Internalized Transphobia
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- čas přidán 20. 01. 2020
- This was a bit of a bummer to talk about, but I really wanted to make this video regardless. To me, it’s an important topic, and I think by acknowledging the reasons many of us feel shame around being trans, we can work towards deconstructing the stigmas and beliefs that lead to those feelings.
I realy understand you about your fear of being seen as a "boy" by your familly. You can talk to them about that, your fear would probably go away :) Lot of lesbians aslo experience that feeling of not being like other girls because of hetero normativity, they still women just like you ! Thanks for your video !
this legitimately helps so much to know that someone else has the exact same fears and struggles. being pre-everything may play a big role in my current self doubt but fine cause I can fix that. while the internal hatred is never going away it helps to know I'm not alone.
-Alex, your 16 year old fan (who is recently out let's go gamers)
PS: lol the category is comedy
First of all, congratulations on coming out!! :) secondly, I'm really really happy that sharing my experiences has been helpful for you, however I do not believe that self hatred has to exist forever. It can be an extraordinary tough thing to battle, and I promise you it took a lot of time and effort for me to get where I am, but I don't hate myself anymore. I certainly still feel shame and insecurity around being trans, but I've been able to learn to love myself as well, and I PROMISE that you can too 💛
Also, LOL @ the category. I did not realize
I genuinely identified with so much of what you said it out me on the verge of tears. I have so much guilt that I'm not excited to be trans and I really need to figure out how to overcome it.
Everything takes time, and I know it isn't easy, but I promise you things will be okay. I'm wishing you all the best ❤️
I’m so glad I’m not alone in these feelings, I don’t see many other trans girls talk about this
Honestly, I'm so glad this can be helpful. I was kind of hesitant to make this video, and it took a number of takes, because the brutal truth of internalizing all the transphobia in the world is not the easiest thing to open up about. I feel shame for feeling shame, but now that I've seen all these positive responses, I'm starting to see how talking openly about our feelings, even the ones that can be tempting to try and repress, is a necessary part of coping.
Sorry for the weird background noise and awkward cut-off at the end. I'm bad with technology and fiddling with a new mic
I'm the opposite (FtM), but I've been realising more and more recently how much transphobia I have internalised. A few days ago (I should mention, *drunk*), I told two friends of mine that I didn't want to live, and then that I didn't want to be trans, etc. and I've been thinking about that more and more, about the automatic thoughts I have about trans people, and myself; things I know are transphobic, and hate thinking, but still do. And you summed it up all so, so well. I'm actually not gay/straight, but I understand how you feel about not being attracted to men. It's difficult for me to reconcile my attraction to men because it makes me feel heteronormative, like I'd automatically fall into the role of a woman in that dynamic- and that, in turn, makes me question the validity of my gender. Then there's the imposter syndrome with other men (you didn't really go into detail about feeling this, but I don't imagine it's uncommon), where I don't quite fit in with them, and I know there's something distinctly different, and I feel like they're as hyper-aware of it, too, and judging me for not being cis like them. And the way I judge other trans people by how well they pass, no matter how hard I try not to. There's a hierarchy in my head- trans people are only valid to me if they're effectively passing -especially myself- even though I don't actually, rationally believe that. Sometimes when I'm with other trans people I get really awfully transphobic comments through my head, and I've been finding myself using the t-slur for myself recently.
It's all so bizarre to me though, because I never really imagined I could experience internalised oppression or self-hatred or anything. It seems difficult to equate the actual manifestation of my own transphobia with the concept of self-hatred or bigotry- as in, I've been aware for a long time about the negative thoughts I have about trans people, or the extreme anxiety I have surrounding other people's perceptions of me as "not a real guy", but didn't think of those things as "internalised transphobia." Like they were something else. Or they were normal, or something. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, sorry for the long comment, but thank you for posting this video. I think it's helped me identify some things.
Thank you so so much for taking the time to open up about your own experiences. I completely relate to just about every single thing you said, and I have a strong feeling many, many other trans people do as well. It's a very difficult thing to open up about, and certainly to talk to other trans people about, because we're discussing these subconscious judgements we have about ourselves and about trans people as a whole that we know we don't genuinely believe on a conscious level. What helps me reconcile all of that is the knowledge that those judgements and critical perceptions stem from the larger societal oppression and demonization of trans people that exists, and we're all really victims to that. It's awful that so many people have internalized our own scrutiny and discrimination, but I believe it would be almost criminal to not allow ourselves to talk about it. I believe honesty in this area, though very difficult, is an important part of the healing process, and I just want to thank you again for sharing your story and being open to mine.
All the best 💛
~B
(P.S. I definitely relate to that imposter syndrome feeling you're talking about)
Holy Sappho, yeah, this is true. As a trans woman, I feel like this is exactly the struggle I have with my own binary trans identity. Also, the experience of being a binary trans woman and a lesbian has held me back for so long; as a kid, I was told "only men love women" and it took me years to grasp that I could be both... I have heard both binary and nonbinary people talk about the learning experience that comes with the non-cis identity as the defining positive of our experiences, so I can definitely sign that... Also, being in a group of allocishet women your age as a trans lesbian is precisely how you describe it; this sort of enhanced fragility of your passing, and the constant fear that talking about your experience will have you cast out of the circle of shared identity... Sorry if I am just repeating your points, they just stuck with me
Oh my goodness, yes, being exclusively attracted to women was such a huge barrier in me accepting my gender. It had me feeling as though I MUST be a guy, because surely if I was a girl, I would be straight. I guess there just isn't enough exposure of trans lesbians, so, for the longest time, I really couldn't imagine claiming both labels. Part of me even expecting to start liking men as I started my transition
@@boonewilliams5338 Yes!!! As a kid, growing up in a conservative rural European area, I barely got any idea as to the concept of lesbianism, and the few trans women I met were potrayed in town gossip as "being so much into men that they needed to become a woman". Growing up in such a society, I tried liking boys my age just to be more female, but it never worked, no matter how hard I tried, so I resigned and just accepted that I would have to live as a man in order to one day marry a woman... I vividly remember one day, the day I came out to myself, waking up thinking "Can a trans woman be a lesbian?" and literally fell down an internet rabbit hole and had my mind blown. I sometimes jokingly say that I came out as a lesbian first and as a woman second because sapphic attraction is so integral to my experience as a woman
@@boonewilliams5338 "There isn't enough exposure for trans lesbians" Precisely! That is such an important issue, we need more (or like, any) representation in the media
Hearing this was like taking a deep breath. I was and still am a little drowning in very similar fears, it is nice to know I am not the only one.
You're like the realest person in the world! The situation with all the cis girls being straight is one I've never been in (or I have, but I'm pre-transition and not really out, so I already knew they saw me as a guy) and I never really considered that, but when I heard it I was like, "omg, I WOULD feel like that" and it helps so much to hear you say it, because I feel like I can go into it more prepared.
I am so so honored and grateful to be able to help by sharing my feelings and experiences. Thank you so much for taking the time to share yours :) 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 ❤️
Thank you for talking about this. I am probably more than twice your age and my own internal transphobia is really hard to deal with. Thank you again for a great vdo x
I can relate to your topic. I am hoping that with positive reinforcement that it will get easier with time. You get to live your life now as a woman, I started much later. Just knowing that I'm not alone with these issues is very helpful. Thank you.
This made me so happy to read. Thank you so much, and I wish you the very best in your journey 💛💛💛
Hey Boone,
I recently found you on you tube. You are a bright,empathic, wise young woman. I am older 55 and have known I was trans since about age 3 to 4. Like you, I constantly question how other people see me and accept me. The self doubt in my mind is painful to deal with. I am a doctor, but unlike you I transitioned late in life 54 have lost family, have no friends, would love some cis woman besties. You have let me know that I am not alone and I feel support from you by shared feelings. Thank you for your insight, wisdom, and honesty. Bridget
This means more to me than I can put into words, Bridget. Thank you. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this and for sharing a bit of your story with me. I am honored and privileged to have been able to offer some support and comfort to you. I wish you the absolute best. :) 💛
~B
It feels so relatable and I'm not even passing as I started too late.
I'm turning 29 soon and just came out publicly as a trans lesbian and i have a lot to say about this but i can't figure out the words right now. Thank you for this ❤️
Thank you ❤️
Thank you so much for this video. I came out as trans 3 months ago, I think, and it’s been pretty rough so far. Life seems clearer now but that clarity exposes a lot of pain I’ve repressed or desensitized myself to in the past. So I want to go forward but now it feels like life has picked up the pace again and now I’m invested in a lot more and my brain is more occupied with…things I want to think about, whereas before it was a lot of rhetoric and distractions fueled by my insecurity. My body dysphoria isn’t too much of an issue right now, although there will be very frustrating moments throughout the day and an occasional breakdown spurred by my body hair, facial structures or chest. Well, it is an issue but I don’t “feel” it a lot, or as much as I would expect. One significant change is my body movement and all my gestures. I feel more free to just move without worrying about how others perceive it. Back in high school I distinctly remember walking, sitting, moving my neck…essentially doing anything with my body, very rigidly, feeling like I was trapped inside with no chance of ever being myself. On top of that, masking was hard because I was already somewhat antisocial/outcast. Doesn’t help that I was neurodivergent (mannerisms-that’s the word!). But now, I feel like these problems are unraveling, albeit slowly and not always so straightforward.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm soooo happy to hear you're able to step into your truth and live the life you need and deserve to live. What you said about feeling trapped in your body and now feeling so much more free in your movement really resonates with me! I hadn't really thought about that before, but that's definitely something that I experienced as well. Transitioning is a wild adventure and not a linear journey, but from my experience, it is oh so worth it. I'm so excited for you, and I can't wait for you to feel even more comfortable in your own skin. 💛
I was quite surprised how I could relate to basically every single thing you described experiencing in this video. I'm trying really hard to work on my own internalized transphobia but I still can't be proud of being trans and I deeply deeply hate it about myself. I really appreciate videos like this because understanding that others feel the same way is part of the journey of healing from this. I really hope that you have found ways to feel less ashamed about it and I will work on doing the same over time.
Thank you so much for saying this and for being vulnerable in sharing your feelings. I completely agree that it's very important to be open about this. It's awful that we have to feel this way, but it isn't our fault. We are deeply oppressed minorities, trying to do everything we can to survive in a society that wasn't designed to accept us. Things are changing for the better in many ways, yet it continues to be very challenging. We just have to be here for each other, and I do strongly believe that, with time, things will start to feel a lot better. I'm sending you lots and lots of well wishes!!! ❤️❤️❤️
You are so genuine. I can relate to everything you talk about especially in this post and not only that but your thoughts and views make life better . Its nice to know that someone with the great morals and feelings of yourself is on my side in life. I love your face. And your smarts.
Omg this is so incredibly kind. Thank you so much I don't know what to say!!!! That means so much to me, and I'm so so happy that this video was positive for you.
Best ❤
Thank you for your honesty. You are experiencing the myriad ways that we can be human. We are vulnerable to be our own worst enemy. With race and with gender we have a hard time admitting that we sometimes our own worst enemy. Thanks for this.
Thank you very much for listening and for offering your lovely insight :)
You look better than most girls without makeup. Goddess you.
Boone, you’re so pretty. Also, I really appreciated this video. I’m a trans masc nb, who lives with very transphobic people. Overcoming my internalized transphobia is hard, but I’m hopeful that I’ll overcome it eventually.
Thank you so much!
I'm so so sorry you're in such a difficult situation. I love your attitude. You'll absolutely overcome it. I hope you have or can find a sense of community and people who love you unconditionally ❤️
I'm rooting for you, and I know you'll get through this!!
@@boonewilliams5338 Thanks. I really appreciate it.
I feel the exact same way. I am Pan but I think I find girls more attractive but I try to never talk about me being attracted to girls but go out of my way to talk about hot guys even though I don’t feel as strong about it. I also feel internalized transphobia with a lot of my interests too like music tastes and that I like video games and I know a Lot of cis girls like video games and a bunch like the music I’m into. I also wish 100% i was cis and feel like I’m missing out on so much and want to disconnect from my childhood.
Yeah I can relate to a lotta that. It's tough :/
Obviously it would be easier to be cis, but tbh you're completely indistinguishable from any other girl in that way anyway, and as you say it means you learn a lot and must develop really deep, unique, and important insights. I can see other perks too. For example, Trans voice training just teaches you things about controlling your voice than anyone could benefit from.
I really don't feel bad about being (very likely) a trans woman. It's just as valid as anything else. Binary gender is really just a spook anyway - its a societally produced nonsense with a lot of bad effects. Despite that there's something about being a girl that calls to me. I'm just anxious about transphobia and the awkward process of transitioning. If I could flick a switch and become a girl , and retain the ability to have children somehow, i totally would. And if i knew i would transition as flawlessly as you Boone i would be pretty cool with it.
I've told a few friends, and my sister. But i am anxious about telling my girlfriend. I am pretty sure she is pansexual, so it might not matter that much. However, she does want kids, and i think i do too. Thankfully im really not that dysphoric about my penis, and the physical aspect of my dysphoria is pretty managable in general - its mostly hair and my face. Its more the emotional, sexual, and mental side of things that get me. Something about sisterhood, and being a cute as hell lesbian really appeals to me. I've always had trouble forming any kind of identity for myself or really caring about myself or liking myself. But as i start this process of self discovery I find im being kinder to myself, more expressive, and more optimistic.
Honestly, being trans should be a very positive and hopeful experience thanks to the wonders of modern medicine. Its largely because of the provision of that medicine, and how society doesn't understand that gender (and life, really) is what you make of it that trans people are made to suffer.
Be fierce my trans queens, kings, and royal peoples betwixt. We will never let the world go back.
I know I’m late but thank you I needed this so much. I didn’t realise others felt like this too. All my friend group/people I’m close to are cis so I just keep going down this big spiral where all I’m ever trying to do is look cis and feel cis like sometimes I feel so embarrassed for no reason like this is me I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Also I relate so much with your point about people assuming or suspecting that your trans without you telling them it makes me feel so bad like I’ve failed this test where my whole purpose in life is to just pretend I’m not who I am.
Wow. That last sentence carries a big weight, and I feel it.
Society has told us since its beginning that being cis is what is normal, so of course we're going to feel a pressure to fit in with that identity as much as possible. It's awful, but I do have hope that being trans will gain a reputation with more normalcy, and our urges to try and suppress that part of ourselves will slowly fade. I've found, in my own life, that as I focus more on the things I love and care about in life, the more confident I am in myself, and the less I feel burdened by being trans. Though I still suffer from everything I've talked about in this video, the magnitude isn't nearly as great, as I think of being trans as just one of the many, many traits I was born with. It is a big part of who I am in a way, but as time goes on, I have found many other pieces of my identity that I feel more attached to.
I really hope that you are able to feel more comfortable with yourself and with your being trans, even in a group of cis people. It can be very hard and very gradual, but I have a good feeling that it will get easier as time goes on. :)
Thank you so much for sharing your story
@@boonewilliams5338 I do hope that in time I will grow to become proud of who I am instead of embarrassed but I do think from now on I’m going to make a conscious effort to stop trying to fit myself into stereotypical ‘normal’ ideals where there are perfectly fine moulds for me right beside them.
I'm Buddhist, there's this whole cliché concept of "letting go", in Buddhism. But in my experience, I think it very much applies to being someone born *with the wrong body.... Pragmatically, outside of the Buddhist concept of emptiness, I think if all the stigma is let go of, by the person, the person is left having to acknowledge who they are. Ppl love to tell us "You're a dude. You're a biological male. You're DNA is male", etc. Yet, it's our truth. We know the truth of the situation when there's no one else around to detract us from what we intuitively know to be true. That we're born with the wrong body, and being male is an act. I often want to say, "Which part of my DNA is it that tells me I'm in the wrong body? Disprove that to me." I've even had psychologist disagree with me in a relative fashion.
The crappy thing about it is that when no one else knows you're history, or you don't get clocked, when all that past "baggage is let go of," then your seen entirely as female. You are entirely accepted.....I think that's why relationships are so important to trans ppl, because it validates their identity; both in terms of gender and sexuality.
Very well said, and I really appreciate hearing your perspective from a Buddhist standpoint. Although I've said many times in the past that even if it weren't for societal expectations, I would still feel body dysphoria, I do also recognize that those external social views and constructs very much have shaped my own perception and understanding of womanhood and what is expected of it. Gender doesn't exist in a vaccum. We have or own truth, but I think the way in which we relate to that truth changes and adapts based on our environments
@@boonewilliams5338 I entirely agree. Conditions shape us. We are entirely subject to conditions/environments/situations, that are perpetually changing.
I don't try to push Buddhism off on ppl, I just find that for me, it's a tool that I utilize to relate things too in life, and understand them; like suffering/dissatisfaction. It's become part of my thought process, and useful in terms of comprehending what I'm going through, and how to deal with it. It's like part of my language in ways. But I'm by no means trying to sell it off to other ppl.
@@boonewilliams5338 You're a really smart girl. I'm glad to have met someone I that I can equate with on some level. Thanks for your vlogs and sharing your experience. If you ever come across vlog ideas from my channel, whether you agree or disagree, please feel free to comment or take the idea and run with it. (Obviously, you're entitled to do so anyways, I'm just being friendly.) Nice taking to you :)
@@jen8441 I would say that cisgendered ppl aren't lacking in that regard. However, I would say that struggling with gender forces one to be very introspected......Like, I wonder sometimes why I am the way I am, and I don't really have a sufficient answer, or experience, to say, "I'm like this because of this. Because I was a momma's boy" or something like that. There's no particular thing, specific to ppl who transition, that denotes why they are the way they are. Like, there's lots of momma's boys, who never transition. I sometimes wonder of mtfs occur as a result of being molested. But, its not something typically to ppl who have been molested. Scientifically, there doesn't even seem to be some sort of empirical evidence. it's hard to say that ppl who transition, somehow think differently, or are more contemplative, or introverted, than cisgendered ppl, because there doesn't seem to be a specified reason why we transition. Yet, the process of transitioning, is a very self reflecting process. Such as attempting to define what is male and what is female? Is wanting to have children specific to females? That doesn't make any sense because men also want families and children. Yet, who looks forward to the pain of labour, or gestation? Both men and women want to have offspring, neither really would look forward to the pain of delivery. The roles in reproduction, as far as I can tell, are physiological. The desire to reproduce is psychological to both sexes.
This video described my experiences to the T. Thank you for this..
I know that feeling that you described when you're in a group of females and they're talking about guys, attraction to guys etc... it makes me feel kind uncomfortable. But it's the other way around, I don't feel like I'm less of a woman, I just feel annoyed that they don't like other females as I do... weird right? Welcome to the world of weirdness! :)
the state of dread thing i relate hard
Great video Boone a suggestion for you might have a guest on to ask them questions on all kinds of things
Thank you so much! I did that once, with my dad, and I'm really happy with how that one came out. I've been trying to do a podcast for a while now, where I have tons of different guests on. We'll see! Haha
Boone honey I feel this so much! Thank you for this!
Thank you for watching!! It's not the most fun topic, but I think it's really important to be honest about. Internalized transphobia is awful, but it's so very real, and it doesn't make us bad people for having it
Good point. Maybe life is one continuous lesson
Thanks for posting your thoughts about this! You seem very thoughtful and genuine. Internalized transphobia is so tough to deal with! I hate that voice in my head that says my friends and family are supportive of me to be nice, but don’t “truly” see me as a girl. Deep down, I really don’t think that’s true. But the really insidious thing about internalized transphobia is that I think there’s a part of *ME* that doesn’t see my womanhood as being as valid as that of a cis woman. Because, as much as it sucks to say, I also wish that I were a cis woman. And so I think part of me ends up projecting those insecurities onto other people subconsciously. But it’s important for me to remind myself that there are SO many different flavors and experiences of womanhood. Being a woman can mean so many things to so many people whether it’s about your gender, skin color, height, nationality, personality, etc etc. Point being there is no *universal* woman experience, and being trans is just one of the myriad ways to be a woman!
Do you have a Twitter or insta where you post your thoughts and stuff? Would love to discuss trans womanhood anytime!
This is super well said, and I really appreciate you sharing your perspective! :) I definitely agree with what you said about the large variety of ways in which one can grasp womanhood. I think that being a part of the lesbian community and hearing so many different people's accounts of gnc and other "unconventional" (by Cishet standards) attachments to their gender has really helped me feel validating in my own experiences.
I do have a Twitter! Though I hardly ever post on it. @ssbeewesley
If you ever wanna discuss this further, you can feel free to dm me on here or Twitter :))
Boone Williams Thanks! That’s a great point about finding solidarity and common ground with the stories of cis lesbians & other GNC women. I just followed you on Twitter, looking forward to chatting more sometime!
-Annie
also im bi romantically but mostly straight in terms of biologics. i feel like the trans masculine community is extremely gay which isnt bad but i wanted to fit in. ive only really ever been attracted to women but always been somehow misguided. either when i was living as female to like men which i never really did sexually, or being trans man there being hardly any representation for straight trans men i cant explain it.
I think I know what you mean. I had a really hard time finding other trans women who I could relate to, since I mostly only knew straight and bi girls. Certain communities tend to band together in internet circles and irl, and it can be really challenging when you feel like you don't fit into that circle's mold
@@boonewilliams5338 yes exactly! im gonna watch more your videos i love talking spirituality in transition because all the community talks about is passing in terms of the next steps or surgeries which imo is a bandaid not real acceptance / self love. i pass but dysphoria still makes me pick out small things, its alleviation not cure. we transition for us but sometimes are left just pleasing cis people/ society yet arent even seen as fully us. its really hard
Well said!!
Thanks! :)
Boone Williams So welcome.
It's really relieving to hear conversations about this kind of thing. I'm very very new in the acceptance of myself as a trans woman. It's been a long journey, one filled with denial since I initially realized I was at the age of 15, and now I'm here at 23 finally accepting it. I didn't realize just how HARD this was going to be. I really relate to what you said about feeling like you're building up a sense of womanhood. For me personally, I don't really feel like I've been a woman all my life. When I still believed I was just a gender noncomforming cis boy I did what I could to find comfort in it despite the dysphoria I experienced, and it's hard to move away from the comfort of staying where you've been.
And I totally understand what you mean about how old friends and family can give some really complicated feelings. I always feel weird hearing my lifelong best friend refer to me by my new name and pronouns. It's uncomfortable to me that things are changing even though this is a change that I WANT.
Even desirable change can feel uncomfortable and challenging at times. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm really glad this video offered some relief for you :) 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 Thank you so much for sharing your story too c: I'm definitely gonna subscribe and watch more. Listening to other trans folks talk is so comforting. Understanding that internalized transphobia is a very real thing has been important in my own acceptance. I'm dealing with an IMMENSE amount of it right now, especially in relation to my sexuality and whatnot.
I hear you. It's so much to experience at once. You're not alone!!!! I watched so many trans CZcamsrs early in my transition, and I continue to do so :)
TW: Prejudice references via religion, family, & education
(it's also lengthy)
I feel the same way. Although opposite. I'm a gay Transman & was taught from as far back as I can remember that if you are lgbt+ you will go to hell nearly everywhere I went. Family (both close and extended), church, the religious community that came from the churches I was forced to attend, and our public school that low-key taught us about bible related stuff in history class. The only education I received about lgbt+ growing up was basically "gays exist and they are people too". Nearly, if not, all of it came from prejudice cisgender heterosexuals.
I came out to my mom about being trans twice. The first time by saying stuff like "i feel like i should have been born a boy" at 10 (I didn't know trans was a thing) The second was at the age of 28 and my mom tried to guilt trip me into being cisgender. A lot of people think that being lgbt+ is a "lifestyle" "choice" unfortunately. My parents are slowly working on using my preferred name and pronouns. But right now they unfortunately out me nearly everywhere I go so I've become very open on educating people where I live. But eventually I plan on moving a lot further away as I only live about 1/2 - 1 hour from most of my family and would like a fresh start after I've medically transitioned.
The only thing that I really regret in terms of being trans is that I felt like I had to wait so long because I didn't feel comfortable on top of feeling like I missed out on so much. Even now I feel so uncomfortable with my body the way that it is right now that I can't even date, feel disgusting just for stepping outside my apartment if I'm not wearing a binder, and struggle with some of my medical care. It is so debilitating.
I am so sorry that things are this challenging right now. I want to commend you for your education. I think that's incredibly admirable and can also be very taxing. I hope with all my heart that your parents start to understand more what is needed for your well-being and adapt. Debilitating dysphoria, though I don't claim to have your exact situation, is something that is very much not unfamiliar to me. These hands we're dealt are a real trip to play, but I can tell that you are a compassionate, kind person with a strong sense of yourself. As hard as things are now, and as many ups and downs as there will always be, I know you're going to do amazing things, and I know things will get more manageable over time. I REALLY appreciate you sharing your story, and I'm sending you lots of love 💛
All the best,
~Boone
@@boonewilliams5338 I am making progress. I'm currently waiting for a call back on a surgery date for top surgery and trying to find an endocrinologists closer to home that's lgbt+ friendly.
@@Verceal congratulations!!! That sounds like amazing progress:)
There's also a saying " Saying you don't look Trans is not a compliment". I remember someone saying that is Transphobic. Not sure how they come to that. Not all people are educated in all things LGBTQ.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I lead a lonely life. It helps me to know I'm not the only one out here 😸
It won't always be lonely. I promise you that ❤️
This was supposed to say "it" IT won't always be lonely. Sorry about that!!!!!
I know the feeling girl. I had internalized transphobia for years because I felt I like women and have never had any attraction to men I can not be trans. I finally realized Trans Lesbians exist.
It's such a struggle to have to go through all that without even having labels for how you're feeling! I'm so glad you were able to come to that realization 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 My life has greatly improved sense I started transitioning. Now days I have more important things to worry about instead of who I am interested in. I am still attracted to women but at this time more on a romantic scale and no interest in a sexual relationship. My Down stares is my biggest problem at the moment Doing all I can to figure out a way to fund surgery as soon as possible.
@@jerriwood I'm so glad to hear things have been improving!!! I'm wishing you all the very best when it comes to the surgery!💛
love how "down 2 earth" and honest this channel is lol
theres something that ive been feeling, and i have no idea if it falls under internalized transphobia because its not something ive heard other people experience. i do have the common internalized transphobia experience as a nonbinary transmasc (i think.. idk im still thinking about it) but its quite.. easy to shut those ones off. whats really loud and booming is the transphobic thoughts i have about others. i totally dont want to have them obviously and its so annoying, because it makes me feel awful and somehow it makes me forget about my own transness? ive noticed the really ugly thoughts i have are things that my family have said, common transphobes have said, and even some other trans people have said. does anyone experience this, a lot of the thoughts are intrusive and it feels so annoying to have to fight them all the time. and better yet, HOW do i fight them
As awfully unpleasant as those thoughts are to experience, I can promise you that you are not the only one who has them. I battle those thoughts on a regular basis, and I believe many others do too. That definitely falls under the category of internalized transphobia. Here's the good news: you know exactly where those thoughts come from, and you know that you don't really, deeply believe them. If you did, they wouldn't upset you so much, and you wouldn't be so concerned with figuring out how to turn them off. I hope you can find solace in knowing that these thoughts are a direct result from your environment and the way society at large (unfortunately) views trans people. I believe the overwhelming majority of trans people have to deal with these thoughts, sadly, but the more we are honest with ourselves about the fact that we have them, the closer we can come to not feeling ashamed about those thoughts coming up. I think those negative thoughts (at least for me) come into my mind as feelings of shame that stem from the transphobia I have witnessed and experienced throughout my life (even when I'm thinking negatively about trans people who aren't me, it's still a feeling of shame that I am projecting) but what comes next is the part that I think can most easily be worked on. I then SHAME the part of me that FEELS shame in the first place. You have to understand that the part of you that experiences those thoughts is a victim of transphobia, and it deserves compassion, empathy, love, and patience just like every other part of you.
This is what I have found to be comforting. I hope it can help you as well.
Thank you so much for being open about your experiences 💛
~B
@@boonewilliams5338 ah youre so kind!! thank you for the wise words, i will take them to heart and use them to get through this!
I'm AFAB and like you've said I also always imagined something magically happening so that I could become the other gender. As a kid I always automatically imagined myself as a man in future scenarios until I realised a few seconds later that Im a born girl. I always looked at guys and wanted to be like them, but then realised I can't because I'm not a guy. So a few weeks ago I put it together and figured I'm trans. I talked with my parents who are extremely supportive and I'm wearing a binder and I'm really struggling to figure out what to do with my hair. But somehow all that feels weirdly wrong. I really wish I was born a cis male but trying to become one feels extremly off and I get huge dysphoria attacks now dressing up as a boy. But imagining living the rest of my life as a girl gives me literal heartache and a sort of hopelessness. I don't know if the dysphoria comes from me finally realising Im a guy but not looking like one when I look at myself, no matter how hard I try. My face, hair and neck are huge problems for me currently. But I'm also really worried about that I'm actually not trans after all and thats where the dysphoria comes from, because then I don't know where all that is coming from and what it is. It's so extremely confusing to me but your video reassured me a little and gave me hope to try and keep working all this out, and whatever the outcome is I'm sure it will have been worth it to keep pushing and not settle back into familiarity but hopelessness. If I'm trans and the dysphoria is because of the disconnect of what I want to look like and what I currently look like and from internalised transphobia, then I can start transition and live as my true gender. If it turns out I'm not actually trans then I can keep searching for a reason why I've always seen myself as more of a guy in my imagination and why I get a sting of sadness everytime I see a cool guy and realise I can never be him, and then I can work on that issue. So thank you so much for the video. (also sorry the comment is so long, lol)
Thank you so so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that things feel so tough right now, but it sounds to me like you have a really good attitude going forwards, and I KNOW that with time, you will find what makes you comfortable. Keep being you, and I wish you all the very best in your present and future 💛😊
@@boonewilliams5338 Thanks for the kind words and thanks for being so awesome
@@frankie9373 Ditto :)
are you trans after all or not? update plss💗
If it helps, I genuinely thought you were afab when I started this video. And you aren’t alone in feeling like a lack of attraction to men makes you less than a woman. Lots of cis or afab lesbians feel that way, lesbianism is inherently gender nonconforming since our society is so male dominated. In a way my internalized transphobia or dysphoria is similar, but me being an afab nonbinary lesbian, I feel like I either don’t belong in trans spaces or lesbian spaces even though I know logically nonbinary is trans and nonbinary lesbians exist and both experiences make sense to me
Very well said, and I really appreciate your reassurance. Thank you, and I wish you the best in your own journey ❤️
You are always beautiful
see thats so true about sexuality but for me its different. im trans male and i feel like my biggest self transphobia is seeing myslef as a lesbian. onetime i had a trans women tell me im a d*ke and i always tell myself in my head if i look a specific way im a d*ke. i wont even go into what else but thats just one thing.
That's so so hard. As trans individuals, it can be so exhausting to just exist. We're held to impossible standards a lot of times, and there will always be people who don't understand us. I'm really sorry you've had to go through that. As a community, we have to stick together and uplift and celebrate our identities. Sending much love 💖
@@boonewilliams5338 we need more ppl like you and not this community how it is now!
thats the reason why i detransitioned. but i'm done living for everyone else.
I'm so glad you're putting yourself first 💛
You are beautiful :)
Thank you so much 🥺💞
Your voice is so fucking cute 💕
You have a tell when you're sad. czcams.com/video/8l_XW5l-oPI/video.html It goes away when you smile.
Your plight breaks my heart. Sorry you are suffering. You are unique and loved, Nothing wrong with not being attracted to men, women are awesome and you are too.
Thank you so much!!!
I watch ONE video about how nazis are bad and now my feed is flooded with trans content, why is this?
Then don't watch them
The two genders: N4zi and trans ally. 😂
You are very much wonderful beautiful never feel that you are not all of these things never let anyone speak or in anyway make you feel or act in shi*y about being who or what you are or feel you want to be that is their problem you have lovely hair style it or shape it to make you love it
You are so, so kind. Thank you so much for this 💕💕💕💕💕
You are a girl, Boone Williams. You may never be Cis, but you're still just as beautiful.
It's true that some will always think trans lesbians are weird. But who cares about them. I know it dampens our spirits and we begin to question our gender... and that's why it's important to find a group that supports and accepts us as we are. If we have some friends we can lean and cry on when we need to, then it helps us to pay less attention to what these "Haters" (or anyone put off) think of us.
🏳⚧♀ 💖
Thank you very much for saying this. You're absolutely right 💛
You are still very beautiful girlfriend and I made a special video for you on TikTok and sent it to you on Instagram