How Growing Up "Male" Has Affected Me
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- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
- Credit to user "Grimblina" for inspiring me to talk about this!
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Today, I reflect on how the experience of growing up being perceived as male has affected me and how I imagine it may have impacted my personality to this day.
Twitter: / ssbeewesley
Instagram: / boone_williams_
Boone, your voice sounds natural and it suits you. I am glad you are feeling more "you" with now. Your "true spirit" is establishing itself now. Own yourself and celebrate ALL of what has been you on your journey.
Thank you so much!!! That's so nice of you, and it makes me really, really happy to hear
All the best 😊💛
I will be 42 in September and realized this year only who I was. Thank you for sharing this content, it helps a lot.
It is is my absolute pleasure and honor to be able to make videos that others can find helpful. Congratulations for being your true self and happy almost birthday!!💛
@@boonewilliams5338 thank you so much, I can absolutely relate to what you are going through. I am amazed by your confidence.
@@sarahs3803 Well, thank YOU so much!!!
I'm still having a very hard time about this, specially because I haven't started transitioning, and the compulsive male toxicity that comes with being raised as a boy is killing me, I wanna be free and do everything as the woman I know I am, but there's this barrier I'm afraid of going through and falling on my face, and not having the courage to get up...I was talking about this earlier with my girlfriend, it's hard for me to come with terms that I was born like this, and that I wasn't physically a girl sooner, you know?
I absolutely do know. What you're describing feels almost exactly how I felt before I started transitioning. It seems so scary and daunting, but I promise you, so long as you can surround yourself with good people, it will get SO much easier once you get over the initial hump.
Wishing you the best 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 thank you so much! I'm really glad I found your channel ;w;💝
i can 100% relate to this, sometimes i get random bursts of this "male toxicity" (yikes), usually followed by instant shame and grief, not knowing how to excuse my behaviour. or how to avoid it. it sucks. but when i look at the comments, it seems like we're not alone . hope ur doing well, stay strong queen ! ❤❤
I'm going thru similar issues. Been going thru these issues for many years. Believe me when I say you're not alone and if you truly feel that's what you want don't wait til you're in your 30s like me before you even come out to anyone about how you're ultimate goal is to transition. Trust me the pain and the struggle is soooooo worth not being depressed and living a role that isn't really you it literally eats at your insides like a cancer feeling like that. I ultimately became so depressed I've opened up alot recently cause at this point I felt like I was gonna kill myself if I didn't do something. It's very hard to be open about this type of thing where I'm from but all that truly matters to me is what my closest friends and direct family think. If this is what you truly want its worth all you have to go thru IF that's what you truly want in your heart and soul. Personally I've found alot of therapy talking on CZcams with like minded individuals who understand because you have to imagine this is something I've suppressed since my CHILDHOOD that means over 20 years for sure. At this point I don't care if I'm alone forever and alot of people think negative about me I want to start being the person I've always felt I should be.... God knows I've waited long enough I waited wayyyy too long until I became so depressed I lost like 40 lbs in a few months and just don't even wanna do anything so that's what's in store for you if you try to suppress these feelings. Believe me they don't just go away if they're authentic so don't torture yourself like this anymore!
since I'm off T I've been doing way better and feeling way more connected and able to express and embrace my femininity ;w;d and I've found a bunch of trans girls from my country and they're really sweet and kind to me and it's been really cool! (now I just need to move away from here, next to where my gf is actually, very happy and excited about that fsdgfgf so I can actually express myself, because I can't do it where I'm at because of my grandfather ;;'')
Thanks a lot for making this!!!
As a trans girl who's only out on social media and is still in the closet IRL, it's been really nice getting to see someone whose struggles with dysphoria I can relate to while also showing that their is hope for a better future where I can live as a woman and be myself.
I'm so so glad this has been helpful for you!!! Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to comment!! I'm wishing you all the best in your journey :)) 💗
Oh hi! Yeah, I asked that. Thank you so much for making this! ❤️
Thanks so much for the great question!!
Thank you for sharing this with the world. I suspect that your voice speaks to many who are traveling this same path. You are an amazing woman (I'm not just saying that because I love you).
Thank you so much, Nana. Words can't describe how grateful I am for your continuous love and support.
Love you very much 💛💛
I am really touched by this show of familial support 🥹
First time one of your videos has appeared in my YT feed. Excellent video here! 🙏💜
Aw thank you so much!! 😊☺
Couldn't be more proud of you. 👍 ❤️
Aw thank you so much!!! 💞
As always your videos are very insightful and interesting , and so relatable. Your voice is perfect. Keep up the good work
Thank you so much!! 💕💕
Thank you for sharing. This really helps me in my transition.
It's my pleasure!! I'm so happy to hear that it helps :))
thank you for sharing this! this video speaks to a lot of my experiences: I feel represented and less alone in this life now UwU pls make more
Thank you so much for commenting this!! That means so so much to me. My main hope through sharing experiences that have been very significant for me is for others to be able to see their own experiences and/or feelings reflected. I wanna normalize being transgender as much as possible, and it means so much when I hear that a video of mine has been helpful for someone. :) ❤
I always watch your videos! You’re awesome 😎 💕💕 keep going 🤧💕⚡️
Aw thank you so much!!💛💗
Very interesting to hear your view on this. Something similar has been on my mind lately, particularly about how being raised as a "girl" has affected me. I always thought I had a very masculine personality growing up, from hating dresses and long hair to being drawn to traditionally male activities, even before I realized that I was trans. My mom always chalked it up to the fact that I spent so much time with my dad growing up (therefore spending so much time around a cis male role model), when I knew for a long time it was something much deeper.
I relate so much with the "reignition" of the self that transition provides. My body felt like a hollow shell until gender euphoria let me experience it as a valuable part of my integrated self. To offer a crude metaphor, transition is the shift in mindset that changes the body from a house to a home.
Well great video. I'm currently still closeted, and questioning in a way, but increasingly I'm sure that I'm a trans MtF. And 4 a lot of reasons I haven't realized it for the longest time. At first I thought it was because I was always attracted to girls, and never found a single boy attractive 'in that way' u know... Hence that's how I discovered and followed your channel. But lately I found out that a bigger reason that has held me back is that. I've never been that dysphoric about certain perceived 'masculinity traits' or 'masculine things'. Unlike many examples for trans people, where their perceived 'gender roles' are one of their biggest sources of dysphoria. For example, I've always been rebellious, creative, and opinionated. Always liked to play a more dominating role on almost everything (maybe except for romantic relationships but that's another story). And now currently I'm finishing up my grad degree in a very math-y financial/business field. And I have every desire to become a leader in that industry one day. All traditionally masculine traits. And I'm sure that I probably would've been discouraged from that a lot more if I was BORN a girl, even though I always wished that's true to an extent. So in some ways I do feel like being raised as a guy have created some unintended 'benefits' that shape who I am. Again I'm still figuring out, but I do find myself very euphoric when trying secretly to live as a woman, in one way or another. However I also do know that I'm not my best self without being in this 'masculine' profession and having 'masculine' traits such as wanting to lead, wanting to be influential, wanting to challenge the old & create stuff new, etc. And I personally never regarded them as masculine VS feminine. I always find women, especially women leaders who push through reforms, 'revolutions' and innovations in my man-dominated field really attractive and I admire them a lot. (Although me but not that many actual men found these women attractive is a 'con' in my opinion finding out I'm actually trans as those men saying that no real man would want a 'strong woman' gets 1 more vote... ;( ).
I luv your makeup, so dark pretty.
Aw thank you so much!😊
I love your videos, and have commented on others before. Repeating, you are inspirational at the least, and do a marvelous job of presenting your personal journey. I really think in general, the higher profile that the trans community now has, along with it's unfortunate risks, also brings with it, to thinking people, and society at large, a clearer pictire of the attitudes towards the sexes, and sexuality in general, and the real shakedown of what is maleness, and femaleness, and by relationship and extension, the orientation of straightness, gayness, or inbetween, that goes along with it. On a purely spiritual plane, dynamics of transgenderism, highlight concepts of consciness where we become conscious of ourselves removed from prior constructs which we previously defined ourselve by and therefore experience a sense of liberation, knowing, we as entities, exist far beyond the former constraints. In fewer words, transitioning as a spritual journey. Keep up the good work and all good wishes.
Wow. I am honored, and I GREATLY appreciate this comment. Such a salient and insightful sentiment. It can be very challenging to find the beauty and celebration in being trans, but comments like this help me remember the value we all have and how much I've grown as a human being through my experiences transitioning. Thank you 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 You are most welcome, and really isn't that a big part of the meaning of existence, growing as a human being? You have exercised incredible courage in your choices, and should be rewarded by a deeper awareness and appreciation of your uniqueness. If more people could have meaningful transformative experirnces that shatter stereotype and illusion, perhaps the narrow polarization that afflicts our society might be defeated. Believe it or not, you shine like a lighthousre so don't forget that ever!
@@jimk.9493 You're giving me a tremendous sense of hope and gratitude. Thank you so much 💛 I wish for you all the very best. Sending joy and light!
@@boonewilliams5338 Back at you Boone, be well, happy, and safe!
Your voice sounds good.
Thank you!! :)
Boone ... I don't know how I missed this video previously, but stumbled over it this evening. I guess you weren't wandering around singing "Bela Lugosi's Dead" or "Birds on a Wire"! Having seen this on my way back from commenting on your interview vid with Billy West, it did occur to me that the work you've had to do with your voice probably gives you skills for doing "voice work" ... so I guess it was effort well spent.
Thank you very much!! It has definitely come in handy. :)
Voice has been the hardest for me. I might make a video in response to this video of yours... Have you measured how much your pitch has gone up?
Go for it!! I'd love to see it if you do.
I haven't measured it with any kind of tool, but sometimes I look back at my old videos from years ago and drop my jaw at the difference
Boone Williams Just uploaded it: czcams.com/video/wBH_dxqJqGo/video.html
Let me preface this comment with a bit of explanation. As usual, I started the video, then opened another window and did a jigsaw puzzle; a mindless task that allowed me to focus on the sound with no distractions. I had decided to re-watch the video as I planed to comment and discovered that the audio wasn't sync'd with the video. I read lips; this was extremely distracting and I had to turn away to follow along. I have no Idea if it was caused by something I did at this end or another issue. No matter, the quality of this video was excellent; your poise and confidence is remarkable and very informative. I believe that you are in your late teens which makes the video that much more remarkable. Now,on to the comment.
You mentioned that your onset of puberty until now was a long time. I matured quite young, perhaps ten or eleven years old. The first real issue that I had wasn't voice but facial hair and I was "proud" to have to shave. That was over sixty years ago and I accept the facial hair as an annoyance at times as I have a full beard. My voice changed a year or so after that and my pitch is average for a male. In the scheme of things and in my dotage, that passage of time feels very short. I suspect that, as you grow older, it will seem the same to you.
As for your voice, changes happen over a span of many years and it sounds feminine to me in this, and your other, video. My mother, a heavy smoker for many years, developed serious lowering of her pitch but still sounded feminine. Pitch is only one aspect of voice; timbre, nasal quality, tone and inflection all add to a personal voice. Yours will adapt as you get older.
You mentioned your "painful experiences"growing up and might I suggest you elaborate on the more important ones in a future video. Also, for my edification, an idea of timing of your transition; i.e., when you started hormonal treatment, first mannerisms, desires, and other issues that have occurred during your life so far. Issues of concern by your parents is another area to explore.
So, back to the beginning. I watched a previous video the same way I watched this one; starting it and then opening another window. Imagine my surprise when I re-watched that one and saw pictures of you growing up. As the old saw goes; a picture is worth a thousand words and that video of pictures from you youth added a world of wealth of an excellent presentation.
I look forward to your next video. Enjoy the day.
namaste,
Roger
I really really appreciate all of your comments, Roger! I very much value getting to hear others' perspectives on similar topics. First off, thank you so so much! You're definitely right about voice. Pitch is only one of a plethora of factors that contribute to how we perceive a person's voice. I actually did a whole video on the subject! You've given me a lot to think about in terms of future videos, and I really appreciate that!
Thanks so much for sharing parts of your story and offering your insight.
~B
(P.S. not sure what to say about the audio syncing issues. It's definitely fine on my end. I'll wait and see if anyone else comments about it. Sorry that happened!)
@@boonewilliams5338 No reason to be sorry, I simply wanted to notify you if there was something on your end, though you have a lot more knowledge on the subject!
Hey Boone. I'm MTF questioning. I was wondering at what age you started transitioning? I'm 23. Its weird because physically I'm not that dysphoric but I imagine my best self as a woman. Thankfully I have compassionate family and friends. I am kinda fearful about society though. I was wondering how long it takes to femimise your voice - i dont mind having a deep voice but it would be nice to able to sound less like a man. I LOVE your attitude to accepting and learning from your past self and not rejecting past experience!
Hi there! Thank you so much!! I think those questions are best answered in my two videos, "Socially Transitioning" and "Feminizing your Voice as a Trans Woman"
Oh no don't tell me it was smash🤕 I'm concerned my relationship with games will change when I transition considering the male dominated spaces...
It was Smash, I'm afraid :(
There is an unacceptable amount of toxic masculinity that flows within gaming culture, but nothing can ever take away the love and passion you have for games
growing up "male" has seemingly only affected me negatively. Im toxic, easy to trigger and shit. and yes, i blame this on growing up being perceived as "male". in the course of my life i have made those choices too, i dont say i am not responsible for what i am today. but i am pretty sure, if i hadnt desperatly tried to be someone im not, i wouldnt be so mentally ill as i am right now. i lived my life in the wrong circumstances, and with the wrong people, always trying to fit in as a "man". and i hate myself for that somehow, i think i did all the time. im scared that i'll never get rid of those ugly behaviours i taught myself throughout about 20 yrs. its not that i think being male is bad in itself, i just think i realised i dont fit in, and i lied to myself for over 2 decades. (sry if you might not understand everything i said, im not sure how good my english is at this point xD) rn im struggling really hard with my gender identity, it gives me a little relief too, but also a lot of pain that i never experienced before. i feel like an clicheé, like an alien that really tries hard to be human, but sure doesnt understand a single thing what it actually means to be one. now i dont know who im am anymore. i just know i dont want to be perceived as "male" anymore. it disgusts me. (reminder that THIS is only my personal experience, i dont wanna offend anyone that thrives being male or anything, but this is nothing for me tho.)
First off, your English is perfect, and thank you for sharing this ❤ I was really fortunate to have the support around me to understand my gender at a really early age, but I still feel as though what you're saying resonates with me on many levels. I didn't discuss the negatives of what growing up being perceived as a male did to me, so much in this video, and I think that's because I've spent much of my life already dwelling on those. I won't pretend to have the exact same experiences as you or to know your full story, but I hope I can give you some reassurance by telling you that, after a few years of getting to do what was comfortable and in alignment with my identity, those negatives feel WAY less significant and I focus on them much less. It's a process of healing and growing (at least for me,) and by no means is everything perfect now. Being trans will always have challenges, but I am So SO much happier than I was even 2 years ago.
I sincerely hope that you are able to find what makes you happy and comfortable.
Best of luck and lots of love
~Boone 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 thank u so much for your honest and detailed reply ! this video and your answer made me gain a lot of confidence ! im sure i'll find my purpose, and i wish u the best of luck too ! have a great day !
@@skinnybeak6997 I am so so glad. Have a wonderful day.
All the best :)
You're so beautiful! xx
Aw shucks, thank you so much!!!! 💛
🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️
Ugh, the competitive gaming scene... I'm a Bloodborne duelist, and my god it seems like almost all of the "top tier" players haven't even heard of the female pronoun. I can give them the slightest leeway with misgendering me on a consistent basis, but even when referring to the cis women in our groups, it's like it's assumed all Bloodborne duelists are men by default. So frustrating.
Bloodborne duelist! Awesome. Souls games don't get the competetive credit and in game support they deserve tbh
@@TheCheesedodo They don't. Miyazaki doesn't like the PvP audience, and I can't blame him too much. As much as I enjoy dueling in Bloodborne, I can just barely stand the community long enough to compete in tournaments.
Boone Williams is my favorite Lesbian Girlfriend in the world
How are you doing today and what is best way for myself to date trans women in the future
Yo chill out dude. Maybe Google that shit....
Chaser
I know you’re a lesbian but do you encounter many guys who are specifically into post op trans women?