Jordan Peterson - How To Say NO To People
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- čas přidán 4. 07. 2024
- Jordan Peterson - How To Say NO To People
Full talk here:
• 2015 Personality Lectu...
Jordan Peterson Channel:
/ @jordanbpeterson
Email: Bestvideos1919@gmail.com
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One lesson in life I learned pretty fast is this: if you help people too many times they will stop thanking you soon and take your help for granted. The moment you don’t offer your help anymore they will curse you out and call you anti-social.
Thank you
Yes, true. Twice is help, third time it's charity. Fourth time they are only making use of you.
Took me too long to figure out
Man i am relating to that so hard especially with my family growing up simultaneously putting responsibility on me and at same time using me as emotional punching bag, and when decided to stand up they used everything including constant gaslighting to break me. Its rough.
I don't believe in charity, that's for people who want to feel control of others. I believe you should only help people solve their problems, someone who doesn't need me anymore is my peer.
I’ve found that saying no gets easier the more you do it.
Practice👍
Such a struggle to get to that point .
@@luhellin196 the hardest part is that first step, but trust gets way better
Hello I’m back and today, Man today Was the best day of my life man, I fully faked the shit out it. And it worked bruh 😎
There needs to be one called "how to accept it when someone says NO to you." Because i swear people cant comprehend the meaning of that word nowadays.
Thank you!
Yes very true...
💯
"Y-you won't do what I say just cuz I asked? How could you be so rude????"
@@apexshinbi638 strawman
People who can't say NO are afraid of the consequences.For the predatory people it's the invitation to start conditioning.
Yeah
WISH MORE PPL KNEW HOW TO SAY NOOOOO!
IN 2020
The question of "Are you negotiating at least as hard on your own behalf as you would for someone you care about?" is a life-changing one to me. I've never thought of it that way before. I've fought SO hard for people (family members) who have proven they don't give a crap about me when it really counts and I'm not doing it anymore. Time to become my own advocate. THANK YOU for putting it this way.
I have learned that the very hard way;). When I was young, as christian I tought it was my duty to help people. I didn’t care who asked my help, I just did it. It’s very hard when people count on your christian values and start to use emotional manipulation. I lost my prescious time on selfish people, always put myself lower.
And than I realized the true meaning of second rule- love your neighbour AS yourself. If my neighbour can be anyone who helped me when I needed the most- I should do for that person as I’m doing for myself. To love my neighbour as myself- the first what I should do is to LOVE MYSELF. If I don’t love myself, how could I love anyone else as myself?
Second, I have to love my enemy too- but not as myself, but as human being!
Finally I understood very clear what I was doing wrong- I put some very selfish and irresponsible people before me, they weren’t my ‘neighbour’ anyway, never helped me but just wanted more and more. I didn’t stop to help them, but onley on my conditions, when I could, and what I could. Then such people just think you became an egoist and move on, catch another victim.
No victim card in any christian rule, it’s just fine to say NO.
Me too I was the same 😂😂😂
Matthew Aldgate Glad to hear I’m not the onley one😅
@@laleydelamor1327 Took it's toll on me I feel like I wasted my life on people who didn't deserve my help wish I was more selfish and just helped myself 😂😂😂😂
I proudly say No now. I think so. I left religion a long ago though I do believe in God and I used to put irrospnsible and selfish people before me. Now, I love myself. I put myself before others. I believed in the statement Love thy neighbour. And if someone slep you on one cheek offer your other cheek. No more. Hell no. Set boundaries.
@@MamtaNarang maybe email me share stories aldgatematthew@gmail.com
Learning to say no was an astonishing leap forward in my life. I am now 74yr old and happy and successful in my life. At least as much as I choose to be.
1. Be your own advocate. In order to advocate for yourself you will need to equip yourself with arguments and strategies to say no.
2. Your persona is the "mask" you use publicly. It is subject to societal pressure and ideology. An ideologically possessed individual deals in absolute terms and is very predictable in their argumentation. This is due to their neglecting of their own shadow, which contains all the parts that you don't want to show the rest of the world.
3. A "social machine" is an uncritical representant of an ideology. They support something while, often subconciously, distancing themselves from the opposite side of the argument. This is due to a neglection of their shadow.
4. Human beings are capable of both good and evil. Not only pathological people commit heinous actions. If you cannot see yourself as a potential agent of destruction, i.e. look into your shadow, it is very likely that you are part of the problem.
5. Enlightenment is the ability to see yourself as a human being that is capable of both good and evil and acting out of reason and integrated personality rather than emotion or lashing out from persona/shadow.
NOT ALL HERO WEAR CAPES
Tysm 🙏🏼
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Here's how to say NO to people: "No."
People have ceased to respect personal boundaries which are very important for mental health and self respect. It's like rapists who won't take no for an answer.
True.
Just my take. Some of the comments say JP is not telling "how" to say no. He's explaining you can, should and why. I think, a vast majority of times, when you're confronted with a situation where you should say no. Often there's less than a nanosecond of time after you have processed the information and said yes. Not realizing your subconscious mind said no, before you verbally said yes. How many times have you asked yourself, "why did I say yes"
Keep in mind , it’s alright to change your yes to no ,….and you don’t have to feel bad about it .
He's right that agreeable people don't take themselves into account.
I was raised in such a way to agree with almost anything and accept it. I learned the tough way to say no and bargain. Four months ago I was able to get a 50% discount with one company (you could say they were overpriced). I have a naive, trustworthy, baby face. Really. That's a reason why people usually try to get advantage of me. I don't look tough. Now when I am working I deliberately don't smile, ever. It actually works.
I think one of the main reasons people don't like Peterson is because he reveals to them how little they actually know. Understanding is a threat, and those who have the humility are able to grapple with it.
To echo another comment on here: when does he tell us how to say no? This channel has a tendency to put totally unrelated titles on chunks of Peterson's lectures. This selection was mostly about how regular people engage in evil through ideological possession and how there's always a dark side to those who claim to have purely benevolent intentions. I'm a huge Peterson fan and I'm happy that you take the time to share his talks. But please make an attempt to use more appropriate titles for your videos in the future. It's getting a little annoying...
CAPTAIN BEASTAZOID What do you mean by ‘regular’ people? I thought JP meant - everyone. All of us, him included.
Everyone has dark motivations whether doing good or evil (including out of apparent ideological reasons on the surface) and in those few times when we fight hard with all the might we could muster within us, to seek truly enlightened noble acts, intentions & pure motivation, we suffer. There is a heavy price to pay. The former leads to hell; the latter leads to personal loss.
What do you mean? Pay Attention man! It's right up front. 0:36 to 1:16 right off the bat! "You have to treat yourself like someone deserving of care and respect. To do, that you have to be able to say NO. You have to, because if you don't you, have to say yes. And then you can't negotiate. And in order to say no, you have to arm yourself with plans and strategies that enable you to say no. You can't be dependent. You can't be afraid of potentially searching out new opportunities. You have to be willing to stand your ground. And it's very difficult to do that without drawing on some of...our psycho-physiologically heritage." 1. You have to say no 2. Why you have to 3. What you need to use to say no. Clearly covered
@@JPage-fj7mb "How to say no" was briefly mentioned by Peterson, but that one short segment is NOT what the video, as a whole, is about. I agree with Captain Beastazoid. Mistitled and click-bait titles are very annoying. I've cancelled subscriptions over it.
@@JPage-fj7mb That's more of a why to say no or how to find the strength to say no. Some folks probably hoped he would give pointers on how to actually say no to someone in the moment so that it works out well for everyone.
@@MrShysterme ... well the title strongly implies "pointers". Saying "you need to be able to stand up for yourself" is a bit of a no brainer.
He says how to say no right at the beginning: when you realize you are not taking yourself into the equation, that's when you say no. This video is *not* mislabeled.
"If you follow what is meaningful & you do it honestly, it will take you somewhere you really do not want to go... And until you go there you won't be able to climb up higher to the other side... For enlightenment there is a price to be paid..." Min 8:34 to the end...
like, what does this mean? i thought JP always harped about “following what’s meaningful”??? I’m so confused
Im not entirely sure what I learned from this, but whatever it was, it was awesome.
Every video of his I watch, all I see is Jeremy Irons in Lolita 🤣🤩
When you encounter your own "shadow" you will be amazed as well as appalled. Scary yet ultimately worthwhile.
I did lose alot bc I put my mother first, while she put herself first... I lost 2 years of my life, I got kicked aside for her now husband, someone who has cheated on her, someone who she cheated on, one of the reason why she tried to kill herself, someone who threatened to kill her and then himself. Really hurtful to know that someone you want the best for, replaces you with someone who just harms them, doesn't give 2 shits about them. I broke contact with her for a year now. I don't regret it. She is an aweful being who only thinks about herself and never cared for others in her whole life. Thx to her I don't even know who my real father is bc she cheated on my 'dad'(the one who raised me) from the start.
I’m so sad to hear your story...I really hope you find the right path for you. I hope you find God, because life gets easier when we are close to God.
I have always found it difficult to say no, especially when I have tried to say it to someone and they come in with “Why not? You said your weren’t doing anything else on that day! Besides, my needs are great at the moment and I need you to help me out here!”. My reticence has been that I instinctively know they are using me. ‘Good old mum, she will always come and babysit or clean my house.’. But I want to be able to OFFER help, not be expected to give it as if it’s my duty to oblige - I want to give freely, not to be taken hostage. Sometimes there are no ‘thank you’s’ or some sort of appreciation, and then I have to fight resentment. I don’t want to be a doormat etc., it’s very difficult to say no sometimes! I don’t like lying and making excuses, but I can’t just say ‘No, I don’t want to help you’. I have been told I am a very caring person and would give the shirt off my back - but please don’t take advantage!
Ask them for things.frequently and then give the same responses they gave you.
so powerful and wise 🙏
It's gone over my head :/
Unfortunately THE BESTS channel has mis-labelled its content one too many times. Not a good business practice. It’s going on my blacklist.
Sue S. on my black list too, it became all about clicks.... bye
I’m only as nice as people allow. Last time I checked it doesn’t say welcome on my forehead so don’t even try treating me like a door mat 💯
This was awesome! Thank you.
This is an incredibly difficult situation for me because negative feelings always take center stage. I don't even know my own family anymore and they live here. I run the risk of pissing off their negative feelings every time I stand up for them and go against the shadow ideology. The union is EVIL. On purpose. I've seen it with my own two eyes. Been in the trenches. So I know!
I am in awe that all of our patterns have always been. This is not new. That means there are answers and remedies already available. what a relief. Thank you...this is stirring up hope for me.
Jordan: Negative emotions are more powerful than positive ones.
Me: I hate that I love to say no?
Jordan: *confused screaming*
Thank you bud!
The caos you feel when you listen to Peterson and understand him and you live in Bosnia....
Many thanks for those videos ❤
“Nice is a really weak philosophical term!” OMG! I just hit the floor!!!!! Anyone need a Brilliant THESIS STATEMENT!!!!!!
It’s easy, just say NO
Life changer
If you can say"no" as a two year old, why do you need to learn to say "no" later in life? You already have the skill and practice. 🤔
Interesting points
According to Egyptian myth, Horus lost his left eye in a struggle with Seth. The eye was magically restored by Hathor, and this restoration came to symbolize the process of making whole and healing. For this reason, the symbol was often used in amulets.
Great point at 4:58. It is not so much about loving the poor but hating the rich.
I found it very interesting and deep wish they had a full lecture. Is there any book by j.b.peterson that has this topic ?
Always great to listen to JP.... but who names these clips ??? Inaccurate nomenclature. If you're here for "How to say NO", you've come to the wrong place.
The title of this video title doesn’t relate to what he’s actually talking about. Great talk tho. 👍🏽
4:55 👌
Being nice isn't virtuous
He talked about everything EXCEPT how to say no.
True 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Psychology is extremely interesting. At 54 years old, not a trained as psychologist, i see a lot of these things very clearly after dealing with all kinds of folks over the years...
It's in the manner , when you know that your not agreeable you see to it might the plan is not best for you and it will be completely a chaotic in some reason .......God bless Professor Jordan Peterson and more power
I recently said no to a sister I havent seen in 35 yrs. I heard from family she and her husband-where going to surprise visit me when I was very vulnerable she's a holy dollar and I'm pagan......well she's withdrawn and doesn't communicate and plays the victim and I'm the problem. To other siblings also a control freak maybe narcissist
I call this my executive decision / the ability to say no to anything regarding my home// at work different story
Where can I find that essay?
Has anyone else likes this guy but end feeling more anxious and depressed after listening to his teachings?
Wow rly wow 👏
Really Poor lighting on Dr. Peterson. Love him.
Based
This is a LOT older than 3 years old. Like a LOT ! Lol. Great to hear again regardless.
If you can't say no then you Not having a conversation! Your boundaries are breached and they're attempting a Hostel take over with your consent.
"...it'll take you somewhere you really do not want to go."
Oh. So that's what I've been doing...
We've been programmed by our society that saying no is wrong, since if you say no you are rejecting others and they might feel bad about it.
The key to say no to others is just shifting your belief that saying no to others is not wrong. That you are not responsible if they feel bad.
Now say no to their fucking face.
One day i will order a human size pillow of JP cause i love him so much
Torn Too Pieces is the title of my unpublished book.
I see an editor in your future
Saying no just feels so good who in the yes wants to say yes
8:56 please someone explain! please
I think he's saying that you have to go through hard times to get to enlightenment. Like your gonna get hurt by others along the way
my great grand father had 2 go down the mines when he was 12 and was in a collapse soon after starting my gr8 grand father killed 1st ww the somme that was the 1 were u had a seargent behind u and if u ran at the enemy or jumped in a crater 2 formulate a plan the seargent shot u 4 cowardice we r so lucky 2 have even the illusion of saying no be gr8full and realy take care of the little things ive battled mental health40 yrs and feel guilty dont even no why im botherring 2 write all this except thank you sir you have helped
Negative emotions are more powerful than positive ones. Not quite, negative emotions are more intense and less stable.
Thanks for honoring my freedom of speech.
Had Jordan Peterson (as a professor of psychology) been an Atheist rather than claiming to be a Conservative Christian, there shouldn’t be any doubt that ALL Christians would have scorned him … and today, his name (in the public sphere) would be unknown.
He didn't mean twin literally. It was akin to his explanation to assist it. I suppose the guy who wrote maps of meaning wouldn't know that though.
Capability does not equal culpability.
JP describing NPCs at @1:56
how do i say NO to people?
I can't. Please help me.
The "ideologically obsessed", and whatever repressed Shadow side it represents... man, does that explain our times, both Right and Left.
I identify with neither one
@@scottkraft1062 That's what they all say.
whenever I try to say no because my brother keeps taking my chair and I said no to him and he beat me up and knocked me out so idk wha to do he can just keep the chair I guess
Yes for now let him keep the chair. Without supervision you can get serious head injuries that will last a lifetime. concussions damage your brain. Please let me know how you are doing now.
How little time of a mans/woman’s time belongs to oneself
If I had a dollar for every JP video with a wrong clickbait title...
I feel like the title is a little misleading. Awesome video though.
Half way thru and it seems the wrong title is on this video
NO! I will not click on this channel again!
I have nothing but respect for Jordan Peterson but I don't understand why Pinocchio has to become a part of every conversation and lecture.
This is the problem with people today they've lived such a sheltered life i swear they don't understand the word no
What if you don't want to?
Hathor, in ancient Egyptian religion, goddess of the sky, of women, and of fertility and love. Hathor's worship originated in early dynastic times (3rd millennium bce). The name Hathor means “estate of Horus” and may not be her original name.
what do you stand for...what do you stand against?
I wanna leave but my boss is guilt tripping me to stay
I just ignore them. It works like magic
Such intriguing content here. I engaged with a book on this subject that was a defining moment for me. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
My only criticism is that in Christian theology, Satan is not considered the "evil twin of God." Satan's wickedness comes exclusively from the fact that he is not God but wants to be God. He is a creature and wants to be the creator. Other than that, really profound and wise words from JP.
It is no joke, u loose friends and jobs and a lot of things along the way, and there are some things which u never get to do that you could do earlier. Nevertheless, i'd choose Enlightenment over any of this all over again, its worth more than anything.
Perhaps this video was mislabeled?
8:40 Anyone care to explain more about what he is saying when he says to not follow the meaningful path? Everywhere else I can tell he says the following the meaningful path is the only way to live a meaningful life. Yet here he says that there is a cost to enlightenment that isn't worth the price.
Jordan looks so much better now off the meds and on the meat diet!
Doctor Jordan- please throw out those mustard coloured jackets. They only make you look wasted and pastey faced.
He only wears black now, I think he took your advice.
Whaaat ?
Standing outside my home, staring at my window from the bus stop, phoning me at 3 a.m., sneaking into my house, never ever giving back any of my "borrows" for over a fucking year. getting me to do things i don't want to do and treating me like shit. i hope this person gets out of my life soon and i that i will never hear from them again for the entirety of my life. he's taken advantage of my autism, epilepsy and adhd and has caused me to slash my wrists. i need this guy out, out OUT of my fucking life. in the Name of God Himself: GO AWAY!!! that's how bad this sort of thing can get.
Yeah ,I’ve got a prat like that in my life..I hope u do
I'm new to this world. And I'm in my early 20s. I'm religious and I always say yes, but thank God no one took advantage of me. After thinking about what JP said I'm going to continue helping others so I could go to heaven, but only if they deserve to be helped. Or they didn't harm me nor they took advantage of me.
Everything should be done in objective moderation. Inshallah you're placed into Heaven.
@@serratedcreature890 insha'Allah everyone will go to heaven.
I tend to score in the 0th percentile on those unidimensional big five personality tests. I find it frustrating to see people who don't know how to say no. More appropriately, it is a disgusting sight to witness. I'm not taking an axe to your excessive agreeableness. I'm telling you to stop being weak. It's damaging to both parties and an ugly sight to behold.
how to say NO to people:
goes on about Egyptian gods, politics and jung
ok
Listening to him makes me depressed, I don't know why.
Balance the injection with some Gabor mate for an easier trip :)
Too much truth to handle.
His hairs similar to michael jackson
2:04 everything is caused by economic disparity. Did you catch that?