a date, don't get mad if you open the floor after criticism. Also the thing about how much freedom you give your children is based on 3 things, age, how responsible they are, and how well you taught them to deal with the real world. Your daughter is 14 and if you taught her how to take care of herself when on a date, you won't have to monitor her so long as she's responsible. If you trust you taught her well and she's responsible then there's no need to monitor her. Plus never giving your child privacy is the best way for them the one that get away from you as fast as they can.
2nd story: My mother did the opposite, cutting my hair extremely short all of the time because she didn't want to deal with brushing it all of the time, and ignoring how much bullying I got because I looked like a boy, I hated it so much, then once I moved out at 18 I started treating my hair so it would grow long, and no matter how much my mom would say "it needs to be cut, or trimmed," I'd refuse, now that was a huge thing for me to be able to tell her no about something she controlled so much, I'm much older now and she's passed, I've done many styles with my hair but damn listening to this story and OP telling her sister it wasn't an accomplishment, that really set me off.
Story 1: NTA. OP's FIL was a thief who majorly screwed his own son and daughter-in-law and the fact that her husband does not want to "tarnish his reputation" makes the situation even worse for both him and OP for no good reason. He must realize that what his dead father did was not okay at all and his reputation stopped meaning squat the moment he stolen from his own son. If he still wants to make both his and OP's situation worse because of this no matter what - maybe it's time to reconsider this marriage alltogether. What if some other relative of his also does something like that? Would he also be absolved because "i don't want to ruin his reputation" bs?
Good news is there's an update where OPs husband made the right call and is now gonna report it
@@darkmega24ify Good to hear that. The man finally chose his loving partner over his thieving dead father
@@BadassHater1 it honestly just seemed like a knee jerk reaction and he just needed some time to clear his head. He seems like a good man
Fourth story, even if OP was TA even on a small scale for what she said, it doesn't change the fact she's completely right. OP's sister is a really good example of what it's like to stomp down boundaries and for what? Because she's a control freak? She lost her family and I don't think she's learned the right lessons from this so I can only see it repeating.
Fifth story, I'm just grateful OP's sister didn't have a kid before the divorce. She was basically treating her ex-husband like a living sex toy and has sex on her mind the entire time apparently.
we need more R/storiesaboutkevin
Onm 😭we need more
As someone with curly hair, my mom hated when my hair got to long. She was controlling and entitled. When I was 14 I told the hair stylist I want it long and just trimmed. She styled it and it looked so pretty. I recently cut my hair a bit short but not the way my mom made it. OPs sister didn’t deserve that abuse
Story 1: They need to press charges, and they NEED to tell his family about it. Not to shame a dead man, but so they can make their own checks as well. He may not have had the same kind of access to the info he needed like he did his son's, but maybe he did! It's better to know now than find a nasty surprise later like OP's guy did.
On a personal note... It took me and my partner over a year to save up $5k. Losing more than that to keep a dead man's misdeeds a secret would be unacceptable. It's not like he's going to be punished for it in any way that can actually affect him.
Story 2: It was aduse, your sister didn't get say and how are hair got to be because your mama used her as a memorial to your dad. Maybe it's not a big deal to you because you don't understand how much pain your sister went through, but for her she's cutting the toxic behavior out of her life now that your mom is gone. The meaning behind it is why it's a big deal, and you being upset that she's not going to be a memory to your mom is especially while you're the a-hole.
No. He is being upset that she wants him to celebrate moms death with her. Good on her for coping with what happend, but that doesnt mean she needs to force that down everyones throat. Shes an a and frankly seems way more similar to her mom than she wants to believe - hence forcing her beliefs/coping mechanism on others.
It was indeed abuse. Who wouldn’t celebrate being free of their abuser? Hurt people hurt people.
@@Tustin2121 And thats why she is an asshole, she can celebrate that without hurting her brother.
Final story: I think just the sister is the bad guy. I think it's something she desperately needs to hear. A. She shouldn't be sexualizing her brother. B. A partner is more than just sex, OPs sister isn't interested in a relationship, she's interested in hookup culture
Yes! Thank you! I'm not the only person who thinks this!
I don't undetstand why she got married to begin with given her priorities
@@RisingRevengeance cos society frowns on sex outside marriage most likely
Fully agree here
Also it needs stating clearly: the sister sexually abused and assaulted her husband. That's why he started shying away from any touch
But society laughs at men who get abused, especially sexually. Hope he can get the help he deserves (both need help tbh, but diff kinds)
I fully understand the hair story, I was in the same boat. My mother was the same physical, mental, and verbal abuse was a normal for me. She followed me everywhere from working the same place and moving with me to Florida. The second year down here she got stage 4 lung cancer and died alone in hospice. When we got the call I told my dad "I'm not upset, just glad it's over." Not the butt.
Hey RSlash, Disney fanatic here. Rapunzel actually didn't cut her own hair. Flynn Rider did so she wouldn't be abused by Gothel ever again. But it is a defining character moment in a way since she always kept it short ever since
Story 4: That sMother needed to hear it.
Only by hearing acknowledging and working on her faults will she have any chance of any kind of relationship with her children.
Story 2: op sister might be happy that she is free but op is still mourning his mother. I don’t think either of them should be around each other until they get therapy.
Story 3: I hate people like this. A whole double decker bus or train is available and people want to sit next you. Why? I would move too frick him may he stub his toes on legos
Story one..... FIL was a criminal, committing credit card fraud. Having suffered credit problems myself, I know how this can adversely affect a family. OP definitely needs to file that police report, and get this cleared up.
Second story: yes, the mother was being abusive to the sister. And while OP is in the wrong, I don't think they're in the wrong for not wanting to hear constantly about the haircut. My sister and I escaped abusive situations, but we talk about more things than just that
Last story... The SIL said the divorce was about lack of sex. Then proceeds to provide an example of how she views everything as sexual ... Zero score for the OP.
Yeah, she sounds very sex driven and as someone who's mostly asexual, the idea that someone, whom I invited to stay while they work out their divorce, turns something so simple into a sexual act is very disrespectful.
@@BigBadWolfParty this. I'm also Asexual so I get this. My gf and I are both Ace and would be SO UNCOMFORTABLE if her bother came by and sexualized something innocent in our relationship
@@BigBadWolfParty Tbh even if you want to have sex with your partner being pushed to have it more often or being made to feel like every little sign of physical affection you give as sexual can, and woyld be, be a turn off. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened with the sister's husband.
@@margohgs1424 It's also borderline s*xual a*use. Pressuring someone into sex is not respecting their consent
@@BigBadWolfParty I’m not asexual and I still find that disrespectful, like not everything is about sex. No wonder her husband divorced, he must felt that his marriage have turn into something purely sex driven and not something of love and mutual respect.
Last two stories - Both OP’s, not the bad guy !
People being bullies should prepare themselves for their victims to fight back !!! Don’t dish out what you can’t take !!!
Is making a pretty light-hearted sexual inuendo to a person you know very well really "bullying" though, even if it is in poor taste?
@@seb3209 more that she was sexually abusing her husband
@@seb3209 no but making your ex uncomfortable being touched by you because of the constant sexual innuendos does make you an asshole, and probably a sex addict 😅
@@gaygladigamers7408 So she is an asshole for wanting to be sexually intimate with her partner to a higher extent than he wanted and then breaking up with him when they realised they were incompatible in this way? What was she supposed to do then, stay in the relationship and keep making him uncomfortable? Or is "gay GladiGamers" going to start lecturing me about how women should be more conservative in their relationships and act like real ladies /s
@@seb3209 it seems she makes everything sexual, even the fact that Op is massaging her husband's legs and feet, while watching a movie, and her husband is the sister-in-law's brother. I use to give my friends a shoulder massage or brush their hair, whilst watching a movie, especially if they were sitting on the floor in front of me, I'm sure if she had walked in, she would have somehow made it seem sexual. It was explained that no matter how her husband touched her, she made it all about sex, so whether he just rubbed her back, put his hand on her shoulder, it was all sexual to her, which, in the end, made it that he wouldn't touch her at all.
For story 1: there are some edits where OP says that her husband is a Jr., his father didn't sign the birth certificate but was there for him. His fathers estate has gone to probate court, and hes an only child raised by his mother. OP did the talking as her husband is non-confrontational and has an accent. No one has hounded them as far as collections are concerned, but there have been a ton of hoops to jump through for checking his credit, as for one account the deceased father used his own SSN and the husbands DOB. Husband has ultimately decided to go through with the fraud claim.
Story 2: OP’s sisters hair is NONE of their business, as someone with curly hair, it gets tangled, it gets messy, and it is HARD to take care of. If this is what I think it is, this was all done outside of the shower. Short Curly hair works so much better for low maintenance, and part of maintaining hair is cutting it. In the end it’s his sister’s choice on what to do with her hair, because she is the owner of her body.
On that last story, thats rough. I'm starting to think that maybe...now I know this is gonna sound crazy to many people because the idea of this happening to a man is unfathomable in the eyes of some... but maybe that husband was raped by that woman. I've been married for 14 years. We don't base our entire relationship around sex. Far from it. If sex is what you think a loving relationship should be based on then get therapy because you CLEARLY aren't in a mental state for a true loving relationship.
Exactly!! I'm so confused why no one else seems to be taking this seriously!
Agreed, it worried me how he would move away from her touch like that too. I don't think people realize how abusive and concerning the SIL's statements are, and they are too focused on OP's response, which I think is reasonable. The comment that was made towards him was creepy, and he had enough and pointed out the facts, but people think he's attacking her or too harsh. Wtf? Like a different commeter said, it would be a whole different rating if it was a BIL, not a SIL, and he would get absolutely destroyed by YTAs like she should be now.
Edit: Correcting pronouns because I'm big brained and put the wrong ones for OP
@@NettylSpryngs it's because the victim here is a man. For various reasons our society can not help but dismiss the idea of male vulnerability. So much so that if you were to suggest it possible that you are immediately considered misogynistic.
Are there horrible men out there? Sure, but if we want truly to suggest that women are equal to men we have to admit that they have an equal capacity to abuse.
Misandry is just as real and destructive a mindset as misogyny.
Its a little bit deranged of you to assume sexual assault (Not technically speaking rape, because a man cannot normally be raped by a woman) without any evidence just because someone values different things in their relationship than you do. You might be more in need if therapy than her with that mindset.
@@seb3209 Right? That was a massive reach
If somebody confides in me that their marriage fell apart and I know for a fact that they were the cause of that I will throw it in their face because accountability and I will not let you play the victim when I'm fully aware that you were the perpetrator
And if I’m staying at someone’s place and they are in the living room canoodling, my reaction would be to leave so they can have privacy. Not accuse someone of having a fetish
@@lorilancaster5917 agreed
Agreed.
@@madambutterfly1997 I am a bit worried about OPs sister since she seems to really sexualize absolutely everything. Makes me think that she basically SAd her ex and forced herself on him all the time. In other words, the poor husband got sexually assaulted but probably didn't speak up because men never get taken seriously in these cases, because society believes women can't sexually assault men. That woman needs to go to sex therapy. That poor ex husband. I hope he also gets into therapy and finds a better woman who isn't a total nympho. Personally, I am asexual. The only relationships I will ever have are all platonic. I realize many humans still like and need intimacy. I don't, but I understand the other side to some degree. But constantly wanting sexual intimacy and never taking a no is concerning and abusive. It is not healthy. Humans have thinky thinky bfrains so we have a certain level of self control. At least we are supposed to. I apologize for rambling so much. I just want to agree that what you say is true. And fetishizing other people is definitely weird.
@@Nikita_Akashya to play devils advocate, you also may not be healthy, as sex and connection is a human need. There could be something medically going on, and sex drive and health of it doesn't sound like your expertise. The sister does sound like she isn't delving into the actual reasons, as she likely was aware of his sex drive when she married him.
5:00 yes it's abuse! ITS ABUSEEEE!
By brushing this way, probably dry and roughly, the mom was actually damaging the hair and making the next brush even more painful. And brake the ends and make the hair looks awful, and even more tangled. I have curly hair and my mom doesn't know how to take care of it. I was in so much pain, and my mom didn't even mean to do it. She just had no idea how to brush it.
Being in the point of tears for a curly kid is very common bc children have more sensitive scalp and there's this myth that says wetting hair everyday is bad for you.
The girl who cut her hair is basically exactly what happened to me. My dad was really abusive and controlling and never let me or my mom cut our hair very short. I always wanted super short hair but my dad never let me. Eventually CPS came and took us away and my dad took off. Once we were back in the custody of only our mom and i had dealt with a lot my shit i eventually decided i wanted super short hair, because i had always wanted it and my dad never let me. In a way, it was kind of also a "fuck you" to my dad. But i totally understand and sympathize with that girl.
I don’t have super curly hair but even with my hair I can barely brush it if it’s dry. The mom clearly didn’t know how to deal with curly hair especially since your only supposed to detangle it when it’s wet and not everyday. I’m sure what the mom was doing was extremely painful and probably led to the sister losing hair since it’s not supposed to be brushed like that.
OP needs to understand this and the fact that the sister never got to do what she wanted with her hair unlike them.
Attempt no.2 to get RSlash to cover r/confidentlyincorrect.
Oh my god, curly hair is such a nightmare. I have it, so does my mom and grandma, yet for some reason, no one told how to properly take care of it. They would just rake through it with a stiff comb. If I ever cried or tried to stop them, they'd just say "it's painful to be beautiful". I started straightening it at 16 and I got it cut short for the first time when I turned 18. Honestly, looking in the mirror after I cut it was one of the greatest moments in my life. I hope the sister continues to live her best life.
My mom didn't get my curly hair either. She'd use a boar bristle brush everyday and drag it through complaining through gritted teeth that she couldn't make it behave. Of course it only got frizzier the more she made me brush it
I love it when you bring up points I don't immediately see and I'm like "ohhh... damn!"
Last story: NTA, sexualization is all she thought about.
Exactly
Rapunzel didn't symbolically cut her hair. The hair made Mother Gothel young again and so her bf cut it so Gothel couldn't use it to control her anymore. But yeah, it was about control.
As a romantic ace guy, it annoys me to think that the sister with the failing marriage thinks that sex is the only way to show love in a relationship. Sex should never be the only reason to be in a romantic relationship. Have as much consenting sex as you want but there’s tons of ways to show you care and love someone.
This, exactly this! I really don’t understand why some think sex is end all be all of living relationships. That sister was way out of bounds and OP was not. I don’t agree with Rslash for it
First story: NAH. No one on planet Earth wants to see their parents in a negative light, but it needs to be done to get out of this funk.
Second story: YTA. Your sister is finally able to have control over her own hair for the first time in years, and your response is to downplay her achievement? Sounds like you were never the target of your mom's misplaced grief.
Third story: NTA. This man came onto the train just to mess with you. He didn't care that there were more seats available, he just wanted an excuse to complain about entitled youths (ironic since he's demanding OP remove their bag)
Fourth story: NTA. Some people just shouldn't be parents. Your sister has no right to judge how you raise your own kid when she drove hers away.
Last story: NTA. Sounds like your sister is a sex addict. She thinks that not f@cking your partner every second of the day somehow makes you roommates? That isn't normal at all. While reminding her of her divorce was kindof mean, it's tough love. Sounds to me that she needs a therapist.
That last story? When she was talking about how sexually driven her sister was, that was my ex husband. Everything was sexual with him and he wouldn’t drop it, even while I was grieving the sudden loss of my dad. I probably feel differently because I’ve been on the other side of it, but I don’t think what OP said to her sister was too harsh. Like, yeah, it wasn’t nice and was kind of an asshole thing to say, but if part of her sexualizing everything stems from covert narcissism, then she needed the verbal backhand. But then again, I’m prob just a bit more skewed because I lived the other side of it.
*His. Op is in a gay relationship and yeah your right. Never force someone to have sex with you EVER I can't believe we have to say that in 2023 I'm sorry that happened to you💔
Same, I can't believe more people aren't seeing it for what it is! OP was nonconsensually sexualized but ohhhh noooo he had a knee-jerk reaction and made a true comment about his sil's a*usive behavior. What an ah.... ?????? It makes no sense. She is literally s*xually harassing them!
@@KomaedasOneTrueHope Ah, my mistake. Thank you for the kind correction! And thank you. Yeah it felt unreal.
*Story 2 OP:* rSlash, you hit the nail on the coffin with the “Rapunzel” analogy. Not only would Mother Gothel gaslight and control Rapunzel, she held her captive in a tower due to Rapunzel’s magical hair that had the power to heal the sick and injured (powers came from a flower). Gothel never cared about her “daughter” (as she never was her daughter to begin with) at all. Gothel cared about herself and Rapunzel’s hair. This situation is EXACTLY that, but worse. If I were in OP’s sister’s shoes I would feel the same way. OP is definitely the AH here.
The train bag story is really funny to me as a German.
Here, at least in northern Germany, the bag gets priority seating until the bus/train is full.
Even then, plenty of people would rather stand than deprive the HOLY BAG of a seat.
Of course, it's not about the bag, it's about personal space ^^ We really don't like being close to people that aren't family or intimate partners up here, so we'd rather stand.
I’m from Britain and I’m really similar, ironically enough I also learn German.
Last story -- sorry, no, brother was NAH at all. Could the timing and circumstance have been better? Possibly. A pull aside and explanation that such a comment made the brother uncomfortable might have been better. But suboptimality does not an AH make. The sister was sexualizing things. The marriage really did fall apart because of this tendency. This tendency WILL cause problems in future relationships (even two hypersexualizers tend to exhaust the other eventually) for the sister. It needed to be said. Saying it immediately preserved the context in which the feedback was given. And the social dynamic (likely embarrassment in front of brother's husband) added emphasis.
So no, the brother's not the AH. His choice of timing in addressing the issue and place of addressing the issue MIGHT be suboptimal, but again, suboptimal does not an AH make.
That would not be NAH (No Aholes Here) but NTA (Not The Ahole). Just thought you should know.