@@therealjanczareq4355 It dissapoints me that it came already put together then. Where is the mile long instructions on how to put the thing together. And then there is always that one part that does not quite fit or is missing. xD
Nah man you have to write the Ikea Bible first and then u are allowed to buy this and it gets put together by the Pope himself (spaghetti meatballs)@@PinBallReviewerRepairs
As a Deep South American, I'm loving Wade's misbehaving schoolboy "I'm offending someone" chuckle as he says something that could get you hate-crimed where I live.
At first I was so confused like how are you deep what and then I realised that you meant you were from the Deep South of North America but it sounded like I’m a Deep South American
Even living in a less extreme pocket city of the state I live in you'd still get weird looks. I said something like that in a youth group when I was 7 and nobody wanted to talk to me anymore and my family had to change churches LOL
I live in Texas and people won't do shit, mostly because anyone saying something offensive is just as likely to be strapped as the person being offended
More like grandchildren. I strongly suspect- and comments elsewhere seem to confirm this- that this sort of "TV/newspaper-advertised" single-use anachromism are likely to be intended to be bought by older people who are unlikely to realise how dated and staid it would appear to a child who's grown up with smartphones, streaming, etc. Not- to be clear- that all older people are like this. We're now reaching the point where computers have been around for long enough that many people now of retirement age (e.g. seventies) have been using them for decades, and they don't all deserve to be tarred with that cliched brush. But I suspect the type of grandparents out of touch enough to buy this kind of TV-advertised naffness would most likely be those who mistrust mainstream technology unless it's been branded with their favoured religion. (Don't spoil things by pointing out that it's little more than a customised MP3 player with a cardful of audio files on it.)
Imagine having this under your Christmas tree instead of the Nintendo Switch you wished for, because your theist parents think video games are satanic and that would be a reasonable alternative.
I don't game, but my parents and I are the open-minded Christians. Heck, we all agree the universe is billions of years old (Big Bang, which was co-discovered by a Belgian priest in the 1920s). I just stay away from pop music, as the autotune and creepy music videos disgust me. 2010s future house music, 1970s classic rock and indie pop from all eras are much better.
As a Christian I found this video hilarious. Great stuff. SPOILER: the guy that wanted to kill people becomes the new main character and changes sides.
it really does look like one of those 90s microwaves where they tried to move away from calculator/phone keypads (Sharp comes to mind), in the walmart colors
I remember seeing this back around 2018 being advertised as my parents watched the news. Very clearly marketed towards old people because there’s no reason for this to exist when an app could do the same thing.
I agree, I've read only orthodox one and it has "song of fire and ice" vibes if you can read through the lines. Especially if you read bible after the G.Martin's book .
@@rogerpratchet I never actually read it, but being brought up in a very christian environment and attending christian school, I know some of the stories. One particularly weird one always comes to mind, it was about some dudes that came up to an old man and asked to fuck his son. Man was like "don't be silly, you can have my daughter, she's nice, still a virgin" and dudes were like "nah, we want your son" That one always felt awkward when they read it in church
This sort of "not for children" vibe only existed for the last 100 or so years and is absolutely unproven to have any kind of positive effect. Turns out, if you want things "for children" that's just your free license to leave your children unattended and raised by iPad. That's probably why Edgelord R. Martin wanted to make an "adult" Narnia. Every adult born for the last 100 years is deeper and deeper still in the wardrobe playing pretend, extending childhood to at least 23 in college by now.
@@sboinkthelegday3892 look, that's a complicated topic that I don't really have a clear answer to, or really want to discuss here. If you think it's okay for little kids to consume content about sex or murder, I find that weird, at the very least.
Yeah this is on track, there's lots of really tech-phobic christian parents out there and they won't buy modern-style tech for their kids, so you get these weird clunky jesus nuggets, often sold on TV shopping channels.
I understand some extent of technophobia, especially concerning things like social media, but there's some real irony in people who practice it soaking up the shit they do from commercial TV instead
@@stinkymart3173 It makes sense they gravitate to TV, considering how many religions feature figureheads and authority figures as defacto community leaders- following talking heads is baked in.
The back paper isn't meant to come off all the way, that's why it's so sticky. You're just meant to lift it and look for what you're after. It's like how medicine bottles have a sticky second label you unroll to read the warnings, except shit.
This is absolutely something my religious parents would have bought me back in the 90's to use for Awana (Christian-based girl scouts in a way but without the cookies, had both girls and boys, and lots of memorizing verses).
It was not just girl scouts, it was just Christian scouts period, as I was in Awana with many other boys, but yeah they really drilled the verses into ya that's for sure.
@@CommodoreFan64 Oh, absolutely. I just said Girl Scouts because of the lack of camping and life skills like knots and exploring. My brothers and I all went to the same Awana, and we liked it other than the memorizing verses thing. They always asked for the longest verses. 😆
@@BethanyHarbaugh My group had a little bit of life skills as us guys got to go on a fishing/camping trip, the girls had a church lockin learning how to cook, and we also had to do Christian teams games like tug of war, relay races, etc.. even competing against other churches.
I'm surprised you didn't see what's in the SD card, I imagine there are lots of mp3 files in there, and I'd try to replace them and figure out how that number indexing works
If you wanted to be childishly subversive, you could edit the MP3 files to include satanic voices (i.e. pitch shift and lots of cheesy effects) then save them in place of the originals. I've no doubt that anyone likely to fork out good money for something like this would genuinely believe the thing was satanically possessed.
I got the red one as a gift from my grandma on my mom’s side. I have no clue where it went and what happened to it. The sd card didn’t work and I don’t think I ever used it lol 😂 Edit: I should have stolen the 18650 lithium ion battery from it before I lost it for my flashlights lol
TYJ, you weren’t offensive, to me anyway. I think you did that fairly well, thank you 😊. In case you are interested, here’s some quick lore on the parts you seeked to: Damascus: Saul was basically trying to eliminate Christianity by lethal force because he thought it was evil, and on the way to his next hit list in Damascus, God literally flashbanged him off of his donkey and asks, “Saul, SAUL! Why are you persecuting me?” The wizards: The king had a prophetic dream that woke him up terrified, but he couldn’t remember it, so when he called all his phony wise men, none of them could even give a fake interpretation because he wanted them to tell him the dream as well. He smelled a rat, and was going to kill all his spiritual advisors, but Daniel (who knew the True God) asked him for some time, then asked God to give him both, which God did. The river: Elisha really wanted Elijah’s anointing, and Elijah prophesied that he would receive it if he was there when Elijah was taken to heaven. He was, and right before that Elijah had crossed a river by slapping it with his jacket, and God split it to dry land. Elijah left his mantle behind when he was taken up, so Elisha took it and did the same thing saying, “Where is the God of Elijah?” God did the same miracle, and Elisha crossed back to the other side.
as someone with a grandma (love you hilda ;3) ive seen a BAJILLION ads for these things, they come in all different colors but still have the yellow cross, holy hell those things are crazy.
Yeah this thing is in a generic case made in China that was originally sold as an AM/FM/SW radio with MP3 and flash light function. I found one at a thrift store in the box a few years back for a couple bucks, and it works surprisingly well. So it seems they just tweak it as needed
i really wish when the ting said "sometimes i just like to be quiet" and you said "you got that right" i really wish you cut to a clip of you playing the drums
As a vi person who did a lit degree, I bought the whole of the King James Bible on cd in 2008. James Earl Jones did the New Testament, some no name did all the rest. I guess not even God can afford Darth Vader’s rates for everything. What to do with the pot of the man that hath had emission, Lord Vadr?
That's just America who treat Christianity as a social statement. I go to church every Sunday, the community is actually pleasant, they even welcome newcomers. However sin is still discouraged.
As a 'man of the cloth' I thought this was hilarious. I can't see the purpose for this brick, because I've got the whole Bible on Mp3 on my Ipod classic Gen 7....which thanks to this channel now has 256gb of space and a new battery!...thought that was a nice segue! Anyway, Wade if you feel that your lack of religious upbringing is holding you back, just let me know.....
My grandma had a version of this but it wasnt for children, and it just had the whole Bible on it. It was also red instead of blue which i dont know if that means anything or not.
oh lord, i have an alarm clock that has exactly the same display as this thing. The same segments, the same battery symbol, everything... Just a different case and different buttons :D (and without a bible)
You can, in fact, that's all this thing is. I own the Quran "version" of this, but it's really just an MP3 player/Radio bundled with an SD card containing all 30 Juz' of Al-Quran. Though it doesn't have a fancy paint job like this thing does and just looks like a regular ol' portable radio.
@@Kromiball Be fascinating to see the response in each camp if you swapped the cards between each of them. Just tell Granny that the bible speaker she bought the kids for Christmas has apparently converted to Islam (and vice versa).
I thought they would make the Bible friendly but god, I wouldn’t want my kids hearing about the Atemnot to kill so and so. They can play video games for that. lol.
Is no one gonna mention the fact that its yellow cross on a blue body makes it look like the swedish flag?
My first thought lmao
first time i saw this my brain went "Ikea nation"
IKEA bible
@@therealjanczareq4355 It dissapoints me that it came already put together then.
Where is the mile long instructions on how to put the thing together.
And then there is always that one part that does not quite fit or is missing. xD
Nah man you have to write the Ikea Bible first and then u are allowed to buy this and it gets put together by the Pope himself (spaghetti meatballs)@@PinBallReviewerRepairs
This is something that Ned Flanders would buy for Rod and Tod.
Nah, nah, Ned is inventor of that thing
It should have been Ned's voice on all the parables
Ned has been advertising that to Springfield
Bart: you guys got any video games?
Rod and Todd pull this thing out
More DANKUMS! please
low key was hoping he was going to cram scarlet fire on the Bible nugget
Same here
@@ESMProductionssame here
"Tons of stories? Wh-have you weighed the files or something?"
The peak of comedy has been achieved.
As a Deep South American, I'm loving Wade's misbehaving schoolboy "I'm offending someone" chuckle as he says something that could get you hate-crimed where I live.
At first I was so confused like how are you deep what and then I realised that you meant you were from the Deep South of North America but it sounded like I’m a Deep South American
Even living in a less extreme pocket city of the state I live in you'd still get weird looks. I said something like that in a youth group when I was 7 and nobody wanted to talk to me anymore and my family had to change churches LOL
I live in Texas and people won't do shit, mostly because anyone saying something offensive is just as likely to be strapped as the person being offended
Bro what did he say
"It looks like a microwave from 1993!"
You can toast your sins in it 😂
i want it to play scarlet fire.
then you can bring scarlet fire to church lol
Surprised he didn't whack it in the Mac, and replace one of the files with Scarlet fire
It reminds me Simpsons episode where Bart has changed notes for a church music to rock
0:33 imagine being so used to disappointing your children that you think this is the face of gratitude
The model kid probably just can't do a convincing gratitude face.
More like grandchildren. I strongly suspect- and comments elsewhere seem to confirm this- that this sort of "TV/newspaper-advertised" single-use anachromism are likely to be intended to be bought by older people who are unlikely to realise how dated and staid it would appear to a child who's grown up with smartphones, streaming, etc.
Not- to be clear- that all older people are like this. We're now reaching the point where computers have been around for long enough that many people now of retirement age (e.g. seventies) have been using them for decades, and they don't all deserve to be tarred with that cliched brush.
But I suspect the type of grandparents out of touch enough to buy this kind of TV-advertised naffness would most likely be those who mistrust mainstream technology unless it's been branded with their favoured religion. (Don't spoil things by pointing out that it's little more than a customised MP3 player with a cardful of audio files on it.)
Can we half unironically get an entire Bible "study" podcast from dank pods who just has absolutely no idea what's going on?
It’d be great if he did it with Wendigoon !!
Imagine having this under your Christmas tree instead of the Nintendo Switch you wished for, because your theist parents think video games are satanic and that would be a reasonable alternative.
I don't game, but my parents and I are the open-minded Christians. Heck, we all agree the universe is billions of years old (Big Bang, which was co-discovered by a Belgian priest in the 1920s). I just stay away from pop music, as the autotune and creepy music videos disgust me. 2010s future house music, 1970s classic rock and indie pop from all eras are much better.
I wouldn't wish a Nintendo product on my worst enemy so yeah that would be better.
@@mortal465 just good old fashioned molestation for you then?
Ma come quick! It's of those Reddit atheists!
That girl in the pic just wanted a pony or a barbie, but instead got a preachy nugget
And it's a fucking glorious nugget xD
I thought it looked more like a sweedish flag
As a Christian I found this video hilarious. Great stuff. SPOILER: the guy that wanted to kill people becomes the new main character and changes sides.
And frankly, the journey to Damascus was way more important than getting there anyway.
Yo man spoilers I haven't finished it yet :(
@@MudakTheMultiplier*scooter band music goes higher* the chase... Is better than a catch!
The manga was better.
@@DrKonekoSorry, man. It's been out for 2000 years, so it's fair game
Imagine modifying this so instead of bible verses it plays Wade's microphone test stories.
Make sure to setup wifi so you can download the latest “The Bible” updates.
Oh hi Josh. 👋
it really does look like one of those 90s microwaves where they tried to move away from calculator/phone keypads (Sharp comes to mind), in the walmart colors
I remember seeing this back around 2018 being advertised as my parents watched the news. Very clearly marketed towards old people because there’s no reason for this to exist when an app could do the same thing.
This must have been one of my favorite after shows, I love the moment when you realized the bible is very much *not* a children's book 😂
I agree, I've read only orthodox one and it has "song of fire and ice" vibes if you can read through the lines. Especially if you read bible after the G.Martin's book .
@@rogerpratchet I never actually read it, but being brought up in a very christian environment and attending christian school, I know some of the stories. One particularly weird one always comes to mind, it was about some dudes that came up to an old man and asked to fuck his son. Man was like "don't be silly, you can have my daughter, she's nice, still a virgin" and dudes were like "nah, we want your son" That one always felt awkward when they read it in church
This sort of "not for children" vibe only existed for the last 100 or so years and is absolutely unproven to have any kind of positive effect. Turns out, if you want things "for children" that's just your free license to leave your children unattended and raised by iPad.
That's probably why Edgelord R. Martin wanted to make an "adult" Narnia. Every adult born for the last 100 years is deeper and deeper still in the wardrobe playing pretend, extending childhood to at least 23 in college by now.
@@sboinkthelegday3892 look, that's a complicated topic that I don't really have a clear answer to, or really want to discuss here. If you think it's okay for little kids to consume content about sex or murder, I find that weird, at the very least.
Yeah this is on track, there's lots of really tech-phobic christian parents out there and they won't buy modern-style tech for their kids, so you get these weird clunky jesus nuggets, often sold on TV shopping channels.
I understand some extent of technophobia, especially concerning things like social media, but there's some real irony in people who practice it soaking up the shit they do from commercial TV instead
@@stinkymart3173 It makes sense they gravitate to TV, considering how many religions feature figureheads and authority figures as defacto community leaders- following talking heads is baked in.
The internet sometimes answers the questions of kids better than parents and authority
That's the problem for the *special* parents
Gotta love archaic technology though.
I’m a Christian and gladly my parents are not technophobic.
“A bottomless jar of oil” someone should tell the U.S government about this
The back paper isn't meant to come off all the way, that's why it's so sticky. You're just meant to lift it and look for what you're after. It's like how medicine bottles have a sticky second label you unroll to read the warnings, except shit.
this is one of the very last After Shows ever distributed to Patrons before DankPods stopped
What a great one to go out on
@@KariIzumi1 cool
Why did he stop?
"a long time ago it's hard to picture nothing" 😂
That is my mindset most of the time is picturing nothing. xD
4:10 "that sound like a prog rock band!"
just add a king gizzard and make the wizards lizard people and you got a prog rock band lol
Crazy how all the religious nugs are so much better constructed than an actual product from say sony or apple
Was expecting this to be a piece of junk, but it was a cromulent piece of kit and actually repairable if need be. Wild.
Sounds like Dr House is reading the bible to me lol
This is absolutely something my religious parents would have bought me back in the 90's to use for Awana (Christian-based girl scouts in a way but without the cookies, had both girls and boys, and lots of memorizing verses).
It was not just girl scouts, it was just Christian scouts period, as I was in Awana with many other boys, but yeah they really drilled the verses into ya that's for sure.
@@CommodoreFan64 Oh, absolutely. I just said Girl Scouts because of the lack of camping and life skills like knots and exploring. My brothers and I all went to the same Awana, and we liked it other than the memorizing verses thing. They always asked for the longest verses. 😆
I remember awana
@@BethanyHarbaugh My group had a little bit of life skills as us guys got to go on a fishing/camping trip, the girls had a church lockin learning how to cook, and we also had to do Christian teams games like tug of war, relay races, etc.. even competing against other churches.
I'm surprised you didn't see what's in the SD card, I imagine there are lots of mp3 files in there, and I'd try to replace them and figure out how that number indexing works
If you wanted to be childishly subversive, you could edit the MP3 files to include satanic voices (i.e. pitch shift and lots of cheesy effects) then save them in place of the originals. I've no doubt that anyone likely to fork out good money for something like this would genuinely believe the thing was satanically possessed.
The box’s front looks like it’s the cover of one of those small, paperback dictionaries
love that it has the John Ward from FAITH color palette
Even as a christian this makes me funny even if irs like some bad joke 😂
As a Christian, the bible is indeed a really big book.
And being honest the song and reflection and other stuff can be found for free in internet
You cannot claim to be Christian but willingly support/ identify with the "lgbt"
@@techgaming-on4wg Not as cool tho can bring this on the airplane so everyone can hear it
A big book of blatant lies 😂
The manga was better.
I demand a part 2! get a MicroSD and shove scarlet fire on it in every format you can think of to see if it works.
knowing that the ps4 charging cables break so often it is honestly good that Dankpods has a billion of them
I got the red one as a gift from my grandma on my mom’s side. I have no clue where it went and what happened to it. The sd card didn’t work and I don’t think I ever used it lol 😂
Edit: I should have stolen the 18650 lithium ion battery from it before I lost it for my flashlights lol
You know what those lullabies lack? Some drums.
3:16 Your call is important to us, please remain on the line and a representative will speak with you shortly
Bro you dont want to go to Damascus, iam not joking.
It's like Ravenholm; we don't go there anymore.
I never knew that Darth Vader had a friendly voice.
The first words for the Damascus story was really blunt, but I guess that conveys what's happening easier. Btw it gets better, kinda.
You’re not meant to tear off the back thing like that. It’s intended to stay on there and be opened and closed to find some popular parts
Someone low key needs to throw in a SD card with a bunch of hardcore metal music on there.
i may be a sinner at this point, but test it with scarlet fire
We’re certainly feeling the spirit tonight.
TYJ, you weren’t offensive, to me anyway. I think you did that fairly well, thank you 😊. In case you are interested, here’s some quick lore on the parts you seeked to:
Damascus: Saul was basically trying to eliminate Christianity by lethal force because he thought it was evil, and on the way to his next hit list in Damascus, God literally flashbanged him off of his donkey and asks, “Saul, SAUL! Why are you persecuting me?”
The wizards: The king had a prophetic dream that woke him up terrified, but he couldn’t remember it, so when he called all his phony wise men, none of them could even give a fake interpretation because he wanted them to tell him the dream as well. He smelled a rat, and was going to kill all his spiritual advisors, but Daniel (who knew the True God) asked him for some time, then asked God to give him both, which God did.
The river: Elisha really wanted Elijah’s anointing, and Elijah prophesied that he would receive it if he was there when Elijah was taken to heaven. He was, and right before that Elijah had crossed a river by slapping it with his jacket, and God split it to dry land. Elijah left his mantle behind when he was taken up, so Elisha took it and did the same thing saying, “Where is the God of Elijah?” God did the same miracle, and Elisha crossed back to the other side.
HI ^^ My name is NIGHTTIME!! Im kinda cozy ♫♪
can you imagine how the world would be if you could change a 18650 as easy as that?
we would be on mars already
imagine turning on google maps to make it read out loud, and it just started saying "paul had been plotting ways to kill jesus'..."
as someone with a grandma (love you hilda ;3) ive seen a BAJILLION ads for these things, they come in all different colors but still have the yellow cross, holy hell those things are crazy.
I saw simmilar one but advertised as MP3/FM/AUX player, but it was a little bit different (without numpad)
Yeah this thing is in a generic case made in China that was originally sold as an AM/FM/SW radio with MP3 and flash light function. I found one at a thrift store in the box a few years back for a couple bucks, and it works surprisingly well. So it seems they just tweak it as needed
i was kinda hoping he'd just cram an SD card with Scarlet Fire in it and see the Cross Speaker olay Scarlet Fire
The thing about Aussies ripping on ppl vs everyone else is that at least aussies rip just as hard on themselves lol.
Can it play Scarlet Fire though
Holy shit they turned JOHN WARD from FAITH THE INHOLY TRINITY into an mp3 player
this is from 2018 but from the thumbnail, I thought this was from 2004
if they made a version with the book of mormon that shit would sell like hotcakes, those always have like 10 kids minimum
3:10 - "bomb has been planted"
Made in 2018. Sweet holy Jebus
i really wish when the ting said "sometimes i just like to be quiet" and you said "you got that right" i really wish you cut to a clip of you playing the drums
dank said 2018 thats recent bu i realised 2018 was 6 years ago
Most of the nuggets he reviews are made 2007 or before.
This was fire, can't wait for the Bible 2 to drop. Hope they make it to Damascus 🙏
The voice reminds me of the old audiobooks I’d listen to in school, very Kane Chronicles-y
I really wanted him to try to see if it would play from another SD card
1:46 as a Christian, even I forgot the Bible is that big.
Ironic, isn’t it?
i think its kinda cute hes trying to be gentle
Is that Hugh Laurie doing the voice over (on the device)?
Man you're pumping out some content dam son
This has to be remade with edited files 😀
3:16 Me just vibes to the lullaby music rn
it sounds like you're breaking into a safe every time.
It looks like grandpa's radio of wonders from 2003-4
As a vi person who did a lit degree, I bought the whole of the King James Bible on cd in 2008. James Earl Jones did the New Testament, some no name did all the rest. I guess not even God can afford Darth Vader’s rates for everything. What to do with the pot of the man that hath had emission, Lord Vadr?
Have you got the adult's wonder bible?
The bible and religion is like a Linux distribution.
There are many stories, many extensions and the community is toxic as well
That's just America who treat Christianity as a social statement.
I go to church every Sunday, the community is actually pleasant, they even welcome newcomers. However sin is still discouraged.
imagine if he'd put a scarlet fire on it...
Screaming for some circuit bending. :D
So is the files on a SD card card I fill it full of metal
I do remember this😂
I want to see what format audio files and data have to try to change it for something like...idk... Tom's dinner maybe...
Man. I wish they made one of these for old people with dementia
I was waiting to see if you could put music on it with a different card
As a 'man of the cloth' I thought this was hilarious. I can't see the purpose for this brick, because I've got the whole Bible on Mp3 on my Ipod classic Gen 7....which thanks to this channel now has 256gb of space and a new battery!...thought that was a nice segue! Anyway, Wade if you feel that your lack of religious upbringing is holding you back, just let me know.....
I wish you figured out if you could play scarlet fire through the sd card
My grandma had a version of this but it wasnt for children, and it just had the whole Bible on it. It was also red instead of blue which i dont know if that means anything or not.
That was a jam ngl
id my parents knew of this they'd possibly also get this for the family
@dankpods what happens if u put music on the card?
oh lord, i have an alarm clock that has exactly the same display as this thing. The same segments, the same battery symbol, everything...
Just a different case and different buttons :D (and without a bible)
2:51 It even says “LORD” when you turn it on! 🤣
Merry Chrysler! 😂
V1 ultrakill and Gabriel ultrakill if they had a child
Hey, can that thing play Ezekiel 23:20?! Kids love that one!
Can you plug in another micro SD and use it as a music player?
I got the green color of this machine lol.
Can you put another SD card and put Scarlet Fire on it?
Really wonder if it can be used as an MP3 player if you put an SD card with music on it.
You can, in fact, that's all this thing is. I own the Quran "version" of this, but it's really just an MP3 player/Radio bundled with an SD card containing all 30 Juz' of Al-Quran.
Though it doesn't have a fancy paint job like this thing does and just looks like a regular ol' portable radio.
@@Kromiball Be fascinating to see the response in each camp if you swapped the cards between each of them. Just tell Granny that the bible speaker she bought the kids for Christmas has apparently converted to Islam (and vice versa).
Can that thing play Judges 11?
I thought they would make the Bible friendly but god, I wouldn’t want my kids hearing about the Atemnot to kill so and so. They can play video games for that. lol.
2:43 i need the wonder bible sd card
It has a Swedish flag on it! Jippie!
Didn’t expect the thing to be from 2018
Dude I swear everything in churches feels 15 years older than it is