Jordan Peterson - How To Know When To End A Relationship
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- čas přidán 30. 04. 2024
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Chris and Jordan Peterson discuss the signs to look out for to end a relationship. What does Jordan Peterson reccomend someone look out for? Which signs are the biggest red flags according to Jordan Peterson?
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@@wamburakimani7422u ok 😅
This conversation was great and i laughed loud. Thank you Jordan l.
The most exhausting thing in a relationship is someone who avoids conflict at all costs.
Uh oh
The most exhausting thing in a relationship is someone who thinks they understand conflict
Do men avoid conflict more than women or does it depend on the personality type (extrovert/introvert, something else..)?
Create a safe space for conflict to disagree Author Amy Edmondson right kind of wrong
Usually the ones who create conflict in the first place are the ones who avoid it at all cost. At least in my experience. Then they shoot the messenger for exposing them.
My husband is my best friend. We went through hell and back but made rules in the beginning to maintain each other’s dignity. Did we sometimes slip up? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes. But we always apologized and took accountability. Sometimes it took time and we needed to separate and give ourselves time to think. Now, we rarely fight but we do have disagreements and we handle them with love and patience. I am always thinking about how I can honor my husband’s love and happiness and him for me. The other day he said to me that we complete each other, followed up with, “we’re like a pie, you’re one half and I’m the other, and we might be two different flavours but when you put us together, we complete the pie!” 😂😂😂
That’s beautiful
Now I want pie haha
How long did you separate for?
what a wholesome sounding relationship ❤
@@luizapaniyan9371 20 mins - 1 hour to give each other space to think, reflect and regulate our emotions.
I’ve come to appreciate the way Jordan Peterson thinks. He gives a conclusion, and walks you through a scenario. But along the way he asks what seem stupid questions like “Do we want our child to be annoying?”. But what he’s doing is always questioning the underlying assumptions and really asking “Are we sure we know what we think we know?”. Fantastic logical process.
I would say he rather dances around the question than answers it.
He is caught between his ideology (and I like his ideology) to work things out or leave an unhealthy relationship.
Everything he said is true, but under the condition that BOTH people in the relationships are caring and respectful to each other.
@@puclopuclik4108it's not his job to answer those questions. That's for every individual himself to do. The important thing is asking the right questions!
@artschiloyan9101 are you for real? Did you ever read the heading of the video?
He was asked simple questions, and he didn't answer it, but he moved the conversation elsewhere.
And yes, it is his job to answer questions, considering he's coaching people to better themselves.
@@puclopuclik4108 nothing in relationships is "simple", much less the issues that come up in them. And you don't coach people by telling them "do this, do that". That's not coaching or teaching, that's giving orders. If you want anyone to learn something, you help them ask questions and come up with answers. That's what Jordan Peterson is so good at and that's what people appreciate him for.
@artschiloyan9101 To know if the relationship has any worth is the most important thing to know.
He is good in self-improvement coaching but terrible relationship adviser.
And he just proved it here by completely ignoring the topic.
A mature relationship between husband and wife is a beautiful thing. Its a perfect example of what good is. The love they have for each other. The peace they have. What they do for each other. The fights then feeling guilty and making up to each other. It just makes us better people when we have a lifetime partner.
😂 ok then why are women ending the relationship 😉
@freegender930 I don't understand your comment. What women?
@@chrisquinn394 Nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by the wife. In addition, over 50% of divorced wives never want to remarry while only about 30% of men express that same sentiment. 💍 😭 💰 🏡 👦👧💀
@@freegender930 so?
@freegender930 yeah I agree you better give up and leave em to me
I tried communicating with her about how she made me feel and she told me to “f****ing man up and stop sharing my feelings.” I didn’t do it in a dramatic way it was very plain and I had no emotion. I spent my relationship trying to get things across to her but she’d always blame me for feeling bad. I changed a lot of myself so much that I couldn’t recognize myself by the end. Then she broke up with me over text while I was a continent away on the most important business trip of my life. I pray for her and I will not give up on seeking a good relationship. You cannot be afraid of the conflict you have to engage in it and if they leave they’re not suitable partners bc they will not look out for the interest of the relationship over themselves.
Dude don’t date a woman like that ever again. Date ones that cares about your feelings.
@@EddyG0rdoI’m sure she wasn’t that toxic at the start. Something happened between them over time.
@@Eqnotalentthat kind of behavior is a reveal of their true character. No decent person ever treats a person they’re supposed to love with such disregard for their wellbeing
@@EddyG0rdo were are they
@@trentirvin2008 apparently buses have a lot of people under them ,,,,,
Just my $0.02 - ask yourself these questions multiple times over an extended period of time rather than just once when you’re emotionally charged.
You’ll answer these questions very differently depending on how things are with you at that very moment.
Wise.
A teacher of mine once told me “you can’t truly love someone they they can’t truly love you, unless you can be your genuine self, the good and the bad presented, and they still love you for who you are.
Thats not quite what JP is saying here.
I think ppl are taking this a bit too seriously, the known saying "if u cant handle me at my worst, u dont deserve me at my best". It has become an excuseflag to act like a dck all the time. No relationship survives this. Handle me at my worst. The constant wish to stay the same person and habits as single person. I even had to change my life and habits for my 4 chicken. Ppl need to realize that for a relationship to work you need to change. You need to swallow things that you wouldnt when single
I liked the tought. Thx for sharing
I married my wife and chose to be with her, not by how in sync we are, (lol we’re often not) but how we got though conflict. She always sought for resolution of “us” rather than just winning. lol a thousand fights is right, especially when kids came along. Thankfully we’re on our 10 years and I can say, in *most* ways we are closer and more “in sync” than we’ve ever been. Of course it’s not perfect, any one who says they have that is probably selling something. But in short, look for someone who can get though the conflict with you (and care about your relationship over his/her own pride) rather than searching endlessly for someone who “clicks” with you in every way.
Solid advice, thank you
Thanks you for the advice, never thought about it that way
But what happens if you're married and committed..... But then you meet that person who you click with in every way. That one you're so in tune with it's beyond scary.
Wonderful advice. This makes me heart a bit sad... all these people around me having 10yr anniversaries and I still haven't found my person to even start the journey with. I wish I had that commitment and friendship from someone. Well done 👏
@@FILTH_87be friends with them, and only friends. They don't have to be romantic and you can't know someone for a year or more. Don't give up something solid to chase chemistry.
7:57
"I'd it's genuine love, you see their hidden soul... You get a glimpse of the light they could reveal to the world. To act in love is to encourage that to come forward and to discourage anything that gets in its way."
Yes but what if the person is now an addict. To have healthy boundaries and not to become co-defendant or so involved with what their going through but to also layover them and hold the space- but then I become the therapist there. Cant ve that in a partnership. I agree - encourage that beautiful est self to come forward. But sometimes, we can’t be in closee partnership where theyre still figuring out what side of addiction they want to be on. Im open to hearing you’re guys’ thoughts on it . Thanks.
Yep! To all of it. Going on 30 years of marriage. We started out great friends, went through many years of learning how to fight for that friendship, until we finally understood the real potential of what this incredible friendship could be. Years of struggling by both of us to stop being selfish and to love, truly love, one another. It’s normal to want to run the hell away and find relief in one’s own selfish needs. But to earn the trust that creates the magic of love, you have to stick it out until you figure it all out. 🌿
How long did it take to get to that point? (Struggling)
How do I distinguish between a "selfish needs" and a genuine desire to live my own life and go after my dreams?
You answered something I have been trying to understand for about three years. I had something like yours and went exactly how you said. Started out as friends, and 6 years later, we decided there was more potential. We loved one another but we both had selfish needs and both of us had this internal state of wanting to run away and we both knew it but did not understand. We did not try to work it out due to distance and being young. I always thought I had issues because I would have these "run away feelings" but realize it's normal, but of course, the lesson here is to push through those feelings and create something greater than you could ever imagine.
@@samstevens9947 Some years were better than others. I’m not sure there’s any kind of set time. For us, it was a process of learning to let go, processing the baggage we brought into our relationship, and understanding each other’s deeper motivations. One of our hurdles was a simple, yet difficult, realization that we fundamentally interacted with others in a really different way. He wanted to include family, friends, and other acquaintances in our marriage and I wanted to be more exclusive. He’s an extravert and I’m an introvert. We thought for many years the other person just didn’t love us enough. It even became a moral issue of he wanted to care about others and I wanted to care and nurture our relationship and family in a more singular way. The realization that we just value different ways of being in the world helped, me especially, to recognize how much happier our relationship could be if he had time with others to shoot the breeze, build connections and networks, outside of our marriage and family, and in turn he gave me special time alone with him each week. It took us years of staying committed to our marriage to find this balance. It was such a simple thing, but it took working through our insecurities and baggage first to see it. I’m not sure why that’s the example that came to me to share with you, but it felt right. I feel for your struggles. They can hurt so much. Just know that if you both want it bad enough and are willing to continue to include prayer and positive belief in your commitment to each other, you can overcome these struggles even when they feel impossible. ❤️
@@madeinhungaria2342 That’s a great question. When you’re in a committed relationship, the difference between selfishness and self-love, at least in my experience, isn’t always straight forward. I think the best measuring tool is how to think about and talk about how much both of you are considering the other person in your dreams, plans, and desires. Do you treat your partner like a valuable part of the equation or are you treating them like an accessory to your plans and needs. Partnership means our plans meld together and we work to support each other’s needs. Selfishness takes and demands, self-love establishes boundaries of love and respect. We all have personal needs, even when you’re trying to make others an important part of your life. The question is, are you giving the love and support you want back from your partner? If you can honestly say their needs matter as much as your own, and you both figure out what those needs are and work to give them to each other, occasional selfishness in the form of taking or expecting too much of the other person, which is going to happen because we’re all imperfect, won’t break the relationship. Did that answer your question? I’m sure there are a lot of ways to look at it, this is just one. ❤️
"My worst breakup was with Stacy. It was Sunday morning, we were reading the paper and I said, 'Oh my God, I think the Eagles could clinch the NFC East!' And she said, 'We’re done'." - Kevin, from The Office
You're annoying me, convince me that it's me and I'll listen .. i love that!!!! You're hurting me, convince me that it's me and I'll listen... i freaking love this. Brilliant
If my partner would really come to me like that I would consider it extremely construed and passive aggressive though...
@@mytelevisionisdeadThere has to be a foundation of trust and a history of honesty and vulnerability as the framework for that kind of discussion.
Peterson and his wife agreed early on their marriage to always tell the truth to one another to the best of their ability, and they both have a disposition where that type of comment would seem genuine to me.
One would have to have trust and a history of sincerity and humility in the relationship for it to be perceived as it was intended.
No, it’s me, here’s a hug😊
I like the way Jordan immediately brings it back to earth, and shows it doesn't have to be perfect to be entirely good. Chris was talking about some ideal relationship where nothing ever is anything less than perfect, and you never catch yourself feeling disappointed. Jordan brings it back to YOU. You have the power to make lemonade out of lemons. You have the power to say, "why am I disappointed? Was what I was secretly hoping for really better than what I have, or what I can make of it?". Etc. I like that. It's two different approaches, but I like that he doesn't give up on the possibility of making it all work out by examining himself.
Your ability to truly listen to your partner, in a way that helps you to understand yourself better is so much more important than trying to convince your partner of your point. That takes true vulnerability and humility.
Being vulnerable requires a trustworthy partner who you trust isn’t taking advantage of you
Yes! Salient point. I've been married for 14 years and I certainly have been guilty of "heard but not _listened"_ (and she has too).
fr, learned that too late 💐
0:03 % Questions to ask yourself if you are unsure about your relationship:
1) If someone told you you're a lot like your partner would this be a compliment to you?
2) are you truly fulfilled or just less lonely?
3) are you able to be unapologetically yourself or do you need to show up differently to please your partner?
4) are you in love with who your partner is right now as a whole or are you only in love with their good side their potential or idea of them?
5) would you want your future or imagined child to date someone like your partner?
1:14, Solution 1:17 1:41 1:53 3:51
2:00 2:14 2:33 2:43 3:03 3:25
4:46
7:31 7:56
9:53 10:55
Epic and brutal truthhoods.
Where did he mention 4)?
Thank you
🫡🇺🇸🇮🇱🇺🇦🇦🇺🏴🇬🇧
Answering these questions myself only further confirmed my genuine love for my partner
JP was my prof when I studied at U o T years ago 2004.I wish I had the sense to listen better. But at least he is no longer being wasted in Sid Smith hall and now belongs to the world. He is a Viking and Christian Saint and I wish he was my father.
Cool. By chance, what percentage south asian was UoT back then?
Two days ago, I decided to end my marriage with a narcissist I've been with since jr high. It took 21 unbearably painful years for me to see what was happening. When it does, you can't unsee it. The person I was ceased to exist to become the person he convinced me I was. Never felt so dead and alive at the same time.
Sad to hear this Melissa praying if you have any children that you would really think about them as you move on.
Congratulations! I am also married to a narcissist. Been 16 yrs. You really mourn when you wake up to the truth that you’ve been in an abusive relationship and that no matter how hard you try you can’t do anything to remedy the situation. Your old self dies as you untangle what was done to your psyche. And you can’t ever go back to the denial and delusions and toxic hope. But that also means you don’t go back to the anxiety and pain and deep loneliness.
I am sending prayers on your behalf! May you continue to heal and flourish more than you ever could have hoped! May you find deep love and forgiveness for yourself. May you build a life that is filled with meaningful relationships and become the woman that God designed you to be. ❤❤❤
PS-stay safe!
Maybe you should have catered his needs 😂
Just joking, sounds horribly sad. Hopefully you will find a loving and caring partner as that must have been what you missed most...
Here’s a hug for you Melissa😊, good luck on your journey
@@bernardkeal5834I'm a bit confused. You're not suggesting that she stays n the relationship solely for the kids, r u? I couldn't tell if u were encouraging her to leave, because although divorce is hard on all involved (including, but not limited to the children),it's still better than staying in an abusive/toxic/ unhealthy relationship!
10 minutes in... to even try to set boundaries is still an act of respect for everybody involved.
Those type of videos of Jordan Peterson I love the most. I can relate to it and apply it in real life. Life changing advise!
Ultimate Goal: "We should aim or try to make every day like the best moments of our best dates. It takes work but man is it worth it."
WOW. This hit me differently than most comments and conversations I've heard. Jordan Peterson is by far one of the best minds on planet earth at this current time. Period.
One of the best videos on the internet right now. Literally saved my relationship
I mean… I didn’t learn anything. I heard Peterson say the same thing he always does about compromise and communication. I’ve never heard him actually describe when you should end it
When the other person won't compromise or communicate. Always running away from disagreements or being upset.
The Michaelangelo effect sounds like the act of loving someone based on their potential, which therapists tell us not to do 🤷
They are wrong, because we need to recognize that we are not up to that potential either and if somebody is unwilling to move in the direction of their potential that we can see also then yes, that tells you not the right person but you’re not gonna find the perfect person you’re gonna find somebody was good enough and then together the Michelangelo affect makes you perfect for each other
True
This was not what I thought it was going to be and it really surprised me.. Interesting. I'm just leaving a relationship where the other person shut me down with anger every time I wanted to talk about a concern and accused me for wanting to argue because I wanted to talk through things. Every, single, time. It shouldn't be that hard.
Interesting that Peterson is impressing that a peaceful relationship attained through fighting about things constitutes a good relationship. While it does make sense, it doesn't address Chris' other points about being happy/fulfilled with the relationship. I'm amazed to find in my adult life how many people are together because they don't want to be alone, can't survive alone, or are just together for the kids. I guess it's noble in some sense to sacrifice your happiness/pleasure for someone else but you also have to question what kind of an environment does that create? It's also interesting to look at this as someone who is older and single, and how often I get shamed or questioned about whether or not I've found a partner by people who are obviously unhappy with theirs. I guess shared misery helps it seem less bad.
You're not supposed to be entirely fulfilled by your partner. Those relationships are unhealthy 95%+ of the time.
Peterson has advised in the past to find someone who is a beneficial foil so you both mutually improve one another over time.
The partner isn't fulfillment--meaning is fulfilling. A phenomenal spouse with no other meaning will leave one unfulfilled.
To answer your question, no it does not get less bad. Your authenticity is diminished and the example you are setting for your children reaches into your future watching them struggle with behaviors YOU modeled for them.
Great way to evaluate your relationships. It is much harder to do than they portray it to be. It would make people/couples better and happier, if they tried it and it would be worth it.
I hope my husband watches it peacefully and bloody fights with me to figure things out. It's worth fighting for the love of your life with the love of your life. Great video as always, dr. Peterson is such a treasure to my life.
Rozumiem Ciebie
Exept when they are cluster b, when the argument circles down to that truth, the whole god damn thing explodes.
I love socializing with people. But "about a minute, minute and a half will do it. " - George Carlin
My husband and I married and had never fought.
Then for about two years we fought and fought and fought.
We didn’t realise that what we were doing was setting up the framework for our existence.
Now we fight and do not perceive it as fighting - to us it is our communication, we perceive it as direct and playful. Others, not used to fighting see it as a fight and struggle to manage their emotions in our very direct resolution of issues.
I love Jordan’s perspective of not giving up, fighting towards solutions and Chris’s introduction of striving to carve each other towards perfection.
Judgement is love
Judgement isn't love. That's a ridiculous thing to say.
@@jaserogers997agreed. A completely ridiculous thing to say
Maybe she meant judgement as in perfecting each other, the Michelangelo effect.
Not the best word to use, but taking what she wrote above into account, I can safely assume that that is what she meant by judgement.
I think people confuse criticism with judgement. Judgement is the weighing of truth, of benefits vs cons, of assessing whether someone’s actions are adding to or diminishing them. Judgement is love - it is being honest with people in love and truth.
Criticism is shallow diminishing without the love and without the intention to fix, resolve and improve.
Anyway, that is my perception of these words. Judgement from a friend, relation or elder adds perspective, wisdom and guidance and is necessary for self correction. We need to be open to being wrong and learning better from others. We do not need to figure everything out on our own.
All of my exes did not seek to find harmony when we had differences/disagreements/upsets, they would lash out or blame or argue in circles. The most recent man I dated ended things with me and listed a whole bunch of UNCOMMUNICATED emotional needs that I supposedly hadn’t or couldn’t meet for him. I was upfront about how I fear rejection and sometimes that makes me emotionally unavailable but that I’m working on it, and I did work on it with him. That really sucked, because someone just said “nope, you’re not enough, and not even worth working it out with.” But obviously he was not right for me. I know I’ll be a great partner for the right person who shares my values of understanding, compassion, communication, and forgiveness.
Being a great partner doesn't work with "the right person", it does work with what You have, what You chose, and with that one, now and here only. Everything else belongs into the "delusion"-department I'm afraid.
I don’t know the full story, but emotionally unavailability and having previous relationship baggage is detrimental for a relationship.
If he clearly communicated to you before that he has boundaries and expectations and that you are not fulfilling, given the relationship was early, it’s warranted to leave. But his case he didn’t communicate that so, yikes.
I’m in the same boat. Dating a girl who cannot be vulnerable with me due to her break up last year. It’s getting better but if over time (bear in mind I have communicated what I’m missing) it’s not being fulfilled, my two options are to keep suffering or move on.
Men need a vulnerable woman. That’s how we are able to open up, understand you and thus be ourselves and allow the relationship to flow naturally and gracefully.
@@petertams394 You're going to regret and learn real quick that trying to get with emotionally unavailable woman is a losing battle.
Sorry to hear that, here’s a hug😊
If ALL of your exes did the same thing, it might be YOU. That was a big point of Jordan's.
For the people who say they didn't learn anything or Peterson didn't stay on topic: He did, the point when you need to think or decide about breaking up comes when you talk those issues through and it boils down to principal disagreements that can't be compromised on or solved. If there are no solutions to be found at the core of the issues, THAT is where the decision needs to be done.
What if there’s no physical attraction anymore?
Yeah no he didn't say that at all. You're just adding a bunch of stuff to what he said.
@@jordanminnix9698 There are usually reasons for that, and those can be both visual or behavioural. But it's still worth working it through, being honest and communicating with candor. It's a simple thing really - don't let the things that matter to you fester in your head until you start to hate/resent someone. Work on being self-aware enough that you can identify the problems in their infancy, when they haven't eaten up your relationship.
But specifically to your question - I'd analyze what the reasons for that would be together with what type of relationship it is, and go from there. Obviously there isn't a single clear answer based on losing physical attractiveness alone.
@@sdreeves42 That is my interpretation or 'what I learned from it' at least. At the very least he brought forth the ideas on what should be done, and the title of the video gave a question about it.. Though I admit you can look at it from a pov where there is at least SOME gappage between the two.
You don’t have to break up you can just be miserable with those principal disagreements, which I’m willing to do if she’s not willing to compromise, and I’m not willing to compromise and adjust our principles to match. Then we will always be disappointed with each other for how we used toilet paper rolls, but we will continue to stay together.
the hard thing is letting go of your worse parts, if you love someone, and that person truly loves you, they wont try to change you, but you will, of your own free will, cast aside the bullshit, the problem is that some bullshit is harder to let go or wash away... you can jack up your life really bad before you meet someone worth becoming your better self with
This isn't accurate. A partner who truly loves you and is invested in you, will always challenge you to become the best version of yourself.
@@stefaniamoore4641 as long as challenging doesnt become fixing, i agree, but we both know wich one is more common
This is a brilliant articulation...thank you
Awesome video... But, so... How do I know when to end it?
Thank you for this video!
Was literally scrubbing through the full podcast yesterday trying to find this clip... thank you for posting it! 🙌
Jordan Peterson used to be so precise in his language. I don't know what his point is half of the time now. I don't think he addressed the amazing questions in that reddit thread at any point, and as I understand it he's advocating for working like crazy in your relationship without first individually assessing if your partner is truly someone you should be investing this energy into.
Jup. Exactly.
That initial thread I personally don’t think is realistic. You think you’re looking out for things you want to be better, but really if you’re thinking this for a long time, you’ll never be happy. You’ll end up setting the bar so high and expect so much from them, whilst being very self obsessed.
I feel like my relationship is a constant back and forth. Great days, bad days, days when everything is in fire. And days I want to keep fighting and make us better, and some days I just don’t care anymore. Those first 5 questions made me real sad. And the rest of this, I dunno.
Two years ago yes, those questions would’ve made me sad, but I am in a state now that I have to be 100% truthful with myself, and with her I am gentle and use anesthesia when delivering truth to her but truth must come out
I practice this level of healthy discussion/confrontation of issues with my partner and it goes to shit because the other party has to be able to find it in themselves to take accountability for actions in a mature way. That's the part that sucks.
If you’re 100% committed to staying and not bailing and not bailing on them then you need to tell him the truth you need to Foster 🟠 and Gardner environment to bring problems to their attention and remember that they will try to fight it to maintain their delusion of who they are, but don’t let them stay with them know that they are not trying to anger you they are just trying to protect themselves when they mock dismiss Stonewall you and we can get through it
I was so scared to click this vid but, again, JP speaks the truth! We don't need all the caveats about truly abusive relationships. I am SO grateful that I never threw away the opportunity to grow as a person by listening to someone I know loves me tell me something that hurt my feelings. ❤
Big fan of uncle Peterson but honestly have 1000 arguments and by the end of it you come to me and say honestly if you still feel love or being loved, because I did have countless arguments and I only came out of it more helpless.
Love you Chris and love Jordan. You both are fuckin legends. I'm listening. Thank you! Happy New years!
Jordan is always there to help us move closer to the truth
If you know you have tried it and when you feel that relationship you are in is going nowhere and you see that it does not do you any good or bring anything good to your
life or to the lives of those close to your heart .
It is better to break up than to tease each other and God forbid
that innocent children should pay in any way for this lack of consent .
Sometimes practicalities, money etc, after a long time can stop you making a final decision
The title doesn't reflect the content adequately. It was an okay bit of wisdom, but meh.
Great questions!!!
I have a tendency to leave the arguments since I had some bad traumas about arguments. It's really bad for any relationship that I have/had. I hope I can be better for the future tho
I love what he said about the hidden soul. Great points
Thanks guys!!!
Having self awareness. I can be called out on my immaturity and I am willing to listen to when I might be wrong. Unfortunately I've not found that with partners in any of my most recent relationships.
Jordan should be a bigger voice of reason for women.
Unfortunately everyone thinks this about themselves 😂 I have several narcissists in my family and they all believe they’re self aware and have no problem with criticism when nothing could be further from the truth.
I have to agree with you, though, the biggest red flag for me when meeting a new person (for any reason) is reactivity. If that’s a word. 😂 anyone that is reactive instead of calm, curious and contemplative gets a wide berth.
@@lostandfound5145 oh I use that word all the time…
My husband has finally after 31 years become less reactive….
Extremely useful and eye opening conversation!
0:08
All these seem to add up with my situation. And whilst it is a problem, I also know as a fact that I myself might be misguided in my views. My partner and I have vast cultural differences in how we grew up. What we have learned through life is so much different.
These *End of a relationship Questions* would matter to me a lot more if I dated someone born and raised in the same country as I was.
I answer an emphatic no to all of those questions!
I wish I had this years ago. Super helpful.
it's the manscaping ad at the end that does it for me
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Lol what youguys said about that hidden soul you see is so true. Always when I felt I truly loved someone, it was me exactly seeing this. And it can be so deep sometimes it's hard even to find other explanations than the existence of a soul.
But yeah nowadays many people have reduced all this to something very transactional and rational. Like, what figures do you makie, or, does he/she look good on parties... Very saddening.
Love someone first you know. The rest is secondary to that.
Invalidation ruins relationships
As soon as your confused end the relationship. You should always feel good 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Man those are good questions he poses at the beginning.
Love = vulnerability, loving someone opens you up to being chopped down later if you pick wrong, just how it is.
I learn it the hard way...
Jordan Peterson is not someone to watch at 2x speed. It makes so much sense when I really listen.
So it is good to look at the potential in a partner
Damn, all my answers to these questions are positive. Grateful.
he is perfect… but his outfit is just PERFECTION! every time i see him actually
Oooooo this is good!!!❤
What part of this clip says when you should end it? All I've heard after watching are excuses to remain with someone.
Yes..willingness to listen, discuss, change is prerequisite to a healthy relationship...and there are many hurt, emotionally ill or even disabled people..who are not capable of basic life skills (yet functional at work, good at pretending to be "normal"). Then there is time to leave😎
I think one of the most important things that helps never just stay together, and even be happier than most of the others is when a couple has the same sense of humor! I almost swear by that. The problem is sometimes you learn that too late that person you married, actually turns out to be boring and not as fun as you initially thought. Laughing together and finding the same stuff funny and joking is really important and I think it really helps a lot.
My ex said anything but his way was a comprimise... there was no committment to a system/ environment where both people are happy.
I'll remember this if I ever actually get to have a relationship.
Put the phone down. Go outside. Meet people. Whatever they might tell you, the world is not digital.
It's not even that good
@@naacrinternational6970 The issue isn't going outside, the issue is whenever you go outside 90% of people (including the elderly and toddlers) are glued to their internet devices. I did an experiment where I would go out with my children without bringing my phone and it was just incredible how difficult it was to interact with other parents at the playground because they were all on their smartphones non-stop. The world of 2024 is nearly completely digital and whatever isn't digital is integrated with and into the digital. Only a few billion people aren't online and by the end of this decade they will be a tiny minority as only the most remote parts of Africa won't be connected.
I've been around tribal Vietnamese areas and the tribal people are all glued to their smartphones while many are begging for food. Meeting people has become harder if you're not connected. Not everyone is always online, but we shouldn't forget that this is an ever shrinking pool of people and there's no trends that suggests that this will reverse.
I love this idea- I didn’t even know it was Dowist belief or even Michaelangelo effect: to see the beauty/ the potential in the block of flawed granite/ block of stone.
Some therapist may think one is living in a disillusioned world- or seeing everything in rose colored lenses…. Interesting topics. Thanks Gents
Dear @JordanBPeterson
In the interview, you dealt with the question of what potential abandoners can do about their dissatisfaction in relationships. While your answer essentially boils down to a change in the partner's behavior, I think it would be more promising if the potential quitter himself changed his behavior: First, he could look for constructive explanations for the partner's unpleasant behavior (partner is guided by positive motives but suffers from anxiety or stress) and focus on supporting the partner (putting aside his own offended pride, thinking about how to help the partner). Secondly, he could focus on positive interactions or the positive evaluation of interactions with the partner instead of looking for causes for his dissatisfaction in the behavior of the other partner. Thirdly, he could consider whether he is simply going through a crisis of life or meaning that has nothing to do with satisfying his social needs in the relationship. As a person who has always been abandoned and is looking for alternative solutions for the potential abandoner, the question naturally arises as to where my error in thinking lies? Thank you for your insights.
Right now!
Is this `do as I say` or `do as I do` ?
Should we lean into the pain or neck more SSRIs, Benzos and painkillers?
I was watching a longer video on that from you some time back.
2 and 4 hurt me more than id like. for me the most important is, do i see this lasting long term without real problems? thats usually the deal breaker
I do not understand why I have to be the psychologist of my partner. Especially when it is them who is telling me that it is all my fault and the reason I am being misbehaved by them is always me and I should seek therapy and not them. What is there to salvage?
I love this. Sadly, many people don't want to change and our current culture is telling them to 'just be you' and 'don't change for anyone.'
00:07 Great questions!
1. If someone told you “you’re a lot like your partner,” would this be a complement to you?
2. Are you truly fulfilled, or just less lonely?
3. Are you able to be unapologetically yourself, or do you feel the need to show up differently to please your partner?
4. Are you in love with who your partner is right now as a whole, or are you only in love with their good side, their potential, or the idea of them?
5. Would you want your future or imagined child to date someone like your partner?
NOW - if we invert them, they provide further opportunity for introspection, illuminating places in our own lives where we can get to work developing our relationship effectiveness. For example:
1. If someone told your mate “you’re a lot like your partner,” would this be a complement to them? (Why or why not?)
2. Is your partner truly fulfilled, or just less lonely? (How are you complicit in this state of affairs?)
3. Is your partner able to be unapologetically him/herself, or does he/she feel the need to show up differently to please you? (Don't forget to differentiate between 'changing who you are to fit in' and modulating bad behavior in the service of the relationship. Whole other subject there.)
4. Is your partner in love with who you are right now as a whole, or is he/she only in love with your good side, your potential, or the idea of you? (Are you seeking growth, or are you stuck in your ways?)
5. Would you want your future or imagined child to date someone like you? (Why or why not?)
These would be great journal prompts, but don’t forget to engage these questions with your partner. This will help dispel assumptions and errant notions about who your partner is and their impressions of you. And of course, all of this is best approached with an open/growth mindset (heaven help anyone trying to navigate intimacy from a closed/fixed/defensive mindset) - but if you’ve read this far, and are listening to this podcast, that hopefully goes without saying.
Jordan looks so healthy and happy right now ❤
This Man is very depressing..
I loveJordans insight regarding Kids, awesome!
Michelangelo effect is a toxic time-bomb if someone is working to change you into someone you don't wish to be and the partner is solely concerned with their own well-being and not yours.
Very true - and the fact is most falling in love- at the beginning, involves romantic projection. Which means that what you think you are seeing in them is actually nothing to do with them but a projection of something from your own subconscious. Totally recommend the author James hollis on this - fascinating
Wow, so good! Every self-respecting couple should watch this weekly :)
I think when you click on this video. It already has spoken volumes about your current relationship. However just because you fell in love and also consequently fell into it possibly for the wrong reasons, doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t correct the course and grow your relationship into something beautiful.
How about feeling the need to show up differently to please everybody? What’s that about?
I think people wanting those five things and wanting your partners to be perfect is the reason why everyone finds it so hard to date these days. I think everyone’s searching for the perfect mate, which is probably only a one and 1000 chance, sometimes you just gotta accept your differences and be there for your children. I think if you respect your partner, that’s a start. And don’t lie.
Massive like!!!!!❤
The most important thing is if your partner is happiest with you. If not, let her go. Idk who needed to hear this but no matter what that's the outcome.
Jp keeping it real
“We want to get to a place where our whole life is the best moments of the best dates we ever had.”
Your productivity drinks are not available on Amazon anymore- is there any other way to try them?
*Nice video. Som How To Know When To End A Relationship?*
Think about the existential fright arising from within yourself, when the first few questions are an unequivocal no. Less than 3 weeks before your 25th anniversary. I almost wish I’d never seen this.
I tell childen that playing is fun, when you are both enjoying it. When it is not fun for all the players, it is not play, it is something els.
I’m glad that Peterson doesn’t follow -Reddit logic- and actually _leans into_ the discomfort *competently* rather than away.
I answered no to every once of them. We already split up 3 weeks ago.