Jordan Peterson - Self-esteem Doesn't Exist
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- Jordan Peterson - Self-esteem Doesn't Exist
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• 2014 Personality Lectu...
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A genius you can't remember his previous work is forever doomed to be robbed for his forgetfulness, but that doesn't make him any more stupid than the average idiot
@@crazyba1413 This would have been much more impactful in English.
The Roman scale is named??????
I've seen professionals, read books, taken college courses in psychology, observed thousands of people and examined myself having often bounced back and forth from having an excessive "self-esteem" to very low "self-esteem" in different
stages of my life. My conclusion is this: The essential problem is thinking of myself. Period. Drop the mike. I stopped doing that and starting thinking about others and what I could bring to the table. I then found balance and relative contentment.
Everytime I find myself starting get wrapped up in myself, I start listening to Jordan Peterson and it is like seeing someone untangle a mess of cables and wires and remind you that these are connected to tools that need to be plugged in and used. So I go and do it.
I like to imagine he is talking to a room of confused looking kindergartners.
@@AnomalieVoid joe rogan
That is a very cute image!😁❤️
On the internet or in the room that the video is shot? ;) Sounds like a wonderful metaphor...
🤣🤣🤣 this needs to be shot with him as Kermit talking to a bunch of kiddos for story hour.
Haaa ha ha. I love it.
People with low self-esteem: "Oh great, first I had little and now I have none!"
I feel the same myself!
Indeed.
Under rated comment my guy😂😆
It's only a problem if they believe Peterson instead of all other psychology and psychoanalysis scholars.
waht
I've personally found that confidence comes through earning self-respect. Self-development and achieving goals is key. Start small eg waking up on time or even just making your bed daily, then aim for slightly bigger goals and work your way up. Your confidence rises at the same rate, and it becomes clearer where you stand in life. Then when someone tries to knock you, you don't let it because you've earned what you have and you don't need to be told whether you deserve credit. That's why it's SELF-respect. I guess you have to prove to yourself with action that you are capable, only then you can believe and feel it.
For me, confidence comes from being able to *complete* my professional and hobby projects in a nice way (not just being able to start them). Whether I make my bed or sleep at day or night is far less important. That is, as long as I don't miss importants meetings and stuff. Being accepted and liked by relatives and pals is important too, of course.
You should listen to dr doug lisle, he talks exactly about this. How self esteem is actually about esteem coming from yourself, and self confidence is something entirely different. That's the believe that you are good at certain things. While self esteem has to do with earning respect from yourself, just like you said.
I feel like you can say confidence is really just a way to describe an understanding that you can achieve - or maybe trust yourself. Or at least that you know that if you don't fail, it won't be so bad (still trust in self, but can also just being able to see the limitations of failure).
Is there a practical way to teach someone "self esteem"? - as in, does it have a mechanic other than "tell yourself you are xyz"? Showing someone that the upside will generally outweigh the downside - getting them over the hump to take that step so that they can see it is fair and true - having them do it until they rewire their brains to make it natural - that is powerful and effective. I've gotten much further down that path than where I started. It has helped me become a much more impactful and more comfortable in so many situations. That is confidence, but not really - it is just being removing a false internal narrative that your actions will somehow have this huge negative consequences and training away from the inaction that the narrative causes.
I get your points and they are valid, just that I think we can maybe drill down to a more actionable way of looking these things.
Self esteem comes from putting effort into trying to achieve something that matters to do. You have to feel that you really did an errort. And the feeling of pride will come.
My parents reinforced in my childhood the importance of agreeableness, putting other first, sacrifice my desires for someone else. I didn’t realize the consequences of that mindset until I graduated college. I wasn’t a great leader because I didn’t know how to speak my mind or form my own opinion. Managerial positions also don’t want people who are scared of correcting others.
Pro tip: learning how to become more disagreeable is very important
You know he’s gonna drop some heat when he roles up the sleeves
*rolls
He rolls up his sleeves to jerk us off with facts
I like it. He rolls up the sleeves and: high quality discourse...here comes the JP !!.
🔥🔥🔥🔥
Sawyer Skog lmfao facts. That real heat.
As George Carlin (RIP) once said: "The Self-Esteem Movement began in 1970 and I’m happy to say it’s been a complete failure... because studies have repeatedly shown that having high self-esteem does not improve grades, does not increase career achievement, does not limit the use of alcohol, and certainly does not reduce the incidence of violence of any sort because as it turns out, extremely aggressive, violent people think very highly of themselves. Imagine that! Sociopaths have high self-esteem! Who would have thunk?”"
Jimmy Grenier I’ve thunk the same for a while
Looooool
Thunk?!
@Glen M
Couldn't agree more.
We all are equal summarize what self-esteem really is.
George Carlin was the real deal...
Imagine if all teachers were like Jordan, school would be awesome, no one would miss a single class, imagine the strong students and future leaders.
It's not just the teacher that grips you, it's the teacher combined with the subject, which is psychology in this case. So, even if we all the teachers were like Jordan, some classes would still be skipped. 🥲
Maybe that is why I have such high attendance this year. I started showing my class short personal development videos in term 2 and they are loving them.
And you had better listen and learn the work hecgives out:)
Annnndd, they fired him for it.
Students would get first hand experience in gaslighting and christain apologetics.
That’s what CatLick school is for
This man saved my life. I was so close to the edge, i believed the normal things of a normal life was not for me, that those things were not my lot.
Ok but the line "Grant yourself the right to exist just like you do everyone else..." holds so much in it and he just passes through it like it's nothing.
Which is surprising for someone who studied Hitler and Stalin a bunch.
Yeah, I mean... it assumes one grants all others the right to exist...
He doesn't really glance over it, he references back to it when he says you can have paralyzing amounts of low self-esteem if you have depression, and depressed people usually don't feel like they want to exist or have a right to. I think he glances over it intentionally cus that's not what he was trying to talk about
I mean he's basically wrong and is pressing the issue to be right but whatever
@@tiphi4276 It's a matter of definition and perspective, like anything.
You can’t invent an existing thing and name it something and pretend it’s something new“
Apple: „hold my beer“
*hold my cider
The Car Industry: stand aside
corona virus: wear my hazmat suit
@@jakethurman3318 coronavirus been patent by the CDC since 2015 that ain't new
Hold my dongle
I love this dude. He gets me totally. My depression and ptsd is too much for me, and I have thoughts of suicide. He helps pull me out of it most of the time. I wish I could meet him to tell him how grateful I am. I listen to him so much that I’ve adopted his manner of speaking, unintentionally. Lol. Pray for me, and love one another.
I will pray for you. He helps me too. :)
@@MonicaAndLulu thank you. I will for you, too.
Sending you some love brother
I will pray for you!♥️
I will pray for you❤️
*i'd like to think just after the clip ends someone says, **_"THAT'S ALL GOOD, BUT SIR, THIS IS A WENDY'S."_*
🤣🤣🤣
"How much misery do you have to have before you're motivated to improve yourself?" 04:06
exactly at 4:00
As i was watching the video I scrolled down to *litterally* hear him saying that and read the comment at the same time, what are the odds right ?
3.4 tonnes
Everyone's breaking point is different.
@@aminemouh16 omg the same happened to me
I like to think that Jordan is talking to an empty room in this video
that's weird, why do you like to think so???
@@albusdumbledore8173 its funny Because he is so engaged in hes subject
@@beanlinswag2251 I see...
@@beanlinswag2251 lol
That's funny
"Imagine that! Sociopaths have high self-esteem." - George Carlin.
I think of it this way. Low self-esteem is really an anxiety that keeps one back from being assertive when it might be beneficial to do something.
Then what's the difference between having anxiety and low self esteem?
"If you have a lot of negative emotion, you don't feel that good about yourself. Isn't that a surprise!" ---gotta love Dr. Peterson!!!
Yep and using self-esteem as a model is a great way to stay stuck in that negative emotion.
But not about the part where he was wrong about nazi ideas and acts
@@xenomorphexidious9102 ???
@@seanaaron7888 It's right up in youtube how he
talks about concentration camps in a passive way.
@@xenomorphexidious9102 Could you tell me a specific instance? I'll look but over listened to dozens of hours of JP and have never heard him talk about it in a passing way. He's been accused of such things, and every time it's taken grossly out of context.
Bullies don't feel bad about themselves, they feel bad about you;) Love this guy!
I have to disagree on this. I'm ashamed to say that at boarding-school I was a bully; not in the physical sense but verbal, sarcasm, insults, etc. I did this because I did not excel at anything, therefore to build myself I put others down. I'm happy to say that all that was a long time ago but I still hold deep regrets for this behaviour.
Bullies r cowards who hide their fear by attacking those they perceive to be weak. Wow. What a surprise. And pathetic.
@@philiplane108 envy. Bully right there. You have courage to admit it. The courageous r brutally honest with themselves and just change. Not for any reward. Just to be better.
Lord Rassilon in a deeper sense what they see as weakness is within themselves and projected onto others.
It’s all parental and relates to the emotional environment of the child. The bully as been taught he or she is not lovable in a certain way. This rejected aspect of self is then projected into others and attacked.
This is unconscious behavior used to avoid deep grief and pain.
Philip Lane it takes honesty to self examination and admitting it! And it proves that real self esteem comes from self confidence. We have confidence because we are good at something, but especially children. Teaching kids to feel good about self without accomplishment to back it up will only creat people who are entitled, neurotic and psychotic. Sadly,The behaviors of so many(young & old) since 2016 election is the biggest proof😬
"Self esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of Happiness"
Perhaps we should feel good enough about ourselves to feel that getting out of bed every morning and do something is worthy, and bad enough to identify something we need to improve on
I strive to feel good enough about myself that I get out of bed with INTENT every morning... BUT I also understand that "perfection" is a road, NOT a static place that you can achieve and then rest there. That kind of perfection doesn't exist... It's a path of growth and development, seeking each day to improve upon who and what you were the day before... AND forgiving yourself each night for the short-comings and set-backs you've suffered in the day, simply for being a human on planet earth, where most of the time, things don't go according to plan... at least not plan "A"... ;o)
Man... I'd love to sit through a semester in his class... And I hate school...
I think bullys are early signs of Narcissistic behavior in both males and females. It gives them a rush when they bully someone even verbally. Just a thought.
@@darlenelawson1255 👍
@@darlenelawson1255 that's a no from me dog, but probably a correlation.
14 year old?
@@uvuvuwewenyetwe644 if they are 14 I think it’s impressive that they can appreciate Jordan’s videos, little wonder they hate school.
Don't go for self-esteem. Go for self-acceptance and self-compassion
No self judgement.
"Maybe I can figure out exactly what you're feeling and I just dont give a damn. Is that still emotional intelligence?"
Yes
Lol. Literally, yes.
in a more of psychopath way, literally!
@@UnDo75 But then again, people can be ridiculous when it comes to the reasons that they feel sorry for themselves.
especially so, why carry others burdens
I was a teacher in the California schools when the whole self-esteem movement was at its peak. I can't believe what I turned into: I was walking around the classroom, all day long, telling horrible children how special they were and when they were failing, academically, I was at nauseum telling them how smart they were. All teachers were given a 2-page sheet on different compliments (there were about 100 of them) to repeatedly say to all students, everyday, even the horrible ones: "Good try, but not quite there, keep going and I'll give you a piece of candy."
It got to the point that I was driven crazy, that I was telling students who completed 1 math problem out of 10, how amazing they were and I actually set up the "Credit, No Credit" system of grading. One problem finished = Credit. More Credits at the end of the grading period = A.
Giving vacant compliments is not what true self-esteem is about though. That is more like a "feel good" movement parading as "self-esteem." You're right: horrible children should not be told how great they are. Instead, they should HEAR how horrible they are, but then get pointed in the direction of improving that. Whether they do or not is a whole other issue though.
If I was told that everything you do is great, then my ego would be very overinflated and I probably wouldn’t be able to takes criticism very well. Growing up learning and improving is part of life
"Great managers lack emotional intelligence" another brutal but true quote
I say that a good manager is suppose to make sure a business functions under the principle of a system or model. To which no emotional intelligence or rather care need be involve. The end is to get the job done and sometimes it's by any means.
@@ThyReturner Well Steve Jobs couldn't have done it any better in your opinion then 🙃🙃🙃🧐🤫🤔
What if you manage people? If you not take into account their needs and place them where they are best suited then they are likely to leave.
@@MUFFINHEAD1985 In reality though, the majority of people who work for a living have a specific set of skills and nearly always slot in and do whatever needs doing, regardless of the manager. The 'best' managers (not necessarily the nicest) simply communicate what needs doing within a given timescale and then analyse whether certain members of staff are falling short. The worst-performing managers spend too much time worrying about the emotional well-being of their staff instead of staff performance, and poor performance is left unchecked as a result.
It's not pleasant but it's the truth. If an employee finds a manager too strict they tend to leave, and eventually a new employee comes along with a thicker skin and everything's fine.
Personally I always preferred working for a strict manager to a friendly manager, back when I was an underling. It meant my co-workers were kept on their toes and I could do my job properly as a result.
MUFFINHEAD1985 leadership and management are two different things. One can be both a leader and a manager, or just one, or neither. Managing a business has to do with the logistics. Leading a business has to do with the people skills.
This is probably what it's like in his bathroom every morning when he's getting ready for his day.
I do that constantly
looking in the mirror like "It's not clear to me that you're going to have a good day. And really, who the bloody hell are you to just assume you're going to have a good day, when you haven't even confronted your own capacity for malevolence in the day ahead? You know, you could be an absolute monster for all you know. And so, you might say to yourself, 'well I'm just gonna act as if God exists, and that he would want me to bring my most... productive manifestation of my inherent need to climb the lobster hierarchy... into the day ahead of me. And so, that's GOOD. Like, YES, that is something that actually exists. Or at the very least, it's going to be more likely to give you a day that isn't entirely filled with malevolent nihilism and anger at the world for the utter tragedy of existence."
Then his wife knocks on the door: "what are you doing in there hun?"
Jordan: "I'm uh.. taking a shit!"
@@tomoakley760 Damn bro, now that I've read it, it seems like he would actually do that.
@@tomoakley760 I have a friend who's a CEO of big company in Finland who does something very similar to this every day. He has chronic depression and he does it in a way that is passive-aggressive towards himself in order to intensify his seek for accomplishment and not take his life. He's 38 and he's been doing it for 15+ years now and my God does it work!
OMG 😂😂😂
Im trying to imagine how amazing it was for people to be taught by a teacher with such wisdom and passion.
I have been always confused when people talk about self-esteem.
Thank you JP, I have never, ever, ever bought the bullshit lie that a bully suffers from low self-esteem. It's so counter intuitive and demonstrably false, it's insulting.
Considering all the kids that bullied me were confident and popular, I too call "BS" on the low self esteem theory. I think bullying is a sad effort to try and make the reality match their view of themselves. They think they're great and they're going to prove it.
Well, I think it depends. Yes, most bullies are probably sociopathic or narcissistic or some such thing, but in my observation it isn't always the case. Growing up, I saw the kid whose father liked to smack him around and degrade him turn around and treat the other kids in the neighborhood the same way. I myself was aggressive toward weaker kids when my parents were going through a divorce, but got better when I felt better.
@@TheRisky9 I think bullies have high ego but low self esteem.In other words they don't like themselves
@@nihilistcentraluk442 Exactly. It depends on what we mean by self-esteem. I don't believe that bullies have a high regard for their inner selves, their feelings, their weaknesses, their vulnerabilities -- in short, for anything other than their narcissistic self-image. If praising your own BS image of yourself is what is meant by "self-esteem," sure, bullies probably have it. But I don't think they actually value their own selves, in the sense of having healthy boundaries, a good sense of their core self, etc.
a narcissist has a very low view of themselves and feed their ego by damaging and controlling others. this is where this false sense of confidence comes from.
When I'm humble, polite or kind, people sometimes say I have low self-esteem. So I hate self-esteem. I don't know self-esteem. I don't need self-esteem. I don't care self-esteem.
히팝 well, being humble and failing to acknowledge your strengths aren’t the same thing. If lots of people say that about you they might be on to something
@@rexlundstrom2333 Ok, many years ago I was so humble and weak cuz I couldn't express my inconvenience. But now I can express my inconvenience and demand my right. Thus these people have been diminished. Now I can be a devil or an angel at will.
🌹 I’m like that too..
@Cody Ikigai ❤️
Well self esteem is not that. Maybe you have low self esteem but it certainly does not equate to kindness or being polite.
To me, emotional intelligence is understanding emotions and understanding how to deal with emotions whether thats your own or the other person's emotions.
And that .. is a great trait
Maybe it means just not being led around by your emotions and have them under control.
Yeah, but if you think about it, a person with high IQ could figure out what other people feel and how to deal with their own and others emotions by doing some deductions of other people, the environment and themselves (as long as they don't have any underlying mental condition like autism or neurosis)
@@granny58 Thats exactly right
@@sebastianwhite9725 Naah dawg it dont work like that. IQ and EQ are 2 very different things
@@Amir-iz8eh but why?
I have done 2 units of psychology for my law degree and the fact that I understand everything he talk about is freaking me out 😂
Me too lol
😂😂😂😂😂
Sometimes better not to understand 🤣🤣🤣
I was wondering last night if & how many psychology courses are required to become a lawyer. If so, what topics were mandatory...
Yeah... He's speaking English... Psychology isn't hard.
Your field is being rapidly autonomized. Congrats on your obsolete degree/career, I sincerely hope you have a backup plan.
"Sometimes, having low self-esteem is just good common sense"
I think that's a quote from the movie Spanglish
@Guybrush Threepwood Insightful.
Garbage movie
@@buffoonustroglodytus4688 garbage movie but great insight
@@buffoonustroglodytus4688 I don't know, I enjoyed it.
Couldnt disagree more.
I was bullied a lot up to the age of 10. I would say that my insecurity was possibly the main precursor. I then learned how to fight and the attitude needed to handle confrontation. I became a bully mainly verbally. Then I stopped because I remembered how it made me feel. So empathy plus confidence and ability made me a better person
Being bullied can build character. Over coming adversity can be a positive experience.
I've been down that same road. It wasn't until I too started bullying that I finally understood the process. It made me better and taught me more about human nature.
Andy Hodson
I love what you did. Very good.
Same here bud same age and everything
Same here bud same age and everything
Emotional intelligence: The capacity to be aware of, control and express ones emotions.
In what way does that equal agreeableness?
well, if we agree that they are equal then it is. (more srsly, Those trained in emotional intelligence seem to get along better, thats agreeableness, so hes saying, hey these ppl that you call have emotional intelligence, they are just agreeable! --- ofc as it is about inner peace = self control as well and other things like empathy used for social manipulation then it depends on what angle you think it is more related about). He would just say the term is wrong as it is not an intelligence, but a set of different tools you use towards a goal. Its like IQ vs scientific thought, it is not scientific, or academic intelligence
Emotional intelligence: I choose when i ignore things.
Ever since my daughter was born, I wanted her to have "good self-esteem" but to see that as connected to your contribution according to ability. Even as a baby she came with me to volunteer in the dementia ward - people who were otherwise comatose would come alive with a baby in their arms.
So.... If you want to feel good about yourself, be a person worth feeling good about.
❤❤❤👍
I did the same and now she Is conceited narcistic bully
@@anavonrebeur6121 I was just thinking, hell, if I found out my parents did that with me I'd be a serial killer now
@@anavonrebeur6121 Did you provide her with a smartphone and allow her to create social media accounts at a young age?
@@Sisterlisk never. She Is 30 now. No smart phones in the 90's
This is very dangerous:
if you attach your self esteem on what others say you're worth than this is not self-esteem at all and will lead to a desolate, opportunistic, insecure personality, unhappiness and desparation.
Volvox but if it's detached from feedback from your environment and what other people say then that's not self-esteem either, that will lead to delusion, isolation, and self-centered behaviors.
@@austinjrb there is no "others" in "self-esteem". It is a feeling of being accepted deeply by the cosmos, a realization that "because you exist you are already good". You don't need to have anything, to be anything, to be able to do anything. You mere existence gets a 👍🏻 from the universe itself.
You are talking about feedback from others for your actions or what you have, which is important (although you should pick those persons wisely whom you trust with feedback). But this is more like a regulatory thing on which you can base society on so people can cooperate in a meaningful way because you want that water comes out of your faucet. Self-esteem is a different pair of shoes.
Volvox I don’t see at all how the “cosmos” or whatever you even mean with that can give you a thumbs up on your existence.
And I further don’t see why you should value that in any great way towards your self esteem.
In an nihilistic worldview you are just an accident of evolution that happens to be lucky enough to not get killed in an instance and all you face is unavoidable suffering and death.
You better go out there and find some real value to prepare yourself for whatever suffering happens to you in the future. Without a decent basis of motivation and meaning in life people tend to commit suicide.
The Bible might be the best start there is. J.B made some good lectures on that.
@@Serenity5460 I don't understand you. You talk about nihilism and then about a meaningful life and then the bible. Where do you stand?
Volvox
I think from my personal experience and the arguments given by William lane Craig and others that a personal God exists and that Jesus rose from the death.
I just wanted to point out that trusting the positivity of the cosmos about your existence might be a little bit shallow to be able to speak of self esteem.
And I believe that people who don’t have a sound foundation regarding things like this could quickly struggle in their lives when it becomes difficult.
I personally think very bad about myself, and righteously so, when I am not doing anything meaningful over a couple of days. I encourage us to search and work for what’s meaningful and important to each of us individually and not to lay back on a simple excuse for our existence.
The act of perusing what’s meaningful is the main way to increase your self esteem.
I appreciate you, bro. Not for the answer's you give, but for the questions you raise.
Self Esteem is real. I know that because it's the only thing that keeps me going. I work hard. I go running and do weights every day. Don't drink or do drugs. I class myself as a productive, law abiding, conservative minded citizen and I can hold my head high against anybody who thinks they are somehow better than me. It may all be self delusion but the feeling of pride is very real.
watch the video again & listen closely what he says
One of the most wholesome and influential voices on the internet.
But he sounds like kermit the frog 🤣🤣
He is and he also sounds like Saul Goodman.
Self esteem is not the problem... but treeting each other in a respectful way brings the best out of everyone.
3:30 : "As a human being, you're valuable" well, it was enough for me to cry a little
The key for me is my self esteem revolves around how I treat people and the decisions I make.
preach
Yes, I am the same way, which was why I struggled with self-hatred as a teenager. You see, I was sexually assaulted, and because I didn't tell the perpetrator to stop, I felt partially responsible for what happened to me. I thought that I was a disgusting piece of garbage because of "my actions." Yes, that's an extreme example, but it is a true story.
So, no, I disagree. I think basing your opinion of yourself on your actions and how you treat others is NOT always a good thing. The same rings true for those who have undiagnosed hidden disabilities who don't understand themselves. How about instead, we encourage others to unconditionally forgive themselves and to feel good about who they are (not necessarily their actions) in an unconditional way because that's how real love and acceptance work. All life has value, not just the lives of some.
There's no self steem, there's confidence in your skills. If your skills suck, having confidence does nothing.
spot on
But when your skills suck having confidence that you can cope is self esteem
Doesnt apply in socialising, getting into peak state etc.
self esteem and being confident are two completely different things. Also realizing that your skills suck and being okay with it means you're comfortable with being uncomfortable, which is one of the factors of having high self esteem
This has made so much sense to me but it’s left me with a question I can’t answer. If anyone has anything to offer, please do.
What is there to do, then, when you are chronically ill, with a disease that affects the CNS; the brain and spine. My body no longer works and my cognitive function is shot to pieces. Being able to write is rare. Having a conversation almost impossible.
I meditate. I rely on spirituality and try to derive meaning from simply existing - ‘being’ as opposed to ‘doing’, but I’m drowning in negativity.
FINALLY, I understand why! It was a LONG journey to try to derive my self esteem from something other than my skills - but it hasn’t worked since I lost the new skills I replaced my able skills with.
I feel like my existence is nothing more than a drain on resources, I’m scared to ‘bother people’ and so have withdrawn. This is further from ‘me’ - the real me - than I could ever have imagined.
But I haven’t got a clue, not-a-clue, what to do about it.
It’s similar to the ‘love yourself’ cliche. How do we step outside of ourselves to do that? The pressure of loving ourselves causes anxiety because somehow if we don’t meet that expectation we have let ourselves down. We’ve failed. If we focus on liking ourselves then that’s an achievable goal.
Your definition of love needs to be refined. To love oneself is to nurture your existence, and to recognize that your existence is a gift from God that requires gratitude.
@@philipb5014 Sometimes a gift, other times a cruel joke.
Maybe a more nuanced concept of self-love should be spread.
Love is wanting the best for someone.
If you love yourself, then you will discipline yourself. Because self-discipline is doing, repeating, or reflecting on the things that are good for you, and avoiding, preventing, and critiquing the things that are bad for you. (Critique is not directly synonymous to criticize. Critiquing is an objective analysis, argumentation, and challenge to an idea etc.)
If you love yourself, you will stick with yourself through thick and thin. There is no promise of no suffering or finding meaning, but you will always stand by yourself and believe that you can become better. Even if you are your worst enemy, you should understand that you can redeem yourself with standards that you set for yourself which are actually based on unflinching humane, loving, truthful, transformative and nonviolent/peace-inclined morals.
As Jordan Peterson puts it: "Treat yourself as if you're someone you are responsible for". If you are responsible for someone, then it means you must value them in some way regardless of their flaws; not forced, self-serving, hypocritical, evil, deceitful or shallowly conferred responsibility, among other possible forms of responsibility. To add my words onto that: "Treat yourself as if you're someone you care for. Every time you have been honest with yourself about your own flaws and moral failures and have gone to the lengths of overcoming them, be willing to treat yourself with respect. As long as that respect and admiration is grounded in good works and true, life-giving meaning. A carrot and a stick. Balance both."
It's like being a truly excellent and compassionate parent who also always does the right thing (and avoids the wrong, unwise things) than the easy thing because you want the best for the always growing you.
For me, a middle class worker, self-esteem is about how I evaluate my own self worth. Even if I am a minimum wage worker, I can have a positive view of myself while I am attempting or even struggling to improve my lot in life. I can have an objective and positive view because of my willingness, and in spite of my disappointment, to attempt to be better at life.
I can accept myself while being honest with all my flaws and shortcomings.
Self esteem suffers as a term due to the many ways it's defined. Psychologists have also failed to define gender dysphoria and now we have a tidal wave of genders. The same with racism and sexism.
I've watched him a lot and it's kinda interesting to see him age like fine wine off of what he's gone through since these old videos. Long live Dr. Peterson.
Self-esteem, to me, is a synonym for self-love. If someone is loving towards himself then he will continuously keep improving himself!!
However, if someone thinks he is the BEST and he is better than others, that an egoic mindset, that's a vanity, pride, false self, and is never loving towards himself, deep inside he hates himself because he knows that he is not what he always trying to prove to people. Ego is not self-esteem. Ego mind is destructive, self-esteem is supposed to be constructive.
Ali H. Al Hammam love this
Your comment very Zen. Also a Christian concept.
COULDNT AGREE MORE
@@guessdog4871 I am a Muslim though!
@@alih.alhammam1279 Well thats cool. Different religions and denominations can mess people up and divide. Spirituality is universal. I think you're describing humility, which is very powerful and often mistaken for humiliation, which it is not.
The fact that I keep finding more endless videos of this man is a true blessing no matter how old the video is 🙌
I can't imagine how lucky these students feel today. Sooo lucky to have such an incredible mind teach you!
Indeed
Whenever this bloke speaks I find myself involuntarily nodding in agreement.
In my experience, real self-esteem allows you to see your faults and improve because you are not so afraid to lose your worthiness to then hide from your own flaws. Write down positive things that you have honestly observed about yourself and your accomplishments. Your self-esteem will improve and then you will be more courageous to face your faults and improve. You will have better boundaries because you are not afraid to lose validation and people will respect you more so you will then respect them more as well. True acceptance of yourself leads to the ability to accept others.
@@johnkaczmarek2215 Thanks, it all just came from trial and error. Going too much one direction then the other. Being a bit grandiose and detached then a bit self-deprecating and brutally honest with people and myself. Finally I had to admit, I wasn't taught proper self-esteem but in doing so, I realized, part of the reason this was easy to miss is that this is a wide-spread (if not universal) problem on this planet, and what I realized was a damaged self-esteem in myself seemed much better than the average person's. Sad, brutal, painful, reality. Very hard to accept. Easier when we do it together. Learning real history helped me develop a context for the reality of the sociosphere around me. Its not pretty.
Thts awareness
Damn😳⚡
Well said.
Try self-acceptance, instead of self-esteem...it is esteem without entitlement...
To clarify, Jordan doesn't think that these words exists in the sense that they are EMPIRICAL PHENOMENON. Because in order to have a valid empirical concept, the concept must explain what other concept does not explain. And so his argument is that these phenomenon are explained by already existing phenomenon. Therefore they do not exist in an EMPIRICAL sense.
And for those who whine about that bullies does not have low esteem.... He is referring to a leading scientist in the area. It's not his personal opinion, it is what the data indicates...
you have to agree though, psychology isnt exactly the field where you can point to hard empirical evidence
I agree. But do you think that because of that, we might as well open up for speculation based on experiences and personal opinions?
@@ljung4ever1 My question exactly! Seems obvious that, if absolutes are nowhere to be found, uncovering the overwhelming tendencies at least gives us better odds of predictability than just going on horse sense.
Kaui AhSing-Gray haha I agree completely!
@@rogersyversen3633 not true. The existence of bad psychology doesn't preclude the existence of rigorous, empirical psychological science. Just like the existence of alchemy doesn't undermine chemistry and homeopathy doesn't undermine empirical modern medicine.
"Maybe you're a miserable, little worm." I want to use this insult sometime.
I already do :)
Emotional intelligence is self awareness and execution and regulating of thoughts and emotions when the goal is not to get frazzled in conflicting situations. It's not about giving in to others its about staying on course in a cool manner.
To much self-esteem or self-love gives way to narcissism.
narcissist have no self esteem just mask fragile ego
lol
Narcissists mask their lack of self-worth through the employment of a grandiose and downright delusional persona, a false-self. They're all deeply traumatized individuals who weren't taught the appropriate coping mechanisms to deal with adversities in early and late childhood due to neglectful and/or overprotective parents.
But not clinical narcissism.
Seems like no one understood what JP actually said here. He didn't say narcism and self esteem are the same. He said it could be that self esteem training on schools doesn't work and can lead to narcism because its unrelated to the pupils actions.
Self esteem is real but it happens mostly early in life and comes from parents and other mentors. Peterson is bothered by how ACADEMIA has handled self esteem and this is a very valid argument. Unfortunately, he trashes and tears the whole thing down because his audience likes that approach better rather than any difficult subtlety.
I used to rush to his defense as well to explain away all kinds of inconsistencies he produces with established psychological concepts. But if you take a step back, you'll agree that if you have to invest a ton of work to twist what a person says into sounding right, that's a red flag. If you read Fromm or Kohut you will find a concept of narcissism that's widely accepted and worked with in clinical settings today. Peterson never ever talks about "real" psychodynamics. I doubt he understands it, judging from what he says here.
@fynes leigh read fromm
@fynes leigh If you scroll up in this comments sub-section, you will find that I am perfectly able to express myself in your language.
Thanks. I'm glad someone else caught that
This man always bends my mind, I understand, then I don’t understand, then I need to listen to it again ! Brilliant 😊😁
Stay humble and grateful. Work on your weaknesses. Don't get a big head from your progress or your failures will harm you. Pride comes before the fall. I remember hearing someone say "you can only do what your capable of... and less." Meaning your accomplishments only seem extraordinary when compared to other people or you're former self, but the reality is, you're only doing what your capable of. Stay humble
I love that he's asking several questions about these concepts, what they mean, how are they useful, etc. These are not straight forward, as he says, and he's letting his audience think about it
I view emotional intelligence as how to be more intelligent about your emotions (why are you emotional) or how to manage your own emotion. It’s proved very helpful for me personally.
obibear123 I agree. Using your intelligence to manage your emotions as best as you can.
That has a name already I believe, self-regulation or conscientiousness
@@Dante820 Neurotic people are conscientiousness, while Emotional Intelligence correlates negatively with neuroticism but not conscientiousness.
It includes diverse traits: its about understanding, recognising and managing your emotions/thoughts in order to guide your behaviour towards a goal/purpose. So it's more about understanding biases, being in control of you inner self so that you don't get influenced by automatic thoughts and emotions, thus having an optimal behavior towards your motivations.
It's basically the Noble Eightfold Path and the same thing Marco Aurelius says in Meditations; having such understanding of your inner life at the point that things in the external world almost don't affect you, it's about accepting death, time, and our ego-sense of self.
Anti-neuroticism.
@Hel low Wouldn't that be just a facet of your standard intelligence? Like you are applying your intelligence into these introspective fields, call them spirituality, inner balance, mind discipline, or whatever, in order to improve your response to certain situations and overall improve yourself by understanding or being more aware of the mechanisms in your brain and mind that makes you react the way you react, feel the way you feel, etc, and hopefully change them for the better?. So I'd argue that what you get out of applying your intelligence on these topics is 'emotional wisdom', or just better knowledge of one self. But all of which you described are attributes of intelligent people imo, just plain intelligent or at least interested in improving emotional conduct or achieving a deeper sense of knowledge and control of the ego. I don't imagine a dumb (relative to the IQ/standard type of intelligence) person getting all introspective and insightful over this, but I do from someone who is at least slightly above average, or simply curious about this, maybe you call this 'curiosity' or tendency towards these activities, emotional intelligence, then we would agree basically cause that's just how you choose to name this attribute, although we should know the correlation between standard intelligence and interest in spirituality or em. int., how much is from a positive correlation with IQ and how much is a proclivity caused by personality aside from intelligence (if that makes any sense cause I guess intelligence is highly correlated with personality).
Jordan Peterson is like the weather man,he’ll cover everything,it’s a going to be a sunny day with a cloud cover and a chance of rain
This speech is a GENIUS move in hiding low self esteem (due to either less talent in automatic facial recognition or a lack of will to engage with the public openly in a mutuallylistening way )
he’s such a goofy genius i love it
Genius? Lol
@@soulwaves20000 his current influence is unmatched, if he wasn’t unique, anyone could do what he does.
@@travis6694 haha trying to sound smart
@@soulwaves20000 sounds smarter than you
@@xanderisloading8310 ohhhh good one !
The more i am watching videos showing this man in action the better i understand how a genius looks like ! Thank God there are people like him teaching otherwise the chance of us becoming better would be not existent . Even though it's been few decades late for me i am happy for the new generations that have the privilege to study under the constant care of Jordan.B. Peterson !!!!
The part about bullies was spot on. I knew a girl at work that used to make fun of people's appearances.
I said to her one day well you must just think you are the epitome of perfection to find everyone so imperfect! She didn't disagree 🤣
Lmao, I kinda like the ppl like that, except for the making fun of other ppl, that's kinda lame
But that's not self-esteem...
@@GeekWingChunvery few beautiful people bullie or criticise others' appearance.
He just Confirmed what i always knew, so true, love it, i wish more people can hear this
1:32 this is Jordan's brain kicking in, a sign of a great lecture coming!
Perfectly spoken and shown by sharing! Thank you, Shasta
absolutely brilliant--- ONE CANNOT HELP TO LISTEN TO THIS GENIUS.
Self esteem was the biggest lie told to me as a child and drastically effected my adolescent growth. I felt very lost in life and questioned why I didn't have better self esteem and couldn't identify it so I assumed I didn't have self esteem at all. Which made an impressionable depressed teen even more depressed. I was confident in myself but was told it wasnt the same as self esteem so I didn't have a leg to lean on in the end except to cope
Self esteem might be like the dunning kruger effect. The less you know the more you think you know it all.
So if you have a deep knowledge of how good and bad you can be it become very hard to place yourself on the spectrum or you might have a thougher judgement on yourself because you are aware of all the good you missed to do.
Psychopaths have high self esteem because they see the world like a horse who has side vision blinds so they are efficient at certain things like walking in high stress place since they wont be bothered by things normal people see, but basically they have no vision about what it means to be good so they wont think bad of themselves for not being good since they have no idea what it really means.
*"The Offspring" has left the chat*
high ego calls for high self esteem. High self esteem calls for entitlement. When reality doesn't meet entitlement, then you have narcissistic collapse. Funny to watch and it happens every time.
High ego’s stem from low self esteem or low self worth. It’s a compensating mechanism to cover up the low self identity.
@@travis6694 I disagree
@@granny58 good argument? I guess lol
Jesus christ dude if I can put into words how much and to the degree I see this in women i know in real life 💀
@@travis6694 I want to add on top of that. Same goes for dictators. They have no power over something. So what do they do? Work with the resources they have always known. Which is a high selfesteem/arrogancy not staying truthfull to themselves, lying about who they are towards others (because than people will listen and follow).
But in the end its just an illusion to make them feel better and secure about their traumas from the past (f.e. high authority in family - a baby/child suffers because of that - later on the child become high authority towards others because he/she only wanted to be accepted by their parents and still unsubconscouisly wants it.)
This is how narcisism and other trauma compensations are born. In the end its just a complicated freeze fight or flight method which is embedded in the big brain over the years.
"It's not that they're feeling about themselves when they're pounding you out, they're feeling bad about you!"
I don't know why I found that so hilarious 😂
Because it's nonsense lol
btw he doesnt mean they feel sympathy for you, he means they feel negative emotions likely anger, about you, but not negative emotions about themselves
Finally, truth.
Upon talking to my coworkers they wondered why I had high self esteem. I thought that was strange because I didn't think about esteem or self esteem. After talking to about seven of them I discovered they focused on what people thought of them frequently during the day and as they entered a room or when they come to work. I thought that was interesting because I focused on how others are doing and the work I have to do, never myself or how I looked to others. I noticed my coworkers were shocked when I said that. I was asked whether or not I ever thought about myself during the the day? I said no. They found that strange. The lesson I learned: Confidence is developed by learning from your failures, achieving successes, and caring for others not by wondering what others think of you. Most of the time you are wrong, so don't bother.
Well written, it's goes with that quote about "thinking of yourself less, not less of your self"
Self-esteem is most usefully defined as how well a person regards himself by his own standards. If your self-esteem is low, you can raise it either by lowering your standards, or improving your behavior. If your standards for yourself are unreasonably high, you will never live up to them and therefore suffer from poor esteem. If your standards are too low, you can easily develop high self-esteem, but it will do your relationships no good. The self-esteem movement was based on lowering the children's standards for self-admiration. Raising children to be the best versions of themselves they can be naturally produces higher self-esteem, and is not a new idea.
Arthur Serino so then JP is full of shit on this one?
People's tendency to view themselves positively or negatively is often more deeply rooted in their built-in personality (i.e. the levels of neuroticism and extraversion they're born with), not simply the standards they're taught. One cannot simply teach a child out of the personality ingrained in his genetic makeup.
Did you even watch the video? You don't sound like you're addressing the content.
Is it really that easy? My low self esteem came from inferior features in me that I can't fix.
@@7JLindo I'm just confused at how you can talk about self-esteem being a thing, when JP explicitly says it doesn't exist. How can it not exist and yet have a discussion about it existing?
@@drmalex87 Gee, I guess you're right. I guess I've also never been able to talk about unicorns or Mjolnir or King John II. It's like hypotheticals and imaginatives are totally unspeakable.
This is so much fun to think about. Makes me consider furthering my education.
Hi thanks for referencing the original video. I watched yours but definitely want to keep listening! You're the BESTS!
Love this guy. It's kinda refreshing to hear someone preach reality for a change.
I had two work bullies who had disproportionately high self-esteem. They were some of the dumbest people I’d ever met, but treated me like I was stupid. It always confused me what they had to feel good about themselves for.
That's the thing with bullies, they think they're so smart or cool or whatever for absolutely no reason.
"Go the hell outside!" Perfect for young children, LoL
I have always thought. I have very low self esteem, but perseverance and positive outlook. It has helped me a lot to try to become better and I still have tons to do.
Social activists have learned from experience that it's easier to get programs funding if they don't rigorously check whether they work, and instead just appear for support based on emotion. Actual testing of things like teenage behavior improvement programs often backfires. So the standard is now to assume your plan works as long as it's feel-good, ask for money based on emotion, NEVER measure your outcomes, and hide behind privacy concerns to stop anybody else from measuring them. Nobody wants to be in the position of the DARE program, which survived (somehow) despite being studied.
It depends on how you are interpreting the concept of self-esteem. I relate to the Nathaniel Branden concept: he suggests that high self-esteem is a "practice", meaning the continuous exercising of increasing your responsibility, assertiveness, acceptance, purpose, consciousness and personal integrity. Self-esteem is indeed built on these 6 pillars and where any of them is frail, then self-esteem also is lacking.
As for JP, Nathaniel too tought that the majority of the literature related to self-esteem was bullshit. This is why you should be very cautious in deciding whether to base your self-development on increasing your self-esteem.
But despite this, I really like Nathaniel teachings, that I think is also fully aligned with JP ones.
Bro stfu
for me self- esteem is me stopping hating myself and feeling worthless. i used to see myself lower than my peers cuz they were social and outgoing and i was the opposite. also i didn’t believe in my skills and abilities when i was at the university. i doubted myself so much. after a lot of years of searching i finally came to terms with myself started accepting the person i see in the mirror .so i think i found self-esteem (or whatever this is)
in the same boat, hope i will be where you are
Same boat too
If you have high self esteem without behavior worthy of esteem, I think you're living in self delusion. If you behave well, than you shouldn't beat yourself down without cause IMO.
But the truth still stands, you need to grant yourself the right to exist, just like everybody else. You simply participating doesn't warrant any merit. If you want self esteem, do something to EARN it
@@Snazzy12341Doesn’t everyone have the right to exist when they are born?
Didn’t you watch the damn video? What you had is just high neuroticism. You’re probably female considering your pfp, is so that explains it all. Females are more neurotic and young females are the most neurotic females, teens and early adulthood, then if you’re lucky you get more balanced as you grow older. It’s not “self esteem”
The fact that people are going, "this is what emotional intelligence means to me..." shows that it doesn't exist.
Well only that there is no rigorous and standard definition of it. However social/ emotional intelligence might very well be worth to be defined in such a manner. It might be the ability to understand social dynamics (a lot of high IQ people have no intuition for this), but also to feel nuanced and deep emotions. Latter is crucial for art and also can't really be equated with IQ. The question arises: How do we measure such things? Maybe i am ignorant but to me this isn't clear.
You could say that about any statement.
Jordan Peterson himself redifines words all the time and tells us what they mean to him eg Marxism, God, an entire biblical leture series telling us his subjective interpretation of the bible.
Does that mean that his subjective rationality and morality doesnt exist either?
I have never got along with anyone who told me I need to "work on my self esteem" or "be more optimistic." Go figure.
YMMV - however attitude transforms experience. Witness Victor Frankl's experience in the Holocaust of Nazi-occupied Europe.
If Peterson can refer to this, he can not dismiss the 'Logos' which is essentially the meaning that can give one the impetus and the power to overcome virtually anything ("Man's Search For Meaning ." )Tell me that's not optimism or faith. A pessimistic person in the death camps or the ghettoes, seeing their families taken away may have just killed themselves. Dr. Frankl become more free than his captors. It deserves reckoning.
@@j_freed
That's not self-esteem nor optimism *at all.* That's MEANING.
T'was an old username. - I'm not sure you read the book, because Man's Search was about the overcoming of the almost inescapable sense of hopelessness and despair (pessimism) through meaning (he calls this Logotherapy.)
Optimism and meaning appear to be sides of one coin.
Self esteem means how you feel about yourself, good or bad. It has always been there they just gave it a word
Same can be said about your face
Being less sensitive to disgust is exactly what we call emotional intelligence, atleast here in Brazil. Using your rationality to supress your emotions and staying in controll, being able to handle crazy emotional things and still being able to act as a human being instead of like an animal going berserker. So it is exactly as he described in the end and I do believe it is indeed related to the G factor.
I admire Peterson a lot and I have learned a lot with him, but I disagree about the self steem part. Self steem is totally related with happiness and it is not about accepting who you are no matter how shit you are, that is being delusional and you can't lie to yourself forever and truly. You will eventually become narcissistic if you keep trying and you will get affected by any negative feedback feeling it almost like a death threat... You should picture who you should ideally be, how a role model you should be, in a realistic way (or like he usually says, find the hardest task/mission and strive to accomplish it) and you should enjoy when you are advancing towards it, prideful of being able to do it and admiring yourself for it. When you are deriving from it, then you should realize you are not being who you could and should be and therefore there is not much for you to like in yourself, because that is reality and you can't be happy denying it and trying to escape it.
Being happy is also not about lots of pleasures or more pleasure than displeasures. If that was the case, you would never see miserable and suicidal depressive huge rock stars immersed on drugs changing the chemistry in their brain making then feel good, with a lot of women and all the money in the world. Happynes happens when you love yourself for the values you acquired through effort done to making you more close to what you ideally think you should and could be. Than you start feeling good about yourself, even if you are having displeasures or avoiding some small pleasures. The feedback that your brain gives you in such situations worths way more than any or summed momentaneous pleasures you might have.
Also, I tested bullies a lot of times, and after talking a little bit with them I always found behind it someone who were overcompensating frustrations, pretending they were truly thinking they were great. But they were never engaging into meaningful relationships or amazing challenge projects, not because they really thought they were any better, but because there were always defensive mechanisms that he was avoiding being dumped by a girl (so they were treating woman like objects and "consuming" one after the other and dumping her before she could dump him) or saying they are to good to do something and being bossed, because they couldn't stand criticism revealing they aren't as good as they think/pretend they are (they became narcissistic as I said above).
Interestingly people I know describe "emotional intelligence" as different, almost the opposite. I think they meant a certain empathy, with understanding. I always thought it strange if they mention EQ...because it's intelligence it should be IQ or EIQ. I don't like the vagueness surrounding emotional intelligence. What you describe sounds like stoicism.
Words have often become too slippery so that people fill it in their own way...
What you describe about bullies in particular sounds spot on. Bullies are not happy and need something to feel better about themselves. Psychology remains slippery because you can't truly capture thoughts from people, those are private. I suppose there is real self esteem and pretended self esteem and the studies Peterson describes looked at the surface (since you can't truly know one's thoughts), simply how people would say they think about themselves. But apparently there were other studies that were able to detect narcissism...that's where you learn their self esteem is out of touch.
Not reading all that
@@undefined167 why did you feel the need to point that out....? strange
I was thinking this today and then found this video... definitely supports what I was thinking.
Every description ive heard of emotional intelligence is more or less a synonym for ability to regulate emotions which is absolutely real and definitely has an effect on the world
Sounds like being low in neuroticism
@@Inuyashasoy thats a fair assessment, id still say its not a case of one exists while others are fake and more a case of various ways of saying the same thing
I think jordan is wrong about this aswell. But the problem is probably linguistics. When he talks about emotional intellegence he is probably talking about how most people think about it. Being empathetic and nurturing etc. Scienetific meaning ei is about how you process and communicate emotions which is completepy different. What most people should think about when it comes to emotional intellegence is a diplomat who doesnt let his emotions get inthe way of his goals rather than a mother who would do anything for her baby. its a part of being a mature person. And i do believe world would work much more efficiently if everyone had the ability to be able to feel their emotions in ways that it will not cause more conflict than necessary.
The best way to treat neuroticism is with mindfulness as far as I can tell in my own experience. After years of practice I’m finally seeing some very positive changes in myself.
The way you explain things in this is great !!!!!!!
1:10 this was me from a very young age, learned a lot by abolishing most drastic emotions🤙🏻
Self esteem doesn’t exist. It’s all about self acceptance. Accept your imperfections.
Only accept your imperfections if there is nothing you could reasonably do to change them. If you can change them, do it.
Accept them, then change them. It's like getting rid of a vice. First you have to acknowledge, then you have to fight your while life not to indulge in it.
What a fucking dumb thing to say
Self-Esteem is Pride. Pride can be self deciet. Inaccurate perception of yourself will ruin relationships. Biblically pride is a sin.
Biblically self esteem is total wickedness. To think anything good about who you are by nature is antithesis from the Gospel and completely denies Total Depravity
@@w.tibbsclemens636!!!!!! Wow
Self-esteem is not pride. Self-esteem may sometimes encompasses pride. But they are not the same. Thinking that u are right is also self deceit. And defeat. No winners there. R u in a biblical relationship?
w. tibbs clemens The only thing that's Totally Depraved is your intellect
How could anyone talk about pride and self deceit with a name like "I wish I was wrong" lol
From the beginning of my relationship with my husband, we did a lot of discussions and research in getting to know each other's characteristics and behaviours. We did those personal traits exams, emotional intelligence, IQ tests and so on. After those things with some of our fights and arguments, he then told me that I have low self-esteem and an average of emotional intelligence. From those feedbacks, I took those comments seriously and it actually lead me to discover more of myself, my hidden potentials and it even help me to improve more on realizing who is really ME(inside and outside), not just being a partner to my husband but also being a flawed human.
I’m not convinced about bullies having high self esteem. I’ve seen too many cases of bullies being bullied. I myself was a bully in grade school and I was bullied at home. I had a really low self esteem. But I guess in some ways I over-inflated myself to try to make up for the lack.
Try reading the specialist he indicates in this theme. Heś very good!